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#banana fish is killing ms
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After rewatching it thirty times I think I got to the conclusion that the most painful thing about banana fish is not the big heart-wretching events and deaths but actually the small ones and what they mean. Allow me to elaborate.
Ash letting that rando in prison rape him, smiling at Marvin while he harasses him, even using his charm (probs the things he learnt Dino liked) to distract people. Stuff like this. It's filled with it. It wrecks my very soul. Why? Because they all show just how used Ash is to getting hurt. Used to being physically and mentally destroyed, to the point his own integrity counts so little that he can easily give it away in exchange when he needs to. So used to being nothing he lost meaning of his own value as a human being.
I am sorry.
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suchagallabitch · 5 months
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💃🏻Weekly Wednesday Tag🕺🏻
let’s please ignore that i’ve missed the last several of these please !! i have been going through it 😍
anyway! was tagged my the wickedly talent, one and onlys, @mybrainismelted @deedala @sam-loves-seb (😙😙😙😙)
Name: elle, elle, bo-belle Banana-fana fo-felle Fee-fi-mo-melle ellie!
Location: the city thats exciting the city that’s inviting the city for a woman just like me??
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We'll start with some easy ones! Is there a celebrity you think you look like? If so, who: I was told my ENTIRE preteenhood that i look like rowan blanchard. which to be fair was true we were like identical at one point but now i think we dont really look alike. idk?
Do you still have stuffed animals in your bed? I dont ☹️ in not a big stuffed animal person. I know i have a stuffed garfield somewhere in my room tho.
Who is your celebrity crush? forever and always Diana Agron. Also admitting Jessica Lange. Honestly any blonde has be gulping and acting a fool ✊😔
Have you ever accidentally sent a naughty message to the wrong person? No and i would like to keep it that way.
Have you ever snorted your drink out your nose on a date? i love that this is specifically on a date lol. But i haven’t in general but i have like full on spit out a mouth full of my drink laughing multiple times
Have you ever peed in a public pool? I mean probably? when i was a little kid? not in recent years but who am i to deny the piss allegations?
And we will close it out with some Shameless
Characters Bang/Marry/Kill:
lan/Mickey/Kev: Ok this is gonna be controversial but mind you i am a lesbian and i dont want to fuck any of these men. I’m gonna fuck Kev, Marry Ian and kill Mickey. I KNOW I KNOW THIS IS TREASON. IM SO SORRY MICKEY BUT I REALLY DONT WANNA FUCK YOU AND IAN AND I COULD BE ICONIC GAY BIPOLAR BUDDIES TOGETHER 😭. If Kev had long hair i can also close my eyes and pretend he’s a woman :/
Fiona/V/Svetlana: this is actually sophie’s choice. Im gonna bang svet, marry v and kill fi. like I love you fiona but i dont thini i could stand her enough to be married. and like im gonna have to fuck svet have you seen her??
Frank/Kermit/Tommy: there is actually no right answer here. like kat please go to jail. sigh. I guess if i have to im gonna kill Tommy, marry Kermit and fuck frank 😟
Karen/Mandy/Sandy: immediately kill Karen. Bang mandy, marry the actual love of my life ms sandy milkovich 😍
Jimmy/Sean/Gus: um. fuck jimmy, kill sean, marry gus. honestly i could treat gus better than fiona granted thats not saying much but still.
Thanks for coming to my sleepover! Hope you had fun, we are having banana pancakes for breakfast.
fuck yeah i’ll bring the coffee!!
I tag: @too-schoolforcool @transmickey @purplemagpie @michellemisfit @darlingian @xninetiestrendx @gallawitchxx @thisdivorce @y0itsbri @juliakayyy @auds-and-evens @arrowflier @scarcrosseduntouched @babygirlmickey @crossmydna @sleepyfacetoughguy @depressedstressedlemonzest @energievie @grumblesandmumbles @grumble-fish @mikhailoisbaby @surviving-maybe @thepupperino @themarchg1rl @mmmichyyy 😚😚😚😚
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loloslaystheday · 1 year
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About Me I Guess
Aliases: Diva(Just the display name yknow), Rose, Strawberry, Jae
Gender:Female, she/her pronouns
Sexuality: Pansexual
Fav color: Purple, Black and Green
Fav Food: Mac n Cheese
Birthday: 1/26
My Favorite Entertainment
Anime
KnY, BNHA, AOT, Banana Fish, TPN, Naruto, Kakegurui(occasionally), High Rise Invasion, Amane Ga Kill, Assassination Classroom, Bungou Stray Dogs, Death Note, HxH, Spy x Family
Games
FNAF, Undertale, ACNH, CRK, Cuphead, Mario, Hackets Quarry
Shows/Movies
Princess and the Frog, Courage the Cowardly Dog, James and the Giant Peach, Nightmare Before Christmas, Wednesday, The Addams Family, Stranger Things, Matilda, Spirit Riding Free(don’t say nothing), Spirit, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Cinderella(basically every Disney movie except a few new ones), Monsters Inc, Toy Story movies, more Pixar movies, more Disney and Nickelodeon shows, yknow? It’s a lot lol.
My favorite characters
Inosuke Hashibira
Dazai Osamu
Yumeko Jabami
Katsuki Bakugou
Armin Arlert/Sasha Braus
Ash Lynx/Eiji
Emma/Gilda
Naruto Uzumaki
Sniper Mask
Leone
Karma/Koro-sensei
Ryuk
Killua Zoldyck
Bonnie the Bunny
Frisk/Toriel
Cyd/Rodeo/Ankha
Cherry Blossom Cookie
Pork Rind
Peach/Bowser/Yoshi
Dylan
Tianna
Courage
Mrs Ladybug
Jack/Zero/Oogie Boogie/Sally
Wednesday/Enid/Thing/Tyler
Wednesday/Uncle Fester/Pugsley
Eleven/Mr Hopper
Matilda/Ms Honey
Abigail/All the horses/Snips
Spirit
Jasmine/Genie
Flounder/Ariel
Gus Gus
Boo/Sully/Mike Wazowski
Rex
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kahran042 · 2 years
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Encyclopedia Brown thoughts: book 22
Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Slippery Salamander
General:
This book is dedicated to the memory of Rebecca Blackwell, who died before her second birthday. :,(
The Case of the Slippery Salamander:
What, no references to Idaville's banks and delicatessens? :)
Maybe it's just me, but a reptile/amphibian exhibit seems more suited to a zoo than an aquarium. Making matters worse is the fact that The Case of Bugs’s Zebra establishes that Idaville has a zoo.
Now I'm imagining a case where someone steals a $300 ferret from a pet store, and is given away when he claims to be an expert on "ferrets and other rodents."
The Case of the Banana Burglar:
I wonder if Bugs willingly signed up for Art in the Park out of a genuine interest in art, if he signed up to make trouble, or if his parents made him sign up.
I love Bugs' chutzpah here with his "All I've eaten today is a lousy banana" remark. ^_^
Does Monsieur LeBlanc have a real name, or is his first name Monsieur?
If I were Pablo, I wouldn't want my job back, considering how much of an asshole Monsieur LeBlanc is.
The Case of the Dead Cockroach:
Scorpions are arachnids, so they probably shouldn't be competing in an insect race.
Um, @brownencyclopedia, you know that the roach is Bugs' freakin' pet, right? Sure, he's just using it to frame Encyclopedia for killing it, but still. :P
I've never seen a real roach, but if I did, I don't think I'd be learning anything about how they look when they die... of natural causes, that is. ;)
The Case of the Roman-Numeral Robber:
Charlie is ten, and he doesn't know what Roman numerals are? o_O
Whatever happened with the real Roman-Numeral Robber? Personally, I would have had Mr. von Martin turn out to have been the Roman-Numeral Robber all along.
Uh, Sobol, you do know that jewelers presumably know how to use Roman numerals correctly when not making watches, right? After all, even watches with IIII in place of IV don’t have VIIII in place of IX.
In addition to watches, tower clocks also usually use IIII instead of IV. Just thought I'd mention it.
The Case of the Runaway Judge:
A rose grower from Bloomington... yes, yes, very clever, I'm sure.
By "garden mazes," do they mean hedge mazes or something else?
Awfully convenient that Roberta Garnet happened to be the winner... or did Ms. Wedgwood just pick her because she could easily encode her name? I can't seen her being able to encode, say, Karyn Meyers or Alexander Findlay so easily.
The Case of the Peacock's Egg:
So, is it Wilford who doesn't know that peacocks don't lay eggs, or does he just assume his customers won't? I'm leaning toward the latter.
The Case of the Umpire's Error:
Interesting how both teams have alliterative names. I hope that Idaville is only the "Indians" because Sobol couldn't think of anything else that started with I.
That being said, I'd probably be rooting for the Porpoises, if only because I like dolphins.
On a related note, is there really any difference between a porpoise and a dolphin?
If I were an umpire, I wouldn't want to be polite to a crowd that were being total assbutts to me. But that's probably why I'm not an umpire.
The Case of the Calculating Kid:
It really doesn't seem to me that Encyclopedia and Sally randomly ducked into the convention center, but that they knew that the boat and fishing show had set up there and decided to go there to beat the heat.
"Yacht" is a funny word. Sorry, just had to bring it up.
Shells and More Shells isn't just a "company that sold seashells". For one thing, they aren't a company, but just a booth, and they also sell shell-decorated objects. That being said, the name does sound kind of fakey, so I would be suspicious of them, although not for the reasons that @brownencyclopedia is.
Amazing Grace is kind of a stupid name for a yacht, IMHO. What's worse is that Sobol had come up with at least two cooler yacht names - Coral Reef (The Case of the Pirated Yacht) and Defiance (The Case of the Blond Wig) - before this.
"These are" Mr. and Mrs. Hinton, not "This is," dammit! And Chief Brown is supposed to be smart?
What kind of tricks can you play with a calculator?
Lucky that Kent was able to recognize the face of the Shells and More Shells guy. I probably wouldn't be able to, not would I have had the presence of mind to enter "577345" into my calculator to finger my kidnapper. So I like this kid!
Seriously, though, "Shells and More Shells" sounds only slightly more believable than "Alkali Products Incorporated" from The Great Brain Reforms.
The Case of the Presidential Auction:
I’m sorry, but Gwendolyn doesn’t seem any different from Winslow Brant. Why is it wrong for her to do basically the same thing as him? Is it because Winslow is Encyclopedia’s friend, or because Gwendolyn is a teenager?
It should be Harry S Truman, without the period, because his middle name was just the letter S.
The Case of the Stolen Surfboard:
Final appearance of Benny Breslin, and good riddance.
Is this the same heat wave from The Case of the Calculating Kid?
Todd and Garth Breslin return, with the exact same description as in their first appearance. -_-
Why doesn't the lifeguard get a name if Benny knows him?
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fandom-sheep · 3 years
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MCC 18 SEP 21
Yellow Yacks and Cyan Coyotes with a little Aqua Axolotls. Part 1/1
The only reason I didn’t forget MCC was because I got the notification for Eret.
I have Wilbur on my TV. I’m going to watch Eret on my phone. And I’ll have Tommy on my iPad probably.
Wilbur throwing a tantrum and saying he won’t play.
I feel like a true Gen Z member with my multiple screens of minecraft.
I’m only just getting the Wilbur notification.
I love watching everyone run around before MCC and scale things.
Griefing the thumbnail. 😂
Wilbur just causes problems on purpose when it comes to group photos doesn’t he.
He just loves finding ways to cause problems.
Wilbur got a coconut!?!
I didn’t mean to type the question mark originally. But I am a bit confused.
Wilbur just stocking up on coconuts
True friendship is a quote book. I have several.
Baby banana boo.
Wait. I heard the word tumblr
Scott what did you do with tumblr?
I’m scared. Only Eret permitted on tumblr.
I remember watching hole in the wall as a tv show as a kid.
Wilbur’s glasses that don’t do anything.
There are September discounts for subbing?
Neato.
The conversations in my work discord are something else.
Not surprised that Wilbur is going for top swearer of MCC
But my residents are going to walk by my door and judge me.
Alright I apparently wasn’t signed in to twitch on my iPad and it took me entirely too long to learn to remember it.
Tommy looks like he’s really concentrating. Oh wait never mind.
Wow the yaks are in first currently. I might be cheering for a winning team for once.
Alright I have my iPad split screen between Tommy and the MCC website.
Everyone break the elevator!
In the game, not in the building I work. I don’t want that paperwork.
Stick together and place many block.
I’ve been in Wilburs position. “I’ll be captain” “yeah let’s let Wilbur be captain”
Not a single POV I have up is synced. But that’s life.
Oh not starting out strong.
Just keep going. Ignore the falling people just like ranboo last time.
We are at the absolute bottom for this game.
Where’s a bag of popcorn or something?
“Stay down there. That’s how I won that one time” -Ranboo
Down they go.
They didn’t have anywhere to run.
Second round!
Oh that wasn’t their best idea. It was fun seeing Erets POV of that.
Go Teams.
Turning down the volume on yellow yacks to listen to aqua axolotls.
Aqua please. You have so much potential.
Nope.
Switching audio again.
Yellow back at the bottom.
Ranboo ranboo ranboo ranboo
Down he goes. 😂 the timing of that was funny.
Please. Don’t die
Wilbur. Scott. Please.
Scott uncovering the creeper.
Their plan is literally just sit and be.
To be fair that’s my plan for everything I do.
Oh cobwebs are smart.
I’m eating very salty Chick-fil-A chips and need water.
We are still doing ok. Wow.
Cobwebs man. The real MVP.
They are still in 10th
COBWEBS!!! And Wilbur standing on the edge of a block.
THEY WON THAT?!?!!!!
It moved them from last to eight. But still. Wow.
Holy cow. How did that happen.
I always forget what the acronym game is.
Oh yeah. Wilbur snuck and found this. I remember.
Go team!
Oh the website updates faster than the game. But we’re starting off decent.
I’m going to have to take back that statement aren’t I?
Go go go go
Fly fly fly fly
Build build build build
Go Wilbur!
Rafter strat.
Wilbur found the rafters and everyone else loved it.
Blocking his own jump. 😂
I really should do the inside joke chair emoji thing for laughing. But I don’t care.
Tiktok is nice. Depends on the side you are on, but it’s nice.
We are doing halfway decent. I’m proud of us.
Wilbur is struggling and I think he might cry.
Not bad. I don’t think.
Power sweater.
This game in MCC has rainbow road vibes
I’ll have to make that it’s own post since I feel that’ll be popular ish.
Holy cow we hit first on the website!! How?
Ranboo sweet one.
They said no peaking to Wilbur.
Wilbur making them block stuff off and the like is so funny.
Run yaks run!
I missed the moment Wilbur just mentioned. Oh well I’m sure I’ll see the clip.
First last first.
Hey 4th overall. Look at em.
Wilbur switching to full screen to show us his M&Ms.
Let me balance my water bottle on the bedpost above my head. No way this could possibly go wrong in multiple ways.
Double coins. Gorgeous.
Chickens are being sniped.
What’s going to work? TEAM WORK!
I don’t think I have ever watched a game of grid runners in my life?
Alright game should start any second because it started on the website.
Alright stream is delayed about 13 seconds.
Go teams go!
Wilbur just sniping targets.
We’re doing ok.
All this dirt.
Go go go
We’re completing things first.
Cake!
Wilbur got in!
Now they eat
Oh but they are falling.
Oh wow the painting is complicated. My friends and I would fail to communicate so fast.
Is this lever thing just find the button but complicated?
Go you got the levers!
Items grab!
My friends and I would seriously struggle unless I was allowed the lead. But I would lead us off a cliff.
Everyone get ready to go in as soon as the cake is done.
Exit! You guys are so close! Please!
Woohoo!
Go Ranboo! Go Scott!
Come on guys. Come on. Good communication.
I think I like watching Wilbur with MCC because he had a similar strategy to what I would do.
Wilbur why did you try to act cool!!!
They keep saying they are miles ahead but not according to that scoreboard.
You placed 3rd. Good job y’all.
I’m excited for bonuses.
They have another minute until the others run out of time.
