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thedreadvampy · 3 years

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You seem surprised at the reactions your getting, but it's to be expected. Aphobia is usually quiet, insidious and slow to reveal itself, so the moment someone is asked about aspecs and the answer isn't a concise "Yes I accept and support them" type thing, it's a red flag. Why would anyone who wasn't aphobic not feel comfortable saying they support aspecs? it's not uncommon for a blog we admire to turn out to be aphobic and we're pretty antsy about this stuff because it's usually brushed off.

Ok I mean I'm getting to that eventually in the Question List but like. With the best possible will in the world I think some of you have misread the post where someone asked "do you support aspecs," because to my recollection what I said was that I am fundamentally uncomfortable with the idea that I'm in any position to judge whether I support or harm anyone, and I think that the point at which someone says as a point of identity 'I Am An Ally To X Group' or 'I Support X Group' that. makes them substantially less likely to recognise or accept the ways in which they fail.

Also like. I absolutely understand the antsiness. I do. People can be really shitty to and about aspec people. But what I've said before and will say again is that you have to understand that while it's totally understandable that that would put you on edge, it's not inherent proof of ill-intent.

Ok. Here's the thing. I'm thinking of my own experience here. There is a subset of men who really give me The Fear. It's often hard to define why they give me The Fear, but I can identify some signs - they're probably really into video games, they have a specific way of getting into my personal space and a specific way of talking and type of intonation. they talk a lot about how much they like that they can trust me and talk to me like one of the guys. and the vast majority of the time, when I've ignored The Fear I have got hurt. it's entirely reasonable for me to be suspicious of those people based on my experiences, to pull back from them, and to listen out for reports that they have a history of abuse. If somebody says, "you're not like other girls I really feel like I can talk to you" I'm probably going to get up and walk away, or try and get it of the conversation, or try and get out ahead of the way I expect the conversation to go so that he can't lead the conversation.

But it wouldn't be reasonable if, the moment I heard someone say "you're not like the other girls, I really feel like I can talk to you," I grabbed him by the collar and yelled YOU MISOGYNIST DICKHEAD I NEED YOU TO PROVE RIGHT HERE AND NOW THAT YOU'VE NEVER ASSAULTED ANYONE. PROVE IT NOW. HE CAN'T PROVE IT GUYS HE DID IT. THIS MAN ASSAULTS WOMEN. HE SAID THE BAD WORDS.

People have different experiences and different associations with phrases. I very rarely answer a question about my beliefs with a simple yes or no because I don't trust certainty, particularly within myself, I find myself really anxious that we mean different things and that if I'm not specific enough then I'll be lying. So I very rarely say yes or no without explaining what I mean by yes or no.

And also. Just for the record, since apparently there's no means of avoiding pissing people off today. Aphobia can be a serious, genuine problem and also an area where not everyone agrees. I'm not talking about my own opinions here, I'm talking about how many different opinions have come up from ace/aro people just in this conversation. And I think it's really weird how often queer discourse conflates disagreement with minimisation. Like ok we can all, within the bi community, pretty much agreed that biphobia is, to a greater or lesser degree, a problem, and that bisexuality is stigmatised and comes with particular challenges. But that doesn't mean that when two bi people disagree on whether X trope is biphobic, one of them is The Biphobe and one is The Oppressed. like. oppression and social dynamics aren't clean, they're fuzzy-edged, overlapping and interweaving, highly subjective and highly personal but also totally depersonalised, and everybody is going to draw those lines differently. And it's wild to act like treating it as anything but a simple yes/no question is inherently bigoted because nothing is a simple yes/no question. That's not really how any social question works. We're all bringing our own stuff to the table, we're all trying to communicate concepts that we don't have the verbal or emotional language for, and when somebody says "are you against aphobia" like, that contains a lot of questions, primarily "what does that mean?"

like am I against dehumanisation of and aggression towards of ace/aro people? am I against systemic assumptions and incentives and expectations that everyone wants/needs sex/romance/a life partner? do I think it's fucked up the degree to which sex and romance are centred in culture to the degree that people are told and made to feel explicitly broken if they don't feel a draw to it? yeah, obviously, no shit. but I don't feel comfortable saying unilaterally 'are you for or against X,' when X has no clearly boundaried definition and isn't something most people would in good faith say FUCK YEAH I LOVE X. like if you ask any person 'are you against homophobia,' most of them would probably say 'yes,' and some of them would mean 'I think it's unfair and cruel to treat queer and same-gender attracted people differently because of their sexuality, and I will go to the wall to defend them and to fight heteronormativity' and some of them mean 'I don't hate the sinner I hate the sin and they can be gay as long as they do it far away from me and also never have sex or relationships' and like. What does the answer yes actually tell you in that instance? Like if I wanted to know if someone held bigoted beliefs, I wouldn't go up to them and say 'do you hate X' bc like. They're gonna say no. They may very well believe that they don't. If you actually wanted to guage their responses, it would make more sense to ask "what do you think of X issue" or "do you think Y idea is homophobic" bc like. bigotry is a pattern not a clear line in the sand. God this is just pure waffle now, sorry.

#thedreadvampy adiscourse

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wirsindkrieg · 3 years

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Fuck it. Rant time.

I’ve recently discovered the term KFF (“kin-for-fun”) for describing people who appropriate otherkin terminology to describe things which have never actually fallen under the “otherkin” umbrella. Things like roleplaying, identifying with a character (as opposed to as the character), and voluntary identification, among other things. This group also has a trend of telling existing otherkin, including those who have been in the community for some time, that we’re “taking kinning too seriously” and that we need to chill out and let them do what they want. This isn’t a new phenomenon, but it’s getting way out of hand.

I’ll admit to being a relatively new face in the community, having only properly joined in mid-2017. I’ve been otherkin my whole life, though, even before I had the vocabulary to describe my experiences. Gaining that vocabulary, and being able to connect with people who have similar experiences, has been incredibly good for me. It helps me find my center, to understand myself and how I perceive and interact with the world around me. Being non-human is central to my identity because it influences almost everything about me, and there is no way to separate myself from my alterhumanity that wouldn’t be incredibly harmful to me.

As much as people seem to hate this comparison, imagine you’re a young trans person. You’ve just been introduced to the LGBT community, and you’ve managed to find one or more labels that describe your experiences and help you understand yourself and your place in the world. Now imagine a group of cis people who do drag coming along and telling you that you’re taking being trans too seriously, and that being trans is all about presenting as a gender, rather than being that gender. I’d like to think we can all agree that would be an incredibly shitty thing, both in that it’s shitty to try redefining the trans experience that way, and in that it’s incredibly hurtful to any trans people dealing with it.

A small aside to head off anyone wanting to jump to saying “It’s not hurting anyone to say kinning is [insert new definition here]!” There is a distinction between “harmful” and “hurtful”. It may seem a subtle distinction, but it is there. While trying to redefine “otherkin” may not be inherently harmful, it can still be hurtful, in that it hurts to be told that we don’t belong in our own community, one that was built on a certain type of experience that we all share, and which is excluded from the (attempted) new definition.

The otherkin community has always been stigmatized, in a manner not dissimilar from the stigma surrounding the furry community. Otherkin have been treated as “cringe”, told we’re delusional, and generally treated like we deserve to be shit on for having non-human experiences. Now we’re being told that we should abandon the terminology we built to help us find people with similar experiences, so that we can share those experiences and better understand ourselves. We’re being told that we’re taking our identities too seriously, that we should let people push us out of the spaces we built for ourselves because people want to have fun with our labels. And yet even when we put it in those terms, we’re treated like we’re the assholes, told that we’re “gatekeeping” by telling people not to misuse our lexicon.

Another small aside: There is a distinction between “oppressed” and “stigmatized”. Otherkin are not oppressed, in that we aren’t treated as lesser or pushed aside by society for being otherkin. That doesn’t mean we can’t be stigmatized, though. We still get shit on for our identity, and the fact that “anti-kin” is even a term says something about the volume of hate our community receives. Not to mention the number of blogs dedicated to making jokes at our expense, or in some cases bullying otherkin who are seen as too “weird” or “cringe”. If you want to try denying that otherkin are stigmatized, you’re free to try justifying it to yourself, but the evidence is incredibly clear on this one.

Now, I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt on a lot of this, and work under the assumption that the root of this problem is some combination of a lack of information, and the presence of misinformation. “Always assume a mistake before assuming malice”, or my preferred variant “cock-up before conspiracy.” And I’m a firm believer that the solution to ignorance is education, because without information about how things need to change, it’s difficult at best to change in a positive direction. The problem is that many members of the community have tried educating, have tried pointing out that the terminology being misused already has an agreed upon definition (which has been agreed upon for quite some time), have pointed to other, existing terms that actually match what’s being described. And time and again, those attempts at education are dismissed and ignored. We’ve tried being diplomatic and kind, and clearly that’s not getting us anywhere.

Anyways, the point of this rant is to say this: I am sick and tired of being told I have to redefine my identity because some people have decided that they want to take over an established community. I’m done hearing people tell me that I take my identity too seriously, and that I need to be okay with losing a community that has done me a lot of good. And I’m very, very pissed off that people are, intentionally or not, making it harder for people with serious non-human identities to find other people like them, to come together and have the kinds of discussions that help us understand ourselves and our place in the world. Make your own terminology, form your own community, and get our words out of your mouth.

And if that makes you feel attacked, like you’re being called out? I want you to stop and think, and I mean seriously think, about why being told to stop redefining someone else’s experience is so important to you. And if after that thinking you still want to argue? Feel free to start something. I’m always happy to educate.

#otherkin #alterhuman #kin #kffs #fictionkin #rant/rave #Ask box is open

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silencecunt · 4 years

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Kankri is not a good person, nor is he a bad person. In my view, he is a wildly misunderstood character--both by the people who love him and the people who hate him. Both sides like to take only parts of his character and ignore the others that don't align with their perception of him. There is no harm in that, per say, but it does an incredible disservice to him as a character.

The Alpha trolls are, generally speaking, two-dimensional. They are caricatures of certain online groups meant to satirize those aforementioned groups. In Kankri's case, it's the SJWs of tumblr. At the time of Kankri's conception, social justice on tumblr was notorious for being outrageously PC and, hypocritically, malicious. People were threatened and "cancelled" over the stupidest of things. Naturally, this trend still exists and has spread from tumblr; however, it is not to the degree that it once was as those SJWs have now matured and created a healthier space (for the most part).

Kankri is a representation of the worst parts of those people--he is overly concerned with saying the "right" thing at all times, ignoring that words don't matter if your actions don't reflect them. Quite literally, Kankri is all talk. He lectures anyone he can about their "triggering" behavior while turning around and engaging in that same behavior when it suits him.

Therein lies the Mituna problem. Kankri is overly considerate of Latula's lack of sense of smell, Cronus's humankin, Horuss's belief he is two-spirit, etc. even when those (such as the case with Latula) don't actually care all that much. He does this because it's what he cares about and that's all that matters to him. But he doesn't care about Mituna. My interpretation is because he is jealous of him. Kankri is flushed for Latula, who is Mituna's matesprite, but Kankri doesn't think Mituna deserves to be in a relationship with Latula likely due to his cerebral trauma. A trauma he acquired after destroying himself in an ultimately futile attempt to save his friends, which is another reason Kankri is jealous of him. Much like Karkat, Kankri served as the leader of the group. Despite this, he was unable to rally the troops together due to his more passive approach in juxtaposition to Karkat's abrasive leadership style and general nature. Seeing Mituna act so boldly, doing something Kankri was unable to, was a hit to his ego. Already people don't like him and here Mituna was, making him look like even more of a useless asshole.

So, Kankri resents him. He doesn't want to care about Mituna, so he doesn't. Anger, bitterness, jealousy, whatever the case may be, he does not respect Mituna. Regardless, Kankri is Kankri. The way he speaks to him, insulting him and his entire existence, is phrased in such a manner that pins Mituna's disability as a flaw that he needs to work on. So much so, Mituna is obligated to apologize. Now, Mituna is not an innocent infantile thing that does nothing wrong and isn't a jackass himself because all trolls are jackasses. He is crude and can be inconsiderate of others. Regardless, Kankri does not approach the matter in a constructive way, seemingly almost glossing over those fair criticisms in favor of low blows.

This is something that is fundamental to Kankri's character. There are plenty of things he is right about, however he handles it in such a way that it only comes across as pretentious swill that no one wants to listen to. Alternatively, he overlooks those valid points to unjustly attack another's character. But, that doesn't mean he is always wrong.

Kankri, at his core, cares deeply and passionately. Whether or not you agree with what he concerns himself with doesn't matter because he will continue to feel the way he does with everything he has. His passion is palpable. The most notorious of which is the Beforian hemospectrum.

