#bc i’m hypersexual bc of my. ‘experiences’. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

menalez · 11 months

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Can you explain how the split model is harmful?

i can try my best, i’m a little rusty bc i haven’t really touched this topic in quite some time.

speaking as a lesbian who once was closeted, and knows many lesbians who faced similar— the split attraction model simply does not work, is illogical, keeps us closeted + confused longer, and encourages denialism.

the split attraction model separates “sexual attraction” from “romantic attraction”. it argues that people can have sexual attraction in one way and romantic attraction in another. the most common examples are heteroromantic asexuals, aromantic asexuals, aromantic bisexuals, and the like. basically ace/aro on one axis and then a sexual orientation on another (and if it’s a “romantic attraction” then just remove the -sexual and replace it with -romantic, even though the -sexual just refers to the sex ur attracted to and doesn’t mean u necessarily want to have sex or have a libido). the logical conclusions of this is that sometimes someone may be homosexual but biromantic, meaning they’re “romantically attracted” to both sexes but only sexually desire the same sex. in normal speak, that’s either just being homosexual (& telling urself u could totally be able to tolerate a relationship that makes u unhappy bc at least ur with the opposite sex) or bisexual with strong preferences.

firstly, it’s homophobic— under the split attraction model, lesbians can be attracted to men if they’re “biromantic” or if they’re “homoromantic bisexuals” (ie bisexual with a strong preference). gay men can be into women for similar reasons. somehow, you could be gay AND straight at the same time (heterosexual homoromantic / homosexual heteroromantic).

secondly, it literally just confuses you further and keeps you from figuring yourself out. if you’re a lesbian and can’t figure out why men’s bodies repulse you and you feel nothing for men but you toooootally want a boyfriend (ie u want social acceptance and approval) then you can just tell urself ur heteroromantic homosexual or biromantic homosexual! and then u don’t have to accept that ur just a lesbian and can keep forcing urself to fake interest in men. this overwhelmingly will harm gay ppl, namely lesbians, especially since we are raised to revolve our futures around having a husband and kids & male approval the way all women are.

speaking anecdotally here, but i was literally just not into men but was able to tolerate being close to them (neutral on stuff like holding hands or hugging etc) and told myself that meant i’m “biromantic homosexual”, which was a step up from my previous belief that i was “heteroromantic homosexual”. before then i was just thinking i must be demisexual or asexual or aromantic or acespec etc because i simply did not consider the obvious possibility that maybe i’m just not interested in men. this is not a unique experience— many lesbians i know have spent years confused and closeted because they were telling themselves that not liking men must mean being asexual or aroace or whatever else. it keeps us in denial and ignoring our obvious feelings because simply finding a label that fits your current confused state & validating it as an Identity is much easier (& also somewhat fun esp when ur a teen struggling to know ur place in this world)

also a lot of it hinges on the assumption that the average gay person is like hypersexual as hell and it’s just generally not good to pretend like there’s these “separate forms of attraction” the way the SAM does.

i honestly don’t see an actual upside to it, it encourages heterosexuals to delude themselves into thinking they’re “””””queer””””””” because they have commitment issues or don’t want to be in a relationship or because they have a low libido, it convinces others that you can somehow be gay and not gay at the same time, it’s illogical, it encourages gay ppl to remain in denial and be closeted, it just. isn’t good

#anonymous

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rockanroller · 4 months

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You can’t fucking play that game of “ignoring the voices of SA survivors” when people of SA are coming out and saying that they hate the graphic bdsm explicit scenes, because you just look like a massive hypocrite and dumber. I get what she’s trying to say about hypersexuality and we shouldn’t shame survivors of SA for being hypersexual but you don’t have to put explicit graphic images of a character getting SA. For fucks sales there was an episode of tuca and Bertie that handled SA and hypersexuality perfectly. How can you be this ignorant and just stuck in your bubble? I can go rants about shows/anime that handled SA and hypersexuality with nuance and sublty.

for context, one of my recent reblogs (here) of viv defending her handling of Angel Dust, where one of the things she posted is this:

and i totally agree anon. it’s hypocritical for viv to scoff that ppl aren’t listening to SA survivors (that are defending her,) when she isn’t listening to SA survivors (that aren’t defending her.)

SA representation is a touchy subject and a complex one that i’m not sure there’s a hard “right” or “wrong” answer or approach to only bc the experiences and coping methods of SA survivors are so varied and complex.

that said, there are criticisms from survivors that should be listened to and considered from *both* sides when reflecting on the handling of these very serious and complex topics—especially when the person handling them has been known to sexualize and enjoy abusive dynamics (mainly if not exclusively of mlm) in the past.

and i’ve already seen many survivors still giving her/the approach some benefit of doubt along with their critiques on how it was handled poorly *or* why—despite the fact they don’t have a surface problem with it—they are concerned bc of the ppl behind it (in this case viv and raph, both known for sexualizing mlm abuse and raph even publicly saying he is not an SA victim, only repressed and has “been controlled”.)

one repeated sentiment i’ve seen from survivors is they felt Addict handled the subject better, but from what they’ve seen of Angel’s behavior in the new series, and the snippets of Poison going around, they are concerned it’s heading in a worse direction.

feel free to share your thoughts on what other shows/anime handled it better anon.

and ty for sharing your thoughts.