Good soup.
Oh wow. Ranboo and Wilbur really are always totgehe.
We are doing well. I see the board changing on the website so much.
Where will they land.
Looks like 2nd or 3rd
Fourth overall. Not bad.
Lap time is logical.
Audience vote?
Look at me redownloading twitter.
Can you not see how others have voted on twitter?
Oh there it is. It only showed mine for a sec there.
Battle box looks close. I voted ace race.
Oh it all looks close right now.
Long break my beloved.
I don’t have time to start my laundry but still. My beloved.
Game 5/8 so MCC won’t be too much longer.
I look up and Wilbur is shaking his ass at George. I’m not surprised.
Phil and Sneeg judging Wilbur.
Wilbur twerking on Phil and Sneeg joining.
Poor Phil.
Wilbur just having visited so many random places with so many random words just gathered.
Oh wow parkour tag is low. But so is sands.
Oh wow it was a tie. Between Sands and Parkour
“Wilbur is Sand Daddy” -Scott and then all the agreement noises.
Sands of Time is my favorite practical game
Maybe because Wilbur is really good at it. And Ranboo had been trained by him.
This is just good.
I swear Sand daddy is going to kill me during this.
I am just going to pass away.
My stream delay though.
Wilbur who says he stays very quiet as he makes circus music noises.
Minecraft Rhinos. Because I can’t spell their real name.
I don’t quite understand sand of time. But I like watching. It’s like college football.
I am missing the only college football game I care about for MCC.
Go Team.
No blue yet.
All the mobs.
“You better not die” sung to the tune of Santa clause is coming yo town. -Wilbur
Keep it up guys.
Oh no. They lost the key.
Oh good they found the key.
You can tell Wilbur had a musicians brain. He just hears something vaguely lyrical and starts singing a song.
Gotta promote your band whenever you can I guess.
I listened to the last Ep for like an hour and a half yesterday while I went about my day.
I wonder how we’re doing?
Only a few seconds.
I could warm a heating pad in the amount fo time they have left.
Ranboo doing these puzzles so amazingly.
Quit caring about what others think. Just do your thing.
I swear the sand daddy thing.
I love the cage of shame for not tracking your sand.
I zoned out. Red cyan orange?
We’re almost 15 minutes into sands.
I want to play Minecraft on my iPad right now.
Wait the website updated. We were 6th?
Yikes. I thought they did better.
3rd overall though!
Wait what was that about most influential improv thingy? Good for them.
Build mart!
Oh Ace Race. Wilbur calling Ace Race his girlfriend now.
I want to see the enemies to lovers fan fictions of Ace race and Wilbur.
Oh wait I can do that. I can verbally tell one like I have others in the past.
I’m excited to watch this.
Wilbur flirt with the race.
I’m not mentally prepared for this.
Everyone just joined because they don’t want to miss Wilbur x Ace Race.
Oh no. He’s not doing so well.
Oh Wilbur is giving us more.
Complicated history…
Whispering to Ace Race and Solidarity.
You’ve got it Wilbur.
Keep on talking. Keep your brain busy while you play.
Mommmm Wilbur is flirting with Ace Race again!
He’s whispering though so I can’t quite hear it and will have to find a clip channel that added subtitles.
Oh teams are changing on the website.
“What are you doing in my women Philza?” -Wilbur
“I will end your bloodline which is canonically also me.” -Wilbur
I can not track all the quotes from this. That’s beyond my abilities.
Wilbur did halfway decent, but it still uncomfortable.
Ace Race is a person now. Also the fact that Wilbur compliments Ace Race so much.
Sally v. Ace Race.
I want to find that fanart now.
Scott honey. Confirmed cannon is everyone fancies the fish.
4th. Not bad.
We’re still talking Ace Race x Wilbur
Build mart! My dearest buildmart!
I miss them sliding around in the sleds.
Grab da flowers!
We’re in 1st at the minute.
Come on yaks!
No coyotes!
Hurry hurry hurry.
Work discord going it’s thing again.
Oh we’re dropping fast.
Move the redstone! Thank you
Alright back on top. Keep it up.
Nevermind.
I love the way the build spaces for the different teams work.
Who is the person on the build?
Oh first again? Nevermind.
Oh we popped up to second. We’re so behind. Come on.
Duck!
Good soup energy. Now all I can think is the bi wide energy song.
Time is running out.
Yeah we aren’t catching up to first. Just hold second.
Where is granite?
Game over.
Third overall now. Not bad. Last game time they can possibly pull it into dodge bolt.
I need to go get a picture with the President of the university for a game with my work.
Good Soup.
I’m sitting here making popcat noises while waiting.
Game time! Go team! Survive!
Wait where did the steamer go? I wasn’t paying attention.
He’s back.
He’s swearing for his points on the swearing list.
Is pee a soup? No. I don’t think it’s think enough under normal circumstances.
Karl is apparently swearing according to Twitter. Good for him. He deserves to swear some as a treat.
Everyone running and leaving shubble.
Oh good they are all together.
Just keep running.
4th so far.
Cars. Beep beep.
Ranboo breath child.
Calling Wilbur like some kind of golden retriever.
Bow boy
Scott is leader now. Because otherwise they are arguing.
We are playing the don’t die strategy.
Come on team.
Did I put my cut in this post? I did.
Ranboo having stolen the airdrop. And he has a thing!
Oh the boarder is right behind them.
They are fighting Dream?
Nice Will.
We’re in fourth.
Boarder is right there.
Sapnap? Nope.
Pink attack and they book it.
Oh no. There goes Wilbur.
Is it just Scott?
Scott vs the world.
Just Organe and pink. They came third.
GO ORANGE!
Please. Please let us do it.
Overall third. Pink overtook yellow.
Sadness.
Ranboo has achieved: Found Hated Game
Ranboo has been hit by Survival games so many times now.
If they had just lasted a tiny bit longer they would have come second.
Cheering Orange I suppose.
I have no skill at picking winner POVs.
I have 3 teams I was at least kinda watching. And none of them are in dodgebolt.
Gosh can hear Ranboo tweaking.
Wow. Yellow yaks just as a team twerking.
What is Wilbur chewing on? Wilbur don’t chew on things that probably aren’t meant to be chewed on.
I can hear the band outside of my window. I think my campuses football game is starting.
The drum line practiced outside my window all the beginning of the semester so it’s fun seeing them march to the stadium.
Oh and there are the cheerleaders.
Oh right I was watching MCC! Who’s winning?
Come on Orange. So close.
Wait I looked out my window. Why is the band walking back to where they were?
Along the sidewalk?
I thought it was game time for a minute.
Oh dodgebolt could go either way.
Distracted by Jesus.
Grian! You got this!
Nice Grian.
Oh Grian has a chance!
Oh!
Oh!
It’s so close!
Ooo ooo!
I’m so invested.
I SEE THE CONFETTI IN THE SITE! But I don’t want to miss the shot.
Come on Grian.
I know you do it. But you’ve got this
YESSSSS
Woo hoo!!
That was a good MCC. Now to do the chores and homework I originally planned to do today.
That was a nice stream.
Scott is separating Ranboo and Wilbur?
Please. Scott.
Don’t separate the beings.
You know. Twitter needs to politely bully Scott into keeping Ranboo and Will together.
Oop and that’s Wilbur done. That was fun.
See y’all next time!
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I’m so soft for all this queer content we’re getting
Like, you guys remember how much of a big fucking deal the finale to Legend of Korra was when it aired? That we got two amazing bisexual women who got together, loved each other, and didn’t die? In a kids show? Because I remember that, and I remember crying my eyes out because I never saw anything where the queer characters didn’t die and was just so happy.
And now we get just so much more? In our TV shows for adults, in our kids shows, in our E for everyone shows, in YouTube content and creators, in comics, in games, in books, in international content? Killing Eve, Gentleman Jack, Steven Universe, Good Omens, Grace and Frankie, Dear White People, Orange is the New Black, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Jessica Jones, The Percy Jackson series, the Heroes of Olympus series, The Bold Type, Vida, Adventure Time, Baka and Test, Durarara!!!, Young Justice, Bob’s Burgers, B99, Wandering Son, Stein’s Gate, Yuri on Ice, Doc McStuffins, Gravity Falls, Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet, Attack on Titan, RWBY, Rick and Morty, BoJack Horseman, Star vs. The Forces of Evil, My Hero Academia, Voltron (even if it was shitty rep), Big Mouth, Banana Fish, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Tuca and Bertie, Broad City, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Fresh Off the Boat, One Day at a Time, GLOW, Grown-ish, Black-ish, POSE, The Umbrella Academy, Queer Eye, Sex Education, She’s Gotta Have It, The Good Place, Jane The Virgin, Shameless, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, The Get Down, The Other Two, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones (I only put this down because Yara got to live), Once Upon A Time (even though they did my fave Milan dirty and never gave her anybody to love), Master of None, Mr. Robot, Sense8, Andi Mack, Claws, The Handmaid’s Tale, A Series is Unfortunate Events, Atypical, Anne with an E, Insatiable, The House of Flowers/La Casa de Las Flores, Everything Sucks!, American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace, Élite, The Haunting of Hill House, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Batwoman, Mystique, Ms. Marvel, Captain Marvel, Wonder Woman, Loki, Young Avengers, Constantine, The Runaways, Miss America/America Chavez, Green Lantern, Archie Comics (NOT RIVERDALE, the actual new Archie series where Jughead is aro/ace, Toni’s bi, and there’s character development and a plot that isn’t going all over the place), SAGA, Assassin’s Creed, Fallout, The Last of Us, Life is Strange, Overwatch, Mass Effect, Eugene Lee Yang, Lily Singh/iiSuperwomanii, Tyler Oakley, Todrick Hall, Hanna Hart, Dan Howell, James Charles, Thomas Sanders, Nikita Dragun, Shane Dawson, MacDoesIt.
It’s like “Yes, nothing’s great, but at least we have some amazing content to give us hope.” Anyways, happy pride 🍾💖🙏🏼💑👩‍❤️‍👩👨‍❤️‍👨💏👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨👫👭👬🌈🎊🎉🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
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seagreen-meets-grey · 3 years
Text
The Last Slide: Ch. 3
@feeisamarshmallow dun dun dunnn number threee
Read on ao3
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Chapters: 1 2 3 4
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There was a bounce in her step as Amy walked away, leaving Jake to finish his paperwork. When Holt had given her the green light to work the water park murder case with Jake, she saw the slight twitch around the corners of his mouth and noticed that the parting nod he gave when he dismissed her from his office was just a little bit slower and more significant than usual. This was a personal gift to her for the many years she’d worked for and bonded with him.
Then the mere excitement in her husband’s eyes as she told him about the case added an extra layer of levity to her enthusiasm. Seeing him so happy never failed to make her smile and believe that the world was inherently good, despite the people who shot poisoned darts into someone’s neck at the water park.
And just after noon, when business at the apartment would be done, they’d leave to work their last case together, at least while working at the same precinct. It should have made her sad, knowing it would soon be over, but the thing was, it would not be over. She was still going to see everyone from the precinct regularly, Jake obviously the most. It didn’t feel like a real goodbye as long as she only switched locations. Her new precinct wasn’t even that far away, close enough to meet up for lunch.
(Maybe she was a little bit in denial about everything, but she’d find that out soon enough anyway. For now, gloomy wasn’t a real word in Amy Santiago’s vocabulary.)
Humming contentedly to herself, she entered the women’s bathroom – and did a double-take at the juxtaposition of a familiar leather jacket and the red-rimmed eyes staring at her wide-eyed through the mirror.
“Rosa?” she exclaimed in surprise. “Are you… crying?”
“No,” Rosa sniffed in a gruff reply. “I’m allergic.” When she turned around to face Amy, an understanding passed between the women. Rosa knew that Amy knew that allergies weren’t involved in the detective crying in the women’s bathroom at work. Especially after Rosa had come in late this morning.
“Do you want to talk about those allergies?”
“No.” Rosa pulled a pair of sunglasses from her pocket and put them on to hide the red eyes, brushing past Amy to the door. On the threshold, however, she hesitated, then tilted her head at Amy without looking at her directly. “I know you’re not going to leave this alone, so… If you want to help me with these allergies, be at my place tonight at eight.”
Then she left, head held high, and Amy felt a second wave of giddy excitement wash over her. A few years back, Rosa would have left without a word – well, except for the threat to ruin Amy’s life if she ever mentioned those allergies to anyone. Now Rosa was one of her best friends and Amy knew that she felt the same about her. Whatever was going on with her sleuth sister, they were going to take care of it together. Because that’s what friends did.
(Part of Amy hoped the reason for her sleuth sister’s turmoil wasn’t just Rosa’s favorite motorcycle being too old for full repairs or something, although she’d take even that seriously if Rosa felt this passionate about it.)
(Because that’s what friends did.)
***
Of all the things Amy expected when entering Rosa’s apartment that night, it wasn’t a miniature tiger dashing behind the couch the moment it spotted her.
“Wait,” Amy said as she took off her jacket, “was that…?”
“Her name is Tigress. She’s been living behind the dumpster outside for the last three weeks. She killed the rats; I gave her food.”
“Oh. So, you have a cat now?”
Rosa crossed her arms and leaned against the kitchen counter, a grim look on her face. “Tigress decided so, but then I saw a flyer for a missing cat and I’m sure it’s her. Also, pets aren’t allowed in the building. Naturally, I’m thinking about moving and just taking her with me.”
Amy peaked behind the couch. The cat was sitting there in the shadows, cleaning her gray-striped fur. Upon noticing the curious human eyes invading her privacy, Tigress hissed at her and crawled underneath the couch.
“She hates people,” Rosa explained. “We understand each other.”
“But now you have to give her back to her owner.”
Rosa grunted in reply and Amy didn’t acknowledge the heartbroken look on her face. “I don’t want to get into it right now, but… I just don’t like goodbyes when I don’t want to say them. It’s so…”
The word weak ghosted around the room, tailed by human. But if Rosa didn’t want to talk about feelings right now, there was no reason to prod. It would only lead to the night ending prematurely.
Amy walked over and carefully extended a hand, putting it on Rosa’s arm once she’d made no attempt to hiss at her or crawl underneath the couch and– yeah, Amy could guess why this cat was the perfect fit for Rosa.
“Besides, Arlo wouldn’t like smelling cat on me.”
“Arlo?” Amy frowned in confusion for a moment until she remembered. “Oh right, your dog that you never bring.” (Not that Amy would have seen much of him anyway, what with her own allergies closing up her throat and turning her eyes into puffy seas of tears within seconds.) “Wait, where is he anyway if you’re not allowed to keep pets here?”
Rosa shrugged. “Guarding my second apartment.”
“Your second– You know what, never mind.” A secret apartment really didn’t surprise her. “How can I be of help? Do you want me to accompany you to the shelter to pick out a new cat?” Even as she said it, she figured that wasn’t Rosa’s plan.
“I don’t want a replacement cat.” Rosa glanced over at the pair of glowing eyes watching them from out of their hiding spot. “I’d like you to come with me to return Tigress. I don’t want to do it alone.”
Amy felt a surge of sympathy for Rosa Diaz asking for emotional support without a lot of preamble. (And maybe a fair bit of pride at being the one the tough woman felt safe to confide in.)
“Of course.” She gave her friend’s arm a little squeeze. “Anything.”
“Thanks, Amy. Now stop touching me and help me catch the cat.”
***
The second surprise of the night came in the form of Tigress’ owner.
As Amy held the cat carrier that Rosa had bought at the nearest pet smart when they realized the cat was too fast and unwilling to stay in either their arms for longer than five seconds, Rosa knocked on the door to Rebecca Erickson’s apartment.
At first, Amy thought the woman’s last name to be a coincidence. It was possible, after all, to encounter two unrelated people with the same last name within one day in New York City.
But when Mrs. Erickson insisted that she was no longer a Mrs. since she left her husband a few months ago, Amy saw the probability dwindling that this woman wasn’t the ex-wife of the pool attendant she and Jake had met earlier that day. She decided to not mention Darius or anything related to the Pearson murder.
