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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 2 days

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Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

#oh my god this was supposed to be a brief write-up what happened 😭#ugh i feel like this is a bit of a mess and there's infinite other little points i could've made or elaborated on or interpreted differentl #but i'm so tired lmao #anyways tldr fuck you illumi you suck #killua is a snarky little shit but he also has so much love in his tiny body and i think we should appreciate him forever and ever #this also accidentally turned into alluka and nanika appreciation. i love them #nanika sweet angel i love you so much i hope you get all the head pats in the world #ghhh i'm so scared this doesn't make sense anymore i've been working on it for almost a week #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh meta #killua zoldyck #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#storyrambles #also that one scene where gon turns to look directly at killua and tells him he has fun being with him makes me jdfhbvsdjfbvh #he's so intense about it i start laughing. no wonder killua basically just went ??!?!?!?! and like. leaned back because i think i would've #done the same lmaoooo #it's very sweet though :')#argh. gotta post. i need to stop hesitating. let's go.

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ndostairlyrium · 27 days

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WIP Wednesday ✨

IN TIME, this time. About time! Tags at the bottom

some cass <3 lav sketches, I'm currently painting the outfit on the right with poor chances of succeding (purples and cool greys are involved) u-u

hopefully I'll end up being historically coherent this time lmao (I'm eyeing Cosmé Tura because there are some interesting things in his pieces but I'm trying my best to stay in Venice for Josie *sprays water @ Estensi*). Also I'm tempted to change the pose and Leli may be seen from behind because, um, archer back? Archer back. I mostly see pics in which she's thin and dainty but like Give this girl those luscious back muscles she deserves pls

More outfits for the troubled child. So far these are my least favorite but! We keep going until I can replace the other document in full since it needs an update

Luckily, I have time to finish something this weekend ;u;

Tagging (w no obligation): @greypetrel @shivunin @melisusthewee @underneathestars @daggerbean @layalu @herearedragons

#wip wednesday #poor cullen is excluded from the group pic for once #...unless?#I mean I could draw him but it's either armor or tudor and I'd need to double my research for those .-. argh #that reference sheet is like 2% of the things I've gathered lol #also if u don't know cosmé tura google him he's one of my absolute faves lol #whenever I see an exposition that covers the timeframe 400-600 I always look for him and fangirl like mad #his baby jesuses are hideous I love them so much #the photos never give his paintings enough justice tho ;;#just like giovanni bellini you can't see how beautiful the renderings are via photo #his (bellini) saint sebastian is one of the most unbothered saint sebastians ever lol #'yea I got an arrow on my stomach I know' *looks at saint francis having a moment absolutely unbothered*#...um sorry for the renaissance rant lmao #here have a cookie for the road 🍪 <3

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ichorai · 3 months

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every time i think of theon greyjoy i start violently twitching and biting people and frothing at the mouth . does anyone get it

#theon means so much to me #i think about him all the time like argh i just love him so bad #my tragic tragic boy #theon greyjoy #i still need to write for him fr

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sorikoos · 2 years

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Nah but dream drop distance being thee game where riku smiles and each time he does it’s because he’s remembering why he’s doing the keyblade mastery exam he’s growing from all the trauma he went through he’s trying to make amends from all his mistakes more importantly he smiles because he’s thinking of sora.

#riku kingdom hearts #dream drop distance #kingdom hearts ddd #riku just smiles so much in ddd my heart bursts because he’s at a stage where he can smile #god #he’s so in love and he’s growing up and he’s healing #soriku #sora kingdom hearts #argh i love him

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gaienenkidou · 3 months

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Hi! Thoughts on Enkidu's Arcade Route, and the others you've played or watched?

hihi! thank you for giving me an excuse to talk abt the uni2 arcade stuff hehe <:3 everyone's being hush hush abt it for the first month (understandable) but ive been itchingggg to talk about it! sorry for this response taking a day or two a big update for arcaea dropped when uni2 dropped and i was super occupied with that. uni2 spoiler under the cut obviously so youve been warned of the spoiler boogeyman okay? okay!!!!

i'm just gonna talk about the arcade routes that really interested me which is just codeword for amnesia and a select few Sorry to any orie fans or carmine fans or anyone i don't mention here (though carmine becoming a rebirth was interesting)

