#bertie tag.

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

Hot take maybe but I think Bertie would be FAR more likely to survive the first two months of Dracula than Jeeves would be. Bertie has a healthy sense of self-preservation. Jeeves consistently underestimates how dangerous a situation might get (Steeple Bumpleigh, the club book) because he’s overconfident about his level of control over any given situation. He'd handle Dracula masterfully if they faced off in England, but on Dracula's home turf? Much more doubtful.

I realize this might be a tough sell, so I will explain further (or it's not a tough sell, and I'm going to explain further because I want to). (criteria taken from @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula) Without further ado.

Would Jeeves and Wooster survive Castle Dracula?

Jeeves

Jeeves' survival will depend on how long Dracula finds him more entertaining than irritating. On that basis, I don't think he's long for this world. On the one hand, he has a huge wealth of knowledge about English society and culture that he can recite perfectly from memory. That should buy him at least a little time with noted teaboo Dracula.

On the other hand, he would be absolutely no fun as a vampire plaything. Jeeves cannot be got. Sneaking up on him while he's shaving will yield zero reaction (though that's at least good for his short-term survival--given that, although he DID take the crucifix from the old woman out of politeness, he certainly isn't going to wear it. The rules of fashion don't go out the window just because you're in a spooky castle). Then, although managing the whims of rich jerks is not an insignificant part of a valet's job, Jeeves usually does this by bending his employers to his will. Dracula is not the sort of employer this will work on. It'll just add insult to injury when on top of being impossible to scare, NOW Jeeves is telling Dracula that his favorite cloak is several centuries out of fashion and he's not allowed to wear it anymore.

Jeeves will 100% go exploring in the areas he was told not to go-- though to be fair, he MIGHT actually get away with this, what with his superpower of appearing in rooms without being seen or heard. Said superpower might save him from the brides as well (though this is by no means guaranteed). Since I find it doubtful that Dracula would come to rescue his annoying ass, not being noticed is his best defense.

There are a couple other things working in Jeeves's favor; the question is just whether they'll be enough to save him.

He DOES know shorthand, and could try to send coded letters. He might even have the foresight to squirrel away some extra stationary where Dracula can't find it. But could he get them posted? Would it even do him any good?

He certainly has enough cultural literacy to figure out what his new boss is pretty quickly. If he didn't chuck the crucifix out the carriage window, he might start carrying it around in his pocket.

Psychology of the individual, sure, but the individual in question is a 400-year-old vampire who lives in an isolated castle in a foreign country and is regarded as a terrifying mythological figure in the surrounding villages. Jeeves has never come up against anything this alien before, he's cut off from his normal resources, and opportunities to play people against each other are limited.

He probably has enough upper body strength from all that shrimping and fishing to climb the wall, so he COULD escape if he wanted to, if he survived long enough. It's just, again, that overconfidence, and also Dracula has a vast library full of rare old books that are entirely at his disposal. He's keeping his eyes and ears alert for potential escape strategies, of course, but I don't see him being as desperate to get out as Jonathan was.

There are just a lot of "depends on"s here, and I'm not convinced that luck would shake out in Jeeves's favor, all things considered.

Bertie

Bertie is so perfect for the job of Castle Dracula Prisoner it's like it was made for him. Think about it. Being held against his will in big manor houses comes more naturally to him than breathing. He's afraid of things that are scary. A lifetime of dealing with Aunt Agatha has made him the world's preeminent expert in "curl[ing] up in a ball in the hope that a meek subservience [will] enable [him] to get off lightly." He will NEVER go exploring in places he's been warned away from if nobody is forcing him to (Rev. Aubrey Upjohn's office notwithstanding. There were biscuits in there). He's both fun to talk to and easy to toy with (and extremely English). A+ prisoner. Dracula adores him.

In my opinion, Bertie is at Castle Dracula either because Aunt Agatha got some wires seriously crossed and thinks he’s going to meet an eligible potential bride (I mean, there are certainly brides there), or because Dracula has something Aunt Dahlia wants him to steal (far less likely, given that one of Dracula’s THINGS is famously not owning anything silver). Either way, he's shown himself entirely willing and able to escape down drainpipes if a sitch gets too scaly.

He DOES take the crucifix, and DOES wear it (which is what will save him during the shaving scene, because you KNOW he's going to jump a foot and cut himself like the dickens). He's read enough supernatural goosefleshers to be genre savvy about terrified old women cryptically pushing crucifixes into one's hands. I also think his sunny disposish endeared him to the villagers, and they were particularly vehement about urging him not to go. He doesn't speak German or Romanian, but he's empathetic enough to recognize Pure Terror. So by the time he actually gets to the castle, his imagination is already running wild and he's plenty aware that he is in imminent danger.

I think the biggest risk to Bertie will be the brides; whether or not he's susceptible to trances, if he thinks they're trying to marry him, it's against the code of the Woosters to turn them down. But that only becomes an issue if he comes face to face with them, which, luckily, I think is unlikely on account of the aforementioned "won't go exploring" (and if he did, Dracula would definitely rescue him).