Under pre-scratch Feferi, culling doesn't mean killing. Rather, lowbloods are seen as incapable of taking care of themselves, so highbloods are responsible for them. Kind of like a pet. While not being killed is nice, being treated as a second--maybe even third-class citizen is still oppression. Kankri sees this and resents how their society functions. He doesn't want to be coddled and treated like he is inept because he isn't. Subscribing to how society wants him to behave would be a fate worse than death. If he cannot be independent and think for himself, doing what he thinks is best without the concern of others looming over him at every step he takes, he would rather die. These are the beliefs he held even as the Signless, although with different context. Thus, his motivation for his personal boundaries. When Porrim tells him he has grubsauce on his face and tries to clean it himself, he flips out. Porrim is high enough on the spectrum to be considered able to take care of him, and Kankri does not want any part of it. The mere thought is mortifying to him. Being touched is something that is (actually) triggering to him. He doesn't want pity, he wants respect. Even if his friends hate him and think he's annoying, at least he's being himself.

When Porrim wishes to discuss issues regarding women, Kankri doesnt want to hear it. Here is where many call him misogynistic, but I implore you to consider not applying human society onto the trolls because it doesn't make sense. Trolls are a matriarchal society, what with the empress being in total control. And, so far as we know, it has always been an empress. We don't know just how much gender affects things considering the hemospectrum plays such a large role in how everyone falls in society. My interpretation is that gender is nowhere near as big of a deal as it is with humans. Even if it were, between fusciabloods being primarily female and rulers, and jadebloods also primarily female and nurturing the Mothergrub (aka how all trolls are born), I don't feel it's too far a stretch to say that the women of trollian society are not oppressed. I don't believe the men are oppressed either because I feel that gender isn't much of a consideration for trolls, but that is just my interpretation.

That being said, Porrim expresses her concern that their matriarchal society was a false one operating under Lord English, ergo making it patriarchal in nature. Kankri does not share that view, feeling that it's a non-starter. In his view, Lord English's actions truly had no effect in that regard. Why would a time traveling demon set on destroying everything worry about frivolous details such as ensuring women are beaten down? In Kankri's eyes, it's stupid to assume he would even bother.

Regarding Kankri's celibacy, it's another example of Kankri merely trying to keep his chin high in the air and feel as if he is better than everyone else. His intellect is too high to concern himself with the oppressive nature the quadrants come with. It seems too much like another means to be controlled. However, his commitment to it is...questionable. Porrim and him are essentially moirails in everything but the name due to Kankri's pride. Not to mention, his flushcrush on Latula. If he were truly committed to his Vow, he would not pursue this crush as much as he does. All Latula has to do is say the word and Kankri would drop his celibacy like a hot potato. Again, another example of how he is willing to say the "right" things, but his actions do not reflect that. This hypocrisy is one of Kankri's defining traits. He simply cannot put his money where his mouth is despite the mountain of effort he puts into convincing everyone how serious he is.

As someone who admires social justice, he doesn't care for the Signless. His official reasoning is in regards to a difference in approach. While the Signless's rebellion reflects the violent society of Alternia, Kankri expresses how he feels a more peaceful method would have been better, a reflection of the peaceful society he was raised in. He feels that words hold more power than violence, something those baser than him resort to.

Perhaps this is due to the tenderness I hold for him, but I think the reasoning runs deeper than that. All of his friends liked hearing about the Signless, Aranea in particular. So much so that she wears his symbol around her neck. This is something that clearly bothers Kankri, but is it really just over a difference in opinions? At the end of the day, the Signless is Kankri. My theory is because everyone likes his post-scratch self better than they like him. The people who he considers his friends, who he trusts to return when they leave mid-sermon, who he tried to lead and protect can't stand him, referring to him as the Insufferable. Wouldn't that hurt you, too? He knows he's long-winded, he knows he preachy, he knows people find him irritating, he knows. Naturally, Kankri doesn't let it show, but he wants his friends to like him. The only person who (kind of) listens to him and actually treats him with respect is the crowned worst character of homestuck, Cronus. It affects him to hear how much others admire the deeds of someone who is him when, in truth, he is not really that person.

Many of the core traits in Karkat exist in Kankri. They are both drawn to leadership, drawn to helping their friends, short-tempered, and emotional. Kankri says a multitude of harsh things, things that are much crueler than the what Karkat says, and it's important to acknowledge Kankri's cruelty. That doesn't detract from the fact that Kankri does care for others, even if his feelings towards them are less than pleasant, because that's who the Vantases are. They are deeply flawed and oftentimes foul-mouthed people, and yet, at the end of the day, they still care fiercely. Kankri is not some disinterested, detached critic. He is just as much a part of the group as the others and he wants what is best for them. If he didn't care, he wouldn't bother lecturing. No matter how annoying and egocentric you are, no one likes to waste their time.

At the end of the day, Kankri is not a perfect person. Far from it. But he's endearing and he's relatable and he's flawed. None of the trolls are good people. They are all assholes who say fucked up things. They use the r-slur, they make fun of Tavros for his wheelchair, Meenah is elated that her post-scratch self commits genocide on the regular, Vriska. Just Vriska. A lot of the hate I see regarding Kankri reduces him to a soulless monster who's only goal is to insult and talk down to everyone in his way. A lot of the admiration I see boils him down to an uwu sweet innocent blushy baby when that is the furthest thing from the truth. He's a snarky bastard who gives a fuck about his friends, even if they spit in his face because he spits right back. Please respect his depth, even if you interpret things differently from how I did. He is not as flat as many make him out to be. No one in homestuck is.

#homestuck #kankri vantas #i just.....love him so much #he makes me lose my mind #i am in no way saying this is the definitive interpretation of him #just how i view him #but i am a genius and perfect and always 100% right so :/#take that as u will

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romolite · 4 years

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*Important FAQ*

Aka questions that pertain to what I usually post about or stuff I don’t like getting asks about but continue to get asks about regardless.

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity/race]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here in the US. I’ve seen it more on twitter and tumblr, but Black Africans don’t like me because I’m American, and black Americans don’t like me because I’m African. So I’m stuck in the middle lmao. I’m what you’d consider a First-Generation African, my parents are Continental Africans, and if I have children, they will be considered Generational African Americans.

First Generation African: A black person born in the US to parents who were born in Africa

Generational African American: A black person born in the US to US-born black parent(s)

Continental African: A black person born in Africa to parents who were also born in Africa

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

Yeah sure it wasnt coined by black people but the context it’s currently used as was predominantly used by black people. ALL people who are not black benefit from and contribute to antiblackness, even if they are marginalized themselves. That kind of dynamic doesnt exist in other contexts (unless we’re talking about transfem + transmisogyny, but that’s something you’d have to talk to someone who is transfem about. Plus they have their own word for “non-transfem”). Using it in contexts outside of antiblackness is appropriative (Yall are annoying as fuck with the “non-aspec” “non-lesbian”(this term also has anti-bi roots btw) “non-bi” shit etc, stop it. You also can’t complain about the “replacement terms” lumping yall with oppressors when “non-x” does the exact same thing you’re so worried about. “Cis” puts cis gays with cis hets, cis disabled people with cis abled people, cis white people with cis poc, I could go on.)

Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriate at all. I dont take issue with terms like “nonamerican” or “nonwhite” because (obviously) whites + americans as a whole aren’t oppressed for being white or american.

Basically using "non-x” in contexts to talk about oppression bad, everything else good.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-LGBT- cishet, or people who aren’t LGBT

non-trans - cis

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

At this point I dont really care, go on your antiblack crusade elsewhere and out of my inbox, I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb.

And yes, you’re antiblack as fuck if you think black people telling you “nb” stands for “nonblack” is the same as exclusionists claiming “aspec” is for autistic people.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave and how harmful it is for nonblacks to use aave given its history. I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. A lot of “stan twitter” language/slang is just repackaged AAVE. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE. Don’t tell me you’re going to try to stop using AAVE, I don’t want to hear it.

Why don’t you like the n-word being compared to LGBT slurs?

Race and Sexuality/Gender aren’t comparable topics because each deals with a different history of oppression. I don’t care about slur discourse that much because I don’t even use/reclaim any myself except the n-word.

I have a problem with nonblack LGBT people co-opting black culture and struggle(like they always do), especially for trivial online discourse.

And to be honest it goes deeper than slur discourse. Every other day someone is weaponizing the oppression of black trans women, or comparing “cishet aces/aros” in the LGBT community to white/nonblack people invading black spaces (you know, something that ACTUALLY takes resources away from the people who need it, see the cultural appropriation of Black African and Blac American culture in literally any nonblack community while black people get demonized for said culture), or tokenizing their black friends to get away with something blatantly racist. And that’s not even getting into how a lot of gay slang/stan culture is just repurposed AAVE/black culture.

And I’m not gonna lie, I’ve seen this more with exclusionist accounts than inclus accounts, but it’s still not excusable for inclus to do that either. We get erased as black gay/trans/queer/aspec people up until it’s time for discourse accounts to bring us up to one-up each other

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but don't take my word for it. I’m also tme, able-bodied, not Jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny, (physical?) ableism, antisemitism, “sycourse”, etc.

I might be able to give advice on school-related stuff since I just graduated high school, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

Can I follow if I’m nonblack/a minor/cishet?

Nonblack and/or cishet can follow but watch your step, minors blacklist the #minors dni tag before following

Why do you hate Ao3?

*long sigh*

I don't, I have a problem with the fact that it allows racist and (frankly voyeuristic) pedophilic/abusive/incestuous content to exist on its platform. It’s a good concept overall, but the devs are complicit in allowing “underage” and “noncon/dubcon” fics on their platform.

And there's the fact that they somehow need donations every year despite exceeding their goal several times over each year?

What’s wrong with Hazbin Hotel/The Ships/Vivziepop?

[WIP, as I have to go into extensive detail about this and I currently don’t have the energy for it]

TLDR: Viv made a half-assed apology for supporting racists (one of whom did blackface [yes the mask was used to do blackface shut up] to mock black activist) and drawing gross content. Her current projects including Hazbin Hotel are full of anti-gay/trans/aspec (Angel Dust, Vaggie, Alastor), antisemetic (Mimzy), and racist (Vaggie again, that yellow cyclops character that I’ve forgotten the name of) content under the guise of humor. If you’re into that shit, whatever, just don’t follow me and don’t whine when I make posts criticizing it.

What’s wrong with Hamilton?

Aside from the fact that it’s very obviously glorifying slave owners and made people worldwide believe the founding fathers were good people, LMM, the creator, is nonblack. This isn't his story to tell at all.

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come upon this blog a lot. I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I tag slurs I’m not able to reclaim at all (i.e., d slur, f slur, t slur) or slurs I can reclaim but are being used as a slurs. I don’t tag the n-word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals.

Do you want to be mutuals?

I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 16 or post things I’m not interested in.

Why is it important to have byf or about?

1) So I know gross people aren’t following me. This is not up for discussion

2) So I know someone’s not speaking out of their lane, which tends to happen a lot. (i.e, someone refusing to disclose that they are tme when discussing transmisogyny, someone not having their race listed when discussing racism)

3) Some people don’t want to interact with people under 18 or over like 30 or something.

Yeah, yeah, people aren’t entitled to personal information and all that crap but I have a serious problem with people speaking on topics from a place of privilege. Not to say they can’t talk about those things, just perhaps add a disclaimer that you’re privileged when talking about these things and be open to criticism, and NOT blocking people of the said marginalized group when they tell you something you’ve said was problematic.

I also have a problem with people who are intentionally vague about their age. There’s a difference between interacting with someone who’s 20 and someone who’s 29. I don’t want to say it’s the opposite for minors but at the same time there’s a difference for saying something racist at 13 and doing so at 17, and keeping your age vague makes it harder to determine how to deal with something like that. (Not that 13-year-olds shouldn’t know better, it’s just I don’t feel whole ass callout posts and receipt blogs are necessary for someone of that age).

Also anyone under 16, I can't stop you from following, but keep your interaction limited, please. This isnt an 18+ blog but I do rb suggestive jokes from time to time

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked

I’ve already answered this or it’s been answered in my faq

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]! I usually double-check myself, just to be sure.

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I don't usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or Instagram.

Why am I blocked? Check here.

Why do you continuously move mains/change URLs/update themes?

I’m inconsistent. And sometimes there are posts on my blog that I no longer stand by.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?Of course!

