#as a masc non-binary person I just feel it so hard bc like. I like who i am as well! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i-like-media · 4 months

Text

As a trans person it's easy to relate to the Doctor. He chose his own name, is a different person the next time an old friend sees him and is always an outcast for the fact that he's not like the company he keeps (an alien).

But I was thoroughly surprised when I started watching the 13th Doctor's era as a Trans Masc person and started relating to her MORE than I had previously with other Doctors. And it goes beyond the jokes about her forgetting she's a woman!

It's the fact that the Doctor is still The Doctor, but everything is harder because no one really SEES her as the Doctor (even a lot of people in the fandom don't!). There are aspects about womanhood she likes, like wearing ear jewelry and being included in events exclusively for women, but people outside of her close circle ONLY see a woman. They tie all the associated stereotypes and social rules to her that previously had never been on the table before.

Suddenly she's expected to be obedient instead of a leader.

Where previously her words held a lot of weight, no one seems to listen to her no matter what she says.

Where previously she could be intimidating when raising her voice, her raising her voice lands in the ears of the other with no weight whatsoever.

Where previously she had height to her advantage, she is now smaller than all the guys around her.

And it's that big disconnect between how she sees herself and how other people see her what frustrates her! Inside she's still just as masculine as she was before, and she's also just as feminine as she was before.

And it's so different from the Master becoming Missy, because the moment the Master became a woman she immediately wanted to explore femininity and and even changed her name to suit it. The Master/Missy is more in tune with the gender identity they're found in or at least feel they should indulge on things typically associated with said gender. Meanwhile the Doctor, who has previously been mostly a man, doesn't feel anything should change about what they call themself and how they should act or behave around others.

That specific disconnect is something I relate to so heavily and something I haven't seen other trans people talk about yet. Like, outside of the misogyny and exclusively as a trans experience

5 notes · View notes

angelofbloodlust · 1 year

Text

shoutout to my friends that genuinely view me as masculine instead of just calling me more masc/neutral terms purely bc it’s what I said I prefer 🥰

#100% in my feels tonight sorry y’all #gonna use the tags as a little way to get some of my feelings out since I just. wanna get it out #but something I’ve always genuinely struggled with is knowing that people irl always perceive me as a girl no matter how hard I try #and as a non-binary person who likes to dress both masc and fem it does really make me sad that I probably won’t be able to be genuinely #viewed by other people as non-binary since it’s not really easy for me to make myself not look somewhat feminine to some degree #which can REALLY suck #and it absolutely did not help that when my parents’ ex was still around I was CONSTANTLY misgendered and called a girl #to the point it would ruin my mood entirely. and listen I don’t get upset when strangers misgender me bc they usually just can’t tell #but this woman literally knew me for months and was REPEATEDLY told what to call me and even though she claimed she was supportive of it #she literally never once genuinely tried #and luckily my family does do a great job at using my proper pronouns but it’s kinda rough knowing deep down they still see me as a girl #so it really does mean so much to me when my friends make me feel validated <3 more than they could ever know #thank you #not scream stuff #billy rambles

8 notes · View notes

frenzyarts · 1 year

Note

No prob if this is too personal to answer, but what does being nb mean to you? And do you also id as a woman (so, a nonbinary woman)? Bc I know some afab nonbinary people describe some aspect of transition (I totally respect that you didn't have one, not implying that you're wrong). I'm just wondering what being non-binary means for you, bc that label in particular is (for obvious reasons) so flexible. I'm a cis gnc woman and have always understood myself that way for context.

It’s kind of hard sometimes for me to talk about my gender but I want to try 🤔 sometimes I feel like a woman and sometimes I feel like not a woman (but not a man either). I don’t call myself trans masc because I don’t really feel like I want to be super masculine. I want to be able to go back and forth between presenting as A Woman™️ and A Person Of Indeterminate Gender.

I’ve got the woman part down but I still haven’t mastered the androgynous part. And I don’t really want to “transition” to anything because I feel like that describes a state of starting as one thing and permanently transitioning to another thing. But I don’t want to permanently be anything. (Obviously transitions are different for everyone, this is just how I currently view my own stance on what a transition would be for me. Maybe in the future I’ll find a way to live that’s more comfortable and my stance will change idk🤷‍♀️)

I hope this makes sense 🤔🤔🤔 I feel like there’s still a lot I don’t know about who and what I want to be and look like because I’ve been in the mental health prison for years. I’m slowly exploring this stuff now 💃

#frenzy post

31 notes · View notes

lighthousegod · 7 months

Text

Recently, my cis lesbian roommate made a comment about "he/theys" that kinda stuck with me. She said these people, on her dating app, were matching with her and ignoring that she had lesbian in her bio.

