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msmoonlighter · 5 years

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Favorite Character Tag!!! (*Mostly A Rave About Perseus Jackson And How TLT Changed My Life as a Depressed ADHD Kid Because I Have Real Deep Emotional Connections To Him*)

Thank you so much to @the-alexandrian-alchemist for tagging me! Rules: Tag ten favorite characters, each from ten different fandoms, in no particular order

Percy Jackson and The Olympians: Percy! FRICKIN! Jackson! Okay, I know he’s the main character, but like, hear me out. Boy loves his mama, respects women, loves his best friend, stands up to bullies, wants to do his best, and was super relatable for me as a kid. Like relatable to the point of just being my constant mood. Here’s the thing, guys, Percy Jackson in TLT was just me but as a boy. He felt like a disappointment, like a failure, and wanted to prove to the world that he wasn’t a bad kid, that he wasn’t a trouble maker. He was an ADHD wreck and didn’t mean to be. He felt bad because he caused chaos wherever he went. He felt hopeless and frustrated because he couldn’t make his learning disability go away and it ruined things for him. He sucked at school, he couldn’t keep a filter on himself, he was impulsive and headstrong and teachers hated him for it. He was everything I was. Everything I hated about myself he hated about himself too. As small ADHD kid, who had always felt like my ADHD was my fault, meeting Percy was like a blow to the head and the heart. Suddenly there was someone, a hero, with all the same problems as me. Someone who was just like me, and also important. Chosen. Special. A hero. I had never read about another kid with ADHD. I didn’t think there was anyone out there who cared. I thought that there was hardly anyone with ADHD and because of that no one would ever understand. But Percy understood. Percy knew how I felt. I remember reading, for the first time, the part where he said he had ADHD. I read it over and over and then I cried and grabbed the book and showed it to my dad because “Daddy, look, he’s just like me!” My Dad is a Christian, against pagan things, but the man let me have my Greek Mythology filled Percy Jackson because this character made me feel special. Gave me hope. Made me smile. Made me believe in myself. I had never felt like I could be anything special because of my disorders. I had always been convinced I would amount to nothing. That I was hopeless because I would never focus, never pay attention, never keep a lid on it, never just control myself. I was convinced I was a lost cause. And Percy was too. But he became a hero. He showed me that my disorder was not something that was my fault. He showed me that kids with mental illnesses and learning disabilities could be powerful and strong and special. That I could be special. That I could be the main character. Percy Jackson showed me I could be a hero. And for that, I will always love him. Until the bitter end.

Wow, okay, after that, number two is Heroes of Olympus, Leo Valdez! Y’all know I love him. Ya’ll know why. If not, dm me, and I will gladly inform you about my boundless love for this flaming hot boy.

Simon Lewis from TMI! He’s just so funny and dorky and sarcastic and ugh, I love him.

Cardan from The Cruel Prince. Oh no..... I have a type. Dark haired boys with snarky personalities.

Oscar Silva from Renegades!!!!! Best boy. Smokey boy. Love him. Adore him. I would die for him. I would kill for him. He is all that is good in this world and if anyone ever hurt him, I’d have some strong words with them and possibly beat them up if I’m super mad. (I’m soft but you don’t fucking mess with people I love.)

Peter Park AKA Spiderman!!! He was my first favorite superhero and still is to this day. In Marvel at least. He’s just. . . . a mood, y’know?

Dick Grayson??? Nuff said. (Also Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne. All of them. I can’t pick one. Please don’t make me. I can’t. It’s not possible.)

Han Solo and Princess Leia. Did you know that my first fandom was Star Wars? No? NOW YOU DO! My dad got me into it when I was six. My mom still doesn’t understand.

Callum from The Dragon Prince ANISAKJHDH! Do I really have to explain? This boy straight up tried to die in his brother’s place, what more do you want?

Zera from Bring Me Their Hearts. So not a huge fandom, but this book ROCKS! I was so distressed becase I thought I’d read all the good books in my library, but then I found this one and I was like OH FUCK YEAH. Zera is a badass, emotional, wonderful girl, and she’s a snarky little shit and I would die for her. Also she’s the main character! So bonus points for having a main character who’s my favorite!

I tag @danna-bell-is-black @bold-valiant-just @nova-artino @vicdehart @yggdrasillion and @honey-harper-official

#my favorite characters #my babes #percy jackson #pjo #karrie rants #but its a good type of rant #a rave #karrie raves #i was tagged #karen please stop

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thebubbledome · 2 years

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“plots please”

[ @hana-akari — Send “Plots Please” for at least 3 connections I can think of for our muses! ]

1. MODERN VERSE — Suigetsu’s scrappy teenage ass is fostered by a couple that puts him in the same school as Sakura. He gets into a lot of trouble on campus, even gets in trouble for frequent fighting, and he blames it on the fact that he was never fated to belong anyway, not someone like him who’s only around until the foster parents get sick of him. Sakura notes that he’s just gonna get kicked out and suggests he put his anger into something productive like boxing instead of throwing a good chance at a nice life away by driving the foster parents away first. He’s intrigued. Cue her giving him private boxing lessons, and holy shit he’s actually really good at it, but she’s has to keep warning him to not use his skills to hurt others for no good reason. She acts as a moral compass for him, teaching him what’s self defense vs what’s just plain cruelty. He’s never had anyone to teach him these things before, and she’s kind (?) enough to give him that guidance for nothing in return (idk why she would do that so I’m running with she’s kind). She becomes like a sister to him over time, and maybe he becomes a better adult as a result of everything she teaches him.

