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forever-more-never-again · 5 years

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In your head (An Avengers Request)

Requested: Anonymous

Word Count:2244

Pairing: Platonic! Elizabeth Olsen X Reader, Platonic!Avengers X Reader

Warnings: Deals with issues of Depression and Self Harm. Do not read if this will trigger you!

Request: Heyo, can I please get an angsty avengers cast x fem depressed reader where R is one of the cast, but mainly Liz and R though. Where like R is usually really bubbly but zoned out sometimes. And maybe they see the cuts while the reader is changing for a scene or something and Liz comforts her. Sorry if it’s long. Love your writing by the way. 😊I’m the anon with the Liz x R fic request, and that’s okay. ☺️ Maybe Wanda instead of Liz?

A/N: I didn’t think it would end up as long as it did, and it does get a bit angsty with the topics. If you are dealing with Depression! Know that I am always available to talk and that you are not alone!

Masterlist

“[Y/n]!”

You jolted with a gasp and your eyes focused in on the worried face in front of you. Smiling sheepishly, you rubbed the back of your neck, “Hey Elizabeth….What’s up?”

The woman’s green eyes squinted in suspicion as she leaned over where you were sitting in your director chair waiting for your next scene, “I’ve been calling your name for a few minutes. Are you okay?”

You laughed away her concern, “I’m fine Liz...really. Just tired. It’s been a long day of filming.”

And that wasn't technically a lie. It was currently six in the evening and filming had started at five am. And your character was a main character in the new Avengers movie, so you had a lot of scenes.

Elizabeth Olsen, who played the Scarlet Witch, was one of your closest friends ever since you got into the industry.

“You’ve just been zoning out a lot lately, [Y/n]. And I’m not the only one who's noticed.” Elizabeth sighed, knowing you were stubborn.

And true to her assumptions, your pouted and crossed your arms, glaring over at where the other cast members stood chatting, “If they have an issue, they can take it up with me.” Your tone softened as you rested a hand on Elizabeth’s arm, looking at her, “But I promise, it’s just fatigue. I’ll be right as rain after a nap.”

Elizabeth smiled at you and walked over to where Sebastian and Anthony were picking on Tom Holland.

You watched them laughing for a few minutes, heart heavy with guilt. It wasn’t just fatigue that made you zone out. But you didn’t want to trouble your friends with your inner demons, and you definitely didn’t want them to look at you different, and you also needed this job!

So, just like you did everyday, you took a deep breath, and shoved those dark feelings down to the pit of your stomach.

“[Y/n]! We’re ready for you on Set five!”

You plastered a forced smile on your face and stood up and listened with half an ear as the directors instructed you where to stand and when to start.

The bright lights were blinding, but you were trained not to squint. You glared viciously across the staged classroom at Captain America and Iron Man.

“You’re all a bunch of Hypocritical Righteous assholes! What do you care about people like me?”

The stern voice of Captain America rang out as his shield lowered slightly, “[Y/C/N]! We don’t want to hurt you! We can get you the help you need like we did for the Winter Soldier!”

You laughed, but the sound was bitter and wetness shown in your eyes. You turned to the side, making sure you got your markings right so that the camera could catch the slight tremor in your hands as you clenched them into fists.

“I’m not broken like him! Not everyone is bad because of brainwashing! There’s no reason for my rage except that Jerks like you leave us to starve in the streets and struggle to survive!”

Tony Stark stepped out of his suit and you quickly stepped backwards, making sure not to trip on the thin wires hidden in the ground. Your body tense and poised to pounce.

“We know about your mother..”

You snarled, “Don’t.” One word, spoken soft but deadly. You strained your eyes so you wouldn’t mess up the shot by glancing up at the boom mike hovering over your head.

But he didn’t, “The Flu that took her. We know that you robbed a drugstore but that it was too late. We know about her death.”

Perfectly timed, you cut him off with a roar of pain and sprinted across the set up classroom and slammed out the door.

“Cut!”

At the director’s scream. You let the tension drain out of your body.

Turning back, you watched RDJ mess with his CGI suit and laugh with Chris Evans.

You walked over with a smile, “Nice job guys.”

