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#bc of something i've done or just who i am). that's trauma baby
chaosgenasi · 2 years
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ashton "no one deserves anything" greymoore believing that laudna "doesn't deserve any of the terrible things that happened to her," especially regarding her recent death, but their "feeling on his thing is very different." "this is what happens when the universe really doesn't like you and decides it wants to keep you around for a little while longer."
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midniiights-garden · 6 months
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Mizu realising she's in love/a lesbian [Headcanons!!]
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(A/N: I feel like this is like... already a given but please remember that these are HEADCANONS!! She does not have a canon sexuality. And I know it's mostly the lesbians who haven taken over the show but my content is available for everyone to see and I wanted to remind everyone that I am not going to tolerate slander or trash talking because of a personal opinion. You are entitled to your thoughts and I am entitled to mine.)
Possible TWs!!: Mentions of sex and sexual encounters, M*kio (you cannot stop me from putting this man as a warning I hate him sm), Canon typical violence, Racisim, Homophobia, Mysogyny (did I spell that right??)
Firstly I wanna address her relationship with Mikio in order to fully understand my headcanons.
Personally I do not believe that Mizu actually "loved" Mikio in the romantic sense. She thought she was in love, but in the end it wasn't.
Speaking as someone with a lot of personal trauma regarding relationships myself I realised that I couldn't differentiate between romantic and platonic love. Basically, for me, all I saw was that someone was treating me nicely for once and now I'm attached to them. And for the longest time I thought that was what love was.
And I think Mizu experienced something similar.
Basically, when Mikio treated her like a fucking human being she was like "oh, hey this is nice. This is weird, but it's nice. So I guess I'm in love, right?"
Like, no, baby. You aren't. That's just called emotional trauma.
That's also why she thought she was straight for the longest time because she genuinely cannot tell when she likes someone romantically.
As I often restate it'll take a while for her to fully understand the extent of her emotions, but she'll get there.
Now onto the fluffier stuff :))
~~~
How does she realise she's in love? What's her reaction to it?
I think she gets hit with the realisation as if it were a train crashing into her.
It's just a normal evening, she's probably at a ramen shop with her future S/O with her and then as she's taking a bite of her ramen she looks over at you and thinks: "Huh... I wonder what it would be like if I got to hold them?"
And then it's just a record scratch moment for her where she's like wtf where did that come from.
It's either just normal domestic moment like I mentioned or her future S/O sparring with her (which may or not freak her out bc of the fucking Mikio incident).
But when Mizu successfully pins her S/O down they just laugh and smile, knowing Mizu would never hurt them on purpose.
That made Mizu's heart flutter more than anything Mikio had ever done for her.
She's going to be in denial about it for a long time. Like... a really, really long time. Cue the "but we're just friends"!
How does she react when she realises she's into girls?
Due to the internalized homophobia instilled within her as a child and other such thoughts she starts to think she may be going crazy.
She'll start to pull away out of fear, not truly understanding her emotions.
Which, of course, will hurt her future S/O and cause them to worry.
Seeing her future S/O so distraught kind of triggers something in her. She realises that there's nothing inherently wrong with her, that she's still a person and the person she likes is still a person and that there shouldn't be anything wrong with liking her S/O. She also just didn't like seeing you worry over her, it hurt her more than any blade that she's been stabbed with.
Now onto her actual physical attraction.
Once the whole emotional side of it is somewhat sorted in her mind she finds herself not so subtly staring at her S/O's tatas.
She doesn't strike me as someone with high libido or anything despite what I've seen a lot of headcanons say. But I think shes the kind of lover to enjoy getting her S/O off a lottttt
I don't believe she was ever really attracted to Mikio sexually but seeing her S/O's kimono slip off their shoulder to reveal some titty has her red and hot.
She likes that it's soft. She really likes the softness of her S/O's body.
~~~
(A/N: That's all!! I feel like I was terribly self-indulgent with this one but there are a lot of aspects in which I relate to Mizu with. Which is probably why I care a lot about representing her correctly. As usual, feel free to comment or send asks to my inbox!! I hope y'all enjoyed <33)
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robinwithay · 5 months
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I'm mean this very /gen, but I've seen a lot of posts recently talking about how fans need to think more about Aziraphale and not baby Crowley and based on these posts fans seem heavily skewed towards Crowley but... I'm hardly in this Fandom, I pop in from time to time to see art and fic and meta for like a week or two, go away for a bit, and then come back and check in again, and generally what I've seen more than anything, is posts about Aziraphale and his trauma and why he's suffering the most and Crowley should have Done Better and Aziraphale Defense no matter what, any aziraphale critique seen as hate...
So I'm not sure where this disconnect is happening. We're apparently seeing completely opposite sides of the Fandom, but it seems like the overwhelming majority. So I see posts that are like, okay let's focus more on Aziraphale, and I'm like, that's literally all I'm seeing......this isn't meant to start something, bc I honestly am curious how this is happening and how everyone is either miscommunicating or idk something
hi anon! first of all, sorry it took me so long to get to this ask - it's partly because i really don't know the answer. i've spoken to others about this phenomenon of everyone seeming to only see the opposite of whatever "side" they've personally chosen, and it does seem to happen a lot. i have a theory it's partially confirmation bias - as in people ignore what they see that agrees with what they already think, and only focus on/remember what doesn't because they want to believe there is opposition to their opinion - partially temporal (maybe especially temporal for you, if you only dip in and out!) - as in more people have come around to seeing Aziraphale's side of things the more time has passed after the initial pain of s2 making a lot of people side more with Crowley - and partially that there is a real divide.
personally, i think that choosing "sides" between two characters who love each other is...silly. i think both of them were wrong and right in different ways, they both hurt each other, and they both have some development they need to do to forgive and earn each other's forgiveness.
however, i do think there was a huge initial wave of hatred thrown at Aziraphale that some folks are still very much riding. since season 1, i think Crowley has always been the fandom favourite, and i say that in full appreciation of the fact that in terms of fandom, the GO fandom is a rare one where the disparity between fandom favourites is much smaller than in most. plenty of people love Aziraphale, but he doesn't tend to get the same treatment as Crowley. and it's understandable - Crowley is a sad wet cat of a demon, and people love an underdog, an antihero. i think a lot of folks really relate to Crowley in his bitterness, his depression, his resent. he's been treated badly, rejected, tossed aside, and persists regardless, and - unfortunately - a lot of people know how that feels. it helps that Crowley is very easy to read (despite his best efforts), especially to the audience. his motivations are clear and relatable.
Aziraphale, on the other hand, is...kinda more complicated. he's generally operating on so many layers of deceit and denial that i don't know if he himself fully understands how he truly feels half the time - he's not honest about his emotions to the audience or himself. that doesn't make for an accessible, relatable character for most people, but for those with whom it resonates, it really resonates.
let me be clear: Crowley is not a bad character for being easier to read. Aziraphale is not a bad character for being harder to read. they're just different and appeal to different people.
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yesimwriting · 9 months
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I support you in the tate interest bc I'm right there with you
Has he done crimes? Ya sure but look at him he's cute!
And I'm intrigued with your modern day fic idea if you wanna share 👀
a/n i love you for indulging me <3
also i will be the first to admit that i don't think i ever fully got what AHS apocolypse did to murder house?? like the time travel and new timeline? ig there's no more murder house??
idk i didn't love it so i'm leaving it out partially out of preference and partially out of being a little confused lol,, and i honestly don't want to get into all of that!!
and there's time in between the end of AHS murder house and AHS apocalypse so you can also imagine this is somewhere in there, where season 1 trauma is less fresh to all the characters but not season 8...if that makes sense??
anyways this made me so excited i decided to use this as my homework study break instead of the fic i was working on earlier
----
"And maggots crawl up their nose and eat their brains."