She was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice the fourth person in the apartment until she heard a soft curse from the direction of what she assumed was the bedroom.
She also barely took note of the general messiness of the place, starting with the array of empty coffee cups on a heavily stained couch table, or the bookshelves where cookbooks lay on top of fantasy novels and at least half the books stood upside-down, or the bowl of fruits where apples were lying right next to bananas, or the overturned basket of – as far as she could tell – both clean and dirty laundry next to the bedroom door.
And standing there, clad in a hastily overthrown bathrobe, was none other than Sam Kirkwell, head of Tropic Thunder Aqua Park. When he realized that Amy had noticed him, he quickly disappeared behind the door.
Why was Kirkwell here, she wondered with furrowed brows, with his employee’s ex-wife, the same day her supposed lover had been killed?
She barely heard Rosa talking to Ms. Erickson, too occupied with contemplating following Kirkwell into the bedroom to question him. But before she could come to a decision, Tigress – whose actual name was Bubblegum, much to Rosa’s dismay – escaped through the open window onto the fire escape. Ms. Erickson rushed to the window to scream after her but, naturally, the cat didn’t listen to the crazy woman yelling at her from the place she’d just escaped.
Ms. Erickson, now in a frantic hurry to go after her pet, pushed Amy and Rosa out of the door and left them in the hallway while dashing down the stairs, her voice echoing back up to them. “Bubblegum! Mommy’s coming for you!”
“What do you bet the cat turns up back in my dumpster later?” Rosa asked, a hint of smug amusement coating her voice, when they exited the building.
“Yeah, totally…”
“Santiago, did you even hear what I just said?”
“Huh?”
Rosa stood in front of her, stopping her in her tracks. “What’s going on?”
Amy frowned in thought and fished her phone from her pocket. “Did you see the man hiding in the other room upstairs?”
“The half-naked guy? I bet that’s her surrogate pet.”
“He’s the head of the water park where Jake and I are investigating a murder.”
Rosa shrugged. “Turns out NYC isn’t that big after all. Why, what’s got you so suspicious about this?”
Amy explained it to her while dialing Jake’s number. She couldn’t wait to get home, she needed to tell him now. If he hadn’t already picked up Mac from Karen and Roger’s place, they could still go back upstairs and talk to Kirkwell.
She let it ring for twenty seconds but Jake didn’t pick up. Maybe he was driving, maybe he was busy with Mac, maybe his phone was dead again – no, it couldn’t be, otherwise she’d have instantly reached his voice mailbox. She opened their messages to shoot him a quick text to call her back ASAP, but before she could press send, something struck her as odd.
“What is it?” Rosa asked, having noticed the look on Amy’s face.
“Jake hasn’t been online for over two hours.”
“Huh.” Rosa looked at the screen. “He’s not with Mac?”
Amy shook her head right as a message from Karen came in, asking when they’d be picking up their son. For anyone knowing her husband, him not being on his phone for this long on a regular weekday night when he was neither working nor spending time with his family was a little odd. Not impossible, but odd.
(If this were Gina, Amy would be very concerned.)
“He’s probably still at the old apartment,” she guessed. “I’ll go there and tell him about Kirkwell directly.”
“Do you want me to come with?”
“If you want company right now, of course.”
Rosa scrunched up her face in contemplation for a moment. “Nah, I’m good. I’ll just spend some time with Arlo.”
“At your secret apartment?” Amy grinned conspiratorially but Rosa took a step closer until they were almost nose to nose, putting on her threatening face.
“Tell anyone about that and I’ll disorganize every single one of your binders.”
Amy gulped. “Got it.”
Rosa drove them back to her place where Amy’s car was parked. As Amy was waving goodbye from behind the wheel, Rosa pointed at the alley next to her building. Sure enough, a gray little tiger was slinking into the alley through the shadows.
Seemed like the cat had decided where it wanted to live, Amy thought as she set out for her and Jake’s old apartment. When she arrived, she knocked on the door since she didn’t have a key for the place anymore.
“Jake? Are you there?” She knocked again. “Mr. Davies?”
She received no answer. Obviously, Jake and their landlord were long gone. The appointment for the keys had been almost three hours ago.
But when she tried calling him again, he still didn’t pick up, and the last online time stamp hadn’t changed, either.
Maybe he was with Charles, she thought, but after a quick call, that turned out to be a dead end. The same with Terry. Where the heck was her husband?
She finally pulled up the app that allowed her to see the location of his phone. She rarely used it since she always felt like a controlling wife when she did, but this time, she figured she was allowed to track him down like this.
Weird. According to the GPS data, he was at the water park. And as she walked back outside and scanned the street, his car wasn’t even here. What was he doing at the closed water park at this hour? And if it was case-related, why hadn’t he told her? He couldn’t have gone there to meet with Kirkwell, either, because that guy was currently being gross with Darius’ ex-wife. (Or not, depending on how Ms. Erickson was taking the loss of her pet for the second time.)
Her gut rumbled with suspicion. She had a weird feeling about this. So she got back in her car and drove all the way to Tropic Thunder.
And there it was, Jake’s old piece of junk of a car, alone on the huge parking lot. She glanced inside and saw his wallet, phone, and keys on the passenger seat. She tried the door. It wasn’t locked.
Suddenly, she felt the darkness of the parking lot creeping up behind her back, raising the hairs on her arms, the nearby traffic too far away to be comforting. Something was wrong here.
“Jake?” she called into the night. “Jake!”
The only one answering her was the wind rustling through a heap of old flyers on the ground, lifting some of them and carrying them across the asphalt. The water park itself was closed, of course, the only light in the building coming from the display windows next to the main entrance.
“Hello?” Again, no one answered. Jake wasn’t here. But why was his car? Moreover, why was it unlocked, with valuable possessions just lying there openly on the seat?! Messy as her husband might be, this wasn’t at all like him.
The knots in her stomach tightened as she dialed the number of their landlord. He picked up after the fourth ring, but it felt like an eternity.
“Hi, Mr. Davies. This is Amy Santiago. I’m sorry to call you at this hour but I am looking for my husband and I have not heard from him ever since he went to meet with you earlier. And I was wondering if he mentioned anything about where he was going or if he was meeting anyone later.”
“Well, no, I’m sorry” the old man on the other end of the line replied, the usually comforting effect of his gentle voice dead to Amy’s ears this time. “After we handled everything with the keys, he asked to stay a few minutes by himself, to say one last goodbye or something.”
“Can you tell me what time he left at?”
“No, I went to run a few errands while he was at the apartment and when I came back to lock up, he was gone and the apartment dark.”
Amy could hear her heart pounding in her chest. She now knew Jake had been with Mr. Davies, but she had absolutely no further lead. It unsettled her greatly.
After ending the call, she took a few minutes to breathe. No need to panic, she told herself. He was probably fine and there was a simple explanation for all this. Her gut didn’t believe her, though.
She needed answers. And she already had an idea about where to start. Taking Jake’s personal things with her and locking his car, she got back into her own, and made her way back into the city.
Back to Ms. Erickson and her secret lover.
***
Once again, it’s pain that rises him.
After a long moment, it subsides enough for him to find himself bound to a chair, zip ties cutting into his wrists and ankles. His body wants to curl into itself from the sharp tug in his stomach and his mouth tastes metallic.
He blinks his eyes open and realizes that the left one feels hot and swollen. That’s probably why he woke up this time.
The shimmers in front of his eyes are back and it’s hard to focus on the person hovering over him. He makes out words but they are slow to reach his brain. He makes the mistake of shaking his head in an attempt to clear it. Everything instantly blurs and he’s glad about the ties holding him to the arms and legs of the chair. He feels like throwing up.
Two hands reach out and shake the chair, drops of saliva landing on his face as the other person yells at him. Jake squints into the bright little light and finally understands it’s coming from a headlamp fastened to the person’s forehead.
It’s a man. The shape of his face is familiar. Jake’s ears stop ringing and he hears the voice properly now.
A particularly fast brain cell registers the familiarity, but the information doesn’t quite get through to his other cells yet.
His nose picks up the smell from earlier, his eyes scan the unfamiliar chair he’s sitting in, but the floor underneath finally breaks through the haze in his brain.
He knows. He knows where he is.
He knows the man tightly clutching a pocketknife in his hand, although the disturbingly angry expression is new.
Jake feels his breath come in a quickening pace as he fully comes to and the realization hits him at full speed.
He never left the apartment.
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beesmygod · 5 years
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this is what riverdale is about (part 3)
part 1
part 2
first, i have to start this description of the first season by begging you to stay with me for all 3 seasons; the first season is hilariously quaint in hindsight to whatever the fuck i just watched in season 3. the first season does deal with some weirdly heavy subjects for a comic that was at one point about getting a malt down at the shop with your best girl (for example, a plot point in season 1 is a predatory teacher/student relationship) but the third season is freaked out on pcp comparatively. the descent into madness this show demonstrates as time goes on should act as a warning to all who desire to write fanfiction: there but for the grace of god goes YOU.
anyway, my approach to doing this is that i will describe each episode of the season briefly. in some episodes, nothing of major consequence happens. in some, i will describe interactions i found especially bizarre or accidentally funny or iconic. you may want to keep the list of characters handy but i will try to explain the new, incidental ones as they pop up.
an odd side note: you will notice many of the episode titles are taken from movie titles. “riverdale” LOVES making references to movies. i mean hell, so do i, but you will notice some of the references are............on the nose.
images are from the riverdale wiki
SEASON ONE (PART 1):
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the river’s edge: jughead, as the series narrator, describes a july 4th boating incident that led to the death of jason blossom, cheryl’s twin brother. cheryl is found by some off-brand boy scouts on the riverbank looking like a fabulous drowned rat. when the town comes to gawk at the spectacle, betty’s mother is hella pumped at the idea of jason being dead because he broke up with betty’s sister, polly (betty’s mom is later revealed to be prejudiced against all redheads, including archie). jason’s body is not recovered.
veronica and her mother arrive at riverdale to stay in a 5 star hotel that inexplicably exists in this podunk little shithole of a town. they discuss her father’s recent arrest for various financial crimes and decide to get a burger. betty, across town, is thinking the same thing...but love is on her mind...
betty wants to confess her feelings to archie, who she watches dress from the house next door. he is huge and beefy, having worked on his dad’s construction site during the summer. betty on the other hand, organized a toni morrison release party (?!), which she describes to archie as they catch up over a burger. archie wants to make music now. music is the ONLY thing that gives his life meaning (spoilers: he only feels this way for about half a season), except for football. betty is about to confess her feelings but veronica busts the door open and ruins everything.
there is an insane scene here where veronica meets kevin at school the next day and “concludes” he’s gay using her powers of deduction and also the fact that he talked to her about a gay bar in town (i cannot believe the riverdale gay bar has never come up again wtf). based on this information alone, she wants to be best friends. great stuff.
archie tries to join the pussycats and they tell him to fuck right off. josie gets a weird monologue about her cat ears. archie makes weird eye contact with the music teacher at riverdale high, ms. grundy (who is like 22 years old and hot now, instead of ancient and withered), who is revealed to have had a VERY uncomfortable sexual relationship with him. the visual coding of the flashback scene is bananas; she’s wearing the heart-shaped pink “lolita” glasses from the kubrick movie. 
through a flashback scene, it is revealed that one of archie and grundy’s sexual trysts that took place on the date and location jason died was interrupted by a gunshot. meanwhile, betty and veronica gay kiss to try to get on the cheerleading team but cheryl is unimpressed, commenting that it is SO 1990s. nevertheless, they make the team.
at the semi-formal, betty confesses to archie, who reacts like she handed him a dead fish wrapped in newspaper. cheryl thinks this is hella funny and sets up a scenario at her after party that gets veronica and archie together for a round of “7 minutes in heaven”. betty flees. jughead writes his novel in pop tate’s chocklit shoppe. kevin and moose (a closeted football player) try to fuck down by the murder river but the mood is ruined by jason’s body floating to the shore.
OKAY that’s the longest one. we had to establish a bunch of shit. stick with me now.
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a touch of evil: archie confronts grundy about the gunshot they heard, now that it is certain that jason was killed by a gunshot to the head. betty and archie make up and become friends again, beginning the cycle of riverdale drama that wraps itself up in less than 12 hours. cheryl uses the school p.a. system to demand the killer reveal himself so they can put him in the chair. alice cooper pays off the mortician for information about jason’s corpse so she can run an expose about the murder in the front page of the local newspaper. jughead witnesses archie sharing a way too intimate hug with grundy. veronica’s mom works at pop tate’s and meets archie for the first time at work, commenting on how handsome he is, like his father. archie andrews is certified milf-bait for whatever reason.
betty invites cheryl to her house for mani-pedis to spite veronica. cheryl uses the opportunity to accuse betty’s sister of killing jason. betty responds by telling cheryl to get out or she’ll fucking kill her. normal stuff. meanwhile, jughead confronts archie about grundy and finds out pretty much everything, from the inappropriate relationship to the gunshot. he urges archie to go to the cops but archie won’t do it because *~what he and grundy has is sPeCiAl~*. jughead tells archie he’s a fucking idiot and brushes off archie’s attempts to threaten him.
betty asks about her sister, who is revealed to be in a mental hospital in a catatonic state as a result of the relationship breakdown between her and jason.
jughead gets brutally owned by jocks who call him “donnie darko” and “suicide squad” while implying he fucked jason’s corpse. archie defends jughead and they make up right before the pep rally. the heartless bastards at riverdale high inexplicably gave archie jason’s football jersey instead of retiring it and cheryl has a real meltdown about her brother’s death, fleeing into the girl’s locker room to sob her heart out. she confesses to veronica, the only person who goes to comfort her, that jason was supposed to come back.
the next day, the cops arrest cheryl in the middle of class and handcuff her. it turns out jason didn’t die july 4th, but a week after.
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body double: despite confessing to being guilty at the end of the last ep, cheryl starts this ep by saying “let me clarify what i meant by guilty” which is the first of many times riverdale immediately recons its own writing for no apparent reason. cheryl confesses she lied about what happened the day of his disappearance; they weren’t simply having a little boat ride, but trying to facilitate jason’s escape to a farm away from the clutches of his family. he was supposed to contact cheryl once he got somewhere safe, but he didn’t. meanwhile, betty’s mom apparently didn’t get the “not guilty” memo and publishes a sensational article about jason accusing cheryl of being the murderer. through this, it is revealed to the audience that betty’s mom and dad own and operate the local newspaper. just them. no one else. cool.
archie finally tells the sheriff about the gunshot but lies about grundy’s existence. kevin comments offhandedly that everyone should re-watch “making a murderer” on netflix, making this what i think is the first plug of an irl property/brand in the show. from here on out they get more brazen and batshit. veronica reveals she has a date with the football coach’s son, chuck clayton, but everyone warns her he’s a player. betty re-opens the school newspaper to compete with her parents and get the REAL story out. she hires jughead to interview the kids who found cheryl the day jason disappeared.
okay, dear readers, please listen to me attempt to explain the next part of this episode. veronica goes on a chaste date with chuck which ends in some light making out. the next day, it is all over social media that chuck gave her a “sticky maple” which is, as far as i can tell, some maple syrup photoshopped onto a photo of her to replicate cum. this is impossible to explain via text, so please look at this helpful screencap.
