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storiesofsvu · 6 months

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For I Have Sinned

AU Pastorswife!Tara Lewis x married!religious!fem!reader warnings: language, smut, minor derogatory talk, pussy spanking, teasing, technically there's cheating lol

Requested by anon. Also dont come for me i know little to nothing about religion & how shit works LOL. This will likely have a follow up or two as well👀

It was wrong, you knew that.

It was absolutely sinful.

Immoral, indecorous even.

But for some reason that didn’t manage to stop you.

The enticement was too strong, the thought of submitting to a temptation that had long been nipping at you, living in the back of your brain since the first time her fingers had delicately plucked a small leaf from your hair, a soft smile on her cheeks and a warm look in her eyes. She was friendly, welcoming, whisking you away from your husbands with a gentle hand on the small of your back while she guided you inside the church, giving you the tour she gave anyone new to the congregation. By the time you rejoined the main party in the garden, her arm was linked through yours as you were laughing together like you were old friends, not two strangers who had just met.

A handful of children ran up to her in an excited chorus of ‘Mrs. Lewis!’ and you searched through the group, asking which ones were hers. She was quick to shake her head, quietly mentioning that while they’d tried, it hadn’t been part of gods plan, that they were happy the way they were. It was only a second later she was encouraging you to call your own kids over to join the group, introducing them and guiding them into a couple of games to entertain themselves. The children didn’t just know her because she was the pastor’s wife, she also taught Sunday school, enlightening the minds of the younger generation to the religion you’d always loved, the one you’d grown up with and been faithful to your entire life.

Which was very unlike Tara’s experience. She’d married into it. Meeting her husband in her senior year of high school, your typical meet cute studying in the library. Distraction from studying lead to coffee, which lead to lunch, which lead to dinner off campus, first just one date, then another, then a night where neither wanted to say goodnight, talking all night, laughter and pure heart eyes. While Tara was somewhat unfamiliar with the entire religion thing she was completely in support of him, ever the shining light by his side as he made his way through the ladder rungs, educating herself and eventually taking on the role she had now. They married young, thinking that it was going to be forever, that their mindsets wouldn’t change, that true love knew no bounds.

It wasn’t long after saying ‘I do’ and fully immersing herself into the church that Tara realized she was different from most of the congregation, that while she still supported things, believed in God, agreed with their beliefs, there was a lingering thought in her brain. One that sparked up every so often when a beautiful woman walked into the church. She’d always known that about herself, even if she’d never brought it up with her husband, she liked women, she’d just been unaware of how much and now she was in too deep to try and get out. She did love him, and she loved the life that they had together, she wouldn’t deny that, and she never wanted to bring that much shame and attention to him if she was to file for divorce. So she kept her secret life exactly that, secret. A few women here or there over the years, though none of them meant anything. They were hook ups she found in dark bars in neighbouring towns, where no one would know she was the pastor’s wife, where she was a mysterious figure they’d never see again.

That was of course, until the day she met you.

You were an absolute ray of sunshine, bright eyed and eager to be accepted in a new town, a new church, taking on as many volunteer tasks as you could to get involved with the community. She watched carefully as you chaperoned Sunday school trips, organized charity events, and she knew your peanut butter chocolate cupcakes were the most decadent, rich and delicious things at any bake sale you eagerly helped out with. Tara was completely infatuated with you, her eyes lingering on you longer than they should, finding any excuse to talk to you, for you to stay behind, come in early, help with things she didn’t actually need help with. Anything to get you alone, because she had a natural ability to read people, and she knew that you felt the unnatural, immoral draw towards her as well. You lingered in the hallway after sending the kids to the car, timed your grocery trips to intentionally run into her, drove the long way when dropping the kids off at school so you’d be at the same coffee shop. Your eyes often finding hers during sermons before you’d smile softly and duck your gaze, your cheeks would heat when she complimented you, your eyes darkening with arousal, tongue darting out to wet your lips when you glanced back up at her.

Tara was a mystery to you at first, something enticing, intriguing, that you wanted to know more about, explore, figure out why you were feeling the way you were. Why you always had a lovestruck smile on your face when you talked about her, why you were always so excited to see her, the way your heart would nearly beat out of its chest at the mention of her name, the tingles you began to feel pulsing their way through your body. Those were the strangest, you’d thought she was someone you were going to become best friends with, that you’d finally found someone you could double date with, that was of course until you caught yourself thinking about her while your husband’s hands traced your skin.

It was no longer a mystery, you wanted Tara, physically, intimately, in a way that God certainly would never understand or be accepting of. You ached to feel her lips on yours, to have her body pressed against yours, to explore every inch of her skin with your hands, you craved her in a way you’d never craved anyone else before in your life. She was all you could think of, invading your senses the moment you stepped into the church to the moment you went to bed, wishing you could touch yourself and pretend it was her, every fleeting moment you were in her presence drove you wild.

Which was exactly how you ended up propped on her desk, your dress bunched around your waist, her hands keeping your thighs spread wide while her face was buried between your legs.

You could never quite wrap you head around how good she was with her mouth, tongue slipping into your core, quiet groans leaving her lips as she truly tasted you, juices dripping down onto her tongue for her to eagerly lap at. Her lips wrapped around your lower ones, gently sucking them into her mouth, nose nudging at your clit, pulling little gasps and whimpers from you as she continued her motions. Tara could feel you building up, knowing that you were close, that it was almost too much to bare and she pulled away ever so softly, her lips tracing across your inner thigh while she let you catch your breath. Her teeth sunk into your skin and you gasped, a hand flailing to swat at hers when she did it again, sucking in the same spot.

“Don’t be so rough there can’t be any marks.”

“No one will see them down here.” She murmured; her breath hot on your skin.

“He might.” You mumbled, urging her face back between your legs. A quiet moan escaping your lips when she did exactly what you wanted, tongue flicking at your clit before dragging slowly across it and your body shuddered, “oh god…”

Smirk on her lips she sucked your clit into her mouth, a hand sneaking between your legs and two fingers slipped into your aching pussy. She pumped them a few times, slowly twisting and twirling them inside you as you felt the electricity firing through your body, moaning when she crooked them perfectly.

“Right there.”

“Hmm…” She groaned against you, vibrations causing your body to shudder, pussy fluttering around her fingers as she continued to fuck them into you.

Your breathing began to pick up when she curled them again, this time the pads of her fingers pressing harder into the sensitive spot, brushing back and fourth while she sucked harder on your clit. Your hand clamped over your mouth, muffling your cries as you hit your peak, pleasure surging through your body as your back arched off the desk. You could feel your juices dripping out of your cunt, leaking down Tara’s wrist and onto the wood beneath you. With one final flick of her tongue she pulled off your clit, fingers fucking you through your orgasm as she watched your body tremble with a grin on her lips.

“I thought you were a good girl, but here you are getting wet in church.” She murmured, this time gently nipping at your inner thigh before finally pulling her fingers from you, watching with amusement at how much slick smeared across your skin.

You could feel her eyes on you, knowing she was watching you fluttering around nothing, taking joy in just how good she could make you feel, pride from just how wet you were. You’d been ruining your panties since you’d laid eyes on her hours ago and she knew it, that you’d been aching to escape your reality, to have her touch you, lick you, taste you in the way only she could. No longer on cloud nine, the warmth of pleasure vanished, replaced with embarrassment of her staring at your most intimate parts. Your hand covered your face, cheeks burning now as you tried to close your legs.

“Uh.” Tara clicked her tongue, hands splayed on your thighs as she stood from her chair, pushing your legs back open, “sweet girl, you’re not done yet, you know better. You’ve sinned…now you have to be punished.”

You let out a whine in protest, but left yourself on display, legs wide open for her to do with whatever she pleased. The heat was still present in your cheeks, knowing that it was only Tara you could ever do something like this with, that she was the only one who could get you this vulnerable yet this turned on in the same moment. Glancing up you caught her sucking your juices off her fingers, making sure they were wet and ready for whatever punishment she had in mind. Her hands gently gripped your ankles, sliding up your legs and your breath hitched in your throat.

“Well… you really are a naughty girl, aren’t you?” She purred, leaning over your body as she spoke and you whimpered softly, distracted by her being so close to you, you missed when she pulled her hand back, a gasp escaping your lips when she spanked your pussy sharply. “Getting so turned on, so horny and in a house of God.” Another spank, leaving your body jolting, “and this isn’t stopping it, huh?” Spank. “I can feel you getting wetter,” Spank. “thinking about all the dirty things you want me to do to you, hmm?” Spank. “all the different ways I can make you come?” Spank. Tara leant forward, her lips brushing the column of your neck before she nipped at your earlobe, her breath hot on your skin when she spoke again, “god your little pussy just loves how I fuck you, hmm?” Spank.

You could feel the heat prickling through your body again, your chest heaving as Tara’s hand swatted at your drenched cunt once more and you let out a loud whine. You pulsed around nothing, your clit throbbing at the thought of being touched once again, even if it was a quick spank that she delivered right as you thought about it.

“Everyone thinks you’re such a good girl,” spank, “the perfect little wife. But here you are begging me to do whatever I want to you.” Spank. “like a little whore.”

The final spank hit right where you needed it, Tara’s free hand quickly coming up to cover your mouth as you cried out, your cunt throbbing as your hips rocked up off the desk, juices squirting out of you, dripping down onto the floor below.

“Oh g-god…” You whimpered, your body shivering as Tara chuckled softly above you, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of your neck before righting herself between your legs. Her hands soothed up and down your bare skin, watching your chest heave as you caught your breath.

“You alright?”

“Mhmm.” You nodded, eyes fluttering open as you gazed up at her, “more… please.”

Tara’s lips split into a smirk, a small laugh coming from her as she shook her head, “oh you needy little thing, you still want more?” Her hands shifted to the buckle of her belt, slowly undoing it before her pants, a hungry look in her eye as, of course, this had been her plan all along, “want me to stretch you out with my cock so you can take the lord’s name in vain… again?”

“Yes!” You cried, “oh please yes!” Your body trembled with anticipation, a whimper leaving your lips and Tara practically pouted at you, her hands moving your feet down to the floor as she gently tugged you off the desk. A finger curled under your chin, tilting your face up to hers before she left a kiss on your lips.

“Sssh. It’s okay honey, I know, I know.” She kissed the tip of your nose, “I can make you feel so much better than that pathetic excuse of a man ever could.” She swatted at the side of your hip, “now turn around and bend over.”

You did exactly as she asked, bracing yourself against her desk as you listened to the sound of her undoing her pants, shoving them far enough down to let the toy pop out of the fabric. Her hands trailed up your inner thighs, fingers ghosting through your wetness, pulling a shudder from you. Tara’s hand wrapped around her cock, rubbing it through your folds until you were pushing back toward her.

“Please…” you whined, “need you.”

“Alright.” She chuckled softly, pushing into you until she was fully seated and you let out a low moan at the sensation.

“Fuck…”

“Such obscene language from such an innocent girl.” She teased, her hands gripping your hips as she began to fuck you. “Whoever would have thought?”

Her cock plunged deeper into you with each thrust, your hips gently crashing into the desk as your pussy began to flutter around her, whimpers and whines leaving your lips. Pleasure coursed through you, tingling down your legs, making them shake when the tip of the toy brushed the sensitive spot inside your cunt.

“S-so good.” You mumbled out, your words already airy as you were back amongst the clouds.

“That’s it angel…” Tara soothed, her hand running up your back, “taking me so well.” She thrusted particularly hard, jerking your hips into the side of the desk and you gasped. “You just love being a little cock slut behind closed doors where no one can see you.”

“Mmhmm!” Doing your best to nod, your eyes scrunched shut, your teeth digging into your lip in an attempt to not make too much noise. You knew the worst thing for the both of you was if you were ever caught, not to mention here of all places. “M-close.”

“I know baby.”

Heat coursed through your veins, tingling down to the tip of your fingers and toes, curling tighter and hotter in the pit of your stomach with each thrust of her hips. Your cunt was clenching down so hard around her you were certain if it wasn’t for how drenched you were she would barely be able to move. You could feel your slick leaking down your thighs, all you could hear were the wet sounds echoing from your pussy as Tara continued to thrust into it.

One hand remained braced on your hip while the other snuck around your body between it at the desk, quickly finding your clit and pinching it.

“Fuck!” You whined and she gently spanked it in retaliation of your language, making you shudder. Her fingers began to rub it, slowly at first, building faster and faster until she was in time with her thrusts, pressing harder with each pass of her fingers.

“That’s it angel…” she purred, “let go for me one more time. I know you can.”

She circled her hips and your body tensed, thighs trembling when you hit your peak for a third time in the last hour, nails clawing at the wood of the desk and you bit down on your lip so hard you swore you could taste blood.

“Jesus Christ…”

Tara chuckled darkly, her hands moving back to your hips, soothing across your skin while her hips slowed, softly fucking you through your orgasm. She leant over your back, placing a gentle kiss on the side of your neck before murmuring into your ear,

“Really gotta do something about that mouth of yours.”

“I’m sure you can think of a better way to keep it occupied.” You replied with a sigh, your body relaxing into the desk as she stilled behind you.

“I’m sure I can.” She said, swatting at your ass as she pulled out, watching your juices drip from the tip of the toy with a grin.

She dropped back into the chair behind her, reaching for a couple of tissues, drying her cock before tucking it back into her pants. Fresh tissue gently slid up your thighs, ridding you of the mess before she softly wiped at your pussy. You pushed up off the desk with a groan, turning to face her as she stood and you reached out for your discarded panties but she snatched them first.

“Uh-uh.” She smirked, tucking them into her pocket “you’ll get these back next time.”

“There shouldn’t be a next time.” You stated and her finger curled under your chin, lifting your face up to her before she left a tender kiss on your lips.

“Oh but there will be.” She smoothed out a few pieces of your hair, adjusted your dress before turning to face the mirror so she could fix her lipstick. “Now come on, the bus will be back any minute, we can’t be late to meet the boys.”

And just like that her arm was slid back into yours as you were making your way through the hallways together like nothing ever happened. That whatever you did behind the locked door of her office didn’t exist until you were back in there alone. That you were two women very happily married to their husbands with not a single secret to be kept.

But that’s the thing about life, there’s always someone with a secret.

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@mysticfalls01 @evilregal2002 @maybe-a-humanbean @dextur @wchipxchipxp @m00nkn1ghts s @daddy-heather-dunbar @augustvandyne @supercriminalbean @prentiss-theorem @svushots @happenstnces @sapphicprentiss @geekyandgay98 @pagetboobstarcomments @onmykneesformarvel @inlovewithemilyprentiss @akingcalledkris @desperate-gay @amypoehlfey @overtrred28 @kalixxh @s1ut4nat @inlovewithmiddleagewomen @ollysmulti @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @louderfortheback @elz-artzzz @rustyzebra @alexusonfire @blackbird-brewster

#tara lewis #tara lewis x reader #tara lewis x reader au #criminal minds #criminal minds au #criminal minds fanfic

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tangerinesgf · 1 year

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You Look Happier Pt.1

Tangerine x fem!reader (although gender isn’t specified until part 2)

Summary: Tangerine left because he thought you’d be better off without him, but neither of you really moved on.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. It’s not proofread/ beta’d so any mistakes are my own.

Tags/warnings: angst, language, mentions of blood, slight jealousy, no happy ending?

A/N: While I finish the last things on my Mute Tangerine fic (which I hope to post this week) have this little fic. Also I’m still working on my requests but you can’t force creativity. Love ya’ll and enjoy!!

Two years. That’s how long it had been. Exactly two years since Tangerine had broke your heart and left your life forever. All under the presumption that you ‘deserved better’. That no matter how much he loved you, it could never live up to the danger he was putting you in.

You had told him that you didn’t care, but he wouldn’t listen.

“Tan, please don’t.” You were basically on your knees begging him to stay as he started to pack up his stuff at your place.

“It would be better if you stayed away from me. What I have to offer is no life, love.”

‘Love.’ Even now when he was about to leave he still called you that. And after everything it still made your heart melt.

Tangerine walked towards the door, bag in his hand. He could only open the door halfway before you grabbed his wrist to pull him back in.

“I don’t care, I want it. I want you.” There was a slight spark of faith in your eyes, hoping that he would change his mind.

But no. He shook his head and pulled his wrist out of your weak grasp on it. All you could do was stand there and watch him leave. Being with him was the happiest you had been in a long long time and now he was just leaving. Like it was the easiest decision he’s ever made.

Before he closed the door, Tangerine looked into your eyes one last time. He really thought he was doing the right thing, you could see it in his eyes.

“Goodbye.” he said as he closed the door behind him.

As he left you tried to follow but were only met with a closed door. You turned your back to it and sank to the floor. Pulling your knees up to your chest as the tears that were threatening at the corners of your eyes finally made their way down your face. Eventually the exhaustion of crying all day crept up on you and you fell asleep against the door.

It had taken a long time to get over him. You had been crying for days, trying to reach him in any way, but he had cut off all forms of contact. After that came a phase of anger. Throwing out anything that reminded you of him. Pictures of the two of you, clothes he used to say were his favorite, gifts he'd given you (stolen and paid for). It all went on the same pile of trash and was thrown out not even an hour later after collecting it.

After that life started to fall back in it’s normal rhythm. You even started dating again after a while.

About a year after he left you, you met Richard. He was simple, has a normal job as a lawyer. There was no killing involved, no coming home covered in blood or having to leave you for days, even weeks at a time not knowing if he’d come back.

Richard was the perfect man and although you did truly love each other, he could never seem to fill the hole that was left in your heart.

Richard was working late at the office tonight. You usually stayed up to wait for him, but your own job had been draining lately you so you decided to get an early night in.

You were just about to get into bed when you heard a knock on the door. Richard had keys so he wouldn’t have to knock and you weren’t expecting any visitors, not at this hour. You decided to ignore it, hoping the person would take the hint and leave.

They didn’t.

A minute later there was another, louder knock, or well they were basically just banging on your door at this point. Finally you gave in and walked to the front door. Before you could even look through the little peephole there was a voice calling out your name from the other side of the door.

You froze.

You’d recognize that British accent anywhere, even after all this time.

For a moment you hesitated. Should you open the door? You could just pretend you weren’t home and hope he would leave you alone. But part of you also wanted to know why he was here. Once again letting curiosity take the best of you, you opened the door.

It really was him. His hair was not slicked back as usual, but had fallen back into its natural curly state. His suit was all wrinkled up and cuts and bruises littered his body. There was one particularly bad gash on his arm that drew your attention. That would definitely need stitches.

But despite the fact that he looked terrible, you could still see the man you fell in love with all this time ago.

“I didn’t know where else to go.” Tangerine stared down at the floor, avoiding eye-contact with you. He knew he had no right to be here asking for your help, but right now he really didn’t have a lot of other options.

You debated if you should let him in or not. You knew he didn’t deserve to, not after what he did, but when he looked like that you couldn’t find it in your heart to turn him away.

You stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. You felt the hesitation in his movements, unsure of what to do.