2. MODERN VERSE — Suigetsu and Sakura meet as adults at one of her boxing matches. He likes to bet on them, and it’s the first time he’s seeing her fight, but he bets on her and she fucking WINS, so he wants to thank her for making him money (and also figure out her schedule so he can bet on her again for more easy money). After seeing him at her matches a few times, she indulges him more and more. Maybe they meet up at a bar or something afterward, his treat since she made him all this money. He wants to go “into business” together, him dreaming up schemes where he can get people to bet against her (shoudln’t be hard since she’s a bit small, especially if she plays up the part by acting vapid and perky) and then they can split the profits. Whether or not she accepts this “business” proposition is entirely up to her. I can honestly see him falling for her in this verse if she does agree. Someone who fights like she does, is super hot, and willing to get into some wily schemes? That’s a keeper!

3. YAKUZA VERSE — You already know I don’t actually know anything about these games (lmao) because of the thread we started between her and Sasuke on my main blog kyuuzuchiha (and I literally thought you just meant she’s a gansta), but I’m kinda thinking something similar to that with Suigetsu would be 🔥🔥🔥 Like him being hired on as her body guard because he’s violent and vicious when provoked, her dad thinking “yeah this one is definitely gonna protect my little girl,” but in reality it’s just Sui egging her on when she does get in fights like “Yeah! Get em! Right in the nose! Break it! Smash it! Dare ya to— Ooooooh, exactly! You read my mind! Kick his ass girl! You sick of her yet? You wanna tap out? HAH JOKES ON YOU BUDDY 😈 Aint no one gonna save your ass now!” (Honestly Suigetsu’s commentary while Sakura lets loose on some asshole gives me life XD as the other body guards are trying to peel her off and Sui is just totally egging her on) And obvi they become besties in this verse, and she probably does soften him a bit becase he might be a little too rough around the edges for her to handle all the time, but he also provides a space for her to be her badass self without apology and she kinda loves that (I assume). Bonus points if dad fires him for being an instigator 🤣

Now.... any thoughts?

#hana-akari #honestly SO HERE for ANY of these #esp the Yakuza verse #him egging her on sounds like so much fun to write #he'd be such a bad influence #but like #also good too because he encourages her to live without apology #doesn't treat her like a fragile flower #instead he just loves the fuck outta her for being such a badass #ooc

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idle-rodent · 2 years

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I posted 968 times in 2021

141 posts created (15%)

827 posts reblogged (85%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 5.9 posts.

I added 574 tags in 2021

#teen wolf - 197 posts

#stiles stilinski - 110 posts

#derek hale - 97 posts

#sterek - 79 posts

#peter hale - 19 posts

#scott mccall - 17 posts

#personal - 16 posts

#stiles stilisnki - 14 posts

#superman and lois - 13 posts

#yes - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#derek: there is a legend saying that one can become a werewolf if they drink the water from the puddle created under werewolf paw

My Top Posts in 2021

That's grim, but what if Claudia was a clairvoyant and the 'demon' she saw in Stiles was her seeing the future and Nogitsune possessing him.

35 notes • Posted 2021-02-15 07:01:58 GMT

Just had this precious thought of young Derek panicking because MOM LAURA IS BLEEDING WHY IS SHE BLEEDING WHY ISN'T SHE HEALING MOM! meanwhile Laura is hiding in the bathroom she's so embarrassed bc her baby bro can't comprehend the concept of period yet

46 notes • Posted 2021-02-14 14:55:29 GMT

Stiles: are you my Mr. Darcy?

Derek: why? because I'm tall, broody, wealthy, cockblocked your sibling and somehow tolerate you?

Stiles: I wanted to say that you don't like most of the people, we coincidentally meet wandering the Preserve, I'm actually grateful for you keeping Scott and his werewolf hormones away from unnecessary trouble, and please, you totally love me.

Derek: I'm not proposing or explaining myself with two pages of handwriting

Stiles: at least you don't deny loving me! wait, why you don't deny? Derek? Derek don't walk away from me like that! Come back here and explain yourself!

52 notes • Posted 2021-03-10 08:01:27 GMT

broke: Joe got swole in case he needed to protect Kaoru

woke: Joe got swole to give THE BEST HUGS and CARRY HIS BADASS HUSBAND WHEN HE GETS TOO DRUNK TO WALK (becase he know Kaoru can and will whoop ass himself, if needed)

62 notes • Posted 2021-08-16 16:45:47 GMT

185 notes • Posted 2021-06-23 07:14:06 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #IM SO FUCKING PROUD XDDDD

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dreamingsnowflake2013 · 6 years

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“Can’t you just say that you give up on this lifetime? It looks like this lifetime is already ruined by normal human standards. It’s a bit drab since you see ghosts and don’t have any friends. How about ending this lifetime at about this point and waiting for your next one?”

