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alreadyblondenow · 4 years

Text

And he never heard from her again

▸ Jaehyun x reader ▸ Smut, Angst, Idol au

Summary: As you lay at the hospital bed unconscious, Jaehyun blames himself because of the accident and regrets the time when he took you for granted.

Word count: 4k

Warnings: Sex, sex, car accident, major character loss (that spoils everything but you’ve been warned), possessiveness, making of sex tape, mentions of multiple sex tapes, swearing, mentions of other idols, unprotected sex, mentions of alcohol, Jaehyun accidentally hurts the reader. Click away if any of the warnings makes you uncomfortable.

A/N: PURE FICTION! Enjoy another idol au from me.

Wet.

Minty.

Cold.

“Wake up sleepy head” your boyfriend spreads wet kisses around your exposed skin. Anything he could reach, your neck, your thighs, your lips. It feels good to be showered with love first thing in the morning but you shrug him off and pull the blanket over your head because you want to sleep more. “I’m sorry to disturb your sleep princess, but it’s time to go now” you smell his fresh breath near your face. And when you finally meet his eyes, your boyfriend is all dressed up, ready to start his schedules for today.

“Oh Jung Jaehyun, you have worn me out last night” you whine but you force yourself to wake up. Jaehyun is looking at your morning face and naked body, admiring the beauty of his girlfriend. “No shower sex today?” he gave you a good morning kiss and chuckled at your question.

“No, sleeping beauty. If only you got up a little early then, yeah we could have. But, you were sleeping so soundly I couldn’t wake you up. Now come on, have breakfast with me before the van arrives with my manager” he offers you his hand to help you get up, giving you his robe to cover yourself.

It was your second anniversary last night and you two had dinner in one of the fanciest restaurants in Seoul. The food was amazing as expected, Jaehyun picked a fine wine which made you two a little buzzed and ended up in his house and had crazy anniversary sex to end the night.

Dating a very famous kpop star like Jaehyun is not a walk in the park. But loving each other and giving the relationship a chance is always worth it. The busy schedule is something you and Jaehyun always fight about, but as you two keep on holding on you both managed your busy schedules and always meet each other halfway just so you can spend time with each other. Who would have thought that believing that your relationship could work brought you two deeper into loving each other?

After you had your shower, Jaehyun booked you a cab to make sure you get home safely. You see, even for Jaehyun, watching you leave every morning is something he really hates. “Call me when you’re home okay? I’ll pick up, I’m having my makeup done by that time” he kissed you deeply and passionately before he opens the door for you and watches you get inside the cab.

Soon, the white van appears in front of his house and Jaehyun said goodbye to his family thanking them once again for letting you and him crash for the night. His family always adored you, they love you even more because you take care of their dear Jaehyun and secretly hoping that it’s going to be the two of you in the end.

When Jaehyun is all settled and getting his make up done for NCT’s schedule for today, his phone rang and it was a call from you. Finally, he thought, his mood changed from quiet to giggly because you did not forget to call him. “I’m guessing you missed me already, that’s why you called?” he answers with a smile, the members beside him tease him continuously. He needed to gesture a ’shh’ sign because he can’t hear you.

“I’m sorry Mr. Jung but this is not Ms. Y/n. She got into a car accident this morning and we can’t reach anyone from her family. She is rushed to the Asan Medical Center. Your number is the only local number we could find if you could please-“

The shocking news made Jaehyun drop his phone and ran to his manager, asking him to please let him go to the hospital to see you. Jaehyun was desperate but the managers can’t let him go just like that. Spotting a kpop star inside a hospital can make a whole nation buzz, of course, they won’t let Jaehyun go to you. There are tears in his eyes as he imagines you alone and unconscious in a hospital bed while the members are trying to help him compose himself and tells him to be strong but Jaehyun was only quick to blame himself and cry some more. “This is all my fault”

Twenty five months ago

Jung Jaehyun is mighty handsome.

The office is having an exclusive party at an open space rooftop bar. The party was not like any loud party, it's a party where people still talk about business and meet possible clients for the future. And meeting Jung Jaehyun and the other members of NCT 127 and their manager, is part of the purpose of this party.

And again, Jung Jaehyun is might handsome.

“How long have you been in the marketing industry?” he asks, leaning on the glass balcony with you. Looking at the wonderful view of Seoul.

“Long enough to be established?” you chuckled because you don’t want to sound so boastful with your life achievements.

For a minute it was an exchange of words, a decent conversation that’s in between being professional and being friends, but it soon turned to lowkey flirting and exchanging of glances. He tells you what’s on his mind, you listen and feel your heart skip a beat every time he look into your eyes and smile. “Can I be frank?” he licks his lips and drank from his bottle of beer, “I find you attractive and I want to keep talking to you and I want to know what you think about me- and don’t you dare lie, please”

You let out a scoff and smiled at him shyly, “Well, Jung Jaehyun you’re incredibly handsome. That has been going on through my head since I saw you earlier and you’ve been making my heart skip a beat for the last few minutes”

Satisfied with your answer, he came closer to you slowly. Like your bodies are magnets. You’re sure that the place isn’t quiet but this small space that you share with Jaehyun is dead silent. Only his breaths and yours are the only ones you can hear. Having this kind of moment with Jaehyun is kind of magical like you’re a princess who just met his destined prince in a ball.

The friendly and flirty conversation became something even more when Jaehyun became too bold with telling you how he wanted to end this night with you, when he pressed his cold bottle of beer just above your knee and when he starts caressing your shoulder like he’s not on a public place. You’re not stupid to see that he’s after having a one night stand with you. One thing led to another and the next thing you know is you’re back at your apartment, kissing Jaehyun on your couch with a long forgotten bottle of wine on the coffee table. It’s not right to sleep with your clients but nobody needs to know.

Jaehyun kissed you down on your couch, unbuttoning his dress shirt and revealing his abs to you. Your hands automatically roamed around his body and you feel him smile in between kissing you passionately. “You’re so handsome” you whisper, and guided his hand under your dress, he got the message and finger fucked you while you remove your clothes and bra, leaving your panties on to tease the handsome man kissing you.

“I’ll take you out on a date, I promise,” he says while unbuckling his belt, removing his pants and boxers brief.

Wow. He’s big. And he has a dick of a porn star, his pubic hair is so sexy and- “Oh-“ he devours your neck, biting and nibbling your ear making you giggle and laugh while your bodies grind on each other. “So this is not a one time thing?” you moan out and he stopped upon hearing your words. “What? No. Let’s see where this goes” his face was so close to yours and you can’t stop your smile because you couldn’t believe you scored Jung Jaehyun. Is this a dream?

“What’s that smile, hmm?” he nuzzles your neck and kisses it softly. You touch his dimples and lips but he’s quick to catch your hand with his mouth and kiss it. “I’m just a person who happens to be not immune by your charms. I’m not kissing you as a kpop star now, I’m kissing you as Jaehyun” he continues to spread kisses around your neck, down to your left boob, and suck it for some time.

“Can I remove your panties?” he asks oh so sweetly.

“Of course” you answer with a kiss and feel him remove your underwear without breaking the kiss. Once fully exposed, you feel his slender fingers play with your slit before he goes in finally, the tip of his cock making you jolt for a bit. You hear Jaehyun grunt and watch as his eyes close and part his lips as he pushes inside you slowly “Fuck” Jaehyun went straight to the point and fucks you deeply. Bodies to bodies while listening to each other’s breaths.

You had sex for the first time on your couch on the night you two first met.

Present time

“Just sign here please, then your transaction is complete”

For the third time in the past two months, Jaehyun has been paying your hospital bills and has been taking care of you, while your family is finalizing some heavy paperwork before flying to Seoul. Not that he’s thankful for the awful accident, but the accident had become the way for Jaehyun to finally meet your family even if it’s through a video call. Jaehyun promised your parents to take care of everything while waiting for them and that he’ll gladly pay for the hospital bills and refuse to take your parent’s cash.

It’s been two months since the accident and every day without you is consistent torture for Jaehyun. As long as you’re not awake, he will never stop worrying for you. It doesn’t matter if he overworked himself to save money for the bills, as long it saves you he’s up for it.

Ever since the accident, Jaehyun and the other members help him look after you at the hospital. Of course, the members are worried about Jaehyun’s emotional state as they are worried about your condition. They made sure that you two get the emotional and physical support that you and Jaehyun need. SM managers were all nice and helped Jaehyun with everything they can just so your boyfriend can see you every day.

It was not an easy fight for Jaehyun, but the people around him take care of him, while he takes care of you.

“The other two victims from the accident passed away this morning” Jaehyun informs Johnny as the two sit quietly near you. Watching his girlfriend on a hospital bed is a different kind of pain. He misses you a lot.

“Don’t overthink dude. She will be fine” to be honest Johnny doesn’t know how to comfort his friend.

As Jaehyun takes Johnny’s advice, he reminisces about the memories that he had with you. Everything, from happy memories to sad and awful ones. Regretting the times that he took you for granted and promised over and over again that if he’s given a second chance to love you, he will love you right this time.

“I wished for this accident to happen Johnny. It’s my fault” Jaehyun blurted out.

Johnny was shocked to the core and stopped what he’s doing with his phone, “What the fuck?”

Jaehyun told Johnny the story about the biggest fight you two had during the months when you were just a new couple. So new that your work schedules irritate the both of you and all you two did was have sex and forget the problem. The cycle went on and on until you had enough and you wanted to break up with him.

Five months of being together

In the middle of having dinner with Jaehyun in a private restaurant, you finally told him what you’ve been keeping inside your heart. “This will never work, Jae” he turned silent and pretends that he’s not hearing you and you find it disrespectful. He was smiling the whole time, asking you what do you want for dessert and pour you a glass of wine like there's nothing wrong.

“I’ll cut ties with you starting tonight Jae, and that’s my final decision” you wiped your lip with the table napkin and stand up from your seat.

“Wait- baby, okay I’m sorry” he stopped you from opening the door, pull you in an embrace and everything turned silent again. You still love him, but staying in this relationship is hurting both of you so you had to take the first step and leave. As usual, Jaehyun uses his charms to get away from the situation. He kisses your neck and tells you sweet things that will lead you to having sex with him in this room. But not anymore, you thought.

“Enough Jaehyun. Please stop” you begged him to stop kissing your neck. Slowly, you feel his embrace crushing you and hurting you. You try so hard to push him away but Jaehyun is naturally strong that whatever you do to push him away is nothing.

Eventually, he lets go and tell his sorry. “I’ll change, I swear”

“No-“

“Stop making it complicated!” he punched the door and the loud sound surrounds the small room making you scared of him. He was turning red and his eyes were full of anger like he’s about to hurt you.

“I want to leave-“

“Well, I hope you get into an accident” he opens the door for you, pushing you out of the room because he’s so angry he’s actually afraid he might hurt you.

The breakup did not push through because Jaehyun went to your apartment to ‘fix’ things, three days after the fight. He apologized with all his heart, telling you he’s sorry and that he won't do it again. He promised to change his ways and love you even more in exchange for taking him back to your life and give him a second chance. Apologies are nothing if a person will always do it again. It’s up to you if it’s still healthy to take him back into your life. And of course, you have a weak spot when it comes to Jaehyun. You love the man. And he loves you. He just sucks at showing it.

Now that Jaehyun is on his sixth chance, the change that you’ve been yearning for and the change that he promised is long forgotten. Days, weeks, and months passed by, you and Jaehyun still fight like crazy because of different reasons that piss you both. May it be jealousy, he stood you up on a date, you forgot that he’s going to visit you in your apartment, Jaehyun has no time for you, or you don’t want to have sex but he’s really horny.

“I had a company dinner tonight, baby I thought you understand that part?” you whine in frustration while you remove your watch and your earrings. Listening to Jaehyun as he shouts at you, telling you that he’s tired from practice but he still chose to visit you, only to find out that you’re not home. He kept on yelling his points and arguments, hurting you with words that you’ve heard him say before but still sounds like you’ve just heard them tonight.

“I waited for hours! If my career is ruined because of you, I swear!-“

“I can ruin your career in one click, Jaehyun. Do you want me to post all of our sex videos?” you finally bite back because you can't stand him already.

“Post all you want my fans will be happy seeing my dick but you, you will get all the hate in the world!”

“Fine then!” you threaten him of actually posting it, scrolling through your gallery to find your favorite video with him. “Ah! This!” you picked the video where Jaehyun was spitting on your boobs while two fingers are inside your mouth and his cock is inside you. He was wildly flirting with the camera like a porn star. His fans will not doubt that he is the guy from the video.

“Stop it. I mean it” he tried grabbing your phone but you’re quick to counter his move. For a minute, it became a violent push and pull that made him use his strength on you which is not fair. He threw your phone so hard on the nearest wall that it cracked and the screen got broken. He didn’t notice that he pushed you way too hard that you landed on the floor face first and made you bruise your face.

“Fuck- let's stop this, baby I’m sorry” he let out his frustration.

“DON'T TOUCH ME! GET OUT!” you shouted so loud that you’re sure you hurt his ears. You slapped him so hard on the face when he came close to help you get up. He took it like a man, but it’s obvious that your slap hurt his pride. Thankfully, he did not pry and left your apartment quietly.

Present time

While Jaehyun was cleaning your face with a damped cloth, he noticed that your bruises are all healed. He remembered that one time when he had pushed you accidentally and you ended up having a cut just above your eyebrow. He also remembered how you slapped him so hard that it made him realize that all he’s ever done to you is hurt you. It was a wake up call for him.

“Slap me again. I don’t care just please wake up” he begs. Kissing your forehead before continuing to clean you up. It has been his routine to talk to you even though he gets nothing. Sometimes he plays you some music so you won't get bored in your sleep and also you would know that he’s inside the room with you. As he continues being like this, he never losses hope and always visit you with a cheerful aura, knowing all too well that being negative in this kind of situation will only make him go crazy.

“Maybe if I did let you break up with me the first time you said it, this wouldn’t happen to you. I’m sorry” he whispers again. Tucking you in your hospital bed and making sure that you won't get cold. He fixed the white sheet and smoothens it before laying beside you carefully.

“I just love you so much” he hugs you carefully, “That’s why I really can’t let you go. But look where my selfishness brought you” tears roll down on his cheeks, making your sleeves wet because of his continues crying.

When Jaehyun became busy with his career, he can’t visit you every day anymore but confident that you’re in good hands because your parents are with you now. Nonetheless, he never forgets to call the doctor to check up on you. Sometimes, he and Taeyong write lyrics in your room just so he can spend time with you while he’s still working on his music. To be honest, he produces great lyrics whenever he works beside you. It was too much for him that sometimes he cries while writing the lyrics and Taeyong is quick to bring him back to focus and comfort him.

First month of being together

The continuous ringing of your doorbell makes you panic for nothing and quickly ran to your door to open it. “Jaehyun, what are you doing here?” you look outside to check if it’s safe and that none of your neighbors is watching.