#vivziepop critical #Angel dust critical #anon ask #vivziepop thread shenanigans

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lakesbian · 6 months

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do u ever think about how heartbreaker sent two ten year olds after cherish and how this was probably the first time these two kids saw the world in an unbiased manner away from their fathers influence (and possible even powers) and how cherish was alike “woah woah woah not cool” and cartwheeled away into the claws of the S9. like I know it isn’t said or anything, and I’m making shit up to make wildbow a better writer than he is, but the concept of heartbreaker weaponizing the only who cherish Might feel some sort of respect and kinship about and show her the world will never love/respect her the way she wants, even with her siblings who might understand her experiences, and then making her enact that same distrust of her family toward Alec is something I chew on when I’m hungry

i will say i do not adhere to the ward retcon that they're 9-10 (meaning they would've been far younger than that while hunting cherie.) like:

“Anyways, it got old real fast, them constantly finding me, constantly making me pack up and run somewhere else. Besides, the freedom to do what I wanted and go where I wished kind of lost its appeal when the boredom set in. I would’ve done it even if my big brothers weren’t coming for me, but I joined the Nine.”

it makes far more sense, and is far more interesting, that rather than heartbreaker being willing to risk losing his grip on two 9-10yos, he sent two of the kids even older than cherie who he Knows he has a firm grasp on after her. in my head theyre like

nicholas: you know how cherie's power is an exaggerated fawn reflex that sort of mimics her father's power without actually having his same capability for long-term abuse? nicholas's power of Makes You Afraid is an exaggerated "fight back/scare off" reflex--thinks that if he can just be as scary as his dad he'll be able to keep himself safe, will still always be under his father's thumb.

guillaume: to me the power of being able to see thru random ppl after touching them + being able to fuck w those ppls own senses/blind them temporarily absolutely smacks to me of being a trigger from a failed escape attempt, because it's the thing that would be Really Useful if you were heading out thru entire crowds of people while trying to avoid one specific person/group of people, right? i like to imagine that after his little brother jean-paul ran away he eventually tried to as well, failed, and triggered from the despair of being caught/punished. now he uses the same powers to track down his own escaped sibling, thoroughly caught in the cycle of abuse

i also like to imagine that--bc of the WoGs talking about alec's siblings being responsible for a lot of his grooming into hypersexual behavior, and bc of cherie making it very clear that the older siblings participated in general abuse of the younger siblings--they were responsible for a lot of the shit that alec went through. no fond memories there.

#ask #worm spoilers #scarf don't look

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hazels-nut · 3 months

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Sometimes it feels incredibly lonely to be an aroace girl that is sex favorable and also not romance averse. Sure, in praxis it appears that i am simply bi, or pan, or sapphic. I have a girlfriend, i have sex, I’ve been on dates and had hookups w people all genders. But i can’t identify with any of those groups. It doesnt click internally.

Sure I’m sexual(sometimes hypersexual). But its never directed AT anyone or anything. If i feel sexual, maybe i will seek out someone that i can be sexual with. And this choice will generally be based on aesthetic attraction as well as general vibes from whoever, but ive never seen/thought about someone and went “damn i wanna fuck THEM.” Its just that i internally feel sexual and find a way to release that with another person. Bc that feels awesome (usually).

So my experience has some superficial resemblance to the allo experience but its NOT how i truthfully experience the world. And then it’s hard to be out and open with other aspecs bc the prevailing aroace narrative seems to be “I’m not attracted to anyone in any way. I dont want any sex or a relationship.” Which is hella cool and completely valid but thats not me either! I feel trapped in this between space that only i inhabit.

I want to be able to feel what allos feel. I want to know what thats like and live my life like them. Or at least I’d love to not have my libido or to be sex and romance averse and live that way. Lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, other aspecs etc. can talk about their experiences and find common ground and community. Why cant i?