ENKIDU:

first things first. i wont lie i meowed at the screen when i saw enkidu got long hair in the ending cg. i already like enkidu for obvious reasons (he's hot and my type. most normal comphet videogame crush.) but then give him long hair and i'm like bouncing up and down my chair squealing and crying and throwing up!!!!! damn you yoshihara!!!! (shaking my fists)

the arcade route itself however seemed to imply and bring up a lot of interesting things about his power. they seem to hint at the power deep inside him is not even related to anything in the under night lore at all and its just his OWN thing he's dealing with which is really really cool to think about but since he's a lesser popular side character we will probably never get a satisfactory elaboration on it. great! i saw the person who's uploaded all the arcade modes say that the "demon" he addresses could have been inside of him from day one and is not something related to exs and in-birth turning and is not an inverse version of him, and i think that's a really cool working theory, also re-contextualizes the whole "body being so strong voids can barely pierce it" because voidlike exs cant fit in there if you have like, A Literal Fucking Demon inside of you. really taking advantage of the clear kouma expy... the demon inside of him takes over him very obviously in the ending which :( enki...i could save him...enkidu's story (at least in chronicle mode) has always had this underlying tone of depression but also being the stoic and less emotional fronting Martial Artist Fighting Game Character he has some form of uncertainty of dealing with those emotions beyond the art of fighting (insert the autistic individual enkidu picture here.) in uni2 arcade though he expresses the fact that he can't let the world end even if it is so tainted, albeit for his own answers, but he has a very genuine approach to the fate of kanzakai...i like to think he was starting to truly enjoy being apart of the world ever since the unib shenanigans started and gordeau's ending clearly shows that he does genuinely like being around amnesia and is a tease about it. deep down i think he really cares about the "tainted world" though his stoic disposition doesn't allow him to emote that well and thats just pure old man moe and i need more of it. but man the fact that he turns into a warded off demon to continue to live in that world is cruel irony...but a very interesting way to show his (presumable) development. fpan please for the love of god just give us that chronicle mode patch i need more of him you're implying so much cool shit emotionally and physically about him but RESTRICTING IT TO ARCADE ROUTES GRAHHH

half of this might just be insane delusioned interpretations but what am i if not tumblr user gaienenkidou, master enkidu scholar! tldr it was in an unexpected angle but also REALLY cool to muse about. i expected fpan to neglect any development for him in the first place but i came out with more answers and questions about him so for an enkidu liker like myself i'm pleased. could be better but pleased. At least out of the suffering he got a for realsies command grab move. now the next question is will 66c be fun again

KAGUYA:

don't have a whole essay about miss jinguu like enkidu thank god but when uni2 announcements dropped i was so fucking fixated on kaguya i am INCREDIBLY happy they made her playable finally, i imagine she's been in spriting development hell since she's had a shitton of placeholders from what i remember. the tsurugi pick is cool too but KAGUYA!!!!! I LOVE HIME CUT GIRLS WITH BIG BOOBS!!!!

her ending cg makes me feel a lot of emotions particularly about being attracted to women. she's so pretty. i'm incredibly interested in where she'll go from here since they scrapped her being from a wealthy family and being the ditzy sheltered rich girl to being an orphan with a dark past just posing as that exact trope. implications of her effect on licht kreis lore particularly silvaria are also cool to think about because licht kreis lore goes from really interesting to soul crushingly boring sometimes. her creepy loner girl to hime pipeline...she's perfect to me. love you kaguya mwah GORDEAU:

when i saw the description on a video of gordeau's arcade mode say he secured the good ending i was expecting something bittersweet BUT I WASN'T EXPECTING ROGER TO COME BACK EVEN THOUGH I FELT LIKE I SHOULD :') i think thats because i was expecting some sort of narrative where gordeau learns to kinda let go of it and just chill out with amnesia because i mean they're his homies too. thought he would have an arc in his arcade based on that but i think the indomitable and selfless spirit angle leading to him getting roger back is also pretty decent as well! no complaints. i wonder if theyre implying roger could be playable in the future but unlike ogre mmmm ehhh there's better npcs that deserve that first and roger isn't really striking, he always struck me as the guy there for a narrative purpose for gordeau (and amnesia.) his design is cool but less remarkable than like...londrekia when he was just a chronicles mode guy or azel/mercedes or uzuki when she was an arcade exclusive talk sprite. we'll see! :D

