#bc fuck forgiving your abusers to ‘move on’

[spillsways]

spillways really is THAT song for me. like the whole “fuck forgiveness let yourself be bitter and you’re allowed to feel that way AND it’s okay to be angry and even though you try to bury that shit deep inside of you and move on IT’S OKAY TO LET IT OUT and be PISSED” vibe of the song hits directly home. that shit really does just resonate so much with my trauma

#at least that’s how i interpret the song for myself #i could be wrong but idk #it hits me right in the mommy and daddy issues #bc i try so hard to be the bigger person even though they’ve hurt me and traumatized me in indescribable ways #and that anger and utter resentment will never leave my soul #but i will never ever forgive them #and i’m okay with that #bc fuck forgiving your abusers to ‘move on’ #i don’t play that game #sometimes you can’t forgive people for the things they’ve done #even your family #bayli rambles #the band ghost #ghost #spillways #papa emeritus iv #copia

[grandwretch]

i still can't get over them framing jamie hanging out with the man who orchestrated his rape as a good thing. father or not. like jason my guy what the fuck

#shut up az #jamie tartt #like forgive him so you can move on sure #but you dont have to be FRIENDS with the dude #who abused you your whole life and then tried to have an adult fuck some manliness into you #maybe its bc im a lesbian and i see jamie as bi and the whole thing screams of corrective rape to me but like what

[txttletale]

idk how to put this sorry if this comes off as rude/confrontational I'm not trying to be — when you say stories about forgiveness/reconciliation, do you mean more the type about forgiving & reconciling with family, or more generally (so like including - this isn't the best example but I can't think of any better rn - catra for example? where it's about being trapped in hurting people because of trauma and breaking out of that)? or is the thing you dislike more stories' framing of forgiveness as a moral imperative?

sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm just curious what you think bc you've raised some interesting points and would really like to see you elaborate on them

don't worry you don't come off as rude whatsoever! while i think my points apply broadly to how forgiveness is treated across media (rare actual example of cultural christianity) -- i obviously am not, like, against forgiveness or stories about forgiveness on principle. what i dislike about all the narratives about people forgiving their abusive parents is that:

like you said, it's always framed as a moral imperative. there is always an underlying assumption that forgiving the abuser is the 'right' and 'correct' thing to do, that not doing so would be wrong. this is tremendously insulting to survivors who have every right to not forgive their abusers!

in most of these narratives, the parent barely does shit to be forgiven. there's very often a narrative equivocation, in fact, between parent and child. like, sometimes the parent won't even be expected to apologize -- sometimes, even more grotesquely, both the parent and child apologize for their shared supposed 'wrongdoing'. this is also obviously insulting to survivors, who are not in any way responsible for their abuse or for having a poor relationship with their parents.

the reason why this in particular pisses me off so much is that it mirrors and in turn contributes to the cultural expectation on abuse victims in real life to maintain contact with their abusers, the constant casual pressure from everything from strangers to friends to acquaintances saying 'well, can't you just put it behind you?' or 'look, he's changed' or 'she's your mom' or 'you'll only have one chance to have a relationship with your siblings' or whatever the fuck. the sanctity of the family is a cardinal value across a lot of societies and this sanctity means a constant, neverending societal pressure to bow to sweeping abuse under the rug. i've seen many people i care about struggle deeply with feeling obligated to maintain relationships with family members who treat them like shit and make htem miserable every time they interact bc of exactly these sorts of sentiments being everpresent in their cultural environment. & these narratives always paint that sort of pressure as being well-founded and fair and ultimately for the better, which is absolutely repellent to me.

so, yeah. i am not against narratives where an abusive person actually confronts their actions and changes and repairs that relationship (that's another fucking thing, these narratives always put the onus and responsiblity on the character who was abused to forgive rather than on the abuser to earn forgiveness, just like in real life familial abuse victims are always fucking expected to be the ones to repair the relationship). i think such narratives can be powerful and compelling and explore questions of what the value of 'forgiveness' or 'redemption' even are, as well as dispel the mystique and exceptionalism often attributed to the 'abuser' as a holistic malevolent figure that can be cleanly separated from every other parent/grandparent/sibling/etc.

what i'm against is narratives where someone who is abused has their feelings delegitimized -- their rage is wrong, counterproductive, they need to let go and move on, they need to forgive their abusers and let them back int otheir lives because oh, they did something wrong too or oh, their abuser had a difficult life, or whatever the fuck. to which the answer should be a flat -- no. they don't. all the more power to people who choose to do that if that's what makes them happiest and safest but absolutely nobody has a moral obligation or need to forgive an abusive family member. obviously i am exaggerating slightly when i say every abusive parent subplot should end with the parent being killed with hammers, but i'm using the hammer murder as a synechdoche for a narrative treating an abuse victim's antipathy towards their abuser as something legitimate and justified and obviously reasonable rather than a flaw or something they need to move past.

#ask

[tearaez]

thinking bout dom taerae having to cover ur mouth w his hand while fucking u w ur legs on his shoulders bc ur j too loud 😞😞 all while cooing into ur ear like "shh baby ik it feels too good but u gotta be quiet" 🥹 feel like he'd love it internally tho

to the person that sent me this im going to kiss you on the mouth I'm actually in love with this hhhhh AND IM SO SORRY I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE IT THIS LONG I started and I couldn't stop 😔

You were having dinner with Taerae and the rest of the boys back at the dorm after they'd finished practice, chatting with everyone as usual, but practice was rather hard for Taerae today, so he was a bit more serious and stern versus his normally smiley, giggly self. Jiwoong was making dessert in the kitchen and you were seated next to Taerae, you and the others indulging in whatever he had already put on the table, when mid bite, you felt Taerae's hand under the table, resting very high on your thigh, making you nearly choke on your food, catching the eyes of Gyuvin who was sitting two seats down. "Are you okay, y/n?" he asked, all you could do was nod as your face flushed red with embarrassment.