#aspec #aroace #rants and rambles dont worry about it #a lot of this is tied up w my trauma as well so thats fun #maybe if i wasnt abused i wouldnt feel hypersexual but i was so here we are

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perculiar · 9 months

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Very brave of me to take half a meth med when my tummy has been wrecked for 2 months (i need to do work)

I was thinking about my body and why it’s going thru it internally more than usual and

January: STI checks and course of PEP from being raped in December; mental health fucking dive - general shame, self-blame, isolation

Feb: managed to come out of the haze a little to have my CSA trauma flare the fuck up alongside OCD meaning hypersexuality begins in an incredibly overwhelming confusing way; return to place of SA for large blackwork tattoo (with incredibly sensitive skin)

March: started T on the 1st; more sexual health blood tests (syphilis + HIV checks); flying to Spain to take care of a dear friend, then launched into the worst 2 month acting job I’ve had

April: emergency dentist bc jaw n tooth pain meant I couldn’t eat or breathe and no pain meds + wine combo were touching it, I was almost on the edge of passing out n had to take a week out to have the rest days I was told I could have but was never given; food issues flared up; started vaping also which hurts my tummy; second inter-muscular dose of T administered by a friend after googling; ADHD psychosocial needs assessment; break up with post-assault counsellor bc she makes me feel awful and doesn’t understand dissociation is also an emotional reaction.

May: push to finish this job after unionising with the cast and crew - can barely take care of myself and therapist breaks usual neutrality to tell me they’re really concerned that this job is traumatising me in a way reminiscent of being stuck in domestic abuse childhood situations (it was and the mantra was “the only way out is through” lol); lost about £800 to ongoing dental needs to be decided it was grinding and I needed a specialist splint 👌🏽; finally finish the worst job of my life to immediately get sick for a week

June: finish off first root canal (still hurts to use left side of mouth); can’t eat and experience IBS-like symptoms and bloating in a big way for the first time; start round of antibiotics; mental health in York nosedives and I start feeling trapped and panicked; find and sign for new Manchester flat despite being over budget; more blood tests; podiatry appointment; generally quite ill and having to miss birthdays and events

July: MOVE TO MANCHESTER 🥳; start second root canal with round of stronger antibiotics that fuuuck up my mouth bc turns out I have an infection in the bone; third T injection; domestic violence support worker meeting (Chloe IDAS); second root canal; doctors about IBS = turns out to be extremely swollen stomach lining, possibly bc of ibuprofen use

Now here we are in

August: tummy getting better; mouth less fucked; need to stop vaping; felt like i dislocated my shoulder but after 3 very high pain days the hot osteopath helped ease it; need to call drs + find out where the blood test is + do the anonymous intelligence against the guy (NHS dr) who raped me

So that’s. Health stuff, mostly. Writing it out helped me see that I’m not actually just fucken,, wasting my time constantly. I can take more time for rest and recovery even. Jfc

#personal #rape mention #tw rape

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cherienymphe · 11 months

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Omg you bleed? I've never heard of this! I can't even imagine that because I feel like that would put me off too unless you're one of those people into blood and sex magic. Back when I was far too hypersexual for my age it was everyday. Only in the past four years or so I've toned it down some. It honestly depends on my mood because there'll be some months where it's like once a week or I'll find myself doing it solely to sleep but sometimes I stg I get hit with something and I'll masturbate like 3-4 times a day

Yes blood! Sometimes it triggers enough blood to be period level and can last a few days (and I’m not supposed to get a period on my bc). And it super throws me off because it’s not enjoyable to get some relief just to suffer for the next couple days. I’m definitely not into blood in that way. It’s frustrating and according to my doctor not really something that can be fixed. So idk how that’s going to work when I finally sleep with someone. Oh okay I feel that. I’ve definitely gotten less horny as I aged out of the extreme hormones of puberty so things got better for me too. And my sessions can easily last two hours. Such a hassle. There’s always a sense of dread and disgust afterwards too and I don’t feel better for a while and I feel like I need to get clean. I’m not sure if that’s normal or if other people experience that too.

9/10 I'm knocked tf out immediately after so I usually shower and stuff when I wake up 😭Also they HAVE to come up with better forms of BC that don't do all this. That sounds like hell

#asks

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androidboy · 2 years

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I am pre t but intend to start it for a limited amount of time cause I am only interested in my voice dropping. what you are describing sounds terrifying. Like I am currently fully asexual and have never jacked it in my life (I’m pretty sure I am physically incapable) like I am considering maybe not going on t cause that sounds so deeply unpleasant

it’s extremely important to note that a lot of the people talkin here are sayin they were hypersexual BEFORE t. everything i personally described, that’s taking testosterone after a decade of already being hypersexual. if you have zero sex drive now there’s a chance it won’t affect you sexually. maybe you’ll feel something but i can guarantee you will not be having the same experience as me so don’t make decisions just based off that. and even if you do feel something on it that doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it. *i* have to bc, again, hypersexual.

if you start it and you don’t like the way you feel, it’s as easy as not taking the next dose and you’ll probably be starting on a very low dose anyways. do what’ll make you happy, you don’t wanna turn down an experience on the chance that it’ll cause something that’s easily reversible.

