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ykscarlett · 3 months

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headcanons || valeria garza || pt.1

warning: this is only my opinion about her!!, minors dni, a slight mention of smut, lesbian relationship, a little bit angst ig, grammar, if I missed something, please write to me about it.

a/n: the first post. I'm really looking forward to your opinions and reblogs.

copying, translation, and use hc without my permission is prohibited & ykscarlett only on tumblr

with love, scarlett

My headcanons about Valeria (without mentioning revealing her as ‘el sin nombre’ and meeting with Ale) + bonus "if you are finally in a relationship with Valeria."

A former officer of the Mexican Special Forces, and now the leader of a criminal cartel, can show feelings? Can she be gentle to someone? Seriously?

Or maybe to lo– no, not to love, but rather, it's very good to improvise that she feels something for her partner, because she is very good at pretending. Too good, I'd say.

Love is something unknown to her.

Something that she failed to feel both as a child and in adulthood.

Something forbidden.

Something that she is deprived of and that she will never feel.

Let's be honest, she won't be able to love someone.

But I'm not saying she doesn't need love.

She didn't read the romantic books that all her girls-classmates flowed from. (and yes, her parents forced her to get a good education first, and then go into the military)

She didn't date anyone from school, while other girls switched boyfriends.

She realized that she was attracted to girls only at sixteen, when a pretty stranger in a club kissed her.

And she always used girls only to satisfy her pleasure. Of course, there are hints of sadism in her, after all, she personally tortures all her prisoners, but sexually there is a difference.

She will never cause real pain.

It can humiliate you, it can turn you into a wet, whimpering mess, it can make you faint from the pace and overexcitation, but it will never hurt if we engage in intimacy with you.

Well. In her opinion, love is overrated. This feeling is nothing more than a facade of a person's emotional weakness. And Valeria cannot allow herself to be weak in something, and especially towards someone.

But if you ask her "What is love for you?", I think she will answer something like this: "It's hard to explain.. it can mean something different to everybody. It's a feeling, a connection between people. A desire to protect someone more than yourself, and to be there for each other, no matter what. And it can be an incredibly powerful force, one that can change the world and bring people together in unexpected ways. For some, love is simply a chemical reaction, a biological instinct driven to perpetuate and propagate our species. And for others, it's a mystical concept that transcends time, space and logic."

She was definitely not in a real healthy relationship, I guarantee you that. And there's not much time for love when your life is constantly under threat. She had many affairs with girls and women, several with men (there were only two of them, the first was a trial, the second was proof that the opposite sex had no chance with her; and no, she did not date Alejandro, if they were together, Mexico would be on fire)

She's in the drug trade, man. This is unacceptable to me, drugs are evil, but in the case of Valeria... I do not know how to justify this, it is unacceptable to me.

She's a first-class manipulator. She can achieve absolutely anything she wants, only if she really wants to. Single–mindedness is another important character trait of hers. She will use any goals and any connections, any ways and break any rules to get what she has in mind... Or who.

But Val is not as bad as you think, I'm describing her. I think she just won't let herself fall in love. She's afraid of hurting someone she loves...to whom she will get attached because of her activities. She is engaged in criminal cases and every night she falls asleep (if suddenly, thank God, she gets the opportunity) with the thought "will I survive tomorrow?".

She's being hunted. Many. She runs a huge drug cartel, makes big deals, runs criminal gangs... Another reason to be alone and sometimes ask an assistant to order a little fucktoy.

But what if you win her heart so that she practically forgets about all her principles?

Bonus.

How you got to her, decide for yourself, whether it's captivity, recruitment or your own decision. There are many options.

At first, she will deny feeling for you.

Literally.

She will try to avoid you everywhere and in everything, she will start talking even colder, but she will surreptitiously watch you and with her own hands she will take care of that bully who is part of her cartel to show him that it is better not to even talk to you, let alone touch your waist. I don't think I need to say that the next day, and in fact, he will never appear in this building.

Initially, she will be a 'secret' lover. She will show signs of attention, but as imperceptibly as possible and goddamn you will understand that this is her, this is a woman who has not been trained in anything.

You will hook her, most likely, not with beauty, but simply with yourself. Time is important for Valeria, if it does not concern one-night stands. Time to take a closer look, time to realize, time to fall in love, time to come up with a way to confess, time to try to forget you, time to realize what really is...fuck..fell in love.

She notices the little things.

She is very attentive and sometimes it's even creepy. She notices if you have eaten before she sends you to transfer the goods, if you have not eaten, then she will send one of her assigned ones along with a package of typical goodies. She notices you drawing little drawings in the margins of your notebook while she talks about upcoming deals. She notices that a patch has appeared on your index finger, apparently you accidentally cut yourself with a knife again, imagining yourself *some famous chef* and be sure that there will be a pack of patches and one flower on your bedside table.

Valeria has never liked flowers. But for your sake, she became addicted to the colors of red. Red...as blood...and even here she went crazy. In my opinion, she would always give a long red rose with uncut, sharp thorns.

Without noticing it, she becomes softer towards you than towards her other 'employees'.

Since she is a woman with money, she can pamper you with gifts that you have been dreaming about for a long time, and the cartel's personal courier will say that it is from an old relative/aunt/former classmate/fourth cousin on dad's sister's side.

Okay, let's move away from the period of easy falling in love and move on to some of the facts that await you in a relationship with her.

Her gentle nature may or may not reveal itself. She can gently kiss your lips and easily cover your entire neck with bruises, which is why you get sidelong glances from your teammates and an arrogant look from V. She can gently and slowly play with your pussy, treating it like a crystal vase, or she can spank your pussy, bite your hips until red stripes appear and fuck hard with a strap-on.

Speaking of the latter, she doesn't have many. One is standard, one that you can safely accept and enjoy it, the second is an ordinary dildo with protruding parts and the third is a long one if you've done something and she can't wait to vent her disappointment on you.

Before entering into an intimate relationship with you, she will definitely discuss what is acceptable for you, what is not and what is categorically not. This is another manifestation of love on her part.

If you return wounded after the mission, she will swear at everyone and take you to her office, where, cursing menacingly, she will begin to treat your wounds, after which she will gently kiss each one, as if taking all the pain for himself.

Another bonus.

A few days ago, she asked you to sleep with her. Of course, you agreed, and a few minutes after her proposal, you were lying on her chest in her big bed, in which she practically does not sleep, because sitting on a chair is more familiar to sleep and she stroked your hair. She can't help but wonder why she's showing such tenderness to you. Her brain tries in every possible way to reason with her, to return her to her usual cold and inaccessible lifestyle, to her comfort zone. But she moves away from these thoughts to thoughts of you, who is peacefully snuffling on her chest like a child.

Grinning at the comparison of you with a child, she pretended not to think about how just yesterday you sucked on her tits, sucking them to such an extent that your drool flowed between her large and soft breasts, continuing to stroke your head and occasionally kissing your forehead.

///

But she was gone for a long time last night. She's back in her office. You knew that for sure. Before your relationship, you often ran to her about assignments and even late at night she was always there.

So you got out of bed, wrapped yourself in a blanket, put on your slippers and went to her office. You knocked.

"Busy." Her menacing voice rang out.

She's unhappy about something, you thought, and whispered. "Valeria? May I?"

When she heard your voice, she froze in place and only after a few seconds shouted, "Come in, cariño."

You went inside and sure enough, Garza's desk was filled with papers, empty coffee cups and wrappers from her favorite candies. I'm sure she has a sweet tooth. It sounds silly, but I think it's almost the only thing that will make her smile out of pleasure, not disgust or something like that.

"Can't you sleep without me?" She replied sarcastically.

"Yes." You answered quite seriously and she understood it.

She patted her knees and said meekly, "Come here, dulzura."

When you sat down and put your arms around her neck, resting your head on her shoulder, she leaned her ear against the top of your head and put one arm around your waist, continuing to work with documents.

"Sit here for now. I'll be done soon and we'll go to bed, I'll take you to bed. Sleep well...mi pequeña princesa."

covers: https://pin.it/5K9iR3NJ7

the meanings of some words in Spanish:

cariño - darling

dulzura - sweetness

mi pequeña princesa - my little princess

#valeria garza #valeria garza headcanon #cod mwii #cod mw2 #el sin nombre #scarlett’s hc #headcanon #cmon #cod imagine #cod scenarios #valeria garza x reader

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dwobbitfromtheshire · 8 months

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On the Highway

18+ MINORS DNI because Eddie is a devil of a stripper.

"Oh my God, I can't believe we're doing this," Steve said.

"You wanted to know, didn't you?" Robin asked.

"Only because you pointed out that it's not exactly straight to check out everyone's butt," Steve said.

"Because it's not," Robin hissed.

Steve crossed his arms and slumped in his seat. They were both sitting in the far back of a male strip club in Indianapolis. Steve’s stomach was turning. He shouldn't be here. Oh. God. It was too late to leave, though. The show was staring, and the first of many acts came on. The music actually helped calm his nerves and focus on the performance. He had to admit that guy was a good dancer, but he was trying too hard muscle wise. He was definitely pretty, though, with exceptionally plump lips that Steve could definitely nibble on. . .okay, so maybe Robin was onto something. The performances were great, but they really didn't do a whole lot for him except make his stomach flutter. Although the previous act did make his cock twitch a little. It's wasn't until the very last act that Steve got his official confirmation.

"Introducing. . . SATAN'S SLUT. . .," the announcer introduced. "Really? Come on. Why am I friends with you? Oh, shit, I forgot to turn off the mic."

Highway to Hell by AC/DC started blasting from the speakers. A man with long dark curly hair burst forth from the curtains. He wore a long red cloak, a devil's mask, and black heels. Sliver rings glinted on his hands, his nails painted black. His hands went to his throat. Steve watched, enraptured as the man whipped off his cloak and threw it into the crowd. Oh, god, he was wearing a red thong, and his nipples were pierced. He also had tattoos. A weird looking old witch on his chest as well as a spider, bats on his arm, and some sort of puppet on a string on his forearm. His body was perfectly soft and pale. His long, skinny legs worked well with the black heels. Steve could imagine running his hands up those perfect legs, trailing up to cup his . . . Woah, his pants just got a little tighter.

The man started moving and dancing. He moved in a way that seemed physically impossible. Like a cat, he seemed like he was both a solid and liquid. He moved harshly against the pole, his hips thrusting in tandem with the song. Steve gulped, imagining his hands grasping the man's small hips as the man grinded against Steve. There was something familiar about the way the man moved, the way he moved his hands about. . .did Steve know this man? No, the world was small, but it wasn't that small. The man jumped around, his heels slapping into the floor as he turned his back to the crowd. He had a flaming sword tattoo on his back, slotting perfectly along his spine. The man peeled off his mask, held it out beside him, and dropped it. A woman was quick to grab it and slip some bills into the man's g string, letting her hands linger on the man. It caused the announcer to speak up.