"You can sit there." You said pointing at the chairs around the dinner table. "I'll grab the first aid."

As you grabbed it out of the bathroom you looked at yourself in the mirror.

This was wrong and you knew it. But you couldn't just leave him there looking like that. Fuck. How dare he come back just like that, as if you would just throw everything aside to help him. The worst thing is that you would. In fact, you just did.

After taking a few deep breaths you made your way back to Tangerine, who was still patiently waiting where you’d told him to. It was strange to see him here, it felt familiar, but also weirdly out of place.

You moved to sit next to him, placing the first aid kit on the table.

You fell into a routine that felt way too familiar. You had sat here in the exact spot patching him up a hundred times before and for a moment it felt like nothing had changed.

“This is gonna sting.” you said just loud enough for him to hear. Disinfecting an open wound was never fun and since he wasn’t looking you might as well warn him.

“I’ve had worse.”

It’s true, he’s definitely had worse. That didn’t mean this wasn’t gonna hurt like a bitch though.

It felt different. You could see on his face he was in fact not enjoying this at all, but normally he would just cuss the building together. Right now he was just sitting there silently, almost restrained from doing anything that might set you off.

He let out a sigh of relief when you finally finished.

Tangerine still didn’t make eye-contact the entire time while stitching him up. Though you could see him flinch every time the needle sunk back into his skin. You had asked him about it. He’d told you that matter how many times he went through this, he could never get used to it. Although it wasn’t so bad when it was you doing the stitching.

You finished up by bandaging his arm, preventing him from ripping the stitches, god knows he’s done it before. After collecting everything you used you walked over to the kitchen sink.

In the meantime Tangerine had apparently gotten a new sense of confidence and starting strolling around in your apartment. As you were washing his blood off your hands you could see him take in everything that had changed since he left. You knew he noticed all the things he had given you were gone.

He stopped at the photos of you and your current boyfriend in the same place his used to stand. He knew it was his own fault, but Tangerine couldn't help but feel bitter about it.

He picked up the picture of you and Richard at the beach last summer. You were staring into each others eyes like you were lovestruck. It made him sick to his stomach. That should have been him.

"You look happier." He said turning to face you, finally making direct eye-contact with you.

There was a beat of silence as the two of you stared at each other. He tried to force some sort of smile on his face, pretending to be happy for you. Like he actually believed you were better off without each other.

"I'm not." You face was expressionless as you grabbed the first aid kit to put it back in the bathroom cabinet. When you came back he'd put the photo down and was staring directly at your form, the sudden intensity in his eyes completely catching off guard.

"Look I-"

"Don't, Tan, just don't." You cut him off.

He was taken back by the sharpness of your voice. As fast as that wave of confidence found him, it was gone again. You’d never talked to him like that before.

"You needed help, I helped, that's it."

"Right." he mumbled.

"So..you can leave now, my boyfriend will be home soon."

You felt a bit guilty rubbing your new boyfriend in his face like that, but in the end it was his choice to leave and you had moved on. It’s not your fault he hadn’t.

"Your boyfriend.. yeah." He sighed, for a moment he hesitated but finally grabbed his suit-jacket and made his way over to your front door.

Before he walked out he turned around one more time. "Thank you, you didn't ‘ave to that." He hadn’t even expected to get past your front door, yet here was leaving it again.

"It's okay." was all you said, what else was there to say.

He slowly nodded, but didn’t move yet. For a moment you just stood there, looking at each other. Old memories running through your head, about how you stood here in the exact same position two years ago. Only now it was you telling him to leave.

"Goodbye, Tan."

And then he was gone again. You choked out a breath and brought your hands up to your face, holding it. Fuck.

A/N: part 2???? I loved this idea so much, I wrote it in about 2 hours, hope ya’ll liked it too!

Taglist: @venusthepirate @bratdoll666 @assmaster37 @wrendermeuseless @waiting4ff @kpopgirlbtssvt (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

#tangerine x reader #tangerine bullet train #tangerine x you #tangerine imagine #bullet train fanfic #tangerine fanfiction #aaron taylor johnson #bullet train #bullet train x reader

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 1 year

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Bit of a sad request but, could you do a cotl fic where the reader helps Shamura with their daily tasks (Reminding them of what they need to do today, replacing their bandages, etc). As a result of this, the two become quite close. Though Shamura sometimes forgets who they are. Then one day the lamb comes to kill Shamura and the reader and their fellow followers watch in horror as Shamura is defeated. Then the reader, in a blind rage, charges at the lamb with a dagger and is killed by the lamb.

"Shamura, were have a fighting pit scheduled at sundown."

"O'Wise One, your bandages are due for a change. I can see the red flowing into your eyes."

"Please rest, my lord. I'll take care of the nonbelievers who doubt your wisdom."

This is how life in Silk Cradle was for you:

Being a keeper for your lord and savior Bishop Shamura. Although they didn't necessarily appoint you to that role, you just helped them out one day when they forgot about an important matter they had to attend to.

And ever since, you've spent nearly every minute together.

It was never out of fear nor blind obedience, but rather out of genuine concern for Shamura. Of course, Witness Allocer and the other temple guardians were there to attend to their needs, though none of them formed such a close emotional connection with their bishop like you did.

While Shamura didn't often say it, they appreciated what you did for them. They didn't need their hand held through every single task, but your presence and reminders kept them grounded through the difficult times.

Especially on the nights where they remember Narinder's betrayal, which caused their headaches to become unbearable and the bleeding to be excessive...not to mention the grief of chaining him down below.

Every time they asked you if that was truly the right thing to do, you'd reassure them "yes".

Despite rarely leaving their side, Shamura's memories would still be quite foggy, and at times they'd even forget who you are. They'd wonder why you're always following them around, or how you snuck into their den unnoticed.

As a result, they'd grow angry until you managed to calm them down, gently reminding them of your role and duties. Only then did they apologize for forgetting so often.

But you forgave them every time.

It wasn't their fault.

As of late, things have been settling down within the lands of the Old Faith. While the prophecy of a lamb bearing the Red Crown was feared to come true, the bishops were swift in dispatching every single member of that kind until none remained.

It didn't matter how old or young they were.

All of them had to be slain.

Though after Shamura returned to Silk Cradle after the scheduled execution of the last lamb, you had noted the rather distressed look upon their face.

Today should have been a cause of celebration, so why did they seem so distraught?

Only days later did you finally learn the horrible truth from your fellow acolytes:

That cursed Lamb had risen again, as a vessel of the Red Crown, and has already amassed a following in Narinder's name.

Just like the prophecy foretold..they sought to kill the Bishops who held the chains to his prison, freeing him so he could return to the physical plane and reshape the Old Faith into his own image.

The first to fall was Leshy, having been murdered practically overnight after Lamb took on several crusades in Darkwood. Even his loyal servants were brutally beaten and forcefully indoctrinated into their cult, brainwashed into helping the enemy.

Fortunately, the door to Silk Cradle remained tightly sealed, as their cult was still quite weak at the time and could not open the realm.

But it didn't stop Shamura from secretly dreading what was to come..

That one day they, too, will die by the Lamb's hand.

You continued consoling them, even as Heket and Kallamar were eventually defeated as well. Just like Leshy, their hearts were apparently ripped out of their mangled corpses--which served to strength Lamb even further.

Before long, they were crusading throughout Silk Cradle, striking down any pests and non-believers who stood in their path. Not even the carefully-placed traps deterred them from pushing forward and incapacitating Shamura's guardians.

You weren't really trained to be a fighter, so...there was nothing you could do as they ordered you not to pursue the heretic.

Yet worry plagued you day and night.

How could you not want to defend your beloved bishop? Especially when their fight with Lamb was inevitable?

........

"Shamura, is there no other way to resolve this? Surely there must be something!" You pleaded, trying to stop the spider from initiating the ritual.

Both of you were awaiting the Lamb's arrival in the center of the temple..and you couldn't help but be afraid of what's to come. You didn't want Shamura to feel like you lost faith in them.

The thought of losing them just scared you. It scared you a lot.

"Maybe we can negotiate-?"

"Negotiations never worked in our favor...not with our brother," they simply muttered in reply, reaching up to brush their fingers along their bandaged head. "Only by our spilled blood shall the chains be broke. This is how it must end. Negotiations never worked in our favor. Not with our brother..not with this Lamb. I did try to warn them, but they couldn't stay away. I only hope they can prepare for what comes after..."

Despite their attempts to remain strong in the presence of you and the devotees circling around them, you could see that they've ultimately resigned to their fate.

Yet..you admired how badly they wanted to fight, even if they knew defeat was inevitable and they were only stalling.

"O'wise one, I believe your power is mightier than theirs. Don't hold back when the Damned Lamb crosses our temple's sacred threshold. If not for yourself..then fight for us. For me."

Feeling you take their hand, Shamura stared down at you for the longest time, seeing the hope shimmering in your eyes. They smiled a little as you kissed their knuckles, nodding to your request in understanding.

Yet at the same time they could sense the growing sadness inside of you, and it made them frown when you let their hand go.

There was a genuine ache in their heart, as they knew it won't be much longer before they had to fulfill their duty: one they owed to their fallen brethren.

But they never wished to part from you like this. Not after all you've done for them after Narinder's betrayal. You were there when they were at their lowest.

They were going to miss your affirmative words, your lingering touches, your gentle reminders, and your patience that lasted eternally.

If under better circumstances....perhaps they would have-

"The Lamb is approaching, my lord! It is time!"

Hearing the shout, Shamura ordered their followers to quickly usher you off the temple grounds. But you begged them to let you stay and watch the fight that was about to unfold.

You witnessed the Lamb arriving, donning a new cloak with a few demons flanking either side of them.

As your heart raced in anticipation, you threw your hood on to disguise your appearance, praying that the Great Ones gave your beloved the strength they needed to fight back.

Even if Lamb died and returned a million times, you prayed Shamura would never give up. They couldn't.

Opening your eyes, you could feel a chill overcome you as they stared right through the little sheep, uttering a phrase they've repeated all too often..for what could be the last time.

"He of havoc, she of hunger, he of blight, they of might. Five becomes four, becomes three, becomes two, becomes one, becomes nothing."

Their surrounding followers chanted an incantation, devoting their life and blood to Shamura, before they all pulled out daggers and simultaneously stabbed themselves in the chest. The spilled blood provided the bishop with an overwhelming amount of power, converting them into a giant eldritch arachnid.

Most would have been horrified, or disgusted, even.

But not you.

You thought they were quite beautiful in this all-powerful form. It was a spectacle displayed for all of you to see as they viciously attacked the Lamb, anticipating most of their movements.

Yet despite Shamura's best efforts...they triumphed over the final bishop that stood in their way, taking advantage of the exact moment they landed hard on the ground and needed a moment to recuperate.

Without any other spiders or bugs to cover them, Lamb struck the killing blow.

"NO!!"

Falling to your knees, you watched in horror as your beloved leader collapsed in the dead center of the temple. Their power was utterly spent, now overwhelming their physical body completely.

You heard Shamura claim that these sort of rituals were only for emergencies and were usually extremely painful and difficult to control..

But never did you imagine it would lead to them spending their last moments alive screeching in agony, their body violently convulsing as they cried out to you.

Then it finally burst open into a bloody, gory mess.

And all fell silent.

Tears streaked your face as the remaining spectators panicked and fled from the temple, terrified of the Lamb's might.

But you could only watch as they casually dusted off their fleece and wiped the blood from their face, stepping over the bones of their fallen enemies. Their weapon morphed back into the Red Crown, returning to the top of their head.

Somehow they hadn't noticed you yet. Though they seemed too exhausted to check.

One of their eyes was swelled shut, and they could feel the stinging scratch marks from where Shamura swiped their claws. They even managed to make the usually sturdy sheep actually limp towards their corpse.

They were lucky. They already sacrificed one follower to bring themselves back from the brink..another would've just been wasteful.

Finally, they reached the nauseating pile of flesh, silk, and bone. Atop that was the final bishop heart they needed in order to unlock their crown's full potential.

'This is all I need..then I can head back to the cult and heal..' They thought to themselves.

But just as they were reaching for the heart-

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT, LAMB!"

Your scream of rage startled them, making them spin around to see you charging towards them with a dagger, deciding to take their life here and now.

However, you made the fatal mistake of forgetting they had allies with them...

As you were shot in the heart by a Vesta's arrow, collapsing to the ground instantly, the dagger clattering beside you.

Lamb blinked, looking to the demon and smiling at them, nodding in thanks. But they tensed up when they realized you were somehow still alive.

"....so..c-close..."

Though since your hood had fallen off, they could see your face, blood trickling down your chest as you smiled in sorrow, looking up at them.

"I'll..tell you a secret, little Lamb.." You rasped, a bloodied hand weakly grasping the hem of their fleece. "I-I loved them more than anyone....truly, h-honestly...and you took them from me. Could you ever understand that pain?" Tears dripped down your cheeks. "Or maybe it means nothing to you..s-since you can easily....bring back anyone you want.."

For a few moments, they just blankly stared down at you, thinking over your words and listening to your agonizing breaths of pain. Their eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"...I can't bring back everyone I loved."

You blinked, surprised to hear them actually speak. But you laughed softly.

"Hah, good...you do...u-understand..."

Finally, you drew your last breath as your hand slipped from their fleece, falling lifelessly to the ground.

Lamb didn't even realize they were crying until they brought a hand to their dampened cheek, but they huffed and brushed away the tears. They had a prize to still collect before one of Shamura's devotees made off with it, so they grabbed the heart and exited the temple.

All the while, you laid beside the mangled corpse of your beloved bishop.

Hopefully you'll see them again in the next life...wherever that may be.

#ty for your patience on this one!#enjoy shamura angst :)#clanask #anonymous #cotl x reader #cult of the lamb x reader #cotl shamura x reader #bishop shamura x reader #shamura x reader #angst #tw death

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equizona · 1 year

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— 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄

summary. which of the genshin characters are most likely to go yandere on you?

feat. scaramouche, xiao, kaeya [ genshin impact ]

warnings. yandere themes, written in lowercase :(

a/note. i have been playing genshin for a total of 20 hours now, and i can't say i know a lot about it, but i wanted to do this regardless

✧ SCARAMOUCHE

✧ you are not the first person who he has loved, not the first to chain him to those disgusting feelings. even so, it still makes that nauseating pleasant feeling bubble within him whenever you are around, or whenever he thinks of you.

✧ despite this, scaramouche doesn't trust you in the slightest. everyone else has betrayed him, he doesn't have faith that you will be different, unless he keeps you from betraying him.

✧ constricted to his past, scaramouche doesn't trust you, but he does trust himself to make it so you can't betray him. he refuses to give you the chance to do so, even if it involves forceful measures that might make you upset with him. does that part really matter though?

✧ you can hate him as much as you won't so long as you don't leave.

✧ XIAO

✧ xiao cares about you so much it hurts. he knows well how this went for him last time, and while he is grateful for your existence, his past haunts his every step.

✧ he is so worried that something will happen to you as well. he can't stand the thought of losing you like he has lost so many others, it results in more extreme efforts to keep you safe, keep you alive.

✧ it starts with simple reminders to call his name, should you ever be in need of his assistance, or should you ever be in danger. this is enough for him for a while, you'll call for him should you need him and he is trusts you.

✧ suddenly, it isn't enough anymore. all he can think of is what happens if you're caught off guard, knocked unconscious before you can call for him? he feels sick to his stomach just imagining it. he starts off with spending more time around you, eventually he is following you around everywhere.

✧ even that isn't enough, at one point. he can't handle you being away from him for even a second. dangers are everywhere. he can't lose you too. he won't let you leave his side for anything. eventually, he'll just chain you up somewhere only he can access to keep you safe.

✧ KAEYA ALBERICH

✧ kaeya is a smooth talker. he is a charmer, and he is a manipulator. he has been left behind so much, by his father who abandoned him in the rain, a childhood friend who did the same. archons does he hate the rain.

✧ he doesn't want to be left behind once more, not when he has finally found someone again. he doesn't ever open up to you, not truly. he makes himself seem like an honest person doing his best to communicate with you. like he isn't hiding everything from you.

✧ kaeya knows that people are selfish. it is in their nature. he doesn't blame them. he doesn't share his burdens with you, only ones he crafts to seem serious, ones you can help with so you don't feel bad about yourself or the relationship.

✧ he molds himself, crafting a mask that is perfect for you. giving the image of a relationship that isn't perfect, but it's real, and you both try. what does it matter if he is building the relationship in such a manner?

✧ being honest has never worked in his favor, so he will lie as much as it takes to keep you within his arms. he knows one day you will leave like everyone else, but he will keep you as long as he possibly can, even if it's through more forceful means.

#genshin impact #yandere genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #yandere genshin impact x reader

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its-jaytothemee · 10 days

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Until I Met You - Chapter 8

Chapter 8: The Path Forward

Pairings: Halsin x Tav

Word count: 3,627

Rating: Currently M, will be Explicit in later chapters.

Read on AO3

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Summary: The party makes their way back into the Underdark, discouraged and down on their luck after their time at the Creche. Now, they have to decide how they can move forward and find a new lead to cure their tadpoles. Part 8 of the slow burn fic. Halsin and Tav POVs

Tags: Slow burn, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual love confessions, eventual smut, light angst, implied past rape/non-con and abuse, graphic description of injuries.

A/N: Sorry for the wait between updates here! Life got a bit hectic for a couple of weeks. I ended up needing to split the Underdark chapters up so they wouldn't get too long. The next one should be a much shorter wait :) Thanks for continuing to read!!

Tav led her dejected group of adventurers back through the wilderness, making their way down to the Underdark again. While she was still unconscious, the others had found another entrance to the Underdark in the Zhentarim hideout. Given that it was a little closer, they opted to go this way rather than march all the way back to the goblin camp.

Last night, just as everyone was beginning to turn in for the evening, an unexpected visitor had shown up at their camp. Kith’rak Voss, knight supreme, and a fellow traitor in Vlaakith’s eyes. He came to recruit Lae’zel to his cause, to overthrow Vlaakith’s unrightful rule. Apparently, the prism they carried held the key to her demise. He explained that the purification process githyanki boasted about was nothing but a bold-faced lie. The zaith’isk does not extract, it only kills. They had promised to meet him in Baldur’s Gate, should they survive that long. Lae’zel had been strangely quiet about the ordeal, likely still coming to terms with the fact she wasn’t welcome with the majority of her kin. So now, not only were they still hosting mind flayer parasites, but they had been branded enemies of Vlaakith herself, doomed to be hunted across the Sword Coast by her faithful. Fighting their way out of the Creche was difficult enough, she wasn’t looking forward to the lich queen sending her best warriors to pursue them.

Tav’s disappointment was plain to see in her slumped shoulders and shuffling footsteps. The past two days were a detour they could scarcely afford, and she was the one who pushed them in that direction. Even Karlach seemed subdued, merely chuckling at any half-assed quips Astarion let out rather than her normal cackle. He was the only one who was relatively content with keeping his tadpole, allowing him to walk in the sun a little while longer.