Not seeing ghosts, being attacked by demons or living as a recluse but Son Oh Gong’s words is what has hurt Sun Mi the most - disregarding her entire life so carelessly and disdainly and making it sound so worthless, so unworthy of living, when in fact it deserves admiration, wonder and appreciation. What right does he have to judge her life which she lived on her own without anyone being there to love her and protect after spending just few minutes with her?

“So this is my end. I really am cursed. Unfortunately things always happened to me and everyone I loved became unhappy. So I had accepted that either I’d get killed by a serial killer or die an untimely death from a car accident. But in the end I geat eaten by an evil spirit like this.”

It’s truly amazing and badass how hard SM fight to protect herself with her umbrella and when she loses it even with her bare fists against a demon. I love that she isn’t protecting anyone but her right to live. That’s hardcore! It’s not that she’s totally brave or that she’s totally weak, but that one doesn’t preclude the other. She can be both, and being brave in the midst of your fear is actually more powerful than if she’d just flipped a switch and challenged the demon without fear. Being afraid for her physical safety doesn’t change anything about her moral convictions. It’s quite inspiring

What is so tragic about this, though, is that while she is being attack in dark alley Sun Mi doesn’t even think about calling for help becase she knows no one would come and even it they did they can’t help her anyway, they’d only think that she is some mad woman having hallucination. And when she reveals the hopeless way she has been picturing the end of her life with that self-deprecating, cynical smile. Such a bleak life she has been living.

#hwayugi #lee seung gi #a korean odyssey #hwayuki #Oh Yeon Seo #analysis #hwayugi episode 2

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ebonwinged-nova · 7 years

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Breath of the Wild day one impressions, the really articulate version:

(Includes spoilers for the beginning of the game.)

(I will be referencing events up until talking to Impa at Kakariko for the first time.)

Okay so. I am really, really impressed with this game so far. I’ve purposefully kept my expectations low even after I saw enough to convince me that Nintendo handled changes made to the classic Zelda formula well, and now my mind is blown. But let's go through it chronologically.

After the initial waking up sequence I opted to go talk to the old man straight away, and here I have to mention, I got attached to him almost instantly. I don't know what it was, he just grew on me really quickly. (I also called him being the ghost of the king of Hyrule almost instantly.) Either way, he doesn't really tell you much at that point, so I went off wandering around until more story stuff happened.

I quickly got into a battle or two, with some chu-chus and bokoblins, armed with a couple of tree branches and an oversized axe. Gameplay feels fluid and the controls are tight, even though it took some time until I got used to the different control scheme. I also realised at that point that this game is herb picking paradise. I love it.

The game eventually guides you to raise the first Shiekah tower, and then the old man will prompt you to clear the first four shrines in exchange for his paraglider so you can get off the Plateau. And here I was really pleasantly surprised that the game let me fumble around, because you're supposed to find the shrines from the tower with the shiekah slate's zoom function and then mark them on the map, and I... don't really like the zoom function. It zooms in too much with no option to adjust and it moves too fast, so I had some trouble with finding them at first... but not only did nobody butt in to help you regardless of whether you wanted it or not, the old man even tells you that you need to learn to be self-sufficient if you talk to him about it. After the excessive handholding in Skyward Sword that was great.

One of the shrines on the Plateau is in a cold region, so I had my first experience with cooking and it is sooooo much fun. Watching the food bounce around with a little jingle and then Link's excitement at having made food is great and I love it and it also makes me really hungry because the food art looks delicious.

On the way to that shrine I died for the first two times out of... a bunch. Seriously. I died more often just today than I usually do in an entire blind Zelda playthrough. One was because I jumped into ice water (oops) and the other was when an enemy straight up OHKO'd me. People weren't kidding when they said this game is harder than other Zeldas—but it's also very forgiving with saves, so even with all the deaths that happened I've never actually lost any progress.

The first shrines themselves are brilliantly executed tutorials that don't look like tutorials whatsoever. They give your four shiekah slate abilities (bombs, making ice blocks, magnet and time stop) and then require you to solve puzzles using these abilities. It's very intuitive how you need to use them and it teaches you the basics of what you can do with them much better than some onscreen text could. The abilities themselves are really fun to use too, and they do lend themselves to really unexpected uses! There's an area on the plateau where a couple of stationary guardians will snipe you if you're not careful. I grabbed an iron door that was lying around and used it as a shield with the magnet ability. It was a bit finnicky because you can't turn the object you're levitating around, but it actually worked!

All shrines being done I went and met the old man at the ruined Temple of Time, where, unsurprisingly, he revealed himself to be the ghost of the old king of Hyrule from 100 years ago. At this point I was actually a bit sad, because as I mentioned I grew attached to him and as you might expect, he did not stick around afterwards. RIP, old man king, RIP.

Either way, he dropped some exposition on what happened 100 years ago and I... I'm really into it so far. Partly because the voice acting really adds to cutscenes, but also...

THEY'RE DEPICTING ZELDA AS A BADASS COMMANDER AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY.

Seriously. She's the commander. Link's her sworn knight. She's calling the shots. She's the one going to face Ganon all on her own. THIS IS GREAT. I LOVE IT.