“I just miss you so much I’m itching to see you” he cupped your cheeks and kissed you passionately, closing your door shut and motioning your bodies straight to your bedroom. You two were quick to get naked and meet in the middle of your bed to kiss and fuck already.

“Can’t believe I’m letting you fuck me in the middle of the afternoon Jaehyun” you lay comfortably in bed as Jaehyun kiss you wherever he wants, however, he pleases. Kneading your boobs and sucking them from time to time, spreading spit all over your body, and licking your pussy. He surprised you by spreading your folds and spitting on your pussy, licking you good, and making you moan and whine.

“Still on the pill?” he asks, pumping his cock and sucking your right nipple as he waits for your answer. You nod your head. Jaehyun folds both of your legs and spread them wide until your hips are not touching the mattress giving Jaehyun a nice angle to fuck you deeply. He pushed in slowly while watching you beneath him, he watches you grab your boobs and moan a little too loud. “I want to do something fun, will you let me?” he asks in between fucking you deep and slow, you wonder what he has in mind.

“Whatever you want” you smile and watch him reach something on the side table. He opens your phone and put it in recording mode, taking a video of his cock going in and out of your pussy, switching the camera to selfie mode, and put it on the side of your bed. Telling you to smile while he continues to fuck you. “Clever,” you said, as you two look at the camera while having sex. You smiled and asked him to flirt with the camera so whenever you watch it, it will make your heart jump and you won't miss him that much when he’s away. And so he did. He flirts in the camera like how he flirts with you normally in bed, kissing you while he looks at the camera, putting his idol skills to good use in bed.

“Turn around for me please” you followed what he asked of you and lay on your stomach. Jaehyun put your phone in front of you and dragged you all the way down to your bed so you two can fit the screen. He puts your ass up in the air, lick your pussy from behind, and went back to fucking you. Jaehyun loves to fuck you hard from behind while his hand is on your nape, pushing your face on the mattress as he pounds you hard.

“FUCK” you cursed loudly when you feel his thumb go inside your asshole slowly, making your pussy clench and unclench. A tight feeling for Jaehyun’s cock which he loves. He lets go after a minute and put his fingers on your clit, making you let go and cum so good that your legs are shaking and your legs are giving on you. You feel Jaehyun slow down and feel him cum inside you, leaning down to kiss you and ask you if you’re alright.

He saved the video and put your phone back on the side table and went back to shower your body with kisses while you two calm down from your high. “Sorry if this is spontaneous” he lays beside you, tired and sweaty.

“It’s okay baby, I miss you too”

“Baby?” he smiled in disbelief.

“Yes,” you rolled your eyes and continue to catch your breath.

“Say it again? Please?” he asked oh so sweetly showing off his dimples. Your weakness.

“Baby-“ he devours your lips again after hearing you call him ‘baby’. A small gesture that makes his heart jump.

“That’s it, okay? We're together now and that’s official. Understand?” he kissed you deeply again before you could even say something else. You smile through the kiss amused at how happy Jaehyun is while he’s on top of you. You two stayed like that in bed talking about anything and everything, admiring each other while you’re skin to skin, asking for kisses here and there, laughing together whenever he tells you something funny.

From the moment Jaehyun left you that day, your life changed and Jaehyun is the reason behind it. Bittersweet. That’s the perfect word for your relationship. No relationship is perfect, you’re well aware of that. And dating a famous idol can be so complicated that it drives you both crazy. But still, it’s a relationship worth saving for because you love each deeply than you could have ever imagined.

Present time

Waiting is long suffering. That is clear to Jaehyun, now that you’re already sleeping for a year and four months, slowly his hope is already running thin. Not only that he’s suffering emotionally these past few months, but he’s also suffering financially and has become a man full of debts. He loaned money from his company, the bank, even from his parents, just so your hospital bills can be covered. Accepting every kind of project and working from sun up to sun down just so he can provide your needs.

Your parents needed to go back home and entrust you to Jaehyun because they don’t have any other options.

Life is becoming harder than expected.

Now that he’s away for a tour, he became even more depressed because he can’t be by your side. He asked his parents to take care of you while he’s on tour, which they gladly accepted and made sure to call him every day to tell him your condition even though he hears exactly the same thing every day.

“Great job today everyone!”

The members and staffs congratulate each other as they finish another successful concert in the states. Hugs everywhere, and a lot of ‘thank yous’ are said, smiling through the day as Jaehyun ready himself to call his mother and ask about you.

“34 missed calls” he murmurs and went somewhere quiet to call his mother and ask about the 34 missed calls. They should know that he’s working.

“Hey, mom. W-why so many calls? I was doing a show- did she wake up already?” The other line was silent but he can hear his mom breathing, “Hello?” Jaehyun speaks again.

“She gave up son, she passed away, two hours ago”

Jaehyun’s world came crashing down as he reaches for the nearest wall to support himself because his knees gave up on him. Tears pool in his eyes as he cries quietly, holding his phone so tightly. He screamed and sobbed so loud it echoes to the empty hallway. Thankfully Mark saw him and called the others and his manager.

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye!” he yelled and push the other members away as he lets that sadness take him away.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry Y/n, please forgive me!”

#nct-writers #kdiner #unfortunatus: inferno #nct smut #jung jaehyun smut #nct jung jaehyun smut #nct jaehyun smut #nct angst #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct 127 smut #jaehyun x reader #nct x reader #idol au #nct idol au

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teyvattherapist · 3 years

Note

A-Z for the oc asks (:

Help okay this is going to be so long it is under a cut.

A. Annoying: What is your OC’s most annoying trait?

Sandrone

Always monotone. Which, as his creator, I'm legally obligated to say I speak exactly like him about 80% of the time. Very dull, monotone, steady at all times. It's annoying! Or at least, I've been told. So, yeah. That.

Ohm

Puts his work first always. Those who know him only know a small smidge of the work he does and it would seem like there's no way in hell he has SO much work regarding that one section. But yeah, he's a workaholic who does just.. a lot.. behind the scenes.

B. Best: What is your OC’s best personality trait?

Sandrone

He's very observant! He can be dense regarding romantic stuff of course, but other things he's hella in the know. Sulien remembers or notices everything somebody he cares about says or does regarding things they like. So yes, he will always have your favourite takeout and snack ready before you even realise how sad you actually are. He knows.

Ohm

Like youngest like eldest I suppose. Ohm is also incredibly observant. Ohm is a bit more annoying with it because he will know you're injured even if you try to hide it. But beyond that, he's like a dog. You're sad? Cool let's go do something! Literally contradicts his above annoying trait but I mean, Ohm is weird as hell, he manages too many two faced traits. Anyways have a lollipop.

C. Child: Your OC encounters a crying, lost child. How do they react?

Sandrone

Ooh.. He's confused.. Sulien doesn't do well with people crying in general, let alone kids. He's had some practice with Tartaglia's little siblings, but that's not very much. He's kind of a yk criminal, so he'll probably bring the kid to the nearest location that looks like it'll be able to help them find their parents. He won't stick around for all that long, he's so awkward.

Ohm

He is on a fucking mission. Ohm is a doctor, he's a very good doctor, he's crouched down talking calmly within seconds. Always has lollipops on hand for this, and for himself, but mostly this. The kid's hand is in his while they're chewing away happily within moments. Then he'll find the parents, and they WILL get scolded on losing their child. Captain Ohm is not pleased ):<

D. Desire: Your OC has the opportunity to get the thing they desire most, but it means betraying a friend. Do they do it?

Sandrone

Yes. He does. A natural infiltrator, Sulien is known as a betrayer for a reason. Merely a job for the most part, a business transaction if you will. All relationships can be sacrificed in exchange of Freedom. He doesn't care. Sulien is tired, he has few friends as is, sometimes people need to go.

Ohm

No. Because betraying a friend for what he desires means to throw away everything he's ever signed his own life away for. Ohm can't do that, no matter how much he craves Death or Peace. One is obtainable if he makes a mistake and the other is unobtainable. He'll get there in the end without betraying somebody.

E. Excellent: Which of your OCs is the most virtuous?

This one will surprise people who don't as intimately know their stories. I mean come on, you have the Medical Captain of the Knights of Favonius vs a Fatui Harbinger, right? And yet, Sandrone is the more virtuous. Curious, isn't it?

F. Forgive: How good is your OC at apologizing? Do they own up to it when they’ve made a mistake? How easily does your OC forgive other people?

Sandrone

He's so condescending without meaning to be.. Mostly because the times he's apologised, it's been while arresting or killing somebody and he's saying sorry for betraying them. He makes an effort once he's realised he's hurt somebody he cares about, stumbles over his words, but he'll try. He always owns up to mistakes though, especially since he makes so few and he needs to be a good impression to his subordinates so THEY don't make any mistakes. It would depend on what they've done to him. He doesn't forgive nor does he forget sometimes.

Ohm

Very good! He's a fantastic liar :D! Ohm knows that sometimes to appease people, you have to do what you must, and he's a king with words for a reason. Another one who leads people and needs to show up as a good leader, Ohm always owns up to his mistakes. There are though.. Some things... In his personal life that he's only ever told two.. maybe three people.. Those mistakes.. They run so deep. Hurt too much. Ohm may be a very forgiving person, but he never forgets. Never.

G. Guilt: Does your OC often regret their decisions? If so, describe a decision they regret.

Sandrone

Conditioned to not feel, he ignores things like regret or guilt. He isn't programmed to feel them. He can't afford to. So it isn't often that he'll regret a decision. But when he does, he thinks about it forever. What he could have done better, what would have changed the outcome, he's supposed to be the best in his field at analyzing any given situation and yet.. Sulien just thinks too much sometimes.

Ohm

A lot of the things he has done he regrets, even if he deems them necessary to choices to make. I suppose Ohm is interesting like that, outwardly, he keeps going, keeps pushing forwards. Inwardly, it's a constant blizzard of guilt. I've always likened Ohm to a man damned, so his feelings about his decisions and the guilt he feels when he makes a bad one definitely fits into that.

H. Honesty: How often does your OC lie? Do they believe lying is ever justified? Describe a time your OC told a lie, or told the truth even when it was difficult.

Sandrone

His job is to lie. Head of Reconnaissance for the Tsaritsa, the puppet's function is to infiltrate what he needs to in order to gain the information he needs. Always adaptable, moldable, he's a liar at any given time. Even if he'd rather tell the truth, he never does, in Her name everything was justified. To tell a time he lied would be just looking at his work history. To tell a time he told the truth even when it hurt, would be more interesting. To compromise; in /almost/ all of his voicelines, he's actually telling the truth. Try and figure which are actually the lies..

Ohm

Ohm is clever, cunning, his personality handcrafted, perfectly put together piece by piece. Unlike his younger brother, Ohm is a natural liar. It comes easy to him, every honeyed word spoken from a tongue of silver. He has sins to hide and karma to beat back, if that means lying? Well. So be it. His most obvious lie that's revealed throughout his story quests would be that he's almost never on expedition to a nation for medicinal supplies, but rather he was infiltrating Snezhnaya to try and find his brother. A lie very few people knew the truth of, most notable being Varka, who gave his approval. Some hard truths are better off buried for Ohm Ambros.

I. Individuality: Is your OC’s morality more influenced by the society they live in, or their own critical thinking?

Sandrone

I mean... I'll just be honest, Sulien got tortured into utter compliance by way of forcing him to forget everything he ever knew. He's smart as hell, but if he has no frame of reference, then yeah... It's influenced by the people around him, his environment. Sulien is getting better about it though.

Ohm

His moral code is a roulette wheel and he's not sure where the bullet is. But hey, it's fine. Literally, I have nothing else to add. Ohm kills people, like, straight up disposes. But he's also a very nice man, so..

J. Jealousy: How often does your OC get jealous of other people? Do they keep their jealousy in check, or does it influence their behavior?

Both of them aren't very jealous people, one because Sandrone doesn't even fucking know he's jealous. And two, Ohm is just kinda dense unless someone is like.. uncomfortable, then he'll notice.

K. Knack: What is something your OC is skilled at?

Sandrone

Sulien's skill that I like to talk about the most is the fact he personally repairs his mask(and other things) with Kintsugi! It requires a lot of patience and technique and he is very good at it. Takes him forever though ngl.

Ohm

He loves his origami. He's very talented with it and can make pretty much anything. A lot of stuff he can do either one handed or without looking, but the more complex stuff he actually needs to concentrate on. He has a nasty habit of folding his briefing papers into cool little pieces.

L. Loathe: What qualities does your OC loathe in other people? Do they tend to be judgmental of others, even when it isn’t warranted?

Sandrone

He doesn't like super whiny people. It's just a personal pet peeve of his, he'd rather not. Like the whole high pitch "hmf!' kind of whiny? Yeah. Despises it. Otherwise Sulien isn't very judgemental! He's pretty respectful in general.

Ohm

Lmao Ohm is a hypocrite. He dislikes people who are reckless and put others in danger. He'll willingly put himself in danger, but not his team, which is the only real difference. It's weird, he's best friends with Kaeya and yet- ahem anyways. Call it the Doctor Vibe or w/e.

M. Mistake: Describe a time your OC did something bad, or was wrong about something.

Sandrone

War Criminal! Congratulations! He was behind the scenes making sure the sigils of permission were done correctly. I mean, he's a war criminal in general though. Personally, good dude. His work? Mm.. He's done things!

Ohm

I can't even be like "this dude killed two people when he was fourteen! that's bad!!" cause it was sort of warranted. I think, to Ohm, his biggest mistake would be "failing his parents' one task to him" which was to protect Sulien. And he failed to do that and lost Sulien for pretty much eleven years. It haunts him constantly.

N. Negative: What does your OC believe is their worst flaw?

Sandrone

Sulien has a bit of a thing where he hates how emotional he can get. He's been equated to machine so often that when he feels, he doesn't feel real. He dissociates and he hates that feeling. To him, it is his worst flaw. The puppet being emotional? What's the point? But he also doesn't know how to express his emotions in a healthy way, and I think it makes it all that much worse when he feels so strongly sometimes.

Ohm

Somebody who has a low outlook on themselves, there is very little Ohm likes. Though his inability to feel like he belongs or perhaps the karma attached to him would be the worst ones. To be haunted by demons, among other things, it is utterly ridiculous to him. And yet, here he is. How one can find comfort in somebody like him is just, beyond him.

O. Outlook: Is your OC more optimistic, pessimistic, or realistic? How likely are they to believe a bad person can change?

They are both Realists. To take a situation upfront and deal accordingly is who they both are at their core. Sandrone is more likely to believe somebody bad can become good, because /he/ wants to be good. Ohm is less likely to believe this, no matter how much he may want it to be true. But at the end of the day, products of environments that were so truly unkind, they are both realistic of the grim world around them.

P. Positive: What does your OC believe is their best personality trait?

Sandrone

For some odd reason, Sulien thinks how blunt he is at times is a good personality trait. I mean, like, I guess? He believes it at least. Sulien just thinks that being blunt is a good way of dealing with things without any communication problems or misunderstandings, and that's true to an extent.