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the theme of this episode suddenly sidewinds from “we must solve jasons murder” to “we must avenge veronica being slut-shamed”. they consider going to the authorities briefly but decide to storm into the boys locker room which accomplishes nothing. this story line is briefly put on hold so jughead can unsuccessfully interview some not-boy scouts and cheryl can repay archie’s attempt to clear her name by setting him up with music lessons from josie and the pussycats.
ethel muggs, a slightly more unpopular and more dowdy girl who pops up from time to time in the plot over the course of the three seasons, reveals that she is one of chuck’s victims too. she tells of a “playbook” kept by chuck that details sex acts the football team engages in (presumably with girls and not each other). 
jughead successfully squeezes a not-boy scout into revealing that the scoutmaster (who is like a 15 year old boy) fired the shot everyone heard at the river, but he was just practicing on targets he set up. the scoutmaster is a hardcore survivalist (a fact that becomes vital in later seasons). so ultimately the gunshot meant nothing.
archie offers to write songs for the pussycats and josie tells him to shut the fuck up, white boy.
kevin, betty, veronica and ethel break into the school after hours to find the playbook. cheryl inexplicably shows up wearing red thigh high boots to help them. no one except for me, the audience, is excited about this development. the book they find reveals that jason had a sexual relationship with betty’s sister, implying a sort of pump and dump situation between the two. betty goes apeshit and pledges revenge against chuck.
okay. just. stay with me now.
betty puts on red lipstick and somehow successfully convinces chuck to have sex with her at ethel’s house while ethel and her parents are out of town. when chuck arrives, veronica is there, claiming that she and betty want to “share” chuck. i cannot believe he falls for this for real. betty then comes out wearing a uma thurman “pulp fiction” wig and lingerie.
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betty then roofies chuck, who wakes up handcuffed to the hot tub. while veronica records the scene, betty threatens to boil him alive in the hot tub and waterboards him with maple syrup unless he confesses to his crimes, the crimes of jason and for “destroying her”. after torturing him for an uncomfortable amount of time, they take their evidence to the principal. why they didn’t just do this in the first place i’ll never know. anyway chuck leaves the school and cheryl says, out loud, “#justiceforethel”. 
meanwhile, archie gets a soundproof place in the garage to practice his music after spending the episode arguing with his dad. dilton doiley, the scoutmaster, tells jughead and betty he saw grundy’s car at the river the day of jason disappearance. episode END.
this turned out to be so much longer than i thought it would be, so i’m splitting it here. these are so long im sorry. god bless you and im sorry you had to read this. we still have like 10 eps left. i didnt know it would be like this but i need you to understand and believe how insane this series is.
thanks for readin
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littledorkydemon · 5 years
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Events and things mentioned in Powerpuff Girls comic Mini Series: Second Chances
The mini series is broken into 6 chapters and a short epilogue, as are the notes. In total the notes are just shy of 4,000 words
Chapter One
• The comic starts with the City of Townsville being set on fire
• The girls are called and fly downtown to find Mojo is the cause and Buttercup starts complaining
• The then start trying to recall what they fought already and when, this includes a giant metal robot, giant metal spider, and a giant metal shotgun
• This time he's using a giant metal exoskeleton, and apparently this isn't the first time he's used one
• Exoskeleton looks like the one from the Alien movie
• Mojo tries to convince the girls how cool his and better this plan is only to get upset when they show disinterest
• “Oh, what do you know anyway? It's not like I took an industrial design course! I Mojo Jojo have no need for a college diploma on account of my superior intelligence- ...and superior firepower”
• He then fires a barrage of missiles at the girls, who get them all together and following them before leading them back to hit Mojo
• Buttercup taunts him after, saying they haven't fought a Giant Metal Hedgehog yet [Fist Bump cover by Natewantstobattle played right after I read that]
• Mojo is taken back to jail and on the way he is talking out loud trying to figure out how his genius plans are always stopped by children
• The officer lists off all of Mojo's belongings which are:
    ○ One big hat
    ○ One singed purple cape
    ○ One death ray gun
    ○ One pack of gum: Mint Fresh
    ○ Two double-A batteries
    ○ One Frequent Coffee Buyer's Reward Card
    ○ One Self-Help Book on Public Speaking
• The girls are at Malt's Shoppe when the shop owner, Mr. Malt, gives them a banana split as thanks for taking care of Mojo. He also tips them off to a special event happening tomorrow in honor of the girls
• Buttercup is exited thinking they finally made statues of the girls
• The next day the Mayor unveils the gift for the girls, Three sets of golf clubs and a Lifetime Membership to Townsville Golf and Country Club
• And the Mayor hopes they'll join him for a round of Charity golf that weekend
• Buttercup is upset, finding golf boring
• A swamp monster rises from the water trap at the 16th hole and the Girls fly off to fight it, but not before making a bunch of golf puns
• The girls fight the monster, not understanding it's heavy accent
• It slaps Bubbles away into a puddle of algae to which both she and Buttercup find disgusting
• The girls use their new clubs to slice and hit the monster, and Buttercup shouts that she now loves this game
• The monster turned out to be a man, Jock Scott, at its core, who thanks the girls for freeing him
• Blossom knows the man saying, “Not Jock Scott, famous golfer who hit a 225 on a Par 72 and mysteriously disappeared at the Masters open in 1963?” to which he confirms he is.
• Blossom says she likes to watch golf
• Mojo is shown watching the live new of the girls' fight
• on the cell wall it says “The Amobea Boyz wuz hear”
• Mojo is upset and ranting about how he has never won against the girls, then asks the visitor he requested see him, free Mojo from the prison of his mind and the memories of his repeated failures
• He begs the Professor for Antidote X
Chapter Two
• It starts back at the prison, with two inmates talking about Mojo Jojo giving up villainy
• It's all framed like Mojo is on death row and heading to the electric chair
• He's last words before Antidote X enters the gas chamber are an apology for any and all inconveniences he's wrought on them. Them being The Mayor, Ms. Bellum, and the Girls
• The gas is let in and Mojo breaks his bindings, but as more of a reaction to the Antidote X
• The Professor has the girls stay back while he gets a sleeping Jojo out out of the chamber
• He also says that Jojo is his responsibility and is thus taking Jojo is as part of their family, to which Buttercup protests claiming it's just some trick of Mojo's
• despite her protesting, they take in Jojo, throwing him a “Welcome Home” party
• Jojo starts running around the kitchen, swinging from the banner and falling on the cake they had for him, which starts a food fight between him and the girls
• during that he manages to slip passed them and into the lab where he is running around breaking more things, and knocking down a beaker of Chemical X
• The Professor catches it before it can fall on Jojo's head
• The Professor locks away the Chemical X in a safe and gets everyone ready for bed
• Bubbles really likes Jojo and wants him to like living with them, while Buttercup hates the idea, saying “A leopard doesn't change its spots”
• Blossom says that he's not Mojo Jojo anymore, that they'll have to find it in their hearts to forgive his past attempts to destroy them, saying it's the right thing to do and that everyone deserves a second chance
• Him is shown watching the girls and complains that they never gave him a second chance
• Enjoying the idea of an eventual betrayal of the trust earned in a second chance, Him decides to “give these girls a little lesson in 'forgiveness'...”
• Him's eyes glow green, and so does every major villain in Townsville
• Blossom bolts up out of bed the next morning and rushes to the window followed by her groggy sisters
• They fly off to get the Professor and all go outside to see Townsville's villains doing a bunch of chores; mowing the lawn, washing the car, repainting the house, and gardening
Chapter Three
• Starts with the Ex-villains of Townsville
    ○ Sedusa is a hair stylist working on three clients' hair at once
    ○ Princess is at a soup kitchen ladling money to the poor
    ○ Fuzzy is a Realtor selling properties to people
    ○ The Gangreen Gang are making a large statue of the girls in the park
• Buttercup thinks its all fishy, complaining that she hasn't been able to hit anyone in the past week because their all too nice
• Bubbles says she and Fuzzy are volunteering at the animal shelter after she's out of school
• Blossom says she and Sedusa are going to get things ready for the annual tulip festival in the park
• Buttercup points out the weird timing, first Mojo then the rest of the villains, gets frustrated talking to Blossom and unable to completely voice her feelings, and says warned them for when it all goes wrong
• Meanwhile The Professor is having a hard time with Jojo
• The Professor sets some bananas down on the floor below Jojo
• Jojo takes the bait and the Professor sets off a rube goldberg machine to trap him in a cage
• The phone rings and the Professor politely refuses their offer saying his too busy to play any games, and saying he's been getting a lot of telemarketing calls lately
• He then goes to show a grumpy Jojo the experiment he's working on; “an atomic-powered coffee maker guaranteed to keep your coffee hot for 24,100 years!”
• Also meanwhile, Him is shown taking a bath and watching what's going on in Townsville; Blossom is flying kites with Little Arturo, Bubbles is fishing with Fuzzy, and Buttercup is by herself looking grumpy
• There's also two monitors? Him has of cats just to the side of the ones of Blossom and Bubbles
• Him goes on to the next step of his plan and wakes up a giant octopus to attack the city
• The girls are in class when they hear a loud boom and see smoke coming from the city
• Buttercup is excited, taking the lead on the way downtown and saying that she is going to knock Ace and the Gangreen Gang into next month
• Her sisters point out they don't know who is causing trouble yet, and after saying she'll beat up who ever is actually responsible, she's going to beat up
• They get downtown and notice Ace is there
• He and everyone else are wanting the Powerpuff Girls help in fighting the monter
• The girls are all stunned, Buttercup thinking it's weird but doesn't care as she gets to punch something
• Working together, they all fight the octopus; who, when it's had enough, squirts ink on all of them and runs away back to the ocean
• Sedusa says that from now on they'll all fight together to defend Townsville
• Princess suggests they all go for malts, and that it's her treat
• Buttercup says this is going to take some getting used to
Chapter Four
• Starts with the Gangreen Gang at the park playing basketball when a business man walks by throwing his empty coffee on the ground
• Ace, “Eh, youse might want to reconsider your decision there, mister”
• Business man calls them punks and says he has more important things to do, to which Ace replies, “Oh, far be it from me to stifle the progress of commerce in our fair city, but you is gonna put your litter in its proper place if'in you know what's good for ya.”
• Guy still refuses and they stuff him in an trashcan with his empty coffee
• Fuzzy is aiming his shotgun at a poacher planning on killing a moose
• Princess is helping out Madame Foster cross the street and carrying her shopping bag
• The Amoeba Boys join the army
• And the Girls are dealing with a robbery at the jewelry store, and the robbers involved are two nameless guys never seen before
• According to the Narrator, Him resides deep below the city of Townsville
• Him's monitors are place so that Princess's head is covering Ms. Bellum's head
• Now that everyone in Townsville believe the villains have turned over a new leaf, Him says he'll loosen his mind control over them and watch the villains slip back into old habits
• Looking at a screen of Ace and Buttercup laughing together, Him says, “A leopard doesn't change its spots, you know!”
    ○This saying dates back to the Old Testament, Jeremiah 13:23
• Blossom and Princess are fixing beams under a bridge when Princess's eyes glow green and she aims her laser to hit Blossom
• Buttercup is with the Gangreen Gang cleaning the subway of all their graffiti when Ace's eye glow the same green and he pushes Buttercup in front of a Subway
• Buttercup is able to stop the Subway, pushing against it to stop it
• Bubbles and Fuzzy are having a picnic
• Fuzzy says that he love all the forest animals and that he plays the banjo for them, also stating that the rabbits are his favorite
• Bubbles complements the sandwiches Fuzzy made, and he informs her that they are; meat jelly sandwiches, and are a family recipe
• Fuzzy's eyes glow green and he gets mad at a group of ants on the picnic blanket
• Bubbles tries to calm him down, but Fuzzy says that this is his home and they don't belong here. Then pointing out that all this land belonged to his ancestors until Townsville came along
• He give Bubbles to the count of five before he chases her off his property with his boomstick, and she flies off crying at his threat
• The Professor is at home putting sugar, spice, and everything nice into a bowl
• Jojo is next to the bowl looking ad a bag of Flour and the Professor is laughing about the nostalgia
• The phone rings and The Professor tells them that he's busy at the moment and has no time for games
• He state after hanging up that he's going to have to talk to the mayor due to crank callers constantly calling
• Bubbles flies home just as Jojo spills all the flour on himself, and the Professor mistakes her being upset over the lost of the cake he was preparing
• Bubbles tries to tell him why she's really upset but the Professor interrupts her saying that they'll take a trip to the store and stop for ice cream on the way. Bubbles then tries to bargain for three scoops
• Blossom and Princess are fighting as Bubbles and the Professor drive by on the bridge, Bubbles trying to get even more scoops of ice cream
• Princess says bridges are stupid and blasts a chunk out of it, and Blossom rushes down to catch it, punching Princess on the way and telling her to stop
• Meanwhile the Gangreen Gang are at the park cleaning up litter when Billy sees a hot dog vendor, and starts eating all the hot dogs despite not having money
• Ace says that he's had enough of “this goody-goody business” and he and the other start making a mess of the park
• Sedusa is working again as a hair stylist and is bored and irritated with her clientele, and she shaves off all the ladies' hair. Their screaming gets Buttercup to crash through the window and start a fight with Sedusa
• Meanwhile the Amoeba boys are in the Nevada Desert and put in charge of guarding the states supply of canola oil said to be the backbone of the fast-food economy
• The boys can't stand the heat and head to the mess hall for a drink of plankton water when a bomb goes off on one of the canola silos
• The Amoeba boys get court-martialed, and Slim says Bossman is a criminal genius, while Bossman looks unsure of what happened
• Back at the Utonium house, the phone is ringing non-stop
• Jojo gets out of his cage, smacks the phone and leans in to hear it, hearing, “Why don't you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?”
• His eyes start to swirl green and he sets up a game of solitaire, muttering, “Jo, Jo.” three times before, “Mo- Jo. ...Jojo” and turning green and sneering finally says, “Mojo.”
Chapter Five
• Starts with Bubbles and the Professor at Malph's getting flour when Fuzzy is outside shouting at everyone to get off his property and turning everything into various cuts of meat
• Bubbles is scared stating the last time Fuzzy used that meat gun he turned her pigtail into a drumstick
• The professor comforts her when Blossom and Princess come flying by, only to continue their own fighting
• Princess says that being good is too much work and not enough pay, also saying bridges are for people who have to go work for a living and that she is never going to need a bridge
• Blossom gets one more hit on Princess before Buttercup gets thrown through the window
• Outside, Sedusa, Fuzzy, Princess, and the Gangreen Gang are running amok
• Buttercup and Blossom get ready to go out there and fight them all when Bubbles tells Blossom she doesn't think she can do that. Admitting that she is a little scared of Fuzzy as well as that there's still good in him, that she can feel it.
• her sisters help her not be scared and that while Fuzzy may still be good deep down, he is currently doing bad and needs to be taken care of.
• The Girls start fighting all the villains in the parking lot when an earthquake happens and Him rises from the ground
• Calls the girls gullible children for believing they could reform the worst of society with kindness and understanding. Adding that the girls “never want to see the shadow cast by all living things.”
• Him claims that “They just take what they want, without remorse, and give nothing in return. It's in their DNA!” also says that all it took was a “teeny bit of mind alteration” to have them all getting along
• Him tells Ace that all he did was “put a cork in their bad habits” for a while and when he stopped the suppression of them, all the villains when back to petty crimes and misbehavior
• All the Villains are upset at Him, Fuzzy saying he had a good thing going with the real estate business, saying he was a closer.
• Him says it's all in their nature, and not to blame the chef when the ingredients are rotten
• Fuzzy rallies the villains to stand up against Him and Fuzzy shoots him with his meat gun
• Him gets mad that Fuzzy “dare turn [his] weapon on [Him's] haute couture” and sneers asking what he's going to do about it, calling Him a “Lobster Man”
• Saying that they have their own demons to battle, Him names off the seven deadly sins and the shadows of those around Him, villains and heroes, weigh down the person and bare the names of various sins
    ○ Sedusa's shadow is Envy
    ○ Princess's shadow is Greed
    ○ Big Billy's shadow is Gluttony
    ○ Blossom's shadow is Pride
    ○ Buttercup's shadow is Wrath
• Blossom's and Buttercup's shadows actually speak
    ○ Pride, “I'm the prettiest, smartest, and most important Powerpuff Girl”
    ○ Wrath, “I have so much anger in my heart. I must hurt others to keep the rage at bay.”
• Bubbles doesn't have a shadow bearing a sin, saying Him's whole shadow talk “falls apart when the light is too bright!”
• Bubbles starts to actually shine, blinding everyone, but also makes the shadows disappear, saying that nobody is perfect but there's goodness in everyone, and all you need is love
• Him has had enough and leaves with these parting words, “Take heed! Trust no one and forgive no trespass. Suspicion, fear, and hatred are the natural order of things, and you'd do well to embrace that.”