Also, Hyrulean mechas.

So yeah. After that cutscene I went and explored the rest of the plateau before leaving and promptly ran into the talus, then proceeded to run away very quickly. Then I timed my departure so I could fly off into the East into a beautiful sunrise (man, does this game have beautiful lighting), and then completely ignored the directions the old man gave me and wandered off in search of cool things. And ho boy did I find them.

The world is teeming with details and things to check out. I was worried about that becase some of the footage made the game look a bit barren, but I've almost found myself wishing there was *less*, because it just. Never. Ends. I keep finding more stuff. It's the ultimate OOOOH SHINY experience. Thank god for map marking.

I found my way to the outpost stable that I think they showed on Nintendo Treehouse? I like that the NPCs say a thing as you walk past. Adds a bit of life to them. I also really like that the game tracks sidequests. It would have been a pain to remember the tiny errands they want you to run. I went and tried to tame a horse nearby, but the amount of stamina you start out with doesn't seem to be enough, so I gave up and moved on.

From there on I wandered around more or less aimlessly. There's so much freedom in navigating the environment that it's just really fun to travel around. I did a few more shrines (they really are everywhere), I saw a lot of cool things like accordion playing birds and cute foxes to murder in cold blood and a centaur that murdered me in cold blood... Because death is just not a big deal, I never had to worry much about consequences and did whatever I felt like. It led to a couple "I immensely regret my decisions" moments (like the time I jumped right into a bunch of guardians—that ended just as well as you might imagine) but that was a lot of fun too! This is a game where you can feel free to try out whatever crazy thing you think of and aren’t punished for it, I think.

I did eventually make my way towards Kakariko, like the old man said. I don't *think* you were supposed to climb straight over the mountain, but hey, YOU CAN DO THAT NOW. It's awesome. Link is basically spiderman. See that surface? You can climb on it. Even if it’s a solid ice block.

Kakariko turned out to be a very Japanese-looking village. I wasn't expecting that, given how Kakariko looked in past games, but I don't mind at all! It's very pretty. I encountered my first shops there and the way shopping works is really immersive. You don't select items from a shopkeeper list, they're displayed in the store in correct numbers, and if you don't buy the entire stock only the corresponding amount of items vanishes. I love that.

The player economy in this game is a bit... different. It doesn't seem like you can find rupees as easily anymore—I couldn't find any outside of some treasure chests. You can sell any items you collected though, and they do fetch quite a bit of money, so I assume they intended that as the main repeatable way of getting money. I like it. Makes more sense.

The music in this game takes a very different approach. It's mostly confined to stray piano notes or chords (although I haven't exactly seen a lot of it yet, so other areas may be different in this). Amazingly, this didn't strike me as odd or out of place in the least. It just makes the game all the more immersive.

So! There you have it. These are my day one impressions, or at least the ones I can still remember.

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amiandthechaos · 7 years

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RULES · Always post the rules · Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you · Write 11 questions of your own · Tag 11 people (or however many you want)

I was tagged by @habababa becase she’s great ! <3 I want to answer your questions because i really liked them but im not tagging anyone because i just did that!

1. Who is your hero?

Hermione Granger. I wish I was half as badass and brave as she is!

2.What makes you laugh the most?

honestly the stupidest memes and jokes crack me up. ALSO spanish harry potter memes are HILARIOUS specially venezuelan ones omg

3. What would you sing at karaoke night?

mr brightside...or any fall out boy song!

4. What is the worst gift you have received?

when i was like 15 my aunt gave me a bunch of fake lashes which if you know me at all you’d know that that’s the last thing i could want

5. What did you want to be when you were small?

at one point i wanted to be a basketball player lmao but later a screenwriter

6. Why did you joined tumblr?

in 2011 if i remember correctly but as a different blog

7.Your favourite tv show?

I think it’s Friends. But Parks and Recreation is soooo close.

8. What’s the most unusual thing you’ve ever eaten?

probably capybara. it’s usual in my country but very strange for other people

9. How long are you hp fan?

since 2010. sadly i never read the books as a kid, I arrived late to the party!

10. If you could bring one character from hp to our world who would it be and why?

honestly Hermione again, because i want to be her best friend and have her teach me how to be so cool

11. Why do you think you belong to your hogwarts house?

because the kitchen is right next to the hufflepuff common rooms. and because i value fairness, justice, and kindness above all else!

thank you ily <3!!!

#taggin game #again because im selfish and want to talk about myself?#sorry lmao #i find these questions rlly fun!

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havsgast · 7 years

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YouTube au: What kind of channel(s?) do Barty and Regulus have? Any other details you wanna share?

