#because why did i never glom on to that little fact before now

[whysojiminimnida]

*merrily skips in*

Handle hair, handle hair, he had handle hair when he showed us the hickey

*merrily skips out*

So he did, Anon Who Just Made Me Giggle Loudly In Public.

I SWEAR THIS NEVER STOOD OUT TO ME UNTIL YOU SKIPPED IN HERE WITH THAT LITTLE TRUTH SKITTLE LIKE "Here taste the hickey rainbow" and WHYYYY did I not tag this LAST AUGUST I don't even know. BUT So he did indeed. Man not only shows up with a whole ass makeout session right there on his neck but he also felt the need to TIE THAT SHIT BACK SO WE HAD A CLEAR SHOT.

Like, it probably would have been noticeable even with the Dynamite-perm and heaven only knows we do love a long-haired pretty Koo but DAMN, sir,

He does seem rather proud of himself. And he's not the only one *ahemjiminahem* Thank you for the education, nice skipping anon! I'M BACK BITCHES

#thanks nice anon #you made me grin #and giggle #and wake up yoongi the cat to come look #because why did i never glom on to that little fact before now #i have no idea #thank you for pointing it out #and skipping #jimin #jungkook #the jeon parks #the jeon half mostly #jeon jungkook #park jimin #hickeygate #mots on:e dvd #jikook hickey #jikook just jikooking nbd #jikook #kookmin #mingguk

[twh-news]

Despite nearly 600 voice roles in her prolific voiceover career, Loki star Tara Strong still had to audition for her fan-favorite character Miss Minutes. Strong was initially tasked with bringing the Time Variance Authority’s animated mascot to life in its Jurassic Park-inspired orientation video, which brought Loki up to speed on his current predicament. But in episode two, Miss Minutes even took the form of a hologram that briefly interacted with Loki. So despite her vast resume, Strong was more than happy to audition for such an enigmatic character.

“It’s actually quite surprising for many people to learn that most voice actors — even ones who’ve been in the business for 30 or 40 years — often audition for parts they’ve already had,” Strong tells The Hollywood Reporter. “You have to constantly keep proving yourself in auditioning for new studio people and new showrunners even though they may have hours and hours of tape on you for a character you’ve already done. So I’m happy to audition, and thankfully, it worked out.”

While she can’t say much about Miss Minutes’ future, Strong can confirm that we haven’t seen the last of her.

“I can cryptically tease that you’ll see her again,” Strong shares. “There’s much more to be revealed, and it’s fun to watch that unfold. The beautiful thing about this character is you don’t really know who she is, where she’s from, what her origin story is, how sentient she is, if she has a horse in this race at all, and what her intentions are, if any. Like any good, exciting adventure, TV or film, you are left wondering that all the time. So she’s an intriguing character, and that will continue.”

When Loki director Kate Herron revealed to THR that Miss Minutes’ introduction video was inspired by Jurassic Park‘s Mr. DNA cartoon, most viewers assumed that Strong’s Southern accent was paying homage to the Southern accent of Mr. DNA, but that wasn’t the case.

“I didn’t even know that until I saw Kate Herron talking about it in an interview,” Strong reveals. “I didn’t even make that connection initially when I first started seeing some of the footage. But it is a fun comparison because they both have this juxtaposition of very high-end, modern technology with very basic, classic ’60 and ’70s animation.”

In a recent conversation with THR, Strong dives even deeper into the audition process for voice roles, and then she explains why she wants more synergy between live-action and animated comic book properties.

Since you have a few voice roles [nearly 600] under your belt…

(Laughs.) Just a couple.

I have to imagine that you just got a phone call for Loki‘s Miss Minutes.

I had to audition! It’s actually quite surprising for many people to learn that most voice actors — even ones who’ve been in the business for 30 or 40 years — often audition for parts they’ve already had. You have to constantly keep proving yourself in auditioning for new studio people and new showrunners even though they may have hours and hours of tape on you for a character you’ve already done. But this character, since it was new, needed an entire audition process because I think they were in search of what felt best for this character. So I’m happy to audition, and thankfully, it worked out. (Laughs.)

How much did they tell you?

Normally, for an audition, they’ll give you a drawing of the character, a character description, sides and some backstory into their world, but we really got very little information. I called my agent after I received the packet, and I was like, “Um, can you tell me anything else about this character? Is she sentient? Is she A.I.?” And my agent was like, “I don’t really know.” So nobody knew what it was because it was so top secret. In fact, I didn’t know what it was until I booked it, which, of course, was very exciting. So based on the information that I had, I laid down three different versions in my home studio. I always do the preliminary audition in my home studio. Sometimes, it’ll take me 5 minutes, and sometimes, it’ll take me 3 hours to get it exactly right, knowing that there’s hundreds or thousands of people vying for one role. So I’ll think about what’s going to separate me from the other people and how I’m going to give them something special that they’ll glom onto. For this one, there were three different versions: one of them included an accent, one was a little bit more A.I and one had a little more emotion attached to it. Obviously, once I saw what it was, it made sense that they were keeping it on the DL.

Did they inform you at some point that they wanted an homage to Mr. DNA from Jurassic Park?

No, they didn’t! In fact, I didn’t even know that until I saw Kate Herron talking about it in an interview. I didn’t even make that connection initially when I first started seeing some of the footage. But it is a fun comparison because they both have this juxtaposition of very high-end, modern technology with very basic, classic ’60 and ’70s animation. So it’s this beautiful mix of things that just somehow seem to go together to create this visually stunning and exciting world, as well as the voiceover behind it. It just all seems to go together to create this enigma. Who is she? Where is she from? What’s her origin story? Why does she look like she’s from the ’70s but she knows everything from the future. It’s really cool.

When it came time to record in earnest, you must’ve been baffled by what you were reading, but then again, you’re probably used to it.

Yeah, and I’ve done several voices with similar descriptions and similar varying levels of A.I. I was the voice of the singing refrigerator [Bridget] on an episode of Modern Family, and initially, they wanted it very Siri-like. And then we added a little more attitude to it. So I’ve done that sort of thing several times, and I know how to manipulate my voice enough to sound like A.I. It’s that sound where you question whether there’s actual emotion behind it. Miss Minutes is such an interesting character because initially you think she’s just someone who’s giving exposition on what happens to you when you get to the TVA. But by episode two, you realize she’s got a little attitude. So she’s a lot of fun to play with.

Before live-action comic book stories became a global juggernaut, animated comic book movies and shows were a primary frame of reference for a lot of these characters. So I’ve always felt that there could be more synergy or crossover between live action and the animation/voice acting community. Are you hopeful that your role as Miss Minutes can help bridge that gap?

That would be pretty wonderful. It is true that voice actors and legacy voice actors — who’ve been at it for so long and are so brilliant at bringing characters to life just with their voice — get passed over for on-camera celebrities that maybe the casting director wants to meet or because someone thinks they’ll bring big box office. If you were to record two very big animated features, one starring on-camera people and one starring people who’ve been doing voiceover for a while, you would definitely hear the difference in the little idiosyncrasies and other things that we know how to do in order to bring this action to life. Overall, there certainly is plenty of crossover when you look at someone like Robin Williams, Tom Hanks, or my favorite, Mark Hamill, who’s brilliant at doing both on-camera and voiceover. But then you do have the A-list celebrities who will come in for an animated session and freak out when they see what everyone else does. Of course, it’s still acting, but it’s a different form of acting. It’s like asking a tap dancer if they do ballet. It is wonderful that the Internet has given voiceover actors a lot of love that maybe their predecessors never knew existed. Now, people can look up who their favorite voiceover actor is, and when I go to a comic con, I’m treated like a superstar who people know. It’s wonderful to be able to give back to those fans, and give hugs, and hear stories about how shows shaped their childhood or brought their family together or got them through a depressing time. So that kind of stuff has been really nice. I certainly didn’t anticipate Loki being so huge, and the reception to Miss Minutes being so wonderful and so loving right out of the gate. So maybe this will give networks [and studios] pause, so they think, “Hey, let’s give one of the voiceover actors a shot at this role. Maybe it’ll be more fun than so and so from The Office. Just for this time, let’s see how this goes.” (Laughs.) If somebody suits the role and does a great job, they should be granted that role regardless of how many Twitter followers they have or how many episodes of an episodic they’ve done.

Loki director Kate Herron said that Miss Minutes is about to go on an “interesting” journey. So what can you cryptically tease about Miss Minutes moving forward?

Well, I can cryptically tease that you’ll see her again. (Laughs.) There’s much more to be revealed, and it’s fun to watch that unfold. When you see the first episode, you think perhaps that she’s just a recording on a screen, but in episode two, we see that she can become a holographic form and interact with Loki. He even responded to her and asked, “Are you a recording, or are you alive?” And we still don’t know. The beautiful thing about this character is you don’t really know who she is, where she’s from, what her origin story is, how sentient she is, if she has a horse in this race at all, and what her intentions are, if any. Like any good, exciting adventure, TV or film, you are left wondering that all the time. So she’s an intriguing character, and that will continue.

She got her own character poster, so that’s usually a sign of importance.

She did! And she has her own Twitter! She also has the cutest emoji hashtag I’ve ever seen in my life. (Laughs.)

When Morgan Freeman gets hired for voiceover work, he’s hired to do Morgan Freeman. So what percentage of your jobs ask you to invent a voice, versus using something that’s trademark Tara Strong?

That’s a very good question. Like I said before, they’ll give you a drawing of the character and some backstory into who they are. And then you, as the voice actor, have to try and imagine what production had in mind for this character. With that said, you have to be free to let something organic come to you and take chances. Sometimes, things don’t happen until the very last minute. My favorite example of that would be Teen Titans. When I first read for that, I was already doing five tragic teenage girls: Batgirl for the same network, Ingrid from Fillmore!, Kylie from Extreme Ghostbusters and Shareena Wickett from Detention. I was like, “Gosh, I have to make each character different, but I’m not sure how to make Raven stand apart from the other similar descriptive personalities.” So when I read for Raven, I just put myself in the acting mindset of where she was, and I read the part. And when I walked out of the studio, I passed the booth where the engineer, director and writer were sitting. So I turned to [casting director] Andrea Romano, who I’d been working on Batgirl, and said, “I just had this other idea. Can I try something else?” And she said, “Sure.” So I went back in and that’s when I had this idea that Raven had this weird little roll every time she spoke. So that was not something I planned when I first walked into the studio. You have to be unafraid to try something new and different, and to also be malleable to what production wants. Sometimes, they’ll really love what you did, but then they’ll want her to be older, or missing teeth, or have headgear, or Southern. (Laughs.) So you have to be ready to jump right in and try all kinds of different things until it lands right into the pocket of what works for that voice.

Would you perform your voice roles the same way in live action? Or would you use less inflection?

More than likely, it would be less broad because the cameras are there. On an animated show, if the line is “Whoa!” and your character sees a hot guy or is falling off a cliff, you have to know how to bring that action forth with your voice. When you’re watching something on-camera unfold in front of you, you don’t have to tell the audience so much with your voice. If you’re doing a sitcom, it’s going to be bigger than if you’re doing a single-camera drama. I just worked on a series for 6 months in Toronto, and my character was basically an on-camera Harley but as a drug-dealer mom. It’s a show called Pretty Hard Cases. And it wouldn’t have worked if I played her as broad as animation. With that said, if I got to play actual Harley Quinn as a mom, it would be bigger than that, but probably not as big as an animated thing. It would be somewhere in the middle. Even within animation, you tweak your level of performance based on the world. For instance, I’ve done many iterations of Harley where she’s the high school girl, or in some cases, she’s even darker than Joker. So you have to know the world around you. Some of the best actors that sustain long careers are very highly aware of what environment they’re in at each moment. So the show or the movie really dictates the level of performance.

#loki #loki series #tara strong #interview #miss minutes

[dangermousie]

Case File Compendium 37-39

Warning: this is gonna have a LOT of 2ha and Yuwu spoilers, so if you don’t want them, stay away.

I find it so interesting that in both 2ha and Yuwu, different as they are, our main characters are exes - they’ve had a romantic (I use the term loosely in the case of the 2ha 0.5  timeline) relationship before the story starts and their interactions are informed by this.

In Yuwu, Mo Xi and Gu Mang were long term lovers (even if parameters of what they exactly were to each other were never explicitly talked about between them), and everything in Mo Xi’s life is the wreckage left after Gu Mang defected and then tried to do his best to kill him (or so it seems.) The strongest emotional feeling I remember from Yuwu is how it’s permeated by Mo Xi’s bewildered grief, feeling of betrayal and inability to let go.

And in 2ha, Taxian Jun kept CWN as a concubine for years. And Mo Ran 1.0 at the start remembers the past timeline, even if he does not remember loving CWN as a teen, that his last act of free will was to protect him or that even as the monster that was Taxian Jun he loved him as much as he could (which was not much and was horrific but...). Side note: in a genre rife with unreliable narrators, MR wins the n1 spot (but then his brain might as well have been scooped out and stirred as porridge repeatedly, so no wonder. God, I remember starting this book and wondering why everyone was warning me about the pit of knives because the book was so snarky and funny. And then I bawled and bawled.)

And the interesting thing is in both Yuwu and 2ha, only one member of the couple remembers - Mo Xi is haunted by their relationship but when he meets Gu Mang again, the latter remembers neither the relationship nor Mo Xi himself. And in 2ha, at the start and for the bulk of the novel, CWN does not remember the 0.5 timeline.

But because we, the audience, and one member of the couple, are aware of the past, it gives it all a certain prism.

But not in CFC. There was no romantic entanglement between XQC and HY - there couldn’t have been, the latter was a kid. And it’s going to be so interesting watching them fall from the start, in a linear narrative!

Now, on to the chapters!

This is the first time we’ve seen XQC lose it - he is so cold, so contained but it’s clear he has so much trauma and calmness is his reaction to not being able to find the killers, to the wreck of his life, a choice he made knowing that if he didn’t, he might not be able to stop screaming.

Also - I found it significant that it says nobody has seen him like this. But HY now has (just as nobody really saw HY when he’s ill but XQC.)

I love the explicit parallel between them, since they are both so very damaged but also HY keeps teasing and poking but when XQC is genuinely in distress, genuinely defeated, his first instinctive impulse is to help. Meatbun’s protagonists, when not twisted by literal curses, have one thing in common however different they are - they are innately kind, whatever their damage.

Oh God, He Yu! It’s like peeling an onion of trauma! The fact that he cuts himself when he has the urge for violence shows both his innate, bone-deep decency AND how little he values himself (leather bag!!!! Oh my God!!!)

And the reason he is like this - his fucking monster parents!!!! The fact that he’s genuinely confused when someone is concerned about him and not about damage he can inflict on others is horrifying! He’s what - nine? GOOD GOD.

Once again, he is NINE!!!!!

Also, that whole passage is long and painful and amazing and I can’t quote all of it but my GOD. How He Yu kept any humanity, let alone as much as he did, is a miracle (and possibly due to XQC) because he was so dehumanized (which is freaking dumb to do to someone with his condition, even if out of self-preservation) that it could have very well led to “I am a monster/other/nobody gives a fuck, why should I?”) No wonder he glommed on to XQC so hard back then and why it wrecked him when XQC left and acted as if it was just employment. It may have been employment for XQC but for He Yu it was his lifeline.

Oh, He Yu. He Yu. And you know? Under the smirk, he still does not value himself, but he still values others - he still cuts himself instead. GOD.

SCREAMING!!!!!

#case file compendium #cnovel #meatbun doesn't eat meat

[not-close-to-straight]

100% Professional (Final)

MASTERLIST

******************

A few weeks later 

"Hey hey, I'm not ready to say good night to you yet." Wade wound his arm around Peter's waist and tugged him closer. "Where are you going?" 

"I've still got a  piece to write for work tomorrow." Peter said reluctantly, and tossed his taco trash away. "And you've got that thing with Sam at like six am, don't you?" 

"I could definitely reschedule a fun run with Sam if you wanted to stay." Wade countered. "Especially since there's nothing fun about running at all. Whoever coined that phrase should be given a swift roundhouse kick to the face." 

"It's important that you keep appointments with people who are a positive influence in your life." Peter recited, clearly quoting the self help book Wade kept on the living room coffee table. "And I know I'm delightful? But Sam is a much better positive influence in your life." 

"Pete--" 

"Last night we ate Cheez Whiz until you coughed it out your nose." Peter pointed out. "And the day before that we watched six straight hours of reality TV because neither one of us could find the remote. Could have just turned the TV off, but nope. We watched six solid hours of reality dating." 

"Okay, yeah that was pretty bad." 

"We sucked helium and sang Christmas songs until we gave ourselves migraines." 

"Also bad." 

"Face it." Peter smoothed his hands down Wade's arms, lingering over the bulge of the former soldiers biceps. "We make the worst decisions together so you should definitely spend the morning with Sam, who consistently is encouraging you to get better and is always glad to see you at group." 

"I sort of hate that you're all supportive and encouraging me to better my self." Wade grumbled half heartedly. "You were much more fun when you were just rubbing me with oil and trying to catch a peek at my dick." 

"I resent the implication that I still don't try to look at your dick." Peter retorted and Wade only laughed. "Definitely fun run with Sam and then call me after wards. I'll work on your calves since I'm sure you're gonna be sore." 

"...really?" Wade hesitated. "You'd work on me?" 

"Why not?" If Peter noticed he was all but glommed onto Wade's chest, he didn't comment. If anything the pretty brunette only scooted closer, tangling their feet and hooking his fingers into Wade's belt. "If you're hurting, I'm gonna help you. I'm a trained professional, remember?" 

"I vaguely remember you being something like a massage therapist." Wade agreed. "Even though our marshmallow eating contest last week gave me a few doubts." 

"That's fair." Peter said immediately. "I wouldn't trust a professional who shouted chubby bunny with eleven marshmallows in their mouth either. That's perfectly valid. In fact, if you hadn't doubted my professional status after that I'd worry about you. And also--" 

"I fired my massage therapist last week." Wade interrupted, and Peter went very still. 

"What? Why?" 

"Because she's not you?" Wade asked slowly. "Is that an okay reason?" 

"It's not a real reason." Peter pointed out, but he didn't pull away. "Obviously she's not me, lots of people aren't me. But why would that matter? We pretty much decided that we could have a working relationship or a friendship but not both, right? So you got another therapist and we-- we are friends." 

"Is that what this is?" Wade took a chance and drew his fingers through Peter's hair, down to fit his palm to the back of Peter's neck and rub circles over his pulse. "Friendship?" 

"Well yeah." Peter shivered, leaning his head back into Wade's palm. "Right? Friendship. We hang out and we laugh and we do stupid things together when we're drunk. We've sort of moved on into holding hands and sure this hug is about eight minutes too long but--" 

"Can I kiss you?" 

"Please God, kiss me." Peter stood up on his toes and met Wade halfway, their mouths crashing together in the sort of kiss that was months and months and months over due, the sort of kiss that belonged in movies with dramatic storms and soaring musical scores, the kind that left two people gasping and melting, torn between undressing each other right there and maybe just wanting to linger in the innocence of this particular first. 

"Wade." Peter whispered when they finally parted. "Oh my god." 

"Yeah." Wade leaned back into dot a kiss to Peter's cheek, to brush his lips over the line of Peter's jaw. "Yeah, I know. It's about time, right?" 

"I think um--" Peter was blushing, biting at his lip and trying to inch closer so Wade would keep kissing him. "I think it was right about perfect timing for us, right? Seems like a long time coming, but we did it the right way?" 

"If you say so." Wade cleared his throat. "Kinda wish our first kiss wasn't in front of the taco stand though. Seems like I could have been more romantic than that."

Peter tried and failed to stifle a chuckle. "Tacos are super romantic, what are you talking about?" 

"Tacos are romantic, you're absolutely right." Wade dug in his pocket so he could actually pay the very patient taco guy. "We should eat and--" 

He shut up when Peter kissed him again. "Pete?" 

"I'm not ready to say goodnight to you." Peter said slowly, clearly. "But it's important that you do this run with Sam, and it's important that I get to work, so I'm going to go. You'll call me tomorrow so I can work on you when you're sore?" 

"I'll call you tomorrow." Wade nodded, leaning in to press their foreheads together. "For a purely professional massage. Definitely. Definitely will not try and grope my massage therapist." 

"You grope me and I'll charge you double." Peter threatened and Wade retorted, "What if it's just a little grope? I'll call it a tip." 

"I feel like your version of giving me a tip and my version of you giving me a tip are pretty different."  

"I dunno Pete, you've been horny for me forever. Pretty sure we're talking about the same tip." 

"Wade-" 

"SOMEONE TAKE YOUR CHANGE!" The taco guy shouted, obviously having overheard way more than he wanted, obviously fed up with Wade and Peter's weekly taco stop/flirty episode. 

"Keep the change." Wade waved the guy off. "Call it a tip. "

Peter choked on his food as he tried not to laugh and Wade stole just one more kiss. 

"I'll call you tomorrow?" 

"Please call me tomorrow." Peter's smile was hopeful, his eyes sparkling. "I can't wait." 

****************

****************

"How was the fun run?" Soleus. Peroneal Muscle Group. Gastrocnemius. Peter mentally recited the names of calf muscles as he worked at Wade's legs, desperately trying to distract himself from the fact that his friend-- boyfriend?-- was almost naked under the sheets. "Feel like a champ for finishing?" 

"I feel like hog tying Sam and beating him with a broom for making me do it." Wade grunted as Peter felt over a particularly tight spot. "He gave me this grand speech about how exercise is just as crucial to healing as therapy and mental exercises are, then he dragged my ass out there in the rain and forced me to watch him run in booty shorts. How is that healing?" 

"I feel like you probably didn't have to stare at him in booty shorts." Peter countered. Peroneal longus. Extensor digitorum longus. Achilles. "There had to be a thousand other places for you to look besides Sam's ass, right?" 

"The man's got a nice ass." Wade admitted and Peter grinned. "It was nice to finish, I guess. I've hit all these milestones in therapy but those are just check marks on paper. It felt good to check something off my list that not even healthy people do, you know? Most people will never run a marathon, and I did that today." 

"Yeah, I'm one of those people that will never run a marathon." Peter hesitated for a split second before sliding his hands up past Wade's knee to the back of his thigh. "I'd much rather watch from the sidelines and critique people's forms." 

"That seems hilariously judgmental of you." Wade tensed under Peter's fingers, then blew out a deep breath and forced himself to relax. This is a professional massage. "And you better start running because I signed us up for the city run this summer." 

"The one in July?" Semimembranosus muscle. Semitendinosus muscle. "That seems... I mean, that's like seven months out. Little far in advance to make plans, don't you think?" 

"It's not that far in advance." Wade hedged. "You uh-- you planning on going anywhere, Pete?" 

"I'm planning on being exactly here." Peter said softly, almost too softly, and to lighten the moment he added, "Charging you ridiculous amounts of money for hour long massages. I want to buy a car this summer, so this is as good a time as any to mention my rates doubled." 

"Doubled, huh?" Wade's laugh was pained as Peter dug his thumbs into a particularly bad knot. "Why do you need a car?" 

"I can’t take another month in Ye Olde Drug Makers Den, so I’m finally moving apartments." Biceps femoris muscle. "Unfortunately all the reasonably priced safer neighborhoods will require a sort of crazy commute and it'd be faster to have a car so I don't have to deal with the subway. Plus, Jameson is talking about having me travel, so I could write off the car as a business expense. It'd just be nice to have a choice in my transportation, I guess." 

"I got a car you can have." Wade forced out another one of those slow breaths when Peter moved even higher up his leg. "I couldn't drive after my injury but selling it always felt like I was admitting I was too fucked up to function. It's been sitting in storage for a couple years now." 

"Yeah? How much you wanna sell it for?" Peter paused again, reminded himself that he was definitely a professional and he could definitely handle seeing Wade mostly naked while kneading at his --gulp-- finely toned ass. They had kissed yesterday and it was fine, it wouldn't have any bearing on the massage today. It was fine. It was fine it was fine it was fine. 

Abductor magnus muscle. Gluteus maximus muscle. 

Holy shit, that thing was fine.

"How much do you want to sell the car for?" Peter tried so hard to sound casual just then, hoping the conversation would distract from-- from everything. 

"You can just have it." Wade shifted on the massage table, digging his fingers into the mat. "Doesn't um-- doesn't make sense for me to-- for me-- whew. Pete, uh maybe we should--" 

"You okay?" Peter paused, gave in to an entirely wicked impulse and spread his hands out over Wade's rear. "Is this-- this is weird right? After we kissed? It's weird for me to work on you. Should I stop?" 

"No, it feels good." Wade sounded positively strangled. "Feels good after my run and uh-- it's just nice that it's you but we can't-- I definitely can't roll over this time, ya feel me?" 

"Shit." Peter leaned over and rested his forehead between Wade's shoulder blades. "Wade, I promise I am actually a professional. I dunno what it is about you that makes it impossible to get through a session without skewing innuendo-ish--" Wade snorted a laugh and Peter smiled a little, leaving a feather soft kiss on Wade's back. "--but let me finish working on you and then maybe we can--"

"Come here." Faster than Peter was ready for, Wade rolled to his side and yanked Peter down for a kiss, crushing their mouths together and grabbing at Peter's side to keep him close. 

"Oh my god." Peter abandoned all pretenses of professional and shoved Wade onto his back, clambering up onto the table to straddle Wade's waist and to leave bruising kiss after wonderfully bruising kiss on the soldier's lips. "Wade, please." 

"Yeah baby boy, I've got you." Wade's hands were everywhere, dragging down Peter's back and grasping at his rear, digging into Peter's thighs and holding him still so Wade could grind up  into him. "I've got you, I've got you, I've got you." 

Peter's shirt probably tore as it was yanked off and tossed aside but nobody cared, and Peter cried when Wade surged up to seal his lips over a pink nipple, blunt teeth on sensitive skin making him nearly scream.  He got sweet sweet sweet revenge by worrying a bruise onto the curve of Wade's neck, not letting up until Wade was panting and swearing and tearing at his pants.

When Wade groaned in frustration over Peter's skinny jeans, the brunette laughed breathlessly and tried to climb off the table, promising, "Two seconds. Let me get these off and I'll be right back, two seconds and then you can have me." 

But alas, the massage table was not meant to hold the combined weight of two grown men, much less too grown men rocking the table back and forth and trying to get nekkid and just as Peter was climbing off to get rid of his jeans--

--the table wobbled--

--and cracked--

--and all four legs shattered--

--and an oiled up and mostly naked Wade dropped right onto the floor, toppling a half in-half out of jeans screeching Peter on top of him. 

