#are there realy people who don’t cry over everything every day
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Hey, I'm a liitle late to the packtan train but what do you think would happen when there is another female omega that becomes a friend to all of them but slowly starts to seperat the reader from the rest and maybe the beta and omegas realies this rather fast, bcus there omega is suddendly always smelling depressed but it takes a bit longer for the alphas, bcus they are really drown to the new omega. I really like your blog and love your creativity. Sorry for my english💜
oh, I absolutely love this idea like- Idk why I just go this kind of picture in my head of like- her just moving over for the new omega, like completely being like “they don’t want me anymore, best I better move on” but the thing is- it’s winter- and she really can’t go back into the woods right now because she has little to no resources saved up. so she decides to stick it out, and just deal with it, keeps her distance though.
and yeah, maybe they don’t notice, maybe she starts the distance in such a subtle way. yoongi sees her down by the edge of the frozen sea, she’s shivering and cold- not wearing the furs Jungkook gave her- a strange thing. he rushes down to the sea, a little alarmed to see her without her outerwear, “what are you doing!” he’ll yell, making her recoil, yanking her arm out of his grasp, “leave me alone” Yoongi’s standing in the sand, frozen like the ocean, wondering why you suddenly started acting so cold.
Things get worse, you get more distant, you start making yourself scarce at dinner times, and even after dinner when you usually all gather in namjoon and Seokjin’s private sitting room, with it’s wide and warm hearth, the furs in front so cozy and ready for group cuddling. not that you’d ever really been an active player, you’d been too skittish the first few times Seokjin had invited you- and it’s only recently that you’d begun to stay, sat on the side cozied into one of the chairs with a cup of something warm, you’d sat in Taehyungs lap a few times, combed through his curly hair with your fingers until he’d fallen asleep against your shoulder.
you’d even let Seokjin pull you into an omega cuddle puddle a few days ago. and the alphas had felt so accomplished, so protective looking down at the three of you all piled over each other, your flowery and citrus scents mixing to an intoxicating harmony. Here where their omegas, their prized loves, so gentle and delicate, strong- but sweetness in the cold world worth protecting.
Your cabin, by comparison, is cold and lonely- you don’t know when you got so used to people being around- but it’s better that way you tell yourself. you should have known that they would get tired of you eventually- get tired of the way you can’t get close like the other omega can, the way you’re bad at being affectionate, at showing you care. it’s your fault really, for getting so attached in barely a season. you’ll need to get used to being on your own again.
on the day everything breaks and reforms stronger you, Taehyung and Jungkook fight. they run into you when you’re picking up some bandages from the market, no matter how much you try to duck through the crowd and avoid them, they won’t stop following you. “I need to make sure I have enough, if i’m going to leave in the spring, I don’t know when I’ll have access to these again”
“what?” Taehyung almost shouts, stopping, Jungkook stumbling, “what do you mean when you leave in the spring? what are you talking about?” “Taehyung you couldn’t have expected me to stay forever,” and then the eventual fight, when you try to give Jungkook his furs back, they never should have been yours to begin with.
“Please- please keep them,” he says through his sobs, trying to hide his tears but not being able to, “it will make me feel better if I know you’re warm without us- without me,”
And of course, the fight leads to namjoon popping up at your cabin, it’s the middle of dinner- or what should be dinner, but if namjoon’s at your front door you know that the rest must not be eating
(and it’s true- they were too agitated to sit still, Hoseok pacing by the door while Jungkook refused to eat, pushing away the affection of Seokjin, Jimin trying too soothe both of the betas. “I knew something was wrong- I just knew it, I should have said something” Yoongi curses,
But Namjoon is the one to turn up at your door, stoic in his long black robes, but his face breaking the second he sees you, “why didn’t you come over for dinner?” “I didn’t know if I was welcome” “Y/n- you’ve been more than welcome- you’ve been wanted for the last half a year, you know that- why the sudden change?”
“Because I’m leaving soon- and it’s best if none of us get any ideas,” you say, talking more about your own fragile heart than any of theirs“I heard” namjoon swallows back a lump in his throat, and as much as he dosent want to be accusatory he can’t stop his words from sounding this way,
“Were you even going to tell us you were going to leave? or were you just going to disappear one day without a goodbye?” he hasn’t cried in a long time, but he feels tears sparking now. “please, don’t shut us out, tell us what's wrong- tell me what's wrong so that I can make it better,” “do you think we don’t care? because we do- I promise, I promise I care and if we’ve been bad at showing that- then-”
“I can’t- I can’t Namjoon, I can’t open myself up to you if I’m just going too lose you” you’re crying too- and all of a sudden it clicks, and he utters the name of the new young omega that had come to stay in the pack a few weeks back. young- almost like a pup, Seokjin and Taehyung had been particularly taken with her, spent a lot of time making sure she and her mother where comfortable. Namjoon had invited her to every dinner too- to make sure they’d both adjusted well to live so far north.
he’d treated her just like he had you when you’d first come to the compound.
shit.
namjoon doesn’t have to wait for your verbal confirmation, you stiffen and look away inhaling a jagged breath. but it’s your next words that really break namjoon, “I know I’m not enough”
He crosses into your threshold without a second thought, dragging you in close to his chest, to hold you close, and you sink into his thick furs, drinking in his rich scent, he scent marks along your shoulder, hands fisting in the back of your tunic, and when he parts, he takes off his thick robes and plops them on your shoulders, drowning you and pooling on the floor, too long for you to wear. namjoon shuts the door to keep away the chill and gets down on his knees.
the only time alphas ever kneel before omegas are during mating or betrothal ceremonies. you know this, even if you’d only seen it in person a few times in your life.
he speaks your first and last name, just as you whisper his, cheeks pinking, you have to clutch at the front of his furs to keep them from falling off your shoulders. the significance of it doesn’t escape you- it’s only- only the pack omegas get to wear the pack alphas furs. you’d only ever seen Seokjin and jimin wearing them- jimin only during the fall festival.
“I would like to formally offer you a place in my pack, and in my heart, now and forever. No matter what you decide, I want you in my home and in my life. will you accept my intention?” the words are old and almost too formal. he’d spoken the same ones to each member of his pack, and now you. your lower lip quivers. and you touch his face before you hug around his shoulders. “you’re enough, you’ve always been enough for me, always will be.”
you’re crying too hard to give a good response, but eventually, namjoon wipes the wetness from your face and leads you back to the packhouse, keeping his cloak firmly around you, a few people see- eyes widening and faces excited at what it means. a new pack omega means a spring festival after all.
he’s gentle, murmuring soft words, keeping his hand on the nape of your neck. nuzzlign into the top of your head every few steps unable to stop himself- his alpha loving how you smell like him with his furs. tugging them tighter around you when it starts to snow.
and of course, jimin and the others shoot up when the heavy doors open and you and namjoon slip in with a few snowflakes, jimin rushes to your side along with Seokjin to cup at your cheeks, the omegas are the first to notice the robes, tears in their eyes as you look up at them, beseeching almost worried- worried that they’d be territorial over namjoon- but they’re nothing but happy that you’ve accepted the cloak, and their proposal. “your cheeks are cold my love” jimin says, his warm palms on your cheeks, “come- let us warm you up- lets draw a bath jin”
namjoon clears his throat and everyone’s head snaps to him, “if you wouldn’t mind, i’d like to do it.” it’s another tradition- when a new omega arrives to a packhouse, arrives to stay/ they get washed and scent marked by each member of the pack so that they all smell like each other. everyone in the room smiles, soft and happy- realizing what this all means, that you’ve consented to be theirs.
washing is a whole affair, with soaps and of course namjoon’s tunic rolled to the elbows darkening and dampening in the water. kneeling over the edge of the basin, his hands slow and appreciative. yoongi muscles his way in to dry your hair and dress you in a shir that smells suspiciously like himself. he nuzzles your nose with his when you pop your head out of the opening. he yanks you close for a kiss, “mine, my baby” and you crumple, falling into his chest before he drags you into the main bedroom.
is it comfortable to sleep on the floor? not entirely, but the fire and the thick furs set on the floor and thick blanket set up makes up for it as well as the others all piled around. Hoseok is the first one who comes kneels by you- the same way namjoon did, the omegas clutch onto tae’s shoulders wiping away tears as they watch- so so happy.
hoseok’s eyes are bright but determined, “i know you don’t need protecting,” this temps a giggle from more than a few of you, “but i know you want it sometimes. you haven’t deserved what you’ve gotten in life, you haven’t deserved all that harshness, and if you let me- i will make sure you never have to be afraid again, I pledge myself to you, wolf, body and heart”
Jungkook is next, and he’s shakier, his bunny wide eyes so emploring. “I’m not good with words like the others, god knows I’m a baby alpha by anyone's standards,” the others laugh at this- and it’s true- barely a day goes by without Seokjin calling him ‘pup’ “but I hope I can grow into someone you’ll be proud to love, y/n, i pledge myself to you, wolf, body and heart.”
you drag Jungkook up to scent mark him whispering his name, the night is soft and gentle with the rough golden light of the wide hearth and all of you piled together in front of it, you end up presses in between Hoseok and namjoon. Hoseok around your back and namjoon- with his face pressed into the dipping collar of Yoongi’s shirt, nose buried in your soft skin. growling happily when your hands come up to comb through his hair.
halfway through the night, it gets a little warm, and namjoon tries to move away, and in your sleep, you reach out, making a little noise to pull him sleepily closer, and namjoon smiles soft, happy to get closer regardless of the heat. the winter might be cold outside, but in your heart, it’s warm.
(hope you enjoyed that 2k of fluff and angst~ this is easily the longest ask fic i think i’ve ever posted)
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MEDIA THAT I RECOMMEND YOU CONSUME INSTEAD OF SUPERNATURAL FOR BOTH HEART AND HEALTH BROKEN DOWN BY TYPE OF MEDIA AND WHY YOU MIGHT LIKE IT IF AT ANY POINT YOU, LIKE MY POOR POOR SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SELF, WERE INVESTED IN THIS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE FIRE OF A SHOW
with apologies to anyone on mobile who’s readmore function APPARENTLY doesn’t work
(I haven’t watched supernatural for at least five years and, given any sort of luck, I will never do so again, do not @ me)
hello babes. I am talking to you know bc I keep seeing supernatural, unironically, on my dash, and I think we can all do better. I see what’s happening and I think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU3i_o5Xd4g
Supernatural is fudge stripes. You are Megan. We can fix this.
So a list of alternate things that I think are overall better written/characterized/just generally more enjoyable that might scratch some of those itches:
TV SHOWS
Good Omens
okay look if u were on tumblr last year u probably already watched this show but like. If u haven’t, it’s only six episodes babe and there’s a large enough fandom that u can go down a fanart hole for days on end
Basic summary: the antichrist has reached that lovely young age where he’s supposed to bring about the apocalypse. An angel and a demon who have decided that actually they like the world as is, thank you very much, try to stop the end times. They’re not very good at it though, which makes for a comedy of errors.
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: theologic (mostly christian) exploration/parody/imagery without inherently being a religious show. Fighting off the apocalypse narrative, which I think pretty much always goes hard as hell, but that’s just me. There’s a gay angel who’s socially awkward. There’s a fun very British demon. Touches on the hierarchies of heaven and hell, with framing Heaven as a bureaucracy and blurs the differences between angels and demons. Pining. Tenderness. A deep nostalgia for 80s music, though in this case it’s specifically queen, and who doesn’t love queen. Main character has a weirdly strong bond with his black vintage car. Satan is (sort of) fought.
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Gravity Falls
sometimes...things that are kids shows...with a set story and a predetermined ending...are better
(also this isn’t relevant to any of what I’m talking about but I really appreciate that Gravity Falls specifically went against the thing that most begged me about ATLA aka that a 15 year old girl would be like yeah I’m into a 12 year old boy because the 12 year old boy has a crush on me and I apparently don’t get to really have a say in this. How does that make sense.)
Basic Summary: Twelve year old twins Dipper and Mabel go to stay with their Grunkle Stan for the summer in a small Oregon town called Gravity Falls. Turns out this town is filled with all sorts of strange phenomena that they often have to confront, work around, learn about, or befriend!
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: The core focus of the show is a close sibling duo, but like It’s obvious that the siblings actually like and love each other and while they have their spats it’s still incredibly clear that they deeply care about each other even with their differences LIKE SORRY SUPERNATURAL YOU CAN’T JUST TELL ME THAT SIBLINGS CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEN THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME FIGHTING AND LYING TO EACH OTHER AND GENERALLY ACTING LIKE THEY CAN’T STAND EACH OTHER’S COMPANY BUT THEN OOOHHH YOU CRY ON TOP OF THE HOOD OF A CAR EVERY THREE EPISODE AND SUDDENLY THEY’RE SOULMATES OR WHATEVER
Anyway. Yeah. GF has a solid sibling dynamic. Monster of the week that builds up to greater over-arching plot. A little bit of body horror, you know, for humor. Fair amount of meta humor playing with the tropes of the genre. A Good Ol Big Bad that tries to pit the siblings against each other. Have to fight the apocalypse (you’ll see this point on like a good half of these recs, I really like ‘what are we gonna do about Armageddon’ media). Interesting creature design. Planned, satisfying ending (which supernatural absolutely does not have, but I still think if it had ended with the season 5 finale like it uhh pretty obviously was supposed to, that would sort of counted. Don’t revive shows that have clearly already told their stories kids.) Tie in media that gives you some fun extra stories when you miss the characters. (yes I read some of the supernatural novels when I was a c h i l d, yes I’m pretty sure there’s one or two of them still buried somewhere on my laptop, no I don’t wanna talk about it.) Older father figure (?) who owns a tbh kind of shitty shop. Both already in place and found family.
It’s a good show, and it’s two seasons. John Mulaney Voice: I dunno it’s 40 episodes
MINI REC ALERT! (mini recs are basically things that I’m not gonna go into detail about for whatever reason [probably either due to i’m not familiar enough with it OR I just don’t like. Have a bunch to say about it in regards to how it will scratch the itches presented to u by spn] but still seem like a Good Watch)
Mini Rec: Over The Garden Wall. Spooky Kids Media! Episodic! Miniseries so you can watch it in like 2 hours! Cool ass Animation! About two brothers encountering said spooky stuff! Big Bad tries to pit brothers against each other! Might haunt you for the rest of your life! Check it out!
