#benevolent sexism

[intersexcat-tboy]

Benevolent sexism is still sexism.

If you think placing women on pedestals is feminism or suggesting all women are victims who need protection from men, that's benevolent sexism, not feminism.

If you think abuse is inherently less abusive, less harmful, painful, serious, anything of that sort because a woman is perpetrating it, you've fallen for benevolent sexism.

#sexism #gender theory #intersectional feminism #feminism #transfeminism #transfeminist #benevolent sexism #misogyny

[rhaenin-time]

I worry that someone will capitalize on HotD by adapting The Anarchy into a historical fiction movie/show.

There's so much potential there: Empress Matilda fighting to be queen regnant in her own right — with her bastard brother (one of the most powerful and respected lords in the kingdom) as her right hand man. Versus not just her cousin, but his queen consort, Queen Matilda. Whom at one point, when Stephen was captured, was leading the cause on her husband's behalf.

That's right, Matilda vs. Matilda. One fighting for her own power, another for her husband's. To be forever compared and contrasted as the good woman and the troublesome one. At one point not only heading their causes against each other, but negotiating with each other when each takes their highest ranking male hostage.

It would be fascinating to explore how these two women were treated differently, are still treated differently.

Even though a Queen Regnant was unheard of, there was also no law against it (sound familiar?) Which meant that she was subjected to misogyny in a lot of insidious, "It's not because she's a woman; it's because she's a BAD woman," kind of ways. People would point to other reasons to obfuscate their true objection. You know, because that's how the patriarchy works.

One of my favourite examples is when Stephen's faction argued that, because her mother spent so much time at a convent as a young woman, that actually made her practically a nun. Which meant she had not been eligible to wed and therefore Matilda was a bastard with no claim to inheritance — even though not only had her father willed the throne to her, but no one objected to the fact that her father had given lands and titles to many of his actual bastards.

Empress Matilda was held to incredibly impossible standards. Not just by the people around her, but by historians. I mean, before her first husband died, she ran the Holy Roman Empire not just as his regent but later as dowager empress to stabilize the transition. She was, for good reason, confident in her abilities and for that, probably the word most associated with her is "haughty." She eventually stepped aside for her own son so her faction could make a truce with Stephen — who would remain king but adopt her son as his heir above his own trueborn sons (a + point for Laenor/Rhaenyra there). And still in her old age, people would come away from interactions with her saying she had tyrant vibes.

So why am I worried?

Because in the name of doing a 'feminist' adaptation, they will absolutely make it the story of two Matildas who were secretly and impossibly best friends when they were younger and all they want is PEACE! Queen Matilda didn't even want the throne dammit! She just went along with her husband like a good woman. She just listened to the Church after that! Empress Matilda didn't want to fight for her throne! It was all her bastard brother, Robert Of Gloucester! He just wanted to be able to rule through his sister!

Women are peaceful creatures! If only men would listen to them! But not too much and they definitely shouldn't demand they be listened to.

Feminism!

#hotd #hotd critical #asoiaf #fire and blood #rhaenyra targaryen #empress matilda #the anarchy #white feminism #benevolent sexism

[horizon-verizon]

What made Rhaenyra x Alicent so popular when it's very badly written and don't make sense story-wise?

To oversimplify it, and there is a lot of overlap:

A)

Because they don’t know the actual canon story. 

Some believe that because Ryan Condal and some of the show writers read Fire and Blood, they know what they are doing and what’s presented on screen is what happened in canon. (This is dependent on them not caring to engage more and/or not being people who care to think more about what they are consuming).

B)

Because wish fulfillment.

These two women in canon lore where 9 years apart in age with Alicent being the older and hated each other. Because we have:

two women hating each other and fighting for power

the use of the evil stepmother trope

we have some people think these in of themselves indicate sexist writing. A case of women fighting each other because their womenhood makes them vulnerable to competing for scarce resources that men determine for them.

And many people feel that they could have been friends if only the men around them didn’t force them into it. (Meanwhile, this was not the case at all and an extreme misunderstanding of medieval society.)

C)

Because misunderstanding feminism.

Some think that female friendships, by themselves, are enough to gainsay male aggression on a systematic level. Thus they find the relationship inspirational and ignore details or inconsistencies. 

Despite the fact that Rhaenyra and Laena Velayron had a deep friendship in the canon lore. Maybe even a romantic connection. They connected after Laena and Daemon came back from Pentos to birth her last child. Gyldayn writes that:

Whilst Princess Rhaenyra misliked her stepmother, Queen Alicent, she [Rhaenyra] became fond and more than fond of her good-sister Lady Laena. With Driftmark and Dragonstone so close, Daemon and Laena oft visited with the princess, and her with them. Many a time they flew together on their dragons, and the princess’s she-dragon Syrax produced several clutches of eggs. In 118 AC, with the blessing of King Viserys, Rhaenyra announced the betrothal of her two eldest sons to the daughters of Prince Daemon and Lady Laena. Jacaerys was four and Lucerys three, the girls two. And in 119 AC, when Laena found she was with child again, Rhaenyra flew to Driftmark to attend her during the birth.

(Fire and Blood; A Question of Succession)

This is our canon female friendship of the Dance, which makes so much more sense with their shared personality trait -- daring -- and genuine love for dragonriding. 

