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ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult · 5 years

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Reality Check-Euphoria Imagine

Requested: No Warnings: mentions of trauma and a scene of an attempted sexual assault

A/N: I’m back from a super long break! I am so sorry I have not been able to update this blog since I started grad school but I have a bit of a break to write a bit. I just finished Euphoria so after this imagine, I’ll get started on the requests.

I own nothing from Euphoria and do not claim to own anything

Gif is from:geek-ramblings

Everything in italics in the story is Rue’s narration

Y/N Y/L/N wanted to be a princess for as long as she could remember. It didn’t hurt that every Disney movie and other piece of media designed for little girls endorsed this dream. One of those movies was the 1997 Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella starring Whitney Houston, Brandi, Whoopi Goldberg, and Victor Garber. It was the first time Y/N saw a princess who looked like her and it solidified that her dreams were possible. She watched that movie every day for three years and knows the soundtrack by heart. When her older cousin, McKay, irritated her, she would belt “Impossible/It’s Possible” at the top of her lungs in retaliation. While McKay was pushed to his limits on the football field, Y/N would twirl around in her living room during the ballroom sequence, pretending as though she had a dashing partner who would whisk her away. Her parents didn’t mind this dream since it suggested that she was as “normal” as a little girl could be. Eventually, Y/N’s mother put her in dance classes so that she could learn how to be graceful and dance with real people. Y/N fell in love with dancing since it gave her a way to express herself without speaking. Y/N was one of the sweetest people ever, but she was so shy and nervous, and I didn’t get it. Once she got comfortable, she actually had some things to say and a decent sense of humor. What she rarely let anyone know was she still dreamed of finding her prince, even though East Highland was overrun with frogs. In middle school, Y/N focused on studying and dancing while everyone else was practice dating (ie talking for a few hours on Facebook Messenger and avoiding eye contact in the hallway save a few nervous glances). She was hopeful that she would meet her prince in high school since that’s how it worked in the movies and what her older cousins had her believe. Y/N learned quickly that high was not like the movies and did not entertain herself with frivolous things, something Maddy called her out on at lunch one day.

“I’m right so don’t even try to fight me about it,” Maddy affirmed from across the table.

The cafeteria was busy and smelled of semi-fresh food and bubblegum. Y/N, Maddy, Cassie, BB, and Kat sat at their usual table. Y/N paused mid-bite into her cucumber sandwich and closed her mouth as soon as she realized it was hanging open.

“What?”

“You don’t do anything outside of school and dance team unless we drag you out and that needs to change,” Maddy insisted.

“I do other things,” Y/N said hesitantly.

“Yeah, like what? And it can’t be anything that you would use for college!”

Y/N racked her brain for a few moments. “Well, I watch movies and I read----”

“Fun things!” Maddy interrupted.

“Like gettin’ d-ck,” BB added.

Y/N’s face warmed up and she looked away from BB. “B, why’d you have to say it like that?”

“Well, at the end of the day, all that romance sh-t you’re into is just a pretty form of foreplay.”

“No, it’s not, they’re displays of affection and they’re beautiful. I know you all think romance is dead but I can’t and I don’t want to settle for that.” Y/N nodded her head in the direction of a table of guys who were concocting potions by mixing up the lunch of day with milk.

Cassie grabbed Y/N’s hand. “No one would expect you of all people to settle, but you haven’t dated anyone and there are some good guys in this town if not in this school. We just want to see you happy.”

Y/N could tell that Cassie was being sincere by the look in her eyes, all her friends were, but they also knew why Y/N behaved a certain way. The summer before eighth grade, Y/N saw the texts on her mom’s phone between her and a man that was not Y/N’s dad. It sickened her to her core, and she had no idea how to process it. Suddenly, her parents’ nightly arguments coupled with her mother’s late returns from nights out with “a friend” made more sense. She did not tell either of them that she knew and kept quiet about it. If she did not acknowledge it, she thought it would go away. She threw herself into dancing and studying, which did not raise any eyebrows. One night, Y/N, Maddy, Cassie, Lexi, and I went to the movies to see a Twilight movie. When she stepped out to get a popcorn refill, she saw her mother standing on the other side of the theater, smiling and flirting with a man who had to be in his seventies. Y/N managed to keep it together until we got back to Cassie and Lexie’s, where she broke down and told us everything. We hugged her and tried to calm her down, but there was nothing we could say that would repair her heart. Y/N’s mom officially stopped cheating when Y/N was fifteen but by then, the damage was already done. Her parents wanted to work on their marriage but neglected their child’s emotional and mental wellbeing since Y/N was so good and pretending she was fine. Her grades were excellent, she was the youngest co-captain of East Highland High’s dance team, and she stayed out of trouble. But if you really look at her, you can see the heartbreak in her big, coffee-colored eyes. Despite this, Y/N was convinced that there was a great guy out there for her, but she was extremely reluctant to date. She prayed that college would be better than high school and she would find the courage to date then.

“I love and appreciate your guys’ concern so much, but I am not about to give up my,” Y/N paused and glanced around the cafeteria before whispering, “virginity just to fit in, no offense.”

“Come on, Y/N, you may look and act all pure but you have to be dying to know what good d-ck feels like,” Maddy whined.

She had been, Y/N was human and not a total saint after all.

“I can wait, really.”

“So, have you just not been interested in any guys? I know plenty who are interested in you,” Cassie added.

“What?” Y/N was baffled by the loaded statement.

“Come on, Y/N, you know you’re hot,” Kat said.

“Your legs go up to your neck, Sis,” BB blurted as she nibbled on a Twizzler.

“Your face is basically perfectly symmetrical, it disgusts me,” Maddy said, emphasizing her statement with hand gestures.

Y/N chuckled nervously under the attention. “Thanks, guys.”

“But, is there anyone that interests you?”

Y/N glanced down at the tops of her metallic rose gold sandals. “No, not really.”

That was a total f-cking lie. Since fourth grade, Y/N harbored a crush on Nate that was fueled by when he shoved Caleb Parker after Caleb shoved Y/N during a game of tag in gym class. When Nate helped her stand on her feet, he was basically her knight in shining armor. Nate fit Y/N’s type perfectly: tall, dark hair, dark eyes, killer smile, and kind. Y/N never said anything, but anyone could tell just by observing the way she looked at him and the fact that she could never string together a decent sentence around him. This did not stop her from daydreaming about him and watching him from afar. She thought that maybe she could impress him with her dancing, and he would be forced to make a move. Y/N paid close attention to what Nate liked and disliked about girls, leading to religious mani-pedis and waxing. I tried to talk her out of it freshman year, but I can’t blame her for ignoring a junkie’s advice. When Maddy and Nate started dating, Y/N tried to cut off her attraction to Nate because she loved Maddy like a sister. She stopped pining after him but wished that she had a tenth of the confidence Maddy had.

“That’s it, we’re going to a party on Friday and you are going to meet a guy,” Maddy demanded.

“What?”

“Relax, you don’t have to sleep with him…unless you want to.” BB wiggled her eyebrows and Maddy, Cassie, and Kat burst into giggles.

“I think I can start off with kissing.”

“Have you even kissed a guy?” BB shot back.

“Yes, I have.”

In second grade, Travis Williams was double-dared to kiss Y/N on the playground. She knew that he wasn’t her prince charming since he produced too much saliva, and he was dared to do it. It gave her a weird complex about how attractive she was since no one really approached her. Sure, there were guys at parties but they just wanted something warm to slide into, not a real relationship.

After practice, Y/N and Maddy sat across from each other with their legs spread out, pulling each other back and forth to stretch.

“You really went in with this number, my legs are still killing me,” Maddy moaned as Y/N tugged her hands.

“Well, Alia wants to do something super impressive for homecoming; it’s not my fault she was so inspired by Homecoming.” Y/N relaxed her back while Maddy gently pulled Y/N’s arms towards her.

She relished in the stretch as her muscles released. Alia had tasked her with working on the homecoming choreography a month ago and the only requirement was it had to be set to Beyoncé’s “Diva/Everybody Mad” mix. It was tricky choreography, complete with acrobatics and lifts, but it would be entertaining.

“Well, we better do Beyonce well because she deserves nothing but the best.” Maddy’s expression dropped.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N turned and saw Nate heading towards them. He was so gorgeous even though he was in a black t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. His hair looked perfect for finger-combing and Y/N could just see his muscles flexing with every step he took.

Y/N could never relax around Nate, even though she tried everything----slowing her breathing, counting backwards from twenty, and imagining him with food poisoning since no one looks good with that. But nothing worked, nothing ever worked, and she was forced to do whatever she could think of in the moment.

“Hey, Y/N,” Nate greeted.

“Hi,” Y/N breathed.

“Maddy,” he looked at her and Maddy rolled her eyes.

“What?”

“Are you done stretching? I’m giving you a ride and we can’t be late, remember?”

“Well, it doesn’t really matter since I always take too f-cking long to get ready.”

Nate sighed. “Maddy, I didn’t mean it…”

“I can go,” Y/N volunteered meekly, suddenly very aware that she was still sweaty from practice and needed to shower.

“No, Y/N, stay,” Maddy said, “stay so you can hear the bullsh-t he comes up with.”