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The Haunting of Bly Manor
I think about this show every goddamn day of my life. (Also not relevant but Greg Sestero makes a brief cameo in it and I was like hi greg my friend greg!)
Basic Summary: An girl named Dani, while staying in London, decides to take on an Au Pair job for two young children, an older brother named Miles (age 10) and the younger sister Flora (age 8) at the spoooooky and mysteeerious Bly Manor, and she gets far more than she bargained for.
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Okay so supernatural doesn’t actually do this but I know I KNOW why we let ourselves be queerbaited in 2012. Four words for you: CENTRAL! GAY! TRAGIC! ROMANCE! You want some pining? Some tenderness? Some LOVE? Some dealing with internalized homophobia but no, like, actual violent onscreen homophobia? HAVE I GOT THE SHOW FOR YOU. If ur favorite episodes where the ones that make you sob (for me it was kevin’s death on god), I recommend this show. If you wished that supernatural literally ever had consequences or perma deaths or didn’t retcon major plot events like every five goddamn episodes so that there could be some exploration of like grief and trauma through the lens of/ higher stakes of horror, I recommend this show. If you really do stay up at night picturing a supernatural that wasn’t made by dumbass cishettie white men hack writers but was actually allowed to have Dean and Cas be in love over the course of the show so they could have like actual development and not the most homophobic gay reveal of all time, I recommend this show. Hell, if you just want a banger ghost story in general, I recommend this show.
As for what they actually have in common: horror setting/aesthetic without actually being all that scary most of the time. A strong sibling duo, though they’re not nearly as much of the focus of Bly Manor. Found family. Strong themes of grief. Questions of what turns someone into a monster (and done much better) An actual, much better noble sacrifice done out of love. Escalation of stakes until there’s a big final confrontation. Semi-big bad trying to tear this family apart. Found and pre-installed family. Sad orphans.
Watch this show. Vibe with me. Cry with me. Yell at me about Owen Sharma
MINI REC ALERT!
Haunting of Hill House- spiritual predecessor to Haunting of Bly Manor, though they’re not actually the same universe/story. However, it’s made by the same dude and has a shared aesthetic/sensibilities/some of the cast. This is only a mini rec bc I haven’t actually seen it, but I’ve heard good things and that it, while much more heavily leaning into family dynamics, has similar themes of exploring Grief and Trauma through ghooossstttsss.
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Community
Okay I know that this may seem like a Wild rec considering community is a school sitcom with basically Zero paranormal elements but just like. Hear me out. And no this isn’t just because I think it’s a realy good show and I want more people to watch it, though that is a factor. If I was just recommending comedies that I think are good and more people should watch regardless of them serving as a replacement for supernatural I would demand you all go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I’m gonna demand it anyway. Everyone go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Now back to your original program:
Basic Summary: A group of students at Greendale Community College form a Spanish study group, and things quickly go Off The Fucking Rails in the best way possible.
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: All right I’m gonna be real honest this rec is for all of my (correct) bitches who’s favorite episodes of Supernatural were French Mistake, Changing Channels, and/or Mystery Spot. You think if Supernatural would’ve been fucking fantastic if it had been a committed comedy instead of a CW melodrama that occasionally landed some admittedly really fucking funny episodes/concepts, Community (and the movies on this list) will gently take you into its loving arms and give you everything you desire. It’s about the Meta comedy. It’s about the discussion, exploration, and subversion of common tropes within the format. It’s about the grand use of group/ found family dynamics in order to max both the goofs and the heart. It’s about fantastic callbacks. It’s about having one of the few “asshole with a heart of gold” leads I can actually stand because. You know. Growth. It’s about the INCREDIBLE genre and pop culture parody. Which genre do they parody, you ask. All of them. They parody all the genres. The glee parody episode is a fucking masterpiece of television. If you don’t want to watch a show that features a Halloween party where everyone turns into zombies and the ABBA discography blasts in the background, you can stop reading right now, because I can guarantee you won’t be interested in a damn thing I have to say.
MINI REC ALERT: The X-Files. I’ve also never seen this but a: everything I’ve seen out of context has been fantastically weird and delightful b: it appears that there’s a general consensus that Scully and Mulder are one of the only valid straight couples so it’s probably pretty fun and c: let’s all be honest. Supernatural was already basically an x-files rip off, it had like half of their original writers swiped from the x-files crew, I’m pretty sure if you liked especially the first couple of seasons of supernatural, you’re gonna like the X-files.
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Subcategory: TV SHOWS ( A WHOLE TWO OF ‘EM, OR MORE LIKE ONE AND HALF IF YOU WANNA GET TECHNICAL) I’M SPECIFICALLY RECOMMENDING FOR THAT COCAINE HIT OF PURE UNADULTERATED UNCUT 2012 TUMBLR NOSTALGIA
BBC Merlin
Yes, I know the show ended in 2010. Yes, it still provides that 2012 Tumblr nostalgia. 2012 Tumblr is a feeling, not an actual time period.
I love this stupid show. I plan on rewatching it all over the month of January. I harbor a deep amount of fondness for it. It’s why every time I see literally any depiction of Merlin I get just so fucking excited, and why I’ve consumed as many ridiculous Arthurian adaptations as I have (side note: my two favorite other ridiculous Arthurian legend adaptation are Avalon High, a DEEPLY silly DCOM that is required viewing to level up friendship with me, and The Kid Who Would Be King, which is the only movie that I think truly understands the comedic potential of playing a King Arthur Adaptation mostly straight but everyone in it is 12. I’m not sure it intended to be as fucking funny as it was, but again, they’re all middle schoolers. I have never been more jealous of an actor than I was of the 22 year old that got to play a 16 year old dumbass Merlin who was sometimes also Patrick Stewart and did all of his magic with ridiculous hand gestures That should’ve been me that should’ve been me that should’ve been me. Also Sword in the Stone by TH White is pretty good, because Merlin knows germ theory in the fantasy 400’s and he just uses it to be petty mostly. Also listen to High Noon Over Camelot by The Mechanisms. Also Also I tend to prefer family friendly adaptations because they don’t have the uhhh. You know. Incest and sexual violence of the original legend. Love to Not have that shit!) Whether you watched it initially and are due for a rewatch, or you’re intrigued enough by the concept of the show to watch it for the first time, you should join me on this wild wild ride.
Basic Summary: You know who Guinevere, Arthur, and Merlin are, come on. BBC said let’s make em all YOUNG let’s make em SEXY let’s make em FAMILY FRIENDLY and let’s make magic REALLY SEEM LIKE A THINLY VEILED ALLEGORY FOR BEING GAY BUT TO THIS DAY IM NOT SURE IF THAT WAS INTENTIONAL OR NOT BUT IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT WAS. @ THE BBC MERLIN CREATORS WHAT IS THE TRUTH BECAUSE THERE WAS SOME INTERVI-
Basic Summary but like a bit more helpful: A BABY version of Merlin (and by baby I mean like 20 year old.) is sent from his small town to the big city the Kingdom of Camelot to find his destiny. Staying with the town physician and friend of his mom’s, Gaius, he ends up as both his assistant and personal manservant to Prince Arthur. But in a kingdom where magic is punished with death and the prince seems hell bent on getting himself into situations that are going to kill him, the young sorcerer has his more than his share of work cut out for him.
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Primo supremo queerbaiting. Like, yeah, okay, it’s queerbaiting, you know it’s queerbaiting, but you watch some of the scenes and ur like okay. I know why I let this bait me. Obviously with a modern show, I would expect more, I would expect better, I would raise my standards, but I gotta admit. Some of these scenes are fuckin compelling as hell, and the subtext is like barely sub. Monster of the week shenanigans. Some awful CGI creatures but like a charming awful. Like the kind of awful that tells you their very limited budget was more focused on cool swords than realistic creatures. Episodic stories build into a more overarching plot, with things getting darker in season 4/5. Shitty father that end up eating shit and while the son of said father is rightfully conflicted and upset over the death it’s cathartic and victorious as all hell for the audience. Multiple hot evil women, and I love hot evil women. There’s also nice hot women, which is a bonus. These women don’t all immediately stupidly die, so that’s a nice change. Also like a LOT of sarcastic humor and shenanigans if u like Sass Merlin is there for u personally name a more iconic line than “Oh I’m sorry, how long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?” AND THAT’S IN THE FIRST FUCKIN EPISODE brilliant amazing fantastic show stopping. Also you know those like dumb hijink episodes where like Dean was possessed by the spirit of a dog or some shit? You bet your bottom fuckin dollar BBC Merlin has those kinds of storylines. Also I know some people go to spn bc it had that HUGE fanbase and like BBC Merlin’s fanbase is still SURPRISINGLY poppin even though it’s been a decade since there was new content so like. Have fun!
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Doctor Who but Specifically the RTD Era
Look I’m not here to say that the first four seasons of reboot doctor who are the only good doctor who or inherently better than all the rest (though the RTD era is my favorite personally) BUT when ur seekin that sweet sweet superwholock frenzy nostalgia, this is the ‘who’ that is being referred to. Also like. Stan 9. We should all collectively stan the ninth doctor. Chris Eccleston, the Objectively Best Famous Chris, deserved better.
Basic Summary: An immortal alien that goes by “The Doctor” travels across time and space with a variety of different companions, often to try and save the day or fix a (sometimes self created) mess. It’s distilled campy sci-fi with a family friendly tone that has made me cry on several occasions.
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Monster of the week that, you guessed it, builds into bigger overarching plot style narrative. Fighting off the apocalypse, but like every couple of weeks because worlds are in danger a LOT. A semi-tragic romance that made people go absolutely buck fuckin wild bc pining n shit. Wamen, but they aren’t fridged. (actually for real though none of the main women die and I just think that’s really fun and flirty even though I could go on a COMPLETELY SEPARATE rant about the injustice of one of the character’s ending YES season 4 is my favorite season and one of my favorite pieces of media ever and I am currently actively recommending it to you YES im still fucking pissed over how it ended YES we exist) Specifically, a Wonderful and Very Excellent woman named Donna who goes on a spa trip that doesn’t end up going very well. That seems like a highly specific example, and it is, but it did happen in both shows. (Also, to anyone that continued watching SPN after like idk season 9 what happened to Donna? I always liked her and I know she became a recurring character so like DM whatever probably injustice was the end of her story line pls and thank you) I’m also extra specifically recommending for Supernatural Fans and also The World At Large: Season Four of Reboot Who. I rewatched it last year and it still goes so fucking hard. Donna Noble is the best character in existence. In regards to the appeal for SPN, personally I think the best part of SPN was when people who are soulmates went on adventures and tried to save the day and it was a good mix of banter and sincerity AND GUESS WHAT’S BASICALLY THE ENTIRETY OF SEASON 4 OF DOCTOR WHO. It’s so good y’all I wish Everything was about soulmates going on adventures and trying to save the day.
OKAY TV SHOWS DONE TIME FOR M O V I E S which I don’t have nearly as many recs for but uhh here goes
What We Do In The Shadows/ Shaun of the Dead
I’m lumping these two together bc my reasons for recommending them are largely the same, and I would call them tonally similar enough that if you like one you’ll probably like the other
Basic Summary (Shaun of The Dead): Uh-oh! London’s had a break out of some of that good ol’ zombieism. Shaun and friends decide to hunker down in a local bar, but they have to get there first. Will they survive? Will they fuck up some zom zoms? Who’s to say?
Basic Summary (What We Do In The Shadows): Some vampire roommates dick around. I think there’s technically, like, a plot, but it’s really just about some vampires Doin Their Thing. Vibin.
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: This is kind of similar to the Community recommendation, in that supernatural had the opportunity to be one of those things that was both a parody of a genre but also just a really good example of the genre. WWDITS and SotD are both those things for vampire and zombly movies, respectively. Have the aesthetic and some of the themes of a horror but is not actually all that scary. Horror Comedy is a god tier genre and I don’t know why it’s not more widespread. Fun monsters/cast of characters in general, so at least one person in it is probably going to make you go “oh gender” ya know? With SotD you have the fantasy power trip that comes with like any piece of media that involves hunting monsters. With WWDITS I go “yep that’s how bisexuals dress” and I Will Not Clarify which character I’m talking about.
MINI REC ALERT: All of Taika Watiti’s filmography. Thor:Ragnarok is one of like 3 marvel movies that I consider genuinely fucking fantastic completely independent of the MCU and my own tendency to be like “hurr bdurr I love. Superheros”. For the one that is most tonally like Supernatural But Significantly Better and Written By Someone Competent I think I would say try out Hunt For The Wilderpeople. It’s got a reluctant curmudgeonly father figure and I KNOW some of you motherfuckers were so invested in spn when you were like 16 bc you had daddy issues. This is a callout post for my friend [REDACTED], who I should text to watch Hunt for the Wilderpeople, actually.
MINI REC ALERT X2!!!: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’ve never seen it but it has both Winona Ryder AND Keanu Reaves so like. Goth bi rights.
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Happy Death Day (and Happy Death Day 2 U)
happy death day was one of those movies that I saw the trailer, went “eh”, heard other people say it was great, watched, and went holy fuck this slaps. Not nearly as much of a slasher film as the trailers implied if im remembering the trailer correctly
Basic Summary: Our main character Tree keeps waking up on the day she was murdered. The day resets every time that she dies. That’s right, it’s a time loop storey babey!!!!!!!!!!!
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: If you were anything like me you were foolishly lulled into supernatural for way longer than you should’ve been on the promise that the characters would idk like grow and change and become better and learn lessons and some of that would be through the power of receiving love and kindness. You know. Like how good writers would do it especially if their main characters are kind of dicks that really should make some changes. Well, Happy Death Day fucking delivers on that promise in SPADES. It’s about growth! It’s about change! It’s about making the active decision to become a better person and putting effort into doing so! There’s heavy themes of like grief and trauma and acknowledging them and facing them head on in order to move on and the negative consequences of refusing to do so and just trying avoid it until it goes away. There’s a romance that makes my dumb little self do the pleading face emoji. Tree is also one of the only good asshole with a heart of gold characters. I also think media is improved by having at least one character that is a Good Good Boy (note: Good Good Boy character does not have to be a man.) and Happy Death Day has Carter. Oh on that note: Tree Voice: I’ve only had character for (the same repeating over and over) a day but if anything happens to him I’ll kill everyone here and then myself. Also the movie is funny so like hell yeah.
that’s all I got for relevant movies right now
BOOK RECS
jk i’m illiterate. Everyone should feel free to go ahead and add their own suggestions for this section The best I can do is uhhhh I think y’all would probably like Mira Grant’s novels, particularly the Newsflesh stories, bc sibling dynamics. Also the book The Haunting of Hill House is really good. Ballad of Black Tom slaps? There’s of course the Good Omens novel that the show was based on. I’m about to recommend some podcasts after this section which will include to Welcome to Nightvale because of course it will and the tie in novels for that slap, especially It Devours!, and I’m pretty sure they work as stories even if you know nothing about the podcast. Also also I think you should read “The Long Way to A Small, Angry Planet” by Becky Chambers It’s not thematically similar to supernatural at all but it’s one of my all time favorite sci fi novels and only like four people have read it which is a goddamn TRAVESTY.
