#because its not debilitating it just sucks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bibberbang · 10 months

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i dont reblog those posts about how hard it is to have moralizing ocd in online spaces, even though i deeply resonate with them. ironically, i can only talk to 2 people about my ocd, because one of my obsessions is that other people will assume im using my mental health as a shield against criticism if i talk about it. therefore, if i talk about my ocd in any circumstance, my brain believes that i'm already doing something immoral

basically, most of my obsessions resolve around people assuming bad faith of me or that i'm somehow secretly an irredeemably bad person, no matter how hard i try to be good. i am a bad person if i dont reblog posts about serious topics, spend every waking moment thinking about extremely serious topics, or make any social mistakes whatsoever (which is scary because i'm also autistic). i believe that i am irredeemable if i make a small mistake, and i often think all my friends are waiting for me to make a mistake so that they can attack me, and that my life will be ruined if i fuck up. im constantly scanning all my interests (and people i know) for the tiniest imperfections (far beyond healthy amounts of criticism in your interests) out of fear that liking anything or anyone makes me a horrible person. if you dont take a side on this lgbt label discourse, then youre a bigot! im ALWAYS mentally preparing responses and apologies to totally theoretical situations of people being upset with me. i have intrusive thoughts about doing the immoral things that scare me most.

the problem is, *talking about* any of these thoughts invites people who will actually bad faith me. "if youre so worried about this stuff, then you must have something to hide! you just want to avoid accountability!" they make your obsession a reality by accusing you of the exact thing you fear most. none of these thoughts are reasonable or realistic, and i know that. i know that i'm mentally ill. i know logically that i'm as good a person as anyone else. when i actually do make a mistake, i stay level-headed and apologize, acknowledge what i did wrong, and change my behavior

but there is a large part of me that does not want to heal from my ocd, because i believe constant self-monitoring and self-critique is the only thing preventing me from becoming a horrible person

there is nothing i want more in this world than to be a good altruistic human being who is capable of growth, but spending weeks trapped in thought loops analyzing all my behaviors for the smallest signs of a mistake will not help me be a better person. it makes me a worse friend. it drains my energy so that i dont have the mental capacity to actually spend time being kind to others. i reread this post many times while writing it to make sure i didnt accidentally write 6 different slurs. but i can't figure out how to heal. what the fuck do i do about this

this is incredibly hard for me to write about. i'm fighting the urge to delete this post as you read it. i cant stress how debilitating this is for me, it is the biggest hurdle in my life and it sucks away days worth of my time and energy. i will become trapped in thought-loops THE SECOND im not kept sufficiently busy and stimulated by tv/music/my bf/being out of the house somewhere/etc. so much of my life is wasted wanting to be good, that i dont get a chance to actually live the life of a good person

i really hope this post resonates with someone. ive only met a few other people who have this particular kind of ocd, and its extremely isolating. but i want to try to heal from it, and i know the first step to healing is talking about it

#have you ever noticed how i'll add addendums in the tags of my posts where i'll clarify EXACTLY what the post was about?#i do that bc of my obsession that some1 will screenshot something i say out of context and make me look horrible #this is not just a Go Outside problem btw. i know a lot of the examples i gave were internet related #but ive had ocd since i was a child. the other half of my symptoms are health related #like obsessions about emetophobia. or food being contaminated or making me sick. or other physical illness #ppl assume ocd is just washing your hands and not wanting to be touched. naur. i wash my hands a normal amount and i love being touched #so i didnt believe i could have ocd for a long time cuz i didnt fit the stereotype. even though it was incredibly obvious and debilitating #amygdalae #ocd #actually ocd

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balancethescales · 10 months

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saw some discussion about how the message of s2 seems to go against s1 in that s1 was about the toxicity of the fine dining industry as a whole while s2 undoes all of that work, and id just like to write down some thoughts about that.

it definitely is true that the fine dining experience for many a chef sucks ass. this is perfectly portrayed in carmy, who is a ball of anxiety due to chef jeff winger (and his family but thats a different conversation for a different day), and sydney, whose trauma from her catering business and the to-go order debacle serve as the root of her debilitating fear of failure. but despite all of that, the ptsd the panic attacks the health issues the lack of a social life, they still love food. every chef at the beef/the bear does. you can see it in the way that tina is genuinely excited to hone her skills, the way sydney delights in making the simplest dish for a friend in need, and in the way carmy tries so hard to not fuck everything up. even richie, loud crude shithead richie, finds purpose as a server/host.

so while there is so much to be said about how the restaurant represents carmys past, that isnt the main social commentary of s2, and neither is the sentiment of “fine dining is the standard.” where s1 exposed all of the dark nooks and crannies hidden inside of a restaurant, s2 serves to remind us what a restaurant is supposed to be about, that it is so much more than what the industry has twisted chewed and spit it out to be. to work in a restaurant is to put your blood sweat and tears into pots and pans, put it on a plate, and then give it to someone. plain and simple. it is the oldest act of service, and is exactly what richie comes to respect in ep7, where chef terry tells him something along the lines of how she wants people to see all the work that went into one dish just to make them happy because it makes them feel special and people should be able to have that experience. to be a chef, to be a server, and to be a part of all of the work that goes into making and sharing a meal, is to love.

ultimately, the overarching plot of changing the beef into the bear is not saying that simple sandwich shops made by regular people arent good enough. season 2 is a reminder that as dark as the fine dining industry can be, if you go into it with an actual love for the craft, an aptitude for service, and remember that everyone is a human being before they are an employee, working in a restaurant can be beautiful.

tldr: the “deep” social commentary of s2 is that capitalism and competition ruins food service by turning it into something horrible when its supposed to be about showing and receiving love through a good meal. the end.