• Ace suggest that everyone just go their own way since Him messed with all of them, to which Buttercup protests, but Blossom agrees to, since they aren't actually at fault this time
• Bubbles asks Fuzzy before he goes if they could finish their picnic sometime and though he's still grumpy says maybe, and Bubbles hugs him thanking him
• Blossom and Buttercup are ashamed and tell the Professor that they aren't perfect little girls after all, But the Professor says they're perfect to him, and loves them just as they are, which gets the girls to smile again
• Buttercup asks the Professor how long until go back to how they were, and the he says its hard to say. That real change takes time, but every good deed leaves it's mark, and that the hard part is never giving up hope
Chapter Six
• Starts with the girls and Professor driving home, and Buttercup asking the Professor if he saw all her attacks, getting so excited talking about it she doesn't see that their house is smoking with the Front door blasted away
• The Professor is worried about Jojo and the girls clear the smoke to make it easier to see
• They see the Lab also has blast damage and find the safe with Chemical X has been broken, with the beaker broken on the ground
• Buttercup points out a message written on the wall saying “I'm BACK! -sincerely, Mojo Jojo”
• The message is brown, and Mojo left his diaper pinned to the wall of the lab
• The girls are understandably grossed out
• The Professor points out his coffee maker full of Plutonium-239 is missing as well
• There's a loud, earth rumbling boom and the girls fly outside to see a laser coming from Mojo's volcano top lair
• Buttercup says, “I told you so” to her sisters before braking in to stop Mojo
• Mojo tells the girls he plans on destroying Townsville to rebuild it as he wishes, and when Bubbles asks what changed his mind to make him go back to a life of crime, Mojo admits this has been his plan all along
• Hours before his original attack in the exoskeleton robot he realized that his plan would be stopped again by the girls so;
    ○ He hypnotized himself with subconscious instructions to find Chemical X
    ○ Faked all his moping while being dragged to prison
    ○ Tricked the Professor into giving him antidote X knowing he'd feel responsible for Mojo, and take him back in
    ○ Set up a giant drinking bird that would make a phone call to the girls house every hour and play his trigger message, “Maybe you should play a little solitaire”
    ○ Once he heard the message, he sought out chemical X, got back to his old self and stole the Professor's coffee maker
• Mojo had an atomic bomb powered by the Plutonium-239 coffee maker and plans on sending it down into the volcano where it will cause lava to rain down on all of Townsville and cover it in atomic ash for then next few decades
• Mojo also says he has a secret plan B if the girls stop plan A, and Mojo leave in an escape pod while the girls are left trying to stop the destruction of Townsville
• They can't find the button in time and the giant drinking bird hit the button sending the rocket and bomb into the volcano
• The girls dive after it and it's going to fast to disarm it, so instead Blossom get under it freezing the cap with her ice breath to cool the lava under it and slow the rocket, Bubbles screeches to get the outer shell of the rocket to break away and buttercup spirals around the plutonium case and bringing it up with her
• Buttercup's spiral keeps the lava from pouring out after she' out of the volcano,
• Blossom and Bubble are both shown using ice breath to cool the pillar of lava into rock
• Way above the earth Buttercup gets dizzy from all the spinning, but manages to kick the plutonium right into the sun and just missing Mojo's escape pod, to which she's irritated she missed
• Buttercup, still dizzy falls off the top of the very narrow volcano and her sisters catch and hug her, and starts shouting “enough of the mushy stuff! Sheesh.”
Epilogue
• Mojo is in space and not terribly upset that his plan failed, saying that's why he has a plan B
• He hits a button and a “World re Vision” is on the screen with a download bar under it
• Says that he'll come back after a few weeks and come out of his egg ship and the people of earth will worship him like a king
• Realizes that if he's going to be up in space orbiting the planet for a few weeks, that he should have installed a bathroom, adding that he really didn't think this plan through
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serenity-sweet13 · 6 years
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Gotham S2E21
SERIOUSLY NO BRIDGIT THIS IS NOT RIGHT HER STORY CANNOT GO THIS WAY! I CRIED FOR HER ENOUGH ALREADY! IT’S FROM TOO MUCH SAILOR MOON AS A CHILD! TEENAGE GIRLS WITH TRAGIC STORIES JUST RIP MY GODDAMN HEART OUT AND SQUISH IT WITH THEIR BIG GODDAMN FIREPROOF BOOTS!
Also, they used to call me fireproof.
Selina. Learn from Sanosuke Sagara. Just bum rush her and tackle her to the fucking ground. It’s better to just... Yep. Just attack and get burned a little than to dodge around and get burned a lot.
Please tell me they get Bridgit out of there. She’s just a little girl.
Oh motherfuck. Ivy gives me the goddamn creeps. But, where there’s an Ivy, there’s a Harley, right? Somebody, seriously, get Ivy some help. Some palak paneer or something? That’s veggie, right?
Oh god they’re letting Harvey give a fucking press conference. He is so done with this shit. He is the Uncle Friend. And he does not want to be fucking in charge! AT ALL! EVER! He needs to not. He NEEDS to not!
And there goes Jim while Harvey argues with a pile of file folders.
Bruce. Oh Bruce. And there’s all the evidence Jim needs.
Stop letting Harvey give press conferences. He sounds like a fifth-grader who just discovered what the fuck a thesaurus is.
Ms. Peabody has had enough of this shit too. Also BD Wong sounds a lot like George Takei and it is unnerving. Of course her name is fucking Ethel. Only--- GODDAMMIT I KNEW FISH WOULD COME BACK! I KNEW IT KNEW IT KNEW IT!!!!
“And what’s worse! You’ve put Nala in danger!” OH GOD ALFRED’S GIVING HIM THE MUFASA SPEECH.
Gotta love Lucius Fox. He’s so fucking calm about literally all of this shit. He’s just “okay, here’s solutions A, B, and C.” Lucius Fox has totally got this shit.
Oh god ChaGood Little Shit Bruce.
They need fucking Westley to plan their castle onslaught. What I wouldn’t give for a holocaust cloak.
HOW IS HER MAKEUP STILL MOTHERFUCKING PERFECT!? Of course her makeup is still motherfucking perfect. I just fucking love Fish Mooney. I dunno why. I just fucking love her.
Oh jeez Ed. Screaming isn’t fucking helping. ... this entire situation is batfuck bananas. Yes, they’re making fucking monsters in the basement. That definitely needs to stop. Yes. Stop the monster factory. And if you and Jim would just sit down and NOT BE FUCKTARDS...
Alfred... oh Alfred. THIS IS KILLING ME! I AM SO DEAD! Yep, Thomas Wayne would be going “Hey, Martha? I’m about to go help our son be a lifesaving badass. You have yourself a nice wine-thirty and we’ll be home when we’ve saved Selina! We’ll order a pizza or something.”
Goddammit. I have fucking had it with fucking catsuits. Why in the blue bloody fucking hell do they have to stick every single woman in a goddamn superhero franchise in a stupid fucking catsuit.
FISH MOONEY FUCKING REMEMBERS. BECAUSE OF FUCKING COURSE SHE DOES! Loooooooooove me some Fish Mooney! you just gotta love Fish Mooney. Butch is gonna have a goddamn fucking heart attack. Oswald is just gonna fucking die.
“Tell me where is Gandalf for I much desire to speak with him” - yep, now I have the “THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD” song stuck in my head.
Bruce... okay, you’re a little shit who looks good in a turtleneck. Now shake the motherfucker’s hand because you weren’t raised by wild animals.
Oh god Lucius Fox and Ethel Peabody. And Jim is in the motherfuckin trunk. Because of course he is. This is just absolutely fucking priceless.
Right, Jim, because this is the least believable ruse in human history. You and Ed really DO need to sit down and have a beer or something.
Okay, the bodily-expressive creativity I am seeing among the Arkham inmates is astonishing.
That is a fucking Teavana tea set. I saw those pieces every fucking time I went to Lenox. Prop team, do better!
Trepanning can actually still work. It’s an extreme measure, but under certain circumstances - like a traumatic brain injury or hydrocephalus - surgeons can perform the procedure to relieve pressure. Y’all may want to check out Dr. Lindsey Fitzharris’s book “The Butchering Art”.
Oh, you go Ed! that arrow is gonna save lives.
OH STRANGE YOU DONE FUUUUUUUCKED UP NOW.
Bruce... your dad wasn’t fighting when he died. He was walking down the street with his wife and son.
BRUCE YOU STUPID LITTLE SHIT. YOU JUST GAVE AWAY HER POSITION!!! OH YOU TWO DUMB LITTLE SHITS! YOU GOOD, LOVING, DUMB LITTLE SHITS! Also, seriously? Selina? You might want to knock her back out just for transport.
LOOOOOOOVE FISH MOONEY!!! Oh, she’s boutta FUCK SHIT UP!!! I feel kinda bad for this guy. Look, man, just go get her the damn grilled cheese. Yep, go do that. When you want a grilled cheese, nothing else will do.
Stephen Strange would fucking end Howard Strange. Like, with a crowbar, not sorcery.
Oh god videos with Halloween masks now? What the fuck is this, Criminal Minds!?
Dude... YOU didn’t make Fish Mooney come back that way. She’s just TOO STRONG. SHE IS TOO STRONG!
Yep, he brought her a grilled cheese. I like this dude. I want a grilled cheese now. Fuck. MOTHERFUCKER WHATCHU MEAN WHY HE MAKE YOU A SANDWICH!?! Eat your sandwich!
Uh, Selina? You gonna run out of fuel, baby girl. Oh god, they both have flamethrowers. YES SELINA YOU HELP FIX YOUR BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL FRIEND YES SHE REMEMBERS SHE’S TRYING YES!! YES YOU SET YOUR SHITBAG HALF BROTHERS ON FIRE! IT WAS AMAZING! FUUUUUUCK NO NOT AGAIN. MOTHERFUCKER SHE’S ON FIRE.
fire cannot kill a dragon. Goddamn.
Go you, Selina. Way to play along with a fucking schizoid delusion. Please let this work. Just get her on the outside, get her outta that suit.
Oh god this is why Harvey needs to not be in charge. Fuck, here comes Alfred. Oh god Harvey. YAAAAAAS YOU PUDGY IRISH QUEEN! CALL OUT THE RANKS!
Goddammit Ed. Just... goddammit Ed. Somebody needs to just slap this nut upside the head. I volunteer.
Oh god no Jim does not need motherfuckin superpowers. Is that barium? Oh fuck. That’s not fucking good.
Crikey Ed. Just. Yeah, he did need to be called out for the turtleneck. Ed, do those nozzles even fucking work? Lucius... please do not. Yeah, Ed, I would not trust any of that equipment to actually work. You’re probably being set up again.
CRIKEY HE DOES SOUND LIKE GEORGE TAKEI!!
No. We do not want to see.
THAT IS NOT HOW EVOLUTION WORKS! Man, Kenshin was right - the world is full of X-Men rejects! First Hannya, the Hyottoko, then Shishio and Anji and the Juppongatana... now this lot. What even. What the fuck.
Jesus Christ Ed. Why don’t you just take up jigsaw puzzles or something. No, wait, do no take up jigsaw anything.
And the girls are gonna free Fish. Yes. This is what we need on Gotham right now. A pissed-off girl squad.
No, Jim needs hair. He looks weird. EW NO THAT’S NOT BETTER! THEY LINDSAY LOHAN’D THAT SHIT! Oh blue motherfucking no. Harvey’s gonna see right through this bullshit.
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mahalidael · 7 years
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Heart Attack #1: It’s Over, Romeo! I Have the High Ground
Content warning: Swearing, injury, brief mentions of sexual content.
What if you could share a body with your soulmate? Sounds like a fun story, but for Kanon and Stephanie, it's reality--a painfully awkward reality, especially because they hate each other and now they have to fight crime.
It all started when I broke Stephanie Lemaire’s wrist in study hall.
When I moved to Kansas, I noticed there were a lot of jocks, a lot of girls, and an overwhelming number of jock girls at my school. At the time, I had no idea why there were so many, I was just afraid to talk to them—and for some reason they liked congregating in Ms. Parker’s classroom.
Security during study hall was lax. A lot of people just wandered around in the hallway convening with friends. I think I was the only person who actually studied, no matter how much the flock of capes distracted me.
I don’t know exactly why they went to Ms. Parker’s room—maybe it was just convenient, but more likely is that people gravitated to Stephanie.
Stephanie had a surprising silhouette for a Kansas girl. She was about fifteen when I met her and her shoulders had already broadened out. She had firm features and a really butch way of dressing—I bet she would have looked like a football player if she cut her Dolly Parton curls, but she didn’t. She was also dumb as a box of hammers.
Never had one girl been blamed for so much. Every time I heard something about her, it was an answer to a question. “Why doesn’t the cafeteria have barbecue sauce packets any more?” “Stephanie was hoarding them.” “Why can’t we use duct tape on school grounds?” “Stephanie taped some kid to the closet door.”
I didn’t actually talk to her that much. Sometimes she would push me out of the way in the locker room, and for a while it was a game for the capes to bop all the short kids over the head in the hallway, but no real talking.
Usually when Stephanie’s meat ocean appeared, I was an easy target. I was fairly small, my hair was just coming in pink at the roots, and I only ever wore sweaters. On top of everything else, I’ve got a heart condition, and periodically turning purple if you over-exert yourself isn’t a recipe for popularity. So most of the time I’d get paper tossed at me, or somebody would make a Super Saiyan joke. Most of the time.
But a little more information, and keep in mind I didn’t know any of this shit at the time, but I heard all of this from Stephanie later on:
The high school capes aren’t an official club, because the school’s not allowed to sanction heroism, but they might as well be. They get together on Sunday afternoons and train their asses off preparing for the day that they too will get to fistfight a clown in a dark alley.
So that’s the set dressing. The conflict is the lacrosse team.
There are two kinds of jock in my high school: lacrosse jock and cape jock. The lacrosse team is mostly supers, so it’s only inevitable that they would feud, and today it had manifested in the form of an arm wrestling tournament in the middle of the room.
I didn’t hear the first part of the conversation, but apparently one of the greasier lacrosse players had challenged one of the capes and now it was just coming together. Winner of the last round got to pick the next challenger, and so it went.
These fights never last, and eventually it was less of a “what sports team is better” contest and more of a “supers are better than capes” contest. It was like Injustice: Gods Among Us but shittier.
I didn’t want to be pulled in, but it was one of those things that were so stupid you just couldn’t look away. The most surprising thing was that Stephanie won three rounds in a row, against three increasingly big lacrosse players. I knew that capes weren’t slouches, but holy shit.
It went downhill when they tied. “We need a tie-breaker,” greasy boy declared.
Stephanie was leaning back in her chair, sweating and red in the face. “I heard you the first time, asslamp; there’s no need to yell. Okay, are there any supers who haven’t gone?” She said, and then took a long drink of the bottle of Gatorade on her desk. I turned away and pretended to cough so it wouldn’t look like I was making eyes at her.
Of course, that act of repressed lesbianism was my undoing. As if cued, everyone simultaneously noticed me. Asslamp said: “Hey, nerd!”
“I—yes?” I sputtered.
“Are you a super?”
“Yes,” I said, before I could stop myself.
The capes erupted into laughter, and the supers groaned. I felt my face heat up. “I’m not gonna wrestle that,” Stephanie giggled.
And I thought “wow… now I’m obligated to kick her ass.”
I stood up, and I walked as confidently as I could towards an arm wrestling match with a girl twice my size, which wasn’t very. Honestly, I wouldn’t have passed a field sobriety test. I sat down and looked her dead in the eye. Everyone else was whooping like idiots.
She put her elbow on the table. “You ready to lose?”
I laughed nervously as I did the same. “No.”
“Wrong hand, short-ass.”
“I’m left-handed, is that a problem?”
Stephanie shrugged and put her left hand in mine. “Only if you make it a problem.”
Asslamp refereed. “Are you ready? On your marks…”
Everyone in the room was yelling now.