Taerae's hand moved higher up your thigh, going under your skirt, his fingers grazing over your clothed core, causing your face to flush a deeper red, clearing your throat to signal him to stop. This time, it caught the attention of Ricky. "y/n, are you sure you're okay? You don't seem so well.."

"Dessert's ready!" Jiwoong came into the dining room, setting the plate in the center of the table before Taerae stood up, grabbing your hand, signaling you to get up as well.

"I think y/n may have a fever, I'm going to go help her cool down." The second Taerae finished speaking, he was dragging you down the hall to his room. When you'd reached it, the first thing he did was lock the door before shoving you down onto the bed, hovering over you. "Forgive me princess, I didn't mean to interrupt your meal, but I need to have mine." He was quick to place messy kisses along your jawline and down your neck, unbuttoning the cardigan you'd taken from his closet, not that he minded.

Taerae unclasped your bra, taking one of your breasts into his mouth, taking his time sucking and licking around the bud. You had involuntarily let out a loud moan, Taerae immediately pulling away, ripping your skirt and panties off your legs as he maintained eye contact with you. "Can't be too loud princess, don't wanna get caught now do we?" He smirked, grabbing your panties and shoving them in your mouth. "Now keep quiet, this shouldn't take long.."

All you could see was Taerae disappear out of your sight, your eyes rolling to the back of your head when you felt him lick a stripe up your cunt, immediately going to grab and pull at his hair. He blew some air at your entrance, bringing two of his fingers up to prep you for him, pushing them in and instantly thrusting them in and out of you, smiling and cooing at you as you tried your best to keep your voice down. When he thought were ready, he discarded everything he was wearing, hovering over you, taking your panties out of your mouth and throwing them to the side, placing a soft kiss to your lips as he pushed into you. You hissed at the feeling of being so full, Taerae chucking and ruffling your hair in response.

"We're on a time crunch dear, let's make this quick, yeah?" You nodded without really processing what he said, so when he lifted your legs over his shoulders and started thrusting in and out of you at light speed, you moaned so loud he could've swore the neighbors down the street had heard it. Taerae's hand clasped over your mouth, shushing you as your moans kept flowing out, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "shh, baby, I know it feels too good but you gotta keep quiet, you don't wanna alarm Jiwoong and the others, do you?" You shook your head as he continued his abuse on your cunt, the feeling in your stomach building up so fast you couldn't even register that you were cum until you did, the feeling of everything intensifying after the fact. "Almost there baby, hold on for me for just a second." He whispered into your ear, kissing and nipping at the skin around it before releasing his load into you.

He gently laid you down on the bed before laying down next to you, pulling you in closer to him, never pulling out. "Was practice that bad today?" You whispered, your throat hoarse and sore from the amount of noise you were making. "Yes, sorry you got the short end of the stick love." He smiled, placing a soft kiss on your lips. "I do have to tell you something though."

"and that is..?"

"I still haven't had dessert yet, and I don't want what's in the kitchen."

"Taerae!"

"Round 2?"

"Do I have a choice?

"Not really."

#zb1 smut #zb1 imagines #taerae smut #kim taerae smut #taerae imagines

[stackslip]

what if you are a victim of sexual violence and you do feel forever damaged and angry though? what if you do feel that your perpetrators are evil?

so first of all, anon, i get you. your emotions and feelings about this are your own, and i'm not saying that they are fake or wrong. you're not a bad person for hating your abusers, and you're not wrong/bad for feeling damaged and angry. what i will gently push back on is that these are your feelings--i don't know your situation, past or current, and even if i did i still wouldn't be in a position to judge how you react to traumatic events. these are your own, nobody can take them away from you. what i am trying to say is, sexual violence does not have a specific essence different from other forms of violence that irredeemably damages its victims. rather, societal insistence that sexual violence is a black mark upon its victims, and a system made to fuck over victims of abuse and violence of any kind, leaving them little space or material resources to be able to heal in peace, leave many survivors barely able to stay afloat. it is normal to feel damaged when 1) you are told constantly that the thing that was done to you makes you lesser than, that it is your fault, and that you should not be able to talk about it or obtain any closure from it 2) for many survivors, ever since the violence occurred, they've been struggling with poverty, with being mocked and going through further abuse, with having very little space or material/emotional support to process and heal the pain they've been through, which compounds the feeling of being irreperably damaged. support of survivors *is* crucial to me. you should be able to leave your abuser and be in a space far away from them, to feel safe, to not have to worry about your material needs as your grieve and heal, to not being reinforced that you are broken beyond repair.

as for the question of your perpetrators, i'm not asking you to forgive and move on. again i do not know the context of what happened to you, but even then i cannot force you to feel anything, and forcing survivors in absolving their abusers in order to feel better does not do much. you cannot be forced to not hate somebody who's done harm to you! what i will try to push back on, though, is the notion that anybody is ontologically evil, and that figuring out who belongs in a class of ontologically evil people in order to wipe them out because they are Bad People Who Do Bad Things is not ultimately helpful as a whole. i'm not saying "if you killed your rapist you'd feel worse" bc that might not be the case. i'm saying that as a whole, a society that designates a group of people as irredeemably evil, and whose understanding of sexual violence is that it is done by Bad People Only who deserve to be lined up and shot, is not actually a society that reduces rates of sexual violence, or has the best interests of survivors at heart. you're allowed to hate your rapists and see them a certain way. but if you are told that the solution is to Kill All Rapists, that this will heal you and others and reduce the risks of sexual violence, the problem is that that just isn't true! if anything, it might make some survivors and perpetrators' families and friends even less likely to want to talk abotu sexual violence, because they have complicated feelings towards their perpetrators or materially depend on them. a society where people take matters into their own hands means even more silence around rape and sexual violence, and more shame around the victim. furthermore, it treats Being A Rapist as something people are born with, an innate evil, rather than the result of societal and economic forces, which then does nothing to actually prevent rape and sexual violence.