We'd had convos about whether trans mascs and trans men could be lesbians (im a transmasc person, but not a lesbian, although ive identified with the label before), and I'm all for he/him lesbians and trans men who are lesbians- I've researched, I know Stone Butch Blues, I don't think telling anyone they can or can't be anything is right.

So this sorta stuck with me. I went, "but. They probably identify as nonbinary if they use they, and even if they don't, trans guys sometimes ID as lesbians too." And she was like "well, but I'm not attracted to masculine people." And I brought up that she does usually like butch lesbians (who definitely use other pronouns besides she/her sometimes!), and she sorta brushed me off, saying there was a different "vibe" between transmascs who use he/they and butches (even though they... sometimes are the transmascs she's talking about???)

So I was like "well, do you have 'looking for femmes' in your bio or something?"

"No."

"Then how are they supposed to know??"

"I don't know it's just my preference!!"

It was super. Odd. I should say, my roommate is cis but uses she/he pronouns. She is, in fact, a lesbian who uses he/him sometimes, as he identifies as bigender *but not a man, ever.

I just find this all so confusing. I mean, let's think about it, fr.

So the popular idea today is that lesbians cannot be men, so trans men can't be lesbians.

Now, here's what that implies: if trans men can't be lesbians, then they are always in the same category as cis men. Now, of course, some trans men ARE in that category, usually binary trans men- and they're all men, right, so every man is under that umbrella. But still, gender isn't so simple. Trans men and transmascs have vastly different experiences between each other and especially cis men. This isn't to do with internal identity, but outward perception. Regardless of whether I'm a man or not, the world has seen me as a woman all my life. That makes it very hard to be accepted and comfortable in mlm spaces, especially when theres so much transphobia in the cis gay community. Plenty of trans men are stealth, or simply have a supportive community, and are welcomed like a cis man would be. But that's not the case for everyone, and not every trans man WANTS to be treated in the same way a cis man might.

But whatever, okay, let's go with that. Trans men are men and lesbian means non-man attracted to non-man, so they're not included cause it's invalidating to (some) trans men, regardless of if they've identified with the label lesbian for years or feel unsafe in mlm spaces bc of how overwhelmingly cis they can be, or whatever else.

So... what about nonbinary men, then? Nonbinary women seem to be accepted, not just nb fems but those who identify as both nonbinary AND a woman- so why are nonbinary men not?

"Because they have man in their identity and lesbians can't like men"

So.. what about bigender people? People who are both men AND women. They can't be lesbians? I guess not.

But let's say they can, and we're just excluding binary trans men from the term lesbian..

People often bring up "would you accept a cis man identifying as a lesbian?" As an arguing point here. Bringing it back to my original point, would you accept a "he/they"? What if they were amab, and had no interest in transitioning? Or a transmasc person who DID? I just saw a transfem lesbian saying she couldn't possibly let trans men with full beards into lesbian spaces as it was transphobic and wrong- aren't there transfem lesbians who don't want to shave or get their face lasered? What do sex characteristics have to do with it? I thought we were trying to avoid labels based on that sort of thing.

So at the end of the day, I guess it really is about the label of "man." What's that even mean? That's literally just a word. I'm so confused.

8 notes · View notes

queerculus · 1 month

Text

personal feelings about sexuality and gender

I am on board with the “sexuality and gender are not the same thing” train because it is mostly true.

but. as a gay man who has had to go through some shit I personally feel like I cannot separate my sexuality from my gender. like I cannot separate that the way I am attracted to men involves us both being men. like in a “I need him to love my beard and chest hair and the way it feels for the words ‘good boy’ to come out of his own mouth when I’m on my knees or this cannot work.”

maybe it would be different if I hadn’t experienced so many awful things because of my sexuality. or maybe it wouldn’t! maybe I would be just as hard-wired to need these things, who knows, maybe it doesn’t matter why, but it’s a need. a psychological need that makes or breaks long term relationships and basic attraction that is inseparable from my sense of self because of how deeply it impacts how I navigate the world

I’m saying all of this bc I personally fund and keep contact with the only organized lgbt group in a very rural, very religious part of north carolina where I had the worst experiences of my life, and bc it’s anchored at a community college a lot of the kids there have very. 2010’s attitudes about sex and gender that are like 90% of the way there and waiting for them to have the life experience necessary to figure out that last 10%

and they are like mega adamant that sexuality and gender are totally separate and anyone who says otherwise is probably a terf or some other type of transphobe. and like yeah, maybe that’s true for you but it isn’t true for all of us. the way I experience sexual desire and romantic compatibility is deeply connected with not only my sense of self but with how I am perceived by my lover. if he doesn’t see me in a way I want to be seen, in a way I am comfortable with being seen, then it will not work. if he doesn’t appreciate and isn’t aroused by my maleness the way I am his, it simply can’t happen

