#best part abt no one shipping this is i can tag for my own illness purposes organization and not worry abt anyone seeing it <3

[goldiipond]

i love raydon so much i just adore the progression of their relationship throughout the series. how don admires ray and wants so so badly to be close to him and how ray wants to be close to don as well but constantly pushes him away because getting close to this hyperactive dork knowing he's going to die hurts way too much and he knows that if they did get close and don lived until his planned death date don would be absolutely devastated. so he simply continues to push him away because he thinks it's better for both of them, while don is hurt but just brushes it off as ray ‘being a downer’ because he doesnt know why he seems to be so distant!!

the apology in episode 6 being the first major breakthrough in their relationship and having don making one of the softest smiles in the series, he’s just SO happy to be making this progress with ray and its so touching. and how after that their relationship only gets better, to the point where don gets so overjoyed to see that ray is safe he tackles him, and even starts crying.

i just. love their relationship its so underrated i love the idea of don spending so long admiring ray from a distance and him finally being allowed to get close to him and actually get to know him and all that admiration slowly turning into genuine love, and ray experiencing these warm, soft feelings he never thought he'd live to feel and the weight of them all shocking him to his core, and shocking don too. i love the thought of these two boys who grew up desperately wanting to know each other but being unable to finally being given that chance and running with it, opening up about their insecurities and being soft and vulnerable and giving each other the pure adoration they both deserve <3

#skye's ramblings #I JUST HAVE. A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM. ALL THE TIME. UNDERRATED RELATIONSHIP EVER #ithink one thing that endears me to this ship over more popular ones is that unlike emma and norman ray doesn't really. know don #at the start or the other way around. beauttiful payoff of finally being able to build that relationship they wanted for so long #and their dynamic in general is just. good <3 theyd just mesh really well together #don would be so tender and gentle with ray while also respecting his boundaries #and ray would just be in shock because he's never been held so gently in his life #n he'd begin to gradually get more comfortable initiating contact on his own bc he just loves this dork so much and wants him to feel loved #and while don is a bit more familiar with affection he's still. taken aback because he's much more used to giving it than recieving it #especially with ray. ray initiated their first kiss and he cried <3 #theyre just so. so good i wish more people cared about their relationship. i know why they don't but still #iwill spare you all my t/pn freak server rants but. they would be so popular if don was white #wjatever i love them and im the only person that matters they are everything. to me <3 #raydon #best part abt no one shipping this is i can tag for my own illness purposes organization and not worry abt anyone seeing it <3

[thehadesincident]

hades fun ramble abt how the yttd fandom treats shin tsukimi :)

haiiii so if you know me you know that i have one billion illness about some guy named shin tsukimi from yttd! and i have some issues on how the fandom writes him, this is coming from someone who has health issues so im going to be somewhat projecting but! hopefully not that much. all of it is going to be under cut!

this is going to cover a lot of spoilers.. so i wouldnt click it unless you finished the game. its also going to cover topics like ableism and a mention of toxic relationships but thats expected when you want to talk about shin and the fandom

so in game (epsically in your turn to shine) its heavily hinted that shin is someone who has health issues (chronic illness and the works), even in the base game it is shown that shin is physically weak (chapt one in the bar where he tries to open the drawer for example.).

and how the fandom made that into shin being a weak person, but not in a strength sense, in the sense that he cant protect/cant hold his own (looking at you shin ship writers.). but! thats just the only issue right? (this is also ableism to me in a way.. but i cant put my words right at the moment.)

nope!! theres more. the fandom at times made shin out to be a 'dirty' person, someone who is gross and unclean. even if that's far from canon (there being a line that shins hands are clean in game.) and to me, thats just stereotypes of people who are mentally ill coming into play. saying that people who suffer from mental illness cant treat themselves on their own. which in some cases may be true, but not in all of them.

i also think this ties into shin being a person who was in game he is saving money, he is a job hopper which some fans took as he is poor which mean hes dirty.. which is just gross that people think just because a person may be poor, automatically means they're dirty.

theres also the issue with shadow sou (also know as shadsou in the fandom) where (some) people treat it as not a part of shin, it just being a part of midori. shin didnt bring out the hiyori persona out of nowhere, it wouldnt make sense that shin is some 'soft boy'.

fans tend to forget that shin isnt the best person, even in a few pregame thoughts. he can still be an asshole without being told about the 0.0% thing. you can let him be petty, you can let him be sly, you can let him be mean. he doesnt need to be doomed to do any of that.

its the same with the shinai, we only really saw small bits of the shinai.. and guessing from his dialog, he is still close to hiyori and that can affect how he acts, but that doesnt mean a pre game shin acts just like shinai, his an ai for a reason, he learns over time and picks up his own traits. its similar to how the fandom treats highschool shin and his friendship with hiyori and thats a whole another can of worms.

people who say they dont ship hiyori and shin.. and then say they dated in the past are an issue to me. not every toxic friendship has to be romantic, yes hiyori wanted to study shin, but thats because he wanted to see how much he can push a person. even the shinai says he likes to experiment on people, and hiyori most likely did the same with shin but more in a mental sense.

theres a reason why i dont interact with people who tag stuff with their ship tag, i dont trust them to take them in a way thats just them being 'friends'. and if you see it like that or make it out so hiyori isnt that bad of a person... block me i dont want you guys near me. (this goes with those 'midori isnt a bad person!!' au writers to. get out.)

on the topic of shipping, a handful of people who ship shin with people srsly make him out to be someone whos weak and needs to be protected by whoever the pairing is with. you guys just want your yaoi. i see this the most in keishin / alishin circles. shin doesnt need to be 'saved' or whatever, he just needs to heal on his own time, he doesnt need a romantic partner in his life for that.

thats a good part of my thoughts! if you have any questions on my thoughts on shin you can send me an ask here or shoot me a dm on discord :3 (samuraiyaiba)

#letters from the underworld #shin tsukimi #yttd #your turn to die #cw ableism #ableism mention #ask to tag #long posts #ranting it up

[mostlymaudlin]

writer tag game wooooo

thanks @palimpsessed and @captain-aralias for the tags!!

a few tags.. @urban-sith @snowybank @tea-brigade @seducing-a-vampire @xivz @facewithoutheart @unseelieseelie @motherscarf @stillmadaboutpetra but as always i love reading these so lie and say i tagged u if u wanna do it!!

How many works do you have on AO3? 17, 15 of which are for simon snow series What’s your total AO3 word count? 97,953 How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? ive published for three! simon snow, check please, and one direction. ive also written some steve/bucky that never went anywhere. What are your top five fics by kudos? In black ink my love may still shine bright Want to mark you up (e-rated part two to "In black ink.."!) Nothing Equals the Splendor a bully and a snob and a complete arsehole Light Me Up

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to but if too many come in at a time i get overwhelmed haha. that's only happened a few times tho, toward the end of my multi-chap when people were subscribed and ready. i love replying to comments bc i write a lot more than i post — if something makes it to ao3, that means i really like the story! and if people want to talk to me about it, that's like.. the best thing ever.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i was gonna be like "oh i always give them a happy ending" but then ao3 told me — that's not true! Yellow was a lil deleted scene thing i did abt simon buying his yellow breakup stationery, so obviously the ending is big owie. and my humdrum fic, Hunger of the Shadow... i mean its a humdrum fic lol. idk which is angstier, its different types i guess.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i got a comment that bothered me once that was like sort of judgmental abt a bit of my plot, and they were like "you should have done __ instead." and i was like ummmmmm... but not HATE i suppose.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i wrote smut on my own once (Want to mark you up). i mostly wrote this one to capitalize on the horny momentum of In black ink my love may still shine bright, in which simon and baz go out to a bar, etc. also i wanted to make a joke about lamb hahahah.

then i did a few smut pieces with some pals via Frantic Fanfic. One of them, A for Effort, is actually technically my second most-kudos-ed fic, but it didn't feel right to claim it because Kay (xivz) did the heavy lifting on that one!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Just the Frantic Fanfic stuff!