I do not want to say that the people who do ship Rhaenyra and Alicent -- or the actors who played them who acted as if these two characters did have some sort of pseudo-romance -- are all brainless. I mean to say that some don’t bother to actually get to know, analyze, or read between the lines of the text for the sake of shipping and superficial enjoyment from seeing two women share intimacy where before, in the canon, they were enemies since Rhaenyra was 10.

They see women-as-enemies as unrealistic or simplistic when the story and context is anything but. If anything, the story shows us the multiplicity of women...you know because they are human. Who want power and still be flawed (Rhaenyra) or evil (Alicent). 

Basically, they think that making a saint or pacifying women is feminism. When it’s actually pedestalizing them and making men “natural” aggressors. And making women into passion-less, ambitious-less pawns for men to use AND assigning their worth to how and when they have sex.

This idea of men-evil-and-women-helpless/pacifists is prevalent in our current society (consider this POST by @rhaenyragendereuphoria).

D) 

Because some are very anti-intellectual and anti-feminism. Misgoynists.

They hate that their idea of femininity is being criticized. This ideal of women-want-power instead of simply being a good wife, mother, “soft”, etc.

E)

Because there are those who genuinely just find both Emma D’Arcy and Olivia Cooke are very attractive and see the show as just something to be apart of the zeitgeist of. 

They don’t want to engage any deeper than that. 

Some might feel “attacked” and dig in their heels and try to find justification to keep shipping the two. Pride then may come into it.

F)

Because performative activism, capitalism and marketing. 

This POST by @brideoffires. Quote:

It’s all part of this phenomenon of liberal identity politics oriented fandom “activism” which takes “critical capitalist consumption” as a form of ethical social justice. Capitalist consumption is rendered acceptable under neoliberalism if it conforms to specific parameters, such as identity and representation politics, so nowadays everyone can’t read literature or watch film without looking for ways that they are problematic on an individual level (without looking at, for example, how these books or shows may be written by people funded by imperialist weapons manufacturing companies or finance capital companies).

But by all means, use this as a place to begin to learn more about performative activism. Come to your own conclusions and be open to discussion.

#asoiaf asks to me #Rhaenicent #rhaenyra and alicent #hotd critical #fandom misogyny #HotD misogyny #benevolent sexism #fandom critical #fandom criticism #fandom commentary #asoiaf fandom #hotd fandom #rhaenyra targaryen #alicent hightower #hotd characterization #capitalism #neoliberalism #performative activism #feminism #laena velaryon #laena and rhaenyra

[jabveb]

The woman doesn't need to get her value from the attention the man lavish during flirting rites. If, in fact, she wasn't so inferiorized and objectified, male flattery wouldn't serve as compensation and rescue anymore.

-Carla Lonzi

#i made something #feminism #radical feminism #benevolent sexism #heterosexuality #free to use #patriarchy #feminismo #radblr #quotes #quote #radfem safe #radfem do interact #radfem do touch

[drfrankensteinvsthequeerborgs]

like I get that killing Nancy’s become a symbol of your own lost innocence and you’ve got something to prove by keeping her alive but a) she’s a grown woman who can make her own decisions b) they kill her anyway and c) Ruby’s plan sounds a lot more like an actual, like, plan

#dfvq liveblog #dfv queue #dfvq spn #spn3x12 #ruby supernatural #dean studies #benevolent sexism #you used me for character development

[plague-vulture]

other people talk about how it's bisexual culture to only like women and hate men except for 1 fictional man and im like. wow. we have completely opposite experiences of being bi also i think you might be not normal about queer men

#like i am very minorly attracted to women #but im not out here being like EWWW WOMEN ARE SO GROSS IMAGINE LIKING WOMEN #because im normal #benevolent sexism #bisexual

[gisidaronta]

I don't think there is no transmisogyny, or that transmisogyny is based on misandry, but I know perfectly well when everyone is trying to convince you that the words “I am a woman” are some kind of impudence precisely because women are “the better half of humanity.”

#benevolent sexism #misandry #transmisogyny #gender #transphobia #sexism #misogyny

[bloggingfromearth]

Performative... whatever this is, irks the shit out of me.

Let's disect this, shall we?

The transormed wife is a person who some time ago decided that her identity should be entirely centred around somebody else. About not who she is a person but as an adjacent of somebody else. She has no personality of her own. No interests. No ideas or goals. They are always and only in relation to somebody. Which in on itself is why we have this performance behaviour.

When you don't exist for yourself, doing the things you want to, it turns you into an actor with an audience of everybody, really. Because sacrificing your identity requires an audience. You are not doing it for yourself but for another person. The audience. The husband. The society. The whatever. So you have to, no, you need to constantly check and ask for the validation you believe you need to get to justify your decision to sublimate your identity.

Some people use religion for this. Others use "traditional" as the go to model. It's easy, really. Center your identity around your husband and there you have it. You will now win at life by being the best at being a traditional (whatever that means for you) wife. Why am I saying win? Because you do this to prove that you are better. If you feel the need to identify as defined only by something that nobody cares nor minds anyway, it turns into a competition. In which you HAVE to win.