Anyway yeah that’s it that’s all there is. Onto the medium that is like books but I can fold laundry or cook while consuming their narratives.
PODCAST RECS
Okay so this is getting uhhh wicked long so I’m gonna limit myself to only three full blown recs and a
mini rec
Alice Isn’t Dead
Fuck me running this show is so good. Literally hands down my all time favorite (and scariest!) horror podcast. Mamma mia, that’s a good fuckin story. The Book version is also good and has fewer Weird events but some further character development so I recommend them both.
Basic Summary: After her wife Alice disappears mysteriously, Keisha takes up a job as a long haul trucker, traveling all across America in order to find her, but ends up finding so much. Pursued by a deadly creature she calls The Thistle Man, the stakes of her journey are raised.
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: okay so I have a lost of bullet points of things that appealed to me specifically about supernatural and how no other shows covers all of them which sucks bc it means I basically Yearn for a show that’s supernatural but good. Alice isn’t Dead, however, hits the most of these bullet points AND is so fucking good. It has monster hunting. It has stopping a cataclysmic event BUT also discussion of the cyclical nature of events such as these and how the fight never truly ends but you can make some fucking progress nonetheless. It has a central gay romance that’s actually a central gay romance. It’s the ONLY show on this list that really hits that the weird and dark underside of americana vibe but specifically the americana of not like suburbs and shit but that eerie haunted feeling you get when you’re hours into a late night drive on open roads with no civilization around and an expansive sky and it just Seems like something should be watching you. Have you ever been out for a walk at midnight and encountered a deer and you looked into each other’s eyes and it felt like it was telling you a message that you couldn’t possibly hope to parse? Have you ever felt an incredible sense of deja vu eating in a restaurant you couldn’t have possibly been in before, because you’ve been to a thousand diners a thousand times just like one, and there’s an incredibly sense of homogeneity even though you’re 2000 miles away from anyone and anything that could possibly know you? Have you ever traveled to an area that seems to be stuck in a bubble of time, the only thing that shows any evidence of having aged past 2006 being yourself, and you wonder how your cell phone even works around here? THAT’S the spooky americana I’m fuckin talking about! Messed up road trips! Too much goddamn space! America is scary because it’s big and Filled With Things but also Not Enough Things! Fuck yeah!!!!! That time bubble fuckin EXISTS in Wyoming the most recent song on the radio I heard was fuckin Hey Soul Sister!
Also has a thing where like are there even good guys and bad guys in a conflict or is it all just one umbrella nightmare that you’re trying to stand against in anyway possible (u kno..like how the overarching structures of both heaven and hell were kinda fucked in spn? No spoilers but similar shit be happenin in Alice Isn’t Dead). Exploration of what makes someone into a monster, like how do you go down that path? Also this is the only show on this whole damn list that southern gothic music really suits it so points for that.
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The Magnus Archives
You know I had to do it to ‘em.
Basic Summary: Jonathan Sims has just become the Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute, a “research” “facility” that looks into paranormal/esoteric/unexplained phenomena.
John Mulaney Voice, Again: Nobody knows what the archivist is going to do next, least of all the archivist. He’s never been in an archives before, he’s just as confused as you are.
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Oh fuck this document is over 5k long I said I wasn’t gonna do this hhhhh so lipton lightning round: Slowburn Gay Romance but Actually Canon, Monster Hunting but Hey What Even Is A Monster Anyway, Acts Somewhat like a Loosely Connected Horror Anthology until it DOESNT, Little Things Build to Bigger Narrative, Characters Be Goin Through It (On God These People Need Therapy), Trying to Prevent/Fix The Apocalypse (X2!!!), Smug Asshole Big Bad, Horror as a Metaphor For Various Shit, Basically if you thought that the Men of Letter concept slapped and you think it should’ve been the whole damn show including being Deeply British you would probably really fuckin like TMA. Also if ur like the ideal piece of media is a horror tragedy but also like it’s a wacky sitcom but also also fuck cops. U will like tma.
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Welcome to Nightvale
IF ANY 2012 TUMBLR FANDOM DESERVES TO MAKE A MASSIVE COMEBACK AND BE EVERYWHERE AGAIN AND ABSOLUTELY FLOOD MY DASH IT’S WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE WHY DID WE ABANDON THE SHOW THAT TREATED US THE MOST KINDLY DID YOU KNOW THAT EPISODES 108-110 ARE THE BEST FUCKING BUILT UP NARRATIVE REVEAL THAT I HAVE WITNESSED IN MY LIFE DID YOU KNOW THAT IT CONTINUED TO BE REALLY FUCKING GOOD AFTER MOST PEOPLE STOPPED LISTENING DID YOU KNOW CECIL AND CARLOS ARE MARRIED AND THEY HAVE A DOG AND A TODDLER NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THE GAY PODCAST PROTAGONISTS CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER LOVE OF MY LIFE ELDRITCHIAN CHEERLEADER AND CERTIFIED BIMBO KEEPS FUCKIN WINNIN BABY. DID YOU KNOW THAT CECIL THINKS PEANUT BUTTER IS A ROCK.
Basic Summary: Welcome to the sleepy desert town of Ņ̶̏ight V̶͚̰̮͗̔̊̊ale! Community radio how host Cé̵̟͚͕̗̞̙͂͑̽̄́c̵̤̼̞͈̪͓̍̽̋̚̕͜il Pǎ̵̧̨̢͚̻̈̂̄̇͐̇̊̀̆ͅl̶͚͎͕͉͖̬͓͑́̐̒̍̿̈́͢͜͝ͅm̸̧͙̟̖̠̳̬͋́͋́͌̚̚ͅȩ̙̖͎̖͂́̒͐͜͞r̢̢̛̰̻̮̺̩͙̼̈́͋̀͘ is here to k̠̠̰̦͙̯̥̎̄̆͌̎̀̿̔̌̚ê̷̢̬̥̞̩̯̘͒̽̈̓͐̂̔̍e̶̡̝̗̺̫̪̜͆̓̿̈͌͌̆͒͞ͅp̵̹̗̬̼̠̬͙̏͐͐̉̅͊͊́͟͞ͅͅ ỷ̛͙̞̦̦͖̑̉̌̎͞͡͡͝ͅo̧̧̥͎̻̥̲͇͋́́̔̈͌͞ǔ̸̬̯̫͇̦̮͕̤̲̯̽̔̀̔͆͋̈́͘̚ up to date all the local happenings, including w̸̢̢̢̧̡̡͍͖̻̳̹̼̼̰̬̭̱͔̲͙͍̰̠̥̺̝͖̺̖̼̮̼̞̳̞̜͉̤̯͇̖̳͖̠̙̺̲̤͇͈͚͓̮̭̱̭̩͚̟̥̬̟̻̝̼̖͚̘͐̆̅̂̃̈́͆͊̉̏͒́̈́̋͗͑̄̉́̐̌́̿̌͛̾̎̊̾̃̈́̉̔̍̐͛̕͘̚͜͜͠͠é̵̢̡̧̨̨̡̧̨̡̛̹̥̥̞̮̯͙͈̻̝͓͖͙̦̰͍̖̜̲̰̞͎͈̭̯̳͕̗͓͈̭̫̼̯̪̞̯̰̲̘̭͎̪̱̗̝̝̞̤̱͉͙̯͎̬͎̙̜̗͉̩̦͕̪̳͇͙̺̙̰̠͚͎̜̠͔̬͎̺̣͕̜̊̓̃̐̂́͂̎̐̾̔̽̀̉́̍̊̂̿̎͂͐̎̐̄̍̔̋̐̃͗̈́͂̀̒̊̎͘͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅa̸̡̧̡̡̨̡̨̛̛͙̣̘̳͎͖̥̝̟̱̩̥͙͉̝̲̙̮̩̩̹̱͔͎̥̹̻̜͚̭̬̳͚̤̙̖̯͎̱̫̞̪̻͖̱̞͔̭̻̺͚͚̯̬͓͓̳͇̳̦͓̞͈̮̤̭̣͉̲̞͚̘͗̆̃͌̅̍͊̓̈̇̌̒͊͑̊̏̊͌̈̓̿͗̒̏̒͊͒̏̃̎̒̀̅̾̍̀͘͘͜͝͠ͅt̵̢̡̨̧̧̛̛̛̯̤͓̘̻̤͓̪̰͔̪̝̫͎̻͔͈͎͔͙͕͈̰͓͍̀̏͒̆͋̈́̈́͂̔͋͆͂̅͗̍̆̍̆̔̑͊̏̈͒́̽͊́̿͂́̓͛̽͐͌̌̐̈̇̃̓̆̍̅̃̔̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅͅh̸̨̨̡̢̢̡̢̧̡̧̢̡̨̡̭̜̬̬̙͕̗̙̻̯̠̘͙̻̥͉͚̼̗͚͇͉̰͍̥͉̗͎̬̫͖͉͔̼̮̯̞̫̬̟̻͉̖̙̥̫͖̬͚̟̜̭͇͎̭̘̝̲̤͕͎̰̭̗̯̮̤̙̙̯͍̞̭͚͔͎̞̹̲̟͉̩̭̖̱̠͍̺͈̟̩̋̆̈́͆̍̆̄̏͜ͅͅȇ̸̢̢̨̨̧̛̜͍̺͎̬̪͙̻̝̣͓͈̺̩̳̟̲̠̣͈͎͎͈͉̙̪͖̳̺͇̹̊̍͊͑̿͊̌͛̿̓͊̾̀͂͛̉͆̾̽͆̈̏͛̊͛̍̈́̇͋̔͂̑͐̂̿͊̽͑͘̚͘͝͝͠͝ͅͅŕ̵̨̡̨̨̢̧̡̧̨̘̟͙̦̲̲̪̦̙̼̠̳͚̞̦̞͖͚͇̳͖̲̭͕̜̫̳̖̙͖͉͎̘̘̤̠͈̬͕̝̻͚̥͍͕̠̥͙̙̪̖̯͍̘̘̲̣̹̜̪̲̭̟̮̫̖̤̰͔̩̩͉̲͚̟̝̦̬̪̘̬̮̱͔̻̦̼̃̐̂͋̐̅̋͒̉͛́̅̈́̒̒͆̑̆͊̒͒̀̍̈́̍͌̍̏̔͋͌̒̍̌͛̓̈̂̐̕͘͘͜͜͝͝͝ͅͅͅ ̶̢̡̨̛̠͇̹̯͕͍̻̟̼̼̗̩̱̗̙̱̥̜̬̫̜͎͉̺̣͓̟̯̱͖̣̞̠̝̥͍̲̳̙̠͔̹̘̲̲̻̖̈́̊͋͜͜ą̵̡̧̟͕̬̳̜͈͈̳̝̜̣̬͔͈͈͎͉͍̯̟̞̺͎̝͇̰̥͖̬̯͙̤̬̼̲̦̯̭͓̠̺̳̱̰̮̎͋͆̈́͌͆̎̉̓̇̐͋͋́̃̉̈̄̏̓̉̿̅̒̉̒̉͂͛̄̀̇̒͊͛́͊̎́͆̌̆́̌͂̈́̽̋͛͗̑̊̀́̍͊̌͆͊͐͆̅̒̊̉̾̄͛̑̕͘͘͘͘͝͝͝͝͠͠͝n̸̡̛̛̛̛̛̙͎̬̦̠̼͓͈̝̾̍͑͛̅̒̾́̌̍͛̇̋̇̓̏͛̔͛̈́͆̿̌͐̿͊̿́͒̍̃̀̈͐̐̆͐̉̒̂̉̀̅̇̾͋̍͒̋̈̌̿͒͐̍́͗̀̌̌̚̕̕̕͘̚͘͘̚͜͠͝͝͝d̴̡̢̢̛̛̛̺̠̳̬͎̞̲̣̲̱̳̪̹͉̝̠̱̗̙̫̠̹̼̙̝͉̲̟̮̙̙̮̻̹͈̦̙̞͚̜̙̖̞͓̙̭͉̃̽̌̅̔̾̈́̒̽͑́̒͋̓̈́͆͋̽̒̃̽̋̐͌͂̍͑́̽̋̍͗̋͗͂̅̽̈̈̾͐̄̃̕̕͜͠͠͝͠͝ͅͅ ̵̡̡̢̛̛̗͚͍̺͇̲̳̯͓̰͍̙̮̙̜̟̞̣̼͕̝͔͙̺̫͈͈̠̻̘̱͍̦̭͔͈̤̺̗̮͕̦̞̘͍̯̻̝͓̤̳̫͔̩͉̬̈́͋̈́̐͒́̔́́̿̓̆͐̎͆̇͒̄̈̿̓̑̾̏̔̿͊̌͆͒̒͊̓̅̓́̔̅̀̀̀̃̿̂̑͂͆̅̎̾̏̓̂̈́͛͌̇̾͌͐̈̂̆͐̅̓̍̓̃̆͗̃͛̏̒̌̀̅͊́̽̐̆̿́̌͘͘̚̕͘̕̕͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͠t̷̢̥͓̄͗̾̄̅̚͜r̵̨̡̨̧̧̢̛̛̛̛̛͍͙͚̥̱̞̜̦̜̼̺͉̠̬͎̰̻̜̼̫̤͓͖͖̤͇̞̥̖̈́͊̆̓͊̑̑̋̒̈́̔̆͆́̐͛͑͊͋̇̈́̓̑̍̏͐͛̽̋̎͑̃̈́͒̇̂̇̌͂̀̍̊̇̓̋̈́̌̏̕͘̚̕̚͝͝͠ǎ̴̡͓͓̯̘̥̱̱͖̦̺͓̘͉͖̞̟̦͈̜̥̰̘̞͈̦̠̼̯̙̭̼͚̟̖̲̠̝̜̐̅͆̏̈́̍́͂̃̾͑̓͋̽̄̾́̾̆̾͒͋̎͂̈́͘̕̕̚͜ͅͅf̷̢̡̡̧̢̨̡̧̢̢̧̡̧̫͖̖͇̲̫̮͕͉͓̩̪̳̹̩͎̖̟̤̤̲̟̪̫̻̻̖̟̦͉̼͎͖̭͍͖͎̖̳̳͙̜͉̝̘̺̖͚̙͉͕͙̯͖̞͚̮̲̻͉͙̺̭͓͎̤͙̦̦̺̯͕̜̰͍̳̙̦͉̪̥́͋̓̅̀͋͐̀̄̊̆̉̒̐͒̀̏̈̇̊̉̆̐̏̾̀̀̓͛͆̍̾͗͌̀̄̔͒̀̍̈́͆̔̒̑̏̍̏͆́̾̐̂͋̂̔̂́̓̓̌͌̉͛́̒̐̽̏́̑͊́̌̆̂̑͋̇̈́͌̑̿̅͗̚̕͘̕̚͜͠͝͝͠͠f̴̨̨̛̹͌̂̓͌͛̀͑̾̓̍͗̽͆̉̊͗̇́̍͌̊͐̔̈́̊̇͆̄̃̑̕̕͘͘͘͠͝͝͝͠i̴̛̛̔̐̆͒̄̈́̀̎̃̃̅͆̌̈́̽̈́̅̈́̑̄̇͒͐̀̐̀̒̍̀̓͌͗̓̽́͗̓̎͂͛̅̑̔̀͛̈́̽̾̃̊͊͆̄̍͑̍̆̌̾͗̄̊̽̉̅̆̀̎̀͑̿̎̋̄̆̃͘̕̚̕̕͝͝͝͝͠��̧̡̢̢̧̢̨̨̧̧̧͎̗̳̦̘̙͓̦̙͔̜̼̘͇͇̺̭͉̠̩̟̤̥̘͙̤̩͔̪̱̻͈̪̼̼̞̠͎̟̹͕̻̭̤̪̲͕̟̺̻̻͖͕͚̣͇̖̰̝̩͈̤͕͇͕̝͙̙̪͔̗̫͇͎̙̲̲͖̗̘͉̲̣̤͎̾̏͛͒̍̋̅͜͜ͅͅc̷̛̛͚̝̻̣̞̓́̃́̀̃̓͗͌̂͛́̒̊͑̓͆̇̈́͑̏̆̀͌̑͂͂̄͌̉̔̋́̎͒̿͗͒͛̇͛̿̎̍̕̕̕͝͝͝͝͝ ̴̢̧̢̡̨̢̡̨̡̢̢̛̺̘̹̯̤̩̘̯͔̞̟̬̠̣̟̻̥̜̤͔̥͕̠̥̞͎̗̩̱̮͉͔͎̲̯̱̙̜̥̳̮͔̦̣͖͔̜͉̗̪̳̹̦̤͇̣̙͕̯̫̖̝̼̹͍̠͎͓̗͎̦͓̲̯̱̠̰͇̮̹͔̝͉͙̹̜̹͈̹̥͖̣̳̲͖̓́͌̈́̈́̀͌̄͂̌̾́̍̔̊̓̿͋͂͋̈́̋́́̒̓̀̒̃͂̀͑̐͛̆̆͒̈́̅̿͊͌̍͗̌̌͆̂͌́̉̏̒̓͊̾̒̓̋̽͐̏̾͘̕͜͝͠͝ͅͅr̸̨̢̛̪̞̬͓͔̥̤̣͔̭̥̙͉̦̗̠̳̩͙̂̈́͑͑̿̋̓̀͋͆̋̕͝͝ë̴̢̡̨̬͈͉̖̞͔͎͓͖̼̘̬͕̰͈̥͈̝̩͎͉͉̫̜͚͕̤͔̟̯͓͎̟͙̜̭̩̗̮͎̗̤͇̝̩͎̜̺̯͕͇̝͎̯͙̖͙̮̗̮̘́̑͑͛̂̅̄̌̽̓̒̾̿͆̏̏͐͛̾̂̃͑͆̅̄̿͋̅͂̈́̽͋͒̎͐̒̓͆̌̉͑͊́̀̈̾͛̋͑̋̎̈̀̽̀͊̏͘͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅp̴̧̧̡̢̢̢̛̛̛͚̟͓̖̭̪̻̪̲̬̥̙̥̰̼̹͎͕̪̞̮̺̰̬̘̫̤͉̦͙̮̖̙̹̻͔̖̮̲̞̣̻̜̠͇̬͚̱̦̼̲̮̀̂͌̍̈̒̍̋̌̏͐̓͛̉̂̈̀͑̈́͊͗͋͗́̂̎̎̃͆͒̅̑̇́̈͐̾̀̔̒̉͑͒̅̓̈́̋͋̀̍̄̿̌̀̉͆̇̔̈́͗̋̄̓̇͗̎̉̆͊̒͗̚̕͘͘̕̕̚͜͜͝͝͠͠͠͠͠ͅͅͅơ̶̢̡̧̨̡̛̛͔̦̼̰̠̯̰̟̲̣̜͙̲͙̪̱̱͕̺̪͈͉̺̻̙̥̲̩̲̩͔̠͚̩͓̞̠̯̟̫̣̗̦̰͉͚͙̺͎̼͖̥̙͈̯̲̝̞͎̻͕̮͔̰̖͔̭͙̩̼͔̫̹̘͓͔̜̘͍̍̅̄͋͑̋̍̊̉̄̈̽̈͐̀͌͐̆͊͂̐̋̃̎͆͛̐̀̂̿̈́͂́̈̌͐̇̀̒͋͑͐́͌̐̇̊͆̀͂͋̏́͋͆̏͗͂͑̂̓̽͘͘̚̕̕̕̕̚͘͜͜͠͝͝ͅͅͅr̴̨̨̨̧̨̛̘͕͈͔͙̠̬̯̩̗̰̗̬̦͈̗̝̣͓͓̟͕͙͈̠̘̻͓̭̝̘̦̦͓̭̘͙̻̙̼̩̰̝͈̱̝̱̬͉͙̣̖̮̲͈̙̱̩̣͕̦̰̮͔͈͓̙̮͍̳̟̠̞͎̱̣̰͕̩̝̲̝͐́́̍̈͐͋̐̑̌͋̓̈́̈͗̿̈̈́͗̑̚͜͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅţ̴̢̨̧͇͉͎̣̬̣̝̗̬̹͇̮̞̈́̐̌̇̈́̌͊̐̅̂̌̂͒͌́̈͌̂̊͗̍̿͑͋̎̓͂̀̎̎͒̾̏̒͌̃̄͋̌̾̍̈́̐̏͑̊̍͑͆̉̓́̆̌̾̓͊̊̈̑͘̚̕͘͘̕͝͝͝͝͝s̴̢̢̡̛̬̹͚̻͉̦̦̣̦̠̜͕̤̳͓͙̟̬͕̘̦̿͗̉̏̒͆̓̄͊͌͛͂͑̒̃͛͘͜͝͝!
Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Honestly, probably bc Nightvale and Alice are by the Same Dudes, a lot of these points are the same as Alice Isn’t Dead, but it’s less scawy and more funney. Also hits the “horror, but make it kind of a sitcom” vibes. Doesn’t have the same road trip vibes, but DOES capture the exact weirdness of South Western USA, so I’m still giving it “fucked up americana” credit. If you’ve never been to New Mexico ur like this is an exaggeration clearly no desert town is subject to like ACTUAL cosmic horror and unexplainable sights but I’m telling you New Mexico is just Like That. (I highly recommend visiting the land of enchantment if you ever get the oppurtunity it is a deeply odd and wonderfully unsettling experience.) Look man it’s gay it’s a horror comedy cecil has a wonderfully soothing voice and it hates capitalism so fucking much like oh my god so much what more could you want.
MINI REC ALERT: Wolf 359! I have nothing deep to say about this I just like it and my gut tells me that y’all would enjoy it too I know there isnt much for physical descriptions in the show but I know in my heart that the main character is so so pretty and so so stupid. I KNOW yall like some himbos that experience character growth.
Okay since It’s my party and I’ll speak if I want to rapid fire list of podcasts I just like and want more people to listen to even though I’m behind on like all of them shhhhh: The Penumbra Podcast, BomBARDed, Dungeons and Daddies, Stellar Firma, Wonderful!
SONG RECS
okay these aren’t like replacement recs or anything they’re just really good and I almost certainly would have put them on some sort of supernatural playlist in 2013 but I don’t, like, have a good playlist for them now so I’m subjecting y’all to them also they all have the youtube link for ease of access
Woah There Kimmy- Felix Hagan & the Family
Devil’s Backbone- The Civil Wars
Blood On My Name- The Brothers Bright
Awake O Sleeper- The Brothers Bright
The Bottom of the River- Delta Rae
Old Number 7- The Devil Makes Three
The Bullet- The Devil Makes Three
In Hell I’ll Be In Good Company- The Dead South
Bartholomew- The Silent Comedy
Pomegranate Seeds- Julian Moon
Curses- The Crane Wives
Tongues & Teeth -The Crane Wives
OKAY THAT’S IT! THAT’S ALL FOLKS! FUCK!
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Kait Reacts To The AE 5/?
Hi! These reactions are written out every time a Chatroom opens and it’s done over the course of the day. So, you’re watching me react in real time as it is for me. So, Spoilers AHOY. Expect Another post like this later today, there is just too many chats to put it all in one post. So, hey, if you click this, you’re opening yourself to spoilers, you make the choice.
[11:37]
Rika is with Saeyoung. They sent him over and there’s no denying that fact. She sends a picture not even a second after we can enter the chatroom and lets us know that he’s with him. I didn’t know that it would happen this fast and my real fear right now was something I thought about when they took Saeyoung in the first place and he was willing to go down for Saeran and the player. My brain said, when they send him to Rika, this is going to be like what happened in the Hunger Games with Peeta and the tracker jackers. I know that he’s going to tell lies and be willing to go along with it, but this is Rika.
Rika will manipulate and hurt others to get what she wants. I don’t care if she says she’s changed. She’s showing us who she really is and how she has not changed in the slightest, and now it’s even worse because we have to go up against her once again and V. V, I’m not even going to get started. You’ve dug a hole in the sand and shoved your head in, no matter what happens, you would never be able to remove Saeran or Saeyoung from the agency, the Prime Minister or Rika.
Rika makes her point really clear. She says that the boys will never be able to change their fate or escape. The Prime Minister wants to use them and it does not matter what happens, they’re going to come after Saeran. They’re going to keep them “healthy” enough to go out in public and lie to the media and the world about what’s really happening. Saejoong promised the agency a lot of money and things are going to burn down if we cannot change anything. We have a good picture.
The boys are going to be kept captive until they die, or serve their purpose. I’m just so fucking angry right now at Rika and everyone that uses these poor boys because they don’t fucking deserve this. Stop making me right with my guesses, Cheritz. I guess I know Rika better than I want. What stands out the most is the fact that Rika does this after you say that you don’t trust her with the boys:
Rika: I know why you think that.
Rika: But Now...
Rika: I have no intention of repeating my past failures.
And then, she does this and that tells me all I need to know:
It wasn’t enough that Saeyoung was willing to burn to ashes in the light of your sun, Rika. You’re going to do to him what you did to Saeran. You haven’t at all changed and you’ve proven to me what kind of person you are. This isn’t okay and it will never okay. This isn’t what they want and if you really cared for both Saeyoung and Saeran, you wouldn’t be doing this. You wouldn’t be trying to do this at all.
You would be helping us.
Not making deals.
Anyways... after I nearly snapped my phone in half because Rika was getting on my nerves again. I opened the Visual Novel. We’re meeting with Vanderwood now to talk about what happened... yeah, the trust is very thin here but it’s all we have and got to do what we can. Vanderwood makes it clear that he’s with Rika and that yes, they’ll be after Saeran once they get Elizabeth.
So, Elly is in danger now. But, we can’t worry about that right now. We have to worry about Saeyoung. Vanderwood reveals that Saeyoung is being kept at V’s place in the mountains, there’s agents in and out constantly. My trust in V is so low right now because he can’t change what’s happening, he’s just letting it go on and... I’m upset with him, I’m disappointed, and it’s complicated. Trust me, leaving a bad relationship isn’t easy but his eyes are dark and sullen.
He’s resigned himself and I don’t know if he can come back from this anymore.
Either way, Vanderwood is willing to sneak us into the place. It’s going to be easy for Saeran, but... sorry players that don’t identify as female, but it says that female agents aren’t common and we’re going to have to split up. As in, we can’t be with Saeran by his side. We’ll have to be with Vanderwood and use them as a cover to sneak in.
What’s worse is Saeran... knows that with the drugs, they’re going to try and really warp Saeyoung like they did to him. I fear for him
I really don’t want to separate from him. But, it’s all we have to do. Saeran asks if we want to go back to C&R again, but I just. I can’t leave him. I don’t know if it is the right thing to do here, but if we’re going down, we’re going down together and I can’t leave him alone. We’ve always been in this together and we need to see it through to the end.
I just... there’s agents switching out every two days. It’s like a prison. I don’t even know what to think. We have to part. Saeran doesn’t want to do it. I want to hold his hand, like I said, I’ve told him that we’re in this together and that gives me a heart so that’s a good thing. All I know is that we’re clinging together with this hope that we can be together and Saeyoung will be safe too...
And then we cut back to the boardroom of C&R. They’re planning on getting rid of Chairman Han and Jumin. They know that there’s not really any way to come back from what’s happening right now. Everyone thinks that they shouldn’t have even done this because the Prime Minister is involved with a lot of shady groups and they’re not wrong. It’s looking bad for Jumin. I don’t know how this is going to turn out to be honest with you.
I’m worried about everyone.