#ask #anon

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thatonebutchneighbordad · 2 years

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Goodmorning hypersexual guilt, how are you 🤪🤪

I wish sometimes I didn’t find comfort in sex. Or crave it as much as i do. Or think about it as much as I do. Or even feel satisfied by it or masturbating. Especially for the things I get turned on by, or the guilt’s even worse if it’s something I enjoy.

Bc when I get stressed, i get needy. And when I’m needy, I can be really fucking annoying. I’ve been told time and again that i shouldn’t cope with sex. I shouldn’t feel the way I do about it, bc it’s just sex and not everyone enjoys it like I do. Bc my lover deserves more than just sex in a relationship, even if I have already made a point to show how much I love and care for them consistently. The asking becomes too much. The frustration of waking up to me in the middle of the night masturbating or having me getting flustered and breathless after a couple minutes of deep kissing is too much. The inability to properly communicate through my guilt and shame and sometimes just the sensory experiences alone can be too much.

I just. Idk. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the echoes of my exes’ voices replay in my head, over and over again, about how I should feel about them. Or act around them. Or sometimes how I should wait until this time. Or that time. Or that I’m too needy. I hear the suprise that quickly turns to anger and irritation in their voice bc I asked again for the fourth time that week. I hear them telling me that i can’t possibly be trying to show them how much I love them through sex. I hear them telling me that they’re not attracted enough to me at the time. I hear them telling me their predictions of the future and how i’m never gonna find a relationship that’ll last bc of my hypersexuality and how I’m always thinking about it and i just

#i hate myself rn currently lmao #i feel #disgusting #i feel like a burden #i feel like i just sound entitled and like a predator in the making #i don’t want to feel like this #i feel gross for even getting turned on by my gf sometimes #bc i feel like i’m being a selfish creep

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menalez · 3 months

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I hate the way you are being treated for experiencing trauma and sexual abuse, no survivor deserves this including you. I acknowledge you have incredible grace in dealing with this but more importantly you shouldn’t have to, it’s not right to put a survivor in this situation and constantly triggering their trauma no matter what you think about them. I have had similar experiences with CSA and ongoing SA after and I can’t imagine how I would deal with being picked apart like you have been. I don’t care what grievances these people have with you, if they actually supported survivors they wouldn’t react in this way to you (also I fully believe you about your experiences and about your sexuality if that isn’t clear). It sickens me to see people saying they fight for women’s rights treat you like this. If we can’t support our fellow women what’s the point? I know not all women have the same opinions and politics but it’s seems very basic to me to not harass a survivor of these things. The least they could do is shut up and leave you alone. I honestly don’t know how you can deal with this, I know if it was directed at me I would’ve either fallen deeper into CPTSD or gone offline entirely or both. I am glad you have the strength to continue though bc I think your perspective on many issues is difficult to find and deeply important to hear. I guess I don’t know what I mean with this message other than thank you for what you do and please do not let these awful people take you back into that horrible place that I think all survivors know. Your voice is so important and I hope to continue hearing it, you make change being outspoken. I know we can’t control being triggered and sometimes can’t regulate our responses but I hope that you can block these people and be as unbothered as is possible. Other survivors see you, I see you, I know we are in some ways the same and these people clearly cannot conceive of being in our position

it’s not right to put a survivor in this situation and constantly triggering their trauma no matter what you think about them.

i keep saying this but it just falls on deaf ears!

in terms of how i deal with this… ive said this before & was mocked for it but this has triggered my PTSD several times. i almost always end up having nightmares for weeks afterwards, more flashbacks, and perhaps a mental breakdown or two followed by a long period of dissociation. when i brought up how deeply hurtful it is and how much it triggers me, i end up getting mocked & accused of guilt tripping.

so basically, i’m not allowed to respond to assumptions made about my trauma bc it’s traumadumping. i’m not allowed to talk about the negative impact being harassed over my trauma by these ppl has bc it’s guilt tripping. they have the right to say vile things like saying i’m a “retired ho” (for having a trauma response like hypersexuality as a child and being sexually abused????) and saying that me reacting in a common way CSA victims react to rape a decade ago makes me bipolar or histrionic (love being called a hysterical slut for having a normal reaction to facing rape as my first sexual experience) but i have no right to correct these assumptions at all. it always ends up with several of them harassing me on & off anon, and other people just silently watching. once these ppl leave like they always inevitably do, then radblr starts talking about how horrible these ppl are & often will even harass me over these ppl’s presence as well! idk. it’s a constant lose-lose for me.