Ohm

A man bound by contracts, it'd be how dutiful he is. Diligence is the name of his game, ultimately. He's been doing this since he was a child, he better be good at what he does, and he is. He always fulfills his duties, always does his role, always plays his part. His work is who he is.

Q. Quirk: Does your OC have any (minor) bad habits? If so, what? (Biting their nails, sleeping in, procrastinating, etc.)

Sandrone

Honestly most of his work takes place at night or the evenings, so he usually sleeps the day away. It isn't the best for a person, but he does what he must.

Ohm

Due to his insane alcohol tolerance, he definitely drinks way too much. But it never really hits him...? So he just kinda drinks those lil fruity drinks of his cause he likes the taste haha

R. Respect: What qualities does your OC admire in other people?

Sandrone

Honesty. He admires honesty the most. Sulien has been lied to a lot, had things taken away from him that nobody should ever have taken away. He just wants somebody who will tell him the truth, even if it hurts.

Ohm

Surprisingly, Ohm likes people who are resourceful, a little bit cunning maybe. He likes people who are useful to him, and being useful means being able to think fast on your feet.

S. Success: Describe a time your OC did something good, or was right when others were wrong.

Sandrone

Most of the time LMAO bye. Sulien functions on one perfected line of code. "Analyse the situation, filter what is appropriate, narrow the results, speak." He tells Pierro straight to his face that he's a better information gatherer because "the difference between your recruits and me lies within step three." He's not often wrong, the other Harbingers hate him for it.

Ohm

He does his best to do good things to make up for all of his bad karma. A doctor, a captain, an adeptus. He sacrifices his own vitality to heal others. I mean the list goes on. He tries, very hard, to make up for the things he's done.

T. Troubled: Which of your OCs is the most flawed?

They're both flawed in their own ways that I can't really compare them.

Sandrone was broken down into bits, had literally every sense of self or shred of dignity stolen from him, and then he was turned into a tool and used time and time again. That trauma will never go away, nor the problems or flaws that arise from it. Then you have Ohm, who was forced onto a path of bloodshed and slaughter in the name of Celestia. A pawn that has lost everything, everyone. Who failed, time and time again, and has to live with that, with himself. That also doesn't ever go away.

And I think to compare them would be unfair. Especially when the more they learn of each other's pain in their separation, the further they fall into that guilt and pain for their twin. They always blame themselves for what happened to the other.

U. Upgrade: Does your OC strive for self-improvement, or are they less concerned about becoming a better person?

Sandrone

He does what he can with the circumstances he's in, if that makes sense. There isn't a lot that Sulien can do to change himself or the things around him. But he tries to learn better life skills(like cooking) or pick up new hobbies and stuff like that. He really does try though.

Ohm

I don't think that Ohm sees the value of self-improvement. He knows he isn't a good person, and I think he knows, deep down, that he can't really change that.

V. Value: Is your OC more selfish or selfless? What would they sacrifice for a loved one? What would they sacrifice for a stranger?

Ooh they're so similar haha.

Sandrone

Selfless, he is always doing what other people want. His opinion always comes second. For a loved one? He will lay his life down. For a stranger? Well he'll do his very damn best if the situation calls for it.

Ohm

Selfless, following a set path laid out in the stars before him, he has no choice. Fate has called and he has answered, what he wants does not matter. But put his loved ones in the firing line? He'll die before they do, he can guarantee that, and he has the power to ensure that. An innocent stranger will receive very close to the same treatment, too.

W. Worst: What is your OC’s worst flaw?

Sandrone

He accidentally gaslights people a lot.. Like he lies to lie at times because he's so used to it? And if you've never been gaslit you are so lucky, its such an awful feeling. A lot of the time when he does it to people he cares about, he really doesn't even notice. And I think that's pretty much his worst one. I mean and he kills people but w/e.

Ohm

He's self destructive. It's such a big part of his character and just who he is and it shows a lot about who he actually is. Ohm can't stand what he's been pushed into doing and yet he continues to do it. He'd do anything to wash himself of these feelings and it leads to incredible self destructive behaviour. He also kills people but w/e.

X. X-ray: Does your OC believe that they’re a good person? Would you consider them a good person?

Sandrone

No, he doesn't believe he's a good person. I, as his creator, know that he's a genuinely good person put into a bad situation and forced to make bad choices to survive. He just doesn't see it that way, he can't, he's been conditioned to believe whatever they need him to believe to get him complacent.

Ohm

Also doesn't believe he's a good person. And I, as his creator, know that he's bad at his core, but he tries so hard to do good things. He wasn't given a chance, not really. He tries to make up for it, tries to cleanse his sins, but that blood never washes off..

Y. Young: How has your OC been influenced by their past? Are they a better person because of their past, or a worse one?

-looks into the camera-

The answer is the same for both of them. Heirs to a clan favoured by Celestia, paths set in fate, destinies controlled by stars. They are influenced by things even further than their own pasts. Sandrone was allowed to forget his past, forget who he is, and what he means. Is that good? Is that bad? Who knows. But when he did remember as a child, he was very much influenced by it. Then Ohm, well.. Past mistakes and failures are who he is, right? The last thing he remembers is his father's words too him regarding destiny and given how ingrained that is in their family line. Well..

The past means everything to them.

Z. Zealous: Does your OC have any guilty pleasures? If so, what? (Watching reality TV, drinking soda, reading cheesy romance novels, etc.)

Answered here

#I FUCKING DID IT GOODBYEEEEEEE #asks #ask game #anonymous #Lane's ocs #Ohm Ambros #Sulien Ambros #Sandrone

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semi-imaginary-place · 3 years

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rewatching decadence

ep1: so... indoctrinating kids that they life their life in service to an upper class. also like, the way deca dence takes care of giant gadoll is to punch it like no giant sword or laser canon or anything just the power of a giant mountain sized fist. this show actually has some good foreshadowing from seeing Natsume from the perspective of Kaburagi’s hud, to Natsume’s dad (Muno) finding the Solid Quake logo at the beginning of the episode and the logo again being shown in the last shot at the announcement signs off with have a profitable day which is a weird public safety announcement but makes sense as a company slogan. I’m still not sure what the “TIME 1:00 POINT SE,07,G” means. I didn’t write it down last time because I was unsure of myself, but my first thought when the cyborgs showed up was VR chatroom for the upper class.

ep2: yeahs that’s totally an advertisement that plays right after natsume realizes the human costs of war as the tankers pay respects to the fallen. I realized what it was with the cartoony designs, the bright colors and patterns, the funky shapes of all the structures aboard the space ship, it looks like a tv show for toddlers. inoffensive and deliberately cheerful to distract from the horrors of a corporation owning your person. the eng subtitles are confusing here it should be “real death(simulation) awaits” in that the company is advertising being able to experience death but not have any of its permanent consequences as a feature of the game. The cyborgs are corporate wage slaves being compensated for their labor in company credits and the only other things we seen them do outside of work is play the company’s mmo, or recreational drugs. “I should be proud of my function and to be scrapped” as property of the company. aaaa that’s terrible. aaa. what are cyborg cores??? and why are they valuable. Solid Quake has no control over the core, only the cyborg’s housing. Is it that they cannot produce more? Considering the others on the team got executed for sentenced to an eternal forced labor camp with appalling conditions, Minato really did pull some strings for Kaburagi. ooh so “time until scrapping” and “operational limit near are two different warnings. the first is a general reminder of lifespan and the second is because oxyone levels are low. now its “TIME 20:00 POINT SE,05,I”. all those new gadoll events probably wreck havoc on the tanker economy. its 400c now and i think it was 500 for 2 earlier. First time through I wasn’t paying attention and totally thought kaburagi was an assassin, but no he’s just clean up crew. ahh yes, come spend you wages at the company run stores. micro transactions... wait so where were people getting the number 13 from?

ep3: ah yes Solid Quake charges to use the media center, truly a micro transaction hell. Natsume’s character arc is about whether to push herself or not. Here Fei acts as part of a continuing dialectic saying that Tankers have no place outside of Deca-Dence, that sooner of later Natsume will die from it, and once again highlighting Natsume’s right arm. In the other level of this though, tankers shouldn’t go outside because that’s not their role in the solid quake mmo, and those who would disrupt the mmo are killed. I like how you can see Kaburagi switch from videogame logic (oh she’s low level so let’s just stick her in the tutorial zone) to real life (what skills and experiences would help in fighting). So several corporations took advantage of desperate people to sell them a service that would augment them with mechanical parts. I get that pipe in a little outfit is funny, but does no one really realize its a gadoll, i meant natsume recognizes it instantly. like the scene where Natsume talks about her right arm, the anime does a good job of showing how her feeling about it are complicated. She’s lived with that arm for years, but it also hinders her sometimes, and people will comment about it. there’s this specific type of humor that pops up in this show and given how its the same joke, my guess is that its the same person behind it. The “joke” being that Natsume is put in a position that references sexual assault. The first is with fennel where she makes up an excuse of having to go see kaburagi to get away from him. And then there’s this episode. There’s also a few stray lines here and there that alarm me in that they imply Natsume has dealt with the threat of assault before. Since they didn’t do anything meaningful with this, I’d rather it just not be there. Minato is in on the secret of Pipe’s existence and by the way the two talk, they’ve called each other before in the last 7 years. Its good to know that Kaburagi wasn’t JUST brooding for 7 years and that the two of them stayed in contact.

ep4: Natsume after having gained confidence in herself takes down several gadoll and earns her place in The Power. Its a fulfilling payoff after seeing her train for several episodes. Natsume is where she always wanted to be, fighting gadoll in the Power. gahh It really is a patch release trailer. Ohh so I assumed that the other structures on the cartoon earth were other corporations, but in this episode we see one of them (the white and red striped cone thing opposite the deca-dence dome) and the cyborgs there are talking about the game (MMO LARPing lol), so either Solid Quake owns multiple of those structures, or these cyborgs are customers not owned by Solid Quake and playing of their own volition. that would makes the cone cyborgs where solid quake is deriving its profit from since its not like it pays its workers. reading comments online, a lot of people missed that because a ranker was found to be cheating (mikey), the rankings were abolished. In the present time, gears/players are not ranked. Ah so Kaburagi was transferred to the maintenance department from the warrior department. Wow reassignment is so much better than the poop jail. I remember it being said, armor repair, doctor, and weapon shop could be employee(cyborg) run so I wonder if the medics and that one armor shop guy are tankers or not. So this anime already snuck in a sex joke with the when the poop gang swapped kaburagi’s avatar with a sex toy, so i wonder if the safetyprivatemode was made so that the mods wouldn’t have to listen to robot sex. I really wish this show could have had 24 episodes. The trend for the past 20 years has been shorter and shorter shows so I know it would have been likely impossible to get the clearance and funding for 24 eps but oooh in som alternate universe maybe... i brought up fleshing out minor characters and character relationships before but there also stuff like Natsume’s right hand almost clamping on ... Mindy? Which usually would be a narrative flag but is completely dropped because of the episode limit. And the confidence Natsume gained last episode come to work against Kaburagi trying to keep her from the suicide mission. Its only from this point on that Kaburagi starts to really change, as of this point he is still a loyal cog to a machine that does not care about him. Kaburagi and Natsume in the 2nd half of the episode continue the same dialectic that runs through the whole of the show, about giving up and learning to try again, about pushing your limit, about why someone bothers trying. On the collectivist versus individualist spectrum, Deca-Dence is on the individualist side with assertions of the importance for deciding for yourself what you will do with your life. Its an interesting counterpoint to The Twilight Mirage (Friends at the Table) which I am currently listening to in that The Twilight Mirage is a western production and strongly collectivist with one of the antagonist being sort of kind of an embodiment of independence/individualism while japanese works as a whole tend to be more about the whole over the individual than western ones. Kurenai talking about why she fights is very good and very important for 2 reasons, first it help flesh out not only her but offer a very needed other opinion on what its like to live as a Tanker, second it segues nicely into Natsume’s memories of her dad telling her about the outside world and him being the only one to believe she can do it (fight in The Power) as contrasted with flashbacks of all the other characters telling her she can’t. This culminates in Natsume gathering her resolve to fight not because of something grand like changing the world or the fate of humanity, but something very personal scale: changing herself and proving to herself that she can do it. The is also the climax of her character arc, the point of no return.

ep5: If last episode was natsume’s point of no return, then either this episode or episode 7 is Kaburagi’s. Rationally speaking, the optimal scenario would have been for Kaburagi to stall long enough for the Tankers to escape before pulling back himself, but emotionally and narratively, there’s no way he couldn’t. After all the build up of deciding for yourself how to live and pushing your limits. Its appropriate that here in defense of the girl that inspired him to live and choose for himself rather than just continue existing in the default of what Solid Quake demands of him, that Kaburagi chooses to release his operational limiter (literally pushing him limit) and derail the company’s plans. How did no one realize purple dude was breaking imprisonment to play on a hacked avatar. Like he’s still as purple and bloodthirsty as ever. He acts and speaks the same. Someone would have totally seen him and gone “eyyyyy [i forgot this guy’s name] is back” and talked to people about it and someone should have heard. So I remember reading comments from various idiots who were mad because they mistakenly thought the anime took place in a virtual space and that Natsume was made of lines of code. And first off even if that was true there’s a difference between objective reality and the lived experiences of a person and what’s to say her experiences and emotions would be any less real than yours. And second, did everyone forget The Hunger Games? Like its just another game that plays with real lives and doesn’t care who gets killed. Solid Quake is just using humans as a stage prop. Man this episode is jam packed. Its like getting punched in the face 4 times. The pacing of the last 4 minutes was really good. The quiet scene as dawn breaks acts in direct contrast to the high energy of the Stargate takedown that preceded it. After time and against not listening to him, Minato still calls Kabu to check in with him. There’s also his certainly that it was Kaburagi that saved the Deca-Dence mech (i need to be clearer when I’m talking about the physical fortress city mech, the mmorpg game, or the deca-dence system itself). And then when the world state gets reset is just so good because it make it clear that the gadoll were never the true enemy. The tankers could kill as many gadoll as they want and nothing would change. Kaburagi’s at an interesting point here, in that he’s no longer in a state of having given up like he was in episode 1 just waiting to die and following along with Solid Quake’s orders, as of this episode he has deliberately gone against the company’s rules, and yet he’s still believes that nothing will actually change. He’s broken a rule and resigned himself to punishment instead of say for example getting rid of the punishment all together. He’s still a good little employee that hasn’t rebelled against the system. And then the “Take care of Pipe” and Natsume turns around and he’s already gone, is sooo good. The final shot too of his avatar face down in the snow! The “This world needs bugs” is in direct contrast to Hugin/Fugin(?) repeating that this world must be rid of bugs, and the same phrase Kaburagi repeated 7 years ago when he was transferred to the Maintenance Department instead of being killed. I wonder how much the cyborgs feel in their original bodies vs. how much they feel in their Gear avatars. Kaburagi doesn’t seem to care about food and no food stalls were shown in the Gear area so maybe they doesn’t have much sense of taste? The avatars also have a lessened sense of pain. And then the limit release sequence shows connections increasing between the two bodies so does it make the cyborgs more attuned with the avatar’s senses?

ep6: eh so this is another example of what I mean when I say some of the humor in this show is in bad taste. They probably put the oxyone port where the ass would be just to make this joke. But this is better then doing to it Natsume. The animators even had a gleam censor for the over where the capsule was inserted as if it wasn’t obvious enough what it was suppose to look like. Spurned on by the the promise that one day if they work hard and behave (”rehabilitated”), the cyborgs will get let out when in actuality its a forced labor camp so that Solid Quake can squeeze just a little more labor our of the cyborgs for even less compensation. The cartoony style here helps offset just how horrific there working conditions are. And Kaburagi still the good little employee (iiko) tries his hardest to play by the rules and win. Except in this game, there is no “win’ written into the rules. So finally he is forced to move outside of the system Solid Quake has made. I still can’t believe they let Donatello keep the gun... Maybe cyborg cores are brains. In 5.5 Kaburagi’s core is in the top half of his metal case, and Donatello’s is also in his head. I’m still not sure what that sequence where Kaburagi takes the head fin and an image of a cyborg core is overlayed, means.