"You get one warning, lady. Don't touch. Causing I'm telling you now this asshole bites and not in a kinky kind of way. As in, he'll break the skin and leave a permanent scar all because you ate his goddamn pretzels," the announcer said.

"Frankie!" The stripper yelled.

"Right, shutting up," Frankie said.

The stripper turned his head over his shoulder to give the crowd his best come hither look. Steve’s heart jolted in his chest. Oh, shit. The man he's been lusting after was none other than Eddie Munson. His brown eyes popped under the dark eyeshadow that he had painted across his eyelids. How had he not noticed how beautiful his eyes were?

"Yeah, I'm definitely a lesbian," Robin said, her hand over her eyes.

"And I - I am definitely not straight," Steve said. "I got to take a piss."

When Steve came back to their table, Robin gave him a look of disbelief.

"I know what you did in there," Robin said. "Gross."

"You mean, use the restroom?" Steve scoffed, blushing.

"You've got jizz on your pants, by the way," she said.

"Shit, I thought I was careful!" Steve said, looking down. "Oh, fuck you."

"Made you look! You totally did it, and the guy with devil mask? Really?" Robin asked. "Let's go so we can go back to your house so we can properly judge your taste in men."

The ride back to Hawkins was silent except for the radio playing in the background. They quickly settled into the living room.

"You didn't see his face, did you?" Steve asked.

"No, I was too busy drifting off into La La Land," Robin said.

"Robin! It was Eddie Munson!" Steve exclaimed.

"Oh, shit. As in leader of Hellfire, co-parent to your little boy genius?" Robin asked. "This is perfect! You guys already have kids together."

"Robin, we don't even know if he likes men," Steve said.

"Now, you understand my dilemma," she cackled.

"Yes, please revel in my misery," Steve said.

"That's what good friends do, Steve," Robin said. "So, what are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing."

"Seriously?"

"Yep!"

Steve was true to his word and did nothing about his attraction to Eddie Munson until spring break happened. He slowly started to get to know him in the middle of all hell breaking lose and he liked what he learned so far. He had no choice but to interact with him, and he really liked him. . .like really liked him. He had to do something about it now before it was too late.

The RV was parked in an open field, and everyone was outside, enjoying the sunlight before the big fight with Vecna. Steve discreetly watched Eddie slip inside the RV and waited a moment before following. Eddie had taken off his jacket and pulled his hair into a messy bun while he drank a bottle of water. Steve watched for a moment, blushing. Eddie capped the bottle and flashed him a dimpled smile.

"Hey, big boy."

Steve immediately tried to ignore the way that nickname made his stomach flutter.

"Can we talk?" Steve asked.

"Sure thing," Eddie said.

Eddie plopped on the couch and patted the seat next to him. Steve grinned and sat down next to Eddie.

"So, confession time. A few months ago, I came to realization about myself. Actually, Robin helped me with that. I wasn't exactly straight. I mean, I like men and women," Steve said, pausing.

"That's really great, Steve. Thanks for telling me, man," Eddie said, and Steve could have sworn he saw a little hope in his eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"

"A few months ago, Robin took me to a male strip club up in Indianapolis," Steve said.

"Damn, she really is your best friend, isn't she? . . . Wait. . .you saw my act, didn't you?" Eddie groaned and covered his face with his hands. "Look, man, I took the job because I needed to help my uncle out with the bills. He had an accident, and he needed help covering them."

"Eddie," Steve said, laughing as he removed his hands from his face. "I really liked it. . . I mean, I really liked it so much that I ended up. . . "

"What? You ended up doing what?" Eddie asked softly.

"I left right after your performance to go to the bathroom to, uh, take care of myself," Steve said. "I couldn't even approach you for months because you were all I could think about. Now, I'm starting to get to know you, and I want to continue to get to know you because - "

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop talking."

Eddie cupped Steve’s cheek and pressed his lips to Steve’s, kissing him softly. Steve responded immediately, placing his hand on Eddie's hip and pressing lips harshly against Eddie's. They moved together, and Eddie let Steve push him back on the couch. Steve squeezed his hips, and Eddie moaned into his mouth, carding his fingers into Steve’s hair. They broke apart quickly when they heard the door open and looked at Robin's guilty, shocked face for a moment before she disappeared. She slammed the door.

"Nothing to see here, kiddos!" Robin exclaimed. "Quick! Go get it!"

"Did you just throw a stick like we were fucking dogs?!" They heard Dustin shriek.

"Why did you go and fetch it, dumbass?" Max asked. "If you aren't a dog?"

Eddie and Steve sat up as they laughed. They leaned heavily against each other. Eddie laughed and kissed Steve’s cheek.

"I like you too, big boy," Eddie said.

#stranger things #eddie munson #stranger things s4 #joseph quinn #eddie stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson lives #steddie #steve x eddie #steve harrington x eddie munson #steddie fanfiction #robin buckley #platonic stobin #robin is a good wingwoman #stripper!eddie munson

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hells-wasabii · 1 month

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Can you do some fluff with Emily x a fem reader who has religious trauma due to being a lesbian and was surprised to end up in heaven and learn she wasn't going to hell.n

A/N: Obviously a fair warning, this piece alludes to religious trauma so be weary of that, but I hope i was able to do this req justice! I

Character: Emily

Type: Headcanons (Emily x fem!reader with religious trauma, Fluff)

Emily might be on the younger side in comparison to the other angels, but she's not oblivious. When first welcoming you to hell, she could practically feel the inner turmoil within you. She makes it her mission to

While she is left aghast, she's quite honestly not surprised. It's not the first time that something like this has come up when a new soul has arrived. You wouldn't believe how common it is for a human soul to claim themselves to be unworthy based upon the teaching in which they were brought up.

It wasn't easy, the healing process that is. But you'd best believe that Emily was there for you the whole way through. Whenever she wasn't working on any projects or with Sera, she was right there by your side. Sure, maybe she got a little bit of backwash from the other seraphim for spending so much time around a human, a 'damaged' (Emily worked extra hard to get you out of that particular mindset)one at that, but she didn't mind.

She was a Joy Bringer after all, part of her duties was just to bring happiness upon humans amongst the living, but to the souls amongst heaven as well. Not everyone who walks through those pearly gates is in a good state of mind and it's up to her to help them bring their spirits back up! But you were different, you caught her attention.

She could see how much you hurt, you had been lied to your entire life, instilled with a fear that your very existence was enough to earn you an eternity of damnation. She was more than happy to show you how wrong they were. In heaven, it didn't matter who you loved, just so long as you loved them. It wasn't long before the two of you grew closer. You even gained the reputation of being a Joy Bringer's favorite Winner.

Given how much time the two of you spend together, it's no surprise when feelings arise. But it feels wrong. For one, Emily was a literal angel, But Emily was quick to shut all of that down. She was quick to assure you that you were just as worthy of love as she was because guess what? She returned your feelings. She herself had been afraid of how you would react so she had planned on keeping it to herself for a time longer, but now had seemed as good a time as any. Many tears were shed, but in the end, it was worth it.

Even after the two of you are together, sometimes the doubt still creeps in. You can't help it, and Emily fully understands. Trauma doesn't just go away like nothing ever happened, especially not the trauma that you held with you throughout your life. But that's okay. Because Emily has every intention of staying by your side, and should you need her, she'll be right there.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin imagine #hazbin headcanons #hazbin hotel x reader #emily hazbin hotel #emily x reader

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enbesbians · 4 months

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hi there, haven’t been able to write all that much lately which bums me out but i wanted to share a story of mine i think some of you may be interested in.

if anyone here doesn’t know, im experienced within sex and im a very erotic person online as well as in real life. i haven’t had many sexual partners but with the partners i had been with, ive done a lot of experimenting. i wanted to share the first time i used a strap on a girl and the embarrassment that held within that.

during the springtime after my birthday, i had taken upon myself to invest in a strap on. i would always jokingly look on sites like adam and eve, window shopping at all the ones id like to get, feeling as if id never be able to, mostly cause i was scared shitless of my parents finding out that their offspring was buying a sex toy, let alone a fucking strap on. i went to spencers where they had a very limited selection, i wasn’t too picky, even though i stood in that section for god knows how long. it was a gummy purple five inch dildo, with a black harness that felt like a belt of a car— it was rough, complicated and left my skin feeling like i had rug burn. maybe it was because i didn’t know how to properly put it on or maybe the material was just that shitty… i don’t have it anymore so i can’t really test that theory.

my girlfriend at the time and i were very awkward with one another, we couldn’t even look at each other without geeking out and needing to squeal but when i had sex with her the first time (without the strap) it wasn’t as bad as i thought it would be. i was lucky enough to have a good enough tongue and a perverted mind where my hands would touch all over her like she was gold. the lead into that was funny though… i kept laughing and hesitating to do things like kiss her neck, touch her thighs… even taking her bra off, my hands were sweating and it seemed like the clip could not budge. i accidentally hit her nose (twice i might add) and i was not able to use dirty talk for the life of me… i hated my voice and saying ‘baby’ to her during a time like this made myself want to cringe knowing that i was able to hear what she could. but as we eased our way into it, the better it became and the more relaxed we started to be. by the point of me getting the strap, we had sexted two nights before, me being confident thinking i can totally ace the work of a strap on due to the numerous homemade lesbian porn videos of women straight banging their scene partners. she didn’t know i would buy one and she didn’t even mind the idea that we’d never even use one, but i got so turned on by the image of me using it on her so i worked on impulse and got it.

as the weekend approached, i believe the last day i was going to spend the night, i showed it to her. she giggled so hard, covering her face, telling me how she couldn’t believe i owned one. she was more excited than i thought she would’ve been and it only built the start of my ego to think id be any good at using it. thing was… my anxiety began to rise as things got more intimate. i felt like i couldn’t kiss her correctly and touching her body felt like my first time, shaking hands, constant deep inhales, and i would stutter, tripping over my touch as i tried talking sexy to her.

putting it on in front of her felt like i was being watched by the devil in the depths of hell… maybe even deeper— my body was so hot, i couldn’t stop trembling and i almost dropped it i think three times. she was nervous too and with the lack of communication it didn’t help much of anything.

i didn’t know how to start… i knew to prep her with my mouth and fingers and lube but as i started, it took so many times to get it inside of her… i kept saying i was sorry, asking her if she was okay and the frustration on my face was enough to almost break the mood. with her laying on her back, i finally got myself inside of her. moving my hips felt like i was pushing a bolder— they were so stiff and inconsistent. they got sore so fucking quick and i ended up stopping so many times just to ease the tension. it felt like hours and nothing was progressing and took into account that maybe using a strap was not something id ever use again. she didn’t cum from it so i just took it off, feeling embarrassed and stupid for not looking into how to use the damn thing. i just continued to do what i usually did and left it at that.

as some of you may know i value my partners pleasure and even if they’re satisfied, i strive to be better and with that night alone, i thought of the worst… i thought she was going to break up with me. i thought she wouldn’t think of me as this could person she’d always seen. i felt like i had ruined myself and there was no fixing it. i thought she was going to hate me. fortunately, all of my worries were resolved by her saying it was okay.

the next time we used it was probably a half a month later and it worked better… to put it lightly. she did cum from it and that eased me up by a million. i still didn’t think id be able to use it as much as i wanted and with her i almost didn’t. i was too worried thinking that id be worst than the first time and each time we had sex i thought she’d view me in a way that i was unable to pleasure her. as time continued and i let that worry slip, build up my strength in my hips and my stamina, it got better.

that’s pretty much it i guess… im too lazy to go too much in depth but for people saying im a sex god… i wanted people to know that i most definitely was NOT one. i was a shy, eager and anxious dude and with that girl, i felt like my sex performance was the most lackluster… if you want any more stories about my experience… you can ask, im gladly willing to share.