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so Barty is your typical rich white boy with the politician dad and his channel is a lot about the pressure of living up to his father’s standards and Regulus lowkey relates because you know how the Black family is, and they meet because of their parents, and also the Black family is Chinese, from Hong Kong specifically, their ancestors went to Britain when Hong Kong was under British rule the first time (around 1841, after the first opium war). Anyway the point is that Regulus is not white-passing in any way and Barty picks up on the racist comments that the Black family gets and so after they’ve known each other for a while, they make a joint channel where they talk about privilege and parental pressure and cutting ties with your family (Barty cutting ties with his father, Regulus not having any contact with his older brother and cousins, and being stuck but wanting to leave because of the heightened pressure and stuff)

…they have a very woke political channel but also Regulus is into yoga and like making flowercrowns and painting his nails and all these other ways to quietly protest against his family, and Barty is really supportive, and also transboy Regulus speaking about his experience and !!!!

oh and Regulus have a side channel for DIY slime and stuff because the Black brothers are autistic and Sirius stimmed in the loud way so Regulus forced himself to stim quietly because he didn’t want to get yelled at but his side channel have DIYs for all kinds of stim toys and good tips and stuff and Sirius is subscribed to it

and @hollyjinx had some good tags (thanks for reblogging it kryssie) so i’m gonna address those

#i want more #does Luna do youtube #tell me someone has a conspiracy theory channel #i am hard core into this #does Charlie do videos with newt #is Queenie’s channel about fashion hauls #arthur weasley trying to get into memes #i’m dying at Sanguini dabbing #would Ron do mukbang videos #this is the best au ever

Does Luna do youtube? Absolutely!! She has a craft channel where she makes jewellery and papier-mâché and show off her journals and odd life hacks and really strange parody songs for obscure things and so many collaborations with friends.

Do anyone have a conspiracy theory channel? Oh, most definitely. Firstly, James and Sirius most definitely have one for shits and giggles that they get Remus into, and secondly, Percy have one where he mainly overanalyse politics. Fred and George likes to hang out with Percy when he films new videos and get off track about aliens and conspiracies in movies but also sometimes they say some actual good stuff so Percy doesn’t cut them out, and he does enjoy it. Slughorn would be the one to have done something 50 years ago and have tons of videos about how the MI5 or something is out after him.

Does Charlie do videos with Newt? Well, Newt doesn’t have a channel, he’s just the main subject on Tina’s channel. But Charlie has definitely invited Newt to be on his channel a few times, getting all hyped about how to best care for baby alligators. Or something.

Queenie’s channel is all about make-up on the go, thriftshopping, how to lie and how to tell if someone else is lying, and how do be badass in heels. She also bakes together with her boyfriend Jacob sometimes and they have a joint channel for teaching Polish and she would also most definitely talk about antisemitism and be really proud of her Jewish heritage.

Arthur would honestly have a channel where he try to understand how things work and his most watched video is about the function of a rubber duck and he’s just interrogating a rubber duck for fitfeen minutes while sitting in a bathttub, swimshorts on and lots of bubbles

lowkey unrelated but Sanguini dabbing without a shirt on

I had to google mukbang and honestly, no, becase I can’t imagine Ron being comfortable trying to interact with an audience while eating. Ron’s videos are all about chess and football and videogames. He and Harry have a bi-weekly show where they cheat at chess (like “my Queen is lesbian and seduced your Queen” “my pawns decided to get religious and are now bishops”)

i need to figure out people’s ages obviously but this is the most beautiful au ever

#sunshine wife #youtube au

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one-shoop · 4 years

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I just had basically a panic attack or whatever over my dad calling for dinner. Oh but who would guess being singled out by a scream "FLOOOOOF! COME EEEAT!" every freaking night and told "COME ON HONEY" and "DID YOU HEEEEAR?" "FLOOOOOF?" "FLOOOF? ANSWEEEER?" doesn't give me, the girl who's terrified of eating to the point where she skips meals almost everyday, panic attacks. Dear god i cant freaking eat dad, I CANT EAT BECAUSE IT TRIGGERS MY GODDAMN OCD. But nooooooo. Apparently nobody bothered to ask me my triggers or even do some research after my diagnosis. And forgive me lord if Im not enthusiastic about explaining it myself becase EVERY GODDAMN TIME I TOLD SOMEONE THEY FORCED ME TO DO IT ANYWAYS. Told me "but the food is gooood" and "come oon, you need to eeeeeat" like i stg i'm so fucking tired

Of people telling me for an hour and a half to come fuck myself over with triggers and panic all the way and not be able to eat and be ashamed of myself and feel weak and unable to do anything. Like Jesus guys IT TRIGGERS MY OCD. MEANING THAT I CANT FUCKING EAT PEACEFULLY. I SONT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK IF ITS GOOD OR NOT. ITLL SCARE ME TO FUCKING HELL.

And yeah, for supportive parents they sure are doing the fucking lords job right? After fucking up myself to ask fir help thar never vame and was always denied or stripped to its bare minimums then told to accept that as tje ultimate help, I finally ficking tet someone who validates me and gives me a diagnosis. Ans yoy funky get fuckjng told to your faces that FORCING KIDS TO FACE THEOR FEARS IS THE WORST THING FOR THEIR HEALTH. And MAYBE if you knew anything at fucking all you'd fucking realize that when I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR HELP OUT OF FEAR OF BEING SHAMED FOR IT, maybe is your fault???? And maune it impedes on mh recovery???? And maube i shouldn't be the only one to fucking take stepd to retake that???? Im all foe fu king getting the help I gucking need but for fucks sake cant any of you look like you can more for, I dunno, fucking parenting, other than whatever fycking meal you're having???? Is it roo kuch to ask to help me retake my right to asking for the hospital since its been mentioned at that same fucking meeting we talk about that I've tried asking for goddamn help and you said no????