[13:15]
Oh, boy. This was a heavy chatroom and visual novel. I cannot even express to you what was going on inside of my head because I’m still reeling from what’s to happening and what’s to come and what may not come. I don’t know, I actually thought I hit bad ending when I got to the visual novel but I didn’t, so it must be the natural order of what’s happening. Anyway, Jumin’s awake now and he is... I don’t know how he keeps himself together, I envy that. He says he will not show his feelings in this messenger where the enemies can see it.
But, he’s been stabbed in the back by the people he trusted most, and he’s losing everything that he ever had, and he still wishes that he could do more to help Saeran and Saeyoung. We can’t tell them completely what happened, not really, you can say what you know about the deal with the Prime Minister but not much else. You need to make sure that you’re watching what you share. The video that Saeyoung did... they saw it, and it’s just... wrecking everything so fast and hard.
Zen actually tries to reach out to Jumin but... he says in a text later than he’s never seen him so broken up before. I hate to see it. I really do. I don’t want that for them but we’re crashing right now and I’m struggling to see how we’re going to get our way out. Jumin wants answers from his father so he has to leave and see him about the deal with Seven, etc. We wish him the best but... God, I feel bad.
This Visual Novel makes you hate and scream and cry all at the same time. There is just too much happening all at once for me to deal with it, to be utterly honest with you. Jumin goes to the board and he resigns before they can get him off the job. He takes everything. He takes all of the blame. He says that it is his fault. He was leading the RFA. He was doing this, he was doing that. He takes it and lets it be. It kind of hurts, he’s keeping it all balled up inside at this point and... I don’t know.
I hate to see it. He’s doing this... and he needs to see his father, now. I have a hard time trying to think about how Jumin is going to come out of this. I don’t know how he’s going to react because... with V’s Route and Secret Endings, it was a lot different and it was more fixated on Rika. It wasn’t like this. It wasn’t him being stabbed by Rika, V, the Prime Minister, and the Agency. He risked all he has and all he knows for us.
He always will.
Don’t ever doubt that faith he has in the RFA.
I just... hate to see him hurting when he wants to continue to help us no matter the cost.
We go with Vanderwood and Saeran has gone his own way for the time being so we can get things done... or so we want to think. I was really kind of rooting for you, Vanderwood, but I’m not upset that you wound up tricking me here for your life. They make it clear they’ll do things but they’re not gonna die for anyone or anything. I’m upset but I’m not mad at them like I’m mad at Rika or V right now cause I know what they’re up against.
To be fair, I’m not totally... well, I think Vanderwood let Saeran get away here, but we also know that we can be used as leverage against Saeran. It’s kind of hard to say where it’s heading from here. I’m straining, but I know that Rika is going to try to manipulate us to get Saeran too. I refuse. At least Vanderwood felt a bit of remorse for this.
But, Rika? No. Not with what I see. She planned this out. They all knew what they could do if they got Saeran and us. However, they only got us. But, I know this woman is going to use that to get what she wants. I don’t know what to expect but maybe we can find Saeyoung and... talk to him, I don’t know how he will be or how might play out because... the drugs.
I’m still trying to discern what poisons she’s using but I’ve yet to discern what type of plants are involved in my research thus far when I’m not writing out these as I’m playing.
I can’t leave out the phone call because. V calls. V calls and he’s... I don’t know what the heck is up with him. I don’t know how... I don’t know what’s going on in his head and that really bothers me. This chat has two notes in it that really are bothering me. They are on opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of what he is doing. I’m having a hard time trying to read V and this is a first for me because I’m used to knowing what he is going to do but I’ve hit a wall.
There is a part of him that knows this is wrong. But, he is denying his reality as he lets Rika into his heart thinking this is the only way to save her and to ensure nothing worse happens. I don’t know how much he’s lying to himself here about this. I think he’s just... lost, broken and. It’s hard to say, if this was all he said to me then I wouldn’t be so livid. If you know it’s wrong, stop this, stop doing all of this and stop Rika, V.
You know it’s not right. Stop letting this happen.
How am I supposed to feel about this V? You act like you’re caring but then you tell me something you would have told Rika years ago...? You like to watch me? What the fuck does that even mean? I’m not interested in what you’re selling to me here and I don’t want this. I won’t give up Saeran nor will I let Rika have him, I don’t know what’s wrong with you and why you’ve become who you have, I do not know nor did I ever think this was the extreme length of what you would do for Rika.
I never thought you’d be an active player in this. But, you are. So, I’m torn here quite a bit and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust you again, V. You said you want Saeran to come. You know what happens if he does. I will not let that ever happen. Nobody will get him.
God, what’s worse is:
Of course. Saeyoung isn’t going to be the same if Rika gets her way, and we both know it. He’s not going to “stay that way” because she’s going to get him everything she did to Saeran and more. I’m not going to let that happen, either, I’m not going to let these boys hurt. I’m not changing my mind. Nobody is going to trick me with mind games. Been there, done that, Rika is about two decades too late.
Yikes, you know? What the hell, man.
[15:33]
Vanderwood is in trouble. They were meant to give us both over but he made sure that Saeran was gone and safe. We were the easier option hand over since we don’t really hold a lot of power or use in a way, they just need us to be able to get to Saeran and that makes sense, frankly.
They’re... forlorn in a way, and I was right, they are willing to go out on a limb but they’re not going to die. They have been living this long and did whatever it took to survive.
From a personal safety means, I understand why they’re doing it. I know that they do feel remorse. So, that sucks. I want to be able to help them too because they rightly deserve to be out of this. Oh, and we learn that they’ve been at this for twelve years, so in my mental game of trying to gauge their age, I’m roughly gonna say late-late twenties and early thirties.
So, that’s something fun that we’re learning here! I don’t think I’m that far off, they said “Since they were young,” so that implies that they went through what Saeyoung went through. Saeyoung went in when he was really young as well so I have to gauge their age using that scale, you know?
Well, I have to at least say that I better understand them than I did before and I learned a lot from this conversation.
Oh, great. It’s my favorite time of day. Not. We’re sitting down with Rika and she’s made a point of warning us not to bother with Saeyoung. He’s getting to sleep while they’re pumping him with... I don’t know if we can call it the elixir but it’s something of the same caliber because Saeran is nearly immune to it after it was laced in the elixir. He took it so long that his tolerance of such is slim to none and that’s why their plan didn’t work from the start. Rika knows that Saeran isn’t going to leave us or Saeyoung.
I won’t feed into her, and I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten hearts when I’m utterly blunt with Rika. I appreciate that. This is a much better tone than what I had to deal with in V’s AE. I don’t want to forgive her and I never will, because she is proving to do this over and over again until she’s forced to stop, literally, by being taken away.
I have a better idea of what’s going on with Rika now, though, thanks to her being her usual self. She tells outright what she’s thinking right now and makes her phone clear that she thinks she’s fulfilling Saeyoung’s dream, but we see the truth in her lies. This isn’t about Saeyoung. You can tell her that bluntly. This is not the boy’s dream. This is what you want. This was never about them. This is about what you want.
You’re doing this for you and not the boys. If you tell her that, she sighs, and makes a point about how the world is harsh. She says if you want to be knocked down then you should bend, and if you want to be strong, then that means that you need to join the strongest, no matter how much that means the monsters are... the worst people alive.
She says she and V decided to do this. I’m still trying to figure out V here but I’m not going to trust him anymore. I know I can’t trust Rika. I’ve known that from the very start. Rika just says that this is a waiting game after this, she says it’s only a matter of time until Saeran comes... tonight... tomorrow. It matters not, he is going to come and she will have him as she wants him. It ends with her telling us to wait, shall we?
Oh, and Jumin’s new of resigning is on television, we know now. We know things are doomed.
I’m relieved after this wave of nausea, because Saeran calls. He escaped because of Vanderwood and he’s back to C&R. Nobody knows where he is and it needs to stay that way. He talked to Jumin. He’s made sure that nobody can try to trace him. Saeran thinks that Jumin is going to continue to try to help us just without C&R funds... and I expect that, I think. But at the same time, I’m really worried given what Zen said earlier.
Saeran’s decided that the way to save Saeyoung is defeating Saejoong and the agency, and I agree. Our future has no hope unless they burn. He does his best to reassure us. He knows that they won’t hurt us... he wants to think they won’t hurt us because they want him, and until they have him, they can’t do anything to us.
I think what I fear the most here is that... they’re not going to let me go. I know he wants to be hopeful but. They’re not going to let me go if they catch him. It’s obvious they’ll kill me and get me out of the way the second they get the chance, or worse, they’ll use the player as leverage to get Saeran to obey onward until the drugs are back in his system like they’re trying to do to Saeyoung or—
God, what if they try to drug us, too?
What if we’re pawns as well?
It isn’t up to V and Rika, after all. This is the Prime Minister.
#KaitReactsToTheAE#Kait Reacts To The AE#saeran after ending#SaeranAfterEnding#spoilers#spoiler#mm#mysme#mystic messenger#mysticmessenger#saeran#saeran choi#choi saeran#mystic messenger saeran#mysme saeran#saeran mysme#saeran mm#mm saeran#saeran mystic messenger
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hello 💓 if you're accepting requests (feel free to ignore), I'd really appreciate it if you wrote something about sett. for a few weeks, his girlfriend avoids him because someone tells her that she is too much trouble for him after finding out she's hiding an eating disorder and self-harm from sett. she believes this person and decides it's realy the best if she just disappears from his life. sett finds out and immediately goes to find her? fluff and soft boi sett? 🥺❤ thank u ❤
I had actually did headcanons for this but it just got too long so I turned it into a one shot! I hope you don't mind that and you still like this!
Sett x Self-harming!Eating Disorder!Reader
Warnings: Trigger Warning, Attempted Suicide, Self Harm, Minor Character Death, Minor Blood, Minor Swearing.
Catching the eye of the infamous Ionian pit fighting ring boss seemed impossible but lo and behold one trip to the pits with some adventurous friends and now you hardly ever leave his side. Ever loving and charming in his own gruff way. He always made you feel normal and happy even on days where you didn’t feel right. When you felt empty and not enough food could fill it or even the thought of food made you want to throw up and never eat again he was there to make all the badness go away. Everything for once felt decently right and you could just live as best as you could with someone that actually loved you for you. Too bad that didn’t sit well with some of the more envious eyes.
A green monster’s eyes stare into the back of your head with bitterness. Why would their tough, strong, handsome boss care for such a weak, pathetic nobody like you? You weren’t even a fighter for deities sakes! So what made little worthless you so much better then them? They were stronger, better looking, and didn’t have weird eating problems. They just needed you to leave him since Sett seemed so adamant on staying with you. Unfortunately for you the opportunity for them to strike arose rather quickly when Sett turns to you.
“Hey, babe I need to check in with my bookies for the nights payouts, you keep my seat warm alright?” You nod happily and he grins and gives you a quick peck on the cheek before walking off to the bookies office. As you sit there you can’t help but feel a looming presences behind you. Turning around you spot one of Setts underling fighters looking at you. They take your look as an invitation to saunter up to you and glare down at you in Setts seat. You can feel the bubble of anxiety building up in your abdomen as they stare you down. They pick up a fruit from the table next to the seat your in and they lean in close as they bite down on the fruit hard enough that you could feel the juice from it land on your cheek. You cringe at the sight and your are not sure if your want to eat a fruit or throw up at the thought of eating it. They chew for a moment before before speaking to you.
“So your the boss’s new arm candy? Must be for charity or something.” Your brows fur in confusion and you glare up at them. They snort loudly and eat more of the fruit.
“I mean why would such a man like Sett like a little broken thing like you? So feeble, useless really, I heard you can’t even eat right. Here, have a fruit.” They toss one of the same fruits they were eating at you. You catch it and stare at the fruit like its a foreign object. It looked edible but then could you stop eating or would it just make you gag? As you contemplate the fruit your harasser just laughed.
“See, you can’t even decide if you want to do a basic human function. Even babies know what they want. I feel kinda bad for the boss. He has to put up with you and whatever the hell is wrong with you. Such a pain in the ass if you ask me. He probably just stays with you so he looks nice to better people. You know attract the better normal people.” You look down in shame. Sett wouldn’t do that to you, would he? No, he wouldn’t, but then again he didn’t know the broken side of you. The days of eating mindlessly or not eating at all for a couple days or the days where you did eat but just threw it all up. He didn’t know that you would physically beat yourself up about it. The scars that criss crossed across your arms, a daily reminder of the darkness in your mind. As your mind wondered the underling observed you and realized what you were thinking.
“ Oh, he doesn’t know does he? Now your a lier as well as a broken waste of space. You know, if you really supposedly love him wouldn’t you want him to be happy with someone who’s probably better for him in the long run. I’m sure you know as soon as he finds out about your little eating problem he’ll want you leave you for something better. Might as well save yourself some pain and let him go first don’t you think?” You felt a horrible familiar pain in your heart. It would be better for Sett if you weren’t around being a ball and chain. He could most defiantly do better then you. He deserved someone better then you. The fighters eyes brightened as the seeds of doubt were now planted in your head. It would only be a matter of time before your out of the picture.
“You just think about that, huh? If you can’t be good for him let him have someone who is good for him. Don’t let him suffer your problems. He doesn’t deserve your problems, no one does.” They say that last part with bitterness and a sharp in your face glare then made their leave back to the corner where they came from. So many things running through you head. Sett loves you right? Yeah he does, of course he does and you love him, but he didn’t know about your problems. He didn’t know that you had trouble with eating or how much you hated your self because of it. He doesn’t know that your a dirty lier that hasn’t been honest with him about all your faults. The fighter was right, you needed to leave Sett, he needed someone so much more then you. A perfect, honest, wonderful person for a wonderful, handsome man like him. You were lost in thought for who knows how long until a large shadow overcast you. Sett looks down with you with his lovely sharp toothed grin and dipped down to kiss you.
“Hey babe, I’m back everything’s good to go. You ok there hun? You look a little sad. Did someone hurt you? Just tell me babe I’ll make sure they’ll never hurt you again.” He cracks his knuckles and neck and looks around for any potential culprits.
“No love, I’m just tired its getting late thats all.” You tell him. More lies. Another fault and reason why Sett should be free from you. He looks a bit skeptical but he doesn’t push and instead settles down in his seat next to you and holds you close to him. He was so warm and comforting. So much more then you deserved. Starting tomorrow Sett will be free, no matter how much it would wound your heart.