#fern talks🍃

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isaksbestpillow · 7 days

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Gmmtv 2024 part 2

Didn't we just have part 1??? I don't remember any of the shows in part 1 but it's time to watch another 15 mock trailers. I actually haven't finished a Gmmtv show in ages so let's see whether they manage to lure me back!

Ossan's Love Th

The original franchise is my beloved and it's interesting to see it adapted to a different culture especially since Thailand is more progressive than Japan as far as lgbtq rights go, but this show is harder to adapt than something like Cherry Magic because so much of the comedy comes from Japanese language/culture and the actors. They really hit the jackpot with the original cast, they're hard to replace. I wasn't blown away by the trailer but I like Eartmix and I'm glad they cast a veteran actor as the boss so I'm going to give it a shot. I might've been more optimistic if I hadn't just seen OLR and been reminded of how great the original cast and editing is, the trailer couldn't quite meet that energy for me. But I don't think this is the official trailer yet??? I hope they'll they'll tune it up for the real thing! Anyway, it's nice to see Earth in a fun role after so many brooders.

Leap Day

This one seems to be a thriller with Dew and Pond who both suffer from a curse that kills their loved ones every leap year. The characters are called Night and Day. Where have I heard this before................... People are dying and Gun plays a disabled brother (?). I won't be tuning in.

The Heart Killers

Firstkhao and Joongdunk are making out and handling guns. Khaotung gets a terrible tattoo of 信/trust. I don't know what the plot is. This is an outing by P'Jojo, but unfortunately his latest works haven't been the moment for me, I feel like his plots fall flat in the middle and I tune out. Casting two branded bl pairs is an interesting choice, but I don't want to be there when their fans take out their rulers to measure who got the most screentime.

Friendshit Forever

30-year-olds play university students. Heterosexual activity happens. This time with knives. I'm already sensing a pattern with these shows.

Perfect10 Liners

The mandatory Jittirain university bl. Please sit down for what I'm about to say because you may be shocked by the surprise: they were engineers.

Another gl??? Stop the press!! I already watched the trailer three times. A woman tries to make heterosexuality work with the brother but actually likes the sister. Finally a gl where I feel like I'm in the target audience. The high heel lesbians that we've gotten so far just don't feel that relatable to me, so I've watched those gls as entertainment but not gotten deeply emotionally invested. I don't really know the main actors sans Sing which is great since I can enter with a fresh perspective. This one feels like the first serious romance out of this batch. I'm gonna watch the hell out of this!!!!!

Hide & Sis

We start with a murder. Jan is here. The vibe feels very PS I Hate You. Oh, it's by the same producers, no wonder! I expect this to do well in Thailand but I'm not planning on tuning in.

Thame - Po Heart That Skips a Beat

Another bl with some new guys. Who will be Gmmtv's next branded pair? The story is set in the idol industry. I hate this type of music lol. My heart did not skip a beat but maybe the actual show will be more interesting.

Break up service

Off and Godji run a dubious breakup service in this story based on a webtoon. The vibes are very Midnight Motel with more grey morals since there is illegal filming of sexual activity.

Revamp The Undead Story

Bounprem have moved to Gmmtv. I don't really vibe with vampire stuff. *gets shot*

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist

We got Mark Pakin in a main role but at what cost. He's a dentist and it's another Jittirain adaptation (how many books has this author churned out???).

The Dark Dice

I feel like I already saw this same trailer like four times. Jumanji meets all the other dark trailers from this batch.

The Ex-Morning

Kristsingto return as exes with unfinished business. Krist's character is a reporter who has a scandal during a livestream, Singto's character returns from abroad to help rebuild his reputation. The setting is hilarious, I love it. Both have matured a lot since Sotus days and I'm genuinely excited for this one.

Scarlet Heart Thailand

Gmmtv tries their hand at a historical drama. A lot of popular names in the lineup. The trailer doesn't give out much but this is a remake of a Chinese series.

That was all 15 trailers, I think! I'm looking forward to Us and The Ex-Morning the most.

#gmmtv 2024

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coralinnii · 5 months

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Thanks for answering my ask.... If you don't mind me asking (again), who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/manhwa/ anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon)? And why you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks.

Hmm it’s been a while since I care much about romantic relationships (yes, I see the irony of me, a primarily fluff writer, saying that) but there are some memorable ones that I still love for their dynamic. These are the 5 that I can really remember at the top of my head, I’m sure there’s are many iconic ones but these are just my personal “couple goals” people

1. Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist/Fullmetal Alchemist Brother (manga, anime)

Soulmates, More than Lovers

Yes, there is Edward and Winry and they’re great too but Roy and Riza, even when they weren’t officially canon? Oh wow, I absolutely idolised their dynamic growing up. They have to maintain a professional relationship as officer and superior but everyone can tell that they care so much about each other. It’s the trust between, it’s the way they understood each other so much and the faith they have of their partner’s competence. They bicker and annoy each other like old comrades but their bond goes beyond being brothers-in-arms, it’s the way they support each other knowing that they both wish for a world where no one has to go through what they did again. Riza believed in Roy not just because she cared about him but also because she truly believes in him making good on his word in building a better government, and Roy believed in Riza because of her integrity, that he knew she will never be swayed and keep him in track of his dream because that’s just the amazing person she was.

2. Sawako Kuronuma and Shota Kazehaya from Kimi ni Todoke (manga, anime, live-action film)

Friends to Lovers

While romcoms aren’t really my thing, this series was my favorite romcom growing up that I still remember it pretty well after all these years. No hate to the other shoujo animes but Kazehaya was the greenest flag and I can’t be convinced otherwise. He was genuinely kind to everyone, didn’t believe in the crazy rumours and saw Sawako as the sweet person she was, and be that supporting friend to her even when he could tell he had feelings for her. Kazehaya had better emotional awareness and understood how he felt pretty early in the series but never pushed the topic on Sawako when she was still new to a lot of social experiences. Sawako was aware of all the support he has given her and in response, worked hard to make sure his efforts weren’t wasted. It was cute, supportive, and the results felt so deserved and not abrupt.

3. Takeru Takahashi and Hikari Yagami from Digimon (anime)

Will they, won’t they, Childhood friends

I’ve been shipping even before I knew what shipping was. I didn’t know why I love them so much growing. Maybe because I really like the aesthetics, maybe because I’m a sucker for childhood friends, maybe because of all the connections of the crest of hope and light. I thought I grew out of this shipping phrase but nope! I went crazy over the crumbs we get from Digimon Tri. They are such a “Will they, won’t they” duo. I can see them work so well as friends as they do as a couple. They tease each other and are so comfortable together but they are always there for each other when either one of them goes through something.

4. Nomoto and Kasuga from She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat

Neighbours to ???

This is a fairly new series in comparison to everything else on the list, but I do love the characters of this series. Not only are the main duo relatable as individuals, they found support in each other. This is a personal plus, but watching Nomoto learning she’s an ace lesbian growing these sweet, wholesome feelings for her neighbour makes the dynamic stand out to me more since this helps show to whatever naysayers that believes that the feeding food part of the story is a kink play of theirs. Like dudes…what? It’s really nice to watch two realistic individuals in a grounded relationship (whatever it is at this point), while going through some heavy topics about societal standards.

5. Seo Dan and Seung Jun from Crash Landing on You (Kdrama)

Villainess x Conman

Seeing that Seo Dan was in the position to be the villainess because she was the second female lead and the male lead’s arranged fiance, everyone would think that she would be evil like all the other second leads in Kdramas, but NO! Seo Dan never outright harm the female lead but instead tried to spend time and win over the man that was her fiance. When she realized she couldn’t and her love is turning toxic, she chose not to continue the path of unrequited love and move on, even though it hurt her because she truly loved the male lead, her first love. Seung Jun was in a somewhat similar villain position being a close-hearted conman who’s not the type to stay for anyone. But he starts to fall for Seo Dan, and hated seeing her break because of a man who couldn’t see how amazing she was. This made me tear up to see that Seo Dan found someone that truly love her, and that Seung Jun found someone who he could truly cherish with all his heart. They got to be the realest and best versions of themselves with each other and were a couple that met the right person, there were just some mistakes to realize it.

#coralinnii answers #favorite ships

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funishment-time · 1 month

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Alright. Now that I know the questions, and forgive me if these have been asked before, 16, 19 (for Miu), and of course, our good pal, 17

whee hee hee!!!