#if you think s2 is saying gentrification good!!! then u did not watch the show #like as a story is just makes sense so much i cant believe people would say the writing was weak #u can say syd and carmy are perpetuators of the toxic industry #in that syd wants a star and carmy becomes exactly like the dickhead chef he hates #but thats just called being a victim #like for godsake its only s2 let them unlearn and grow #and also go to therapy #the bear meta #the bear #the bear fx #the bear spoilers #carmen berzato #sydney adamu #richie jerimovich #tina the bear #i love this show

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boypussydilf · 7 months

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FaC Miniseries really be out here saying, "Simon, you might be a suicidal man who would give his own life and brain for a pair of strangers that resemble a part of the traumatic past that ruined your life, but consider: you were selfish in your past relationship because you didn't consider your girlfriend enough and now that she sacrificed herself to become God for you you aren't allowed to die because that would make her sacrifice be in vain. You have to continue living in a world that you no longer relate to with people who will continue to deadname you and bring up your traumatic past for funzies and you aren't even allowed to reconciliate with your daughter or other closest friends because they have a happy life without you bumming them out with your depression and we wouldn't want you to burden them with your feelings of uselessness and crippling lack of self worth now would we? Now go hang out with a literal child you 59+ year old man, you have therapy in an hour."

hey i wanna point out that cripple is like. a slur a lot of ppl still use it in this kind of context w/o thinking but u can just say like, debilitating instead theres not any reason to use it

ik its just like habit tho bc its still kinda common so to respond to the ask ,

KSBDJWBDJWBJDBWJDNWJDBWJDBWJDBWJDBWJDBWJSHHSB

They just could NOT be assed to resolve or address any of his emotional issues huh!!!!!!!! Yeah Simon, we know you think you suck, and you are suicidally depressed, and you are traumatized from both living through the apocalypse and spending a thousand years trapped under a curse, and the world changed without you so you now feel fundamentally out of place, can’t relate to people around you, and none of your skills are applicable anymore, and you are being crushed under the guilt of the love of your life making an unfathomably giant sacrifice to save you, and you wanted to see her again and apologize for not being able to bring her back so so badly that you were willing to kidnap a guy and keep him in a cage in your house for it, and you feel absolutely no sense of purpose in your life and have nothing to do anymore, but like, we have a really really great idea for how we’re gonna deal with that: we WON’T! We just Won’t Address It. You get to mention how you were willing to basically die because you felt like your life was worthless ONE time, and it will be after you regain the will to LIVE because you… got… told that you fucked everything up with your fiancé because you were apparently super selfish on accident? Now you’re just gonna go back home and be happy now. No yeah nothing changed in either your life or your mental state but we have to pretend it did because the story is over now. Your happy ending montage will casually feature you happily drinking at the bar. Don’t think about episode 4. Oh huh what’s that? What about your daughter figure who you felt you weren’t important to and would just be burdening and worrying with your difficult emotions, which seemed to be leading to you choosing to have a genuine and honest talk with her in the end? No she doesn’t even get mentioned, let alone show up on screen. Also Betty may or may not be dead. Yeah now that she cured your depression by telling you you fucked up she’s moving on with her life or something by which we may or may not mean reincarnating. Yeah we might have fridged her. Happy ending for everyone!

the therapy scene hits a special nerve like good for him but oh my god. i cant actually think of any other examples, but i feel like ive seen too many things decide that the way to portray healing as a difficult nonlinear thing is to. directly state “This is going to be complicated and hard!” and then not actually show it being complicated or hard now that they’ve acknowledged it. like dude all we actually see in that ending is just him being happy. you really made it seem like he is just Fine now. guys. guys what happened to his everything

#fionna and cake spoilers #basilask

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al-the-remix · 11 months

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Years pass but people still remain gross about WAGs. And now they dress it up with “intellectual” terms like industrial complex and post-colonial supremacist whatchamacallit. Give me the messy puck bunny blogs at least they’re open about hating WAGs.

Yeah, I can't say I have many complex things to say on the topic, except that that dialogue has been in this fandom forever (all fandoms forever; tumblr, the birthplace of the 'not-like-other-girls-girl') but it's especially bad in rpf and I'm exhausted of reading the same tired iterations on "well, I could NEVER understand how another woman could live like that--" STOP. Just stop it, it's not your life, and it's likely never going to be your life, for all the aforementioned unfair reasons. You don't have to compare yourselves to them constantly. It doesn't make you lesser or them better for being (presumably) born into a more privileged circumstance and it doesn't make them lesser and you better for achieving some enlightened pearl of knowledge.

The puck bunny blogs irk me just as much, and if you find one better than the other I guess it's more a question of what rolls your stomach more: spite or smugness. But in my opinion, calling Kathy an ageing escort that Sid pitty dates is just as nauseating as talking down your nose about her like she's some ignorant waif that cant make her own decisions about her life or her relationship.

Yes, the NHL is an intrinsically racist, misogynistic, homophobic, capitalist, fatphobic--and all the other bad terrible things--nightmare creature whose ailment runs all the way up to the giant sucking malignancy attached to its heart that is Garry Bettman and Bill Dayley, and further, to the executives that they shill for, and even further back to the time period, tenets, and culture that the sport was founded on. Remember, this is the same organization whose administrative and players (retired and current) repeatedly spit in the face of their teammates who've suffered chronic and debilitating injuries, and continue to mock journalists and veterans who try to bring those issues to the forefront, stating that the injury is worth it to win -- (or that the possibility of injury is worth it, considering these comments so often come from players that are still relatively hale).

Hmmm, sounds incredibly familiar to the position the NHL takes on another rampant issue in the sport: sexual assault.

There's a reason why the NHL is falling behind in popularity (and in value) compared to other sports organisations and it's because they cling to their archaic values and methods and flat-out refuse to let them go -- and thus attract players and administrative and fans who find all that entails appealing. It's not everyone in the sport obviously but it's a large enough faction to keep things stagnant -- just go take a look at Ian Kenedy's twitter page and start scrolling through the replies to his tweets if you want a taste of what we're up against here.

If you want to do anything, ANYTHING AT ALL to help improve the hockey culture, there are multiple avenues to explore that might actually make a difference --first of all getting involved in your community not just the internet community-- in chipping away at who this game attracts, how they see themselves, how they see others, how they see hockey players, and how those hockey players see themselves and others. Those avenues do not include dunking on wags. I get it, they all look the same, haha. it's weird, their children and husbands can't tell them apart, hahaha. There, I said it too and now I never have to hear that fucking joke again. Move ON.

I understand that the lines between reality and fiction can blur easily when it comes to rpf, but making actually, completely serious judgements on other people's private emotional lives and relationships is completely out of the realm of reality. You can't know, you can never know completely. It can be difficult enough to identify these things when it comes to a friend or a family member how are you possibly going to make a pronouncement that someone's relationship is stale or without intimacy or connection when literally have no idea who they really are? I've been stalked and I've had people write fanfiction about me and I can 100% say that what they gleamed of who I was and what my life was like from the outside did not run true.