#deca-dence #deca dence #anime #i think too much #reviews #writing

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prorevenge · 5 years

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My friend's ex-wife gets his family's business shut down and burns their lives to the ground (not what you may think)

Sorry for the somewhat misleading title, but I couldn't resist.

This story isn't about me but two people I'm friends with. We'll call one Rae and one Justin. I'm posting this with Justin's permission, and he'll probably be reading the thread.

Pretty quickly after they moved, they decided to get amicably divorced, since they never wanted to be married anyway. They still lived together for a while, and basically became something between platonic roommates and each other's only family. Over time, they started dating other people. Some partners were scared off by the weird relationship between them, but most got it, and understood that Justin and Rae had basically bonded though mutual trauma. I also met both of them during this time, and we became close friends.

This whole time, both their families and other members of their community were relentlessly harassing them. People were showing up at their house at all hours, and they had reason to believe people were trying to steal their identities over the years, though they'd fortunately both put a freeze on their credit, so nothing ever came of it.

Then Justin had a bad accident. A really bad accident. He was on his bike and a car blew through a stop sign without slowing down and plowed right into him. He had to be rushed to the hospital and landed in the ICU. Rae was his emergency contact, and I was with her and some other friends when she got the call. I immediately drove her to the hospital with a couple of other people, and she was melting down (understandably). The hospital staff wouldn't let us all in when we got there, but they let Rae in. She came out periodically to let us know what was going on. Justin wasn't unconscious, but he was totally out of it and didn't seem to know she was there, probably from the painkillers, but she was convinced he had permanent dehabilitating brain damage and basically the group of us were just soothing her and reassuring her it would be fine. A friend of ours who worked at the hospital as an MRI tech was also stopping by when she could on her breaks and calming down Rae. We'd been there all night and part of the day at this point, and the medical staff was giving us reason to be hopeful.

But things got worse. To this day, no one knows how they found out, but 14 hours after Justin's accident, his parents, uncles, and grandfather showed up. They immediately had all of us removed from the ICU, Rae included. Unfortunately, as his ex-wife, she was no longer his legal next-of-kin and had no rights against his blood family.

At this point, she was absolutely hysterical and inconsolable. She was convinced Justin's family would hurt him. I'm ashamed to say all three of us that were there with her thought she was overreacting. We all knew Rae and Justin had left a fucked-up situation, but it wasn't like his own family would do anything to impede his recovery. She was getting angry with us for trying to calm her down, and tried to explain that according to their religion, she and Justin deserved punishment from God, and only the greatest suffering could prompt repenting and redemption. She said their families embraced this thinking and wanted them to suffer, because it would prove that they did the wrong thing by leaving, and suffering would drive them back to the fold. She said as long as Justin was with his family, he wouldn't be safe.

Our friend who worked for the hospital came and found Rae at that point. She made Rae swear up and down she wouldn't tell anyone she told her this, because she could get in deep trouble for releasing privileged information to someone unauthorized, but she'd caught wind that Justin's parents were aggressively demanding the hospital release him into their care, and they were involving lawyers. The hospital was currently refusing, because Justin wasn't stable enough to leave, but our friend warned Rae that as soon as Justin got to be stable, or the lawyers scared the hospital enough, it's possible the parents would be able to take Justin.

This shocked the rest of us. Realizing his parents were not only willing to remove Justin from the hospital that had saved his life in the condition he was still in, but were actively trying to do it made us really "get" for the first time why Rae was going out of her head with fear.

At this point, Rae snapped into do-or-die mode. Convinced that Justin was about to literally die if she didn't act, she decided she would do everything in her power to start a fire at home so that Justin's family would want to run back to put it out. And this wasn't too hard, because she had a lot of dirt on the whole community she came from. Like a madwoman, she started blowing the whistle all over Justin's family. She called the IRS's fraud hotline and detailed all the ways that the family business was committing tax fraud. She submitted an ATF tip about how that same family business was illegally selling firearms without a license and without following any of the proper protocols, and was knowingly selling guns to convicted felons. She reported one of Justin's uncles for owning several guns as a convicted felon. She also reported Justin's mom's unlicensed day care "business," which was apparently extremely shady, including having over 30 children packed into one house, with Justin's mom as the only adult and many of the childcare duties being farmed out to Justin's 12- and 14-year-old sisters. She called CPS on Justin's uncles and his parents for keeping their children out of school, and for physical abuse in one uncle's case. In all of these reports, she provided extensive details.

She finished her calls and emails, and then she waited. We all waited for several hours, and nothing happened. Then, miraculously, Justin become lucid enough to understand what was going on and make his own decisions, and he kicked his family out again. From there began a slow but steady path to recovery.

In all the relief and excitement to see Justin on the mend, we'd almost forgotten about Rae's campaign of desperation, until a couple of weeks later, when the screaming voicemails started pouring in to both of them. First, the business was being investigated by the IRS, then it was being investigated for illegal firearms dealing. Then the daycare was getting investigated. At first, Rae felt a little guilty, but then she was like, "You know what? No regrets. They would have killed Justin."

From what they've been able piece together in the year and a half since this happened, the business has gone under, and the daycare is shuttered. The uncle is six months into a new five-year prison sentence for firearm possession. CPS investigated, which scared the shit out of the family, but nothing really came of it, which is especially sad in the case of the cousins being physically abused. That said, the parents are now too scared to keep the kids home from school, and with the unlicensed daycare shut down, the mom's not exploiting her daughters' labor anyway, so she has no incentive to keep them home. So Justin's little siblings are at least getting their education.

Justin and Rae are both happy and thriving. Justin unfortunately will never fully recover from the accident. He has some permanent neurological damage that results in tremors. But he's pumped to be alive, he can work a full-time job, he can still be pretty physically active, and as far as I'm concerned, he wins.

TL;DR: Kooky abusive family tries to remove my friend from critical medical care because reasons (??), and his ex-wife hits the panic button that burns their lives to the ground.

(source) story by (/u/Throwawayallaway4)

#prorevenge #by /u/Throwawayallaway4 #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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erisgregory · 5 years

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Satellite Call Chapter 3

cross posted to AO3

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019) Relationship: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes Characters: Michael Guerin, Alex Manes Additional Tags: Michael is an Escort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Shameless Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added Summary: Alex is home from the air force but finds he is as lonely as ever. He engages an escort one night under a pseudonym and when the escort arrives it’s his high school love, Michael Guerin. Thankfully for both of them Michael is a professional. However one night couldn’t possibly make up for all they’ve missed. Can they keep an ongoing relationship professional? Can they learn to trust that there is something more than this transaction between them?

Alex loses it the moment Michael is gone. He sinks right back down onto the edge of the bed, his head in his hands and he weeps. He weeps for all the unspoken words he thought while Michael was there, for every touch between them, for the fact that it felt like making love when it was just a business transaction. When he can no longer stay upright he curls up on his side and buries his face in a pillow

For the better part of an hour Alex cries until he’s sobbing dryly against the pillow and falls into a dreamless and restless sleep.

When he wakes he takes stock of his surroundings. He hasn’t forgotten where he is, but it doesn’t feel quite real. The only thing to prove Michael had been there is the empty second glass on the table and the smell of his cologne on the sheets. That and the fact that Alex is now several hundred dollars lighter.

He runs his hand over his face, scrubbing at it, then runs it through his hair. He can’t regret what happened with Michael, he would definitely do it all over again. No he regrets everything else. Like ten years of silence and distance between them. Like everything he should have said but didn’t. When it had come right down to it, Alex hesitated because Michael was the one that said nothing had to change. He was there for one thing and Alex had gone along with that.

Now he has to live with the consequences. If there was even a small part of him that thought he might have sought Michael out after he got home, it was squashed now. He was Michael’s client and that was all.

Alex got up and went to the little bathroom, flicked the light on, and caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He looked like hell. So he looked away quickly and turned on the shower. He needed to clean off the scent of Michael so he could leave this place and go home. It didn’t matter that it was still the middle of the night.

He ran the shower hot and scrubbed at his skin until it was red and just shy of raw. It hurt. He hurt. All over and not in a good way. His body already missed the gentle touch of Michael’s hands, but his heart was broken.

The drive home in the dark felt long. He turned on the radio but after a few minutes of switching channels, he turned it back off again. His mind was racing and he was doing his best to not think about the past. About the first time Guerin kissed him or the first time they were together, the last time they were together before this time. It was too much for one person to handle but it wasn’t like he was going to call any of his friends in the middle of the night.

When he finally gets home he goes to plug in his phone and finds he has a message from his father. He doesn’t listen to it. The last thing he needs tonight is to hear his father’s voice. Instead he goes straight to bed, pulls off his clothes and his leg and climbs into bed to try and sleep some more.

Sleep is a fickle thing but eventually he uses the technique he learned in the Air Force to clear his mind and sleep under stressful conditions and it works. He’s out before he knows it.

He’s up with the dawn just a few short hours later. It’s habit, he wakes before the alarm on his phone goes off. Alex rolls over and glares at the light coming in through the window. There’s nothing for it. It doesn’t matter if he still feels like he was hit with a Mack truck, he’s awake now so he rolls upward and finds his prosthetic before heading to the kitchen for some breakfast.

Breakfast flies by and Alex is left looking at his phone wondering what his dad wants. He’s still not ready to hear it. He had two days off from desk duty as it was so he should be able to get a break from the man. Even if it’s only a small break.

By noon Alex is ansty though. He needs something to do, someone to talk to and his first idea might not be the best one since he’s got mixed feelings about the night before. Still he heads to the Wild Piony to see if Maria is in yet and to get her opinion on the whole mess he finds himself in now.

The wild pony parking lot is empty save for one truck, Maria’s. He pushes through the door leaning just a little heavier than usual on his cane thanks to last nights extracurricular activities, and makes a beeline for the bar.

“We’re closed!” Maria calls before she can see him, but when she does her face blanks out. “What happened to you?” She asks, worried.

“You won’t believe me when I tell you.” He starts, sliding onto a stool in front of the bar and leaning his can against it.

“You got laid last night and that’s not necessarily a good thing. Or is it?” Maria asks.

“I don’t know either, you tell me.” Alex says.

Maria leans across the bar and takes his hand. “Someone special from your past. Oh! Museum guy? Is that it? You ran into him again, didn’t you?”

Alex closes his eyes briefly before opening them and looking at her. “Museum guy.” He admits.

“So, are you going to tell me who he is or do I have to guess?” Maria asks him.

“You’d never guess in a million years.” Alex tells her. He takes a deep breath while Maria waits.

“It’s not like it’s someone gross or shameful like Wyatt Long or Michael Guerin.” She says.

Alex hangs his head. Could this be any worse? “It’s not Wyatt Long.” He agrees.

Maria’s eyes go wide. “Guerin? Michael Guerin is museum guy? And you slept with him last night? Wait, I thought you were using that escort service I sent you to?”

And before Alex can even get the words out she gasps. “Exactly.” He says by way of answer.

“Are you going to see him again?” Maria asks, cutting straight to the heart of the matter.

“I don’t know. I want to, but I don’t know if I can handle it being like that between us. I think there was some part of me that thought I would see him once I got home and maybe, maybe…” Alex’s voice trails off. “Last night was perfect, but then I had to pay him and it nearly broke me. I’m not sure I can face that again.

“So why don’t you go talk to him about it. He’s probably got things he needs to say too.” Maria tries, but Alex shakes his head. “Okay, how about a drink then and we can talk about anything else you want.”

Alex accepts a bloody mary since it’s still so early and Maria joins him. They talk about how much fun desk duty isn’t and how being back under his dad is wreaking havoc on his self esteem and Maria talks about her mom and how bad things have gotten. By the time Alex leaves he’s feeling much better. And maybe just a little bit like he’s overreacted. It doesn’t have to be so complicated unless he lets it be that way.

He can see Michael again if he wants to, he knows how. Of course two bloody mary’s might be affecting his bravery just a tiny bit, but he doesn’t think so. He thinks it’s his best bet really. Much better than Maria’s suggestion of trying to talk to Michael. After all Michael had made himself very clear when they were together. They could have that much but it had to be business.

So when he gets home he pulls up his email and types one out to “Johnny”.

I’d like to meet again, if that works for you. Let me know. I have a couple of ideas.

Alex

#malex #malex fic #satellite call fic #eris writes fics

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aanilthomasposts · 3 years

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How NLP Goal Coaching Can Change Your Life

Instructing is frequently educated as a cycle comprising of a rundown of various kinds of inquiries. Behind these inquiries are significant standards to determine if an objective has 'legs'. Albeit an 'administrative' approach of explicit strides with cutoff times can be useful, generally it is the diving into more inconspicuous issues that truly have an effect.

The NLP objective instructing by NLP training centers in Mumbai measure is known as the Well-Formed Outcome.

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Ensuring yourself. Making abundance, wellbeing, and relationship(s) includes hazards and requires discipline. On the off chance that you don't accomplish them, you may feel remorseful as well so what's the point? You may accept that business is occupied by dodgy individuals; dating will make you extremely upset (once more) and you can't get yourself through another bombed diet you are in good company! Figuring out how to help change these squares is the place where NLP courses in Mumbai expert instructing truly adds esteem. For example:

Abundance: A customer understood that he had a conviction from his dad, "Rich individuals have troubled families." By inquiring as to whether he knew any rich individuals with upbeat families, (he said he did) he had the option to comprehend what was keeping him down and has since fabricated a fruitful business. Testing summed up convictions in this manner is essential for an NLP approach called The Meta Model.

