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manicpixiefelix · 4 months

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and other things that happened by the red staircase

{ One-Shot for head, heart, hand. }

Summary: Like with all events at Saltburn, you take great care to learn all you can about the guests for the upcoming Catton Family Reunion, to make sure you can make a good impression. You and Venetia, however, discover that Felix may be making too good of an impression on his recently un-estranged cousin.

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: felix fingering(/possibly going down on) his cousin but its not super explicit, reader having a social anxiety regarding the social event, venetia being kind of a nasty little perv i love her

A/N: 3841 words. this was meant to just be a little something about venetia and reader teasing felix after finding out he accidentally fingered his cousin, something i could write on my phone before bed. which i did but i didn't stop writing for 4 hours and it became too long for just an answer. also because there's a bunch of catton family lore ive invented and put it all in here.

also before any discourse arises, there's a character briefly mentioned here, Marv, who is an old butch lesbian who uses he/him pronouns. he is not trans, but chooses to use he/him, look into queer history if this bugs you, or go outside and off of my blog. you're reading the writing of an agender it/its lesbian, my blog is not a place for queer discourse, it's a place for being freaks about Jacob Elordi and Barry Keoghan.

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

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It's been a particularly stressful event for you; so much of Felix's family is in attendance and you're desperate to impress them. It had been called a reunion, but nothing at Saltburn was ever so simple, nor so informal. As always you've prepared ahead of time; Duncan and Elspeth, as they always did, walked you briefly through the guest list, however unlike usual, instead of leaving you alone with the detailed dossier of guests, Elspeth herself had sat with you in one of the numerous studies - the lilac one - and gone through in meticulous detail. The family friends they refer to as cousins, the family they refuse to acknowledge beyond a handshake - and why. All the Catton branches and the gossip that haunts each. Things like how it's the first event in ten years that Sir James' estranged, illegitimate half-sister and her family were invited to. She's laughing, and you act like your nerves aren't on fire, like there isn't bile rising in your throat out of fear of the faux pars you could see on the horizon.

"Oh they're going to love you, darling," she assures. The minute she leaves you start nervous crying over the dossier, which quickly becomes an anxiety attack. It's been a very long time, especially since they'd kindly set up this system to alleviate your known anxieties, that you'd been this afraid of a dinner.

None of them can know.

You're almost eighteen, you're meant to be well past this, meant to have learned to cope with it by now.

On the night of the event, Farleigh's the only one looking as queasy as you feel - the family's pitying looks and grating questions have him going for a smoke break almost every five minutes. Still, Venetia's never without a drink in hand despite her mother's disapproving looks, and Felix is nowhere to be seen. At least at this family affair there's a number of people your own age. Many related, but many not - more friends of the family, or illegitimate offspring. Still, you don't want to put your preparations to waste, want to make a good impression.

There's mean laughter from by the fireplace as you find yourself in conversation with Sir James and his second cousin Barty, praising the man for his recent and lucrative foray into financially supporting broadcast television. James gives you and incredibly surprised and approving look, while Barty lights up with delight, claiming that there was hope for the young after all it seemed. Casting a glance to the fireplace, you see a few mean looking teens all watching you with sneers.

Barty asks how you found yourself here, and James pats you on the back before you can answer, claiming you as one of the wards of Saltburn; a good influence on his dear son, Felix. Pride flares in your chest. But you can still hear the teens call you a freak.

Its taking everything in you to not try and find sanctuary in the company of Felix, Venetia, or Farleigh. Its incredibly tempting, considering the abundance of desperate eye contact you and Farleigh especially are sharing, but you worry that if you don't keep face, don't put your information to use, don't remain visible to everyone in the room who you've convinced yourself are even tangibly related to Felix and his immediate family, every single one of them will hate you.

One day you will reckon with how profoundly your upbringing effected the expectations you place on yourself. Today is not that day. So you smile at Mildred Catton - by marriage, second cousin, young widow and now spinster. Well, she has a girlfriend, judging by the way Elspeth had spoken about her roommate of twenty-five years, and she has a kind and knowing smile as she compliments you - so beautiful, what a handsome young thing you are, oh you do remind me of Marv like this, back when we first met, of that's cute, you'd love him. Marv is short for Marvel Elizabeth, the butch woman who lives with Mildred and runs a bike shop and who you'd spent probably too much time looking at in the dossier, his arm around Mildred in her photo, both of them smiling so wide.

You kind of wish he was here. When you share the sentiment, Mildred looks a little crestfallen; you get the impression that not a lot of the Cattons share your feeling.

Still, talking to Mildred helps ease your nerves considerably. At least until you realise that it's been quite some time since you'd seen Felix.

You don't need him at all times... Don't need to know his whereabouts at every second of every day... But you've found yourself trapped in a conversation with a gaggle of the newer, younger, shinier wives of Felix's various uncles-something-times-removed, and one hadn't been updated in the dossier and you greeted her as the wife she'd replaced. So now you're mortified, like a deer in the headlights as they're all judging you, and you know you're on the verge of panicking or throwing up -

"Need to steal our lovely Y/N for a moment," Venetia, your saviour. She slips an arm in yours and doesn't wait for an answer.

"Venetia, dear -" Christie, owner of a failing fragrance business that she desperately doesn't want people to know is failing, but that her husband had drunkenly, forlornly confessed about to Sir James, barely get two truly disdainful words in before Venetia brightly throws over her shoulder -

"Love your dress, matches your roots, talk later Auntie Chris," and you can only imagine the flustered fury on Christie's face as the other women try not to compare the dark dress to the woman's dark roots peeking through her blonde hair. You, however, are gone speechless in your nauseous panic, and press yourself to Venetia's side as she pulls you through the crowd, "you looked about ready to kill yourself like one of those dishonoured samurai," she says quietly but casually.

"Yeah, that was the rough plan," you managed to joke weakly. Your heart was racing; you hated being like this. It takes you a moment to properly focus back in on the moment, and realise Venetia was dragging you along with considerable purpose, "are you okay?"

"I need your robot brain to help me decide if something's funny or just gross."

"My robot brain?"

"You know everyone here because - and I say this with love - you're a freak about these things-"

"Didn't know Iona," you muttered, once again horrified, gaze going glassy as all you can think about is how you called her Misha. Her husband had a type; models from northern countries and very little sense of humour, it seemed. Venetia snapped her fingers in your face, frowning, keeping your mind from wandering too far.

"They got married a month ago, you probably won't even see her again," she rolled her eyes, taking you by the shoulders, leading you from the main entertaining area towards the main parlous, "but the point is, I know we refer to everyone as Aunt or Uncle or Cousin or whatever, but I'm not even actually at all related to like half of them," Venetia pauses, looking at you very seriously, "but you know the difference, right? Like if I pointed to someone, you'd know how exactly they're here?"

"Uh, yeah, of course," it's who you were, it's what you did, "don't you?"

"Not," she visibly hesitates, gaze shifting to look around the room, "not really," she admits, they're all just, you know, family. There's always been too many to bother with the how or why of any of them, unless mum or dad felt it was important for me and Felix to keep in mind specifically," but after a beat she met your gaze with a wolfish grin, "or if it was particularly scandalous." Okay, you think you're starting to get her intentions.

"So who are you wondering about and why?"