your feelings on the things that happened to you and the people who did this to you are real and valid. i am not judging them and nobody should judge you either. you cannot actually force yourself to love someone as yourself or to forgive, especially when you have been given no justice or healing. but also, while your feelings are your own, i will plead to you that using these feelings as justification to push for a worse world is not helpful to you or any other survivor. there are people on here and out there who will use what happened to you to try to convince you of a simple solution, one that they claim is helpful to survivors as they allow them to get justice in their own hands. but that is a lie. they are using your pain, your very real suffering, to obsfucate the real forces behind sexual violence and violence of any kind. they will often make you feel worse--not because revenge is morally bad, but because the idea that you are now irrevocably broken and damaged and that the only thing that can bring you a semblance of satisfaction is seeing all Rapists TM murdered is harmful to you too. it will not help you heal or make the world a better place for other or potential victims of sexual violence. it is a tool that people want to use in order to use it against more vulnerable people, who are seen as disposable and inherently predatory. it will not save you or others. so i am not urging you to forgive, or to magically heal from something traumatic. instead, i'm asking you to be kinder to yourself, to realize that while healing might not be in reach for everyone, including you, that it is because you were failed--not because sexual violence has inevitably broken you and soiled you. i'm asking you to not choose to support people who do not have your interests as a survivor in mind, but instead seek an easy solution with easily designated Bad People. i'm asking you to be kinder to yourself through both these things.

i hope this answer clarifies things somewhat. i wish you well. if you want to talk further about this in private, please feel free to dm me. i do not have all the solutions or the combination for a perfect world free of sexual violence, but i think there are paths to reducing said violence and making things better for survivors. sending you love.

#rape tw #csa tw #eli talks

[brynalyn]

lol glip is so upsetti that you're speaking out about your experience on chost that theyre flooding the floraverse tags with ms paint whining about how people are mean

Just saw this and it’s really funny lmao. Like sure, just post through it, try and cover everything up however you can and have a pity party about it, just slander the victims and deny any wrongdoing like you always do, or claim it wasn’t wrong and actually the other person is bad for being upset. That always makes things go away and leads to healthy conclusions and healing 🤪

at least I can own up to my past and have always made 300% effort to change and learn when I’ve fucked up. If I did something that hurt someone, I apologized and stopped the behavior. instead of just blaming the other person, bc that would be abusive of me! And delusional, which I don’t feed into anymore. Accountability feels freaking awesome…. too bad glip is the eternal victim and it will always be someone else’s fault. Lmao.

I’m still not gonna read what they wrote bc they have no respect for me and certainly are rehashing things I have already experienced a significant amount of guilt for, as well as manipulative guilt tripping and gaslighting over, things I’ve long since apologized and changed for, things that were insignificant molehills yet I still got shit for it years later. Im not going to read how it was actually okay for pengo to treat me and others like shit, how my reaction is wrong somehow, how I’m the bad guy for originally trying to connect, or giving good faith that I wasn’t being abused. I’m not gonna get guilted for trusting people I looked up to and being upset and confused when they weren’t trustworthy!!! I’m not some fabled perfect victim obviously but that never stopped my abuse, the things I experienced from being real. If Glip believed their own bullshit they would have taken the care to look and read what I’ve said and sent them both currently and in the past but just like when I first learned glips true nature they just don’t give a shit if it’s not about them/someone who constantly kisses their ass and lives in it. If someone shows discontent over being punched down on all the time, or disagree with glips story they’ve told where they are the victim in every way, they’ll get all sorts of manipulative and abusive treatment….. ask me how I know lol.

Suffice to say I totally believed glip about everything and that was a really stupid decision on my part I found out. Then I rightly felt like, betrayed and as if I had been misled, which I had been, but all that was seen as ‘kf behavior’ or something. Feeling hurt about an artist you look up to deceiving people for years is wrong guys it’s evil according to glip. According to them we should all forgive everything bc they are the victim, forget about it and move on, and also bow down to all their opinions and whims and take all their shit without complaint. Be a good doormat or you might find out how they really feel about you. Super healthy behavior all around. God I’m so glad I left lmao.

#floraverse #glitchedpuppet #pengosolvent #just send me an ask about ​anything anyone feels I should address straightforwardly my box is always open #I would delight in giving more context to people I just don’t want to do it on their terms lmao

[hvwks]

and listen i get it i understand a hefty sizable chunk (honestly, the vast majority) of the fandom wants endeavor dead, rendered useless, written off, etc, for his actions and thats fair and completely valid bc like. its a fictional dude. actions were reprehensible, you may have those opinions.

but... i just... the potential for those kids to finally heal and move forward. and begin a life for themselves free of the shackles that their family's fucked up dynamics created... so much of that can come from seeing what brought you pain and misery and choosing to move forward, anyway. i'm not saying you need to forgive your abuser or anything of that nature. absolutely not. but i can tell you. if... my mother, who spent so much of my childhood and adolescence telling me how useless i was, how i can't do anything right, won't achieve anything with my life, and fostered these severely debilitating neurodivergencies that i know have to be in full-time therapy for the forseeable future with no real "cure" for it (woohoo lets go bpd!) .... so much as apologized to me even once. for the things that i went through. i think i could heal so much of my inner. i wouldn't be fixed compeltely. hell, i will still need to do my dbt worksheets and my grounding techniques. but at least i won't have to spend the rest of my life dealing with a "would she ever say sorry? would she ever recognize what she did to me?"