Peter and Wade stared at each other, at the mess, at the broken table and the splotch of lotion all over the expensive carpet, and just when Peter was gearing up to apologize, Wade collapsed into laughter, full blown side splitting guffaws and after a stunned few seconds, Peter joined him. 

It felt good to laugh, good to release all the pent up sexual tension with some giggles, good to put a halt to the out of control moment with some hilarity. 

Wade was still wiping tears from his eyes a few moments later as he managed, "Alright, so all those smutty videos where the massage therapist gives a client a royal dicking down on the table? False, eh?" 

Peter wheezed for breath, inching across the ruined table to curl into Wade's side, holding onto him as he shook through a few more laughs. "That was terrible, oh my god. I didn't think it would actually break." 

"It's alright anyway." Wade hooked an arm around Peter's shoulders and pulled him tight, dropping a quick kiss onto his forehead. "Means we actually have to do this first time right instead of mid massage and in my living room, huh?" 

"I dunno." Peter kissed Wade back, wrinkling his nose teasingly. "We did everything else about this funky, might as well have funky first time sex too." 

"Funky first time sex." Wade deadpanned. "Be still my romantic heart. At least let me take you out to dinner, baby." 

"Tacos." Peter said promptly. "Go get tacos and I'll get this cleaned up and we can do funky first time sex properly." 

"Yeah alright." It took all of Wade's self control to peel away from Peter. Months and months they'd waited to get to this point and now they had to clean up broken massage table and try for dinner and-- 

"Why don't you move in with me?" he blurted before he could stop himself, and Peter's jaw dropped open. "You need a new place, I have a car you can drive and we're halfway in love so it's inevitable anyway. Move in with me." 

"...I think it's bold of you to invite me to move in before you know how I am in bed." Peter said slowly. "Um-- what if I'm terrible in the sack? Use teeth when there should be no teeth? What if I’m a total pillow princess and then you have to share your apartment and car with a highly unprofessional massage therapist who gives shitty blow jobs?" 

Wade tried to hide a smile. "You give shitty blow jobs, Pete?" 

"Well I mean--" Peter shrugged, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I guess you'll have to find out, right? No backsies though, whether you like the blowjobs or not, I'll be living here." 

"No backsies." Wade rubbed a hand over his bare scalp and nodded as if he wasn't ready to explode with excitement. "You wanna move in with me?" 

"I definitely do." Peter's eyes were shining. "But I'm about two seconds from jumping you again because I'm so happy, so go get tacos and get back so we can do this the right way." 

"I'll be right back." Wade promised, and ducked down the hallway to find his clothes. "Don't go anywhere, okay?" 

"I'll be right here." Peter kicked out of the last leg of his jeans so he was just in his shorts. "Right here. Hurry." 

Wade was dressed and out the door, nearly running for the elevator when Peter stuck his head out from the apartment and yelled, "And what do you mean, we're half in love? You better tell me you love me like a real man or the deal's off!" 

"No backsies!" Wade yelled back, grinning when he heard Peter laughing. "You're stuck with me now!"

***************

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE FIC!

***************

@ships-galore @ceealaina @izziebladez @cwar1864 @hausoffro @tonystarkisanangel @multishippinglife @girlnic @iam93percentstardust @paranormalmoonlight5 @igotloki @moosette05 @wayward-student-philosopher @kaz-brekkers-gloves @atomicfandombomb @1fuckingshitup69 @agentlokii @livewire28 @tulipsnbigcats @kimstark @alex-stark-rogers @bibbarnes @heeeyitskay @goindownshipping @quietgayguy @nanita90a @justaniche 

@chiby-chan @thanossucks @i-am-worth-it-25 @dan4thefam

#ncts fics #spideypool

[bettertheworld]

How and why fear scares people into eating meat.

Did you ever wonder why you ate what you ate as a child? Do you wonder why you continue to eat what you eat? Or are you simply on autopilot because you don’t think it matters all that much and you basically have it all figured out? Or do you feel powerless, and confused with the amount of fake news out there about food and you’re not sure where the hell to find real information? The answer does not lie in marketing, it lies in scientific research; geeks required.

Quick disclaimer - I’ve been through University and have a Bachelor of Science with a minor in Psychology and am trained as a Paramedic and for all of the years I’ve been out of school, I’ve become a geeky Paramedic thereby educating myself with regard to emergency medicine and the causes of our main killers.  

What I find to be most useful with regard to school is how I am able to read research and make sense of it.  Giving credit to where credit is due is not as easy as it seems - this is why ‘that guy’ or ‘my friend’s friend’ literally knows nothing, and anyone who refers to life rules from those sources, does not know as much as a person who refers to scientific journals. 

Now with regard to food, I’ll be able to help you digest some of what’s out there and help you critically think for yourself. I won’t do it for you, but I’ll help you do it yourself, so bring your critical thinking, and bring your skepticism, I welcome it.

“Everything in moderation”, we’ve been told, except moderation has never been shown to be effective, i.e. reversing certain illnesses the way a specific diet has.  Can you guess which diet has cured a the most common killers in today’s society?  If you were able to guess, do enjoy this write-up, if not here’s a hint - it contains no animal products and I encourage you to open your mind and do some research after reading this. If this challenges you to your core and are offended, you are probably upset that your feelings and actions are in direct conflict, but that’s okay - real information will fix that.  

On the topic of real news, here’s a few gems; butter from dairy in your coffee is never healthy, eggs are never part of the healthiest diet possible, and bacon is the quickest way for you to cause cancer and heart attacks in yourself.  Eggs are the most concentrated glom of cholesterol you can eat on the planet and most people are born lactose-intolerant because we’re not cows, we’re people, so why would it ever be a good idea to challenge the body in such a way that it actually doesn’t want to be? In later write-ups, I’ll discuss the ‘Lac-operon’.

One thing you’ll need to do is always consider the source of research.  Just because Dr. Oz or some “Doctor” or “professional” goes on TV blabbing out the benefits, of X, Y and Z or saying “the relationship isn’t strong enough to prove anything”, you have to ask yourself, who has done the research on the topic and who paid for the research to be done? 

Rich people paying for research have a reason for doing research, it’s always about money, and they always get what they want in some way, shape or form due to the flexibility of statistical analysis. Rich people with money who have gone out of their way to pay for research, are also most likely to be taking advantage of nearly everyone downhill - kind of the way Trump does business.  The sick-minded narcissistic ways the meat and dairy industries are run, if admitted by everyone would shudder in disbelief.  The veil that has been pulled down before all of our eyes is real, and needs to be lifted.

The problem with foods is that as the research comes out, then another paper comes out to deny the ‘realness’ of the original - now who do you believe? This is especially true when it comes to foods containing cholesterol - animals products. You might wonder why animal products contain cholesterol? Because their cell walls contain cholesterol, just like ours do. Why do companies want to exploit this? Animals do not have rights the way humans do, so if companies can get away with exploiting animals and make a bunch of money doing so, and people are dumb enough to support this because they need huge amount of protein (because they don’t know how little they actually need), then my friend, you are indeed a sucker supporting Trump-like meat and dairy businessmen.

Cholesterol is needed by the human body to have strong cell walls and it’s made inside our own bodies, it’s never required to be eaten because your body makes all it needs. When people eat cholesterol, consider the fact that it is a solid at room temperature and has a melting point of 148 degrees Celsius. That means until you get to that temperature, it’s a solid - this is why it gets stuck in your arteries, and remaining in your arteries until it’s pushed into the walls or is broken down; if you’re smart enough to stop eating cholesterol.  

Our bodies make what it needs, you never need to eat cholesterol, so saying certain foods have ‘good’ and ‘bad’ cholesterol is like saying cyanide, sometimes is ‘good’ or ‘bad’.  We all know that ALL CYANIDE IS BAD CYANIDE, but we don’t all know that ALL CHOLESTEROL IS BAD CHOLESTEROL.  We know all cyanide is bad cyanide because the effects of cyanide poisoning are very quick and easy to notice, but the effects of cholesterol-poisoning have a delayed onset - so long that many of us could never piece it altogether, and we call the manifestations of this poisoning ‘heart attacks’.

Do you know there are strong correlations between certain types of foods and certain illnesses? Do you know you can avoid the major killers in today’s society by avoiding the bad foods? It’s difficult to say what’s ‘good’ and what’s ‘bad’ because both of those denotations are subjective, but when it comes to cancer, heart attacks, strokes, the science is clear, animal products are killing you, slowly but surely - decreasing the years you get to live on this earth, and decreasing the quality of life that you live.  

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, a life not fearing cancer, heart attacks, high blood cholesterol, and best of all, not fearing high blood pressure which is also called “the silent killer”? All too often you hear people say, “Yeah, my father died of a heart attack, so I will one day too”. While there is a wee bit of truth to this statement, the amount of greatly overestimated. Habits and traditions are what are subconsciously passed down to next generation, thereby the body tends to react similarly as time goes because you’re eating the same foods with roughly the same body. 

But what is hugely undervalued is with a change of habits, i.e. change of food sources, comes great opportunity to change your destiny. Just because dad had a heart attack or had cancer, does not mean you’re going to have one or die from one. Even if we have cancer genetics, certain foods promote ‘cancer-genetics’ and others thwart these genes from producing cancer.

Once you remove the foods that are associated with hardening of the arteries, you don’t have to worry about hardening arteries anymore. Without hardening arteries and clogging them with cholesterol, your risk for a heart attack was just cut down to nearly to a huge degree. Food matters, food matters a lot.

There are many peer-reviewed scientific journals out there - pubmed being a great starting place, which discusses how plant-based whole foods diets are reversing diabetes and reversing clogged arteries associated with heart attacks?  Did the meat-producers forget to tell you this? 

If my memory serves me correctly, it was something like 84% of diabetic patients, within 20 weeks of a new whole foods plant-based diets were off their diabetic medications having fixed their insulin resistance. Diabetes is a problem of physical nature, if all or most of the sites where the sugar goes from your vasculature to your functional cells of your body are blocked with cholesterol and other fats, then you my friend are ‘diabetic’.  When you clear those sites with a whole-foods, plant-based diet you have essentially cured yourself of diabetes. Animal-fats have higher boiling points than that of vegetable sources, this is why they’re problematic for us. 

Similarly, this same vegan diet was proven to erode the cholesterol in the arteries, thereby cleaning up the arteries, and with regard to the heart, you’ve now decreased your likelihood of having a heart attack.  The vegan diet works for both illnesses because both of these problems happen in the tubes of the body, the highway, the vasculature, arteries to be exact. 

With diabetes, you remove the cholesterol and stuff that sticks to it, thereby allowing insulin to let sugar into the cells from the arteries, and with heart attacks, you allow blood to circulate through the coronary arteries more freely now that the plant-based whole foods diet has eroded away the cholesterol and other fat-soluble substances stuck into the walls thereby blocking the blood-flow.

This is where we discuss the problem with saying ‘everything in moderation’.  Science can now say, with certainty that a plant-based whole foods diet will fix your arteries nearly all of the time, but no one can say that eating one piece of meat per day will allow the same progress to occur - so let’s critically think, is ‘everything in moderation’ even true? Who made this garbage up? My guess is probably some Doctor who was making allowances for him or herself!  

We all love to hear good things about our bad habits, but you’ll never hear a teacher tell a student, “It’s ok that you don’t really try very often in my class, everything in moderation my dear.” So why do we give ourselves allowances based on our own wants when it comes to food? If you’re a scholar, if you’re a critical thinker, if you value your body, you need to begin asking yourselves the questions that matter; how much do I value my health - do I even care about myself, or the future? Or maybe you aren’t a scholar, thinker, or maybe you don’t care and that’s why you refuse to understand what science has proven. Again, if you take offence to this, you’re at war with yourself.  Everything I write is based on science but I do not write the sources in.

When I discovered these facts, I went on a rampage, trying to help everyone, wasting my energy and burning bridges, but now I’m leaving it all out on the table for like-minded people to read. I assume we all are like-minded because everyone just wants the best for themselves and their loved ones. It might be shocking to be challenged, so I’ll do my best to maintain neutrality, but what you might discover by following me might change the course of your life and sometimes we need a little challenge, but not too much.

You can’t free an oppressor, or the oppressed with oppression itself, it must be with deliberate care and without imposing ones beliefs, it must be with information, not by force. While I could use the platform to shred fools who base their decisions not on science but tradition, instead I’m going to empower you and not make you feel stupid for being duped - because we all have been duped by the meat and dairy industry.  I want to continue to critically think, and beg for you to do the same.

Did you think you had free will when you were developing your eating habits and family traditions? Did you think you chose your food yourself with a sense of ownership? Or did you just want to fit in with the rest of your family? Did you not want to disappoint your parents by not finishing food prepared for you? Did you want to be guilty of letting an animal die for you, and you denying eating it forcing your parents to throw it out and waste its life? Did you want to avoid being called and feeling ungrateful? Was trying to be a good boy or girl causing you to compromise your thoughts and feelings? Did you love zoos but ask yourself, why am I eating this animal? And why don’t we have pet cows? Why do we think dogs are cute and cows not?  So many children have thoughts that are repressed and never entertained by true critical thought, this is a crime of parenting.

Now circulating all over the internet are videos of cows playing fetch with fitness balls, just like dogs fetch a tennis ball. Imagine you could watch the video  without thinking that because you eat meat, that you’ll completely disregard the emotions you’re feeling of how cute the cow is, so that it won’t be hard to eat your next beef-oriented meal? 

Conversely, imagine you are healthy, strong, full of energy and vegan person who can fully enjoy videos of cute animals because you don’t see them as food, you see them as sentient beings capable of feelings, social structure, language and emotion. This is just one way people differ because of food choices.

This is how people are split when it comes to cute animal videos.  No self-proclaimed animal lover wants me to bring up this comparison because for me to even suggest eating a dog is the same as eating a cow, the omnivore will become so enraged that they won’t be able to focus on the conversation and they’ll begin hating on this argument before I finish the thought - likely because they’ve repressed the thought in their own mind. I think eating all animals is completely wrong and completely necessary, but is eating a cow any different than eating a dog? Not in the slightest, but facts don’t change belief systems - they polarize the crowd

Why are some people not able to accept this logic? It’s because of a little thing called Carnism.  A viral belief system where some foods and animals should be looked at as food, while other animals can be considered cute and not-to-be eaten.  To one, a cow might be considered cuter than a dog, and a dog might be considered cuter than a cow to some, but to the alien coming from a different planet, they would not be able to see why which is cuter because they have not been affected by carnism itself.  If a cow and a dog are both animals, then they are both food or neither are food. Why does one get preferential treatment in today’s society? Carnism is to blame for why. Carnism is with a simple google search, a basic idea that meat is there for us to eat, and if we’re not eating it, we could be because we’ve conquered the world, so it’s now there for the taking; aside other important points.  

Who does carnism affect? Everyone who thinks they need meat and everyone who despises the idea of people who think they need meat to survive? Who started carnism? When science got interested in food, we made some inaccurate discoveries and statements, and we’ve sort of run with that. A 200 year-old science paper by Liebig which has been debunked plays a small role, but companies who saw the profit in exploiting animal protein are the true perpetrators of this. 

How do they do it? Marketing.  Marketing is a genius tool that highlights the good, and ignores the bad.  Marketing is telling you what you want to hear about something that has no part in offering what you’re being told it offers. Marketing also tells you that if you wear the same sunglasses as Jason Statham, that you’ll be as desirable as Jason Statham. Clearly you’ve been affected by marketing because if you put on the same sunnies as him, you’re not going to resemble Jason Statham because you are not Jason Statham, and have a different bone structure than him.  As a result, the sunglasses will have a different effect on you, and more than likely you just wasted $600. Buying what other people wear won’t make you look like them, but your feelings tell you otherwise - welcome to the level of marketing - your feels. And also, he’s 5′8, sorry if you thought he was 6′1. 

Feeling a certain way about something is what determines our beliefs then our actions.  When people feel that they need meat, they defend their ‘right’ to eat it, instead of listening to the ways you can get everything meat offers, and be so much more healthier.  Try questioning an omnivore as to why they eat meat and then prepare yourself for heaping pile of shit excuses, and subjective garbage because none it’s true or valuable. 

Humans have needs for amino acids, not meat.  We need some fats and are pretty damn happy with certain types of carbohydrates.  When it comes down to it, we need a fuel source, and a machine to move us that turns energy into movement, we’ll call this tool our muscles, we need muscles.

Since muscles move us, we need to fuel them. What are the ways we can do do? Plants and or animal products. If we think that we need to eat cow’s muscles for energy, we should know that this is completely false.  Let’s discuss why this is not optimal.

For us to use muscles for energy, we have to eat that muscle, break it down, store it, then mobilize it for energy, and this process takes time and energy and you can refer to it as a slow process. On the other hand, if we eat carbohydrates, these sources are quickly accepted by the body and are ready to be used for energy extremely quickly by comparison.  

If you’ve seen The Gamechangers movie, there is a study that uses beet juice and proves that you’re going to be able to cycle longer if working out after drinking beet juice vs not drinking it at all.  This is because you’re providing a high-octane fuel source vs using meat which contains much less high-octane fuel to the point we’ll just call it low-octane fuel source. In addition using protein for energy requires you to be in starvation mode and you’re deciding to break down your body because there is no high-octane fuel around, this is  not optimal - this sounds a lot like chronic fatigue.  Using meat for energy is not optimal, not even close.

How does beet juice then offer us the chance to have stronger, better muscles? The juice offers energy that your muscles use quickly and readily.  From my time at the University of Guelph where I completed my undergrad, I took a Cardiorespiratory Physiology Lab course, and I sure am glad that I did.  I learned that whatever system you challenge, you will have gains in. So, if I provide my leg muscles with energy thereby allowing them to cycle, and I challenge my leg muscles with exercise just beyond what it comfortably, there will be growth - you will change the physical structure of individual cells.  This means that the next time you challenge these muscles in the same way, the work that was 10% beyond your comfort zone, next time is 9% beyond your comfort zone, which means you have experienced 1% growth.  

How did this growth happen? You fed your body what it needed for growth to occur. Did you need meat for this growth to happen? No, you needed essential amino acids. Amino acids that are made by plants. All amino acids are made by plants, and so many plant sources contain every single amino acid. As long as you’re challenging your body beyond it’s comfort zone and you’re feeding it the building blocks it requires for growth, growth will happen. Animals are not required, amino acids are, amino acids that can all be provided by plants.

The difference between vegans and omnivores is that vegans say, “No, it’s not ok for us to exploit animals for any reason”, but omnivores don’t want to discuss this matter because they feel that meat is required, so they do not fully allow themselves to empathize with what they’re eating, if they did, an omnivore would not be able to eat the cow, pig or chicken. 

If it comes down to taste; what a greedy reason it is to kill a sentient being taste is?  If it comes down to nutritional needs, saying you need animals to be healthy is a lot like thinking you need to only breathe oxygen from Nepal, because only Nepalese oxygen provides me with what I need. False!  If we’re eating food and getting enough amino acids from a plant-based whole foods diet, is it in any way deficient compared to amino acids from animals? The answer is no, and additionally, you’re not priming yourself for cancer, heart disease, diabetes, other cardiovascular disorders.

Just a few thoughts maybe we should revisit.  Were you given a choice between eating meat and not eating meat? When you were 5 years old and could conceptualize that you’re eating another life, did your parents sit you down and ask you how you felt about it or even talk to you about it? Did they even bother to tell you that you’re eating a sentient being capable of thought and having feelings? Do you think your parents had a clue about what they were feeding you beyond whatever food guide was popular at the time? Did you know that food guides are based on financial relationships and not what’s actually best for your body (until recent history in Canada)? Does this information enrage you the way it did to me? Do you know what government subsidies are? Does it make sense that you can find burgers at fast food joints for super cheap which contained the life of an animal, but can never find a ridiculously cheap head of broccoli? In fact, have you ever seen a cheap salad at McDonald’s? No, and you never will, because there are no government subsidies for lettuce or anything that goes in a salad.  The government is in bed with whoever pays them the most money, and due to the fear that people have regarding becoming protein-deficient, 98% of people are afraid to turn their back on meat and dairy. I did this is 2014 and to this day, it’s been the best choice of my life.

The interesting fact is in the 1950s and 1960s, the FDA artificially increased the amount of protein ‘needed’ to sell more dairy and meat. Especially after Babe Ruth died of throat cancer due to smoking. At the time ‘Doctors’ were claiming cigarettes weren’t bad for you or cancer-causing, the relationship ‘wasn’t strong enough’.  The baseball community should all be vegan for this reason alone.

If we’re human, always been and always will be human, then out there somewhere is a perfect diet for us, but what if we’re too afraid to eat the healthiest diet for us because of scare tactics used by the meat and dairy industry? Wouldn’t that be sad, maybe even criminal? I think so, but you only have yourself to blame once someone informs you or you read this.

I want to discuss the process of cooking food, but I want to get into that next time, the idea of what’s on the label, vs what’s on your plate after you cooked the carcinogens into it, and the vitamins out of it.

Ask yourself, what is the meat and dairy industry doing for you, aside from providing you with a much-less-than-healthy source of calories? They’re providing you with cancer, cardiovascular disease, double-standards, an emotional haze and basically, you work for them while they make you sick - this sounds a lot like the exploitation of you, the consumer. You think it’s time to wake up yet?

#vegan #veganporn #veganlife #food #foodblog #critical thinking #critical theory #philosophy #psychology #logic #foodscience #cancer #cardiovascular #studies #childhood #parenting #crimial #ecofriendly #exercise #physiology #meat #plants #jasonstatham

[adventuresloane]

i left a light beside the bed for you

Read on AO3

Dani/Aubrey

Rated T

Raffle Prize for @desiree-harding-fic

@tazprideweek

"This feels...normal," says Dani, chewing on a three-inch nail.

Aubrey pauses. Her thumb stops gently rubbing over and over Dani's knuckle, and only then does she notice that she's been repeating that same gesture the whole time, absent-minded. She remembers that she has to pee. Truthfully, she's sort of had to pee for the past hour, but kept refusing to make the fifteen-foot trek from the bed to the bathroom. It would mean overcoming her inertia enough to leave the comfort of the soft duvet, and it would mean her bare feet on the cold tile, and it would mean no longer holding Dani's hand.

"Good normal or bad normal?" she asks. She can hold it.

"What do you consider 'bad normal'?"

"Well, you know. Like boring. I feel like normal things are usually boring." She shuts her mouth, then, and swallows. Is this boring? Was she bored?

"Well, I wouldn't call  you  normal," Dani answers, and her grin makes the freckles on her cheek shift.

Aubrey glances at the box of nails. "I wouldn't call you normal either."

"I guess not. I was just talking about...this." She goes quiet after that. Both of them are submerged in the hum of the mini fridge and the air conditioning. Aubrey looks away and holds onto the air inside her mouth, just behind her closed lips. Dani, she has learned, is the type to get her words all in order before she says them. She has also learned--is still learning--not to interrupt the process by blurting whatever comes to mind, which, as it happens, is her usual response to silence.

If she stares at the ceiling long enough, it starts to look fuzzy. Like there's a grainy film of static over the surface of the plaster. It makes her think of mist outside a window, of the big old tube TV that had sat in the living room of her house for her first few years of life and that had tingled warmly when she pressed her hand to the screen. Everything feels a bit fuzzy now, maybe because it's 3AM. Everything feels warm and a bit familiar.

Finally, Dani says, quietly, "This is what I imagined it would be like if...if things had gone differently."

Aubrey shifts to nuzzle underneath her chin and nods slowly against her, lips brushing her neck. "I know what you mean." As she says it, she knows that it both is and isn't true.

Aubrey had always been good at getting used to things. She had to be, in order to drift in the way she did, navigating unfamiliar towns and faces. The novelties of the new places she visited, the disorienting change of scenery that made her pay attention to everywhere she went, things like storefronts with shells in the windows and residents who all still referred to fridges as "iceboxes"--all these things turned into background noise before long, things she stopped seeing. Sometimes, she thought she was too good at adapting. Boredom always lumbered up behind her, would glom onto her if she stopped moving for too long. Her general rule of thumb was that if she managed to memorize the major street names in the latest podunk little place where she had settled, it was time for her to move on. She'd go and do her best to shake off any moss she had gathered.

So, typically, she wouldn't have chosen to stay in Kepler for as long as she was. But getting accustomed to monster hunting, moon-activated portals, and her own actual magic was its own kind of challenge. This, she guessed, was the new normal, this hotel and these people. But she was used to that too. Her life had been full of new normals the past several years. It had become normal for her, at the end of a long day, to crave the protein kick of a cheesesteak sandwich from a roadside stand, when before she had hardly ever touched meat and a fig and pear salad had been her favorite meal. Hell, it had become normal to be homeless.

Being unable to sleep through the night had been normal for awhile. It was fine, whenever she lay down to close her eyes and instead felt her heart running too fast and hot for her to relax. In that case, she just threw off the sheets and went for a walk anywhere.

While most of the lodge's halls were familiar to her by now, they were harder to navigate in the darkness. She got turned around and backtracked a couple of times. That was alright. Nobody was up to see her fumbling around at this hour of the night, or, rather, the morning.

Or that was what she would have assumed, until she wandered into the kitchen.

The first thing Aubrey noticed about her was what she always noticed, which was the fact that she was gorgeous. The second thing was that she looked as if she'd just been caught in the act. Frozen in shock, she stared wide-eyed, with her arms wrapped around a stack of take-out boxes freshly plundered from the open fridge. She hunched over it awkwardly, like an Igor in an eighth-grade production of  Frankenstein,  her chin pressed on top of the pile to steady it. All in all, there was a certain frantically-stockpiling-squirrel-in-autumn quality about her, which, Aubrey knew well, could only derive from the early-morning munchies.

This was to say that, for once, she looked like even more of a hot mess than Aubrey. Given that up until now, she, with her lithe body and smell of fresh earth, had resembled more of a fey creature than a person, this came as a strange relief. So she was human after all! Or, well, not human, but capable of imperfection. On the other hand, it just so happened that Aubrey was currently wearing a Snoopy-themed nightgown that she hadn't bothered to wash in a month and almost surely had a comical case of bedhead, so it wasn't like she was winning the Dignity Olympics.

Fuck. She'd been staring.

When Aubrey finally kicked her brain into gear enough to speak, her voice sounded an octave or two higher than normal. "Hi! Hey, uh, Dani, sorry to walk in on you like that! I hope I didn't freak you out, I was just--"

"Are you supposed to be down here?"