Halsin jogged his way up to her at the front of the group. He slowed his pace to walk alongside her.

“I can’t help but notice you’re looking a tad displeased.” He said.

“I think I’ve earned the right to feel a little upset right now, Halsin.” Tav knew he meant well, she just didn’t have the energy to joke right now.

“Of course, I didn’t mean to suggest otherwise.” His voice lowered a bit, sending a stab of guilt into Tav’s gut. She let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do next. They followed me to the Creche, which was a dead end. Almost literally.” She remembered their bruised and battered bodies stumbling into camp last night. Her shoulder still ached slightly from falling off of a ladder during one of the fights.

“I know. I can see the uncertainty in your eyes. You think you’ve wasted precious time following false hopes. I can’t imagine my sulking helped with that guilt.” He looked away from her for a moment.

“First and foremost, your priority has been to remove the tadpoles lodged in your heads. You had no way of knowing where Lae’zel’s hunch would lead, at the time it seemed like the most rational path. And you are not the only one here who chose that path.”

“That’s kind of you to say.” Tav responded, her eyes still stuck on the dirt road in front of her.

“I know something of doubting your choices as a leader, my friend. As I told you, I’m here to lend my counsel whenever needed. I’ve met many people who have claimed to be leaders in my life, few have had the heart and compassion that you do. It’s obvious how you care for those in your company, you make decisions with great respect and consideration.” He kept his voice low so only they could hear.

She stayed silent for a while longer, thinking on his words. When their group had decided to band together, she hadn’t exactly meant to be their leader. At some point everyone just started to defer to her for all major decisions.

“I know that this is quite the setback, but please do not doubt yourself so heavily, Tav. Everyone trusts you a great deal – myself included. I doubt that anyone here is a stranger to disappointment and defeat. Except perhaps Shadowheart, but that is only because she is missing so many of her memories.” His last quip did make her chuckle a little.

“I am confident that you will all recover swiftly.”

“What makes you so sure?” She asked, finally looking up at him.

“Because you have no other choice, I’m afraid.” He had a sad smile on his face. They continued walking together, Halsin had grabbed one of her packs from her injured shoulder to carry. Lunari trotted around them, every now and then bumping her head into their legs to get them to pet her.

“I truly am sorry that you weren’t able to be cured of the tadpole yet.” Halsin broke their silence. “But if it is any consolation, I am grateful to have a few more days in your company.” He briefly rested a hand on her shoulder as they walked.

“As am I.” She replied. “Except…you know…about you.” A familiar warmth covered her cheeks at her awkward rambling.

Come on, Tav. I thought we were past this now.

As they approached Waukeen’s Rest, she let some of the others take the lead. They took her and Halsin down through the hideout, the smell of ash and decaying bodies filled her nose. As she looked over the ledge just inside the secret entrance, she saw that almost everything, and everyone, had been burnt to a crisp

“What in the hells did you guys do here?” Tav asked, covering her nose with the back of her hand.

“What? Like it’s our fault that they had the entire area laced with explosives? Karlach is literally a walking flame, darling. Accidents happen.” Astarion waved his hand dismissively.

“Hey now, Karlach didn’t touch the explosives at all. Gale was the one with speedy spell fingers.” Karlach had run up to join them.

“To be fair,” Gale started, pointing one index finger up in the air, “the fire bolt wasn’t aimed at the explosives, it was aimed at one of the Zhentarim. Who caught on fire. And then wandered too close to an oil barrel.” The little bout of banter brought a smile to Tav’s face. She was relieved to see they hadn’t completely lost their sense of humor.

Towards the back of the hideout, there was a concealed elevator of sorts. It looked old, Tav was skeptical about all of them piling onto this at the same time.

“I think we should probably go in groups. This seems a little…dated.” She gulped as she inspected the ropes and pulleys attached to the platform. Everything at least seemed in good working order.

“Who wants to go first?” She asked.

“After you, darling.” Astarion teased.

“I uh, I can wait for the second group.” Tav said quickly as she took a step away from the platform.

Everyone looked at her curiously. Astarion and Karlach started to giggle a little bit.

“Are you…are you afraid of heights?” Astarion pointed an accusing finger at her.

“I’m not afraid! I have a healthy skepticism of old wooden machinery that happens to dangle a mile above the ground.” She could feel her cheeks getting warm at the teasing.

“I’m sorry, you can slaughter a camp of goblins, a hag, an entire Creche filled with githyanki warriors, and a fully grown owlbear. But you draw the line at a little elevator ride?” Astarion was laughing harder now.

“Well, if you’re so confident why don’t you hop on?” Tav shot back.

“Fine if it’ll help you get over your fears.” He waved his hand in the air again and strode over to the platform, jumping on it lightly to show how sturdy it was.

“See? Nothing to be worried about.” He crossed his arms and stared her down.

She flared her nostrils at him and pressed her lips into a hard line. With everyone staring at her, she took a few tentative steps toward the wooden platform. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. The first step she took onto the elevator caused it to wobble slightly and she recoiled away from it, slamming into Halsin behind her. He smiled down at her and stepped to the side to walk onto the platform next to Astarion. He turned around and held his arm out to her. Tav quickly dug a scroll of Feather Fall out of her pack and held it against her chest...just in case. She nervously reached out with her other hand to grab Halsin’s arm and pulled herself tight against him. Wyll walked on behind her as well and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Lunari trotted over to lay down at her feet, giving a soft whine. Tav continued clinging to Halsin as the winch began to turn and slowly lower them back into the Underdark.

***

Halsin was grateful for the lower light to hide his blush and grin. Tav was breathing heavily and grasping the Feather Fall scroll in one hand, turning her knuckles white. She had her face buried in his shoulder and both of her arms wrapped around his arm tightly. Her free hand had his in an iron grip, digging her nails into his knuckles. She must have been terrified based on the fact she didn’t seem to be blushing or embarrassed as she held onto him like her life depended on it.

“Perhaps we shouldn’t call you our ‘fearless’ leader anymore.” Astarion giggled.

“Fuck off.” Tav’s voice was muffled by Halsin’s shoulder.

Tav let out another shaky breath as the platform swayed in an unnerving manner. He watched as they slowly descended through the ground, the environment around them gradually shifting to the strange flora of the Underdark. After a long ride, he could finally start to make out the ground beneath them. The glowing crystals and mushrooms lit the area below, giving them just a little more light to see by.

“We’re almost there, Tav. I can see the ground now.” He whispered as he briefly placed his other hand on one of her arms. She nodded against him in response, still maintaining her death grip.

“You know, Tav, you really are missing a splendid view.” Astarion mocked from the other side of him. “Just open your eyes, face your fe–”

Halsin cut Astarion off with a small nudge, just enough to make him think that he could go tumbling over the edge of the elevator. Of course he wouldn’t let that happen, he had a hold of the back of his shirt. The small squeal that escaped Astarion’s throat was worth it though. Wyll was stifling a laugh on the other side of Tav.

“How clumsy of me.” Halsin said with a smirk. Astarion glared at him over his shoulder.

“Oh gods…why are we shaking?” Tav somehow managed to squeeze him even tighter, causing him to grunt in pain.

Worth it.

After a few more minutes, the elevator hit the ground below. Tav remained stuck to his side even after they stopped moving.

“Tav? We made it.” Halsin urged her gently. She slowly rotated her head to peek at their new surroundings, releasing a relieved sigh when she saw they were once again on solid ground. Right on cue, she realized she was still clinging to Halsin’s arm and jumped to the side like he had shocked her; her cheeks turned that endearing shade of pink.

“Oh! Ha, thanks.” She laughed awkwardly and looked down at his hand spotting the small nail marks she left there. “Oh shit…I’m sorry about that.”

“Nothing to worry about, you didn’t even draw blood. I’m sure the marks will fade within the hour.” He smiled at her reassuringly, trying and failing to keep his mind from wandering. He found himself imagining the marks lined up and down his body.

No, stop it. Get ahold of yourself, Halsin.

He shook his head to force himself back to his current conversation. Astarion had a smug grin stretched across his face.

“Yes, no worries, Tav. I’m sure he’s used to the feel of your nails digging into him, what with your recent late-night excursions and all.” He teased, batting his eyelashes as his eyes shifted between her and Halsin.

His breath caught in his throat and Tav’s eyes went wide, her skin now turning a shade that matched Karlach’s. Wyll looked between all three of them, obviously confused and scared to ask for clarification. The elevator behind them started the ascent back up to the Zhentarim hideout.

“No that’s…it’s not what…we haven’t even…I don’t…” Tav was sputtering nonsensically. “Argh! You are so annoying, you know that?” She yelled at him as she stormed off in a huff.

Halsin thought she’d scour the entire Underdark easily at the pace she was setting. But a strange voice called out to them, stopping her in her tracks.

***

“They are coming.” The voice calling out to Tav in her mind was gruff, yet somehow melodic and charming as well.

“Please tell me I’m not the only one hearing that voice.” She said quietly.

“No, no I heard it too.” Halsin sounded concerned.

Wait…Halsin?

“You can hear it?” Tav asked, shocked. She assumed it was something to do with the tadpole. Wyll and Astarion must have shared her theory because they whipped around to stare at him as well.

“More are coming. You are coming.” The strange voice glided out of her thoughts.

“What the fuck.” She mumbled under her breath.

“Please tell me we aren’t going to look for the source of that voice.” Astarion pleaded.

“Something tells me we won’t have much of a choice.” She sighed. “We’ll wait for the others before moving on just in case.”

Astarion dramatically threw himself onto a pile of crates.

“For fucks’ sake…” Tav muttered. “Here, you big baby.” She reached into her pack and fished out a couple of lockpicks and some tools for disarming traps.

“Why don’t you keep busy and start looking through some of these chests, huh? That one looks expensive.” She held the small tools out in her palm, trying to entice him out of his tantrum. He looked up and gave her a brooding look. “You can keep the gold you find.” She pumped her eyebrows up and down a couple of times.

“You have to ask nicely.” He pouted. She flared her nostrils at him and fought off an eye roll.

“Oh, Astarion…your hands are so slight and nimble. Your fingers dance around locks like silvery rays of the purest moonlight. None of us could compare with that level of finesse.” She said the words in the most monotone way possible, gesturing her hands lazily at the chests and boxes around them.

“And…?”

“You are such…an…” She gritted her teeth, not wanting to finish.

“Say it.” Astarion coaxed.

“Inspiration.” She growled.

“Oh, stop it, darling. You’re embarrassing yourself.” He slid over to her and snatched the tools out of her hand before running off with a giggle.

Whatever, it’s better than him sulking until the others arrive.

Tav and Wyll went through some of the unlocked crates to look for any supplies. Halsin seemed distracted as he took in the Underdark surroundings, he had a distant look on his face that worried her.

“Halsin? You okay?” She asked quietly as he blankly stared over the Underdark landscape ahead of them.

“Hm? Oh, of course. My eyes are still just adjusting to the darkness here.” He smiled lightly, but there was a nervous undertone to his voice. Before she could press the matter further, Karlach’s voice called out to her.

“Hey, soldier! You made it down in one piece. No big deal, right?” Her giant smile shone easily through the darkness.

“Outside of clawing Halsin’s arm to shreds? Yeah, no big deal.” She rolled her eyes slightly. “Listen, we have a situation.” Tav explained the voice they heard.

“More voices? My mind is full enough of those as is.” Gale complained.

“I have a feeling we need to go towards it. When it entered my mind, it felt…scared. Like it was a cry for help.”

“The last time you had a feeling, we ended up fighting dozens of githyanki warriors for our life. Besides, we can hardly afford another detour.” Astarion had come back over to join the group and draped an arm over Gale’s shoulder. He was wearing noticeably more jewelry than before, a golden chain adorned with tiny sapphires dangled from his hand.

His words caused Tav to withdraw slightly, her earlier guilt returning tenfold. She looked around the group of tired faces, suddenly feeling paralyzed. What if she made the wrong decision again, delaying them further? Her eyes fell on Halsin who gave her a reassuring nod.

“And what if the help they need is related to the Absolute?” She finally said. “What if they can help us find our way to Moonrise? We have no idea where this secret stronghold is.”

“Which is why we should have just taken the route from the Mountain Pass. We have to deal with the shadow cursed lands eventually, we might as well just get it over with.” Wyll countered. He had suggested the route before – he was anxious to find his father.

“Perhaps, but the area just past the Mountain Pass is heavy with the curse. I fear if we went that way we would not long survive before the shadows would overtake us.” Halsin spoke up.

“Halsin’s right, the shadows there are a wicked, terrible presence. Some types of light will protect us for a short time, but it won’t be enough. We’ll be lucky if we can make it to Moonrise Towers before it consumes us.” Tav shuddered at the thought.

“No…we need to find out how the cultists are able to traverse the land safely. If we can find this secret passage, we’ll likely find out how they’ve made it that far.” She insisted.

“How bad could it be? We’ve got Shadowheart to cast some handy light spells, we can scrounge up some torches, not to mention that nifty glowing mace we found. So long as we stick together, I’m sure we’ll be fine!” Karlach’s peppy tone did little to calm the anxiety gripping Tav.

“Well spoken, Karlach. I agree, we haven’t gone too far yet…” Wyll continued talking, but Tav couldn’t listen anymore.

The darkness around her swirled like smoke, choking her, trying to bring back memories of those cursed shadows. She forced them down, refusing to let them overtake her now. They didn’t understand, how could they? There was no way to explain to them the horrific magic that awaited them at Moonrise. Her vision swam, her chest burned with anxiety and dread. She felt the phantom claws of shadows and wraiths reaching for her arms, struggling to pull her into the wicked darkness around her, beckoning her to follow.

“No!” She bellowed, startling everyone as they whipped around to face her again. “I’m not spending any longer in that cursed land than I have to. None of you understand, you weren’t there!”

Involuntary tears started streaming down her face, dripping off of her chin and soaking the collar of her shirt. She wrapped her arms tightly around her body and squeezed her eyes shut to try and force her tears to stop. It didn’t help, she continued to sniffle as dark memories tried to drag her down into their abyss. Her knees buckled, and she fell to the ground, still tightly clutching her own chest.

“You weren’t there…” She whispered between sobs.

The others simply stared at her in stunned silence. She hung her head and tried to gain some semblance of composure.

“If you won’t follow me on this path, feel free to go back on your own. I’ll continue through the Underdark alone if I must. Perhaps we’ll be able to meet again at Moonrise.” She barely choked the words out. “Just don’t ask me to go back there yet. I can’t. Not until I know that I can protect us.” It hurt her to offer the ultimatum, she was really starting to consider them friends. She couldn't stand the thought of them facing the curse without her guiding them, but she couldn't go yet. She knew exactly what was waiting for them and she was terrified of going back. No, she needed more time to prepare.

Everyone exchanged uneasy glances with one another but said nothing. Tav slowly stood up and turned away from them, ready to continue on by herself. A large hand gently grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She glanced over her shoulder to see Halsin standing behind her.

“You won’t be alone, Tav.” He assured her. She turned around to face him as the others walked up to stand with them as well.

“Of course you won’t be. We’re with you, soldier.” Karlach added. “If you say this is the way, I’ll follow you.”

The rest of the party walked up behind her, all nodding and murmuring their agreement. They would stay and follow her, hopefully to find a way through the shadows.

“Lead on, friend.” Wyll patted her shoulder.

Tav nodded and took a shaky breath. She knew that their path was leading back to Moonrise Towers, it was unavoidable now. But she at least had a few more days to prepare for it. As she moved to start leading them further into the Underdark, Halsin’s hand briefly passed over hers, his fingers lingering against hers for just a moment longer than expected.

#bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 halsin #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #halsin x tav #halsin fanfic #halsin silverbough #bg3 fluff #bg3 headcanons #halsin fluff

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skoulsons · 8 months

Text

hello sorry im still thinking and it’s nearing midnight which means Emotion TM and Rot TM o’clock

this is about ahsoka because I’m incapable of having any other thoughts about anything

also im sorry this is. so long. my Rot never sleeps nor does it care about the word count

Thinking about the “Shin, release her.” “Shin.” But also their relationship in general

Now, we don’t know how long Shin has been with Baylan. I’m not aware of any sort of timeline for how long someone stays as a ‘padawan’ (though, yes, baylan and shin aren’t jedi and aren’t following it the typical way), but shin could be with him for 5+ years at this point. Or maybe just 2 or less, we don’t know.

But what I find so interesting is the trust that’s there. Back in the first episode, Morgan sends Shin to Lothal on her command. Shin is like… master what. And baylan reassures her and tells her to go to Lothal and that she is “looking for Sabine Wren.” Shin gets excited when she hears that, and episode 4 gives a little more context into that.

Baylan knows Ahsoka. He mentions in episode 4 that Anakin spoke of her. And I’m sure Baylan, after getting close with Shin, has probably shared stories of his time in the Order, Jedi he knew/met, his own master, among other things. Now, also in episode 4, Baylan knows of Sabine. How her family was killed, etc. How he does I have no idea. But, again, something he could’ve told Shin as it relates to Thrawn bc of Ezra and all that good stuff.

But to go back, Shin gets excited when Baylan does confirm and tell her to go. Also, kind of knowing Shin’s character, could’ve been a sort of ‘thrill of the hunt’ going out and looking for her. Either way, Baylan trusts Shin to send her out on her own.

Next is when Morgan does the whole star map shenanigans and Morgan talks about where Thrawn is banished and what the goal is. After Morgan leaves, Shin asks him questions about it. “What happens when we find Thrawn?” Baylan mentions war in response. Then, which is still a line that has me short circuiting bc im insane, Shin asks “what about us?” SOMETHING ABOUT THE US AND STICKING TOGETHER AND IDK FOUND FAMILY THINGS 🤠 and Baylan responds with “Power. Such as you’ve never dreamed.” It still follows along the trust lines. Shin follows him, obviously, as he’s the master and so she feels the need to ask him like, “hey, this has been going on for a little while, what’s our future goal?”

Then, in episode 4, there’s that scene (forgive me mis-quoting) where the four of them are on Seatos and Morgan mentions something about stalling (??) and Baylan says that “but you will” line to Shin and, without needing to say anymore, gives her the go ahead to go into the forest and track down Ahsoka and Sabine with Marrok. He has a trust and faith in her that she’ll do what is needed while he stays with Morgan

THEN, of course ahsoka ‘kills’ Marrok and runs to Baylan, Shin eventually comes back after running from Sabine. Shin makes it to Baylan and Ahsoka and immediately Ahsoka thinks Sabine is dead. Right after Huyang asked them to stay together and they’re getting back into their master and padawan rhythm and Sabine was left with the girl who stabbed her through like less than a week prior. So Ahsoka goes after Shin while Baylan isn’t immediately in front of her and force throws her into the one pillar and knocks her out cold. Baylan gets pissed and uses very powerful swings to push Ahsoka to the edge when she was already weak from picking up the map.