16. Do you have any ideas for a Danganronpa murder? Share!

the series is lacking a good murder-suicide or Lover's Suicide. (i mean as an individual case/trial. you could argue that all of DR1 is a murder-suicide or Lover's Suicide)

beyond that, a high-temperature complete burning-to-death that results in ashes and little Evidence, or withholding important Medication that keeps a character alive, would both be Interesting

17. List five headcanons for your favorite characters!

special edition!! wee woo wee woo! for this one i will list 5 SFW ship headcanons, but if you're not into these Ships (or Shipping in general), i have 5 regular headcanons here too. double the value!

skip these if you don't like Ship dynamics:

KAEDE x. MIU: Kaede insists on being the little spoon, which flusters Miu for all eternity

FUYUHIKO x PEKO: they never have kids, but they do have a hundred thousand fluffy Creaturas of various sorts. dogs and cats and rabbits and chinchillas and maybe even a herd of Alpacas roaming their great Yakuza estate. "no one's gonna fuckin' take us seriously," Fuyuhiko always says, but he's smiling because his wife is

SAKURA x HINA: after scientific evidence shows that naps have a positive effect on the human body and its growth (see DR1's School Mode), Sakura tries to get Hina to take short naps with her daily. like, 20 minutes tops. unfortunately, this rarely Works, because no one taught Hina how to sit still for longer than a half-second, but it does give them cuddle time on a busy day

FUKAWA SYSTEM x KOMARU: neither of the Fukawas ever stop lusting over Byakuya. it's just that Komaru is their wife, the love of their life, their girl, their beloved. their crush on Byakuya ends up being more, uh, purely NSFW in nature. in the end, though, the Fukawa system would rather be with Komaru, because she's Domesticity, she's Love, she's Healing, even if she won't turn them into her own personal livestock or whatever it was Toko wanted in UDG (i black out during those scenes). anyway, Komaru perfectly understands this, and really doesn't feel Threatened by it at all, because it's not like Byakuya is ever going to give the Fukawa system what they want

MAHIRU x HIYOKO: after her growth spurt, Hiyoko gets intense stretch-marks, which knocks her self esteem down a peg. thankfully, Mahiru loves her terrible banana-headed gee eff Just As Much

and now for the regular headcanons:

Nekomaru is generally asexual. he's never felt shame in it, as it allows him to Focus on his athletes better in an increasingly competitive world

in a non-despair AU, Kokichi ends up on the student council every year, inexplicably, as Treasurer. no one notices when he's lifting money from HPA because no one notices when Jin Kirigiri is doing it, either

Ibuki has been the first kiss of many-a girl at HPA

in her own way, Junko felt threatened when Mukuro was pretending to be her, both in DR1 and in Zero. this factored into Junko kebabing her, but also into Junko's obsession with putting her down in Extremely Childish Ways, as well as her insistence that Mukuro was Gross and Nasty and Could Never Be Her!!! at the end of DR1. by the Despair Twins' HPA days, Junko was too far gone to ever deal with it or admit it, but so much of her final despair centered around her identity and her sister. she may not have gone full Killing Game if not for Mukuro

Sakura has dislocated bones, sometimes during a match, and then immediately popped them right back into place without hesitation or pause. this only makes local Lesbians more in love

BONUS: the Warriors of Hope do heal in their own way as they grow, but they always have a hard time patching up the wound named "Big Sis Junko." on a fairly Objective level, she did nothing but good for them and took them out of a Bad Situation when no one else did. so: while the WoH become as content as they can be as adults, they also have an exceedingly difficult journey understanding Junko as a Very Bad Person Actually

19. What kind of fantasy creature would you make Miu?

Miu is most definitely a goblin. gross, loud-mouthed little thing tinkering and tonkering, but extremely Lovable

#danganronpa #miu iruma #sakura ogami #junko enoshima #ibuki mioda #mukuro ikusaba #nekomaru nidai #kokichi oma #aoi asahina #kaede akamatsu #peko pekoyama #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #mahiru koizumi #hiyoko saionji #komaru naegi #toko fukawa

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olderthannetfic · 4 months

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The “noncanonical pairings are usually wish fulfillment” thing is so bonkers because there’s so much variety in terms of what is “non canon.” By the strictest definitions of canon, something like Anthy/Utena isn’t “canon” in the original anime series because they never explicitly say they’re romantic lesbian lovers or kiss (except in the ending theme, which people often don’t count), even though the entire fucking show is about that relationship and it makes significantly less sense if you interpret them in a platonic way. Same with something like Yuuri and Victor in Yuri on Ice. Most people would call those “canon” (I would with both) but I’ve seen people fight over it because it’s not “explicit enough.” A lot of people who are used to really didactic storytelling — which, lbh, is clearly a lot of people in fandom spaces based on the discourse that gets started here — don’t really know what to make of works like Revolutionary Girl Utena that rely a lot on symbolism and allusion, and in expecting their audience to do the work to meet them where they are rather than getting down to where the dumbest possible viewer is.

Then, on the next level, you get relationships that were built up to in some way, but then the writers later decided to take it another direction. You get ones that got a lot of subtext, but they were a same-sex relationship or an interracial relationship or something else taboo in a time before that was permissible in mainstream media of that kind. You get ones where it was the actors interpreting it that way, but not the writers; or the writers, but not the directors; or the directors and script, but the actor didn’t play it that way. (A good example of both of the last two examples: Garak/Bashir from Star Trek Deep Space Nine, whose actors have both admitted to playing them that way and supporting the ship, and where the creators have basically said they saw that there was something there but knew they wouldn’t be able to get away with that on a Star Trek show then.)

On the next level down, you might get something where it fits into a well-established romantic trope but the creator somehow has no idea of but the fans pick up on it — for instance, maybe they would only see it as romantic if it were between a man and a woman, but this is two women, and they don’t recognize how it’s going to look different to someone who is less heteronormative in their thinking. Maybe the creator just has such a strong bias against some particular combo of characters that they don’t want to acknowledge what they wrote by accident. (Like how J.K. Rowling was so mad that so many of her readers liked Draco Malfoy even though it’s pretty obvious to anyone else what’s so appealing about how she wrote that character, but for relationships rather than individual characters.)

And then of course, you do get some ships that are just completely out of left field, someone projecting a particular dynamic really hard that they wish was there on some characters that don’t have that kind of chemistry at all to anyone else watching/reading/etc. One of my fandoms had a really vocal group get really into a ship like that recently (because the person who started it framed it as “progressive” and herself as a bit of a BNF so a lot of younger discourse-addled people went along with it who also thought the more popular main ship was “problematic”) and it was annoying because they were so self-aggrandizing about how there was all this hidden subtext that no one but them was seeing because we were all less social justice enlightened than them or something. When it was really just that those characters didn’t have that dynamic at all, but they THOUGHT they should. There was a lot of hilarious misinterpretation of scenes that were in context, not remotely shippy, but one character was touching the other one very slightly or something.

But IME, those kinds of ships getting any kind of substantial following is rare. Most fairly popular ships that are non-canon, including pretty much every non-canon juggernaut ship I’ve ever seen (going back to DS9, Garashir is like 45% of the DS9 fanfic on AO3 last time I checked, so it’s definitely a juggernaut ship), there is at least SOMETHING there that comes from the original work. Even if it’s just “these two guys have the kind of buddy-cop dynamic that slash shippers often like to envision in romantic ways,” “this guy and this girl are the kind of lifelong childhood friends that we’re used to being romantic in anime like this so a lot of people started shipping them immediately,” “these two girls have the kind of Fuffy/Catradora/etc. friends-to-enemies-to-friends-again-to-lovers dynamic that makes a lot of femslashers lose their minds,” etc. Even with those three examples, while it may not be *intentional* on the part of the creator, it’s bizarre to say those people are “projecting” when they’re responding to those couples fitting into longstanding media trends that a lot of people identify. “Projection” to me is something like the earlier example I gave of the obnoxious people in my one fandom, where they are just determined to make some square peg fit a round hole because they’re desperate to have everything be round. And again, I don’t think that’s nearly as common as a lot of people, and especially salty het shippers who want to demonize the popularity of M/M or F/F in their fandoms, seem to think it is. (Also, like het-only shippers aren’t the ultimate in seeing romantic dynamics with every time a man and a woman are close at all, and throwing a fit when it doesn’t happen in canon, lol)

(I also think some of these people confuse the “projection” for people who are more dedicated rarepair shippers, where the motivation is often more “okay this might not be here but WHAT IF” than sincerely thinking the work is actually doing something that it isn’t really doing. Again, I’ve met people who are into rarepairs who just seem to have a really bad lack of understanding for what “subtext” is and confusing anything they wish was there with “subtext,” but I think those people are a rarity. For a lot of people who like rarepairs, the fact that it’s not at all what canon is suggesting is something they are aware of and that is The Point. It’s “I know the work doesn’t actually suggest this, but how can I change it so that it does”)

In my experience, that particular flavor of oldschool homophobe invariably ships tons of het that is not actually canon.

They just don't like it when 1. anything that's not their favorite gets popular and 2. people think a character could be queer without it being literally stated in the first episode/page.

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didalexiabreakupwitholgayet · 26 days

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Hi :) your blog is so good , I love these deep dives you’re doing, thanks for answering and sharing all your deep lore knowledge.

I’m so curious about the culture around queerness at Barça and in European women’s soccer in general. It seems like only a few players are loudly out (Mapi’s coming out being a whole thing like 5 years ago), but that a ton of other players have come out in more discreet (and maybe plausibly deniable) ways.

I’d imagine many don’t speak about it publicly bc they don’t want to attract even more hate or “distract”from the cause of women’s football. But to me it feels like the elephant in the room on some level, bc I’m sure at least some of the cultural pushback they face is because so many of them are gay, but no one really talks about it out loud. (That i've seen.)

In my understanding Spain is legally quite supportive of lgbt rights but that culturally, the catholic influence and machismo remnants remain strong. And football culture in general seems super homophobic—like the comments on the fcbarcelona post a couple months ago for a lgbtq+ day of support were vile.

I am so curious about the super-specific subset of player relationships that develop in that weird combination of repression(?) and normalization. It seems like riding the line of discreetness and being obviously super queer could cause tension between players or partners, but they all seem to handle it at least well enough to keep playing together. Like, how do they do that? Are there like, rules of conduct? Do they all just agree to not talk about their partners and how those relationships impact the team? do exes just have to get over it really fast and in silence? like.. I know it’s so classically lesbian to be friends w your ex but also sounds hard to not acknowledge breakups/heartache being part of how a team functions. (Especially when everyone thinks you’re moving on with another teammate @ Lucy & Ona 👀)

Idk, maybe I’m just a water sign lol and maybe these conversations are happening behind the scenes. But it makes me wonder if Barça has like, hired relationship counselors bc this seems like a lot to handle alone.