anyways… thank u for ur sweet msg ❤️ many other CSA survivours & rape survivours have reached out to me and told me that me talking about my story made them feel less crazy/alone bc they also have a similar story. many are lesbians who face an additional trauma & disgust & shame bc they see how trauma similar to their own is misconstrued & talked about. i’m glad at least that from this persistent harassment i’ve been experiencing for like 5 years now, women with similar stories reached out to me. it made me feel less alone and more understood. i try not to let all this stuff affect me & have been taking breaks online and/or talking to my gf whenever it does take a toll on me. it doesn’t fix it but it helps. some of it is unavoidable bc no matter how many anons i block, i keep getting msgs about it regardless and new blogs keep being made to discuss it

#in the past i’ve hurt myself over my PTSD being triggered but #over time ive learned to control my self-harm behaviours better #i just hope one day they wake up to wtf they’re doing & how horrible they’re being n just stop it #some of these ppl from the past did apologise to me after some time but #idk. an apology is nice but i hope this just stops one day bc the damage is already done

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hotgirlmuseboardxo · 14 days

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What's on ya page? I've never bought of but I'd love to buy yours!!!

rn my of is anything i posted on there like 2 years ago, quite a few pics n vids of just me lol. i’ve casually been adding things from my camera roll plus a new video but im not like actively going out of my way to create content for it hahah.

the best way i can explain my approach is that i am a bipolar woman who experiences periods of hypersexuality. i also have a lot of trauma after being brutally assaulted (this why i stay side-eyeing you cnc ass bitches bc you think you want someone to use your body and play out r*pe fantasies until it actually happens to you without consent and then your entire life is fucked up!!!!!!! YOU BITCHES ARE WEIRD!!!) so instead of pouring my energy into actually sleeping with people who aren’t for me, i capitalize off of it and make a few hundred dollars here and there.

it’s not my primary source of income and i’m not at all dependent on it. just a place for me to share my beautiful body and use the profits to buy oui’d or whatever makes me happy 😝

#idk how long i’ll do it for but i’m single and sexy and really good at taking pics of myself sooo #also i ordered new toys today bc i have been feral lmfao so i hope those satiate me and if they do perhaps you’ll see. idk tho! 🥸#answered

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fuckedamygdala · 2 months

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atp idk how i feel ab sex , with all my csa trauma i became hypersexual and use sex as a form of sh , which also is perpetuated by my bpd but some days i think sex is terrifying and others i am hypersexual , i’ve had many consensual experiences but also a lot of non . when i had my second to last ex i had to break up w just bc she lived the other side of the country , i had sex obviously but also i feel like i did it to take back what i was stolen of when i was a kid . i’ve done that a lot to have sex just to take back the truama . but i’ve never fell in love really , it’s just my bpd making me connect to them and think they’re the best person ever , not real romance and i don’t think i’ve been sexually attracted to any of my partners either , even ones i’ve had experiences w . i just tjink i had it to take back the truama

im not even saying this bc i hare my exes . i mean i do despise most my exes , but my most recent two i am still friends with and i talk a lot to both of them were basically very good friends we text a lot still . all the rest i despise but that’s not why i’m saying i haven’t been romantically or sexually attracted , i genuinely aren’t , bc i haven’t found attraction i think all positive obsessive emotions are love , but it’s just my bpd

like im sexually attracted to some like famous ppl bc yk they’re fine af but whenever it comes to relationships i am never attracted in that way i just yearn for the sexual aspects bc of my truama . i yearn for sex but not sexual attraction . i feel like once i have a chance to fuck someone the attraction isn’t there . like people around me that are in my life not halfway across the globe and celebrities , they don’t sexually appeal me and i’ve only realised it now

but i do wanan be in a romantic sexual relationship even if i don’t feel the attraction , i will love them and be there for them nonetheless also who knows i might start getting romantic attraction , i don’t think k will with sexual attraction but i obviously still want sex

#creamer nation

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 months

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Tw: SA mention, parental abuse mention, sibling abuse mention, parental SA, physical abuse mention,

Looking for validation, help, support

I always say my mom isn’t my SA bc I don’t wanna think she is. I don’t wanna think like that. My sibling already sexually abused me in physically forcible ways and beat me when we were little kids. My father talks about women in disgusting ways, even sexually toward minors as far as I’m aware he hasn’t raped anyone…but he was emotionally abusive to me when I was little. I already had an abusive ex boyfriend and an abusive family friend. Both of which were emotionally, psychologically, and sexually abusive to me. Is it SA if my mother would pinch and grab my ass usually with me screaming at her or trying to get away? I never liked stuff like that as a kid I hated it. She doesn’t do it anymore but she did when I was little.