HILDA: don't have a lot to say cuz yeah that's about what i expected but She deserves it in my opinion hell yeah girl. really cool of them to use the insect ideas from ageha-chou (sorry i'm not saying the whole scientific name i'll malfunction) in her rebirth design. i want to touch her feelers.... CHAOS:

not a bunch to say again but thank you chaos for being the guy consistently advancing the lore and any terminology yet again sir yes sir oorah

BYAKUYA/STRIX:

yuri lives on...kind of really anticlimatic and i feel like there should've been more buildup but it just kind of happens...? but it might be just because the way uni tells story through arcade mode makes it feel. using sprites to tell the story like mbtl would've REALLLLY helped here, uni2 is already built off of mbtl's version of their engine lolol. nonetheless i am happy for strix. seems they kinda soft deconfirmed the idea of them not being playable since byakuya broke both their vessels so they can just be regular people again but WHO KNOWS ANYMORE since ogre is back anything can go at this point

a lot of my thoughts funnily enough aren't completely abt uni2 though. ive never been the biggest fan of byakuya and even now i'm pretty flatly neutral to him but brushing up on his chronicle mode before uni2 dropped man. i just feel bad for him. he deserves friends and something else to be around other than his sister and fragments of her. hes like only in junior high he should be making a school festival with people and enrolling in clubs. his mia status in uni2 just makes it worse. give him a break jesus christ

MERKAVA:

already a fan of merkava's void design but.........oh my god he's so pretty for no reason? what the fuck? they could've easily fumbled a human merkava and making him somehow less cooler and appealing than the obviously more interesting void design but i like human merk. still a bit inferior to typical merk though.

MIKA:

love and peace and happiness. mika so cute. not really much i have to say for her but i main her with enkidu so i didn't want to not mention her. she's my baby

WALDSTEIN: AND JUST LET HIM FUCKING DIE!!@?!@?>!@?> i mean its EXPECTED but what the fuck i was a waldstein shooter. do you know how many people actually LIKE WALDSTEIN. you can count it on one hand INCLUDING ME. i wanted more of himmmm out of everyone he deserved a slice of life ending. impactful nonetheless though. i am in fact a big fan of the oddly attractive (subjective) grandpa. ending cg is adorable but jesus adelheid is smaller than i expected and that's while being aware that she's gonna naturally look smaller beside wald.

LONDREKIA:

i do...not have a lot to say on londrekia's story to be honest except the ending was really fucking dorky in a cute way. really i just wanted this section so i can say hes so stupid and moe and i like him. i really warmed up to him over the course of seven years. i used to be so neutral towards his existence when not paired with merk but nowadays he's one of my favorites. i often do not like anime white boys but he is SO SO SO COMICALLY WHITE that it's charming. i think him becoming playable aided in that though because oh my god. oh my god. he's such a loser and i want to playfully tease him for it

uhh i think that's all my thoughts? oh wait yeah phonana mentioned. ok now im done. sorry for the 3 page long analysis as a uni fan its second nature to take their microscopic small implications and go crazy over the crumbs when it comes to the story. gameplay still looks peak as hell though would expect no less from fpan. excited to get the game soon :3

#uni2 spoilers #under night in birth #i forgot my asks tag argh ill just put in under my txt tag #omiwa txts #i am also completely honored that you sent me an ask on enkidus arcade mode #like shit i really AM the enkidu girl now...hehehe #love getting to talk abt him or uni with any smidgen of a chance i get #uni2 is about to do so much irreparable damage to my oc side story btw. autism is strong.