Analyzing those aspects and their intersexuality is worthwhile -- if anyone has an actual interest in these topics I suggest reading: Wille O'ree's biography, Bern Saunder's biography, Fred Sasakamoose's Call Me Indian, Black Ice: The Lost History of the Colored Hockey League of the Maritimes by Darril and George Frosy, On Account of Darkness by Ian Kennedy, Why I didn't say anything by Sheldon Kennedy, Crossing The Line by Laura Robinson, Major Misconduct by Jeremy Allingham, Finding Murph by Rick Westhead -- There are more than that if you're willing to dig for them ... but especially after the back to back Kyle Beach and Hockey Cannada lawsuits I've just had it to up to here with the takes about the ~uwu poor hockey men~~ and their repressed homosexual longings and lack of overall male intimacy and companionship --- who do you think is doing said repressing?? THE HORRIBLE UWU MEN. (Said in exaggeration and jest but also not fucking really.) They are victims unto themselves. 99% refuse to speak up or do anything about the inequality, harassment, and overall intrinsic issues in the sport, the ones who bravely do are shunned by the others who refuse to help themselves or others. They don't see themselves as emotionally underdeveloped manchildren stranded on the frigid island of masculine solitude and arrested development. They like their lives, they don't care about what kind of impact that lifestyle has on other people (or on the environment or on the economy). They like their cookie-cutter world, conservative sandbox and comfortable wealthy liberalism... and most of all they like their hot blond skinny wives and they don't care what sort of social constructs have led to them pursuing a very specific type of woman. The vast majority of them have zero interest in having their eyes opened to a more complex and diverse worldview and it's not the fault of anyone but themselves, least of all the women who get pulled along in their wake.

#no offence to the ghost of andrea dworkin but I feel her possess me every time I'm forced to here a take like this #not that i claim to be in her league in literally anything only that the wags would benefit from living together all together in a lesbian #commune away from the internet experiencing bliss and many orgasms while the men are doomed to play out a pantomime of heterosexual sex #on the ice penetrating each other with their skate blades and sticks and shins and elbows night after night forever all the while grinning #and proclaiming it's all for the love of the game #im sure this is filled with spelling errors and mistakes but im tired and i tap out #ill be back when i have saved up enough energy for my next rant or someone posts a new picture of steve yzerman in the tag

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deermouth · 1 year

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I always feel so scared to post this opinion bc i'll probably be called an immature weirdo who still thinks they're a smol bean or whatever but you ever just have an opinion of um. frankly all those posts about people being unable to effectuate revolutionary change because they're too scared to tell the waiter that their order is wrong or whatever actually suck. because social anxiety (and its many underlying causes and cousin symptoms/behaviors/interiorities/pathologies) is actually frequently disabling haha. like ok sure i'm not here to say that silly poasting on the internet is ruining my day every time I see it but also i promise that most people who deal with a debilitating fear of social situations will not actually be spurred to revolutionary action by posts telling them how useless they are, and in fact, due to the nature of social anxiety, will probably be further immobilized by shame. If you're going to build community. power, coalition, I suggest not taking shots at vulnerable people because they are vulnerable in a way you find, like, amusing or whatever.

#txt #brain #leaving rbs on for now but if this gets notes don't fucking use it for white fragility apologia thx #anyways shame is not an effective motivator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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catboybiologist · 6 months

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can you elaborate on why some animals can self fertilize but it's bad for lots of animals to screw their siblings?

This has been sitting in my ask box forever bc I just keep forgetting to answer it LOL

Imma roll back to some basic genetic principles for this one, many of y'all will probably already know a good chunk of this.

If you remember your Mendelian genetics, you'll know you have two copies of every gene. Those genes come in forms called "alleles". The different alleles in a population are responsible for variation within that population, as each allele causes a different version of that trait. Now practically, a "trait" here is some deeply rooted biochemical concept that is extremely difficult to be visible in the organism overall because its linked to a million different signaling processes that will get obscured by it. The most strictly Mendelian example in humans that everyone knows is probably A/B/O blood type (I'm beating the horny people off with a stick if you read A/B/O differently). This is a great example because it also demonstrates the most common type of way that alleles can be recessive. Put simply, A and B are genes that code for functional proteins. O codes for a nonfunctional protein, and therefore is a lack of a protein. This is why someone that is genotypically AO has an A blood type overall, whereas AB is it's own distinct blood type. The recessive gene codes for nothing, the dominant gene codes for something, and the cell just produces a bit more off of the "functional" version (sometimes. broad generalizations all around. There are dominant loss of function genes but they're rare.). So to actually have an O blood type, both copies of that gene need to be O. Why is this relevant? Well, in blood type, the nonfunctional version of the gene doesn't affect the body really in any way, other than immune system reactions during transfusion. This is also the case with many other recessive genes. But for many, MANY genes, having a nonfunctional version is a genetic disease- something in the cell that needs to happen, or be built, isn't happening. But remember, you need to have both copies of the nonfunctional version of the gene for the gene's function overall to be nonfunctional.

So why are these genes still in the population? Well, their frequency is too low to be a problem most of the time, so there's really no selection pressure for them. Occasionally, you'll get a "disease" allele that happens to be useful in a different situation. The classic example is of course sickle cell anemia, which increases resistance to malaria. But these situations are rare. And of course, evolution happens over changing circumstances, so the selection pressure for a particular gene to be functional might just vanish before the opportunity for it to be bred out of the population arises, and the gene simply disappears from the species overall (looking at you, L-gulono-γ-lactone oxidase).

So those genes are lurking in your genome. You're probably carrying multiple recessive genes that, if you had both copies, would cause debilitating or fatal disease. Its just kind of a fact of the human condition. If you produce offspring with a random person, its highly likely that they won't carry the same nonfunctional genes as you, and your offspring are less likely to get both copies. That random mated partner will give their own set of random nonfunctional genes, but again, its likely they won't be the same as your set. But, if you produce offspring with someone genetically closer to you, the probability of that offspring getting both copies goes up, since that mate is more likely to have the same set of nonfunctional alleles as you.