#lite.txt #long post #faq

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tvobsessed96 · 4 years

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Top 10 TV Episodes of 2019

10. Marvel’s Runaways- Season 3, Episode 10- “Cheat the Gallows”

I’ll be the first to admit that Runaways is not a perfect show. I didn’t like season 1 all that much, mostly because Pride’s motivations and ultimate goals were too poorly defined for my tastes. I’m not expecting a big expositional villain monologue, but I at least need to understand what the villains are trying to accomplish and why. Otherwise, it’s hard to get emotionally invested. Having said that, season 2 was a marked improvement, and I wound up falling in love with this scrappy bunch of kids anyway. Which makes it all the more disappointing that the season that proved Runaways could be something great if it tried ended up being its last. I enjoyed season 3 a lot. The writing was better, the performances stepped up to match, and as annoyed as I am that the evil alien family trying to kill everyone plot was dropped unceremoniously without a satisfying explanation partway through the season, the battle with Morgan le Fey was filled with enough danger and tension to make up for it. But rather than choose that climactic battle as my entry for this list, I went with the messy, emotionally fraught aftermath. “Cheat the Gallows” could have been a simple, somewhat patriarchal story about a man going back in time to rescue the woman he loves, but it ended up being about a family clawing its way back together after wrestling with a shared trauma. Which, come to think of it, is pretty much exactly how the show started! Talk about coming full circle. The episode also ended up being a bit of a meditation on time itself, as the older versions of the Runaways contemplate the fact that Gert’s death led them down the paths that made them who they are. Once that’s erased, so are they. This realization gives the Runaways, mostly Nico, a chance to think about what they would have done differently, leading to a powerful scene in which Nico talks with her past self and pleads with her not to make the same mistakes she did. I bet we’ve all wished we could do that at one point or another. I also like that the episode ends with the sense that, with Gert saved, the Runaways might just be okay. Even if the note left for Alex by his murderous older self adds an ominous note to the whole thing.

9. So You Think You Can Dance- Season 16, Epsiode 15- “Live Finale Winner Announced”

So You Think You Can Dance continues to be the best reality competition show no one’s really talking about. Cat Deely has been robbed of her Emmy for best host too many times, but I digress. This show is always the highlight of my summer, and season 16 was no exception. Another season of amazing choreography, amazing performances, and a truly deserving winner that I can’t really be mad about, even if I was rooting for other dancers just as much. It was another really fun season, and I can’t wait for season 17! There’s a reason Fox keeps renewing this show despite the ratings, is all I’m saying.

8. Emergence- Season 1, Episode 9- “Where You Belong”

It’s true that the first half of Emergence’s freshman season was a bit uneven. The writing isn’t quite as compelling as it could be, and it does rely on some sci-fi cliches. But I’m a sucker for a good found family story, so I stuck it out. And I’m certainly glad I did, because the mid-season finale was pretty great! An excellent sense of stakes, and enough tension to keep you on the edge of your seat without skimping on the sweeter moments. It culminates in one of the most brilliant twists I’ve seen on TV since The Good Place! I’m curious to see what the rest of the season will bring.

7. Veronica Mars- Season 4, Episode 3- “Keep Calm and Party On”

I’m willing to bet that this will be the most controversial pick on the list, for several reasons. No, season 4 of Veronica Mars was not as good as its first, and I have problems with the way Rob Thomas and Kristen Bell handled the fan response to the ending. And that’s before we get to the episode itself. Many long-time fans of the series took serious issue with the extended party scene in this episode, given that Veronica was drugged and raped at a party in high school. There’s also her mother’s own history of alcoholism to consider. But while I absolutely sympathize with those concerns, Veronica’s decision to let loose and party still feels understandable to me. Given everything that’s been going on with the bombing case, she's searching for some kind of release. And if there was a year where the desire to just forget about the world for a while, past traumas be damned, felt all too real, it was 2019. And that’s why “Keep Calm and Party On” makes the list.

6. Single Parents- Season 1, Episode 23- “Ketchup”

Will and Angie are clearly the Jess and Nick of Single Parents, which is fine. But part of me is sort of hoping they don’t get together, because their friendship is pretty great. In this episode, Will takes Angie to a terrible fast food restaurant to confront Graham’s dad about abandoning her while she was pregnant. Will ends up using a bunch of food metaphors to explain to Derek what an amazing mother and person Angie is, and it’s fantastic! Add that to Douglas and Poppy realizing their feelings for each other, and you’ve got an episode that’s as completely hilarious as it is completely sweet. If you haven’t watched this show, check it out! It’s pretty delightful.

5. Stumptown- Season 1, Episode 3- “Rip City Dicks”

Stumptown was the best new show this fall, hands down. The first half of its first season didn’t end quite as strongly as it started, but it gave us some fantastic episodes along the way. “Rip City Dicks” is one of them. Dex is hoping to apprentice under veteran PI Artie Banks in order to earn her license, but gets a cold, hard dose of reality when he sells out their client and her child to make a quick buck. Dex does learn a valuable lesson from it, though. Exactly what kind of private investigator she doesn’t want to be. The episode ends with an amazing, very feminist monologue from Dex promising Candace that she’ll get her kid back. It’s a fantastic performance from Cobie Smulders, and I’m really looking forward to the rest of the season! If you’re not watching Stumptown, you’re missing out.

4. This Is Us- Season 4, Episode 7- “The Dinner and the Date”

America’s favorite cry-worthy family drama gave us plenty of great episodes this year, including a much-anticipated origin story for Beth Pearson. Out of all the possible options, I ended up choosing “The Dinner and the Date” as my entry for this list. On one hand, you’ve got a sweet story of young love set against the backdrop of Philadelphia. On the other hand, you’ve got a young Black kid trying to form his own identity in a way his white adoptive parents just can’t understand, no matter how hard they may try. It’s a beautiful episode, and I look forward to seeing what 2020 brings for the Pearson family.

3. Marvel’s Cloak and Dagger- Season 2, Episode 10- “Level Up”

Honestly, I could have chosen any episode form Cloak & Dagger’s stellar second season for this list. There’s the near-perfect three episode run of “B-Sides,” “Vikingtown Sound,” and “Two Player.” There’s also the dark, thought-provoking Emma Lahana showcase that is “Shadow Selves.” But I ended up choosing the finale, because it felt like such a perfect culmination of everything the show had been doing up to that point. Tandy and Ty take on every obstacle Andre throws at them with an abundance of grace and an unshakable faith in each other. The choice to have them literally fight each other’s demons was inspired! But the most powerful moment comes when Tandy gets the chance to confront her late father after everything she’s learned about him since his death. She tells him in no uncertain terms that she, and only she, gets to decide how big a part of her he is. She says that the only thing she can do in the face of adversity is level up. If there’s a lesson to take into 2020, it’s this. If you think you aren’t strong enough to face what the world sends your way, level up. Turn your dagger of light into a sword of light. Stare oppression in the face and say, with your whole being, “Not today.” Disney and Marvel made a big mistake in cancelling Cloak & Dagger. Huge.

2. Good Trouble- Season 1, Episode 8- “Byte Club”

I hope anyone who thought Good Trouble wouldn’t be as powerful as The Fosters is really embarrassed after these first 20 episodes, and I mean that in the best possible way. Good Trouble is everything a great spin-off should be. It keeps the spirit, heart, and progressive mission of the original show, while also feeling like its own distinct entity. It introduces an amazing cast of new characters to love, without forgetting to check in on the old ones every once in a while. “Byte Club” has to be the best offering the show’s given us so far. Facing rampant gender and race discrimination at work, Mariana rallies the women of Speckulate to come up with a set of tips to help them assert themselves in the workplace. The advice they come up with is solid, and actually really useful in real life. But it’s made even more powerful when Mariana points out that women in professional spaces shouldn’t have to jump through all these ridiculous hoops just to get recognized for having an idea! And that’s not the only powerful feminist moment of the episode. Callie discovers that the reason Rebecca ended up as a clerk for Judge Wilson is because her previous judge sexually harassed her, and her powerful family refused to do anything about it other than get her out of there. I’ll admit that Callie had no right to insert herself into that situation and guilt Rebecca into coming forward in the following episode, but it’s still an amazing scene featuring excellent performances from Maia Mitchell and Molly McCook. I’m so excited for more Good Trouble in the new year!

1. The Good Place- Season 3, Episode 13- “Pandemonium”

The final season of The Good Place has been fantastic so far, and several of the most recent episodes almost made this list. But at the end of the day, “Pandemonium” is the kind of episode that makes me want to make television. To make something that will touch other people the way this episode touched me. I could go on and on about the beautiful love story between Eleanor and Chidi. But instead, I want to focus on the final scene, in which a distraught Eleanor calls Janet into her office and demands the answer to, well, everything. What does it all mean? Because if there’s no greater meaning, then the universe is just made of pain, and Eleanor can’t accept that. Janet’s response is what really makes the scene sing, so I’ll quote it here. “If there were an answer I could give you to how the universe works, it wouldn’t be special. It would just be machinery fulfilling its cosmic design. It would just be a big, dumb food processor. But since nothing seems to make sense, when you find something or someone that does, it’s euphoria.” To which Eleanor replies that all she can do is “embrace the pandemonium” and “find happiness in the unique insanity of being here, now.” And then she steels herself, opens the door, and welcomes her soulmate who has no idea who she is into the afterlife. This is the same philosophical bent that made me adore Angel so much, and it works just as well here. This episode aired all the way back in January, and these sentiments got me through awful headline after awful headline in 2019. Catch up on The Good Place if you haven’t already. It will be going off the air soon, and our lives will be all the worse for it.

#marvel's runaways #runaways #so you think you can dance #emergence #veronica mars #single parents #stumptown #this is us #cloak and dagger #good trouble #the good place

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homoethics · 4 years

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So here is the whole long X-Men rant that I’ve been holding in ever since I delved into the comics in December: what Marvel comics is doing with Krakoa is evil and retrogressive and, imo, way worse than making Steve Rogers temporarily a Nazi (which was at least a well-intentioned if horrifically timed response to rising fascism and conservatism in the United States). Because mutants aren’t real, I’m going to have to make some comparisons to real-life political struggles; I’ve carefully chosen each of my examples to correlate to my own politically charged existence as a QWOC, so don’t @ me.

What you have to begin with is that comics are a fundamentally conservative medium. Woody Evans explains it: “one way to read the contradiction is to simply acknowledge that "comic book readers long for utopia-in-progress rather than utopia achieved", and that for the sake of drama, story, and sales, real-world problems cannot be ultimately solved in fictional worlds without robbing fictional worlds of all conflict and credibility. But removing considerations of metafiction and questions about our real world's relationship to fictional worlds, the problem remains that in these worlds, heroes do allow serious problems to persist—problems that seem solvable by those with superpowers.” In order for the comics world to continue to resemble our world enough that we relate to the heroes working within it, the heroic mindset must remain a fundamentally conservative one.

Reading X-Men makes reading Marvel as a whole that much more difficult, because human supremacy, as a metaphor for many kinds of oppression (primarily sexuality, gender non-conformity, and disability, though that is in itself another long rant), is the most prominent form of political violence in the Marvel universe (see: 16.5 million), and yet, to maintain a division of titles, the Avengers and other human heroes seem largely indifferent to it. Imagine your fave activist, bi Steve Rogers, socialist Steve Rogers, blatantly not even paying lip service to the issue of race in our universe, and we get a sense of the willful ignorance and privilege that, when mutants are factored in, suddenly makes each non-mutant hero not only less likeable but less heroic. Imagine celebrated superdad Reed Richards responding to, say, the establishment of a disabled paradise after near-constant attempts at extermination with cries of “segregation!” and then tampering with his disabled son’s ability to identify as such just in case he wants to check out this supposed paradise for people like him, which his parents won’t allow, by the way--or, wait, don’t imagine, he actually did that.

And yet Krakoa is perfect.

Laws of narrative say that anything perfect cannot stand, laws of comics books mean that readers will get sick of Krakoa soon enough and demand that they return to the classic X-Men paradigm: hated and feared, protecting humans from the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. And yet Krakoa is perfect. Its first law is an absolute ban on violence against humans. It’s a homeland without the messy colonialism of its direct analogue--Krakoa is a mutant. Literally the only critique you could make of Krakoa is that humans cannot enter it and that it’s therefore segregationist. (That’s a facile, liberal argument; segregation is based in power dynamics, and mutants are a marginalized race. Think of community spaces for LGBT people, nonwhite people--are these “segregationist”? Krakoa is different in that it’s a state, but there is no second class of humans deprived of their rights. In this alone, it might not be perfect, and yet the power of Krakoa’s flowers means that mutants are, unlike the way a state for marginalized people might work in the real world, never cut off from their human families. It’s literally the best possible version of separatism. Also, i would like to point out--16.5 million and also the first humans to enter Krakoa assassinated Charles Xavier, so maybe they’re onto something? Just saying.)