When Baylan has Ahsoka over the cliff, he says “it didn’t have to come to this” which had me THINKING. He has that line in episode 2 (??) about “It’ll be a shame (to kill Ahsoka). There are so few jedi left.” Baylan also still holds a lot of respect for the Jedi, and I think that especially shows through in the fact that Shin has a padawan braid. Baylan then continues with (forgive my misquote again I think) “but you know no other way”. Like. I cannot believe he would’ve pushed her to the edge of the cliff and eventually set her off if she didn’t throw Shin. I think that was Baylan, over anythin, fighting for his padawan and seizing the opportunity he had over Ahsoka to go through with something that he didn’t originally plan to do. But that’s my personal opinion and view rn. That could change.

And then, of course, Shin wakes up after Baylan and Sabine have their little chit chat and she starts to force choke Sabine. Baylan, immediately, is like ‘no no stop I told her I wouldn’t harm her and gave her my word, what are you doing, child’. He says, not in a super commanding or harsh tone, “Shin, release her.”

Now. How many people has Shin force choked in front of Baylan when Baylan didn’t want her to? My bet is zero, probably. Maybe one, idk.

Now we know I love analyzing, especially overanalyzing which is evident by my TLOU ones. But Baylan doesn’t freak out when he notices what Shin is doing. He’s not upset, either, because he knows her. But the very simple ask of “release her” really gets me. It tells me that they’ve built up such a trust and respect there that something small like that is enough to get her to stop and/or stand down. There’s enough there for Baylan to say it and for Shin to know it and drop it. There’s enough there that that’s all Baylan should need to say for her to stop.

Also- rabbit trail- but Shin’s immediate reaction to waking up and seeing Baylan stand, actually somewhat comfortably, across from Sabine probably sent raging signals through Shin because that’s the enemy, so she immediately goes to go after Sabine. Again, personal take, I think it’s on behalf of Baylan and protecting him and not just Shin’s personal vendetta (pretty much, at this point) against Sabine. But maybe that’s my brainrot talking. Idk protecting the other is so 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 but I also think it can fit in this context

But she doesn’t. Not at the first one. Understandable, honestly. The run-ins she’s had with Ahsoka and Sabine haven’t been the kindest and also she’s right across from Baylan and he’s not trying to kill her. So she keeps force choking her and disregards Baylan’s first ask.

But, again, going back to there being enough there. ALL it then takes it is for Baylan to go “Shin.” for her to look at him and stop. Baylan isn’t demanding anything. He’s not loud or aggressive or anything. His tone is very reminiscent of saying “trust me” without the words. And so Shin drops Sabine. Reluctantly, considering the look she gives him, but she trusts him enough to know that it’s fine and that he’s already worked it out.

THEYRE JUST SO. THEY GET ME. THEY GET ME ON A LEVEL I DIDNT KNOW EXISTED 🤮🤮🤮

#I don’t even know if this made sense #if it did then yay #I feel like they’ve been my caffeine the past two days #I’ve been like extra jumpy and smiley just THINKING about them #I cannot wait for the coming weeks #also #hi don’t ship them please you guys are disgusting #saw some. uh. stuff yesterday regarding them #in a very not platonic setting SOOOOO #anyway yeah they’re killing me 🥰🥰🥰#ahsoka spoilers #baylan skoll #shin hati #ahsoka tv

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queen-scribbles · 6 months

Text

The Long Burning Torch ch 8

Alright, here we go, continuing what might be (rip) the longest day of Xaeryn's life for my @shepherds-of-haven 20's AU. (And a big thanks to @emeraldgreaves for code diving for me again <3)

Wordcount: 8,350~

---

Xaeryn's knee-jerk instinct was to correct 'abducted, not kidnapped'. As if that made a lick of difference to the fact Red was gone because someone had taken him.

Closely on its heels came Sun above, this is my fault. It wasn't as if Red was involved with anything else that had even a sliver of a chance to put him in danger; it had to be the research he was doing for her, or something else related to the case.

She shook off both thoughts and made herself focus. Panic wouldn't help Red. Her detective skills might. Would. "Could I see his office?"

Pan gave her a concerned look--probably heard the slight break in her voice. "Xaer, are you...?"

"Crying about it won't find him any faster," she said brusquely, squaring her shoulders. "But if those responsible" --for abducting him--"left any clues, especially if there's something I could use to help scrying..."

He nodded, an understanding gleam in his eye. "I think security's done and didn't find anything to make them suspicious, but you deal with this sort of thing more than they do, so if you wanna take a gander..."

He gestured toward the office, then followed a pace or two behind her, hands shoved in the pockets of his trousers. He didn't say anything and let her take in the scene.

It looked the same, roughly, as the last time she'd visited, just sans one tall, charming headmaster to greet her with an easy smile and warm green eyes. It almost offended her that Red's office looked the same without him in it, which was silly.

But it looked the same. There were no signs of a struggle or a fight.

Xaeryn traced a finger along the edge of the desk, smiling slightly at the trio of books half on top of each other, the stack of six more haphazard next to the chair, the charcoal grey suit jacket hanging off one corner of the chairback. It was the sort of space she could guess belonged to Red Antiqua without ever seeing him in it.

The books open on the desk were familiar ones; Jalis desert tribes, pre-Castigation artefacts. The research he'd offered to recompile for her. She stared at the desk and chairs for a long moment.

"... a girl does need a job eventually, and I’ve always loved a good mystery.”

“Or even a bad one..."

She didn't like how hard it was to focus on the task at hand; she was behind the eight ball enough without getting distracted by their bull sessions here over the past sennight--

She straightened.

"Ryn? You need to leave?" Pan asked.

Xaeryn shook her head. "I'm fine," she said, voice steady. "There are books on the chairs."

"Yeah, that's Red for you." Pan shot her a questioning look. "You know the man's borderline incapable of putting away books he 'might need later', even if later turns out to be two months down the road."

She couldn't help a small laugh. "No, I do know that. The books are still on the chairs. Whoever took him didn't try to be chummy and draw out their visit. When he has company that's staying, he moves the books so they have somewhere to sit. So this was quick in and out, no signs of struggle, and they didn't try to play coy. This was a mission."

God help her, it was hard to stay and sound detached about this.

"Well, night watchman says he didn't hear or see anything odd and he's always been honest and faithful in doing his rounds. He does stay on the first floor, though, as there's no other access to up here than the lobby, and there's another watchman outside." Pan crossed his arms, looking thoughtfully around the office. "So either they knew his schedule, got blazing lucky, or... didn't come through downstairs."

"If they didn't come through downstairs, maybe they had a Traveler," Xaeryn mused. "But it would be a gamble to translocate into an unfamiliar space as small as an office." She frowned.

"Maybe they just scaled the outside of the building," Pan suggested. "Wouldn't take more than an hour of waiting to gauge the outside watchman's rounds."

"And figuring out which window would be unlocked?" Xaeryn countered, just to see how far they could follow this possibility.

Pan's eyes narrowed, and he swore under his breath before darting down the hall. She arched a brow at the abrupt departure and resumed examining the room until he returned.

"The corner office," he said, scowling. "It's unoccupied right now, so we use it when we need a break. Sela's always smoking charch in there, and then Bart opens the window to get the smell out but he never remembers to close it all the way. And if the door's mostly shut, you wouldn't see it from the hall. Hael."

"Even if we accept that theory for how they got in, how would they make a clean sneak with Red?" she pointed out. "He'd either be struggling or..." she wrinkled her nose at the phrasing even as she said it. "...dead weight."

Pan ran a hand through his hair, rubbed the back of his neck, and eventually shook his head. "Search me."

Xaeryn mulled it over for a bit, looking at the other books on Red's desk, smiling at the scraps of paper sticking out to mark pages. "What if... both idea are right? They came in through the window, but translocated out? Their hideout would be a familiar destination, thus safe to Travel to. It's an effective way to get an... unwilling or unconscious companion somewhere without much fuss."

"That means there probably were only one or two of them..." Pan sighed, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. "I offered to help him. With getting things together for you. I already know some of the details and I can keep my mouth shut. He said it was fine; this sort of thing is fun. B'sides, it wasn't like he minded doing it for you--"

Her heart squeezed. "He said that?"

"No, but, Xaer" --Pan arched a brow at her-- "I know both of you well enough to read between the lines."

She couldn't argue that. "How many times do I have to remind you you can call me Red?"

"Anyway, if I'd stayed, and there were only a couple of these toughs, maybe... maybe it would be an attempted kidnapping."

Xaeryn shook her head. "Depends how badly they wanted him." Her conversation with Briony and Darius was too fresh in her mind. "You might also be hurt or dead, and that's the last thing he'd want. Or that I want."

"Good point." He sucked the inside of his cheek. "Why would someone want Red that badly, Xaeryn? Is this... because of your case?"

"I think so." She winced. "I just don't know what part of his involvement would make him an appealing target." She hugged her arms in close against her chest. "If it was something specific or just because we were seen together and the people I'm after thought taking him would... hurt me."

They weren't wrong.

"I don't want to know all of what's going on, Ryn," Pan sighed, "but if that's the case, these sound like some pretty nasty brunos to mess with."

"They are." No point sugarcoating it.

Pan didn't reply, just leaned against the wall sucking his teeth as he watched her.

Xaeryn circled the desk again, hoping desperately for something that would be a clue or--

A curling corner of notebook paper peeked out from under one of the open books on the desk. She shifted the tomes aside and found a whole sheaf, covered front and back in sprawling notes. He'd even written in their shorthand, which made a small smile tug her lips despite the circumstances.

"He got a lot down," she muttered under her breath, the familiar shorthand making something twist in her chest. I hope you're okay.

"Yeah, I think he foisted his class on someone else so he could just work on this all day." Pan pushed off the wall and approached. "Not a shocking twist."

Xaeryn looked up from the paper, brow furrowed but didn't rise to the bait.

Pan, however, was undeterred. He sat back on the edge of the desk, giving her a skeptical look. "You two have always been thick as thieves, but it made him a special kind of dizzy to have you come waltzing back into our lives, y'know."

The twist in her chest went tighter. "I didn't know, actually. But it's always wonderful to reunite with old friends."

"Uh-huh. Old friends." Pan studied his nails a moment, then looked back at her with brows arched. "And what happened between you old friends the night of the gala to make him not say a gods-blessed word the whole way back to the hotel?"

Her fingers tightened, crinkling the paper. "That doesn't seem like a relevant line of inquiry, Panrachus," she said, gaze fixed on the page before her.

"It is to me," he countered with a knowing smile. "Maybe something in there relates to why he got nabbed."

She didn't like that thought. Even more than she disliked Pan's prying. "Nothing happened at the gala."

"And after?" Pan asked pointedly.

"...I might do something dreadfully improper."

"Also nothing." It came out sharper than intended. Thanks to your timing. Xaeryn cleared her throat. "Beyond what you already knew; I got jumped on my way back and Red helped patch up the result of defending myself." She waved the bandaged hand as proof. "I'm glad he was there; it would've been a nightmare to do alone."

"Mm-hm."

She shot him a narrow-eyed look. "Why do I feel like you don't believe me?"

"I dunno." Pan gave her a look that spoke volumes. "Do you feel like part of it shouldn't be believed?"

She looked him dead in the eye. "Nothing. Happened."

"Alright, I believe you," he shrugged. A beat. "Did you want it to?"

The whole messy torrent of emotions she been damming up since that night surged in her chest. God help me, yes.

She was saved from a moment of naked vulnerability by something gleaming on the desk, down among the books and paper. She dug for it and came up with an earring, amber bead transfixed on a small gold hoop.

"Hello there," she murmured, cradling the jewelry in her palm. "Last I checked, Red wasn't one for earrings."

Pan shook his head. "And he's the only one who's been in this office since we got back from Haven..."

There was always the chance it came from a student who'd visited prior to that, but it was the only lead she'd found. Xaeryn did not want to dwell on what she'd do it it was a dead end. If it was her fault he'd been abducted, the least she could do was save him, too.

No time like the present, she told herself, and with a deep breath sat in Red's chair. Part of her would rather have her full focus for a scry, but she didn't want to wait the two hours it would take to drive home. There was a driving, itching need to do something now. She pulled out the small bronze dish from her handbag. Scrying with so small a focus would give her a fearsome headache, but she didn't care if it let her find Red.

Pan watched from the other side of the desk, lapsed into anxious silence.

Alright, you bastard. Her hand curled around the earring. Where are you?

Scrying on the present was like sticking her head in a shallow pond to see what was on the bottom--blurry or shadowed at the edges, but she could pick up the detail she was after.

This time, however, was like trying to dive into a frozen lake.

She could see the potential for a vision, but slammed into something that blocked her from reaching it. Dead air.

Xaeryn broke the attempted scry, heedless of the dull ache starting at her temples. "No, no, no..." she mumbled, looking around the room.

"Xaer?"

"It didn't work," she said sharply. At least that confirmed the earring didn't come from a random Solhadur student, but that wasn't worth beans if she couldn't use it to find him.

Her gaze lighted on the jacket hanging off his chair and she seized it, fingers curling in the charcoal grey fabric as the smell of dusty books and his cologne filled her nose. She stared fiercely at the scrying focus, daring it not to work.

Dead air, again.

Her heart lodged in her throat and she tried to push it back down. Think this through logically, Xaeryn. It can't be coincidence, this implies it is indeed the people who have the Torch--Kaza and his allies--who took Red. They clearly have a VERY good Binder laying wards. Maybe Neon would know something; Pan said he's working in Haven now, I could ask--

"-ryn." From Pan's tone he'd repeated her name a few times at this point.

"I can't see him, either," she admitted, numb at having to say the words aloud.

"So... what next, then?"

What, indeed. There had to be something else. Something she could do, someone she could talk to. She couldn't be powerless, not now, not for this. She fought the desperation tightening her chest. Calm. Panic will only cloud your mind, and how will you help if you aren't thinking straight? It took a few moments of sitting in silence, absently rubbing the fabric of Red's jacket between her fingers as she forced herself to follow her advice.

"Well," she finally began, "given I got the same result attempting to look for Liefred or the earring's owner as I do for Solimer's Torch, it's likely they're together. It's the only times I've had this happen when I scry, so I feel it's a logical assumption. I have Thieves Guild in Haven keeping an eye out for unusual activity in Ashtown--the most likely hiding place for these hooligans. I can see if they noticed anything since I last spoke to them. Having a..." Hostage? prisoner? "...person to stash in the same building might've stirred some some activity."

"All the way back in Haven?!"

"That is where my prime suspect currently resides," she pointed out. "And I have an appointment with a pair likewise working against him; maybe they saw something helpful if the Guild didn't."

Pan sucked his teeth a moment, then cracked a small, wry smile. "Red would have a heart attack if he knew you'd made a deal with a Thieves Guild."

"He can fuss over my choices til he's blue in the face, long as it means he's safe," she retorted, pushing to her feet. "I'll ring with updates, do you have a direct number?" She scribbled it sideways up Red's notes as Pan rattled it off, collected her scrying focus to tuck that and the earring in her handbag. Maybe later she'd have better results than just a headache.

"Maybe I should come with you. Just back to Haven."

Xaeryn shook her head, resting a hand on Pan's arm. "Just in case the security teams figure something important, if you're here you can pass it along."

His expression said he saw through the excuse to keep him somewhere safe, but he nodded. "Fine."

"I'll be in touch," Xaeryn promised. She hesitated to return the suit jacket. "Do you think he'd mind if I keep this? To try again later."

"Not a drop," Pan said, shaking his head. "Find him, Xaer. And be safe, huh? I don't want to lose one friend, let alone two."

She nodded, not pointing out those request may well turn out mutually exclusive, and headed for her car.

---

Her head was awhirl the whole drive home, but she didn't have time to puzzle it out--or speak to Thieves Guild--when she got back. She was cutting it close on making her meeting with Briony and Darius. One-God willing, they'd know something that would help tie King Kaza to Red's abduction, or at least gotten something pointing to where he had stashed the Torch.

Xaeryn parked, made a brief visit to her office to lock the notes and earring in her desk, and headed briskly for the meeting. She turned the corner just in time to catch a flash of green hair as Darius ducked into the curiosities shop.

While smart not to visit the café so soon, especially since he and Briony rather stood out as customers, it made Xaeryn wish she'd warned them of the shop proprietor's eccentricities. Chandry was harmless but... off-putting to some, and Darius didn't seem the type to handle off-putting well.

But she had bigger concerns now. Xaeryn took a deep breath as she pulled open the door, but there was only so much her nerves were willing to ease.

Darius wasn't immediately visible when she entered, but he found her quickly enough. "You look riled, miss lady detective."

Xaeryn flashed a flat look for his tone. "It's warranted. Where's Briony?"

He craned his neck to look around the store. "Either on her way, or I guess she couldn't breeze on his majesty." His eyes narrowed. "You don't look happy 'bout that. What's tricks?"

She looked down, pretending to browse the curiosities on offer. "A friend of mine was abducted. I'm of a mind it's connected to our... suspect; this friend was helping me with research on the Torch."

Darius frowned, playing with a dinged up first aid kit. "That's the only connection?"

"I don't need anything else," Xaeryn hissed. She dropped the charch pipe she hadn't really been looking at. "He's a professor, for Heaven's sake! The only thing remotely dangerous he's tied to is this!" She gestured between them. "I wanted to ask Briony if she'd noticed anything in King Kaza''s behavior or visitors that might help me narrow down when he was... taken."

"We need to find the Torch," he growled in an undertone, "not your sweetheart."

"Friend," Xaeryn corrected tartly--and far too quickly, even she heard it.

"Can I help you find anything?" Chandry's arrival had been so quiet it made Darius flinch, whatever remark he was about to make lost in staring at the garishly made up--or painted, Xaeryn had never decided which side of the line it occupied--face of the shop's owner and namesake.

"Not today, Chandry," she said with a small shake of her head. "Just browsing."

"In that case... make sure you look at the new arrivals," Chandry said, patting the rolled up rugs on a nearby table. "And, smart as you are, maybe you can help me with something." He leaned forward, elbows braced on the topmost rug.

It was the fastest way to get their relative privacy back, and he had saved her from a rather embarrassing turn of conversation, so Xaeryn indulged him. "Oh?"

Chandry grinned. "I've been having a wonder this morning. Which streets," he began conspiratorially, " would have the most ghosts on them, do you think?"

Xaeryn pretended to mull it over, though the answer was obvious, even tapping her finger to her chin dramatically. "I guess it would be... dead ends?"

He all but clapped in his enthusiasm. "Correct!" A flourishing bow. "I shall leave you to your shopping." He bounded off.

"Took long enough," Darius grumbled.

"Chandry's not so bad," Xaeryn said defensively. "You just need to know how to talk to him." There are benefits to being on his good side. But they were here for a purpose. "Back to the matter at hand, I am aware of your deadline; I'm fairly sure my friend's being held in the same place as the Torch."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I can't scry on him, either!" She bit her lip. "It's the same dead air feeling as trying to do so with the Torch, and it's something I've never encountered before, so it seems a logical conclusion."