What’s your all time favorite ship?

i wanna say snowbaz because im elbow-deep in it right now, but i don't know! i've definitely written most for snowbaz, but i think that's just because i'm more confident of a writer now than i was in my other fandoms. i think ill always be a slut for a certain 1d ship that really embarrasses me but i like..... can't get over it lmfao. also steve/bucky comes back to haunt me quite often

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

i have a lot of wips that im determined to do, but it might be a while. i have one wip that is heavily rooted in a new england summer setting that i recently moved to my Graveyard folder on google drive because i was like... i don't think i can write this as well now that summer's over. the first sentence in that doc (which is entirely scrambled outline) is "this fic should smell like sunscreen." i will probably revisit next summer if im still around because im super invested in it. it's a childhood friends>rivals>friends>lovers with copious new englandisms, ghost hunting, simpard, explorations of guilt that are like super catholic (again: hello new england), queer identity stuff. i think shepard is a trans dude in that one too which was fun. idk!! this answer got long. it makes me more certain i will return to it lol.

What are your writing strengths?

hmmm probably like - earnest descriptions of emotion? like, if the character is going through something, im going to take you through allll the stages. i personally think im funny, which is what matters to me as my own reader lmfao. and i think i like to break them out of the usual settings and plotlines! i really like setting as a literary tool, thinking abt the obstacles that come wherever your characters are. im in the ideas stage of a road trip fic and i think that's going to be a really good way for me to flex there.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Sometimes dialogue, sometimes not. Elaborate plots that can't be tied to character development. I've said this before, but I find my writing to be quite plain in terms of syntax/word choice/etc... this is usually fine but sometimes my writing can get very like "action, thought, action, though, action, dialogue." idk. i dont know that i have a word for this, am open to suggestions.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

i can only write in english!

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

one direction lol

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

pshhhhh....... i like really love everything ive published for the simon snow series so idk. im most emotionally invested in my multichap, Nothing Equals the Splendor. But also i had the most fun writing both Jump Up, Chosen One! (where they get stuck in a mario game lmfao) and Light Me Up (my stoner fic). theyre all my favorites for different reasons lmfao.

if you read this whole thing i love u. i put the read more cut in at the top and then i was like 'i can wax on as long as i want now" hahaha. i love talking abt writing and idc if it makes me self-absorbed i love my fics 😂

#my writing

[quensty]

I’m glad you tagged yourself via me!!!! But I have a lot of questions.

Emergency fic for clout

a list of things regarding anthony j crowley

Steve?

Wouldn’t it be knife

Music wiki

omg!! thank you so much for adding that nice part to ur post in the first place!! it was very kind, especially because i love talking abt myself. anyway, AGAIN, this got a bit long. 

“emergency fic for clout” i honestly had no idea what this was until i opened it and promptly laughed so hard i had to get a drink of water. i think i wrote this four years ago? it’s an aftg star wars au that i can’t believe i had the audacity to write considering i know jack shit abt star wars. 

The air shifts, violent, making the floor beneath Andrew’s feet formless. As it pitches sharply to the right, he grabs hold of the control panel and shoots the Commander straight through his side. 

Everything is silent except for the blaring of sirens until Kevin steps into view, face drawn pale and tight, and tells him, “Change of plan: there's someone we need on this ship.” 

Nicky splutters from the data console, stilled from maneuvering wildly around looking for the right information to stare at Kevin. “What? Are you kidding me?” Even Aaron, from his place where he’s crouching over the dead bodies and looking for a working blaster, looks up with a sneer curling his lip. 

Kevin doesn't look at them. He's staring straight at Andrew, who, under the perfumed fog clouding his mind, is not impressed. Andrew on the surface breaks into a sharp grin. “You heard what the Imp said. He’s alerted all stormtroopers of our location.” 

“Not very fun company,” says Aaron. “Considering they want us dead.” 

“Agreed,” says Nicky. “FOX almost has all the data downloaded. Two minutes tops.” 

Andrew’s grin widens, showing all his teeth. He hasn't turned away from Kevin’s stare once. “You want to live?” It is not a question that needs an answer. “The answer is no.” 

“We need a pilot.” 

“I'm looking at one.” 

“He's the best pilot in the outer worlds,” he insists, and if Andrew was anybody else, he might have been surprised. “We need him.” 

“Oh?” Interested. “Who?” 

“Nathaniel Wesninski.” 

Silence rings out for a heartbeat, all of them stunned into silence. The ship alarm keeps blaring. 

Andrew barks out a short laugh. “You mean the criminal,” he surmises. 

A pause. “Yes.” 

Andrew leans a shoulder against the control panel. Distantly, he can hear footsteps coming down the corridor, orders shouted by generals. Any second now, they’ll start firing at the iron gate Nicky has managed to lock down. How long it’ll hold is up is a roll of a dice. 

Andrew says, “He’s more trouble than he’s worth.” 

“We can't risk leaving him. If we don’t keep him, the Empire will.” 

“Andrew,” Nicky says urgently. At his feet, FOX is beeping desperately, skittish. “We should really get moving.” 

Blasters pound against the gate. 

“That sounds fun,” he says, then goes, “Nicky, I want Nathaniel Wesninski’s cell number.” 

“Andrew,” Nicky repeats, wide-eyed and incredulous, to which Andrew responds with, “Fifty seconds, Nicky, or you can find your own way back to Base.” 

He pulls something from under his robes and, with a hiss, flicks on his lightsaber. “If we get captured,” he says, this time to Kevin, pointing the rumbling, static end of the lightsaber in his direction, “you can thank your Imperial renegade.”

pls excuse the shitty writing. the last edit was made in fucking 2018. 

i was actually really excited about “a list of things regarding anthony j crowley”  when i was writing it bc it really was going to be a fic written in the form of a list. which is much harder than it sounds. i still have this hope that i might finish it one day, but basically, i wanted to tell thee iconic 6k year slow burn thru crowley’s perspective. this is abt as far as i got.

1.) Crowley’s middle name is Jabez. 

2.) He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with that, either. It’s a perfectly good name, one he thinks anyone like them—of which there are few, perhaps none—should like. Anyway, it’s much better than the name Aziraphale thought up. For all his intelligence and rebelliousness, he still lacks imagination.  

3.) This is what Crowley tells Aziraphale, anyway. The truth is that Crowley got piss drunk one week and changed his legal name to—well, it doesn’t really matter what. 

4.) In spite of the story Aziraphale likes to tell—which, depending on how much Aziraphale has had to drink, have begun in the Garden, a gentlemen’s club, the bookshop’s grand opening, Golgotha, and Paris—Crowley met Aziraphale in Heaven.