And yet that’s not enough. Krakoa has to be set up to fall, with its drugs, with its leverage over the human world, with its (effectively) creating a second class of mutants (precognitives). Comics are fundamentally conservative, and a departure from the status quo this dramatic must be undone (see: Hickman’s Avengers run, which was retconned the second he was done with it.) So what Marvel has done has given us this literal utopia, this no-place, this place that cannot exist in the real world for marginalized people--

--and is preparing to crush it under its heels. Tell us that even if we could create a homeland without displacement and settler colonialism, it’s not the right thing to do. Only abjecting ourselves at the hands of our oppressors, only integration, is proper. It’s respectability politics, except worse, it’s that Marvel has literally taken every single argument you could have against separatism, solved it, and is still saying: no. you don’t get nice things. When Krakoa falls, as it must, as narrative demands it will, Marvel will have stated outright that mutants, that its marginalized readers (as mutant-identifiers--of course, this ought to be no surprise, given how few mutants also share our marginalized identities) are second class, considered to be not only by the humans of the Marvel universe by the Marvel writers themselves. The analogue is chilling; it’s a bit of a “god hates you,” to be honest. Which is why I say that this is evil and politically retrogressive in a way that illuminating the perils of American exceptionalism never was. Nick Spencer, move over. Whoever greenlit this arc is officially the most Marvelous conservative.

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tongue-tied-ties · 5 years

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I finally got through all 200,000 words of that freaking epilogue and GOD HAVE MERCY I SHOULD HAVE WENT CANDY AND THEN MEAT.

Overall though, I like it. I like it alot! I mean there are some things I feel weird about which like.......aren’t the things everyone else feels weird about apparently.

SPOILERS BELOWWWWW~!!!!

So it’s alot easier to get out of the way what I am weirded out about than to explain the many things I did like.

- I feel weird about the xenophobia thing and how it’s being treated. Like it’s being treated like a huge issue but like non-issue all at once?? I guess that’s because from John’s perspective he’s just too busy being weirded out or suffering to truly get involved. Like I sincerely hope nobody on the team thinks standing by in a situation like this is a valid stance in any way. But it also happens in real life so like, I get it. I think this bothers me because these kids were heroes. But also they were heroes out of necessity and because they were main characters. Like that’s honestly it. They had a mission and fulfilled it and they were hailed as heroes.

- Hussie presenting xenophobia as both a joke and a serious issue and sometimes it’s hard to tell what position the comic is trying to take which makes me uncomfortable.

- I think it’s in character, but I hate that Karkat alone had to defend himself every time Jane was being the #worstTM. I hate that Roxy just standing by knowing good and well these are the stakes every single time was never fully addressed. I wish somebody sat our beautiful bae Roxy to let them know that like this is shitty too?? Like you saying this is simply politics when a literal extinction is happening is shitty why didn’t anyone tell them that in stone cold, super serious terms for the love of GOD it bothered me so much.

- Alright anytime Dirk used any sort of like reddit NiceGuy Are you triggeredTM 4-chan bullshit language it turned me all the way off. Like incel, beta, cuck?? Misgendering our void icon?? Yea. Cancelled but also not cancelled because I haven’t been this shook or excited over a villain in so long.

- Gamzee. Just...yikes all around. I’m not sure how I feel.

- JAKE DESERVED BETTER. HE REALLY FREAKING DID JUST SAYING. JAKE DIDNT DESERVE THIS MADNESS. Omfg i never hated anyone as much as I did Dirk when he snapped Jake’s psyche in half forcing him to love Dirk. It was so fucking iconic though and I’m still mad y’all. So many feelings. Oh god and when Jane like........did him wrong?? What le fuck? Jake i’ll be your friend, come here mate. Please let me hug my boi who I didn’t stan before but i stan now.

- Those kids.....I love those kids give them a good future, please. I’m begging hussie let John be a good father.

- I think the kids grew because they were with each other, and they fact they didn’t stay together and let each other be isolated kinda makes this make sense to me but it does feel like with some characters the growth went out the window. But also....people can regress especially if they stop after like one epiphany or whatever, so I see how this happened.

- Dave redirecting what should have been the core political issue (freaking extinction/controlled population of exclusively the trolls) to the economy every single time. Like Dave baby you were never the most racially sensitive dude (coming from a black girl who watched you say negrocity, call black people not shining shoes revolutionary (which could be read as irony in context but still) in the same rap, which, YIKES!) but like try please?? Hussie freaking fix this.

- I oddly feel weird about them getting rid of their flesh bodies for their ultimate forms and I’m not sure why but I honestly don’t want all bots. I can’t even explain that in a way that makes sense.

- Jade. Like....everything she did was a big yikes and honestly I’m reading the main story again to see if there was a character trait that led to her behavior. Cuz Dirk literally always had an overbearing personality and it was never truly addressed leading to what happened. Jane never really stopped with the whole business and control thing and she never really seemed to care for the trolls one way or another so I can kinda see it.

- Honestly?? I’m happy for the form of happiness that some characters had but MAN was it just the slowest most excruciating march towards that end. In candy, it felt like I was literally feeling John’s twilight-zone stir-crazy rise up in me as I read through. I think a “benefit” from reading Meat first is that like.....damn I ended up agreeing with Dirk. Like all of this shit was largely avoided and addressed sooner when Dirk was in charge and I hate/love that I’m saying this! Like what the hell y’all that's so brilliant to me. In Meat, I just.....wanted them to be free to make their own choices and when I was nearing the end in Candy, I realized they weren’t so damn isolated and I was happy that some of them finally got to heal.

To segue into I liked it starts on the same point my dislikes end.

- I felt so frustrated by everything that was happening which.....dear God is great writing because if I was John feeling this for years instead of the solid day it took me to get through Candy I’d be handling it way worse than John. I almost wished that Dirk would come in and take charge because they were just.....fucking up on every level. With Meat, I wanted what was in Candy and I wanted them to have their fucking free will to choose instead of these awful circumstances Dirk forced them to be in.

- DAVE. DAVE. DAVE. Fuck I love dave just so much, he felt the most home to me the entire time. When he fought back in Meat to make his own choices I was so proud of him. When he decided to join the revolution I was proud of him, when he finally admitted he was gay I was proud of him. When he just existed and seriously thought about what he wanted and needed to work through he felt like he authentically was trying to figure himself out the entire time in both Meat and Candy and I was so proud of him. Honestly will always have my heart.

- NUBS MCSHOUTY. From awkward bottom to rebel leader he is just a breath of fresh air every time he speaks because it is always a freaking mood. LIke yes, the extinction of your people is awful and you should say it. Yes, people who stand by and just sidetrack the conversation into semantics is awful and you should freaking say it. Yes! Yes! Yes! omfg. YOU ABSOLUTE FREAKING ICON

- Dirk. I.....ugh I know this is controversial but I love everything that happened. Our Dear walking God complex becomes literal God and it all goes to hell. Our friend the control freak, controlling the narrative when he reaches his ultimate form. Ou dear Dirk who always needs something to fix horribly fixes the narrative. When he revealed himself and said “but you already know that don’t you” in his iconic yellow text color me FREAKIN SHOOK. Like literary reveal of the gods (specifically this god ha). Nothing will shake me the same holy shit I was horrified and the horror never stopped. Omfg shook Dirk just freaking shook. So since I read meat first I was like “holy cow was he always like this?” But like, the one dirk that was decent freaking killed himself with his last wish being for relevance and like.....of course he’s like this?? It’s Hal, Caliborn, ARDirk, Brain Ghost Dirk and Dirk One who honestly was only half decent most of the time. All of these pretentious beings in one? Oh yea edge lord self masturbatory train dead ahead. AND I LOVED IT, the absolute fear and horror as he took the narrative back from Calliope was horrifying, his increasing disdain after the reveal, the moment he forced Jake to fuck everything up for the resistance was ICONIC oh my god I was so here. I was loving it so much I was scared I was being controlled by Dirk.

- Jake was always passive and like.....it manifested so bad. I mean I thought he stepped up when he finally, defeated the felt crew but like....of course, one battle isn’t going to solve a lifetime of posing and passivity. I don’t know why I never considered the horrible implications. I do wish he grew a full spine in one of the epilogues.

- Regardless of how I perceived her in canon, Epilogue!Jane was never painted as a hero ever. THANK GOD cuz Epilogue Jane is doing some really bad stuff.

- Roxy - our voidey babe exploring their gender identity and deciding in both that they don’t care for their assignment in some way, valid. Having all stages of their identity and the stages respected (in what I viewed as a great and fully addressed way as a cis black girl) is surprisingly refreshing when I look at Roxy alone and not the transphobic stuff Dirk was doing which was icky and Caliborn-ish.

- Rose and Kanaya being happy in Candy. Like it seemed so OOC but Rose also was literally dealing with something that ENTIRE TIME. When she was little it was the alcoholism of her mother, when she was in paradox space it was from horror demons to literal death, to life-threatening situations to being the seer she needed, to her own substance problem etc etc. Being non-essential freed her from that and we got to witness her still be the badass, freedom fighter she became. And I just love the thing she chose without needing to, without absolute necessity, was to raise their daughter AND fully immerse themselves in troll revolution against an oppressive regime. Fuck yes Rose, you deserve some fucking peace without debilitation or circumstance. Rose in Meat shall never be spoken of because that is so so so sad honestly. She was dying and like...Dirk took advantage of that which is tactically freaking genius considering Rose is usually who can pull these dorks together into action but damn Dirk.

- Fuck you know what I’m gonna say it. Dirk is the best villain holy shit he is honestly, truly smart and manipulative and somehow charming in this sick sick way God I hate/love him right now. I’m.....omfg still shook.

- I honestly just loved how intertwined it is, how twilight-zone/gritty it felt. Every literary craving I didn’t know I was having was fed and in the best/worst way. I’m hooked and here for wherever this is going. Also, I typed it above and I’ll type it again. I didn’t realize it but these kids, while they ascended as Gods were not heroes. I don’t think the kids really cared about their denizens much ever in canon. They fulfilled their mission and we handed them the hero stamp because we’ve followed their story. They are simply people who had a mission to fulfill and did that mission in whatever capacity you choose. They are ultimately really flawed human beings who were traumatized to hell and back with no real devices on how to deal with it properly. Of course, when you give flawed humans God powers, a world to rule over and nobody really holding anyone accountable bad things are bound to happen. They grew because they were in a situation where they had to and they were removed too soon for them to keep that growth. Fanfic or not, canon or not, essential or not, I think these are valid outcomes, within the context of who they are.

#upd8 #upd8 spoilers #rose lalonde #homestuck roxy #calliope #homestuck #dave strider #dirk strider #jade harley #john egbert #roxy lalonde #jake english #jane crocker #long post

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awkward-radar-tech · 6 years

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A New Home

Summary: The remnants of the Resistance are still on the run from the First Order in the Millennium Falcon. Poe, Rey, and Chewie have been taking turns piloting, choosing a place to fuel and rest every few cycles, eagerly waiting for an ally to respond to pleas of help. Reader, Poe’s girlfriend, is from a secret planet, and when all hope is fading away, she breaks her promise to her people and lead the Resistance to the safety of a new home.

A/N: This is my first time writing Poe, and thinking about the light side of the force. I hope I did Poe justice, it took me a while to figure him out. And I hope you enjoy the backstory on this secret planet/ system I created. Also, mention of sex in the cockpit.

Another wonderful prompt from @michaelathewordsmith: I Know Places: Poe x Reader; Poe and the remaining resistance members are struggling to find refuge so the reader breaks a promise and helps Poe find a safe refuge by revealing where she came from.

It has been a rough these past few weeks for you and all the resistance. First, the love of your life got captured and tortured by Kylo Ren and the First Order. Then he escaped with the help of a rogue stormtrooper, only to crash land on Jakku, losing his new friend, Finn, having already lost BB-8 when he was captured. While his body was a bit hurt when he returned, his morale wasn't and he was back on missions almost immediately. Next the First Order found the base, requiring everyone to evacuate and your hotshot fly-boy decided to mess with General Hux to buy time, thankfully he wasn't killed. After Leia being in a coma, Poe disobeying Holdo, and the battle on Crait, everybody who remained was exhausted and down. The Millennium Falcon has been constantly stopping on different planets and moons to refuel, and rest on solid ground before heading out again to get ahead on the First Order, if they even were still following. Despite the constant pleas for help, nobody was responding to provide shelter and salvation.