And just like that, I no longer have the luxury of letting whatever Kayla's into these days be just background noise. "Wait a minute..." She looks up from the large book laying in front of her, raising an eyebrow like she had been talking about something any seven-year-old girl could be into. Like brain eating maggots are no different than Barbies or baby dolls. "Maggots?"
"Mhm," she nods, sitting up a little straighter, "It's in my new book, I checked it out at the library."
Kayla lifts one end, giving me a way to check out the cover. 500 Weird Ways to Go. Ugh. Can't blame her, I blame the person raising her. I look away from the dining room table and glare at my mom who's searching through the boxes that have lived on the kitchen counter since we first walked in about a week ago.
"What?" My mom doesn't even have to look up to sense my disappointment. "It's educational, and you were into some weird stuff, too when you were seven." She pushes aside the box she's looking through in favor of the one next to it. "...Used to tell me how much bacteria a single roach could carry."
I set down my pencil. "Doesn't matter--Kayla's been having nightmares." The trig homework was frustrating before and I can't tell if this is worse. "It's not appropriate." She walks away from the boxes, giving me a chance to see the low cut, silky tank she's wearing. "And neither is that top if that's what you're wearing for the PTA meeting."
"Lighten up, sweetheart." I don't. She sighs, nails tapping against the counter. "Y'know you used to be fun."
"Yeah, well," I stand, picking up my school supplies, awkwardly forcing them all into my arms, "That was before some crazy lady forced me to move halfway across the country to live in some house that we shouldn't even be able to afford."
Her glossy lips fall apart in mock surprise, "I'm not crazy." She shakes her head once, "And I've told you...the financial stuff just worked, okay...so just relax and be a kid for once. Worry about decorating your room, or-or making friends, or throwing a rager and making me hate you."
I am so not in the mood for the you worry too much speech. "Lot of ways for me to make you hate me." Before she can respond, I reach over and steal the mug of coffee she had been drinking from. "Just saying."
I walk out of the kitchen, mug and school supplies all awkwardly balancing in my arms until I'm in what's supposed to be my room.
There's nothing wrong with the space. Actually, in another situation, I'm sure I could have really loved this space. The room has dark blue walls and wood arches that make it feel unique. It also came pre-furnished and everything feels like it fits. But none of it feels mine.
Maybe it's just the lack of unpacking...the boxes of posters and personal items pouring over the dresser and onto the floor...the suit case I'm still living out of. Or maybe the good qualities of the room are the issue. It's put together so perfectly I feel like I'm what's wrong with it. Like I'm intruding--a guest in someone else's room...someone else's house...someone else's life.
Sometimes when I can't sleep I imagine what it might've been. Some nights it even slips into my dreams. The story rarely stays the same...sometimes it's a teenage girl who wanted to be here even less than I do...other times I picture a little kid who grew up here...and sometimes I even think of this as some boy's room that relies on rock music and doesn't get along with his mom.
None of that matters, I guess. It's my room, obviously, and imagining who might have lived here before won't help me with my homework. I squeeze my eyes shut, rubbing my temple before turning my attention back to the real villain. Trigonometry.
I breeze through most of the questions as much as anyone can breeze through trigo until I'm on the last one. I'm stuck. I work on it again and again and it keeps being wrong.
I sigh, grabbing a pillow and using it to muffle my groan of frustration. How many times can I do what I'm supposed to do and still get it wrong? I pick up my eraser, knowing what I should do. I should just start over. Instead of dragging it across the page I throw it across the room.
Instead of smacking into the door and falling to the ground, the door pushes back. I sit up quicker than I thought possible.
"Warm welcome." The sarcasm comes from the stranger lingering way too comfortably in my doorway. His dark eyes scan the room before landing on me. He takes in my appearance openly, which I'm not used to, so I instinctually do the same. He seems like he's average height with blonde hair that's long enough to shag slightly and he's wearing an oversized sweater. "Cool room, by the way."
"Uh..." He's definitely lying, because all I've fully unpacked are a couple of books, a few pictures, my record player, and a single movie poster. "Thanks."
I'm not stupid. I know home intruders can be anyone, even cute boys that look like they're around your age and act casual enough to gaslight you into feeling like you're the weird one for not inviting them in. But if that's the goal, he's really good at it. I feel awkward and like I should be doing something to compensate.
"Sorry about the eraser." The words feel flat, almost shy. "That wasn't--wasn't about you--" Like I wouldn't have been well within my rights to throw something at someone who may or may not be breaking into my house. "That was...trig."
He nods once and I can't tell if it feels indifferent. I'm not sure why it matters. The stranger steps further into my room, his attention briefly focusing on the framed photo of a younger me and one of my best friends from back home. He's closer than a stranger should be now, close enough to lean over and look at my homework, which he does.
"Uh..." I sit up even straighter, a part of me wanting to grab my notebook and shield it even though that's irrational. There isn't anything he can get from it. "Who are you?"
The stranger holds my stare for a beat before answering, "I'm Tate." I nod, even though that does nothing for me. "I live around here."
Okay--that makes a lot of sense. I wouldn't be surprised if my mom ran into him on her way out and waved him down and told him to just let himself in and find her oldest daughter. Maybe this is an ambush attempt at getting me to make friends.
"Oh," I mumble like that explains everything, "Did my mom stop you?" The assumption feels like it could make me seem weird. I don't know why I feel like I'm the one that needs to come off as casual when he's the one that has less of a right to be here. "She invites people in sometimes, especially when she's new to a place." I scratch my knee to have something to physically do. "She never thinks anyone could be a murderer."
Oh my god?! Did I just accuse the only attractive guy I've met here of being a murderer? "Not that I think you're a murderer." I fight the urge to physically cringe. "--I um--I've been doing math for way longer than physically tolerable so my head's kinda mush right now."
"Explains why you divided wrong." Before I can ask what he's talking about, Tate places his finger against the bottom of the page. I look at what he's pointing at, some throwaway basic math...that I messed up. That's why it wasn't working.
"Oh?" I pick up my pencil and cross out my mistake so that I remember where to start over. "You totally saved my life." I rewrite the numbers so that I can actually solve the problem. "I'm Y/n, by the way."
Only halfway done with my math problem, I look up. He didn't ask for my name, which doesn't matter. Maybe he feels less comfortable in a stranger's room than he seems or maybe I've weirded him out and he has no intentions of speaking to me again. Not knowing is making my skin feel like it's crawling. It doesn't make sense for me to care.
I want him to like me. The realization burrows itself deep into my chest. It's an uncomfortable feeling, making it hard to just sit there and stare.
I've never considered myself someone that needs validation from guys, but this doesn't feel quite like that. School hasn't seemed too promising and every day I talk to my friends from home or I see their posts online and realize that they still have everything I did. I'm not mad about it or surprised--the world doesn't and shouldn't stop and start with me--but it hurts to suddenly have no one. And even though I know nothing about him, Tate's the first remotely cool seeming person I've met.
He waits a beat, eyes focused on a point that feels just past my head. I don't know why, but something about the silence feels pivotal. Tate then dips his chin downwards, a nod of acknowledgement. "Cool."
Tate takes a partial step forward, body angling itself towards the nightstand that I've been using for my record player. "This work?"
"Yeah," I turn myself so that I can watch him, "I know everything's online, but I like having physical copies." My nails press into my knee.