5.) More accurately, Crowley had been slouched over the railing of one of heaven’s thousands of identical balconies and was only half-listening as a Seraphim beside him went on a tirade about the location of the newest temple. Crowley, bored out of his mind, mostly stared off into the middle distance wishing he was anywhere else. 

6.) He still vividly remembers Heaven. All the calculating tones, the monotonous psalms, the never-ending polished marble. Despite the light, Heaven always felt cold. 

7.) He spotted Aziraphale by complete accident. He hardly paid attention to the steady stream of angels making their way to and fro anymore, and he can’t say why Aziraphale caught his eye when not much did, in those days. Anyway, Aziraphale was so completely unremarkable in every way. He held his wings back the same way everyone else did, his halo perfectly balanced over his head; even his smile was familiar. He was, in all possible ways, a carbon copy of all the rest, but he wore his skin like an ill-fitting glove, as if he’d never quite mastered how to make it his own. Crowley was hooked on it. 

8.) Crowley was so busy staring he didn’t notice the Seraphim gradually leaning into his space, awaiting a response to a question he hadn’t heard. She bristled when she noticed his wandering attention, so he took a stab in the dark and said yes, that was rather interesting. He watched Aziraphale walk uncomfortably between other angels and thought, Very, very interesting.

quick tangent, this was a real comment i had next to the third point

i already answered the “steve?” question, which u can find on this post!! it’s the first two excerpts of writing. 

“wouldn’t it be knife” is blank salkfjasfj. i’m so sorry!! i think it was meant to be an abigail hobbs fic, but i haven’t actually figured out how i want it to go. in other news, i’m going into witness protection. 

“music wiki” was actually meant to be a gift for my friend like ... five years ago. it’s a viktuuri musician au that i haven’t made any progress in bc ik nothing abt music. unfortunately, the writing is very bad and i can’t, in good conscience, force u to read it, but just know that all i have to show for half a decade of work is 359 words. truly awe-inspiring what i can accomplish when i put my mind to it. 

#thanks again! this was so much fun!! #quen writes

[ingravinoveritas]

Ok that was saltier than necessary. But when you're an old-as-balls gay then everything is political. Surely you can see that rpf is distasteful to the vast majority of folk anyway?! Putting it under a cut is a matter of courtesy. I still had to scroll to the bottom in order to block your tags. If I had to go blocking every _fandom name_rpf tag it would take forever. rpf alone is good enough but I guess you won't use it because of my shitty tone *sad trombone*

Also your sexuality doesn't matter here whatever it is, because you're still not a gay man, and don't know what it's like. And I mean that as neutral a statement as possible.Flicking your bean to slash rpf doesn't make you a gay ally. Sorry. Do what you like and be happy, but don't try and pretend that this is progressive. I don't wish you ill, it's just frustrating to being able to avoid seeing mlm being fetishised. Take care x (2/3)

Okay okay I checked my blocklist and I'm a fucking idiot. I am guilty of being an technological idiot. But I stand by everything else I said abt mlm rights and using cuts etc 100%. But we'll get nowhere on that I think. Enjoy your slash rpf I guess. c ya. (3/3)

There are so many things I want to say to this, Anon. So many thoughts I had as I read your messages, emotions ranging from revulsion to disgust to just plain sadness. I will start by saying that you’re right about one thing. I am not a gay man. I am many different things, and a gay man is not one of them, that much is true. So I won’t sit here and tell you that I have so many gay friends and what a great ally that makes me, because that’s just tired, and it doesn’t prove a damn thing.

What I will tell you is that I am someone who is on the autism spectrum.

I am someone who knows what it’s like to be different, and to be hated and rejected for something that is a part of who you are. Something that you can’t change, even when you go to bed every night praying like hell to wake up as someone else--anyone else--in the morning, because growing up all I wanted was to be dead instead of being who I was.

I know that feeling very well, and I have found a tremendous amount of friendship in the gay community as a result, friendships with some of the kindest and most wonderful people I have ever known. People that I treasure and cherish and would fight for any fucking day of the week, even when I sometimes barely have enough strength to fight my own battles. I don’t know where exactly that puts me on the ally spectrum, but I also won’t sit here and be accused of not caring about the people I love.

I’m also not sure where you get off claiming that I’m pretending to be progressive. I do not write RPF out of some misguided belief that it makes me enlightened or advanced about LGTBQIA rights. Nor do I write it to fetishise gay men, because I don’t write it because Michael and David are gay...I write it because they’re them. If all I wanted was to see two men fucking, I could watch gay porn and be done with it. Right? Easy-peasy. But what captivates and fascinates and inspires me is relationships. The dynamic between two people, the chemistry, how they interact with each other. Hell, I actively avoided shipping Michael and David when I first got into GO last year, until the Great “He’s My Lover” Incident of June 2019 occurred, followed by the Press Tour of Endless Mouth Staring, and then it was all downhill from there.

But I can understand RPF not being everyone’s cup of tea, Anon. I can understand folks not wanting to read it (even if the majority of responses to my fic have all been pretty positive) and wanting those posts to be tagged as such, so if I failed to do that or didn’t put it behind a cut, then that is on me.

What I cannot understand, however, is you nearly torpedoing any valid points you set out to make by coming at me with some seriously misogynistic language and a clear dislike for women behind it. “Flicking your bean”? I realize that you are not inclined to see the appeal of female masturbation, Anon, but your disdain is more than palpable.

Your phrasing also reduces my arousal and why the thought of Michael and David together turns me on to something completely base and simple...when in reality it’s anything but. So, yeah...I have a bit of a problem with that, and while I know you said that you don’t wish me ill, surely you can see how language like that is insulting at best, and at worst, downright dehumanizing.

I truly am sorry for your frustration and what you have been through, Anon, but that does not give you the right to take it out on me. I just hope one day you’ll be able to find some peace and better outlets for your anger than fanfic writers on Tumblr.

#anonymous #reply post #fanfic #writing #good omens rpf #personal post #the fact that i even gotta respond to this #i can't even with this nonsense #no idea how i wrote such a calm response #but there you go #Sunday mornings are officially no longer easy #but David Tennant still is #can i hear a wahoo #fandom woes #discourse

[jewpacabruhs]

I was reading your tags and please, for the love of God, write a Mafia AU. I haven't been able to find any good ones.

i wanna so bad! i find organized crime fascinating, & i’m also a big movie nerd, with crime films being my fav genre, so im super into that sorta thing. definitely would love to see it, but o boy, maybe ill jus write it myself?? gotta do everythin myself haha

i’d def go the historical route, so it’d be interesting to try to both apply characters that are firmly rooted in 90s/2000s behaviors & beliefs, and stick them in the 1900s. oh, boy, writing historical stuff is a pain. so much research. worth it tho, if it’s done well. aye, and it’ll be cool to try to keep it as nonfictional as possible. like, attempting to insert the kids (as adults, obvs) into crime history. i wonder if i could do tht? it’d be fun. it’s definitely uncharted waters. there’s a lot of potential there.

but, hmm, i think mafia aus are so rare in fandom (not just the sp fandom, but across the board) bc they contradict everything that’s popular in fanfic. mob aus would feature violence, business, finances, and corruption. whereas fics prefer cuddles, leisure time, a world where money aint an issue, and wholesomeness. and considering the majority of fic is written by horny and/or love-starved teenage girls who dont know or care about the aforementioned subjects, it makes sense. kinda a bummer, but understandable. in the defense of like everyone, lmao, those sorta fics take a lot of planning, & aint nobody got time. so i get it.

oof i think a major thing too is how gay-centric fic/fandom is, when the mobster world is undeniably a heterosexual one. thats an issue. shit, i wonder how many gay characters i could get away with while keeping it realistic. i mean, im sure there were gay mobsters, in fact i’ve read about a couple, but the lifestyles did not go hand in hand, lol.