While everybody else was sleeping, Poe piloted the Falcon while you sat in the co-pilot's chair to keep him company. You both were silent most of the time, not quite sure what to say or do anymore. Although Poe would never say it, you could tell he was giving up hope on finding a new place to set up base and rebuild. Poe has been zigzagging the ship across the galaxy since he took his shift as pilot, putting it in hyperspace for a bit then pulling out and turning another direction before jumping back. He was in the middle of changing course when you resolved to reveal a deep secret you promised never to tell, but it would help the Resistance tremendously.

Once he put the Falcon back into hyperspace, you went and sat across his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing his cheek, feeling stubble against your lips, “Darling. I have a secret to tell you.”

He looked at you quizzically, “Let me guess, you love me?”

You playfully poked his face, “While that is true, this secret is one you have always wanted to know and I think it will help us tremendously now.”

His deep brown eyes blew wide open, “You're gonna take us to your home world?”

You tousled his curly locks, “Yes. But you can't tell anyone where we are going, and you'll have to remain the pilot until we get there,” you moved one arm and held out your pinky to his face, “Pinky promise.”

He smirked at your adorable childish ways before reaching up and wrapping his pinky around yours, “Pinky promise, my love.”

Your face went serious as you began to explain, “Now, the reason my home planet is so secretive is because of what we have. Most of our people are very force sensitive, and the last person to leave our planet and become a Jedi wiped our location from all maps. They sensed that Senator Palpatine was not exactly who he said he was and would wipe out all the Jedi and try to find us. They had to take those steps into their own hands because the Jedi Council didn't believe them when they came to warn the council about the threat. Sadly, despite their knowledge of the deceit, they were killed when Order 66 was executed. Not many of my people left the planet before that, but now maybe two every generation.”

Poe had many questions come to mind, but only asked a few, “Wait, so you're force sensitive? And Kylo Ren didn't sense you? Why did you leave?”

“Oh, no, I'm one of the few who aren't. I can sort of sense people's emotions, but unless it is just me and another person alone, I can't tell who is feeling what. And I'll tell you why I left after you pull out of hyperdrive and I put in the new coordinates. It is an emotional and possibly long story.”

“Oh, that sucks. You'll need to get off my lap so I can do as you asked.”

You got off his lap and went to close the cockpit door, just in case somebody woke up and came in while you're working on entering in the coordinates, everybody had to think you were heading to another random location. Once the ship was back in regular space, you went over to enter the information and set the ship up for hyperdrive.

“Whoa, (y/n), I didn't know you knew how to do this stuff.”

You smirked, “There is a lot of stuff I keep hidden from everyone, Poe Dameron.”

“Well I want to know everything. Starting with why you left and how you got here.”

You sat back down on the co-pilot’s chair, “So first off, those who have weak and limited or no force sensitivity are see as second class citizens to everybody else once you reach adulthood, no matter what your family background is. My family is a very prominent family, I'm related to the Jedi I spoke of earlier, I don't quite know the relation since they were turned into an omniscient being, no longer being referred to by their real name or their gender pronouns. Because of this prominence and relation, it was expected all dependents of The Guardian would have strong force abilities, which is almost true, my lack there of brought a lot grief to me and my family. My whole family loves me and understands, and they don't see it as a problem or an embarrassment, but the rest of the population does. For as long as I can remember, people have been coming up to my family and I being like ‘Oh you're just a late bloomer,’ ‘isn't this such a burden on you all,’ ‘you should have put her up for adoption so nobody would have known what a disgrace to The Guardian’s name and sacrifice she is,’ a long with many other horrible and messed up things. And that adoption one was said in front of my 8-year-old self, not quite understanding yet why people said those things about me. I began to think I had done something wrong, that I wasn't trying hard enough, that my family hated me. So I tried harder to do things with the force alone in my room. When I was 10 I tried so hard to pick up a small, almost weightless, plastic ball all because kids began picking on me at school that I passed out. My older brother found me on the ground when he came to tell me dinner was ready. After I woke up an hour later and recomposed myself, my family asked what I was doing to cause that, and when I told them, they all told me they didn't care at all, they loved me no matter what. I stopped going to school after that, my mom taught me what I needed to know at home. At sixteen I realized I was destined for something greater, and that meant I needed to leave the planet, so with help from a cousin, I began learning how to fly. By 18 I was the best pilot on the whole planet, and I told my family that I wanted to do something more with my life, that I felt it in the force that I was destined to do something amazing, someplace away from the oppression of the world I grew up in. They all understood, even though it hurt to know I might never come back, and by 20 I had my own long-distance-travel ship and said my goodbyes. And after some exploring of the galaxy, I found out about the Resistance and its mission, so now I'm here. Just not as a pilot.”

Poe stared at you in awe, you were finally opening up to him about your past, “Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about that. Are you sure about taking us there? Where is that ship now? Have you gone back to see your family?”

“I'm sure, I think bringing the people who have fought both the Empire and First Order to safety is something that would prove to everybody that I am worthy of my bloodline. I sold my ship when I joined the Resistance, I didn't want to be a fighter pilot, so I never told them I could fly anything. And I have never been back, I haven't done anything worth the turmoil of others being like ‘Oh you couldn't make it out there could ya’ but bringing you all with me will stop them. Also, the electric field on the planet interferes with foreign trackers, so the First Order will never track us down, especially because in all maps this area is empty space.”

Poe grinned, “I'm so lucky to have you, (y/n). This means a lot, to all of us, even though nobody knows yet. So, who is the better pilot, me or you?”

You smirked at his challenge, “Well, we will just have to wait until we land, then we can figure it out. But I'm sure it is me.”

Poe stood and walked over to you, placing his hands on the back of the chair, standing between your legs, leaning down to be face to face with you, “You wanna bet? I'm up for the challenge, sweetheart. But don't go home crying when I beat you.”

“Don't be so sure of yourself Dameron. It has been a moment since I have flown, but as soon as I'm in the pilot’s chair it will be second nature.”

Poe got lost in the fierce look in your eye and the tone of your voice that he barely registered any of the words you said, “You're so damn hot when you challenge me. It should be illegal.”

You smirked, you loved when he got like this, “So what are you gonna do about it, hotshot.”

He got a devilish smirk on his face, “I'm gonna make you scream my name.”

He closed the gap between your faces, locking you into a hot and needy kiss. He picked you up from the chair, and held you against the door while one hand locked it so you wouldn't be disturbed. You sincerely hoped everyone was still asleep, and in a deep one at that, because you knew Poe wasn't going to stop until you were bumbling mess, screaming his name as you came.

And boy did he deliver on his promise. You felt like jelly when he finished, so much so that he had to redress you and help you to the refresher.

When you both returned, you checked the progress, “About 12 more hours. When we get closer I have to go get something from my bag so we can announce who we are. They will shoot us down if they think we are invaders.”

Poe gave you a sly look, “So how many more rounds is that?”

You responded with a pointed glare, “No, let me recover from this one before even thinking about the next one.”

“So there will be a next one.”

“Possibly.”

“I think absolutely,” he got up and moved over to you.

“Poe!”

“I'm not gonna do anything more than kiss my beautiful goddess of a girlfriend.”

“Alright,” you reached out and pulled his face to you.

Your kiss was broken early when there was a knock on the doorway. You looked to find Rey and Finn.

Rey spoke first, “Sorry to interrupt, but we're here to change shifts.”

Poe walked over to his friends in the doorway, “Don't worry about it, we got this. You guys go rest some more, socialize with everyone, you went through a lot more than we did with the First Order.”

Rey shuddered, “Don't remind me. And are you sure?”

Poe smiled, “Yeah, I'm sure. I've taught (y/n) a few things about flying so she can take over if need be,” he placed his hands on his friends’ shoulders, “Now go, enjoy yourselves, play some holochess or Sabacc, become more acquainted with the other members. Don't worry about us. And if you hear any weird noises coming from here, do not let anybody investigate.”

Both Rey and Finn reacted in unison, “Eww Poe!”

Rey left right after leaving Finn behind for a moment longer, “If you need us to come take over, just come get us Dameron.”

“You got it Finn.”

Satisfied, Finn left and Poe closed the door, not wanting anybody else to intrude now that they were waking up. He returned to softly kissing you and once he had his fill he sat back down. Silence fell back over the cockpit, but the weight of sadness and desperation was lifted. You thought about your family, wondering about all of them, how tall have your baby cousins grown, did your older brother marry the girlfriend he had when you left like he said he was, if he did were you an aunt now, how was adult life treating your younger sister and brother who are twins, were they dating anybody. Did people wonder where you went, did they care, has society become more accepting of those with no powers? You hoped that somebody in your family would help train Rey, teach her everything they know, she is so eager to know everything about the force and become the best she can be. You hoped your parents approved of Poe, not like it truly had any affect on your relationship, but you just hoped they liked him.

You looked over at him, you just loved the way his curly hair laid on his head, the way his 5 o’clock shadow stubble grew back way before 5 o’clock and how it defined his jawline even more, you loved the deepness of his brown eyes, you loved every type of smile and smirk he had although you loved the one he gave you after a sweet and soft kiss the best, it held so much love and affection. You smiled at his look of concentration as he cleaned the dirt out from under his nails, even though you were pretty sure there was no dirt under them.

He felt your eyes on him and smirked, and he spoke without looking at you, “Enjoying the view, sweetheart.”

“Oh, most definitely. I love the bright streaks while in hyperspace.”

That got him to look at you, “Miss, that is not the view I was referring to.”

“Finn isn't in here, so I don't know what other view you're talking about.”

“(y/n), you're such a tease sometimes.”

“I know, but you love it.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Silence fell over the area again, but now you could tell everybody was awake because the chatter got louder and more movement was occurring.

“Hey, (y/n)?”

“Yeah Poe?”

“Thank you for doing this. Not just taking us to your home planet, but also deciding to join the Resistance.”

“You're welcome babe. I think the force guided me on this path; that I'm not super sensitive because the force has something greater and more fulfilling planned. And let me tell you, everything I've done with the Resistance is more fulfilling than anything I could have done if I stayed. And I got to meet you.”

“I think that is the best part. I love you, (y/n).”

“I love you, too, Poe.”

You went over and sat on his lap, resting your head on his shoulder while he held you. You fell asleep on his lap, and he held you until you awoke, watching the nav and the streaks of stars. When you finally woke up, you lifted your head and kissed his cheek.

He smiled, “Good morning, my sleeping beauty.”

“Good morning. Do you need me to take over while you get some sleep, babe?”

“Yes please.”

You stood up so Poe could move over to the co-pilot’s seat, “About 8 hours left, do you want me to wake you after a certain amount of time.”

“If I'm still asleep when we are 3 hours away, wake me up.”

“Alright. Sweet dreams, my love.”

He must have been hiding his exhaustion, since he was out within minutes. What did he do while you slept and how didn't he fall asleep too? You didn't realize his iron will was so strong, he probably would have forced himself to stay awake the whole time if you hadn't told him you knew how to fly anything. You couldn't help but admire his dedication to the Resistance, willing to push himself to the limits just to ensure everybody else was safe. These people are his family, and now yours too, and he would sacrifice himself if it meant saving anybody else from harm. You love but also hate this trait of his, you don't like seeing him hurt but the fact he wouldn't let anybody else get hurt if he had a say made your heart flutter.

You never expected to find love when you left home, people like you rarely found love at home due to the social stigma surrounding their lack of abilities. From the moment Poe laid his eyes on you the first time, you felt his attraction towards you. It was the strongest feeling you had felt, and you could even tell which direction it was coming from, but still not from who. It took a month until you realized it was him, and in the meantime you formed a crush on him, not knowing he was the one who liked you too. You were briefing him alone after a meeting about the mission he was about to go on when you realized out of all the emotions previously in the room, the only one that remained was the one that held attraction to you. You attempted to push through the force to Poe that you liked him too in hopes that he felt it and asked you out. While you aren't sure it worked, he did ask you out when you concluded the briefing, and you have been dating ever since. By dating Poe you got completely brought into the Resistance family faster than most newcomers. It hurt watching how many left but never came back from the time Poe returned after being tortured until leaving Crait. Hopefully once home, the Resistance could rebuild, and you could maybe provide something fulfilling for those without force abilities to do.

You were so lost in thought you nearly jumped out of your skin when Poe woke up and touched your arm.

He smiled and spoke, voice still gravelly with sleep, “Sorry about that, sweetheart, didn't mean to scare you. And it looks like I woke up just in time, almost 3 hours to go. What were you thinking so hard about?”

You couldn't help but return his smile, “A little bit of everything, sleeping beauty.”

He pointed at you accusingly, “Hey, I'm sleeping handsome, not sleeping beauty.”

“I’d say you are neither when your tongue is sticking out and drooling everywhere.”

He quickly at wiped his face, “I was WHAT!”

You snickered, “I was just kidding. You look like an angel while sleeping, you lose your air of mischief.”