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feluka · 8 months

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i know death isn't a permanent state of being in this game but if i have to see missile or kamila die one more time i will cry so hard

#it's so upsetting despite the comical animation!!! missile i love you so much. the noise that came out of me when the bike ran him over AUGH #truly i can't handle it i can't handle it i'm too fragile for animal death or child death even in a silly format #kamila's wasn't graphically shown but i'm just so SAD for her!!!#her dog dies and then she gets stuffed into a suitcase (ARGH!!!!!) and then she relives her trauma POOR BABYYYY PLEASE LET HER CATCH A BREA #ghost trick lb

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fagkermit · 7 months

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Bdubs :) he cures art block

Click for better quality! Tumblr chewed it up

#im very new to hermitcraft!! so please be kind i dont know much of bdubs story but i love him so much #hes amazing :) also i dont know anything about the jungle story >-< this was just a lighting study #im also still getting use to angles argh #bdubs #bdoubleo100 #bdubs fanart #hes a hybrid of the little glow guy that lost the mob vote #because i saw that in a post and loved it #if yall have any good suggestions for videos of his to watch please lmk!!!

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havockingboo · 2 years

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Half tempted nah HEAVILY tempted to add ‘Everywhere At The End Of Time’ tracks to the EC AU Playlist 💀 specifically the YT vers cause it’s the more ‘feeling uneasy, unsettling’ version you know… it captured the atmosphere perfectly but MAN I ain’t about to make everyone and myself feel THAT uneasy HAH

#like it’s so fitting #and so so ironic #the ec au is about papyrus remembering everything that happens in undertale to the point it’s overwhelming for him because he was never #meant to remember THIS much #he already struggles with his memory so this is just ARGH #AND THEN EVERYWHERE AT THE END OF TIME WAS CREATED AS AN EXPERIENCE OF WHAT DEMENTIA FEELS LIKE #where a person slowly forgets their life #losing their memory etc. it’s such a spine chilling collection of stages created into tracks #6+ hours worth of it…#it’s geniunely not for the faint of heart because I haven’t even gone past the first hour of the album #AURGH I LOVE MUSIC #I LOVE PSYCHOLOGY AND THE MIND #it’s so so interesting #long tags #existential crisis au #ec au playlists #EC AU #rambles

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mothkraft · 1 year

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i know i have to write some sort of mini fic with hot pants and diego going to a chippy and hot pants get their first deep fried mars bar and also diego's signature order is rock n' chips which i don't know why i haven't seen this before as a play on words and with (what little) british culture there is like it's peak brit humour to me i hate it i love it this little man downs marmite on toast and hot pants can't believe how much they're in love with this creature of a bloke

#dinopants #i need it i need it so bad i need diego and hot pants to be out late at night and explore the comfort that they find in each other #whilst eating fish n chips on some steps on a rainy night to sober up a bit after clubbing/going for drinks or SOMETHING #my love language is sharing well salted (and vinegar-ed) chips after a long day #i need diego with his faded west country accent i need hot pants not getting all his colloquialisms #but enjoying this rare window into the diego without a front of arrogance to pretend he's worth more #coz he's already worth enough to them #and they to him #OTL i love them so much i am sick in the brain for diego and hot pants and them together and just ARGH

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1000-directions · 2 years

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me as hawkeye busting into a secret meeting to ask if the fish are okay

image from @bobbimorses / [link]

[image description: a mini marvels comic panel with hawkeye, namor, iron man, doctor strange, mister fantastic, and black bolt gathered around a table with sandwiches and drinks. in speech bubbles, clint asks: “how’s life underwater? how are the fish?” namor replies: “the fish are good.” iron man says: “get out of here, hawkeye. this is a secret meeting.” end id.]

#i LOVE mini marvels hawkeye he is so...much #he's just like exuberant #protect him #hawkeye #mini marvels #underwater animals are the best animals #comics tag #food cw #i realize using hyphens as line breaks is not ideal for screenreaders but tumblr makes it impossible to format things for desktop argh

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autisticlogankin · 1 year

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LAWRENCE'S PUPPY EYES WHEN HE SEES THE PHOTO?!?!?!?!!!?; HE'S SO :((( CAN I HUG HIM PLEASE !!! HE'S SO SAD

#lawrence gordon #i love him so much wtf #he's actually very sweet :(#he cheated!! yes and I'm not saying that's a good thing #but just argh i love him #also his eyes are actually so pretty why does no one talk about his eyes #the dilf ever <3 #patch.txt