So that's why inbreeding sucks. But other animals do it all the time- sometimes within family units, sometimes even via self fertilization and/or some other mechanism of parthenogenesis. What gives? There are two reasons why inbreeding could be okay in a given population of organisms, and they're kind of the opposite of each other: 1, the genetic variation in the population is so low, and has been through so many harsh evolutionary bottlenecks that there are very few deleterious mutations left in the genome. Sometimes, these organisms will be homozygous at every locus, meaning that different combinations of two different alleles is impossible. This is the extreme case, but humans have created exactly this organism- the lab N2 strain of C. elegans. This is horrible for a species long term, however, since you're essentially stalling gene flow between populations, meaning that all future natural selection has to happen on literally the same lineage of organisms from a single parent. These species are rare and tend not to be adaptable to long term change- many will have the ability to cross fertilize, and just do so on rarer occasions than most other organisms.

2, the genetic variation of the population is so high that the probability of finding a mate with the exact same deleterious mutation as you is very low, especially for multiple genes at once like humans get. Similar to the other situation, this can't hold up long term, because multiple generations of inbreeding will slowly increase the frequency of certain alleles in the population over time- but with some gene flow and/or careful mate selection, its possible.

Humans are at the messy little sweet spot between these two. Our genetic variation is incredibly low when compared to similar complex chordate species (thanks, pleistiocene population bottleneck), but we still have enough variation kicking around for those pesky mutations to still be here. Additionally, we're a species that cares for each other more intensely than most others, and uses social units to compensate for the entire group. So one or two individuals over the years with a genetic disease will survive, and pass that on. This is a good and incredible thing about the resilience of our species, so if you're gonna be weird about using evolution as morality you can gtfo.

So uh... yeah. Hope that answers your question! Now go play the Coffin of Andy and Leyley to answer any other questions you may have about incest.

#biology #the video game joke was a joke #I hope yall realize #although i am kinda morbidly curious about that game

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cpunkwitch · 1 month

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Hey, it's the anon that asked if chronic pain counted as a physical disability

I guess I just wanted to ask a few other things because you're like the first person who has actually answered my questions on this kind of stuff— I'm sorry if it becomes annoying or if my questions are stupid, I really struggle with research and stuff, so if this stuff is easily found on google or something then im sorry

I wanted to mainly ask what counts as debilitating? I mean my chronic pain tends to come in episodes that last a few minutes to a few hours (well the most noticeable of it, which is my ribs. But I do tend to havesort of aches in my joints, knees((are they joints?)), hip and some other places pretty commonly, and that usually lasts a few hours but I'm usually good at ignoring that), sometimes it can happen every day for a week and sometimes I can go weeks without experiencing or noticing any pain. I can still do things that most people do I think? Other than running or walking up hills, that usually takes away all my breath and makes the pain really bad (so bad I've had to lay on the floor for up to 10-20 minutes because I walked up too many hills). I don't know if that would count as debilitating

For further context, I am quite young and I don't have any diagnosis, I haven't seen a doctor over it because my parents don't believe my pain is real and often say it's growing pains (I don't think it is, since it started back when I was like 7-9, so before I started growing) so I don't really know much about this or my body really

Again sorry if this is a sort of stupid question, if you can't answer it or don't feel comfortable answering it that's perfectly fine ^_^ /gen

holding you gently (if touch is okay)

i dont think you understand anon im autistic all i do is research please please ask me to your hearts content! /silly

going bit by bit so its easier on my dyslexia, what counts as debilitating? subjective to the person but overall; debilitating means a condition or otherwise symptom of some kind causng a person to be weak, effects their usual functions or otherwise hindering, so for something to be disabling / debilitating and to count as such, it just means it hinders you in some way and generally makes you weaker in a "more suseptible to" way, such as chronic pain making it so you cant get out of bed i the morning, you cant lift heavy things like chairs etc.

it common for chronic pain and other chronic conditions to come in episodes my moms chronic migranes for example only happen about once a month. it still counts as chronic so long as its reoccuring and when it does occur if it hinders you in any way then it very much counts as debilitating and therefore a disablity.

the pain level doesnt have to be consistent nor does the time length, just that its reoccuring in some way.

knees are joints yes. when it comes to joint issues and pain its likely that form of chronic pain is caused by a type of arthritis, fibromyalgia and/or some other autoimunity that is known to cause that. not certain but i just felt like that might be worth noting.

my chronic pain causes me issues with walking just like that, people without this condition dont often struggle with losing energy nor feel pain after walks or runs, uphill or otherwise, unless they have something else goig on with their body. if it effects you lower body its no surprise your mobility in that area is effected in some way too. i got myself a cane to help me with this as i walk uphill to work often (at least its one reason it helps me)

that hinderance alone, effectig your stamina, counts as debilitating, it might now sound or feel as severe as what other people expirience but it counts

it sucks that people equate age to conditions and then dont believe young people like us when we have issues, but age has nothing to do with it, you can expirience anything like this at any age for a number of reasons. i was born with a defect i my spine we didnt find until i was 18-19 and id been i pain for well over a decade now.

you'll find its hard to get people to listen to you now, but once you know what to say, for example telling them how long that this has been going on and how it effects you, even what you suspect it night be and dont let them derail from exploring those possabilities, you can /get/ them to listen to you.

sucks hard that people wont listen in the first place, especially when they think they know everything. but youre the only one whos gonna know and understand your body best because only you can listen to it when it sends you signals like pain.

(i genuinely enjoy these kinds of asks i love getting to ramble)

#disability blogging #cass rambles #actually disabled #physically disabled #cpunk #physical disability #disabled #chronic illness #chronic #chronic pain #chronic disability #debilitating #answered askers #anon answered

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sleepii-moth · 1 month

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really funny how people treat pain like:

"my head hurts" we have headache medicine for that!

"my throat hurts" we have cough drops and cough medicine for that!

"my ear hurts" we have ear drops for that!

"my period is so painful to the point where it's debilitating and i cannot preform simple tasks because the pain is just so bad" erm. its supposed to hurt?? suck it up! go eat chocolate and stop being hormonal lol

#guy about to ape shit: i love the misogyny in the medical industry its very great and does not impact my daily life constantly :)!