“Get set…”
I squeezed her hand a little harder.
“Go!”
…I wish I had something interesting to say about the ten seconds or so that I actually arm wrestled Stephanie, but really I was just internally screaming. Mostly because I was wilting quickly, and my arm was almost touching the desk, but also because I could not stop pumping myself up to kick her ass.
After all, how could I her beat me? She was so stupid, so arrogant, so blonde, so fucking cu—
And that’s when her arm hit the desk, hard. I could have sworn I heard a snapping sound, but it was lost in the sound of the supers cheering like wild animals. Eventually it subsided when people started noticing that Stephanie was both holding her arm to her chest and screaming bloody murder at me.
“What the fuck did you do to my wrist?!” Sure enough, it was bent strangely, in a way that wasn’t present before we arm wrestled.
Shit. Fuck. Shit fuck. “I’m sorry! It was an accident!”
The apology didn’t stop Stephanie from grabbing me by my sweater. “Son of a bitch, dude, fucking warn me! You know how much trouble we’re gonna get in now? If I get suspended one more time, I’m fucked!”
...Is what I think she said. Her voice sounded really far away for some reason, and all I could hear was a loud electric whine.
And then I apologized, and I apologized, and I said “I didn’t know I could do that,” and then I woke up in the hospital.
Smooth.
I got off easy with the school due to the medical scare. Apparently Stephanie’s parents didn’t sue because this kind of thing happens a lot, and it was a minor fracture. The doctor still made her wear a cast, though, which she made a point of flipping me off with a couple of times.
More confusing was where that sudden burst of strength had come from, and how quickly it had left. Best I could figure was that it was triggered by high stress, but trying to replicate the scenario produced nothing.
Maybe an outside factor had set it off, but aside from the actual arm wrestling, there didn’t seem to be anything unusual…
And then I had that thought that only teenagers and fraternity brothers can have:
Was I—was I being too gay?
I figured, no… it couldn’t be that. I mean, I’d accidentally jacked it to the thought of my first grade teacher once, but that didn’t cause any super-powered fireworks. Besides, whatever creamy feelings I might have had for Stephanie were killed after she made a habit of chucking orange juice cartons at me at lunch.
But I couldn’t be sure—until a few months later, on a biology field trip.
When field trip buddies were announced, we didn’t say anything on the bus, we didn’t say anything in the field trip line, and we didn’t say anything until halfway through the day when our group stopped for lunch. We were required to remain within twenty feet of each other, but otherwise we were completely ignoring each other.
I was like, holding a thing of yogurt, and then Stephanie sat down next to me, and she fished a bag of protein powder (?) out of her varsity jacket, and absolutely nothing else. She swallowed down the whole packet, then walked off towards the bathroom like it was nobody’s business.
Now, my dumb ass was still in that good Asian schoolgirl mentality, and field trip buddy rules said that Stephanie walking to the bathroom was absolutely my business. I jettisoned my yogurt and took off after her.
To give you an idea of what happened: the Kansas City aquarium has a cafeteria. Off that cafeteria, there’s a straight, darkened hallway. At the start of that hallway, there’s a ladies’ room—a ladies’ room that Stephanie was now breezing past, into the shadows.
You what fucking sucks about tall people? They can just strut off wherever they want, and us normal-sized people have to run behind them like idiots.
“Hey, wait!” I shouted as quietly as I could, to avoid getting myself in trouble.
By some miracle, Stephanie didn’t ignore me, but instead turned on her heel and faced me in the darkness, features set. “What?”
“Um…” She glared down at me. “Did you, like, forget your lunch, or…”
“That was my lunch,” she said in the same tone you would say something like “this town ain’t big enough for the two of us.”
“Oh.” Stephanie’s glare was sharp enough to cut glass. “I can buy you a banana or—”
She thrust her right hand towards me, as if asking for a handshake. I blinked. “Go on,” she said.
I carefully shook her hand, not sure what she wanted. She brought her left to her face in a gesture of frustration. “Don’t be stupid!”
“I’m sorry, I really don’t know what you want.”
Stephanie huffed. “If you wanna break my other wrist so bad, you might as well do it!”
Aw, man, this again. “I’m not here to break your wrist, I’m here because you’re wandering off into the unknown!”
She leaned into the wall, crossing her arms and looking at me like I was the densest girl she’d ever met. There was no light in the hallway, and the light of the cafeteria was very soft on her face. “It’s not ‘the unknown’ if I know what’s at the end of it. The tour isn’t going through this wing, but it’s still open.”
“Then dick around on your own time! We’re gonna get in trouble again.”
Stephanie puffed her chest out indignantly and planted her feet. “Okay. Go on. Go ahead and stop me.”
I took her hand and pulled hard as I could. Stephanie smiled, barely swaying. I went around to her side and tried pushing her back towards the cafeteria, leaning my whole weight into it, but she didn’t budge at all. All I accomplished was making myself aware that I was half her size.
“Where’d that arm wrestling strength go?” she said when I had finally given up, wheezing a little bit. I hoped I wouldn’t pass out again.
“Shut up.”
“We’ve got twenty minutes. You can’t stop me, so either you go back and get in trouble, or you see something cool and get in trouble. I mean, you’re screwed no matter what happens.”
I weighed my options. Maybe it was the super curiosity in me, but I really wanted to see what was at the end of that dark hallway. And Stephanie was dumb, but she was right. My biology teacher hated me, and if I went back and told her I would still get in trouble.
I took a deep breath. “Five minutes, then we’re gonna try slipping back into the cafeteria.”
“What makes you think you can drive a bargain with me?”
“If I remember anything from that time I broke your wrist, it’s that you care about getting in trouble.”
Stephanie’s expression seemed to do a little dance of panic and anger before getting schooled. “Whatever. Five minutes is good. Come on, follow me.”
She kept a firm hand on my shoulder, and her face was still very neutral, but she held onto me like she was scared I was gonna run off or try to break her arm again.
As we walked down the hallway, my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I could see we were approaching a pair of doors at the end. They were painted black, and looking at them I thought it was a place that I wouldn’t be allowed to enter.
“There’s a reason,” Stephanie said when she reached the doors, “why this hallway is so dark, and it’s not because it’s closed.” She grinned at me. “You ready?”
“Ready enough.”
“Watch this.” She opened the door just a crack, and I saw a soft purple light in the darkness.
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iamartemisday · 7 years
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Artsy- Steve/Jane
For @janeyfoster  
Happy Belated Birthday! :D
The very first weekend of Jane's very first year of college, she had nothing to do. She'd thought she would. Getting all her pre-reqs out of the way meant she had five pages of math problems, two chapters with critical thinking questions for intro to physics, three chapters of European history, and a whooping ten chapters of Jane Eyre to get through by Monday. Two days of work on paper didn't seem like it could translate to seven hours in practice, but by Saturday morning, Jane's books were stored in her backpack and she had forty eight hours of free time to kill. Sometimes, even she forgot what an overachiever she was.
After getting breakfast she returned to her dorm room and fished a book out of her travel bag. On the advice of an older friend, she'd packed light on the books. 'The workload will eat up ninety percent of your free time and for the other ten percent you'll be unconscious,' she'd said, because clearly, she was not an overachiever.
Two chapters in, the front door opened and in walked Jane's roommate. Darcy Lewis, on first impression, was everything Jane had never wanted in a roommate. She was loud, she left dirty socks on the floor, she ate chips at three in the morning, and that was nothing compared to the friends she brought over. Over time, though, Darcy had proven to be intelligent, studious when she wanted to be, and an excellent listener.
"Jane, what the hell are you doing in this room reading a book when it's Saturday?"
Oh, and she was nosy. That too.
"If I hadn't done all my homework, I'd be spending Saturday in the library if that helps," Jane said.
"You finished all your homework?" Darcy's eyes popped out. "How?"
"Diligence, concentration, and a lot of coffee." Jane marked her place and set the book aside. She moved to the side of her bed. "Did you do any of yours?"
Darcy bit her lip. "Um… ask me again tomorrow night. Anyway, if you've got nothing else to do, you should come with me."
"I already told you, Darce, I don't drink."
"No, not that," Darcy shook her head. "I went to the club last night. I'm talking about the big art show the seniors are putting on. Didn't you hear about it?"
She might've seen a flyer with the words 'Art Show' on the dormitory bulletin board while writing down the date and time the science club met. It was either that or 'Art Film Showing'. Neither would've held her attention for more than a second. She said as much, earning a scoff and an eye roll.
"Come on, it'll be fun!" she whined. "It's not just pretentious modern art if that's what you're thinking. There'll be paintings and sculptures and even some performance art. Ever wanted to see a woman paint a mural using her body as the brush?"
"More than anything in the world," said Jane, picking up her book. It was immediately snatched from her hands and thrown across the room behind her computer desk.
"Please?" Darcy pouted. "We'll get to meet some hot seniors. Maybe even get some numbers."
"Seniors don't date freshman," said Jane.
"Yeah, in high school. This is college! There are students who date their professors!"
Jane raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not saying they should do that, but they do," Darcy dropped all her body weight onto Jane, hugging her tight and giving her enormous, shiny, wobbly puppy eyes. "Pleeeeeeeeease?"
If she wasn't a grown woman, it would be highly effective. Jane would've cracked a lot sooner than she did.
"Okay, fine!" she shouted, shoving Darcy out of her lap. "I'll go to the art show with you."
"Yay!" Darcy rushed to Jane's closet and ripped out half her wardrobe, tossing it to the floor. "Let's find you something sexy and get a move on!"
'I wonder if it's too late to request a new dorm room,' Jane thought.
After an hour of Darcy denouncing Jane's fashion sense and Jane vehemently defending it, they settled on a compromise. Jane would wear ass hugging skinny jeans and strappy high heeled sandals, as per Darcy's suggestion. She would also were a long sleeved shirt with her favorite plaid jacket. Jane was surprised Darcy agreed to that part until they arrived at the art center across campus.
"May I take your coats, ladies?" asked the guy at the check in counter as they were signing in.
Jane shrugged out of her jacket and adjusted the top of her shirt. It was a sleek black and looked decent on her. Not that she put much weight in Darcy's idea of picking up guys, but she was feeling good about herself and that was the most important thing in the end. As they walked down a hallway lined with paintings, Darcy somehow had commentary for every single one.
"I think that one represents the pain of moving forward in life," she said, squinting her eyes at one particular piece. "See the way the shading changes the colors? That soft shade of yellow is like a sunset. Like the sun setting on a life full of passion and regret."
"Darcy," Jane stared at her. "That's a painting of a banana."
The banana sat on a brown table, unpeeled with nothing around it except the artist's name scribbled in the corner like an afterthought.
"Jane, please," Darcy hissed at her. "I'm trying to be artsy here."
They moved further into the exhibit, at a pace slow enough to be measured in negative numbers. Jane had long since spotted Darcy writing in a blue notebook as she sung the praises of another circle with a dotted line in the center. That explained what they were doing here. Darcy color coded all her subjects and extracurricular activities in a marginally successful bid at being organized. Blue was for Official campus blog posts. By the time they got to the sculpture hall, an hour had gone by and Jane's stomach was growling. The welcome sign had promised free refreshments. So far, Jane hadn't seen so much as a water fountain.
"So am I just here to keep you company while you gather blogging material?" Jane asked loudly over the applause from a group gushing over a pair of glasses on a podium.
"No, you're here because we're friends and friends do stuff together," Darcy said, flipping to a clean page. "Also I needed an outsider's perspective. As a non-artist, how do you feel about My Light in Springtime Orange by Ms. Amanda O'Connell?"
Darcy directed Jane to a sculpture of either a swan stretching its wings in preparation for flight or a person doing a demi-plie. There were no facial features and no colors, making the name a misnomer. She tilted her head to the side and the shape didn't change. "It looks like a really big clump of play-doh some kid tried to make a person out of."
"Do you mean that in a good way?" Darcy asked hopefully. When Jane didn't stop frowning, she sighed and moved on to the next piece. "Okay, how about this one?"
It was a sphere on a stick. Literally. That was the entire sculpture. A stick reaching as high as her shoulder with a globe sized ball balanced on the point. How it stayed in place piqued the curiosity of the mathematician in her up until she realized it was probably held together with a powerful adhesive. It might fall over anyway if she gave it a good poke. She smiled at the thought, but backed away. A joke wasn't worth getting sued for property damage.
"That's got to be the biggest lollipop I've ever seen," she said, grinning. "What flavor do you think it is?"
For once in her life, Darcy was not in a joking mood. She grumbled and groused as she moved down the line faster than Jane cared to follow. This blog post must've been super important. The next sculpture wasn't much better than the last. If nothing else, it looked like someone had put actual effort into it. A figure resembling a man of average height embraced a second figure resembling a woman. Neither had hair, but the curvature of the bodies was clearly defined and she could even see fingers on the hands of the man. He held the woman around her waist, keeping her flush against him. His head was slightly bowed with downcast eyes. On closer inspection, his facial features were a tad lopsided, but at least they were present.
"First Time," Jane read from the placard, "by Steve Rogers. Huh…"
"What do you think?"
Jane turned to the source of the voice to find a tall, broad shouldered man with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a perfectly chiseled face. In fact, he fit the 'All American classic good looks' standard to the point where he might as well have been copy pasted out of a movie and into the real world. He had his hands in his pockets and a friendly smile on his face. That he wasn't looking down his nose at her like the other art students she'd met tonight scored him points without a single word spoken.
"Um…" Jane took a second, closer look at the sculpture. It was exactly the same as the first time. "I guess it's nice… it's cute how they're hugging."
His smile broke. "Dancing, you mean."
"Are they dancing?" Jane squinted her eyes, as if that would magically turn what was obviously a hug from behind into the Tango. "Looks more like they're just standing there."
"Well, it is a sculpture."
"Yeah, but if the artist was going for dancing, I think maybe it should look more like a dance," Jane said, tripping over her words once or twice. She had only the faintest idea of what she was saying. For all she knew this could be a brilliant work of art on par with the Statue of David. What the hell did she know? "I don't know what 'First Time' means either. First time dancing? First time sculpting more like it, right?"
She laughed to defuse the tension, but as she watched the man's face change from bemusement to genuine hurt, a terrible thought sliced through Jane's heart and stabbed at her brain. She stepped away from the man instinctively, now picturing him pressing dust coated hands into marble (wait, was that statue marble or something else?)
"Wait uh… are you…" Jane pointed at the statue, then back at him. She repeated the action a few more times as he smiled apologetically. "Oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I… I like it a lot more than the sculptures. I really do. It looks like you put a lot into it."
Steve chuckled. "Thanks, but you weren't wrong. This was my first try at sculpting. I'm more of a painter and a sketch artist, but I wanted to branch out."
"I'm really sorry," Jane said again. "Don't even worry about my opinion. I'm so art illiterate I thought Michelangelo was just a Ninja Turtle all the way through high school. My word means absolutely nothing."
"I don't think so," said Steve, glancing back at his work and giving it a onceover. "It really does look like they're hugging, doesn't it?"
"It's still better than the world's biggest lollipop over there," Jane muttered, not expecting him to hear her. Except he seemed to have crazy sensitive ears.
"That would be a statement on the hypocritical nature of a society that preaches individualism while simultaneously encouraging strict conformity to social norms," he recited. "At least that's what Phil told me."
"It just makes me want a lollipop," Jane said, and as soon as the words got out, her stomach whined. "Or anything at all. I shouldn't have skipped lunch…"
"The cafe is around the corner," Steve pointed at the far end of the room, which did not have a sign reading 'cafe this way anywhere.' As if they wanted people to be confused and not know where to go. Maybe that was a statement on the confusion of early adult life in the modern age. "I'd be happy to buy you a cup of coffee. Artists get fifty percent discounts on all cafe items."
That was pretty bold for having just met, not that Jane was complaining. Past the almost artificial beauty he possessed there was something impossibly adorable about this guy. She'd almost completely forgotten he was a senior and well out of her league no matter what Darcy said.
"I'd like that," she said, before her common sense kicked in and demanded she slink away like a proper awkward science nerd. "Maybe you could show me your other artwork or explain to me all the deep social commentary in that one banana painting."