and the thing is, at least for shoto, fuyumi, even natsuo to some extent.... they are choosing to be there, choosing to listen to the man that made their life a living hell in his apologies. enji didn't force any of his kids to listen to his apologies. much less accept them. and that's said time and time again. shown multiple times, too. the way those kids choose to step up and move forward is completely of their own volition--and whether YOU, the viewer, an outsider's perspective, decide hes worthy of "redemption" (which!! he explicitly said he didn't want! he specifically said he wants to atone for his actions!! not be seen as a completely different person, but the same man who recognizes his evils and is actively making the choice to see where he can make things better, even by a small fraction if he can!!) doesn't change the fact that there are people out there who would give up their pinky toe to have a parent that hurt them so badly acknowledge their actions and apologize for them.

not because it makes them a btter person all of a sudden. but because it gives the people affected by them the chance to find closure and move forward to grow into something new and transformed.

and THAT is why endeavor's survival, ESPECIALLY after the climax of the todorokis vs dabi, would be important to the narrative as well as the overall growth of the todoroki family. dabi felt what it was like, for the first time, to be seen. he's a boy that never got to grow or learn how to handle his very big emotions. he was a victim in all things. whether that was with endeavor or with afo. but the potential for him to see what could be, see where things can, maybe, just maybe, one day become what the little touya that died at sekoto peak always wanted is too good for me to ignore.

#enji todoroki #endeavor #bnha #mha #listen i know no one cares honestly i do #but this is important to me and i just get so bored and tired of the 'if u like endeavor ur an abuse apologst' narrative #like. #anyway #dont even get me started on how hawks relates to this or youll never find peace #abuse tw #mental abuse tw #child abuse tw #in case

[edoro]

Do you think Caleb would forgive Philip if they were somehow able to meet again and he was genuinely sorry for what he did / what he's done?

I like to think he would since he doesn't seem like the type to hold grudges.

hmm you know... this is tricky. there's kind of a lot here. we're going to get, like, semantical here.

(under a cut bc it's long)

like, what does 'forgive' mean here? "think it's all okay"? "don't hold it against him anymore"? "don't be mad at him for it"? "accept and love him even though he did terrible things and hurt people very badly"?

some people see 'forgiveness' as like, an act of wiping the slate totally clean, more or less pretending the offending action didn't happen, others see it as acknowledging that it did and being willing to still have a relationship with that person and care for them despite their actions

and sometimes forgiveness doesn't really mean anything in terms of having a relationship with the person, but simply means like, acknowledging what they did, that it can't be undone, and letting go of your own sense of hurt and anger towards it, while still not allowing them back in your life or deciding that it was in any way 'okay' or 'acceptable' for them to have done - this is the way i, at least, often think of 'forgiveness' in terms of abuse; it's not me saying that what you did to me was okay, because it wasn't, but it's me accepting that it happened, the past can't be changed, and that i want to move on myself rather than dwell on it.

so... i could see Caleb still deciding he loves Philip and wants him in his life, if he demonstrated like, genuine remorse or any kind of understanding that what he did was wrong and it seemed like he would, you know, change his behavior.

then again, Philip did fuck up pretty badly... i mean, i'm not sure if "holding a grudge" is the right language to use to discuss "not wanting someone who literally murdered you and then went on to use your death - which he caused - as an excuse to do centuries' worth of damage culminating in attempted genocide, while also cloning you and horrifically abusing and murdering the clones during that entire time", you know?

so, you know, it would also be pretty reasonable and understandable in that circumstance to say, "i still love you, but i don't like or want to be around the person who you've shown yourself to be"

he not only ended Caleb's life, widowing his wife and ensuring that his child(ren) would grow up without a father, but he then proceeded to violate Caleb's body and use Caleb as an excuse for committing further atrocities... and he did it after Caleb was ready to welcome him right back into his life.

from Philip's pov, Caleb left him to go shack up with a demon in hell; from Caleb's pov, Philip waltzed in just as he was happy for the first time in his life and threw everything - the years spent laboring to raise and care for and protect him, the effort to give him a better life, the immediate and open invitation to join his new life in this new place - right back into his face in the most violent way possible.

so... i don't know. it's hard for me to imagine, personally, being willing to welcome someone who did that back into my life. even if you still love someone, sometimes they hurt you so badly that you just can't be around them anymore, you know?

it is, i suppose, equally hard for me to imagine that Philip might actually demonstrate genuine remorse and change his behavior, without just getting completely out of character - he just isn't a person who does that. he doubles down. he sees himself as right. he is, at this point, in so deep that recognizing the enormity of what he's done would be a sort of psychic death for him, and the guilt and pain of it would be so crushing that he has to avoid it at all costs.

i know the premise of your question was if he did but i just really struggle to imagine it happening.

there is also the very important point that... a lot of what he's done, arguably MOST of what he's done, isn't Caleb's to forgive.

which again gets into a semantic discussion of what 'forgive' even means - sure, if someone you know and love hurts someone else, you can make a decision to stay in their life despite what they did - but Philip's abuse of the grimwalkers isn't something he did to Caleb. it's something he did to each and every single one of those individual people. every single one of those boys came into existence and lived a life full of pain, fear, and grief, all caused intentionally and deliberately by Philip, and then they all died at Philip's hand.

Caleb doesn't get to forgive him for that. Caleb can't absolve him of having done that. Caleb can decide that he, personally, is willing to forgive Philip having murdered him, but he can't forgive Philip for things he did to other people, and the grimwalkers are all very much other people. every grimwalker was their own individual person, and the fact that Philip himself saw them as simply versions of Caleb is part of his abuse of them.

so... i don't know. i just don't know if you can really apply this framework of forgiveness to the whole thing, i guess. i have trouble imagining how Philip, as he is in canon, could ever really be genuinely sorry or willing to change his behavior, and even if Caleb was able to decide that he can forgive Philip for killing him, the abuse of the grimwalkers and the attempted genocide and the damage he did to the culture and history of the Boiling Isles aren't things that Caleb has any right to forgive in the first place.

#caleb wittebane #philip wittebane #toh spoilers #kiiiind of? #the owl house #asks

[vole-mon-amour]

1x02, rewatch. Part 2.