Wellbeing: A customer who understood that to acquire a 'celebrity' physical make-up would require a degree of exertion that would be totally unfeasible to him. From the brain science of Transactional Analysis, I detected a 'Be Perfect' quality in him and inquired as to whether he would not like to turn into a '10', what might be a healthy level? He reacted a 6 and stopped; he at that point said he had an acknowledgment that he was a 'win big or bust' sort of individual. I asked what sway that was having on his wellbeing and imperativeness. He conceded that it was certifiably not a practical methodology by NLP Mumbai and understood that his quest for flawlessness was driving him to harm his wellbeing. This gave adequate inspiration to make a better way of life and he recommended that two 'cheat days' seven days would make this work for him.

He said following half a month that the lift to his energy and prosperity was the genuine advantage and he has adhered to it from that point onward.

Connections: A customer found that he because not starting another relationship was that he would not like to feel the agony and disillusionment of separate once more. Utilizing a standard from clinician Harville Hendrix, I portrayed how we as a whole quest for an 'amazing affection' we didn't get during our childhoods. We ridiculously anticipate that our partner should give that affection, yet they never satisfy our hopes (and we don't satisfy theirs' all things considered). I recommended another conviction that we can furnish ourselves with that 'missing affection' and are then allowed to look out for another accomplice (or improve a current relationship) however in an economical way. The customer said he not, at this point felt stuck any longer and has begun dating.

There is likewise a rude awakening to this: regularly these concealed convictions are only that covered up the possibility of accomplishing something other than what's expected just feels awful, and we don't have a clue why. NLP objective by NLP certification course in Mumbai instructing can open up these shrouded portions of us and permit new more gainful plans to be taken care of.

At the point when customers find and resolve these oblivious squares and convictions, the outcomes can in a real sense be extraordinary. I accept this is the most remarkable and powerful piece of training and I have seen it work. I trust you can join next Tuesday's FREE NLP objective instructing noon meeting and see with your own eyes these methodologies in real life.

#nlpcoursesinmumbai #nlptraininginmumbai #nlpcertificationcourseinmumbai #nlptrainingcentersinmumbai #nlpmumbai

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sugasweetsubs · 7 years

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the world is cold and life’s not fair, baby [Yoongi x Reader] pt.1

1 | THE WORLD IS COLD

Demon!Yoongi x Reader - Angst

Rated M (for violence, blood, strong language*)

*more warnings will apply in future chapters

Words: 6.7k

Pt.1 of 4 (next)

Curling up inside a dusty wardrobe and struggling to maintain steady breathing despite fear bubbling up with every noise is not how Y/N pictured the day going when she woke up this morning.

One particularly loud creak just outside the door sends a spike of panic through Y/N's chest. She tries to make herself even smaller in the pitch black darkness of the wardrobe, but thankfully the footsteps wander close for only a moment before they fade away into another room. Y/N risks a soft sigh of relief, the ridiculousness of the situation almost forcing an incredulous laugh from her as well.

How did this even happen?

The thought rises suddenly, a welcome line of focus to keep her from worrying over the softest of sounds. Finding the answer to this question takes her thoughts back all the way to the beginning of this mess: searching for her brother, meeting Yoongi, tracking down the tiniest of leads--it had all been building to this moment whether they realized it or not, and Y/N finds that the further back she takes her thoughts, the more she feels her breathing slow. Chasing after the calming effect of the distraction, Y/N allows the train of thought to continue.

Her brother’s disappearance was the start of everything. Even when they were teenagers, it wasn't uncommon for Y/N's brother to vanish for a week or two, off on adventures of both the legal and illegal variety. Over the years the adventures have ranged from sudden road trips without telling anyone beforehand to free solo climbing anywhere and everywhere; therefore, her brother’s most recent stint with club fighting came as no surprise to anyone. The vanishing acts were a constant source of concern for their family and their only consolation came from the phone call Y/N received exactly two weeks after his departure. Whether it was from his phone or from a stranger's, the call always came. Always. Even when Y/N would rat him out to their parents, her brother never failed to let her know that he was alright. So when a month passed with no call after his most recent disappearance, Y/N was certain something wasn't right.

Y/N tried to convince herself that the call was just late and it would come eventually, but one week past the one month point she couldn't wait around any longer. Searching his apartment, tracking down his travel buddies, bribing the waitress at the cafe he frequented whenever in town--she did everything she could to find him.

Everything led her back to the same place: his fight club.

Y/N knew that her brother was in town and actively fighting, so finding betting slips and a planner full of fight dates in his apartment was to be expected. What she didn’t expect to find was a notebook full of detailed investigation notes about an organization’s plot to murder the owner of the fight club and take over his business. Getting involved in feuds like that is a quick ticket to the top of every blacklist in the city, and Y/N could only hope that her brother was involved with the arranged fighting alone rather than the underground secrets that went with it.

This is how Y/N came to know the notoriously violent boss of the largest illegal fighting operation in Chicago.

Yoongi: impatient, rude, and amazing in the ring. Y/N hated him when they first met; sitting in his office while he talked down to her took ten years off her life, but it was oh-so-satisfying when she surprised him with the promise of information he couldn't risk turning down.

Yoongi agreed to help track down her brother on the condition that Y/N would give him all of the information that she had discovered regarding the plan to murder him. Their business relationship started off rocky to say the least. Yoongi was abrasive and cruel--holding no regard for others and often pitting his fighters against each other, even outside the ring. He barely spoke ten words to Y/N in the entire first week she spent working in his office, and more than half of those were him snapping at her to not touch his belongings. She was certain that his temper would snap and he would kick her out before long, but it turns out that tracking down a missing person and trying to get a step ahead of murderers can really bring two people closer together. It wasn’t long after that first week that they formed an uneasy bond and Y/N went from hating every minute of Yoongi’s presence to tolerating their time together to no vaguely worrying about his safety ever since they split up earlier that evening.

The morning started off like it always had for the past month and a half, with Y/N bringing in two coffees to Yoongi's office and settling in for the tedious work of pouring over fight records and betting receipts. However, this borderline clinical, monotonous routine was interrupted by an unexpected discovery early in the afternoon. The find took them out of the office and across the city to a series of small shops where they attempted to track down a ring owned by Y/N’s brother that had been pawned and resold several times a few days ago. The first few shops claimed that they had no record of any transactions matching the description, but the final shop confessed that the customer insisted that the records be destroyed, even offering him a cash bribe to do so. The owner admitted to lying to the customer and keeping the records intact; "he was a very suspicious man. I don't need to be bothered by the police for faulty records over such an insignificant item," the man had said when he showed them the receipt.

The address on the credit card record led them to a building that appeared to be the headquarters of a pharmaceutical company, but a quick look around inside revealed it to be abandoned. Y/N had worried that this would be the dead end to their lucky break, but Yoongi surprised her by proving to be impressively talented at convincing people to help them. A quick trip to the post office--armed with shiny rings on their fourth fingers and a flimsy story about being newly engaged and in desperate need of the company’s new address in order to invite a few friends to the wedding--and suddenly they had a forwarding address and many well-wishes from the sympathetic man behind the counter.

"Pretty stupid of them to leave behind a forwarding address if they're trying to stay hidden." Yoongi said when they left the post office. He returned Y/N's borrowed ring before opening the driver's side door of his car. With a new address in hand, they hoped to find a more solid lead at the end of this wild goose chase.

Y/N responded with a shrug, "I guess even bad guys need to get their mail."

The second address brought them to a house that looked just as run down as the first building, though this one showed signs of it on the exterior as well. Scaffolding framed the entire right side of the large brick home and the overgrown garden gave it just the right touch of 'dilapidated horror movie set' to raise goosebumps across Y/N's body.

Being one of the most influential men in the city must make someone feel pretty invincible, because Yoongi appeared very unconcerned while breaking through the back door so they could "get a better look inside." The interior of the house was neater than the outside would suggest. It looked much closer to a family home than the possible center of operations for a group planning a murder and coup combo, though a few of the things left lying around hinted at the darker side of the house's occupants: a stray pair of clean surgical gloves left next to a suspiciously dark mechanic's rag; a loose floor board that Yoongi opened to reveal a staggering number of perfectly banded stacks of cash; dozens of unopened boxes of bullets. The quickly dying light of the sunset cast uneven slants of gold on the walls and floors, creating harsh shadows that gave the rooms an eerie but beautiful glow as Yoongi and Y/N hesitantly began their search.

The first few rooms revealed nothing of interest, merely a scattering of takeout receipts and empty food containers to match. It wasn't until they reached the last room on the main floor that they actually made a promising find. A brand new, locked filing cabinet stood out among the otherwise antique and wooden furnishings of the room. Once again, Yoongi proved his usefulness by taking care of the lock. In just minutes they had access to exactly what they had been searching for this whole time--records of weapon transfers, blueprints for the building Yoongi's club operated out of, and even a copy of a report detailing Yoongi's every movement for the past two weeks.

"These assholes have been watching me for weeks?" Yoongi asked, stunned. He didn't take the news of his stalker well. It took Y/N several minutes to calm him down enough to continue their search, but before they could get to the next cabinet drawer they were interrupted by the sound of the front door crashing open and the echoes of multiple voices down the hallway.

"Shit." Yoongi immediately grabbed the papers Y/N had been holding and pushed her toward the heavy wooden wardrobe in the corner of the room. "You need to hide." He shut one of the doors even as she was still climbing in, leaving no room for interruption. “Do not leave until I come back."

"Wait, what the fuck?" Y/N's protests were cut off when Yoongi shut the second door, plunging the wardrobe into darkness save for the small crack at the bottom where orange sunlight steadily leaked inside. "Yoongi! You can't just leave me here!"

But Yoongi was already gone.

And this is where Y/N is still hiding now. She’s debating between leaving to find Yoongi so she can kill him herself or waiting in hope that she isn't found until he returns.

When Yoongi leaves Y/N in the wardrobe, he has a precious few seconds to find a way to circle around the intruders that had entered the house. A connecting door in one of the sitting rooms takes him right to the front of the house, where he’s able to tuck himself behind an open door. Not the most secure hiding place, but it does give him a nice view of the three people in the room across the hall.

Three against one--it’s not the greatest odds, but Yoongi has had to deal with worse. Each intruder is holding a paper bag of what smells like food. Yoongi waits until two of them are distracted before he makes his move.

The three of them put up a decent fight, but there is only so much they can do armed with just knives. They don't last long.

Yoongi lets the last body fall to the ground, standing to take in the carnage around him. It’s not his smoothest work, but it will do. Yoongi spots the color red in the peripheral of his vision and glances down at the blood soaking his now ripped dress shirt. His lips sink into a frown as he fingers the ruined material, but he doesn’t waste time on something that can be changed. He instead focuses on searching for some of the more subtle clues lying around the house that would be more...difficult to explain with Y/N hovering over his every move.

A drawer on the second floor leads to the discovery of several blades set carefully next to a vial of Daffodil oil and a rag that reeks of the flower's extract. Another drawer holds over a dozen cases of bullets that smell strongly of the same scent. The heavy smell is dizzying, causing nausea to settle uncomfortably in Yoongi's stomach; his expression sours at the thought of the plans these people must have for such specialized equipment. A quick series of thumps coming from the main floor grabs his attention away from the weapons.

When Yoongi reaches the bottom of the stairs, he realizes that the sounds are coming from the wardrobe where Y/N is still locked inside. He approaches quietly, attempting to wipe most of the blood covering his hands onto his pants before pulling the key from his pocket to unlock the doors.

"You fucking locked me inside?" Y/N bites out, wasting no time in exiting the wardrobe to glare at Yoongi.

"Just in case you tried to do something stupid like leave before I came back." Yoongi says it simply and drops the key to the ground without a second glance before walking toward the exit.

Y/N doesn't have a chance to tell him off before she notices the blood soaking his clothing, causing her to pause mid-step and stare. "Holy shit. Are you alright?"

Yoongi waves her concern away without turning, "Most of it isn't mine. I ran into the people who came into the house and they weren't exactly happy to see me."

"Most of it," she echoes, "are you hurt?" Y/N follows Yoongi to the door and starts grabbing at his arms to check for injuries. Yoongi takes a sharp breath when her fingers graze one of the deeper gashes on his forearm; he glares before knocking her hand away.

"I'm fine."

Y/N frowns at the dismissal and eyes the wound, but she has known Yoongi long enough to recognize when he doesn’t want to talk about something. "What happened with the people who came in? Did you just run away or-" before she can finish the thought, the door in front of them opens.

A woman steps through. The stranger looks just as shocked to see them as they are her, but recovers much faster. She has a knife in her hands before Y/N can blink. Yoongi is faster; he dodges the blade expertly while exchanging blows with the woman, but the knife grazes his chest after a misstep on his part and he hisses--though he seems more annoyed by the weapon in the woman's hands than concerned about the injury that is now steadily bleeding.

"I see you came better prepared than the others." Yoongi ducks under another swing and uses the lower vantage point to grab the woman by the waist and knock her to the ground. He moves just as quickly as before, but his breathing is labored now as he wrestles the woman for the knife. When the blade finally goes skidding across the floor, Y/N snaps out of the daze she had fallen into at sight of the sudden violence and rushes to snatch up the weapon. She tries to ignore the slick blood coating the hilt and instead wonders what could be the source of the strong heady scent wafting from the blade itself.

While Y/N is preoccupied with the knife, the woman manages to escape Yoongi's hold and launches herself at Y/N with a second one. Too shocked to act on anything more than instinct, Y/N jumps back just in time to avoid a serious wound and is instead left with a shallow cut across her cheek. Before the stinging pain can even register, the woman is coming for a second attack, but this time Yoongi is there. The time it takes to shove Y/N out of the way leaves no time for Yoongi himself to dodge and the woman’s blade sinks into his side. Y/N watches in horror as even more blood spills onto Yoongi's already darkened shirt. She yells his name, but he is too busy gasping for breath to register the sound.

Fearing that the woman will catch Yoongi by surprise while he recovers from the blow, Y/N reaches for one of the lamps on a nearby desk and holds it up with shaking arms. Her resolve almost falters until she catches a subtle nod from Yoongi. When the lamp shatters against the woman's skull it creates a sickening thud that Y/N feels all the way down the length of her arms. The woman falls limp to the ground.

The remains of the lamp fall from Y/N's grasp to the ground. She lets out a shaky breath and turns to ask if Yoongi is alright, but he is already moving. His eyes, unusually wide and dark, are locked on the unconscious body at their feet. It could be the shadows or the blood loss, but the skin under his eyes is so dark it looks badly bruised. Not understanding what he is going to do, Y/N simply watches as Yoongi picks up one of the knives that had fallen to the floor during their altercation. It isn't until he moves to stand over the woman that a cold, heavy realization hits Y/N.

"Wait!" She jumps forward to grab Yoongi's raised arm before he can strike, "You can't just kill someone! She's already unconscious. Let's just get out of here."

Yoongi falters. His eyes fall to Y/N's hands on his arm before turning back to the body. He frowns, but lowers his arm.

"If you insist." He drops the knife, "I have everything I need. Let's go."