But how do you win at being a "traditional" or whatever it is? By nonstop making it about how much better you do the benign thing you chose to do than everybody else. Most likely your significant other doesn't care about how much BEST you are at the thing, they like you for who you are. Unfortunately even though she defines herself by her relation to her husband, the approval that she is after is not his. Otherwise she wouldn't be on every possible social media insisting how much better she is than everybody else and winning at the competition that she invented in her own head.

So, the opinion imof her husband, ironically, doesn't matter that much. It's the approval of total strangers whose validation she is seeking.

Case in point, modesty. See, modesty is a funny beast. Modesty is not an absolute concept. It's always in relation to. In a culture with more relaxed ideas about personal freedoms or expression, what is considered modest will most likely be seen as extremely inappropriate in a culture with a different type of expression of identity. Modesty in on itself could be anything. It could mean anything. It could be incredibly being or openly hostile. In on itself is a non-concept, a nonword. It could be just an individual concept or it could be consequential. Unfortunately when it is consequential, as per our own history and reality, we know that it can and will be always used as a tool of oppression and a way to harass somebody. When somebody's personality and humanity are not tied to their existence in on itself, one can always and will use it as a reason, as a justification why somebody is not treated as fully human for whatever reason. If your humanity is not inherent but situational or optional, conditional, one can thus be seen as deserving for dehumanization.

We see that for women are lot more than for men. In regards to this person, she dehumanizes herself to the point that she sees herself as an object that belongs TO somebody else. In this case, her husband. Her body is not hers. She doesn't own it. We already knew that based on her username since her personality stems from her relation but her own words further reinforce that. In this case, what she wears. The issue with her choice here however is not that somebody or anybody really gives a fuck. Nobody is invested if she wears a skirt, a full nun outfit or a g-string. So body would spare a second glance at her leggings and skirt. Unfortunately that is not good enough, as we have established, when your identity is a performance, everything you do needs to be individually observed and validated proving how much better that makes you than everybody else peacefully existing. So this is when the hierarchy of existence is pushed forward. See, she is not a weirdo who sexualizes a pair of leggings, no, she needs to remind us how much better she is by hiding a part of her body. Except that is not her body. It's her husband's who is the only one who should be observing it. But how could one make it about herself? By shaming the other women who don't do it and thus patting herself on the back how much more moral and better she is. Because she is not like all those other women who show their bodies and acting as if those bodies are theirs. It doesn't matter if they are married by definition siad bodies are owed by their husbands even if the said husbands don't yet exist. In advance your body is not yours, it's always owed by a man. Be that your father, brother, husband, whatever. Body autonomy is not something she approves of for women, that much is obvious. Nobody who is happy with the choice makes it a point to bitch about other women bot having done the same choices makes it crystal clear how she sees body autonomy and who is allowed to have and not have autonomy.

Why did I write this whole tirade over a short post? Mostly because we have a resurgance of Nazi bullshit masquerading as "traditional", this or that. Unlike in the past, they did develop the situational awareness that men insisting what women should do, look like, engage in and etc. doesn't work that great, thus now we get the female version of "I CHOOSE to be entirely defined by a paternalistic environment that sees me as a baby making machine with little autonomy that should be subservient". Ironically, they use the core idea of feminism, the right to choose, to insist that women have to choose the thing that will dehumanize them. Losing her identity clearly doesn't make her happy, because she sees women making other choices and she doesn't want them to do so. Also, if women make other choices, this makes her choices less valuable and the performance of being a good, neigh, better wife falls on deaf years because people don't care about chasing some imaginary, impossible standard but simply live their lives ad hoc, not trying to get approval how much better they are than all those other women. And it must be other women, because it is a competition in a paternalistic soeicety in which the only way to have real value is for men to bestow it to you.

So, be warned. This is not just a random weirdo who needs to make her skirt all about how much better she is. It's a reminder how much peiole fall down the rabbit hole when they stop seeing themselves as fully autonomous beings and need the rest to also not do it.

This is not a criticism of being a stay at home or dressing however the fuck you want but making it a must or trying to shame others for not making your own choices. This is the very idea of having the right to choose. Do whatever you think is right with your own body, self and life. Leave the rest to do the same.

#feminism #the transformed wife #choice #sexism #benevolent sexism #modesty #the patriarchy

[transmascissues]

i could honestly write a whole essay on how the internet’s obsession with romanticizing ‘girl dads’ while simultaneously making fun of ‘boy moms’ and gender reveal parties is directly related to a pervasive lack of care for trans men&mascs even among supposedly pro-trans people.

#if people cared about young transmascs at all #they would not be encouraging dads to make their whole identity as a parent based around their kid being a girl #because if they cared about us they would realize that some of those kids might not be girls #and that those kids will absolutely feel how their parent looks at them differently when they don’t fit that father-daughter image anymore #it’s also very much based in misogyny. that would be part of the essay too #we’re very comfortable making fun of moms and don’t care how the parenting we idealize might hurt daughters #tbh we need to start talking about benevolent sexism again #bc some of y’all really seem to think that as long as the surface content is positive it can’t possibly be harmful #and that’s simply not how any of this works and i thought we already knew that #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia

[horizon-verizon]

How/Why were Alicent and Rhaenyra ever even long-lasting friends to begin with?

How did these girls get together and become close with their personalities actually opposing the other so hard?