IM STUPID NO ONE CARES ABT THIS DUMB SHIT HERES IDEAS

i’m thinking 1940s new york. im inclined towards kyman, as u probs kno, but again, the gay thing. huh. maybe i can figure it out. maybe theyre young bachelors, and theyre business partners & fuck around sometimes. we’ll see. anyway. if we’re gonna include all characters….

cartman would pull a goodfellas - he’s of, what, german descent? hell, considering his parents, he probably wouldn’t even exist in this universe. eh. well. he’d def be from yorkville, manhattan, cuz tht was a german neighbourhood. anyway he’d weasel into the italian mob, bc he’d be into the idea of 1) exorbitant amounts of money, and 2) being feared/respected. his authoritah! psh. and someone would notice how smart he is & mentor him, regardless of nationality. he’d quickly make enemies, though, because he’s rude & brash. he’d also quickly become one of the most respected young dons (would he reach that level, without a family? doubt it. he’d have to become a made man, which i believe is reserved exclusively for italians ….. ehhhh ill figure it out. maybe he’d branch out, start his own crime family. that’d be interesting. ooo.) damn, ukno, i think the 40s would make a real interesting character out of cartman. huh. yah, that’d be cool to explore, how that time period would shape him. like i said, he likely wouldt even exist. did the denver broncos exist back then? doubt it

kyle would get wrapped up in the jewish mob (which existed, and which i’d personally l o v e to be a part of lol - if i was born 100 years ago), maybe while trying to protect ike from getting involved? that’d be cool. maybe he’d demonstrate his brains & be offered a job as an accountant or an attorney, and he’d be forced to comply, either bc 1) his fam was threatened if he declined, or 2) his fam was doing bad financially & needed it. maybe both. hell, maybe he avoids the jewish mob & gets involved with the others. MAYBE IKE IS THE ONE IN THE JEWISH MOB & WANTS HIS BROTHER BACK FROM THE ITALIANS. OOOOOOOOO also they’d be from brooklyn, likely, bc that’s where jews were primarily located back then. u kno there was 400k jews in new york in 1899?? including my great great great grandparents. that’s a shit ton of jews lol. lil fun fact for ya. 

wait ok so oof this is hard now, bc the mob was primarily divided into three chunks - the italians, the jews, & the irishmen. there was also the puerto ricans, but that was, like, a different division. i’m mentioning this because nationality was important to mobsters, to all organized crimes groups actually, but south park doesn’t make a habit of mentioning what countries each character’s ancestors came from, lol. so it’d be a lot of writer interpretation. and that’s cool and all, but doesn’t give me much to work with, considering most of the kids are white and likely german/england-descended. 

i could make kenny & butters irish. that’d work. i think kenny’s last names irish, actually. they could be from hell’s kitchen, which had a p hefty irish-american population. maybe i could make stan irish, too. wendy might be able to pass for italian (little italy manhattan??? maybe the bronx??? im tryna think geography lol. for scale.). that’d work, if i wanted to put some stendy in there, bc i love making stan the token het guy, haha. maybe wendys dad marries her off to stan to form an alliance between the italians & irish. that’d be interesting. maybe cartman was rallying to get wendy to marry him, bc he needed to marry someone bc of, like, societal expectations, & she was the only girl who caught his interest. maybe he declares war on stan, to win back the bride he wants. maybe kyles best friends w stan, tht happened somehow, & interjects. goes to meet cartman to discuss a way out - ohhhhh theres my kyman babay!!! oooooo!!!

omg. plot forming. this is def an interesting concept. maybe i can use it as a chance to write a plot-oriented fic that doesn’t rely heavily on ships. that’d be awesome. i’ve wanted to do that for ages.

maybe we can squeeze christophe in as a french immigrant, maybe an associate of someone. same with gregory, but, like, british. that’d be fun. craig & tweek can be somewhere in there, too. associates of cartman or something. maybe they own a brothel. oooh. who else. bebe! maybe she can be a cabaret dancer who someone falls for. nothin wrong w hetero nonsense if it’s done right & if it aint nonsense. yah? maybe she can be ken’s love interest. also maybe token & nichole can be in there somewhere, from harlem?

this sounds fun as fuck, though, def. im really obsessed with new york right now, so maybe writing this could be a love letter to its history. that’d be dope. ooh, and im from las vegas actually, born & raised, so maybe i could do a chapter set there, considering the mob was very influential in the strip’s development. that’d be rad. holy heck. im excited abt this now. gotta finish oboitd asap & get into this, haha.

o shit. i jus realized, like, just how much research i’d have to do. like, not only about organized crime, abt 40s slang & dress, abt new york, abt everything. oooh boy this is a Project

ill get on that eventually haha, im into it now. it’s 4am rn tho so ima sleep, gnite anon

#anon #fics #ref #save

[rbbtrd]

I Love Healing

i wrote this when i was tryin to vent but i have no idea how to fuckin vent so instead i. tried to write out healings entire bg lmao a lot of brain stuff was goin on so it might not b. the best piece of literature uve ever read

some misc facts and other htings might b missing bc (points at how fucked my brain was and also how fuckin VAST healings character is and how much development he has)

//warnin theres kinda crass and sensitive language or whatever and there will b mentions of diff kinds of abuse in his story and other not good things under cut so my bad but i wasnt in a good state of mind and tryin to tag n warn u abt it all is skjncfdvav plus this was a vent post for me originally anyways lmao

//another warning lmao under the cut is a Wall Of Text there is a LOT of stuff under cut like 6000+ words so like. warned ya my pals

healing is my favorite fuckin oc and p much. why i fuckin stay alive sknfsef he means so so much to me and has so much meaning to me and is very very very very very very very important to me i fucking Love healing okay i project a lot (i.e All Of Myself) onto healing so he is p much almost quite literally me and vice versa but also not rlly??? its weird and complicated lmao i Love this man tho no one will ever love him more than i do i will fuckin Fight you hes so improtant to me

he is 57 yrs old, his birthday is march 17 but also dec 5th (its complicated) but mostly march 17, his favorite color is red not only bc im projecting but his first loves fav color was also red, he is 5″7 ft tall, hes very silly and kooky and tries his best to become happy and heal and learn and atone for what hes done and expereinced, he LOVES the sea and the ocean and anything relating them like the sea/ocean is very very very important to him for multiple reasons, also loves rabbits and goats and has 2 pet goats (i like to call em his service animals lol)