"Yoongi, you just got stabbed." Y/N grabs at him again when he tries to walk away. "Don't you need to sit for a second? Should I call an ambulance?"

Yoongi rolls his eyes at her concern. "It isn't as bad as it looks."

"Bullshit. You're bleeding everywhere and I saw the knife go into your side." Y/N stares pointedly at his shirt, which is dripping crimson on the floor.

"The blood must mostly be hers. Look." He lifts his shirt to reveal what should be a deep stab wound, but is instead a relatively shallow slice that has already stopped bleeding.

"What the hell?" Y/N steps closer, "I swear I saw the knife go all the way in."

"Must have been a trick of the light." Yoongi is unconcerned with the disbelieving look on Y/N's face. He walks out the door without checking to see if she will follow.

"But still, those aren't little wounds. You need stitches at the very least." Y/N nearly trips over an abandoned takeout bag in the middle of the hallway in her rush to catch up.

"I'm telling you; I'm fine. I've had my fair share of cuts and scrapes. Believe me when I say these don't need stitches." He stops without warning to wave a manila folder in her face. "Besides, we have plenty of information to follow up on now and I want to get it back to my office immediately."

Y/N grumbles at his lack of concern for his own well-being, but drops the issue. She quietly follows him to the car.

The drive is tense. Y/N sits carefully in an unsuccessful attempt to keep her bloody clothing from staining the seats of Yoongi's expensive car, but Yoongi himself seems unconcerned about the mess. The night rushes by in a inky blur, lit only by the occasional streetlight for what feels like hours until they hit the city.

It isn't until they’re stopped at a particularly long red light that Yoongi breaks the silence.

"Go ahead."

Y/N pulls herself away from the window to give Yoongi a look. "What?"

"You obviously have something on your mind." He pauses to turn left when the light goes green. "Go ahead and talk about it."

Y/N stays silent for a moment and watches every new light they pass under turn Yoongi a different shade of blue, red or green. She lowers her gaze to the dried blood on her hands. "I was just thinking about what happened back there. I mean...you were going to kill that woman."

Yoongi's eyes stay on the road, but his grip on the wheel tightens. "She was trying to kill us first. Was I supposed to just stand there?"

“Well, no.” Y/N frowns, “I understand that she was the one coming at us, but we were able to take care of it without killing her. It’s just--you seemed so calm, I guess. Even now, when you’re bleeding all over the place and just stabbed someone, you’re driving like nothing happened. I know you’re used to this as a--a fighter, or something, but fuck if I am.”

They reach another red light. Yoongi takes the opportunity to stare out his window and watch a laughing group of people leave a bar they’re stopped beside. "It's not exactly my first time in a fight like that. I've got practice staying calm under my belt."

The light turns green. The car lurches forward. Y/N says nothing.

It's easy to forget who Yoongi is when he dresses in nice suits and wears glasses that slip down his nose while he does paperwork. Y/N almost didn't believe the violent rumors swirling around the city about him when they first met, because Yoongi--with his fancy cars, blunt manner of speaking, and self-righteous attitude--seemed no different than the other spoiled rich kids turned adult that she had met in the past, even if he did have a sadistic streak.

That all changed when she saw him fight for the first time. Something changes when Yoongi steps into the ring: his eyes darken and his entire demeanor shifts into something that doesn't feel totally human. He has never lost a fight, and the two times Y/N has witnessed him win, the scene has been exactly the same: his opponent lying unconscious at his feet and his face splattered with their blood. The most chilling part comes when his arm is held high above his head to signal his victory--there is no victorious smile, no smirk, just a wild, wide-eyed look into the crowd as if searching for someone to be next.

After that, the rumors of the vicious man who ran the most violent operation outside of the mafia didn't seem so far fetched--Y/N just forgets until something like tonight reminds her.

Yoongi can't blame Y/N for her silence. She doesn't seem like the type that has witnessed a lot of violence in her life, so tonight must have come as a shock--and she doesn't even know that he killed the others. Unfortunately, he isn't well equipped to handle delicate feelings like shock, so he tries to think about what they would be doing if this was one of the action movies that are always playing in the club lobby. He almost laughs out loud at the first idea that comes to mind, but decides it can't hurt. He just hopes that Y/N is too lost in thought to notice when they drive way past their exit.

He waits until they're less than ten minutes away from the place he has in mind before he opens his mouth. “Hey--um, you hungry?”

The friendly words feel awkward on his tongue. Y/N must notice, judging by the 'did you hit your head?' look she gives him.

"I am" she says, her eyes returning to the dark buildings surrounding them, "but I'm not sure there's a whole lot open at one in the morning."

"I actually know a place." Y/N raises a brow at the statement, but laughs and agrees anyway. Yoongi is shocked at how well his imagined movie plot is applying to real life.

Things are quiet again until they pull up to a small diner with a glaring red neon sign declaring that it is open twenty-four hours. The faded checkered floors and tarnished chrome accents portray a fifties feel that Y/N isn’t entirely sure is planned.

Y/N is pleasantly surprised by Yoongi's choice in venue and gives him the same, astonished look from before. Under the weight of her questioning stare, Yoongi just shrugs. "I used to live around here and I tend to have a lot of late nights. This place has become a favorite of mine over the years."

For some reason the fact that even someone like Yoongi has a favorite restaurant--and the fact that it's such a modest diner--makes Y/N smile.

“What’s with the smile?” Yoongi asks.

Y/N just shakes her head. "It's nothing, but we do have a bit of an issue." Yoongi’s head cocks to the side in question and she nods at his destroyed clothes. "We might draw just a little bit of attention if we walk in there like this."

Shutting off the ignition, Yoongi settles back into his seat for a moment in thought before reaching down to fiddle with something beside his seat. The unexpected sound of the trunk unlocking makes Y/N jump. She tries to calm her erratic heartbeat while Yoongi exits and walks around to the back of the car. A few seconds later he returns with a large duffel bag in hand. He leans his hip against the open car door while searching through the bag, then promptly pulls a few pieces of fabric out before dropping the bag in his seat.

"My gym clothes," he explains before tossing something gray at her face. "Might not smell the greatest, but it’s better than being covered in blood. He carries his own clothing around to the back of the car, Y/N following his reflection in the rear view mirror blindly until he pulls his shirt off in a single motion. It suddenly becomes very obvious that Yoongi intends to strip down in the middle of the parking lot.

Not wanting to intrude on his privacy, she returns her attention to the garment in her hands--a simple sweatshirt bearing the Chicago Cubs logo across the front. The well-worn cotton is incredibly soft against her skin and a welcome contrast from the cold, sticky mess that her own shirt has become.

She is in the process of wadding up her soiled shirt and tossing it to the floor board when Yoongi returns, once again leaning his hip against the door. For a moment, Y/N thinks that a stranger wandered up to the car because of how different Yoongi looks in sweatpants and a faded band t-shirt, even if the ensemble doesn’t stray from his usual black theme. He even has his hair pulled back under a black baseball cap to hide the dried blood caked onto his fringe.

Y/N has only ever seen Yoongi in his immaculate business suits, so seeing him like this...He looks younger, normal. It's even harder to imagine him as the criminal that he is.

"Yoongi; how old are you?" It isn't the question that she meant to ask, but suddenly she has a desire to know. Even with all of the time they have spent together, she has never thought to ask his age.

Yoongi's lips twitch upward on one side before he answers, and it is the closest thing Y/N has seen to a smile from him. "Twenty-four." He watches Y/N's reaction with amusement on his face, but there is something else in his eyes that she can't read. "Surprised?"

She hesitates, "No, not exactly." She tilts her head, studying him. "I knew you couldn't be much older than that, but it seems odd that someone so young is already in charge of...such an interesting business. Especially if the rumor that you've only been in the city for a few years is true."

His eyes narrow ever so slightly. "I've been wondering for a while now if you had heard any rumors about me before you came barging into my office that first night. I guess this answers that question." He shifts to lean more heavily on the car door and folds his arms across his chest. "It's true that I've only been living in Chicago for a few years, but this is far from my first time coming to the city. During my visits in the past I made some valuable contacts that came in handy when I entered the fighting scene.” He shrugs. “Maybe that's the reason for my quick success."

The explanation comes as a surprise to Y/N and a meek "Oh" is all she can manage. Yoongi has never shared so much about himself with her before.

"Ready to go in?" Yoongi asks. He shuts the door and walks away before she can answer.

Y/N scrambles to follow after him, but she finds that he is waiting outside the front doors for her. As she walks into the light coming from above the entrance, he takes in her appearance and gives a small frown.

Y/N glances down and starts to inspect her clothing. "What, did I miss some of the blood?"

Yoongi stops her by stepping forward and tilting her face up with a few fingertips on her jaw. "No, I just didn't realize you had been cut." Y/N is frozen, not even breathing as Yoongi examines the slice on her cheek with unreadable eyes. The pad of his thumb ghosts over the already scabbing wound. "It's shallow, and if you keep it moisturized it shouldn't scar." With that, Yoongi steps away and enters the restaurant.

The waitress who seats them is uncharacteristically cheery for someone working the graveyard shift, and urges them to stay for as long as they like. She gives the cut on Y/N's face an odd look the first few times she passes by and dotes on Yoongi so often that he starts rolling his eyes behind her back. Around the sixth time this happens, Yoongi sends a pleading look to Y/N over the woman's back as she leans dramatically in front of Yoongi to refill his water that he hadn't even sipped from in the first place. Y/N takes a long sip from her drink and raises an eyebrow at him over her glass, her enjoyment of the situation evident in her eyes. Yoongi flips her an insulting finger in response and Y/N has to cover her snort and consequent laughter with a coughing fit.

"Oh my, can I get you some water, dear?" The attention of the waitress is finally off of Yoongi and he sags with visible relief.

"You know, I actually feel a bit of a sore throat coming on." Y/N throws in a painful sounding cough for good measure, "May I have some tea, please?"

"Of course! You poor dear!" The waitress brings a hand to her chest, "Give me just a few minutes."

"Thank you so much." Y/N continues with her over exaggerated coughing until the woman passes through the kitchen doors.

Yoongi pinches the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed. "Holy shit."

Y/N makes no attempt to hide her laughter, "I think you have an admirer."

"This waitress has served me before and she always flirts a little, but she has never been like this."

"Let me take a wild guess: you've never brought anyone to eat with you before, have you?" Y/N waves a hand in her face trying to calm herself after laughing so hard.

A look of confusion furrows Yoongi's brow, "No, now that you mention it, I haven't."

Y/N responds with a raised brow and a pointed look; it takes a few seconds, but then Yoongi tilts his head, looking amused. "You think she's jealous? The woman doesn't even know me."

"I can't say for sure," Y/N shrugs, "but it sure looks like jealousy to me." She then stands and spins her menu in Yoongi's direction. "I have to use the restroom, will you order this for me?" She is already walking away before he can even think to respond.

He watches her make her way through the isles and shakes his head, a wry smile forming. He sometimes thinks he bit off more than he can chew by agreeing to work with this woman. If her information wasn't so important he never would have considered such an arrangement, but--despite all the hassle--he finds himself enjoying the strange change of pace she has brought into his life. The excitement of running his club and fighting humans lost its novelty a long time ago; playing detective and running around the city with Y/N broke the dangerous monotony his life had fallen into.

Yoongi’s thoughts are interrupted by the return of the waitress and she launches back into her act of trying to catch his attention, though it seems less intense in light of Y/N’s absence and he manages to order their food with relative ease.

Upon returning to the table, Y/N finds that her tea has been delivered and Yoongi is absentmindedly tapping away at his phone, only looking up when she takes a seat.

"What are you d-" Y/N's question is interrupted by the arrival of their food and another amusing display from their waitress. The smell has Y/N's stomach rumbling; she hadn't realized how long it had been since her last meal and digs in immediately.

"I hope you don't mind, but I just have to say that you two make an adorable couple!" The waitress is very obviously faking the sincerity in her voice, but Y/N smiles indulgently. "How long have you two been together?"

"Oh, we're not-" Y/N begins to explain, but Yoongi interrupts.

"It’ll be one year in July," Yoongi says, flashing Y/N a startlingly convincing loving look.

The waitress obviously hadn't been expecting this answer and her eyes darken momentarily before the false cheer can cover it up. "Oh, how lovely!" She places extra napkins on the table and makes a quick exit, "If you two need anything just shout! I'll be in the kitchen."

"Um, what the fuck was that?" Y/N levels a narrowed glare at Yoongi.

"Oh come on, you have to admit the look on her face was worth it." Yoongi butters his toast, unconcerned. "Besides, maybe now she'll leave me the hell alone."

Y/N sighs, "Fine." She raises her water glass, "A toast, to our almost one year anniversary."

Yoongi smirks and raises his own glass. "Cheers."

The rest of the night passes quickly. Y/N learns that Yoongi enjoys music and sports and his story about how he came to own the cubs sweatshirt she's wearing leaves her in tears from laughing. In return, Y/N shares that she also enjoys music and that she normally works as an elementary school teacher, but has taken an extended leave to search for her brother.

"What's with that look?" Y/N huffs at Yoongi's raised brows.

"Nothing, you just don't seem like the teaching type." Yoongi takes a sip of his third glass of water. The two of them have been talking for well over two hours now, but neither of them have felt particularly inclined to call the waitress over to clear their empty plates.

Y/N scoffs, "And what is that supposed to mean? I'll have you know that my kids love me."

"I'm sure they do." His eyes shine with amusement, "It's just that you swear an awful lot for someone meant to be instilling proper morals into America's youth. Aren't teachers supposed to be patient and sweet?"

Y/N answers with her middle finger raised. "Fuck you, Yoongi."

They both burst into laughter, and Y/N marvels at the sound of Yoongi's reserved chuckle. The hardened man she has spent weeks working beside seems a million miles away and she can't help but think that Yoongi wouldn't be all that bad if he smiled a little more. Though--not even seconds later--Yoongi stops suddenly and grabs at his side, looking pained.

"Is your injury bothering you?" Y/N peeks over the side of the table like it will help her see what's causing him pain, but Yoongi just shakes his head.

"No, it isn't that. I’m not sure what it is, but it hurts like a son of a bitch." He continues to rub at the area for a few moments before shaking his head, "It's gone now, but that was weird."

Y/N moves to stand, "Do you want to go? We should both get some rest."

He nods, but seems unfocused. "Yeah."

The drive home is even less talkative than the ride there, but now the silence is comfortable and filled in by the radio. The first actual words come when they are just minutes away from Y/N's apartment.

"Oh." Y/N doesn't mean to make the sound, but she rolls with it and continues her thought out loud. "I can't believe I just remembered this, but wasn’t there a group of people that came into the house earlier? You never explained how you got away from them to come get me." She shifts in her seat so she can read Yoongi's expression. He looks tense and reluctant to speak, a rare sight considering Yoongi is always so blunt with his words. She frowns, "I already saw you fight and almost kill someone tonight. I think I can handle hearing about the rest."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Yoongi's voice is barely audible over the music so Y/N reaches for the knob and turns it down to a soft murmur in the background.