Tate reaches forward to mess with the volume dial. "What kind of music do you have?"
"A little of everything," I force my hand to relax, "But most of my vinyls are still being shipped."
His eyes briefly flit in my direction, "Got anything worth listening to?"
"Uh..." Is he implying that he's staying? Do I want him to? I'm lonely and kind of desperate for friends, but I should probably at least try to be a little suspicious. "We can listen to whatever you want on my..." I move a pillow and straighten my comforter in search of my, "Phone."
After a second of searching, I find it under my textbook.
"Anything?"
I unlock my phone, "Yeah, your pick, I owe you for the math thing."
Tate shrugs, "I just wanted to make sure you'd stop at the eraser, y'know, as a friend."
He gestures towards the door in a way that almost feels teasing. I can barely register the fact that he's kind of making fun of me because my mind's stuck on the last word. "We're friends?"
"You wanna be?"
The bluntness of the question surprises me more than it should. He's yet to feel particularly invested in social norms. "...Yeah." I scratch at the back of my wrist awkwardly. "That'd--that'd be cool."
Tate's head turns his head away for a second. He takes a step forward before sitting at the edge of my bed. The proximity nearly makes me jump out of my skin. I redirect my nervous energy into grabbing my homework and moving it to the other side of the bed. "You got any Kurt Cobain on there?"
----
a/n i accidentally developed the background way too much for something idek if i'm going to touch on again but i spent all day doing hw and deserved to give into a harmless impulse
might have to make a part 2/mini series bc what did i do all that for 😭 i lowkey wanted to add violet and reader friendship to add some angst so maybe that? idk
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a-witch-in-endor · 2 years
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17, 18, 22 (for MO since it's possibly your only fic without a lyric title - unless there are any fics whose themes would NOT be the song the title is from), 23, 26, 28 (also where are you that you are in someone else's hell bc it's 3am where I am)
It's not quite my only title without a song lyric! I just titled occam's razor wire and was super proud of it, because Keith's understanding of Occam's Razor is what he uses to keep people away.
But yeah... usually song lyrics.
17. What piece of writing are you most proud of?
I answered this one as this is a gift (it comes with a price), because I think that's the best piece of writing I've done. However, it's also very dark, so it's certainly not the piece I would recommend to a stranger.
18. Which is more difficult, the title or the summary?
Summary for sure! I hate summaries. I always leave them to the last minute and stress over them. Titles usually come to me through browsing songs and thinking about the overall mood, but writing a summary is always like pulling teeth.
22. If you had to assign a theme song to [fic title], what would it be?
I answered this one, too - MO would be Leonard Cohen's 'Athem'. You're getting a different lyric, though:
Every heart, every heart to love will come / but like a refugee
23. Have you ever stopped yourself from writing something? Why?
Yeah, I had an idea that was darker than 'this is a gift' and I stopped myself because I decided I wasn't actually qualified to write about that kind of trauma.
26. Is there a specific scene or scenario you’re looking forward to most? (No, you don’t have to give away spoilers!)
Yes! The whole next chapter of MO is going to be a BLAST for me. I'm also really looking forward to getting into the thick of it with The World, So Close, but that one's currently taking a backseat in favour of finishing MO.
28. Share a piece from one of your current WIPs!
A few lines from the next chapter of The World, So Close:
“You do have a father,” Mother admits. “But he is a monster.” 
Fear seizes in Zuko’s chest. “A monster? Like the monsters who want to get me outside?” 
Mother nods. “Yes. He is one of those monsters.”
Zuko wants to cry. But he’s not a baby, so he stamps down on the urge. 
“But…” he starts, and then hiccoughs. “But you said a child is half the mom and half the dad. So if my father was a monster, does that-- does that mean I’m half monster?” 
There’s a long moment of quiet. Finally, Mother looks back to Zuko and smooths a hand over his forehead. Her skin is warm and dry and soothing. 
“You’re also half me.” She leans down and kisses him on the forehead.
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khaleesiofalicante · 1 year
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I haven't come here to SCREAM about the last couple of chapters, so I'm here to fix it!
An incomplete list of the things I loved about chapter 48:
EVERYTHING OMFG
Lmao no but seriously: the first part was so hard to read but so worth the wait!! I was clutching my phone without being able to look away because it was so we'll written and it broke my heart all over agai!
Max calling him for hours till he answered bc "They have always been equally obsessed with each other"😭😭
"What else to do but be consumed by Max Lightwood-Bane?" PLS SIR STOP I'M ALREADY CRYING
The whole fucking scene where David's tells Mallory she won't win because she doesn't have what it takes to love Max and telling her that whatever she does, he will undo and he will find his way back to him. I shit you not, I've read that part at least 7 times by now. I'M OBSSESED
The bit with the knife. IT MAKES SENSE NOW AND I WISH IT DIDN'T. GET THIS BABY A BREAK😭. Also now I understand why he wore the long-sleeved tshirts because it made AJ cry :)
I read that someone had a theory that Lance returned for his pink pony and that was why he was at the house and why David threw it away and I would like to personally congratulate them for guessing it tbh bc for me it clicked s second before jdhdkd
I love the way we see David's pain and his trauma from his POV as something he's still trying to understand and work around and how that pain only answers to him, so doing all this by himself was kinda necessary.
When Max asked him if he loved anyone else other than him, the answer seemed so simple. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
"I don't need a reason to love you. I never have. You existing is reason enough for me to love you." Stay with someone who loves you for the simple fact that you exist 💙
David moved forward at that. He didn't know how not to. I love how he thinks this or "How could he refuse?" "How could he say no to that?" "How could he deny when it was Max who asked?" In every universe because YES HE'S NEVER BEEN ABLE GO LET GO OF THIS MAN
The fact that David is always refered as "greedy" because he never has enough of Max is everything to me and in this essay I will-
The whole scene where David was touching Max HOLY FUCK IT WAS EVERYTHING I COULDN'T STOP READING IT AND AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL I MUST LOOK AWAY BECAUSE ITS SO INTIMATE!
AJ GOT THE ROLE!!! FUCK YES I'M SO PROUD OF MY BABY🥺🥺
The fucking white lilies tattoo😭 and the only blooming one being all around David's name. You really said I'm not done with flower symbolism and I love you for that💙
Arthur walking in on them and being like why yes this make sense they just had a heartfelt confession will be in my top ten favorite moments jdhsjsjsj
"Goodnight, mon ange" I'm in tears right now ok?!? It's the second time we've heard present David say it (the first one at the Maldives counts?) And it just turned into my favorite thing 🥺🥺🥺🥺
This was what it felt like to be alive. He had almost forgotten. David chuckled to himself and covered his mouth. HE FEELS ALIVE!! I AM BEING SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS!!
The wink at lbaf left me looking at my ceiling for like 15 minutes so I think that tells you everything you should know.
I loved everything about it. The way you give so much emotion and intensity to a chapter and the beautiful way you write it mean so much to me. Thank you for this wind story once again 💙
Thank you. I cri 🥺🥺🥺
Here is a song I listened to over and over when I wrote this chapter (especially when I wrote the flashback scene) - Indila - Tourner Dans Le Vide 
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I posted 5,790 times in 2022
That's 5,782 more posts than 2021!