A short king. Honestly, this is a Jamie love bot blog at this point.

Boys, I see your reactions. Roy, including you.

Babe, I'm gonna gently slap your pretty face for that. :') I'm gonna THINK about that at least. You've got enough abuse from your dad. Your move isn't nice, though.

I forgot everything about this, lol. This brat is so awful. :D BUT. Can you believe Ted and Roy (!!) won him over with kindness? ROY. Who's the target of Jamie's mockery in s1. Incredible.

Jokes on you, Jamie, in a while you're gonna think even his chest hair is hot. You're gonna want to fuck him so badly (if you're still isn't there and masking it).

AND HE WILL. JFC, i love him SO much. The way he immediately changed his attitude when Ted doesn't react to his bullying. The way Jamie feels uncomfortable about that, realising for a sec that it's not the way to go (or just unable to face the confrontation bc they often turn into rage from his father). Forgiveness and kindness, especially in this show, is driving me insane.

As soon as Ted walks away. They were ALL mean at that time, except maybe for Roy as the older one. Yeah, Jamie this kid just needed a little push and an explanation.

OKLAHOMA, REBECCA.

You did it in the end. :')

Can Keeley and Jamie PLEASE start dating again. Please. Grabbing my stale bread from s1 and hoarding it like a hungry dragon.

The immediate connection that Ted and Rebecca form, it's just Rebecca is still hurting after Rupert and refuses to tear down her walls with Ted.

I'll hold onto that information, thanks.

#natiswatching #jamie x keeley #ted lasso #ted x rebecca #jamie tartt

[cloama]

TW Abuse

When you set a boundary with an abuser, even going the lengths to disappear, they hunt you down and try to do harm. He found my address and showed up appearing peaceful but I know so I just waited.

Soon as it looked like I wasn't gonna let him intimidate me or give him the forgiveness he wanted, he fucking snapped and turned out he had his girlfriend with him to provoke me into a fight. Literally doing everything but putting hands on me. Screaming in the street. Threatening me.

That girl got a heart condition and is always knocking on death's door. That's not the issue. The issue is going to your bedroom on Sunday ready to settle and sleep and getting accosted.

I live a very quiet life bc if I didn't I'd be in jail for my fight response. I am risk aware and protect myself. This was absolutely horrendous and I've been trying to settle down for two hours.

Now I gotta try to get a restraining order filed. They're like 200 bucks here. I am annoyed and need the order so I don't end up in jail. Because I believe abusers should be dead not jailed and some days I am very sure I'm capable of crime.

he knows this and blocked the doorway to the kitchen. He knows

Being that close to making a life-changing mistake because someone tried to trigger me and fight me is upsetting. There's a universe where I'd be jailed forever. Granted there's also a universe where my mother only had one child.

I was supposed to move this year and now things are messy because he came back and I was trying to play fair. I'm very much over it. Soon as I pay this debt down, I'm going to disappear.

[fairycosmos]

i think the problem w society is that it's still seen like having kids is just what you do and the ultimate goal and purpose in life and you just do your best and thats it and when kids are a bit older they just have to have empathy and understand that parents are humans too and bla fucking bla this is all fine and dandy with parents that are generally fine but some parents are physically or emotionally abusive and can just fuck a person's life up so tremendously and definitively that they just shouldn't be awarded forgiveness like there's just absolutely no reason to!!!! and yes i can understand ur upbringing and why ur this fucked up that you did those things to me but you should have simply not had children!!! it's just that easy!!!!! it is absolutely not my fucking problem to forgive you you just fucked up and you could have just not done that and i simply refuse to show these people any empathy, like i will simply just not have children bc i know what i'm like and i couldn't imagine justifying my behavior to a human being that has to face a messed up existence just bc i wanted them to????? FOR WHAT OH MY GODDDDD

soooo real. u said it. i want to eat this ask and store it in my brain forever. like my dad has literally told me the only reason he and my mam had kids was because "that's what you were supposed to do after marriage." absolutely no forethought or consideration for the human person they were going to produce at the end of it - me and my siblings were a footnote on THEIR lives, nothing more. and he says this very matter-of-factly, as if it shouldn't upset me because they tried their best and did what they could.

i think parents collectively need to realize that by and large - their best is not good enough at all LOL. their best would've been making the conscious choice not to take on responsibility they were not equipped to handle! i genuinely don't think they cognitively realize that they they are not entitled to understanding, gratitude and forgiveness for raising (i.e damaging) a kid just because it was hard for them; when they fkn committed to that level of difficulty the moment they decided to get pregnant.

i'm sympathetic to my parents and their upbringing, i understand why they are the way they are and why they think the way they think (to an extent) but like u put it - it's also not my problem. and it doesn't change how fucked my life is because they made shitty decisions. you know? you definitely don't owe ur parents forgiveness or empathy or even the time of the day after a certain point either, if they really put you through some shit. i totally get it. also exactly! like it always baffles me to think about how EASY it is to not have kids (not for everyone, i know this is a tenuous conversation w a lot of moving variables, just generally speaking in the context of my own life.)

how EASY it is to not ruin somebody's existence just by choosing not to engage with the idea in the first place if ur current circumstances don't support the reality of parenthood. there's so much power in that, in having the self awareness to know you need to do the right thing and ppl just seem to bypass it completely bc they want a cute baby. that thing you said about having to justify ur harmful behaviour to a messed up child, who is only going through that pain because you wanted them here (yet can't provide them what they need!) really struck a chord with me. 

that really is the bones of it huh. that's what most ppl have to live with during childhood, through no fault of their own too, and so the world is the way it is. run by the end result of that - emotionally stunted adults, at best. it's sad. anyway it feels like solace knowing other ppl feel this way too and im glad ur out there making smart choices and actually thinking things through lol. wishing you healing and peace x

#anon #sorry this got long. i had a lot 2 say as always. gemini girl #thingz... #long post #tw child abuse #tw abuse