Chris giggled at you, his blue eyes bright, “You were amazing [Y/n]! The way you almost started crying! It was so realistic!”

Your smile felt frozen. You hadn’t meant to let your despair get so close to the surface during the scene, but your character’s horrible and sad past, made it hard to seperate acting from reality sometimes.

Anthony Russo called out, “Alright! I want to shoot the scene with [Y/C/N] and Black Widow and Scarlet Witch next! Costume changes and be on set in ten!”

You sighed, waving goodbye to the men as you headed to the dressing rooms.

Entering you saw Elizabeth and Scarlet already there and in their suits chatting.

You gritted your teeth, you could change fast without them seeing anything. You were quite skilled at it now after so many years.

“Hey [Y/n]! You ready for this scene?” Scarlet called out, her blonde wig sitting slightly skewed on her head.

You hid a giggle behind your hand.

She turned to Elizabeth, “What?” Elizabeth shot me a look before she also started laughing, “Your wig..”

Scarlet reached up and grimaced, “Shoot. I’ll be back in a second.” And with that, she left to find a hairdresser.

You were lucky enough to not need a wig for your character. Rifling through the racks, you found the outfit needed for the scene and walked to a corner of the room.

“I was watching the scene on the screen and you were awesome. I’m really glad you got this part.”

You laughed, your clothes falling in a lump at your feet, “Of course! What would you do without my friendship?”

Maybe you were too sure that she wouldn’t see. But next thing you knew, your outfit partly on, your wrist was wrenched in a cool grasp.

“Wha?” You gasped as your body turned and your eyes widened in horror.

Elizabeth stood before you, her hand gently cradling the wrist she had grabbed. The fingers of her free hand gently tracing tons of old and fresh scars the littered your wrist.

You froze. Daring not to speak. Praying this was all a dream. You had managed to hide your depression from your family and friends, casting agents, directors and the whole cast. But now, here was one of your closest friends and castmates, staring at the proof and shame of your life.

She gently moved to your other arm and gasped softly when she saw similar lacerations.

Her green eyes swam in tears as she grasped your hands and pulled you into her embrace.

It was her warmth and soft gasps of tears that broke you. Your legs gave out and you fell against her, your combined weight causing you both to slide to the ground in a crying mess.

Her hand reached up and smoothed your hair. After a while, she pulled back and looked into my eyes. I couldn’t bear the sight of pity and sorrow in hers, so I looked away.

“How long?”

Two words. Whispered in the large space.

Your mind ran with excuses. Anything that would make this a joke and let her leave you alone. So that your shameful secret would never see the light of day.

But your friend knew you too well. She shook your shoulders, and when you met her eyes, they were like steel, “Don’t you dare lie to me, [Y/n]. How long have you been hurting yourself?”

Your shoulders hunched, your body trying to disappear under her gaze. You barely whispered your answer, praying she wouldn't hear, “Ten years.”

But she did. “Ten years..” She drew you once again into a hug.

“Hey guys, Anthony and Joe want us on set, what’s going…? What’s going on here?”

You jumped and turned, once again terrified as Scarlet walked into the changing room.

You crawled backwards, neck whiplashing as you glanced from Scarlet to Elizabeth in a panic.

Elizabeth sighed and stood up, “[Y/n].” Your name made you look at your friend. Her eyes held hope and a wordless plea.

Finally, you stood up. Wiping away some stray tears that managed to escape, you put on the rest of your costume and set your shoulders.

Scarlet still stood, confused, at the door.

You addressed both of them, “I’ve struggled with depression since I was a kid. But I didn’t know what was causing me to feel so sad and weak and worthless all the time. I skipped school. I stayed in bed for days, saying I was sick. I lost my passion for certain avictities.” You drew in a deep breath.

Elizabeth and Scarlet walked closer to you, both laying a hand on your shoulder in comfort.

You closed your eyes, intent on getting the whole sordid story out in one go.

“I knew something was wrong with me. But it wasn’t until college that I turned to the blade. I was so stressed out about finals. And drama and my parent’s pressure. And I felt that familiar tiredness and…,” You drew in a shuddering breath, “and-and nothingness coming back. It was too painful and I couldn’t handle it. When I saw the blood run down my arm, I felt peaceful. Some of the pain left...But everytime the sweet release got shorter and shorter, so I had to return to the blade more and more.”