"Oh." Dani had said it quickly enough to make her jolt back. The sound was loud and bounced off all the chrome in the large space, hitting her like an accusation. Within moments, the tips of her ears felt so hot it was a wonder that they did not ignite. "Sorry, I, um, I can go--"

"No! No, I..." She exhaled heavily and placed her bundles on the chrome countertop. "Sorry, that was rude. You don't have to leave."

"Oh," she said again. "I mean, it's fine, though. I can if you want."

"I don't. Really. That, uh, wasn't what I meant to say." Dani glanced away and did not elaborate.

"Oh," she said, and now this was getting ridiculous, and she thought about how much she really ought to think of something better to say, quick, before this got to be any more awkward than it was, which was hard, because the only thought running through her mind right now was Don't blow it.  

"I love your--"

"I love your hair," Aubrey said almost simultaneously, then quickly added on, "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"The same thing." Dani breathed out through her nose, something that was not quite a laugh but approached it. When she grinned, her canines showed, noticeably longer than her other teeth, disguise or not. That was kind of hot, though she couldn't say why. "And...thanks, but there's nothing special about mine, I don't think. I just like the way you dyed yours."

"Yours is really pretty, though! It's cool that you're able to keep it that long and still have it look nice. And you've always got that, like, strategically disheveled thing going on. Like, you don't even need to look in the mirror every morning and it still just looks good."

Dani blinked at the end of her rambling. "Well...I don't have a reflection, Aubrey."

Well, dunk. "Right! Right, 'cause, vampire, so you're--right, sure."

"I mean, it's not just me. It's something about the human disguises. Don't ask me how it all works--the disguises are made of illusion magic, and I guess they interact with light in weird ways. It happens in pictures and video too. Sometimes we just show up blurry, but my form's never shown up at all."

"So, wait, but how do you know what you look like, then?"

"I kind of don't?" She shrugged. "I know some things, obviously. But not so much what my face looks like. At least, no more than you know what your voice sounds like if you never hear a recording of it."

"Wow. That...that's kind of a shame."

"I mean, it's whatever. It's not what I really look like anyway."

"Yeah, sure." Her fingers tapped rapidly against the pad of her thumb as she considered. "But like...would you like to know? What you look like, that is. I mean, I could try to tell you, if no one else has."

Her eyebrows shot up, in what, thankfully, looked like curiosity rather than judgment. Aubrey accepted that as an okay to stay for a bit, seating herself on the metal of the kitchen counter, cold even through her clothes. Dani hopped up to join her.

The inherent problem with this idea, she realized too late, was that she would have to look Dani in the eye for an extended period of time, and, as it happened, the last time she had done that, she had nearly started an all-out bonfire in the middle of the lodge. All she could do was try to think cool thoughts, which, of course, made it more difficult to give a decent answer. She kept tapping her fingers together, this time to snuff out the tiny flames she felt budding at the ends of her fingertips. "Well..."  Don't just say 'cute.'  "You kinda look like Florence Welch."

Dani's mouth quirked upward, and a half-second later, giggles came up out of her. She turned so that her expression was half-hidden by the curtain of her hair, but not before Aubrey saw the way the smile changed her whole face, softly crinkling and brightening her eyes, lifting her slightly sunken cheeks. She looked lighter, somehow, than she did before, and it had nothing to do with the kitchen fluorescents. With some of the tension gone from her chest, Aubrey went on, "But, like,  Lungs  Florence, you know?"

"I can live with that," she chuckled. "I like most Florence + the Machine."

"Me too! I'm doing a bad job of this, though. Fuck. Um, you've got a sharp jaw and a square chin. Your nose is kind of narrow. Green eyes, but you probably already knew that. A really nice, light green, though. Kind of--hang on, don't blink for a second. Kind of like...duckweed? No, shit, I was trying to come up with a good plant simile but I fucked up."

"Oh my god, please keep going. You're doing great."

"Like matcha, then? Yeah, I'd say matcha. Okay, sorry, we can stop having a weird staring contest now."

She laughed softly again, then quieted, eyes cast downward. Then, without warning, she reached into her back pocket. She flipped through the pages quickly, but Aubrey still saw, flitting before her, the gray graphite faces of other residents of the lodge. Just about everyone, except for one.

As she sketched, Aubrey leaned over the page and watched her create a new person out of nothing, weaving an image out of crosshatchings as thin and delicate as spider silk. Although knowing next to nothing about drawing, Aubrey gave her some pointers. "Your lips are a little bit thinner than that." "Your cheekbones are a little bit higher." "Don't forget to draw in the freckles below your eye. They're kind of faint, but they're there."

Aubrey went to look in a little closer and felt her forehead knock against something hard. By the time she realized that her head had collided with Dani's, both of them had jumped back a little, instinctively. She hadn't realized how much they had been leaning in with their heads turned toward the sketchpad.

Dani blinked once, twice, as though dazed. "I'm sorry, I should...it's late. I should go."

"Um," she called to Dani's back, "are you usually up at this hour?"

Dani stopped walking, then turned with a small, sheepish smile. "Well, I don't strictly have to sleep."

"Rad! Me neither! I'll probably see you around then."

"Yeah, you probably will."

Aubrey kept sitting there for some time after she left. She wasn't tired, and her heart was still pounding too much for her to sleep.

A few nights later, as she wandered the lodge in the wee hours, she rounded a corner to find the door to a single suite open, drenching the otherwise dark hallway in the golden lamplight from within. Considering that no one left their doors open even during the daytime, this was decidedly weird.

When she walked by and looked inside, Dani was there to meet her gaze. As if she had been waiting.

"Hi," she said quietly.

Aubrey, whose exhausted brain was even more deficient in the attention department than usual, replied after a delay of six full seconds, "Hi."

More moments of silence passed as she tried to figure out whether she should just keep going without being a bother, or whether her addled mind could manage a conversation right now. She couldn't figure out which Dani would have preferred. Maybe it was a fault of the disguises or maybe it was just how she operated, but either way, she was hard to read.

"So...do you have your bunny?"

"His name is Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD, and no."

"Can you get him?"

"Huh?"

"So he can hang out with us. I probably should've asked if you wanted to hang out first. Sorry, I don't normally do this."

"Uh...no, that's fine. That's great. I'll...I'll go ask if he wants to come."

She brought him, and then, in the following weeks, made sure to bring him every time. More often than not, they passed the first hours after midnight together. For the most part, Aubrey did not remember the conversations in particular, at least not the specifics of them. They were long and meandered and doubled back on themselves. Instead, she remembered what she learned from them, from Dani. That the light orange-ish mushroom that grew on large trees in the forest were mildly poisonous to some and tasted like chicken to others, and that you'd never know unless you tried. That Barclay and Mama used to have regular competitions to determine who could handle the spiciest food. That she was, in fact, not to hard to read at all--that she picked at the stitches in her quilt when she was nervous, that she sometimes rocked back and forth a little on the bed when talking about something that excited her (though never enough to disturb the rabbit resting in her lap).

Aubrey remembered what she learned in the pauses, too. There were large in-between spaces of nothing, when neither of them spoke. She learned, to her surprise, that she didn't mind it. The sound of Dani's deep sighs and the bags of slightly stale Goldfish crackers she kept under her bed had become part of a routine. Predictable. She hated predictable, usually. But the rest of her life--her new life of monster-hunting and magic-using--had stopped being predictable awhile ago. So this was alright. Nice, even, to have one space where she knew what was what.

"I kind of don't want to leave," she mused into one of these silences.

"The room, you mean? You probably should. My bed's not big enough."

"No." Yes. "I mean leave Kepler. Normally I would've moved on by now."

Dani nodded. "I guess you did travel a lot before. You've got a lot going on around here, though."

"Yeah, I guess that's it. So much is new I haven't gotten used to it yet. I'd hate to live somewhere I'd gotten used to," she said with a chuckle.

"You always wanna keep moving?"

"I think so."

It might have been several minutes before Dani spoke up, though she didn't keep track. All Aubrey knew was that she heard her say suddenly, "Aubrey, don't take this the wrong way, just...how could you ever want that?"

The "how could you" pricked her. Aubrey  slowly turned to look at her, eyebrows raised.

"It's an honest question," Dani went on. "I just...I can't relate. Maybe because I left home so early and...well. Suddenly."

Aubrey glanced away. She asked, "How early?" before she could wonder whether she wanted to hear the answer.

"Oh, I don't know. I was a teenager."

"And remind me again, how old are you?"

She had to think about it. "Twenty-two."

"How long have you been twenty-two?"

"Awhile?" She gave a small shrug. "But years are different on Sylvain than on Earth. Keeping track is hard for me. That's what I'm saying. I miss being used to where I live, and understanding it, and understanding my place in it. I'm barely acclimated to Kepler. I can't imagine having to pick up and do it all again, all the time."

The forest green hotel carpeting was rough under her toes. "Yeah, I hear you," she replied after a bit too long. She wanted to say it was easy for her to do it, over and over. She would have said that, normally, to anyone else. But now, in the early morning hush, she thought it might not have been what was easy so much as simply what she did, what she felt she had  to do. "I guess...I mean, I had a home I left early too. And I don't think I'll feel that way about any place ever again. I never even wanted to try. Why stay anywhere when no place is ever going to feel the same? I don't know, I'm not making sense, probably. It's too late. Or too early."

"No, I think you are."

"Yeah." She took in a breath and tried a smile. "I could be wrong, though. I've, uh, found out I was wrong about a lot of things since getting here."

Dani glanced at her and, gradually, returned the grin. Aubrey had also learned not to look for too long, or she might get self-conscious and hide her face behind her hair again. Not as often, though, lately, and not now. She had been unfolding over these nights, slowly. "Like what?" she asked.

"Monsters being real was a big one."

She laughed this time, albeit from behind her palm. "Guess so." With one hand stroking Dr. Bonkers, she let the other rest on Aubrey's thigh, fingers lightly tapping. Aubrey tried not to squirm. Her body seemed hypersensitive under the touch, almost pricked by it. Or maybe that was the heat traveling just beneath her skin, out to her extremities, like it did just before flames burst from her fingertips. After holding it back for awhile, her hands stung like they had when she had touched a hot lightbulb as a child. Dani was still touching her, and she wanted to shift away but also desperately didn't want this contact severed. She tried to quench the heat radiating from her and hoped Dani would not notice. (Surely, she had to notice, and that thought only made her burn more.)

Later, she tried to hide the round scorch marks left in the quilt by her fingertips. She realized then that she was in what one might call deep shit.

So she had been less than proactive in the romance department for the last few years. She had had work to focus on. A blossoming career in entertainment, in fact. And anyway, she had never stayed anywhere long enough to make a real connection. Aside from some flirtatious moments in bars, a few teasing strokes, there had been nothing since high school. She was touch-starved, probably. Liable to crush on any living soul who so much as brushed arms with her. Did it really even count as a crush if all you wanted to do was sit together while touching? Maybe she just liked hanging out on her friend's bed in the middle of the night while the two of them took turns resting their heads in each other's laps and spilling their darkest secrets, and that was all fine and very platonic.

These were only some of her considerations as she sat, one evening, with Dani's fingers loosely interlocked with her own.

If she weren't careful, she knew she would just up and ask. She tried to distract herself instead. "Oh! I thought you might like this." She pulled out her phone and opened up her photos, which was about the only thing the device was good for in this quiet zone. "Saw a snail today."

Dani, who was already leaning against her shoulder, came even closer, tickling her clavicle with her hair as she looked at the picture. She grinned and nodded. "Effervescent."

"Can you ID it?"

"Virginia bladetooth, I think. I see them all the time in the garden."

"You're like a walking field guide, you know that?"

She giggled quietly, idly flicking the buttons on Aubrey's vest. "I think I've just spent way too many hours reading them." The metal jingled as she jostled it.

"You're amazing. Hey, by the way, what are we?"

After saying it, Aubrey immediately wished she had taken more distracting snail photos.

Dani, for a moment, looked as if she had not quite heard or understood. She gave her a curious look before the meaning of the question occurred to her, and her soft smile collapsed under its own weight. Her mouth was open. She seemed to take in a lot of air without breathing out.

She was just about ready to laugh it off, to make a gal pals joke, when Dani started, "We're friends, Aubrey." Aubrey didn't think she imagined the way "friends" had been enunciated. "Why? Were you...did you think we were more than that?"

Her whole mouth tasted of sour spit. "Well," she said, with an impressive lack of shaking, "we could be, if you wanted?"

"No."

The answer was instantaneous. She didn't say it in a mean way. Just an honest one.

"Ah." It sounded, even to herself, like the wind had been knocked out of her. "Right. I, uh, think I made this really goddamn awkward just now! Bad joke. I should probably go back to my room anyway, so--"

"No, hang on!" There was a tug on her sleeve as she went to stand up.

She sighed. "Listen, it was dumb. You really don't have to try and--"

"It's not dumb. I just...it's got nothing to do with who you are or anything..."

"It's not me, it's you, right?" she muttered. Suddenly, she felt exhausted.

"No! No, that's not what I...it's only even kind of about me." Her eyes snapped frantically this way and that, as if searching for a way to explain herself, or for an exit. They looked in every direction but Aubrey's. Her fist clenched and unclenched rapidly, over and over.

"Hey," Aubrey said in the softest voice she could. She sat back on the bed and considered, for a moment, wrapping an arm around Dani's hunched-up shoulders, then decided against it. "Hey, it's okay. Really, it is. I...I didn't want to make you worry."

"I'm sorry." Dani's breath shivered. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to explain...okay, look. I want to date you. I do."

Within half a second, Aubrey went through whatever the opposite of the seven stages of grief is. "Oh. Good to know."

"But I don't think I can."

"Can I just ask why, though?" She waited for an answer that she did not receive. "Listen, you're, like, really sending me a lot of mixed signals here, and I wasn't gonna push it but I feel like at this point you owe me some kind of--"

Dani slapped her hand down onto the bedspread and, far too loudly for 2AM, shouted, "I can't bring you home to my mom!"

The silence that followed was not one of the comfortable ones. It hit her like cold.

"Sorry." Dani's voice was a whisper, now, one that came out cracked. "I'm genuinely sorry. For all of this. I just don't know how else to explain it. This could never be a normal relationship, you know? I can't introduce you to my family, I can't take you on the dates I would've taken you on back at home..." She trailed off, swallowed loudly. "Maybe it's stupid. It's definitely stupid. I...when I was younger, I always imagined having a stupid romance like you see in teen movies or whatever, something really sappy and typical, and then I left home and resigned myself to the fact that I'd never have a chance of a normal relationship like that. Or a relationship at all, really. I don't know."

Aubrey let the quiet stretch on for a good while longer. Then, almost to herself, she murmured, "I couldn't bring you home to my mom either." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dani's head snap towards her. She kept staring at the floor anyway. "It's hard. She won't ever know the person or the people I decide I want to spend my life with, and that's hard as shit."

"Yes," Dani answered, barely audible.

"It'll always make relationships feel a little weird, I think." Finally, she glanced in Dani's direction. "I feel like that's not really a reason not to have them, though. I don't even know what would qualify a relationship as not-weird, honestly. Or what counts as 'normal' in your book."

"Maybe," Dani sighed. "But it's also like...you really don't know how much you still don't know about me. About Sylphs in general. You might find it too weird."

"Are you serious? Try me."

With a huff, she reached under her bed to pull out a small, jangling cardboard box. Making eye contact all the while, she pulled out an iron nail, held it up for Aubrey to see, and then bit down on it, running it back and forth so that it grated against her teeth.

"What, is that a stim? You don't honestly think I'd judge you for--"

"No," Dani interrupted with a tired tone. "That's not it. You'll see some Sylphs doing this when there are no humans around to comment on it. You know how my kind are rumored to drink blood? That myth started because we get insane cravings for iron, and so a lot of us will just spend all day sucking on literal metal."

"So? Still not that weird."

"But that's just an example. There's a million little things like that you don't know about. I just think you're going to find something about me too bizarre one day."

"Oh yeah? Well I can hang," Aubrey said, and with that, pulled an inch-long nail out of the box and gulped it down.

A pause.

"You don't swallow them whole, do you?"

"Aubrey, what the fuck.”

"Huh. Why did I do that?"

"Oh my god." Dani laughed, and kept laughing, high-pitched and uncontrollable. It was the incredulous sort of laugh that comes from being so delirious with panic that the feeling loops back around to being hilarious. Not that Aubrey could relate or anything. "Oh my god, Aubrey, you're insane! How did you manage to make this night even more ridiculous than it already was?"

"Am I weird enough yet?" She had started to giggle too. It wasn't like there was much else to do at this point.

"I'm gonna die." Dani wiped tears from the corners of her eyes, trying to catch her breath as she continued to laugh. "Or you might. I'm really scared for you actually."

"Yeah, this is bad probably, huh?"

"No, seriously, we have to go to the actual emergency room now because you just ate an entire nail."

"Wait, no, I hate hospitals!"

"Me fucking too, but you just swallowed a sharp chunk of literal metal! It could, I don't know, puncture you or something!"

Aubrey groaned. "Fine, but only if we don't tell Mama."

Dani stopped giggling for a moment, thinking. "We still need her car, though. I know where the keys are."

"You have a license?"

"I don't show up in photographs, remember? Of course I don't have a license."

"Right. Cool. Well, I don't either, so..."

"Don't worry. I drive the landscaping cart around the lodge's grounds all the time."

"Well, that's probably basically a car. You know what street signs and shit mean?"

"Probably."

Three blown stop signs, two unheeded red lights, and several screeching turns around bends on the highway later, they both came stumbling up to the sinister red glow of the EMERGENCY sign and the automatic sliding doors below it. "Stop laughing," Dani kept saying as they walked in. She tried several times to bite her lip in order to stop her own hysterics, but it only resulted in her snorting loudly instead. "Stop it! You're injured! We shouldn't be having a good time!"

Given that most cases of ingested foreign objects occur in individuals under the age of five--a fact of which the doctor felt the need to inform her--Aubrey figured she could at least take some pride in being a novelty. All the same, it was difficult to get her story straight. She ended up with several brochures for therapy to treat pica. It was at least preferable to admitting, "I ate a nail in a misguided attempt to prove a point to my anxious vampire not-quite-girlfriend."

Dani stood up the moment Aubrey walked back into the waiting room, as though she had been watching the door. She had sobered up some, it seemed. Nervously, she pulled on each of her fingers as though to crack the knuckles, though there was no sound. "How'd it go? What'd she say?"

"So apparently, most people just pass this stuff on their own. They took some X-rays, but apparently I'm not at a huge risk for being perforated or whatever, so they're not gonna put me through surgery. She just said to monitor it."

"Well, I guess that's good." Her tone was doubtful as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Still, I wish they could do more for you than just tell you to wait. Where'd you get the Jello cups?"

"The nurses will just give them to you if you ask! I guess they felt bad for me. Want one?"

With a faint smile, she took it and sat back down. "So," said Dani, peeling back the lid.

"So," said Aubrey. She tapped the side of her plastic cup with her forefinger. Of course they had to talk about it. It might as well be at this hour, she supposed, like all their other important talks. "Maybe you had a point, huh? You'd never have a normal relationship with me as your girlfriend." She forced a small chuckle at the end.

Dani didn't laugh in return this time. She poked at the red gelatin. Aubrey noticed that she liked to watch the chunks of it jiggle on her plastic spoon before eating it. That was important. "Maybe not," she said thoughtfully. "Though I was thinking that sneaking out and stealing Mama's car is pretty teen rom-com."

Aubrey recognized that as a hint of hope. "So is sharing Jello, I think." She looked out the window at the streaks of yellow on the horizon, signaling the coming sunrise. Mama would be up with the sun, surely, and possibly wonder where her car went not long after. "We're going to get in so much fucking trouble. Also very teen rom-com."

That time, Dani giggled. Then she stopped, not lifting her eyes from the tile. "I really do care about you."

Aubrey blinked. "I...I care about you too."

"Could we...would you be okay with taking it slow? I'm not sure I want to call it a relationship just yet. But I like what we've been doing. I really like it."

Slowly, she felt a grin spread across her face. "Just tell me something: can I do more than what we've been doing? Am I allowed to kiss you?" She brushed aside Dani's hair before it could fall in front of her cheek.

With a small smile, she asked, "Are you going to make fun of me if I tell you I've never kissed a girl before?"

"No. But I think it's worth a try."

"This can't be exactly how you thought it'd be, though."

"What do you mean?" Dani asks.

"I mean, for one thing, you probably imagined you'd be dating a Sylph. And that you wouldn't be living in a hotel. This probably isn't anything like you imagined a  normal relationship being, is it?"

"Well, that's true." Another pause passes by. Matter-of-factly, she goes on, "Nothing in my fucking life worked out the way I wanted it, actually."

"I know," Aubrey says quietly.

She feels a graceful hand card through her thick curls. "I feel like that might be okay, though."

Aubrey had no idea if this relationship qualified as normal or not. Normal, she guessed, was not the word for it. It just felt a bit like home.

((Please consider reblogging if you enjoyed!))

#or: was that a twilight reference? the fanfic #aubrey #dani #danbrey #vampfire #taz #taz amnesty #taz fanfic #fan fiction #the adventure zone #the zone cast #aubrey little #taz aubrey #taz dani #f/f

[dani-ellie03]

On Time Windows, and Why It Is My Favorite Book Of All Time

(I wrote this up a bunch of years back in my LJ. It took me an inordinate amount of time to find it again so I’m moving it here because search features = the best.)

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As some of you may or may not know, my favorite book of all time is Time Windows by Kathryn Reiss. The book is about thirteen-year-old Miranda Browne, who moves with her mother and father from New York City to tiny, quaint (fictional) Garnet, Massachusetts. Miranda is at first ambivalent about the move, but things change when she discovers an old dollhouse in the attic that duplicates her new house in miniature. Even more surprising, she finds that when she looks through the windows of the dollhouse, she can see into the past and can watch the day-to-day activities of the families who lived in the house before her. Miranda's fascination turns to bewilderment when some scenes begin to repeat themselves within the different families--the same dialogue, sometimes verbatim, recited by different people, decades apart in time. The bewilderment turns to terror when her own loving mother begins to exhibit the same angry, bitter, abusive tendencies of the woman who lived in the house during the Victorian era. With the help of Dan Hooton, the fourteen-year-old boy who lives across the street, Miranda must not only solve a decades-old mystery but also figure out how to save her mother from the house's seemingly evil influence. I first read Time Windows at age thirteen. A friend and I were visiting her grandmother in Maine for a week, and we did a book swap for the trip. By the end of the week, I'd decided that I needed to have a copy of this book of my very own. The little paperback copy I purchased went everywhere with me: school, dance recitals, car trips, doctors' offices, the beach ... basically, any time I thought I'd be sitting long enough to open a book, Time Windows came along. By the time I reached college-age, one of the covers had torn off. I decided to purchase a replacement copy, and my dad convinced me to go for the hardcover. My sister then asked me what I was planning to do with the paperback. Upon being told that I was going to toss it, she told me she'd like to have it. If you skim through the customer reviews on Amazon or Goodreads, a good chunk of them are people who read the book as kids and still reread it to this day, or people who read it as teenagers and are now sharing it with their nieces/nephews/own children. So, clearly, it's not just me. But why? What is it about this one book that has touched so many people? And why should a book I read the summer after 7th grade still be my favorite book all these years later? Part of it is, at least for me, that this is the kind of adventure I always wanted to have as a kid. Well, I could do without the ghost possession and the finding-a-mummified-body stuff, but the rest of it? Oh, man, did I wish this story had actually happened to me. Maybe it's just because I grew up in an old house, but I always wondered who had lived in the house before me. Were they happy? What did they look like? How did they live their lives? Less philosophically, how did they decorate the rooms? How did they use the space? Was my dining room their dining room? And so on. Having the opportunity to see all of that would have been freakin' awesome. Another part of it is the story itself is completely up my alley. It's equal parts enchanted object story, ghost story, and mystery, along with a smattering of budding romance. It's a fantasy that's real-world-based, with the characters acknowledging how really freakin' bizarre everything is. It's a magical mystery that is so grounded that with very little suspension of disbelief, your average kid will want to believe that something like this could happen somewhere. The final, and I think most important, part of it is that you never once feel like Kathryn Reiss is dumbing down the story simply because she's writing it for kids. This is a very intricately-plotted and detailed story, focusing on three separate time periods that at the same time oppose and parallel each other. It has mystery, intrigue, romance, creepiness, and discussions on history and the effects of the past on the present. It deals with child abuse and the lengths some people will go to to attain their dreams and desires. It's filled with elements that your average kid is not going to pick up on. For instance, one of the characters is depicted taking off with a man who is not her husband. I understood, at 13, that the character was walking out on her husband and child, but it wasn't until a few years later that I glommed onto the fact that the character had been having an affair with Not-Husband. That was a very "Whoa!" moment for me, and I think it may have been the first time I realized that this book was more than just a teen ghost story. There's no denying that there's just something about Time Windows. I'd read plenty of books before it and I've read plenty of books after it, and I keep coming back to Time Windows. I reread it every year or so, even though I know the story so well that I really don't even need to read it anymore. And I've discovered, as I've looked critically at my own The Witch of November, that I've tried to inject it with what makes Time Windows so special to me: that sense of adventure, that sense of "maybe, just maybe, this could have happened." So, tl;dr version of above: Time Windows by Kathryn Reiss is nothing short of magic, and I highly recommend it.

#long post #time windows #kathryn reiss #favorite book ever #i still love this book you guys #it's so so so special to me

[persephonelilium]

Leaving the Shire

So this is my first time trying an online journal and I think I want to use this space as a way to chronicle trying to figure out how I want to grow as a person. Discovering what is bringing joy and value in my life and what is holding me back me. Especially during this time in the mist of the coronavirus, I think that this is a rare moment in my life where all I have access to is myself and my thoughts. For I want to make something beautiful out of this time, which I am sure is not even a remotely unique notion whats-so-ever. Part of me wishes I had started is sooner at the beginning when this all started, because I think in this last 6 weeks, since the shelter in place started, I have grown and a started to notice so much about myself. Lately I’ve been feeling called towards journaling, if for no one else other than myself. Oddly enough I think what finally inspired me to start this was yesterday my brother and I decided to do a LOTR book club. In the first few chapters there references to The Hobbit which is Bilbos journal of his great adventure. While I know my adventures won't be as magical and wondrous as that of those few Hobbits who decided to leave the Shire. This is still truly and adventure and at the moment feels like one of the most important adventures Ive faced yet in my life.