They argued for about five minutes, all of which Y/N used to make herself as small as possible. She knew they had a dysfunctional relationship and that was the last thing Y/N wanted, she’d seen how they worked. If the couple weren’t arguing with each other, they would rant about the other person to a friend. Maddy did it all the time, but she was nowhere near as bad as Y/N’s dad. Her dad spoke explicitly about Y/N’s mother’s activities when things were really bad. It was always late at night and Y/N was not always sleeping over at someone’s house. Her father would rant for hours and force Y/N to sit there and listen. Whenever she tried to ask him to stop, he would say, “Tell your mother to stop, she did this. I didn’t do anything!”. Y/N cried a lot more than she would let anyone know. She wanted so badly to be whisked away from East Highland, preferably by a tall, handsome prince who would take care of all of her worries. She would be comfortable around him and feel loved. After Maddy and Nate’s argument, Y/N was able to slip away and go home.

Y/N stepped out of a relaxing shower when she heard the low rumbling that started before every argument. The walls of her room felt closer than usual and she could easily run her hands over the lavender and white checked wallpaper. Everything felt so far away and she felt much smaller than five-foot-nine. Y/N slowly curled into a ball on her bed and shook as the rumbling grew higher.

“Please stop,” she whispered.

It persisted.

“Please, please stop,” she repeated.

Y/N kept repeating herself for so long that she did not know how long it took before her parents burst into her room. Her mother wrapped her up in arms and rocked her while her dad tried to get her to talk.

“What’s the problem?” he asked.

“The fighting, it’s loud,” she whispered.

“Well, you can’t react like this every time we have an argument, Y/N. You’ll fall apart as an adult,” Mr. Y/L/N affirmed.

“Dinner is almost ready,” Mrs. Y/L/N said and kissed her forehead.

When they left the room, Y/N felt dejected and uninterested in food. Just as she was about to start lotioning, her phone dinged. It was Maddy.

Maddy: Football party’s on Friday. UR GOING.

It wasn’t a difficult decision for Y/N to make. Her parents gave her a generous curfew since Y/N wouldn’t go out every weekend. But her parents didn’t care how she felt so they shouldn’t care about what she did for once. And if they didn’t care, then why should she? It wasn’t like she going to engage in an orgy or something.

Y/N: You had me at football.

Scott Callahan’s giant house was filled with smoke and strobing lights on Friday night. People were dancing and drinking half-naked in his front lawn and inside was another kind of pandemonium. There was every kind of expensive alcohol one could imagine scattered throughout the house, marijuana, Percocet, molly, and cocaine. Travis Scott’s “Sicko Mode” was blasting through the surround-sound speakers and people were either dancing, grinding, or making out to it. Y/N arrived at the party with Jules and Rue. Hours prior, Y/N gave Jules free reign to do whatever she wanted with her makeup.

“Ugh, I have been waiting ever since we met for this moment. No, maybe even before then,” Jules said as she swiped silver glitter around Y/N’s eyes.

Cassie, Maddy, BB, and Kat already helped Y/N pick out an outfit a day before via Facetime: a shiny silver mini dress with platforms. Y/N had been nervous as Jules helped her do her makeup and put some waves in her shoulder-length dark hair. But the finished product made her look like a totally different person.

“Is that me?” Y/N had whispered as she stared at herself in the mirror.

Jules rest her chin on Y/N’s shoulder. “Yes, it is, the shinier version.”

“You look good, Y/N,” Rue complimented.

“Thanks, Rue. Are you sure you’re okay with me drinking tonight? I feel so weird and guilty.”

“Yes, it’s fine,” Rue had insisted. “I just got out of rehab and I don’t wanna go back.”

“And I don’t want you to, either,” Jules added.

Y/N agreed.

Y/N still felt weird about drinking around Rue once they arrived at the party, but Rue insisted that Y/N and Jules have fun. Several guys stared as Y/N walked past, but that could have been attributed to Jules’ neon green corset dress with matching hair or Rue’s tie-dye ensemble. When they reached the kitchen, they found Kat and BB doing tequila shots. Their eyes lit up at the trio.

“Finally, you’re here!” Kat hugged Rue, Jules, and Y/N.

“Did you miss us?” Jules teased.

“Little bit. You guys want a shot?”

“I’m DD-ing, or DR-ing since it’s a bike,” Rue said.

“Or DB-ing, for bicycling,” Y/N added.

BB poured Jules and Y/N shots and handed them over. They cheered before downing the alcohol. The tequila burned down Y/N’s throat and Y/N fought the urge to cough. She’d had alcohol before but she did not drink as often as her friends. Y/N immediately felt the liquid courage coursing through her as she slid her shot glass towards BB.

“Another one?” BB arched an eyebrow.

“Are you complaining?”

“Not at all, you look hot by the way.”

“Thanks.”

“I did her makeup,” Jules said.

Y/N laughed and continued drinking.

I watched as her third shot became her fifth, and then Jules made them both screwdrivers and she made them strong. I’d only seen Y/N drunk once and that was at freshman winter formal. Maddy convinced her that Gatorade and Everclear were a good mix. She was tripping over herself for most of the night, so there was no telling what she might do.

“Crap, I forgot to tell you, Maddy and Nate broke up again,” Kat said.

“Why?” Y/N asked.

“Stupid same old bullsh-t, probably,” Rue said.

“Where is Maddy, anyway?”

“Last I knew, she was outside with Cassie,” BB said.

Y/N finished her screwdriver. “Let’s go, then.”

Y/N was surprisingly agile as she weaved her way through the crowd and lead the way outside. Maddy and Cassie were easy to spot since they were standing by the lounge chairs and rolling their eyes at every guy who tried to talk to them.

“Maddy, Cassie!” Y/N announced.

They both looked up and smiled at her.

“Y/N, you look amazing,” Cassie said.

“Thanks, and you look great as per usual.”

“You’ve been drinking,” Cassie said.

Y/N nodded.

Cassie and Maddy greeted Rue, Jules, Kat, and BB.

“Hey, I’m sorry about Nate,” Y/N said.

“It’s fine, I don’t need him and I could get any guy here I want. Besides, it gives me the chance to focus more on getting you a guy,” Maddy said.

“Oh, Maddy, don’t worry about me.”

“No, that’s why we’re here. Now, let’s do some shots and scope!”

The shots were easy but finding a good guy was not. Y/N was officially drunk and giggled a lot whenever the guys Maddy or Cassie found spoke to her. Y/N would push the guys she didn’t like away, which was the majority of them.

“Alright, you rejected eight dudes, why?” Maddy asked over City Girls’ “Act Up”.

“Well, one had horrible halitsosissss and another kept talking about how he had never been with a black girl before.”

“Which one said the last thing?” Cassie asked.

Y/N shrugged and drank more beer. “Seriously, do not worry about me, guys, I’m fine, I just wanna have fun.”

“Yes, fun!” an equally inebriated Jules commented.

At that moment, Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts” started playing and Jules and Y/N screamed in unison.

“I love this song!” Y/N exclaimed.

“Me too!” Jules said.

“Let’s dance!” Y/N turned to the rest of the girls and extended her hand. “You have to join us, it’s Lizzo, it’s basically law.”

“Yeah, basically law,” Jules echoed.

The others couldn’t argue, and they all moved to the dancefloor, which was really the living room. Jules twirled Rue around even though Rue was reluctant, and BB started grinding on some basketball player. Meanwhile, Maddy, Cassie, and Y/N alternated between shouting the lyrics and moving their hips to the beat.

Dance truly set Y/N free, but the song also helped. There was something about Lizzo’s voice and choice of beat that made Y/N want to dance and never stop. She would move her arms and hands and feel more fluid than water. For once, she wasn’t calculating each step and making sure she was on beat, she was simply reacting to the music.

Towards the end of the song, Y/N muttered that she was going outside to Cassie and slipped away from the circle. Y/N found herself enjoying the fresh air and giggled to herself when she saw a couple going to second base by the pool.

“Y/N, I didn’t think you was into watchin’ people,” Fez teased.

He was sitting on a beach chair in a corner a few yards away from the back door. He was wearing a navy, yellow, and red Coogi sweater with jeans. He was fully reclined in his chair and smoking a joint.

“You don’t know a lot of things about me,” Y/N shot back as she walked towards him.

She plopped down on the seat across from him and tried to steady herself.

“You good, Y/N?”

“Yeah, just drank a lot more than usual.” Y/N eyed Fez’s joint. “You know, in all this time I’ve known you, you’ve never offered me drugs.”

“No disrespect, I just didn’t think you’d be into it, didn’t seem like the type.”

“Oh yeah? Then what do I seem like?” Y/N leaned towards Fez and arched her back a little.

Fez blew some smoke away from Y/N and tried not to stare at her. “You…you look like the type to stay away from this stuff and even me.”

Y/N laughed and shooed the thought away. “How could I stay away from you, Fez? You have the best snacks at the gas station. Plus, I like talking to you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you have an interesting but simple way of looking at things.”

Fez looked as though he was thinking for a long moment as he smoked his joint. “I knew I liked you for a reason. You act all quiet and nervous usually but you got a lot to say and say it in a good way.” He extended the joint towards Y/N. “Be careful.”

Y/N focused as hard as she could to grab the joint with two fingers. She’d only smoked once with Rue and Rue was the one to drag her over to Fezco to get the weed. Y/N remembered coughing a lot, but she knew how to avoid that. She took two long drags before handing the joint back to Fez.

“Thanks, Fez. We should talk more later.”

“Sure, if you feelin’ up to it. I’m here all night.”

