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double--blind · 7 months

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(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation

So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?

We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive

It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.

(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)

Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.

Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.

You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.

This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.

It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.

Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.

By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.

It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?

Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?

Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.

Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.

It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.

So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.

Becomes worse.

#honestly??? it's bc he's everything to her that the decay ending where she shoots him is so messed up #so much sadder #I've got something abt that in my drafts somewhere #it might not see the light of day so I'll just say:#imo she isn't shooting Andy‚ she's shooting Andrew #bc if he's so far gone he'd kill her #then her beloved is already dead #the coffin of andy and leyley #tcoaal #ashley graves #coffincest #character analysis #txt post #this is all my interpretation btw hope no one presumes I'm pushing these analyses as fact #to the ppl who read these ty.... you have my heart...... 🫶

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thesstandsforslut · 1 year

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Untitled Anon Request

Leon Kennedy/fem!reader

Anon requested: If you're taking requests can you do a story where leon finds out that fem reader is in love with him? He finds out by over hearing Ashley, Luis and fem reader having a conversation. Of course Luis and Ashley are teasing fem reader about it the entire time. Can it end with fem reader and leon kissing and possibly making love?

You and Leon were sent on the mission to find Ashley together. I changed the horde fight in the house with Luis to just, not happen :) artistic liscence So the teasing happens then, everything else happens after the mission has ended.

(RE4r)Leon Kennedy/fem!Reader

Contains: NSFW, cunnilingus, idk this is pretty vanilla compared to what I normally write

Word Count: 2.5k+

Minors DNI

Leon S Kennedy had been tasked with finding the president's daughter, and you were assigned to go with him. The two of you hadn't worked together before but you already knew of him. Everyone knew he was one of the best, and you had been a little starstruck to find out he was who you'd be working with.

At first, you thought your embarrassment around him was simply admiration. He was really good at this job, pulling moves like breaking a guy's neck with a chain. Your throat had gone dry when watching that. When you heard Leon shouting at the man he had been chained with, you decided to chalk it up to the fascination of watching someone so impressive up close. But the man had clearly noticed something, shooting you a smirk as he tossed you the key and ran off.

You had continued to... admire Leon throughout the mission. You flushed every time he caught you looking but he always smiled so kindly at you. He was just being encouraging as your superior, you dismissed.

When the two of you finally found Ashley in the church, you had been hopeful that the mission would be over soon. All you had to do was get to where the helicopter would land which was, obviously, the opposite side of the village.

You had run through every area you'd already been through, trying to get to the site. After a brief stop at the merchant's shop, you could hear the ganados chasing behind you as the three of you crossed a bridge. There was a house up ahead, and the door flew open to Luis. As Leon pushed Ashley towards Luis, you turned to the bridge. It was only held up by ropes, and the infected people were still at the other side; You could probably cut it down before they reached you.

"Leon! The ropes!" You shouted to him, pulling out your knife to cut the left side. Leon followed suit, cutting the ropes on the right. One guy managed to launch himself towards you, knocking you down, but the rest fell with the bridge. With a quick stab to the throat, you pushed both your feet against his chest, and pushed him off the edge.

So now, here you are in this raggedy old house, with your mission partner, the president's daughter, and a suave stranger. Leon walks to the man with purpose. He pins him to the wall with a fist on his chest. You ignore the weird flutter in your chest. The man turns the focus to the 'missing señorita' who bristles and tells him her name. He then introduces himself as Luis. After another moment of Leon trying to intimidate Luis, you sigh.

"Leon, we have somewhere better to be than this dingy little house," you unsubtly remind him. He looks at you, releasing Luis with a slight push. Moving to the stairs, he tells you to keep an eye on him while he looks around for anything useful. With another sigh, and a roll of your neck, you start looking around downstairs too.

"Sooo, you and Leon..." Luis started. You looked over at him as you opened a drawer.

"What about me and Leon?" Confused at his meaning, you close the empty drawer and turn to another.

"You had a certain look in your eyes earlier," he clarifies.

"A look?" You ask with a humoured scoff. As you take some pesetas from the drawer, Ashley joins in.

"Like when he was storming to Luis before." Shutting the door a little harder than intended, you turn to look at her with indignation. With a giggle, she continued, "Your face was as red as it is now!"

You roll your eyes and turn your back, refusing to acknowledge the pair. They keep talking about you though, clearly finding amusement in your annoyance.

"You should've seen her when we were chained up earlier. He did some impressive moves. You could practically see the hearts in her eyes." Luis chuckles, and when you finally look at them again, Ashley draws a heart shape with her pointer fingers as she mouths 'hearts' at you. You narrow your eyes, opening your mouth to protest but then you stop short.

