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ficjoelispunk · 3 months

Note

Hi Emyyy! ❤️

I’m completely obsessed with Be my Assistant, I’m a ghost reader most of the time, but I make a point of saying that this story is amazing, looking forward to the next chapters.

I also saw that your Requests are open, and I thought if you could write something about Joel being extremely protective... just an idea…

OMG! Thank youuuu. 🥹 Be my Assistant, It means a lot to me... I’m glad you’ve liked it.

And, sure I can write for you, it be a pleasure <3

I’ll take care of you

"She never looked nice, she looked like art. And art wasn't supposed to be nice, it was supposed to make you feel something."

Summary: You needed to solve a situation that put you in trouble, your salvation was always around you and you never realized, you would never expect your salvation to come from it.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. Reader.

Wordcount: 6.4k

Warnings: Physical aggressions, canon, protective Joel.

Oneshot

A/N: Just to remind you that English is not my first language, so I apologize for the grammatical errors.

One of the few clandestine bars in the QZ was crowded tonight. Crowded bar in a QZ wouldn't be new, it's not like having a lot of programming on a night locked up in QZ. But it was clandestine because, you know, alcohol and the current situation of humanity awakens the worst of the human being, it’s difficult to maintain order when you have alcohol involved. So, FEDRA decided that ending leisure would be easier than monitoring.

You've never been here. You was accompanied by one of the teachers who teaching in the FEDRA school together with you, Denise, she was also your friend, or at least the person with whom you had the most contact here. And particularly, you was feeling so ridiculous for being here. But apparently that was the only way. Your only salvation.

When you live in an extreme environment. It seems that your whole mind revolves around extreme attitudes. God had already forgotten about you for a long time, you had been stuck in this place for 18 years.

It wasn’t as if before you had already gone through a training on how to survive the apocalypse, just as they did when the fire alarm roong in the school hallway sometimes for training. You were completely useless, if it wasn't for your brain. So, yes, you were stuck here, because it was a safe place.

It wasn't like you wanted to live in this world either. But you were here, you stayed for some reason then, it made sense to continue living one day at a time.

"It's the one who is leaning against the wall at the back of the bar"

You heard Denise's coordinates, but waited a moment to turn around and look. Unfortunately, the man was already staring at you. A burning cold radiated through your stomach as if you were losing the floor. You looked away quickly.

Ok. It's now or never.

You took a deep breath, taking the first step towards the man. Deviating from the people who crowded the unhealthy establishment. He was tall, his arms strong crossed, placing more emphasis on his imponence. The expression not at all friendly. His forehead formed a wrinkle between his eyebrows, which made his expression harder. The dark eyes, as if I could kill just with the look.

Your heart was racing, if it weren't for the music, and the buzz of the conversations, you could say that the sound of your heartbeat could be heard miles away. Nervousness, anxiety took over your body, your hands were sweating.

The man stared at you without even blinking. When you were close enough to him, you spoke.

"You're Joel, right?"

He studied you. Running his eyes through your body, without answering. He looked over your head, being silent, squeezing his arms more in front of his body. You wondered if you had spoken too quietly, and he hadn't listened to you. Or if he was really choosing to ignore you.

"Okay..." you hummed, looking at the side "sorry, that was a mistake" you turned around, to make your way back.

A man bumped into you. Joel pulled your body close to his, carefully, just in an attempt to avoid the shock between you and the man.

"Be careful where you walk" he growled at the man, who didn't even have the trouble to apologize.

***

Joel had seen you walking through the QZ before. The first thing that crossed his mind was, how God - if He existed - had the courage to leave someone like you, here, in this world forgotten by Him?

You walked so lightly that it was possible to believe that your feet didn't even touch the ground. Your features were delicate, gentle eyes. So soft. You were like a breeze in a field of flowers in the spring. Always stacking books in your arms. Walking as if no one could see you.

But Joel saw you. Not only did him see, how inevitably, him automatically blamed himself for thinking about putting his hands on you, feeling the softness of your skin, holding your hair, resting his lips on your neck, feeling your smell, your body on his, your warmth. For imagining how good you would feel with him. How good he could be for you, how he would do everything he could for you to stay that way, exactly like that, as if the fucking world wasn't over yet.