"Hm," Darius grunted. "Y'know, if Jarkyth sent the brunos who grabbed your friend, there might not be anything to glean from Ackshin."

"I thought about that. D'you know if either of them employ Diminished? Aside from Briony."

"A few, I think," he shrugged, "but you'd have to ask Bry for specifics. What about your friend; he a Mage? Put up a fight?"

"He is, but his specialization is Conjuring, translocation, not combat."

"If he's a Traveler, why-"

Xaeryn held up a finger to cut him off. "I'm trying not to think about that. None of the answers that spring to mind are pleasant, especially in relation to my best friend."

Something glittered in Darius' eyes but he didn't pursue the thought. "Didja learn anything new before you got distracted?"

She had to grit her teeth not to snap Red being abducted wasn't a distraction. Instead of giving him the satisfaction of getting under her skin, she relayed her deal with Thieves Guild and plan to talk to them when this appointment was done. "And you? Did your behind the scenes snooping turn up anything?"

"Yes and no." Darius did a double take at a fishbowl--complete with fish--before pulling himself back to the conversation. "I tailed one of Ackshin's toughs, all the way to blazin' Ashtown, but she gave me the slip." He scowled. "Felt like we were close to where she was goin', too."

Xaeryn stiffened. "What part of Ashtown was this in? I can have the Guild look more closely."

"South-eastern, I guess I'd call it," Darius said after a moment. "Almost plastered against the outer wall."

It made sense for them to be away from the main drag, though she wouldn't have expected quite that far. Unless they knew of some way out through or under the walls.... For now the important thing was having a smaller area for search.

"Alright," she murmured, half to herself, "I can work with that, provided the Guild will play ball."

"Don't suppose you have anything more actionable for me, miss snooper?" Darius interrupted her train of thought.

Xaeryn grimaced and shook her head. "No, just the deal with Thieves Guild. I'm afraid I've been a bit preoccupied by the abduction today. So unless them making a bolder move helps you in some way, I don't."

He grunted and glared at a table of kitchen paraphernalia. "Gods damn this twisted up kn-"

The door jangled forcefully as it swung open to admit a new arrival, familiar pink ponytail swishing as she looked around.

Briony's eyes flashed when she saw them and it clearly took effort to act nonchalant on her way in their direction. She called a polite response to Chandry's greeting without even looking, dodged a small table, and finally reached Xaeryn and Darius. "Glad I didn't miss you," she murmured, examining a display of commemorative playbills and paintings. "Kaza had a couple meetings where he wanted a show of strength an' I think someone might've been tailing me--"

"And you still came?!" Darius hissed. Xaeryn couldn't disagree; it seemed a terrible risk.

"I lost them first!" she retorted, flicking him an annoyed look. "I've been doing this as long as you, Darius Torren, I know how to lose a tail!"

"Oh, but they're so useful for swatting flies, why would you want to lose a tail if you had it?" Chandry interjected, and Briony looked briefly taken aback by both his sudden presence and appearance.

At least she recovered faster than Darius, showing a warm smile. "Oh, I mean a much less useful kind of tail."

Chandry shrugged at the explanation and disappeared between shelves once more.

"All else aside, I am glad you made it," Xaeryn said to steer them on track. She had to take Briony's word she'd truly shaken the tail. "Any developments for you?"

"Jarkyth came by for a bit before lunch," Briony said, after a quick glance to assure Chandry was moved off and there were no other customers in the store. "They shut themselves in the sitting room for near an hour. They're planning something with the Torch, and I feel like--"

"Any other visitors or messages this morning?" Xaeryn interrupted. "Perhaps that evoked a change in demeanor?"

Briony gave her a curious look but nodded. "He got a message during breakfast that prompted a very smug smile." Her brow furrowed. "Come to think, he did say something to the messenger that I didn't catch. Wonder if that's what made Jarkyth come over; they've been really careful about appearances. Why?" She crossed her arms. "You're being sort of intense, Xaeryn. It's scaring me."

Xaeryn explained the circumstances. Again. "And with what you say occurred, I think it's a safe bet our friends are responsible."

Briony's expression shifted aghast and she reached over to squeeze Xaeryn's shoulder comfortingly. It was a surprisingly hefty squeeze. "Are you doing alright?"

Xaeryn nodded. "Don't have the luxury to be otherwise."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Actually, yes. Do you know of any other Diminished among King Kaza's entourage?"

Briony's face screwed in thought. "That came along? Just a few. It's funny; he's superstitious as hael, likes to flaunt me at every opportunity, but he's also nervous about trusting in magic too much. There's a Binder, to do his protective wards. Shy little redhead, I've never heard her speak and don't even know her name," she said regretfully, twirling her ponytail as she continued. "Heron's Ket, mostly here for his skill with battle magic, but he's a fair hand at conjuring--"

"Traveing?" Xaeryn's brows arched.

"He... probably could if he had to," Briony nodded, then gave a small gasp. "You think he's the one who took your friend?"

"Seems likely," Xaeryn said. If he was a full-blood Ket he could do it single-handed. "Are they the only ones?"

"For Ackshin, yeah. Jarkyth has a few 'judiciously placed servants' he's alluded to. Mostly things like Binding or Seer, useful but not dangerous if they decide to turn on him. Has a Shifter Heron won't stop nattering about." She smirked. "I think he's stuck on her."

Darius snorted. "Not important, Bry."

"You never know, D." She shrugged and turned to Xaeryn. "So, why do they want your friend?"

"I've been trying to figure that," Xaeryn sighed, trailing her fingers over a dark lantern. "Even from unpleasant angles. If they know I'm on their trail and want to keep me in the dark, I've already learned--and written down--near everything about the Torch, and there are... more final ways to remove him as a source.

"If they want to use him as leverage to make me dust on the case, you'd think they'd be more blatant or would have left a note-"

"Unless they're countin' on your big brain to fill in the blanks," Darius interjected sardonically. "An' you knowin' without them sayin' serving to make you more suggestible."

"Such a ray of sunshine, D," Briony groused, elbowing him sharply.

"He has a point," Xaeryn said, gritting her teeth at the thought. "But they'll be quite disappointed if that's their goal."

Briony flashed a fierce smile as she shifted to a shelf of knick knacks. "So, what's our plan, then?"

"Darius mentioned trailing one of the king's people to Ashtown. I'll have Thieves Guild watch the area more closely if they're amenable" --and she'd sweeten the deal if that's what it took to make them amenable--"you and Darius keep an eye for our friends' behavior so we can act swiftly if they do anything hinky." She tapped a finger to her lips. "I hate being stuck in so reactive a course, but I fear it's where our options lay."

Though if opportunity presented itself she would seize it with both hands.

"I guess you're righ- Oh, this is adorable!" Briony gave a delighted (and distracted) squeal as she snatched a small ceramic ahfuri off the shelf. It was adorable, but-

Xaeryn cleared her throat.

"I'll keep eyes peeled," Briony promised, cradling her find.

"How're we passing along anything we see?" Darius asked.

"Telephone or wire, I suppose," Xaeryn replied.

"Right." Briony nodded, wiggling slightly as she glanced toward the counter. "I'm gonna go pay for this." She darted across the store.

Darius fixed Xaeryn with a steady look. "You will tell us if you learn anything, right, miss snooper? Before you go harin' off after your friend alone?"

"Have you decided to worry about me in his absence?" Xaeryn said dryly.

He just arched a brow.

"I promise to pass along anything I learn, I don't promise to wait before acting on it."

Darius chuckled and glanced at Briony, who was chatting up Chandry with another warm smile as she paid. "Don't s'ppose I can blame you for that." He tugged on his cap. "See you soon, lady detective."

Briony noted him leaving and darted after him, barely remembering to grab her purchase.

Xaeryn smiled and browsed a few more minutes before heading for the door herself.

A hand on her arm stopped her just before she exited. "One moment," Chandry chirped, pressing something into her palm. "Don't forget your prize."

Xaeryn blinked at the bronze sun brooch. "Prize-?"

The riddle.

"To the victor go the spoils," Chandry proclaimed, releasing her arm to give another bow, and then ducked away. Rather than drag things out by protesting or trying to insist on paying--experience said he wouldn't take a danar--Xaeryn slipped the brooch in her handbag and headed for her office.

---

It hit her like a thunderbolt halfway up the steps--it was midafternoon and she'd not eaten since breakfast. As if summoned by the realization, her stomach cramped and her knees bobbled on the next step.

Xaeryn scowled at the reminder she needed to eat. There was too much to do, she needed to talk to Thieves Guild, she needed to poke around, she needed to find Red before--

Her stomach growled loudly.

I think there's still my half a sandwich left from yesterday, she surrendered--reluctantly--to her body's urging. After all, she wouldn't get much done if she fainted from hunger. The half sandwich. Perhaps an apple. Ten minutes to eat. She could spare that. Red would fuss if he knew she wasn't taking care of herself.

Xaeryn smiled wryly as she unlocked the door. That was better motivation than anything. She checked the back of the door as she closed it; no sigil showing, so no break-in attempt. She collected the sandwich and apple, opting to sit at her desk and review notes while she ate. Maybe there was something helpful she'd missed.

There was quite a bit to review, though less than it appeared by page count given Red's sprawling shorthand. He didn't doodle like she did, instead filling the page edge to edge. It didn't look like he'd found anything new while getting this together and it was easy to skim.

As she tucked the papers back in the drawer her gaze landed on the earring. She set down the small remaining portion of her sandwich and stared.

Couldn't hurt to try again...

She removed the earring, fetched her scrying disk, and cleared her mind to focus. The disk's surface clouded, cleared, and gave her nothing but the same dead air.

Xaeryn growled and glared at the earring. "Where is he?!"

She'd run into protective wards or sigils before blocking scries. This was different; just empty not blocked, and it kept happening on this case--

The telephone rang. She very seriously considered not answering. She needed to get to Ashtown. But that would be unprofessional, and what if it was Pan? Or Darius, or Briony, though this would be awful quick for one of them. So she sighed and picked up the receiver. "Xaeryn Shrike Investigations." Please be quick.

"Finally!" Ms. Aerin huffed on the other end. "I've been trying to reach you for hours, Miss Shrike!"

Really should get a secretary... "Apologies, there was a development and I was out of office." She ran a hand down her face.

"From your tone, I'd reckon this is not a positive development in the direction of recovering the artefact and arresting the thieves?"

"It might lead there," Xaeryn acknowledged. "But the actual occurrence is not. They abducted my friend who'd been helping with research."

"Ah. My condolences, Miss Shrike. Is there any chance of them learning compromising details?"

"Not if I've followed the trail to correct suspicions, no. He knows the history and legend around the Torch, but not the current state of my investigation." She shifted her grip on the telephone. "And my suspect is already familiar with all of that."

"Ah, so you do have a firm suspect."

"Mm." The brooch slid out of her handbag when she nudged it aside, and Xaeryn picked it up to toy with as she talked. "I was pretty firmly on his scent after the gala, but I met a couple... inside men, shall we say, who confirmed my suspicions. So I've found the man, I believe, I just need to find where he's stashed the artefact" --and Red--"and proof of his complicity in the matter."

"Excellent! Mr. Syndran told me you had some promising leads from the gala, I'm glad to hear one of them panned out," Ms. Aerin said. "The case has felt... treading water too long."

"Oh, yes, I suppose those developments did occur after we talked," Xaeryn murmured, tracing the bronze sun's rays.

"Talked?" There was a frown in her voice. "Miss Shrike, I wasn't there."

Something cold skittered down Xaeryn's spine to swirl in her gut. "What? I grant that it was a full night, but I distinctly remember talking to you."

"Then apparently I have a doppelganger," Ms. Aerin said tartly. "I didn't go, Miss Shrike. I was dealing with the effects of a traitorous sandwich at lunch."

Food poisoning?? "Then who..." The nagging sensation of just missing something was back. Followed like a bucket of ice water by the thought of the conversation she'd just had.

There's a Shifter working for Jarkyth.

"Did you inform Mr. Syndran you wouldn't be attending?" Xaeryn asked, willing her voice to stay level as her mind raced to incorporate this twist.

"Of course. I called the office." A pause. "I was honestly surprised to learn he attended without me. But the Hall is an important enough contract, I suppose it makes sense..."

Xaeryn shifted in her seat and cleared her throat. "Ms. Aerin, to all appearances, he attended with you."

There was a long silence as the other woman processed her words, followed by a snort. "Do you expect me to believe some impersonator managed to fool Riel Syndran into thinking she was me for several hours?!?!"

"Not for hours," Xaeryn corrected. "A few minutes for the drive to the gala, and then a short chat every so often throughout the evening. Mingling's the point of such an event, from my understanding. And at one point when I was chinning with him he mentioned 'you' were bustling about as if the gala was your responsibility instead of the museum's."

"That is the sort of thing I would do," Ms. Aerin sighed. "Still, I wonder how she pulled it off. And why."

"Information would be my guess," Xaeryn said. She idly clipped the brooch to her blouse and pulled out her notepad to page through. "My chief suspect is the king of Elinden, who has cultural and religious motives if he is indeed responsible, and at least a few high-placed political connections who could hire or employ someone skilled at disguise. The only motive I could imagine would be nosing around to see if there's information they missed. Or something they need that I have, or if there was worry I was too close on their trail." She flexed her bruised hand, evidence of the answer to that.

"And what would they have learned from your chat with her?"

"From me? That I had talked to Miss Aescar about people who tried to buy, claim, or steal the Torch. And that my notepad had been stolen. Nothing they didn't know already."

"They knew about the notepad?" Ms. Aerin said, arched brow in her voice.

"Oh, right." Xaeryn explained the reasoning behind that belief, the words trailing off as she reached a particular note from her inaugural meeting with Briony and Darius. She stared at it a moment, then decided to take a shot in the dark. "Ms. Aerin, did you go to the museum to oversee the arrival of the artefacts?"

"That was the plan," Ms. Aerin replied. "However, there were a couple... issues that arose requiring my attention, so I had to leave before they were done."

Got you. Despite the nagging sensation still growing at the base of her skull, Xaeryn smirked. "Thank you. Enlightening as this conversation has proven, was there a reason you were trying to reach me? I have a couple time-sensitive angles to investigate..."

"Just looking for an update; we hadn't heard from you yet today and Mr. Syndran is getting restless at how long things are dragging out."

"Believe me, I share his disapporval of that," Xaeryn said, running a finger over the notepad page. "I'm highly motivated to change it, and hopeful one of the new angles will bear significant fruit."

"Very well then, I'll leave you to it. Good day, Miss Shrike."

"Good day." The nagging grew stronger as she dropped the telephone back in its cradle. She was missing something, something right in front of her, and she couldn't help but feel it was something vital.

Deep breath and half a step back, she told herself. If Ms. Aerin hadn't stayed to oversee the whole delivery at the museum, and she knew from Darius and Ferrin's accounts nothing happened to the couriers' caravan on the way through the city, then it seemed clear the Shifter masqueraded as her to get access once the delivery arrived but she'd left. Xaeryn pulled out the photograph of Solimer's Torch. It wasn't even the size of her palm; easy to conceal in a handbag or pocket--or your blouse if you were feeling bold.

I know how they did it. The adrenaline rush at that victory was somewhat dulled by knowing these people--smart, bold, and desperate--had Red.

The Shifter had probably been emboldened by her success at the delivery--faking bad humor so people were glad to be rid of you was one off the oldest tricks in the book. Enough to attempt something more daring, like copying Aerin again for the gala--

Xaeryn sat bolt upright in her chair, the nagging turned to gut-wrenching revelation as pieces clicked. There was one more thing the Shifter had learned from her at the gala.

Red was the only other person who could read her shorthand.

Nausea twisted and she almost tasted her lunch again. It really was her fault. She'd relayed the damning information to the culprits with blithe ignorance.

And now that she knew, and was recalling the encounter with a more critical eye, all the clues seemed blatantly obvious. The chillier manner, the repeated 'Detective Shrike' rather than 'Miss', the vague prodding at topics they had already discussed.

Self-flagellation later, tracking down Red now, she scolded. The one silver lining to realizing her gaffe was that if they had abducted Red for such a purpose, they'd need him alive, conscious, and (mostly) unharmed.

The swift counter to that--and extreme incentive to hurry--was she had no idea how far they'd go to make him cooperate. Or what they wanted from her notes. Or if they would believe what he claimed about their contents.

There was not, however, any doubt in her mind what would happen once they had what they wanted.

She needed to talk to Thieves Guild. Now.

Xaeryn pushed away from the desk with vigor, only just remembered to lock up the case paraphernalia, and headed out the door, determined steps carrying her toward Ashtown.

---

She'd wound her way through the streets and was just in sight of the cat graffiti outside the Guild's warehouse when movement raked her peripheral vision and a lanky figure dropped off a low roof nearby.

"You're sure gettin' easy with navigating our streets, Miss Shrike," Chase said with a grin, shoving his hands in his pockets. Dust or dirt smeared the sleeve and front of his dark red shirt, and his green eyes twinkled as he examined her. "Quite the skill for a proper lady to develop; people will talk."

"An excellent memory is actually quite a useful skill to refine as a detective," Xaeryn corrected. "I need to speak with you."

"Oho, straight to the point." He was still grinning. "This about the deal you made with Ari?" One hand came out of the pocket to gesture toward the warehouse door.

"Yes." She gripped her handbag tightly more out of urgency than concern. "I wanted to talk about the terms."

"Changing them on us already?" Chase made a tsking sound as he turned into a room, smaller than where they'd spoken before, more of an office. "Not wise to play around with Thieves Guild, sunshine."

Xaeryn grit her teeth. Miss Shrike. But it wasn't worth it. "Not... changing in any way meant to be detrimental or unfair to you," she said, taking a seat when he offered. "You know I'd asked your people to keep an eye for anything hinky. I was wondering what the trade off would be for more closely examining a smaller area."

"So, rather than a general 'let me know if anything weird happens on your turf', you want us to poke around part of it for something specific?" Chase sat behind what approximated a desk as he spoke--planks balanced atop crates--and put his feet up.

"Yes. What change would that bring to our bargained price?"

He smirked and played with one of his rings, studying her face with a keen look in his eyes. "Well, seeing as we've already made a pretty lyss off you, which I'm sure you'll at least partly claim as a business expense, so Merchants Guild foots the bill" --he gave a Cheshire grin at the thought--"I don't want any more of your money."

She arched a brow. "No?" The hair prickled at her nape.

Chase slid a knife free of its boot sheath and stared at the blade nonchalantly. "No, I think for this I want a favor." His eyes flicked to hers. "Regardless of if we find what you're after."

"Accepted, but I won't do anything illegal," Xaeryn said without a beat of hesitation.

"Darling, this is Thieves Guild," he drawled, his grin unwavering under piercing green eyes.