Sometimes I look at what I write about my abuse and I don’t even believe it. It’s a lot but I always feel I’m never telling enough of the truth even when I’m really trying to. Idk what’s wrong with me. And the hypersexuality people think I’m lying about and the abuse bc nobody thinks I was the victim. My mother literally said I abused her when I was a kid and she said I was a really difficult kid to take care of. I never touch my abusers nor do I let them touch me bc I fucking hate touch. My abusers got a new family friend who legit sexually harassed me and then cried wolf when I called them out among everybody they said I was spreading rumors and now they want revenge on me bc I was “spreading rumors” and therefore “bullying them” and my family said I was a liar bc I’m spiteful toward them and now I’m attacking their friends…like omfg. I know I was sexually harassed like…the tricks these fuckers play all the time I swear to god I’m never saying I was abused ever again bc I just have absolutely no voice and no supporting people in my life.

Hi anon,

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through. It's understandable to find it difficult to entertain the possibility of your experiences being worse than you're currently accounting for, because it's already overwhelming. It sounds like being gaslit, disbelieved, or antagonized may influence the feeling that you're never telling enough of the truth or that you can't believe it yourself. It can be exhausting to be constantly told you're lying and spreading rumors when you're really just trying to speak up for yourself. Please know that we believe you.

It's difficult because when it comes to something like moms pinching and grabbing their kid's butt, sometimes it's SA and sometimes it's not. But especially if you were screaming at her and telling her to get away, it seems more likely that it could be considered SA.

If anyone would like to chime in, please feel free to do so. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw csa #tw cocsa

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mothmage · 3 months

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oversharing about my mental health bc i treat tumblr as my personal diary xoxo

i’m pretty sure ive been in a hypomanic episode for a Minute now, and i wasnt sure before bc i don’t think ive ever had hypomania before only mania? i think my new medications are working for once in my whole life bc for the past like. six months maybe? ive been So Normal and in the past few weeks i’ve definitely been on the up and up but it hasnt crossed into full mania, it’s literally just like. me but with energy and a little stupider than usual. and i understand how this can be disabling for some people, but considering that mania (for me) usually looks like weeks of deep psychosis, this shit is EXCELLENT. like yes im more reckless and hypersexual and wanting to spend all kinds of money and all that, but i also feel like im able t “moderate” that a little better because i had so many years of seemingly medication-proof manic episodes? i had to like, adapt lol. so i have some systems set in place to keep me from being too stupid especially with money. but like, i have all the energy of a manic episode and all the drive to Do Things with none of the “hearing the voice of god” or “im someone else and i stole this body and now am stuck in it”. like this shit rocks, i’ve gotten so much done! and i understand that there will be a comedown and it will suck or whatever but while im here?? like again i understand why this isnt a Good state of mind and i dont mean to invalidate anyone’s experience, but i think im just like. well if my mood disorder is going to disorder my moods regardless of what pills i take, i would much prefer it to sort of lessen the extent !! hypomania! and the only time i was on meds that worked 100% and got rid of any episodes entirely i got bored (lol) and got off of them (guy w the “stop taking my meds disorder”: hey what if i stopped taking my meds) so i think this is a good middle ground bc it’s like, life is still fun and exciting and doesnt feel static, but i also dont think im in danger of getting myself locked up lol or like, humiliating myself online or something (tumblr doesnt count bc it’s Faceless)

also probably the best time ever for this to happen bc im getting rejection letter after rejection letter from phd programs i applied to and im literally like “well it will all work out, like everything works out in the end one way or another” :) and i believe that! not necessarily that everything happens for a reason, but everything works out in the end one way or another

#actually bipolar #mm rants

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cruella-radville · 3 months

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thank u so much for posting about purity culture and how the “treatment” ppl tend to push is hookup culture and just having a lot of sex to kill the shame around it, when that’s. not helpful at all. i grew up catholic and i remember consciously thinking that what they were saying about sex and shame and whatever was probably wrong, but it gets to u after being repeated.

but i don’t think my aversion to hookup culture is purity culture related, i think my conscious view of sex being a mutually pleasurable experience between two people who respect (and maybe even love) each other is healthy and good, but the internet is obsessed w how the hypersexual opposite of sleeping around is morally “better” than being w one person. idk maybe it is the purity culture in me but the encouragement of hypersexuality in response makes me so uncomfy. but i have many thoughts abt purity culture and the way ppl who did not grow up in it talk about it are so ignorant and dismissive

Omg yes! I was raised Christian and I completely understand. I also agree that the trauma that people might carry from purity culture tends to never be addressed properly, that’s why I try to speak up about it. When people suggest that “hookup culture is the way to go” they’re literally just forcing you into more trauma, purity culture literally removes any forms of boundaries (for women specifically bc we are always taught that our sexuality is not existent and only for reproduction) and hook up culture worsens it. You don’t just get over your sexual guilt after having sex, if anything, it can further traumatize you, how many stories are their about women (and even men) having a mental break down after having their first time because it was so terrifying to them.

I could honestly go on and on about how traumatic purity culture is AND hook up culture. At least, recently, some people start talking about how hook culture is harmful but no one talks enough about the harm of purity culture.

seeing sex as something that’s meaningful and intimate should be the default, not something that’s exclusive to a certain group.