And now see you here, in this bar, in the underworld of the apocalypse, your angelic figure in a stupid summer dress, highlighting the soft of your breasts, your hair stuck behind your head, letting the rest loose fall on your shoulders, shit! What was the angelic creature doing here, in the middle of this hell?! What did you do walking towards him? Looking at him as if you were in pain... The things he would be willing to do to get you out of the middle of this dirt... take you away from this worm den.

Your voice was so sweet, that he could be selfish and ask you to repeat, just for him to listen to you once again.

"What do you want?" His voice was deep and hoarse, carried by the accent.

You turned your body to face him, while Joel held your arm balancing you so that you stood up again. As soon as he made sure you were balanced, he moved his hands away from your arm. And goddammit... your skin was as soft as he imagined it could be, it was a sin for him to touch something like you. You were so close to him that he could smell a lavender smell that exhaled from you.

You held your index finger, scratching your cuticle. Avoiding looking at him. It was almost painful not to be able to look you in the eye. He tried not to watch you so much, so as not to look like a crazy man.

"I heard you have pills, I need one"

Joel raised an eyebrow, looking at you again. Why did you need pills? You didn't do the kind of girl who used drugs, or who needed controlled medicines. You looked healthy, so healthy that it was offensive someone so healthy in the middle of this shit.

"What kind?"

"The kind that makes someone sleep. Sleep without the risk of waking up"

***

This man didn't even look at you. He seemed to be hating you with all his strength. Shit! You had never done that before, you didn't know how to do it.

Now his eyebrows were united. Maybe you didn't express yourself right.

You shook your head.

"Not for the person to die. It's not that" even though it would be exactly that "it's the dosage, the dose needs to be strong" you tried to explain.

He looked away from you again, straightening himself on the wall. It was as if he was disappointed that he had to deal with a person like you. Who doesn't even know what you needs, or what you wants to buy. A perfect idiot, who is making him waste time.

"How many?" He asked.

"How many do you have"

He looked at you from the corner of his eye.

"I'll deliver it to you in two days, after the turn"

You blinked a few times.

"Okay," you nodded, "where?"

"I'll find you"

***

You are a simple woman. So simple that sometimes the feeling is lowered to useless. You're not good with weapons, you know almost nothing about how to survive outside. Never - not even when you were in high school - got involved in a fight, in fact you were excellent at being invisible. Going unnoticed was your specialty.

Your tastes revolved around art, history, philosophy, music, cinema and books. No manual work, no engineering, no medicine, nothing that was really worth it now in this scenario.

But eventually, after the QZ was well established, you got a job at the FEDRA school, as an Arts teacher. That was your routine, teaching children and adolescents, what was art. Have you ever imagined a world without art? And an apocalypse with art? Yeah, none of these scenarios were positive. It was not an easy job, in fact this was the farthest from being something "risky" you came close to in your entire life. Teaching art to children in an apocalyse, it was like telling a terminal patient, to believe in a miracle.

Life for you passed in a quiet and tedious way. The only time you subjected yourself to something - in your opinion - absurd, was when you learned that one of the smugglers were selling a copy of Pride and Prejudice for 10 cards. It was the best.

Assimilating all this to cowardice is not that bad now, is it? You criticized yourself for not knowing how to defend yourself. For not knowing what to do in a risky situation. And now, more than ever.

Mainly because, approximately 6 months ago, a new battalion of FEDRA soldiers were reassigned to this QZ. One afternoon, Denise introduced you to her new boyfriend, who was accompanied by another man.

"Nice to meet you" you said shaking hands with your friend's boyfriend.

"The pleasure is mine. This is Maxwell"

The other man reached out to you. You gave in to the handshake, which he immediately pulled to his lips to press a kiss on the back of your hand.

"Nice to meet you, beautiful" he said.

The eyes running through you, as if you were a piece of meat.

Immediately your alerts were turned on, the discomfort ran through your veins flooding your body with an unconscious repulsion.

"I don't like him" you tell to Denise.

"Stop being paranoid, he's a gentleman, and his salary is great"

You made a face at her, who smiled ignoring your disgust.

Since then, you have practically run away from this Maxwell.

"Hey, Teach!"

The voice you try to avoid, entered through your ears and wrapped your stomach at the same moment.

You looked away from the book to the door of your classroom. Maxwell had his hand over the gun he paraded through the corridors, and a petulant smile stamped on his face.

"Can I help you with something?"

He came approaching your table, until he was in front of you.

"Actually, I’d like to make an invitation"

You sighed. Closing your book, keeping it in your bag, and getting up.

"Go ahead" you smiled embarrassedly.