Like you had a goddamn professional tell you that WHEN YOUR KIDS WANT HELP, YOU CANT DENY IT. And that by pretending that I jad to tough it up, you fucked me up way more. And thw most I got was a half assed sentence of "BUT IM PLACING ALL THE BLAME ON MYSELF, ITS UNHEALTHY" as fucking soon as the goddamn bells rang.

Like you had the nerve to ACXUSE ME of NOT asking for help and fucking NOT telling you anything. Ans believe it or not I STILL FUCLING THOUGHT THAT about a second ago. But honestly? WHY THE FUCK SHOULD ANULNE BE HONORABLY FORCED TO ASK FOR HELO THAT TJEU KNOW WILL NEGER VOME??? JUST SO YOU CAN SAY I WAS THE PERFECT VICTIM WHO STILL BELIEVED IN YOU???? BECAUSE AFTER ALL THIS CRAP, AFTER BEING TOLD THE TRUTH, THE FIRS TTHING IM TOLD WHEN WE GET OUT IS THAT I NEED "TO TRUST YOU MORE"? AND "TELL YOU ABOUT MY FEELINGS?" am I someone's fucking puppet here??? Do you just want ro ficking play with me until youre done?????

Like what the fuck???? YOU THOUGHT I "DID THE WRONG THING" BY NOR ASKING COR HELP. BUT YOU SONS OF DEMONS, YOU HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN YOUR PHILOSOPHY WAS THAT FUCKED UP PIECE OF MENTALITY FROM THE GODDAMN FARK AGES THAT YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR KIDS TO FUCK OFF. OKAY??? YPU KNEW THAT ENOIGJ TO EXPLAIN IT IN BARF-INCUDING CLARITY HOW APPARENTLY ONE SINGLE GUCKING BOOK ON ANXIETY IN KDIS WAS ENOUGB TO RID YOU OF YOUR ENTIRE HUMAN BRAIN AND SUDDENLY IT DIDNT MATTER HOW MUCH WE CRIED AND BEGGED AND GELT ALONE AND NEEDED YOUR SHIR COMFORT, TOU DIDNT CARE???? WELL FUESS WHAT???? THE FIRS TTHING YOU TELL ME WHEN SHE SPEAKS, BLESS THWT DOCTIR, IS THAT I DONT EVEN ASK FOR HELP. and bless me I told them YO I ASKED FOR THE HOSPITAL AND YOU TOLD ME I WASNT SICK ENOUGH. AND YOU BOTH HAD THE GODDAMN MIND TO REFUTE IT. UNTIL MOM TOLD DAD TO STOP BEXAUSE "SHES RIGHT, ITS OUR FAULT, OUR BAD".

Like what the fuck??? Tou already knew that you wouldn't have given any help anyways??? Why the fuck am I even supposed to fucking ask??? Why did you EVER tell me to ask??? Was ir so you could feel fucking welcome??? So you could feel so fucking badass and awesome telling me the goddamn word of light exquisite and God Almighty in his tree in heaven that "FIND AOLUTIONS AND STOP CRYING"???? OR, NO, WAIT, EZCUSE ME, WAD I SUPLOSED TO COME SEE YOU SO YOU COULD PEP-TALK ME INTO FUCKING OFF FROM FEELINGS LAND AND "FIND SOLUTIONS"??? Did you want to feel like you gave me comfort without actually giving me some??????

Like what the fuck???????????? And -- why the FUCK foes it STILL appear smart tp tell me to fucking TELL YOU SHIT? GUYS I TOLD TOU MORE SHOT I WAS LEGALLY ONLIGATED TO. YOU CAME TO MEET MY THERAPISTS. YOU GOT THE BRIEFINGS WITH ME WHEN I INVITED YOU. YOU GOT TO SEE MY PSYCHIATRIST, AND MY DOSSIER, AND MY MEDS. I TOLD YOU I NEEDED A LISTENING EAR AND NOT AFVICE, I TOLD YOU I FELT SCARED SOMETIMES OF EATING, I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY OBSESSIONS, I ASKED YOU IF I COULD GO TO BE HOSPITALIXED BECASUE OCD GOT TOO BAD.