Just interested if you have any thoughts, I know it’s not really an answerable question. Thanks again in advance!! <3

oh wow, thank you and thank you for your long message. you raise so many interesting points to unpack.

queerness at barça/european football - honestly, i think your questions/comments are not specific to spain/barça but are questions to be raised across the entire world of futfem/woso. because barça is comprised of staff from all over spain, not just barcelona, and has players from all over the world, who are bringing their own cultures, biases, backgrounds into this environment.

i just don't think there are that many players *anywhere* who are the out and proud types like megan rapinoe or even magda/pernille with their hangOUT show. it's more so people living their lives and not making a big deal of it, kinda like sam kerr/kristie mewis, mapi/ingrid engen, and alba redondo and her gf. and it may also be a generational thing too. where younger players like cata coll just casually and nonchalantly mentions she has a gf when asked to show her phone lock screen or jill roord and jana fernandez post vacation tiktoks with each other and family members.

and at the same time, barça and the spanish national team have a very high percentage of gay players, especially compared to uswnt, canada, etc. so i don't think it's spanish culture that's necessarily dictating things one way or another.

locker room dynamics - again, i don't think this is specific to barça because there are teams with even more intra-squad relationships (cough*arsenal*cough 😂).

at the end of the day, these are professionals and you have to act in a professional manner and set boundaries if players from the same team are dating. and you have to learn to compartmentalize and not let your personal life affect your performance on the pitch. and if it does, then it's important to speak up and take time off or remove yourself from that situation (as we have seen players do from time to time as well). so i highly doubt barça has hired relationship counselors because these players are (mostly) adults and can handles themselves as adults.

if nothing else, barça is made up of some of the most hypercompetitive people ever 😂, and they are not going to let squabbles or exes interfere with the main goal - winning that quadruple!

#woso #futfem #fcb femení #espwnt

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t00thpasteface · 2 hours

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I’m doing a MASH rewatch because I’m mentally well, and I am a Hawcahy lover like all good red blooded Americans, but I was curious if you had any thoughts or opinions on Klinger / Mulcahy? Even from Klinger’s second appearance with the grenade scene I found myself watching for their shared scenes, though it’s clearly significantly less popular if AO3 tags are to be believed.

You can also use this to discuss the various Hawkeye ships (of which there are rightfully many) and any other MASH pairings you enjoy or maybe don’t partake in! I’m always here for more MASH content

they are VERY GOOD AND I LIKE THEM. klinger is a LOT of fun and there's definitely some kind of weird circuitous Recognition Through The Other i get with him as a butch lesbian. my whole life i've always felt like i'm some ugly bony man in drag whenever i dress girly so i feel really vaildated seeing how klinger fucking slayyyyyys in whatever he wears and has a blast wearing it. so naturally anything that makes klinger happy makes me happy!!! 🫡

i think i said it before a loonnnng time ago though but i'm just not really much of a multishipper! never have been... idk what it is but once a ship takes root in my brain i don't really multiship any of the people in it. there are very few exceptions to this. i have NO idea why i'm like this but i'm just Very Particular.

and hawkahy just fucking SEIZED me somehow so it got first dibs. my first exposure to mash was catching some season 7 episodes on retro tv, so when i happened to see hawkeye freaking out in a cave and mulcahy volunteering to be helicopter ballast back-to-back, i latched onto mulcahy first like "omg look at that little guy he's trying so hard" and then secondarily looked at hawkeye like "omg it's a womanizing sleazeball with a heart of gold i love those exact guys!!" and my go-to method of shipping is My Favorite x My Second Favorite, sooo that's how the cookie crumbled... :P

also basically as soon as i told my mom i was watching mash she was like “we need to watch the movie!!” and i was weirdly compelled by hawkeye and mulcahy teaming up to save painless??? mulcahy gets shoved out of the frame by the others when he's introduced but seeks out hawkeye later like hey you're the only one i trust to help me... and then it colored how i watched the show afterwards. i was like hang on. really interesting to see where these freaks can find a common ground between them in their respective approaches to pacifism and sacrifice. also my mom ships them. lulz

i also think traphawk and beejhawk are fun too BUT as a lesbian who does a lot of weird gay shit with her 2 straight roommates (one of whom has a bf) because THEY started it, i also find it VERY funny to just interpret hawkeye and trapper/bj with that angle of out-and-proud queer doing weird gay shit with his arguably straight (or latently bicurious) roommates as a form of entertainment/bonding/hazing. bc it's like [leonardo dicaprio pointing.jpeg] like we call each other pookie and slap each other on the ass so whatever hawkeye is doing to those men is just Normal to me

#i feel like a maniac trying to explain my thought process for how i ship stuff. sorry for the FUCKING ESSAY i have Thotz #shebbz shoutz #mash #ask

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badsalmonella · 5 months

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Media I tolerated for the 2023 cast of Camelot

I'm documenting these reviews for SCIENCE.

Ground rules: 1. I had to have watched this SPECIFICALLY for no reason other than a Camelot actor. Meaning no Phillipa's many great works aren't here. I just watched Hamilton because it was well made not specifically for her. (but like she WAS THERE and she ate it up so BONUS!) 2. I'm doing the bad ones for comedic purposes so I won't talk about Spain but like just know. I don't tolerate Spain. I. LOVE. SPAIN. Spain would blow all these entries out of the water. Don't just seek out Spain for the Danny Wolohan+ Andrew Burnap of it all frfr like it's just gOOD.😭

Under the Banner of Heaven

Verdict: ??/10

Definitely the most ""refined and pristine"" of the bunch I am about to talk about, I acknowledge this. But it turns out I didn't care about mormons when I saw Book of Mormon back in the day and went "eh." and I STILL DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM NOW. I unfortunately was not strong enough to finish this show. The first two episodes barely had Andrew Burnap and it was hard to continue knowing that there was some unsavvvvourrryyyy content waiting ahead of me. I'm always torn when talking about shows like this like what do you do when you know it's technically more competent but alsooo....it's more boring to you?

My whore levels: -ˏ͛⑅❒⌧⌧??/10

Someone (you know who you are) sent me this UNHINGED review for the show

and I went 'haha that's insane. that won't be me'. bad news folks.....it maybe might have been me. BUT ALSOOO all that progress would IMMEDIATELY undo because then the camera would zoom out and I'd be like 'ohhh.... oh no he does fit right in with these unsettling caucasians.... :/ Yeahh.............but then I'd see him in that blouuuuseeeee with that funky lil perrmmmm. 👀👀👀👀 all this to say. I am conflicted. I am confused. I am unwell. I want...a perm and a blouse?????

Broken Hearts Gallery

Verdict: 5/10

It's fine. It was alright. I'm not really a romantic comedy movie person so like I'm not the target audience but I mean this movie is doing what it says on the tin. Ya know? It's fine. Didn't offend me. Did what it had to do. Made me wish I was living an art life in New York City and Bernadette Peters was my boss.

My Whore Levels: 9/10

Honestly I love the glasses on Phillipa Soo, they got her in some fun outfits. I love the quirked up weirdo lesbian vibes. I love how she collects girlfriends like accessories. I would watch a movie about this character. Can I have a sequel??? There's a scene where she is mercilessly chopping a cucumber with a very sharp knife, it turns out my type is Phillipa Soo threatening murder I refuse to unpack that :)

One True Loves

Verdict: 0.5/10

Actually AWFUL. Like in a it barely feels like a movie kind of way. It's like it was made by someone they plucked off the street. Like the qualifications were 'have you seen a movie before???? okay cool then you can make one'. The worst editing I have seen in a movie in a long time. Holy shit. This movie costs 2$ LOOK AT THAT MOVIE POSTER!!!! If this were some random amazon prime movie with a bunch of nobodies I would understand BUT PHILLIPA SOO WAS IN THIS. THIS IS WHAT SIMU LIU ASKED TO BE IN AFTER DOING THE MCU. (not a joke)THE AUTHOR OF THE 7 HUSBANDS OF EVELYN HUGO WROTE THE SCRIPT???? PHILLIPA PRODUCED THIS FILMMMMM. GIRLIE NOOOOOO💀💀💀 Also MASSIVE tonal problem. This movie is still sticking with me. Like I am GOOPED this was made. THIS APPARENTLY HAD A THEATRICAL RUN? and I know I said this before but HOLY SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE BUZZFEED MAKES MOVIESSSSSS

My Whore levels: 2/10

They did my girl so dirty. This whole movie has the aesthetic of a high schooler's first photoshop project being a mood board inspired by a Taylor Swift song but all they use is the first 5 images you find on google search when you type in 'fall' and 'latte'. This movie told me "salt is spicy :(((" This is like if you could turn a cursive live, laugh, love sign into a look of a whole movie. They are dressing Phillipa Soo up like the most interesting thing she has to put on her dating profile is "I like reading :)". Two points though because for exactly one brief scene she was shoulder out, hair swooped dramatically and I whispered "slay".

Charmed (2018)

Verdict: 3/10

My worstie. My bestie. The beginning of the end. The moment that cemented that my bar was low. Honestly this would have been far and away the worst thing I watched for a Camelot cast member but One True Loves swooped in last minute and took home the gold(?) for being even more incompetent and even cheaper. I honestly have way too much to say about it though, which is proof that I somehow got emotionally invested. I'm convinced they had some sort of business deal struck with the Zara brand because everyone dresses like a business casual 35 year old woman on her way to the office (NO MATTER WHAT THEIR PERSONALITY IS THEY ALL DRESS LIKE THIS.) They must be getting awful direction or something because nooobody is doing a good job in the acting department (I'm typing this through tears. I'm choking and sobbing as I confess this to you all). There's DEFINITELYYYY a colourism problem. The show does NOT know how to utilize it's fun setting seriously for a show with witches you'd be SHOCKED how little magic is used in this show. THERE'S SO LITTLE WHIMSY!! and yet............I found myself bewitched (I'm sorry) by the show. I have given episodes rewatches. I have literally fallen to the floor, on all fours, WHEEZING, watching the bad credit card product placement in one of the episodes. My friend and I got to the episode where they say 'The curse is lifted! :) But the struggle continues' (the struggle....IS RACISM!!!) and our jaws DROPPED. A character projectile vomited on a man and he EXPLODED and all that were left were his boots in a smoking pile. It sucks but in a way I can't look away from. I wish there were ungodly amounts of seasons of this show. I wish Jordan Donica was trapped in a 13 season cycle of being this show's damsel in distress (no actually no I don't)

My Whore levels: I cannot share this number publicly💀/10

I'm not proud of the person I become when Jordan Donica is on screen in this show. YES they mostly dress him boring grey hoodies and jeans. YES He spends a whole season with his hair in the sad in between mid length stage that nobody likes being in (I stand in solidarity as a person who also likes keeping her hair short when it gets too long it's not great but it's part of the human experience) but damn dude that ain't stopping him from SERVING NORMIE CORE CUNT!!!!! Also because this relationship with me and Charmed is toxic every once in a while they would throw me the most delicious bone. Various suits in funky colours and long hair, ohhhh a bowler hat!!! The episode where he puts on a Shien punk leather outfit!! It's the small things, ya know? :) <333

#this is for me and my two followers who care #😌😌😌🫶🏼#camelot #I'M going to hope nobody actually uses the general Camelot tag on tumblr here #like I just need that tag for my OWN blog tracking purposes.