Y/N stumbled back into the house, her full intentions to find her friends. Then, she heard the beginning strains of Kanye West’s “Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1” and she smiled to herself. She started spinning around in time to the music, twisting her arms up and down as she did. Her hips began to sway gently to the rhythm. She ran her hands through her hair and exhaled.

Y/N was lost again and wrapped up in the beat. She usually did not drop low outside of the comfort of her bedroom, but the alcohol mixed with the weed mixed with the great music made her think differently. She was free and everyone else around her was free. There was nothing to worry about and she could let go of her inhibitions. It didn’t matter that none of the guys at the party were her type nor really interested her, she was having too much fun. But little did Y/N know that someone had their eye on her since she started dancing to “Truth Hurts”.

Y/N felt someone push up against her from behind, followed by hands slink around her hips. Her eyes fluttered open and she covered the large hands with her own. “Sorry, I don’t----" She stopped when she made eye contact with Nate. “I’m high,” she muttered.

“I don’t know about that, but you’ve definitely been drinking.”

Y/N tried to ignore the way his gravelly voice made her stomach drop to her heels or how she felt like everything was throbbing. She shook her head and backed away from him. “I can’t…you just broke up with Maddy.”

“Y/N, please don’t.” Nate looked worried as he took cautious steps towards her.

Unbeknownst to Y/N, and everyone else, Nate had a fascination with her that bordered on obsession. He noticed her in fourth grade and how much she got excited about reading and history lessons. Even then, Nate thought Y/N was innocent and so quiet. He was curious about her but never really approached her until that day in gym. That day was a godsend so that he could show off how strong he was and get her to talk. All he got was a “Thanks” and “I’m okay”. Nate was disappointed, but he didn’t stop looking out for her. He made sure none of the football players went after her, which McKay appreciated but he thought Nate was doing it as a friend. No, Nate was doing it because he knew that football players were animals and Y/N was high above them. Maddy was too but Maddy was different .She was so much more confident and bold than Y/N was, and she was a virgin when Nate asked her out. But Maddy liked to fight with him and test him and Y/N wouldn’t do that----she was too sweet and would most likely want to resolve everything as quickly as possible. So, she was unofficially his and Y/N had no idea.

Y/N kept shaking her head as tears welled up in her eyes. “I can’t do this, Maddy’s like a sister to me.”

“Y/N, breathe, please.” Nate took another step and when Y/N didn’t move, he got close enough to grab her forearms and rub them soothingly. “You’re allowed to dance with me, all we did was dance.”

“That was not dancing, I’m a dancer, I would know.” Y/N tilted her head back to will the tears away.

“You look beautiful, seriously. Don’t cry.” He tried to touch her face, but Y/N backed away.

“Thank you, but I think we should stop talking.”

“You always look beautiful, especially when your hair is down, it frames your face nicely.” He brushed some hair off her shoulder.

“Nate, stop.” A tear rolled down her cheek.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“I know you’re doing this to make Maddy jealous, it’s what you always do, it’s the same game!” Y/N cried, but it was masked by the music. “I’m…I’m not going to be your pawn in this weird game, Nate. I deserve better than that.”

Nate reached out and cupped the side of her face in one hand. “Oh, Y/N, you would never be a pawn and I’m not playing with you. Maddy’s not gonna care if you dance with me, she’s not even here.”

Y/N glanced around the room and didn’t see Maddy anywhere. She suddenly got a sinking feeling and looked back at Nate. “I’m just not comfortable with doing anything with you, she’s my friend.”

“And I would never want to ruin that and I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable; I just wanted a chance to dance with the prettiest girl at the party.”

Y/N snapped her eyes to him. “You think I’m the prettiest girl here?”

Nate nodded. “But if you don’t want to dance with me…”

“Fine, one dance.” Y/N held up her pointer finger for emphasis. “And we’re done.”

“Deal.”

“Good.”

The song changed to “One Dance” and Y/N was stiff for a moment. She never really did partner dancing and was lost. Nate sensed this, grabbed one of her hands, and spun her around. She laughed and swiveled her hips to the beat. Nate continued twirling her around and watched Y/N move to the music. When he spun her out again, Nate pulled her back in and held her close. Y/N did everything in her power to fight to gnawing desire to melt into his embrace. He felt so strong and protective. Y/N stared at the collar of his t-shirt to avoid eye contact and kept her hands on his chest.

“This isn’t fair,” she whispered.

“What isn’t fair?” “I’ve had a crush on you since elementary school and the time you decide you want me, it’s just after your break up with one of my best friends.” Y/N buried her head in her hands. “I’m such a bad friend, I should go.”

Nate held her there and stared her down. “Go and do what?”

“Um, find my friends.”

“And then what?”

“Dance?”

“Just like you’re dancing with me?”

“No, not this close and you know that.” Y/N stepped back. “We should stop.”

“But, you said you’ve liked me for a long time.”

“I did, but I want to be a good friend. I’m sorry, Nate.”

Y/N really didn’t want to, but she pulled away from Nate. She couldn’t believe she’d spent a whole song dancing so close with her friend’s ex. Maddy would kill her if she found out. Maybe if Y/N told her first, things would not be as bad.

“If we can’t dance, can we at least talk?”

Y/N hesitated but nodded slowly.

Nate grabbed her hand and led her upstairs. A few coked out people and couples pushed past them and Y/N felt more and more nervous. They found an empty bedroom and Nate closed the door behind them. The room was dark and Y/N found a light.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” she made herself comfortable on the bed.

Nate sat next to her and clasped his hands together. “Things with Maddy and me have always been f-ckin’ crazy and they will always be. She always wants to fight when there shouldn’t be a fight.”

“If you wanted to complain to someone about your ex, you could have found someone who wasn’t her friend.”

“Stop, what I’m saying is I don’t like it, it’s exhausting, and…and we bring out the worst in each other. But you, I don’t think you would do that to me.” He glanced down at Y/N’s hands. “You’re kind and you want the best for everyone.”

“I try.”

“You would never want to hurt anyone on purpose and you listen, you really listen, and I feel like I could tell you anything.”

Y/N nodded.

“The truth is, I’ve liked you since fourth grade too, but I never asked you out because you seemed disinterested.”

“How’d you get that?”

“Whenever I tried to talk to you, you wouldn’t talk and I thought that meant you didn’t like me. So, I started going out with Maddy because she was clear about that, but now, I think we could be something.”

“Just like that? But what about my friends? Maddy and I have the same friends and I don’t want to hurt Maddy.”

“You can make new friends and you’ll have me.” Nate leaned closer to Y/N. “C’mon, Y/N, you know you want this. You’re always thinking of other people, be selfish for once.”

In that strange bedroom, with the guy she had been crushing on for so long begging her to do something to him, Y/N was at an impasse. She loved Maddy like a sister and didn’t want to divide the group, but Nate was making so many good points. The only reason she did well in school was to please her parents and the only reason she would go out was to please her friends. She didn’t do anything to please herself and this was her chance.

Nate leaned closer to Y/N and looked up at her for confirmation. Y/N closed her eyes and relished in the feeling of Nate’s lips against hers. They were slightly chapped but he knew how to use them, applying pressure in the right places at the right times. His hands went to her waist and Y/N wrapped hers around his neck. He slid her into his lap and Y/N gasped.

“Did I scare you?” he whispered.

“A little,” Y/N murmured.

He rubbed her sides and kept kissing her, adding tongue. Y/N shyly tapped her tongue against his and he smirked into it. He rolled his hips underneath her and Y/N gasped at the shocking feeling, pulling away.

“Does it feel good?”

Y/N nodded.

“Say it.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, it feels good.”

Nate nipped at her neck and Y/N moaned out, grinding down on him. Nate’s hands tensed around her hips. “You’re so hot,” he whispered in her ear.

Y/N laughed.

“Seriously, I’ve thought about what this would be like, what we would be like.”

“And?”

“And, so far, it’s better than I thought.” He kissed down to her collarbone and palmed her chest. “I’ve thought about these.” “Really? But they’re so small.”

“No, they’re just right.” He bit the base of her neck and Y/N hissed. “I’ve also thought about your legs, how they distract me during practice when you guys are outside. They’re so soft but firm.”

Nate kissed her again and pinned her on the bed. Y/N gasped as she felt one of Nate’s hands trail up her dress. Her mind was jumbled up and she didn’t know what to think. Everything he did felt so good, he knew just where to kiss and nip. He looked at her with full-blown lust in his eyes. Maybe Y/N had finally found the prince she’d been waiting for, but he was always there.

Then, his hand went a little too high. She squirmed and shook her head.

“Nate, that’s a little too much.”

“What?”

“I said it’s a little too much,” she repeated louder.

“I thought you liked it, don’t you want this? Isn’t this what you’ve always thought about?” Nate tangled his hand in her underwear.

“Nate, stop, I don’t want to do this.”

“You weren’t acting that way earlier.”

“Nate, please, stop.”

“You don’t want me to stop.”

“Yes, I do, please!”

Y/N tried to push him away but Nate pinned her down. He rolled his hips into hers and Y/N turned away, tears falling down her cheeks.

“Do you feel how much I want you? I’d do just about anything to have you.”

“Nate, stop!”

“Shut up!” Nate growled.

One of his hands let go of her wrist and wrapped around her neck. He had a death grip on her neck and Y/N started gasping for air.