"And I"m certain there's at least a few legitimate things you can think of to ask me," she countered. "Nothing. Illegal." She'd square anything else between her and the One-God, but she wasn't going to jeopardize her livelihood doing something that would turn the police fully against her. She was already sort of a grey area to them. If push came to shove, she'd look for Red and the Torch herself.

"If it has to be on the up, then two favors," Chase said. He was studying her with narrowed eyes and it made her wonder what he saw.

She didn't feel like playing games to get an answer out of him, however. "One regardless, two if you're successful. I'm interested now in just the south-eastern quarter, near the wall in particular. Looking for a building that's being used to stash at least one stolen artefact and a... captive. But before you shift into that, did your people see anything from the more general assignment?"

"Twiggy blonde in the northeast part of the district, just hanging around." He waggled his brows. Xaeryn knew as well as he did people did not loiter in Ashtown for their health. "But she didn't do anything much; lingered and left, so I'd wager she got dusted on by whoever was s'pposed to meet her."

It didn't seem relevant, but she filed it away nonetheless. "Thank you. I'll be checking soon to see if you've found anything with the narrowed area."

"Anxious, are we?" Chase said with a knowing smile. "And could I get a description of this 'captive'? In case we see them, we should know if it's the right person, wouldn't you say?"

"He's tall, red hair, green eyes, street clothes sans jacket and perhaps tie." He didn't always wear one. "I'm not sure how they've been treating him, so he might be roughed up." She stood. "And this is a time-sensitive case that has already drug out longer than desired, so perhaps I am a bit anxious for its conclusion."

"Hopefully we'll find something that can help with that goal." He swung his feet down. "Be seein' you, Miss Shrike."

"You certainly will, Chase." She made her way outside, blinked through the dim-to-bright shift again, and briefly considered poking around herself before deciding to return to her office. Perhaps scrying on Red directly would work this time... If she could just see him, it would help the worry gnawing in her chest. No matter how dire the straits.

---

It did not work. Still nothing. Xaeryn hated feeling powerless at the best of times, not being able to do anything now, with Red in harm's clutches, was pure torture. It was getting harder and harder to fight off the frantic, paralyzing dread as each avenue she explored dropped a dead end in her path. She even got desperate enough to poke around the king's hotel, but that, too, came up empty.

She wasn't truly hungry, but when dinner time came she didn't have anything else to do except pray and go over notes again. Wait for Briony or Darius to reach out, if they would have cause. So she fixed something small and made herself eat. She didn't taste a bite.

To keep herself from pacing a hole in the floor, she decided to give scrying with the earring one more shot. Third time's the charm, wasn't that the saying?

Yes, she was getting a headache from scrying so much in one day. (Or trying to.) No, she didn't care if it would let her find Red before something happened to him.

There was a sense of last-ditch finality to this attempt as she prepared. Logic would dictate giving up if it failed to produce result again. Xaeryn wasn't sure she could be logical about this.

She pinched the earring between her thumb and first two fingers, focused on the bronze scrying disk, and sent up a prayer. One-God, please.

The surface wavered, clouded, cleared on an image. A lightning bolt of desperate relief seared through her and she almost lost the scry before focusing greedy attention on what she could see. A tall man, well built, with silvery-white hair. She strained her concentration until pain lanced her temples and could make out the Ket tattoo on his wrist and earring the match of the one she held in his ear. The background was fuzzy, but she got the sense of generic grandeur, like a ritzy hotel. Another figure stepped into the bounds of her scry--King Kaza Ackshin.

Xaeryn struggled to keep her breathing steady as hope nipped at her soul. A solid connection.

There was another silhouette at the edge, just a shadow, but it might've been Briony. The posture and ponytail looked right.

Her subject--Heron, she'd guess--and King Kaza were exchanging words, which the silent nature of scries meant she didn't catch, and their positioning made it hard to read lips. But it was clear from body language they were preparing to leave. The toll was too much and the scry faded as the figures headed out of the room.

Xaeryn's heart pounded with adrenaline and exertion in equal share as she sat back.

A lead. Oh, blessed God above, she had a lead. They were heading somewhere, the gamble was if it was where she wanted to find or something unrelated.

She was on her feet and halfway across the room before she remembered her promise to Darius. If Briony was with King Kaza, did that count as one of them knowing? Did she really have time...

Xaeryn groaned, turned back the desk, and called the place Darius had said he was staying. No, "Mr. Thrace" wasn't in, did she want to leave a message for him? Deep breath through her nose. "Tell him to meet his snooper friend by the Ashtown gate. She's not going to wait for him long." She hung up before the desk clerk could respond.

If she hustled, she could pick up the king's entourage at the gates and follow. If that's where they were going. If it wasn't, she'd be out of the office, should anyone try to reach her, and miss a vital update.

She had to follow this. To be so close, have this dropped almost literally in her lap...

What she'd seen of King Kaza's expression was eager--he was looking forward to wherever this would lead. That thought alone tipped the balance. There was only one course of action for her and she knew it.

Xaeryn didn't even bother with a hat this time. She only grabbed her handbag because it held her dagger, and if she'd chosen correctly, she would likely need it.

Please let me be right. Please let him be alright. There was no way to ensure someone knew what she was doing--she really should get a secretary--so she'd just have to hope. Hope Briony was truly along, or Darius wasn't out long to get her message, or something. This might very well be the culmination of her case, and all she cared about was saving her friend.

"Nothing. Happened."

"Did you want it to?"

Her hands were shaking as she locked the drawer, locked the door, and hurried toward the Ashtown gates, thoughts on Red and a fervent prayer in her heart.

#queens fic #shoh #shepherds of haven #xaeryn shrike #liefred antiqua #panrachus #briony stormbreaker #chase trinaeste #tlbt #ryn/red

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surely-galena · 1 year

Note

Hey Galena!

Just a lil something i've been thinking about: How did Vincent meet Marius?

They're like the same age so they had to have met at presumably school or somewhere but to go from classmates to working for Marius? There's a story here and we're not getting it.

What are your thoughts on this? (back again with increasing Galena's Marius posts)

Hi hi Rose!

I'm so sorry for the delayed response, the combination of me being busy + the time it took to think about the ask (because it's really interesting!) meant that I took much longer to answer than I normally would.

[WC: 0.9K]

Actually for some reason I had assumed Vincent was a little older than Marius (thus following the pattern of Marius being the boss of people older than him), but I looked Vincent up in the ToT wiki and there is no canonical age. And it's true, Vincent does look really young! He could honestly pass off as 19 if he really wanted to!

But: to be able to work for the von Hagens, one thing is clear: you have to be exceptional. And since Vincent has been working for Marius for what seems like a fairly long time now (since he's trusted to do NXX work), I'm guessing he's probably around 20-ish by now.

So that brings us all back to what you said: he's probably super close in age to Marius.

We know that Payton has been working for the von Hagens since he was in his 20's (Blizzardous Threads of Red), and so there's no reason to think that it's not the same with Marius.

But let's follow the timeline: Marius only returns to Stellis after the Giann incident, which means we can probably surmise that Vincent only started working for him around then (the exception being: Vincent worked for Giann before and was just sorta... transferred). This isn't a long time at all, it's actually about the same amount of time Marius has known Vyn (which hey, means he got introduced to Vyn and Vincent, the two... uh.. Vin's).

So this is possibility #1.

Marius needs a P.A., Vincent wants an internship/job/work experience at a nice company so he can get some good things to put on his CV. For various reasons we'll brush over, he arrives at Pax and that's when Marius meets him (possibly through a series of interviews where Marius and/or Austin search for a good P.A.).

These are the Personal Assistant Trials, or PAT, if you will, where Vincent eventually comes out as candidate number one.

This feels to me like a fairly logical thing that could happen, but I also want to explore the other possibilities that could have occurred -- I mean canon hasn't said anything, so until then I have lots of space to play around with!

Possibility #2: Meet Cute (but platonic)

So let's say the whole PAT thing never actually happened, or that it did happen but Marius wasn't satisfied with the applicants (because they were all insincere or not the right fit or something).

Let's say Marius is still searching for the perfect assistant and Vincent, a fellow college student, is looking for a part time job to pay the bills. Maybe something happens where Vincent demonstrates his Highly Capable Skills and Marius decides to offer him an interview.

Like: it's 2 in the morning and Marius and Vincent end up being the only students left in the library, Marius because he really needs to finish an essay that was actually due at midnight and Vincent is there for... whatever.

Marius is absolutely exhausted, he's had a long day with classes and dealing with Pax and other people, and then he glances over at Vincent, who for some reason is still going strong. Like, he's typing on a computer with one hand and photocopying a textbook chapter in the other, and in the extra seconds where he doesn't need to hold down the textbook, he's crossing off various things on his to-do list.

Marius leans over and sees one of the things on the to-do list is a bit less easy to check off, like get a job or go to an interview, and his 2 am brain puts two and two together. He fumbles around for his business card and takes that leap of faith.

Possibility #3: They knew each other from the start

Okay, last scenario for now.

Actually, this one is where I try to explain why exactly Marius trusts Vincent so much, and it's if they had already met. Like, maybe Vincent was one of the good kids at school, like not just a good kid in the academic sense, but actually good to him. Maybe it went like this: Vincent never tried to take advantage of him, Vincent always smiled at him in the hallway, Vincent always offered him a juice box when he brought extra.

And so as they grow up and go their separate ways: with Marius taken out of school after the freezer incident and then later going off to Florence to pursue art, and Vincent doing... whatever Vincent does. (Accounting? Economics?) And when Marius returns to Stellis, now in need of someone he can count on, and he thinks of that one smart, quiet kid in class who had always been nice to him. He tracks him down eventually and they catch up, exchanging general how have you been's and what have you been up to's. Vincent admits that he's been looking for a job now, but hasn't had any luck since he's got virtually nothing on his CV. And something clicks in Marius' mind as he realizes there is a way they can both get what they want.

So yeah! I'm sure there are loads of other possibilities as to how they met, but this is what I have for now. Marius and Vincent's friendship is pretty subtle and lowkey in canon, but I genuinely think that they both care for each other in some way -- especially, again, if Marius trusts him enough with NXX work. Now that I think of it, we totally should have more Marius & Vincent content that isn't just "hey Vincent look at this database for me" / "okay cool be back in five".

Thanks for stopping by Rose!! I had a lot of fun with this ask :D

#asks #roshie-writes #marius von hagen #vincent kim #tears of themis #tears of themis headcanons

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dyonoi · 1 year

Note

I'm not sure if you even look at this blog anymore, but I just wanted to say I MISS YOU!! I still look through your old meta posts and art every few months and while I know you prob won't come back to the fandom, a part of me still hopes it! I guess I was curious to know how you're doing, and whether you've gotten into any other fandoms and ships? You were really fun and if there's something else you're into and writing for I would love to follow you into it!! <3

god this feels like the worst anime timeskip episode. hey there, its been a while. surprised theres people still around who remember. in the past 4??? years i guess ive done some shit, yeah. cliffnotes: finally closed the long distance and moved in with my SO, became a stoner, found the perfect physical art medium for me and have been busy becoming IG famous 💅 and actually making a living off it, and most importantly i have a cat now. he's a manx cat with a little bunny tail and he is so unlike any other cat ive interacted with. he has absolutely no style, no grace. he constantly trips over nothing. cannot jump higher than 2 feet, will gently catch bugs and then lets them fly away, is literally incapable of feeling anger (the sole exception is if you blow air on his feet. this makes him so angry so fast for whatever reason and its hilarious to witness) ive only heard him hiss twice in the past 4 years. anyway things could always be better but lifes pretty good.

as for other media ive gotten into? uh, the truth is i have a VERY muted relationship with media at this point. i dont run any secret fandom blogs. to be honest, i probably will never allow myself to become even nearly as entangled with a fandom ever again as much as i did with homestuck. for all the fun i had, i was WAY too active in it to the point where it was frankly unhealthy and being candid, it played a big role in me stagnating as a human being for a good year or two. the amount of opinionated bullshit i was spewing 24/7 for years predictably made me a target for people who disagreed and wanted to bring me down a peg, warranted or not, and as thick skinned as i am it did eventually start stressing me out and making me act like a loon. thankfully most of this was in private but it still happened, if you know you know. ive alluded to the reason why i got like that, but putting that much energy and faith into a single author to the extent i did is a recipe for ruin on multiple fronts.

hs was a painful lesson in that most shit just…sucks, and even if something starts out great, the chances that the author will stop giving a shit, fuck it up for the ending or even just straight up die is decently high lol and its something you should always have in the back of your mind. (guess which dumbass started reading berserk in late 2020) this was made way worse by hussie just… being an unrepentant fucking asshole. in hindsight this wasnt a shocking reveal but the hopium that theyd make it right in the end was too strong for all of us. i could have forgiven them losing interest as an artist due to general life hardships, but in the end they ditched it after pissing on it and then setting it on fire. so much of hs's success was on the back of fan media and when your finale in return is to salt the earth to the point where no one gives a fuck about it anymore, even the people who liked the tail end petered out pretty quickly too on that. just….eugh. i have permanent media trust issues.

even in the rare instances where something good ends up canon, even if the premise and buildup is great, the fandom surrounding it will pontificate a combined million hours and 9 times out of 10 will write them better than the author ever will. its sad in a way, but its the truth.

i still think davekat is great, once in a while ill look over my folder of it and my art and smile like an old lady looking over a dusty family photo album. the dynamic is rock solid, and if you agree my advice is to steal them. just steal them. call them doug and kevin and export them into your original story. they deserved better, and you will probably do a better job anyway.

media i AM interacting with (lightly) is one piece again. NONE of you bitches that read the entirety of homestuck have any room to complain about how long it is. i have a lot of problems with it (read: sanji) but in general its pretty fun and enough to sink your teeth into. sidenote i have been shipping luffy/zoro since two thousand fucking six and its a testament to my unending great taste that it was and still is an excellent ship. though i have a curse of somehow always ending up in fandom c-tier ships in terms of popularity like that LOL i got memed into watching bnha (DONT LAUGH) and my ship of choice, todobaku? an absolutely hilarious dynamic and a total banger. but yet another c-tier. after being spoiled with davekat content domination for years this sucks haha

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gggoode · 1 year

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i have a thought for you. gigi + ikea furniture assembly

fun fact this is exactly 999 words long x call the police !

iynaf right after they moved in together era :)

~~~~~~

“I’m home!” Gigi singsonged as she clattered into the apartment.

It sent a little flutter through Crystal. They lived together. “Hi!” she called.

“Bonjour!” Nicky called.

Crystal wandered into the hall to find them wrestling with a tall, skinny cardboard box. “Did you have fun?”

“You know we did,” Nicky agreed. She threw a red bag of chocolates at Crystal and she caught them, hugging them to her chest. “Come with us next time. You’re missing out.”

“It was super fun,” Gigi agreed. From behind the box she produced a big stuffed shark. “I got this for the sofa!”

Crystal took it from her without question, petting its blue fuzzy head. “Cute,” she cooed.

Nicky rolled her eyes fondly. “If you were any other couple I would have worried about her bringing home a giant shark but I knew you'd like it.”

“Who wouldn’t like her?” Gigi asked, wrapping Crystal and the shark in a tight hug.

Nicky hummed, clearly still unconvinced, but she stepped over to kiss them both on the cheek. “Do you need a hand building it?”

“Nope,” Gigi said, popping the P and squeezing Crystal. “I think we’ll figure it out.”

“Alrighty,” Nicky said unconvincingly. “Just call me if you change your mind.”

She bid them goodbye and left, and Gigi insisted that they needed to go straight to the sofa to make the new shark feel at home so the box lay unopened in the hall for a few days.

~~~~~~

“I’m home!” Crystal called as she let herself into the apartment. The first thing she noticed was that the box was no longer in the hallway.

“I hate this,” was Gigi’s response.

Crystal kicked off her shoes and jacket before following the sound of her voice to the living room.

She was sitting on the floor in cycle shorts and a sports bra, her hair twisted into a tiny half ponytail. She was also surrounded by planks of wood in various shapes and sizes, a few of them joined together, and an enormous unfolded sheet of instructions.

“Aww,” Crystal cooed, climbing over some wood to lean down and kiss Gigi’s forehead. “Do you want me to help?”

“I wanted to do it myself,” Gigi sighed, looping her arm around one of Crystal's legs.

Crystal played with her ponytail. “You’ve already done a lot,” she said, looking at the three pieces of desk lying wonky in the middle of the floor.

“No. I wanna do it myself,” Gigi said again, sitting up straight. “Go and relax or something.”

“Can I watch you make it?” Crystal asked.

Gigi looked up at her. “No. You’ll try to help.”

She wasn’t wrong. So Crystal left her to it and retreated to the bedroom, but she didn’t put on any music or anything. Instead she relaxed to the sound of Gigi mumbling to herself and the occasional turning of screws and pieces of wood sliding against each other.

Eventually there was a louder scraping and Gigi cheered quietly to herself.

“Can I come see?” Crystal called hopefully.

“Not yet!” Gigi yelled back. “I wanna make it perfect.”

Crystal laughed quietly. Gigi sounded more cheerful now as she moved around, singing to herself which seemed to drown out whatever other sounds she was making.

“I’m ready!” Gigi called.

Crystal went to peek around the door just as she was tucking the chair under the desk.

She felt bad for being surprised but everything looked good. The desk was nice, and Gigi had put a lamp and Crystal’s lucky wooden frog on it.

“Look at my nice smart girlfriend, making our furniture,” Crystal cooed, wandering over to admire the desk.

“I know. Maybe I can become a construction girl,” Gigi said, brushing some dust off the top of the desk. “I hope it doesn’t fall down when we put more stuff on it.”

Crystal slapped the desk hard. It made Gigi jump but the desk didn’t even shake, and Crystal beamed at Gigi. “Have a little faith, Geege.”

“Crystal,” Gigi laughed, hands pressed over her chest. “What if it had fallen?”

“It wouldn’t. You’re my construction girl,” Crystal reminded her. She put her hands on her waist and pivoted them around. “Do you wanna test it some more?”

“How?” Gigi asked, snaking her arms around her neck.

Crystal slid her hands down to the backs of Gigi’s thighs and gently pushed her back against the desk as she kissed her.

Gigi sighed into the kiss and melted into Crystal, but she gasped when her feet left the floor and wrapped her legs tight around Crystal. “Wait, what if it can’t hold me?”

“It’ll hold you,” Crystal said, squeezing her thighs.

“Please can we kiss on the sofa instead?” Gigi asked, still clinging tight to Crystal. “Just in case.”

Crystal got a better hold of her and hoisted her up to carry her to the sofa which made Gigi look at her with wide eyes, mouth agape. “What?” Crystal asked.

“Since when were you this strong?” Gigi asked, tightening her legs around her.

“You’re not heavy, Gigi,” Crystal laughed as she sat down.

Gigi straddled her lap and stroked her fingers through Crystal’s hair. “Still. It’s hot,” she breathed. “Maybe we can kiss on the desk next time.”

“I guess. But it wouldn’t be that nice to kiss you if you’re all tense like that the whole time,” she said, settling down with Gigi in her lap.