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1980ssunflower · 1 year

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#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980 #WAILS AND CRIES #MY BABIES #IM GOING TO DIE AND COMBUST INTO FLAMES #you guys have no idea what im like when i go so carefully through eps for screencaps #i am both SO deranged but silly GDFHSJK #im just giggling and kicking my feet around and gushing to myself abt how adorable they both are #my genuine real true soulmates...#i feel so soft and mushy #id trade my life to go live w them in their world and time ;;#id do anything to hold them both close and press soft little kisses wherever i can #jdfks sometimes i think i must look so silly being so desperately and hopelessly in love w 2 very normal and tbh troubled guys #theyre both just silly nerds who have like SO many issues and argh just... there is so much to them #ahh i love them both sm #ryan is so silly and ik min is silly too despite us not getting to see much of what he REALLY is like when he lets himself go #since yknow he was trying to be the person his parents wanted him to be during the season #but he clearly shows that he can be silly and like SO cringe GHDFJSK #his stupid little flirty shit he did like #'YOUR HONOR I AM A SIMPLE MAN! A SIMPLE BROWNIE MAN'#GHDFJSKAL DUMBASS I LOVE HIM MWAH MWAH #aouh.. and hes so so... soft... and comforting... that fact makes me melt #makes my love for him even more insane and unbearable #i want to see his face go bright tomato red from flirting w him and kissing him ;w;#and im kissing ryans tears away from his insecurities and fears of being abandoned and left alone #the three of us are a unit and we'll never be apart ever again 💖💛💙

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trashlie · 2 years

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For ILY, when you mentioned the potential time skips that’ll happen after the flashback and party chapters, I can’t help but wonder what we’ll se a-tip do. Is he just going to spend all night fatigued and burnt out trying to find Nolan? Will the time skips just show him on a repeating routine of his job in Japan (accommodated thanks to yui)? Will yui notice how close shin-ae and Nolan have gotten and try to kill her the same way she certainly did to Nessa? I don’t trust any therapist thrown to Nolan while he’s in jail.

And I have a feeling rand doesn’t know the whole picture of how much q-tip does to express his disdain for Nolan. He really thought the relationship would play out as a simple love-hate dynamic where the colder, older figure warms up the the younger, cheerful little one.

I wonder if one of q-tips breaking points is trying to get rand angry at him by revealing all the ways he treats Nolan like garbage, such as trashing the name rand and nessa meaningfully gave to Nolan. If Nolan just expresses his own, depressingly deflated self hatred to how he wished he raised his boys better, that might be a final nail in the coffin. We already saw how q-tip reacted when rand only expressed concern and comfort for q-tip rather than volcanic anger.

Oh man, this is a really good ask!

I'll be honest - I don't have the strongest grasp on what I think we're going to see from Kousuke in the future, yet. This is partly because despite everything, Kousuke is still rather unpredictable to me, but also because, something I think you're getting at, it kind of depends on what is going on with Kousuke, right?

We're finally getting to see a couple things with this arc.

A. Like you noted, Rand is only starting to really see his sons - not just in the way he wants to see them, but starting to realize the long-term effects he ignored for so long. Nol is far more messed up than Rand ever imagined, and I hope he's beginning to realize the role he played in that, how he left his son alone and isolated, and berated him at every turn. Ironically, I think Rand's intentions were much like Nol's to Shinae - that if he distanced himself, it would protect Nol, and Yui wouldn't mess with him as much. For a while, I think it was true! Nol seemed to be living, more or less, peacefully, coasting by with Nana. He didn't have to help at the family business yet and there probably weren't a lot of family dinners he was required at. I can't remember if this is so, but when Nol saw Yui at the arcade, he looked really surprised, and scared. I have to dig, but maybe Yui hadn't been around much until that point, or at least Nol didn't have to be around the family as much? At any rate, I think from the time of The Incident (aka whatever it is that happened between Kousuke and Nol that got Nol institutionalized) after Nol started to live with Nana until Shinae entered the picture, I think Nol WAS pretty "safe" and I'm sure Rand thought that keeping him at arm's length was doing it. But Yui clearly isn't content to let Nol be content, is she? The Kim formal kicked off the Chess Theory, and it can be presumed that from this night forward, Rand and Yui are playing for different teams, with Rand aware that Nol is in danger. Despite that, he had no idea how bad a state Nol was in. I'm guessing this whole time he's been blinded by the lies he's been telling himself - that all of this is for the best, that he's doing all he is able to for Nol - and when he learns of Nol's pool jump incident, he's finally being forced to reckon the truth: that he did not do everything he could to protect Nol.