healing was born to both pure blood tiefling parents, his mother was a servant/slave that belonged on a ship and his father basically just knocked her up, he never met or knew anything about his father other than that he was a tiefling and misc stuff his mom/other servants had told him. his dad is mordecai ahkrah and hes chaotic evil and genuinely a very fucking awful person, his mom is ariarei kallies and is just?? kinda a chatoic neutral, maybe more of a lawful evil, but she has a very bad selfish personality and nasty. she holds no maternal feelings for healing and only sees him as a nuisance and only takes care of him (taking care of him means. The Bare Minimum. i.e- makin sure hes just Not Dead) bc she has to and kinda forcced to. healing does not see ariarei as his mother, but “as the woman who birthed me / brought me into this world” and stuff like that and therefore holds no feelings towards her like a child would w their mother, over the years, healing considers the ocean/sea as his mother more than ariarei and is more emotionally connected to the sea

 healings mom actually never named him, he was nameless/had no name up until the age of 27-28. both his mom and the owners of the ship and whoever hired him always only ever called him “boy”, “child”, “it”, “thing”, “errand boy”, “chore boy”, and names like that bc he never had a name and no one bothered to give him one. both his mom and the owners/ppl who hired him treated him very very poorly and did abuse him frequently in many different ways and manners (lmao projects myself onto my oc) so he has a lot of feelings and experiences w lots of kinds of traumas and abuse

he most specifically received a lot of physical abuse especially from ppl and verbal abuse, some but not too much emotional abuse, and also a handful of sexual abuse. at the time, he thought it was fine and normal and did not realized he was being abused bc “this is just how life is” bc he had literally. never heard of or experienced anything else other than a shit life.

he didnt rlly think anything of the poor treatment or the abuse bc this was all he ever knew, he grew up this way, so he thought it was normal and thought everyone didnt feel anything and if they did OF COURSE theyd b negative feelings, bc thats all u (healing at the time) r capable of feeling. he doesnt get out of this mentality until hes around 18-22

he receives a handful of scars and marks from his time as a servant, he got his first scar when he was a literal Baby bc he was cryin out and his ma got mad and upset abt and scratched his face thus resulting in his lip scar. when he was like 5-7 he met this other servant kid who had The Very Opposite mindset he had and was v bright and optimistic and he dragged healing along when he played and he broke smth and healing took the cover not bc he wanted to save this kid but bc it would be less troublesome bc then the current owner would only have to punish 1 child and the other kid was well liked on the ship unlike healing so then the morale of the servants wouldnt be affected. the owner beat him up p bad but it Wasnt Enough so he smashed healings face into the wooden boards so hard it Broke The Board and also broke his right horn, this also gave his scarring above his brow and stuff up to the broken horn. another prominent scar he has that holds memory to him is the scar on his chest above his heart, where he got that from a case where he was sexually abused and his abuser threatened to tear out his heart if he kept bein a brat. he has NO SCARS on his tail tho, but thats literally bc up until he was w morgan, he was just Lucky in not havin his tail injured. from the time he met morgan and beyond, he then started to actively protect his tail from harm and from ppl touchin it bc morgan said he rlly liked his tail and how it looked and how cool it was and from then on hes liek Oh

he constantly worked when he was of age to and started w small things and worked up to doin manual labor and other things, he only stayed w his mom up until the age of 11-12, after that they were separately sold to different ships and never saw eaqch other again. from that point on, he was switched around a few different ships and buyers, but was otherwise was still  just treated as cargo and property like he had been the past few years. 

the ship he was on at the age of 17 was stopped and liberated by a man named morgan wake (also can be written as morgain), a  human sailor captain (some kind of good, leanin on neutral or chaotic) who specializes in trade, cargo, and just transportation, but also will sell his abilities to fight/go into war or battle and liberates slave ships on his free time lol morgan becomes a Very Very Very important person to healing and is ESSENTIAL to shaping healing into who he is now. healing slowly falls in love with morgan over the years, but never tells morgan abt these feelins bc 1) he doesnt kno what the FUCk hes feelin lmao this boy has only experienced negative emotions and feelings up until he met morgan and 2) he thinks morgan will think hes weird or wrong or gross or smth. healing had absolutealy NO PLACE and NO ONE to go to after he was liberated so morgan saw this and was like Hey. You Should Come Work Under Me For MY Ship. morgan is a BIG BIG BIG guy on justice and equality and stuff for ALL PEOPLE and EVERYONE so this is also a reason why he let healing onto his ship of mostly humans and half-elves and halflings and also this part abt morgan rubs off on healing so healing also becomes a big guy on justice and equality and stuff

the ship morgan owns is a Lil prejudiced againt tieflings so they arent jumpin for joy when morgan makes healing his first mate at the age of 19 bc theyre. Gently Racist over tieflings but morgan kicks their ass and makes healing his first mate and right hand man anyways. at this point, healing is still nameless bc morgan tells him “i cant give you a name, a name is really important, its your identity and what makes you YOU, its ur soul and ur dreams and ur hopes, its YOU, you hear a name and u think of that person etc etc etc” and rlly cheesy stuff like that pertaining to names so morgan is Vehemently against naming healing and instead calls him “buddy”, “pal”, “friend”, “best friend”,  “first mate”, “mate”, and other various nicknames made over the years. he was very adamant on having healing name himself and refused to call him by a name that someone else gave him bc healing told him abt his mom and how he said that his mom wasnt rlly a mother in the first place

morgan knows Everything abt healing and healing w him vice versa bc when they first met and healing was still in his Uhm Nothing Matters Ill Tell You Everything mindset, he told morgan the story abt all his scars and what has happened to him up until that point and what people have done to him. morgan is truly very genuinely heartbroken over this?? bc healing was just Born into this world of shit and awful things that he didnt deserve and also the fact that healing just spoke of his abuse so freely and casually as if it meant nothing and didnt matter and healings view on his own life and life in general due to how he has lived so far and morgan makes it his personal mission to help healing grow out of this and start to become more Alive and less :| and :/ abt life 

morgan becomes very important for and to healing bc like. he literally taught healing Emotions and how amazing and happy and good life can be. morgan taught healing how to Be Alive and Want To Be Alive and how to Feel. before when he was a servant, he was literally just a Shell and genuinely thought life was Supposed to just be inherently shitty and ur suposed to always expereince bad htings and ALWAYS feel ONLY bad negative emotions and feelings.he thought that if he died, it wouldnt matter AT ALL bc he would easily b replaced by another servant and his life had literally no meaning and he genuinely thought he would die before the age of 20 and he was Okay with that he thought it was fine he thought it was okay to not expect to live past 20-25 and etc etc etc. 

when he saved healing, morgain was already quite old-ish?? he was 30 yrs old when healing (at the time, age 17) met him. healnig didnt rlly start to fall in love until around age 19 just some time b4 morgan made him first mate. over the years that healing is on morgans ship, he becomes who he is bc of morgan and  he learns things abt himself and who he is and builds himself bc of morgan and he becomes who healing is in these very moments that he spends with morgan and rightly falls in love because of it bc morgan Saved Him from so many things. morgan took an empty husk and shell of a man that had Began as empty and put smth in it. he had breathed life into an empty bag and made music, he had taken a broken branch and carved a nice ass figure. morgan took something with nothing and gave him Everything.  healing has such a strong connection and attachment to morgan yall cant even begin to understsand it. Runs So Deep in healing, this lov and feeling and attachment he has to morgan

morgan also rlly rlly rlly Rlly likes and appreciates healing and actually also loves healing in the same way, but doesnt tell healing for the same reasons why healing wont tell morgan. they spend the next 10 yrs basically unknowingly pining over each other bc theyre too fuckin afraid to tell each other bc they think the other is gonna b homophobic and its Awful. but also like. sailors back in the day were Rlly Gay so healing and morgan have had their fair share of mutual masturbation and Very Gay Activities w each other bu they were never in the context of romance or in a relationship beyond like. Rlly Rlly Good Best Friends lmao like sex friends but better??