(for the record, this applies to trans men and masc non-binary folks as well. I use “man” and “male” here simply because it is the most closest way to convey this feeling in words)

and like it fucking sucks that I have to hear this from them. like I went on this whole 10 year remaking and breaking and remaking of myself again to finally settle into a way of being that I am happy with but here I am listening to people who have not even left the house yet talk about this complex, deeply personal connection to sex and gender I have been reflecting on for years in a way that makes me feel like they view me as the enemy.

and I’m not! so I shut my mouth and pay the bills while they pack their little rucksacks for a difficult journey of self discovery because there is no way I can put this into words they are even able to process with their limited experience. I have physically and emotionally explored with myself and others in ways they are unprepared to handle and I have to keep quiet to avoid creating a rift between myself and the community I am keeping afloat with cash.

it’s just difficult. and there is no way to change the circumstances where anyone benefits.

there are so many other thoughts I cannot even find the words for and some that I can but cannot make myself write because I don’t think I want to be seen that deeply by others.

life is so fucking beautiful and messy and no one experiences it the same way. I wish I could tell these kids that without them hating it.

#I should really make a long form blog about this on my site

2 notes · View notes

theharrowing · 1 year

Note

Hey babes.

Just wanted to chime in and share my experience with bi men lol (I found the anons take so interesting).

My experience is the total opposite of this anon, as a bi (somehow clostet woman at least). I’ve dated a bi guy like 6 years ago back when I was very ignorant and homophobic (I’m so ashamed of those days) and I thought I was strictly straight so I just rejected him. He then told me he had like 90% preferences for women only.

And since I’ve realized I’m bi I’ve dated few bi men here and there and they’ve all told me they had stronger preference. And since I have 0 chance of ever coming out lol I’m mostly open about it if someone brings up the topic so I’m always glad when I encounter a bi guy that is willing to be himself with me and let me trust him to open up.

So basically what I’m trying to say is all these men mostly told me that even though the women to men ratio wasn’t the same, it was almost easier to hook up with men. Men are easier and less complicated about these things and that straight women can be biphobic towards them (hurts me that I someday was that straight woman yikes 🥴).

Bisexual men are so precious to me and they deserve all the love and acceptance in the world. I’ll fight the world for them 🥹 and I hope bi men with strong preference for men are still valid and wanted and that they should never be questioned about their bisexuality and attraction for women💙💓💜

i think that, when we’re young and we don’t have things all the way figured out, we tend to be problematic. especially if we are grappling with our own feelings? when i was dealing with heavy gender dysphoria, before i knew i was non-binary (or agender or whatever, i still don't fully know how i feel in my skin and bones) i had some intrusive thoughts/feelings that i feel would have been transphobic. i don't even really know how to verbalize them, but i think it had to do with "passing" and "looking/acting" a certain way, because i had a lot of negative feelings about myself that i was projecting onto others (i never expressed these thoughts to anyone!!!!! i have always done my best to be understanding and a safe person for others. but the fact that i had these thoughts does haunt me.) and this is not to say that your experience is anything like that, but i think that for people grappling with these very personal feelings, there are often similar things going on.

going to put this under a cut bc my feelings are big.

gosh, it's been so long since i have heard anyone talk about their attraction on like a ratio basis, but i remember my ex girlfriend in college (the first time) making fun of me because i told her i thought i was "at least 75% attracted to women" alskdjaslkdjasljd like what does that even mean??? but i guess some people may look at it in terms of percentages. i am also interested in non-cis and non-binary people so i wouldn't be able to pie chart my feelings as easily. 😅😂

if we do speak in terms of mostly the gender binary, i think that bi men/amab who like women/fem-presenting people get the same amount of biphobia as bi women/afab who like men/masc.-presenting people, because i have only ever experienced it while dating men and masc-presenting people. and it's so so so frustrating like what part of "i am attracted to my gender and other genders" is hard to understand??? that includes literally anybody i want it to.

i don't know if pansexuals get this same kind of hate, but if you do, i am sorry and i love you.

BISEXUAL MEN ARE PRECIOUS TO ME. everyone is precious to me. cishets are on thin ice but if you show me that i can trust you and that i am safe with you, then you are precious to me too.

ALSO YOU JAZZY mentioned you can't come out, and i am sorry to see that. if you ever need to talk about anything, please dm me! day and night! i'll likely be awake!!! 💖💖💖

#here2luvrmv #i love my moots #especially my darling jazzy! 💖#you've got mail ��

12 notes · View notes

meluronsoda · 10 months

Text

GRRRRRRRRR

Even MORE info about them

They do not know who Jack and Dave are, they worked at only one location together. Shortly after their deaths the location they worked at shut down. Plus, I think they probably worked there in the late 2000s and at that point, freddy's was smaller but not as small as in the 2010s 2020s. (Idk the location they worked at I'm still figuring that out lolz)

Maple is kinda an asshole, but Cotton doesn't care. They got very close after their deaths bc they don't know any other corpses walkin around.