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t want this? Like you weren’t dancing on me, begging for it? You were jealous that Maddy got me whenever she wanted. You wanted me all for yourself just like I want you.”

Y/N wanted to scream at him, tell him he was wrong about everything, but was he? When Maddy talked about sex with him, Y/N would feel pangs of guilt and jealousy for wanting to trade places with her. Most of all, she wanted Nate to get off her. She wanted Nate to leave her alone forever. When she looked at him, the sweet fourth grade boy was gone and replaced by a full grown monster. Why was she getting monsters when she wanted princes? What did she do to deserve this?

Nate unzipped his jeans and tears kept flowing down Y/N’s face, ruining Jules’ masterpiece. He kept his eyes trained on her and Y/N was losing oxygen, she couldn’t think to move any of her muscles. Just as he was about to push in her, someone banged on the door.

“Occupied!” Nate yelled over his shoulder.

“Whatever.”

Nate turned back and looked down at Y/N, shaking and crying. He leaned down and whispered, “Don’t make a sound.” He released his grasp on her neck and pinned her wrists again. Y/N’s throat felt numb and she couldn’t do anything. She inhaled through her nose and before Nate could thrust, she took gathered all her strength to knee him. Nate groaned and rolled onto his side, releasing her wrists. Y/N scrambled to her feet, unlocked the door, and ran outside. People in the hallway looked at her bewildered. Y/N nearly fell down the stairs and ran into Rue.

“Y/N, what happened?” she asked.

Y/N gasped for a moment before burying her face in Rue’s shoulder and crying, full-on, heaving, shoulder-shaking crying. Rue held her close and ran her hands through her hair. “Nate,” was the only word she managed to get out.

Before Rue could only see Red, Fez approached them. “Hey, I’m about to head out if you wanted a ride. What’s up?”

“I think Nate tried to do something to Y/N,” Rue whispered. “Y/N, could you look at me?”

Y/N straightened up and Rue and Fezco saw the handprints around her neck. Both of their expressions hardened.

“Where’s Maddy, Cassie, and Jules?” Rue asked.

“Right here,” Maddy said as they approached. Her eyes widened at Y/N. “Y/N, what the f-ck happened?”

Y/N swallowed but winced at the feeling. “Nate tried to rape me,” she rasped out.

In an instant, Fez and Rue handed Y/N over to Cassie, Maddy, and Jules. Y/N collapsed in their arms and continued crying.

“Honey, it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” Cassie said.

“Breathe, Y/N, you need to breathe,” Jules muttered.

“I’m so sorry, Maddy, I’m so sorry,” Y/N said.

“No, don’t apologize,” Maddy insisted, stroking Y/N’s hair.

They cleared a couch for Y/N to rest and they continued trying to comfort her. A few seconds later, Nate came tumbling down the stairs, with Rue and Fezco on his heels. Rue was cursing at him while Fezco laid more punches on him. Nate’s face was already bruised and scratched up.

“It’s not my fault!” Nate spat out. “I told you, she came onto me, she’s been in love with me since fourth grade, she wanted this! Maddy, Y/N’s a bad friend, that’s not my fault.”

“Don’t even talk to me right now or I swear, Rue and Fezco will have to keep me from killing you,” Maddy hissed.

“I’m a bad friend,” Y/N whimpered.

“No, you’re not,” Maddy, Cassie, and Jules said.

“I liked him a lot, even when you dated, I liked him and then he…he came onto me, maybe I deserved it.”

“Y/N, no one deserves to get raped, no one, you did not ask for this,” Jules assured her.

Y/N turned to lay face up. “Why does everything hurt so much? I just wanted someone to like me since loving me is asking for too much.”

“No, it’s not,” Cassie hushed.

“And we love you,” Maddy said.

“I love you the most,” Jules said.

Y/N smiled slightly. “But you know what I mean.”

Y/N loved her friends and appreciated their love, but she wanted the fairytale. She’d convinced herself that maybe she would get some idea of that with Nate but she was so wrong. She wanted the dream and got a nightmare. It was a terrible f-cking way to learn how real life works, but it had to happen. Besides, we’re in high school and the love Y/N truly wanted was impossible to find in high school, especially East Highland. Y/N ended up pressing charges on Nate and that encouraged Maddy to open up about stuff he’d done to her during their relationship. Everything is different with Y/N now, I can see it in her eyes, they aren’t as bright as they used to be. Before the stuff with her mom, they would shimmer and after that, some glints remained. Now, it was like looking in a dark hole and I could guess what she was feeling since I’ve been in that place too----in fact, I’m still in it. I think the saddest part is she always had so much optimism and now it’s gone before she’s twenty and I don’t think she’ll get it back.

#euphoria imagine #angst imagine

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let-love-run-red · 4 years

Text

Blue

AN: I am so sorry loves, I know I’ve been terrible about updating things. between Covid and my classes being moved online I’ve been so busy. I will try to be better about updating, but I can’t promise anything. Anyway, here it is, the long awaited update to Daffodils.

"Hey Ben, my parents called." You yelled down the hall from the bathroom where you were currently brushing your teeth. You leaned over the sink and spat the foam into the stream of running water, before using the cup you'd brought to rinse your mouth. You heard a faint response from Ben over the heavy metal music pumping from the speakers in his dark room before continuing.

"They said they were coming home soon, they didn't tell me when though." You stepped over Angel and between Bb-8's paws as you made your way to Ben's room. You felt the bass reverberating in your chest and rolled your eyes. The neighbors must hate him, but Leia wasn't here to tell him to turn the music down.

"You alright?" You yelled, walking into the room and looking around. Ben was nowhere in sight. You wondered where he could be until he walked out of the small closet with a pair of sweatpants and a too-tight band tee on. He was headbanging with the music and you chuckled. Why were you best friends with this dork?

"My world, my love why do you torment me, To give up and give in to all you are? I like the man I am, but I despise the fool I've been." He sang before flopping onto his bed with his phone. He looked to the doorway and leaped to turn the volume down.

"Sorry (y/n) I didn't hear you come in." He said. You chuckled as you walked towards the bed and lay down next to him, poking him until he moved over enough so you weren't falling off the bed. You threw your arm over his stomach, leaning against him and resting your cheek on his shoulder.

The two of you lay like that for a while. You, thinking of your life and how you ended up here. While Ben scrolled through his Reddit feed, occasionally responding to a message on snapchat.

"Ben," You waited for an answer. He gave a nondescript hum and you took that as your sign to continue. "why did you put your stud back in?" You asked. He hadn't put his stud in since the end of sophomore year. Which is why it startled you today. You heard the clicking of the stud against his teeth again before he shrugged.

"Just thought I shouldn't let the hole close." He said, not looking up from his phone. You placed your hand against his stomach, leaning on it to sit up and look at his face. He winced and let out a huff as you put pressure on his gut.

He looked up from the screen to see you leaning against him with your head tilted. He dropped his phone on his chest and reached towards you, running his hand over your hair gently, before pushing you back onto the covers with a giggle.

"You're a dork Ben." You said as you rolled onto your stomach and pushed yourself up. Ben had set his phone on the small table next to his bed before smiling at you.

"So, you said your parents called?" He asked. You nodded before laying down on the bed with your legs dangling over the edge and your head on his stomach.

"Yeah, they said they would be home soon. It's about time, they've been away for weeks." You grumbled. You never thought you would miss your overbearing parents, but they were still your parents.

"Does that mean you have to go?" Ben asked, sadness creeping into his voice.

"No, they know I'm staying here and don't care. I mean when they get home I will but for now I'm not going anywhere." You rolled onto your stomach, resting your chin on his stomach and looking up at him.

"Good, I like you being here." Ben said. You smiled at him.

"Is your mom coming home anytime like, ever?" You asked. It was six thirty and Leia still wasn't home. She was almost always home by five thirty.

"Nah, she said she had a work party so she's staying in a hotel with one of her work friends tonight. It's easier than coming home." Ben said, a frown crossing his features.

"A friend?" You grinned cheekily. It had been years since Han left, Leia deserved to be happy.

"Ew no, gross that's my mom." Ben said with a chuckle as he pushed you off his stomach and poked at your sides and stomach until you slid off the bed and onto the floor in a fit of giggles.

Ben slid off the bed next to you, laying on the floor with you and looking at your face as you smiled.

"You're pretty." He said with a soft smile. You felt your cheeks burn hot before pushing his shoulder and pulling the collar of your shirt up over your nose.

"Oh my god shut up." You said through laughter. He rested his hand on your cheek, pulling the collar of your shirt down and lifting your head.

"I'm serious (y/n), you're pretty." Ben said. You reached out to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and pulling yourself towards him before pressing your face against his chest.

"Stop being so sappy." You mumbled against his shirt. You felt his chuckle rumble through his chest as he rubbed your back.

The two of you lay in comfortable silence. Listening to the other breathe, listening to Ben's soft humming and the occasional click of his tongue stud against his teeth. You scratched his back lightly and he let out a contented sigh as he rested his chin on your head. You could imagine the soft smile on his face as he leaned against your touch.

"So, the dance." Ben said quietly. You hummed in response, urging him to continue.

"Did you come up with that choreography?" He asked. You shook your head against his chest. It had mostly been David, he'd been on the dance team longer than you and you assumed he'd have more experience.

"What about the song? Did you choose that?"

"Ew no, you think I would choose rap for a dance? Ben it's me you're talking to." You said as you tilted your head up to look at him. He let out a chuckle and pulled you against his chest again.