Leon was sitting on the stairs. The top few steps are sideways, and the ceiling hides most of his body from view, but you can see his boots through the gaps in the bannister. You snap your mouth shut, glare at Ashley and Luis, and move to the other side of the room.

A minute goes by in silence. Though Luis still has a shit-eating smile on his face, Ashley looks a little flustered herself. Leon finally comes back down the stairs. For a split second, he looks at you, bashful. It's quickly replaced with his usual stern look as he tells you all that you should get moving. Ashley grumbles a little, clearly hoping for more time to rest, but you were glad to move on and pretend this whole ordeal hadn't happened.

Everything would be fine once you got out of this god-forsaken village.

Everything was not fine after you got out of the god-forsaken village. If all you had been through wasn't bad enough, being infected, Luis and Krauser... Leon had been mostly silent the entire way home, until right at the end. He had turned to you as he left, saying,

"We need to talk."

So obviously, you were... worried. You know he'd heard Ashley and Luis' teasing, so you assume he wants to talk about the feelings you had only admitted were actually feelings on the ride back to America. He hadn't specified a time or place either, so you're just sitting here, curled up on your sofa, TV playing some random channel that you weren't paying any attention to, and you're just stewing in all your feelings. It was overwhelming.

You're not sure how long you sat staring blankly at whatever was in front of you, thoughts whirring wildly in your head, until you're bought back to the present by a knock on your door.

You open it to see a tired looking Leon, his hair hanging in front of his face and you just wanted to brush it back. The two of you hold eye contact for a moment before you take a deep breath and a step back, allowing him in.

"Is it..." Leon tries after you've both sat down on your sofa. "What they were saying, is- do you really... feel that way?" Your face warms up as you clear your throat.

"Well, I... Yeah," you respond, embarrassment and nervousness making your heart pound. He puts a hand on your face, turning you to look at him directly and, looking you dead in the eye, he says,

"Good."

Then swiftly, he kisses you timidly. It's short, only a few seconds but your eyebrows had already lifted in surprise by the time he starts to lean back. In a moment of bravery, you chase his lips with yours, smashing your mouths together. He lets out a soft sigh through his nose.

You both channel all the built up emotions from throughout the mission. All the frustration and sadness and desperation. You pant into each other's mouths, tongues swirling. His hand on your face moves into your hair. Both of yours are grasping at the sides of his shirt as his left hand is placed on your thigh, thumb brushing back and forth.

Eventually, he pulls back, latching his mouth onto your neck while you breathe heavily into his hair. His hand slides up your leg, pushing under the hem of the big sweater you're wearing. You close your eyes, wrapping one hand around his back as the other moves down, hooking your fingers behind his belt. He hums, kissing your jaw just below your ear.

"Bed?" He suggests, voice low and breathless. Not trusting your own voice, you just gently push him back, taking his hand to lead him to your bedroom.

Kicking the door shut behind him, Leon pulls you to him by your waist, kissing you deeply. Without breaking, you walk backwards to your bed. Leon pushes you carefully to sit on the edge and he kneels down in front of you. His hands hold your thighs, stopping you from moving as you went to shuffle back.

When he's sure you've stopped, he puts his right hand under your knee, pulling your leg up to hook it over his shoulder. He tips his head to the side, kissing your thigh as he leans down to push your sweater up, then presses his mouth to your lower belly.

You let out a soft sigh, and you can feel him smile against your skin. His fingers pull your panties down over your hips, his mouth following, kissing each new area of skin that's revealed. He ignores where you want his mouth the most in favour of moving down your thighs. When your panties reach your knees, he leaves them there, ducking his head under them to reach you again.

You gasp quietly as Leon kisses your mound, let out a shakey breath as he licks your folds. He keeps one hand on your thigh, holding your leg to the side. The other hand slides to your hip, grasps at the top of your thigh, and pulls your closer towards his face.

His tongue flicks your clit making you moan and wiggle against him. Finally, he closes his mouth around your little bundle of nerves and sucks. Your hips lift, trying to push yourself even closer to him. Small moans and panting breaths bubble out of your mouth endlessly and your hands clench your sheets.

His hand moves to join his mouth, a finger slowly pushing into you. You'd be embarrassed by the noise you made if you were thinking straight, but the only thing on your mind is the feeling of him eating you out as he gently preps you for more.

"Leon..." You breathe out. "Hmm... So close- please..." He chuckles quietly, and it vibrates through you. You look down only to see that he was already looking at you, and when your eyes lock, he hums and sucks even harder.