I'm inclined to say due to his drainpipe-escape habits that he WOULD be able to climb the wall and MAY attempt to sneak into Dracula's room to look for the keys if his desperation grows to outweigh his fear. Whether he does or not, though, he does NOT have the stomach to attempt shovel murder, and therefore won't get magic brain fever, and may very well simply walk out the front doors when the people come to take the boxes away. OR he climbs his way out like Jonathan did. Either way.

When Bertie tells this story at the Drones later, Tuppy will say that no doubt it's been greatly exaggerated and all that probably happened was that he spent a couple months in an oldish house entertaining a weird loner.

#do YOU think jeeves and wooster would survive castle dracula? let me know in the comments! #they're in the castle separately instead of together because those are the rules ok #the isolation is key #though if anyone wants to speculate about what would happen if they went together i will NOT complain #i don't even know what's going on with the tenses in this post i'm sorry #// #jeeves and wooster #reginald jeeves #bertie wooster #dracula #do i need to tag dracula spoilers? #sure there are some people new to receiving letters from our good friend jonathan harker #here it is just in case: #dracula spoilers #i have done my due diligence

[iamindifferenttolamp]

#ofmd #our flag means death #one day at a time #odaat #1899 netflix #shadow and bone #tuca and bertie #sense8 #santa clarita diet #glow netflix #the babysitters club #the midnight gospel #first kill #warrior nun #dead end paranormal park #infinity train #lovecraft country #dc titans #a league of their own #these tags aren't spam btw this is just a fraction of the crimes streamers have committed #doom patrol #inside job #snowpiercer #the muppets mayhem #paper girls

[idanit]

solidarity

#letters regarding jeeves #my pal bertie #dracula daily #jeeves #Tom Gauld #made this for myself because i started getting a bit green eyed over how big the dracula bookclub is #even though i totally understand that the appeal of dracula is naturally much broader #than the appeal of some episodic-ish comedic stories about a rich british aristocrat who talks weird and his hypercompetent servant #and anyway it's very cozy here in the jeeves corner I have to say #it's surprisingly nice to be involved in a fandom active enough to be engaging #but slow enough to be able to keep up with practically everything that's going on #idanit talks #? #i don't have a tag for memes lol

[illuteridae]

joosts

#been watching w my mom while i work on comms …. very cosy #jeeves and wooster #bertie wooster #reginald jeeves #it feels so wrong tagging his full name … sorey #jooster #rogart

[probablyday]

millennial nerd woosterposting part 2 act 1 act 1

previous woosterposting: millennial nerd bertie wooster for some reason

i took 8d6 damage writing this and now i deal 8d6 psychic damage to you

Selections from J33V3S 1S TH1S YOU, which does not and should not exist oh god it hurts just to type it

#goodbye followers #woosterposting #do i dare to tag this with homestuck #i also considered having madeline bassett just be Grimes #cursed content #jeeves and wooster #bertie wooster #jeeves #madeline bassett #gussie fink-nottle #pg wodehouse #truly do not know what will happen if i use the homestuck tag in 2023 #it's probably fine #right? #i won't do it #i'm a coward

[scoobit9]

Sketch dumpppppppppppp

#I’ve been really trying to hone my art style lately #they’re perfectly satisfactory subjects #very shapely #would like to clean up/finish the first one if I can ^_^ #jeeves and wooster #art #fanart #jooster #yayyyy i finally get to use that tag I’ve just been drawing Bertie #reginald jeeves #bertie wooster #bertram wooster #p. g. wodehouse

[blue-unifox]

Fuck it

*adventure times your pyres*

#my art #pyre #adventure time art style #i simplified some details for it to be closer to show style #oh god ill have to tag the whole cast #the vagabond #the moontouched girl #ti'zo #jodariel pyre #rukey greentail #pamitha theyn #hedwyn pyre #sir gilman #big bertrude #oralech #volfred sandalwood #tariq pyre #i liked the sketches i did so i just drew the whole cast in this style lmao #couldve been more creative w bertie and volf but oh well #crossover? #pyre sgg #pyre supergiant #supergiant games #i like hedwyn the most here... and ae and sir gilman i think #but anw tell me which one u like #i did this instead of uni work lmao

[hugh-lauries-bald-spot]

you can tell me that bertie wooster and dr house are played by the same person but the true of heart know that simply isnt true.