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m4ndysk4nkovich · 9 months

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my thoughts on sandy milkovich:

(buckle up because i have a lot to say, as always)

so, for starters, one thing that i’m not incredibly fond of is how her character isn’t really original. like, it is, but it isn’t. her name is sandy, for christ’s sake- which is literally one letter away from mandy, also not to mention the fact that she was practically raised as mickey’s sister. and in many way’s she’s like a female version of mickey, i’ll explain why:

obviously one way she’s like mickey is that she dated a gallagher, but i think that the way she acts in the relationship is very much like how mickey acts in gallavich. well…acted. more seasons 1-5 gallavich.

she’s a bit less… idk, fearful than mickey was? i mean, it’s understandable why mickey was so fearful- have you seen terry? did you watch 3x666? or 4x11? i would’ve been fearful if i were him, too. we don’t know much about how sandy was raised, but she probably wasn’t raised well. again, she seemingly was raised as mickey’s sister rather than his cousin (he does have a brother who is also his cousin, to be fair, but that’s not what i mean) but sandy’s parents may not have been as threatening or terrifying as terry was. terry does seem to be the most well-known milkovich. everybody knows terry. maybe sandy’s parents were homophobic in a way where they looked down on queer people, but didn’t literally murder them. you can see how much more open she is with the whole “he’s gay, terry. i’m gay. people are gay.”

but sandy can be mean. and so can mickey. i love them both to death but sandy’s fight with debbie in season 11 really reminded me of gallavich in seasons 2/3. specifically “you’re nothing but a warm mouth to me” and “you love me; and you’re gay” she wins the fight by using something to hurt debbie, and it works.

and what was the fight all about? sandy leaving her husband, who she was with as a teenager but felt no love for him whatsoever, and also leaving her kid. sound familiar? ian never held yevgeny and svetlana against mickey, but it’s similar.

and when they break up on the front porch all i, and many other gallavich fans, could think of was “5x12!!!!”

also she was a drug dealer and in juvie and it was implied that she was in prison. this isn’t exclusive to mickey, the only milkovich i can think of (other than yevgeny) who hasn’t been incarcerated is mandy, but we don’t know for sure that she hasn’t been to juvie before. she’s certainly done things that could land her in prison for a very long time.

and i feel like with the same amount of time and development sandy can be as great as her cousin is, because mickey changed A LOT over the seasons which made him even more lovable.

but sandy’s ending was pathetic and i hate the writers for it. it was unnecessary and damaged debbie’s character when she didn’t need it because sandy left literally 4 EPISODES BEFORE THE SERIES FINALE. the only thing that sandy leaving added was the evidence that debbie would stick with franny no matter what, but fuck that, it was too late in the show for most people (not me ofc) to give a shit about that. people overlooked that a lot.

i feel like sandy helped out debbie’s character a lot, while simultaneously fucking her up even more. but i loved sandy for most of her run on the show, i just wish that they had done more- or less. idk. they made her character more complicated than she needed to be, and it’s hard to put my feelings about her into words because they didn’t give us enough to work on.

i think that her relationship with royal was bad, and i think that he was probably a creep who impregnated her, and i bet that he knew she was a lesbian after they got married and things probably got messy. the way that royal described sandy’s choices to prince was good, though. i respected that.

anyway, if they kept making shameless seasons (which they wont) i would love a sandy redemption. possibly like the returns of mickey, jimmysteve, or kelly.

im not reading this over before i post it so if it doesn’t make sense then oh well

#shameless #sandy milkovich #debbie gallagher #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #gallavich #female gallavich #royal shameless #prince shameless #shameless us #sandy was good but she left too soon #they were just starting to develop her then they fucked it up and wrote her off #it’s sad tbh

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fixinglitg · 6 months

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My issues with BONNIE (so far)

Hey again.

So today I'm gonna talk about my issues with Bonnie's character now that we're halfway through the season (Eps 16-18 were the latest releases in case you haven't seen so far, there are 33 in total) I'm gonna divide this into categories so if there's something specific you wanna read about the go ahead and skip to that part. I will add a few positives at the end not to seem SO negative, but I do have a good few complaints, mostly after the recent episodes.

As per usual,

DISCLAIMER: this is just my opinion, and you can disagree with me if you'd like to. How I feel about a character doing something might be different for you, and we all have our own preferences.

Now that's out of the way, let's begin.

DESIGN:

Ofc, this part isn't Bonnie's fault, but I personally think her design is borderline horrific.

Her body is a little weird, but mostly okay for the main part compared to Rafael's odd arm situation. But the main part is her head.

Thick brows? Love. But for this character design, I just don't think she's pulling it off.

The hair? It's giving "hmm, this character needs a stereotypical lesbian haircut, but we should make it worse." Like people can pull things off like that and there's probably so many pretty women with this hair. Again, I just don't think it's working out for her.

Her lips. Okay, why does it look like this poor woman has asked for the Kardashian? What plastic is in her lips? Thick lips, again, great. On the right person.

I think her character has good individual features for people in general, but putting them all together onto her and designing it that way doesn't look attractive for me.

There are so many better re-designs I've seen on Reddit, so I'll link a couple now:

Wolfcut Bonnie | Sprite Edit Bonnie | Min Bonnie

Like come on Fusebox. It wasn't that hard to fix her without changing the details too much as these edits show.

OUTFITS:

I mean, why is her fancy outfit literally a bin liner. Like what. I thought MCs style was pretty tragic in recent seasons, but Fusebox actually did this woman dirty with the outfits.

I'm not sure if they played to have her more boyish or what, less feminine seeming, but the outfits just aren't doing it. And I only need one link this time to prove my point.

Bonnie Outfit Edit

Like these outfits are such an improvement?? And it's not even like the creator chose to change the entire thing, they literally kept the basis of it. I- yeah. I don't even wanna talk about this for long, because it hurts as much as Bryson coming out in that one sleeveless top.

So all in all, it would be hard for me to like a character when I don't find them attractive physically. Both their own body and the style of clothing. However, I feel like it'd be unfair to not give a character a chance if they're written well. Yeah, about that...

PERSONALITY:

So I wasn't sure what to title this part, but you'll understand what I mean as soon as I get into this.

At the start of the season, you're able to determine whether or not you wanna have women as an option. Obviously I have no idea if the female LIs still take interest in you (trauma by Dana) if you say you're straight, but I wouldn't exactly put it past Fusebox to disregard that choice immediately.

But as I was saying.

Why is it when I say "oh yeah, I'm into women" the female LI IMMEDIATELY THINKS I'm into her. Like, no babe, sorry but I'm not the one for you.

And I hate that I've rejected her so many times, and put little to no interest in her (sometimes I would say "oh my head's a mess" etc because the other options didn't feel right for me) to the point where it's getting a little annoying to see that stupid ass lip biting sprite, and her trying to flirt with my character when I've said N.O. Of course, other characters do have that issue in the past (and maybe this season, I have no idea because she's the only person I've really rejected) but this is so frustrating to me.

I get shooting your shot but she's missed 50 times and won't stop.

The next thing I really hate might seem little but it's really grinding my gears.

Image by u/thebarbied. Additional text under the post saying "I've never told this girl I was interested in girls so idk why the girl is like this." So I'm assuming OP said they were into men/straight, which means she might be worse off wlw MC.

The thing that annoys me the most is the fact that she looks upset by not being chosen. Now I understand that there could be some people who actually chose her. Or some people that would want to take her instead of their casa partner.

HOWEVER.

When you're like me and have rejected her several times, she has no right to look this upset.

And for me, it felt a little off-putting. It's the hideaway. THE HIDEAWAY. Majority of the time, the hideaway usually involves some sort of sexual thing. Especially in these recent seasons, I feel like Fusebox has really been pushing the kinky side of things onto us with the box of things (massage oil, whipped cream, blindfolds, maybe I'm remembering wrong but I swear there was handcuffs in S6).

And to just have the mere thought of someone being upset for not being picked to go to what I love to call "the sex room" even after being rejected by myself multiple times just makes me uncomfortable.

Now of course, I'd like to add that maybe that wasn't her plan at all and she'd just wanna talk or something.

But let's be honest for a moment, we all know Fusebox. They definitely would've given us the same options of "go all the way, do bits, snog, cuddle/talk" or something along those lines, and I just FEEL the disappointment from not choosing anything but cuddle/talk.

Yet again, I will state that this can be the case for all LIs, or not the case at all, but these are just my thoughts and feelings and this is how I see things at the time of playing.

I just feel like she's getting disappointed over nothing. Like she expects to be picked despite all my choices.

And I'll even link a few posts to people complaining about Bonnie and her character never going. Sidenote: these also include some other characters that I'll touch upon in another post

u/Towerofterrorr wanting Bonnie to leave them alone | u/Emotional_Lobster778 Bonnie Rant | u/Ok-Level_99 telling Bonnie to give it up | u/Smithiexx hated her | u/Dontaskmyname98 wants to be left alone as well | u/twoofakindfinds says "Major ick and also major red flag"

I just wanted to add these so that you could see that other people also think Bonnie is kinda... Icky and creepy I guess.

It is a disease Fusebox give most female LIs though. The "women who are supposed to be bisexual but are constantly in friendship couples with men and beg for the MC to change her mind" bullshit.

Posts by u/Ok_Level_99 (same post as the one listed above in my example)

And this is why I don't like pushy characters. Like I've said before, if you've stated the fact that you do not give a shit about them, why are you still trying? It's just embarrassing by now. Do you WANT me to file a restraining order against you? Like seriously?

I get being jealous and all, but this is honestly the most unattractive thing you can do when someone isn't interested. It's the fact that she STILL believes she has a chance.

And I'm honestly just repeating myself by this point.

There was a lot more I could've talked about, but I decided to leave it there. I think I'll come back to this and make another post of some other shit happens in the remaining 15 episodes.

Hopefully I won't have to deal with this much longer. I just wanna go back to the OG boys.

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ashthemadwriter-archived · 2 years

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BSD Character's sexuality

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: Mentions of multiple sexulities

Word Count: 0.6K

A/n: Please keep in mind that these are just my personal opinions, and no hate in intended toward the characters. Also, I would be happy to hear your thought in this case too; but respectfully please :)

⇝Dazai Osamu

As a self-shipper, I would like to think that he is straight; but as some of you might know I'm also a soukoku shipper, so I'm gonna go with Bi-sexual. I don't want to discuss soukoku here/in this blog because it's definitely not the right place for it, but if you were interested you just have to look up instagram or soukoku blogs on tumblr to find out more. anyway, I think that he's bi-sexual, but the reason he doesn't really show it or even ignores his attraction to men (By men I mean Chuuya leave me alone) at some point, is because he used to be sexually abused in his childhood, and by Mori.