2,746 posts created (47%)
3,044 posts reblogged (53%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@sing-against-the-sky
@sinners-go-to-drink-the-wine
@ejacutastic
I tagged 3,395 of my posts in 2022
Only 41% of my posts had no tags
#gvf - 2,220 posts
#greta van fleet - 2,168 posts
#josh kiszka - 1,897 posts
#jake kiszka - 1,876 posts
#danny wagner - 1,861 posts
#sam kiszka - 1,828 posts
#jake gvf - 1,815 posts
#josh gvf - 1,810 posts
#danny gvf - 1,787 posts
#sam gvf - 1,769 posts
Longest Tag: 138 characters
#im going crazy im giggling like an idiot at my desk my coworker asked me whats so funny and im just laughing bc what am i supposed to do??
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Neon Moon- S.F.K
Authors Note:
Haven't been able to stop thinking about making another period piece, but this time, The Wild West! I've been on a real Sam high lately and I can't stop thinking about how perfect long haired Sammy would look dressed as a cowboy, so I thought this would be a good story for him, plus I'm from the south so this was a lot of fun to write.
Synopsis:
You and your least favorite cowboy on the ranch have to ride out on a cattle drive alone together until one night tensions run high under the moonlight.
Word count: 9.9K (this is becoming a pattern)
WARNING: 18+ Minors DNI, Enemies to lovers smut, but make it a western. Swearing, alcohol, minor injury, fingering, light spanking, raw doggin' (wrap before you tap it with a cowboy babes).
Pairing: Cowboy!Sam x female reader
Let me know what you think, I love hearing from y'all! Let me know if you wanna be tagged in a future post and hit up my messages if you want a request for a future story! YEEHAW!
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384 notes - Posted January 25, 2022
#4
Mended. J.M.K
Author’s Note: This story holds alot of my own bullshit from my past and kind of my journey back to self acceptance and letting go of what had been done to me. I'm hoping you guys enjoy my story, I've been wanting to move this pain into art and something that doesn't just belong to me anymore.
Requests:
Anon:
From the prompts, can u do something with Josh using: “ when i am near you, i finally know how it feels to breathe without worry, without caution. i just feel safe with you… “Like the reader had been in a toxic relationship prior to meeting Josh and when she feels how comfortable he makes her feel she confesses this quote to him??? And the whole thing is all fluffy and heartfelt🥺🥰😍😭 thank u sis for feeding us so well😩😩😩
And this Anon as well, I sort of added them to the pot!
Anon:Ok I’m shy but here I go😭🙈
Can you do something with the prompt:
“Just do what feels good baby, there’s no rush…”
Like maybe it’s her first time ✨riding✨ him and he’s kinda helping her and encouraging her? Something along those lines🥰
I kind of combined both of these requests for this fic!
Synopsis: After being with your boyfriend for so long, the two of you find yourselves sharing a long awaited first time.
Word Count: 6.2k (bit of a breeze eh?)
Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Female Reader
Warnings: Warnings: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Very very fluffy, very sweet, very smutty. Foul language, oral, mentions of past sexual abuse and sexual trauma. (Wrap it before you tap your beautiful boyfriend)
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391 notes - Posted April 5, 2022
#3
Snow Angel. J.M.K
authors note:
This is the first gvf one shot I've ever written and it's been ages since I've written like this before so I hope you enjoy it.
Synopsis:
On your vacation to a ski resort you run into the sexiest man on the mountain who practically saves your life.
Word count: 9.9K
WARNING: 18+ Minors DNI, fluff, definitely smutty, very smutty, praise, swearing, alcohol, oral (f recieving), raw doggin' (wrap before you tap). Mentions of injury and surgery (not crazy).
Pairing: Josh x female reader
Please let me know what you think!
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448 notes - Posted January 5, 2022
#2
Take aways from the new Danny interview
Jake is the best cook, "from pasta to making a soup that takes 3 days"
Josh is the most particular about the band
Danny and Sam can read music Josh and Jake cannot but they say it's really not something they have to do alot
Heat Above was written 6 or 7 years before TBAGG and is the oldest song on the album
At camp fires Danny will either play on a cardboard box and bang on that or usually will play guitar
"I'm not a brother by blood but I am a brother."
They all stink after a show and all their wardrobe stinks.
Sam and Josh wash their feet right after a show and they all shower after to try and ground themselves (like duh but thank god)
Danny hasn't really Googled himself besides to see if they have his height right and when their tour dates are because he forgets
The boys had Thanksgiving together during the pandemic
Metallica is super fuckin nice
Describes himself as the most introverted in the band and is nervous to go up and introduce himself to big time artists at festivals (like girl me too I'd be so scared)
They enjoy making music videos alot (didn't say anything about any new ones or broken bells)
"New music is coming sooner than you think"
I love Danny omg he's so polite and sweet and I wanna kiss him all over.
https://youtu.be/AQnevMMLUKQ
496 notes - Posted August 25, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Feather Light- J.M.K
Author’s Note:
This is in response to an anon request I got asking for a tantric sex smut with Josh. I hope you can’t tell how little I know about tantric sex aside from the smut I’ve read on this godforsaken hell-site, but hey I had fun and I bet you will too! Also, I googled harem pants to see if they were what I thought they were called and now it's the only ad I get on instagram now so that’s cool.
Synopsis:
After so many relationships and sexual partners, you just can’t seem to find any real release, well, that’s until you met Dr. J.M.K.
Word count: 8.1K (some light reading)
WARNING: 18+ Minors DNI, smut but make it Dr. J.M.K, tantric sex, swearing, raw doggin' (wrap it before you tap your spiritual psychology teacher).
Pairing: Dr. J.M.K x female reader
I love hearing from all of you and what you think of my writing. Let me know what you’d like to see, any requests or if you would like to be added to my taglist for future stories! Love y’all!
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905 notes - Posted February 19, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
This is honestly so insane to me. I made this account just around the beginning of this year just because I wanted to give Snow Angel a home and seeing it in my top 5 posts means a lot. I cannot believe the journey that this has taken me on. I am incredibly thankful of all the love you have not only shown me, but the love you have shown for my stories. I've always loved to write and I am so happy that you all seem to enjoy what I write and I am so thankful for that. You all mean the world to me, every last comment, note, funny tag and reblog means the absolute world to me and I am forever grateful and blessed for your support.
To another year on this hellsite surrounded by endless Gresties and friends. I love you all.
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feb. 23, 2024
okay I had to ask for the date, that's the only reason it's accurate this time. "oh, why don't you just look at your phone?" because I never think to. maybe its weaponized incompetence idk, but I'm not a 30 man baby married to a woman who might as well be his mommy so is that a legitimate worry to have? I'm a shitty writer but no one is reading this except me. Dammit, why do I have a perfectionist streak if I can't even make it work for me.
my neuroses have neuroses.
it's never going to be my year. sometimes I don't think I can even make something my day. maybe I just gotta....live in the moment. damn cliches, most of them wind up being true. it's so cheesy! but the time of person I am, I'm going to worry about something and then become so worried that I my fight or flight instinct comes in (which is so totally unfair because my trauma is like, as mundane as it can get, and I don't mean that in a self depreciative sort of way, it's very true) and I either choose flight or freeze. the only people I fight with are usually people who don't even deserve it.
I'm a little lost puppy and I feel older in a jaded way but I also feel younger than my peers. but most of my peers aren't even living lives that I feel jealous of so WHY DO I CARE. I care abbot things that don't matter and then that leaves no space for things that actually do.
I need to move out and start over. get away from living with my parents in this same old town, because I feel so much better when I'm away from it all.
though, it doesn't count...if I'm with my family... it's not entirely their fault but dammit, its not entirely mine either. I'm not a bad person I'm just also not a very good one. to quote my own mother, "I suck at life." to quote myself, I'm just "a bit unfortunate."