At that age, people are less tolerant or willing to hang out with each other without some sort of common habits, interests, or ideas and attitudes or some sort of knowledge of a shared trouble. And for the last, this has to be supported again and again by both individuals's burgeoning understanding of how deep this burden(s) goes for them both and how they come up with countermeasures or solutions together.

For Rhaenyra and Alicent, there needed to be some sort of outside force forcing them together for them to tolerate or just be convinced to share time together. (Writing about Viserys and Otto way below)

Alicent was what more impatient observers would call a "goody-two shoes" whose hobbies were mainly reading and praying, while Rhaenyra was definitely the more adventurous of them (who didn't seem to mind reading but just disliked that the same material was repeated and used to teach girls specific repressive conduct. Yes, even at the young ages below 10, people sense and know repressiveness.)

A) The Opposites Attract Trope

Usually, in the "opposites attract" pattern, a relationship tends to have the persons contrast each other so that:

through each other, they find out things about themselves that they didn't think was there or possible to develop

we/they focus on how the differences make them see each other and the world, through new perspectives

each person compensates for the other's fears and/or weaknesses with their own strengths

they want the same thing (have similar goal(s)) but approach completing or obtaining their shared goal(s) differently with different--maybe with opposing methods because they sincerely believe theirs is the best way to do make any headway and they bicker because of it, often creating friction but still manage to work together or find some common ground to stay together at some point and often several times without negatively compromising themselves

Let us think of Coraline and Why-Be against the the Beldam, all the Teen Titans crew member against Starfire’s family in her own arranged marriage, the two male protagonists of the Indian film RRR that I forget the names of against the British military encampment in India/British imperialism, the Lenore and Annabel Lee (who actually develop a romance from the goal of understanding what’s happening to them) of the webtoon Nevermore. Lito and Hernando of Sense8.

All of these people are very different from each other, sometimes even having traits, experiences, or beliefs that at first glance seem to be reasons why they actually would dislike each other or try to stay apart. But the respective writers all managed to show us why they even care about each other through how they all contribute to the others’ self confidence or act in different scenarios that threaten to overwhelm one/some. In specific events where they are forced to see what troubles they both face or how they are alike or what they share in one or a few aspects.

Examples:

escape or resist mistreatment/abuse/oppression/neglect of any and all forms

trying to get the respect or acknowledgement of their peers

understand how difficult it can be to try to protect others while protecting themselves (older siblings in abusive households)

live up to their parents'/authority figures' expectations

to prove that they can do exceptional, culture-moving things on their own

trying to understand their own identity under the pressure of poverty, oppression, abuse, etc.

The very differences in methods or responsibilities often threaten to separate the group/pair in an opposites attract situation and thus there is the risk of the individual/persons doing something unforgiveable or developing too far away from the other(s), never again being able to be in real harmony or stay friends again. 

B) Rhaenyra and Alicent--Opposites Attract

What is attractive to Rhaenyra (even platonically) about Alicent? Isn't Rhaenyra too unruly and troublemaking for Alicent? Where did Alicent look at Rhaenyra and feel that she wanted to be like her and resist the pressures of her dad and society? What does Rhaenyra see in Alicent that makes her feel stronger and adds to her belief that she can and should resist against societal pressures?

If we argued that it's because they felt an attraction that would later blossom into romance....even then there has to be some sort of reason why they would be attracted to each other. And the show doesn't give anything substantial to prove this. No scene of them together as small children.

Alicent is unwilling to ride with Rhaenyra on Syrax at any moment. Okay, how do the writers make up for this? Rhaenyra doesn’t want to sit around just reading about things they went over hundreds of times and stay at one place when feeling contained. How do the writers make up for this? 

Where do these girls meet? When and where do we see Alicent and Rhaenyra realize something they want to accomplish together? Or at the very least endure societal pressures and specific agents of societal pressure (septas and the errant courtier or other noble girls snarking at them) together and with each other?  The first and obvious big bad for these young, unmarried friends was society and patriarchy and the figures like the septa who demand conformity and obedience.

How does Rhaenyra protect Alicent from Otto? What does Alicent think about Daemon? (All in their unmarried youth because after what happens in episodes 2 onwards, it’s way too late and impossible to truly be friends again.) Where are their many shown inner struggles way before Rhaenyra gets named heir and Alicent is pushed to marry Viserys?

(Why do I need to be the one making up whole-ass scenarios not suggested or present in the show to justify their relationship? That's the writers’ job.)

Why should I care about Rhaenyra and Alicent or believe in their friendship? What about their relationship or the prospect of it is convincing me that it could ever survive what Alicent believes Rhaenyra did to her and what Alicent did to Rhaenyra? 

C) Rhaenyra and Alicent--After They Marry

But please explain to me how any real mother or father or parent would forgive and want to be close to Alicent after years of trying to get your kids killed by revealing their illegitimacy? Whether or not they are not legitimate, they are your kids and if you are a caring parent, I imagine that this would destroy any good feeling left for your “friend”.

Rhaenyra has also endured Alicent trying to end her for years, trying to get Viserys to condemn Rhaenyra and remove her from the heir position/prevent her from becoming the ruler after (assumedly) years of Rhaenyra telling Alicent how she wants to be in Viserys’ trust. Alicent tried to depose Rhaenyra, whether or not she was doing the right thing in her own eyes or not. If someone tried to prevent you from getting a promotion because they think you would hurt them somehow.....are they your friend and would you want to be? Would you not doubt how they ever could have been your friend?