"Come on, Yoongi, I'm too tired to drag it out of you."

"If you insist." The tendons in his jaw flex as his grip tightens on the wheel. There’s no preamble as he admits, "I killed them."

This isn't the answer Y/N was expecting and she doesn't process it at first. "You—you what?"

He glances away from the road to look her in the eyes. His voice is low and even, "I killed them, Y/N." He catches her horrified look just before he returns his eyes to the road. "Don't act so shocked. I know we just had a cute heart to heart, but don't forget who I am." His turns around the corners get a little sharper as do his words. "This isn't a fairy tale story. I won't have a sudden change of heart just because a beautiful woman walked into my life. They attacked me, so I fought back. I knew they wouldn't stop until one of us was dead, so I made sure that wasn't me. Simple as that."

"Simple?" Y/N's voice catches on the word and she feels sick to her stomach, "Yoongi, how the hell can you be so okay with taking lives like that?" A tightness in her throat stops her from saying more, but she moves to the edge of her seat to get closer to the window, to get farther from Yoongi.

"Because I don't go by the same set of morals as you, Y/N. I left those behind a long time ago." He releases a deep sigh and his fingers start to tap an impatient rhythm on the steering wheel. "Look, I know the thought is upsetting to you, but it really was in self defense." The words are true in this case, but his memories turn to all the deaths where the same couldn't be said.

"That may be the case, but you shouldn't be so casual about all of this!" Y/N doesn't realize she is shouting until she is faced with the suffocating silence that follows her outburst--even the radio has stopped playing.

Yoongi is quiet for a long time after that. He doesn’t see the point in arguing about his nature and other things he can’t properly explain to her. He doesn't speak again until they pull up to her building, and neither of them move once the car is stopped.

"I don't have any excuses to give you to make you feel better." Yoongi turns in his seat to fully face her. "I don't regret it. Maybe I am too calm about it, but when you live a life like mine, death stops feeling so monumental."

Instead of replying, Y/N simply exits the car, hesitating for only a moment to say, "Don't expect me to be in your office tomorrow. I need time to think." before walking into her apartment building without a backwards glance.

A/N *This fic was written as part of a collaboration in celebration of Bangtan’s 4th anniversary and you can check out the other fics here. There will be roughly three parts to this story and I plan to update once every 1-2 days! Thank you for reading and feedback is very welcome ^.^ Happy festa~♥*

And I have to give a HUGE thank you to Lu and Ben (@nottodayjeon and @daeguk) for helping me brainstorm and edit this fic!!*

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#bts #suga #yoongi #bangtan bookclub #sugaslutsociety #fanfic #angst #romance #my stuff #the world is cold and life's not fair baby #twclnfb #demon au #demon!yoongi #seven sins #SevenSinsCollab #yoongi x reader #sugasweetsubs

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ramrodd · 4 years

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Could the case be made that because he started the War on Drugs, Richard Nixon was a worse president than George W. Bush?

The case that GW Bush is America’s second worse president, behind Pontius POTUS, is facial in nature.

COMMENTARY:

The Joe McCarthy Conservatives who have been the dominant coalition in the GOP since Reagan came to town with the champagne, cocaine and Cadillac cars of the Hollywood, Miami and Wall Street mafia fucked up Nixon’s presidency by the same sort of Trickster bull shit Roger Stone just got convicted of. Roger Stone actually got on the GOP Shadow Agenda gravey train with Reagan and was not a founding member of the Plumbers, but he fit right in when he wormed his way into the Nixon campaign. He’s a post Kent State-pro-war draft dodger: he turned 18 the year the draft more or less ended. The Woodstock Nation was the dominant social coalition on the American campus and GWU would have been a nightmare for a congenital white supremacist, what with Black Power and the left-wing dialectical small talk excluding him and similar white male ammosexuals and Born Again shock troops from the sexual revolution pretty conclusively. i mean, at a time when Little Feat and Bruce Springsteen are getting real traction, people like Roger Stone are inventing CPAC so they can have some fun with people like them. I mean, it’s part of the success of AmWay is their employment of the community as a capitalist tool, a sort of ComicCon for the John Birch Society.

And it was people like Roger Stone that not only fucked up Nixon’s presidency by all things Watergate, but have been committed, as ideologically bound Joe McCarthy Conservatives, to blowing up Nixon’s foreign and domestic policies and Eisenhower’s 1956 Presidential Platform so that they could transfer as much wealth out of the American middle class and public treasuries to people earning $50,000/year on an accelerating curve of benefits to the top 1% - 3% of the economic pyramid, which is the whole point of the Tory Socialism of Reaganomics: the rich are divinely appointed to get richer and the poor are always with us.

I mean, Betsy DeVos just drips of that attitude, the self-righteousness of Oligarchs in the conduct of class warfare they rationalize as either Social Darwinism or scriptural, depending on their favorite version of their Ideal Self, the great Romantic Hero, unyielding in the face of desparate odds and spitting in the face of the tyranny of the rule of law for poor people and their Social Justice/liberation Gospel terrorists.

So, Nixon’s response to any recreational drug without an alcoholic base with the War on Drugs was a residual impluse from the need for moral perfection through social engineer represented by the 18th Amendment. The 21st Amendment is the evidence that the US Constituiton establishes a self-aware cultural milieu for a society that can learn from its mistakes and fix them.

The War on Drugs is the evidence that political expedience can sabotage that dynamical quality, either out of ignorance, a congenital inability to learn from experience or, as Grover Norquist’s “starve the beast’ agenda and Steve Bannon’s agenda to dismantle the administrative state and Newt Gingrich’s politics of violent revolution demonstrate, are policies deliberately undertaken for craven appetites and mercenary intent, such as the Pro-Life heresy and all things Joe McCarthy Conservative.

Marxism and the 18th Amendment are established on the same fallacy and violation of natural law, that is, the suppression of market forces in the human condition. To legislate against human nature, as Marxism does, is an act of violence, in and of itself. The US Constitution legislates in favor of human potential and determines a progressive process that allows the American body politic to become increasing self-aware and systematic in its own self-government. This is totally within the ideal and intent of Romans 13:1 - 7, which is the legal reasoning for Jesus’s Heaven on Earth, the ethos of secular humanism and the Aristotilean (emperical) English common law as the proper basis for a system of justice based on a balance in favor of equity over property and natural law emerging from metaphysical knowledge as opposed to divine interpretation.

The War on Drugs was (and is) a useful moral club for achieving transactional political purposes and Nixon was a practical politician. My cousin Woodie’s cultural reflex was to consider Jim Crow Laws as self-apparent divine necessity, a craven attitude shared by the white supremacist conventions of the Joe McCarthy Conservatives who instinctively cringe at #BlackLivesMatter. The evidence is that R.L. Lee went South to protect his property, with the defense of Virginia being a convenient convention to sustain his conceit of Honor, as in “Duty, Honor, Country”. “Honor” has always been a wiggle word for applie equivocation, as the difference between John McCain’s and Mitt Romney’s version of Honor versus the Republican vote on Impeachment and the “Honor” of Don Corleone, where treason is just the continuation of Capitalism by additional means.

Nixon set two processes in motion:

internationally, he established a diplomatic aspiration with the Soviets and the Red Chinese to enable the Soviet-Sino Marxist economies to begin a transition to something like the experiment in Free Enterprise Marxism being conducted by Vietnam. I call this diplomatic aspiration Peaceful Structures;

domestically, he and Daniel Patrick Moynihan devised a legislative design to transform the Military-Industrial Complex to the Aerospace-Entrepreneurial Matrix necessary to catch the global synergies wave from Apollo 11 and create the 100 year economic trajectory necessary to support a permanent moon colony beginning with a NASA-Soyuz lab on the moon by 2001, just like the movie. I call this domestic economic agenda “Affirmative Action” and it is the precursor mobilization to what AOC intuits as the Green New Deal and Paul Krugman more or less illustrates, chapter and verse.

Since 1972, the political agenda associated with the Joe McCarthy Conservatives has been committed to blowing up Nixon’s presidential legacy. Roger Stone may have Nixon tattooed across his shoulder blades, but. like Newt Gingrich, Steve Bannon and Grover Norquist, he is up to his eyeballs in a transparent domestic conspiracy to sabotage the presidential critical path, an agenda CPAC is celebrating as I write this.

As for the War on Drugs, if anyone set out to deliberately design a national policy of class warfare based on white supremacy and systemic racial suppressing, it would be difficult to improve on this on-going Holocaust perpetuated by both sides of the ailse for pretty much the same reason: it has been politically expedient in spite of the example of the relationship between the 18th and 21st Amendment.

George W. Bush is a creature of the Joe McCarthy Conservative agenda. His dad had the last Republican administration dominated by the adult leadership of the Eisenhower-Romney Republicans who helped Nixon and Ford implement Peaceful Structures and Affirmative Action. Bush didn’t really become President until he fired Rumsfeld and replaced him with Bob Gates, another member of the adult leadership generation of Eisenhower Romney Republicans. Until then, he was Special Presidential Assistant to Richard “Dick” Cheney, America’s favorite war criminal. The 2008 mortgage crises is a direct result of the Reaganomics the Joe McCarthy Conservatives have been committed to replacing for Affirmative Action.

John Bolton’s foreign policy agenda is the anti-Peaceful Structures element of the Joe McCarthy Conservative America First Copperhead appeal to the Tea Party ammosexuals, white supremacists and MAGA hat bigots and it produced Bill Kristol’s and Robert Kagan’s Project for the New American Century, which is the moral justification for “regime change” and America’s descent into an outlaw nation status with our invasion of Iraq. The incursion into Afghanistan against al Qaeda was at least as diplomatically proper as Jefferson’s scourging of the Barbary pirates, but the invasion of Iraq was based on a pretext with less substance that Pontius POTUS’s claim of the “perfect phone call” and treason as a capitalist tool.

So, in the moral scales of history, does the fact that Nixon initiated a policy of class warfare based on white supremacist outcomes but presented as a moral imperative outweigh Good Old “W”s reduction of a cosmopolitan society to the stone age in order to satisfy Cheney’s rain making for his Houston Big Oil patrons but defended with a pretext of a national emergency as empty as of substance as a Rush Limpdick coronaconspiracy mind fart?

After he became President in 2007, he and Obama actually collaborated in what can only be termed as a spectacular aversion of a profound economic disaster and a resulting economic recovery design that, until the effects of Brexit began to hit Wall Street with this coronavirus meltdown, was manifestly a successful foundation for whoever inherited the economy in 2017. Obama and Clinton doubled down on the outlaw status they inherited from Bush-Cheney in the assassination of Ghaddafi, but the Iranian Nuclear Deal began to ease America back into the Peaceful Structures column, which, of course, Duckass Donny immediately began to dismantle to satisfy the Mercers conditions for bankrolling his campaign and Steve Bannon’s global anti-constitutional agenda.

Vietnam created the conditions for the collapse of the Soviet Union and Nixon leveraged those conditions to establish a coherent global impulse to generalize the lessons learned from the success of American-British constitutional capitalism, internationally, and join in a common aspiration to get to Mars.

GW Bush established America as the most dangerous nation in the world, betraying his father’s service and his own oath to protect and defend the US Constitution by adopting The Project for a New American Century to replace the Marshall Plan that had defeated Stalin’s Marxist expansionism in 1947 for the benefit of Cheney’s big oil patrons.

I think, to the extent that the Joe McCarthy Conservatives have been to actively sabotaging Nixon’s presidential legacy since 1972, they have been, collectively, engaged in constitutional sabotage, political treachery and treason, the case can be made that GW Bush is America’s second worse president, behind Pontius POTUS.

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newstfionline · 7 years

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Friends of a Certain Age

By Alex Williams, NY Times, July 13, 2012

It was like one of those magical blind-date scenes out of a Hollywood rom-com, without the “rom.” I met Brian, a New York screenwriter, a few years ago through work, which led to dinner with our wives and friend chemistry that was instant and obvious.

We liked the same songs off Dylan’s “Blonde on Blonde,” the same lines from “Chinatown.” By the time the green curry shrimp had arrived, we were finishing each other’s sentences. Our wives were forced to cut in: “Hey, guys, want to come up for air?”

As Brian and his wife wandered off toward the No. 2 train afterward, it crossed my mind that he was the kind of guy who might have ended up a groomsman at my wedding if we had met in college.

That was four years ago. We’ve seen each other four times since. We are “friends,” but not quite friends. We keep trying to get over the hump, but life gets in the way.

Our story is not unusual. In your 30s and 40s, plenty of new people enter your life, through work, children’s play dates and, of course, Facebook. But actual close friends--the kind you make in college, the kind you call in a crisis--those are in shorter supply.

As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends.

No matter how many friends you make, a sense of fatalism can creep in: the period for making B.F.F.’s, the way you did in your teens or early 20s, is pretty much over. It’s time to resign yourself to situational friends: K.O.F.’s (kind of friends)--for now.

But often, people realize how much they have neglected to restock their pool of friends only when they encounter a big life event, like a move, say, or a divorce.

That thought struck Lisa Degliantoni, an educational fund-raising executive in Chicago, a few months ago when she was planning her 39th birthday party. After a move from New York to Evanston, Ill., she realized that she had 857 Facebook friends and 509 Twitter followers, but still did not know if she could fill her party’s invitation list. “I did an inventory of the phases of my life where I’ve managed to make the most friends, and it was definitely high school and my first job,” she said.

After a divorce in his 40s, Robert Glover, a psychotherapist in Bellevue, Wash., realized that his roster of friends had quietly atrophied for years as he focused on career and family. “All of a sudden, with your wife out of the picture, you realize you’re lonely,” said Dr. Glover, now 56. “I’d go to salsa lessons. Instead of trying to pick up the women, I’d introduce myself to the men: ‘Hey, let’s go get a drink.’ “

In studies of peer groups, Laura L. Carstensen, a psychology professor who is the director of the Stanford Center on Longevity in California, observed that people tended to interact with fewer people as they moved toward midlife, but that they grew closer to the friends they already had.

Basically, she suggests, this is because people have an internal alarm clock that goes off at big life events, like turning 30. It reminds them that time horizons are shrinking, so it is a point to pull back on exploration and concentrate on the here and now. “You tend to focus on what is most emotionally important to you,” she said, “so you’re not interested in going to that cocktail party, you’re interested in spending time with your kids.”

As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. This is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college, she added.

In the professional world, “proximity” is hard to maintain, as work colleagues are reassigned or move on to new jobs. Last year, Erica Rivinoja, a writer on the NBC series “Up All Night,” became close with a woman, Jen, when they worked together on a pilot. Almost instantly, they knew each other’s exercise schedules and food preferences. Jen could sense when Ms. Rivinoja needed a jolt of caffeine, and without asking would be there with an iced tea.

“But as soon as the pilot was over, it was hard to be as close without that constant day-to-day interaction,” said Ms. Rivinoja, 35. They can occasionally carve out time for a quick gin and tonic, she said, but “there aren’t those long afternoons which bleed into evenings hanging out at the beach and then heading to a bar.”