"Alright alright, just curious. Honestly it's not my type either but anything to help you out." He said. You hummed in thought.

"What if we changed songs?" You suggested. Now it was Ben's turn to look confused.

"To what?" He questioned.

"I don't know, there's this one son, Ancient History by a band called Set It Off that's really good." You said. Ben tilted his head.

"I didn't know you listened to Set It Off. I've heard that song, it's a bit fast paced isn't it?" Ben asked, sitting up on the floor. You shifted so your head was in his lap as he rubbed your back.

"I mean I guess," you paused, rolling on your back to smile up at Ben, "luckily I know an amazing guitar player who could do an acoustic cover?" You scrunched your eyes shut and flashed him the widest smile you could, folding your hands in a "pretty please." You heard Ben hum in thought.

"I dunno, what's in it for me?" He asked as he tickled you.

"Ben!" You exclaimed, dropping your hands onto your stomach and scowling at him.

"(y/n)!" he mimicked your high pitch.

"You won't just do it for a friend?" You asked, sitting up and leaning dramatically against him. He sighed and leaned his head against yours, turning so your foreheads were pressed together, noses just brushing.

"No, not a friend," He paused, reaching for your hand and holding it in his own, "but I'd do it for you." You felt the heat rising to your cheeks and squeezed your eyes shut as you lowered your head to bury your face against his neck.

"You're such a sap." You said, pushing his shoulder gently. He let out a chuckle and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his lap to lean against his broad chest. He'd long ago removed the leather jacket and skinny jeans covered in chains, dropping them in the hamper next to the studded boots. He wasn't Ben the goth, Ben the guy everybody avoided, he was your Ben.

Your best friend who tried to pierce his nose in eighth grade and got an infection, your Ben who taught himself to braid hair to help you with prom hairstyles, your Ben who snuck in your window to look at stars and who cuddled your dog and loved Playdough ice cream a little too much. He was your Ben who got himself arrested for beating your abusive ex, who dealt with black eyes and broken noses for you no matter how often you told him he didn't have to fight for you, because you were already here. You were here and you were never letting him go.

The concert was tonight. Your parents had come home that morning, despite saying they would be home soon two weeks ago. You didn't question it, Leia was more than happy to let you stay in her home.

"It makes me feel better knowing you're here and safe than alone. Anything could happen." She said with a pointed glance. Leia was not an oblivious woman, you had no doubt she knew something had happened with Hux that pushed Ben to sit in a holding cell for a while, but Leia was a saint and let you keep your secrets.

Ben had gotten his band together to record you an acoustic cover of the song Ancient History by Set it Off for your dance. Finn even told you Ben had pulled out some of his old piano skills for the background and convinced Mitika to put away his drumsticks for a few minutes. You hadn't expected him to go that far but you were grateful he had. It sounded amazing.

Now you were backstage in your costume, a flowing white sundress with a chiffon skirt, gold neckline, and a pair of tight white shorts underneath. You had managed to wrestle Ben into a pair of tight black leggings that, to anybody else, looked like jeans with a white T-shirt. Your dance was simple with the use of a prop Rey had built for you in her theater tech class. Ben was currently watching the routine before yours, picking nervously at his pants as he fussed with his hair.

"(y/n) I don't know if I can do this." He said, turning to you with a terrified look in his eyes. You gave him a small smile as you pulled him into a hug.

"Ben we've practiced every day for two weeks, we've got this. You've got this." You said softly to avoid being heard. He relaxed and rested his chin on your head with a sigh. You heard the applause and watched the lights dim as the group before you walked off the stage. You grabbed one side of your small "wall," unlocking the wheels on the bottom and pulling it onto stage as Ben helped you guide it to the middle and position it where it needed to be. You both took your positions as the song began.

No, there's no denying chemistry this strong Yes, pretend it's right but we both know it's wrong...

***

"Mom! Dad! I didn't think you were going to make it!" You exclaimed, running towards your parents when you saw them outside. You hugged your mother first, then your father. They smiled at you, well, your mom did. Your dad just scowled at Ben the way he always did. Ben approached the two, shaking your father's hand and reaching to shake your mothers when she pulled him into a hug.

You pulled back with a wide smile, waiting for their responses. Your mother immediately started congratulating you, while your father returned to glaring at Ben. Ben was unphased, ever since Ben had first been suspended, first gotten a piercing, your father had been less than kind to Ben. He was used to it. Thinking back, it was around the time Han left that your dad started being nasty to Ben. Leia seemed to materialize from thin air next to you, pulling her own son into a hug and holding him close to her. He leaned into her embrace, a contented smile on his face as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I'm so proud of you Ben." Leia said as she pulled away to look into his eyes. Someone a few parking spots away called her name, and she patted Ben's shoulder before leaving to talk to whoever had called her.

"So why were you her partner, hm?" Your dad asked sharply, earning a swat to the chest from your mother accompanied by a harsh "Greg."

"Her original partner broke his arm, and the coach asked me?" Ben said, mild confusion in his voice. He was used to indirect hostility from your dad, not a direct challenge.

"Wouldn't be surprised if you broke it." Your dad muttered, earning another sharp "Greg!" From your mother as she dropped her hands and turned to look at him with wide eyes.

"I, no sir I didn't." Ben seemed to shrink within himself. He felt like he was a little kid in the front yard who accidentally broke his mother’s flowerpot. He knew she wouldn't mind, would just make him clean it up and plant new flowers, but Han was the one who had found it. Han did mind.

***

"Benjamin Lando Solo!" Han's voice boomed from the front yard. Ben flinched as he slowly turned to peek out the open garage door where he'd been tinkering with his wooden box he'd been trying to put together for months.

He'd broken his mom’s blue flowerpot, the one with the pretty yellow daffodils in it. He was going to tell her when she got home, but she was getting groceries. He'd broken flowerpots before when he wasn't being careful, never on purpose, sometimes it was a ball or he fell off his bike or he tripped over the crack in the driveway, he didn't mean to.

Ben slunk from the garage, approaching Han cautiously with his head down.

"What is this, hm?" Han snapped, pointing to the neat pile of blue ceramic shards with the yellow daffodils sitting inside neatly. Ben had swept the dirt into the flower garden and set the flowers up until Leia got home so he could tell her and help her replant the flowers.

"A broken pot." Ben said quietly, still looking at his scuffed sneakers rather than his father's face.

"Did you do it?" Han asked. Ben nodded, squeezing his eyes shut and waiting for more harsh words.

"I asked you a question Ben." Han snapped again. Ben swallowed deeply, trying to keep himself from crying.

"Yes." He whispered. Han planted his hand atop Ben's head, lifting it so his son was forced to look him in the eyes. Ben winced, squeezing his eyes shut and willing the tears back into his eyes.

"What was that?" Han growled.

"Yes sir." Ben said, swallowing again. Han pushed Ben towards the neat pile hard enough for Ben to fall on his knees, ripping a hole in the denim as his knees connected with the rough cement.

"Clean it up." Han snapped, standing over Ben with folded arms. Ben looked at the flowers sitting happily on top of the pile. What was he supposed to clean up? He knew his mom would want to keep the flowers, maybe she could fix the pot? It wasn't that broken. He hesitated a bit too long and Han hauled him to his feet by gripping the hood of his favorite black jacket and pulling.

"I said, clean. it. up." Han snarled, holding Ben high enough off the ground that his toes barely touched. He heard the seam of his hood ripping and began squirming, trying to get Han to let him go.

"Dad, please you're ripping my jacket." Ben said, trying to hold his weight on his toes as much as he could.

"That’s not the point!" Han roared in Ben's face. Ben winced and felt the tears begin to stream down his face as he held the front collar of his jacket to keep from being choked. Han finally let him go, dropping him to his feet before stomping away muttering "useless" and other assortments under his breath. Ben heard the engine of his mother’s car, quickly wiping his eyes with his sleeve before turning and meeting her in the garage, hugging her as tight as he could while she examined his ripped hood.

"Don't lie to me. I know what you're after." Your dad snarled, stepping towards Ben and glaring up at him. Ben stepped back nervously as you stood beside your mother.

"I-I, what?" Ben asked, swallowing nervously. He stepped backwards and stumbled as he kicked the toe of his own boot.

"Greg!" Your mother snapped. Your dad ignored her, reaching forward, grabbing the collar of Ben's jacket and pulling him down to his height.

"Dad!" You called, starting to feel scared for Ben. You knew he could fight, knew if he wanted to he could knock your father on the floor in a second, but you had never seen him freeze like this.

"You've always been after my daughter. But let me tell you, I will never let a delinquent piece of shit like you anywhere near my little girl. I'm surprised you stay out of jail for a week at a time, your dad was right to leave." Your dad hissed. Ben's brows furrowed and he stood to his full height, pushing your dads’ hands off him.

"Dude, shut the fuck up." Ben growled. It was a warning, you could tell. You looked to your mother, who seemed just as frozen as Ben had been, but also on the verge of tears.

"You're never getting near her, you're like him, a deadbeat drunk piece of shit who walks out on his family. You'll be just like your father." Your dad jabbed his finger into Ben's chest.

"I said shut, the fuck, up!" Ben yelled as he knocked your dads hand away and shoved him hard enough to cause your dad to stumble.

"Dad!" You snapped. Your dad hesitated for a moment before trying to charge Ben to tackle him to the ground.