The way Venetia was smiling could not possibly mean anything good.

"So," Venetia took you by the shoulders and steered you through the grand foyer towards the stairs, as if on her way to yours or Felix's room. Her voice had gotten quieter, conspiratorial, "I've been watching this unfold all night," she explains gleefully, "and I did think it was rather bold to be looking to get someone in bed at a family reunion, though I supposed that there is a good chance that they're not even related; as we've discussed, family is a rather loose, fond title for many of them here tonight," she's choosing her words incredibly carefully, skirting around her point for dramatic effect, "and," she stops in the doorway by the red staircase; you think you can hear faint moaning not too far away. Venetia's voice is a whisper, "I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt, considering I'm pretty sure I've actually never seen this girl in my life, so I can't say who she belongs to here."

Around the corner there's an attempt at a shushing that sounds more masculine, judging by the whisper of laughter that accompanies it, and a young woman's giggled apology, followed by a breathy gasp, and the faint sound of wood scraping against the marble floor. You and Venetia peer around the corner like the Hardy boys, you ducking down and her leaning over you.

The girl in question is leaning back against the antique, wooden end table at the end of the short hall, head throw back, chest heaving with wanton breathes. Wearing a flowing, green dress that looked almost like silk, but was clearly rayon when you had seen her up close earlier, you knew immediately who she was. More importantly, you were surprised to see someone in a suit on their knees in front of her, beneath her dress.

Alyssa Morelli has seemed absolutely out of her mind with boredom and disdain for this entire affair in the brief few moments you'd spent with her. Like you she was seventeen, and was the eldest daughter of Sir James' estranged half sister. Having barely any information about her, and also trying to focus on not losing your cool regarding that fact, it had made conversation, at least for you, incredibly difficult.

She hated the wine, hated her mother for dragging her along, hated the way rich people talked about nothing, and thought everything about Saltburn, the Cattons, and the entire night was a frivolous display of meaningless excess and wealth. Rich people are such freaks, she'd told you, with a look that clearly said that includes you, and she's finished another glass of champagne with one large gulp and a shudder. For a long moment you'd looked at her - perhaps you could have been a little less unnerving about it, but she'd caught you off guard - as you tried to think of something to say.

"I think you'd thrive at university," you blurt out. She gives you a look like you were some kind of unpleasant bug, having the audacity to continue speaking to her. One of the staff passes with a tray of more champagne, and you pluck two glasses off, handing one to her as you continued, "however I would be fascinated to hear your thoughts on the way our classicist society prioritises and celebrates formal tertiary education" you let your gaze roam, holding your glass in both hands with the tips of your fingers, a dead giveaway of your nerves without you even realising, but for some reason she's still letting you talk, "and the idea of the pursuit of knowledge without that being a financially sustainable life choice anymore if you do it the wrong way. Why celebrate scientists when we just disregard modern philosophers?" You take a sip of your champagne and try and tell yourself to shut up, "I know the answer's 'because you can't profit off of philosophers as easily as you can scientists', but it just kind of sucks, don't you think?"

A long, uncomfortable silence follows.

"I swear at least Felix, Farleigh, and Venetia aren't freaks," you blurted out. Alyssa's shoulders relaxed just a little. At least you were self aware.

"Who?" Its... less hostile. You point out Felix and Farleigh headed out for a cigarette with a few others around your age, and Alyssa sighs, rolling her eyes. She's still clearly got Catton blood in her, her eyes and nose even remind you of Venetia. Still, she headed towards the side door; even her walk seemed to ooze contempt for the night.

Now, watching her, moonlight peaking down the stairs to catch the way she's beginning to glow with sweat, white-knuckled grip on the dark wood and her once perfectly straight, dark hair turning curly with moisture around her face and by her shoulders, you're actually a little glad to see it. At least she seemed to have found one person not entirely unbearable.

You knew all too well how overwhelming and isolating these events could be. As much as you felt you could relate, you couldn't really understand what she'd be going through, her first time at an event like this, feeling that there's people in the room who truly think you and your family outright don't belong. She should take her fun where she can get it, you think.

Shoving Venetia back to give the couple their privacy, you push her back into the parlour.

"Who is that?" Venetia demanded in a whisper, eyes bright. You sigh, shaking your head.

"Alyssa, she hasn't been to something like this before, just let her have her fun," after a beat, you step in a little closer, hands finding Venetia's hips as you attempted to distract her, "you know we could -"

"Alyssa who?" It hasn't worked. Venetia takes your hands, "this is important." There's something that goes beyond mischief in her eyes.

"Morelli," but she makes a face like that's not enough, "Aunt June's daughter." Venetia frowned.

"Aunt June's daughter married one of those Dubai millionaires five years ago and hasn't sent her a single pound or even a message since."

"That's your Great Aunt June- Juniper," you clarified without missing a beat, "she's not even related to any of you; your mum doesn't know who she was initially tied to in the family." Venetia takes a few moments to give you a look of faint, disbelieving awe. Clearing your throat, you looked back over your shoulder as the suggestive noises around the corner were growing louder, "Estranged Aunt June."

Venetia's eyes lit up with what could only be described as malevolent glee.

"So she's my cousin."

"Yes."

"Actually? Blood and all? Not just one of my uncles' weird friends who's been hanging around for decades so now we have to call them family?"

"I'm beginning to get afraid of your intentions, Ven," despite your wary smile, you weren't really joking. Venetia completely disregards this, however, holding your shoulders so tightly it begins to hurt.

"That girl," she points sharply, the kind of intensity in her eyes that absolutely means trouble, "just around the corner, moaning like a whore, getting fingered, tongued, whatever -" she wets her lips in some kind of anticipation, "is my actual, blood related cousin? And you're entirely sure of that?"

Taking a deep breath, unsure of what the repercussions of this all will be, you slowly nod.

"Yes..."

Venetia steps back, has to clap her hands over her mouth to muffle her positively gleeful laughter. For some unexpected reason, this piece of information seems to be some of the best news she's ever received in her life. It almost brings her to tears. After she calms down, you think you hear her mutter something along the lines of I'm never letting him live this down as she fans herself, attempting to calm herself.

"Ven, are you okay?" Still utterly confused about what any of this means, you can't help the concern you feel. Venetia's nodding, fighting back aftershocks of giggles, gazing often at the doorway.

"Yes, I- you're wonderful, thank you for helping me with that-" overcome by another, brief fit of giggles, it takes her a moment to compose herself, "I love you and your robot brain so very dearly -"

"Oh my god~" from around the corner, and another, louder shush. Venetia buries her face in her hands, echoing oh my god as she chokes on laughter once more. When she resurfaces, face bright red with amusement, you take her hand and try to insist that you should give them privacy.

"Yes, of course," Venetia agrees, suddenly trying to appear as serious as she's able, "I just have one other favour to ask you."

"What?" You ask flatly, unsurprisingly wary, watching her struggle not to grin.

"Could you tell my brother?"

The question hangs in the air for a long, confusing moment.

"Tell him what?"

"That Alyssa's our cousin."

"Sure...?" you frowned a little, peering over her shoulders, "I don't know where he is though, I haven't seen him in a while." Venetia smiles like the Cheshire Cat.

Oh... no... she isn't implying -? But Alyssa's timing is unfortunately perfect.