Poe sighed, “Oh thank goodness, you had me really scared for a moment. And mischief?”

“Don't act surprised, you always have some wild plan. And you can't tell me the things you said to General Hux weren't mischievous.”

“You got me there. I'm going to grab some food, do you want me to bring anything back for you?”

“Yeah, bring me whatever I'll eat.”

“You got it.”

You heard Rey ask Poe if he needed a break, that she or Chewie could come take over the pilot’s seat and show you more of the ropes of flying while he rested. He politely declined the offer saying he just woke up and that we are close to our next stop. Returning with food, he sat down and handed you your portion. Once you both ate and he took care of the plates, he decided to sit across your lap while in the pilot's chair.

You began to playfully smack his shoulder, “Get off, you're too big for me!”

“That is the first time I've heard that come out of your mouth.”

“Oh my goodness Poe! Why are you like this?”

“I came as advertised, and you still chose me.”

“I think you used Jedi mind tricks on me.”

“How could I have done that? You are the most force sensitive in this relationship.”

“I don't know, just move, you're gonna break my fragile lady body.”

He got up then picked you up so he could reverse your previous seating arrangement, “Oh, you're fragile now too? I'm almost certain you have told me the opposite of that.”

“Stop twisting my words, Poe!”

He pulled you even closer to him to give you a bear hug, “Never!”

He began pecking kisses all over your face while you laughed. In between each kiss he whispered “I love you” and he would have continued the barrage of kisses forever, but after a while the computer beeped and the cockpit got darker, the ship had pulled out of hyperspace. You immediately turned your attention to the view-port, mesmerized by the beauty of your home system sitting in the distance, something you hadn't seen in years.

You pointed at one of the planets in the distance, “Mine is the bright green one. All the others are uninhabitable for more than a few days or completely due to climate, atmosphere, or native life. While it is lonely, it has been the main reason we have remained hidden for so long. Let me go get my communicator and then we can get closer and enter.”

“It is beautiful sweetheart. It is fitting that such a beautiful woman came from such a beautiful system. I'll be here waiting, my dear.”

You smiled at his comment, leaving a peck on his cheek before exiting. You went to the bunk that held your bag of belongings, and fished out the box that held the device. You weren't bothered since most had dozed off again or were in an area of the ship that you didn't pass through. As you walked back you turned on the device so it could boot up before you arrived, allowing you to send the message after you sat down. And exactly that happened, Poe watching in awe as you spoke in a code or language he didn't know, and having a response cackle back through the device’s speaker.

You sat down the device and looked over at Poe, “They are preparing for our arrival. I know where to land, so it is best if I just take over the flying, my love.”

Poe stood and stepped out of the way, “Of course, the Millennium Falcon is all yours to fly to our new home.”

You smiled to yourself, yes, a new home, a new beginning, among familiar faces and surroundings as a new person. Landing safely on your parents’ landing pad, everybody filed out of both the ship and the hangar building, you leading your new family to meet your original family, both truly being your real families.

The Resistance had a new home; there was no time wasted to work on a new plan to defeat the First Order, leaving no possibility behind; and much to your surprise, your home planet grew a new respect for those without the force. Everything was looking up, and you felt in the force that everything was and will be okay.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #a-r-t creation #poe dameron/ you #poe dameron/ reader

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destroyyourbinder · 6 years

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the girls not like other girls / coming home

One thing a lot of detransitioned and reconciling women have noted is that the only female-centric space they were permitted to have or felt comfortable in was a trans-specific one (i.e. a support group for transmasculine people) and I think this is extremely important to note, whether you are a female person who is trans-identified or an outsider to this whole experience.

As a child, I felt extremely alienated from straight-girl spaces and girl-socializing, even though I had no understanding of myself as a gay kid or as being attracted to women (even though I can see that I was attracted to other girls in retrospect) or even as particularly gender non-conforming. I figured I was "not like other girls", but I had only a crude understanding of this. I was not allowed to express my non-conformity through my appearance-- my mother forced me to wear my hair long and to wear typical girl's clothes, and I was only allowed a certain amount of token resistance before relatively severe abuse kicked in-- so I had little to appeal to in my young brain to explain why I was ostracized from girl groups or why I felt an affinity for boys or fellow strange girls.

I can see now as an adult that there was quite a lot at play: I was awkward and weird in general and had trouble making friends with kids for many reasons, especially with socially astute children who were beginning to learn about and focus on social hierarchy. I found socializing overstimulating and scary in general, and did not want to socialize in a way that involved testing social boundaries and exchanging social information, although I did enjoy the company of my friends. I preferred socializing alongside other children while we had a shared goal, like playing a game of some sort or building a structure. Because a lot of toys and activities intended to inculcate femininity in girl-children are intended to facilitate the former kind of socializing-- such as a jewelry game where girls display how well they can dress themselves according to status-rules and monitor each other's standing, or a kitchen playset where girls are intended to mimic not just making meals but making meals for family members-- I had very little interest in activities designated for girls. I also had a complicated relationship to boy children, where I often thought they were full of shit, boring, and little assholes, but since they were the only ones engaged in things I wanted to do (like jump off the swings) I had to interact with them. I sought out their company and input because even at a very young age I knew male attention and opinions were considered more legitimate, and I figured I could maybe be taken seriously if I spent time with the people who were, well, taken seriously. Maybe they would even approve of me, maybe I could even be better than them. Boy children have intense social structures as well, and they are complicated in their own right; I think some women who prefer or once preferred the company of boys/men like to say their socializing is "simpler" or "easier" or "without drama", but I don't actually think this is true. I think it's easy to forget when socializing with boys or men as a female person that you are not considered the same sort of being as them, and so the fact that it may be easier to interact with boys or men is not a property of men or male socializing in general, but the fact that you are only interacting with a truncated form of their socializing, since you are "only" a girl or woman interfacing with the male world. What I found to be true is that it was sometimes simpler as a female child to interact with boys given that you have no real social position with them-- you have avoided the hierarchy simply by not having the standing to enter one. Boys do not really know how to treat you if you are not readily submitting to a girl role and not easily sexualizable; you sort of fall between the cracks, which can be preferable to being the shittiest girl in a group of girls. I found I was not really at the "bottom" (boys never took me seriously enough to even consider me a true failure) but I could never enter their social structure no matter how hard I tried to play by their rules. I tried to make it clear I had standing with boys through competing with them and trying to outperform them at their own games. Prior to puberty, I tried to compete with boys physically, whether it was by playing bloody knuckles, doing backflips off of the playground equipment, holding races, or doing one-armed pullups. When this no longer worked, I switched primarily to competing with boys and men in intellectual domains, and invested a lot of my self-worth in how good I was compared to boys and men in traditionally male intellectual pursuits like math or logical reasoning, or by competing with the men interested in less masculine areas (but who were still considered the most serious and worthy contenders) like fine arts or writing. I maintained this mentality until I was in my early twenties. I can't say it was a good look.

While I did have some female friends as a child and adolescent, I found it very hard to maintain these friendships, even with other weird girls. There is something inherently anti-supportive and destructive about a friendship with another girl based on how much not-like-the-other-girls you are. I found myself insecure and paranoid that my weird girl friends thought I was too "normal" or too "preppy" or too "girly" for them, that the criticisms and frustrations and vitriol they leveled at girls who ostracized them or who tried to coerce them into femininity work they didn't want to do or who simply made them feel bad were also things that applied to me. I found myself frustrated, too, at my friends for "betraying me" by buying into things or behaving in ways that escalated my insecurity that I was somehow actually, truly inferior for being a girl, and one who couldn't even girl right at that. We were all caught in a bind where we believed both that girls were stupid, but also that we were freaks for personally resisting what we thought was stupid about girls. I can now recognize this as the classic psychology of oppressed people, born of continual abuse by hierarchical superiors and horizontal hostility between people frantically attempting to avoid this abuse and make sense of their situation in a way that allows them to survive it without summoning punishment for resistance. Grooming girls, particularly those prone to be resistant to patriarchy, into this psychology is convenient: it prevents them from recognizing what is really going on and from having solidarity with and compassion for each other. Instead of fighting who was hurting us, we were occupied with fighting each other over who was too obsessed with boys and who was trying too hard to be cool. The trick about this thinking was this: it wasn't that Christina *wasn't* too obsessed with boys. She was, and it was hurting her directly, as well as damaging her long-term development into a woman with a strong sense of dignity and personal agency, and it meant she was willing to damage her friendships for the sake of a dipshit who would dump her in two weeks. We just took the situation as a personal affront to our insecurities about it being proved Cosmically True that girls were stupid sluts, rather than digging deep and giving a shit about Christina and putting the blame where it belonged: the teenage boy four years older than her. Ironically, the straight girly-types were in some ways more successful in resisting patriarchal pressures than we were: at least they had each others’ backs when they complained about boys with each other, at least they were able to share strategies for mitigating the worst of the misogyny they faced. We were left in the cold.

Bizarrely, when I started interacting with other female people who were basically the same Weird Girls, but who didn't call themselves such, those who framed their issues as a gender identity or gender dysphoria problem rather than in the misogynistic way I had framed it in my childhood, I got along much better with them and felt much more understood. It was partially this feeling, that of finally understanding other female people, not being severely ostracized, and having the relief of not being so paranoid of other female people that I was alienating them pre-emptively, that convinced me that my experiences were transgender experiences rather than "just" “regular girl” experiences. Because misogyny had been removed from the table almost entirely-- both in the sense that we were all female people together and that we were not framing all of our experiences, including with other female people, through a lens of potential sexist violations of our humanity-- I felt like I could relax for once in my life. I was no longer obsessive about policing myself and the female people around me. With no male people around, and no longer worried about whether my feelings and reactions had anything to do with my inherent inferiority or not, I was no longer afraid of what my interactions with others indicated about who I really was. Of course, if you stay in transgender community long enough, a lot of these anxieties will resurface in your thoughts and in social hierarchy. Who hasn't seen a literal dick-measuring contest on an FTM message board or trans men accusing other trans men of being "trenders"? But by then, you are no longer permitted to name what's going on, nor have an inkling of where it comes from. Because being transgender has nothing to do with sexism, it's just a medical condition. Or an identity. And men aren’t catty, they don't do that sort of social thing anyway... right?

Sometimes this is what I think people mean when they say discovering they are transgender is like "coming home". It's like taking your shoes off or sliding into bed. It's relief, a relaxation of something painful, annoying, constricting. But turns out I never knew a comfortable home, so I was easily able to feel at home in a home where I was afraid, confused, and never quite clear what was going on. Was I a trender or was the guy shouting about trenders a trender? Did I really belong with these other female people or was I a faker, a poser, a loser here, too? Did I have to believe that misandry was real and defend cis men's behavior to protect myself, or did I have to flagellate myself for having the "privilege" of failing to be feminine enough?

Sound familiar yet?

When detransitioned and reconciling women discuss how having relationships with other women is healing, this is a large part of what they mean. They mean both the good relationships-- healing, genuinely supportive female friendships-- and finally getting a radically honest perspective on bad relationships, too. I had to pop out of understanding myself as "not a girl" or "not a woman" to even acknowledge that I was having classic girl-girl, woman-woman, female-female dynamics in my relationships, nonetheless see how this dynamic played a role in my disidentification and general life course. I could not see that I held responsibility for how I behaved in these relationships, nor have compassion for both other women and myself, until I was able to first see that I was not a separate type of being from the girls for whom I once held contempt. I don't think disidentified and/or trans-identified female people are much different from female people who recognize themselves as women for this reason: female people who call themselves such still separate themselves into "bad women" and "good women", women who get into trouble and women who don't, women who sacrifice their own selfhood and the women who hold onto something. There are whores and madonnas, but also there's prudes and girls who actually put out; wives who take care of their husbands and wives who need to shape up and the wives who need a life; the boy crazy girls or the sad old cougars, the women who settled down, and independent women who have some self-respect; there's women who know how to do their face and hair, and women who don't take care of themselves, but there's the women who try too hard and they look like clowns, you know.

I catch myself doing this, even still, but I know we're all doing it, and I know why. I know I'm not not-a-woman for being insecure about how much femininity I've internalized-- that's universal-- I'm just one of the women who erred on the side of judging myself for giving up my self rather than judging myself most harshly for whether or not I stayed out of trouble.

#writings

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greenandhazy · 6 years

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I’ve seen so much ace discourse on my dash the last few months and I think I’ve noticed the crux of the problem.

Every example I’ve seen of cis, heteromantic ace people facing oppression relies on the subject being sex-repulsed, and many also rely on the subject being perpetually non-partnered or non-married, so that they are recognized by the general public as someone not having sex.