And what about Alicent? She thinks that Rhaenyra would definitely kill her kids when she ascends, that Rhaenyra would bow under the pressures from the other lords and kill them. She believes that Rhaenyra having illegitimate kids is amoral in of itself, that her going out and purposely “ruining“ herself is amoral and has grown a strong resentment against her for trying to have sex outside of the feudal restrictions on her body that Alicent has chosen to follow. She puts enough credit to the idea that Rhaenyra could be willing to let others make huge decisions for her for someone that Rhaenyra -- that point when Otto is criticizing Alicent -- had even begin to reconcile and who Alicent thought was victimized by Daemon (episodes 4 & 5). That Alicent actually believes any of this of Rhaenyra goes to show that she doesn't really feel like she knows her nor has ever really known her. 

Yet I am supposed to believe that they were ever close?! 

Or that Alicent is a benevolent figure only looking out for Rhaenyra as some people will claim?

These are things that Alicent forces herself to really believe in so she can conform and be obedient. The woman has proven to believe that obedience matters more than friendship. Yet she’s all of a sudden willing to take Rhaenyra as her friend in episode 8, only after an apology from her for not recognizing how hard Alicent worked to keep Viserys comfortable and be a “good wife”? That was itself after Viserys demanded they make up? 

That this beginning to a reconciliation was only possible since it is about Viserys?

That apology could have been seen as Rhaenyra trying to keep in good graces with Viserys and evade any more shit from Alicent from the POV of this Alicent. Why wouldn't  Alicent see it that way, after seeing Rhaenyra as just trying to stave her off with Jaecaerys and Helaena's marriage? Because Rhaenyra apologized to her? 

Isn't this narcissistic of her: nevermind that she may try to kill or marry my kids to bastards (she believes in the reality of dirty blood, not me), she apologized to me!!! 

At the very least it is inconsistent.

As for Rhaenyra, Viserys’ condition is not (or should not be) the only thing that she -- as an individual and a mother -- cares about. She can have sympathy for her father and want to see him safe and happy while still keeping in mind what she needs to do for herself and her kids against a threat. Not compromising her children. Alicent, as well.

And I have to point out that Rhaenyra was willing to be friendlier in episode 4 when they talked in the garden after Alicent was the one to approach her to talk. Yet afterwards, Alicent approaches Rhaenyra in an accusatory manner -- set against her due to her belief in feudal female chastity and her own envy at Rhaenyra being able to find some way to find what little agency she can have. No thanks to society and Viserys, her own father.

Ryan Condal has gone on to say that their kids are messing up the “peace” that “everyone” was working towards for a long time. Who is “everyone”? If Viserys, he and Viserys both underestimate how unforgiveable the attacks (perceived and believed) are. And Rhaenyra has been trying to get Alicent off her back not for any mere feeling to reconcile or a wish to be close again, but for survival. Alicent has been the living embodiment of "I don't want peace. I want problems, always! “ for 10 years.

The kids, realistically and going by the timeline, don’t have to do anything for their parents to hate each other and fight.

The stakes are lives and the throne itself, not a friendship!

Where is there ever a chance that these two would ever be friends again? This is just absurd, insulting, and benevolent sexism on the writers/showrunners’ end.

On the one hand these two are supposedly so close that people write of how Alicent tries to look out for Rhaenyra and knows her....yet she is very quick to believe that Rhaenyra is amoral/would be and to let her father work against her. What about all their time and love spent together before Aemma dies that we don't even get to see but are told exist?

How does Alicent throw that all away, is what we should be asking ourselves. Is it just bad writing, sexism and a severe misunderstanding of narrative feminism on the writer's parts, or is it that these characters were never, ever close or understood each other from the very beginning?! Because, once again, there is absolutely no context and nothing to show for their emotional bond other than them touching each other here and there. There was no situation where we saw their relationship progress, change, grow and develop...so can we really be confident that it exists when Alicent so easily turns?

D) Speculating (But Not Really Because I Know Why)

The only thing that I thought of to “justify” this pre-marriages relationship is that they both had dead moms....oh wait, Rhaenyra's mom died much later after these two became friends!

But we only get a scene that could really shows how the may begin to be close after Aemma dies, when Alicent gets Rhaenyra to pray with her. And even then, that moment was more about Alicent and Alicent more guiding Rhaenyra like a septa or some authority figure, some saint, then a friend, rather than them coming together or realizing things together, etc (episode 2):

Rhaenyra: It's only been half a year since my mother died, and already they tried to marry my father off and replace me as heir. I know those men and how they plot in their secret councils when I've been sent away. 

Alicent: You cannot worry at the matters of lords and kings, Rhaenyra. What if your father were to remarry? Your father loves you. He chose you for his heir. 

Rhaenyra: He didn't choose me. He spurns Daemon. 

Alicent: Kneel with me. I find this is a way to be with my mother. Here in the quiet of the Sept, I feel close to her. I know it sounds foolish. 

Rhaenyra: I don't think it's foolish. I don't. 