"My turn ends now at 6 p.m., I thought I could accompany you to your house, who knows, eat something, I have some cards..."

Your eyes ran to the clock at the back of the room. 17:50.

"Sorry, Maxwell, I actually already have other plans, maybe another time?!"

You nodded to him, taking the first steps towards the door. But even before your hands could put your bag on your shoulder, your back hits the board hard, behind you.

Maxwell held your throat, while pressing his body on yours. His face so close to yours, just being separated by the beret flap of the FEDRA uniform he wearing.

"Do you think you can fool me? Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Please, just..."

“Huh?”

He pushed you harder, squeezing his fingers more around your neck.

"You don't have any fucking plans, I follow you every night and you make the same route every day! Every time Denise invited you to dinner, you said there was an appointment, but you were at home..."

You were running out of air.

"What the fuck..." a third voice caught your attention.

The squeeze loosened, and you slipped down the wall, with your hands in your throat trying to relieve the pressure that settled there, coughing with the oxygen invading your lung.

Maxwell looked at the girl standing at the door, with her eyes snapping and her mouth open in shock by the scene she was witnessing.

"Ellie..." you tried to say, while straightening the posture.

The soldier walked towards her, but you held his arm.

"No. She's my student," you said with your hands on his chest, pushing him back, "it's all right"

"If you open your mouth" he growled on your face leaning over you "I disappear with you. You know that an art teacher will not be missed by anyone"

Since then, this bastard has been blackmailing you in every possible and impossible way.

Ellie was the only student really interested in your classes, she was interested in the techniques in paintings, the books you presented, you developed an affection for this girl, you would not be able to let something happen to her. Never.

And out of fear, an unreal fear that this man ended up implanting in your brain, you have been giving him more than half of your cards, with the thought that the cards will keep his hands to himself.

For a while, this worked, but now, he was bored. And he was furiously after you. The only way out you could think of was to disappear with him, before he disappears with you. That was the bravest act your brain could think of.

You would be ready, you would dope him and then kill him. And now you were waiting for the damn pills, to put your plan into action.

Your brain was so overwhelmed by despair and panic, that this was the best solution you thought of.

That was it, you just had to put up with two more days. Get out of class, and go straight home, as soon as possible, before Maxwell's turn is over, lock all the locks, push your closet on the door, and wait until the next day.

Your thoughts were aligned and you knew exactly what to do. You had passed by the library to take an anatomy book home, and study the possibilities of where exactly you should cut, so as not to make so much mess.

It would have to be like this, because you couldn't run away from the QZ, you couldn't report it, you would die. You would have to kill him, because it was the only solution. FEDRA soldiers die every single day. They wouldn't give importance to one more. Right?

Your feet made their way home automatically, practically running, while your mind rambling about the murder you planned. When a squeeze in your arm pulled you into an alley, lifting you off the ground, making you stumble on your own feet.

Your eyes snapmed with fear. It was Maxwell.

"Let me go" you knocked, uselessly, on the arm that pulled you. It was as if you were staping a wall, he didn't even seem to feel it. "Leave me alone"

"Your little shit" he murmured words over his shoulder, as he dragged you into the dark alley.

"Stay way from me"

He pushed you to a wall, damp, behind some containers of garbage and rubble.

His arm over your neck, leaving you breathless. His eyes looked like a hungry animal ready to devour his prey. While his hands slid harshly through your body, lifting your blouse.

"Let me go, you disgusting" you tried to push him, hyperventilating.

Would it be like that? Would you be raped here, in this place?

"You're a little beauty, I bet you must be all wet for me"

In a sudden movement, he turned you with your back to him, pushing your head on the wall, holding one of your arms against your back. You got dizzy, feeling the point that hit the throbbing wall on your forehead.

You were so disgusted, so scared, that your body disconnected from you, and you couldn’t order your brain to coordinate your movements to fight Maxwell, it was as if you were totally empty of strength. Incapable.

“That’s right, don’t fight, I don’t like to have a lot of work when you fight, but if you want, it will be more interesting...”

Maxwell squeezed your ass, before pressing his body on you.

"Stop, please," you murmured.

"Hey!" A deep voice echoed in the alley.

Maxwell, he moved away from you a little.

"Go away, man, I won't share this with anyone," he licked your ear.

You whimpered.

"Let her go" the voice was closer, you couldn't identify in the dark.