I need to stop explaining myself to people. and myself. I actually have no clue why I do it in the first place. maybe the insatiable need to be liked? I am a Leo after all. but I'm also unique and hyper independent. do I be myself all the time? kind of. we should all strive to be ourselves, but a better version. what does the better version of myself look like?
hah, look at me, using a Tumblr blog as a journal, trying to be "cool" instead of "edgy and unique". I'm holding too tightly to the past but I don't NEED to let it go. just, allow more space for the present and future.
okay, here comes the really fun part: the venting. love this for me, I'm letting the anger flow in and then flow out again. I'm a fire sign, and more importantly, I'm a miller. the anger comes in quick bursts of flames and then dies down. I don't want to be the type of person to hold onto grudges and bottle everything up. there has to be an appropriate outlet for it. well, journaling of course. maybe angry music? do I write it myself? sing it out loud? I guess all of the above works.
(btw, what's the word limit on this? I've been going on for like, a while. if it cuts me off I'll be so upset. and then ill remember that I refuse to read this back anyways so its like, actually not a big deal. how do I validate other people's emotions when they like, trigger me? man, maybe I just have to step away from the moderator role. seriously, when has it done me any good? I value loyalty more, but I also value kindness. ugh, everything requires balance and my whole being like, physically and spiritually rejects it.)
like sorry g but I'm not a shit talker and its unfair that u expect me to be. it's unfair of me to invalidate ur feelings, but does that count for every time? u take it as me being holier than thou and invalidating but not every person u shit talk has actually wronged you. tho, I suppose its on me to know the difference and respond accordingly. I refuse to feel guilty anymore, living in the moment you know? next time I'll take a minute and think. I may not be good at it at first but I'll make a effort and that has to be enough bc its all I have to give.
and why was last night so awkward! I guess she gave me the same energy I give her but she's the one with that problem! I don't care that she was more subdued but apparently she hates it when its her which means...she hates it when I do it. but I don't mind either way! like sorry, but my depression isn't about you and your depression isn't about me. I at least realize that. and god fucking dammit but I wish everyone would realize that I'm sad and I'm fucking trying, I try so hard every day. living as I am is the most uncomfortable feeling. like a constant headache, or persistent nausea. you know when you're having a really bad day? well every god damn day is a bad day for me. I don't get good ones, only good moments and then the rest suck. "your mental illness is your own problem to deal with" yeah and I don't make it anyone else's problem except my own! and my parents... but come the fuck on, no I don't want to go to the bars. I don't want to do anything, you're so right, its bc I'm SAD!!!! depression makes you a buzzkill, who would have thought. be grateful I'm still kicking, bc if I had the capacity to Kermit I would have ages ago! I wish I had to guts to sometimes. I don't, probably never will, and its kind of fucked up that if I were sadder part of me would feel better. what if I just gave up entirely? I'm capable of giving up even more, I assure you.
ugh, this is mentally exhausting. I think that's enough for one day.
peace out <3
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nochiquinn · 2 years
Text
four-sided dive episode 1: fuck a banana peel
dani!!
"yellow like chetney's teeth"
kavern teeper
it's my speech impediment's worst nightmare
oh it's a bop
"do old people drink prune juice? no. old people do."
"COOK grape nuts??"
"pfft, bertrand bell. ....unless??"
"HOPEFULLY he wakes up"
roll to survive the night
The Longest Rest
okay scanlan
IMMORTAL GNOME
"so robbie" "OH NO"
the moral of dorian's story is never leave home
"I wouldn't have squashed them. I'd have used them against you."
I need this set to have a sofa
"this is a guy I wrote about for pretend and now he's here!"
"what do we do now? we're BOTH morons!"
dorian added to cyrus' bounty for emotional trauma
"I used the black card 'cause I was gonna get murdered!"
evil dorian au where's the art
"that explains the nice boots"
his inner akechi
the fireplace behind marisha is giving me residual anxiety from That One Live
it's not even real
"are you sure it was a dream?"
oh now we're giving travis anxiety
"I wanna be SPOOKY for campaign 3"
vex double confirm
Ziggaraut Blast, new mountain dew flavor
this puts a new angle on marisha and laura shittalking their own c1 characters
"I heard she's a BITCH"
(or were they talking about keyleth) (I'm not going through all my liveblogs to check)
The Keyleth
does werthers do the fruit swirl ones bc those are okay
"there wasn't a lot to do in the 50s"
werthers nanobots
that's a soundbite now
wethersnanobots.mp3
sagas of sundry ptsd
"believe in the me that believes in me"
"are these painted together"
okay LIAM
(speaking of my sagas ptsd)
oh that's a nice littel graphic
isn't it still webelos? I don't know enough about boy scouts to confirm
a 4th grader with travis' attention span
Peak Weird
"if MARISHA does something weird no one can clock me"
laudna: I am thou, thou art I
dariax truly is No Thoughts Head Empty
No Thoughts Head Empty as therapy
oh I can maybe relate to the lying thing
don't tell my friends
"can you put all of this on her tab"
oh custom tankards!
"be honest - are you too young to get Flight of the Navigator references"
PFFT he saw the dick out memes
"he lived! and he boned liev'tel!"
I hope they make sam pull out of his scanlan tankard
"always take a spa day" be selective with your spa
dickoutery
"LOOK AT DANI"
"I'm not on camera right now!" bring back danicam
ROBBIE you BITCH
FLOOF
can't believe robbie refused to answer omar, so rude
"I've loved werewolves since I was tiny" really I don't think we ever could have told that about you travis
that's fucking adorable
baby travis is why crayola markers are washable by default now
"this is my werewolf! :D"
"you can say chetney"
djfslk robbie's pops
"she needs a dead thing"
"when taliesin dresses you for renfaire - and he always does - you need more dead things hanging off of you"
this does not surprise me in the least
bribing this boy with so many treats
the subs just called taliesin "allison"
"you eating questions??"
chetney's class is Werewolf
that's how you become liam
"I want to get into the higher levels of blood hunter because...somebody needs to do it."
chetney writes paranormal romance and we all know it
where the sidewalk ends!
Dorian Doodles
howdoyouwannadothises
liam's done the dramatic flavor always
travis doing the wall of fire hand slide
it was iconic okay
"was it liam being extra or something you could do" both
"all the characters just get fuckin weirder"
"I never played before :D"
"I know what three buttons do"
I don't know who's playing walugi but I'm automatically rooting for them
oh MATT is playing waluigi
you are also a man of taste
.....of COURSE he's playing waluigi, I can't put the picture but YOU KNOW WHICH PICTURE
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES"
"this was the moment?" "YEAH"
my kid kicks my ass at mariokart. and most other video games.
"I'm TRYING to win mariokart but I'm dummy thicc and the clap of my asscheeks isn't aerodynamic"
Big Hands Little Controller is a Problem
ohhh my bananas
"good thing nobody games on twitch"
"how do I commit seppuku in mariokart"
"waluigi deserves it" take it back
"you insulted her by calling her her name?!"
"FUCK A BANANA PEEL"
crying at matt's fall from grace
"touch them, they're helpers! :D"
"I got a real dry bowser"
"can't underestimate the worst mariokart player ever"
The Sweeper
"I'm never coming back on this show again"
I've been your travis willingham
OF COURSE SAM DID A SONG
omar is Helping
why did the plushie just jumpscare me
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desidarling123 · 3 years
Text
Reviewing the Grishaverse Couples (Canon and Non-Canon/Alternate Universe) just because I can, here we go:
These are not based *strictly* on the books, but rather the Netflix show, which appears to have spawned ✨all the ships✨ as of late.