B. To that same vein, yes, he's finally seeing that there is no room for a peaceful resolve between Kousuke and Nol on his own. I agree that he always thought in time Kousuke and Nol would be able to become brothers, that love would grow between them, and that the animosity would go away, but in the same way he was willfully ignorant of how bad a situation Nol was in, he was blinded to Kousuke's true feelings. I think he's always sensed that Yui was poisoning Kousuke's mind and tried to counterbalance it, but it never worked. I guess that's probably part of why he had Kousuke watch over Nol - hoping some affection would develop, never realizing the impact it had on Kousuke, never realizing what Nol represented to him. Idk, I REALLY love that episode a LOT - it confirmed so much of what I thought about Kousuke. It's not explicit, but Kousuke definitely thinks that Rand cares more about Nol, and that he, Kousuke, has to earn Rand's favor and affection by doing what he asks but also by playing nice with Nol, and I think Rand can finally see that, too. In his mind, he's only ever wanted Kousuke to be happy - he was not the one who placed so much pressure on his shoulders to be successful or follow in his footsteps, to become a workaholic with no life outside of his career.

C. Kousuke is definitely moving closer to a breaking point, but as always, I cannot predict what it will be, or when. I've had so, so many thoughts on this! Sometimes I think he's going to find himself overwhelmed with his job and will break, finally realizing that he doesn't actually know if he ever wanted this, find that he's in over his head, he's moved so fast in his career all in effort to impress his father and earn his affection. Sometimes I think his breaking point has to do with Yui and realizing how much of his life was orchestrated, how much she molded him into the person he is. The way she filled Kousuke's head with ideas, like how work is more important to Rand, that love must be earned like a prize, that the only way to reach his father was to emulate him so he could earn his trust. We, as readers, know it's not true, but Kousuke still hasn't figured it out. That's why he's so baffled and freaked out after the phone call. In his mind, disappointing Rand means earning his ire, it means he has failed, it means he has moved backwards. He doesn't realize that everything he's doing means nothing - that what Rand wanted for him wasn't to jump through hoops and grind his way to the top. He doesn't realize that Rand would love him regardless, because of how deeply ingrained it is, and I still think that will play into a breakdown for him one day. How do you deal with that? With realizing that you've spent so much effort, that you've blinded yourself to anything but what you were ingrained with? Yui told Kousuke, essentially, that Rand will not love or trust or respect him until he's earned it, so for Rand to tell him he loves him regardless, when Kousuke feels like he's failed..... how does he compute that?

I had wondered before if Kousuke and Hansuke would wind up at the party, but... I don't think so. The phone call with Rand rattled Kousuke and worked him up too much. He doesn't deal with his emotions well at all - he compartmentalizes them and anything that makes him feel small or vulnerable he tries to shove away, but he can't do that with this one. That's why he reacts so often with anger - irritability when he can't, or won't, let himself feel sadness or despair. He's confused and doesn't feel right, so I'm guessing they may wind up taking a taxi and leave? I imagine if Nol winds up joining the party, Yujing will text Kousuke or Hansuke to let them know, and.... maybe Kousuke would leave it at that? Ordinarily I think he'd go to the party to yank Nol out of there for what he did, but after the call with Rand I think he might not. I could be very wrong lol but I just can't see him joining the party when he feels so many kinds of upset, you know? Still, I think Hansuke will do his best to make him go lol