“I'm going to finish it quickly, man, you can keep her later, you'd better get out of here before you find problems"

"I told you to let her go" the man pushed Maxwell's shoulder.

He let you go.

Soon after, you heard the sound of a punch. You tried to concentrate, turning your body to see what was happening.

Maxwell was on the ground, trying to get up.

"Okay, man, you can get her first then"

Before Maxwell got up, the man kicked his stomach, keeping him on the floor, going over Maxwell, throwing several punches in his face.

The man raised Maxwell off the ground, holding his vest.

"Yeah, you piece a shit, I'm get her, but first I'll make sure you never look at her again"

He gave it one last punch. Releasing Maxwell's soft body on the floor.

He turned to you. Growling. Blood-red hands.

It was Joel. The smuggler you met last night.

Your eyes were snapping, you didn't know what to do, your whole body was shaking, you were hyperventilating. With your hands on your knee, trying to support your soft body.

Joel walked to you slowly with his hands trembling up.

"Are you okay?"

You got up, crossing your arms around your body. Looking at the disfigured soldier fallen on the ground, behind you.

Joel shook his head.

"Don't look at him, look at me"

Your eyes obeyed as if it were automatic. Joel's expression had changed drastically from a beast to a worried and cautious man.

He reached out his hand gently to touch your chin, turning your head to the side to look at you.

"Maybe you need stitches" the low and calm tone.

You frowned.

In the midst of all this chaos, you didn't even feel the hot blood running down your face.

Your hands went against the throbbing point on your head, pressing your fingers there, feeling the wet and viscous texture, bringing it to the front of your face to examine. Blood. A lot of blood.

"I can't..." you murmured, looking down, and back, as if you were looking for people who might be watching you "I can't go to the medical center, they'll want to know what happened, they'll know..."

Joel frowned, highlighting that expression mark that falls right in the middle of his eyebrows.

"You're losing a lot of blood" he said, without ever letting go of your face, his eyes examining you, his free hand reached a scarf in his jeans pocket, pressing the fabric on your wound.

Your hand grabbed his wrist, pulling the air through your teeth.

"We need to get out of here" Joel looked back quickly towards Maxwell's unconscious body, turning his eyes to you "I can take care of it, if you want, you won't be safe in your house, anyway"

It took you a while, feeling the small pressures he made with the fabric in your wound. But you nodded to him.

"Hold it like this, for me" he directed his hand to hold the handkerchief pressed on your forehead "can you walk?"

He walked away from you looking at you, looking for some more injury.

You nodded.

He wore the usual frown, one of his hands pressing the middle of your back, as he walked next to you.

Usually walking the streets was normal, no one wanted to look at your face. Today, on the other hand, there wasn't a person who didn't look at you. Joel, in turn, shot with his eyes every single person who took the look at you for more than 5 seconds, causing some to even cross the street.

You accompanied him to - where you assumed you were - to his house. He supported your elbows, helping you climb the stairs.

The apartment was not much different from everyone at QZ. But his was more disorganized. A small radio station - illegal inside the QZ - on the table, maps scattered on the sofá wear out. Empty glasses on the coffee table. Some windows blocked with wood. A layer of dust on all the furniture and especially on the floor. A yellow light was what made the environment a little more cozy, perhaps.

He pulled a chair for you to sit down.

Joel moved quickly through the small space, reaching from one of the cabinets, a first aid box - probably also the result of something illegal - pulling a chair in front of you.

***

Joel was not going to deny that he already imagined you here, in this apartment with him, but he never imagined you here in a situation like this.

Seeing your face bathed in blood was something that made his body boil. Your perfect face, now it would be forever marked by a scar, to remind you of that horrible day you are going through.

If only he could keep you by his side, he could guarantee that no one would ever touch you again.

***

"Have you ever taken stitches?" He asked, while taking some materials out of the first aid box. His voice was something comforting.

You shook your head, still holding the handkerchief over the wound on your forehead. Everything was happening so fast.

He separated a needle, thread and a whiskey on the table.

His hand reached yours, carefully moving the handkerchief from your forehead. The contrasting movement with the touch of his rough fingers, and the calloused hand.

"Let me see” he murmured, approaching your face, studying the wound.

You looked down.

"Okay, teach..."

"Don't call me that" you cut him off.

He walked away from you a little, to look at you.

Your eyes found his.

"Sorry" you looked down again "it's that..."