DISLAIMER: I don't hate any ships! And I won't tolerate any slander. Creativity is the core to all fandoms, and that's what shipping (canon or otherwise) is ultimately all about. Cool? Cool.
CANON COUPLES:
Darkling/Alina aka DARKLINA: What I came for TBH, though not necessarily what kept me watching through the end (damn you, episode 5! you got me so confused! ahhh but also corruption arc for Alina? hmmmm) Jessie and Ben have chemistry in spades, and Ben emotes well for an ancient asshat. These two have great fic potential.
Mal/Alina aka MALINA: Sweet! A little boring to me initially tbh, but much better on rewatch. They are each other's safe haven, and there's something really lovely about that. I like them together.
Kaz/Inej aka KANEJ: GOD TIER. THEY'VE RUINED EVERYTHING ELSE FOR ME. NOTHING EVEN COMES CLOSE. THE FUCKING PINING BITCH. HE LOVES HER. SO SO MUCH. 1000000000/10.
Full disclosure: I came for Darklina, but stayed for Kanej. And, at this rate, will happily suffer countless seasons where the most they do is maybe hold hands but also Netflix please let them heal their trauma together and kiss at least once for my poor shipper heart PLEASE
Nina/Matthias aka HELNIK: They're cute. Almost a little too on-the-nose with the tropes for me, personally, but the actors make it work.
Jesper/Stable Boy: Honestly? Good for Jesper. The only person on the show who actually managed to get laid onscreen. He deserves it.
Genya/David: Also very cute, though they don't necessarily occupy much brain space. I like that David is this awkward little dork but he's just. So good for Genya. It's very pure and she really needs that.
Darkling/Zoya: Zoya, baby, you deserve better. That said, I wish the show had explored their backstory a bit more. These two would clearly put the T in toxic (Aleksander largely being the one to blame here, of course).
Ivan/Feydor: As someone else put it, these two can be summarized simply by -- be gay and do crimes. They're real cute. If only they weren't Team Darkling.
NON-CANON/ALTERNATE UNIVERSE:
AKA time for some ✨multishipper controversy✨
Darkling/Inej aka DARKEJ: I am extremely biased since I've written for them, but honestly? I would like to convert you all. This pairing has POTENTIAL. The sinner and the saint, the immortal and the ordinary. Also they both have this elegant, shadowy grace to them. Bonus points? Kaz getting a whiff of this nonsense and meticulously planning how to cut up Aleksander into a million tiny little pieces lol.
Darkling/Kaz aka DARKAZ: Sexy. So so sexy. Not in a physical sense (for obvious reasons' on Kaz' end, unless you go AU with that aspect, too) but more a battle of brains. Would inevitably end with Kaz slitting the Darkling's throat, somehow as he should, lmao.
Kaz/Alina aka KAZALINA: I didn't understand this, initially. They barely interacted and Kaz seemed more the type to drag Alina by the kefta than woo her. However, I saw a bunch of people on TikTok attacking someone who made a fantastic AU video edit, (and by a bunch I mean at least two attack videos amassing 10K+ likes total) -- so now I ship it purely out of spite, LOL. It only works in an AU where Inej doesn't exist or Kanej is somehow still endgame, but you know what? The saint and the nonbeliever has some potential. I dig it.
Kaz/Jesper aka KESPER: There's some basis for it in the books. I do prefer them as friends (and come on! Wylan!) but again, I get it.
Jesper/Inej: I... want whatever y'all are smoking bc it must be AMAZING (I kid, I kid). While I can't fully claim to understand it, I love both characters, want nothing but the best for them, and am not entirely opposed to it given the right premise. And Jesper did say he'd kill a man for Inej pretty much without hesitation...
Kaz/Jesper/Inej: OT3 vibes. I haven't read anything with these three just yet but I think, done right, it could be absolutely perfect.
Inej/Alina: I feel like Inej's piety would actually get in the way of a true relationship but I think it's cute as a one-sided crush, Inej on Alina.
Mal/Inej: This one is probably the most random of the Inej ships, but I'm team "Give Inej All The Love" so I'll let this one slide. Also, Amita and Archie low-key have crazy chemistry off-set so again. I get it.
Mal/Kaz: ... does this even exist? Lol I think Mal would definitely drive Kaz up the goddamn wall
Mal/Darkling: Objectively hilarious to me on several counts LMAO (that fight scene at the end of episode 8 PLS). BUT there's a fine line between love and hate... maybe it's not Alina they were after but each other all along
Alina/Genya: Again, god-tier. Also, makes Genya's later betrayal of Alina extra tasty in my opinion. So yeah, add in a dash of heartbreak why not?!?
Alina/Zoya: Enemies to lovers excellence. Though Zoya clearly has some internalized self-hatred to work through (baby WHAT was that half-breed comment?), I don't hate it. Maybe some day...
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rahleeyah · 3 years
Note
Would you mind sharing a list of the hard to watch 2.0 episodes??? I’m a different anon but I’d like to know the ones to avoid.
Ok anon I am basically gonna focus on Liv-related trauma episodes bc that was the subject of the original ask. Under the cut is a list of 2.0 Liv-whump, essentially, with a little explanation of what each one is. This list isn't perfect, there are probably episodes with brief uncomfortable moments that I've forgotten. But god there are so many episodes.
13.13 Father's Shadow - I really like this one, but Liv gets held hostage. Isn't physically injured, but there's some tension, people not listening to Liv, Liv having to reveal that she's the product of a rape in order to get the suspect to connect with her
13.15 Hunting Ground - chasing a serial killer who briefly has Liv cornered alone in a cabin in the woods. V briefly
13.16 Child's Welfare - no physical whump but Simon comes back and everything goes to shit and it's big sad
13.17 Justice Denied - again, nothing bad happens to Liv physically but she gets her little heart broke
14.24 Her Negotiation - the first Lewis epi. It ends with Liv being taken hostage, so this episode she doesn't get hurt but it is tense tense tense and Lewis is disturbing
15.1 Surrender Benson - this is the big one. Lewis holds Liv hostage.
15.2 Imprisoned Lives (pls note on Hulu these two are combined into one epi) - Liv deals with the fallout from Lewis. This one is tough bc it's hard to see Liv struggle but she does come through it.
15.10 Psycho/Therapist - the Lewis trial. This one is harder for me to watch than Surrender Benson, tbh. Lewis is representing himself at the trial and the cards seemed stacked against Liv.
15.20 Beast's Obsession - LEWIS COMES BACK jeez s15 is rough
15.21 Post Mortem Blues - Lewis is gone but Liv is fighting for her career and this one is also just like. a lot
16.23 Surrendering Noah - Liv doesn't get hurt it's just tense for a bit there bc they've discovered who Noah's father is and he is a bad, bad dude
17.11 Townhouse Incident - Liv's nanny asks her to check in on another family, and Liv is held hostage. It's uh. It's a lot.
17.23 Heartfelt Passages - Liv and Dodds end up in a standoff with a perp. Liv doesn't get physically hurt too much in this one but the end made me cry. It's also really important just like narratively?
18.7 Next Chapter - Liv doesn't really get hurt but she has to shoot somebody and it's heavy
18.17 Real Fake News - Liv doesn't get hurt but there is briefly a threat against Noah and we all know that makes the mama bear jump out
19.2 Mood - Liv has been accused of abusing Noah and it's tense and a huge bummer
19.7 Something Happened - bottle episode. one of my faves, mostly just Liv in interview with a potential victim, but their conversation takes her to some dark places. Heavy but really well done.