The coil that you'd felt twisting and tightening as his tongue worked magic, suddenly released. Your head drops back, mouth wide as loud moans and gasps escape you. Your legs try to shut, squeezing Leon against you as your hips twitch. You can feel him grinning as his tongue gently guides you through it until you're left panting and shaking, legs dropping off his shoulders when you relax.

Leon peppers kisses up your stomach, pushing your sweater higher and higher up your body. He reaches your chest, mouthing at the skin between your breasts, then travelling over to your nipple, twirling his tongue around it. You whine, burying a hand in his soft hair, and wiggle your legs so your panties fall from your ankles to the floor.

He pulls back a little to look at you, hands holding your sides, thumbs rubbing your breasts. Your face flushes seeing your wetness had dripped down his lower face and his neck. Fuck, he looked so good.

He bent down to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. Your legs wrap around his waist, pushing his crotch against you. He's hard, cock pressing the rough fabric of his pants into your cunt and you gasp, so sensitive it hurts.

"Ready?" Leon asks, hissing when his clothed cock bumps into you again. You nod with a hum, hands reaching to grab his belt but your shakey hands fumble the buckle. He chuckles, standing up straight between your spread legs.

"Move up, " he instructs, pulling his shirt up and over his head. You all but drool at the sight of him, shuffling further up your bed until your head touches your pillows. You can't tell if Leon's teasing you or if you're just very impatient, but it takes him entirely too long to be rid of his pants.

You lean up slightly, resting on one elbow as you softly fondle your breast with the other hand, watching him. When he finally pushes his thumbs under his boxers to remove them, you bite your lip, eyes unwavering from the tent in the fabric. Smirking at you tormentingly, he pulls them down so slowly.

You huff, tipping you're head to one side while you pout. When they're finally low enough, his prick springs up, bouncing from momentum. You rub your thighs together, playing with your nipple as you watch him take hold of his cock, squeezing the head.

"Like what you see?" He teases and you just nod mindlessly. Placing a hand on your leg, Leon moves to kneel between your legs. He puts his arms under your back, pulling you up into a sitting position. "Want you to ride me, baby," he mutters into your neck, pressing little kisses to your throat and collarbone. His hands pull your legs to either side of his so you're sitting on his lap, squashing his length against your folds.

You grind your hips down on him, causing both of you to moan. Taking him tenderly in your hand, you guide his cock to your entrance. Slowly, you sink down on him. His hands hold onto your hips, fingers trembling. When he's as deep in you as possible, your head falls forward, resting on his shoulder. Both of you stay still for a moment, catching your breath.

"C'mon darlin'," he says, tapping your ass lightly. You lift yourself with unstable legs, and when you've pulled off his full length, Leon grabs your hips and pulls you back down. You moan into his shoulder, pressing your open mouth to his skin.

His strong hands help lift you up and down. Your legs tremble more and more with every raise and you struggle to keep yourself upright. So you wrap your arms tightly around his back, nails digging in like anchors.

Leon starts thrusting up to meet you and your legs give out. You're moaning and babbling against his shoulder as you bounce on his cock from the force of his thrusting. He moves one hand from your hip to your back, holding you close to him, and he's panting in your ear, whispering sweet praises.

"Feels so good," he says breathily. "So soft and warm and-" he cuts himself off with a moan. You squeeze around him, clawing your nails on his back. You need him closer. You wrap your legs around his waist and press your teeth into his shoulder, now wet with your saliva, as you rock your hips.

When your climax finally hits, it's explosive. You throw your head back as your back arches, pressing against him ever closer. You can't even hear the scream that tears from your throat over the ringing in your ears. Your whole body quivers.

Leon kisses your neck, his thrusting staggering as he nears his own completion. As you slowly come down from the high, your body thrumming and tingling, you tangle a hand weakly in his hair. His hands grab at your body with the same desperation as yours had his. You whine with overstimulation, slumping your body against his, trying to coax him to completion by rolling your hips.

With a garbled moan, Leon finishes, hands push you down on him as deep as he can go. His warm cum floods you in bursts. You keep rocking until he's emptied himself in you, until he's grumbling from stimulation and his hands hold you still, forcing you to stop.

He pulls you both down, flopping on your sides, still wrapped around each other. You whine sadly when his softened cock slips out of you, making his eyes crinkle as he laughs quietly. He stretched over you to grab a blanket and lay it over your naked bodies. You were both curled up, legs tangled, arms clinging to each other tightly.

Leon stroked his hand up and down your back. You tucked your head under him, sighing contently as the pair of you drifted off to sleep.

#i've looked at words for so long #i can no longer read #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy fanfic #x reader #resident evil #resident evil 4 #re4 #luis serra #ashley graham

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