Cotton is just a goofy little dude (which is how he died as well,) and just wants ppl to talk to. (Not about anything serious, just random shit. He's very extroverted, while Maple is kinda an introverted asshole who nobody likes)

Btw, about their scars, Cotton (or known as Curtis at the time,) died first. He was making cotton candy, and his hand got caught in the machine. Trying to pull it out, his head went head first in there. Panicked, Lee tried to help but got his head in there as well. They died together lolz.

I still haven't figured out how their souls got back into bodies, they don't save kids. They died, and their contracts were destroyed, I assume. Freddy's has no idea that their still hanging around. Plus it wasn't springlock failure, so they weren't turned into phone heads.

Maples hair is kinda wet and greasy, it's hard to describe. His skin is just wet all the time. He's sometimes stinky, but mainly just wet.

Cottons hair is very soft, especially the actual cotton candy bits (but they can also be sticky at times) His feels like skin tho.

Cotton has always had that damn bandage bc he picks at his skin out of boredom.

I haven't decided on their sexualities, but I have this gut feeling that Cotton is trans. And you can't argue since I created him. I might make maple a masc non binary. But idk.

These characters are still very much wips and I will be adding on to their personalities.

Thanks for reading my infodumping hfhfgjhc

#dsaf #dsaf oc #im actually insane #like i love them #grrrrrr #also ik maple looks like jack shhhshhhshhh shut upp

5 notes · View notes

erigold13261 · 1 year

Note

How did Sayu realize mer was NB and aroace? It feels kinda ironic that someone who sings about love is aroace but still, it also makes sense bc there are people who’s in love with the CONCEPT of love so

It's kinda in the same vein as asexuals who make the dirtiest jokes you know, or are porn artists. Some aromantic people are, or at least there is a trope/stereotype, really good romance novel writers or song writers.

It also helps that Sayu is not a romance-repulsed aromantic. Ze is fine with the concept of romance as long as ze isn't the one who is in a romance. (Which is the opposite of Tatiana who does not want romance at all and kinda cringes at the idea of having to be in a romantic relationship).

As for the non-binary label, I would say it helps that Sayu is a robot mermaid AI. Ze didn't truly fit into the human stereotypes of male/female man/woman masc/fem feeling of gender. Even though Sayu presents fairly femininely, that is just because that feels good to mer.

When it comes to actually being gendered it always felt weird when people would use she/her on mer. Ze wanted something similar sounding to she/her but didn't actually want the implications of what she/her meant in society. So the Sayu crew helped mer look for neopronouns and when ze came across mer/merself pronouns ze loved it. Those where the first set ze used until ze came across ze/zer pronouns and ended up combining them to better fit mer identity!

And with this:

[Hi Satu ask anon here i think I should've used xe instead of a mer in the ask]

Don't worry about it! Neopronouns can be hard to use, the fact that you are trying would be enough to make Sayu super happy!

Also the fact that mer can be used in that way since the "standard" use of that neopronoun seems to be mer/merself, so using it in the "she/he/they" tense instead of the "her/his/their" tense does work. Sayu just tends to use mer in the "her/his/their" tense a lot, but won't get mad at someone who messes up since it still technically works!

Also also, it would have been ze, but Sayu is not super fickle about mer pronouns as long as they SOUND like ze/mer, so xe/xir and mi/mir or anything like that is actually really fine! (especially when I personally see these asks as like, people literally talking to me/the character instead of them writing it to me/the character).

4 notes · View notes

vldlance · 2 years

Note

hi, congrats on figuring out your gender! im in a similar situation myself, and i wanted to ask, if it's not too intrusive at the moment - do you think being a boy and also a girl make you both mlm and wlw? im genderfluid myself, and when someone asked me this i found i couldn't answer them. what do you think? is it possible to be both? you don't have to answer of course, i was just wondering if by chance you'd given it any thought!

first of all thank you and congrats to u too! second of all…hmm. yeah that’s a difficult question!

though i know i generally considered myself a wlw before, it was never a term i used extensively bc i just preferred thinking of myself as bi (even tho i am a wlw by definition, i always felt a bit like referring to myself that way erased my attraction to men and masc people. i know that’s not how everyone thinks of those terms for bi people, even my boyfriend regularly refers to himself as a mlm, so i’m not like. judging anyone, that’s just how i personally felt.)

to answer your question though, i think it really matters how you approach your attraction to people. in this case, i probably wouldn’t call myself a mlm unless i felt that my attraction to men/masc ppl was in a way that felt gay. (which is hard…as a bisexual.) and i guess my attraction to men DOES feel gay, but it kind of always has because i think even “straight” bi relationships are gay.