I think starting this by looking back is the best, examining first where I was when this all began but also how far it is that I still need to go. When this lockdown first started, while I knew what it would mean to be alone, and telling myself that realistically we won't be getting out of this until July if we’re lucky. I don't think I could have prepared myself for how hard it truly was to live alone in this time, to feel like the harbinger of death if you got to close to another person, and honestly how crucial and fundamental the need is to have physical contact with others. The thing was I did know all these things as facts, I had read the studies about baby monkeys years ago; where they would choose the comfort of a stuffed monkey that didn't provide food over a wires sheath that did. However even knowing the struggles that would be faced going into this, I discovered that you can't prepare yourself for the reality of when those feelings actually hit no matter how prepared you feel you are for them. Even knowing how hard that initial time is and the struggles that would be and continue to be faced, I will gladly accept them because the alternative is unfathomable to me. I think knowing this is what made even the darkest days, the days where I didn't want to get out of bed worth it because I knew that this struggle and this pain I was feeling had value and it had power, the power to keep those I loved and those Ive never even meet safe. To be fair while it made these struggles worth it, it didn't make ease the feeling of desperate loneliness. However I feel very fortunate that I am rooted in my faith because it was the one thing that kept me from feeling completely and utterly alone because with God your never are.

After about 3 days of the stay at home order, which involved me deep cleaning aspects of my little studio apartment, is when I would say the loneliness was really starting to set in. During this time as well I wondered if we were about to be fully quarantined as a city like had happened in other countries. I think the craziest part of the when loneliness starting to set in during that first week was that in some ways that was also the most I would engage with others throughout the day. One of my friends/coworker who was having an immensely terrible go of it right at the beginning and I were FaceTiming or talking for much of the day. However looking back I realize why we felt this glomming need at the very beginning there was this need to be in constant contact with others, because everything about our lives that gave us structure was gone. Both of us were out of work, my classes had been canceled for 3 weeks while my college figured out how to move us to an online platform. All the routines of life that I had along with my ability to not be seen as a harbinger of death had been taken away. I felt adrift without an anchor to even build a routine on and thats when I started to realize how much I depend on outside forces to both motivate, structure and give focus to my entire life. For my sleeping routines have always revolved around work and school schedules. Even in my faith I realized I use so many of the tools that the church provides to give structure to my prayer. Often times I used many of the social groups I was involved as an anchor point for finding new resources or keeping me on track with incorporating actions into my daily life. As there was accountability through a bible study group but also the group provided dialogue, it allowed us to discuss what spoke to us and where we were. Hearing recommendations from each other of things we have found useful or enjoyed reading. This is not to say I didn't seek material on my own or I couldn't find it myself but it was also a great resource to find recommendations quickly and not only that it meant you had someone to engage with about it afterwards. However what I had also come to realize was that now that I didn't have this social tools anymore to help give me an outline or prompts to focus on, that while they are all beautiful I was also using them as a crutch. For I didn't have to put in as much effort to deepen my relationship with God but also just with others. I think in someways I was confusing showing up with depth. While being present is important, I wasn't slowing down enough nor prioritizing taking the time to move past the banal to get to the deeper darker levels of those long pondering questions that reside in your heart and those deep seeded emotions that sometimes you don't want to look at because you think, “I don't have the time to commit to dealing with this right now.” Even before the whole world came to a screeching halt I was already feeling restless in my relationships with God, family, friends and even with myself; feeling this need to deepen them but also not really recognizing/identifying that need as the cause of my restlessness. It was actually during those day long FaceTimes with my friend at the start of all this that made realize how much I was craving depth in my relationships because without the distractions of our day to day life our conversations went deep, we discussed our insecurities our fears, some of those little secrets we hold in our hearts. For as we discussed these things I acknowledged that if it wasn't for our current circumstances we probably wouldn't be having some of conversations as soon as we were. But what really hammered home for me this notion was Kate Tempest Lyrical poem People’s Faces especially the verse: 

I mean, you heard it from yourself 

When you were lying in your bed and couldn’t sleep 

Thinking, "Couldn’t we be doing this differently?"

For she was right I had been telling myself these things late at night, but I wasn't listening nor was I taking action. During the next week once I initially heard her poem it was all I would listen to and for the following 2 or 3 weeks I literally started every morning with that. I was encapsulating all those feeling I had/have, the one I decided to address here tonight and others I will look on as I continue writing in here, but for now I think this is a good resting stop.

#lotr #loneliness

[wildtige429]

Imposter

@lynea-kureji This story is taken during the war. And we get to see why Mint is acting so weird around the general recently the entire day.

PS, may contain a reference to American Dad in one segment

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Something weird is going on here.

It’s not the numbers of the Mewman army rising to take him down. Or the fact the weather is not right.

It’s about his second-in-command/right hand man, but in full respect right arm woman, that is weird.

Mint, or Woodleaf by her army name that he suggested, is not being her usual self recently. Even a few of his men have begun to notice. One even stated she is having PTSD, that is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. But they have been in war for a year now and she has never shown signs of PTSD.

How can she have PTSD if she is so clingy and possessive around him? One time, he was having a meeting with his commanders and all of a sudden, she suddenly screamed and barricaded off any of the female soldiers who got to close to him. They were shocked by her aggressive possessiveness. Including himself.

And another time, when he gives out instructions on the army’s strategy, Mint suddenly bawled and whined that she should be in his line of attack rather than being in her own line of attack. That is something he never heard her say because she was never such a complainer and positioned her part of the army quite well.

What is wrong with her?

“Maybe she’s on her period or something? Girls can change dramatically because of that,” the purple reptile, Ripjaw suggested, matter-of-factly.

Toffee couldn’t help but felt insulted and offended by that statement around his second-in-command. Eyes wide with a fiery ire, and his brows knitted in a deep scowl, he made a creepily and robotically slow 90 degree head turn to his colleague. Seeing the anger in his face, the purple lizard became submissively scared.

“It...it came to my head okay? What else was I going to say about her!? I mean, what if she really IS on her period!?” he whimpered, making a frightened excuse that he wished could calm his general’s ire down.

“Or maybe she’s not in a good mood now that you two are not....doing it?” Rasticore suggested, matter-of-factly.

Offended and insulted again by his statement, The Lizard did the reverse 180 degree turn in the same robotic and creepy slow manner, his anger face unwavering as he sets his sights on his old ally. The frilled lizard could feel his anger and he nearly cowered in submission.

“Oh come on, sometimes women get a little moody when they’re not doing it with their guys! Don’t you remember the last time she was grumpy because you were not in the mood!?” he whimpered, hoping his excuse could help calm him down like his friend did just now.

The general didn’t say anything. Not a single word. The air around him was so thick, they knew one thing. 

They are in deep shit.

(Moment later)

“PLEASE, PLEASE!! I’LL NEVER TALK ABOUT - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

“I SWEAR I WON’T TALK ABOUT HER BEING MOODY ABOUT - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

As punishment for insulting and offending Mint, Toffee had the two tied by their ankles and shove them over a cliff that looms over a volcanic lake. Giving them a terrifying bungee jump that would teach them a lesson for good.

“Is that necessary, General?” Mint asked, worried about the two lizards’ safety.

“They will learn,” he answered darkly, passing by her.

The halfbreed second-in-command jogged after him until they were at level speeds, “Toffee, there is a storm coming and we suggest on stabilising our equipment if we want to succeed this,” she reported, “I fear the rain might slow us down alongside the Mewmans and make most of the lizards in our army sick. Including me and you.”

He sighed. It’s true, being cold-blooded has its disadvantages. Months ago, the rain was so cold and heavy, all of the reptiles and lizards in his army, himself included, and Mint, were affected by the cold flu. The flu was so bad, it lasted about three weeks.

But by a miracle, their flu even infected the enemy soldiers too.

“Inform the army to get their rain gear ready. And inform the Hottails to supply the blacksmiths with Forever Stones for the reptilian soldiers,” he ordered.

She gave him a nod and then she had a questioning look on her face. He took notice of it (She was staring at him) and said, “What?”

“Well.......,” she began, twiddling her fingers, “I was wondering about having a short moment of break in the forest. Away from the army like that and catch some zen, get what I mean?”

He was surprised by this offer that he stopped walking, Mint following suit. He had to admit she was right. He’s been stressed for a little while and perhaps taking his mind off of things could help clear his head.

“I’d appreciate that,” he admitted, “What time?”

“Tonight,” she suddenly grinned, “We just meet at the waterfall in the forest. Remember?”

He nodded, “Yes, I remember.”

“Great! OOOOH! I CAN’T WAIT!!” he was startled by her squeal and she suddenly realised what she did and reeled back to her former self, “Sorry. I mean, I will wait for you there.”

“Okay,” he warily said, glancing aside a bit. What is up with Mint today? She was never this excited of being alone with him before. Well, if she wants a short break, then so be it.

(That Night)

There was a slight rain tonight and it brought a little comfort to him through his track through the forest. The ground has become a little muddy and his attire is a little dirty from it. He had one time slipped on a crooked root in the ground and fell face first into the wet mud, coating himself entirely in the wet soil. No way is he going to present himself like this.

“At least I’m here early,” he told himself, finally reaching the destination that he will meet Mint. She was nowhere to be found so that gave good time for him to wash off the mud. 

Moments later, he had taken off his attire, except for his trousers, and rinsed the mud off under the waterfall until they were spotless and clean off of any debris. However, he couldn’t help but feel like he is not alone in this part of the forest. Almost like, he was expecting an ambush from a Mewman assassin or something like that. 

That is why he brought a knife in his pocket.

“YOU CAME!!!!” a shriek startled him and he found himself being thrown into the water by a tremendous force from behind. As he resurfaced, sputtering and spitting out water, he found himself being glommed by an over-excited Mint, not caring that her attire is wet and soaked.

“YES! YES! YES I FINALLY GET TO BE ALONE WITH YOU!!” she screamed like a maniac, “Now LET’S HAVE SOME FUN WHERE WE LEFT OFF BEFORE THE WAR STUFF HAPPENS!!”

He couldn’t stand her strange behaviour and he pulled her off, pushing her away at arms’ length and hands pinning down on her shoulders to prevent her from moving. Mint was confused by his annoyance and frustration and she looked at him like a little people who couldn’t find its chew toy.

“Mint, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but you are scaring me with this behaviour of yours,” he chided, anger audible through his tone, “ I don’t know if you’re on your period or some bullcrap, but so help me, you have to stop acting like a brat!”

Mint was struck by this. She looked like she was about to yell at him when they heard a rustle from the nearby bushes. What popped out of the bushes left Toffee speechless with horrified realisation.

A second Mint. And she appears to be in a horrible scuffle judging by her scratches and she had a big black eye like something had bashed into her face.

“Toffee! Get away from her!” the second Mint warned.

“Don’t listen to her, Toffee! That’s an imposter trying to replace me!” the Mint with him screeched, her voice shrill from lunacy.

“Liar! You knocked me out in the forest last night and was planning to take him from me!” the second Mint argued.

“No! I’m taking him away from you!” the first Mint argued back.

“Are you calling me a liar!”

“Yeah!”

“Then get away from him, you BITCH!!” 

Toffee just had to throw the first Mint away from him because he fully understood where and why she was acting this way the entire day. A person he just wished had moved on without him in the past had come haunting back to me.

“Toffee?” the first Mint whined, stunned and hurt by his action.

“Don’t you Toffee me, Mint,” he growled. He slowly narrowed his eyes as he exposes her with these words, “Or should I call you......Artica!”

The imposter reeled back in shock by this. A moment later, she snarled and turned her sights onto the real Mint. As she stomps out of the water, cold vapour whisper out of her talons, “You...,” she hissed with such hatred and venom, “This is ALL YOUR FAULT!”

She aims her hands at her and fired a cold blast. Mint was able to dodge it as the blast turned a tree behind her into ice. Just as fake Mint was about to fire another ice blast again, the real Mint caught her by grabbing her wrists. The two Mints wrestled with each other, trying to subdue each other.

“MINT! BE CAREFUL!!” Toffee called out.

The imposter smirked, cruelly at her. Mint was confused, until realisation hit her hard like boulders from an avalanche. She looks down and finds ice shards forming on her hands, and she can feel the numbness and chills running down her arms.

“I would have taken them off, if I were you,” the fake Mint taunted cruelly. However, she noticed the real Mint smirking back and she couldn’t figure out why until she felt it. Something liquid and hot is burning her hands.

Looking down with horror, she watched as green liquid oozed out of Mint’s ice-covered hands, melting the ice immediately, and getting it onto her hands. Her skin begins to melt off to reveal pearly white scales. The imposter tried to force her hands out of Mint’s grip when suddenly, the second-in-command grabs her face, spreading more of the poison until what’s left of her form oozed down onto her feet.

Standing before Mint was a Wintertail woman wearing a white jacket and a tunic seemingly woven with cords.

“I should have known you were a Wintertail,” Mint pointed out, shoving the woman away from her. Toffee walked up to her side so he can glare down at this woman, “What are you doing here, Artica!?”

“I want you back with me, Toffee!” the woman, Artica, proclaimed, “After that break-up, I couldn’t stand it! Last time I heard, you were dating a freak and now you made her your second-in-command! No woman should take what’s mine and gets away with it!”

“Now I see why he broke up with you,” Mint pointed out, making the Wintertail hissed with hatred. As she and Toffee continue to glare at her, Artica made a vow, “I maybe a sergeant major in the other part of the army that didn’t revolt, but I will take my revenge on you for taking my Toffee! Remember that, freak!”

And with a huff, she turned tail and disappeared off into the forest, her anger making her ice powers turn up and freezing everything in her way.

“Tell me what happened,” the Lizard said, checking on her wounds. Mint tried her best to smile cheerfully, “Last night, I was going through the forest to check for any Mewman assassins when something hard hit me. I only got a glimpse of Artica using a disguise potion to make herself look like me so she can get you,” she pursed her lip in wonderment, “That Artica chick is really obsessed with you.”

“She really is,” he sighed with defeat, “And here I thought I’ll never see her again.”

He felt a hand on his cheek and looks down to see her smiling, comfortingly at him, “Just like old times, huh? Remember that Axel crook?”

Toffee began to chuckle, remembering their teenage days that brought a smile to his face, “Oh yes. I’m glad he doesn’t know you and the lizard girl he likes are the same person.”

It was Mint’s turn to chuckle back, “Ah, I miss the old days.” 

He had to agree to that. Perhaps one day, if they win the war, they can go back to the days they once had when they were younger. And they would not step until they reach their goal.

He swore on it.

(Epilogue)

Meanwhile, the two lizardmen that were punished for offending and insulting their general and their second-in-command is still dangling from their ankles over the lake of molten lava at the cliff. It has been hours now and they could feel their blood draining into their brains.

“You think he’ll remember that we’re still here?” Ripjaw questioned his friend.

The frilled lizard let out a shrug, “Maybe. Or maybe not.”

They couldn’t help but sigh in defeat. It’s going to be a long day for them to get back up the top.

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Found another song that matches the rivalry of Toffee with Axel and Mint with Artica.

I hope you enjoy reading this!

[veronica-rich]

My Blue Heaven (RD fic)

Do you like Red Dwarf fanfic? Do you like Lister/Rimmer? Do you like humor, and the Dave-era series? Maybe you like this. Maybe you read it and decide. Maybe you enjoy the visual exhibit at the end. Maybe you don’t mind a PG rating this time.

(Also: You don’t have to read Orange Crush before this, but it doesn’t hurt ...)

He was taking a hell of a chance, here. It was one thing for each individual on the ship to see him like this, but Rimmer knew things always shifted in a group dynamic. People fed off of each other, picked up others’ worst tics and inclinations, and said and did things they never would have done on their own. As the great sage Tommy Lee Jones had once observed, a person can be sensible and wise, but people were scared, stricken animals prone to snap judgments and behavior.

Even if there were only three of them.

Oh well, he thought, giving himself one last shimmy before walking into Parrot’s Bar. This wasn’t for them, it was for one person, and hopefully he would be suitably grateful.

Music was surprisingly subdued as he entered the room, though upbeat and bouncy. Kryten was ladling a cup of lager punch for the guest of honor while Cat batted at a pom-pom at the bottom of a hanging paper streamer. Rimmer took a couple breaths deeper than normal and clicked over, his heels hitting the floor with more confidence than the first time he’d done this so many years ago.

Lister was licking what looked like vindaloo sauce from his fingers as he told a story to Kryten between bites of the giant kabob the mech had fixed him. Rimmer marked that the thing looked like a damn yule log, and frowned; sure, it was a special occasion, but Lister was never going to get the retained water circulated out of his lower legs again. He quickly schooled his expression though, as Lister followed Kryten’s eyes and turned toward him - and halted halfway through a dazzling smile as he spotted it. “Is that a cigarette in your hat?” he demanded, pointing at the old deerstalker Lister had clapped on for some reason.

Lister’s eyes set upon him and briefly lit up. “Holy smeg-” he began, then his gaze traveled up to Rimmer’s frown. “What?”

“You’re back to smoking again, aren’t you?”

“Wha- I haven’t smoked in years! What’re you on about?”

Rimmer fisted his hands on his hips and nodded sharply at the hat. “There’s two in your hatband! At least give me credit for good eyesight; I may look over fifty, but I can see better than Cat.”

“HEY!” The felinoid stopped batting and turned to the standoff. “I see fine, Not-Budinski! The specs are just for reading small stuff.”

Rimmer learned long ago not to be distracted. “Isn’t it bad enough you’re putting away that meat and sauce ... missile, to glom up your colon for a week? You have to smoke, too?”

Lister’s expression shifted to verging on anger, and he looked about to set to on Rimmer. A glimmer of comprehension passed over his face, though, and he reached up and plucked the hat off his head, then turned it over, examining the worn old thing. “Huh,” he mused. “Forgot I had those in there.” He pulled one out and sniffed it, his eyes closing in obvious pleasure. “Probably stale as shit,” he sighed, holding it up, then glaring at Rimmer. “This thing is at least a couple hundred years old; it didn’t go into stasis with me the past couple times Cat and I were in there. I’d no more light up this crap than vote for Nixon’s head,” he snapped, shoving it back into the hatband.

Rimmer was stubborn about letting go a good mad. “So you don’t have any ciggies on the sly? At all? Anywhere?” he demanded,

“Why would I lie?” Lister pointed out. “I’m a grown man, and if I want a smoke, I’ll have one. I told you long ago I’d given ‘em up. Why do you want to be cross with me?” he turned back on his husband.

Gritting his teeth a moment longer, Rimmer blew out a sigh. “I don’t know,” he relented, but still snappish. “Just worry, is all. Is that fine with you?”

Lister’s glare softened. “Aww, you’re concerned for my health-”

“If you die, I get shut off.”

“Nuh-uh.” Lister shook his head. “You care about me. You care!”

Rimmer pointedly glanced at the deerstalker again and ground out, wryly, “Well, no shit, Sherlock. It’s sort of in the contract. It’s sort of why I do fool smeg like this.” He cleared his throat and swept his fingertips down his hips, then out to the side to show off the full picture.

Lister gave a last chuckle, then raked his eyes over Rimmer’s entire form, slowly, and whistled. “You clean up astoundingly,” he murmured, meeting the other man’s eyes. “That color always suits you, man.” Rimmer felt himself blushing like a damn schoolgirl. “It’s a big improvement over the last one.”

“You mean that orange monstrosity?” Cat slid over with a little yowl. “That’s ‘cause I was the consultant on this one, monkey! Bright colors are not this dude’s friend. He’s more of a winter, or at last a late fall. Maybe somewhere around November 16.” Cat teetered his hand in gesticulation. “Although I would also have gone with white, except he’s a bit long in the tooth to carry that off. Or maybe it’s the penis; who knows.”

“That’s enough, moggy,” Rimmer hushed him with a sharp look and tone. Sliding his eyes back to Lister, he asked, “So, you ... like your birthday present, then?”

“Depends.” His expression was sly. “Is there a bow on back for me to untie?” Kryten’s small squeak of censure was eclipsed by Cat putting his hands over his ears and sulking back to his streamer muttering about “sex-crazed primates.” “Oh, come on,” Lister protested at them. “You two should be long past this juvenile behavior. I mean, we’re married, for smeg’s sake.”

“Honestly, I don’t know why this is such a daycare,” Rimmer tutted in agreement, shaking his head. “How old are we, again?”

“Do forgive me, sirs,” Kryten politely responded. “It’s a nasty force of habit I’ve neglected to program out of my run files-”

“Also, nobody wants to think of anyone diddling either one of you!” Cat interrupted matter-of-fact. “Nobody who looks as good as me should have to picture you two going at it.”

“Technically, sir, you don’t have to picture it,” Kryten reminded him, lifting a finger to punctuate. “You’ve walked in on the two of them in flagrante.” Cat looked horrified. “Remember,  Mr. Cat?”

“Uhhhh,” Lister intoned, reaching over to grab Kryten’s wrist and lower his hand. “Maybe we don’t need to remind him of past trauma; maybe we don’t all need to remember past trauma.”

The music had turned slow on the sound system, and Rimmer huffed in interruption. “Excuse me, but I am dressed to dance, and you need the exercise,” he directed at Lister. He tried to drop the stern look and let his expression turn what he thought might be coy. “Want to dance, stranger?”

“Man, nothing’s stranger than-” Cat was muttering, at the same time Lister cut him off with a loud, “I thought you’d never shut up carping at me and ask.” He stepped forward and extended his arms for Rimmer. The two of them briefly wrestled over who should lead before Lister said, “For heaven’s sake, you’re wearing the dress.”

“Are you really trying to impose your made-up gender rol-”

“You know I’m not-”

“Besides, I’m a good nine inches taller in these shoes, and-”

“OH MY GOD,” Lister growled, sotto voce because he was a foot from Rimmer. “It’s MY birthday, okay? Let me lead, smeg it all.”

“Well.” Rimmer purred, deciding to give in. “It is that.” Besides, Lister’s warm hands felt too good on his body through the thin velvet of the gown.

“Good. Now ... shut up and kiss me, Hardy.”

(Below is the dress I had in mind for this one. I think it would look pretty good on Rimmer either in his thirties or his fifties, when this is set, frankly)

#red dwarf fanfic #slash #lister/rimmer #me and late night with Google Images #humor #also with Cat and Kryten

[ayearofpike]

Alosha

Tom Doherty Associates, 2004 303 pages, 21 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-765-34960-4 LOC: PS3566.I486 A78 2004 OCLC: 54007210 Released October 1, 2004 (per B&N)

Ali Warner has an affinity for the forest, and so she’s spending her summer vacation trying to stop logging companies from cutting down the oldest trees. But she doesn’t expect to run into something else out there, something that might be seeking to cut her down. As Ali and her friends try to uncover the mystery of who - or what - is out to get her, she starts to learn just why she is so fond of these woods, and how deep that connection goes.

We’re back to YA, only this time it’s more along the shifted expectations of what YA is and who it should be for. I’ve talked variously about how Harry Potter really changed the way authors and publishers approached books for kids and teens, but it really is hard to overstate just what a major shift this was in the market. Like, suddenly it was not just acceptable but even cool to read a book that was aimed at a younger audience, and the young ones themselves got on board faster than anyone else. Like: you’re writing a book for me, about me, and you’re not underestimating how much I can handle or what kinds of thoughts I bring into this world? It’s no wonder it caught on so fast, and it’s no wonder adults also suddenly glommed on: we had to make up for all those juv/teen/YA years of our own when we were trying to power through some Stephen King or Danielle Steel because the stuff in our school library was for babies.

That said, we did have a temporal shift in our own lives as well as the market shift. That four-year gap in Pike production, as mentioned in the comments of the last entry, probably made a lot of readers forget about him as a modern author. Also, that whole market thing meant selling bigger and fancier books first: the hardcover edition of Alosha was released like a year before the paperback. I’m pretty sure this was the first Pike book I got out of the library rather than buying it for just that reason — I didn’t want to mess up the look of my Pike shelf by throwing a big ol’ hardback on it, and I wasn’t ready to drop $18 on a Pike book. (Of course, that all went out the window when I found The Secret of Ka at a big-box discounter in hardback, not even realizing it had come out, and was unable to walk away. And at any rate, nothing printed after 2010 came out in the smaller paperback, so I was screwed no matter what I did.)

Alosha follows the Potter wave in a couple of ways. It’s the start of a series, yes, and it’s got a teen who is beginning to realize magical origins and powers. But it goes a little deeper than that: where Rowling peppers in a handful of magical creatures to vary the world and spice up occasional interactions, Pike goes all-in on the magic race war. No surprise, if you’ve been paying attention: dude managed to work a Lord of the Rings reference into almost every Archway book, and he even got it into his Cheerleaders joint. But I think that I gave him a little more credit than he deserved the first time I read this book, largely because I hadn’t read Spooksville yet — because this is Pan’s Realm, fleshed out and beefed up and given localized importance through Ali, who is connected to the alternate dimension with the elves and dwarfs dwarves, and who will have to realize her power and importance across the series in order to seal the connection and heal the cross-dimensional wounds and hurts. I assume. (I’m not sure I’ve read all of these.)

Let’s begin. Ali is preparing for her long day of protesting by buying a sandwich at a local shop. When she comes out, she’s accosted by a tiny man who is attempting to sell her a watch and then a CD Walkman, but he doesn’t seem to know what the latter is. She rebuffs him and suggests he try to sell at the pawn shop, and then offers him her food because he’s obviously hungry. When he leaves, she realizes he’s stolen her money too, but doesn’t have time to go chasing because the lumberjacks will be showing up soon.

On her way up the mountain, she encounters the lumber manager, who asks that she please stay off the road to avoid making any trucks swerve and crash. What he means, obviously, is go home and quit bugging us, but Ali interprets his words to mean that she can still pester the lumberjacks if she just goes cross-country. But on the way she hears or maybe just senses something following her. Pike’s made her easy to see, with waist-length maroon hair (that’s literally how he writes it), so no surprise unless she wasn’t expecting loggers up in this part of the woods. She’s traversing a narrow ledge when a noise above her makes her look up — and some kind of giant hairy thing leaps out of the way seconds before a torrent of earth and rock comes down over her. She ducks into a hollow in the rock, but she’s still buried and needs to figure out how to breathe before she can figure out how to dig herself out. Luckily there’s a length of hollow bamboo unburied right next to her. Somehow. In the Pacific Northwest. (Maybe? He never exactly says. It could be coastal California, and this town could be Spooksville all over again, but it always struck me as Oregon for some reason.)