"Dad what the fuck?!" You yelled. Your dad stopped trying to push Ben, who had planted his heels into the ground and wound up his fist to hit your father in the face.

"What did you just say to me young lady?" He asked harshly. You stepped away from your mother, grabbing your dad's arm and pulling him away from Ben.

"What the fuck dad?" You said, placing yourself between your dad and Ben. Ben was breathing heavily with shaking shoulders. You could hear the rapid click of his stud against his teeth. You wrapped an arm comfortingly around his waist as you glared at your dad.

"What did he even do to you?" You asked as Ben leaned against you. Your dad looked between the two of you and looked even angrier. You looked to your mom to see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"What happened while you were on your 'extended honeymoon'?" You asked, quoting the words extended honeymoon. Your mom looked away, covering her mouth. Your dad looked to her, but she refused to look at him.

"I'm just trying to protect you honey." Your dad said softly, stepping forward and holding his arms out to you. Ben let out a rumble from his chest and stepped forward protectively, pushing you behind him before he could think of what your dad would do.

"Let her go right now." Your dad snapped. You stepped out form around Ben, resting a hand gently on his chest.

"Protect me from what?" You asked. He couldn't mean Ben, could he? Ben was sweet, he was protective, you trusted him more than anybody, he was your best friend, you loved him.

"From, from him. He's not good for you, can't you see he's going to be just like Han?" Your dad said, reaching for you and gripping your wrist. Ben growled and stepped forward harshly, pushing against your hand. You pushed back and turned to look at him as you pulled your arm from your dad's grip.

"Greg." Your mom said finally. He turned to look at her.

"This is exactly what I was talking about. You can't think about things calmly. You take everything as a personal offense, and here you are assaulting a teenager who has been nothing but good to our daughter for ten years." Your mom said, stepping forward to pull your father back by his shoulder.

"I take it back, I don't think we can work this out. I want you to sign the papers and get your things and be out of the house tonight." She said. Your dad stared open mouthed. You blinked in confusion, looking between the two adults before finally turning to Ben who had stepped forward and rested an arm across your chest protectively.

Your dad let out a few huffs, trying to find something to say. Your mom shook her head, turning to walk to the car, leaving you standing there with Ben and your father. Your dad turned to look at Ben, then at you, then where he had his arm.

"What happened to Armitage hm? He was a good respectable boy, why did you decide you wanted this, this, this," Your dad spit as his face turned red "this screwup? Has he hit you? Did he force you to do anything?" Your dad asked, glaring at Ben and reaching for you again. This time you didn't protest when Ben let out an angry hiss as he pushed you behind him and puffed out his chest.

"That respectable boy hit her, slapped her, left bruises so deep they were black on her, and scared her so bad she came to me crying at 10 at fucking night begging to stay with me." Ben said harshly, backing your dad down with every step. "That respectable boy is the one who hit her, who tried to force her to do things, and would have succeeded if it weren't for me. I am not a screwup, and I am sure as hell better at protecting her than you." Ben jammed his finger into your father’s chest before turning to face you and herding you away from your dad towards the Falcon. You tried to take a few steps, before everything sank in and you stumbled against Ben.

"Hey, hey it's ok." Ben said gently, shrugging off his blue jacket and wrapping you in it gently before bending down, sweeping an arm under your legs and holding you bridal style in his arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your face against his shoulder and letting the tears run down your cheeks, ruining your makeup and no doubt staining his white T-shirt. Ben just held you close, carrying you to the car to take you home.

Taglist: @scarletsoldierrr, @simonsbluee, @ktellmeastory, @keithseabrook27, @imaginecrushes, @but-kairis-not-that-smart, @zeuniel, @bittersweetbooke, @permanentmess,

#ben solo x reader #ben solo au #modern!ben solo #daffodils #empressrenwrites #ben solo #ben solo fic #ben solo angst #ben solo fluff #domestic abuse warning #band!au #guitarist!ben solo #x reader #xreader #reader insert #female reader #divorce warning #self insert #self insert fic

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poesreyofsunshine · 4 years

Text

My Thoughts on TROS

I’ve been wanting to write my thoughts on episode ix but i’ve been busy and i’ve gotten the chance to watch the film 3 times now.

SPOILERS AHEAD

(pretty long post)

I’m going to start with what I LOVED/ENJOYED

Chewie/ Poe/ Finn Falcon- I loved this scene so much well any scenes with Poe and Finn because of the beautiful natural chemistry John and Oscar have with each other. I loved how they both know wookie now. The light speed skip was fun getting to see other planets.

Rey Meditating - My baby girl and her floating rocks, she’s come so far. I love how BB-8 keeps her company during her training. He really loves his Mom. Leia is her master (cried when she called her Master). I love the relationship between Leia and Rey.

Rey Training- Rey doing the training course was EVERYTHING!!!! Her saying that she will earn Luke’s saber like she wants to be worthy to earn it. Never underestimate a droid. (My heart)

Falcon Arriving- Rey reading her Jedi Text Books she’s so cute and i loved how the other resistance members their reaction to the Falcon coming back and the pilot letting her know the Falcon is here and how she runs to go see her friends. ugghhh my heart.

THE TRIO !!!!!!- OMG THE BICKERING WITH POE AND REY WOW WE’VE BEEN BLESSED. TO TALLY HANLEIA VIBES. YOU’RE A DIFFICULT MAN. FINN BEING THE MIDDLE MAN. JOHN BOYEGA HAS THE BEST FACIAL EXPRESSIONS EVER !!! OBVIOUSLY THEY’VE BEEN BICKERING SINCE AFTER TLJ AND I WOULD PAY BIG MONEY TO SEE THAT. OK SO BACK TO THE TRIO IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY THAT THIS IS THE ONLY DAM MOVIE WE SEE THEM AS A TRIO. I’VE BEEN EXPECTING THIS TRIO SINCE TFA WAS ANNOUNCE AND WELL TLJ (don’t even get me started on that movie) YOU CAN FEEL THAT TIME HAS GONE BY.

PASAANA- MORE TRIO SCENES YES YES YES !!! I loved loved how Poe was getting down to business right away and Rey is taking everything in, she’s like a little kid. That scene with her and the child was so sweet. LANDO’S INTRODUCTION i’ve missed him. THE CHASE SCENE, POE DOING THAT SWERVE THING UGGGHHHHH the NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A DROID part and Rey’s little smile.

CAVE SCENE- Poe catching Rey and calling her name out first (MY DAMEREY SHIPPER HEART) C-3PO “You didn’t say my name sir but i’m alright” . Poe being jealous of Finn & Rey. “You mean when poe’s not here?” Poe using his flashlight after Rey takes out her lightsaber such a cute funny moment and again Finn’s face. They find the dagger and Rey healing the snake was cool because we can see how advanced she is with her jedi training so that was cool to see.

CHEWIE’S FAKE DEATH- the force lightning (i predicted that in one of my awful fan fics i wrote after tfa so jj i’m waiting for my credit)

FOR CHEWIE/ D-O- I loved the hand holding scene. Finn is so comfortable with human touch and Poe not wanting to hold his hand then C-3PO joins in and Poe looks annoyed. D-O Rey being so comforting to that droid because she knows she’s been hurt before and now she’s with great people in her life. ugghhh my heart.

KIJIMI/ BABU FRIK- TRIO WEARING THE JACKETS ALONGSIDE C-3PO we stan. When Poe warned Zori and her crew and Rey just kicked everyone’s ass. Zori and Rey moment i loved. Zori sacrificing something that was going to get her out so Poe can help his friends was a really sweet moment. BABU FRIK i’m obsessed. Rey fixing D-O’s wheel so it won’t squeak again. C-3PO sacrificing his memory so he can help Rey. I was so happy how much C-3PO was used in this film.

RESCUING CHEWIE- AGAIN MORE TRIO. JJ REALLY SAID TRIO RIGHTS. I really enjoyed the scenes with Poe Finn and Chewie.

REY IN KYLO’S QUARTERS- I hate reylo but i have to admit this is one of the strongest scenes of these two. Daisy’s acting ugghhhh *chef’s kiss* It was so good. I liked how she was trying to ignore him while grabbing chewie’s belongings.

JANNAH- I had a feeling she was First Order, i loved how she reacted when Finn told her who he was. He really inspired other stormtroopers to leave the First Order. This is the Finn content we’ve been missing.

DARK REY: That was really cool. The teeth. SCARY. I wanted more of her lightsaber duel with Dark Rey.

REY KILLS KYLO- That moment was so powerful to me. She killed this character who has been tormenting the Galaxy. She was scared of what she did she left like Luke did.

BEN/ HAN SOLO: I Know part that hit me uggghhhh i loved that we got to see Ben reborn and at this moment I knew that he was going to sacrifice himself because of what Han said about Leia always fighting for the cause. t was a beautiful moment.

LEIA’S DEATH: Rey & Kylo feeling her die. Well Ben lost his mother and Rey lost a mentor so that was nicely done. CHEWIE’S REACTION TO HER DEATH wow that broke my heart into a million little pieces. I couldn’t stop sobbing.

GENERALS POE/ FINN: Poe asking Lando for advice and Poe asking Finn to command with him and they’re both generals. It was such a cute moment.