so basically i’m just musing here but i think it depends on 1) how you Feel gender-wise abt your attraction to men/masc people or women/fem people and 2) what labels you Want to use! ever since figuring this all out i’ve been trying not to use too many labels (i don’t even call myself non-binary, i just say not cis LOL) because i’m afraid of pigeon-holing myself with a label too quickly. but that’s a personal thing! etc etc etc i think u get me

#sorry this got so long SBDJSNSJSN #gender…#juno.txt

8 notes · View notes

writefightandflightclub · 2 years

Note

Hey! I know this is a terribly personal question so pls don't fell pressured to answer it if you don't fell comfortable doing so, but I saw the NB in your bio and as someone who's questioning whether they might be Non-binary themselves but lives in an extremely transphobic place I couldn't help but wonder: How was your experience with your own gender? When did you realize? How do you feel about it? What did you do about it? How does one go about telling people something like that?

TW: transphobia mention

Heyyy! I feel SO bad about how long this has been in my inbox. Maybe you will have forgotten sending it, idk. Maybe you are in a different place by now. But here I am, and I hope this isn’t too late to reply.

I looked at this SO MaNY TIMeS and tried to reply. I felt like I needed to write a “perfect” response, bc it’s so important… and so I ended up never writing… anything?! But, I am *finally* over getting it exactly right. I think it’s better if I just start somewhere, anywhere, and then if you wanna chat more we can speak again, alright? 😊

First, I’m so sorry you’re in an environment that is transphobic. That sucks, no other way to put it, and I hope you are safe and that you find more supportive people in your future. You deserve that! So much!

Secondly, your experience is unique to you and that’s so wonderful! I think questioning your gender and exploring if you might be non-binary is amazing! I hope you can see it as a positive and full of opportunities even if it seems scary too sometimes.

I also get wanting to find out more from someone who seems like they have it… a little bit figured out? Because… I’ll be honest, it’s.. sorta confusing?!

The truth is… I don’t actually have it figured out?! It’s hard and, did I mention, confusing? 😂 For a long time I wondered, how do I know? Like, knowing, to a level of rigour I’d never expect to be applied to any other aspect of my life. This is the way society expects you to know, and the things it expects you to prove, if you fall outside of the binary.

But… I don’t have to prove anything and neither do you.

A simple thing which helped me get out of that cycle of “proving” and “knowing” and second guessing, personally, is that “if you feel non-binary sometimes or all the time, you’re probably non-binary”. I think it was represented in, like, a two layer flow chart and that was all there was to it and it helped things… click a bit? And hey, no-one gets to define what gender is to you is the point of that. There is no test you need to pass. No entry criteria.

When did I realise? As soon as I had the language? Enby wasn’t talked about when I was young, so although non-binary people have existed as long as humans have, or sthg, I didn’t have the words until… late twenties? But, even before the words, I would be sitting on a bus sometimes, or out somewhere, whatever, and someone would refer to me in passing as “woman”, and while the term doesn’t cause me any major distress I’d just have a little sinking feeling and go… oh. But, but, don’t you see how manly I am, stranger on the bus? There you go.

What did I do? Not a lot, but you can do as little or as much as you like / feel safe / able to. For example, I am comfortable with my body and don’t mind she/her pronouns, so I haven’t wanted to / felt I had to physically change much to express myself. My gender presentation is slightly more tricky as I tend to want to dress more masc but no matter what I always seem to get read as femme so… 🙄 That also means I’m not “visibly” gender non-conforming (which can also mean erasure, but hey, I’m bisexual, AFAB, and married to a cishet man so all kinds of used to that). However, my point, if I have one, is that you’re not obligated to… do anything?! Your journey will be personal to you! There are lots of people who might want to change their pronouns / name / gender expression / body / hormones in a whole bunch of ways, but you are also not obligated to want all / any of those things to be valid. You might want some of them some of the time as well, and that’s okay too. You can’t do non-binary wrong. It’s not possible.

I also didn’t really “come out”? Like, my husband knows everything and I told one friend who did NOT get it. At all. It’s almost comical. And I have one other friend I might mention it to when they’re in a better headspace themselves. And my parent gets me but I don’t feel the need to have The Conversation. Also hi tumblr, you are my safe space for my non-binaryness and “they” pronouns 🧡 A conversation can be casual too. Like, I used Janet from the Good Place jokes to ease into it. 😂 It can be as casual as you like, on your terms, and only when / IF you feel safe and that you want to!

One thing I did do is to seek out enby creators to follow on Insta, listen to their podcasts, read their plays, watch their shows. Can recommend! Read or write fanfics which have non-binary identities or ones with a gender presentation you vibe with. Self-inserts can be healing! Learn about the history of non-binary peoples from across the globe and the different ways these identities have been honoured in different cultures through time. The more we can surround ourselves with the full diversity of enby experiences and stories, the more possibilities we can see for ourselves and the better we can understand others.