So as for Kousuke's FUTURE. I guess this is where we get into a couple potentials. Our first, small time jump is supposed to get us a few months ahead, to Shinae's graduation, Nol's release, and potentially Yujing's big story. Kousuke goes to Japan and takes up his new position. How does it go? Does he do well? Is it everything he was hoping it would be? Will he find nepotism once more sneaking in, making it an easier job than he wanted? Will Yujing's prediction come true and he find himself overwhelmed, not yet ready for this role he's moved too quickly into? If he's doing well, then nothing changes - this remains his trajectory. If it's nepotism making his job too easy, relieving him of his responsibility, he may feel agitated. Kousuke likes to feel like he's earned everything, that he's putting in the work, that he's capable of something. Would he be happy in a role where, by virtue of being a Hirahara, he is paid just to... exist? To be a figurehead? I can't imagine so. That could create some kind of fissure cracks for him, make him start wondering if this is what he truly wants. If he's not performing well, if he indeed has moved too fast, isn't yet ready, buckles under the immense responsibility and additional stress it brings to his, frankly, already overwhelming and stressful state lol, he's going to break. Image is vital to Kousuke, and if he's not doing well, he's going to believe it means everyone will know he's not ready maybe believe everyone is talking about him, and he'll return to that period of extreme stress and paranoia, until he snaps and breaks again, and then everything is all up in the air from that point lol.

That SAID, I think Yujing's story is a potential wrench here that is going to shake things up and set the stage for the rest of our story.

We know that Yujing is going after the Hiraharas and the target is Yui. I don't think Kousuke is so much a target of hers, but I think there's potential for him to be caught in the cross-fires, simply by relation and some of the things Yujing seems to be digging into. She's really digging into things: not just the incident with Nol and Kousuke when they were younger, but she tells Manli that she thinks she'll be satisfied with what she digs up - and we suspect Manli is the friend Yujing has mentioned who also had a daterape incident, which is theorized to be related to Yui. After all, why would Manli be satisfied with what Yujing is working if it wasn't something that might provide her some vindication, or at the very least, the satisfaction of seeing someone who had a role in something awful happening to her called out for her other evils. Yujing had told Manli this story might take several years, but with Nol pleading guilty, they now have 120 days. I'm still not sure why, but at any rate, whatever she's working on is going to land when we have our mini timeskip, and precede the much larger timeskip, hence why I think everything hinges on what Yujing reveals. The way this plot is shaping up, whatever story she is working on will absolutely shape the trajectory and main story of the second half, and obviously, it has to do with Yui.

Now, because we know there will be more story following our timeskip, we know Yujing will not be able to fully take down Yui. Or, rather, if she does manage to make a dent in the Hirahara reputation, it means we will meet an even more menacing Yui in the timeskip, I imagine. So I'm not sure what I think Yujing will manage to dig up, but it's going to be something big that will wind up affecting all of our major players, so I'm not sure where that will leave Kousuke. Will the family reputation be damaged and leave him having to improve it? Will there be a reveal that will finally push him to the breaking point that we've long been anticipating? I know the Yui involved with the Kims theory comes around a lot, and I still don't know if I actually buy into it or just enjoy the drama of it, but can you imagine if Kousuke was to learn that neither of his parents were faithful, that the entire "perfect" premise of his family never existed? GOD that would be so rough for him lol. I mean, obviously I do not know what else is in store for all of the characters at this time, but I can't help but think the period leading up to a big time skip would be one hell of a time to leave Kousuke rethinking his entire life and identity. But, alas, I have a sneaking feeling we will see Kousuke continuing on his current path, and that if he's ever to rethink everything he knows, it's going to happen in the future. Although, now that I've written that, I think something else that needs to be considered is not only what Yujing's story will reveal, but what it might mean for Nol. If it puts Nol in a favorable position, somehow, that would absolutely alter things for Kousuke. Hmmm. I'm so, SO eager to reach the graduation time skip and see EVERYTHING that's in store for us! I know fandom in general was desperately waiting for the balcony scene but I am DYING to see what Yujing is working on. The fact that she's got Meg involved now? I want to see what it is, I want to see how it's going to affect everyone!!!!!

Your question about Kousuke's breaking point is interesting, but I think it might need something else to build up to that to get there? I think he would definitely already have to be in a breaking point to do that, just because we know that pleasing and impressing Rand is so, so very ingrained in him, but yes, definitely if he had snapped and went off on an angry rant as he spiraled? Frankly that sounds.... really sad. Again, I think there would need to be some kind of circumstances for that, and now that Rand is starting to become aware of how he's affected Nol and Kousuke's relationship, how Kousuke really sees Nol, I think he wouldn't try to push that relationship on Kousuke anymore, so there might not be as much room for that kind of breakdown? But then again, I do think if/when Kousuke reaches his breaking point, it's going to be very bad, so maybe there's room for it, yet.