19.9 Gone Baby Gone - Noah's biological grandmother kidnaps him
19.23/24 Remember Me/Remember Me Too - a woman has taken a man hostage and Liv stumbles into the scene, and it's intense. She doesn't get hurt but she's the only one who believes the woman's story, and while they don't address it there are some shades of Lewis to the whole thing. And also Peter's sister.
20.24 End Game - there's a baddie who turns up in a few of the episodes in the back half of s20 who's got Liv on his radar, and in this epi he's threatening her and Noah but nothing bad actually happens to either of them
21.2 The Darkest Journey Home - there's a little bit of Liv whump near the beginning when a therapist asks her to relive some old trauma but that's it. It's like two minutes.
21.6 Murdered at a Bad Address - Simon dies :(
21.12 The Longest Night of Rain - Tucker dies :(
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aer-in-wanderland · 3 years
Note
What can you say about yeon's "I never abandoned you" to rang because I've seen it's still a debate in the totnt fandom lol some says he did abandon him and some said he didn't since he saved him many times (I'm on the first one haha but I think it had something to do with the writing and scenes bc they didn't show us scenes where we see yeon looking out for rang those years and he just left him after stabbing him afterall) just curious about your thoughts ^•^
Ngl This ask stressed me out haha Like, do I really want to be dragged into this debate? Is there anything I could say that people might be receptive to, or are they just going to like/hate whatever characters they want to regardless? Am I wasting my time?? But since you asked, anon, I hope that you, at least, might be receptive to what I have to say, regardless of whether or not you decide you agree with it.
My answer is no, I don’t believe that Yeon abandoned Rang. Yeon did his best in the midst of a bad situation. He did what he could for both Rang and Ah Eum/Ji Ah without abandoning or sacrificing either at the other’s expense. Just like when they were both taken by Eodukshini. Let me explain.
When Ah Eum died, if Yeon hadn’t done what he did, she would have died permanently (like Taluipa and Hyeonuiong’s son). I don’t believe Yeon was thinking of Rang when he went after Ah Eum; he was consumed by grief. He did what he saw as the only thing he could do, and he paid a heavy price for it. Yeon was sentenced to many years in hell for freezing the Samdocheon (this is separate from his bargain with the Ten Kings around Ah Eum’s rebirth). The reason he didn’t go back for Rang sooner is because he was doing time in hell. (This is official info published by tvN - I’m not making this up).
By the time Yeon had cut a deal with the Ten Kings and returned, Rang was gone. When Yeon finally found him, it was only because there was an order out by the Ten Kings to kill Rang for his crimes. So Yeon had two choices: fulfill his contract as an enforcer for the Ten Kings and kill his brother, or break his contract and ‘kill’ Ah Eum permanently (i.e. lose any chance for her to ever be reborn). Sitting by wasn’t an option either, because then another enforcer would have just killed Rang. So Yeon went to find Rang and dealt him an intentionally non-lethal blow in order to get him off the Ten Kings’ hit list, in spite of the risk that posed to Ah Eum.
So then why didn’t he say anything for 600 years? Why did he just allow Rang to hate him for 600 years without telling him the truth? This is a valid question, and I’m not sure I have a satisfying answer. My understanding is that, as long as Yeon remained under contract to the Ten Kings, he was technically required to kill Rang if he saw him. So when you say, ‘we didn’t get to see Yeon looking out for Rang all those years,’ I think the reason is because staying away was looking out for him. Yeon’s contract finally ended when he found Ji Ah, so it’s possible that this also freed him to mend things with his brother at that point. I admit, even I don’t find that a particularly satisfying explanation. BUT. I think it’s important to keep things in perspective. What is Yeon’s transgression here? Not spelling things out clearly enough for Rang? And what is Rang’s transgression? Murder, mayhem, and 600 years of going out of his way to torment his older brother (his words), all of which Yeon just sat back and took.
But putting all of that aside for a moment, I really dislike this question because it’s fundamentally problematic. Whether or not Yeon abandoned Rang is actually besides the point. Yeon’s experience was that he hadn’t abandoned Rang. That is his truth and his lived experience. Rang’s experience, however, was that Yeon had abandoned him, and it was one that played into his greatest trauma. So, do I understand why Yeon’s supposed abandonment was so world-ending for Rang? Absolutely, and I have incredible sympathy for him for it. But does that excuse Rang’s actions?
I cannot emphasize this enough: you can sympathize with someone’s circumstances without sympathizing with the choices they make in the face of them. I find Rang to be an immensely sympathetic character who has done a lot of really unforgivable things. That complexity is part of what I love about him. He’s both deeply flawed and heartbreakingly compelling. It’s because he’s so flawed that his redemption arc was so satisfying, and it’s also (to me, at least) part of why his death was so crushing. Because I wanted him to live on and continue that redemption by living - alongside his brother and his found family - rather than by dying. I digress...
When I say that this question is fundamentally problematic, though, what I mean is that many fans appear to be pointing to Yeon’s alleged abandonment as a reason to excuse Rang’s actions, or, worse yet, to say that all of Rang’s sins are actually somehow Yeon’s. That Yeon is ultimately responsible for Rang’s actions, and that everything that Rang has been through is somehow all Yeon’s fault. And that is very problematic thinking. Rang may be our Baby Fox, but - as Yeon keeps reminding him - he’s also a 600-year-old adult. Blaming Yeon for the decisions Rang has made allows fans to cast Rang solely as the victim and forget that he has also - more often than not - also been the perpetrator. So it bothers me when fans hate on Yeon for this reason. It’s unfair and misdirected. And it robs Rang of agency, which is unfair to him as well. I thought about why somewhere along the way the fan dialogue somehow became Rang verses Yeon, how liking Rang somehow became synonymous with hating Yeon, and I think this is why. So even though I’m also a Rang fan, I admit there’s a very unhealthy element to the Rang fan base on this site that really turns me off.
As usual, that was probably way more than what you wanted to know, and it’s still way less than all I could possibly say on the subject haha, but that’s my answer. =)
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Note
Hi Colour! This is going to be a long one, so buckle up!
Oh wow, that's so precious! You've definitely earned the "real life Dani" nickname haha I wish I could find something meaningful like that to do with my life. I'm actually autistic and have ADHD so hearing you do this kind of work makes me really happy! Keep up the good work Ms. Clayton! 😁 Haha
You sound like a lot of fun to hang out with at pubs! Haha I'm glad you identify with that bit of info on your star placements. I had a lot of fun doing it too!
The thing about Hozier is that some of his lyrics are incredibly sapphic to me for some reason, I'm still trying to figure it out. NFWMB is one of the songs that feels like that to me. Don't know if you've heard it before but give it a try if you haven't. If you close your eyes it sounds like you're in an epic romantic story and there are swords, pretty gowns, and rooms lit by torches. Haha
The beginning of this song was inspired by a poem written by W.B Yeats called "The Second Coming" in 1920, and it talks about an apocalypse of sorts, alluding to all of the horrors men inflicted upon the world which ends up awakening this beast that goes to Jesus's place of birth in the Bible (Bethlehem) to be born. The last lines being:
"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"
So the song starts with:
"When I first saw you
The end was soon
To Bethlehem it slouched
And then, it must've caught a good look at you"
And oh boy do I think of Dani when I hear that. Especially bc of that scene where Viola accepts Dani's invitation to live inside her. And nobody knows why she accepts it (but I do!).