"Oh my god, Felix~"

Your mouth drops open in shock upon hearing that.

"Oh my God," you groaned, pained by the realisation as your face scrunched up with sudden understanding and disappointment, "Felix."

Venetia is absolutely right, he's never living this down.

"You had me prattling on for fucking ages about nothing, just letting them go at it all the while? You could have just asked!" You hissed, already mortified on his behalf.

"You're letting them go at it now!" She crowed quietly, and ah, fuck. Yeah, she had a point there.

Rounding the corner briskly, you cross your arms but at the very least keep your gaze to the floor.

"Felix -" you clear your throat.

"Oh, fuck off," Alyssa, seeing it's you, groans with frustration. There's movement beneath her dress when you glance up; there's something almost comical about knowing what you're seeing is Felix sitting up straighter under there.

"I know that's you, Y/N," Felix had enough dignity to not sound ashamed or caught out. But he should, "just, yeah mate, could you fuck off a bit?" Its not a particularly sharp request, and if this were any other situation, of course you'd obligingly fuck off. However...

"Well don't fucking stop," Alyssa hisses to him, sounding almost embarrassed by the fact that he was giving you the time of day right now, "seriously, fuck off!" She tries to whisper-shout, but halfway through her voice turns to an unsteady moan and her head falls back against the wall again, "OhmygodFelix~" she whines, bringing one of her legs up over his shoulder.

"So should I wait until after you get her off to tell you?"

"Tell him what you little pervert?" Alyssa, furious at your refusal to leave, demands.

"Hey, be nice to them," you hear, vaguely muffled from under her skirt. You have to snort a laugh.

"Thanks Fi, I'll just tell you now, uh," you can't look at them in this moment, fighting off your embarrassed smile at you look to the ceiling, "I don't think this is what your dad meant when he suggested you get to know Aunt June's kids; this might be too welcoming for your recently un-estranged cousin."

Around the corner you hear Venetia cackling like a banshee, clearly having been eavesdropping.

Felix scrambles back from under Alyssa's dress, looking an absolute mess.

"You what?"

"Oh my god." There's nothing lewd about it this time, Alyssa herself sounds absolutely fucking mortified.

----

The next morning, over breakfast, the mood is... strained. Its Sir James who breaks the ice, brightly - though it's clearly forced - commenting on how the night took such an unexpected and unfortunate turn. Felix, who likely doesn't even remember the end of the night considering how thoroughly plastered he got after his unfortunate affair with his cousin, looks to his father very suddenly, the sudden fear in his eyes about what his parents may know hidden by his large, dark glasses. He'd threatened to drown himself in the lake if you or Venetia told anyone, but his memory got fuzzy from there. The hangover that he's half worried might actually kill him doesn't help.

"Such a shame," Elspeth sighed, "I would have thought June would raise them better than that."

"Estranged Aunt June's daughter, Alyssa," you leaned over to Felix to stage whisper the context to him, half worried the paranoia might kill him there at the table. Venetia does however feel the need to smugly butt in and remind him -

"Our biological cousin."

"Apparently convinced her younger brothers to riot and start breaking all the crockery," you finished. Felix frowned in vague confusion, a feeling which Farleigh seemed to share.

"And it was so unnecessary, like she knew it was the first family thing her mom had been invited to in a decade -"

"She hates rich people and thinks we're freaks," you sat back, shrugging, "she told me so herself."

"Who, June?" Sir James sounded downright heartbroken at the idea, so you quickly shook your head.

"Alyssa." It seems to alleviate some of his concerns, but not a lot, and Sir James goes back to his breakfast still looking rather put out.

"Well maybe," Venetia leans her elbows on the table, bread knife in hand that she was using to flippantly gesture with, "there's some rich people that she should hate," her gaze and smug smile lands on you, as does the nonchalant way she's pointing with her knife, right before she flicks her wrist as if pointing at her brother by pure chance, "and some of us who are freaks."

Felix glared down at his breakfast.

"I don't know why we un-estranged Aunt June in the first place," he grumbled mostly to himself, though not quiet enough that the rest of the table didn't hear. Sir James sighed with disappointment.

"I think in future we may have to limit June's invitations to only her and her husband," he says, shaking his head. Elspeth kindly tells him that it's probably for the best.

Venetia, still apparently feeling petty, threw a bread roll at her brother, who hadn't looked up from where he seemed to be trying to divine life's secrets from his plate of sausages. It glances off his forehead, but knocks his glasses loose and into his breakfast. A second later Felix officially gives up and follows suit, faceplanting into his food.

"Oh my god, Felix!" His mother gasps with concern.

Despite Elspeth sounding nothing like Alyssa had the night before, the familiar phrase sets Venetia off, cackling with laughter at the top of her lungs. While the rest of the table is utterly confused by the series of events that have just occurred, you scoot your chair over close to Felix, patting him sympathetically on the back. Beneath the table, he rests his hand on your knee to give a grateful squeeze. When he talks, only you can hear it, resigned and half muffled by scrambled eggs.

"Hate this family."

#felix catton x reader x oliver quick #felix catton x reader #saltburn x reader #saltburn imagine #felix catton imagine #felix catton x y/n #felix catton x you #head heart hand fic #manic writer

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thefudge · 4 months

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i need thoughts on saltburn -- even if you didn't like it!!! <3

sorry for taking so long to answer this, but i only finally watched the movie this week. i kind of wanted the hype and polarization to die down a bit so i could form my own opinion.

so, i enjoyed it! it has issues, but it was a fun and clever romp. any movie that ends with a "murder on the dancefloor" dance sequence will earn a smile from me because that is one of my favorite songs of all time and i don't know how emerald fennell knew that about me, but there were constant little moments in the script that made me go "ahh, we'd be friends in real life". i felt that way about promising young woman too, even if i ultimately disagreed with quite a few of her creative choices there. but her style & humor and the way she frames sexual content is similar to my own palate/writing. i especially appreciate the way she makes arousal and desire interesting, how she explores abjection but also intellectual stimulation. what makes the character of oliver irresistible to the entire household in the film is the way he can tap into people's desires in a very unexpected and creative way. he constantly surprises them by giving them what they didn't know they wanted. it's interesting that, from oliver's skewed perspective, it's felix who is supposed to be the object of desire, the person everyone wants to be around. but we the viewers can see oliver is the true loathsome subject and object of desire for those around him (and for the audience too, as we sort of can't look away from him).

i agree with people who say felix cared more about oliver than the reverse. in fact, the cleverest thing this movie does, imo, is show that oliver could be happy, but actively chooses not to. this isn't to say the posh oxbridge types fennell makes fun of in this movie do not ring true or that the social satire and snobbery isn't accurate. but it's more that oliver doesn't need to fall into their sphere of influence, doesn't need to measure himself using their standards. yes, the environment is classist and unfair, there are big structural issues that oliver cannot control, but oxford doesn't have to be his whole life, it's only a couple of years. the fact that he is there already gives him a leg up in the world. given his smarts and his magnetism, oliver could have done very well for himself after university without needing to latch onto saltburn. the clever twist for me is that oliver is also privileged, and not just because we see he's comfortably middle-class with a supportive family, but because he has options, he has choices, but he actively chooses to be miserable and hateful, because he hates and looks down on the ppl around him. yes, the saltburn entourage is filled with bitter, toxic people, but some of those people would've probably done anything for him, and would have genuinely loved him. but the truth at the core of oliver is that he prefers a room to be empty, he prefers to have saltburn all to himself as this pure luxurious space that is devoid of humanity.