So she manages to get out and then makes her way back home, where we learn that her mom has died a year before and her dad is trying to make ends meet as a long-haul trucker, so Ali is alone a lot. She has to spend the night at her best friend’s house, in fact, because her dad is taking off again, and she tells Cindy (see? Spooksville) all about what happened to her. They agree that maybe Ali saw a bigfoot, and they’ll go the next day with their friend Steve to find footprints.

Ali’s on her way home the next morning to get supplies when she runs into the boy of her dreams, Karl Tanner. She mentions the bigfoots to him, and he seems amused but uninterested. So Ali has to go without this amazing boy, and instead goes with her dizzy friend and the fat kid who has a crush on her to try to take pictures of bigfoot prints. Sure enough, they find some, right where it would have had to be standing to dump a giant pile of dirt on Ali. But now Steve thinks that to make this irrefutable they have to find some hair. So the kids follow the tracks back down toward the river, but suddenly Ali is grabbed from behind and thrown into it.

It’s a swift river, a steep gorge, and there’s a waterfall coming up. What is she going to do? Luckily, there’s a tree bridging the banks just before the falls, and Ali manages to leap and grab it at the last second, and scooch herself to safety. But now as she’s trying to return to her friends, the bigfoots are back — three of them, forcing her back into the river. But she feels strong and secure: the current isn’t taking her anywhere this time, and she starts throwing rocks with unexpected power and accuracy. So the bigfoots take off, and now Ali is wiped out and falls asleep in the sun trying to dry out.

When she wakes up, there’s this tree she’s never noticed before, about thirty feet tall but as big around as a house, with a hole big enough to crawl into. She does it and finds this carved room inside the tree, where she sits quietly and starts asking questions — and the tree answers them. It addresses her as Alosha, which is a name she remembers but doesn’t recognize, and tells her its name is Nemi, which means “no one.” It also tells her that she’s more than she knows, and she will have to face the trials of the elements to truly know who and what she is. She’s already passed the trials of water and earth, and yet to come are fire, air, time, space, and the mystery of who she is. This is a good thing, because she also has to go to the top of the nearby mountain, 14,000 feet up, and close the Yanti, the interdimensional gate that is allowing these crazy bigfoots and thieving midgets into our world. If she doesn’t, Nemi warns, the elf and dwarf army will be using it to cross over and will then attempt to wipe out all of humanity for its sins. (I know, doesn’t sound so bad necessarily in 2018.)

But for now, Ali has to go back to her friends and plan what to do. She’s undecided right up until Steve calls with the news: a tree has fallen on the logging boss and he might not survive. Ali knows this isn’t a coincidence, and she has to act. She feels like she can trust Karl, for some reason, maybe because he’s just that much of a dreamsicle, and she tells him everything that’s going on and the task she’s been set. Karl doesn’t even fucking blink. Like, maybe he should have been named Bryce. He just starts collecting hiking and camping gear and asking when they want to go.

Steve and Cindy grudgingly come on board, but when they’re trying to buy food for the expedition they get robbed. Three guesses who. Ali is at the pawnshop in a blink, and sure enough there’s the little dude, preparing to unload a purse and a wallet. Ali finds her new strength and threatens him, and the guy breaks: of course he’s a leprechaun, hiding behind terrible stage makeup, and he’s crossed over to this dimension to be the first one to amass a pot of gold before the other leprechauns show up. He senses Ali’s power though, and that there’s more to her than she knows yet, and agrees to help on their journey when she asks. After all, someone from the other dimension might be able to help them understand what they’re facing. 

So finally four kids and a leprechaun take a taxi up the side of the mountain as far as they can. Karl warns that they still have a 20-mile hike ahead of them, and they have to traverse it in two days, before the full moon totally opens the Yanti. They make it about nine before Fat Steve needs to stop, so they make camp and prepare to spend the night, with Karl taking first watch. Ali dreams about the night her mother died: a car accident, a blinding red flash, waking up in the hospital hours later. When she wakes up, the leprechaun is sneaking back into camp, but Karl doesn’t think that was a big deal — at least, not until the dark fairies show up and start shooting at them with fire lasers. Karl suggests they split up, that Ali go ahead with Cindy while he and the others work to distract the fairies so the girls can make it farther.

Of course this is a fail. It’s nighttime and Ali doesn’t know the trail, so they ultimately end up making a circle back to the camp, which is totally on fire. Oh, and there’s a bigfoot trapped inside the fire, wearing the sweater Ali lost in the rock slide. She feels bad and wants to save him, so she leaps into the circle of fire and suddenly feels strong again, like she could just ask the fire to stop burning and it would. And it does. The bigfoot is actually a troll, and after securing his promise to not eat anyone, Ali conscripts him to come along.

The dark fairies attack again, but now Ali has a fire shield, and she can still throw rocks. She knocks one fairy out of the air and steals the stones it is using to make the fire lasers. They eventually make it to the intended campsite, where the boys are waiting. Karl has taken a shot to the stomach, but everybody else is OK — even Steve, who somehow beat Karl to this point and doesn’t have a scratch on him. However, all of their gear is gone, except the backpack Ali is wearing. It’s too late to turn back now, though. They sleep a little bit longer and then press on.

As they approach the tree line, they start to hear elf warriors coming up behind them. It becomes really obvious when the arrows start flying. The only thing Ali can think of is to get across the river gorge, to where the trees are thicker and they’ll be protected. So she cuts down a tree with the fire stones and everybody gets across this bridge. But they still have to get up the mountain, and the troll is going to turn to stone if he is out in the sun too long. Both of the creatures know about a cave, though, that passes through the mountain and climbs up a bit, emerging on the backside where the travelers might be more protected. Nobody’s psyched about going in, but Ali makes them do it anyway.

They come to a set of three doors where only the middle one is unlocked, so they keep going, Then there’s another set, of seven.The first and third are open, and even though everyone is pushing and clamoring for the third, Ali insists that they use the first. And this is where the shit hits the fan. They come to a giant crevasse before too long, with a bridge fallen down on the opposite side. Karl has a rope, and manages to catch one of the hooks in the floor, but before the gang can get all the way across, the dwarf army shows up. Ali is safely on the far side, but the weight of three kids, a leprechaun and a troll is too much for the rope, and the dwarf general throwing his ax and chopping it off on the other side means all of Ali’s friends are falling into darkness. She runs, but doesn’t get far before she’s hijacked by the dark fairies, who subdue her easily as the fire stones don’t work on this side of the first door. Shit.

Ali is taken to the dark fairy hive, where she’s hung from her ankles and taunted by the queen. She seems to feel like she should know something more than she does, and the dark fairy queen sees it too, that she’s forgotten important information. It doesn’t matter, because Ali will still make a delicious dinner. She takes off and leaves Ali to dread her fate, during which time she realizes that she survived that car crash for a reason. That it wasn’t the car crashing into something — it was being crashed by someONE, someone outside, someone who had the power to make red flashes, maybe with stones. This gives her the strength to want justice, and she manages to free herself and then waylay the fairy queen when she returns, forcing her to fly Ali back up to the gorge where she lost her friends.

See, Ali has realized something. She’s noticed her watch is running backward, and the buttons she’s ripped off her shirt to mark the gang’s progress have mysteriously reappeared. So not only do the fire stones not work on this side of this door, but also time runs backwards. If she can get up to the set of seven doors before the gang gets there the first time, maybe she will be able to convince herself to make the right choice. Unfortunately, none of the group can see her, because she’s still time-shifted too far out of sync. However, Ali-2 does hear the button fall on the floor just inside the third door, right when she’s ripped it off to drop it inside the first. So she calls her friends back and they go the right way, all the way to the outside of the cave, where it is dark but they still have about 2000 feet to climb to the peak.

Before the Alis leave the cave, though, they rejoin each other, with the knowledge and test completions that both have now done. And Ali has realized something else: one of her friends is working against the effort. As they climb the last distance to the summit, she confides in Karl: Steve is a traitor, and she needs him to be held hostage before they get up to the Yanti. Karl is only too ready to help, and tapes him up to be guarded by the creatures before he climbs the last stone dome (which looks to Ali kind of like a giant igloo) with the girls.

And sure enough, there on a pedestal in the middle of the roof is the Yanti: a seven-sided band surrounding a triangle surrounding a single diamond, none of them touching but still connected all the same. Only Ali can get close enough to see it, though: the other two are stopped by some kind of force field. Karl wants to know why Ali isn’t grabbing it to stop the dimensional portal opening, and that’s when he reveals himself to be the total shitbag and not Steve. In a former life, Karl was Ali’s chief advisor in the realm of the elementals, and when she wouldn’t heed his advice to cross dimensional borders and support war against the humans, he went to the dark fairies to get done what he needed to do. And now he wants the Yanti and all its power, and he’s got a gun to Cindy’s head and will blow her pretty brains all over the mountain if Ali doesn’t give it up.

Only guess what: Ali already knew that. Gagging Steve was a ruse to make Karl overconfident. And guess what else: she already found the gun and took all the bullets out of it. You don’t have to guess, though, that her super strength and powers are way too much for Karl — but just before she kills him, he drops the bombshell that her mother is still alive. He took her out of the burning wreck and substituted some other body that the dark fairies provided. If she kills him, he warns, she’ll never find her mother. So she lets Karl walk, just before a giant rainbow halo surrounds the moon and lights up the entire mountain, and just like that the elemental army is here.

Ali wants to talk to the lord of the elves, to try to talk him out of the war. He’s all, nah dude, we’ve been over this and reborning yourself as a human girl isn’t going to change my mind. But Ali tries more persuasion: it’s because she’s taken the human form, she argues, that she KNOWS humans aren’t totally bad, and that there is some hope for the earth and all its dimensions if they’ll just stop now. But the elves are determined to fuck some shit up, and it’s too late for Ali to do anything about it.

Or is it?

By whispering her secret name into the Yanti, Ali turns it back on, just like a light switch. She commands the elementals to be gone, and they all fade out — all except the elf king, who has used his OWN secret name to stick around and then suddenly has Ali at knifepoint. She knows he isn’t going to kill her, because she knows they have a history, and sure enough the dude drops his knife and backs off. For now. He is still convinced that there is a dark evil overtaking his dimension, and the only way to get rid of it is to get rid of humans. Because, dear Ali, the darkness is a product of this dimension, and destroying its origin is necessary. So we haven’t seen the last of the elf king, or Karl probably.

But we do still have a problem: we’re stuck on top of this 14,000 foot peak with no food or water. No sweat: Ali asked for a canoe, and it’s sitting right there. They literally snowboard it down to the river and then ride the rapids all the way back to town, undoing in three hours what took them two days to traverse. Then Ali goes to the hospital to see the logging boss, and with the magic of the Yanti manages to heal his ills and save his life.Then she goes home, where her father is frantically waiting for her, and he notices that her hair has gone from maroon to bright red. Just like her mother’s.

And that’s the end of Alosha! We certainly have a neat story here, tied off while still leaving enough open ends to explore further in future tales. Obviously Ali is going to have to battle the dark evil, and obviously she’s going to attempt to find her mother and thwart Creepy Karl. Still, I don’t really know if that’s all going to get wrapped up in three books. (Spoiler: I know it won’t, because Pike has written a fourth, which he’s holding hostage until whoever has the movie rights to this one makes a move and gets it produced.) I guess all we can really do right now as Pike fans is keep moving along, and hopefully we won’t have to go back in time too far to undo our own mistakes.

[lordavanti]

Halfdan x Reader

Out of my headcacon; Vikings and their scars I got the request to make a drabble ouf of Halfdan his part so here it is. Enjoy!

Words: 1599 Warnings: Big amount of fluff

Taglist: @itharley @missbrightlyred @burningsunshin3 @inthenameofodin @float-autumn-leave @zombie-zayde @nothingbuthappydays @dani-si @ivarbarnes @supervalcsi @kolvanismirk @sweetvengeancee @mysticsthinking @odins-missing-eye @kirah34 @laketaj24 @tiredofthisgeneration @deaffeinatedeaglefart

You stood against the wall, looking over to that one throne, that one throne that belonged to king Harald Finehair. As a king he conquered a lot of things, lands, women, titles, but he wouldn’t be able to do it without his brother. Your eyes grew a little concerned when you saw Halfdan shift his weight against the pillar, rubbing his hand over his chest while a shield maiden defensed herself against Harald for a crime she didn’t commit. You hardly paid attention, ever since Harald was back he wanted to clench the village so only the best of the best were remaining. You weren’t a fighter, you were Halfdan his wife, the only thing that kept your safe from the ruthlessness those brothers showed to their own people. Halfdan caught you starring and he stroke his hand away from his chest. You knew what was underneath there, the wounds of battle, the scars of the past. But he hardly let you look at it, he hardly let you take care of those wounds. You just knew it was there. You had to tell him something but since the pain started to burden him you took his health before your own news. The shield maiden rambled something and you looked down, moving your body out of the shadows towards the door. ‘Y/n.’ You froze on the sound of your name and slowly turned around to the king. ‘Yes, my king?’ You asked him polite, looking how the shield maiden walked back out. Harald gestured you with his fingers to come closer and so you did, standing still before his throne. ‘Tend my brother his wound.’ He commanded. You looked aside to Halfdan and smiled softly. ‘He doesn’t want me to tend his wounds.’ ‘The only thing he doesn’t want to do is tell you how he got it, clearly the healer doesn’t make it better, are you even going to a healer?’ He felt silence and looked over to Halfdan. ‘Maybe your wife at least can.’ He pointed out. You had to bite your tongue to not agree with Harald. ‘I don’t need fixing.’ Halfdan protested short. He was stubborn like that, in the good way, he didn’t want you to worry. ‘Brother.’ ‘Find yourself someone else. Y/n, come.’ He barked. You bowed for Harald and followed Halfdan home. His hand was already on his chest again and you tried not to stare. When the walls surrounded you both and there wasn’t somebody around to see his expressions he relaxed a little, growling while he unstrapped the leather of his armor. You walked over to him, laying your fingers over his and took his job over, unstrapping it so he was free from the pressure. You looked up to him and he looked down to you in a moment, his eyes as dark and dominant as always … but even that couldn’t hide the pain. ‘I won’t ask.’ You whispered, getting him out of the armor only to see the red stain on his tunic. ‘You know the torture or seeing somebody you love live in pain without having the change to do something?’ You asked, slowly looking up from the red stain to his face. ‘No, the only person I love will never has to suffer pain.’ His knuckles stroke your cheek and you smiled weak. ‘Maybe one day you will.’ You just said, knowing there was more ways to suffer pain except for battle wounds. ‘Let me Halfdan, I can’t watch to this anymore.’ You begged softly. His hand fell from your face before he softly nodded. You thanked him and assembled whatever you had in house to treat him. He had already pulled of his tunic so your eyes dropped immediately to the wound, the swollen red edges. When he came back he was fine, better then fine, you made love, he was happy to see you, this seemed a lot worse than the morning you woke up aside him all satisfied and glomming. ‘It’s infected.’ You responded on the sight of that wound. ‘I know.’ ‘And you just let it happen? How,’ ‘You weren’t planning on asking.’ He softly said, looking up to you. You signed and went to work, carefully cleaning the half closed wound before smearing a strong ointment on it. ‘You can tell me whatever you want Halfdan, I’m your wife, not a slave that gossips.’ You whispered while caring a bandage around his shoulder and over his chest. He laid his hand at the back of your leg and tugged you closer. ‘You know why I do it.’ ‘To keep me safe I know. Stories can’t harm me.’ ‘I can.’ He protested. You finished before laying your hand against his jaw, scouring your finger over his beard. ‘I am proud of you, I love you.’ You promised him. ‘That is only because I don’t tell. You would hate me.’ ‘You don’t know that.’ ‘My love, don’t.’ He asked you kindly. He stood up, carefully and kissed your forehead before leaving for bed. You looked to his red stained tunic and to the way he positioned himself in bed. You had to be glad he was alive, nothing else mattered, right? When you woke up he was still there, sleeping. It was a rare occasion, having him around when you woke up. His arm heavy resting on your waist. He laid on his good side, the bandage was still clean and you looked up to his face finding him peaceful. He hardly looked so quiet and good as this. Your eyes lowered back to his bare chest, counting the scars from which he didn’t want to tell their stories. You knew at least one … the arrow he took in Paris, the one you would never forget for you almost lost him. You lifted your finger and touched that round edgy scar just above his heart, remembering how it felt. Your finger traced down, to a large slice mark over his stomach. He captured your finger lazy and you looked up to his face. ‘Don’t.’ He murmured hoarse, you loved his morning voice. He was still so sleepy it was almost cute. He stroke your face, tangling his fingers through your hair before kissing you. You hummed, smiling in that kiss while stroking his blond hair out of the way. ‘How do you feel?’ You asked concerned. ‘Better, thanks to my amazing wife.’ He placed another kiss against your lips and you chuckled, feeling all happy by his mood. ‘Can I tend your wounds from now on?’ You looked up to him, to the slow smile spreading over his face as his finger scoured your lips. ‘Maybe.’ He admitted, rolling slowly to his back. You scooped closer to him, laying your hand carefully on his stomach as he embraced you with his arm. ‘Maybe I wouldn’t leave you all scared like this.’ You said, stroking that one scar again. ‘I don’t mind to bare the scars, as long as your skin is smooth and you are around they can run as long as they want.’ He reacted, stroking his fingers over your naked back. You rested your head against his chest, kissing his skin while enjoying his touch. ‘So I can’t have any scar?’ You asked, lifting your head to look up to him. He squeezed your ass and you jumped a little, giggling as he turned you on your back and kissed your neck. ‘The only scar you can bare is that of childbirth.’ He explained. ‘Lucky me, I wouldn’t know how to explain it otherwise.’ You said innocent. He held still before pulling back and studying your face.  ‘What are you saying?’ ‘That you will have to see me suffer pain within this and seven months, give or take.’ You confessed your pregnancy. He looked stunned, shocked, his mouth hanging slightly open. ‘How long did you knew already?’ ‘Is that your concern? For a month I think, didn’t want to bother you for you are in pain.’ ‘Didn’t want to bother me, Y/n,’ ‘Halfdan, I’m telling you I’m pregnant and you are angry because I didn’t tell?’ You interrupted him. His shook his head wildly, crashing his lips down to yours so you had to gasp for breath. You felt the warmth spread through your body as he flattened his hand over your stomach. ‘I’m not angry.’ He whispered. Both of you panting before he squeezed his eyes in pain and shifted his weigh so he was near your belly. You pushed up on your elbows, looking how his fingertips traveled over your belly. ‘Guess who is getting my undivided attention.’ He said with a small smile before kissing your skin there. You head to bite your lip to not let your smile burst your face. ‘Leave something for me to.’ You smiled to him. He pulled himself more up again, stroking your hair out of your face. ‘You will wish you weren’t pregnant.’ ‘Why?’ ‘I’m not leaving you out of my sight. Nobody is gonna talk to you without me knowing,’ he placed a kiss on your neck. ‘Nobody is gonna touch you without me knowing it,’ a kiss against cheek. ‘nobody is gonna care for you without me knowing it.’ He placed a kiss against the corner of your lips, hardly pulling back. ‘The fact I have scars is the mercy of the gods for letting me come home to you, every single time again.’ ‘Then we should thank them for gifting you with a child.’ You replied. He kissed you gentle and you melted. He was already so protective, what would the next month’s then be?

#vikings #vikings imagine #Halfdan imagine #Halfdan the black #Halfdan x reader #Halfdan fic #halfdan the black imagine #vikings fic #vikings drabble #Harald Finehair #King Harald #vikings x reader #vikings fanfiction #Murderbro's #Harald and Halfdan

[singingpuppies]

RP With Sanders-Sides-RP-Blog-12

Who: Patton and Roman.

Part: Eighteen.

General Notes: When Patton woke up this morning, he was a regular guy. Now he’s come to find out that he was kidnapped as a baby and he’s actually a Prince, who’s set up in an arranged marriage with another Prince named Roman. How will Patton react to so much changing in his life all at once? Especially when neither of the young princes want to marry someone they’ve just met?

Warnings: None just lots of cute.

ROMAN

After a few minutes of gently massaging Virgil and pressing kisses to his shoulders, Remus looks at Virgil. "Do you want me to wash your hair too?" he asks, gently running one of his hands through Virgil's hair as he asked the question. He loved Virgil's hair- it was so soft, and he just liked doing nice things for Virgil- and Remus would never, ever admit it- but he loved the soft moments after sex- the cuddles and the after care.

PATTON

Virgil's hands found their way to Remus' waist as he continued to try and balance himself. "Yeah." he replied quietly, loving the idea of Remus' hands through his hair as much as he loved the idea of getting to wash Remus' hair. He always had loved running his hands through Remus' hair, it was so calming, and he'd realized earlier today when Remus started playing with his own hair when he'd been feeling anxious how much he really enjoyed that as well, relaxing into the feeling of Remus' hand running through his hair.

ROMAN

Remus finds a bottle of Virgil's shampoo, and then he pours some out onto his hand, smiling a bit when Virgil's hands wrap around his waist. He gently rubs the shampoo into Virgil's hair, his fingernails lightly scratching at Virgil's scalp as he washes his hair, humming softly as he does so.

PATTON

Virgil held onto Remus a little tighter, but not so much because of his ankle, more so because of the way he absolutely melted at the feeling of Remus' hands in his hair, the feeling of his nails scratching lightly against his scalp, and the sound of Remus humming was probably the most beautiful relaxing sound in the world.

ROMAN

Remus can't help but smile at Virgil, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. "Close your eyes please, sweetheart." Remus says, before he moves so that Virgil's hair is under the stream of the showerhead, not wanting his boyfriend to accidentally get soap into his eyes. He gently rinses the soap from Virgil's hair, before moving him out from under the water again, grabbing the conditioner.

PATTON

Virgil smiled more when he felt Remus kiss his nose, humming out a small response before closing his eyes. Thinking about it, this might've been the most relaxed he'd ever felt. Normally, there was one anxious thought or another popping it's way into his head, but what could he possibly find to be anxious about right now? He reached one hand up to wipe the water away from his eye lids before opening them again once he was sure that he was out from under the running water, letting his hand return to it's original home on Remus' waist.

ROMAN

Remus pours some of the conditioner out into his hand, before massaging it into Virgil's hair, and he can't help a smile at how relaxed Virgil looks. When he's done rubbing it in, he speaks again. "Close your eyes again?" he asks, before moving Virgil under the water, washing all of the conditioner out, before moving Virgil out from under the stream of water, pressing a kiss to his forehead gently.

PATTON

Virgil relaxed even more, if that were even possible, when he felt Remus' hands return to his hair again to add the conditioner, closing his eyes just as Remus asked him to. As soon as he was out from under the water and he felt Remus kiss his forehead, he smiled a bit more, honestly just enjoying the feeling of being close to his boyfriend and melting at the feeling of letting him take care of him. Virgil was very use to being independent, doing things for himself, sometimes doing things for others, but before he started dating Remus, there weren't any times he could think of since he moved out of his childhood home where someone did for him. He enjoyed it more than he realized, especially when it was Remus.

ROMAN

"I forgot to tell you earlier- but you have a nice ass." Remus tells him- and for anyone else, that might ruin a moment, but with Remus, it just seems to add to it. He turns off the water in the shower, lifting Virgil up, and then finding a big fluffy towel and wrapping his boyfriend in it, carefully drying him off, and then grabbing another towel for himself.

PATTON

Virgil snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Remus' voice, letting out a small laugh at the comment. "Thanks." he said, a slight blush on his face as he smiled at his boyfriend. It took him a moment for his brain to catch up, he wasn't use to being this relaxed so it was surprisingly difficult to focus, feeling his boyfriend lift him up and wrap him in a towel. Realizing that in his relaxed, trance-like state he'd completely missed his window of opportunity to return the favor and wash his boyfriend's hair, he grabbed the second towel from Remus and ran his hand through Remus' wet hair a bit, playing with it in his hands before using the towel to towel-dry it a bit because there was no way there was a situation where anything hair related was involved and he was going to walk away from it having not gotten to mess with his boyfriend's hair at all.

ROMAN

Remus can't help but smile at Virgil's actions, and he gently leans into the hand in his hair, closing his eyes for a second and letting out a soft hum of contentment. He lets Virgil dry it, and he takes the towel when he's done, wrapping it around himself and then lifting Virgil again, carrying him to Virgil's room again, and he gently set him down on the bed. He looks through Virgil's drawers, tossing Virgil a pajama set that he found, and then just slipping on a pair of oversized pajama pants of Virgil's he found, not bothering with a shirt.

PATTON

Virgil doubted Remus was all that surprised by his actions, playing with his boyfriend's hair was like the most defining aspect of his personality by this point, and he wanted to take care of him too, so of course that was the first thing he did when he saw the towel. Virgil smiled a bit when his boyfriend lifted him up again before setting him down on the bed, taking the pajamas from him and putting them on, about to tell him he was pretty sure he had some that would fit Remus, but stopping when Remus seemed to find a pair he liked. "I like seeing you in my clothes." Virgil commented once he'd put his own pajamas on, using the towel he was still holding to towel dry his own hair a bit.

ROMAN

Remus smiles a bit, walking over to the bed and then sitting himself down beside Virgil, wrapping his arms around him. "I'll just have to wear them more often then, won't I?" Remus asks with a little smile. "I like your clothes- they smell like you and you always smell nice." Remus says.

PATTON

Virgil immediately dropped the towel and glommed onto Remus the moment he climbed onto the bed, somehow feeling like it'd been far too long since he was close to him despite the way they'd spent literally every second since the others had left the house, climbing onto his boyfriend's lap to make sure he was as close as humanly possible. Some of his clothes might be a bit short on Remus, but Virgil had a thing for oversized clothing so despite the fact that his boyfriend had longer legs than he did, he bet a lot of his clothes would actually end up fitting Remus perfectly because of that. "Definitely." he hummed in response, smiling a bit. "Sounds like a win/win because when I get the clothes back they'll smell like you and you always smell amazing." Virgil commented as he buried his face in his boyfriend's shoulder.

ROMAN

Remus laughs softly, wrapping his arms around Virgil when his boyfriend climbed onto his lap, turning to press kisses to every part of his face that he could reach- his nose, his cheeks, his forehead- everywhere. He moves so that the two of them are laying down, Remus's arms wrapped tightly around Virgil, holding onto him- no wanting to ever let go of him.