Alicent: Good. Because I thought you might try. If not for me, then, perhaps for them.

Rhaenyra: What do I say? 

Alicent: Whatever you wish. It's only for you and the gods to know. 

Rhaenyra: I want him to see me as more than his little girl.

Alicent: Mine own father does not know the language of girls either. When I wish to talk with him, I know that I must make the effort.

Alicent’s last line here is particularly atrocious. “I/Rhaenyra must make the effort?”

As if Rhaenyra is the on who should build bridges? Not Viserys? Why the emphasis on Rhaenyra having to appeal to Viserys, and not how Viserys' actions are unfair and contradictory? What are people congratulating Alicent for making Rhaenyra "focus" on how her gender invites her to appeal to Viserys, to obey, not not "Rhaenyra, your gender would be used as pretext for obedience, so use it against them"? That Alicent doesn't at least commiserate on this point means she herself has internalized misogyny too much, and her advice now is flawed, not wise.

As if Alicent doesn’t steer away from the topic of Viserys not seeing Rhaenyra as a real, autonomus and worthy option is about mothers.

Or that Alicent is trying to avoid confronting the fact that her own father is pushing her to become a conflict of interest to Rhaenyra and endanger the very same inheritance?!

Excuse me.....how are they friends?! How does Rhaenyra not see this all as condescending, even a little? No, it’s “Thank you”. And she doesn’t worship nor believe in the Seven, so how does Alicent just now try to force her into praying when she had more than 10 years of their supposed friendship to know this isn’t helpful...and why would Rhaenyra, experiencing that unshown (nonexistent) scene of Alicent trying to get Rhaenyra to assimilate into Seven worship, then acquiese? 

How does this scene come across as them being close?!

And even if Aemma died much earlier--before episode 1--and they bonded over that, there has to be specific moments where we see these girls process and realize what their mothers’ deaths mean in the context of their living where they are and who they are or want and want to become, what they face by large and from individuals like the only-mentioned septa of episode 1. We have to see the moments where they realize that they share specific ideas and feelings about their moms, and not just assume that they are there because we watch these girls be intimate.

Now it feels like it's just because they are in the closest proximity with Otto being Viserys' Hand and working close to him. But kids don't become friends just because their parents work close together or are friends themselves.

(Ahem, Arya and Joffrey.) There was no hope there even without Mycah’s death and "execution". And Sansa didn't want to be friends with Joffrey. She wanted to impress him because she acknowledge his status as him being able to treat people of lower class as beneath him. That's not real respect, on either side. It's ego and wanting to materially benefit from an association (Sansa) or feel powerful (Joffrey).

So we go back to the only possibility where R and A became friends much earlier on, but there's no reason why they would and there's no scene to show how the writers imagine it happening.

Honestly, I wish this friendship never happened because what’s shown to us doesn’t make any sense. We don’t feel that Alicent betrayed Rhaenyra, like how the soiled friendship between opposites would thematically demand. But no, the writers think it is more "complex" to make Rhaenyra justifiably lie when it's actually making Alicent look like Rhaenyra's helpless victim with little of her own accountability.

What made more sense is the canon relationship between Laena and Rhaenyra, and that is never a thing in the show. Show!/Book!Laena are both a lot more like Show!/Book!Rhaenyra than Show!/Book!Alicent ever was, at least by personality alone. She has the daring to approach and claim Vhagar at age 12, which suggests a stronger claim of adventurousness in her that matches Rhaenyra’s.

And why aren't they ever a thing in the show despite being available and more sensible? Because the writers are making a fanfic to express how the separation of RxA, two female "friends", come to be because it's all the fault of the !evil! men who always will have more power, soft or hard or interpersonal, over them.

LaenaxRhaenyra doesn't serve this purpose to them and would give too much of a rich characterization, source of emotional comfort, or agency either to Laena or Rhaenyra.

I love that they were trying to make a point of non-politically-motivated, peace-desiring women manipulated by men and losing critical female friendships, emotional support, or agency...and yet removed the canon source of real female friendship and origin of the realest love and community Rhaenyra had.

#rhaenyra and alicent #Rhaenicent #hotd critical #house of the dragon #hotd writing #rhaenyra vs alicent #rhaenyra's characterization #alicent's characterization #benevolent sexism #rhaenyra targaryen #alicent hightower #hotd comment #hotd #asoiaf

[rhaenin-time]

It's not sexist to claim that Alicent was probably the most responsible for the Dance of the Dragons out of any individual it's actually sexist to claim that it's sexist to claim that.

#I'm not fucking kidding #benevolent misogyny at play here #she had 10 YEARS to stop abusing Rhaenyra and turning her brothers against her and dehumanizing her sons #When neither Daemon nor Otto were a factor that was ALL her #You don't get to dig your own imaginary grave and then claim you were left with no choice #Especially when your abuse victim literally offers you a hand out of that grave (and for marriage) #And if Alicent thinks that marriage is a “trap” it only proves she was always going to usurp Rhaenyra because that is the only circumstance #that would make it a “trap” #asoiaf #hotd #hotd critical #fire and blood #team black #asoiaf fandom #house of the dragon #anti team green #hotd sexism #rhaenyra targaryen #anti alicent stans #benevolent misogyny

[moidhaterxxx]

The fact that men exist and can drive and do things freely is problematic. They should be covering themselves up, learn to obey their mothers and wives. If neither are available, they need to learn their daughters will help them. It's for their own good, their emotions are too delicate.