Fwiw, I struggle feeling “valid” a lot, but the headline is that your feeling about yourself is valid. Full stop. Even if you don’t have it all figured out. Even if you can’t fully express it (yet) in all the ways you would like.

You are so valid!

And you can head to my inbox any time. I’m 10,000% rooting for you.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Sending lots of positive internet wishes through the screen to you and I hope you find your gender euphoria ✨

I hope this made some sense and was in anyway helpful. I feel like none of it was profound, but the more “mundane” conversations we can all share with each other about this the better, right? And, a little bit like this message, don’t wait and try to find the “perfect” solution for your gender. You don’t have to “solve” it. You can just try to be authentic and true and give it a go? You are not a puzzle to be solved, and I hope you can have fun with this journey and play around and see what works for you and what doesn’t and become a little more yourself every day, wherever that happens to lead and however it looks for you 🧡

#phew I did not reply to this for so long I had such a complex about if I am non binary enough to respond but hey I am on a journey too #and I think that is the point #non binary #enby #cw: transphobia #TW: transphobia #non binary realness

4 notes · View notes

librarygoth · 4 years

Text

I’m still non-binary for sure but I’m very much moving away from using the term trans masc to describe myself bc like

I think there’s this idea that if you’re butch and non-binary your internal sense of gender must be somehow aligned with manhood bc there’s a lot of pressure for non-binary ppl to still align themselves with the gender binary and obvs ppl think that butches are just men lite™️, and I think I internalized a lot of that

but a more recently I’ve been thinking about myself a lot and finding my sense of gender has literally nothing to do with manhood—it’s really just about butchness and lesbianism. sometimes I read things trans masc ppl say or talk to trans masc people and trans men I know irl and just. my experiences and feelings aren’t theirs. like anything I have in common with them is really superficial and limited to gender expression. and for sure like ppl are individuals and I def know ppl who are trans masc or trans men who are like so lovely and great but also idk I feel like a lot of the trans masc ppl and trans men I’ve encountered are pure trash just in terms of the culture of those spaces like you should see some of the ppl in my irl community who just suck so hard lol.

but yeah, I just think maybe I felt alienated from women for a really long time, especially feminine presenting women and straight women, because I’m a lesbian and because I’m butch but honestly I feel like I have more in common with women/women aligned non-binary ppl (inclusive of trans women obvs) than any trans masc person or trans men but I didn’t feel like I had the right to claim ownership of those feelings or like I had the right to be in those spaces with those ppl bc I internalized a lot of homophobic/lesbophobic cultural ideas that told me I couldn’t. Which I guess isn’t anything new I’m literally just describing the butch experience but you know lol

#me #butch #butch lesbian #butch dyke #dyke

17 notes · View notes

gettin-bi-bi-bi · 3 years

Note

Hi! A question for Maddie: how do u know ur a cis woman? I am an afab bi person and since i discovered i was bi my connection to womanhood became weaker (not that it was strong before). I thought i would identify more with other queer women but that hasn’t been exactly the case. I only see them online but they have too much “fem energy” so to say it for me to id with them and other nonbinary people seem too masc/neutral for me too. What does it mean to be a woman? Especially if ur queer

That’s a good question but I don’t know if I have a good answer for it.

How do I know I’m a woman? I guess just because I never felt like anything else? See, it’s not like I consciously walk through life always thinking “I’m a woman. I’m a woman. I’m a woman.” I guess I don’t actively think of that unless it becomes relevant in context. Also, when other people read me as a woman that feels right. Now, I’ve never been mistaken as anything else afaik - I’m petit and usually dress femme-ish so despite my buzzcut, most people will look at me and think “woman” and I guess the fact that I don’t mind that at all is one indicator for me being a woman. And I guess if someone else thought I was a guy it wouldn’t feel right?! The only context in which I ever had the thought that “I wish I was a man” (cisnormative speak for “wish I had a dick”) was in sexual fantasies I had as a teenager but those thoughts have vanished once I learned that strap-ons are not just being used by lesbians.

I don’t know if that’s at all helpful. I mean, I have been thinking about this more since getting involved with the queer community but questioning my gender always stopped in the moment in which I felt like “I’m a woman because I literally don’t know what else to be. This word feels the most accurate.”

Now, as for being a woman + being queer... I’ve definitely struggled with femininity when I was closeted, in the sense that I would totally over-perform certain aspects of what I thought women “should be”. But on the other hand I always refused other things which was hard if you’re the only closeted queer girl in a group of straight girls who more or less all perpetuate heteronormativity and misogyny. I guess it’s no surprise that the friend group I ended up joining was the goth and emo kids - despite not being part of either of those subcultures myself. But they were kind of “outcasts” at school and I knew that somehow I belonged there as well. Now, this was all probably more about my closeted sexuality but part of that was also about those goth and emo girls living a totally different femininity than the “regular” girls.