[roobylavender]

i mean most abusers do love the people they abuse. abuse isn’t something done with intention or malice half the time, it’s done by people thinking they’re doing the right thing. bruce’s love and need for control are constantly in conflict with each other and that’s why the robins are stuck waging a war against him. i feel like a big part of a dysfunctional parent-child dynamic is feeling trapped by your parent’s love. Even if you hate it, it’s still canon that Bruce has been historically bad with dealing with his kids. Half of them don’t even feel comfortable calling him dad cuz the relationship seems so undefined or shaky. In Dick’s case i feel like he has no grounds to oppose robin and his vigilantism because Bruce (deep down) loved having someone like dick around to fight crime with. They both refer that time as “the good old days” so it’s not like Bruce was truly opposed. It’s only when the actual reality of that negligent and naive behaviour materialises that he realises he fucked up (robin year one eg). Then he treats Dick in such a cold manner that Dick believes if he’s not robin, he’s not wanted. This has been a pattern since the golden days so no it’s not ooc for Bruce. Yes the natural conclusion to all the modern day tension should be for both parties to meet and resolve their issues but Bruce is still the abuser at the end of the day, and even though Dick’s self sacrificing nature might easily forgive him, on a textual level it should be clear that a true resolution between the two would need Dick to dig deeper, and for Bruce to be ready for rejection from his son.

i don’t disagree with that assessment of abuse like it’s absolutely true, but my problem is i don’t think the cold or controlling behavior is really a consistent enough pattern until we move into post-crisis canon. for several decades dick and bruce have a great rapport with each other bc that’s what everyone knows they’re supposed to have. like i don’t think most writers from the golden or silver age if asked that they intended to write bruce as an abuser would agree and say yes, and that distinction to me is impt, bc sure, we can take what we’re reading on a surface level and project our own experience or modern understanding of relationships onto it, but i don’t think that should happen to the extent authorial intent is superseded bc then you start to enter territory where you’re divorcing narrative from genre conventions. if we go by the assumption that bruce is an enabler and abuser for allowing dick to be a hero for so long without purported attention paid to his safety then that establishes practically every hero within the universe possessive of a sidekick as an abuser. and i do get that some people are interested in following that thread like esp in post-crisis we see that exploration a lot but ig for me personally it’s kinda like the thing that breaks the camel’s back and withholds the entire genre from actually allowing itself to explore more pertinent issues. not to say abuse isn’t a pertinent issue, it absolutely is and i do think there’s ways it can still be explored, but the primary reason the genre was established in the first place was in response to fascism. obv the engagement with that wasn’t necessarily complex early on but it’s incredibly impt to the development of the genre and as we can see in a modern context how that response to fascism or lack thereof is conveyed can be incredibly influential in terms of facilitating support or not for fascist government. so my issue is like, yes, it’s impt for bruce’s faults in these relationships to be addressed to a constructive and worthwhile extent, but i also think writers have gone so drastically far in curating those faults in the post crisis era that it’s effectively restricted the scope of the stories they’re allowed to tell, bc they’re more focused on individual instances and relationships within this world than they are on any form of commentary that reflects the operations of the world at large in relation to regulation of crime

#i also feel like it’s difficult to establish consistency in bruce’s pattern of behavior bc he’s written by like. so many people #like i get some people are okay with picking and choosing the canon they curate and to an extent i do so too #but distinguishing between writers is very impt to me personally and idk i feel like that’s.. not something people comparatively care about #esp when it comes to the abusive bruce argument #ig in reply you could argue i prefer to give him the benefit of the doubt by favoring writers whose portrayal doesn’t toe the line of abuse #as egregiously like that would be a fair criticism. but idk i just don’t see the long term benefit of driving bruce to that place #in another medium or entirely different story where these circumstances were isolated maybe it’d make sense to explore #(like satirist responses to the genre for example. not saying the boys is good i have no idea but that comes to mind) #but i think trying to follow that thread so extensively within the genre itself really just like. leads it so far away from itself #but again i get how people would disagree with that and that’s okay 🫡 #also hope it’s okay i don’t make this rebloggable like you’re being very civil but not everyone on here necessarily is #when it comes to this topic. jsbdjdnkd so i would rather keep discussion restricted to here #outbox

[ncutii-gatwa]

same!! tedbecca is a beautiful dynamic that i have enjoyed a lot, so i liked the shippy takes and the platonic takes, but not the weird mind games about it in s3 sksksk. i am sad that they ended it like this, with ted back in kansas... rebecca was going All Out to make him stay and that was so so so beautiful to me. she would have moved mountains for him and henry :'(

yes, retrospectively, i cannot even say why we had shandy at all. i do understand that it helped to show keeley grow as the founder of her own company but they could have done it differently and still bring that point across? could have used the other employees, for example. was equally disappointed in jackkeeley being not much about anything either.

jamie and his dad. that was. something. i am very very very torn about this one because i interpreted that meeting as jamie allowing himself the chance to finally make peace with his past so he can move on instead of inviting his dad back into his life? i know many see that differently and were very disappointed in that choice, which is fair! to me, it felt like that was probably the first time jamie was meeting his dad as an equal, finally above his dad's shit and willing to stand up for himself after punching him etc, not feeling small or scared but instead feeling absolutely secure as a football player and person. i do refuse to interpret that as forgiveness bc 1000% fuck that. i headcanon that he met him, talked and said his own piece (a la thank you and fuck you) , and then was finally able to let go of his paranoia (always looking for his dad at games etc) and move on to a life that is not haunted by an angry ghost. gotta say tho... that thought is contrasted by my other thought: i hate that he just meets his abuser like that. them meeting in person? idk it could have been a text at most, like why give this abuser a chance like this? i was lowkey excited about jamies dad maybe being dead LOL but then i thoughr about ted and his dad, and rebecca and her dad, about the resentment festering, and just can't help but hope that at least jamie got the chance to say his brutally honest truth instead of letting it fester inside him forever (but again, i totally understand people who cannot bring themselves to find or accept any hopeful interpretation of that scene, i definitely cannot help but be full of mixed feelings myself!)