“We can make out on top of the instructions if you wanna pretend,” Gigi suggested, snagging the big sheet of paper from the coffee table and putting it beside them on the sofa.

Crystal looked between it and Gigi's face, unable to hold back a laugh. “You’re the smartest girl in the world.”

She lay her back against the sofa to kiss her, the instructions crinkling below her every time they moved.

The next day, Crystal didn’t have the heart to tell Gigi that she’d installed the drawers wrong and they were impossible to open.

#crygi #iynaf #there's actually very little furniture assembly . sorry #ask #saccadiic #thank you for this . in my mind there was much more furniture involved but it just didnt pan out that way #writing

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agonycrossbow · 2 months

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Let's think of this post as the Aeon haters' guide to understanding Aeon, because it's fucking canon whether we like it or not. Goddamn it.

To start off, there's a difference between knowing someone well and being intimate with them. Luis's death scene was very intimate in RE4make, and Leon and Luis knew barely anything about each other at the time of his death. But that doesn't take away from the intimacy of the scene.

I feel like a similar principle applies to Leon and Ada.

Ada was with Leon throughout the majority of what was objectively the worst night of his life. Nothing else comes close to Raccoon City in terms of what it did to Leon -- no matter how much greater of a threat he faces logistically, it's still not as bad as what happened to him in Raccoon City. So, Ada knows Leon in ways that no one else in the series does.

Claire got a glimpse of the old Leon -- arguably, the "real" Leon -- but that's all it was. A glimpse. They weren't together long enough for her to really get to see what made him tick or to understand the perspective he was bringing into the city with him -- but Ada got to see all of that. And there's an intimacy to that all on its own -- especially when you consider that, after RE2, Leon starts building walls around himself made of machismo and bad one-liners that eventually wash away beneath a sea of liquor, which then dampens and darkens everything around it.

But no matter how fast he tries to run from himself, or how many walls he tries to put up, or how hard he tries to become someone else, there's still one person in his life who has seen and remembers who Leon S. Kennedy really is, and her name is Ada Wong.

He's allowed himself to be weak in front of her, to fail in front of her, to get frustrated and angry and overwhelmed around her -- and there is a real intimacy in that kind of vulnerability. And not once has she ever judged him for it or held it over his head or tried to harp on him about how he's changed -- because, to her, he hasn't changed. She can see through all of those new defense mechanisms he's put in place and knows that the core of who he still is is still intact. So, she silently allows him to work through whatever it is that he needs to work through while still trusting that he'll always be who he's always been -- and that's pretty fucking powerful, honestly.

And that's why he feels like he can't let her go -- because he's afraid that, if he does, he'll be letting go of the very last piece of himself that's still alive and holding on from before all the trauma set in.

The sad reality of the ship, though, is that that's not true. If Leon were to let Ada go, he wouldn't be letting go of his old self. Because, while Ada has seen the old Leon -- has met and known and spoken with him -- she is not what's keeping the memory of the old Leon alive; she is not the actual bearer of his legacy. Sherry is.

Even though Sherry wasn't around Leon nearly as much as Ada was and didn't get to know him the same way, that doesn't matter. What Leon doesn't see is that he didn't give up who he was because of Ada. He gave up who he was because of Sherry. He did it for her sake -- to save and protect and take care of her.

That's why he almost breaks down and cries when he sees her for the first time in RE6, when he's never done that when reuniting with Ada. It's because Sherry is carrying with her so many of the pieces of Leon that he left behind in order to properly fill the role of a federal agent. Doing what he did for her makes him more of a father to her than William Birkin ever was, and Sherry knows this. That's why she didn't think twice about following in his footsteps and jumping at the opportunity to become an agent herself -- and, to do that, she trusts Derek goddamn Simmons when she really shouldn't have, but she does it because she's still carrying the old Leon's optimism and trustfulness and faith in humanity. Again: she's following in Leon's footsteps, and the old Leon is the only Leon she ever really knew. Even if she didn't know him nearly as well as Ada did.

I think, on some unconscious level buried deep within his psyche, Leon knows this -- but it's a reality that's too painful to face, so he doesn't. Instead, he projects all of that shit onto Ada, because it's easier that way. Besides, he's been doing it for so long already, so why stop now? There's comfort in the familiar, and Ada is nothing if not familiar.

But, to go back to what I was saying earlier about Ada trusting that Leon will always be who he's always been -- that's also why he believes in her in RE6 when no one else does. Part of it is his projections about his past self and all that bullshit, but there's also an element of... "she would do the same for me." Because she has. She's been doing it for years.

And in that specific regard, there is a real maturity to their relationship that doesn't really get enough attention or praise from the fanbase. The whole "sexual tension" thing is stupid, and you're right to point it out in your ask as being stupid, because Leon and Ada's relationship isn't about sex -- and it shouldn't be! And that's why that line in Damnation is so fucking pointless and stupid AND I HATE IT lmao Leon and Ada's relationship is about two people who accept and trust each other without judgement, even when they really shouldn't.

NOW.

WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID.

EVERYTHING I JUST WROTE OUT IN THAT HUGE WALL OF TEXT IS ONLY APPLICABLE TO THE OG STORYLINE. THE REMAKES DO SOMETHING VERY, VERY DIFFERENT WITH LEON AND ADA. And honestly, the massive changes to their relationship are really the #1 major reason why I believe the remakes are a completely different timeline of events -- because so much of what I just said is not fucking true for the remake versions of Leon and Ada. It's just straight up not true.

Remake Leon does not accept Remake Ada for who she is (he literally asks her to fucking change, for god's sake!! LMAO), and he definitely does not fucking trust her. RE4make basically erased the canonicity of Leon/Ada as a romantic relationship. It's not there anymore; it's no longer a canon romance; it's gone. If it's anything still at all, it's one-sided unrequited Ada having fallen for Leon, and him not being able to get away from her fast enough.

But that doesn't mean that their relationship is lacking in intimacy.

The scene between them on the shuttle is very intimate -- and not just because she kisses him. It's the way she sits so close to him, the way she leans into him, the way she keeps a hand on his knee and gently caresses it with her thumb. It's the way they both speak in more hushed tones, the way she tries to be soothing with the tone of her voice. It's how she kisses him -- close-lipped and gentle, meant only to ease his anxiety and quiet his mind (and also get him to shut the fuck up for two goddamn seconds. god I respect her so much for this LMAO).

And not just that scene, but it's also present in the way she patches him up after he gets shot. We don't get to see it, but if you look again at Leon's bandages? She had to strip him the fuck down in order to do that LMAO home girl was sitting there unbuttoning his shirt and going "this sucks he's unconscious this isn't even fun. pain in the ass." And when he wakes up? Sure, she's gone, but he definitely knows that she had to have been all up in his business in order to do what she did -- and she left her coat behind with him as a fucking blanket and I'm sorry but that's so cute. IT'S CUTE. I'LL ADMIT IT. But it was probably a moment for him of "Wow. She really cares." -- because, again, touch is his love language. AND BOY DID SHE DO THAT A WHOLE FUCKIN LOT.

So, basically.

What I'm trying to say is.

Leon and Ada's relationship is poorly written and poorly executed and I hate it for a myriad of reasons, most of which involve the fact that it limits Ada's character and waters her down to a really unnecessary degree, but... I can't bring myself to say that there's no there there. Are they the hot and sexy spy vs spy ship that the director of Damnation desperately wanted us to believe they are? Absolutely fucking not. Is the ship predicated on only semi-resolved sexual tension? Also fucking no.

Does any of that actually matter...? Again... No. It doesn't matter. There is something to it. Even if they are still mostly strangers to each other, knowing facts about each other isn't what's important about their relationship. It's knowing who the other is at their core that's important.

At least, in OG.

In Remake, Leon can't fucking stand her by the time of RE4. And if anyone tries to say otherwise, they're fucking delusional.

Though I honestly believe that if either version of Ada learned more about who Leon was in the day-to-day, she'd probably like him a whole lot less. Leon, shave your face and stop drinking and why are the fucking Beastie Boys playing in your car when you're driving to work and holy shit are you really watching Casino for the third time this week oh my god

#resident evil meta #aeon analysis #leon characterization #ada characterization #OG RE analysis

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madfantasy · 2 years

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Dear Blogging

Hope ur doing well🍀

When I realise my updates are futher apart in time, it makes me sad. I don't have much new to say, I am in the same trance following no time yet feeling every passing second. In progress that I can't feel because of how much I'm used to pain and nothingness. I am okay, finally had the brain power to make words today, the last months were exceptionally difficult as I mentioned the unrelenting near 50° heat. And for the majority of that time I spent it without any means to cool off, which periodically made me sick and kept me in bed too long. Even more bits of my teeth broke off, rendering me unable to smile or eat without jolts of pain. My unstable network provider topping off the misery.

Since I moved to my "sunny room" I couldn't use the net I waste money on for because of the weak signal, so I had not much sources of distractions or solace. Nothing separating me from the continuous good old times; living in absolute isolation. I don't think I have online connections anymore and wouldn't blame anyone for forgetting me. I'm sorry, I feel absolutely disconnected, I don't know what I want or what to do or how to dare be involved. And in all honesty, I am functioning on 1% energy spent on drawing..

I was trying to have a goal to compete that, to keep my faith up and have hope and project it. Wanting a red and black room was one, but I gave up on it because I didn't have enough work to afford it, and really the experience of buying stuff online only to find the advertised color was a lie, specially if its red was a huge waste of time and money. And my guardians fed up with me asking them to return things, ungraciously. I liked my room eventually

After prolonged periods of depression, I found myself longing for my traditional art, flicking through my old diary. I craved to return able to draw on paper again, and the few times I tried, memories, good and bad gushed through. Relived again how it was to draw in secret and to love things you are constantly told are not for you or called it not natural and be punished severely for.. just made me cry over how culture always just hurt for the sake of hurting and uses religion as a loose cape, mourning them using it to exclude while it was something aimed to be harmonious with all and they never focus on being actual good people over keeping appearances.. for the longest time making me wonder if something was actually wrong with me beyond just being different than them.. now there's plethora of mental things thanks to their abuse. Starting with my inability to look at people without feeling quick to panic discomfort. Making me see this isolation as they say, a "blessing in disguise ". I don't know how to take that as, tbh, I still to this day get nightmares of when I used to live in big houses with multiple families, or the endless schools I went to.

I started drawing on paper bit by bit. The minute I find myself overwhelmed I stop. With time I felt I can enjoy it again, and recalled all what passer through my mind as kid, how I fantasised of owning the chunkiest coloring tin or the thickest drawing paper. So decided to get sketchbooks and notebooks and try everything new, I didn't care

I didn't know where to start, so I got randomly selected sketchbook and one lockable journal, so I can hopefully write diary again like i used to. I show everything i get to them but already Guardians couldn't help themselves and flick though it, I didn't say anything but my inside automatically clinched and turned into an angry imp snatching to have it back, like i used to actually react when they searched my school things for doodles.

I changed the lock c:

I learned of the existence of more mechanical pencil sizes so I got every possible one, carefully not breaking my law of owning only red and black things, hehe. Also some essentials so my guardians won't comment on my spending ways. Like a tooth brush, and the best bonnet ever. I also got myself a backpack for my pen people to live in, for the longest time I wanted a shark backpack but this one just screamed Mani (it was cheaper 😝). As kid I had a red bag with snoopy's face on it, it was my literal safe zone that I carried it everywhere, pretended to travel in cardboard boxes with and had many garbage things stored in it that ment something dear to me, already that blissful feeling is regenerated when i wore it. And hopefully next month I get work to buy colors..

I got my eyes on those atm

(Also something funny, I can promise you I got the talk about devil worship from them for getting horns, and here's the thing; they know about the actual sketchy devil worship practices, its a common knowledge in our surroundings. To me, having red horns it felt Mani like, style euphoria, I love being a polite naughty gentlethem and that spoke of it clearly to me so I didn't care too much)

I also in my careless defiance rush, bought a shoulder- abaya that resembles more of a cloak, to me at least. To help dim my dysphoria even for the tiniest bit and maybe give me one point of courage to want to go out when possible. 'Cause the only thought i have when I'm out is absolute fear, or brain blanking out on me and i freeze in my place

I was stressed for so long that they might fight me on it because they never allowed me to wear but the cover ups of their choice from the dark ages, one I could not walk in or see where I was headed in (i actually wear glasses to see), but I presented it to them and I don't think they noticed.

Maybe now i can feel comfortable in it, throughout the years I never really adjusted to wearing it— having almost no occasion to leave the house 3/4 of my life. It was never something i felt connected to, been only a reminder of pure shame and embarrassment. From the very first day I started to cover my face at middle school, was forced to do that the day before, non of my guardians taught me how to wear it. And the minute it fell from my face thanks to my clumsy attempts at tying it, my face was welcomed with— not the fresh air and 4k sight clarity, but a slap that knocked me back into the car. Followed by an entire hysterical berating, calling me a sl*t and what have you, for everyone who was dropping their kids to see and hear.

I didnt know it at the time, but i was also mocked of how I wore it many times by my peers, while some took petty on me and dressed me themselves. I merely envied those foreign students who wore it just to follow the school rules and offed it the minute they got into their cars to leave. I still have no answer to what I truly want, and thats okay..

I forgot to mention how they can be super pricy, so I got the cheapest I could, resulting it being thick, strings jutting everywhere, way too big on me and all of its buttons fell. So I had to do some long hem shortenings and buttons sewing, I think I started to like it

I now just need someone to hold my hand and never let go, to take me to the hospital and hypothetically be my voice till mine return... manifesting

Oh and i did drew alot of snarry cuz it was my only cure during this time of dissociative routine, ofc endless of sketches that did not make it and 2 did, and still more to come hopefully when I continue to feel better

I wish you all the best in this world my dears, your burdens ease and your heart beats with your desires met , mani loves you ❤️‍🔥🍀🕊🙏

24.6.2022

#text #drawing journal

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lifesarchive · 11 months

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THE BOOKS OF JACOB by OLGA TOKARCZUK (REVIEW)

quickly: it’s a jewish cult in 1700’s poland (an astral traveling matriarch accidentally floating above all of existence / a man who prides himself on being no one and knowing nothing, a simpleton, yet attracts followers from all over / prophetesses who see prophecies fulfilled / sects that are cults that are sects that are cults / a security detail made entirely of women).

this book is as long as life, and just as monotonous, which is what makes it all the more enriching. it is truly a world and a time, encapsulated in 961 pages. it is a true story, with a thin glaze of magical realism drizzled on top. it reads like the bible (or should i say the Torah), slow, dry, and impactful. it is crowded, like a city street during lunch hour, but if you follow Yente and Jacob through the story, you’ll never get lost.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

more thoughts: SPOILERS!

Some personal context… this is the first Big Book I’ve read since reading Infinite Jest back in like 2015. I’ve read a handful of books randomly from 2016-2022, going years sometimes without reading a full book. I was gifted a set of Goosebumps books by a friend last Christmas and the nostalgia inspired me to get reading again.

I went from Goosebumps to Fear Street to some brilliant new fiction (Sacrificio by Ernesto Mestre-Reed, The Boatman’s Daughter and The Hollow Kind by Andy Davidson). THE BOOKS OF JACOB is the longest book I’ve read in years, and it was almost nothing I thought it would be. After the delicious but “short” novels I’d been reading lately, I was craving the truly immersive feeling of that could only be captured in a 900+ page book.

The synopsis excited me immediately: JEWISH CULT IN 1700s POLAND! BASED ON A TRUE STORY!

Now by no means do I have any serious education of Jewish culture. I’ve watched movies, read some books, but I am not versed. However, with the level and detail of writing that Tokarczuk achieves in this work (much of it based on fact), it made real some of the things that only existed in my mind as fragments of information.

The entire story is broken up into books, books are broken up into chapters, and chapters each have their own subsections. Most of these subsections are prose, some are letters, and others are ‘scraps’ or behind-the-scenes moments captured by Nahmen, Jacob’s most faithful follower.

THE BOOK OF FOG, is the opener. It sets the scene and introduces you to a network of characters that Jacob will soon be at the center of.

THE BOOK OF SAND, sees families start to form, and Yente turns into a goddess of the air as she astral travels through time and space. Jacob is introduced and we see his travels (culturally and geographically). His followers witness ‘the great spirit’ descending into him, causing his entire body to shed. This book is filled with miraculous stories and acts.

THE BOOK OF THE ROAD, sees Jacob leading his followers into a new land, and initiating some of his followers by secret rituals. Their practices make them enemies of local Jews and they are soon pursued by The State. Jews issue curses against them, and Jacob sends curses back.

THE BOOK OF THE COMET, sees a comet that appears, with many seeing it as an auger of end times. More rituals. The Shekinah, feminine goddess, is witnessed descending into a gold statue, plague erupts, and Jacob and his followers are held for questioning in regards to their religious practices, eventually banishing him to prison in a monastery. This is where Jacob starts to fray.

THE BOOK OF METAL AND SULFER (my personal favorite for some reason?), sees Jacob sent to prison, yet his followers still cling to him, setting up a village around him. They all wait for the Shekinah to appear from a painting in the church monastery where he is being held. Jacob is ill, a lot, getting older and losing his glow. He is not himself sometimes. Eventually, war breaks out, giving Jacob an opportunity to negotiate his freedom.

THE BOOK OF THE DISTANT COUNTRY, Jacob once again enters a new land, lord of a castle now, where he lives on the lower floors as an old ailing man. The toll of prison manifests in his body. His practices alarm some and enamor others. This book sees the death of Jacob.

THE BOOK OF NAMES, is almost a denouement, biblical style, rife with anecdotes of the deaths of Jacob’s closest followers, and some of their children. Yente, the goddess, closes the story from high above us, somewhere in the afterlife.

In all, I was moved by the beautiful lacing of Jewish lore and mythology throughout the story. I found Jacob to be repulsive, arrogant, wise, contradictory, and ridiculous. Not much different from today’s cult leaders. He eventually endures that long hard ego death that only the body can devise. Throughout the story we see women who guard the knowledge of paternity, all women guards, Yente who knows all, Hayah the Prophetess who sees all, the holy trinity’s fourth part—the great divine feminine, and so on. I found the magic of the feminine, the resistance to “tradition”, and the movement of a people, to be incredible to read about.

I understand and sympathize with those who say they couldn’t read past the first half and were confused and lost in the sea of characters, especially when the main characters decide to switch names mid-story.

A SECRET: There are really only two names to keep up with in the story. Yente, and Jacob. Yente is easy to remember… she is Jacob’s grandmother, and she is also the sky, the wind, the air, and the ether. She is everywhere at all times, at any time, like God. So it’s hard to lose her in the story. Then there’s Jacob. The star upon which all other stars orbit and constellate. If you watch them throughout the pages, all others move around him, forming the loose, lingering, and prescient story arc that only life can form. Everyone else can be identified by their actions.

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jimblejamblewritings · 2 years

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snakes & bets | end.