"All right, I got it" he pulled the chair closer to you, the inside of his legs touched your knees, he held your chin again "it's going to hurt, a lot, I have nothing to anesthetize, so I need you to be strong" He stared at you "do exactly what I say, can you do that?"

You nodded.

"Talk to me, I need you to talk to me, sweetheart"

You swallowed it dry. Looking at him.

"Yes"

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I can do that"

He nodded to you, reaching for a glass, and serving a shot of whiskey, and delivering it to you.

"Drink it"

You obeyed, turning the shot. The liquid coming down hot, burning in your stomach.

He threw some of the same whiskey on another piece of fabric, looking at you.

"Ready?"

"Yes, I am"

He pressed the wet tissue with whiskey on the wound. The burning seemed to run all over your face. You frowned. Squeezing your fingers on your leg.

He took a pocket knife out of one of his jeans pockets, and gave it to you.

You held it. Doing things automatically.

"Now, I need you to talk to me, okay? Stay awake. If you are going to delete it, tell me first"

"Ok"

"Good" he reached the line and the needle "bites it" he raised your hand that held the pocket knife.

It was wrapped in a leather holster, made especially for the pocket knife. You frowned. Joel bowed his head with disapproval.

You put the holster between your teeth. Your breathing is getting a little faster.

“Three stitches, it’s what you need,” he said before getting closer, with a needle “ready”?

“Ready”

You don’t know how to say exactly what he was doing, but you felt the flesh being pierced, a colossal pain taking over your head. You stuck your teeth in the leather, with an afflicted growl, squeezing your fingers on the flesh of your leg. The eyes closing tight. It looked like you were going to explode.

"Don't move," he said with his face so close to you that you could feel his breathing on you.

You wanted to cry, scream. Tell him to stop, that it was all right if you ran out of a piece of your forehead. Just stop. It hurt too much. Tears were running from your face, but you couldn't tell if they were tears or sweat. Probably both.

"You're doing well, very well" he took a short break.

You felt his hands holding your left wrist.

"Give it to me" Joel brought your hand to his leg "I can handle it" he moved your other hand too.

You didn't even realize how much you were squeezing your own leg. But you received a slight relief.

Your breathing was trembling. He certainly continued, without warning, because once again the absurd pain of the flesh being pierced took over your senses. It was too much. You didn't spare Joel's leg, squeezing as much as you bit the pocket knife holster. Crying. Fighting against your own body so as not to move.

"Just one more" he said, "you're doing well"

There were no explanations or definitions for this moment. You simply had your whole body contracted, taken by the pain in such a way that nothing but the injury to your forehead existed in you. You couldn't even tell if you were breathing. The pain was so much that you could swear that your whole body was the wound. Your body started to tingle. Your senses were no longer responding.

You spit out the holster.

"Joel..."

You leaned on his leg.

"No, no, no..." he murmured "stay with me, you're doing well, stay with me, sweetheart, we're almost done"

You tried to focus on his voice. That beautiful and deep voice.

"You can do it, sweetheart, I know you can do it, just one more"

"Joel..."

Once again the pain radiated through your head.

You don't remember how, or when, it ended. But you woke up in a bed. Your head throbbing, your hands went up to press your eyes, in a useless hope of warding off that acute pain.

"Hey!" A whisper next to you, time you snap your eyes, jumping on an involuntary scare "calm down, easy, it's me, it's me" Joel's hands held your shoulders, gently.

Your eyes found his, tender and careful, you close your eyes and rest your head on the pillow again.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, releasing the grip on your shoulders.

"Pain"

He smiles.

"Yes, I know, here"

You open your eyes, he has two pills in the palm of his hand, extended in front of you. You frown, your eyes dance between the pills and his face.

"It's for pain, and to avoid infection. Take it"

You hesitate, but take it. Your fingers slipping the skin from the palm of his hand. You lean on your elbow, putting the pills in your mouth, Joel promptly gives you a glass of water.

There was a moment of silence, the day had not yet cleared up, it was night, probably at dawn. He didn't seem to have slept, sitting in a chair next to the bed.

"For what did you want the pills? That night?" He leans against the chair that was sitting, holding the empty glass you gave him back.

You look at him.

"Did you get it?"

He nods.

"Yeah"

You look away, staring at your impatient fingers that remove the cuticle chips from the corners of your nails.

"I don't have any cards here now for you..."

"What did you want them for?"

You look at him, swallowing it dry, hesitant.

"I..." you look away "I was going..."

You close your eyes, laying your head on the pillow again, shaking your head.