at the end, oliver is both wonderfully effective and deeply unimaginative. don't get me wrong, i really liked his character and the gremlin freak energy he conveyed, i rooted for him along the way, i mean barry keoghan plays it too well not to, but despite his victory dance at the end, it's sort of drab that oliver's greatest achievement is saltburn. despite being the brilliant predator who hunted down all competition, he is not brilliant enough to see his prize is empty. he's not smart enough to see, that at the end of the day, he is just like the cattons. he loves and hates felix because he loves and hates himself. there are many moments in the movie where oliver stares into mirrors or his reflection is doubled in reflective surfaces, and i don't think it's just to signal his duplicity or multiplicity, but rather the fact that....it's all olivers, all the way down. he thinks he's such an outsider, but he is saltburn, he comes to embody it physically in the very last dance. and even his predatory cleverness is overrated; most of the cattons fall easily, they want to go, there's an emptiness at the heart of their lives and at the heart of saltburn that oliver wants to embrace.

and i do think that emerald fennell had some of this in mind; i don't think my interpretation is necessarily the right one, but you can see she's doing more with this than directing a satirical romp. i think we're actively invited to see beyond oliver's seduction and into the emptiness of his dreams. that's why some of the deaths in the end come off as slightly ridiculous and excessive, because it's not about his cleverness anymore, he's just the last person left when the party is over. he's still a character you can root for and have fun with (and be drawn to), but the film encourages you to question his narrative from the start, not just his literal narration to rosamund pike, but the overarching idea he has of himself.

anyway, this is all to say, i rather liked it! i didn't love it, but i appreciate what it was trying to do, and i think it's more clever in that regard than people give it credit for. i do think it's a more mature effort than promising young woman. i am kind of hoping emerald directs a nonconventional romcom next, because i like her approach to certain intimate moments, mixing tenderness with violence. i'd love to see a punch-drunk love-esque love story from her.

(i do also want to give props to barry keoghan again, because i think the movie wouldn't work half as well without him. he elevates a lot of moments and he is so compelling to watch)

#saltburn #emerald fennell #oliver quick #barry keoghan #my thoughts #replies #films

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filmbrokiller · 5 months

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Recently Watched: Saltburn (2023) Dir. Emerald Fennell

This movie was probably the most polarizing of the year, most either hating it or loving it and while I am VERY sympathetic to the criticism I am apart of the "love it" crowd.

Yes, the most talked about moments were purely for shock value despite still being pretty tame. Yes, the writing was predictable and messy. YES, IT WAS NOT PERFECT! However, what this film has that many other lack is full commitment to the vibe. Every actor is fully in it, and they are delivering performances that keep you entertained and engaged despite a very underwhelming screenplay. Even despite the lackluster class commentary what really stands out is the exposition of human desire and the depravity of desperation and I feel like thats where it finds its footing.

It is shot beautifully and the soundtrack rocks. Barry Keoghan is dedicated to being a little freak, Rosamund Pike is fully a bitch, Jacob Elordi is sexy! WHAT ELSE COULD YOU ASK FOR??!! This was a fun time, it was fierce and it introduced me to Murder on the Dancefloor with one of the most iconic scenes in recent memory. I really think there is merit in a good time!! Similar to my love for Showgirls, I think the fearlessness of the performances and the sheer sexiness and fun of it makes this great!! But hey, this very well may be shit and I simply want Jacob Elordi in a crazy way 🤷‍♀️

#saltburn #emerald fennell #jacob elordi #barry keoghan #rosamund pike #murder on the dancefloor #2000s #fun movie!#movie review

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taco-pal · 5 months

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really dont understand how people think Saltburn is solely about class politics when it really comes down to being about incelry and it's deeply ingrained sense of envy and lust for power. An obsessive trait of that ilk that transcends class status. People made this out to be some horrid treatise on class politics from a rich person which just seems like willful misinterpretation at this point lol. Class aspects are a part of the film, sure, but to act like the upper class people are presented as anything but vapid freaks that fetishize the working class is ridiculous. Anyway it was entertaining as hell even if it's derivative, not sorry. Barry Keoghan deserves the little freak of the year honors, Jacob Elordi now "other guy that could play Anakin Skywalker"

#Saltburn #film #barry keoghan #jacob elordi #emerald fennell

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kiki-de-la-petite-flaque · 3 months

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Due piccioni con una fava...

It’s nice not just being looked at as the weird-looking guy, the unique feckin’ freaky little freak man-child, freak child-man, whatever you want to call it. It’s nice to see people kind of look at you in that way. I’ll be honest. It is nice.

– Barry Keoghan.

#Barry Keoghan

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andromerot · 5 months

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it must be so sad being barry keoghan and always being hired to only play sick little freaks. hes the king of sick little freaks...

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dogtheories · 4 days

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nobody told me barry keoghan was in that being his little freak self

#soda.txt

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redheadspark · 2 years

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I was wondering if I could request either a small fic or even headcanon of Druig or Clío, Melody gets sick for the first time as a baby and one of them is kinda freaking out about it but the other is like “its fine honey, just a small head cold.” I would really like to see this with Drío please! 🥰💗

A/N: AWWWW This is beyond cute and perfect! Thank you SO much for requesting this, my dear!

Worry

Summary: Who knew the stoic and always cool mind controller would loose his mind when his infant daughter gets sick. Clío did of course.

*This is a cute picture of actor Barry Keoghan (who plays Druig) with his son Brando, I HAD to use this since it looked perfect as an image of Druig and baby Melody.*

Warnings: Angst and fluff rolled into one.

Part of the Melody Series

Druig never thought he would be worried.

No, petrified was a better word.

It started with sniffles and a few coughs here and there, Druig noticing it when he held her first thing in the morning. She would usually be happy to be held by her father, opening her crystal blue eyes at him and having a sense of peace on her infant face. Druig loved seeing her eyes on him the first thing in the morning, it made his day already ten times better.

But on this morning, he could see she wasn't herself. The fussiness was evident, not finding the perfect way to hold her to calm her down from the sniffles and tears as she wiggled in his hold. He saw it in her face too, contorted in uncomfortableness and uneasiness. Melody was always an easy and happy little baby, so seeing her in such a state made Druig feel petrified.

His daughter was sick, and he had no idea what to do.

"I got ya, baby girl. I got ya," Druid hummed over and over, walking back and forth along the living room floor with his daughter fussing in his arms and crying with a whimper on her lips. Clío was on the phone with the doctor, it was better to call ahead than to drive into town which seemed so far away. Druig was focusing on trying to ease his little girl, who was red in the face and wiggling so bad in his hold he was afraid he would drop her. He felt as though he was being tortured from the inside out since he didn't know what to do or how to help her. She had no temperature, they checked already when she started to fuss. But she did sound congested from how she was breathing, making Druig panic not know what to give her.

When he was back in the jungle with Clío, there were healers that were present to help anyone and everyone who got sick. Neyli, the head healer of the village for about 40 years, knew just how to ease any fevers or colds that came upon the young and old. Druig never having to lift a finger to help since she knew anything and everything when it came to natural medicine. But those were natural remedies from herbs and roots, nothing too modern unless it was intense to extreme.