And you laughed at my fuccking obsessions. When i was a kid my biggest trigger was barfing, and bile. And guess fucking what? You fucking laughed around and invented the worst fucking single thing ever to say "fuck you get better" which was switching the goddamn syllables together and fuckinf singing it to me like it was fine now. Fucking laughing at me whenever ai had goddamn panic attacks. I diagnosed my own goddamn trigger at, what, ten? BUT I NEGER ASKED FOR HELP BECAUSE YOU FUCKINF LAUGHED AT ME EVERYTIME I CLOSED MY EYES AND MY EARS AND PANICKED TO CHANGE THE TOPIC. I WAS FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE. I COULD NOT BEAR IT. AND WHEN YOU SAW A TERRIFIED CHILD, YOU SID NOTHING EXCEPT LAUGH AND SAY "there, now they're done with talking, tou can stop closing your ears now". YOU FUCLING NOTICED JN THE WORST WAY POSSUVLR. I REGRET SHOWING YOU THE FIRST ENTRY I MADE ON THIS. I WAS SO ASHAMED OF IT. I THOUGHT IT EAS WRONG. OR SHAMEFUL. AND -- GUESS WHAT? I THOUGHT IT WAS YNIQUE TO MEZ TOO. IT WA THE SINGLE MOSR SCARY TJING IN MY EXIDTENCE. MY CHEST BURNED AND SQUINTED AND I FELT JOT AND I CRIED AND VRIED AND BEGGED AND YELLED IN MY HEAD FOR PEOPLE TO STOP, IN THE BUS, AT SCHOOL, AT HOME. AND IF YOUD BEEN SLIGHTLY GIOD AT YOUR FUCKINF JOB I MOGHT HAVE TOLD YOU FUVKASSES. BHT NO. AND GUEDS WHAT? UNLESS WHST YOUVE FUCKING TOLD ME, BEING IN PAIN IS NOT ONLY VALID OR UNSHAMEFUL WHEN YOU ASK ADULRS WHAT TO DO. FOR HOW FUCLING LONG HACE I BEEN TOLD THAT PAIN DOESNT MATTER UNLESS AN ADULT IS ON THE CASE? HOW LONG HACE U WANRED SOMEWHRRE WHERE GODDAMN ADULTS DIDNT FUCK YOU OVER? DIDNT CONTR EVERY THOUGHT YOH HAD? WHERE SAYING "YOURE WRONG" ISNT AN INSULT? WJERE KIDS ARENT JUST DENIED A COICE BECAUSE THEYRE KIDS?

Ughhhhh.how many times should I get convinced that your help is worth crap? That searching for your goddamn advice and "comfort" is of any goddamn help? That what shit you give me is actually good enough?? What this it worth my time? That I should be looking at myself??? That i should be squinting and hating myself???? That I'm not worth saving??? That -- goddamnit. God fucking samn jt. Goddamnit im so done with all these excuses. I'm so fucking -- I wanted help, I wanted love, I wanted excuses and loce and light and fear and farkness and friends and family and I cant even talk anymore. I cant talk from myf eeljngs anu.kre. I have ti go on goddamn instinct because my goddamn vortex is fucked up. I realize I eas incpaable of having a mental nature by myself at 8. When I eas alone, I couldn't feel anything. I felt aimless, I just felt nothing. I couldnt bring myself to feel anything. I ducking mtocied that, and yes, tou noticed to, but your goddamn reaction was to tell me to get a life and stop obsessing about that friend I used to play with and just learn to do shit myself and do shit on my own. (Basically, to my own stupid ass brain, this trainwreck of a sentence means I was like a kid who needed autonomy from their parents and needed to learn their life was their own.) Bur yeah!!!! Whenever I was alone I didnt give a shit!!!! I felt aimless!!! Lost!!! Shitty!!!!! And when I first saw myself as a disgusting hump of crap I was 10, I wss running happily and sang a song about witches ans I saw myseld in my head and god I looked like garbage and I hated it. I hated what I looked like. I resented the idea that people had to see me. I thought, why do people even stay with me, I'm disgusting. I can never pinpoint the reason becauee yes, my brain is that fucked-up. Someday it will be back.

But seriously. Does anyone else have old stores from early teens where everyone kept fuclibg Escalon without telling their parents?where kids didnt go home? Where the bes tthi g ws just leaving forever? Anyone think the second arc of Warriors was the bestBEXAUE THEY LEAVE and you KNOW they'll leave and you KNOW things are always better and sorry Leafpaw bur I hated tour arc like goddamn shit itself because SCREW THE CLANS, I hate them and I wanted ro leave anywhere that ft like home.

What do kids feel about their homes? Do fhey ever wish they moved? Do they ever seriously ask themselves why the fuck anyone would want to live here? Do they find it unnapealing? Are you supposed go be HAPPY to come home after a trip? Are you supposed to feel completely shitty from coming back, like a failure? Like you weren't supposed to come back, you were supposed to stay awau forever?

Did any kids have zero track of time? Did any kids watch old videos from babytime and realize that there's just something fucking terrifying about it without knowing fucking why?

I saw a kid watch a video on repeat of her dad doing something random like, an old baby recording from when the kud was running in the hallway and he caught her. She watched it on repeat for so, so long , until her phone stopped working I think. And i Remember being touched in a way I neger knew possible, and telling myself from the top of my ripe old 13th year, well thars not something ive ever done or wanted to do. I remember going, why the fuck would you do that? Aren't you happy hes gone? Aren't you happy to be gone?

I remember being straight terrified of my paternal grandmother at 5 only to realize yeara later that she used to be violent and terribly abusive to everyone. I remember being terrified of my aunt's husband, and feeling something undescribable that felt lile a stabbing wound in my aunt's eyes, until I finally learned that he used to beat her. I remembwr hating Éric Salvail for some reason and being really u comfortable around him until BAM, guess who was a goddamn creep and sexual harrassment pro? This guy. I remember so many fucking things that made me uncomfortable and it turned out to be right, about people at least.