it's nice to talk a bit about this :') thanks for listening and taking time to reply! maybe onto something different, what is your opinion on bex and nathan/nathanjade?

rebecca going so far as to thinking about selling the club because she hated the idea of doing it without ted was like a truck hitting me man. and her getting a ticket just so she could say bye to him at the last moment oh 😭

i feel like shandy was a missed opportunity that was overtaken by jack. and yes i dont like how they went with jack cause it just felt like they were setting up keeley for failure, relationship and job wise. i knew from the beginning it wasn't going to last and that's kinda shit to just have it there for a storyline. but hey at least we got confirmed bi keeley

im thinking the same as you about jamie and his dad. but i fear the writers thought a 'good' ending for jamie would be to forgive his dad and try to move on. and i would understand that if he was just an alcoholic bad dad. but an abuser who set his son up to be r*ped at 14 makes me feel real uneasy

were bex and nathan shipped? bit of a weird one if so but bex deserved better in all aspects. im just glad they didn't make rebecca into a jealous ex when it came to her. and nathan and jade was uninteresting to me. i'd rather we see nathan REALLY work on becoming better and actually earn the forgiveness like jamie did. did you think that too?

#i got mail #anon #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #emma thoughts

[strangermarvelss]

Really liked the latest chapter and the space it gave to let the previous chapter’s events percolate. But I’m going to go with an unpopular opinion (lol I think). I like Steve, he is obviously sweet, but I actually don’t want him to be the one she ends up with. For one, he’s a friend of the couple and it just seems too easy and a little cliché maybe. That this hot dude’s waiting in the background to swoop in and fix everything. Two, this is a me issue but I might have read things wrong and assumed this would ultimately be an Eddie x reader fic (not Steve x reader) and while I like Steve and I’m okay with them hooking up, I hope the action goes back to Eddie and that Steve remains a secondary character. But that is just my hope and what I assumed, obviously if that’s not how it’s going to go that’s absolutely fine, I’m just thinking ahead of how to prepare myself if it ends with pure angst with Eddie instead of fluff with him bc that’s not what I expected and I don’t want to be bummed out. I know that sounds dumb, it’s just a work of fiction, but it stays in my mind.

Third, people fuck up all the time. Constantly. We fuck up and it hurts people we love. I think the first instinct is to walk away and never forgive but irl that’s not always how it goes. Sometimes the person you love does something stupid that hurts but they are truly sorry and change and put in the work and you find it in your heart to forgive and not lose that love because it’s stronger than all the other stuff, and there’s history and time and growth together. I’m not talking about abuse or repeat manipulation. But I do think men making stupid immature decisions is common, even if they are ’“nice” guys who mean well. I think if they can turn it around and make it up to the person they hurt, it can move forward. I mean, personally it would take A LOT for me to try to work things out with Eddie. I would need grand gestures and groveling at my feet, sobbing, pleading, signing up for marriage counseling for as long as I decide and putting in the work, really showing up and being the best dad and husband he can be, you would need to see the effort every fucking day. I would need to hear and feel that I’m the only person he loves and wants every day, because I’d be insecure and would need to repair that. I’d need all of that in writing with an ultimatum that if he falls off the wagon, I’m out and seeking custody of our kid. And if he really loved me and wanted us back above all, he’d do all of that and more happily. If I loved someone deeply and thought we were soulmates and really felt their remorse and intent to make things better, I might leave that door open and see if they could make it up to me and our family. Anyways that’s my pov, that while he did something terrible and stupid, he might have a chance to save things if she’s willing to give it.

i think the way you worded this was quite nice and kind of summarizes my feelings on the series as a whole. i don't think you're in the minority when it comes to people not wanting steve and reader to get together, i think its maybe 50/50 but i'm also not counting lol.

i agree that men do stupid shit all the time and sometimes it works out in their favor and they get back together and have stuff happen. my cousin cheated on his wife a while ago, and today they're still together and seem very happy with one another, so things can change if the effort is put in. not saying i condone cheating or anything, thats just fucked. but you get what i mean.

eddie would have to put in a lot of effort to be able to bounce back from his actions, seeing as reader is still emotionally scarred from the confession and their child is...well, you'll see in the next chapter what christopher is up to. i know how it's all going to play out, so i'm not going to give spoilers, so i'll just leave it here: we will just have to see what happens. reader could end up with no one too, just deciding to chose herself and happiness. who knows :)

#ask sava #anon #the pain of letting you go

[rangedreign]

ohhh my favourite part of ask games, (harmless) petty fandom drama. i know these are a lot so ofc feel free to pick and choose but im nosy and love gossip so if you feel like it *eyes emoji*:

1 2 (just for the drama lol) 6 (feel free to ignore i understand u completely but i live for drama lol) 7 (MORE) 8 12 (<3) 16 (*eyes emoji*) 21 22 (for some final positivity)

1 - the character everyone gets wrong cedric the sorcerer. he deserves respect as a person, and the royal family was wrong to deny him that, but he does little to earn respect as royal sorcerer. 'oh he has such a good and relatable arc' whup tee doo his grand finale was... *checks notes* doing his job correctly. the one he's been training for his whole life. color me unimpressed by a character that should have either left that job YEARS ago or put a little effort into anticipating what he'd be asked to do and practicing instead of trying to prove his worth through stunts and domination.

2 - a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom can't do it lol, everyone's a verse in my mind

6 - which ship fans are the most annoying? shoutout to the time i went through the snape/lily tag and couldn't scroll 3 posts without a james/lily shipper trying to pull moral rank. however i think 75% of the hp fandom has ship rabies.