The following weeks were so incredibly hard. You had been avoiding Sett like a plague and it was waring on your very soul. Every time he wanted to see you you would leave or make an excuse. Any dates he wanted to make you’d say no. He’d be so confused and sad but you’d take off before he could say anything. Everyday now you would cry. Everyday controlling how you ate was more of a task then it had ever been before. The small blade you had to defend your self now became the thing of your self destruction hardly ever leaving your hand and in those hands left a trail of blood and shame in its wake. In the sanguine pools around your limbs your life drained from you. It hurt so bad but good at the same time. The pain of your skin being split open by a sharp blade hurt for a short while but there was also and inexplicable relief in this pain. Though in the end your end will not come. Only a new mark will stay on your tapestry of sorrow that was your skin. This tapestry had become your life recently. The constant waves of agony that washed through you were only soothed this way. You try to convince yourself that Sett could never have loved this. This was all for the best, all for your dear love, Sett. It had to be.
Unknown to you Sett was getting rather fed up with all this running away and avoiding him. He loves you dammit and he knows you love him too! So why the hell were you being so distant lately? He was grumbling to himself and putting everyone in the pit on edge. Bookie and fighter a like knew what happens when you test the Boss when he’s in a bad mood. Nothing good they’ll tell you what. While everyone was generally avoiding Sett while he was irritated one particular fighter saw this as a chance. You were gone, you had to be to put him in this kind of mood. Time to test the waters. They made their way over to the beast man, who paid them no mind in the slightest. They frowned then coughed loud enough for the boss’s ears to twitch. Sett quickly and aggressively rounded on them and growled.
“What do you want? Can’t you see I’m not in the mood right now? Buzz off!” They were taken a little aback by his sheer aggressiveness. Now they knew he’d be a little upset but to be this upset over a broken thing like you was a bit ridiculous. It almost seems that he actually liked you but that couldn’t be it because no one in their right mind could like you. Well if he was going to be rude then they could be rude right back.
“No need to be so rude Boss. Im sorry if your little fling flaked out on you but they were certainly nothing to be upset about losing.” Before they could say anything else Sett moved with such speed they had no time to react. Their head hit the wall so hard the world started to blur and spin. Sett was snarling as he lifted up this dead weight bastard by the throat and slammed his head against the wall again. No one talked about you like that in front of him NO ONE.
“And just what the hell would you know about them?!” They yelped in pain as Sett punched them hard in the gut hard enough for some blood to dribble out of their mouth. A dark grin appeared on their blood stained face making Sett glare and tighten his grip on their throat. Ah, they had truly underestimated how much he didn’t know about you. It was likely Sett wouldn’t let them live but at least they could go out knowing Sett’s love would waver when he hears the truth about you and maybe just maybe you had already left this world and they could rub it in your face in the afterlife.
“More then you apparently. Little flake was broken anyway. It would be so much better for you if you just let the little defect go. I mean a guy like you shouldn’t have to deal with a creature that can’t decide if they want to eat a lot or nothing then just throw it all up or just spit up acid. Then on top of that have to deal with their “accidents” that they give themselves because they can’t handle their own mind. Honestly a waste of life that no one should put up with. You should just let them go. That is if they haven’t left this world already.” Sett blinks as he takes in all that information. You had eating problems? You HURT yourself? You want to avoid him so you could break yourself more because you were afraid of he would leave you? None of that set well with the beast man. You didn’t need to hide that from him. He loved you so much and if you had problems he’d want to be there for you. He NEEDED to be there for you, but first he needed to take out the trash. With a deep growl Sett channeled some of his Vastayan power into his arm and quickly crushed their throat. Blood sputtered out of their mouth for a moment before they fell completely limp. Sett dropped them like a sack of potatoes and turned to face some of the other fighters who silently watched the scene unfold and nodded for them to get rid of the body. Two of them moved quickly to dispose of the corpse and the others stood there in fear of their boss.
“Alright fellas I’m gonna head out for a bit. I’ll be back later with my babe and if anyone has any crap to say to them you’ll end up like that horrible bastard thats being taken out the door, got it?” Everyone in the room collectively agrees and Sett promptly leaves the terrified room behind. He needed to get to you now. If anything that A-hole said was true then you were probably not ok and if you weren’t ok he wasn’t ok. He kept you in mind as he started to run as fast as he could towards your home, hopefully he wasn’t too late.
In your seemingly dark and cold abode you sat on the floor in front of you bed. Sullen, in pain, and defeated there seemed to be no end to this sadness today. The only thoughts that ran through your mind were of your imperfections and your love who needed to be free from the blemishes of your life. You held the blade in your hand precariously. You were so used to the blade grazing the skin as of late that it didn’t bring anymore of that reliving pain. Perhaps you needed to go deeper. Yes, you needed to go deeper the pain was deeper so you just have to push it in closer to the core of your misery. You looked at the thing that had become a part of you arm its sharpness could go in so far it could be so easy for it to just pierce the core of your being. If it did everything would end. All the pain, the doubt, the indecision, gone. Thats what you want. Everything to be gone. You bring your end closer to you and in the process catch the sight of your arms tattered in red lines and blood splatter of today. Sett would be so sad to see that. He never liked to see you in pain, always wanting to fight away all your problems, such a sweetheart. A small smile actually appeared on your face as you recalled the memory of the day Sett told you he’d kick the ever-loving ass out of anyone that would even try hurt you. Such nice thoughts. Hopefully Sett’s next love will appreciate such protectiveness. The sliver of a smile you had fades and the knife in your hand and the wounds on your arms become more real. The pain rolling back into your chest double time after the happy memory. No he didn’t need this. You were a horrible mess that needed to be disposed of and you had the way to be disposed of in your hand. You feel nauseated as your mind races. Everything hurts. Everything hurts please make it stop! You gasp and begin to cry. You didn’t want to die, you wanted to live happily with Sett, but that could never be. You didn’t want to be that much of a burden to him. This is how it has to be. You hesitantly bring the blade up to your chest and start to hyperventilate. No, yes, no, yes, don’t do it you deserve to be happy with someone that loves you and he’s out there waiting for you. Lies, he probably doesn’t even notice your gone just end it and lets be free from all this pain. Your so lost in thought you don’t hear the pounding on the door or the sound of it breaking.
“Babe? Babe?!” The loud, sudden yelling in the room draws you from your thoughts and a blur rushes to you and wrenches the knife from your hand and throws it across the room. Your in shock as two large, warm, strong arms wrap themselves around you and pulls you in to the large man their attached to. You look up and see red fluffy hair and a dark purple fluffy vest collar in your face. Sett, he came for you. Tears bubble up and begin to rain down on Sett’s shoulder. He coos you softly and sits down fully on the floor and pulls you into his lap. His head presses softly against yours and he begins to kiss your tears away. A calloused hand cups the side of your face and makes you look up at him. He looks so concerned and slightly frightened. He was scared of losing you and you almost let your life slip away. So stupid, your so stupid, he really did need someone better.
“No I don’t! The only person I need is you. I was so worried about you. You started avoiding me and I didn’t know why. I was so confused, I didn’t understand what was happening. I still don’t to be completely honest but I want to know. I want to understand so you don’t have to feel like you have to do this. So you don’t have to hide from me and almost leave me.” His voice trembled at the end. You look upon his face and see his eyes shimmering like tears that wanted to fall but didn’t. He missed you so much and it felt so nice to have you in his arms, a little beat up but alive.
“But there’s so much wrong with me. You don’t have to deal with it, you shouldn’t have to. You don’t have to deal with me not being able to control my eating habits or this.” You gesture to the scars on your arms and your tear stained face.
“I’m a mess. A horrible mistake upon you and the world.” You were silenced by a deep loving kiss that held you both quiet until neither of you could breathe. The kiss ended with both of you gasping for air but Sett recovered faster and filled the quiet with his voice.
“Don’t be saying that crap. I know you feel bad, but your definitely not those things. I was told the same thing growing up. That I was a horrible mistake and nothing but a pain in the ass for my mama. She didn’t care about that though and whenever I felt bad she’d tell me that as long as one person in the world was happy with you then your life is worth living. I’m that one person. I love you so much and I don’t care if it takes me my whole life to understand or maybe I’ll never understand but the point is, I’m here for you and as long as I’m here for you, you don’t need to feel alone or ashamed. We can take all the time you need babe. I’ll be right here.” Your eyes filled with tears once again not from sadness but with joy. He truly loved you so much and was so patient with you. Perhaps, this can work. It would take a lot of time but maybe you could get better. As long as Sett was by your side it felt like you could just make it through and see some light at the end of your previously dark tunnel. You smile at him happily and cuddle into him. He lets out a small laugh.
“See, it’ll be ok, hun. Now lets get you cleaned up a bit your starting to look tougher then me!” He chuckled and kissed the scars on your arms as he picks you up easily. You can feel a better mood creeping in and jest with him.
“I am tougher then you.” He smiles and starts to kiss at your neck making you giggle and you swat at him playfully.
“Hmm, you might be right there, babe. You might have to protect me every now and then.” You nod and he snuggles into your nape. The light is even brighter now and for the first time in a long time you feel something you haven’t felt in a long time, Hope.
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Pokémon!
Another pokémon generation, another great set of pokémon to choose from for my top ten. I really don't think that there are any pokémon that I think are awful - they all range from average to fantastic. Additionally, in Sinnoh, I loved the big expansion on the new evolutions to old pokémon concept - and I think this Top 10 reflects that. As is always the case, I have included both the original Gen4 sprite as well as the shiny sprite, with all sprites taken from Platinum for the sake of consistency. Gen4 also marked my first first shiny since Gen2, and although Bibarel didn't sneak into my list, I really just wanted to mention it again!
10. Roserade
The last slot on the list is always tricky as it edges out all your honourable mentions, but I couldn't have a list without Roserade. The first of several on this list that is a new evolved form of a previously establised pokémon, Roserade is a perfect example of how this can breathe new life into a pokémon family. I can't imagine ever bothering with Gen3's Roselia which was fine, but nothing too special. But with it evolving into the masquerade ball-inspired Roserade, it was always on my list. I trained one on my Pokémon Pearl team and I think it is now my favourite Grass/Poison type - sorry Venusaur! Also, the shiny is lovely; the blue and red rose-hands change to black and purple and it looks so good. If this was a top ten list of shinies, Roserade would be even higher up!
09. Honchkrow
Honchkrow gets into this list head of the regional bird of Sinnoh, Staraptor (which I also think is great), for a couple of reasons. I think Staraptor is great, but the type combination Normal/Flying just isn't as interesting as the cool Dark/Flying type of Honchkrow. Additionally, as with Roserade, I love how it takes the previously average Murkrow from trickster crows to a group of lackeys who surround the Mafia Boss that is Honckrow. It's a great evolution concept. I also enjoyed training my Honchkrow (again on my Pokémon Pearl team) to combine it's Super Luck ability, the Scope Lens held item, and the high critical hit chance move, Night Slash, to dish out a crit every three attacks or so. I don't hate the shiny either, although I wish it was a bit of a deeper purple as it does stray dangerously close to hot pink. Still at least it isn't yet another blue pokémon turning to this colour!
08. Lopunny
I feel like Lopunny isn't a pokémon that would be on many people list of favourites, and I totally see why. It is weirdly sexualised - not too surprising given it seems to be based on a Playboy bunny - with the way it hold it's arms in front of it's chest to give the impression of cleavage (which it thankfully doesn;t actually have) and the 'wolf whistle' cry that cannot just be a coincidence. I never planned to use one but I needed a male Lopunny to help hunt for a female Combee, and he ended up sticking around on my Pokémon Diamond team. A big part of this was the headcannon I had that given it is a pokémon with such a feminine design, my Lopunny was a bad-ass pokémon drag queen! I also really like the shiny with the (thankfully not hot) pink highlights. YAAASSS!
07. Floatzel
I'm not even sure exactly why I like Floatzel so much - but it really appeals to me all the same. I like the animal it is based on - the Weasel presumably, although it could easily be a stoat, ferret, or otter - and think the design with the dual tails acting as a propeller is really cool. I also like how the rubber tubing element of it's design doesn't make look clumsey or inept like a Water-type pokémon, with what is essentially a flotation device, could easiy end up. Floatzel is another pokémon that I trained on my Pokémon Diamond team and it is both quick and relatively hard hitting on both the Attack and Special Attack sides, which makes it nice and versatile, especially when playing through and requiring it to learn both Special and Physical HM moves. The shiny is nothing to write home about though, essentially a more washed out orange. Maybe they were going for a gold colour, but if so it just looks kinda off. I'll stick with the original, thanks!
06. Mismagius
After two original pokémon lines, I'm back to new evolutions to old pokémon, and also my second drag queen pokémon! Another feminine-styled pokémon, my Mismagius is male earning it the nickname Ru Pol (because Ru Poltergeist was just a little too long). Evolving from the very overlooked Misdreavus, I always planned to use Mismagius on a team and he becomes the third member of my Pokémon Pearl team to get into the Top Ten. Really great Speed, Special Attack, and Special Defence, combined with a really good movepool for great type coverage makes Mismagius an excellent pokémon that I was a big fan of before even playing through the Sinnoh games. I'm also a fan of te mustard-coloured shiny, but if I had to choose between the colour options, I think the original is slightly better suited to a spooky Ghost-type.
05. Hippowdon
This is the first pokémon in my top ten that I didn't actually train in Gen4. This is odd because if I had produced the list without playing the games and the chance to bond with various other pokémon, then I think Hippowdon would have been in the top three. Part of the issue here is how difficult/late in the game you can get one. To catch it's pre-evolved form, Hippopotas, you need to capture a certain number of Unown in order to get into the tunnel where it lives. Since I had all the Unown forms in Emerald, I was never going to do this again, so I never caught it. The fully evolved for is available in the post-game, but this is far too late. Even so, I still love it as a pokémon. I really like the design of a scary looking, Ground-type hippo with sand pouring out of it and I think the sexual diamorphism in colour between the male and female forms helps make up for the fact the male form's shiny is rather lackluster, being just a more washed out beige. One day I will definitely train a Hippowdon of my own!