REY/LUKE & LUKE/LEIA JEDI TRAINING: THIS HAD TO BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES. The Luke that we saw was the Luke I wanted in TLJ. From him giving her Leia’s saber and the small scene we got to see of Luke and Leia training like can we get a series of that PLEASE. Luke using the force to lift his x-wing from the water. His little smirk when he finished, yes YODA would be proud.

REY FLYING LUKE’S X-WING: She gets to fly an x-wing after watching them from jakku and putting on the helmet. Rey deserves the world.

BEN SOLO- I WANTED MORE BEN SOLO AND WE WERE ROBBED. He’s such an interesting character and I wish we would’ve seen more of Ben Solo before TFA. He’s very much like Han. The shooting without looking and when Rey passed him the lightsaber through their bond i was shook. That scene was so powerful. She finally got to see Ben who she’s been seeing in this visions that we never see. Ben & Rey teaming up was awesome. That fighting sequence against the knights of ren was amazing choreography.

THERE ARE MORE OF US/ WEDGE ANTILLES- That moment of poe losing hope it broke my heart we had that moment when he was talking to Zori about he feels like no one is going to help them. He’s apologizing to everyone uggghhhhh and then Lando to the rescue with the main star wars theme song playing in the background. *chef’s kiss* and wedge antilles’s small cameo my heart. I almost fell out of my seat lol i got way too excited.

REY’s & BEN’s DEATHS- I know people hated the fact that she killed Palpatine but I really liked that scene. She used both Skywalker sabers to defeat Palpatine and she had all the jedi with her. It made sense for her to die in that moment. Because Ben rose and wow that scene when he was holding her again this is Adam’s best acting. Again i’m not a reylo but i felt his pain. He finally did what Anakin never did he saved someone he loved and that was so significant. His death made sense to me. Honestly they wouldn’t have accepted him in the resistance because of everything kylo did. He sacrificed himself do Rey can carry the Skywalker legacy. Leia giving him the strength he needed to save Rey was beautiful and both disappearing. He gets to reunite with his family as Ben Solo.

FINN FEELING REY’S DEATH-

TRIO REUNION- Poe and Finn reunion was so cute the way Poe reacted to seeing Poe. Both of them looking for Rey and her looking for both of them.THAT FUCKING HUG WAS EVERYTHING BETWEEN THE 3 OF THEM. FINN BEING IN THE MIDDLE AND HIM CRYING MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL. THERE EACH OTHER’S FAMILY. POE AND REY HAND HOLDING.

TATOOINE- Full Circle, ending where it started was a perfect ending. Her coming in the Falcon and sliding down the sand just how she did in TFA. She buried the skywalker sabers in luke’s home. And ending with her saying she’s Rey Skywalker like yes you are going to carry that legacy and her walking with BB-8 and the twin suns was just in my opinion a good ending. NO SHE DID NOT END UP ALONE. SHE HAS FINN, POE, CHEWIE, ROSE, LANDO, C-3PO, D-O, SHE HAS A FAMILY. THAT WAS SOMETHING SHE HAD TO DO ON HER OWN !!!!!!!!

WHAT I DID NOT LIKE .....

OPENING- With Kylo i hated the way it was show the slow motion it was just unecessary. Exogol was really scary I liked where Palpatine was it just seemed very Sith like. There wasn’t really a clear explanation on how he survived (maybe i missed it) but like how has been alive?????? It would’ve been great to see little clues of Palpatine since TFA. That delivery line of Poe “Somehow Palpatine is back...” was just like okay he’s back accepted without an explanation. Where did all the people for the final order come from. They’ve been inside those star destroyers all this time ?

REY LOOKING AT ? - Um maybe im dumb but what was Rey staring at before they left to Pasaana and Poe asked her what is it and she said nothing.... like okay what was it???? PLEASE SOMEONE EXPLAIN !!!

ROSE?/ CONNIX/ SNAP/ DOMINIC MONAGHAN/ BLACK SQUADRON - So Rose was given like 3 lines um JJ WTF her character deserved better and what about that scene with Rose & Rey why was it cut ???? Same with Connix i really enjoy her character and was disappointed there was barely any Connix. SNAP DYING HURTED SO MUCH. I am a huge fan of the Aftermath series and knowing Wedge was there ugghhhh im so mad he had to die. Dominic Monaghan was a pointless character who had more lines than Rose why was he in this movies he served NO PURPOSE AT ALL !!! AND WHERE WAS BLACK SQUADRON ???????????????????

Lando/ Luke- We should’ve seen them together in TLJ or TFA trying to find the wavefinder or whatever it’s called. Or at least Luke mention it to Rey that he was in search for something or he’s heard rumors about palpatine being alive and he went looking for clues. Why did Luke want to go find it ? Was this after Ben became Kylo Ren?

REY’S NECKLACE- WHY ARE REYLOS ROMANTICISING KYLO YANKING THE NECKLACE OUT OF REY ???? THAT’S NOT ROMANTIC OR WHATEVER THAT’S LIKE WHAT ABUSERS DO ....

Finn’s Secret- Poe is one of his best friends and also Rey like why does he want to hide that from Poe. I know Poe would understand and if we were given a scene with the trio and Finn explaining him being force sensitive that would’ve been *chef’s kiss* they would be so supportive and Finn deserves the world.

Chewie’s Fake Death- Rey had a way stronger reaction to his death than Poe and Finn they were kind of like we have to go and didn’t really comfort Rey or seemed afraid or confused it was just kind of ignored like let’s go... idk it was very weird to me the way it was handled.

KNIGHTS OF REN- I WAS SO EXCITED TO FINALLY SEE THEM ACTION TO REALIZE AGAIN THEY WERE A WASTE. I WISH WE COULD’VE SEEN MORE OF THEM. DISAPPOINTED.

FINN TRYING TO UNDERSTAND REY- Rey was starting to piss me off when all Finn was trying to do was understand her and for her to talk to him. The fact that Finn’s story arc in this movie is all about Rey and him chasing her all the time. FINN DESERVED A BETTER ARC

POE BEING A DRUG DEALER- I’M BEYOND PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS !!! YOU’RE TELLING ME THE SON OF 2 REBELS BECAME A DRUG DEALER. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS UGLY BACKSTORY. HE WAS ON A SECRET MISSION THAT WOULD’VE MADE MORE SENSE !!!!!!

FINN NOT WANTING TO SHARE HIS SECRET YET AGAIN- FINN NOT TRUSTING POE ABOUT HIM BEING FORCE SENSITIVE LIKE MAKE IT MAKE SENSE THAT’S HIS BEST FRIEND !!!!

HUX BEING THE SPY/ DEATH- THIS WOULD’VE BEEN MORE SHOCKING IF THIS WAS BUILD UP SINCE TFA BECAUSE HONESTLY I WASN’T SHOCKED WHEN IT WAS REVEALED. HIS DEATH WOULD’VE MADE MORE SENSE.

FINN/POE ARGUMENT- I get it friends fight but that was kind of low. “You’re not Leia”

FINN RUNNING AFTER REY- YET AGAIN, I know he cares but at this point I was over it.

KYLO/ REY DUEL- It started off good but it became too long I became bored.

ALL THE JEDI- FORCE GHOSTS OF ALL THE JEDI WOULD’VE MADE THIS SCENE MUCH MUCH BETTER. I loved hearing the voices but just think of the impact if we would’ve seen the past jedi.

REYLO KISS- Maybe because i’m anti-reylo but that kiss seemed very awkward and not in the right place. It felt like it wasn’t needed. That’s my 2 cents.

FORCE GHOSTS AT THE END- I know we only get Luke & Leia but what about Anakin and Ben they are also Skywalkers. If all of them would’ve been looking at Rey when she said Rey Skywalker. SHE IS CARRYING ON THEIR LEGACY !!!

Anyways it seems like I was more of a fan of seeing the trio together and that’s that. A lot of unanswered questions that they completely ignored. Like Maz how did she have Anakin’s lightsaber?????? Who gave it to her???? It was never touched again. They left so many plotholes in this sequel trilogy.

#tros spoilers #the rise of skywalker spoilers #episode ix spoilers

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z7rkive · 5 years

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DHAU: What To Know

Hey! its what all of u have been waiting for: more dhau stuff :)

Also!! most of this is by the one powerful braincell @snaxarba and I share hhh,, we’ve both worked hard (lmao not rlly we just screamed at each other sksks) on creating the universe around dhau uwu she’s been a great help aaa please send her love through her inbox! She’s currently writing a fic for this au, so if u got any questions or want a snippet go over to her :))))

Now that that’s out of the way, get ready for a LONG post:

GENERAL INFO

DH = Deathly Hallows

5 members

Fandom name: Hallows

Ages: S.S (26), T.R. (24), D.M. (21), H.P. (21), C.D. (19)

Hyung Line (oldest members) : Prince (Severus Snape) & L.V. (Tom Riddle)

Maknae Line (youngest members) : Draco Malfoy, Seven (Harry Potter), & Zed (Cedric Diggory)

Visual Line (“Faces/Most Handsome” of the group) : L.V., Draco, & Zed

Rap Line (Rappers in the group) : Prince & Zed

Dance Line (“Best” Dancers) : L.V., Seven, Prince, & Draco

Vocal Line (“Vocals of the group) : L.V., Seven, & Draco

Choreo Line (Take part in creating choreography) : Prince & L.V.