When I started coming out properly and accepting my bisexuality (which didn’t happen until my mid 20s) I also finally felt good about other aspects of my identity. It’s not that I hated being a woman before but I often felt like I wasn’t “doing it right”. But when I accepted that I’m queer and learned more about gender I realised that there’s nothing to “do”. I just am Maddie and I guess I’m a woman bc anything else doesn’t fit me as well as “woman” does; and how I behave and dress and exist doesn’t change anything about that for me. I am just authentically myself and that includes flower petticoat dresses and a buzzcut... and I feel very queer that way. And my queerness definitely is a reason for rejecting traditional gender expectations and gender roles. That doesn’t mean I refuse to wear clothes that are seen as “feminine” but I don’t do it because I think I have to as a woman. I do it because I like the way it looks. And then other days I dress like a Dickensian paper boy but not feeling any less of a woman, you know?!

This is probably all a very messy reply, I’m sorry. I have trouble explaining it. But aaaaaaall of that being said: I would recommend you take your time exploring this for yourself and also engaging with genderqueer people. I know the pandemic makes it hard or impossible to do this offline but once that’s safely possible again I’d say you should try to get more involved with that community outside of the internet. But until then online also offers more than what you have described so far. Maybe the “fem energy” queer women and the “masc/neutral energy” non-binary people are a bit more visible online (? just a theory, I don’t know if that actually holds true but it seems to be your experience) but there’s definitely more than that out there. And hey, maybe your gender is something in between or fluid. You don’t have to pick one static thing and stick with it. Genderfluidity is a real thing so maybe some days the “fem energy” feels relatable and other days it doesn’t. That’s cool.

Maddie

5 notes · View notes

begans · 4 years

Note

hey i’m bi too and i’m really curious- hope im not grilling u w questions lol. But ive only ever heard of lesbians labeling their gender as lesbian, but never of bi ppl labeling their gender as bi.. why do u think that is? Also what does like.. identifying ur gender as bi mean to u? <<3

yeah i’d love to speak more on this! sorry i’m answering this so late, but no it’s no trouble at all. i think (and again, this is from my experiences as a bi nb person as well as hearing from other bi ppl in the community as well as like. dissecting recent bi and transphobia) that a lot of times bi ppl don’t necessarily think or know that they can question their gender. bisexuality is seen as “binary”, as rigid. we’re not seen as real members of the lgbt community, and biphobic stereotypes enhance this. i think in particular you have the stereotype of bi women faking their love for women and basically being straight and performing for men that often hinders us from wanting to explore our gender. then you have the stereotypes against bi men; they’re basically gay, bisexuality in men is just never believed. if a bi woman is nb/gnc, she’s seen as “actually a lesbian” bc so many people don’t think that bi women can have unique relationships with our gender. same thing with bi men, if they’re more feminine they’re just seen as gay men, and their attraction to women is ignored. it’s all due to biphobic stereotypes imo, and from a fundamental misunderstanding of bisexuality. bisexual people are seen as dumb sluts, not capable of questioning our gender like gay men and lesbians, and these stereotypes have hinder me, have hindered other bi ppl that i know in fully exploring our gender. i’ve known i was bi p much my whole life even if i didn’t really have a label until i was 12, but i only started questioning my gender last year bc i internalized so many biphobic stereotypes and believed them about myself. i rlly thought i could never love women as much as lesbians (which led to me identifying as a lesbian for a bit just so i could prove to people that i’m “gay enough” but i was denying so much of my identity) and i just genuinely thought i couldn’t ever think about my gender. it rlly took meeting other bi ppl who felt the same way i did to rlly break free of that thinking and allow myself to explore my gender. that’s basically what’s led me to sort of think of my gender as bisexual. i would also think of my self as a non-binary woman, maybe even bigender, but bisexual as a sexuality and as my gender expression just feels right to me. for me, it’s all about fluidity and being sort of both masc and fem and also somewhere in between. my attraction shifts a lot and so does my gender and such. it can be sort of hard to explain and conceptualize (i have a hard time putting it into words) but that’s just sort of my feelings! if any other bi nb people want to add their experiences please do!