04. Mamoswine
Sinnoh certainy introduced some cool (Ice-type pun not intended) Ground-types, as this is the second of three in this top ten, as well as the fourth out of five that evolve previously established pokémon. Interestingly, after Swinub appeared in my Gen2 top ten, this is the first time two members of the same evolution line have been in a list of my favourites! Mammoswine was a key member of my Pokémon HeartGold team and is such a great addition to the Swinub/Piloswine family. According to in-game cannon, it is essentially a pre-historic evolution that only happens in certain circumstances in the modern day which makes it feel like a fossil pokémon, but without the need to saddle it with the Rock-typing. Unfortunately, on the shiny side it draws the short straw of the family as it just looks a bit weird compared to Swinub's aquamarine or Piloswine's lovely golden coulouration.
03. Vespiquen
Moving into the top three, Vespiquen is another pokémon that I liked before I ever played through Sinnoh and was very keen to use on a team. It's not hard to see why I like it; it is a fearsome-looking Queen Bee with a great honeycomb design, and the fact it can be a bit of effort to obtain since it only evolves from female Combees makes it feel like a prize when you finally get one. I had earmarked Vespiquen for my Pokémon Platinum team but it ended up missing out as, despite being part Flying-type, it can't learn the HM Fly. This caused me to drop it out for Drifblim in the end, but it is another pokémon I would love to train someday. Although I definitely prefer the original colouration, the more angry-looking orangey-red of the shiny is still a great look, but the idea of shiny hunting a female Combee doesn't sound like fun at all!
02. Yanmega
Yanmega was a late choice for my Pokémon SoulSilver team, but using it there rocketed it into the top ten, as I hadn't really ever considered it muc before using it on that team. It actualy combines everything I like about my previous two entries; it is a bad-ass looking Bug-type with an amazing design, and it is also a pre-historic evolution, based on the huge dragonflies that lived back then and evolving in the same way as Mamoswine. Since it is a new evolution to Johto's Yanma, it made sense to use it in the Gen2 remakes over and above Vespiquen, which share the same typing but only really has ties to Sinnoh. Finally, Yanmega has a realy excellent shiny with the blue version looking so good and it right up their with Roserade for best Sinnoh shiny!
01. Torterra
As we reach the number one slot, it shouldn't come as much surprise to see a member of a starter pokémon line here. The starter lines are always among the best designed pokémon of any region and my favourite from Sinnoh is easily Torterra. It has an excellent design concept; a Grass/Ground-type tortoise with an entire eco-system on it's back, my Torterra was an integral part of my Pokémon Diamond team. Given how much I like a lot of starters families, it is interesting that this marks the first time a fully-evolved starter has made the list, although the first-stage evolutions have been well represented with Bulbasaur, Cyndaquil, and Mudkip all previously representing their various regions. The only downside to Torterra is that I don't love it's shiny. It certainly isn't bad, but the variation of green used just can't hold a candle to the original.
Wow, I can't believe that I am finally at the end of Generation 4. As always I will be posting all the lovely art that I had commissioned of my Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, HeartGold, and SoulSilver teams before I move onto Gen5. I know these upcoming games are often considered rather devicive within the pokémon fanbase, but I also think this view has softened over time so it might actually be more of a case of fans of the franchise not enjoying new things. Eiter way, I'm excited to see how I fare with Pokémon Black and White!
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For Better or Worse
I FIXED IT! I had to help my poor children through this cringe-fest. No akuma and these two have an actual effing conversation about their feelings!
MAJOR SPOILERS if you haven’t seen Puppeteer 2 yet.
---
This day was turning into a nightmare. What was Alya thinking? Marinette couldn’t confess right now. So many things weren’t right! Even with Tikki’s encouraging words Marinette still found a black hole of doubt swirling in her chest. She left the bathroom repeating that she could do this if only to help her convince herself that this wasn’t insane.
She looked up and saw Adrien across the room. “Huh?” Marinette got closer, “They finished the statue already? I thought it was gonna take longer. That’s the whole reason we all got to come here in the first place.”
It was an incredible likeness. She stood to admire it for a moment before an idea popped into her head. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if she could practice her confession on the Adrien statue before confronting the real thing.
“Okay. A little practice never hurt anyone. Not like anyone’s around to see me put my foot in my mouth.” Marinette looked around to make sure no one was watching. “Hello Adrien, it’s me, uh, Marinette. No--he knows who you are already!” Marinette chastized herself.
“Focus, Marinette!” she took a deep breath and turned back to the statue. “Uh hey, Adrien, sorry for running off so suddenly. I saw the finished figure back on the main floor. You look good! I mean it looks good! Not to say you don’t look good but--”
Marinette dropped her head into her hands. “Why is this so hard?”
She stared back at the statue and sighed. “Figures, I can’t even tell a wax figure how I feel. Even if he rejects me I want him to know though. It’s not just a little crush but real admiration. I--I--”
She squared her shoulders and looked at the statue. They even got the exact right shade of green for his eyes. “Adrien, I...I like you. Not just as a friend. I’ve had a crush on you since you gave me your umbrella that rainy day after school. Getting to know you over the time we’ve spent together has only solidified what I feel. You’re sweet and kind and brave. You see the best in everyone and have the patience of a saint. Especially with me. That’s why this is so hard, trying to tell you how I feel without spewing word vomit. I get nervous because while the fantasy in my head is nice, it can come crumbling down with one word from you. Now more than ever I feel like I need that fantasy. I’m under so much pressure with things I can’t even tell anyone about.”
She placed a hand on Wax-Adrien’s cheek. The wax was still warm it seems. “I like you, Adrien. I hope that you can like me the same way.”
She leaned closer as if to kiss him but stopped. “Stupid.” she muttered and shuffled past him towards the elevator.
“Wait!” A hand grabbed her wrist. She turned back and saw that the Adrien statue was holding her. Wait. Not a statue.
IT! WAS! NOT! A! STATUE!
“Adrien?” Marinette’s brain started to fry. He was playing a prank! Of course they didn’t finish the statue that fast! He was just trying to play a harmless prank and she--oh no!
“Marinette, I--”
“Why didn’t you say something?” She wretched her arm away from him, “That wasn’t funny, Adrien! Not funny at all!”
She ran back toward the elevator. “Goodness, I’m such an idiot!” She slammed the button for any other floor. The doors started to shut but a hand shot through and pried them back open.
“Marinette, wait, please,” Adrien begged as he jumped into the elevator. The doors slid shut behind him blocking Marinette’s exit. “I’m sorry. It was meant to just be a prank. I thought it may cheer you up.”
Marinette squeezed herself into the farthest corner of the elevator. “Why would I need cheering up?” she muttered.
“Because uh,” Adrien fiddled with his ring, “I thought you were mad at me. What Nino said and then you taking off like that I thought that maybe I had done something wrong. That you hated me for some reason. The prank was supposed to lighten the mood I guess.”
“I don’t hate you.” Marinette looked past him at the elevator key pad. In her rush she had hit one of the topmost floors. This elevator wasn’t exactly speedy either. She was stuck with this conversation whether she liked it or not.
“I gathered as much,” Adrien stood in the corner opposite of her. “Did you really mean all that? What you said when you thought I was a statue?”
Now was the time to deny. Deny everything and let this whole mortifying experience die in a hole where it belongs.
But Marinette didn’t want to deny it. It was the truth. Every single bit of it. “I can’t lie to you, Adrien. I...I did mean it. I meant every word.”
There was a long silence.
“Say something,” she squeezed her eyes shut, “Please.”
“Sorry, I was letting it sink in.” He finally said. “I guess I wasn’t expecting a confession today.”
“This is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything. I knew it would ruin everything.” Marinette slumped to the ground. “I feel so stupid.”
“No, you’re not,” Adrien sat down next to her, “To be honest I was rather shocked. I thought you liked Luka.”
“Luka is great.” Marinette shrugged, “But he isn’t you.”
She dared to meet his eyes once more. He was looking at her with a mixture of awe and pity. “And I’m not Kagami.”
“Kagami?” Adrien’s eyebrows raised, “What does Kagami have to do with you confessing to me?”
“Adrien, please, I know you like her. I helped you go on a date with her for goodness sake.” that dark curling snake of jealousy constricted around her heart.
“Right…” he stared back at the ground, “If you’ve liked me for as long as you’ve said then why did you help me? Why would you offer to help set me up with someone else?”
She drew her knees up to her chest, “Because seeing you happy means more to me than my crush. If I can’t be the one to make you happy then I’d rather see you with someone who could. It doesn’t matter what I feel in that instance. It’s not my heart.”
“Marinette,” Adrien hesitated to put on a hand on her shoulder, “I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t try and--”
“I mean it!” he turned to her fully so he was kneeling in front of her, both of his hands clasped on her shoulders, “You said how I was kind and brave but you are ten times that. You are without a doubt one of the kindest, bravest, most talented, passionate, and selfless people I have ever met. You are so confident and driven that I can’t help but look at you in wonder. The only person I can think of coming anywhere close to how incredible you are is Ladybug herself. But you don’t need a suit or powers to be amazing. You’re our everyday Ladybug...my everyday Ladybug.”
Marinette was at a loss for words. Would it be too much to cry right now?
The doors pinged open and Alya and Nino were standing there waiting with Manon between them.
“Oh hey,” Alya surveyed the scene, “We were helping Theo look for Adrien but you seem to be in good hands.”
“Alya!” Marinette made a break for the door.
“See you back down in the studio!” Alya was quicker and hit the button for the studio floor. She gave Marinette a wink before the doors shut again. Adrien and Marinette alone again for another long trip back down.
“I am going to kill her.” Marinette banged her head against the door.
“Is that what they were talking about before?” Adrien asked, “The whole thing about leaving us alone together was to…”
“Give me a chance to confess. Yes.” Marinette turned back around, “Not that she told me that earlier. Which is why I panicked and bolted earlier.”
“I still don’t fully understand.”
“Alya and Nino thought they were helping because I’ve been trying for months to tell you how I feel--”
“Not that.” Adrien interrupted her, “I wonder how someone as spectacular as you could see so much in someone as lame as me.”
“You are not lame, Adrien.” Marinette smiled as she took her place sitting back across from him. “You are probably the least lame person I know.”
“You only say that because you like me.”
“No, I don’t. Also, this self-deprecating behaviour of yours has to stop. You are a wonderful individual. You’re a master fencer, you play piano beautifully, you’re fluent in Chinese, and you’re a talented voice actor as well as a model.”
“Only because my father has me practice all those things until I’m perfect at them.”
“What about video games? You’re second only to me, after all. You’re also insanely smart. I think that you and Max are the only ones who got straight A’s on their report cards last term. That is all you, Adrien.”
He finally smiled at her again. “Not to say you don’t have a dorky side too. You’re still socially awkward and make dumb jokes from time to time but it’s cute.”
“You’re not perfect either. You can get a bit scatter brained when caught off guard and you seem to have an intimate relationship with the floor.” he smirked in a way that made her heart race.
“Oh, it’s like that is it?” She laughed, “You know in the anime world my clumsiness would be seen as adorable and endearing.”
“You watch anime?” Adrien’s head perked up, “I didn’t know that about you.”
The rest of the elevator ride was spent in comfortable conversation. It went from them talking about what anime shows they liked to other interests. Music, food, video games, favorite puns. By the time they reached the studio floor again they were leaning on one another howling with laughter with bad joke after bad joke.
“Okay. Okay. I got another one.” Adrien said as he and Marinette got off the elevator, “What do you call a fake noodle?”
“What?” Marinette giggled.
“An impasta!” the two broke down into hysterics again.
“It’s so dumb!”
“If it’s so dumb then why is it so funny?”
“I got one. What kind of tea is the hardest to swallow?”
“Reali-tea?” Adrien guessed.
“Boo! You stole my joke!” she pounded on his chest.
“Get better jokes then,” he grabbed her hands to stop their assault. “I could send you a link to a site I know. The best kind of bad jokes you’ll ever find.”
“Adrien, there you are.” Theo walked up to them, “Where did you go?”
“Oh sorry,” Adrien smiled in apology, “I, uh, got stuck in the elevator.”
“Well, you’re back now. Come then, I’d like to get your figure done today.”
They walked back into the studio. Nino, Alya, and Manon had yet to make it back. Adrien placed his other hand inside the mold. “Now don’t go running off this time. I need to go grab more wax.”
With that Marinette and Adrien were alone once again.
“Hey, Marinette?” Adrien said.
“Yeah?” she plopped herself into a chair next to him.
“We kinda got off-track earlier in the elevator. I just started gushing about you and then you said all those sweet things to me and then we started with the jokes and well…” he took a deep breath, “I think we still need to address the elephant in the room.”
“Right,” Marinette was hoping that they may have just forgotten about her confession with all the other stuff that had happened, “You have an answer for me?”
“I feel like I need to explain first.”
Oh that was a great way to start this! He was gonna break her heart, wasn’t he? Of course he doesn’t like you like that! He’s crushing on Kagami! Stupid! Stupid!
“Stop that.” Adrien’s voice broke her from her thoughts.
“Huh?”
“You’re panicking. I can see it in your eyes.” he motioned for her to come closer. He took her hand with his free one, “There’s nothing for you to be scared about.”
“Don’t give me false hope like that.”
“I mean it.” he held her hand tighter, “You’re amazing, Marinette. What all I said before I meant it. I just never thought of you that way.”
“Adrien…”
“That’s not what I meant!” he pulled her closer so she couldn’t run away again, “I mean with Luka and my own warring feelings I just never explored what I felt for you more deeply. You were my friend and that’s all I thought there was to it.”
“Were?” Her heart started to beat faster.
“Yeah,” Adrien looked deep into her eyes, “You...you’re great. You mean a lot to me and I--I--I think I--I don’t know. It’s all happening so fast that I can’t think straight. All I do know is that I like you. I like you as a friend but also not. There’s something there. Something has always been there like a detail in a painting you never noticed before that changes how you see the rest of it.”
“What are you saying?” She didn’t dare so much as breathe at that moment.
“I feel something for you. I may not have it all figured out now but I’d like to.” the bell dinged and he released his hand from the mold. He held both her hands in his. “Can we talk about this? Really talk about it? Say somewhere more private and over a plate of cookies?”
“I’d like that.” she touched her forehead to his. “I’d like that a lot.”