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etherealnoir · 3 months

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YESSSSS on Found making me dislike Gabi. Honestly I’m more indifferent to her but still. I love a morally grey (Annalise 4ever!) or even straight up nasty black woman character but one with complexity and depth. She’s underwritten and underdeveloped and completely caricature. Strong Black Woman to the max and it sucks. Trauma can be debilitating and obviously she isn’t handling it right but she’s written as totally unyielding and never jokes (if she does it’s fleeting) or opens up or has anyone close. I know why but the way they portray her personality is unconvincing. A black woman bestie her age would help but who would she go to? I don’t think it’s an issue of skill because the others are well rounded (excluding Lacey who is an extra and Dhan who they only let be the muscle). I wonder how much input Shanola has in terms of her character because sometimes actors ideas can be for the worse lol. But why she would want Gabi written so thinly and corny I don’t know. I don’t even buy that she cares for ‘her people’ more like she likes having them around to validate her. Found family they are not. Maybe if the show was strictly about cases and she was the tough boss I would get it but with the current premise it just doesn’t make sense. Gabi doesn’t even feel real.

EDIT: Even in her scenes with Sir, she'll like do something objectively awful to him (but still not as awful as what he did). Then she'll immediately take it back by the end of the episode with some declaration about how she's not like him and she's a good person blah blah blah. Like...look bitch. If you busted his kneecaps, nobody would blame you. If these writers are too cowardly to let Gabi get revenge, then don't write this premise idk.

I disagree on the point that Dhan isn't fully-rounded. Gabi asking him to kill Sir for her made me mad at her purely because we've seen over the course of the season how much Dhan has struggled with his own trauma. While he doesn't seem to mind using physical force to solve problems (which is another issue all on its own tbh), there are some lines he just won't cross. She knows this. She disregarded this.

And even she knows that he was held captive for three (3!!!) whole years. And obviously he wouldn't be okay with her holding Hugh captive. So it was wild of her to act like he was in the wrong for being angry/hurt.

But circling back to the Gabi issue, the writers are afraid to make her the bad guy.

Like they don't want a Black Woman to be a terrible person, so everything she does is justifiable in some way and the characters are likely to forgive her pretty quickly. I've never liked characters where everybody just loved them and was loyal to them for no real discernable reason. And that's what Gabi is giving. It feels like someone's self-insert character, and it annoys me.

It would be nice to see her put some of her PR background to use outside of press conferences. Like IDK...it'd be nice to see her actually do research, but that usually goes to Zeke. We could see her analyze behavior and motive, but that goes to Margaret. When things are a little to hard, she just defers to Sir. So it's like...what does GABI do? She's passionate, but it all feels surface level.

#found nbc #Najas asks #The One where Naja lists all her grievances again

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its-getting-bad-again04 · 2 months

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im smoking less, eating right, exercising, my room is neat & clean, I've started producing a project that has REAL potential, I get 5-7 hrs of sleep each night (which is great for college), my grades are great, I see my friends every day, I call my girlfriend most nights, I call my parents every Saturday. I have plans, I am thinking about my future.

And yet,

I haven't felt any identifiable emotions in WEEKS. If I were to rate how I was feeling on a scale from one to ten, I would say it feels like I am just flesh being piloted by a swarm of angry and confused hornets.. I have to give myself things to worry about because all I have is the body feeling and none of the brain shit. Every day, I wake up at 3 am, and I fight to sleep, but I have this painful, stabbing, debilitating feeling swirling in my gut.

The hallucinations have gotten better and worse somehow. They are happening less frequently, and I am able to identify when it's happening pretty quickly some of the time. However, they are louder and clearer, and smoking triggers the sound I call the whispers.

The whispers suck because it is the most threatening and consistent ones. It's also the hardest to decipher as "not real." As I sit here writing this, I don't fully believe they aren't real. since i can't get myself to ignore it, I freak out and get really paranoid. I can't elaborate further.

So, I should stop smoking. However, I can't because I feel the most myself after smoking. The pain of anxiety is lessoned and I just feel so much more present and aware.

BUT I FEEL GREAT! Genuinely I feel awesome. Everything is finally okay, and I feel great and anxious -but great. The project I'm working on might just like be the best thing ever (i know its not realistic) bc I can do it. I am not letting the project dissolve. Everyone thinks I am an idiot, like they don't mean it in a bad way; they just think I am not that smart. HOWEVER, when I show anyone this, it just elevates me. proves I can do it. that I AM GOOD AT THIS. thats all I want.

And yet-

my girlfriend is worried, Im saying the most bullshit things for no reason, I feel overly-confident in my abilities and then overly anxious and unable to move then next. I feel like my emotions arent like happy, sad, anxious, mad, i think my emotions are just degrees of heat.

I tried telling my girlfriend this yesterday, and she looked at me weirdly. I probably didn't say it right. I said I had "inverse feelings" and that if feelings were a number scale from 0 to 100, I would be at a -100. But I think I just sounded stupid, sociopathic, and "edgy." If you haven't figured it out yet, Im only writing this right now because I want to KILL myself out of embarrassment.

I haven't even touched on having a new imaginary friend I call Coach because some of my intrusive thoughts sound like Omniman became a high school football coach. Usually, I imagine my intrusive thoughts as a little demon named Tic, but my head has been just SO WEIRD. My mind is totally scrambled, and all my thoughts sound intrusive, so the "helpful" one has formed into the coach. So I now have two imaginary "friends" representing my intrusive thoughts, yelling shit at me all day. However, after taking the coach's advice, I am such a functioning member of society. lolz

#mental health #psychosis #bipolor #mental illness #mentally tired #schizophrenia #hallucinations #actually mentally ill #actually psychotic #going crazy #anxitey #might be manic

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ocpdzim · 2 years

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so ok in deep space nine they HEAVILY code the genetically enhanced people as neurodivergent (imo they all read quite clearly as autistic coded like, specifically, but most of them also seem to have other neurodivergency going on on top of that) and on one hand it kind of really sucks and is one of the biggest fuckups in the show in terms of like. representation. bc it’s sometimes played for some sort of shitty comedy and also plays into the autistic savant stereotype which nobody likes.

however also with that big “THIS KINDA SUCKS” disclaimer out of the way , there’s also some other things about how it’s handled that i want to also discuss bc they’re either interesting or actually good or just fucking weird and the combination of “this is good” and “this sucks” and “what the absolute hell were they even trying to do here” has resulted in me not being able to stop thinking about it.