7 - what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? eh, none, i don't let fandom influence my interpretations of characters that way. cedric is closest but the fandom misinterpretation is just an additional annoyance, rather than a driving force

8 - common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about 'cedric and sofia have a good relationship'. shipping or not, they're completely one-sided. what does cedric provide sofia with? he doesn't even listen to her particularly well.

12 - the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them to no one's surprise, my first pick here is wormwood from sofia the first. he was created as a joke, ha ha the pet is smarter than the human master, but then the show makes you judge him by human moral standards as the foil to cedric's 'deserving of second chances'. the show itself asks you to view a character that cannot leave servitude as human, and wants you to believe that his station is right. it's so deeply unfair. i care him. i respect him. i want to see him take the power of humanity for himself, abuse it, naturally, because that's all humans have ever done to him, then grow into a complete person when he realizes he cares despite it all. knowing that, i feel like mentioning areelu should come as no surprise. doing great evil in response to evil that was done to you? that's so up my alley. up my pussy even. making her bond with daeran of all people is such a great idea, someone who cannot forgive her, but must move on and work with her regardless. it seems like most people write her off as too evil to live, but she's still a super genius. there's a lot to be gained by befriending her. the gold dragon ""redemption"" happens so absurdly fast though. 'oh shit guess this is pretty fucked up, so glad you're a piss-colored lizard bc that's the only way i'd ever listen to you' wrath's writing in general has a bit of a quantity over quality issue. a lacking-logic issue. no way my azata would sacrifice herself just cuz without knowing what areelu will do once she's gone.

16 - you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc) - hero-type main characters in general. idk exactly what it is but i find most of them very dull, and often irritating. a lack of desires beyond duty? can't often be described as freaks? they just never have any footholds for interesting ideas to me. - gold aasimar cum. if you want something golden to come out of daeran's dick, you can just make him piss XD also does that imply his hair is naturally white? - daeran x chill/lawful/'boring' kcs - i can tell that on some level he wants the stability from people like that, but i can't see him actually bonding with them. esp not towards the start of the game. - truly, utterly pathetic meow meows. like, listen, i love shoving a character into a Situation and watching them flounder around, but they've gotta be proficient at something!

21 - part of canon you think is overhyped for just about everything: the worldbuilding. i think people get impressed by the mere existence of worldbuilding, rather than the quality of it. pf surprised me when i looked deeper into stuff and found it gave me the same 'this is a hot mess and i have to make shit up for it to make sense' feeling as stf. i expected better from a massive ttrpg but ok. for wrath, also the characters and the music. the characters rely on one-note personalities with maybe a ~hint~ of spice, with one extremely notable exception of daeran. the degree to which he beats out every other character in complexity is stunning, really. the music is... just fine? it's not amazing, it does exactly what you'd expect a track for that purpose to do. I think most of the tracks have muddy orchestration, too much focus on harmony/vibes and not enough on rhythm and melody. the one track i really love is 'a drink before the battle', it has a great flow and dynamics and i wish it played more often.

22 - your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores the villains/antagonists, best part of literally any media ever

#kvetching my beloved #if you see this through tags/search no you didn't

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw verbal abuse

not to sound like a redditer but i need some help figuring out if i'm an asshole? or if i'd be an asshole, if i acted on my feelings, i suppose. (you can call me raine)

my dad was verbally abusive to me and several of my siblings on/off for awhile. over a year. and it was something he'd been building toward for awhile. he'd been doing some of the verbally abusive shit to me on/off for a couple years, but it was small enough incidents i didn't really put it together as anything more than him just...being him bc both my parents would brush it off as it just being part of who he was and it being "a joke" or me "provoking" him. but then it got bad. like really bad. it was constant and very very focused in on me. he did it to other siblings as well but mostly me and it was every time he saw me, he would have something to say and it didn't matter who was in the room-my mom would be in the room and say jackshit. the most consequences he ever got for it was my mom lightly saying "be nice" or me telling him to mind his business and leave me alone before i stormed off.

but then it stopped. mostly. that's mostly bc i started cutting him off but the thing is, awhile later, after he stopped, he just started pretending nothing happened. like we were friends again. and that fucked me up a lot-like we used to be really close, he was like my hero growing up, and i was just so fucking confused i let him pretend. he got that spot back in my life. but now that im starting to actually process what he did to me...i don't want him around me. i want him to fuck off. i don't want him pretending he did nothing to me! im still so pissed and so hurt over what he did and the fact he just wants to pretend he never fucking did it and not apologize after all he did. and he could do it again, just as easy, and no one would do anything! my mom would STILL do jackshit and im pissed at her too!

i just. i feel like bc they're both pretending nothing happened i should too. and that it would be mean of me to draw back and put space between us when technically, its been awhile since he was actually mean to me. like, shouldn't i just forgive and forget at this point instead of rehashing old bullshit? i dunno. so. yeah. help? i'd really appreciate ANY thoughts on this, cause, seriously, i'm lost. i just feel like im such an ass being upset when my mom and dad have moved on but. i dunno. he was my hero and he fucking tore me to shreds. and now he's living the same life he was before and i still feel like i'm broken. how am i just supposed to ignore that?

Hi Raine,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. It's important to remember that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to have complex emotions about the situation.

Please know that your feelings are valid, and it is okay if you don't want to be around him anymore. It's okay to create some distance and establish boundaries. This doesn't mean you have to completely cut him out of your life, but setting limits and protecting yourself from further harm is important. Just because he's seemingly moved on from his behavior doesn't mean you have to. You deserve to have your pain acknowledged. You are NTA and you don't have to forgive him.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can provide a safe space for you to explore your emotions, process the trauma, and help you navigate your relationships. They can also assist you in developing healthy coping strategies and guide you through the healing process.

Please know that healing is a process done at your own pace. Just because others may appear to have moved on doesn't mean you have to follow the same timeline. It's crucial to listen to your own needs, even if it means creating some distance from your dad and seeking support.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #raine