As for Yui taking notice of Nol and Shinae.... idk. I think Yui has some kind of plan for Shinae, though I still have no idea what I think it might be. I just can't get over that episode where Yui was talking about knowing someone who made the wrong choices. A Yui theory I believe in is that she just... hates men because they are afforded all the things she is not, because she has to play a certain role in order to get ahead, because they can hold positions she cannot. She absolutely seems to believe herself above all the men she knows. She also is cunning and manipulative as hell, believing that she knows what's best for everyone. She seems to see something in Shinae that she wants to, idk, mentor or something? Snap the kindness in her and use her strength and resilience to rise to the top? I HONESTLY do not know. But I don't think.... harming her is on the table. Maybe. I'm saying this real loosely lol cos look, Yui is THE character I cannot predict. Kousuke I may struggle with but I have NOTHING for Yui. What does she want? I DON'T KNOW lmao I know everyone believes that Yui's interest in Shinae is related to Nol and Kousuke, but I don't think that's so, and therefore Nol and Shinae's relationship probably wouldn't warrant trying to kill her? lol I think she'd sooner to try to kill Nol than Shinae, frankly.

(Sidebar, but a theory that keeps coming back to haunt me is that Yui had something to do with Shinae's mom, or if Shinhye = Aeri in Alyssa's group, Yui is aware of her sister, or something to do with her family history, but it's all still very vague yet for me, because even if Yui knew Shinae's mom, what could their relationship have been that Yui is interfering in her life? But it would establish more reason for Yui to meddle with Shinae than her involvement with Nol or Kousuke.)

I feel like a lot of this response is SO abstract lol and I apologize for that! There's only so much predicting I can do with what we know yet, and I just feel SO MUCH like Yujing's story is going to throw a big wrench into the plot, and everything we expected and anticipated is going to go out the window lol. There's definitely much to look forward to, yet, and I really, REALLY cannot wait! idk, I'm so excited to see where all the characters are going to be, if Kousuke will be in good standing and we'll have to wait for his breakdown later, or if after the timeskip maybe we could see EVERYONE vs Yui? That would be weirdly satisfying, wouldn't it? Kousuke and Nol begrudgingly working together (LEARNING TO HEAL!!!!!) in order to take down a common "enemy"? Obviously that only works if we see Kousuke finally realize who his mother really is, what she's truly like, and how much he was manipulated when he was a child, but gosh, I can dream can't I? lol Alas, I feel like Kousuke will be one of the last people to leave Yui's side.

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY #Kousuke Hirahara #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Rand #I gotta go through and fix my Rand tag one day ARGH #Yui Hirahara #Shinae Yoo #Kousuke just leaves me with so many questions tbh lmao but I try my best!#I just can't help but think so much hinges on Yujing's story because I think it could very well be the thing to finally shatter Kousuke's #illusion about his mother and family. like we know he is aware of things but just kinda shuts it down and ignores it #i think Yujing's big story will be something so in his face he cannot escape it anymore #or again maybe that's just wishful thinking lol i really want Kousuke to face the reality of what she's like who she hurts and how she gets #what she wants and has. the way it hurt him! the way it CONTINUES to hurt him to this very day!!!!!!#i want him to step away and realize his entire life has been so MESSED UP #i want him to stop trying to control every narrative to prevent his own discomfort. i think some kind of earth shattering revelation is #what he needs to finally stop because at that point what is the truth? he won't know what to believe anymore lol and maybe he can stop #creating his own narratives to fit a narrow view because that view will no longer exist or something to that vein!#funny enough I really really love asks about Kousuke and Alyssa even though I know they're pretty hated characters. i just WANNA SEE THEM #BECOME BETTER VERSIONS OF THEMSELVES #they both have such complex histories and nuances that have turned them into the kinds of people they are relying on defense mechanisms to #get by and try to cope and keep some kind of truth at bay and I WANT TO SEE THEM BREAK THEMSELVES FREE OF THAT #i just love the complex webs of relationships and personalities god #everyone is literally the product of their environments the sum of their experiences and it's so delicious to me

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