The workplace can crackle with competition, so people learn to hide vulnerabilities and quirks from colleagues, Dr. Adams said. Work friendships often take on a transactional feel; it is difficult to say where networking ends and real friendship begins.

Differences in professional status and income also complicate matters. “It really does get weird when your friends are making tons more than you, or tons less,” said Adriane Duckworth, a former marketing executive now working as an artist in Hamilton, Ontario.

Once people start coupling up, the challenges only increase. Making friends with other couples “is like matchmaking for two,” said Kara Baskin, a journalist who works in Boston. “Not only are you worrying about whether the other woman likes you, you’re also worrying if her husband likes you, if your husband likes her, if your husband likes him.”

Not long ago, she invited her husband’s new work buddy over for dinner with his wife. But the wife was visibly unimpressed by Ms. Baskin’s half-furnished home (they had just moved in) and thrown-together spaghetti dinner. “It was basically clear that his wife had been cajoled into attending,” said Ms. Baskin, 33. “She settled on to our rickety Ikea kitchen chairs like she was lowering herself into a coal mine.”

The couple departed quickly after dessert. The next day at work, the husband made an excuse about his wife being tired. “But it was unspoken that we wouldn’t be seeking their company again,” Ms. Baskin said.

ADDING children to the mix muddles things further. Suddenly, you are surrounded by a new circle of parent friends--but the emotional ties can be tenuous at best, as the comedian Louis C. K. related in one stand-up routine: “I spend whole days with people, I’m like, I never would have hung out with you, I didn’t choose you. Our children chose each other. Based on no criteria, by the way. They’re the same size.”

Even when parent friends develop a bond, the resulting friendships can be fleeting--and subject to the whims of the children themselves.

Caryl Lyons, an event planner in Danville, Calif., and her husband found a budding friendship with a parent-friend couple hit a roadblock when their young sons, who had been close friends, drifted apart. When the families planned a barbecue together, her son would say, “Can I have my other friends over?” said Ms. Lyons, 44.

External factors are not the only hurdle. After 30, people often experience internal shifts in how they approach friendship. Self-discovery gives way to self-knowledge, so you become pickier about whom you surround yourself with, said Marla Paul, the author of the 2004 book “The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore.” “The bar is higher than when we were younger and were willing to meet almost anyone for a margarita,” she said.

Manipulators, drama queens, egomaniacs: a lot of them just no longer make the cut.

Thayer Prime, a 32-year-old strategy consultant who lives in London, has even developed a playful 100-point scale (100 being “best friend forever”). In her mind, she starts to dock new friend candidates as they begin to display annoying or disloyal behavior. Nine times out of 10, she said, her new friends end up from 30 to 60, or little more than an acquaintance.

“You meet someone really nice, but if they don’t return a call, drop to 90, if they don’t return two calls, that’s an immediate 50,” she said. “If they’re late to something in the first month, that’s another 10 off.” (But people can move up the scale with nice behavior, too, she added.)

Having been hardened by experience, many people develop a more fatalistic view of friendship.

“When you’re younger, you define what it really means to be friends in a more serious way,” said my screenwriter friend, Brian. (His full name is Brian Koppelman, and he wrote and is a co-director of “Solitary Man,” a 2010 film starring Michael Douglas about a middle-aged man trying to reconnect with friends and family.)

“My ideas of friendship were built by ‘The Godfather’ and ‘Diner,’ “ he said. “Your friends were your brothers, and anything but total loyalty at all costs meant excommunication. As you get older, that model becomes unrealistic.”

By that point, you have been through your share of wearying or failed relationships. You have come to grips with the responsibilities of juggling work, family and existing friends, so you become more wary about making yourself emotionally available to new people. “You’re more keenly aware of the downside,” said Mr. Koppelman, 46. “You’re also more keenly aware of your own capacity to disappoint.”

“I haven’t really changed my standards for what it means to actually be friends,” he concluded. “It’s just that I use the word ‘friends’ more loosely. Making the real kind, the brother kind, is much harder now.”

Some, like Ms. Degliantoni, the fund-raising executive, simply downsize their expectations. “I take an extremely efficient approach and seek out like-minded folks to fill very specific needs,” she said of her current strategy. “I have a cocktail friend and a book friend and a parenting friend and several basketball friends and a neighbor friend and a workout friend.”

“It’s much easier filling in those gaps in my life,” she added, “than doing an exhaustive approach for a new friend.”

Or, they hit rock bottom and turn back the clock to their breathlessly social 20s.

After a move to New York in his 30s, Dave Cervini, a radio station executive, was so lonely that he would walk his cat in Central Park, hoping to stoke conversations. Finding only curious stares, he decided to start the New York Social Network, an activities group for people to find friends by hanging out at Yankees games or wine-tasting mixers. The company now counts 2,000 members, most in their 30s. He considers 200 of them close friends.

“It takes courage for people to take the first step,” he said. “Hopefully, I make it easier, having been there myself.”

In that spirit, I recently called Brian. We joked about our inability to find time to hang out, and made a dinner date at the next available opening.

It is three months from now.

#friendship #friends #making friends

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tinymixtapes · 7 years

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Interview: Billy Gomberg

For followers of experimental electronic and drone music, Brooklyn musician Billy Gomberg is likely a familiar name. With releases on esteemed, and in some cases sadly defunct, labels such as Digitalis Limited, Students of Decay, Sunshine Ltd., and Constellation Tatsu, Billy’s made a name for himself with carefully considered pieces that blend abstract ambience and electro-acoustic drone. His latest releases, Slight at that Contact (Students of Decay) and Transition (Dinzu Artefacts), are as good an introduction as any to his ever-expanding discography. In addition to his solo work, Billy and his wife, Anne Guthrie (whose solo LP Codiaeum Variegatum is one of my favorite Students of Decay releases), perform as Fraufraulein, which released a full-length in 2015 and have plans for another tape this year. On the occasion of Slight at that Contact’s vinyl release in the last quarter of 2016 and Transition just coming out on cassette, this was the perfect time to (virtually) sit down with Billy and pick his brain over a few emails this past month. --- Did you do anything fun to ring in the new year? As parents of a five month old (at the time), we were woken at midnight by a fireworks show more or less outside our window. I think this is the first New Years we’ve actually been in our apartment for, so I’m not entirely sure this was “new,” but it was a good surprise. With Slight at that Contact in the last quarter of 2016 and a new tape on Dinzu Artefacts, Transition, do you have more releases in store for the year? Will you be playing shows? My dance card is full for 2017. Music for an upcoming video work by Rob Feulner on Bleu Nuit Video, eventually a Fraufraulein tape on Marginal Frequency, and a couple compilation appearances (other items are still in communication/scheduling). Something for everyone. This feels very busy this year, even if some items are already wrapped up and off my plate. I just got invited to play a gig in April here in Brooklyn. I assume I will be playing a few more shows, but there is nothing else planned right now. When you play live, how much is improvisation versus a reinterpretation of recently released material? Playing live is improvisation, but not so wild as that might read. I don’t make a division between performance, recording, and practice, so I try and stay well-practiced, but I enjoy that. Technologically, there isn’t a way for me to perform a single existing track without simply playing it back. So you hear a marker of what I’m feeling and exploring at the time. Performances (solo and with Anne as Fraufraulein) usually contain internal signposts or motivators, as abstract as poetry, aphorism or something visual, or as basic as how field recordings are lined up in a playback device or “well I’ve been playing for 20-25 minutes, time to wrap this up.” I have to adapt to changes in instrumentation and creative ideas/problems, but I have not radically changed what I’m trying to do. Whenever I get a new instrument or change the setup a bit, the first thing I do is get it to sound close enough to what I was doing previously, a slow progression of failing to sound like the last album or period of work. Not for a lack of trying, but owing more towards curiosity, discovery, and accident. This is abstract music; there has to be room for a listener to discover and unfold fragments of their own experience, to find an expression of their inner life, a kind of translucent connection to an interior poetry. Slight at that Contact has an understated quality that hits the sweet spot between drone and ambient. What was your approach to this record? I think this whole process wrapped in mid-2014, so details are a bit distant for me now. As we were discussing this record, before I started listening or recording with it in mind, Alex @ SOD [Students of Decay] referred to my earlier, more computer-based work and its origins in various electronic/noise musics etc. as something he had in mind. I had to reach back a bit, pull some baggage up to the present, unpack, and see what was still intact and useful, what would mean enough to me to then mean something to you. How would I create “X” now? Should I? I don’t proceed with making an album from scratch, coming up with a plan or narrative program, an arc or a set of “____like this” to include and follow that until conditions are satisfied. I just want to play, to excite the connection I have with making this music. I play until it feels right, and explore wherever that is. I refine and make that place curious and comfortable for a listener, and work my way back out and have a handful of tracks with me to show for it. For Slight At That Contact, I had to do expedition a few times. My most basic parameter was a series of pieces that were self-contained and used a similar language, and emerged to the listener with a physicality. Around the same time, Anne & I were working on Extinguishment; there are overlaps in my thinking and motivations, where complexity and simplicity meet and balance out, differences between melodic content and noise/accident/error, improvisation and editing, even if the instrumentation and final shape of these albums are quite different. I wouldn’t be surprised if I used some of the same field recordings on both albums. I look for an ease in where my music is, how it works, its internal logic or poetry, its moods and physicality. If I’m agitated about it, forcing materials into a certain finality, that is what will be available to a listener, and I don’t think that will resonate. Considering that, really, this is abstract music; there has to be room for a listener to discover and unfold fragments of their own experience, to find an expression of their inner life, a kind of translucent connection to an interior poetry. A “shared understanding of space/meaning”* between myself and the listener — not a transaction, but a meeting, a relationship, however brief. * From a Twitter dialogue with Nathan Thomas @ Fluid Radio I see your Bandcamp page has one unreleased piece (park). Do you sit on a lot of unreleased work, where what we see and hear online is a tip of the iceberg in terms of the amount of material you have? I leave a lot of recordings on my hard drive, but I’m not rushing to release all of it, or even most of it. I sit down and play, practice, as often as I can. I listen through recordings and edit down to what is salient and immediate, take some ideas from that and play some more. I do a lot of recording, listening, editing, and listening again, a lot of reflection on what is working and what isn’t. Through listening over a period of time, the elements and themes of an album become clearer to me, and from there I go about assembling a collection of tracks as an album. I released park because it’s one of the few works I have of significant duration (just under an hour), and contains choices that have been significant for me over the past 10 years. The mixing of synthesis, field recordings, amplification, and room recordings play a big role on Slight, and I started that approach with park. I play until it feels right, and explore wherever that is. I refine and make that place curious and comfortable for a listener. park by Billy Gomberg You and Anne work closely with sound design and acoustics. Students of Decay releases almost exclusively on vinyl, but many listeners will hear your work digitally (Bandcamp, iTunes, etc.). Is there a happy medium between the intent of a recording versus the varied methods, and quality, of consumption (vinyl vs. cassette vs. digital)? This is a very good question and one that has come up in conversations with other musicians. I think a good recording will communicate regardless of medium, and that’s what I work to accomplish. Anyone listening keenly to vinyl or cassette and then a digital version (even compressed) will perceive differences, just like listening on speakers vs headphones. I trust the listener, and the best way to listen to my work is on whatever you use to listen. Everyone’s listening technology and environment could be more ideal. We don’t have anything approaching an audiophile setup for listening, but this doesn’t reduce our enjoyment of what we listen to. I listen to cassettes on a boombox I got in 1999. The fire department just up the block can make it difficult sometimes, and our radiators make regular contributions in the winter months. I’m sure it’s no coincidence, but I find Anne’s recent Students of Decay release, Codiaeum variegatum, pairs well with Slight at that Contact. Hers sounds like it could be performed in the middle of a forest, while yours is ideal in an abandoned factory at 3 AM. Aside from being married, and your collaborative project Fraufraulein, do you see a connection between your respective compositions? Codiaeum does contain recordings from a forest. Maybe two. There are no actual abandoned factories on Slight, but there might be one on Codiaeum. While we work in very different ways, I think that our general creative concerns are very similar; how these meet and diverge is very interesting to us. We’ve been together since 2003, listening to and playing music has been a big part of our lives. Anne & I have each been musicians since childhood (though she started well ahead of me), and I think we are each keen on keeping a humanity in even our most manipulated sounds, a sense that this material is formed by a human impulse and shaped by physical or sculptural means. Most evidently on Extinguishment, where Anne plays through various extended techniques on french horn, my bass guitar is prepared and played in some non-traditional ways, and set in motion with other materials, synthetic, real, and some that exist in-between. We both have developed practices around a kind of dimensionality or perceived space without overwhelming density or busy-ness and the creation, capture, and treatment of materials that shift from being quite recognizable to uncanny and abstracted, a combination of presences existing together. As you point out, the combination of musical content with a real sense of space or place is something we have both found a rich territory. In an era of small-run record labels proliferating online, Students of Decay stands out for not adhering to trends or whatever generates the most clicks. Alex isn’t the only person by any means, but his vision and commitment is unique. Can you shed light on your history with both Alex and Students of Decay? Will we see more releases from you and Anne on the label? Alex and I met via one or another internet interest forum in the mid-late 00s, generally sharing similar listening habits across genres and backgrounds in literature, film, etc. Work took me through Cincinnati in 2010 and we met then, and Alex was here in Brooklyn last spring. I think it’s important to meet people in the real world when you can. I’m not going to begrudge the internet for making it easier to reach across miles and miles to have a good chat about music, books, or life in general, but a person is much more real when you have met them and shared even a brief time together. We’ve been in touch for a long time and are glad to have each other as friends. Anne’s next LP Brass Orchids will be out from SOD this year. We have no further plans with Alex beyond that, but none of us are in a big hurry. This slice of the music world doesn’t really have a regular pace. Some things happen almost instantly, some take years… it’s very likely further work from us will be on SOD, but when and what shape it will take has yet to be discussed. I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. One more: favorite venue in NYC? Favorite venue anywhere? I currently couldn’t name a favorite venue in NYC. Many have closed or moved, and many more are not easily accessible to my lifestyle (dad with a day job). This is not to say that we don’t have good venues or venues that put on good shows; I simply don’t have a regular haunt or a place I’ll just hop to and catch some sounds. The second part of your question is a tie between nostalgia and the present. I went to so many crucial gigs as a kid at the Metro in Chicago. I’d be slacking not to mention it. I don’t know how I’d feel about it now. I’ve very much enjoyed playing at Constellation a couple times, a big, accommodating venue with a nice sound and a good bar. My mom said “this is definitely the nicest place you’ve played,” and I think that’s true. There are many great living rooms and storefronts and spaces around the country that I’ve been lucky to play in or catch a random show when passing through, some without name — maybe that was the only show that happened there. Those have all been great for me as an audience member and as a performer. http://j.mp/2loeJE6

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