bc healing. was never fuckin educated lmao he doesnt kno how to read or write. over the years he spends with morgan, he BARELY understand the alphabet tbh. he can like,,,,,, understand certain words but he doesnt recognize those words as words they register kinda like symbols in his head. numbers r even WORSE for healing lmao. like he understands map terms north, east, west, south, map, longitude/latitude, etc etc but he recognizes the words as like pictures or symbols in his head that relate to object or meaning or smth, kinda how u see a lil pic of a tree and u recognize it as a tree, thats him w words. healing was morgans first mate and co-captain for 10 years, he often went with morgan to negotiations and business meetings and trades and etc etc etc healing is VERY good w his words bc of this and is actually rlly smart and intelligent and wise. he just cant read or write lol. he has a +0 intelligence on his sheet but a +3 wisdom

healing lives the next 10 yrs of his life after being liberated at the age of 17 to 27 w morgan and his ship and his crew and hes enjoying himself and livin it to the fullest and hes happy and its so good and all is well, but also keep in mind that healing, through out all of these 10 yrs, has STILL not have a name for himself yet. BUT morgan HAS given healing a seashell necklace as well as his ear piercings. he wears these items everyday and they hold like. a lot of emotional important and support for him

but then morgan dies LMAO morgan dies at the age of 40 when healing is 27 and he dies from both sickness from old age (bc sailors back then. died p early skdjfnwsndv) and also from an injury wound he had gotten when in battle earlier that month. morgans death strikes his crew very harshly but without a doubt everyone on the ship agreed that healing was the MOST hurt and affected and shaken from morgans death. morgans last words and also his will states that he wanted healing to become the new captain of the ship. healing doesnt rlly become the new captain bc hes too busy mourning over his death for the next yr.

morgan and healing NEVER tell each other abt their feelings for one another, so morgan dies with this regret of never saying anything and healing lives with the regret of never saying anything before he died. this plays into how healing chose his name

after his mourning and grieving period he starts to slowly collect himself and in this period of time, this is where he finally chooses his name. he thinks abt how morgan was never able to call him by a proper name despite how important names were to morgan, so as hes starting to heal from his death, he picks his own name for himself. he debated on choosing his name as love, bc he loved morgan but never told him despite the fact that morgan quite literally taught him how to love. but he decides on the name healing bc he also thought abt how morgan said how he wanted to help healing start to mend and heal from all the trauma and abuse hes been through and healing sort of just shoved love into that process of healing, therefore That Is His Name Now. his name is now like. an important memoir of morgan as well as like. His Name. his name now holds a very hefty important weight and meaning to him now.

when morgan dies, he makes a lot of vows to himself like how hell never love someone again and how he would keep up morgans work and how he would keep morgans policy of justice and equality and how he would never treat people the way he was treated as a servant and how he would never hurt someone on purpose. after morgans death, he starts to like. hoard items he thinks morgan would have liked and then eventually this just turns from “hoarding for morgan” to “depression coping hoarding” and he just hoards things he thinks has some use or worth of value (which is like. Everything lmao so he never throws stuff away)

the ship crew are not All That Happy that healing is their new captain, but they really did intensely respect and appreciated morgan both as a captain and an individual so they abide by his will and last words and let healing be captain despite the fact that they thought hed b bad at it. but Surprise Surprise healing is actually rlly rlly good at being a captain bc he spent 10 yrs by morgans side and he knows how to do everything rlly well and the crew r kind of surprised and apologize for sterotypin him and for being so prejudiced and not trustin him and etc etc etc and healing is happy for another long while bc now he has like?? a family?? this crew was now his family and he loved everyone on this ship and they loved him?? he was Rlly Good at what he did bc he took over morgans work of trade and also liberating ships and sellin his time to fight for ppl and he was super close to his crew and they grew closer over the yrs and they give him a seashell bracelet similar to how morgan gave him the necklace and earrings so now healing has like. a physical object to associate his emotional relationship and feelings and shit to like he did for morgan w the necklace and earrings

but ofc knowin me its time to Fuck Him Over Again lmao over the yrs while hes in his 30s hes gets like. Rlly Rlly Rlly well known for his deeds and his work and actions so he gets super popular and he has. A Lotta Sex and is Very Well Known for sex and also his dick lol and also sometimes got into. not so hot relationships. at current time right now, age of 57, healing has 5 children he isnt aware of bc he left the other person before they even Knew they were pregnant. he was rlly good with not letting his partner get pregnant but accidents happen lmao sometimes he let the fame and popularity get to his head so he was kind of a Cocky Narcissistic Dick sometimes 

a total of 5 times during his 30s he got himself into. very bad toxic abusive manipulative relationships. these 5 people were all very similar in what they did to healing and how they did it to him. in each of these 5 cases, both healing and his crew reacted the same. when u hang out w manipulative bad ppl, u kinda become manipulative and bad urself, and thats what happened w healing and his crew. these 5 ppl preyed on the fact that healing was emotionally very weak and vulnerable to romantic affection and intimacy and how he had a Rlly Rlly Big Fear of losing people he loved or cared about. they made him care abt them and threatened to leave him if he didnt do what they wanted, as well as abuse him in other different manners physically, emotionally (BIG TIME emotional abuse), verbally, and mentally. during the itme he was in these relationships w these ppl, healing was very much not like his usual self, hes a chatoic neutral but when w theswe ppl he was like?? lawful evil?? true evil?? he became Rlly Bad and did Rlly Bad things that, now in current day time he regrets deeply and feels.

when he was in these relationships, they made him break a lot of the vows he took when morgan died or else theyd do smth to him or to themself ot to his crew or smth like that and it haunts him to this very day abt how he could have done those things to those people despite the fact that the same was done to him and how he NEVER wanted to do that to other people. it dredges bad things up in his memories and in his heart and he has nightmares abt both his traumas and abuse as well as the traumas and abuse hes made others go through.  these people hurt him very deeply in his 30s and scarred him emotionally and mentally more intensely than the people that mistreated him when he was a servant

his 30s was a. Rollercoaster tbh. he went thru very intense and frequent highs and lows bc the time when he was with these people they were his Very Very Low Lows and when he wasnt with them and just doing his job w his crew and livin life he was very happy and his life took on a Very Good High. as he got a lil older at the age of 37 he was doing good and it was a high during his lifetime and that point and when he was 37 he was actually on his ship hunting down a bandit/pirate ship bc someone had bought his ships and effort to help them track down this ship

he has a lot of adventures in his 30s and goes thru so many things and and thru so many situations and so many people and encountered just. A Lot Of Stuff in General. hes experienced probs like. 2 lifetime of experiences and shit by the age of 37 lmao but he wouldnt trade any of these experiences, good or bad, for ANYTHING in the world