first of all the number one thing that i think is actually really good about it is the very blatant and obvious “we need neurodivergent doctors for neurodivergent people” subtext that i’m not even sure it’s accurate to call subtext, it may just be text. NEVER have i seen that as a message in any show, the closest i have seen are shows where there’s a neurodivergent doctor but the reason the show considers that great is that the doctor in question can come up with novel ideas for helping neurotypical patients with unrelated issues. but it is really important - we do need neurodivergent doctors!!!! it makes a MASSIVE difference in pretty much the exact way depicted in the episode - neurodivergent doctors treat neurodivergent patients like people and engage with them on their own level and can relate to them and understand what they’re going through. star trek really said “maybe some of these patients who are ~difficult cases~ aren’t actually difficult cases and don’t need some kind of novel special procedure or whatever, they just need someone to fucking respect them for once.” and it extended that compassionate and humanizing perspective to neurodivergent people who had extremely visible and debilitating symptoms. brilliant incredible ahead of its time i just wish that it wasn’t weighed down by other Problems In The Episode. and since i figure i ought to throw in my two cents, i think this is a valuable enough message that it makes up for the flaws of the episode overall even though they are so glaring.

second of all the other thing i think is Actually Really Good about it is bashir being neurodivergent already before augmentation (they pretty much explicitly state he had some sort of learning disability) and how his parents’ attempt to “fix” him was NOT a good parenting move but instead, even though it DID make him fit in more with society and “fix” his symptoms, was a massive violation of his personhood that severely damaged his sense of self and pretty much destroyed his relationship with his parents. they weren’t evil or hateful parents - they really did want what was best for their son - but because of their ableism they couldn’t understand that what he really needed was to be accepted and respected for who he was, and to have his needs accommodated, not to be changed. neurodivergent kids get put through traumatizing and harmful “therapies” by parents who really do love them and would never intentionally harm them just like this all the time in real life. i really liked that his parents were dealt with sympathetically and it was made clear that they really did mean well, but despite that, he didn’t have to accept any justifications for what they’d done and his father ended up facing real consequences for it and accepting that it had been wrong.

this is a continuation of the bit about bashir being neurodivergent already, but i felt it needed a paragraph break - the other thing about the way being augmented by his parents in an attempt to stop him from being neurodivergent impacted bashir as a character that worked really well is that it DIDN’T stop him from being neurodivergent, it stopped him from outwardly appearing neurodivergent super obviously. it’s made very clear that even though he doesn’t have the same symptoms he had as a child, he’s still neurodivergent and instead of freeing him from any kind of burden, the treatments he was subjected to have condemned him to a life of masking forever. once again this is something that is the actual goal of many “therapies” for developmentally disabled people (fuck you aba), AND it’s something that a lot of neurodivergent people end up self-enforcing even if they’ve never been through these abusive therapies. bashir has to hide his neurodivergency to avoid making others uncomfortable and to protect his career, and it takes a clear and painful toll on his wellbeing even though it allows him to become a successful doctor. he makes it very clear he’d have rather lived his life without being forced into this box in the first place, even though now that he’s in the box he doesn’t want to get back out of it since being his authentic self now, after all the years of hiding, would put everything he has at risk. a lot of us do grapple with that and i don’t often see it portrayed at all.

now onto stuff i cannot slot neatly into “this is great” or “this sucks.”

on an actual serious level it is not good but i personally find it extremely hilarious, like as a concept, that in the sci-fi future of star trek, they invented a procedure to give your kid autism and then banned it because it makes your kid smarter and stronger than all the other kids and maybe he’ll take over the world. i’m drafting my world domination plan right now as we speak so watch out, i will destroy the government with my autism beam attack.

i have a lot of mixed feelings about lauren. on one hand, the way she’s written is often very flat and sometimes kind of creepy, and i wish she was dealt with with more nuance and depth. on the other hand, having a character who is not only disabled but institutionalized and nevertheless presenting her as beautiful, sexy, and capable of wanting and having romantic and sexual interactions is kind of nice in the face of the rampant desexualization experienced by disabled people.

the federation’s broad anti-augment stance is interesting in a show that generally presents the federation as being over most other types of discrimination. i think it’s intended to be up for audience interpretation whether the federation policies about augments are good or bad. personally, i think that it’s FLAGRANTLY bad - it isn’t the choice of a child whether to be augmented! it certainly makes sense for the procedure to be illegal considering both the risk of it being used for eugenics and the nature of it as a horribly violating procedure, but the consequences should not fall on the genetically enhanced person, but rather on whoever did that to them. i wish we’d seen more pushback against the federation’s policies and more examination of what they meant for augmented people.

the treason plotline being connected to all this was baffling to me. i am not necessarily against it on a principle level - “neurodivergent people will engage in high stakes treason and espionage in order to solve the world’s most fucked trolley problem” is so silly that it isn’t really a message i’m worried about - but i felt like it wasted the potential of the episode to go in plenty of other, more impactful directions. i would’ve much rather seen it end with the augments and the federation coming up with a better arrangement for their treatment and living situation - either to integrate into mainstream society or to find a way to improve the way they’re treated at the institution so that they are respected, listened to, and have their needs met better. ideally i would’ve really liked if we saw them all end up with different solutions, like maybe some of them would want to leave the institution and make a life for themselves outside it but others would want to stay, but with more autonomy and respect within the institution.

#NOTE i havent finished watching the show. i am aware they come back in at least 1 more episode. i didnt see that one yet #so like. no idea what happens in it or how it impacts this analysis #deep space nine #deep space 9 #ds9 #star trek #julian bashir #AUGH THIS IS SO LONG. sorry guys <3 #i have lots to say lol #ableism mention -#you can reblog this if you want to. like it isnt a personal do not reblog post you know?#also yeah i have been watching star trek from the 90s #they took it off netflix and so i pirated it to watch the rest and i guess paramount has a whole team dedicated to tracking down star trek #pirates bc they IMMEDIATELY threatened to cut off my internet. joke's on them though. eat shit paramount i already downloaded it #so i do not need to continue downloading it anyway

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loopscereal · 3 months

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i need to know what happened between golden and freddy.... i also need to know more about golden in general. anything. i love them

heheheh hi chocooo im so glad youre curious :3 this is very fun. uh. first i must say: golden didnt do jack 👹 freddys just an insufferable bastard 👹👹👹 also you're. making it hard not to impulsively start the AU blog... god /light hearted, positive, half-joking

sorry for not answering asap i wanted to answe it a billion different ways but here u go ig lol

“loops i swear to god if this is an animal thing again”

its an animal thing yall. Im kidding. Its only partly an animal thing. the folloring screenshots are form my Friends With You and Zombie boards!