You felt the tears slip from your closed eyes and trace a cold path down your cheeks.

“I was going to get help after I graduated. But then I got a call about a role for the new Avenger movie and I didn’t have the time after I got the role. And then it just snowballed. I didn’t want you guys to find out and be ashamed of me. I didn’t want to lose this amazing opportunity. I didn’t want the stigma and shame and pity that comes when people find out!”

Your rant ended with a harsh, angry whisper. Your mind remembering all the torrid gossip magazines that slandered actors, actresses, and celbetired alike when they came out about an addiction, or mental health issue.

Being on the front page of one of those magazines for your depression was one of your continuing nightmares.

The silence stretched on. Your eyes stayed tightly closed. You couldn’t face them now that they knew.

“We would never judge you [Y/n]. You’re so strong for going through all that by yourself. But you’re not alone.”

Your eyes flew wide and you turned, shocked, to see all your friends and castmates crowded in the door of the changing room. Anthony and Joe Russo standing in front.

Chris Evans, who spoke, took a step forward, a soft smile on his face, “Sorry for busting in, but we got worried when you guys didn’t come to set.”

A ragged sob left your lips and you raised a trembling hand to your lips. Your head shook frantically as you felt the waves of panic and terror take ahold of you.

A warm hand on your wrist. You looked over at Elizabeth, “Breath [Y/n]. You don’t have to fear. We’re here for you. We won’t judge you. You’re our friend.”

Her words were soothing, but didn’t completely calm the storm inside you.

“We’ll help you get the help you need and keep you from the scrutiny of the public.” Tom Hiddleston piped up.

Tom Holland jumped in next, his boyish charm coming through his words of encouragement, “You’re amazing [Y/n], and I’ll make sure you know that everyday!”

A small chuckle escaped your lips at that.

“I have a great therapist who’s discreet and can help you talk through your issues.” Chris Hemsworth offered.

“And I can guarantee your position in this role and in this family. You’re family [Y/n]. and we always help family when they’re struggling.” Anthony said. A smile on his face as his arms crossed over his chest.

Your heart felt ready to burst. You looked over the faces of friends and family you had spent the past couple years with.

“You don’t hate me? Think I’m weak for...for hurting myself?” You whispered.

This time Scarlett spoke, from next to your shoulder. “We would never hate you or think you’re weak. You have been struggling to stay afloat for a long time doing the only thing you know to help relieve you of your pain, but you’re not alone anymore, we’re your life preserves and you can always lean on us when you feel like drowning.”

This time your sob was one of happiness and relief. You ran to the people standing in the dressing room.

Warm arms and smiles welcomed you.

“Alright! I’m dying here! Whose hand is on my ass? Tom! That better not be you!”

Everyone broke down in laughter at Anthony’s indignant yell.

It would take time. Lots of time. And you would slip and fall along the way, but you finally felt a weight lift from your shoulders.

Looking around at everyone, you realized they really were family. A dorky, dysfunctional family. But one filled with love and laughter and support. And they supported you. They would never judge you, or hate you, or think you weak. They just wanted to protect and help you.

And asking for help wasn’t a bad thing, You realized.

Looking over the top of Paul Rudd’s head, you caught Elizabeth’s eyes.

You mouthed to her, ‘Thank you.’

She smiled and nodded once.

FOREVER Taglist: (Strike through means I couldn’t tag you)

@sxph-t @mialeelavellan @rainydaysrnevergrey @platonic-plots @sociallyawkwardcircus-freak-hi @ayyidkeither @mcuimxgine @mythixmagic @chas-z @iflew-onabus @thefridgeismybestie @strangersstranger

Avengers Taglist:

@jadepc

#Avengers #Avengers Cast #avengers tower #avengers x reader #avengers x you #elizabeth olsen #Elizabeth Olsen X Reader #Scarlet Wtich #Black Widow #Chris Evans #imagine #imagines request #avengers imagine #reader insert #please give credit #please give feedback #rose writes

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