Now he was here, out in the middle of nowhere, and it was his daughter who was ill.

His infant daughter.

"I know, baby. I'm so sorry, Mel. It's gonna be okay," Druig hummed to her over and over like a mantra as she was letting out a new sniffles and sneezes against his chest. He felt useless, only being able to hold her to give her some kind of comfort. She was far too young for him to do some kind of mind control, and he swore he would never do that to his child in the first place. Maybe he could cal Thena, she might know something that could help since Thena and Gilgamesh fended for themselves for some time out in rural Australia. Or maybe Sersi, she might know a thing or two about healing children since she was good with them.

If only Ajak was alive and there to help...

"Alright, I just got off the phone with Dr. Morris," Clío glided into the room over to Druig and Melody, Druig shooting his eyes to her in panic as she gave him reassuring smile and placed her hand under Melody's head and the other along his arm, "I told him what's going on with Mel and he thinks it's a head cold."

"What in the hell is a head cold?" Druig asked in worry and in a panicked tone.

"It's very common, Druig. Especially this time of year since the weather is getting colder," Clío calmly replied to him, looking down at their fussing daughter who had fat tears in her eyes, "He's going to get some antibiotics together and come here to the house within an hour,"

"An hour?!" Druig seethed, his eyes almost bulging out in shock. Clío moved instantly, framing his face in her hands to have him focus on her and her bright eyes.

"He's coming with the medicine, sweetheart," Clío reassured him soothingly, "All we can do is wait, okay? But you need to take a breath before you work yourself up. Come on and breathe for me, babe,"

Druig paused and took in a forced breath, trying to calm himself down since he was still holding his daughter within his arms. Clío kept her stare at him, taking a long breath to almost show him how to breathe. Druig tried again, this time it was a bit better and calmer as he tried to re-center himself. All he could think about was panic, panic of not knowing if this head cold was serious or mild. Panic of waiting a full hour for the doctor to come with the medicine.

Panic over his little daughter, the light of his world.

"You good?" Clío asked, seeing how Druig's shoulders were a bit relaxed and his eyes were no longer rigid. He nodded his had slowly as he looked from his wife down to Melody. She was a bit calmer too, looking between her mother and father and the fussing was dying down a bit. Almost like she was mirror what her father was doing. Druig sighed, pulling her up to kiss her head over and over and keep her close.

"You need to be calm for her, Druig," Clío reminded him as she rubbed Melody's back and rang her other hand in Druig's hair, "I know you're scared, I am too. But honey, she's going to be okay. I know she will be, but Melody needs you to be calm for her so she can feel better,"

Druig could do that, he could be calm for the sake of his child. Melody was everything to him, nothing else mattered to him than the baby he was holding close and his wife who bore the same baby. Those two were his world, and when one was in pain, he was in pain. Anything he could do for either one of them to ease their worries or pain, he would do in an instant. So if he had to be calm, if he had to hold her close for the next hour while they waited for the doctor to arrive, he would do it.

He would do anything for his daughter.

"Thank you again for coming out and for the medicine, Dr. Morris,"

"Anytime! Give the antibiotics a day or two to kick in and she'll be good as new before you know it. Just give her lots of rest and let me know how she takes to the medicine. I'll call in the morning, take care!"

Clío waved as the trucked rolled away down the paved road, Dr. Morris waving his hand out the window as he went back towards the main highway. The cool air that was signaling the evening picked up. Clío sighed in relief, feeling a bit better was she walked back into the house over to the study where she knew she left Druig and Melody.

The doctor arrived within the hour, coming a bit earlier than expected with a big bag with medicine and antibiotics for his sick patient. Druig was still holding Melody, almost protectively until he had to release her over to Dr. Morris, watching with worried eyes as the doctor examined his daughter. Clío was still cool and calm, holding Druig's hand in a sense of comfort as the prognosis was in fact a common Head Cold.

Dr. Morris too was calm, even laughing as Melody sneezed and scrunched her nose at him as he gave Melody the medicine along with the antibiotics while he checked her temperature. Druig felt a wave of relief off his shoulders, hearing it from the doctor himself that Melody was going to be okay. Perhaps he too overreact a bit, hearing that plenty of babies would be sick and get over it within a day or two with the amount of rest and medicine.

Clío poked her head into the study, seeing none other than Melody and Druig. Both fast asleep with Druig leaned back against the loveseat he was in and Melody in his hold, no longer fussing or crying but at peace. She was snoring even, which showed Clío she was in a deep sleep finally for the first time all day. There was peace along Druig's face too, his hair disheveled and the bag under his eyes were evident enough to show all he went through.

But all Clío could think about was the immense love her husband had for their daughter, for the little light of his world, that he would do anything and be anything to bring her happiness and safety. She never saw him scared to that caliber before, and it showed in his love for her and how he wished to take those woes away.

She took a picture on her phone of her husband and daughter asleep, sending it to the group chat and getting some responses moments later:

Phastos: Damn, someone had a rough night.

Clío: We got a sick little one on our hands, and a worried daddy too :)

Sersi: Oh no! Is Melody alright?

Makkari: What happened?!

Thena: How sick is Mel, Clío?

Clío: It's just a head cold, guys. She's okay now. The doctor gave her medicine and she'll be well before we know it. Her dad, however, is another story.

Kingo: Druig looks like hell.

Sprite: Way to be supportive, Kingo!

Kingo: I state the truth!

Sersi: I think he looks like a worried father. How is Druig holding up?

Clío paused from her texting, seeing Druig hum with a small smile on his face and a look of peace there etched along the smile. Such a small scare would bring the mind controller to his knees, to have him feel useless in caring for such a little one. But now that fear was gone, that worry dissolved in the air and all that was left was peace again. Clío grinned widely.

Clío: He's got his little girl safe and sound now. He'll be alright.

The End.

Tagged: @heartofwritiing @a-lumos-in-the-nox @botanicalbarnes @basicrese

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xophryz · 2 months

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Saltburn

Hi, I am King, and this is PestoButGay.

Talking of gay, have you seen Saltburn Yet? The homoerotic period piece that lead to a bajillion TikTok’s of men walking around their houses with imitating ART as Sophie Ellis Baxter plays in the background?

Saltburn, transports viewers to the idyllic Saltburn House, where the lives of its residents are set against the backdrop of a picturesque summer sandwiched between uni years at Oxford.

Quite similarly I was asked to my friends summer house in a seaside town of Lyme, equally gay, but a bit less of the whole drinking cummy bath water.

The film follows the eclectic cast, as we follow Oliver, played by Barry Keoghan in awe over Felix, Jacob Elordi, as we are pulled through a scarily British cast ranging from Rosamund Pike to Richard E.Grant and their pets that reside at Saltburn house, from the enigmatic Venetia, to the eccentric Farleigh, or the wine aunt we all have, Pamela. The film, written by Rosamund Pike, as the characters navigate love, loss, and even the passage of time in the quintessentially British setting and class divides we have all become so used to.

What I really love, is the way the house and class is a sort of character in itself in the film. “Saltburn” was this character referred to as if it was heaven, it serves as more than a backdrop for the unfolding drama, it breathes and represents so much more than looks. It feels like its a fully realised character, with its own quirks, history and personality, I even picked on references to minotaurs or paintings like The Garden of Earthly Delights.