When in public they should defer their opinion to the women in the family because it will take stress off their shoulders. Our men are beautiful. They must be shielded from other women's eyes. We must encourage them to cover up for modesty sake, a virtuous man will not covet others eyes on him.

What greater purpose can there be in life than serving one's own family? Education and career shouldn't be as important as taking care of your own loved ones. Men shouldn't worry about hard work outside. They must concern themselves with manly things like keeping house and being the master of the house. They are the reason for the family's success after all.

Being selfless in the eyes of our goddess can finally absolve men from the sin of their birth and as a society we must help them achieve this.

Save the men of the world.

#radical feminists please touch #radfem #radical feminism #radical feminist safe #rudefem #Satire #Benevolent sexism lol #Legit how these so called good men think of women #It's still misogyny

[absolutebl]

Hi.

I was watching TharnType for the first time. I started wondering why people have issues with gay for you and wifey and other things like that. From what I'm seeing it isn't intended in a harmful spirit. It's not received badly in the show in context. I'm not just specifically talking about TharnType but just these tropes in general. I was wondering if someone, the writer/screenwriter, director, any actor or someone else said that they'd intended it as demeaning or in a bad way... I don't know if I phrased that correctly. But I guess I'm wondering what people are basing this on. Even UWMA's Pharm's entire demeanor. Before I watched it I'd read that he is too feminine and damsel in distress-y. But watching the show made me realize that he is traumatized. I noticed similar patterns with other shows as well. Is it audience interpretations?

BL Is a Mess of Really Damaging Stuff & You Probably Shouldn't Just Accept it

Because, if you do just accept it without thought, you're also being damaged. If you're gay, you're being taught a type of gayness that doesn't exist and will fuck up your expectations. If you're straight you're misinterpreting what an entire group of people are like (that's prejudice, FYI). And if you're somewhere in between you're learning really bad behavior patterns for your coming out and self actualization journey.

And no, I don't think you're capable of distinguishing fiction from reality, because you've just asked a question that patently demonstrates a burgeoning parasocial tendency. (And yes, parasocial relationships can and do form with fictional characters. Why do you think I am so terrified by KinnPorsche fandom and shipper culture?)

Here have some education, first one is free:

Imaginary Friends & Real-World Consequences: Parasocial Relationships (YouTube video)

But also, if you don't want me to rant about this, and you just wanted to justify your questionable taste, you should stop reading right now. I get it, denial is great! Go sail that river.

Here I am talking about the good BL can do. That doesn't mean I'm blind to its flaws.

Still reading?

Okay, well, now you asked for it.

And guess what, I'm not gonna sugar lube coat it.

Consider yourself Drunk Type lying in a bed and I'm Tharn's c*** shoving some dry BL reality into your a******.

Oh, don't like that image, do you?

Tough nuts.

Put yourself in my position. I don't wanna have to do this either.

Consider this a "BL narratives made me do it" post.

I'm not responsible for anything, I'm just an archetype.

I'll be your seme for today and you were all just "too cute" for me to resist and now you have to take some tumblr dub con...

But first:

Seme uke when it specifically conflates seme with "the man" and uke with "the girl" is old fashioned, anti-feminist, and anti-queer. Here's some of where I talk about it, but I talk about it a lot. Too much, some might say.

Pharm is a blushing maiden archetype character, I talk about it and what that means here:

It's sex negative. And a lot of it stems from internalized misogyny and ties to something called benevolent sexism. It's pretty rampant in BL.

Yes I think Pharm's behavior can be perceived as traumatized, but that trauma is brought about by In's past actions and the fact that In was punished (BY THE NARRATIVE) not just for being gay but for being a self-actualized pro-sex uke character.

There is a distinction being made between critical discourse over narrative versus how the characters behavior makes an audience feel (within the immersive experience of the drama). Some viewers care about this distinction, others do not.

I very much get why someone might like TharnType (I did) but actually also, you might want to think about why you like it despite the messages the narrative is sending... You might want to think about not just the characters in their little perfect romance world together, but consider if you were in the position of either of those characters how you would feel or behave.

And NOW the Dub Con Portion of tonight's BL party

Okay I was trying to be my usual semiseme-welcoming snark self but ya know what, let's be VERY FUCKING CLEAR HERE because I am jet lagged and tetchy....

We (the collective of BL critics here on tumblr) aren't always talking about WHAT is depicted so much as HOW it's depicted, and whether that HOW allows the WHAT to skate by without encouraging the audience to reflect on the damage the WHAT does to their own perception of what is romantic. Or what is queer. Or what is morally acceptable for decent human interaction.

Like thinking, for example, that it's okay for Tharn to RAPE Type while he is drunk.

Why on earth is that okay? It's NOT OKAY. It's just NOT!!!!

Did Type ask for it?

Did he dress too sexy?

Was his skirt too short?

Was he too much of a jerk?

Did he want it anyway?

Did he not protest enough?

Did he protest too much?

You gonna make that call for him, are you? You read his mind (apparently the way Tharn can?)

But SERIOUSLY.