OTHER RANDOM INFO:

They work under G.G. Entertainment (G.G.E.) with Dumbledore as the Big Boss

Drarry is the most popular ship among fans

Dispatch is a company that takes photos of idols and tries to expose dating scandals

Dispatch Boss: so r they dating anyone

the hallow stan twt is crazy as fuck lmao

theres so many memes

solo stans are fans who only like 1 member of the group (the person is their favorite) and don’t pay attention to the others/give hate to the rest of DH

antis are just hateful ppl in general, they send lots of hate to either Hallows, one specific member, DH, or just the whole group in general

one time Severus and Harry did a vlive (they haven’t done one in a long time so sevenprince fans were excited! :0)!! Harry’s like, “Sev and I have a great plan for this live! :D” and then someone in the comments just says, “Can we have a different member on vlive please :/ i dont wanna look at both yall ugly mugs lmao” :((

Harry, “Cedric? Ah no he’s not here. Draco? He’s not here either sorry :(. Oh ok, I’ll get Tom for you guys.”

big sad^ :(

ot5 = loving the whole group; EX: “No solo stans allowed!! only ot5 enthusiasts!!!”

it does not mean they all fuck skshs

but All7 means they all fuck harry lmao

there’s this super popular twitter account called “@Sevensfw” and it’s basically just an account that posts bottom harry moans ft other DH members

DH wasn’t that popular before, but a fancam of L.V. dancing blew up on social media, and that got them a lot of attention

there will be lots,,, and lots,, of social media in this fic

we get inspiration from u guys as fans so go off on ur reactions

INFO OF THE MEMBERS UNDER THE CUT :)

MEMBERS

Prince / Severus Snape

Oldest in the group

Prince Stans are called: Robins

Produces most of the songs

Unofficial leader; whenever Harry’s not there he’s automatically in charge and no one questions it

Bat Dad / Goth Daddy

Joined G.G. Entertainment to become a producer but then got stuck with DH

“Nation’s Prince 💞💞💞” - Robins uwu

GENIUS !!!

He’s usually very frowny and makes lots of mean remarks but he’s rlly a soft boy daddy

He, Harry, and Tom are the ones who speak most in interviews

People say he’s lazy because he stays indoors most of the time but!!! He works his ass off helping produce most of the tracks the band makes

AND helps choreograph their dances and help run their big ass dorm

Husband material 10/10

Deep voice mmmm

Big ass softie for their leader

Snape: *makes Harry dance & moan for no reason at all* “all in the name of music.”

He and Harry have been labeled the “Mom & Dad” of DH by Hallows

He and Harry usually discuss big decisions to see what’s best for the group

Only other person he’s comfortable with besides Harry is Tom since they’re closer in age, and work together with choreography

He and Tom are chill buds; the “mature ones of the group”

When he first got into DH, he actually thought Harry was a visual of the group ;)

Harry needs help? Whether it be to get away from Visual Line or just in general Goth Daddy got him 😌

one time he and harry went to another country and couldn’t speak the language, and the waiter thought they were a couple bc of the way they acted around each other so they got a couple discount sksksks

So,, so underrated,,, like please stan this whole ass man

Why wouldn’t you??? like,,, he know how to cook, he humble, he got the tongue technology, husband material, high ass IQ,,, tall, dark,,,, what more can u ask for tbh?

you could also ride his nose lmao but ig thats reserved for Harry

L.V. / Tom Riddle

Visual as FUCK

Has the biggest vocal range; king can go from Deep & Raspy to High & Angelic in 0.001 seconds

One word to describe his voice: soulful

used to be part of the rapline in their early debut days, but for some reason he hasn’t rapped recently?? kows r thirsty pls rap for us again tommy boy,,,

bc of that he’s not “part” of the rapline, so he’s just labeled as a sub-rapper, which means he’s like the backup-backup rapper.

Wanted to be leader and kinda resented Harry for a bit before he met him and now he too, is whipped for Harry

Does not care for personal space, literally just crowds around Harry whenever the fuck he wants

He’s labeled himself as Harry’s personal seat, and is always pulling Harry into his lap

Tom’s never been touchy with others but for some reason Harry is just,,, There. He likes that feeling that Harry gives him whenever he’s around; he’s fascinated about his own actions toward Harry so he’s always trying to explore their physical intimacy

HES GOOD AT EVERYTHING AND HE KNOWS IT; everyone’s just like, “wtf that’s not fair”

Yeah he’s good at everything but he watches anime sksksk 🗿🗿🗿

Lowkey-Highkey dislikes Cedric bc dumb bitch unplugged his computer while he was binge watching bnha & happy go lucky mf named Tom’s fandom KOWs (like cows 🐄), when it was supposed to be Knights of Walpurgis smh

His dance!! His dance sequences always look like fight scenes and it’s the B E S T

Very smooth & quick on his feet

Literally so many fancams of him body rolling

Takes no shit from antis,, they’re not relevant.. only DH & Harry are 😤

Adopts any brand with the initials L.V. And everyone just goes along with it

Tom stans (KOWs) clown pre-debut Tom bc he was gonna have his stage name as “Lord Voldemort” and no one will let him live it down skskks

Was scouted by another agency- that agency asked him to audition for their company but he thought it was a scam; he would’ve been in a diff group if he went

Originally auditioned to G.G. Ent. To become an actor, but changed his mind.

Since he’s also one of the choreographers he’s always trying to make it so he and Harry get lots of skin ship

Draco Malfoy

Harry’s/Ferret’s/Hallows’ sugar daddy no lie

KING OF FANSERVICE

Whatever the fans want? The fans get. Whatever Harry wants? He gets it too.

Draco appreciates his Hallows/Ferrets sm,, he’s always reminding them that they are the ones who keep DH going and that without Hallows they wouldn’t be where they are

He always tries to go on vlive (think: IG live, but better) every 2 weeks even with their busy schedules and just spends time talking with the fans :’)

During concerts he’s interacting the most with everyone, walking around the stage the most so the fans can see him from different views: he’s always trying to make eye contact with them

He’s rich enough he doesn’t have to be an Idol but he still wants to stay ,, he wouldn’t give up DH & Hallows for anything.

also helps with any financial problems the boys have!! they need a place to rent? he got their backs

Center of the group!! This means whenever they’re dancing you’d usually find him in the center/middle position. The center is the one who calls attention to them-self the most and has to make sure their formation looks good; they have to carry the group during a performance. If the center looks bad, then the rest of the group and performance is too.

STABLE AS FUCK VOICE. Do you know how hard it is to dance and sing? At the same time??? Draco makes it so effortless,, when he sings and dances his voice doesn’t shake or waver- It’s stable and whenever he’s doing a live performance his voice sounds like it’s from the actual track

HE LOVES DANCING. Dance dance dance. He joined DH because he really just wanted to dance, he didn’t think he’d be part of the vocal line lmao but ugh king got thru

He & Harry are both 21, and Draco’s always making it a point that he’s older than Harry (only by 2 months!); since they’re the same age, they relate and hang out with each other more. He and Harry usually go out and have “bro-dates”. He talks to Harry abt personal problems n vice versa.

He and Harry always support each other and have formed that bff bond and Draco’s always pulling Harry towards him on stage so Harry will get noticed more (since Harry’s one of the unpopular members, while he himself is veeerry popular)

Antis usually say that Draco doesn’t really have any talent and that he just bought his way into DH with his money and good looks, and that he doesn’t deserve his place as ‘center’ :(

The Confident Gay,,, always slapping that Harry booty.

Cheesy asf,, any chance he gets he always flirts w Harry

Seven / Harry Potter

Best leader 11/10

Always comforting members !! He sings to them to make them happy :)

Main vocal- king can hit that note 😩.

Voice is very calming/lullaby like. Relaxing uwu.

Mother hen lmao,, he’s always worried about his group and how they’re doing

Thighs

Duality king go from 0-10000000 real quick

What a caring bitch I love him

Gives special massages to his members when they feel stressed,, and in turn they help him when he needs to step down from all that leader work.

He’s not really one to do ‘cute things for the fans on purpose’ but when he does he gets really embarrassed,, flustered bb will hide his face behind his hands n cover himself. He’d hide his face in his clothes, on another member’s chest/shoulder, or look at the ground while he stirs in cute embarrassment

Knows the members have some type of fascination with him so he uses that as like a punishment/reward system- “First one to memorize all their lines And choreo gets to go with me to help pick out my clothes.”

Insult his group? Won’t hesitate to cut u with his long eyelashes + sharp tongue lmao

Reassuring Hallows that they’re fine even when they get hate because they have each other,, DH/Hallows is best ship

Blames himself when another member gets hate- he feels like he’s not taking care of his group and he’s trying his best to make them feel not excluded :(

Lil bun bun uwu 🐰Seven Nation !! Stay winning 🤩🤩🤩 Protecc this hard working baby 😩

On stage he’s a force to be reckoned with,, like ugh what a sexy boi hshsh,, but off stage!!! A literal cutie!!!!! Soft & pure

Second half of underrated duo

Built up muscle during debut, but throughout the years/eras he went a bit lax, and since he didn’t have as much muscles since before, he’s gotten a lot of hate :( The members love his squishy cheeks n thicc thighs but antis think he should have a sharper jaw line hhh

oblivious mf,,, he rlly went on a date with a female idol from another company without knowing it was a date hh this boy

actually got in DH because he lost a bet

Zed / Cedric Diggory

Sunshine boy!! ☀️ Literally a ray of happiness in the group,,, always smiling and keeping everyone happy