"Saltburn" explores the theme of class as another character in the story with the divide between the residents of the estate and the working-class inhabitants of the town to the subtle power dynamics at play within each social dynamic. The film's exploration of class consciousness and the inherent tensions between privilege and poverty adds depth and complexity to its characters and their interactions, shedding light on the broader social landscape of post-war Britain. And I love it even more because 2006 is the perfect setting for this that encapsulates all of those themes, and I think it is so interesting that what for many of us was our childhood can be considered a period piece.

I think I would give it about a 3 and a half stars to be annoying. The half star is purely because we got to see Barry Keoghan naked.

***.

In all honesty, what was that? Man! What a brilliant but also terrible but also stunning and grotesque and stupid and amazing film, yet the film loses me the most at the end. Basically up until he kills Venetia i’m with it! But then it unravels and i understand the thought behind it but at the same time its all dumb!!!!!!!!

I loooved the acting, Rosamund Pike especially but strong performances across the board. Visually stunning, all the things you want in a film, like constantly i found myself grinning at how well shots were put together or the way colours bounced off one another.

The shock value all kinda works for me, where as others looked like they had seen a ghost, I was sat there like it was any other day of the week, It worked for me, the like sexual shock value like the bathtub and the vampire and the grave was all a lotta fun. It just sticks the landing so much to the point it drags down the whole film.

I think the ending would be fine (still bad, but fine) if it didn’t re-contextualise other parts of the film from earlier and give them worse meaning!! he doesn’t need to be this mastermind what the hell is the point in that, let him be a weird little Liverpudlian freak who’s psychosexually obsessed with a 6'6 man and his big ass house like I thought this film was going to be about! Him being from Liverpool had so much potential for further analysis and points to be made to critique North/South class divides and dynamics in place in British society, that were just sort of lost and that was such a shame

i can see my opinion changing, either for the good or the worse tbh, depending on how it sits with me and whether i find myself thinking about the good or the bad more.

#saltburn #film #film review

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grendelsmilf · 5 months

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If saltburn had not insisted on being a piss poor class commentary, and instead had just a lil freak doing his little freak thang, I would have enjoyed it much more. I wish he had fucked Richard Grant too, it would have been so much better that way.

literally watching barry keoghan being a lil freak doing his little freak thang is always so delightful, but he somehow managed to be dull and tedious here. remember that look he gives at the end of killing of a sacred deer? where tf was that energy here??? i feel robbed. and he didn’t even fuck richard grant .

#ask #anon #saltburn #literally every single one of my followers in my inbox rn having a fucking field day #I’m sorry guys just blacklist the tag if ur sick of it 😭

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s0livagant · 5 months

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Have you watched The Killing of a Sacred Deer??? I really wanna watch it cause it has Barry Keoghan being a fucked up little freak (seems to be a pattern)

I have not but I WANT to. @ofthecaravel was telling me a little bit about it after the second time we saw saltburn and it seems like a bit of a reverse saltburn situation lol

#you should watch it and tell me if it’s worth it to seeee #asks #k

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fionnfanatics · 7 years

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Request: Heyyy! I’m absolutely loving your writing, if you get the chance could you write something where you have worked with harry on his solo stuff in the music industry (assistant, manager or whatever) and you have become good friends. he somehow introduces you to some of the dunkirk guys at an awards show or something and one of them (maybe jack or tom gc) takes quite a liking to you oh-la-la… ;)

————————- From the time you were little, you had always wanted to be in the music industry. So when the time for college came, you went for music management. Now you were newly graduated with a job at Erskine Records Ltd.

For the past two years you’d had an internship with Columbia Records. It was there that you met Harry Styles.

When your boss came to you asking for you to work with the young superstar, you instantly agreed. You were sick of working with older artists, and apparently he was sick of working with an old staff. He wanted someone young and new.

The two of you became really close, often having little sleepovers where you’d eat junk food and work on his album in the studio all night. When Harry decided to start his own record label, Erskine, he offered you a job.

You instantly accepted.

Now months later you were working for him and you couldn’t be happier. The two of you had a 5 month prank war going, and neither of you were backing down anytime soon.

Currently you were at the Dunkirk after party, per Harry’s request. You never were one to give up free food and drinks, so of course you came.

Harry had claimed he wanted his ‘best girl’ to be there, but unbeknownst to you he really wanted you to meet his co-star Tom Glynn Carney.

It had all started during filming, Harry wanting to set the two of you up. He was showing some pictures to a few of the boys, when he passed one of you and him together. Tom had instantly been smitten, amusing Harry immensely. When Harry heard you complaining one day about being single, he came up with a plan.

Neither Tom nor you knew about this plan, but Harry was absolutely giddy as he walked towards you with Tom, Jack, Barry and Fionn by his side.

You were talking to a few people by the bar, when arms wrapped around you from behind and lips were pressed to your cheek.

“There she is!” The familiar British voice spoke, causing you to smile.

“It’s about time you got here. It’s not polite to make a lady wait.” You teased, turning around to give your friend a proper hug.

“Sorry love, some of us can’t look as great as you without trying.” Harry spoke, pulling away just as you rolled your eyes.

“It’s really because some of us aren’t little divas.” You joked, poking his dimple. He stuck his tongue out at you, a glint in his eyes.

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Alrigh’ kids, break it up.” A Scottish voice spoke, causing you and Harry to glance at the source. For the first time you noticed four other men standing there, watching the interaction between you and Harry amusedly.

You took in each boy individually, recognizing them from Harry’s videos and pictures he sent to you. The man who had just spoke had blonde hair and blue eyes, add in the Scottish accent and you knew it had to be Jack Lowden.

The boy next to him had dark hair and dark eyes. You’d seen him before in a movie with Colin Farrel, so you knew he was Barry Keoghan.

The next to were boys you’d never seen before on tv or in movies, but you recognized them easy enough. One was Fionn Whitehead, and the other was Tom Glynn Carney.

Your eyes met Tom’s last, and ended up lingering on his for longer than any of the others. He was staring back at you, seemingly in awe. When he smiled at you, you nearly lost your breath. He was startlingly handsome.

“If you’ll excuse me.” You quickly said to the group you had been talking to, linking Harry’s arm in yours and walking away. Once at the other side of the room, you stopped and turned to face the five men. “Thank god you came. They were so boring.”

The men all laughed, amused at your misfortune.

“Are you going to introduce your gorgeous friend Harry? Or are you going to make us do it?” Tom spoke up after a moment, causing you to flush slightly at his compliment.

“I was getting to that!” Harry defended, watching Tom closely with a smirk on his face. “Y/N, these are some of my cast mates from Dunkirk. There’s Jack, Barry, Fionn and Tom. Boys, this is my good friend and Erskine assistant manager Y/N.”

“It’s so nice to meet all of you.” You said, breaking your eye contact with Tom.

“It’s great to meet you too! Harry’s talked about you a lot.” Fionn smiled, the others nodding along with him.

“Good things I hope.” You responded, glancing over at Harry again.

“I’m afraid he didn’t do you quite enough justice. You’re even more beautiful in person.” You were blushing again as you looked at Tom, heart picking up speed ever so slightly.