I’m glad that I’m able to help and spread awareness (even if I don’t have many follows yet) because I do want to spread awareness and help those that were traumatized by purity culture and also heal myself as well. (sorry for taking forever to reply to this ask it’s been sitting in my inbox for a while aaa)

#Ask #rambles

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rina-writes · 2 years

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this would be rly funny actually but imagine jack having a hypersexual girlfriend like one day he just looks over at reader and her eyes are hooded over and he’s like fuck bc he doesn’t know if he has the stamina to keep up LMAO

This is a really fun idea LOL. Tbh I don’t think this is my best work. This was sitting in my drafts for a hot minute as I kept re-working it. But idk, there is something missing. I’m going to post it anyway though since the idea itself is nice. I think some other Jack writers are going to have fun with this too :D

Nymph

Warnings: Fem!reader, hypersexual!reader, suggestive, past sexual experiences referenced, mild fluff, not smutty but kinda 18+

Somehow, this conversation was more awkward than the time Jack told his friends he didn’t like deep throat. There were eight of them in the restaurant in total, everyone except for Druski was an official member of Jack’s collective, Private Garden. These were people Jack considered his brothers, including, his actual younger brother. They knew almost everything about him and yet conversations like these still seemed to render them silent. Druski opened his mouth to speak, blinking a few times, and then closed his mouth. He tried one more time before laughing to himself, shaking his head. “Damn, Jack got me speechless...”

They were all chilling in Sarpino’s Pizza in Atlanta, opting to eat inside to get a change of pace instead of ordering to the studio. The restaurant was typically a carry-out spot, but they had a high table that extended along the length of the back window. As frequent customers, they were allowed to pull the stools to create more of a curved shape so they could see each other and chat. As a result, there were two half-circles composed of the members of Private Garden and friends. One group was talking about a recent basketball game. The other had been halted to silence as Jack awkwardly ignored his girlfriend’s phone call.

If a guy was avoiding calls from his girlfriend, it was usually because he was cheating or ready to break up. While his friends would be disappointed in him, especially since they knew how well you two got along, they wouldn’t push into his business. However, Jack’s explanation blew their mind. Jack was probably the only man in the world who felt a surge of panic when his girlfriend called because he knew she wanted to have sex. So much so, he refused to even answer her.

“Can you explain what the actual problem is?” Shloob asked, sipping on his drink. “Because I think I lost it.”

Jack was now the one at a loss for words. A girl with a high sex drive seemed like a myth created and perpetuated by male fantasy. But here you were, his own little nymphomaniac and he was too focused on the “maniac” portion. It wasn’t that the sex was bad, it was some of the best he had in his life. It was the frequency. Three times a day minimum with several rounds during a single hookup was intense. You never needed a break either. He was pretty sure that you ran on water, iced coffee, and big dick energy.

“Look, y’all know how I’m rocking.” Jack sighed. “I like to get my dick wet probably a little more than the next guy. But damn. I am pretty sure I’m shooting blanks at this point. I’m surprised it’s even still getting up.”

That comment opened the flood gates of sarcastic responses. Jack could feel fury and envy radiating off of his friends who were a mix of newly single men and long term boyfriends. In other words, all guys who were currently having the opposite problem.

“Must be nice--”

“Congratulations--”

“I’m soooo happy for you.”

Jack rolled his eyes, putting up his hands in defense. “No, you don’t understand. She’s like a succubus or something.”

“I’m sorry...” Druski put up his hands to stop Jack right there. “...she’s a what?”

“A succubus. They’re like sex demons.” Jack explained.

“Why do you know the word for that?” Druski asked. “That’s not a normal word to know.”

“These are the things I look up at 2am at night when the demon is asleep. Do you understand me, brother?” Jack look genuinely distressed as he pressed a hand to his chest. “Don’t get me wrong. Y/n has a grip on my heart, but if I have to choose between her and my dick falling off...”

Jack’s phone started buzzing. This time it was a FaceTime call. He groaned inwardly. The contact photo he had for you was a picture from your first date. Jack had taken you on a picnic so you were wearing a floral sundress that covered your knees when you sat down. He stared at the photo and finally realized why it looked so strange. You had clothes on.

“Are you going to take that?” Urban asked after the group of men all stared at the phone in silence for a beat.

“Definitely not here...” Jack muttered.

He motioned for them to move so he could scoot out of his chair, the legs squeaking on the tile. He slid his phone of the table begrudgingly and walked to the back of the pizza parlor where there was a bathroom for “customers only.” He slipped inside and shut the door. He leaned against it, his body feeling heavy as he finally accepted the call.

“Are you avoiding me?” You asked, your face so close to the camera that he could only see your eyes and the top of your nose bridge.