#do i tag this as unreality? #cause im kidding #but seriously the 2 are so different its baffling #house md #jeeves and wooster #greg house #bertie wooster

[sandwichsapphic]

“an exceedingly pleasant and amiable young gentleman but… mentally he is negligible - quite negligible” is the Jeeves and Wooster equivalent of “she is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me”

#just thinking #especially because after that #lizzie despises darcy and refuses to humour him #constantly trying to prove that she doesn’t like him and that she’s more than tolerable thank you #meanwhile darcy’s falling in love #that’s exactly what happens to bertie and jeeves #bertie embarks on a quest to prove jeeves wrong #while jeeves becomes more and more fond #until it culminates in TYJ and RHJ #is the bicycle scene in RHJ a parallel to the rainy proposal in P&P? #who’s to say #is that what wodehouse intended me to think? positively not #anyway i did write like the opening two chapters of a p&p version of jeeves and wooster #where jeeves was darcy and bertie elizabeth #obviously madeline was jane and gussie bingley #they fit the roles quite well because jeeves was over here like “i have never met anyone i can call truly accomplished” #and having insane tension with bertie #and at the same time gussie was just like “miss bassett can i show you another newt” #i mean jeeves has a habit of ending engagements if he disapproves #very fitzwilliam darcy of him #jeeves and wooster #bertie wooster #reginald jeeves #pg wodehouse #jooster #sorry long tags #i got too into the pride and prejudice

[luvnotpercival]

I've just finished rusty quill gaming today and have been working on this while I've been listening - I'm really really happy with this!!

#lordy lord there are so many tags #rusty quil gaming #rusty quill #rqg #rqgaming #sasha rackett #zolf smith #rqg zolf #rqg sasha #rqg bertie #rqg wilde #rqg fanart #fanart #magpod #inks art

[kondorksart]

Just some birds for your troubles

#my art tag #tuca and bertie #tuca toucan #bertie songthrush

[shittywriterbrain]

read my differently sized gif captions boy

#watch my bertie wooster gifs boy #nobody shouldve introduced me to the do [x] boy meme i love it too much #bertie wooster #jeeves and wooster #gif #dear god the timing on the first two was so shitty i had to redo them #but the internet here is dogshit so it took ages #now the first two are slightly lower quality but idk if you can tell #its hard here in the gifmaking business... #writing these tags while the gifs are loading #been sitting here for minutes #when will my husband (bertie wooster gif) return from the war (be finished uploading to tumblr.com) #YESSS FINALLY #FUCK FUCK FUCK I JUST REALISED THAT BECAUSE THE LAST GIF IS FROM A DIFFERENT EDITING. BATCH IDK THE FONT IS A DIFFERENT SIZE #FUUUCKKK THIS IS SO ANNOYING RN. FUCK FUCK FUCK #but no im not redoing that now #read my differently sized gif captions boy #wait im putting that in the caption idc i can do what i want this is my post. #please show this gifset some love its been through shit its seen things

[sailorspica]

– Ymir, why did you come with us? – I dunno. I guess 'cause I'm an idiot.

ATTACK ON TITAN #29, #37, FINAL CHAPTERS

#wlw mlm alliance transcends death #i cropped him out but bertie crying thanking ymir is one of my favorite moments of his sorry bud #♅ #anigif #aotgif #ymir aot #ymir freckles #104th ymir #idk how we tag her these days #reiner braun #dailyanime #animeedit #anisource #dailyanimatedgifs #fyanimegifs #animangahive #q

[starlightseraph]

breaking news: gay himbo attempts elaborate relationship-misdirection scheme to help his friend, accidentally gets engaged to both her and her cousin

(series 2, episode 2 • “a plan for gussie”)

#ok friend is too strong a word #blackmailer? #that’s better #which is a seaweed that sort of looks like #… #ribbon #hugh laurie #bertie wooster #jeeves and wooster #reginald jeeves #jooster #why is it out of sync :( #house md #hilson #just tagging to boost #starlightseraph’s brainrot

[edwards-exploit]

rivals to friends (who are also still rivals) speedrun any%

#live from tidmouth #ttte #thomas the tank engine and friends #thomas and friends #ttte thomas #thomas the tank engine #ttte bertie #bertie the bus #bertie bus #ttte annie #ttte clarabel #ttte annie and clarabel #ttte human #ttte human au #ttte humanized #ttte humanization #can tag as ship #for bertie n thomas

[aceredshirt13]

extremely funny to me seeing people say that Bertie has a heart of gold when his immediate solution to getting Freddie back together with his fiancée was to kidnap a child

#red randomness #jeeves and wooster #bertie wooster #100 and up neat #don’t get me wrong I love him dearly #but I think he like Watson and Bunny suffer from ‘he isn’t actually as nice as people think he is’ syndrome #because Bertie can be a judgy bitch! he’s resentful of several children! he makes unflattering judgments about appearances! #he told Sippy to steal a cop’s hat! he ripped a tag off his uncle’s gift and claimed it was his! #he told Jeeves to send Bingo a telegram telling him to KILL HIMSELF- #like #he is very dedicated to his insane friends even when they aren’t great to him #and he will go to great lengths for the people he cares about #and he will talk about how great Jeeves is to everyone who will listen and is better to him certainly than previous employers #and he’s a generally cheerful and amiable and friendly person #but heart of gold?? Perhaps Not #very few people in these stories are objectively entirely good and a lot of the humor and characterization comes from that #because you like Bertie despite it all. you love him and want him to be happy