Now this is just a theory, but many fans believe that Asagiri wrote the characters based on the main role of the author's book, and if you had read No longer human, you know that the main role- which is similar in so many ways to Dazai- was being sexually abused at a young age. This actually could be one of the many reasons why Dazai isn't interested in being in a relationship and prefers one night stands, but it's only a theory.

⇝Kunikida Doppo

I'm most certain that he's straight. In the novel "Dazai's entrance exam", or in the 6th and 7th episode of the anime, we all witnessed how he got annoyed everytime He saw Dazai chatting with Sasaki, and well, Sasaki was Author Kunikida's wife in real life, so, my point.

I also think that he's ideals for his future mate is based on a woman's personality, but We can never be sure until we find out what he has written in that book of his.

⇝Nakajima Atsushi

Pansexual. Why? Well, Atsushi just doesn't look like a person who would care about formalities in his s/o, like about their appeariance, how they look, what they wear, or even their gender. Though in the series we only saw him getting all shy and blushed around girls, but I think What Atsushi is interested in and cares about is their personality. If he finds a person who's kind, sweet and caring, he will fall for them regardless of who they are and what they are like.

⇝Tanizaki Junichiro

None of us want to admit it directly, but we all know that he has something going on with his sister. I don't wanna get into details but based on the evidence and the fact that he hadn't shown any interest in men, I believe that he's Straight.

⇝Adogawa Ranpo

I honestly can't give an answer. Maybe Pansexual? since no matter what gender people around him have, he doesn't give A damn about them unless he's interested into them; and the only way he's interested into them is that... Idk... maybe they have sweets in their pocket🚶🏻‍♀️

So basically he isn't into looks and stuff either, and he would be comfy around a person who's independent, a good baker/cook, and is smart like him. He doesn't expect his s/o to be as smart as him, since he might get competitive, so just smart enough to understand the situation and have an idea of what other people are thinking about.

⇝Yosano Akiko

I think that she's %99 a lesbian? since we have seen her beating the shit out of men when they overstep her boundries, or at least be a bit hard on them, while she's always gentle with girls. For example, she's not gentle with Atsushi as mush as She is with Kyouka. It might be because Kyouka reminds her of her own past, but in total, she gets along better with women in a romantic relationship than men.

Also, it is written in her biography that She dislikes weak men. None of the men around her are weak, but she hasn't shown any interest in them either; so, I guess she's into women, or at least prefers them to guys.

I would love to share my thoughts on port mafia members too, so if you're curious, just send me an ask :)

Reblogs are appreciated.

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nerd-at-sea5 · 1 year

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'i spent my teen in rage, spiralin' in silence' (ao3 link)

title from 'seventeen going under' by sam fender - pt 2 here, pt 3 here

van and nat grow up together, they know one another better than anyone else on the team bar maybe jackie and shauna. however as they grow up, new situations and feeling arise. they don’t want to leave each other, in fact maybe they’re terrified to do so, this isn’t a healing friendships fic. this is how even when everything is set up for them to fall apart, the strings of love that have tied them together since childhood become in unbreakable.

a myriad of snippets showing how once they bonded, there way no way they would let go. contains; shitty dads, a lot of lesbianism, natalie decks someone (twice) (van gets a good hit in as well), coach ben contemplating why he became a coach in the first place, van dosent know how to stop laughing during serious situations, tai is super confused a lot of the time, and laura lee might be the most mentally stable out of all of them (lottie has stopped disagreeing due to recent events)

van uses they/them bc i do and i say so >:) (she/they nat that may become they/them nat in later fics but who knows)

cw - drinking/drugs, suicide ideation/attempt, self harm, guns, slurs, descriptions of gore, dead body(ies), attempted sexual assault

wilderness scenes takes place somewhere in the middle of s1e7 and s1e10 (laura lee is alive i love her) pov switching more than....i can't come up with a pun here, lots of pov swaps, also. nat's jewish <3 (to me) and that shows up here, don't like it-don't read it.

they're 4 years old when they meet. just about the age where they can sit on the couch and draw while their moms get high outside (that's the real reason natalie's over, if they're being honest).

her mother knocks on the door, and a small redhead peaks out from behind their mother's legs, a small hand with an even smaller wave, but natalie scatorccio is nothing if not energetic, eager to make the friends she’s never had in preschool, "hi! i'm natalie!" she practically runs into the house, not hearing their mother's sigh, the "she's always like this, little spaztic." (after all, they've been hearing it every other day) and the redhead breaks into a grin, missing tooth from running into the doorframe on display, "nat-lee?" "that's what my daddy calls me, natty! you can do it too, i don't mind!" "i'm vanessa." their smile wavers, and natalie scrunches her face up, "can i call you van?"

and when van's face splits into a massive smile, they nod, grabbing the other's hand and racing into their room to show off their cars.

---------

they're 8 years old when van's grandpa dies. nat dosen't fully get what it means-funerals, she knows death-but she knows that van came to school with teary eyes and said that they want her to be there.

that week in sunday school, they learn the mourners kaddish (natalie finds it painfully situational).

she has to walk herself to van's house because her dad is drunk and yelling at their mom when they sneak out the front door, dressed in an old faded black t-shirt and black jeans that they hoped would be appropriate.

when they get to the palmer's house, the door is open, and there's way too many people for natalie to be comfortable with, so she shakes out her hands to get rid of the weird feeling, and runs up to van's room as fast as she can.

"van?" they're sitting on their bed, tears slipping down their face, a black lump of fabric laying on their bed. "why aren't you dressed?"

"my...my mom said i hafta-" they cough, "to wear a dress. i don’t wanna. i don’t-i dunno why, i just don’t.”

nat considers this, thinking long and hard for an eight year old, and then firmly decides that-"that's stupid. here, take my clothes, we can swap." and proceeds to pull off their shirt and pants, handing it to van, who's teary face manages a smile, "thanks natty." the two pause, holding each others clothes, before van laughs, a missing tooth grin "i like your clothes."

natalie grins back, pulling the dress over their head, "i don't like this very much, it's scratchy. i can't run." she pauses, shivers at the texture, nerves crossing over van's face, "i can suck it up. just for you."

the hug van wraps her in is worth an uncomfortable dress, "i love you." "i love you too, van."

---------

van is 12 years old when they decide to join soccer.

and since they know nat needs a reason to leave the house, they manage to convince her to join.

"i am seriously going to punch you if you make me do this."

"you'd punch me no matter what, c'mon natty, it'll be fun!"

even with the complaints, van still watches while nat-normally doing a hundred things at once-is completely focused on a single task.

they find themselves face to face with a taller girl, her curly black hair pulled back as she sprints forward, tapping the ball back and forth as she lines up a shot on goal, twenty feet away, then fifteen, then ten, then-

she kicks, and van throws their small body harder than ever before, slamming their hand into the ball and curling inward onto themself, landing on the grass with a thud.

they pop up, grinning like a madman, while nat jumps up and down, dark hair falling in her eyes as she cheers, van matches, colliding with her.

the curly haired girl sticks out a hand, "taissa turner, that was a good save."

van's to busy wondering why their mouth stopped working as they spit out, "i'm vanes-van. van palmer, thanks." to notice nat's face has dropped, fear coating her eyes as van clasps taissa's hand, smiling.

"nice to meet you," it's practiced, van notes-the way taissa turns to nat and extends the same hand, nat's bad at keeping friends, good at making them. "natalie scatorccio." the kindness in their voice is forced only to van.

van snorts as taissa's eyes widen-nat always manages to throw people off by introducing herself as 'natalie'. (something about how it sounds fancier than she is, or at least that what jackie jokes).

they elbow her, "they go by nat, she's just a dick. natty, stop being a dick." and taissa's face molds back into the smile, giggling-only van can hear nat's "never, i'm a dick expert." van's heart jumping to their throat before they pinch her. (nat seems to warm up to taissa as the days go on)

---------

nat's 14 when she gets high for the first time.

jackie taylor was having a team party, and in a moment of pure insanity, nat stole her dad's weed.

they pulled van aside a little after everyone was settled, "i might have fucked up."

"is this a 'van i need you to cover for me while i put something i stole back' or a 'van i need you to hide a body' kind of 'i fucked up'?"

nat laughs, "no, dumbass, i stole my dad's pot." van's face drops, "no fucking way."

but she pulls it out, a few joints already made that hopefully won't end that badly for her, and all it takes is a glance back at the rest of the team before the two are running out to jackie's tire swing (the one shauna shipman broke her arm on last year). and she's grabbing the lighter from her pocket.

being high is funny. everything seems a little weirder, but nat kind of likes it, it makes them feel calm-their brain constantly racing through everything, but this...natalie can hear their own thoughts for the first time in, well, ever.

she's not sure she likes it, she dosen't like a lot of things, their dad, most classes at school....natalie isn't sure she even likes most people.

van's the exception. van's always been there. van'll always be there.

they knock into van's shoulder, who's been staring at the windows for the past twenty minutes.

"dude, you good?"

"i-uh." van's voice is lodged in their throat, and natalie blinks a few times before turning over, a silent "are you ok?" written on her face.

"natty...nat. nat, i like girls."

nat blinks again, "who doesn't?"

"no-nat." and she doesn't get it, doesn't everyone like girls? like the way their smiles are always so much softer than boys? like the way on the rare occasion she lets them, they hold her so much lighter? "i like girls how you like boys."

"i don't like boys." "natalie!"

she's pissed off now, "vanessa!" and they almost fall as they clamor off the tire swing, "you fucking idiot-i'm telling you i want to kiss girls, not that i don't think boys are fun to hangout with!" van is practically tearing up, and with a start, natalie realizes exactly what they were trying to do, "oh. oh shit-"

van lets out a shaky breath, and nat's brain starts racing again, overcoming the haze from the weed.

"that's not...that's not something everyone wants?" her own voice sounds much to small in her head, muted, like she’s speaking from behind glass, and even smaller when van shakes their head.

"no. it's not."

she swallows hard, "then i guess that makes two of us."