People insist on a broad definition of asexuality that includes people who enjoy sex and seek it out, which makes it virtually impossible to distinguish between the actions of ace and non-ace people. This definition will usually argue that sexual desire is different from sexual attraction, without giving credible examples as to how.

And these two things are mutually exclusive. Edit: I don’t mean these things can’t both be asexual experiences, because honestly I don’t have a stake in that internal argument, but they’re mutually exclusive if you’re trying to claim them as queer experiences/parallel to homophobia. Asexuality falling under the queer umbrella because it is completely unique and identifiable and because it is indistinguishable from heterosexual behavior doesn’t make sense.

I don’t doubt that there is a stigma against asexual people, or that it can be a very helpful and healing identity, or that LGBT ace people are any less LGBT/queer because they don’t have sex. I don’t doubt that complex experiences of sexism, racism, disability, and abuse often lead people to identify as ace. Those are serious, important, valid things to think and feel.

But an identity can be useful and important without being the basis for social action. Not all minorities are oppressed in the same way or to the same degree. It grates me to see people who are cis, are exclusively attracted to people of a different binary gender, and enjoy having heterosexual sex, but claim to be part of the LGBT community. That is a completely normative relationship, which doesn’t make it wrong or regressive, but it also doesn’t make you a part of a community that formed because people experienced homophobia and transphobia based on their non-normative relationships and the gendered perceptions of those relationships.

It especially doesn’t give you the right to dictate how LGBT people express themselves in spaces created for themselves. I’ve seen so many posts this month claiming that LGBT people should stop being affectionate in public at Pride because it makes ace people uncomfortable, or that there must be an ace legacy of Stonewall that has been erased, or that basically any content created for gay/lesbian/bi/trans people must include ace people or else it is oppressive and exclusionary. And that’s... just not fair. Because a lot of content for LGBT people is inclusive to ace people--to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans ace people. A gay ace person can still participate in most gay memes and jokes; if he doesn’t have sex, he might not relate to all of them, but he doesn’t see the word gay and check out right away because it’s automatically irrelevant. I’ve met a lot of ace lesbians, but not one who was uncomfortable with seeing women kiss their girlfriends’ cheek in public. If you don’t share the experience of being attracted to people of the same gender, why do you feel the need to demand inclusion in posts and spaces designed specifically to celebrate same-gender love and attraction? Why do we need to cater to you?

This got longer than I intended, but basically, it’s Geek Social Fallacy #1 - excluding anyone from anything for any reason is what Bad People Do. It’s a fallacy. Some things just aren’t for everyone. Communities form because of a shared goal, purpose, and identity, and sometimes you just don’t share that. It doesn’t make your identity wrong, it just means you’re part of a different community.

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familiaralien · 6 years

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I’ve been kinda quiet here recently but I have a kinda serious post I want to make which i think will work better here?

Content warning: i’m going to be using slurs and discuss LGBT related violence here for the purpose of demonstration.

Anyway as of this pride month one thing has been bothering me about the queer community and that’s how insular it is and its inability to recognize vocabulary outside its circles varies from what’s within it. This actually makes addressing prejudice more difficult.

For example say someone very hateful from around these parts (because queerphobia is definitely a thing in Canada) tracks me down and murders me in my home. In their act of malice they graffiti the word “dyke” above the spot in which my trans male corpse currently resides. Now here’s where the problem starts: There’s a near 100% chance LGBT folks will attempt to reason this was misdirected lesbophobia based on the use of slur.

In actuality things are not so simple.

The reality is queerphobes tend to have a rather small amount of words to describe what they view as degenerates; often to them any “female” that is LGBT+ is a dyke regardless of their actual sexual orientation or even gender. They don’t actually see me as a woman attracted to other women, simply the very act of openly challenging our cisheteronormative society with my existence will gets me that label.

To say they thought I was a wlw and therefore killed on that basis is a complete ignorance of how bigots view the world.

This is also another reason gatekeeping labels in the LGBT+ spaces is incredibly short sighted. Bigots literally don’t care if you’re like ace or intersex or whatever if they see you as a freak they WILL hurt you. They don’t target people because of oppression they target people because of stigma that exists for anyone that isn’t strictly the norm™ . While this does also effect say cishet crossdresser for example those people very much have the option to alter their fashion sense to avoid persecution. This isn’t something you get as an option when the part of you hated by society is something that’s a core aspect of your existence you literally can’t alter.

So yeah that’s... just the thought i had recently on LGBT+ related discourse. People often address issues in a way that treats bigots as though they’re as socially aware as the people they’re harming when that’s... very much the opposite of the truth.

#homophobia #queerphobia #transphobia #I don't know what else to tag this tbh

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epochryphal · 6 years

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fictionkin anon (kind of unwieldy as a name) 3/ I worry that from poking around those links I'm going to develop shame from the other side by disrespecting the idea of fictionkin. 'you're just latching onto a favorite character, you don't actually /feel/ it.' other concerns: alien character when going outside of the human boundary feels even more taboo than human fictionkin stuff, character that is referred to as male when I'm agender (but alien genders???)

you can go by fk? that’s a Cool name right

the whole being firmly guided away from “kin” is a real thing & worry, yeah, from all sides. there are a lot of folks who have strong opinions about **it’s identifying AS, not identifying WITH** and very firm boundary lines and “it’s not LESSER to not be kin, you just AREN’T - but you can make your own community, people are starting to” and...

well.

there’s a lot to discuss around “words should have definitions” and “identities are tools to connect to people with *similar* experiences, not *exact* ones” — and maybe you’ve seen me wrestle with that about neutrois, back in the day, the way neutrois vs agender vs genderless was an Issue and the boundaries were being actively hammered out and there were camps for and against dysphoria as the difference

but i’ve been through a lot of nb, ace-spec, aro-spec, and general mogai wordsmithing and community boundary wriggling (and of course the current exclusionist movement), and my feel is increasingly that the kin and alterhuman and nonhuman communities can be eerily similar

if someone’s telling you “you’re weakening the meaning of [asexual / kin], you should use [grey-asexual / otherhearted]” or the like... They Suck

maybe it sounds pedantic of me to insist that they Not Say That but saying “oh, that’s not usually how i/my cohort interprets it, and have you considered this other word that to me sounds potentially more relevant?”

but i think those qualifiers are deeply needed; that no one should be a self- or community-appointed Authority as to Sounds Like Us, because that will always go awry; and that the true awful pedantry lies in insisting that the Word Choices with which someone tries to express their experience Points to what that experience Truly is, when um, we all have different relationships to language and english

bluhbluh you know i’m about broad inclusion and grey areas and solidarity and there being room for people to messily grasp to articulate things

anyway i *would* unfortunately recommend staying away from most Otherkin Forums, or at least looking into how they gatekeep (“encourage proper reflection and proof of serious consideration rather than faddishness to prevent later confusion and a loss of meaningfulness to the term”).

if someone is asking you questions that Don’t Feel Useful, are Pressurey, feel Prying and Unbalancing in a way that you’re not sure is helping — i’d recommend stepping away from them. maybe contemplate/discuss those questions/feelings, sure, it can be hard to tell if it’s a paradigm-shift good-identity-crisis unbalanced — but do it on your own or with someone else. you can always come back to that person later if you feel they were a positive influence.

it’s okay to split up the roles of “being given food for thought or challenged” and “being given a safe[r] space to process your truth.” nobody can handle Intense Questions all the time, and you’re not required to Defend your Conclusions about yourself.

(also, shocker, a lot of the gatekeepers are specifically against fictionkin-without-Solid-Memories and other atypical folks. because ‘glitch’ isn’t a legit, Serious identity but ‘psychopomp’ has Spiritual Tradition. anyway.)

...that’s my longass spiel on “disrespecting the idea/core meaning of fictionkin” because that’s bullshit if it’s being used to mean “watering down our TRUTH with your DEVIATING from our DEFINITION” instead of the truly disrespectful “lol wtf this isn’t real.”

as for alien & gender things:

ok gender is actually easier to address. hi hello why am i kin with all these dudes when i am Not Dude? especially with one whose fandom depiction is Cis Male Gay With Masculinity Hangups? well you see it’s because fuck off. fuck off is why. iterations, versions, au’s, headcanons, why is this character Essentially Male oh look they’re not. oh no i’m Losing part of the Point- fuck off. nono i’m Erasing FUCK OFF. is it because male characters are generally better written? is it because it’s easier to relate to non-women due to dysphoria and representation and misogyny and- God Fuck Off. who cares. i do not. i did not Pick this and, just like my kinks, just like my grey-asexuality, it is not Actually a Political or EthicoMoral Statement about me. write your thinkpiece about the prevalence of male characters in fictionkin spaces but remember that’s societal not individual. we ain’t Betraying the Anti-Patriarchy or Representation. god. we’re usually transforming them into our gender because they’re us!! and of course it’s scarier to claim a woman character as a different gender because *that’s* oh no decreasing representation!

gender is a fuck and is utterly irrelevant to Legitimacy Of Connection. arguing otherwise is falling prey to some creepy essentialist shit, often framed as not being appropriative but actually motivated by some idea of Hard Boundary Lines or by trolls. (the idea that “you can’t kin outside your race” was popularized by trolls masquerading as marginalized. and extended into “you can’t have fictives of a different race” etc which is NOT HOW BRAINS WORK. just be respectful. and know a lot of people are sensitive to any discussion of Not This World negative experiences, as if it’s always trying to overwrite them with More Oppression Points and is a Threat. sucks.)

aliens is. shrug. “oh look they’re trying to be so Special” is already in play. they say that about anyone who “makes a big deal” aka has an intense non-normative experience, wants to talk about it, considers words.

these taboos are against being Cringey and Like A Teenage Girl and caring about something Weird and being Kinda Crazy. why not embrace the whole fucking package? why stop at “well, *human* characters aren’t too attention-seeking” when the point is what resonates with you and they’ll always call you a Bad Bad Attention Seeker anyway?

i’m not super empathetic about these last two problems i guess, sorry, i’ve been a proud outcast for way too long. it can be hard to swallow in a new arena, i know. but man, restricting yourself to the Less Cringey TM sector of a widely-mocked thing feels kinda pointless to me.

/will answer next part separately because Long, Jeez

also if you didn’t see! in the notes on my last reply to you, @paradife-loft was offering to jam with you about not-claiming-fictionkin-but feels (and has Excellent villain meta as well)

#fictionkin bloggin #kin bloggin #I HAVE OPINIONS everyone is shocked #long post

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butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker · 4 years

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I have had it up to here with passes-for-straight-women claiming it's oppressive for men living openly as gay to celebrate their drag. Up to here. "Oh but I'm non binary and asexual so I'm queer and drag is a queer artform and it's been stolen from us fringe radicals by assimilationist cis gay white men" as if there's something especially radical about going into someone else's community and laying exclusive claim to their art, while deploying a rhetorical bait and switch to assert you're the victim in this dynamic. Or using the neat trick that they care about transfeminine people in drag: "Actually, drag has always been done by women and trans people, for example by trans women, and therefore it's actually an art form for people who are trans or who are women; and therefore my drag is actually more radical than those icky cis men who stole it from us" As if this 21 year old with a makeup instagram was in the trenches on the Christopher St docks and personally threw the first brick. I'm pretty sure that dialogues around transfeminine people and drag are not, in fact, there so transmisogyny-exempt people can justify doing whatever they wanted to do anyway. And that the resolution of this dialogue is surely, surely about making more space for transfeminine people and amab non binary people...not people who have all the privileges of a cissexual body, and a matching percieved gender identity on which make up and dresses are percieved as normative. There's no way to talk about non-binariness in this context without being a bit of a dick, so I'm going to own that as best I can by acknowledging it. But someone needs to sit these folks down and explain that...I don't know. Explain that they have a relationship to privilege which is far greater than that of a cis gay man who crossdresses, of a trans woman, or of a visibly non-binary amab person. Explain that regardless of a handful of Drag Race celebrities, amab people are not rewarded for femininity, even ones who identify as cis, because assholes don't care about how you identify. And alternately leveraging "I'm trans" and "I'm a woman" to get your way is, in fact, a gross abuse of what this language of consideration is for. It's not about winning on words, it's looking with integrity & self-awareness about the space you're taking up, and considering that...afab people who have not medically transitioned, who wear make up and women's clothing...are taking up space from marginalised artists. No matter how cleverly you slice your words. To clarify, I'm not super precious about who does drag; but I have *serious* problems with men getting squeezed out of their own community by self-styled radicals who have decided homophobia is cool.

#The drag tag #This post brought to you by one asshole in particular #Community values

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trainsinanime · 6 years

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Bumblebee and Blacksun

Easily the most divisive topic in the RWBY fandom that does not feature gender-flipped versions of french saints, but I also think there’s a lot of interesting stuff to talk about here. So let’s dive into the relationships between Blake and Yang and Blake and Sun.