“Blimey, are you trying to turn me into a tomato? Because it’s working.” You asked, trying to force the blush down.

“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” He sheugfed, a wide grin on his face as he watched you. The other boys exchanged looks, quickly excusing themselves from the two of you.

You glared at Harry, growing slightly suspicious after he winked at you and quickly dashed away. You looked back at Tom, shuffling awkwardly on your feet for a moment.

“And then there were two.” You told him, causing him to chuckle.

“Can I buy you a drink?” He asked, offering his arm to you.

“I wouldn’t mind.” You responded, linking your arm with his and heading towards the bar.

For the next 3 hours the two of you chatted, flirted and drank. You now felt comfortable around him, sharing stories about your childhood and working with Harry.

Tom was ridiculously sweet and funny, never missing an opportunity to compliment you or make you laugh.

By the end of the night you were definitely falling for him. I mean, how could you not?

As the two of you continued to talk, Harry eventually made his way over to you to say goodbye. He shook hands with Tom, before pressing a kiss to your cheek and leaving.

Once he was gone, Tom looked at you with a contemplative look on his face.

“What?” You asked him, taking a sip of your water. You’d stopped drinking 20 minutes ago after starting to feel a slight buzz, knowing your roommate would be coming to get you soon.

“You and Harry are awfully close. Is there anything going on between you two?” Tom asked, leaning on his elbows as he faced you.

“Of course not! Harry’s like a brother to me. And I’m like a sister to him. That’ll never change.” You replied, keeping eye contact with him.

“Good, that’s good for my chances.” You stared at him in confusion, prompting him to continue. “Well, this way when I take you on a date I won’t feel guilty about it.”

“And who says you’re getting a date?” You asked him calmly, though internally you were freaking out. Was he asking you out?

“Oh come on, you can’t tell me that after these past 3 hours you don’t feel the connection too? You can’t say that we wouldn’t be good together.” You were blushing furiously at that point, dipping your head to hide it from him. Just then, your phone ringed, causing you to breath a sigh of relief.

“Hold that thought.” You told him, answering your phone. It was your roommate, telling you she was there to get you.

A few moments later you were hanging up, turning to face Tom once more.

“I’m sorry, but that was my roommate. She’s picking me up.” You explained, gathering your purse and scribbling a few things on a napkin before sliding it towards Tom. “Hopefully we’ll see each other again.” You told him, stretching to place a light kiss on his cheek before walking away.

“Wait a moment! Can’t I at least get your number?” Tom called after you, causing you to glance over your shoulder at him with a grin.

“You already have it. It’s on the napkin.”

#tom glynn carney #tom glynn carney imagine #dunkirk #dunkirk imagine #tom x reader #tom glynn carney x reader

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glenngaylord · 6 years

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MY MOMENTS OUT OF TIME IN FILM 2017

Instead of a Top 10 List, every year I like to honor a long-discontinued but influential annual column from Film Comment magazine. I couldn’t wait for my father to come home from work with the “Moments Out Of Time” issue. The writers would cite their favorite scenes, images, or lines of dialogue, even from films they may not have liked, because let’s face it, even bad films may have a great moment or two, unless you were a film called RINGS, CATFIGHT, THE SNOWMAN, or THE DINNER. In that case, you suck in the most forgettable of ways. Despite some obvious stinkers, this was a great year for film. Some resonated with me, such as I, TONYA and THE FLORIA PROJECT as they tackled the issue of class in America. Despite being period pieces, films such as DARKEST HOUR and THE POST pinged on topics such as war-mongering and the need for a free press, both of which we seem to talk about daily right now. I have a few I need to catch up on, such as MUDBOUND and THE SQUARE, and one I recently saw, A GHOST STORY, wowed me, but I haven’t written a review of it yet.

Even I can’t see them all, so here, in no particular order, are my Moments Out Of Time in film for 2017:

“America. They want someone to love, but they want someone to hate, and the haters always say, 'Tonya, tell the truth!' There’s no such thing as truth. I mean it’s bullshit! Everyone has their own truth.” - I, TONYA

A little girl (the great Brooklyn Prince) stands in front of a motel room door, telling her little friends they’re not allowed to enter. She pauses, and then mischievously says, “But let’s go anyways!” in a moment of pure rebellious, but dangerous joy. - THE FLORIDA PROJECT

A young man (Lucas Hedges) begs his girlfriend (Saoirse Ronan) not to out him in one of the most touching moments of the year. - LADY BIRD

A woman (Cynthia Nixon’s blazing portrayal of Emily Dickinson) desperate to connect with someone, anyone, lights up whenever she’s around her soon-to-depart friend. It’s a joy you wish she could have at all times. It’s that ache to spar with another human that cuts to the core of this lonely tragedy. - A QUIET PASSION.

Try watching the “I did not hit her” rooftop filmmaking sequence without bursting with glee. One of the best-sustained comedy sequences of the year. - THE DISASTER ARTIST

A beautiful, long final shot of a young man (Timothée Chalamet) swimming in his tearful thoughts as the end credits role will break your heart. - CALL ME BY YOUR NAME

So will his father’s (Michael Stulbarg) 11th hour speech to him. - CALL ME BY YOUR NAME

A ghost in a white sheet with two eye holes, who has traveled across time for centuries, finally finds something important, which jogs his memory, making him feel less alone in the world, and then in a startling swish, is gone. - A GHOST STORY

Meryl Streep, in the most delicious long pause of 2017, struggles with the tough decision whether to publish the Pentagon Papers or not. She conveys every pro and con with a series of reactions, leaving the audience breathless until she finally, and thrillingly, becomes a feminist heroine for the ages. - THE POST

Sure, it’s ostensibly Daniel Day-Lewis’ last film, but it’s the women, one with a deadening stare (Leslie Manville) and the other with the best eye flutter I’ve ever seen (Vicky Krieps), who take charge of this fascinatingly perverse story of control. - PHANTOM THREAD

A cleaning woman (Octavia Spencer) dusts a giant steampunk contraption as her mute co-worker looks on, sending the increasingly magical fable into a visually stunning dreamscape. - THE SHAPE OF WATER

“You know I can’t give you the keys, right babe?” A chilling line in a scene in which a sympathetic, engaging character transforms into a monster, making Allison Williams, so often hated and too easily dismissed on GIRLS, as someone to REALLY watch as her career rises and rises. - GET OUT

A beloved, iconic character from the original film makes a stunning, surprise appearance. Despite it being CGI, this was the movie-movie moment of 2017. - BLADE RUNNER 2049

A bellicose, raging Prime Minister, known for his speeches, sits quietly with the square-ish frame filled with dark, negative space and seemingly lit by a single, too-bright light bulb. He’s alone and yet belongs to us all, the push-pull of this theme resonating throughout the entire film. - DARKEST HOUR

“This didn't put an end to shit, you fucking retard; this is just the fucking start. Why don't you put that on your Good Morning Missouri fucking wake up broadcast, bitch?” - THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI

Bill Skarsgård’s reading of the line, “Take it!” will haunt me for years. His Pennywise proved to be surprisingly haunting and indelible. - IT

The film’s not great, but Christopher Plummer and Ridley Scott deserve all the “We’re Not Worthy’s” for pulling off the Great Kevin Spacey Replacement of 2017 in 9 days, and actually delivering a full-bodied, memorable character in the process. - ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD

A desperate thief uses his smarts to wheel his badly-injured brother out of the hospital in an impressive feat. It shows a whip-smart mind in the body of person with lost potential, and in a moment which proves this well-meaning guy just can’t get a break, it turns out he took the wrong person. - GOOD TIME

Michael Cera, even more villainous and sociopathic than he was in THIS IS THE END, and apparently channeling Tobey Maguire, freaked me out as a hateful, poker-playing celeb. - MOLLY’S GAME

Ok, people will be talking about the biplane scene forever, but nothing made me laugh more than Tiffany Haddish’s reading of this line: “Girl, you can't get no infection in your booty hole! It's a booty hole!” - GIRLS TRIP

Bridget Everett, in a blazingly intense performance, sings the shit out of Lita Ford’s KISS ME DEADLY in a dive bar and transforms herself from comedienne to serious dramatic actor. - PATTI CAKE$

A crazed woman (Aubrey Plaza) barges in on the wedding of a social media friend and maces her for not getting on the invite list, giving the Facebook effect its full and insane due. - INGRID GOES WEST

A young woman, unable to take one more second of her overbearing, judgmental mother (Laurie Metcalf), surprisingly jumps out of a moving car. - LADY BIRD

Charlize Theron kicks one ass after another in a seemingly single shot (but not really), making this one of the greatest fight sequences ever filmed. - ATOMIC BLONDE

Algee Smith finds the heart of the story as a musician who struggles with his ambitions after a harrowing all-night encounter with racists cops. - DETROIT

Say what you will about the insanity that unspools, but Michelle Pfeiffer as the houseguest from hell was fun to watch and sorely missed when not onscreen. - MOTHER!

As Elton John’s ROCKET MAN plays on the radio, Bille Jean King (Emma Stone) and her new girlfriend Marilyn (Andrea Riseborough) drive in sun-dappled glory, their hair blowing around with each surprising gust of wind. It’s a perfect evocation of the 70s. - BATTLE OF THE SEXES

After following around an imaginative, enterprising man (Michael Keaton as Ray Kroc) as he develops the most successful fast food chain in the world, and seeing his as a hero, he transforms into a terrible villain about halfway through, making us question the value of the American Dream. - THE FOUNDER

A suicidal Spud, his head covered in suffocating plastic, leans back in his chair and falls backwards off the top of a building, but a flash cut send him to the floor of his apartment where Renton (Ewan McGregor) slides under him to catch him. One of the most imaginative, emotional cuts in a film I’ve seen this year. - T2 TRAINSPOTTING

Don’t heckle Kumail Nanjiani! Holly Hunter WILL read you to filth by interjecting, “That is like saying that all frat boys wearing country club hats and Hawaiian shirts have shriveled up tiny little dicks!” - THE BIG SICK

A young man throws himself down in the sand as bombs explode closer and closer to him. A spectacular feat of cinematography and muffled sound, and one of the greatest shots in cinema history. - DUNKIRK

A mother kicks the chair her little daughter sits in, sending her flying. A sudden, impactful depiction of abuse. - I, TONYA

Tom Cruise emerges from a crashed plane, his face hilariously covered in cocaine. - AMERICAN MADE

A seemingly sweet young man (Barry Keoghan, my favorite new actor of the year) changes his entire demeanor and quickly, chillingly tells a doctor (Colin Farrell), in no uncertain terms, what is going to happen to him and his family. - THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER

The best opening sequence award of the year easily goes to a film which mixed musical filmmaking with kinetic car chases and an endearing sense of rhythm. - BABY DRIVER

Eels creepily slither around a woman in a tub in an otherwise completely forgettable, indulgent film - A CURE FOR WELLNESS

Adam Sandler winningly loses his shit as he searches for a parking space. - THE MEYEROWITZ STORIES - NEW AND SELECTED

“See! I took you on a safari!” exclaims Brooklyn Prince to her friend as they stand in front of a herd of cattle. - THE FLORIDA PROJECT

An ape, bigger than ever portrayed before, emerges out of nowhere and swats down helicopters like flies as the camera gloriously swirls around him. It’s APOCALYPSE NOW’s famous attack scene, but this time the invaded kick the invaders’ asses. - KONG: SKULL ISLAND

A messy trainwreck of a person (Anne Hathaway) lugs a mattress around town and literally confronts her inner demons. - COLOSSAL

A major character unexpectedly spits up blood on another, in a shocking moment (and there are a few in this film) I’ll remember for a long time. - THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI

French ACT-UP AIDS activists throw blood all over the offices of a pharmaceutical company, and heroically help change the speed at which drugs were approved for a population in desperate need of good news. - BPM

Despite being a thrilling adventure film, the quiet moments, such as the wonderful final shot of a woman walking out of a room and into the jungle, made this stirring yarn into something more internal and thoughtful. - THE LOST CITY OF Z

By this time, we’ve seen too many cars racing around, so instead we focus on the pleasure of seeing a dreadlocked Charlize Theron deliciously chewing the scenery from the evil lair of her jet, sending her into Faye Dunaway territory. - THE FATE OF THE FURIOUS

The unexpected death of a major star, as a gelatinous, alien creature slides down his throat, destroying him from the inside out in zero gravity, may feel straight out of the ALIEN textbook, but it’s memorable nonetheless. - LIFE

I’m usually not a sucker for Disney movie songs, but I have not been able to get EVERMORE out of my head ever since I saw the film, and I mean that in a really good way. - BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

Same goes for Elvis Costello’s fantastic contribution with YOU SHOULDN’T LOOK AT ME THAT WAY, from a beautiful but not-great movie. - FILM STARS DON’T DIE IN LIVERPOOL

Instead of the chestburster, we get the backbreaker, and instead of John Hurt, we get a character we don’t care about…but it STILL manages to be freaky and cool in an otherwise execrable film. - ALIEN: COVENANT

Can we please distribute LICK MY ASS, DIANE t-shirts to every person on earth, or at least make it THE trending hashtag of the year?!! - I, TONYA

Gal Godot donning the titular, classic costume for the first time in the film, charges through the emotional No Man’s Land sequence and into our hearts. - WONDER WOMAN

A seemingly liberal father over-explains his love for Obama to his daughter’s new black boyfriend (Daniel Kaluuya), who makes the Dad feel ok about his issues with race. It keenly pinpoints the struggle people of color have trying to make white people more comfortable about their discomfort. - GET OUT

Willem Dafoe’s Manager expertly takes charge of a potential child molester, demonstrating his heartwarming, soulful protection of the lovable but annoying little brats who live in his motel. - THE FLORIDA PROJECT

The camera whooshes from ground level to an overhead shot as a determined skater prepares for an important routine. - I, TONYA

Yes, the movie is an unholy mess, but Hong Chau’s “I go to Norway” speech is just a little masterpiece. - DOWNSIZING

Feet moving on red splotches of sand as they battle with their light sabers. - STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI

A return to the iPhone footage he used in TANGERINE pays off perfectly in the final sequence, a rush of imagination, and a surprising and unforgettable place to take your little survivor of a main character, even if it’s potentially just a fantasy. It doesn’t change the fact that a neglected but loved little girl wants a little escape. - THE FLORIDA PROJECT

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