---------

when van is 15 years old, they see a dead body for the first time.

after weeks of hyping themself up, and nat teasing them in class, they managed to get their shit together enough to ask taissa if she'd like to see a movie together (as friends. duh.)

it ends up being beetlejuice, back in theaters for some reason or another, not that van cares-nat showed up at their house earlier-walking back to her house with kevyn tan, and handed van 20$ with a shady grin that van just knows means she did not get this safely or intelligently. (nat also threw a condom at them. van threw a book in return.)

and taissa said yes, but she's choosing the movie. van could care less what they saw.

so they paied for popcorn and soda and candy, feeling all floaty-like whenever they get high with nat. granted, van didn't like being high that much, it was a once every other month kind of thing for them.

the theater is dark, and van's only half paying attention to the movie-taissa keeps jolting on all the cheep jump scares, eventually she hands van the popcorn, pushing their hair back to whisper in their ear-ignoring or just not seeing how van's entire body stilled-"please keep this i think i'll tip it over."

when not five minutes later taissa grabs van's hand, and van is silently thanking whatever god there is that this theater is dark because oh my actual fucking god.

on their way out they tease her for it, "really, the silly demon?" "shut up, he's kind of scary!" "no, tai. he's really not-" and if tai's blushing even a little...van's smiling harder than they ever thought possible.

that's when the sirens go off, the ambulance speeding down the street, past the houses and down the road to....

"fuck."

taissa looks confused, van can feel panic invading their bones, their brain jumping to the worst conclusion-it's not her. a bunch of people live there. the trailer park always has the cops there for one reason or another.

she's fine, she's fine-kevyn tan is outside the liquor store breathing like he's just run a mile, terror coating his face.

"fuck, fuck-taissa-i'm so sorry, i have to go, here-" they hand her the rest of the candy and another apology before springing as fast as they can after the ambulance, leaving taisssa confused and heartsick outside the theater.

van's heart nearly falls to their feet when they see a black tarp covering....someone. the grass is stained red when they get there, and a cop flings his arm out before van can run up the stairs.

"get off me!"

"hey, hey kid calm down-"

van wriggles until he lets go, and there's tears pouring down their face as they stare around wildly, "who-who is it? tell me, please!"

his face calms a little, "shane."

they collapse on the floor, sick relief flooding-she's ok. thank god they're ok. "where-where's nat. natalie, where is she?"

they can feel an arm pulling them up, "c'mere kiddo.”and he walks them to one of the cop cars.

van can see vera, tears steaming down her face and red on her hands, waving madly at the cops, van caught the words 'unexpected', 'spaz' and 'insane'. another cop standing next to a dark haired girl, silently staring at the black tarp with wide, shell-shocked eyes.

"NAT!" van stops themself before crashing into her, nat's touch reservations still holding prominent, before the taller collapses into van, sobbing uncontrollably into their shoulder.

the two sink to the floor, van holding onto their friend as tight as they could ever, they watch as the body is lifted to the ambulance, they don't turn away in time as the deputy or whoever the hell he is lifts the tarp and whistles.

van's eyes catch, shane's eye and half his fucking head gone, blown off, blood still dripping, flecks of brain matter. they swallow down the popcorn and fanta that threatens to arise, whispering into nat's hair, "what the fuck happened....?"

---------

nat is 16 when she starts to slip away from the person van's known basically their entire life.

they're still there when van calls them at 3am because they're shaking so hard they can't move, or when they come to school with scrapes on their face from the bottle their mom threw the night before, she still patches them up in the locker room with soft hands and a brightly colored band aid.

natalie's always there, but it's becoming less and less.....natalie.

they get into a fight, their first real one in possibly ever, and when nat goes home she nearly puts her fist through the wall because of it. it wasn't even a real fight, it was pathetic.

it's been six months-six months of ignoring the increased whispers in the halls, six months of passing her classes only because the teachers feel bad, six months of kevyn and charlie treating her like she's glass.

six months of working themself so hard at soccer that when nat gets home she doesn't even have the energy to think.

it's better than the other alternatives she's tried. the ones that leave white lines on pale skin, and make showering sting.

they liked the blonde. it changed during the first month, van helped-neither of them could smell for a week after, but she liked it. it felt safer than the others, but still stung for a little bit when it was setting.

they win their first game of the season, natalie's pass to taissa passing smoothly through the other team members legs, taissa sprinting up and tapping it to lottie who sends the ball sailing over the goalie's head and into the corner of the net.

they cheer their way back into the locker room, and a warm sense of pride spreads through nat's chest for the first time in six months.

they're so happy that everything that's been pressing down feels like it's taken a break, left her mind, let them forget. it's floating away like a balloon, up up.....gone.

lottie mathews is holding onto their shoulders and shaking them as someone slams a tape into the player, and music starts blasting and natalie's grinning harder than she knew they could, blushing unnatrually hard at the attention from the tall girl (lottie’s always loved dancing with natalie, why does it feels so weird this time?)

van's arm is looping around their shoulders, nat's hands hooking around their waist.

they feel like a kid. like when they'd climb as high as she could in the trees and it felt like no one would ever be as high, that the world was wherever she could see-nothing else mattered.

"we fuckin' did it natty, we fuckin' did it!!"

and everything comes crashing, slamming back onto her. pinning their lungs and holding them underwater, dousing the flame with gallons of water with every click of the lighter.

images flick through her head like a screwed up slide show and all natalie can see is her dad's body, her mother's hands and dress slowly overtaken.

she can't see anything else. she can smell the metallic tang and hear the ringing in their ears.

before they know what she's doing, van is pressed against a locker, natalie's hands holding down their wrists, misty's slammed a hand on the 'pause' button, laura lee's jaw wide open. shauna let’s out a soft ‘woah-’ and taissa freezes.

natalie's breathing hard, fighting to keep van's face in front of her, the echo is getting louder with each heartbeat.

"don't. call me that." they manage to force out, sounding much harder than they had wanted, it sounds mean, cold. maybe that's better.

"ever again."

and as they turn away, van's hands connecting with their back in a soft shove, not hard enough to do any damage, some hidden creature inside natalie's chest explodes out.

"what the fuck is your problem, nat?!"

"you!" she spins, stalking up to van, who's face contorts from confusion to defense, "you and that stupid fucking nickname! alright? so just shut the hell up about it!"

they stalk out of the locker room, not missing lottie's worried face or jackie's mutter of "jesus fuck, that girl's a spaz."

eventually they managed to not hit any walls, and insted found the boys at one of the football guy's houses, not that nat really enjoyed football boys, but it's free alcohol and a chance to forget everything she said, everything they didn't mean.

sitting on a windowsill with a shitty bottle of beer, their mind replaying every moment of it, the guilt coming back over and over.

she didn't know why she snapped, but they knew they had to say sorry, say sorry and fix this, somehow. van would get it, they always got it. nat rarely got mad at them, but they were always mad at someone. van was always mad at their mom. nat got it.

"hey, hey."

nat looked up, a boy in a letterman jacket with an annoyingly bright grin that made him look like the hot boy in every teen romcom movie that laura lee picked whenever it was her choice at movie night had his hand on top of the window, beer in hand. he was grinning directly down at her.

something about him made nat want to gag. it was probably his face. something else about him made nat want to run out of her own skin. also probably his face.

she nods in his direction before going back to staring out the window.

"what're you doing here all alone?"

"does it matter?"

he grinned again, and nat's hand instinctively went to her pocket, intending to close around the swiss army knife.

insted, the boys hand shot out and held her wrist in place, inches away from the knife.

"let go."

he leaned down, she could smell the beer on his breathe, could feel her own speeding up. she still had one arm.

"not until you give me a kiss."

"what the fuck, man? i don't even know you."

natalie twisted, intending to land a knee in his groin, but insted her back slammed painfully into the wall, and his entire body pressed against hers.

"i said let go, fucker!"

he laughed, and that thing that had exploded only hours before formed again, reared it's head up again-pulling out their free wrist from their back, and as the boy leaned impossibly closer, slammed into the side of his cheek.

"CRAZY FUCKING BITCH!" it came out with flecks of spit and blood, but she only pulled back again and struck him in the same place, the creature screaming in pride, again, again, again, again-

"NATALIE!"

the creature vanished, crawling back, away, hiding again inside of nat, the boy did the same, crawling to his feet and running into a new room, adjusting his pants as he did so.

nat turned, heart leaping into her throat as she saw lottie staring daggers in the direction of the boy, and then turning to give a soft smile at nat, "are you alright?"

"i-uh. mhm."

lottie gave her a funny look, and natalie had the strange feeling that her entire body was being x-rayed, lottie scanning through to see everything, read their entire person.

"you're bleeding."

she was right, nat's knuckles had split, it was barley anything, but lottie still took them by the hand and lead them into the bathroom.

"what happened?"

some part of natalie couldn't even attempt to lie to her. by the end of the story, however-lottie looked relived, "at least you're ok." she smiled, and natalie blinked.

"fuck."

lottie's smile wavered, "what?"

"nothing. why are you here?"

the taller girl shrugged, "van wanted to come but tai was busy so now i'm here."

natalie winced, weather from surprise or the soap and water lottie was gently rubbing over their knuckles, she didn't know.

"van's here?"

lottie nodded, "mhm. i can get them if you want, i think they'd like to talk to you."

nat blinked, trying to keep a straight face as her mind ran through outcome after outcome after outcome. what if van hated them? what if they never wanted to talk again?

"yeah. alright, whatever."

the other smiled, "i'm glad." and then bent down to kiss natalie's knuckles.

natalie froze, a weird sensation flooding through their entire body, landing in their chest and spreading out to her cheeks and hands, heating up her face, "it's what i always see them do in movies whenever someone's hurt." lottie pauses, considers, "the romance ones at least. i figured it couldn't hurt."

nat nodded slowly, "mhm." as lottie left with a smile, off to find van. nat slowly stood up and glances at her reflection in the mirror, her entire face was pink, "what the fuck?"

the door opens again, and van trips in backward, "lottie what the actual fu-nat?"

the door clicks shut, and the mask that nat's had up for months gets torn down in a second.

"i'm so sorry-i shouldn't have shoved you or sworn at you or-"

it all comes flooding out, and in the middle of it, natalie's hit with the realization; the only person she's ever apologized to, genuinely at least-screaming cries of 'i'm sorry' don't really count when it's aimed at natalie's parents-is van.

"nat!" she stops, as van's all too familiar smile swims back into place, "you're still going through a lot of shit. i know you don't want to admit it, or anything really, but you're a kid." natalie scoffs, and van gives her a look, "and i keep thinking you're changing and of course you are. i'm not mad at you, yeah i kinda wanted to slap you but i'm not mad. ok i'm not that mad. i'm definitely pissed, but we're cool."

natalie hesitates for a second, then smiles, "when the hell did you get so smart?"

van blushes, "hanging out with taissa is doing something fucked to my brain-she actually likes studying."

"just studying, hm?" nat's smirk is back in it's normal place, and van knocks into their shoulder, "says the flamingo after lottie was in here."

"dude. that...i think she broke me."

"really? how the every loving fuck did charlotte matthews break you?

"she's like....magic?"

"how high are you right now?

"no i'm serious it's so weird. she kissed my knuckles after bandaging them."

"nat you are a giant fucking dyke."

"says you."

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