First off, my core thesis here is that this needn’t and shouldn’t be an either/or thing. Both relationships are valid and important. The problem is that fandoms generally evaluate relationships primarily as romantic ones, and see deep friendships as something lesser, or perhaps even threatening. That doesn’t match reality, and it certainly doesn’t match the ethos shown by several shows, including RWBY.

In fact, you could make an argument that statistically speaking, RWBY is almost anti-romance. There’s exactly one romantic relationship we’ve seen where both parties staid happy together with neither one meeting an untimely end; this is Blake’s parents. All other members of her team have parents who aren’t together anymore, and among the teenagers, the only romance took the „your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye“ thing from Bon Jovi’s „You Give Love a Bad Name“ literally. As well as the „shot through the heart“ part. Dumb Pyrrha jokes aside, it’s clear that almost all the really important relationships in the show are deep friendships and (found) family, not romance.

That said, I wouldn’t mind either Bumblebee or Blacksun turning romantic either (do I hear someone shouting OT3? Okay, sure, why not). But I would mind if that meant the other relationship got broken up or, even worse, just stop existing on screen.

Of course, not everyone may agree, because if you look at Sun and Yang, there are a lot more similarities than differences. Both are outgoing fun-loving characters. Both have a yellow theme colour. Both show above average amounts of skin. Both have Chinese names that mean „sun“ either when you translate them (Yang) or when you explicitly don’t (er, Sun). And both fulfil similar roles for Blake: Their energy pulls her out of her „woe is me“ drama phases and they convince her to allow friends into her life and her struggles. They are both complements to her, in theme colour (making for the morning/night theme) as well as in personality.

It’s easy to look at that and say that this is redundant, and you don’t need both characters. But that’s wrong; the similarities really just mean that Blake seems to have a type. Both characters are ultimately very different in what they mean for Blake. These differences are not in the big abstract descriptions of either one, but in the specifics; in the events that they and Blake went through together.

For Sun, a big part of his deal is that he is a Faunus and can accompany Blake to Faunus-only safe spaces without any raised eyebrows. Just imagine the fandom conversations about „Faunus facing“ we’d (rightly!) be having if Yang were to glue on a fake tail or something. The other big part is that Sun is largely unaware of the societal issues that define Blake’s views and stories (and sadly only Blake’s, this was apparently never visible to anyone else in RWBY or JNPR. But that’s a different conversation). All the way through volumes one and two, and large parts of four, Sun mainly works as an audience surrogate and sounding board for Blake.

Volume 4 slowly turns that around, though. It develops him more as a character, and their relationship as well, and interestingly, in doing so the whole thing gets far less flirty. Almost as if the show thought friendship is more important than teenage crushes… Anyway, Sun gets to be a close ally and trusted friend, and he sees Blake at her most drama queen and pushes her out of there.

(Aside: Blake is easily my favourite of the main characters in Volume 4, but Volume 4 Blake is also my favourite version of Blake. Compared to other characters, all of them are going through serious stuff and are nowhere near their most fun version - Volume 4 Yang in particular is nobody’s favourite Yang, and Vol4!Yang would definitely agree - but Blake gets the most interesting plot and the most focus and dramatic range she’s ever gotten. And Sun pushing her or just asking her questions is a big part of that. The other part is kitty ears.)

Of course a lot of that can be said for other characters. What sets Sun apart from e.g. RW_Y is that he’s had the most contact with her main fight. He has actually talked with the White Fang and understands their motivation and history. He has also seen the conditions on Menagerie, and he understands how things got to be as hateful as they are, and how they can be changed. Blake has stated at the end of Volume 4 that she plans to take the White Fang back. He is now, by his own explicit choice, a part of the whole story complex with Yang and the White Fang, and he’ll definitely be a partner for what comes next there.

The situation with Yang is very different, especially after the end of Volume 3. Yang never heard any of Blake’s exposition about Faunus oppression (again: Huge missed opportunity. RWBY generally looks at Faunus oppression only by looking at those who go too far in fighting it; the issue is presented as if it were Blake’s - or Blake’s and Sun’s - alone to deal with, not relevant to the rest of team RWBY. I hope that changes).

Instead of that, their connection is deeply personal. When Yang tells Blake her backstory, it’s not one about issues in society or giant monsters, but about personal over-exertion. After the fight with Mercury, when Blake compares Yang to her own backstory, she doesn’t talk about Faunus rights, she talks about trust and betrayal. This carries through in the „RWBY dissolved“ phase. Yang has nightmares about Adam, sure. But when she talks about the people who hurt her, Blake is the one who keeps coming up. At the same time, Blake is incredibly torn up about her getting hurt.

To me, this is ultimately the deeper and more interesting connection, not because there’s anything wrong with Sun, but because Yang is a main character. Bumblebee is a relationship where we see both sides in action, and either one brings something or does something to disappoint the other. Sun, on the other hand, is really just a support character for Blake. He is both a good friend and someone who makes her strive to be better, but he doesn’t really have much of a story to himself. For example, we never see his backstory, we never hear why he wanted to become a hunter, and we never know what he strives for in life. He wanted to get even with Ilia, but he already did that.

That’s not a problem, and it does not mean he’s not important. But it does mean that we don’t get the same room for drama that we have with the girls. For example, if Sun had been deeply disappointed by Blake’s leaving, we’d never know (For all we know Neptune is deeply disappointed by Blake’s leaving).

Overall, I’d say the difference is that Sun is much more involved in Blake’s own personal story, but Yang is where all the emotions lie. My prediction would be that Sun is the one who helps Blake reclaim the White Fang for good, but Blake and Yang will be the ones to take down Adam.

(For the record: Ilia is still a bit too new, so I can’t really say where she fits into the scheme, but I love her and I want her to be happy and included, too.)

TL;DR: I want Sun to be the best man at Blake and Yang’s wedding, but I’m okay if it’s the other way round, too.

#rwby #bumblebee #blacksun #Blake belladonna #yang xiao long #sun wukong #but i prefer like morning follows night over bmblb #wow this turned out long

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the-ghost-of-jason-todd · 6 years

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On Identity Politics

honestly one of the biggest reasons people use to justify questioning someone else’s label and redefining it FOR them is “what if they’re wrong and they decide down the line that they’re x instead of y?”

i’m talking the “maybe you’re not non-binary like you think, maybe you’re just dealing with internalized homophobia” stuff, we’ve all seen some version of it.

“maybe you’re not a non-dysphoric trans person, maybe you’re actually just cis but you hate gender roles”

“maybe you’re not actually ace, maybe you’re just not ready to come to terms with your sexuality”

“maybe you’re not bisexual, maybe you just don’t want to let go of compulsory heterosexuality”

on the surface that kind of sentiment sounds caring and sympathetic, but it’s actually really insidious because it doesn’t often mean “i care about you and i just want you to know yourself” like people assume it does. it really means something closer to “i don’t want people who are questioning/who’re going to change their mind to be in my space because i feel like it cheapens the label and cuts down my credibility” or, sometimes: “i don’t think x is a valid label to choose and i think i can convince people who are ‘confused’ to come to my side, which will make us stronger as a whole”

that fear response sitting casually behind gatekeeping behaviors is there in almost every thread i see where there are themes of _____ vs _____. like, TERF rhetoric? radfems (often lesbians) are afraid that trans women dilute or pervert femininity, specifically feminine sexuality. truscum? trans people are afraid that resources will go to people who ‘don’t need them’ and not to people who desperately do. biphobia/acephobia? (often) gays/lesbians are afraid that other gays/lesbians don’t want to admit their sexuality and that behavior adds to homophobia.

note that all of these tie in to our opression. if there was no misogyny there would be no reason to have TERFs. it’s a defensive mechanism: the persistent worry that someone unsavory will get into a safe space is a fair thing to devote time to (a little time--basing your whole platform on exclusion like a TERF is a whole different issue). our survival sometimes hinges on being able to weed out threats, to protect ourselves. we have a history of police raids and active shooters in queer spaces, of COURSE we worry about that.

but the persistent worry that, for instance, someone who says they’re a lesbian is actually a trans man, or that someone who says they’re a woman is *gasp* amab, OR EVEN that someone who claims to be trans is actually just cis but with huge hangups about their body--it’s not a worry that’s really defensible. TERF logic is not defensible. it’s all built on dividing lines that just don’t exist.

now, i’ll be the first to admit: sometimes you can help people out by talking about big trends. pointing out internalized homophobia is not the problem here. neither is talking about your personal journey from non-binary to cis lesbian! but the thing is, queer identity isn’t a ‘big trend’ kind of thing, and you can’t apply your own journey to anyone else. people don’t choose to be queer on a whim because someone told them to (and if they do, they grow out of it pretty fucking fast, it’s not generally desireable to get spit on daily). queer identities and labels are incredibly personal things. each one is different. and the secret ingredient, chemical X if you will, is the fact that paradigms are fluid as hell. identities are fluid, hell PEOPLE are fluid.

LGBTQ+ identifiers, unlike other identifiers like race, can apply to anyone at any time by design. generally speaking, gender and sexuality are applied at birth. we’re assigned a gender based on one physical trait (genitalia) and are then expected to fit into the corresponding social role, which includes a hetero sexuality where you’re supposed to marry the opposite sex and make 2.5 babies. the fact that genetics hands you a mixed bag of random traits and SOCIAL NORMS sort you into one category versus another means that deviation from the ‘norm’ can be undertaken or realized by ANYONE. you can’t wake up one day and say that you’re black now, lily-white genetics be damned, but gender and sexuality? they only persist so long as you’re willing to play along. for cishet people, that’s forever. they have no serious complaints. for queer people, it’s obviously a different story.

what does that have to do with identity politics? well, it means that anyone who deviates can pick up just about any label. some labels are tied to specific cultures (hijra, two-spirit) and some are tied to specific circumstances (transfem/transmasc) but FOR THE MOST PART, it’s about how you, an individual, personally relate to gender and sexuality. and the kicker? there is nothing set in stone! definitions change, people change, people learn new things, the closet exists, and you can’t worry about what everyone else is doing. when someone else does some deep thinking and decides that they’re non-binary instead of transfem, it literally has nothing to do with you! it can’t have anything to do with you because it’s an IDENTITY that isn’t yours, and the only reason you have an instinctive fear about people changing their minds is that deviation itself is terrifying.

when the entire world questions you at every turn, you WANT to dig your heels in and define XYZ by carving it into a rock. it’s a defensive position. the cishet world won’t take us seriously unless we’re united and normalized, right? they have to UNDERSTAND US as a prerequisite for ACCEPTING US and we really need the cishets to accept us so we stop dying. every time someone else deviates the same way as you, you feel validated, and you feel more strength in numbers in a world where you are EXTREMELY marginalized. but you need to watch yourself because someone doing it differently shouldn’t INVALIDATE you. you might have an urge to call someone out on being fake or a liar or whatever, but that’s just blatantly not how it works because you can’t fake being human. that’s all queer is, man. it’s being human in a way that society doesn’t like.

check yourself before you wreck yourself--be firm in your own journey. realize that there is no one else exactly like you. remember that no matter what we do, the cishet world isn’t going to welcome us with open arms, and an artificial divide between dysphoric and non-dysphoric won’t make the difference between acceptance and persecution. neither will cis woman vs trans woman. neither will ‘real’ identity vs ‘fake’ identity, especially not when real and fake are your own personal opinions.

we’re all deviants, yo. bottom line. queer isn’t a monolith, but neither is it an excel chart where The Community checks a box when you’re doing it “right” because it’s the “right” way that we’re all deviating from. queer identity is more like a giant mess of a venn diagram that sometimes doesn’t even make sense, and that’s a good thing! it actually makes us stronger in the face of oppression when we don’t have just One Approved Voice that they can silence. i think it’s hella cool that a thousand and one different identities exist because the more queer people there are the less solid ground the queerphobes have to stand on. and also, just as a general rule: if you enjoy calling people fake, you’re emulating our oppressors, and that ain’t cool.

TL;DR: remember that queer is deviation from the norm. there is no way to deviate “correctly” and you need to let go of the idea that anyone else’s journey invalidates your own. labels are self-defined for a reason.

#26th #March #2018 #March 26th 2018 #queer politics #transgender politics #long post #sorry i had just one more rant in me #queer solidarity #these posts are juuuust barely squeaking by in the 'consistency' department #i could have probably made this into two posts really but i'm tired and i need to stop ranting #also i'm trying to cut down on tag essays where i just tack on things that could have gone into the post itself #eh #anyway

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