"Or you could explain it to me," he suggested, "because I swear it's just a banana on a table…"
"I know, right?"
They wandered off to the cafe, enjoying coffee and sandwiches and laughing about some of the more bizarre forms of abstract art on display. Once Jane swore up and down that she'd never repeat his comments to anyone (solidarity with fellow artists or something), he'd riffed a piece that was just a deflated football painted purple and a painting of a dot on an otherwise empty canvas.
"You know," he said near ten o'clock when the cafe was about to close, "you have a hell of an expressive face."
And there was the oddest compliment Jane had ever received in her life. "Thank you?"
Steve played with a plastic fork. "I was wondering if you'd let me draw you?"
Jane blinked and said nothing, which seemed to be the wrong answer.
"Just a quick sketch, and you can have it when I'm done if you want," he added hastily. "You've got one of those faces… have you ever thought about modeling for a life drawing class?"
"Isn't that where they draw naked people?" Jane asked, aghast.
"Not always," Steve replied. He pulled his sketchbook out of his bag. He'd taken it out once already to let Jane flip through it, and for all that she knew nothing of art, his drawings were objectively amazing. She'd stand by that as a scientific fact. He took out a few pencils and ignored the cashier shouting for everyone to make their final purchases before they closed in ten minutes. "Turn your head to the side."
Jane complied, choosing to forget that she'd never accepted his request. "Like this?"
"Not so far." He pulled her head forward an inch with one finger. He had warm, strong hands. "That's right. Lower your chin a little… and balance your head on your hand… that's perfect. Keep it like that for about five minutes."
Five minutes didn't sound like enough time to do a proper sketch of a person, even just from the chest up. She wasn't the artist here, though, so Jane kept silent and did as she was told. After two or three minutes, the novelty was wearing off and Jane's arm began to ache. Staying in a position like this could only be comfortable for so long and the clock was ticking. She almost flinched once and prayed Steve hadn't noticed. From the angle, all she could see was the side of his face and it was buried in that sketchbook. His hand moved fast across the page but stayed focused in the center.
"Done," he said a hundred years later. That was how Jane felt before checking the time on her phone.
"Six minutes," she said, presenting the screen to him. "You're not as good as you think."
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?" He held up the sketchbook.
Only one person had ever drawn Jane before. The boy who crushed on her in first grade drew her as an astronaut on the moon and gave it to her for Valentine's Day. That would always be one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for her, but once again, Steve Rogers had proven himself a top contender for sweetest guy she'd ever known. Her face rendered on the page was like a two dimensional mirror. The lines of her face, the shading on her neck, even her fingers were flawless. Not that she thought she was some great beauty, but if she didn't know that was her own face, she'd believe he believed it.
"Wow," she said, taking it from him and holding it to the light. "That's… wow."
"You're welcome," said Steve. "Do you want it?"
In response, Jane placed the sketchbook flat on the table and picked up a pencil. She checked one more time that no inner voice of reason was currently active and then wrote her full name and number in the corner before passing it back to him.
"Let's do this again sometime," she said, pushing her chair out. "But I'm not modeling for you naked." 'Yet.'
Steve wore the biggest, happiest grin in the world as he walked Jane back to the lobby where Darcy and a few more artists were waiting. They were grouped together next to the coat check, one girl talking at length about her piece while Darcy wrote furiously.
"So I was trying to capture the pain of moving forward into an uncertain adulthood with the shades of the banana…"
"That is so deep," another artist whispered in awe.
Jane stifled her laughter as Steve helped her into her coat. "See you soon," she said as casually as she could with her heart pounding.
"Definitely," he said, making her blood pump even harder.
By the time he disappeared into the crowd, Darcy had defused herself from the group and linked an arm through Jane's, leading her to the doors. "I have so much material for my blog I think I'll make two posts. I just wish I could've met some of the sculptors."
Jane smiled to herself, warmth spreading from her shoulders where Steve's knuckles had brushed her. If only she'd been wearing a sleeveless top. Lord knows how more intimate contact between them would feel. "Yeah, they're pretty awesome."
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mastcomm · 4 years
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We Are Still Obsessed With Britney Spears
LOS ANGELES — Welcome to a Britney Spears fantasy land: the Britney of the past, the Britney we want her to be.
Britney Spears the Zone, a 30,000-square-foot fan-generated experiential pop-up dedicated to the career of the Princess of Pop, has been erected at a time when there’s no sign of her return to Vegas — or the stage anywhere — and she is still under personal and financial conservatorship.
It includes 10 rooms that each recreate an iconic music video set, album concept or live performance, beginning with a “…Baby One More Time”-inspired high school classroom.
There, a video featuring Ms. Spears’s longtime friend and erstwhile assistant, Felicia Culotta, plays from a 150-inch customized LED screen. A special film was applied to the outside to make it look like a chalkboard.
“Today is all about unleashing your inner Britney,” Ms. Culotta, as the school principal once more, reminds each group. Then guests are released into Britney High, the classroom doors flung open by a Zone staff member.
“I’ve literally cried every time I’ve walked into a room,” said Rachel Posteraro, 21, from Long Beach, Calif., who has been a Britney superfan since the age of 9.
Will Tran, 31, a dance and gymnastics instructor from Orange County, who made himself at home on the various sets, said: “I wore my stretchy jeans for a reason.” He and a friend wore matching “Britney for President” T-shirts. “I’m doing it for the ’Gram,” said Mr. Tran, while doing an impressive split.
In a jungle-y space, the music video for “I’m a Slave 4 U” was projected onto curtains made of fog, and guests were encouraged to pose with a plush stand-in for Banana, the albino Burmese python who appeared with Ms. Spears during the 2001 MTV Video Music Awards.
“Pop-up museums are my favorite,” said Shannon Stone, 28, an accountant for film productions. Ms. Stone, who was dressed as a schoolgirl Britney, filmed a video for her Instagram story, as the motion-tracking eyes of a 35-foot hand-carved python watched the scene from overhead.
“There’s always music playing and each room is a new backdrop, which is what every girl on Instagram dreams about,” she said. “It’s all you could want.” Ms. Stone estimated that she had taken about 500 hundred photos already that day. (It was 3:20 p.m.)
In the Circus room, guests waited in line to jump into a pit containing 80,000 white plastic balls.
“Coronavirus on three,” shouted a woman who was filming a friend’s boomerang, in lieu of “Say ‘cheese.’” A Zone attendant dove into the pit to fish out a toddler submerged over his head. A man dug through the balls, as if looking for something.
“I lost my friend!” he yelled. Another adult surfaced from the ball pit as if on cue.
How the Britney Spears pop-up came together
For decades, this site was a thriving beacon of American excess, smack in the heart of Hollywood. An emporium of everything from Zirconia jewelry sets to Ziploc sandwich bags.
Then, in November 2018, the Kmart across from the Grove closed its doors for good. For a year, the space sat vacant and forgotten. A husk of its former self, waiting for an enterprising producer to come up with its second act. A classic Hollywood cliché.
“When we got the space in November, it was completely empty, with a couple abandoned registers up front and no walls,” said Jeff Delson, 36, the chief executive of the music merchandising company Black Sky Creative and the co-creator, along with Shannon Ramirez and Lee Rosen, of Britney Spears the Zone. All three said they are Britney superfans.
The singer agreed to license her image and has engaged with the Zone on social media. Mr. Delson has worked with her before; during her Las Vegas residency, he handled much of the merchandising.
Important information about the Britney pop-up
The pop-up is scheduled to run through April 26. Tickets range from $59.50 to $64.50 at peak hours, and are sold in 15-minute blocks, so that no more than 12 to 15 people are in one activation at a time. This cuts down on crowds and allows for selfies to be taken in peace. But it also means that the Zone has a quiet, lonely feeling at times.
At check-in, visitors are given RFID wristbands and instructed to download the Zone’s app. In each room, there is a panel that, when a wristband is swiped against it, routes your photo to your phone within minutes.
In a dimly lit room inspired by the music video for “Stronger,” there were three metal chairs attached to the floor, upon which visitors, when there were any, were encouraged by a pink-shirted room attendant to gyrate. When the room was empty, the mirrored walls and empty chairs were an eerie sight juxtaposed with the looping music (“My loneliness ain’t killing me no more”).
If the ticket price is prohibitive, the Zone lobby is welcome to all. Here you can shop for merchandise from five capsule collections, including a rainbow Pride collection, an army collection, athleisure, a Zone collection and throwback merchandise.
There are also four authentic Britney costumes on display, on loan from the singer, including her blue stewardess costume from the “Toxic” video and the poofy black party dress that 10-year-old Brit wore on “Star Search” in 1992, just seven years before appearing in her underwear on the cover of Rolling Stone.
“$70 is a little bit much for someone who hasn’t been relevant recently,” said Rachel Turner, 17, a TikTok star of moderate fame, who graduated from high school early to focus on her social media career.
She was eating lunch across the street with her friends when she noticed the big pink Britney mural she had seen on social media. Unwilling to pay for a ticket, she didn’t enter the Zone, and was disappointed to hear that Ms. Spears herself had not yet visited, either.
“I just want to take pics in the ball pit,” she said. “It’s so aesthetic.”
from WordPress https://mastcomm.com/we-are-still-obsessed-with-britney-spears/
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yuckitup-jwd · 4 years
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Blonde FAQS
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING? A: The noise gave her a headache. Q: How do you drown a blond? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head. Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A: Blow in her ear. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING? A: She was run over by the zambonis machine. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant. Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?" Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it. Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU? A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GOLFER WITH AN IQ OF 125? A: a foursome. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? A: An air bag. Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES? A: Elvis has been sighted. Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART? A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb! Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. Q: WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE? A: Hair transplants. Q: WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE? A: Third Grade. Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES? A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans. Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV. Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? A: Marriage. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.) Q: How do you keep a blonde busy? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: "Space. The final frontier......" Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team? A: Just One... Boomer Esiason. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes. Q: How does the blonde car pool work? A: They all meet at work at 7:45. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up! Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe. Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds? A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord. Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE DOCTOR? A: She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes. Q: DID YOU HEAR BOUT THE BLONDE WHO COULN'T WAIT TO SEE "20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA"? A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams. Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER EYES CLOSED? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep. Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES? A: They take off their makeup. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? A: She didn't know what ONE came first... Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? A: Divorced. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer! Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries. Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen. Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? A: She has a checkbook. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?? A: Because they can understand them. Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: Because they don't know any better. *A: They are easier to keep amused. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!! Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes go in first. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A1: They can't remember the number. A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1". Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: "What's a lightbulb?" A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!" Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747? A: Not everyone has been in a 747 Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes? A: A brunette with bad breath. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth? A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine? Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!" Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? A: Last years hide and go seek winner. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A: An air mattress. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An Air Bag. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A: Divorcee' Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager. Q: What do you call a smart blond? A1: A golden retriever. A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU? A: Too many blondes were drowning. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK". Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian? A: Because she loved children. Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ?? A: She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Q: Why does it work? A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?" Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A: A vacant possession. Q: Why did she finally pass her test? A: She took the examiner with her Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth! Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!" Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group? A: Air Supply. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A1: So brunettes can remember them. A2: So men can understand them.
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cfriday1304 · 5 years
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astricks r the ones i've said ok. btw this is like a rlly agressive @shitwesaid post ok
*Ya know what's peculiar abt me? I have superior reflexes. That's a good thing. Oh noo! My little flower got stuck under there!1! "It doesn't matter if ur standing, if this bus starts barrel rolling-" *weird noises* Can u pLEASE stOp being gAy???! Hipitty hopitty im about to do this. NOooo hipitty hopitty I'm abt to do this. YeASSSs hipitty hopitty y r u talking to me. It's very masculine to catch an Apple Hipitty hopitty whY ARE U ON OUR PROPERTY There's a ghost in Narnia Ms. Ma'am? No, that's wrong. Lemme snAtch ur wEAVE I seE u Mr. Sun. I harassed U but that's not important. *Get outa here ya fUckin idiOt. And it was just standing over my fucking bed. Watching me sleep. Wut r those hearts for? Oh it's definitely nOt an E-thot thing...! Ms. Fuckin. Netter. Bitch. Whatcha doin? *Tired. Sneaky sneaky sneaky. No. Oof. It's a car. *Got em. I DONT UNDERSTAND, WHY R U BLACK????1!?!1?!?!1!? Hold on. I just got a DM. *singing* I'm gonna get E Coli. I'm gonna get E Coli. GET OVER HERE RIGHT-- *Someone is stEaling my socks. Y do we keep switching? Y don't u shut ur mouth. I saw u harass that other one. I saw it ALL. Hi Susie, hi Zach!! I'm ZaCh. That one PokemEN GAME *excessive laughter* ITS POKEMOOONNN *smacks leg* Thighs. *spRINTS* Ohhhh! Wut? Burger King!!! No- Where is this person, I would like to VANQUISH THEM. GET OOFED. OH SHIT I JUST GOT RAPED BITCH BITCH BITCH WHAT THE FRICK THEYRE BISCUITS THEYRE CRACKERS THEYRE COOKIES *BIOLOGY PUNS R FUNNY GUYS omfg that's the nerdiest thing I have ever said wtf. Shoes r for bitches. Bitch y?? I'm your MOTHER And this cats name, is Bread. *Umm. That has been killed. By Satan. We don't eat ded apples here. Oh it's Friday we cAn be on our phones! *Anguished screaming* I think I'm ready to-FUCK *U don't have to be sexy to be emotional. *Wut the fffUCK DO U HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST BROWN THINGS And we played fUCKING KAHOOT U BETTER GET UR CHILD SELF BACK OVER HERE That's pretty broken. A ShEEP! That's a bull. *I have a giant glass bottle in my pocket. *looking @ cows* is that a...camel??? That. Was beautiful. ThIS IS OUR TREE. *looks @ a snake skin; discusted* ooh is that a turtle skin??! No. It's a snake skin. *Sssssuck it. I got u something betterrrr. Potato chips and baconnnnn. I'm not rlly an adidas guy, I try nOt to buy it. They ate it. They actually ate it. They actually put the paper in their mouth. It looked like u were snorting cocaine. Ya know wut else ain't real? *Ur mental stability. *appalled silence* It tastes like Fortnite!!! Y is that American talking. TAKE IT UR AMERICAN Martha is Gucci. MY LOCKET I just want to take my test. *Yes mAAM 'Yeas ma'am' wut tf is that. Did u find ur dad *solemn* no. *The devil is just Jesus on Opposite Day. Hold on, I'm getting inspiration. *Hipitty hoppity fuck off. *aggressively dies* I say too many random things in that class. *I love this class. I'm glad u can understand that. *T SERIES AND PEWDIEPIE HAVE BEEN FEUDING SINCE 2011????!1!?!?1!?!?! WUT THE FUCK. *God fucking dammit. Do u smELL wut the rock is cookin???? I smell victory. *Who is this cLOWN *HSU is basically that vine where he goes 'what the fuck. Is this aLLOWED??!' Like. Not gonna lie. *light laughter* *Skeet. Do u say that all the time *Yea Uh- *SKEET *Step one to tailgating. Don't do it. Bc. Ur a rookie. And u can't tailgate yet. This is how I fight. *face plants* Ur being rude. No ur being rude. *EVERYBODYS BEING NICE. Nobody's switching to chevy gUYS. The mACarana. *Hush ur mouth. *gaspppp* U SAID A BAD WORD Look at that man. we're gonna be here for soooooooooo long. *slams fist on table* I DEMAND A REFUND. *no. *well, now i'm mad. u facking idiot *hEy. that's kind of assault. *hey, that's kind of assault to children. *presses button* meEp *makeup is for dweebs *we're gonna be expelled from Europe i feel like a fleshling, a flesh bag, a bag of flesh i won by SEveral m & ms. yes, i am standing as well. watch it peck me bc i look like a snAck *looks at boat* that's a big bus. *excessive laughter* *abt to cry* someone just told me fourrrr *drops phone* oW WHAT THE FUNCTION *appalled silence* *says the pessimistic optimist. *ya know that feeling when u have too many memes on ur phone **screaming* where are all my memes @ there's some pretty thiccccc fish in this photo *imma go hide...in a trash can *hey guys guess wut i hate ppl *hey guys guess wut i hate meself i lack a banana like, u eat the whole human my eyes smell like sugar cake now i'm crying *so, ya know, that's cool *pockeeeetttssss dr pepper says--STOP DOING THAT ITS NOT GOOD FOR UR HEALTH y not just ask for nickels...on the dime some things in this world r hot. and some r cold. and some r both. the moment u realize...strawberries r not bananas *u guys r mOcking science and it's very annoying. science is numbers. lots and lots of numbers. oh wait that's math. i ate air it was pretty nice there's nothing wrong with me *drops everything* ur dumber that a fourth grader-a THIRD GRADER *i am most likely going to hate myself forever if i do anything. *i'm pRoUd to bE aN iDiOt *i need to start using my eyes. *u mustn't be rude. *mOVE oh my gOd wuts going On hEre??! *that feeling when-when ur phones @-@ only-12%...heh heh. i identify as a lima bean and i deMAND MY OWN BATHROOM team drinking. is. bad. i'M LoOkiNG aT MemES LeAvE Me aLoNe *i feel like drinking 2 cans of f•ing red bull i'm seeking refuge. *well i'm not giving u any so get out. wut if u jumped out of a plane and ur parachute didn't work? uh- i'd be alive and u would be ded. hitler is a cowboy i'll take over this whole town. KILL ALL THE COWS. stop being ded. okay, trees pee *hey guess wut i pretend i'm better than everyone to boost my self esteem *i'm an ABsolute disAster u can see for MINUTES *im allergic to bear pollen. purple strawberries. strawberries that r purple. that's like saying hitler was chinese. americans in europe *gasps* my sprAy wAtEr U BROKE MY CANNED WATER *drops into chair dramatically* i'm better than ALL of u. don't stand on statues. that's gay. then how much is a sip?????¿ *screams into water bottle* where's mom i need batteries i'm telling mom My CoNtRoLeRs ArEnT wOrKiNg *stares at wells fargo* i think i was born there. *tHATS WELLS FARGO *laughs* *THATS A BANK i identify as a baked potato. **laughs hysterically* i dunno it just came into my head. i sWEar this guy just walked in here with a cart full of buc-ees ice. how do u like ur classes yeah *hand gel bubbles r sO cool My new motto is: if you can't be ridiculously amazing, just be ridiculous this is my school bus and i'm driving this people. my watch is a banana *looks @ empty wrist* it's half past freckle! i'm not a dufus i'm an Evan. U STOLE MY PENCIL SHARPENER sHUT UP there's so much spaghetti on the floor--SOMEBODY TOUCHED MY SPAGET *ayyyeee y'all know it's meeeE y'all need to fUCKIN MOVE i can't fuckin walk *ur a disgrace. no i'm an evan david ricardo feels sexy what r u a nerd 9? ooOh thAts gonna take a minute. yee honk a doodle doo! u frickin dweeb u nub Hello *extreme uncomfortableness* *i'm rlly bad @ swallowing justice. *look @ all those DiSrAcTiOnS *at least i wasn't weird and licked them or sm *idek where that came from i evaporated butter i can evaporate butter what's UR superpower i'm t posing ur sandwich ima god. how can u hate a decade. yo imma bout to get full out naked rn. *ANOTHER FIRE that's when it started--oh my jEEZ cLAP NOISES *skeety yeety *ooh i appeared here what is that. **sneezes* woO idk wUt that was but it felt goOd. *thats surprisingly smooth for a circle. wtf.