#sorry this is rambly ! hopefully i explained myself ok #diary #bi #nb

6 notes · View notes

femmeclefable · 4 years

Note

ur roommate post struck a chord with me bc obviously that space can be so fluid and gender is complicated but as a lesbian, if a person i was dating said they realized they were a trans man, that would put me off entirely. im not attracted to men or the idea of being with them so the boundaries seem quite clear to me! obviously if they've been with someone for a while, it might be hard to disentangle their feelings but i feel like its projection on their part and not really seeing them as a man

oh big true. i think it’s very weird to be a lesbian willingly with a trans man (or trans masc person who does not identify anywhere near WLW) in the first place, much less continue to call yourself a lesbian. it’s just weird to me in that sense.

eta: i mentioned my ex earlier and how they found it uncomfortable that i called myself a lesbian while i was with them. and like. word. i get that. but after that conversation i really sat with myself a while thinking about whether my attraction was even romantic in the first place (it wasn’t), was i actually bi (no) and so on. that relationship actually ended for stupider worse reasons but a huge part of that was that i tried to fit myself into the label of “queer” when really i was just a lesbian who craved attention and adoration from another trans person. it’s so weird to me to be with not just one but multiple trans men/masc people who express discomfort with their partner calling themself a lesbian and then to be like “well i’m a lesbian and trans masc people are part of lesbian communities” without considering their say at all and without just doing that reflective work. it just feels very transphobic! even tho they’re non binary

5 notes · View notes

enbybrigade · 5 years

Note

I struggle a lot with not feeling non-binary enough and it’s so confusing,,, my mom insults me when I dress masc and says “stop trying to be a boy” as if it’s something awful and it’s hard to see past that, but when I dress feminine I get called a girl and it makes my skin crawl and stomach churn,,, I don’t want to be either, but in some way, being called a boy feels,, comforting bc it’s the opposite of the “girl” I was born to be,, what do I do,,,

The way you present doesn’t have to match your gender, they are two different things. If you are nonbinary, then you’re nonbinary no matter what you look like, and you’re always enough.

I understand liking being called a boy more than a girl because of it being not your agab, and I understand people not understanding that you can be nonbinary and still be excited when people assume you are the opposite gender as what you were assigned and grew up with people assuming you are. I feel like for me, it’s less being called a boy, and more that the first thing the person thought wasn’t “girl” that makes me feel good. I also think it’s perfectly okay to have that preference to what you are mistaken as.

I’m sorry your mom insults you like that. If you’re out, you could try explaining to her how you feel? And if you aren’t, I always explained wearing men’s clothes as, it’s more comfortable, I can’t find women’s shoes that fit me, bowties are just really cool and dress skirts make me uncomfortable, and women can wear suits too. Plus, men’s clothes actually have pockets that are functional for carrying things!

I’m sorry I can’t really help more than that, but this is something I also struggle with. If I wear men’s clothes, am I just trying to be a boy? Am I just a soft trans boy? If I wear women’s clothes, and I actually cis? Why am I not more uncomfortable in these, am I really just faking this? Though those feelings get less severe as I become more comfortable with myself, I do still feel them from time to time. Like, my mom took me to get acrylic nails done while I was home, and 2 weeks after getting back, I ripped them all off, so I’ve been keeping them painted to protect them from being damaged worse than they are from ripping off the nails, but every so often I run into, but why am I okay with them being painted, what if people think I’m a girl and am just faking being nonbinary.

I hope things get better, and if anyone else deals with this or has tips for how to deal with this, feel free to comment on this post.

~NonbinaryWarrior~

#nonbinary #trans #warrior #ask #anon

47 notes · View notes

butterflygemini · 4 years

Text

throwback to this time last year bc druck s3 was coming to an end right around now and I realized I didn’t feel like I could post anything about myself for ldov because of how thoroughly my world got rocked by seeing a trans guy (who, even if it isn’t mentioned in the show, is pan/bi) falling in love with another guy........literally it was this day last year after like two years of id’ing as a lesbian and an even longer time struggling with my gender that I started thinking more about how my gender and sexuality interact with each other and how the world reads me. I started realizing that I’d been id’ing as a lesbian because people reading me as a cis lesbian was better than having to go through the mortifying ordeal of navigating romance and sex as a bisexual non-binary, trans masc person. the most invalidating thing is being seen as a girl (I am id’d as a girl probably 99.9% of the time lmao) who likes guys, so if I’m with a guy I have to be really clear that I’m Not a Girl, and if you’re trans you know how hard it is to put your foot down about this stuff.

anyways I know I like to talk big talk about how groundbreaking druck was but like.....who knows how fucking long it would have taken me to just accept that I was way more trans than I was allowing myself to be, or that I was allowed to be trans and like guys. the second part was the hardest part and there’s still that nasty self-hating voice in my head that tries to nip at me and be like “you’re just a straight girl fetishizing gay men bleh 😝” which is the absolute worst. but. anyways. thanks druck for the gender and sexuality!

#being trans and gay is so very very complex #it is also very fun when you're finally like yes okay fine i like guys and then the first guy you get a crush on is a kind of normie cis gay #guy who says he doesnt think he could date a trans guy :-)#yes im still bitter about this asldjasdkasjd

0 notes