"Tell me" Joel leans in the chair, placing his arms on his knees.

You look at him for a moment, but you couldn't say that by looking at him. Your fingers press your eyes again.

"I was going to use them with him. I would dope him, and then kill him"

You take a while to open your eyes, after Joel's silence, you get curious, to know how he is looking at you now.

Joel didn't seem surprised by your idea, it didn't even seem to judge you. He seemed worried.

"Why? Is he bothering you?"

You nodded.

"How?" Joel clenched his fists.

You frowned. You grabbed your hands close to your face, and shrunk your legs. How if you shrink your body, as much as you could, would make you disappear, and next to you all this shame you felt.

"Tell me" he murmured softly, encouraging you.

"You don't have to bother..."

"I want to"

Joel extended his arm, so that his hands could move away a lock of hair that was on your face. So soft. So careful.

"Maxwell came transferred from some other QZ" you started "an acquaintance who works with me at school, introduced him and another friend, who is now her boyfriend" you felt stupid telling this story "since then he has been calling me out, but I always invent something..." you hesitated, holding your knees close to your chest "one day he cornered me in the classroom, there was a girl... a student who saw, I was afraid of him trying to do something with her, and since then he has been blackmailing me, and..."

You closed your eyes, shook your head, trying to move away from your mind.

"And?" Joel encouraged, he put one of his hands on your calf, trying to comfort you.

"He has been taking a good part of my cards, and I knew that would not be enough, that at some point this would happen... and I wanted to be prepared"

Joel nodded, his eyes fixed on you, the crease between his eyebrows deepened.

***

It didn't get into his head like another man could find himself entitled to attack you. Chase you.

He needed to have a lot of self-control to be able to hear your story until the end, without getting up from that chair and going directly to this Maxwell and hitting a bullet right in the middle of his eyes.

But no, dying is something easy. It ends easy. Living is difficult. And Joel would make sure that the last minutes of this man's life were the worst of his life.

You were right to think about killing him. Maxwell wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted. And he wanted you. In all its innocence and fragility. Now, after Joel broke his face, he would certainly take revenge, hitting you, which was the easiest target, because, obviously, he was cowardly enough to blame you instead of solving things with Joel.

Joel wouldn't let you submit to this dirty work to win your peace again.

***

You sat down, Joel walked away a little giving you space. Your fingers pressed your face, while you got up, slowly.

"Where are you going?" Joel was right behind you.

You turned to him. Much taller than you.

"I need to go, I have classes to teach, and they can't be suspicious..."

He took a step in front of you, packing your face with one hand, while analyzing the bandage he had made.

"How are you going to explain that?"

His hot hand was so comforting, you fought against the urge to rest your head on his hand.

You shrugged.

"I fell"

He sighed. Deep.

"Thank you, for..." you pointed a finger at your head "I'm going to pay for the medicines and also..."

"If I were to charge you, you would have already paid"

You arched your eyebrows, and nodded to him.

Your morning passed with you having to explain how clumsy you were and ended up hitting your head when you slipped into your own apartment.

"It was him, wasn't it?" Ellie asked after class.

"No... I fell"

Ellie shook her head in disapproval.

"You need to report this son of a bitch"

"Ellie, I fell, okay? Everything is fine. And don't use this language in my classroom"

Ellie was disappointed in you, you knew.

"Pay attention to lesson number 2 when you go to do the activity, I'll see you next week" you said before she left the room.

You spent the day worried about the possibility of someone entering your classroom, to take you stuck or disappear with you after what happened yesterday.

To your surprise Denise entered your room near the end of the day. The eyes snaps, the face taken by a panic.

"Did you hear about it?" She asked as soon as she closed the door behind her.

You weren't good with lies. But you tried to set up your best face by surprise.

"No, what?"

She stopped in front of your desk.

"Maxwell" she said a little tired.

You arched your eyebrows. Okay, you knew, he was probably disfigured after last night's punches.

Denise frowned.

"What happened to you?" She pointed at your forehead.

You shook your head.

"I fell..."

She nodded, processing the information.

"Okay, then get ready" she said leaning over your table "Maxwell was found today in the late afternoon"

You arched your eyebrows.

"Dead" she concluded.

Now you didn't have to pretend surprise, because you were really surprised, the beating he took was serious, but not to the point of him dying.

"And there's more..." Denise continued.

You could feel the blood from your face being drained to anywhere other than your body.