PATTON

Virgil smiled and let out a small laugh when he felt Remus kiss every inch of his face before feeling him lay down, he loved just laying on top of his boyfriend, he was so comfortable, and like he'd just said, he smelled so good, and it was so nice to be close to him. Nuzzling his face into his boyfriend's chest he lightly traced patterns on Remus' bare collarbone with his fingertips, feeling so calm.

ROMAN

Remus smiles at Virgil, happy when his boyfriend nuzzled against his chest, keeping his arms firmly around his boyfriend- he doesn't think he's ever been this... content? Happy? Both?- in his entire life. He's extremely happy to just hold Virgil, occasionally leaning to press a kiss to his face, but mostly just tiredly holding onto him.

PATTON

Virgil just allowed himself to enjoy the moment, something that was quite rare for him, but he was feeling so soft and happy and like an absolute mush and that never happened for him, so he was going to enjoy it. After a while of just enjoying the silence and the closeness with his boyfriend and the occasional kisses, he glanced up at him. "How long do you think we have left before all those loud messy people get back?" he mumbled tiredly after a moment.

ROMAN

Remus shrugs. "Why- you hoping for another round?" he teases with a smile, before he thinks. "Probably not that long, actually- they should be back soon." he says softly to Virgil. He doesn't want to get out of bed with Virgil- just wants to lay here for eternity with him.

PATTON

Virgil smiled a bit. "With you? Always." he replied with a smirk before letting out a small sigh. "Yeah, I was afraid you were gonna say that... they're gonna want us to get out of bed and eat dinner and talk to them and I just wanna stay here laying on you forever and forget the rest of the world exists." Virgil mumbled as he buried his face back in his boyfriend's chest, his words muffled against his skin. "They're great, I care about them all, but I just want you right now." he concluded after a moment.

ROMAN

Remus looks at Virgil. "So then we won't get out of bed." he tells him simply. "They can't make us- and you're being nice enough to let us stay in your house. They can eat by themselves if you don't want to go out there." Remus tells him softly, cuddling Virgil. He didn't really want to get up either.

PATTON

Virgil looked back up at Remus when he simply stated that they just wouldn't get out of bed if he didn't want to. "Really? I don't wanna be the reason you don't get to eat, star." he said softly, reaching up to play with Remus' hair a bit. He didn't want to get up, just wanting to stay here and cuddle Remus for the rest of the night and not interact with anyone else, but he didn't want to prevent Remus from going on there and eating and socializing if he wanted to.

ROMAN

Remus can't help when he smiles at the nickname, a faint blush crossing his cheeks because he just loved it so much- "VeeVee, it's okay- I'm not that hungry. If I was, I'd tell you- I think they'll be fine without us for a night." he tells him with a smile, leaning into the hand on his hair softly.

PATTON

Virgil smiled when he realized that he'd caused that blush on Remus' face. He leaned in to give Remus a quick kiss before resting his head on Remus' chest again. "You're the best." he said as he continued to reach his hand up to play with his hair, closing his eyes and just relaxing at the idea of getting to stay like this. Realizing just how relaxed he was, cuddled a little closer to Remus before mumbling-- "I might fall asleep... if I do and you get hungry just... shove me off, throw me, whatever you have to do so you can go get food." sleepily as the hand playing with Remus' hair slowed a bit.

ROMAN

Remus smiles, gently leaning into the hand on his hair, closing his eyes softly as he relaxes into it. He can tell that Virgil is going to fall asleep soon. "Okay- get some rest, sweetheart." he says to him softly, gently kissing the top of his head. Roman and Patton were the first of the group to arrive, Roman holding one of the shopping bags in his good hand.

PATTON

Between how bad his anxiety had been earlier in the day and the amazing rest of his day that he'd gotten to have with Remus, he was honestly surprised he managed to stay awake for as long as he had. He was wiped out. He was so glad that they'd managed to convince the others to go out for a few hours so he could have that time with Remus, he just hoped it had been as good for Remus as it had been for him. He finally stopped playing with Remus hair, falling asleep on his boyfriend. Patton set down the bags he was holding, surprised when he put them down to see he'd put them next to Virgil's sword and shield, what was that doing out? 

He bit down on his lip in thought, the group of them was sort of making a mess of things around Virgil's house, and he kept making mental notes to clean as a thank you to Virgil for letting them stay here later, but he was starting to think later might be now. He just wanted to show his appreciation, even if he couldn't exactly remember how they'd all end up injured or why they were staying here in the first place. He'd decided not to question it, his friends hadn't exactly done the best job of hiding the fact that whatever it was they didn't want him to know about it, and they must've had a good reason if that were the case, plus he liked staying at Virgil's. Homey cottage was much more his vibe.

ROMAN

Remus was really glad that the others had left so that he could have time with Virgil too. He closes his eyes as well, but doesn't fall asleep just yet, just enjoying holding his boyfriend, enjoying being near him and holding him- and then eventually he inevitably fell asleep beside him, snoring softly next to him. Roman looks at the sword and shield as well- Virgil had gone back to get those!? He sighs- Virgil had put himself in danger to go get those, while telling everyone else not to go to the castle themselves. "You've got a look on your face like you want to do something- what is it darling?" Roman asks him.

PATTON

Patton looked back at Roman when he heard his voice, pursing his lips together. "Well, we're kind of all making a mess of Virgil's house... so I was thinking maybe we should clean so that we can show how appreciative we are that he's letting us stay here for a while." he suggested with a small smile. Patton had actually always enjoyed cleaning, so he certainly didn't mind the activity, and was more than happy to do most of the work himself if Roman's arm hurt too badly to do too much.

ROMAN

Roman nods, giving Patton a smile. "Yeah- that's a good idea!" he says with a smile, looking around at the little bit of a mess that they had made. "I'm assuming Virgil and Remus are in Virgil's room- so we could clean it while they're...asleep or whatever." he says.

PATTON

Patton nodded, making a mental note to be quiet while he cleaned so he didn't wake up Virgil and Remus. "Okay, do you wanna tidy up in the kitchen and I'll get started in the living room?" Patton asked, figuring there was a bit less mess in the kitchen since they'd been doing a fairly good job of washing dishes after meals and such so that way the activity wouldn't put too much strain on Roman's arm.

ROMAN

Roman nods. "Sure." he says with a little smile. "Janus and Logan should be back soon too, so they might help." he says to him, before starting to clean up the kitchen, starting putting away any plates or cutlery that he found not in it's proper place.

PATTON

Patton nodded before kissing Roman on the cheek, heading into the living room. He took the sheets that were on the pull out and made the bed, figuring it just looked nicer that way and it was always more comfortable to sleep in a made bed anyway, also straightening up the sheets and pillows on the chairs Logan and Janus had claimed, since he couldn't exactly make them like he could a bed but he could make them look neater and nicer so it didn't look like quite a mess. He picked up and put away a few random items that were out, setting his stuffed cat on the pull out by the pillows before noticing his bag, most of his items were out. He didn't remember doing that, and there were even a few items that he put back in the bag to neaten up that he couldn't even remember why he'd decided to save, but he decided not to think too much about it, looking at his stuffed frog and debating about whether to put him back in the bag with the rest of his things or whether to put him on the pull out with the stuffed cat.

ROMAN

Roman cleans around the kitchen, wiping down the countertop, picking anything up off the floor that he found, and just generally tidying everything up. He grabbed a dust rag to dust the cabinets and such, cleaning up. As he was finishing up, he heard the door open, Janus and Logan walking inside, Janus holding a bag of things from his house, he had got things for himself, and for Remus as well.

PATTON

Logan stepped inside after Janus, carrying a bag of a few things that he'd brought from his house. "Hi, we're just tidying up." Patton said, holding his frog. "I can help... but I'm going to take a shower first, if that's alright." Logan said. He'd wanted to take one earlier since he felt a bit dirty after being shoved to the ground at school during that altercation, but he didn't have anything to change into then... he supposed he could've taken the time to shower when they stopped at his house, but he didn't really want to be in that house any longer than he had to be and risk his dad coming home. "Of course." Patton said with a nod as Logan went into the bathroom. "Did he have all those scratches before?" Patton asked as he looked back at Janus, not knowing about what happened at school since he and Roman had been outside during that conversation.

ROMAN

Janus nods, watching Logan leave, then he turns to look at Patton and Roman, Roman who looked worried as well as Patton. "No... some kids at school were being mean to him- they pushed him over, and then they locked him into a closet... but don't worry- they've been dealt with." he tells the two of them. "Patton, any way that I can help?" he asks him, gesturing to the cleaning, seeming as Patton seemed to be in charge of the cleaning process here.

PATTON

Patton pouted a little when Janus told them what happened to Logan. He hated the thought of the kids at school being mean to him. "Is he okay?" Patton asked as he looked at the bathroom door around the same time that he heard the shower turn on. He hoped Logan wasn't upset in there. He'd be upset if someone pushed him down like that. Looking back at Janus at the question, he bit his lip in thought. "Um, there's some crumbs on the floor by the kitchen table, maybe you could sweep, if it's not too much trouble?" Patton asked politely.

ROMAN

"I think so." Janus says but he glances at the door worriedly. "I had a little talk with him- and he promised to tell me if it happened again." he tells him, before looking around, finding a broom, and then starting to sweep up the kitchen. Roman nods- didn't he promise to banish any bullies that touches Logan? Was that still an option? he thought to himself as he cleaned.

PATTON

Patton nodded a bit, it was good that Logan had promised to tell Janus if it happened again, but hopefully it wouldn't happen again. Patton went back to debating whether or not to leave his frog out with his cat... he supposed he could. None of his friends seemed to think it was weird or immature how much he loved that cat, in fact, Virgil had given it to him, so he supposed they wouldn't judge the frog. He set the frog on the bed carefully next to the cat, taking his bag and setting it down in the corner along with the shopping bags he and Roman had just brought in so that the stuff wasn't as noticeable since it was more away in the corner of the room out of sight. Looking at the sword and shield, he just sort of chewed his lip, not really sure where that went, so perhaps it was just better to leave it by the door. After a while, Logan came out of the bathroom, his hair wet and having changed into a pair of pajamas he'd brought from home, his spare pair of glasses on his face since his others had been broken earlier in the day. He set his bag down next to where he saw Patton had put his own along with the shopping bags, figuring that was where it was suppose to go. "I can get started cleaning the bathroom." Logan offered, it wasn't really messy in there, but he wanted to help and it seemed like everyone out here had everything covered out here.

ROMAN

Janus's worry had kind of died down about the bullying at school, but now he was just worrying a bit more because what if Janus had accidentally made it worse? What if by talking to them and making them leave Logan alone that day he just had it worse in the future? What if Logan was too scared, or didn't want to go against what his father said- and he didn't tell Janus if it happened again? And he didn't get help? He looks over when Logan gets out of he bathroom, and he nods a bit. "Sure, Lo. If I finish then I can come help." he tells him, continuing to sweep up the floors. Roman finishes cleaning up the kitchen, then looks at Patton. "Pat? Need any help in the living room?" he asks him.

PATTON

Logan nodded, looking around the bathroom. Honestly, it wasn't really all that messy, just a few things left out on the counters and some towels that could be washed. He straightened up the few things he saw out before collecting the towels and putting them in the hamper so they could be washed. Maybe tomorrow they could do some laundry to help Virgil out. Patton looked up when he heard the question, shaking his head a bit. "No, I think I'm done in here." he said. Looking around the house, it looked a lot better than when they started, so he felt a lot better about the whole thing, not feeling like he'd made a huge mess of Virgil's home anymore. "I might actually take a quick shower myself and then go to bed." Patton admitted as he looked back at Roman. He was getting tired, and he really wanted to change into the new pajamas he'd gotten but he felt like he should shower first... he still couldn't remember what happened to cause all these injuries but he hadn't taken a shower since it'd happened and he bet the warm water would feel really good and maybe make him a little less sore.

ROMAN

Janus and Roman finished up their cleaning, and when Patton said he was going to shower and then go to bed, Roman nods. "Okay darling." he tells him softly. "I might actually head to bed soon to." he admits. Recently Roman had been perpetually tired, and going out and walking around and doing things today had been exhausting. Janus looks over at them. "Patton? Do you want me to make you something quick to eat while you're in the shower?" he asks him, not wanting to have Patton go to bed hungry.

PATTON

Patton had noticed that Roman was more tired lately, he hoped it was nothing to worry about, but he supposed the injury to his arm just was wiping him out, and it was probably part of the recovery process to get a lot of rest, so maybe it was normal in this particular circumstance. Patton looked back at Janus, giving a small nod. "Yeah, that'd be really nice, thank you." he said appreciatively before kissing Roman on the cheek and heading into the bathroom. Logan grabbed the destroyed book from school, sitting himself down on his chair and trying to figure out if there was a way to salvage it at all or if it'd be better at this point to just buy a new copy.

ROMAN

Roman smiles when he received a kiss on the cheek, looking at Patton happily, and watching him leave. He moves, sitting down at the kitchen counter, as Janus walks through the kitchen, looking for something simple to make quickly for him. He finds some soup in the fridge, and he pours it into a pot, heating it over the stove, watching it to make sure that it didn't boil over.

PATTON

Patton took a quick shower, feeling a lot better afterwards, he should've done it sooner, but it was nicer now that he had new clean pajamas to change into afterwards. He looked at himself in the mirror before he put the pajamas on, examining the bruises and cuts that covered his body. Some looked a lot worse than others, but over all, he figured he was healing nicely. He couldn't help but notice that the bruise on his neck looked suspiciously like a handprint... he really wished he could remember what happened, but given the shape of that bruise, part of him was afraid to ask... maybe it was better not knowing. He put on his pajamas, making sure the bathroom looked just as neat and tidy as it had been when he came in before coming out, walking over to where Logan was sitting and watching him work on the book. 

His brow furrowed slightly and he grabbed one of the pages, letting out a small gasp. "Logan, there's blood on this... there's blood on a lot of this book." Patton said, Logan instantly shushing him. "Shhh, Roman is right in the kitchen and Remus could come out of the bedroom at any time." Logan said, glancing over at the kitchen to make sure they hadn't heard Patton. "So?" Patton asked, confused. "So, Roman and Remus can't know why there's blood on the book." Logan explained. "I'm confused." Patton admitted. "Just... don't tell them." Logan said before sighing. "I should probably just throw this away, I doubt there's any way to salvage it." he said finally. Patton looking the book over a moment. 

"Well, I don't really know how to, but you could take all the pages that aren't ripped or covered in blood and save them and use them as origami paper.... that way they don't just get tossed in the trash... and I bet there's some sort of craft we could use the cover for... the pages that are too ripped and damaged and... bloody... we can just throw away, but that still leaves us with a lot of salvageable paper." Patton suggested. "I... love that idea, actually, I really enjoy origami, I could teach you to make some different animals, if you'd like." Logan offered, Patton smiling. "Sounds great."

ROMAN

Janus waits for the soup to heat, before grabbing bowls from the cabinet. "Does anyone else want soup?" he asks, and Roman nods. "Sure, why not." he says with a little shrug. Janus carefully ladles out two bowls of soup, one for Roman and then one for Patton, hesitating a moment before making one for Logan- if the other didn't end up wanting it he could eat it himself. Roman takes the bowl, setting it down at the table and then getting up, then peeks his head out of the kitchen. "Pat? Logan? Foods ready if you want it." he tells the two of them, before going back to the kitchen to sit down again, leaving a place for Patton beside him.

PATTON

"So, why can't Roman and Remus know about the book specifically? Does that mean you could tell Janus, or Virgil... or me?" Patton questioned. "It's better if you and Virgil don't know either, but it's imperative that Remus and Roman don't find out... I know Janus found out quite a bit about the incident at school when he came to pick me up, but I don't know how much he knows about what actually happened... especially with the book. I'm concerned. For all I know, he's already told them, especially Roman, look how long they were alone in the kitchen, that was ample time for him to tell him all about what happened with the book." Logan said. "I don't think he has all the information... all he told us was that some kids at your school were being jerks, he didn't even really mention the book. 

But if it's something you're worried about, you could always just tell Janus not to tell Roman and Remus about what happened with the book." Patton suggested. "I thought about that, but then I realized that if I'm wrong and he doesn't know about the book, then he'll want to know why I'm keeping it a secret, and then he might tell Roman and Remus, and then it just becomes a 'what I fear, I create' sort of situation." Logan stated. "Oh, right, I guess I hadn't thought of that." Patton said. "I think it's better to just get rid of the evidence and destroy the book entirely. Throw away the damaged pages and use the rest for origami, as you suggested." Logan decided just before hearing Janus, setting the book down on the chair and covering it with his blanket before going with Patton to the kitchen.

ROMAN

Janus set a bowl of soup in front of Logan when he set down, going back to pour another for himself, then sitting down across from Logan at the table, slowly starting to eat. He hadn't been intending to tell Roman or Remus about the book- although he had been worried about Logan most of the day- he didn't think that Logan would want the others knowing more than they had to. Roman smiles at Patton when he enters the kitchen, and since he can't take his hand because he needs it to eat, he just gently leans against him after he sat down.

PATTON

"Thank you." Logan said to Janus as he set the bowl down in front of him, starting to eat. Logan wasn't entirely sure of what information Janus had gotten out of Beth, Greg, and the other boys. He probably didn't know about the book, or at the very least, he might've known, but not known the whole story, the parts Logan was trying to keep hidden... most people hadn't seen what had actually happened with the book, or how that book was what caused the argument to turn physical and result in Logan getting thrown to the floor in the first place... which, Logan actually had to admit he was starting to feel partially guilty about, since Greg might not have gotten physical and it would've stayed as just an argument if Logan hadn't had the book... maybe it was Logan's fault that Greg had pushed him and gotten into trouble, which led to Logan getting locked in that closet. Greg had deserved it, of course, but still. Perhaps there had been a better way to handle the situation, a more mature way. But Logan couldn't be mature and professional and perfect all the time, even if he wanted to to please his father. Patton smile when he felt Roman lean on him, giggling a bit at the feeling before giving his attention to the food. "This is really good, thank you, Janus." Patton said with a smile.

ROMAN

"Not a problem." Janus says to Logan with a little smile. He takes a few bites of his own soup, eating, then shoots a smile at Janus. "Thanks Pat." he tells him with a little smile. Roman happily eats next to Patton, leaning against him. He yawns, tired, exhausted.

PATTON

Patton had to admit, he was trying to eat a bit faster than normal just because he could tell how tired Roman was and he didn't want to keep him up. Logan focused on his food, he hadn't realized how hungry he was until now, he was glad Janus had decided to make some for him even though he hadn't specifically asked for it. Patton finished his food, looking back at his boyfriend. "You wanna go to bed, Ro?" he asked, brushing some of Roman's hair out of his face.

ROMAN

Roman nods softly, gently leaning into the hand that brushed the hair away. "Yeah." he says, standing up, and bringing his bowl to the sink. He stands with Patton, gently taking his hand, and then moving to go to the pullout with him to get some rest. Janus looks at Logan. "Are you going to go to bed soon too?" he asks him.

PATTON

Patton carried his bowl to the sink as well, before following Roman to the pull out, crawling under the covers and cuddling up to Roman, both his cat and his frog near by, as he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. Logan finished up his food, holding back a yawn as he nodded at the question. "Yes, I think I'm going to do the dishes first." he stated, he hadn't gotten to help with the cleaning as much so he figured it was the least he could do. "You?"

ROMAN

Roman wraps his arm around Patton gently, pulling the other close to himself and holding onto him. "Goodnight darling." he tells him softly, gently leaning to press a kiss to his cheek. Janus nods. "You look tired- I can do the dishes." he tells Logan, picking up Logan and then his own dirty bowls and putting them in the sink so that he could wash them.

PATTON

Patton cuddled up to Roman, humming a response before starting to fall asleep. Logan looked at Janus, watching as he carried the dishes to the sink. "Are you sure? I don't mind helping." Logan offered one more time. Janus had done more to help when everyone was cleaning than he had, and he wanted to do his part, even if he was getting tired.

ROMAN

Roman fell asleep very quickly- almost passing out, asleep beside Patton. Janus nods. "I'm sure, Logan." he tells him, carefully slipping off his gloves, setting them down near the sink. The discoloration was extremely severe on his hands, hence why he usually hid them with gloves. He knew Logan probably wouldn't make a big deal about it though.

PATTON

Logan stood up, noticing as Janus took the gloves off, and noticing the discoloration on his hands, but not putting two and two together when it came to why Janus wore the gloves in the first place, he didn't see any reason to hide his hands. He just assumed Janus just liked wearing gloves. "How many pairs of gloves do you own?" Logan asked curiously after a moment, walking over to Janus, looking at the gloves that were set down.

ROMAN

Janus looks over at Logan when he was asked the question. "Not that many- since I wear them all the time, I went through the trouble of finding a good pair that won't inhibit any movement- and that came with a bit of a price tag, so I just own three of the same pair." he explains to him, glad Logan wasn't saying anything about it. He had the discoloration on half of his face as well- but it would be weirder to cover his face than to have people see it- and it was less severe there as well.

PATTON

Logan nodded at the answer he got. "You must really like wearing gloves." Logan commented, further proof that he didn't realize why Janus wore them. He just assumed he liked gloves. Whether it was the way they looked or completed an outfit or maybe he just liked the feel of gloves, perhaps his hands got cold easily. "Virgil has gloves that don't cover your fingers... I don't really understand the point of them." Logan admitted as he looked away from the gloves and back up at Janus.

ROMAN

"I don't, really- but it's better than the alternative." Janus says, before looking at Logan. Did he- not get it? Well, Logan didn't get quite a few cues here and there- so he might not understand, but- he didn't see anything wrong with Janus? "Gloves without fingers? That's a disgrace to gloves." Janus jokes.

PATTON

Logan looked at Janus, clearly confused. "What alternative?" he asked innocently. He didn't get what Janus meant by that. He shrugged lightly at what Janus said next. "This is the same person who wears pants with holes on purpose, so I've learned not to question his choices in clothing anymore, I don't really understand the function of most of the clothes he picks out for himself, but... whatever makes him happy, I suppose." Logan stated.

ROMAN

Janus sighs, but finishes the dishes, drying his hands. "Better then people seeing this." he says, gesturing to his hands, and face. He carefully picks the gloves back up, slipping them on again. "It's bad enough people grimacing when they look me in the eye- I've learned to wear the gloves- it's a tad embarrassing when grown men refuse to shake my hand because of it." he says with a little sigh. "And yes- while his fashion choices are... a bit out there- it works for him."

PATTON

Logan furrowed his brow. "Your hands?" he asked, confused, though he finally started to realize what Janus meant the more he spoke. "Oh..." he said, not sure what to say because he couldn't imagine that people actually gave Janus a hard time about that. Especially grown men refusing to shake his hand because of it... seriously? "Embarrassing for them, I suppose. People are really stupid, aren't they?" Was all he could manage to come up with after his moment of thought. "It does work for him. He looks good... I doubt I'd look good if I tried to wear something so... edgy. I think my look suits me pretty well." he said.

ROMAN

Janus nods along to what Logan is saying. "Yes- the hands. And people are imbeciles." he says with a sighs. "It's stupid superstitions or just generally disgust of me." Of course- the people who wouldn't touch his hands because they thought the discoloration was a witches mark didn't need to know that while the discoloration was there- it wasn't the cause of Janus's magic. "Yeah- I like how you dress- but who knows- maybe if you change it up you'll find something you like more." he says with a little smile.

PATTON

Logan tilted his head when Janus said it was superstitions or even disgust. "I think that if someone is the sort of person who's superstitions cause them to be rude to people, perhaps they should rethink their superstitions and what sort of weight they hold on their life and the choices they make." Logan stated simply. At the suggestion, he thought a moment before responding. "Perhaps... I'm always open to trying new things..." he admitted before yawning again.

ROMAN

Janus nods a bit. God- he didn't get how most adults could be so damn stupid. Logan had the right idea- he knew it was stupid the way people saw him- but it had just become life. And then he sees Logan yawn. "Go to bed Lo- it's getting late." he tells him gently.

PATTON

Logan gave a small nod, hesitating a moment before giving Janus a quick hug before rushing over to his chair. He climbed under the blankets and got comfortable before falling asleep. About two and a half hours later, Patton started moving around in his sleep quite a bit, sweat building up on his forehead as he clearly was having another nightmare.

ROMAN

Janus smiles a bit at the hug, watching Logan go. He settles himself down on his own chair, laying down and closing his eyes to try and get some sleep. He eventually drifts off. Roman wakes a bit when Patton starts moving- he rubs his eyes, yawning and sleepily sitting up. "Pat?" he mumbles softly.

PATTON

Patton continued to move around, finally sitting up and letting out a small yelp when he finally woke up. The yelp was loud enough to also wake up Logan, who rubbed his eyes sleepily, barely awake. "What was that?" Logan asked through a yawn, Patton grabbing his head as he desperately tried to remember what his nightmare was even about because there was no use being upset by something you couldn't even remember, but it was already out of his head... he couldn't think of what it was.

ROMAN

"Nothing Logan- go to sleep." Roman calls to him softly, not knowing if Patton wanted him to know. Roman looks at Patton, gently moving his hands from his head so he didn't hurt himself. "Patton, darling? You alright?"

PATTON

Patton buried his face in his hands, trying not to cry from how frustrated he felt. "I can't remember." he said into his hands, Logan sitting up a bit more despite the fact that Roman had told him to go back to sleep, it sounded serious, and even though he was barely awake enough to understand what was going on at the moment, it felt wrong to just go back to sleep. Virgil shifted slightly in his sleep, opening his eyes slightly at the sound of something going on in the other room, listening to try to figure out if it was something he needed to get up for.

ROMAN

Roman frowns softly, moving to gently wrap both arms around Patton, ignoring the slight pain in one of his arms. "Shh- it's okay... you don't have to remember." he tells him softly, holding him. Remus moves in his sleep as well when Virgil moves, pulling Virgil closer to himself- not wanting his boyfriend to get out of bed.

PATTON

Virgil listened carefully, unable to tell if it was something serious or not. He was about to get up and check when he felt Remus' arms pull him closer, not sure if Remus was awake or doing it in his sleep, but as much as he wanted to stay here with him, he felt like he should go check. Logan tried to figure out where his glasses were when he could tell Patton was crying, too upset to notice that Roman had wrapped both arms around him otherwise he would've said something because he didn't want Roman to hurt his arm even more.