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Egypt Tours Nile Cruise & Red Sea
Egypt Tours Nile Cruise & Red Sea
Ask the persons who like to travel around the world about their best city and you will find Egypt included in this list. It has a privileged position in the world over the centuries. If we say that there are many monuments and landmarks in Egypt, we have to mention that Aswan , Luxor has the most of them. Therefore, there are many things you can do in Cairo.
 Aswan is one of the most beautiful cities you can ever visit in Egypt. It is located in the South of Egypt, thus, you are going to enjoy its sunny and wormy weather. Aswan´s citizens are kind, helpful and easygoing people, which makes the city possess a positive atmosphere that can help you to enjoy your stay in the country. You can visit it by plane from Cairo or by Nile Cruise from Luxor, which will give the opportunity to have an extra trip to Luxor for 4 days.
 Egypt Tours Nile Cruise & Red Sea
Day 1 Arrival Cairo -Egypt Tours Nile Cruise & Red Sea -  Al Qahirah
Visitors will be warmly greeted at their arrival to Cairo airport by World Tour Advice tour delegate ! Now You smell the history and start travelling back in time, Our delegate will issue your entry visa, and escort you through customs & immigration, then you will be escorted from the airport to your hotel by private air conditioned deluxe van
Overnight in Cairo 
 Day 2 Egypt Tours Nile Cruise & Red Sea - Giza Pyramid & Egyptian museum
 Enjoy your sumptuous Breakfast in your hotel, meet your tour guide, start a tour to explore Giza pyramids ( Cheops, Chephren and Menkaure ), Cheops is one of the 7 wonders of the Ancient world, Now it is 137 meters, but originally it was 147 meters high, each of its sides is 230 meters , and it was used about 2350,000 blocks of stone to build it, After visiting the pyramids, proceed tour to the Sphinx, the valley temple, lunch meal, drive to down town o visit the Egyptian Museum and see the masterpieces of ancient Egyptian time, It is time to see king Tut Ankh Amon Treasures room including the famous mask of 11 kilograms of gold & different other wonderful artifacts. Additional visit to the mummies halls (extra ticket on spot) Lunch during the tour at local restaurant, walking tour in the old market Khan El Khalili and in the old streets of Fatimid Cairo, then transfer to at the end drive back to your hotel 
Overnight in Cairo
 Day 3 Egypt Tours Nile Cruise & Red Sea - From Cairo To Hurghada
Early yummy breakfast in hotel in Cairo, direct transfer by World Tour advice rep to airport to fly to Hurghada ( Al Ghardaqah ) and direct transfer to your hotel in Hurghada ( You canchoose either Hurghada or Marsa Alam Red sea as both of them is only 3 hours by car from Luxor Nile cruises ),Free day for leisure , All inclusive accommodation
Overnight in Hurghada
 Day 4 Giftun island tour - Egypt Tours Nile Cruise & Red Sea
Enjoy early yummy breakfast, meet our tour rep, Be ready for swimming and snorkeling in Hurghada crystal clear Red Sea water, Red Sea water is rich with colorful fish and aquatic life, our tour representative will meet you at your hotel, then transfer you to Hurghada snorkeling and diving center, take the boat sailing to the Giftun island, the boat will stop in two spots in the Red Sea , free time for snorkeling and diving, the boat will provide you by  snorkeling instruments ( included ), but the diving instruments ( you can rent it from the boat ), lunch and soft drinks are included, back to Hurghada port at 15:30 PM , transfer to your hotel
Overnight in Hurghada
 Day 5 Egypt Tours Nile Cruise & Red Sea
Free day for leisure and sea activities or optional tours in Hurghada
Overnight in Hurghada
 Day 6 Welcome in Luxor - Luxor Tours from Nile Cruise
Early breakfast or take a lunch box with you from the hotel, meet our tour rep and direct transfer to Luxor city, Check in will be at 12:30 PM, Today relish a tour to the enormous Temple of Karnak. one of Egypt’s superb ancient temple , Strolling through the massive Court into the Great Hypostyle Hall in Karnak temple, it’s impossible not to be overwhelmed by the 134 columns towering above you like an antique forest. At the backward of the complex you will see the holy lake where centuries ago it was used for purification. After touring Karnak temples complex, you will have more free time to reconnoiter at leisure.Stir to Luxor Temple which revealed by Mariette in the 1860 and was once connected to the Temples of Karnak by a two-kilometer long Avenue of Sphinx.  A pure Egyptian temple, the internal walls and columns are adorned with knotted hieroglyphics which your masterly guide will assist you decipher. Find out how Alexander the Great recorded himself into Luxor Temple’s history, and set your eyes on one of the original pair of obelisk, the second of which now stands on the Concorde square in Paris
Overnight in Luxor - Lunch- Dinner meals
Opt tours Sound and light show or tour to banana island
  Day 7 Luxor West Bank Tours Egypt Tours Nile Cruise 
You can opt to float over luxor temples in a hot air balloon to relish views of Egypt most scenic landscapes, It is an adventure framed by pure blue skies over Luxor, Then starting your circuit in Luxor West Bank; where 64 ancient Egyptian pharaohs lie entombed in the Valley of Kings and the most famous tomb was the only intact tomb found in the valley and belonging to king Tut Ankh Amen, It was revealed by the Archaeologist Howard Carter in 1922.
If you want to enter inside King Tutankhamen and Ramses VI tombs, a supplementary cost is payable immediate during the tour. West bank’s touring also encompassing the staggering Funerary Temple of Queen Hatshepsut, Egypt’s only female ruler, rising out of the desert plain in a series of terraces. Relish free period to reconnoitre at your leisure as you stroll the massive courtyards and marvel the complicated hieroglyphic frills. you’ll also enamour the Colossi of Memnon Standing like guards along the way to the Valley of Kings, impressive memorials of Amenhotep that soar 75 feet above the desert yellow sands.You will cruise to Edfu via Esna dam. Relish your afternoon tea and snacks out on the sun deck, bask in the sun,  Tonight, enjoy a specific Egyptian Galabeyya Party. Overnight in Edfu
Overnight in Edfu - Breakfast-lunch-dinner
 Day 8 Edfu and Kom Ombo tours Egypt Tours Nile Cruise 
 Today your masterly tour guide , Expert in Egyptology  will guide you to reconnoiter the gorgeous Temple of Horus at Edfu, the falcon-headed god, Edfu temple is the most completely preserved Pharaonic temple (albeit Greek-built).  According to the Ancient Egyptian legends , Edfu temple  was the site where the falcon-headed god Horus revenged the homicide of his father Osiris by killing Set.Relish an absorbing lunch while sailing to Kom ombo which is devoted to the crocodile god Sobek and you can still see the mummies of an ancient mummified crocodile, which was venerated here thousands of years ago. Kom Ombo temple was erected on the honor of two gods the crocodile-headed Sobek, god of fertility  and innovator of the world, and Haroeris or the ancient falcon-headed Horus. Then, quit for the picturesque sailing to Aswan and overnight in Aswan.
 Day 9 Aswan sightseeing tours - Egypt Tours Nile Cruise 
Relish a leisurely breakfast, Starting you tour by visiting Aswan high dam, an engineering miracle when it was erected by president Nasser in the 1960s, Aswan Dam ( Al Sad Al aali ) is an embankment dam existing across the river the Nile in Aswan, Egypt. it was erected to dominate the water flowing of the Nile river, it creats a huge lago behind it ( Nasser lake ), The High Dam was constructed since 1960, and only after few years of building it, it has had a worthy effect on the economy and culture of Egypt, Relish  the splendid landscape along the river, peek have a glimpse of the world-famed Aswan high Dam, 10 minutes free time for walking on the bank, take the best photos of Aswan dam, the guide will tell you more about the background of the history of the river Nile and Aswan dam.
Stir to the awe-inspiring antique granite quarries and site of the Unfinished Obelisk. Illustrating the talent of Egypt’s stonemasons, this monolith is one-third towering than any other ancient Egyptian obelisk. Now ride a motorized vessel to Philae Temple on the island of Agilika. This heavenly complex was consecrated to the Goddess Isis and reflects a melting of three great civilizations — Egyptian, Greek and Roman.
Thereafter, Relish the peace and quietness of the felucca Nile sailing ride in Aswan. Enjoy the sunset and high tea and snacks in the same place where Agatha Christie wrote her famed mystery fiction, Death on the Nile, and taste the flavour of the Imperial age when famous guests such as Charlie Chaplin and Winston Churchill stayed in Nile cruises tours.
Overnight in Aswan
Breakfast, Lunch, dinner
Optional tour to witness Sound and light show in Philae or Abu Simbel tour from Aswan
 Day 10 Check out Nile Cruise, Check in lake Nasser cruise Egypt Tours Nile Cruise 
Early check out followed by breakfast, WorldTourAdvice tour rep will Pick you up from your Nile cruise in Aswan, Relish One of The Most Relaxing holidays in Upper Egypt ( Nasser lake cruises) , transfer to Eugenie Lake cruise, check in the Eugenie cruise which is a Good Experience and an Opportunity to Discover Another Side in Egypt, Lunch will be served on board. Start the Eugenie cruise tours, Lake Nasser Cruise and Stay is The preferable Way to enjoy realize seeing charming Temples, visit Kalabsha temple, Beit El Wali, & the kiosk of Kertassi. Enjoy your afternoon tea  served in the lounge Dinner & overnight on board in Aswan Harbour.
 Day 11: (Wadi El Seboua - Amada) -Ms Eugenie Cruise Boat Tours - Lake Nasser
Start your Day by sailing on lake Nasser to Wadi El Seboua and cocktail while passing the Tropic of Cancer, Enjoy your lunch served on board the Eugenie cruise, The boat purvey a tempting selection of luscious buffet style dishes, Launch your Tour to visit  Wadi El Seboua temple, the temple of Dakka and temple of Meharakka. Proceed sailing to Amada. Dinner and overnight aboard.
 Day 12: Egypt Tours Nile Cruise  -Saiing To Abu Simbel
 Relish a tasty breakfast, Resume your tour with your masterly guide to visit to the temples of Amada and Derr as well as the tomb of Penout. Eugenie boat proceed sailing to Kasr Ibrim ( Ibrahim palace). Tour to visit Kasr Ibrim fortress. Sailing from Kasr Ibrim to Abu Simbel. Enjoy your lunch meal,The boat purvey a tempting selection of luscious buffet style dishes, proceed sailing to Abu Simbel, Enjoy the calming, romantic atmosphere and incredible views of a water front stay on board lake Nasser boat  will wash away your daily stresses, Arrival Abu Simbel, Tour to visit the Abu Simbel temples, dedicated to Ramesses II king and his wife Nefertari. Attend the Sound & Light show at Abu Simbel temples (non-compulsory, ticket not included). Candlelight dinner on board and overnight.
 Day 13 Check out from lake cruise,Fly to Cairo
 Breakfast on board, Disembarkation, after having your breakfast, Worldtouradvice rep will be ready to transfer you to Abu Simbel airport to fly to Cairo via Aswan ( or by car 3 hours to Aswan) then flight to Cairo , arrival Cairo, transfer to your hotel in Cairo
Overnight in Cairo
 Day 14 End of Egypt Tours Nile Cruise 
It is time to leave Egypt, We are sure that you will come back to see more things with us and to enjoy the sunny weather and rich cultural tours with a fantastic landscapes, Transfer to airport and fly home.
   Egypt Tours Cruise and Red Sea includes
- Pick up and drop off service from all airports and cruise ports as per itinerary by World Tour Advice rep
- Accommodation 3 nights B.B in Cairo
- All Cairo tours as per itinerary including guide, transfers entrance fees and lunch meal
- Accommodation 3 night in Hurghada All inclusive
- Hurghada Giftun boat trip
- Accommodation 4 nights in Nile cruise 5 stars deluxe boat Full Board and 3 nights in lake Nasser cruise Full board
- All Nile cruise tours in Egypt as per itinerary including guides, transfers and entrance fees
- Hurghada from Cairo domestic flight ticket
- Hurghda to Luxor by modern Ac van
- Domestic flight ticket from Abu Simbel to Cairo
- All Egypt Tours cruise and red sea tours taxes and service
Egypt Tours Nile Cruise Excludes
- International flights
- Anything not mentioned
- Optional tours such as entry in Cheops pyramid or in mummies room or in extra tombs or temples during Egypt cruises tours
- Tipping, recommended but not obligatory
 For more info about Egypt Tours Nile Cruise & Red Sea
Website
http://www.worldtouradvice.com
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002 012 11217070
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