"He was found with his cock cut off, and inside his own mouth"

You leaned against your chair. Your hands covering your mouth. Your eyes lost in nothing.

"Do they already know who did that?”

Would it be possible? Joel, would you have been able to do that? Did he do that?

"FEDRA is investigating, they won't leave it aside, kill a soldier like this?!"

“Maybe it could have been a firefly thing”

"No... Jared" - her boyfriend - "said this was premeditated, it was someone who really wanted Maxwell dead"

You were silent.

"Don't you know anything?" Denise was speculating.

You looked at Denise.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, you were always together..."

"What?" Were you surprised by her assumption "together? We never even want to go out..."

"What did you want with that smuggler that night?"

You got up, gathering your things quickly, putting everything you could glimpse being important inside the bag.

"Sorry, I have to go" you murmured as you left the room.

"Wait!" Denise shouted "Jesus..."

You ran to your house, for no apparent reason, you just ran. Ignoring your throbbing head with every impact his feet made on the ground. You just wanted to be at home, in silence, to be able to process all things. If Denise, was wanting to link Maxwell's death to you - rightly so - what would FEDRA do?

As soon as you entered your apartment, you can't help but drag the shelf to the door. Even if Maxwell was dead. Supposedly.

You took a long shower, trying to wash away this whole crazy story. You wore a comfortable outfit. He made some tea. Trying to ignore the fact that his head was in latent flames.

Someone knocked on your door. Would it be Denise? She used to come without warning. Would it be Maxwell? Resurrected from the dead? Coming to torment you? The stunned soul coming to charge you for your murderous thoughts? Would it be FEDRA, to arrest you?

"It's me. Joel"

You stood still for a while. Looking at the closet in front of your door.

Until your brain remembers how to order the movements, and your legs move slowly, taking a break for you to leave your cup on the kitchen table, before dragging the cabinet from the door, and unlocking the braids from the door.

You opened the door. Joel was leaning on the side of the door. You faced each other for a moment.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

You blinked a few times. Opening the door more for him.

He came in, looking at the closet that he certainly heard you drag before you opened the door to him.

"You need to take another dose of the pills I gave you this morning" he watched your apartment "and you need to change the bandage"

You nodded to him.

He pointed to your chair, pulling one for him.

You sat down. Joel sat in front of you. You took your eyes on him today. He was a handsome man. The slightly gray hair, the eyes although almost always hard, were now attentive and careful.

He took off your bandage.

"You need to always keep it clean," he said, "it won't infect, it's good," he made an observation to himself.

He redid your bandage.

He took two pills from the pocket of his shirt.

"Take it, it's for pain and infections"

You took it, drinking immediately, with tea that was in your cup. Praying that the effect would be quick, and the pain would pass.

"Thank you," you murmured "for… everything"

He nodded. Looking at you.

"Why are you doing this?" You asked.

"Doing what?"

"Helping me... you defended me from Maxwell, then took me to your house, took care of my wound... why? These things don't seem to be things you usually do out there..."

Joel tilted his head to the side.

"What do I look like I'm doing over there?"

You smiled, looking away.

"I don't know” you shrugged “I thought you were someone bad, aggressive, I didn't expect to receive your help, in fact, you are very kind..."

"Only with you"

You look at each other for another moment, the silence hovering over you. You wanted to thank him, do something for him... You got up, going to one of your drawers, and removing a number of cards.

Joel shook his head before you even got to him.

"Take it, please..." you held it for him.

"I don't want to"

"Please, I don't know how to thank you"

He got up. Holding your hands together with your cards. His big hands, covering up yours. You observe the injuries of his hands. Your eyes meet his. Comfortably in silence. Joel looked at you deeply.

You expected him to say something, but contrary to that, he let go of your hand, kindly, walking towards the door.

"Joel?"

He turned to you.

"Yes"

"They found Maxwell's body this afternoon"

He nodded.

"FEDRA is investigating the cause of death"

He was silent.

You took a step towards him.

"Joel?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Was it you?" You looked at him carefully, you didn't want him to feel judged.

"Are you afraid of me?"

Joel seemed to feel pain when saying these words.

You walked to him, held his injured hands.

"No... I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of them"

Joel held your chin, smiled.

"Had the wound clean" he advises.

You nodded.

He turned around to leave. Stopping before, next to your closet.

"Sweetheart, you don't need it anymore," he pointed to the closet, "you're safe now. I won't let anything happen to you. I'll take care of you"

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