And yeah at first glance you might not think much of Dani. in the beginning she's just a tiny frail small-town girl with a lot of anxiety, running away from her past traumas. But she proves us wrong again and again and again. She moves to a country she's never been before entirely by herself, sees an opportunity, and doesn't let go of it even when it looks like it went wrong. Then is very loving and tender with these children who have gone through so much and are still going through so much. Tries to fight (with a fire poker!!) the threatening man that keeps harassing her, the children, and her friends. THEN manages to soften the angry, grumpy lesbian who's given up on people after A LOT of trauma (too much in my opinion) and doesn't give up on her when she rejects her either. Freaking exorcises her ex and makes him stop haunting her so she can be with the love of her life. And then finally as if all of that didn't make her the bravest hero in this story, she literally stops an apocalypse from happening and saves everyone from this beast by sacrificing herself without even thinking twice. Saves everyone that came before her and then the ones who'll come after for the rest of eternity. I mean the P-O-W-E-R this girl has. 💪 so hell yeah the lady in the lake wanted to take her.
When Hozier says:
"Ain't it a gentle sound, the rollin' in the graves?
Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?
Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?
Ain't you my baby? ain't you my baby?"
I can only think of Dani at the bottom of the lake laying on top of all the bones of the people Viola killed and how she's at peace living forever in a dark place like that. That's kinda hardcore y'know?
After the first verses, Hozier goes on to talk abt his lover, someone so utterly terrifying even the beast of the end of the world can't stand to look at them. But this song is also about being proud to be this person's lover bc nothing can fuck with them, not bc you are there to protect them and wouldn't let anyone harm them, but bc they're more than capable of protecting themselves and you too. So in my head, this song is Jamie's declaration of love to Dani.
And then I think of Jamie's devotion to Dani when she said "If you can't feel anything, then I'll feel everything for the both of us." shown in this verse:
"If I was born as a blackthorn tree
I'd wanna be felled by you
Held by you
Fuel the pyre of your enemies"
And the fact that she took what she could get just to be with Dani. She knew she'd have to suffer for/bc of her at some point, but chose to be with her anyway. I have no doubts in my mind she'd want to be anything for her as long as they could be together in any way, shape, or form. In all the lives they happened to meet one another too.
Wouldn't it be cool to see them in an AU where Dani is like a medieval princess who's supposed to marry Edmund to form an alliance between kingdoms or something and Jamie is an assassin who is hired to kill the princess so she has to pretend to be Dani's personal guard or wtever but they fall in love and run away together and Jamie teaches her how to fight so Dani becomes this warrior but turns out Dani is naturally good at it and then she becomes a legend? Hahaha I can see her riding a horse in the winter with paint on her face and her blonde hair falling over this fur-lined cloak, fierce look on her face, and Jamie riding next to her (always). Then they come across Viola who's a witch and puts a curse on Dani and then Dani and Jamie have to travel to all sorts of places and fight all sorts of people and go on this whole adventure to rid Dani of this curse. Maybe Dani has to go back to her kingdom bc her father dies and there are other people trying to take her kingdom so there's a lot of angst and suffering but then they win at the end after a lot of sweat and tears and they live happily ever after! 😎Hahaha
Anyway, I hope you're having a great week so far and hope you had fun with your niece today! (I know if I was her and you had us make fudge and paint I'd worship you haha) I'm sorry for the very (very) long ask, but I've been obsessing over this idea for months and I just had to share it with someone! ✌️✨
(And you can call me Libby or wtever since I'm not anon anymore 🤗)
Awwh thank you so much for saying I have earned my 'real life Dani' title is means a lot to me that you guys see that in me!! I am sure you do so many meaningful things in life without even realising it!! I honestly just want to make a difference and I love helping people so going into a career like this just seemed so natural to me and I really do love what I do!! Thank you so much I really hope I can keep up the good work!! I hope I'm a lot of fun- I know I have helped win a few pub quizzes and there's been a few times I've won games of trivial pursuit as well so that really did make so much sense to me and learning about all the placements of my chart was so much fun and was so interesting so thank you very much!! I have heard some of Hozier's lyrics are quite sapphic and I always mean to look into more of his songs and then just never do but I will definitely look in to NFWMB because the lyrics you have sent me here are incredible and definitely give of Dani x Jamie vibes I definitely agree with you in everything you have said about why Viola accepted Dani's invitation- Dani and Viola are similar in some ways and this was something I was explaining to my niece when she watched it with me. I explained to her that both Viola and Dani are strong willed, and stubborn, and would do anything to fiercely protect the people they care about. We saw that time and time again with Dani, how within days of knowing Miles and Flora she was out with a fire poker trying to protect them from a strange man that she kept seeing around the manor. And how Viola would've done anything to protect her daughter. One major difference between them though is that Viola seemed to have a slight selfish streak where as Dani is entirely selfless, she was selfless for the longest time in even agreeing to marry Eddie so she wouldn't hurt him, she was selfless in protecting Miles and Flora, and even more selfless in saving Flora's life and freeing all the trapped spirits of Bly Manor and then she is selfless in the fact that she won't drag anyone down and won't hurt anyone else at Bly ever again. The one thing she did for herself was being with Jamie- and she was able to make Jamie open up and trust people in way she probably hadn't for the longest time. Dani is a truly strong person as was Viola and I can see why she would accept Dani's invitation. I will have to listen to this song to see it from a Jamie perspective which I will definitely do tomorrow but from the lyrics you have sent me I can definitely see it being a love declaration to Dani from Jamie. Jamie knew in the end she would suffer because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep Dani forever, and knew that one day she would have to leave her- but she knew loving Dani for as long as she was allowed to would be worth that pain in the end and Jamie is a truly strong person as well for knowing this and staying by Dani's side anyway when that must have been such a hard thing for Jamie to ever have to accept. Jamie would've been anything for Dani and would've one anything for her as Dani would've for Jamie and that's why I love them so much. They loved each other so purely and without conditions and so wholeheartedly and it really was such a lovely thing to watch play out in front of us (even if it did hurt us all at the end). I think it would be so cool to see an AU like that I think medieval stuff is always so fun and so interesting and a good enemies to lovers start never fails either because there's so much tension there between them. And Jamie being undercover as someone to get close to Dani and them slowly falling in love with each other would just be a great thing to see!! And I am all for warrior Dani and Jamie (women with weapons is a little bit of a weakness of mine)!! This whole AU just sounds incredible I love a good curse in fantasy stories and the curse slowly taking over and you thinking they're going to run out of time but everything works out in the end!! Dani going back to her kingdom because of her sick Dad dying would be great for angst because it would look
like she would have to marry someone to create an alliance and that she would have to take over a kingdom (perhaps something she never wanted to do in the first place)!! I think this could be a very angsty one shot and could be so interesting and fun and the happy ending would definitely make all the angst worth it in the end!! I am having a good week so far thank you and I had so much fun with my niece today, making fudge went great and she was happy that I was able to show her how to do it because she'd never made it before so now that's something she knows how to do (I think she thinks I'm way cooler than I actually am haha thank you for saying you'd worship me though if you were my niece haha 😂) but tomorrow she is teaching me how to do something because I taught her how to make fudge today... she's gonna teach me how to draw in an anime style- which is something she is really into and even though I'm not she loves drawing so I've asked if she can teach me since I taught her something today!! There's no need to apologise I loved this long angst and I loved this idea I think it's really great and interesting and that song just seems amazing and I am definitely gonna listen to it tomorrow when I get chance!! Thank you for sharing this idea with me I loved it!! ☺️ Haha oki doki then as long as that's alright with you Libby is what I'll call you!! Like I said you can seriously call me anything!! ☺️
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