but sadly (bc i love makin his life so full of angst) as hes chasing this ship, a Rlly Big Storm comes by and fuckin. WRECKS his ship. absolutely obliterates it. it catches fire and tons of his crew members r jumpin off and panicking and the ship is falling apart and hes so AAAAAAAAAAAAA rn. in the future, the imagery of a sunken or turned up or just in general not normal 100% functioning ship is very unsettling to him and triggers this rlly bad memory. also Rlly Rlly Rlly BIG BIG fires unsettle him very badly and makes him Extremely Uncomfortable but it doesnt rlly trigger this bad memory as much as broken ships do

healing is knocked from the ship and passed out and when he awakes hes on the shore with the remains of wood from his ship along the shore and he is. absolutely broken. he lost his Whole Family in one night and yet he was the one who didnt die?? he assumes everyone on his crew ship died (even tho some survived but he has yet to encounter them) and he was the only one who survived and at the moment he HATED this fact. he hated that he was left to live and he reverts back to his mindset that he had when he was younger how his life didnt matter and etc etc etc

hes also??????????? SUPER upset and heartbroken that the sea was the one who did this to him. the ocean, to which he was born and raised on (he has never lived on land in the past 37 yrs of his life, hes been on land and stayed overnight at inns or smth and stuff but hes never Lived anywhere on land and thinks houses r Weird bc hes lived on a boats and ships for 37 yrs kjefnvslefv), the ocean to which he considered his real mother, the ocean that granted him so much freedom from so much of the things that hes experienced, the ocean to which he was so deeply emotionally connected to and how much the sea had meant to him. he knows he cannot control the sea and accepts that the sea had sunken his ship but that doesnt mean hes not going to still feel sad and shitty abt it lol 

he Basically has a meltdown at this shore and cursin at how he should have been the one to die in this wreck and passes out bc. exhaustion and etc lmao. and then in comes Love Interest #2, noel, a neutral good wood elf monk who, just like morgan, is a very free spirit and very kind and reminds healing just enough of morgan to make his heart start to feel something again

noel sees this tieflin dude passed out on the beach and is like. Oh. Thats Not Good. and he goes to help him out and brings him back to his campsite to patch him up and heal his wounds and take care of him and nurture him back to health a bit until healing wakes up.

healing is like HWHA and is like uhhhh thnks but i gotta Go Now bc Yet Again in this mnoment he vows a bunch of other shit like how hell live a life of solitude and never involve himself w others bc he thinks of himself as a harbinger of bad things and chaos and doom and misfortune follows him and how everyone he loves or tells them abt his life/story dies

but noel is too friendly and caring to just Let Him Go and hes just rlly interested in healing just as an individual and just also wants a companion to travel w bc hes just like a wandering monk who weaves in and out of woods and forests and villages and stuff

fast forward- after a Lot of effort and A Lot of time and A Lot of trust and such, healing slowly Very Very Slowly opens up to noel about himself and his life and what hes gone though and all of the sort of bad and good things hes experienced and grows closer to him and they fall in llove with each other and its both mutual and healing is like “wow??? being in love is so nice?? this is such a good feeling?? i love noel and he loves me back and we can kiss and hug and do stuff and both of us know we are doing this out of mutual romantic attraction??????????” and this is like. A Brand New Feeling for healing bc his relationship and love for morgan was 100% unrequited

noel basically becomes healings teacher tbh since noel is a monk he teaches healing the way of bein a monk most specifically the way of the 4 elements. noel is a master of the way of the 4 elements, but is best w earth and air, healing has such a strong attachment to the water and a close relation with fire so hes naturally like. rlly good w those 2 lmao he catches on real quick despite the fact that. only noel is teaching him and neither of them belong to a temple or have a temple to go to lmao

as time goes on both healing and noel are like. kinda famous monks that travel through the land and are well known bc healing was already previously well known as a rlly rlly cool famous captain and now he kinda dropped off the face of the earth for like 5 yrs but now hes back w noel and he looks a lil diff now bc hes older and his hairs a lil longer but ppl are aware that hes healing

its all good and healing is enjoying life real nice rn and hes happy once again and hes in love with noel and noel is in love with healing and its so good and healing is traveling again but also like. up until he was 37 yrs old he was like livin at sea on a ship. so when he goes along w noel when they travel through the woods on land its kinda Weird for him bc hes like. Never Been On Land For This Long lmao

from the moment he was stranded on that beach to right now in his current time, healing ALWAYS has smth of the sea/ocean w him ALWAYS it is a must and he has to have it for multiple reasons and most of the reasons are for like. safety reasons?? theyre like his safety items it calms him down and soothes him in multiple ways like emotionally and mentally. he ALWAYS has at LEAST 1 (one) bottle or flask or SOMETHING filled w sea water he always has some sea water on him, he also just. collects a MASSIVE amount of shells and sea glass and any other things u could find on the beach or sea he always has some of this stuff on him for comfort and stuff

like with all of the deep and intimate and important and emotional relationships in his life, noel gives healing smth that he can attach noel to emotionally and etc etrc etc. noel gives healing tattoos that are like monk tattoos and symbolize what he does best on his back i.e fire and water and also a few like. just fun lil casual tattoos to make healing and himself happy like a boat and anchor on his wrist and stuff and healing is like Oh Gee Hope Nothing Bad Happens

but smth bad does happen lol. after 10 literal yrs (healing is now 47) theyre in the woods camping out and etc etc etc and its like the dead of night and theyre sleepin in their tents and its good and all but then some bandits or smth just pass by their site and decide “hey. lets fuckin loot this place and fuck shit up” and they do and engage in combat w noel and healing and its just a series of unfortunate events and bad luck and timing and long story short these bandits do lethal and fatal damage to noel but healing manages to fend em off and they go running and now healing is kneeling over the dying body of his lover

noel literally dies in healings arms and this event triggers all of his previous mental state and mindset from before abt how hes a harbinger of bad things and how everyone he loves does and he only brings misfortune and hes liike “y do the ppl around me die???? y cant *I* be the one to die for once??? wtf????” and he feels so many emotions and is so ANGRY at himself bc This Just Keeps happening and the people he loves just keep Getting Hurt and he cries and buries noel and makes a grave and does a lot of sentimental stuff and mourns and just stays where he is in the woods for like. weeks until his supplies runs out and he finally leaves the area of the forest hes in with a heavy… Everything slkdfnvsdkfs fvhesfdnviksfd hes RLLY intensely emotionally and mentally fucked now

he makes the same kinds of vows as before again plus some but now its even STRONGER. he Will Not EVER fall in love ever again, he will never tell anyone ANYTHING abt him thats not surface level info, he takes up his old vows like never hurt ppl on purpose and never treating him the way he was treated and how he will upkeep his code of justice and equality, and how he will NEVER EVER have any deep relationships and friendships and he will keep them very surface level and how he will keep everyone at like an arms distance and a half from him

and so he mourns over his lost loved ones and is just a fuckin angsty emotionally shut and locked up traveling tiefling monk and hes alone and just. travels bc he feels like if he stays in one place too long he might bring misfortune to the ppl around him and he just. BASICALLY keeps this up for ANOTHER 10 yrs dsfkjvnsenfvedv je travels around EVERYWHERE and the first few years he tried his best to avoid rlly thick wooded areas and the sea but eventually he grew and healed a bit more and allowed himself to get on boats again and go thru forests and woods