In these screenshots above we see Golden introducing themselves, and Freddy's reaction. Their name means Gold in english, AU on the periodic table, their favorite number is seven, and that's fine. Then their other speech bubbles start turning red. They say they like to sing, that they're nonbinary, and that they're an Andean/spectacled bear. Then we see Freddy's face. Something is bothering him, and its those things Golden said about themself.

1. The singing.

Some background. Golden didn't join the animatronics off the bat, they weren't in the group until ALMOST a week after Freddy was integrated.

He already had background on guitar, but he was going to be the voice, was looking forward to being in that role. He didn't present himself as really desiring the role, and was genuinely internally conflicted about it. He doesn't want to stand out, he cant let himself stand out, he's already failing so hard by being in a band, and yet. He does want to take this, he does want to be in this role, but he keeps making up excuses as to why he shouldn't, why he can't be the singer. Freddy sings, privately, and he downplayed his debilitated passively to the animatronics. Both singing and guitar. Saying that they could surely find a better singer in no time, and that he could very much settle as second guitar, and in fact should be, he can't complete with Bonnie, its not even a question. ^^ He's fine being outshines, he thinks should be. He's most comfortable in the shadows.

The animatronics respond with. "Okay, we won't force you to be the singer, we will try seeing if anyone else is interested, but you're the only one of us with some basics in it, and this whole band is for fun, and we don't care if you kinda suck. We kinda suck, were all learning together, being dedicated is all that matters you don't have to be amazing out the gate." (they don't say exactly that, but that's what they're tying to say lol.) Anyways They make a deal that if the week passes and they haven't found a singer that Freddy should be their voice by virtue of having some background in it. Freddy agrees to this, and quietly hopes the week passes with 'no luck' in finding a singer. He wont say what he wants, and just hopes the path of least resistant allows him it have this, even if hes conflicted about it.

Then Golden appears before the week ends. Saying they can sing, and the animatronics are all like. Oh wow this is perfect lmao in the nick of time haha.

I give all that context because i wanna make it so clear that Golden didn't take this from Freddy. Golden came in with Fox, without any intent of joining the band at all! They just introduced themself with their usual intro (they've got a script) which happens to include the fact that they like to sing.

Golden learns that Freddy has some background, that Freddy was gonna be the voice if they didn't find anyone before the end of the week. They say that they don't want to take this from Freddy if he wants the role as singer, since Freddy was here first. Freddy assured that Golden's a better fit with more experience. Golden offers that they both be the singers. Freddy declines and says he can stick with 2nd guitar. He's better at guitar than singing anyway.

Freddy chose to let this go.

Regardless of what Freddy said, Golden catches Freddy quietly singing along to their songs on more than one occasion, and just acting odd around them. After Freddy makes eye-contact with golden in the scene above, we see that he messed up his playing, apologizes to the animatronics, ad excuses himself. Of course Golden is going to notice that and make a mental note of it. They don't want to assume anything, they don't want to make up what-ifs, they don't want Freddy to be uncomfortable in the band, so what do they do?

They reach out like a normal person.

They did try to brush this off as some fluke they were seeing, but consistent instances convinced them something up, and they were just. confused? Slight agitated by not knowing what the hell is going on between them, what they did to upset Freddy, since the others mannerisms seem to clearly show a response to Golden in particular. How Fox acts when Golden has tries to approach Freddy about it, as if he fucking knows smth that they don't. They don't like being out of the info loop. They don't like being in messed they didn't know they were in! They'd like to resolve this.

Freddy ghosts them for as long as he can. But eventually comes a day where the animatronics all agree to hang out outside of school someday, and Freddy who had previously agreed to it is baking the hell out without telling anyone because he doesn't want to be confronted by Golden.

But golden shows up outside Freddy n Fred's. "I'm picking you up." Silly. Anyways Freddy cant get out of this now! Snap under the slighted bit of pressure you fool. Freddy says to give him a minute as he gets ready, then gets in the car.

Golden asks if the discomfort they're detecting From Freddy stems from them 'taking' the role of the bands singer. Freddy says it isn't.

Golden then follows up, slightly more annoyed? i don't really know what this sentiment is called. They're a bit tired. They ask if Freddy is bothered by Golden's nonbinary identity, since it's something people often find issue with. If the singing isn't a problem, then they naturally ask if the issue is the one thing people always question and complain about. Freddy interrupts them, in this. Not saying no, but responding with another question.

"Why do you pretend you don't know, who's to blame." Then motions to himself. He's asking why Golden is think they did anything at all. Saying they didn't do anything, that its a 'him issue'. He's to blame, the cause of his own problem, and Golden hasn't done anything to upset him. Golden's confused by this. Despite trying not to make things up, despite trying not to assume whats wrong, between the times the noticed something was upsetting Freddy, that he was uncomfortable, they had caught all these moments and attached them to themself. Lightly assuming they were the cause. So its surprising and confusing to hear "You didn't do anything, I did this to myself. You're fine, you're perfect, it's me and my head. Its not you at all"

They arrive outside Golden's house entrance (the gate) now, getting off the car then talking more now that they're out and on foot.

Freddy doesn't address how the singing does bother him, nor Golden's nonbinary identity.

2. Golden being Nonbinary

Why the hell would Golden being Nb bother Freddy? How the hell does that affect you dude? Whats wrong with you? Golden is out, Golden knows their identity, they're relatively androgynous as well, their family knows, the school lets them bring a unique uniform to school because of their family, they wear a nonbinary pin all the time. They know they're nonbinary, and tell people as such.

Freddy is. SO damn envious. Envious that they're androgynous, envious that the school allows them to present how they want, that they've told their family, that their family is seemingly clearly supportive of their identity. Envious that they dress in the way that makes them happy, that they're openly nonbinary its one of the first things they'll tell you about themselves.

Freddy's so envious and bothered that Golden seems so fucking sure. So sure of themselves and of their identity. They know they're nonbinary, they know their identity.

Freddy fucking doesn't. He's transmasc, and the only reason the animatronics know Freddy as male is because he misspoke. It was an accident he was too nervous to 'correct' himself on in the moment and refused to correct because 'it would be weird now'. Doesn't accept that he likes how hes refereed to with the band, makes excuses as to why he can't 'correct' them, god knows he wont tell his mom, especially when he isn't even sure. Hes going through hoops. Gender questioning crisis and also in denial and just generally fighting himself about it, and is PISSED some other person dares be chill about themself and confident in their identity. Envious of their certainty, pissed that they know.

lmao. get over it i hate him.