ROMAN

Janus wakes up when he hears crying, frowning softly at the sound, and rubbing his eyes. Was- was Patton crying? "Patton?" he asks, confused. Remus sits up, yawning. "VeeVee? What's going on?" he asks him with a little yawn, leaning against him. Roman tries to soothe Patton, softly whispering to him and gently rubbing his back to calm him.

PATTON

Patton buried his face in Roman's chest, trying to calm down but he was too worked up. Logan managed to grab his glasses, sleepily sliding them onto his face as he tried in his tired state to figure out what to do. "I don't know, sounds like Patton." Virgil said before letting out a small sigh. "We should go check." he decided before kissing his boyfriend's temple quickly and climbing out of bed. Forgetting about the crutches, he walked into the other room. "What happened?" Virgil asked. "Patton had a nightmare, but he doesn't remember what it was." Logan stated with another yawn, trying to hold them back but he was too tired. "Aw, Pat... it's okay that you don't remember, I wish I didn't remember when I had a nightmare. Do you want me to get you something? Water?" Virgil offered.

ROMAN

Roman just holds him, gently petting Patton's hair and keeping the other close to himself. "Deep breaths, okay darling? Just try and breathe- it's okay." he tells him softly. Remus can't help a little smile at the kiss, but he's really worried as he leaves the room. He doesn't like crying- he hates seeing the people he cares about upset. "Virgil- crutches, you'll hurt your ankle." he chided. Janus frowns, sitting up and looking over at Patton, worried about him.

PATTON

Patton shook his head a bit against Roman at the question from Virgil and Virgil glanced back at Remus before shaking his head a bit at the reminder of his crutches, he was too worried about Patton to worry about crutches right now, but he sat down on the edge of the pull out to try and make Remus feel better so he wasn't standing on it. Again, he couldn't help but notice just like he had during Patton's panic attack on the bathroom floor that Patton seemed younger when he got upset, it reminded him more of when his nieces and nephews got upset than when he got upset himself... and Patton's memory was wonky enough that he hadn't had an answer for Logan when he asked how old he was, maybe the more upset he was the more he regressed and he should approach this that way? 

Heck, even if he was wrong, Patton loved stuffed animals so this would probably work anyway. "Hey Pat, your stuffed animals look a little lonely." he said, handing Patton the frog and the cat so he could cling to both Roman and them at the same time. "You know, we still haven't named the cat... maybe you and Roman can talk cat names, what's the frogs name?" he asked with a smile. Patton hiccuped but the crying seemed to stop, and sure maybe it was a momentary thing since he'd distracted him but he'd take it. "What happened to you?" Logan questioned, Virgil noticing he was looking at Remus and... shit. Forgot about that. Shit, shit, shit. 

"I was teaching him how to use a straighter, and it burned him." Virgil replied quickly. "On his collarbone?" Logan asked skeptically even through how sleepy he was, not seeming to buy it. "That's how bad he is at using a hair straighter, okay? Go back to sleep, you're young, you need your rest." Virgil said quickly, pushing Logan so he fell back down into a laying position. "Roman, cat name suggestions." he commanded, hoping everyone would drop it and go back to focusing on Patton. He knew Roman and Janus weren't stupid enough to fall for that, but he hoped they at least didn't mention it... or how red his face was now.

ROMAN

Roman was also generally starting to catch on to what Virgil was doing. He quickly decides to hop on board though- it seems to be working- and that's good- Roman doesn't want to see Patton upset anymore. "So what do you want to name the cat?" he asks him gently. "And you never did tell me the name of your frog- did you name him?" he asks him, continuing to gently pet Patton's hair. Remus just stifles laughs at what Virgil is saying, covering his mouth with his hand, and then looking at Virgil. "Hair straightener?" he mouths at him. His hair wasn't even that curly- more straight that anything. Janus looks over at Remus- and he sees what is... obviously hickeys. "Oh my god-" he says, blinking and looking away. Nope- he's not going to say anything else. Roman looks over, and now he needs to distract himself with name suggestions. "Uh- what about Whiskers? Or oh- I always think that Ollie is a cute name." he suggests.

PATTON

Patton wasn't quite up to speak yet, sniffling a bit, still clinging to Roman. But it was obvious he was calming down and that was the main goal, so Virgil would take the win. He needed one after the whole hair straighter thing anyway. He looked back at Remus just in time to catch what he mouthed to him. "Did you have a better idea?" he mouthed back, raising his arms slightly. He didn't need Logan to know what they were doing when no one was home, and Logan actually did seem as though he were so tired he actually was starting to fall back to sleep after Virgil pushed him so maybe he wouldn't even remember any of this in the morning anyway. 

Patton cuddled up a bit closer to Roman, nodding a bit when he asked if the frog had a name, but not responding. "It's embarrassing." he mumbled under his breath, hiding his face in his boyfriend's shirt. "I'm sure it's not embarrassing, Pat." Virgil assured, knowing Patton probably picked the name for the frog when he was a kid, maybe even a toddler, before he looked at Janus when he heard him, deciding to avoid eye contact with him for the rest of the night. Or forever. Depended on how long his face stayed red, really. "Oh yeah, one of my little nephews goes by Ollie, his full name being Oliver, love that name. What do you think? Whiskers is really cute too." Virgil said to Patton.

ROMAN

Roman held onto Patton, letting him hide his face into his shirt. "I'm sure it's not embarrassing darling." he tells Patton softly, continuing to hold him and gently stroke his hair. He presses a kiss to the top of his head, just holding him. Remus sits down next to Virgil, draping one of his arms around him and leaning his head onto his shoulder. "Yeah, both of those are cute- and I don't think whatever you named the frog is embarrassing." he says with a little shrug. Janus nods to that as well, sitting up to look at Patton.

PATTON

Patton sniffled, holding onto Roman. He definitely seemed calmer than when Virgil came out here, so he figured his plan of getting Patton distracted by the stuffed animals was working. Patton had honestly seemed more distraught over the fact that he couldn't remember what his nightmare was about and why he was upset and scared than about whatever happened in the nightmare itself, but as an anxious guy who had the occasional nightmare himself, he guessed what Patton had was less of a nightmare and more of a flashback to what happened when he was kidnapped, or maybe even something traumatic that happened with that guy when he was younger, who knows. 

Virgil was glad he couldn't remember whatever it was, he didn't like the thought of Patton reliving any of that in his nightmares. Wasn't it bad enough that he had to live through it once? The more awake he started to feel from sitting here talking to Patton for so long, the more aware Virgil was becoming of the fact that he didn't feel well, his stomach hurt, and he could only assume it was hunger pains from not having eaten enough because of how bad his anxiety had been during the day, but his anxiety was also rearing it's ugly head so he knew there was no point in trying to even grab a light snack right now, he'd make a mental note to hope his anxiety was better in the morning and have a nice sized breakfast... assuming his anxiety was better in the morning. 

He ignored it for now, leaning against his boyfriend and trying not to think about his anxiety, no time for it, Patton needed him. "What if we guess the name? Did you name him after a storybook character or... a food maybe?" Virgil asked, okay maybe that second guess was less based on guessing what a toddler would pick for a name and more Virgil projecting, but based on the look on Patton's face it was worth it. "Ah, food name! Cool, okay the frog's named after a food, that's cool." he said, trying to think of what Patton's favorite food as a little kid might've been, or maybe it wasn't a food he actually favored and more a food that he thought the frog reminded him of?

ROMAN

Roman listens, and he listens to Virgil and Patton. A food name? "Well- something like muffin? Or cupcake?" he suggests, thinking. "Is his name noodle?" he asks. He just really wants to distract Patton and help him feel better. He just wants Patton to feel better- he doesn't want him to be upset, doesn't want Patton to be hurt by anything- let alone his own mind. Remus just holds Virgil, holding him close to himself, resting his head against him. Janus thinks. "Pesto?" he guesses, seeing as the frog is green.

PATTON

Patton hiccuped, shaking his head a bit at the guesses he was hearing. Patton glanced over at Janus, shaking his head. "No but I like that better." he sniffled, Virgil letting out a bit of a laugh. "Alright, so I guess that means Janus is who we go to for all future name suggestions." he said, trying to ignore the anxious feelings building up inside him. He could feel his breathing getting a bit shaky, but hopefully it wasn't noticeable enough for anyone else to pick up on it. Maybe if he could speed up the process of cheering Patton up, he could go back to bed and fall asleep before the anxiety attack happened and then he'd just sleep through it... or at least push it off until morning. That plan hadn't ever really worked in his favor before, but desperate times call for desperate measures and who knows, maybe this will be the one time worked. 

"I know his name." Logan mumbled without even opening his eyes as if he'd somehow been able to read Virgil's mind, though Virgil should've guessed Logan knew it because Logan was the one that sat up reading all of Patton's old journals when they were trying to figure out where Patton had been taken the night he'd gone missing. He just hoped in his tired state that Logan didn't accidentally admit to doing that, since they were trying to keep Patton in the dark about what happened, and Virgil noticed that Logan tended to be less... Logan when he was half asleep. "Pickles." Logan stated as he opened his eyes about half way, propping himself up a bit so he could sort of look at the others. Patton sighed before giving a small nod, luckily not over thinking the fact that Logan got it right, Logan was really smart, Patton just figured he was good at guessing stuff.

ROMAN

Remus of course noticed that Virgil wasn't feeling so well. He was always aware of how his boyfriend was feeling. He could kind of sense how he was feeling- and he held Virgil a bit closer to himself to attempt to try and calm him down a little bit. He didn't even pay attention to the others anymore, just gently petting a hand through Virgil's hair. Roman gives Patton a small smile at the frogs name. "It's not embarrassing, darling- it's cute." he tells him softly. He smiles at him a bit, moving to gently kiss his forehead. "It's adorable, Pat." he tells him softly. Janus gives a little smile. "I think Pickles is cute." he tells him.

PATTON

Virgil wished his anxiety had gone unnoticed, but he had to admit, he was grateful that Remus seemed to be trying to help calm him down, and doing it in little actions that would basically go unnoticed by the others. "It's a good name for a frog." Logan commented before his gaze fell on Virgil, his brow furrowing a bit. "Are you okay? Your breathing is unusual." Logan mumbled sleepily, reaching a hand up to rub his eyes, Virgil just gave a quick nod. "I'm fine, Lo. Maybe we should think of a food name for the cat, keep the theme." Virgil suggested in hopes of taking the attention off himself.

ROMAN

Remus gives Logan al little look, not knowing if bringing up how anxious Virgil seemed would make it worse. He continues gently petting his hair, holding the other close to himself and taking one of Virgil's hands in his own. Janus looks at Patton, thinking. "Basil?" he offers to him. Roman thinks, then suggests his own name. "Peaches? Nutmeg?" he suggested to him.

PATTON

Logan noticed the look, though he was too tired to figure out what it meant, and in all honestly, Logan wasn't that good at picking up on those sorts of things anyway. He yawned, sitting up a bit more, causing the blanket to shift. "If my mom were here, she'd suggest Ziti." Virgil stated, watching Patton's face to see if he liked any of the names that had been suggested so far, but before Patton could really respond, Virgil happened to glance back in Logan's direction. "Logan, is that blood?" Virgil asked, grabbing the book that had been revealed when the blankets moved. Logan's eyes went a bit wide, the question enough to wake him up a bit more, and he instantly looked at Roman and Remus. "Janus said some kids were picking on you, but none of the scratches you have should've caused this... is there another injury you're not telling us about?" Virgil pushed, not caring about his breathing at this point because he was getting really ready to go fight a 14 year old boy. Patton bit his lip and looked down, knowing that whatever was going on, Logan didn't want Roman and Remus knowing about it, but... too late for that, he guessed. 

"Logan, talk, now, I wanna know what actually happened during that fight at school." Virgil said firmly. He didn't want Logan to be embarrassed but look what'd happened when Roman had hid his arm, he couldn't let Logan do the same thing. "It's nothing." Logan stated, looking away. "Logan, you are smarter than this, look what happened when Roman hid his arm from all of us, it got infected, you were the one saying how dangerous that was and now you're gonna do the same thing?" Virgil questioned. "I'm not doing the same thing, it's not my blood on the book." Logan said quickly. "Wait... what?" Virgil questioned, furrowing his brow a bit as he looked back down at the book. Logan sighed. "Greg was making fun of me because he believed I was looking at another boy with romantic intentions, I told him I was not, and that even if I was, there was nothing wrong with a boy liking another boy and it was a completely ridiculous thing to ridicule someone for, so then he started arguing with me that it was wrong, and I told him that if he thought it was wrong, then he was insulting the royal family, because both my cousins are in relationships with boys, and that to insult someone for liking the same gender is to insult his King." he glanced at Patton. 

"Future Kings." he said quickly, remembering that Patton didn't remember the wedding. "And since there's nothing wrong with it, I didn't take offense to the implication that I also liked boys. Which he responded to by saying that if that were the case my cousins were..." his voice trailed off and he looked away from Roman and Remus. "An unkind word, so when he turned and walked away from me laughing, I stopped thinking and threw the book at his head. I was not expecting him to turn back around and for the book to give him a bloody nose. Nobody was watching when it happened because they'd lost interested and assumed the argument was over, but that's why Greg suddenly got physical and shoved me to the ground, technically, I started the physical altercation." Logan admitted. "I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want Greg's words to hurt Roman and Remus' feelings, or Virgil and Patton's for that matter, but I suppose that's why Greg got angry enough with me to lock me in a closet, because I technically started it but I did not get in trouble because the teacher walked in to see me get shoved, but not him get hit with the book. I suppose I should be punished for letting my anger get the best of me." Logan finished. Virgil blinked a few times, not sure what to say. Was it inappropriate to go in the kitchen and make the kid the world's biggest ice cream sundae and praise him for standing up for Remus and Roman and tell him how proud he was of him? Honestly, he didn't think Logan had that in him.

ROMAN

Janus looks over at Logan worriedly when he heard that there was blood on the book- and he was definitely with Virgil. Logan had to tell them what was wrong, he didn't want Logan to end up hurt- but then he heard the story of everything going on and he was just- so proud of him. He thought Logan was insanely brave- and he hadn't given Logan nearly enough credit for anything. Roman and Remus listened- and the two of them couldn't help but smile, Roman looking a bit more worried than Remus though. "Logan! Holy shit you threw something at a kid for me and Roman? I've quite literally never been prouder to be related to you. You shouldn't get in trouble! You were standing up to a homophobic piece of shit!" he tells him. Roman nods. "I second that statement. Logan- don't fell bad, please- you should be proud of yourself- the kid deserves a bloody nose- and worse." he says.

PATTON

Logan felt his eyes go a bit wide again, shocked at the response he was getting. If his father found out that he'd gotten emotional enough to let his anger control him instead of his logical thinking, he would've been in such trouble. "Technically, he also sacrificed a book for you, since it's all damaged." Patton pointed out quietly. "I... I'm not in trouble?" Logan asked, clearly surprised. "I wasn't trying to keep it a secret to avoid trouble, I just didn't want what Greg said to upset you." he added after a moment as he looked back at Roman and Remus. "That's it, 3 AM ice cream and Crofters party in Logan's honor." Virgil said finally as he stood up and headed into the kitchen. "I don't understand, I let my emotions control my decisions..." Logan said, happy that no one seemed angry with him, and that Roman and Remus didn't seem to have their feelings hurt, but he seemed to think he should be in more trouble for his emotions than for anything else.

ROMAN

Janus goes over to where Logan is, sitting down next to him. "Lo- you're not going to get in trouble for having emotions. It's normal, encouraged even. And I can guarantee you that every one of us has had bigger emotional outbursts than that before." Janus tells him. "Come on Lo- you deserve some ice cream and crofters." he tells him with a smile. Remus follows Virgil into the kitchen, wrapping an arm around him to keep him upright. "You okay Vee?" he asks as he helps him grab the stuff, and bowls. Roman smiles at Logan, holding Patton closer, not with his injured arm anymore though. "Logan- you did good. We're proud of you, don't worry- it's not bad that you made an emotional choice."

PATTON

"I would at home." Logan replied without really thinking before biting his lip and looking back at Janus. Virgil grabbed some vanilla ice cream and the crofters jars, grabbing the scoop so he'd be able to put the ice cream in the bowls, which, luckily Remus had grabbed. He was grateful for Remus being there, especially to help hold him up. He gave a small nod at the question, letting out a shaky breath. "Yeah, just... anxious." he said softly. "But I'm okay." he added. He didn't really have anything to be anxious about, so he was really trying to just ignore the feeling, especially now that they were taking a moment to celebrate Logan, that didn't happen often and he'd feel bad if he had an anxiety attack and distracted from that. Patton nodded in agreement with what Roman said, wiping at his eyes a bit now that he'd finally calmed down.

ROMAN

"You get in trouble for this at home?" Janus asks him, a worried frown crossing his face. "Logan- that isn't... normal, you know that right? Sure- throwing a book at a kid isn't technically the best way to have resolved that situation, but everyone makes emotion-based decisions." he tells him. Remus looks at Virgil, but nods. "Okay- but if the 'I'm okay' part changes just let me know, and I'll have you out of here faster than you can say 'goldfish inside of a condom.'" He promises him. Roman looks at Patton. "You feeling a bit better, darling?" he asks him softly, rushing some hair from his face.

PATTON

Logan nodded. "Of course. Like I told you before, my father wants to prove he can raise a successful, intelligent, and professional son, emotions go against that, they're a distraction from what's important." he said before furrowing his brow slightly. He supposed he did know that wasn't normal, but that was the whole point, his father was trying to raise him to be superior to everyone else, that meant not getting distracted by feelings. Virgil let out a laugh because... how could he not when Remus actually said 'goldfish in a condom'? But the actual sentiment really meant a lot to him, it was such a relief to know Remus was there for him, and he really didn't want to have a full blown panic attack in front of the whole group so knowing he had an out was incredibly comforting. Not that his anxiety was exactly a secret, but this was a special moment for Logan, he didn't want his anxiety to ruin it. 

So it really was so wonderful that Remus was there to support him. God, how he wanted to just grab him and tell him he loved him right here and now, but he decided to wait, maybe plan something sweet or romantic and tell him then, Remus deserved that. If it wasn't time to say it out loud, he'd just show it instead, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and giving him a hug. "Thank you, Rems." he said honestly hoping his shaky breathing wasn't even more noticeable now that he was hugging Remus and therefore even closer to him, but he didn't care about that. He wanted to be close to his boyfriend and make sure Remus knew how much that meant to him, how much he meant to him. He leaned up to give him a quick kiss before returning his attention to the ice cream. Patton gave a small nod, relaxing at the feeling of Roman's hand in his hair. "Little bit." he said softly.

ROMAN

Janus nods, but he frowns. "Logan- emotions are not a distraction. Emotions are wonderful most of the time, sure- there some instances where they aren't the best, but mostly, they're good. Logan- you can have emotion and still be smart and professional and all that." Janus tells him. Remus gives Virgil a little smile, holding onto him tightly. "Don't worry about it, okay VeeVee?" he says, hugging him back. And yes, of course he noticed his shaky breathing and that made him want to whisk Virgil away and wrap him in a bunch of blankets and hold him close forever- but he decided to trust him on this one, let him set his own boundaries. Roman nods, giving Patton a little smile. "I'm glad, darling." he tells him softly.

PATTON

Logan was never really sure what to do or how to respond when Janus started talking about emotions. It was just so different from what he'd been told his entire life, so he had no idea how to reply to it. Even if he wanted to believe it was true, he wouldn't have a clue how to go about just... acknowledging his emotions. How was he suppose to do that after a lifetime of being specifically raised not to? Virgil filled the bowls with ice cream, crofters, whipped cream, any sort of topping he could find that he thought would go well, cherries, he just wanted to make as big of a deal as he possibly could at 3 in the morning about this because Logan never led with his emotions and he wanted to make sure to reward him for doing so, maybe that would make it easier to do it again next time... though, preferably in a way that didn't involve throwing a book at someone's head but... baby steps. He put the unused ingredients away before having Remus help him carry the bowls, handing one to Logan. "Here you go, kid, go nuts." he said with a smile, before handing one of the other bowls he was holding to Patton, hoping a bowl of ice cream would distract Patton enough that he made it back to feeling completely okay. Patton took the bowl, feeling a bit better just at the sight of it. He did really love ice cream, so it was hard to be sad when he had a bowl of it.

ROMAN

Janus looks at Logan. He knew that it would be difficult for Logan to eventually acknowledge his emotions- but he knew that with time, and help from the others- that maybe Logan would eventually realize that it was okay for him to have emotion, and to have feelings. He looks at Logan, and then gesturing him to take the food- maybe ice cream would help? Remus smiles, picking him up, and holding Virgil in his arms, sitting on the couch with him. Roman looks at Patton with a smile, kissing his head gently, and taking a bowl of his own ice cream from Virgil.

PATTON

Logan took the bowl as it was handed to him. He still wasn't quite sure if he deserved it after letting his feelings run wild, but everyone seemed proud of him, especially for standing up for Roman and Remus, so, he supposed if he focused on that and less on the emotional aspect of the entire situation, it was easier to allow himself to enjoy the reward. "Thank you." he said as he took the bowl, instantly so distracted by how much he loved Crofters, and focused on the ice cream instead. Virgil passed a bowl to Janus, making sure that all six of them had one now before smiling when he felt Remus suddenly pick him up, cuddling up to him on the couch as he tried to focus on his own bowl. He was hungry, so he was hoping the ice cream would make his hunger pains lessen, but his anxiety was still causing him to eat less than he actually wanted to. Patton was fully focused on the bowl of ice cream, so happy to have it that he seemed to have completely forgotten why they were even all up in the first place.

ROMAN

Janus smiles at Logan, watching him take the food. Janus preferred his ice cream plain, so he didn't add any of the toppings to his ice cream, choosing to just eat it plain. Remus on the other hand, decided to put some of everything onto his ice cream, adding all of the different toppings to his bowl. Remus holds Virgil with one arm, and eats his ice cream with the other. Roman smiles a bit at Patton, gently holding him in his arms.

PATTON

Logan finished his ice cream pretty quickly, unable to help but get over excited by the Crofters. He set his bowl down, figuring he'd wait until everyone else was done and then offer to do the dishes so that Virgil wouldn't have to stand on that bad ankle. Patton glanced up from his ice cream, looking at Virgil a moment. "Are you sure you're okay?" Patton asked softly, appreciating how much effort Virgil had put in to help Roman calm him down, he wanted to do the same for him since Virgil seemed... off. Virgil gave Patton a small nod, more so because he didn't want to worry him. He could feel his anxiety getting worse though, and it was really aggravating him. Why was he getting anxious now? Well, he could list off a bunch of things to be anxious about that the group had going on right now, but they were all little things... not things that should be making him this anxious. Speaking of things to be anxious about... his gaze went from Patton to Roman's arm around him, looking at his friend. "Roman, how's your arm?" he asked after a moment. He knew Remus had talked him through it, but he was still worried that he'd done something wrong while trying to clean it up and take care of it.

ROMAN

Remus just holds Virgil closer at that, noticing how he didn't seem to be eating as much as he usually would, and he moves so that he's gently petting his hair. Roman looks over at Virgil when he was asked about his arm. It had been doing better, but it was hurting just a bit from when he had hugged Patton just before. "It's definitely better- and it doesn't look as bad as it did a few days ago." he tells Virgil. Janus looks over at Logan as he eats, smiling at how excited he seemed. This was something that kids, normal kids Logan's age usually enjoyed- he was glad that Logan was having fun and enjoying it.

PATTON

Virgil felt a bit a relief at the combination of Remus petting his hair and Roman stating that his arm was doing better and that it didn't look as bad as it had a few days ago. He was glad to hear it seemed to be healing well... or at least, Roman thought it was healing well... but what if it wasn't? What if it just seemed like it was and all of the sudden it got worse and Roman had to be rushed to a doctor and the doctor said the reason it was getting worse was caused by something Virgil did and... he set the bowl down, putting his head in his hands a moment as he tried to shake the thought out of his head and just breathe. It was Roman's arm, Roman knew his body, and he saw how badly things went when he kept his arm a secret before... he wouldn't do that again, if something was really wrong, he'd tell him... right? 

But what if he didn't? What about Logan for that matter? What if there was even more to the story than he'd told and Logan was secretly hurt too? What if Patton wasn't actually feeling better and he was still upset because of his memory issues and he was just pretending to not ruin Logan's special moment? What if everyone was falling apart around him and they were all keeping it from him because they knew he was feeling anxious? Even Janus... and Remus... "Virgil?" Logan questioned when he noticed how loud the other's breathing had gotten, Virgil just shook his head, he knew there was no way to say nothing was wrong, his anxiety was getting more noticeably worse, but he felt too terrible about ruining Logan's moment to really admit that. 

"I'm okay, Lo." he said quickly, closing his eyes a moment. He just had to take a second and think of something positive so that he calmed down, maybe he could still turn this around... even though it was pretty obvious that he was basically having a full blown anxiety attack at this point. "Are you sure? Maybe we could go outside so you can get fresh air?" Patton offered softly, not exactly sure how to help, but wanting to. "I don't need to go anywhere... I just need a second." Virgil insisted, knowing if he left the room now he'd just become the topic of conversation of everyone who stayed behind... he was still holding onto a tiny bit of hope that he could somehow stop this in its tracks, despite the fact that he'd never successfully done anything like that before.

TO BE CONTINUED

#patton x roman #008

[conservativemalarkey]

Okay, now I'm curious about what you saw of the Tea Party. (Not a new follower, if that matters?)

Hey, it’s fine! I’m mostly just trying to get some Content (TM) here, so... any questions are welcome. Caveat here: I was a teenager for the brunt of this, and I was a young teenager at the beginning of this. (I was only a sophomore in high school when it really kicked off and I started following it.) In my head, some things are mixed up- I did a little bit of fact-checking to make sure I got the dates right, and it turns out I didn’t at all. Also, I was never involved on the ground level, because I was a young teenager in a rural area and didn’t have the opportunity to do things like ‘go to protests’; most of my involvement was liking things on facebook. 

WARNING: Long post is long, and I don’t want to put this under a cut in case I have to change my URL. If you don’t want to read this, you can press the ‘J’ key to skip down (or just... swipe, I guess. Sorry, mobile users.) 

...So. Around the time President Obama got elected, a lot of conservative types were angry in the same way we are about Trump, and for nearly the same reasons (though, of course, they were wrong). They thought, thanks to right-wing media/propaganda, that Obama was an illegitimate president who was hiding all kinds of things from the American people and that he should never have gotten into office at all and that he was going to send the country to hell. And that was the people who weren’t flagrantly racist. 