“Yes...” Jack said in a deadpan voice. He had to resist smiling. You were so cute.

“Whyyyy?” Your voice was high pitched and sing-songy with a tinge of sadness.

He hated when you pulled that voice on him. He was basically putty in your hands at that point. He sighed and slipped his free hand in hair, running it through.

“Babe, you’re killing me here. I know you just want to f-ck. Can we just not do this back and forth tonight? I’m tapped out.”

You frowned, pulling your face away from the phone. You were standing in a location that was familiar to Jack, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He could see you were wearing a black jacket with the collar turned up.

“W-Well, I don’t!” You argued. “Want to have sex, that is. I just wanted to see what you were doing. Be a good girlfriend. That’s why I came to the studio. See?”

You extended your arm to allow your phone to pan around the background. You raised it high to show you in the studio room with no one else around, the belongings of Private Garden scattered across the room. Jack started to feel bad for ignoring you, thinking about how you were probably outside when he had been avoiding your calls. He was grateful for which ever security guard took pity on you and let you in. He would be sure to thank them later.

“I’m sorry, baby, I shouldn’t have assu--” Jack paused mid-sentence. “Y/n, what are you wearing?”

Your eyes widened slightly and you cleared your throat. You pulled the phone back to eye level quickly, realizing that you messed up. It was too late. Jack noticed the light pink ruffle that was peeking through your jacket. It was a piece of lingerie that you had bought recently. You had modeled the item for him and even Jack had to admit it didn’t take much for him to indulge in the action of taking it off of you. For that reason, it was seared into his brain. He easily recognized it from a single glance.

“Uhm...I really just came to say hi.” You doubled down. “So, once you come and give me a hug, I’ll just head back to the apartment. No funny business.”

Jack paused, smiling a bit. It was cute the way you avoided looking at the camera. In fact, this whole thing was kind of cute. Showing up to his workplace practically naked for a quickie? There were worst things a girl could do.

“You lying?” Jack asked, a grin spreading on his lips.

“Yeah...” You responded finally meeting his eyes through the phone.

Jack recognized that hooded, lustful expression. You were going to get what you wanted tonight. Judging from the tent developing in his pants, he was going to be capable of giving it to you too.

“Alright, Y/n. I’m at Sarpino’s. I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Do you want anything to eat--” You opened your mouth to say something but he cut you off. “And do not say my cock.” Jack warned, his dark blue eyes looking tired.

You gave a sheepish smile. “Then I’m good...”

He let out a loud sigh trying to hold back his smile. “Are you going to be a good girl until I get there? Or are you gonna keep blowing up my phone?”

“I’ll be good.” You reassured him, nodding quickly. “Just tell me how you want me, J, and I’ll do it.”

Jack smirked at you. For the first time that night, his eyes mirrored the lust in yours. “Come on, baby you know what I like. If you do well, I’ll reward you.”

You smiled, placing the phone down on a table. He could see you balancing it on some items so he could see you on the couch. You practically skipped over to it. You climbed on, resting your knees on the cushions. You were on all fours and put your butt up in the air.

“Like this?” You asked.

Before Jack could respond, you turned on your back. You extended your legs, revealing them to be bare, but your coat still covered most of you. You held your calves, pulling them toward your body to put yourself in a self-induced mating press.

“Or this?” You asked again, your breath heavy from moving around.

“Or maybe...”

Jack laughed, “Baby!” His voice was rich and happy. It made your heart swell, stopping you mid-motion. “I’m hanging up. Surprise me. And try not to scare anybody who maybe passing by. We do want to rent from there again, don’t we?”

“Yes, sir.” You nodded, obediently.

Jack ended the call on that note, knowing how much longer you could keep going once you pulled out the “sir.” He took a deep breath, did a once over of himself in the mirror and braced himself for the commentary as he walked out of the bathroom.

Jack would have loved to walk past all his friends without saying a word. However, he could feel their eyes glued to him. Even the second group who hadn’t be in on the conversation seemed to have been clued in now. He focused on the window the table was pressed against as he spoke, “So, uh, Y/n’s at the studio. I’m going to make sure she gets home okay.”

The barrage of comments came once again. It felt like the words barely lingered in the air before they were coming at him.

“Riiiight...”

“Come on, man!”

“I left my hoodie on the couch, can you at least fold it?”

Jack leaned his head back, opening his arms wide and signaling for them to keep it coming, a sh-t eating grin on his face. Of course, this action caused them to all start booing him This was his punishment. In about ten minutes, he was going to receive his reward. He wasn’t kidding before. He was burnt out. Some days he just wanted to cuddle or watch a movie without getting pounced on. He would definitely have to sit down and talk to you about cooling down on the sexy time. But, he guessed that conversation could wait until after he railed you on that couch.

#jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #r-writes-fic

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