Summary: Social outcast suddenly makes friends? And those friends are Hogwarts’ most notorious pranksters? Despite being entirely suspicious, Y/N doesn’t question any motives. The world can’t possibly come crashing down around her…

Warnings: This whole story is angsty, hurt/comfort, smut, will end in fluff but goes through all the other stuff first.

Pairing: Marauders x black!reader, eventual Sirius Black x black!reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Previous Part | (Series Masterlist)

You jumped after getting tapped on the shoulder when you exited the Slytherin common room. Sirius was waiting for you. He was leaning against the wall, hand in his pocket.

“You missed breakfast,” he said, handing you a cup of fruit.

“I went down early to eat with Myrtle.”

“Oh.” His hand holding the cup lowered slightly.

You quickly took it from him. There was an awkwardness about you two. Sirius walked you to class, simply walking next to you. Every now and then, you ate a piece of fruit since he had brought them. He stood in the threshold of the classroom and waited for you to take a seat. Sirius gave you a little wave and went to his own class.

He waited outside when your class was over. He wasn’t sure if he was making up the change or not but he was positive when you got to lunch. You were quiet. At Grimmauld, you had talked his ear off all night. Now, you might as well have not been there. Sirius recognized that you were acting like before.

The other marauders caught on after the fourth time Sirius asked you a question. Every time they talked, they asked you questions or tried to include you as much as possible. It worked slightly. Your answers weren’t very long and you would stop talking in the middle of a sentence, thinking you were being weird until they encouraged you to continue.

James was the one who suggested letting you lead them around Hogsmeade when the weekend came. The four boys were in their sweatshirts when you met them at the entrance to Hogwarts. A smile graced your face when you saw them.

The marauders followed you as you walked into the craft store that they never paid attention to before. You weren’t surprised. The store sat on a corner lot in the village, near the post office. They had never seen so much yarn and thread in their life. You pointed out your favorite brands and what materials could be used for what projects. The weekend was solely focused on you and the boys realized there was so much that they didn’t know about you. A lot of it they didn’t get. They had to be honest. You were an oddball but it was in a lovable way.

You studied in the library with them on most days after lunch. Sirius was starting to be less awkward with you. Instead of just sitting next to you or walking by your side, he tried little touches here and there. He pulled his chair so close that you were practically sitting on top of each other. Resting his hand on your knee, Sirius read his textbook for History of Magic. His hand rubbed over your knee, sometimes going a little higher. He smiled when he felt a weight on his shoulder.

While you were still quiet around everyone, you were getting more comfortable. Sirius was still working on making you comfortable around his friends. They all apologized to you once more which you accepted. You just weren’t ready to open up again. It was already a leap of faith to open up to Sirius.

“It’s a Moony Night so we won’t be at dinner,” he whispered in your ear.

“Okay.”

“Do you want to wait in our room?”

Sirius’ breath caught in his throat when you repositioned your head so you could look at him. Without thinking, his hand left your knee to caress your face. You closed your eyes under his touch. He leaned in a little closer.

“Are you asking or requesting?” you asked with your eyes still closed.

Remus, Peter, and James snorted at your comment.

“Busted,” James said under his breath.

You sighed in content at Sirius’ fingers dancing across your cheek. “I’ll wait for you.”

“You will?”

“Yeah.” You opened your eyes, feeling like he was still staring at you. “What? Is there something on my face?”

“You’re beautiful,” he said, breathlessly.

Heat rushed to your face. All of his actions had been showing you for a while that his words were true. You knew after he confessed to his parents and yours despite whatever consequences he could have faced. You believed him and it made you giddy whenever he looked at you. Sirius leaned in even more.

His lips almost brushed against yours. You angled your head so he would kiss your cheek instead. Sirius’ hand reached for yours. He squeezed it gently as an apology, knowing that you were nervous about kissing. He wasn’t going to get a snog out of you any time soon, not after what you had overheard. But, he couldn’t take just being your friend anymore. He needed to ask you again. Now that you were actually in his life, he thought that he could handle and accept a rejection if that was what you gave him.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. His voice was so low that you almost didn’t hear him.

You lifted your head from his shoulder. “Okay.”

A small smile played at his lips. He pressed another kiss to your cheek and then one to your temple.

“Sirius.”

“Hmm?”

“I like you… a lot.”

“A lot?”

“More than garden gnomes.”

The raven-haired boy chuckled before gently nipping at your ear. You packed up since you still had one class left even though the marauders were finished. Telling them all bye, you gave an interesting little wiggle before quickly stopping. A little pang went through Sirius’ heart every time he watched you do something before retreating into a shell. It was their fault for ridiculing every single thing that you did. He liked your unconventional ways of greeting them.

“Bye, Bunny,” they all said.

Sirius gave you a wave. “Bye, Bunny. I love you.”

Your eyes went wide for a moment and your entire body felt hot. The marauders tried not to chuckle when you stumbled into the table behind you before turning around and leaving. Sirius sat back in satisfaction. Pride bloomed in chest at making his girlfriend get a bit shy and flustered. It gave him a high that he rode the entire night, not even feeling tired as he slunk back to the dorms with the other boys. He was prepared to stay up all night and cuddle you but you were already asleep when they entered their room.

You were in his sweatshirt— the red one that you made him— and curled into a ball. Sirius walked over to his bed. You must have been waiting and only recently crashed because you were sleeping on top of the duvet. He didn’t want to wake you by moving you. Going to the trunk at the end of his bed, Sirius pulled out a blanket. He laid it over you, tilting his head when he noticed some black marks on your ankles. Remus smirked as he watched Sirius come out of the bathroom after showing.

“Shut up, Moony.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I know you’re thinking something.”

Remus shrugged. “Just wondering how you’re going to sleep if you don’t want to move her?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. His friends slapped their hands over their mouths to stop themselves from laughing when the raven-hair boy went back to his Animagus form. He didn’t care to explain that he hadn’t discussed sleeping arrangements with you and didn’t feel comfortable invading your space. You were used to him more in one form than the other. In your sleep, you whined a bit when Sirius got on the bed. When he laid down over you, you shifted slightly and your hands went to his fur.

Were the other three boys going to let him live this moment down? Absolutely not. Sirius knew that and found that he didn’t care. They could tease him for the rest of their lives about this moment and he would be just fine with that.

You weren’t there when he woke up. Sirius immediately changed back into human form, panicking for a brief moment before the door to the dorm opened. You set down the food on the nightstand by James’ bed. Sirius watched you dig around for a quill and some spare parchment, unaware that he was awake. Quietly crawling off the bed, Sirius walked up behind you. You almost screamed when he wrapped his arms around you. Your new boyfriend chuckled as you turned in his arms. Sirius pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“I brought you breakfast, you still seemed tired.”

He kissed your cheek. “You’re so good to us, Bunny. Hey, what are those marks on your ankle?”

“Oh, I gave myself a tattoo last summer. It’s a daisy flower.”

“You did it yourself?”

“Yeah. Siri, I’ve got to get ready for class.”

Sirius let you go, smiling when you kissed his cheek. He was the one more comfortable showering you in kisses. He was careful to avoid your lips but tried to get as close as possible. You walked off, giving him a silly wave that he returned in the exact same fashion.

It didn’t take long for the entire school to know about the Zabini-Black relationship. Sirius reveled in it while you were a little shy about it. It was being the eyes of the public once again. Last time everyone at school paid attention to you, it was because you were a competition. Sirius realized that after a week or two, you weren’t comfortable with it. You wanted to be but in the back of your mind those bad thoughts always crept up. There wasn’t much he could do about it but your boyfriend wanted to give you some peace and quiet.

You had no clue what Friday entailed for you because Sirius wouldn’t say anything. He showed up with breakfast to eat in the Slytherin common room with you. After that, he practically disappeared since you didn’t share any classes that morning. He did make sure to meet you at the end of your Defense Against the Dark Arts class. You were confused when the two of you didn’t go to the Great Hall for lunch.

He led you to your favorite big tree on the school grounds. The other marauders and the girls were all there, sitting on a large picnic blanket. There wasn’t much he could do but Sirius thought a day of relative quiet and doing things that you enjoyed might help ease your mind about the newfound attention. When you sat down, you noticed the embroidery hoop in front of you. Looking around, everyone had one.

“We were hoping you could show us how.” Dorcas held up the little hoop.

Everyone watched your eyes light up. You excitedly pointed out how to make a nice pattern, thread needles, and switch colors. The others worked on the hoops between bites of the picnic food. Because you were hyper focused and had done it a thousand times, you finished your embroidery hoop quicker than everyone else.

You sighed in content and laid your head down on your boyfriend’s shoulder. Your hands touched the soft grass behind the picnic blanket. You looked down when you felt your hand brush against something. There were some flowers behind you. You tentatively picked a flower, only taking one so you wouldn’t waste them in case Sirius didn’t want them.

From the corner of his eye, he watched your hand reach up to place a flower in his hair. He took out his ponytail holder so all of his hair fell down. The others watched him take out your first flower and put it back in a better position. You smiled to yourself as you picked more flowers to place in his hair. Sirius let you finish before taking his fork and poking it into your food. He pressed the fork to your lips.

“Eat, Bunny, you’ve barely touched your lunch.”

He noticed that once you were focused on something, you tended to forget about everything else including the fact that you were hungry. You let him feed you two bites and then took the fork for yourself.

Sirius grabbed you by the waist and pulled you into his lap, balancing your plate on your knees. You watched his hand pluck at the flower next to your thigh. You already had large preserved daisies in your hair. He wanted to add some of the small wildflowers to match his. Sirius’ fingers carefully placed the flowers in your hair. You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch.

“Thank you for today.”

“Any time,” Sirius said, his hands rubbing up and down your arms.

You turned your head to look at him. “Sirius, I love you.”

He almost didn’t register your words, not expecting them so soon. He always told you he loved you. But honestly, Sirius didn’t expect it back for a while. The two of you were ripped from your moment when his friends— that you were slowly calling your friends— showed you their embroidery hoops. Seeing your smile made the rest of the group feel good.

They agreed that once a week, they could focus on activities you liked to do. It really wasn’t that hard to include your interests. You always tried to be interested or at least engaged in what they liked, they could do the same.

Lily vanished the remaining picnic stuff away when lunch ended. You all headed back inside, parting ways to go to class. The marauders were still with you because you all had Charms. Throughout your years at Hogwarts, you had learned to tune out the laughs and snickers of other students. However, the four boys with you noticed everything.

“She’s even got him wearing those flowers,” one student muttered.

“It’s got to be another bet.”

“Or her weird has rubbed off on them.”

Your boyfriend was the first to turn around, arm still slung over your shoulder.

“You got a problem with the flowers?” Sirius confronted the students. “Because my girl did it and frankly she looks fucking hot with them. I think I look damn good, too.”

He glared at them until they ran off. You looked at your boyfriend with a bit of pride. He managed to make the day spectacular for you. You were already looking forward to next week and showing everyone more crafts or maybe a dance.

It made Sirius happy to see you open up with the others more. The fact that you actually agreed to a sleepover with the girls was a step in the right direction. His friends weren’t your friends just yet but you all were getting there. Progress was made bit by bit.

The other three boys didn’t say anything when they saw you in the room the morning after your sleepover. They didn’t crack any jokes in case you perceived them the wrong way— it was still too soon to joke around and tease you in the same way that they teased each other. You and Sirius were possibly the most fragile relationship in the entire school for a host of reasons that were entirely his fault as well as theirs. The raven-haired boy jumped as he came out of the bathroom, putting his hair up in a bun.

“Merlin, fuck! You three can’t sneak up on me like that.”

They weren’t going to say anything but Peter couldn’t help himself at seeing a shirtless Padfoot.

“Were you two about to shag? Should we leave?”

Sirius’ entire face flushed. “No! Bunny’s gonna give me my first tattoo.”

They watched you sterilize your needles and look at the little containers of ink. Sirius laid down on his bed, no longer caring that his friends were watching. He pulled you to straddle him. You looked at him as he drummed his fingers against your thighs.

“Are you sure you want one? I can’t take it back.”

“What’s it going to be?” James asked, finally sitting on his own bed.

Sirius shrugged. “Don’t know, I’m letting Bunny pick.”

The other three looked at each other. Padfoot had it bad for you. He always wanted to get tattoos but never found a good one to start with. After you mentioned that you had one you gave to yourself, he knew that he wanted you to do it for him.

“How many can I do?”

Sirius grabbed the pot of numbing cream.

“However many can be done before you run out of the cream I nicked from Madame Pomfrey.”

You nodded and dipped two fingers from your non-dominant hand into the jar before smearing it on his left pec. Sirius was right handed so you knew that you wanted his left side to be more tattoo heavy but there would still be some on his other half.

Since they were all being done by hand, Sirius knew it would take the entire day. That’s why he suggested an early breakfast and then immediately going up to his shared room. He watched you grab one of the thinner needles, dipping it in black ink. Most of the tattoos were going to be in good old black ink. He didn’t even flinch when you first poked his skin.

Carefully, you began to poke the Canis Major constellation into his left pec. He knew he shouldn’t bother you when you were working considering his skin was on the line but he kept feeling the need to rub circles on your thighs with his thumb. As you finished the constellation, you stuck out a hand in the general direction of the other boys.

“Can I see the map?”

Peter handed it to you. You grabbed Sirius’ wrist. Copying the boys’ handwriting, you wrote each of their nicknames on his wrist followed by some footsteps. Two tattoos were finished and you still had a good bit of numbing cream left.

Sirius answered a bunch of random questions you asked him, noticing that you would start a tattoo right after. You wanted them all to mean something to him and not just be of your own creation. The ink was on his skin, not yours. You started on another constellation near the first one, emphasizing one star more just like you did with the other one.

“You and your brother are both named after stars,” you mentioned.

“Do one for yourself, Bunny.”

You looked him in the eye. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. If we aren’t together, it’s there.”

“And if I stop being friends with Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail?”

“I’ll make it small?”

“Do whatever you want.”

You grabbed his hand, doing a tiny daisy on his middle finger. At least if you weren’t together, you thought that he would be tickled by a sweet flower flipping people off.

There was a carefulness to how you worked that the marauders realized they never appreciated before. Sirius watched as your brow didn’t even furrow. Everything about you was focused yet not tense. You only tilted your head every now and then to examine your work. Sirius huffed out a sigh when you paused to dip the needle in more ink.

“My parents invited us to dinner again. You, me, and Reg… and your parents.”

Peter interrupted. “You speak to them again?”

Sirius gave his friend a face that read of uncertainty. “We’re all trying, I guess. We were actually a family until I got to Hogwarts. I think most of their so-called friends getting sent to prison made them see the light.”

You all snorted at that comment. Dipping the needle in more ink, you started on random little markings that you thought would compliment the bigger designs.

“So, we’re really doing a dinner this time?”

“Yeah, it took a lot to convince them not to have a ball or do a ring.”

You paused. “They wanted a ball? I guess it’s decided then.”

“Mmm hmm. Poor Reg, they told him if I won’t do a ball then he has to.”

You both chuckled. Remus set down his book.

“I’m sorry, ball? Did you say a ring?”

Sirius tilted his head back to look at his friend. “Ask Prongs, he knows.”

“Uh, no, Prongs doesn’t,” James shot back quickly.

Sirius focused on the other boy. “Merlin, your family didn’t participate in anything did they? For someone related to a Peverell brother, you wouldn’t know it.”

“Yeah, blame my who-knows-how-many-great grandparents. Anyway, ball? A ring sounds a lot like a—”

“It is,” Sirius said. “Kind of.”

Remus and Peter mimicked James’ confused face. “You’re only going to be seventh years.”

Sirius laughed. “We aren’t getting engaged. It’s a promise of engagement. All old pureblood families do it. It’s only a big deal because it would be the first Zabini-Black union ever.”

You helped fill in the blanks.

“If you bring a partner home for a dinner, it means you’re serious about them. It doesn’t matter what age, pureblood families take it to heart. It just means that unless something detrimental happens, Sirius and I promise to be with each other and only each other until we’re ready to move into our next stage of life.”

“Which would be the actual engagement?” Remus asked.

Sirius nodded.

“Who the fuck goes through all this trouble?”

“Purebloods. My cousin Narcissa just got married to Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix—”

“Isn’t she in Regulus’ year?”

“Yeah. She just had a ball, her and Rodolphus Lestrange. I hope they don’t last.”

You hit your boyfriend’s arm. “Sirius!”

“What? It’s already bad enough I made up with my parents in time to see a Malfoy at our family gatherings. I don’t want a Lestrange there either. You know both of them were adamant Voldemort supporters. They’re lucky they hadn’t got the Dark Mark before he was caught.”

“That’s still mean. She just had a ball, clearly she likes him.”

“Nah. That was arranged, I just know it… Anyway, do you want a ball? We can still change it.”

You shook your head. “I’m fine with a dinner.”

“Alright. I got you a bracelet instead of a ring. It felt less…”

“Daunting?” you asked. “No pressure?”

“Yeah. I’d rather just get my girlfriend something nice, not all the other stuff.”

“That sounds perfect to me… I’m done.”

You healed his tattoos and activated the ones that moved because you used ink from the wizarding world instead of muggle ink. Sirius walked over to the bathroom to look in the mirror.

You sat cross-legged and picked at the hem of your pajama shorts as he examined himself. He noticed your head was down instead of looking at him. He gave you puppy eyes that you didn’t see. Every bit of progress was always met with some sort of setback. Rushing over, Sirius kneeled down in front of you.

“This is awesome, I look badass. Thank you, Bunny.”

He held his breath for a moment when you started to lean in. You stopped just short of his lips.

“Will you teach me… how to kiss you?”

Both of his hands went to cup the sides of your face. Sirius’ lips crashed against yours. You tried to follow his lead. He only broke the kiss momentarily so he could lay you down, settling his weight on top of you. Sirius tilted your head further back a bit.

“Relax,” he murmured. “Go a little faster.”

He groaned as you followed his instruction. The other three boys, who had been trying to ignore what was happening, looked over. James cleared his throat.

“So, do you want us to leave?”

Sirius laughed into your mouth. He pulled away, satisfied with his work. You watched him tilt his head with a lopsided grin on his face. He sat back on the bed before grabbing your waist and pulling you into his lap. Looking at his friends, he gave them a smile.

“Sorry, got a bit carried away. I promise we won’t do anything.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Why would you need to promis—”

Sirius pulled the curtains around the bed and muttered the muffliato spell. He really wasn’t going to do anything. He just needed peace and quiet with you. The other three boys watched Sirius’ head poke out of the curtains as he leaned over to reach into his trunk. He grabbed his red sweatshirt and your green one that you had left there a few days ago.

“Will one of you wake us up before dinner?”

He didn’t wait for an answer before darting back inside the safety of the curtains. Sirius pecked your lips again before resting his forehead against yours and closing his eyes for a moment. He slipped the green sweatshirt and put the red one over you. Getting comfortable, you both fell asleep in each other’s embrace.

#sirius black x black!reader #sirius black x reader

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