But I remember hating my own picture for as long as I can remember. My face unsettles me. I never fully write why, or go to the end of my thoughts. I have problems, I know. I hope knowing what they are will help.

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clandestine-rabbit · 5 years

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A cool dream I had

Okay So I have super vivid and wild dreams and I just remembered one I had a few weeks ago:

So a friend and I worked at a yankee candles shop somewhere in a sort of forgotten part of some nonexistent city. My friend (I’ll call them S) liked playing with candle wax after the candle was done burning and I was in a backroom organizing candles while S was playing with wax. Suddenly candles began to rattle violently and the wax poured out of the glass and formed into these medievil like guards and they told S they were under arrest for wasting precious wax.

I heard S yelling and I ran out of the backroom to see them being pulled through a doorway that just seemed to appear and ran through it without thinking. So now I was in a world of matches and paper and was informed by the inhabitants that I had to save my friend becase the candle king was going to turn my friend into a candle as punishment. So i traversed this paper and match world and ended up gaining a companion in a large match horse that took me to the next world (the world of wood and books) where I was informed that the candle king hated humans because he was rejected by a human once upon a time so any time a human messes with the wax after the candle has cooled a little bit he kidnaps them and has a sorcerer in the land of whale oil and coal erase them from existence so no one in our world would ever remember them

so finally I had to get through Whale oil and coal land the sorcerer put a spell on my horse to try and throw me off into a pool of oil where I’d die but because friendship or whatever the fuck I hugged the horse’s neck and I think i went on this like rant about how I was happy that I met the horse because apparently I had been in this land for about 7 months all the while S was still being taken to the candle kingdom and because of my heartfelt speech the horse broke the spell and the match horse rode us to safety and the sorcerer for some reason threw himself off a tower because he was defeated by someone of flesh and bone??

anyway S got to the castle and was being slowly lowered towards a large cauldron of wax and they were crying and pleading for their freedom and the candle king was being a dick. surprise surprise the candle king had a daughter who was begging for S to be freed because S didn’t even know about this world but the king ignored her then yours truly burst into the court yard like a badass and match horse jumped over the cauldron and I snatched my friend to freedom.

So now the king had his guards ready to attack us but then he changed his mind and said that he’d free me and my friend if I married his daughter and so I said yes thinking “well she isn’t gonna wanna marry some rando, maybe we can negotiate” and it turned out the princess was in love with a maid and so I came up with the ‘ol switcheroo plan to have the maid take my place. So the wedding happened and the two candles got married but someone heard the match horse and the guards showed back up and me and my friend were both about to be killed and even the maid was about to be burned to death when I challenged the king’s best fighter to a duel.

I ended up winning because the match horse set itself on fire by jumping into a torch and everyone was convinced I was some kind of fire sorcerer because the horse ran the fighter over and burned him up so the king ran away and was exiled and the now new queen and her wife bid me and S farewell.

then S and me woke up and we were in the backroom and we thought maybe we just had some crazy trip because of maybe a bad candle but then we packed up the store and headed out but the scene stayed on the backroom and slowly it zoomed down to a small mouse-like hole and a small flame showed inside before I woke up for real in the waking world

so that was really fun

#a dream #it was cool #i might draw things from it

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random-weird-person · 7 years

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Ok so I know that its been overly talked about and all but thats not going to stop me from ranting about the horror that is the live action avatar movie in an interview with M Night Shyamalan (or however you spell it) said it Aang was said like that so it would fit his culture. That being said its a fucking stupid reason. he said he loved the show in the interview and anyone who has so much as seen the intro knows it didn't take place on our earth. the geography is all different and they have diffrent cultures because of it. changing someone's name to fit a different culture would at least be understandable if he was going for like "what if it was on earth?" but its not. Thats kind of like taking the name Jose from Spanish and pronouncing it with the English J regularly dispight the fact that its annoying and horrible and arrrggg. One of the biggest things in the series was world building. We needed to know the culture. We needed to know all the people that the war would effect. We needed to know how important it was that change was made and there wasn't really a "Everyone in tgis aria is pure evil." We needed to see how all of these various cultures and people would and could suffer. We needed someone to cheer for. The show gave us all of that. The movie gave us none. The show gave us quick precise movements in battle that made use of every little twitch to show how great the powers were and how a single move could change the battle. The movie gave us a long drawn out sequences that barely moved a stone. The movie made it seem like all the fighting shuld be at a ridiculously long range so they had time to like throw a pebble with enough force to gently knock over a toddler. Its easy to see why characters like Mai, Ty lee, or any of the Kyoshi Warriors wernt used in the movie. At the rate things happened in the movie our resident badass females would have finished the fight before it looked like it could start. (Not to mention the thought of azula being intimidating to any of them with fire bending when she was young would be laughable. And zuko would have kicked her ass with his blade skills ten times over and knocked her down several thousand pegs.) There's really no "in this one aspect the movie was better." Its just bad. Its so boring that even if your not trying to compare the two you end up doing it becase its so stupid and boredom inducing that theres literally nothing intresting in the movie to pay attention to after the first "you can move stuff without touching it" thing. Witch as discussed is slow and stupid in the movie anyway. And dont even get me started on changing the firebenders. Rant done

#atlab #avatar the last airbender #im sorry

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