 This was right after the 2008 financial crisis and no one was happy with how the government was handling the situation on either side of the political fence. Everyone wanted to see the banks punished for screwing people over, and under both Bush and Obama, that ... wasn’t what happened. The government in general let the banks off easy and gave them what they asked for so that the economy didn’t crash even harder. People were pissed off. 

A number of grassroots protests happened. Most of them were not very successful, but the one that caught people’s attention was an anti-tax, anti-bank-bailout, anti-government-meddling-in-the-economy libertarian deal. It was technically ‘bipartisan’ - in that libertarians on both sides of the liberal/conservative divide were involved. I don’t remember too much about this one in specific- I was honestly more interested in the ‘juicy’ culture war stuff- but everyone on both sides of the fence talked about it for months. 

The movement that sprung up around it was called the Tea Party-- after the Boston Tea Party, but TEA also stood for ‘Taxed Enough Already’. People started using Revolutionary-War imagery, hanging tea bags off their hats, that kind of thing. I think this is also when libertarians started using the Don’t Tread On Me flag, though that could have been just ‘I was a wee babby and this was the first time I was seeing it’. 

 ...And at the time? I was really hopeful. It was really obvious that things were wrong, and anyone that had eyes to see could see it, even if we blamed different things for it. I thought this would be a thing that would get liberal and conservative people to come together to fight the Real Evil of taxes and bad government regulation. I thought that maybe it really would be bipartisan and people would do the ‘right’ thing and make a change in the world.

...of course, that isn’t what happened at all. 

What happened was, conservative news media picked up on it and started touting it as an example of how much people hated Obama. People who hated Obama for other, much more dubious reasons glommed onto the Tea Party as a way of expressing their displeasure. Conservatives who hated Bush for ‘compassionate conservativism’ also glommed onto the Tea Party-  they wanted the government to get out of the business of even pretending to help people. Then conservative media started going ‘see? see how p o p u l a r  this Totally Bipartisan movement is? clearly everyone hates Obama as much as we do.’ 

A lot of Very Serious Moderate-Conservative people started freaking out about the Tea Party and trying to discredit them- as far as I remember, some of this may have been true. There were all kinds of rumours that the Koch brothers were funding them or that they were taking money from kooky right-wing candidates everyone hated or- in general, that there was some evil mastermind behind all this, that people weren’t rising up on their own because they were pissed off, that’s not a thing that HAPPENS, right? But happen it did. 

So what happened was... a libertarian, vaguely-populist movement quickly spiralled out of control. Egged on by conservative media-- and by the general disdain they got from more ‘liberal’ media outlets-- it turned into a ‘I’m More Conservative Than Thou’ heckfest.  

If the American right has learnt anything from the American left, it’s purity politics. This is when you started seeing the term RINO sprout up. RINO stands for ‘Republican In Name Only’ - in plain English, an actual conservative rather than a right-wing radical. The Tea Party popularized the term ‘RINO’ as meaning ‘anyone who doesn’t support the Tea Party or doesn’t support the increasingly radical direction it’s going’.

The Tea Party, at its various levels, started funding state and local elections- going against moderate Republican incumbents, and putting more right-wing candidates in their place. At the time, I thought this was great too- it was Putting Strong Good People who Believed All The Right Things In Places Where They Could Change The World. 

...the thing was? The Tea Party is directly responsible for how crazy the Republican party is right now. And I’m horrified at even the little bit I did to cheer it on, but no one thought things would wind up like this. At least, not in 2008. 

There’s a slang term in politics- ‘red meat’ - that means ‘the stuff your political base, your True Believers, rabidly care about that no one else really gives a damn about’. For instance, most people would not care about a proposal to tear down a statue of Columbus in the middle of town and replace it with.. IDK, a Little Free Library. For liberals/leftists, that might be a piece of red meat- replacing a statue of a genocidal maniac with a library? How wonderful! On the flip side, for conservatives, this might be a piece of red meat- how DARE you replace a statue of a NATIONAL HERO with some Weird Liberal Thing that will COST TAX MONEY!!!1!! But no one else really gives a damn, or has mixed opinions. 

The Tea Party was all about giving conservatives red meat. And very little else, to be frank, because it was a populist movement. The conservative base had never really chosen candidates on how effective they’d be, they were always more focused on what their candidates believed than what they actually Did- but the Tea Party made them go nuts. They didn’t have to care about the candidates their party chose (based partly on how effective they’d be)? They could pick whoever they wanted? Well, that guy believes aliens built the pyramids, but he also says he’ll outlaw abortion and gay marriage, so why the hell not? 

Tea Party candidates got crazier and crazier until you wound up with people like Sarah Palin seriously being considered for high office- candidates who would never wind up on the national stage before. Moderate Republicans were terrified. People thought the Tea Party was gonna become its own third party and be a real threat to the Republicans-- moderate ‘pubs either quietly became Democrats or started making the same kind of promises the Tea Party candidates were making.

I’m not sure if the Tea Party is still extant- I stopped hearing much about them in 2011, but that’s also the year that I stopped obsessively reading conservative news media, so they could still be around. As far as I know, the movement as a movement has basically quieted down. Maybe it was that people realized they looked silly wearing tricorne hats with tea bags hanging off them; maybe it’s that they were sick of getting called ‘teabaggers’; maybe it’s that the conservative media/mainstream media just stopped reporting on them once they stopped being new and shiny. Maybe they just switched to wearing MAGA hats.

...but the thing is, whether or not they won enough battles to stick around? They won the war.

Trump is the ultimate Tea Party candidate. He is all red meat and no vegetables or vitamins. He promises people the universe and then gives them a load of hot air for their trouble- and he puts on a great show. He gives them all the right words; all the best words. He hates taxes and government regulation-- he must, because he’s a successful businessman, right?  

Ugh. That got depressing quick. Let’s just get to...

THE TAKEAWAY, for anyone who’s read this far.   

The Tea Party is 99% of what radicalized the mainstream Republican party. I don’t think the alt-right would even be relevant if the Tea Party hadn’t paved the way for them. The Republicans started moving farther right by degrees long before the Tea Party, but the Tea Party accelerated the crazy- conservative pundits today say things that would be unthinkable even during the Bush administration.   

Voting can and does have measurable effects; it’s just that voting for President and Congress once every four years does not. You have to be willing to vote for local and state candidates, to primary candidates you hate, to be picky about who you support, but also to vote for candidates within one of the major parties. 

The Democratic Party does not give their base enough red meat. The Republican Party gives their base way too much red meat. This is why both parties are FUBAR- not giving your base enough red meat results in a shirty, disloyal, angry base that will betray you; giving your base too much red meat makes them stupid, petulant children. 

As a voter- watch out for red meat. Try to think critically about what politicians are telling you and whether they’re playing on things that you care about to get your support. If a politician is promising you lots of things that you care about that most people have no reason to care about, are they trying to manipulate you? Odds are good the answer is ‘yes’. 

#conservative malarkey #general malarkey #tea party #not the good kind unfortunately #politics #us politics #recent history #signed-me-again

[hollygopossumlovesj2]

Come Back Down, Part 14

Title: Come Back Down

Characters: Jensen x Reader, mention of Danneel and twins (I needed a villan, don’t send me hate.)

Warnings: NC-17; Danneel is reflected badly, the schmoopiest smut to ever schmoop is in this chapter. If you already feel nauseated, don’t read this garbage. Mentions of alcohol use. Drunken sex is kind of highlighted in a good way here. Its irresponsible and not a way to do things in real life unless you trust the person you’re with whole heartedly.

This gif is care of Google and whoever created it. Not mine.

Summary: Jensen spends some time away from Y/N, and finds out something that shes been keeping from him. He deals in the best way he can. Emotionally charged smut ensues.

Also, shout out to my twinsie, @tas898 for reading through this and not telling me to delete my blog and stop writing forever. See, that was kind of a normal response, right?

Come Back Down Master List

The room was spinning and no amount of closing my eyes was helping one damn bit. I’d just gotten back to Y/N’s home maybe two hours ago. She was out meeting with someone about photographing an actual event. Which wasn’t what she normally did, but I guess you couldn’t go too far with the way her knee was still giving her trouble.

Of course, I couldn't just meet her out in public like a normal person because of what Danneel had done. I didn't need to just hand over more power to her and her ‘set of lawyers’ that I was no doubt paying for.

 When I’d talked on the phone with Y/N earlier, I could tell just how happy she was to get out of the house. To start returning to her normal everyday life. However, I found myself selfishly pining for the days when we were closed up here. When it felt like it was our own little impenetrable bubble. That was until Danneel had shown up and popped that bubble with a damn axe.

 If only she’d just stopped there, with the axe of demolition that she’d been swinging every day since. It had only been a couple of weeks since that ill-fated day, but damn if she hadn’t already caused some damage.

 Danneel, against what she had previously said she would do, announced the pregnancy on Instagram. It was done with optimum damning in mind, complete with an old picture of us when we’d been happy. Back when I didn’t know better and had been completely snowed.

 Some smart fans had already pointed out how old the photograph was. Citing the length of my beard for reference. It was a little disturbing, but slightly comforting to have someone realize that the picture was at least representing something that didn’t exist anymore.

 There was nothing I could do about it right now without looking like a complete asshole. So, just like everything else that was building up inside me, I let it go.

 Danneel had called me practically every day since she’d dropped the bomb. She never stopped to apologize for manipulating me six ways from Sunday. Mostly to fill me in on what the doctor’s said at her appointments.

  We were having twins. A boy and a girl. The conversations were full of facts and need to know information. I tried to keep them as short as possible and had hung up a few times when she'd tried to say ‘I love you.’ She made it so damn hard to believe.

 I was torn between wanting to be there for these first moments of my children’s lives, but unable to stand the idea of being in the same room as their mother. Which, when I thought about that any further, I swallowed more of Y/N’s liquor cabinet.

 How was I going to be able to stomach going back ‘home’, where my stuff wasn't any longer, to play happy family. Not to mention, I don't know when she decided to turn the tide, but that she had openly manipulated me with intent to cause me extreme harm. There was no way that I could see it as a mother protecting her children. The woman I had married wouldn't have behaved like that.

 It wasn't that long ago that Y/N had slapped me in the face with her ‘truths’ of letting people take advantage of me. Luckily, she had the grace to not shout ‘I told you so.’

 That wasn’t the only thing going on. Like that wasn’t enough to send someone running to the looney bin begging for padded walls and black silence?

 Mike, of all people, had called me two days after I’d left for New York for the CW Upfronts. I can’t even begin to describe the amount of absolute panic that had taken hold of me. I’d just known that something had happened to Y/N while I wasn’t there.

 It turns out that it wasn’t new, what Mike had felt compelled to divulge. I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt that it was Mike who was filling me in, but I knew that Y/N was trying to spare me.

 I now knew what Y/N and Mike had been talking about those several weeks ago. So long ago that I’d even put it out of my mind. I had Y/N’s love and Mike, even though he was still irritating as hell, wasn’t competition.

 It wasn’t surprising to me to realize how easily I trusted Y/N after I’d just had the rug pulled out from under me by someone I’d given everything of myself to. I’d never lost faith in Y/N and she’d never disappointed.

 Even though I now knew the details that she was keeping from me, I still wasn’t mad. I was scared. Terrified even of what could’ve happened and what could possibly still happen.

 Which was why I was doing the mature thing and drinking my feelings. I was feeling reckless, emboldened by the amber liquid I kept consuming. I’d been idly listening to a classic rock station on Y/N’s iPod until a completely ironic song came on. I’m sure my smile was crooked, a laugh getting stuck on the emotion clogging up my throat. Feelings of failure and irony were flooding me from all sides.

 But, what does one do when they are feeling on the edge of some cliff of life?

 The heavy bass guitar had my foot tapping on the floor as I lounged back on Y/N’s neatly made bed. The sun was starting to set, making the shadows creep into the room, but I was mostly oblivious as I belted the words that I’d sang so many times. But never with this much irony.

 “I’ve been run down; I’ve been lied to. I don’t know why I let that mean woman make me a fool. Took all my money. Wrecked my new car. Now she’s with one of my good time buddies, drinking in some cross town bar.

 Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel! Like I’ve been tied to the whipping post. Tied to the whipping post. Tied to the whipping post. Oh lord I feel like I’m dyin’.”

 When Y/N arrived home, I was still mumbling the words, my lips feeling too big for my face with how drunk I’d let myself become. It was funny really. This whole thing was so fucking hilarious!

 “There's m’sweetheart!” I greeted her cheerfully from where I was still laying across her bed. Not in the normal way, of course, but sideways because that was just so much more awesome. “C’me sing w’ me!” I tried to sit up, which was so not cool. I felt even more dizzy and my belly sloshed, full of liquor.

 She stood, leaning on the doorway with a look of shock on her face for longer than I would’ve liked. I didn’t like that she was so far away, with such a look on her face.

 So, I did what any other respectable drunk man would do, I made grabby hands at her since I was stuck by some invisible force to this bed. It was the least she could do, after all.

 She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before she finally crossed the gigantic sea of carpet and laid down next to me. I immediately glommed onto her, throwing my arm and leg over her so she wouldn’t be tempted to run away. I always just wanted her right here. Nothing else mattered sometimes.

 I heard her muffled laugh against my chest before she wormed her way to the surface. “Well hello, happy drunk.” I couldn’t place the look on her face. She was obviously going for amused, but there was something darker there that my inebriated brain just couldn’t process.

 “Hey!” I smiled back, I mean, I think I did. My lips were kind of numb feeling now. “Where have you been?” I felt like a damn happy puppy, just inches from licking her face because I was so damn relieved to see her.

 “Uh, met with a hopeful client who wants me ironically to take pictures at their bouncing baby boy’s first birthday party. That’ll be fun.” She snuggled in closer, finally returning the hold. “I went to eat with one of my friends from the horse riding club that I told you about? Jason?”

 The obviously male name bounced around in my alcohol addled brain for a little longer than it should have. However, I must’ve made the appropriate noise because she continued to speak in a steady tone. Almost too steady.

 “He was a little concerned for me because there’s a rumor circulating in those rags that are at the front of the checkout isle that you’re having an affair. With someone who looks suspiciously like me? The pictures are really old, of course. I think they're from when you visited two summers ago.”

 I heard every word, and somewhere inside I felt the right reaction but I don’t think it ever made it to my face. I should’ve been outraged that there were photos of Y/N in some gossip magazine. I knew I should be jumping on the phone immediately to find out who had sold me out. But, really, I was just not feeling that worried.

 “I’m not worried about it, but I figured it was something you’d want to know.” She answered as if she’d gotten an actual answer from me.

 “Like I should’ve known about your accident?” It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. I knew I hadn’t wanted to accuse once I’d finally gotten over the shock of it all. I understood why she’d kept it from me. Her default mode was to spare me as much as she could. But she should’ve told me.

 “What about my accident? Why do you say it like that?” Even totally drunk off my ass I could now see the deception, hear that little vibration in her words.

 Even in my current state, the pain and fear filtered through, making it impossible to control my face. I couldn’t stop the stupid moisture that flooded my eyes. I blamed it on the fact that I’d stretched the limits of my emotions so much on Supernatural that they were out of control some times. I felt like that a lot actually, but it was even worse when I couldn’t control my mouth. Much less my facial expressions. “It wasn’t an accident. Why didn’t you tell me…”

 She studied me for what I’m sure was only moments that felt like hours, finally biting her lip and closing her eyes in defeat. “Mike.”

 “You could’ve died; do you realize that? Someone out there wanted to hurt you.” I felt like I was going to choke on my words. The way that my mouth was trying to speak them was too fast for the breath in my lungs. “Someone- It's all my fault. This shouldn't’ve-.”

 “Jen, c’mon, it’s okay. It’s just a theory.” The smile that was obviously aimed at taking the gravity away from my words was absurd. I still let her pull me closer like I was a child so that I could bury my face in her neck like that would bring safety. “There’s no proof…”

 “No. No, don’t say it like that. Like… m’stupid.” I tried my best to get control over my face and emotions and by the look of her watery expression I was failing. Unable to sit up all the way, I turned to look at her awkwardly. “There were other skid marks!”

 “There’s no proof. I can't even remember what happened or if there was another car, Jay!”

 “What about your barn being vandalized last week?”

 Her rosy complexion turned pale instantly and she rolled away from me, “Goddamnit, Michael.”

 I reached for her immediately, clumsily curling myself to fit behind her, my arms holding her tightly. Even with her so close to me I couldn't push out of my mind how afraid I was to lose her. How close I had come to doing just that and I hadn't even known the whole truth. That after further investigation, authorities thought there had been another car involved. Which was strange on the usually quiet stretch of road she had been on.

 I hid my face in the curtain of her sweet smelling hair and breathed it in like it alone would help to calm the panic racing through my bones. “I'm not mad, please don't shut me out.”

 It was irritating how my words sounded clumsy as my chin wobbled and warm moisture leaked down my face unbidden. I felt raw, cracked right open because I was so damn scared. So many things had threatened to take her away from me over the years, but by some miracle I could feel her warmth held right in my arms. I could feel her shuddering breaths as I knew she too was crying.

 “I'm so sorry.” I still felt dizzy, but the conversation had successfully killed any type of euphoric buzz I'd gained from the alcohol, leaving me with only a deep instinctual need. “Please, Y/N. I can't lose you.” I knew it wasn't exactly healthy, but most days I felt like I was barely hanging on.

 “God, it's not your fault, Jay.” Her whisper was wet but sincere as she pushed back into my embrace. Her hands covered mine as one held tightly around her waist. The other pressed tightly against her chest where her selfless heart beat heavy against my palm.

 The ache in my chest burned heavy as my tear wet lips kissed at the exposed skin of her neck. This was different than anything I'd ever felt before. It was desperation that dissolved any logical thought. The need for the affirmation provided by feeling her warm skin against mine.

 She turned her head so that her lips could meet mine and I knew she felt the low hum of desire that was slowly taking me apart and driving me crazy. “I'm so sorry, Jay.” Her voice was quiet but easily audible in the silence of the darkening room as she whispered against my lips. “I didn't want you to worry.”

 I pushed in closer, my tongue demanding entrance and exploring every cavern that I'd missed while I was away. My body was full of tension, my cock taking notice when she rolled her hips. “Ah, fuck.” The slight pressure made my hips stutter and my words come out as an embarrassing whine. My already half hard cock filled with more blood as my desperation for her grew.

 There was a flurry of motion as we both pulled our clothes off in a way that didn't pull us too far apart. We stayed on our sides and when we were finally naked, the press of her warm skin almost took me apart.

 I was the reason her whole life had been turned upside down. Someone had tried to get rid of her to hurt me. Someone, not something had caused her damn car to go careening into a ravine where she was left to die.

 I wasn't completely in control anymore, my entire body vibrating with equal parts need and desperation. A sheen of sweat had lined both of our bodies, slicking the way as we rocked together and devoured each other’s mouth.

 A violent shiver wracked my entire body when she wrapped a hand around my now throbbingly hard cock. I was leaking so heavily just from the friction of rubbing against her ass when she stroked me a few times. “Oh fuck-!” She had all of the power and I let her take control because I wanted her so damn much I felt weak with it. “Baby, please…”

 “Yeah, Jay.” Her breath was sweet as it brushed across my lips, her voice giving away how wrecked she was too as she guided me to her entrance.

 She dragged the tip through her wet folds as I twitched helplessly in her grip. I was so wound up, the fingers of one hand digging hard into her hip and I wasn't even inside her yet. I nibbled and sucked at the salty skin of her neck to keep from pleading, to stifle the moans of frustration clogging up my throat as I had a hand on one of her breasts.

 She was the perfect handful, her nipple immediately standing to attention against my palm. She moaned, pushing forward into my hand and undulating back against me.

 The want that was burning inside wasn't just sparked by some lust filled fantasy. It was sharp need. The overwhelming feelings of love and the need to protect and claim were almost painful because I was so close. She was right here in my arms and she was all I ever wanted.

 When I finally slid inside her, the connection was a momentary relief. “Oh fuck, you feel so good. So good, Y/N.” She rolled further onto her side, letting my body blanket hers and slide even deeper, making us both moan.

 I don't know how she knew that I needed to be as close as possible. Or if she even knew that it would drive me wild to be able to cage her in. The position wasn't one that I would've thought of, but it was perfect. I could feel her warm and wanting beneath me, pushing back against me in an effort to make me move.

 I slid my hand from her hip to tease her clit with light circles with my middle finger. She moaned into her pillow, her free hand sliding down my flank to grip my ass, trying to pull me in deeper.

 There was sweat beading at my hair line and tracking down my temple from holding back. The way she was gripping me so tightly made the drag out feel so good and the sharp thrust in near agony. I couldn't help the low moans leaving my throat as I set up a steady rhythm.

 Her pleas to go harder, to please go faster were taking me apart more swiftly than I would've liked our first time to be. But I couldn't stop it, this feeling building up inside of me. The deep connection I was feeling wasn't something I'd felt in a very long time. It made everything feel new and sharp in its focus.

 She was pushing back, meeting me thrust for thrust as I gave a little more pressure to my two fingers working her clit in tandem. I could feel her whole body starting to tense, the bite of her nails as she gripped my ass harder.

 She was moaning my name desperately over and over as my other hand plucked a nipple. I felt like I was so in sync with her, like my hands were playing a guitar I'd had for years. The noises she was making, the panting of her breath against her pillow a complicated melody I was pulling out of her. My own groans of pleasure a complementary baseline to our song.

 When she came she pressed herself back hard, clenching tightly around my dick and dragging me with her. She dragged a hoarse cry out of me, and I held her even tighter as I fell apart.

 Her free hand came up to grip the hair at the back of my head as her lips awkwardly connected with mine and I moaned helplessly into her mouth. I rocked into her until the sensitivity was too painful, just relishing the feel of being inside her.

 When I finally slipped out of her and rolled onto my back, I was shaking violently from head to toe. The intensity had nearly been too much. The sheen of sweat was starting to cool and I was already missing the proximity of her body against mine until she rolled over and laid her head on my chest.

 My arms immediately pulled her closer, partly terrified of how I was feeling and how much of myself I was willingly giving away. She had the power to crush me into so many pieces that I'd never be whole again.

 I knew I'd be paying for my choices in the morning. When my eyes slipped shut as she kissed my chest where my heart was beating a painful rhythm and held me tighter, I knew it was well worth the agony.

 Tagging: @perpetualabsurdity, @maileann, @daydreamingintheimpala, @gecko9596, @gemini75eeyore, @jotink78, @dancingalone21, @winchesterprincessbride, @sandlee44, @exploratiionist, @arryn-nyxx, @littledarlinhavefaithinme, @tiffanycaruso, @boredoutofmymindstuff, @feelmyroarrrr, @raeganr99, @ruprecht0420, @anokhi07, @letsgetyourdeanon, @sis-tafics, @jensen-gal, @theoneandonlysaucymo, @27bmm, @callmesatansprincess, @hbenth, @atc74, @ryansgirl5509, @mysteriouslyme82, @notnaturalanahi, @keepcalmandcarryondean, @sea040561, @just-another-busy-fangirl, @spn67-sister, @wheresthekillswitch, @melissaj616, @uniquewerewolfsuit, @mandymoiselle1970, @glendagiggles, @pansexualmeteorite, @tas898

Sorry this took so long! Of course I would feel motivated to update something that didn’t have a due date. Let me know what you think!

#jensen x reader #jensen ackles #jensen ackles smut #come back down #jensen ackles fluff #drunk sex ensues #jensen ackles series #jensen ackles drabble #jensen ackles one shot

[kimlovesgrahamscott]

I read your jefferscott thing and I'm Thirsty for more so what about 2 with jefferscott?

Sorry it took so long to get out.  I’m in homework and studying for finals hell.  For the ones I haven’t responded to yet, I’m going to work on them still I promise!  But yeah, here’s some more Jefferscott fluff.

There were only a few places that Nathan ever truly felt safe.  Typically, his room in the Prescott Dormitory was one of those places but that got robbed from him.  It was only a few hours before that he’d felt like he owned that school, that he was a powerhouse there, a force to be reckoned with.  But now he felt like he never wanted to go back to that place.

At no point did he ever think it would be a good idea to come out in high school.  Sure, he wanted to.  Wanted to be out and proud, loud about it but he knew it needed to stay under wraps.  Being gay in a little hick town was a fate worse than death, honestly, so he never planned on being out while going to Blackwell.

But that choice was ripped away from him.

Fortunately, it wasn’t by someone finding out about his relationship with Mark Jefferson, thank GOD, because that would’ve been an even messier situation.  It was pictures with him and someone else that got leaked.  It was funny, because he didn’t even remember that guy’s name.  Maybe he’d never even learned it.  It was just a random Grindr hookup so it wasn’t like it mattered.  It was out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. He didn’t even know there were pictures taken, much less who took those pictures.

It didn’t really matter, though.  His reputation was shot.  The respect he had was gone.  He had slurs thrown at him all damn day.  He’d gotten into no less than three fights, maybe more.  It was all such a blur.  So he headed to the only place where he knew he’d be truly safe.

Nathan didn’t know how long he’d been in the Dark Room, sobbing on the couch, when someone finally came to join him.  He remained on the sofa, not bothering to move when he heard the door open.  There was only one person it could be.

“I thought I’d find you here,” Mark said.  “I’ve been trying to reach you on the burner phone for hours.  I heard what happened.”  He didn’t ask if Nathan was okay.  Nathan was fragile, really, and just tried to have an air of arrogance.  That’s why he’d taken Nathan to be his protegee.  He’d be easy to twist around.  He never accounted for the possibility that Nathan would find a way into Mark’s heart, that eventually their relationship would turn into a different kind of fucked up.  After all, Mark had no issue hurting Nathan; someone else hurting Nathan, though. That got Mark furious.

So he settled beside Nathan on the couch, pulling the sobbing boy onto him.

“Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

Nathan glommed onto Mark, his crying becoming just a little less hysterical.  Arms tightened around him and he felt completely safe.  Maybe he shouldn’t.  He knew how Mark could get with his temper, how volatile Mark could react when pissed off or during a photo shoot.  There were at least certain things that Mark would never make him feel bad about.  Like his mental illness.  Like the fact that he was gay.  Mark would never call him the f-slur.   For that reason alone in that moment he allowed his guard to come down, because even though Mark hurt him, Mark would never hurt him like that.

#drabble challenge #Jefferscott #fluff #tw homophobia #Kim Writes