healing chose his name bc he wanted to heal and grown and change and become a better person and try his best to just be as happy as he could be and to atone for what hes done and just. try to get thru life at this point. and make sure he leaves people better than when he meets them and to make sure everyone he encounters have AT LEAST a Not Bad impression of him. so thats basically what his goal is after noel dies and he just travels on his own and in solitude and he nevers takes along a companion and is jsut by himself and quite literally isolates himself all the time. he keeps the people he talks to at an arm and a halfs distance, he never lets them know anything below surface level info abt him, he like?? basically puts on a front and all but he is still genuinely friendly and likes to talk to ppl he just. doesnt want them to know any like Substantial Info abt him or kno him beyond surface level and stuff

after some time tho he meets a man named elias aka MAN OF THE HOUR aka my datefriends oc and he jsut?? will NOT leave healing alone he just WILL NOT go away and he basically just. is forcibly at healings side as they travel and healing just CANNOT get rid of him and elias is just with him and hes trying to pry thru healings massive amounts of layers and walls and barriers and etc etc etc and ofc he does this respectfully hes not like. forcing his way into healings life and forcing healing to tell him abt his life he just. wants to kno more abt him and is very genuinely attracted to this man in many many ways 

healing realizes he cant force elias to go away and is just like (shrugs) ok w/e guess i cant get rid of u and tries to keep his walls and his front up but he just finds himself getting rlly comfortable w elias?? he finds his presence soothing and stuff bc hes been alone for the past previous yrs and now he has a companion again and its a rlly nice feeling and they grow a lil closer bit by bit over time

more time passes on and eventually, in the middle of a mental break/meltdown, healing just. Spills Everything to elias like. All Of His Life from the moment he was born until this current faction in time where hes sobbing into elias’ arm about his whole life and he feels kind of better and its okay for a while and he just passes out in elias’ arms but then he wakes up and has a panic attack and is like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I TOLD THIS MAN MY ENTIRE LIFE I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW OR HELL DIE I RLLY LIKE HIM THO I DONT WANT HIM TO DIE and he faces the facts that he 1) likes elias 2) is very internally and mentally fukt 3) is internally rlly fuckin secretive and tries to hide everythin abt himself and 4) is Dyin Real Bad for multiple reasons

elias tries to reassure healing and tries to tell him everything will be fine and he wont die and etc etc etc and stuff and from this point on forward healing and elias are much closer and continue to get closer until theyre basically in a relationship and its difficult tbh bc healing rlly wants to leave elias out of his fear but elias stays w him and its a long proccess and journey for healing to learn how to properly cope w all of the things hes felt and experienced and grow and heal and etc et ect

eventually fast forward in time, at the age of 57, healing is MARRIED to elias :’’) and they r in love and everything is okay and healing has and is continuing to learn how to accept what hes done and how to properly cope and deal w things and have less walls and barriers and be better and elias is one of his MOST important relationships to him, on par w morgan and noel, and its all good and happy and healing lives the rest of his life out w elias and dies happy and etc etc etc and its all just GREAT and also their shipname is heelies bc its funny lmao 

i left out a lotta details but fuckin. whatever lmao

anyways i love healing thnk u and good night

#oc:healing #time for some fucking HOT ASS meta and bg info about this boy lmao #i would die for healing

[adhdpiko]

Hi, this is coming from someone who is slightly concerned by your dennor posts. I shall give you a benefit of the doubt and assume that you are being serious about this ship bringing you distress, and hence I'll provide my 2 cents on it (whether you want to take it or cuss me out is up to you). Please seek help for the sake of your mental well-being. Even if Denmark is really Norway's brother, you cannot expect people to agree with you. It's best that you build resilience against this (part 1)

Sadly, you cannot expect people to accommodate to you all the time and be considerate enough to warn you whether they are posting a dennor post or not. Furthermore, I hope you seek help because it seems like you are not only distressed, but you are also no longer able to live normally due to it which are 2 of the 4 signs of abnormality. It seems that you also have insight that what you are feeling or behaving is not normal, which is a good step towards accepting and seeking treatment. (part 2)Hence, I hope that you seek help for your own sake, or not. You can go ahead and dismiss what I said and cuss me out all you want. It’s your life anyway. (last part)

—————

alright since I don’t do well with Big paragraphs because adhd I’m going to respond to stuff you said in parts.

“Hi, this is coming from someone who is slightly concerned by your dennor posts. I shall give you a benefit of the doubt and assume that you are being serious about this ship bringing you distress,”

ty you seem nice but anyways the ship brings me more than just distress,

“Please seek help for the sake of your mental well-being.”

I’m Trying To but as it stands now it’ll be a few weeks before I can do that, I’ve been trying to get help for years for Many reasons.

“Even if Denmark is really Norway’s brother, you cannot expect people to agree with you.”

“Even if” I am literally Norway, would know that Denmark is my brother and, like anyone with siblings, I don’t like being shipped with my brother. I shouldn’t have people telling me we’re “not really brothers” when I literally call him brother in source canon. People should agree with me because I’m Norway but since basic common sense abt the fact that’s not going to be the case ever since ppl think kin is so bad and harmful I Have To Pull Out Canon Evidence of me calling Denmark ‘brother’ and ppl still tell me I’m wrong

“It’s best that you build resilience against this”

yeah I know dw and I HAD resilience against it but my mental health has gone from 0 to -800 since the last time I saw dennor and the time before that so don’t expect me to not have a mental breakdown when I see dennor or nyo norway

“Sadly, you cannot expect people to accommodate to you all the time and be considerate enough to warn you whether they are posting a dennor post or not.”

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh actually, anon, most ppl tag stuff when asked. I have the tag blacklisted, and I’m not even following any fandom blogs so there’s no reason dennor should’ve been on my dash in the first place. If this was abt my other trigger you wouldn’t be saying this, actually you’d probably agree wth me that it’s shitty not to tag stuff especially if one of your mutuals is triggered by it.

“Furthermore, I hope you seek help because it seems like you are not only distressed, but you are also no longer able to live normally due to it which are 2 of the 4 signs of abnormality.”

OK I KNOW I SAID I WOULDNT CUSS YOU OUT BUT WHAT THE HELL IS SIGNS OF ABNORMALITY. ARE YOU PULling shit out of your Ass here because I KNOW I’m mentally ill and I KNOW I need help. ANS OF COURSE I CANT LIVE NORMALLY WITH MY TRIGGERS, ESPECIALLY IF IM BEING SJIPPED WITH MY B R O T H E R FUCKGIFH FUCK

“It seems that you also have insight that what you are feeling or behaving is not normal, which is a good step towards accepting and seeking treatment.”

do u rly think I’m getting treatment for having a ship w/ my brother and I for a trigger bc literally that’s basic common sense that incest is wrong………

“Hence, I hope that you seek help for your own sake, or not. You can go ahead and dismiss what I said and cuss me out all you want. It’s your life anyway.”

I’m seeking help for PTSD, AVPD, DPD, RSD, anxiety, dysphoria, identity issues and other mental instabilities that I’m probably unaware of. but uh guess what karen, not everyone can get help. I’ve been trying to get help for years and my mental health isn’t getting any better.

please don’t talk to me like a neurotypical ever and stop being insensitive anon

#sig.ask #ask #I'm literally on the edge of a mental breakdown from having to write abt this so much