What if you were actually in Type's position? Roommates with someone you didn't like who molested you when you were drunk. At home. In your own bed. What if that roommate didn't look like Tharn? What if your roommate were the wrong gender or body type or age or familial relationship (!) for your preferences? How would you actually feel?

Because if you're okay with this, really okay for yourself, you have a strong kink and you need to seek out the appropriate community or you are signing up for a very abusive relationship and likely an early death.

Can't put yourself in Type's shoes/bed?

How about Tharn?

Are you the kind of human who would molest a drunk person just because you desired him? Her?

Because they're homophobic and you want to punish them with your queerness?

Because they were a jerk to you?

You always get back at people by raping them?

You an old white dude putting your hand down secretary's shirts because they're just "too cute to resist"?

Why should you have to resist taking what you want? Who cares that there is a whole other human involved?

Grabbing ladies by the pussy any chance you get and bragging about it, are ya? Or is it somehow different or less damaging because TT is dude on dude?

So, are you gonna justify taking what you want and violating another person because they're the same sex?

Now who's being "gay for you"? This is going all the way into DL closet case "it doesn't count if it's with a man" territory.

Because if you are any of the above 8, please block me right tf now. (And... do I have a world leader to recommend for YOU to get into a car with.)

GAH!

Fucking TharnType.

Anygay...

I talk about dub con here:

My initial post about TharnType is here, but more recently here's us having a whole ThanType discourse unpacking Mame among other things as part of the BL movement both as a genre and as a fandom:

and here's an important article on rape culture in Thailand

Gay for you talked about here:

Wife language talked about here:

I'm gonna go watch some BL trash that, hopefully, doesn't have any rape in it. (You never know tho...)

Fuck me (consensually) I am so tired.

I'd drink but I did too much of that already this week.

Maybe I need to eat something.

Don't troll m,e just block me.

For heaven's sake please.

(source)

#ABL goes on a rant #sorry not sorry #could we please stop having this conversion #just try putting yourself into these characters shoes #for me? #also ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHH #thai bl #rape culture and misogyny and benevolent sexism and .... #I don't wanna think about this anymore so I'm not entertaining anymore asks on these subjects I'm just pointing people at this rant FOREVER #I watch BL to forget about this stuff

[saramisuu]

#tiktok #feminism #sexism #masculinity #benevolent #benevolentsexism #control #dependency #sexuality #men #women #gender #gender roles

[palesublimeduck]

Gets a bad feeling about somebody from Day 1 :

Finds out that they voted Republican and grew up in a county that's highly conservative :

Be careful about who y'all trust, support & follow

Or who you let into your life in general

#personal #I'm not saying who it is #but I can't be the only one who picked up on the subtle sexism or benevolent sexism #or the general racial stereotypes #plus the obsession with unhealthy power dynamics #if shit goes down in the future don't say I didn't warn y'all #also trust that gut feeling! #rant #vent #vent post #oh yeah & her ex husband voted for the far right “Independent American Party” too

[aeide-thea]

this is such a real and infuriating issue—the fact that female athletes have actually gotten fined for wanting to wear actual clothing while competing, and not just underwear, is absurd and enraging—but i really wish people wouldn't react to it, as the linked article does twice, by turning around and making claims about a need for 'women's specific design,' as if all women were the same shape???

i mean, setting my actual gender identity aside for a moment, i'm afab with a totally endogenous hormonal situation, so from a binarist perspective on physical sex, i get shoved into the girlbox without any real hesitation—and yet i not infrequently find men's clothing a better fit than women's, because my shoulders are broader, my ribcage wider, and (of late) my waist-to-hip ratio smaller than women's clothing tends to expect; and because i find pressure on my abdomen uncomfortable, i've been very grateful to be able to ignore womenswear's turn to high-waisted pants, and stick with midrise menswear.

i could list more examples, just drawing on my own physique and the physiques of cis people i know, but i'll spare you—really my point is just, i wish we were better at the kind of feminism that reacted to gendered inequalities by making more space for individual people and individual preferences, instead of falling back into the trap that says women deserve special consideration because they're a special case. women aren't an asterisk; they're an enormous swath of the spectrum called humanity, and there's variance within that swath just as there's variance within any subset of humanity you care to define.

#genuinely this IS just my personal pet peeve and the article deserves yr consideration separate from my complaints here #bc holy shit is this issue of women's athletic uniforms a serious and maddening one #but it's just like. it's a fucking terrible defense to fall back on this idea that 'actually women should get Women-Oriented Treatment' #when in fact in many cases what's being complained of here IS Women-Oriented Treatment‚ aka: sexism #being like 'well we like sexism as long as it's the benevolent kind that says we're special with special curves' is not the solution #not to constantly be referring back to gawain/ragnell but actually what women and other gender minorities need is: choice #don't give me Woman-Shaped Pants‚ give me my pick of all the pants that are on the market! #and frankly the article even touches on that—there's a bit in it about the brooklyn liberty‚ a wnba team whose uniform has options #of shorts with three different lengths‚ and jerseys with different necklines #and how having those options 'allows you to be who you want to be' #so it's like. you get it‚ ms. friedman! you wrote it! #now just unpack yr reflexive conditioning that wants to fall back on these objectively inaccurate claims of universal dimorphism!