ANYWAY. The final thing.

3. Golden being an Andeadn bear.

jesus christ be normal you freak ass bear

Golden is an inland Andean bear. Freddy is a coastal Grizzly bear.

Now what the hell does that mean? It should be nothing! IT should be nothing because your animal isn't all thaaaat important to most people. Freddy is not most people. He's a fucking Grizzly bear. That feels pretty fuckin important. Why is that important? Why cant you be normal you fuck freak?

Uh. growing up, Freddy has had it drilled into his head that he as a bear is an inherit danger to others, to watch himself for the sake of others, that he can hurt people if he isn’t careful. People were always weary of him, even as a child.

He’s a grizzly bear, even a cub can be lethal, some might argue they're more dangerous due to unrefined motor-control.

This upset him greatly, he couldn’t just have fun as a child without getting told to be careful for the sake of the people he wanted to play with. He was already pretty reserved, awkward, and distant in a personality sense, and that gave him enough trouble connecting to people.

being a bear is important, being a bear matters, being a patter shapes how he presents himself and how he acts with people and how he had to do double to look half as safe to be around.

Golden is an andean bear.

The total average spectacled bear is about 5.3 ft/161cm. It's mostly an herbivore, it's average diet is 5-7% meat, they aren't territorial. How do they react with humans or other bears? Docile, cautious, but docile unless their babies are near. They're called "spectacled bear" or "oso de anteojos" because aw their fur pattern makes them look like they're wearing glasses! They don't hibernate since the Andes mountains are near the equator and don't experience those seasonal changes. Their weight and length/height varies between sexes, over all length is 120-200cm, "Males can weigh from 100 to 200 kg (220 to 440 lb), and females can weigh from 35 to 82 kg (77 to 181 lb)" (Wikipedia. i trust it too much for my own good. I'm writing this as 2am lol) and guess who's on hormone blockers baybeeeee. Sorry Golden is so small compared tot he other bears.

Anyway, do you know how many Andean bear attacks their are every year? Fucking NONE. at least none i can find. Wikipedia says there one reported death, but when i try searching it firefox talking about spectacled bears escaping their enclosure, or BEING killed, cause they're ENDANGERED, due to poaching! They aren't perceived as threats, people see them in the streets (irl) and toss em fruit. they are found sleeping in trees in public, they aren't perceives as a threat. They're glorified dogs.

Then there's Grizzlies.

Do I need to explain this? Do i need to explain how polar fucking opposite an andean bear is from a grizzly? Well im GONNA.

The average Grizzly bear is about 6.5 ft/198cm. They're omnivores, they're known to take down big animals like moose, gown ones!! Thought ofc they're more likely to take the babies/younger version of larger animals cause its just. easier. They eat fish, they scavenge remains, they eat birds and their eggs, even dangerous birds like eagles. their total average length/height is 198 -240 cm. (6.4-7.8ft) Their diet is 10-20% meat, they ARE territorial, very territorial. Relation with humans and other bears? Are you kidding? Their name means grizzled, fearsome, gruesome, "horrible bear" for a reason. They have range across all of north america, and i previously mentioned Golden being inland and Freddy being coastal. Inland bears tend to be smaller by a good amount compared to coastal bears, just across all of them, since coast means a lot of food. THey hubernate, they ARE perceived as dangerous, they have an entire weapon created tot ake them down (bear trap) and what it does is imobilize and incapacitate them, not kill the, A bear trap has the same force a bears jaw typically has. Fitting huh? Why wouldnt you use a gun? Brown and black (not to mention polar, biggest of them all) bears can tank bulletes! their skin is thick, their body is sturdy! Its common to hear people say "if youre faced with a grizzly, and you have a gun, you are best off aiming at yourself" THATS. HELLO? JEsus christ lol.

Freddy confesses how much he compared the two of them, he and Golden, their bears, he doesn't go deeply into it because he's aware how weird it sounds to be so focused on their animal. But he talks about it, how he feels like this big, terrible thing in comparison, struggles he has as a bear, seeing golden have basically none of those issues kinda ! sucks! He wishes he could be a teddy bear, he wishes he could be more like Golden. Less of an inherit threat.

"And i can tell you really love me"

Golden can tell Freddy's being really honest wit this, that he really means it, that he's really opening up, that the two of them are genuinely getting somewhere, genuinely at the start of a resolution. They can tell Freddy cares, in some way, because 'this whole time it want the discomfort i thought it was, he clearly has been trying to put his way of thinking away, his way of letting animal dictate his life is overwhelming and its weird but admirable that he's kept it away.

Golden assures Freddy that he's more than just his animal, sure if affects aspects of their lived, that Freddy doesn't come off half as threatening as he thinks he does. That they see him as a person and not just a bear.

This rings hollow to Freddy.

But he says hes really, very, sorry, for making things weird and uncomfortable. They he's trying to get rid of that way o thinking, it was drilled into him, and he's trying ti shake it off. "can you tell I'm really sorry?" Can you tell I'm very sorry

"Can you tell I'm really sorry?" Can you tell I'm actually sorry? Can you tell I meant it at all?

He switched with Fred, so they can pretend like that conversation resolved anything on Freddys end.

Long story short Golden didn't do shit other than exist, Freddy's an envious bastard. if you made it all this way here's some Golden fun facts i didn't finish but tried to make for this post. Also so sorry if this ended up sounding so Freddy cnetric, Golden genuinly didnt have that much of a fucking problem with Freddy.

i didn't finish theeeese. if you cant read my writing FAIR. iiiiii just ask and ill transcribe what they say. heart emoji.

i probably missed something,,, if i missed smth and remeber ill add it in the comments.

anyways thank you times a billion for the ask choco!! i love this interactive stuff i love talking to you guys i love this little community of our :D you all are always welcome to send me asks and message me whatever whenever! 💞💞💞 ive never had so much fun in the internet, adore you all fnafhsblr :3 my beloved neighbors

#fnafhs #freddy #golden #ask #reply #response #our au #dear fucking god did ANY of what i tried to say come across whatsoever #if theres typos in this no there aint. its 2am its 2am its 2am and i already dont know how to speak or write under nomral circulstances #lol #long asf post... nothin new #idk how to shut the fuck up #also hi new pfp :3c

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