---
(Read the rest on AO3)
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I'm alone and cant stop crying. I have no one. No one who cares about me. I go to work. Go home sleep. Repeat. I'm all bubbly and funny at work all smile and its exhausting. I dont know how I get up in the morning (in 5 hours. I sleeped one so far). Not only feel like a total failure of a human being I also feel like I dint belong. I dont have a place I could realy call home. I'm even to exhausted to be disappointed in myself. I dont think anyone would be particularly sad if I would pack and go
You’re not alone. 💕💖💕 Let’s start there.
And you’re not a failure as a human being either. You’re holding a job which a surprising number of people can’t do (I mean that sincerely, not sarcastically). And you are probably very well-liked at work from the sound of it. But you don’t keep any of that happiness for yourself, do you?. I’m guessing if any of your coworkers or friends needed something, you’d be one of the first there. So hard-working, funny, vivacious, big-hearted, kind. I’ll bet you have a beautiful smile and a big laugh.
A failure? No. Not at all.
One more educated guess? You’re highly intelligent. And that’s the thing. Our own mind can be our worst enemy. All of us go through times like this where we feel alone, out of place, unwanted even. Let’s flip the script on this. Let’s cut those thoughts off. We have a good 60,000 thoughts every day and it’s a tough job but we have to control them - or they control us. When you get really mired in it, it impacts your physical health. That’s why you feel exhausted.
Write or type it all out. When I get to places like this, I’ll open a note on my computer or phone (I’d write it on paper but my handwriting sucks lol) and start typing. Everything that bothered you today. Everything that hurt your feelings. Pissed you off. You name it. Write it on that list. You can include things like “I feel alone” or “No one cares about me”. Keep going until you can’t think of anything else. If you have over 100 items on that list? That’s good. My record is 167 - no joke.
The idea is if you can put it on a piece of paper or a document? You’ve pulled it out of your head. You’ve dealt with it. It eases the burden when you’re really upset.
Once you’ve started gaining control of all the bad thoughts, it’s time to pop some good ones in there. We all need things to look forward to. What are your hopes and dreams? What are the things you want? Focus on that instead. When the negative stuff tries to creep in, write it down, put it out of your head.
I said the same thing to a younger friend at work over the weekend, you know? I asked her what she really wanted. She said I want to be an actress. Then she said “That’s never going to happen.”
But it could.
But you have to focus on it, work towards it. Everyone starts somewhere. You might want to be a concert pianist. If you sit down at that piano and expect to play like Chopin, you’re going to stop yourself cold. But if you sit there for a time each day and learn the notes, the scales, the music. Yeah, one day you’ll achieve that goal. You’ll be amazing.
So, first things first. Be there for yourself. Get control of those thoughts. Chase your dreams. Realize you can reach them. Understand that you deserve them. And then the neatest thing happens. It seems unfair, but it’s true. Once you’ve found a way to be happy, then the people come into your life. Friends, SOs. Your tribe. It’s backwards, I know. But it happens every time.
I love you. 💖💕💖 I want you here. I want you to be happy. And I want you to get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day. Pull out the negative stuff, find those dreams and get started. I believe in you too. I’m here if you need me. 💖💕💖
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Anna’s Appreciation Post
A year ago I plucked up my courage and posted my first fiction here, it was trash really maybe after some corrections I’ll post it someday but anyway that was the time when I really got into fanfiction like I could spend the whole day on Tumblr reading everything I could, writing whenever I had time (I was able to write almost 7k words fic in two days which is a success for me, now it would take me 2-3 months) and of course I started to follow wonderful people who are masters in what they’re doing.
So in order to celebrate my one-year activity in Marvel fandom, I made a list of 26 blogs I really love, admire or simply like. I know I’m gonna expand it or do the part 2 because 26 out of over 100 is simply not enough.
Disclaimer:
I put here works I especially enjoyed and since I was neglecting Tumblr for the past six months I simply forgot many of the titles by those amazing authors, I put here those who I recalled
I tried to write about every author so you may notice I wrote more about one but less about other this stems from the fact that I don’t know personally any of those authors although I wish I did, I simply based on interactions with others and of course also my Tumblr-avoiding-time is showing through this. So please don’t take it personally.
I probably repeated myself too many times but you have to forgive me.
I’m still unsure about putting any links here but we’ll see.
!The order of the list is random. This is not a ranking, it’s just a list!
And sorry if this appreciation doesn’t look like should but I tried.
@suz-123 is always ready to help anybody, helped me (I was that whining anon a couple of months ago about a small number of notes. Thank you for that!). Her writing is phenomenal and she’s one of the few who made me cry while reading fanfiction.
Favorite work: Too Soon
@persephone-is-here-omg a wonderful person who wanted to help me when I messaged her out of the blue. Always defending others when they're being attacked (I started following her after somebody attacked another blogger)
Favorite work: Bed Time (it’s realy filth)
@skishenanigans Ary is amazing. She is one of the firsts blogs I started to follow and her willingness to fight for ethnic minorities and with racism amazes me. She is the one who awakened my daddy kink so yeah I blame you.
Favorite work: Dark Paradise and One Time Thing
@jaamesbbarnes and @sgtjbuccky How could I separate those two friends? Doriane and Salina are one of the sweetest people here. Their work is always full of teeth-rotting fluff. I love them.
Favorite work from Dori: Curves and Edges and Soft Touch
Favorite work from Salina: Always be you and Symphony
@papi-chulo-bucky Del's blog always makes me smile, she is a wonderful and a funny person and her hoeing hours are delightful
Favorite work: It’ll Last Longer
@bucky-plums-barnes Gen runs a wonderful and an interesting blog, every day she has headcanons or drabbles for different situations (I don't know how to call it) for example, daddy's Wednesday or spinoff Fridays. That's a shame she wakes up when I usually go to sleep.
Favorite work: To Build a Home and One Call Away
@softlybarnes Becca is also one of the firsts blogs I followed, her writing is really amazing and I think her series was the first I have ever read. Psst If you still want to learn Polish just hit me up.
Favorite work: Blue and Names
@221bshrlocked what to say about Maggie? I envy her talent and the smoothness she writes with, her masterlist is so enormous that I honestly haven't seen the half of it but I promise I will one day.
Faviorite work: A Real Man (from That Haircut masterlist) and Behind the Walls
@sebashtiansatan again one of the firsts blogs I followed and a hell of a writer. Really like this blog.
Favorite work: Happy Anniversary
@after-avenging-hours I don't like to repeat myself but again one of the first blogs I followed. I don't think in Sam's masterlist there was a writing I haven’t read although the masterlist is huge.
Favorite work: Hunter Bucky series and Late Night at the Office
@ursulaismymiddlename the author of the first work on which I cried like a baby while reading it. Love the writing and original ideas.
Favorite work: Pretty, Shiny Things (that’s the one which made me cry) and Home Coming
@moonbeambucky Tara is a hell of a writer. Everything she writes I read with a blush.
Favorite work: Regrets
@prettyyoungtragedy Maya is funny and caring. She's one of my favorite bloggers.
Favorite work: Accidentally in Love and It’s Complicated
@sherrybaby14 I like that Sherry isn't afraid of what she's doing. I mean you're not stumbling upon darker fics all the time and I really admire Sherry for that. Non-con and dub-con is not everyone's pet subject but under all this halo is interesting stories and wonderful writing.
Favorite work: Winter Smut
@angryschnauzer How couldn't I mention a famous Schnauzer? When I was new in this fandom and with reading fanfiction at all I stumbled upon fic called On The Fence, I read it and wanted more so I think I went through the whole masterlist with w Patrick Star shocked face. I still do that whenever I read anything from Schnauzer because every work is so good and explicit but that’s good.
Favorite work: Hard Drive and On Your Knees
@bitsandbobsandstuff Kris entranced me with her stories, I hate Sundays but her Safe With Me was the reason I was eagerly waiting every Sunday for another chapter. To me this story still is canon.
Favorite work: Safe with Me and Cracker Jacks and Kiss Cams
@sad-af1121 I remember Sadaf from when I was really active as a kind and a funny person. If you want to visit a solid blog and really nice blogger- go to Sadaf's. All of her writings are really good and series are captivating.
Favorite work: Million Dollar Man
@caramell0w Cara IS a writer she is a hell of a writer. She published two of her books and I still lament that they're not available in my country but to those who can buy it knowing Cara's writing skills those books are amazing.
Favorite work: Pen Pals
@myattemptatfanfic I'm ashamed that I even don't know your name but I know your work very well. It was one of the firsts multi-chapter stories I read and it was a year ago but I'm happy you're back.
Favorite work: Big Girls Don’t Cry
@plumfondler "Easily one of the best writers for smutty goodness" end of the quote. I think that sums everything up, everything Ellie writes, she creates perfection.
Favorite work: Snowed In
@gaybybirth Huge masterlist and even bigger talent! How am I supposed to pick something from your works when I haven't even seen the half of it? Another person who I envy the smoothness with Molly writes.
Favorite work: What Are You Thinking About? and Let Me Show You How It’s Done
@hufflebucky I don't know much about CJ, I started following her recently but I know already that she is a brilliant writer and I hope to read other works from her.
Favorite work: Wine and Dine Me
@theycallmebucky The very first blog I followed, I can't count how many times I went through this author's whose name I still don't know masterlist. Every work has something that makes it memorable.
Favorite work: A Dash of Jealousy and A Woman Like You
@buckychrist this pure soul who was so kind that she was willing to help me writing a fic (I still have it in my drafts maybe someday I'll post it). Hayley is really incredible with everything she writes and she is a wonderful human being.
Favorite work: Grown So Cold and I love this (sorry it’s on my blog but I couldn’t find it)
@trashpanda-barnes Shay, as I noticed merely minute ago as I'm writing this, is the biggest Jamie and Brienne shipper I know (I happen to be the second) but anyway Shay is a really kind and warm person, she is always so nice to other people and in my opinion, Shay deserves the world.
Favorite work: Confessions and Unspoken
Sorry for any grammar mistakes and typos and thank you for the time you took to read this!
#appreciation#appreciation post#trashpanda-barnes#buckychrist#hufflebucky#theycallmebucky#gaybybirth#plumfondler#myattemptatfanfic#caramell0w#sad-af1121#bitsandbobsandstuff#angryshnauzer#sherrybaby14#prettyyoungtragedy#moonbeambucky#ursulaismymiddlename#after-avenging-hours#sebashtinasatan#221bshrlocked#softlybarnes#bucky-plums-barnes#sgtjbuccky#jaamesbbarnes#skishenanigans#papi-chulo-bucky#persephone-is-here-omg#suz-123#i love them
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End To Start | haechan
genre: romance,angst
warnings:cursing,mentions of drugs
word count:1,6k
requested by: @ki-aechan
song: End To Start by Nct 127
Who knows that a single person can change you and your future to the point you really actually change and find yourself again?
/ I know there is no point if it stops even in the dark/
There is this boy Haechan you always had a crush on.You never told him of course and the reason is obvious – he was lee heachan, the boy every single girl wants and dreams about and you were nothing more than another girl in an ocean of highschoolers.
But Haechan had his dark side and little did you know.He was addicted .He smoked every single day and it was getting worse as the time passed, he couldn’t think about anything else, there was just too much going on. The scandals in his family, the pressure of being famous at school ,the grades and the fact that haechan had nobody. Sure he had his “friends” at school but most of them just wanted to hang out with him just because he was famous. His real friends live in another town far away from him and he always thought about leaving the hellhole he lived in and go and be free and happy with the people he really loves.
But for now he couldnt do it. He cannot let his friends to see him like this. Smooking joint every single night and wasting his money on weed, he just couldn’t. And the worst is that he had nobody to talk to.not a single soul.
/gotta end it tonight/
One night you are invited to a party of a classmate and haechan is there. of course he is there. The whole night you observed him and you see the emptiness in his eyes and how he pretended to have fun . suddenly he looks at you and you freeze . the whole eye contact sends you hot waves and you feel his gaze burning you inside out. he looks away and not long after he leaves,looking at you one last time before he shuts the door.
You dont know why but you felt this as a sign to follow him. You tell your friends that you have to go and when you are outside the house you take a deep breath and you start looking around for haechan.
‘stalker much,huh?” you turn and see him smoking next to his car.
“you smoke?” then you smell something disgusting and realize this is not a regular cigarette “oh my god” you take the thing out of his hand and throw it on the ground,stepping over it.
“WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS EXPENSIVE “ he shouted
“ YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS EXPENSIVE- YOUR HEALTH” you pause for a second “ you cant just smoke weed on the street”
‘’I don’t see something stopping me besides that who are you to tell me what to do” you stay silent ‘’see it yourself, I don’t even know you”
“ you cant just smoke it heachan , this is destroying you and your body” you whisper
“ have I asked you to take care of me,hmm I don’t remember , so don’t mess with me” he says as he lits up another cigarette and enters his car, driving away from you.
In the next few weeks you barely see heachan at school. He looks so different , so dark and silent ,no one has ever seen him like this,he was cold to everyone and he was empty as if the whole world has gone bad and dark and you just couldn’t handle looking at him being a mess, you had to do something.So you did.
One day after school you go to your secret place on the last floor in the school,there is an old art classroom where nobody goes and this is the place when you often go when you want to be alone.When you are about to enter the room you hear that somebody is talking on the phone inside.
“-yeah im okay, im doing really fine,no I stopped playing soccer , I don’t know man, I just don’t feel it anymore,no I don’t workout too”he pauses for a moment” what I ate last,umm you know man I don’t remember but im fine like really fine but I miss you guys I miss you a lot,all of you I promise soon I will visit you,okay bye man,love you” you know who this is,there is no way you couldn’t recognize this voice.but he lied,he isn’t fine , he is a mess and somebody has to help him.
“so you still stalking me or what?’ you see heachan on the door he just opened.
“ I am not stalking you,this is my secret place I come every time I am s-“
“ no way this is my secret place,the only place in the fucking school where I can be alone”” he says and you feel the sadness in his voice.
Eventually he lets you inside and you both sit in silence as he lits up a cigarette.
“since when you started smoking?”
“since when you care?”
ouch,you didn’t expect that.
“ I asked first “ you said,hopping he will finally answer.
“ I asked second” he looks at you smirking and you sigh in disappointment.’’ A year and a half”
You look at him “huh?”
“its been a year and a half since I started smoking,that’s what I said” he sends you a dark look but that’s what you wanted to hear.
“good you answered” now its your time to smirk “ Now,why do you smoke?”
“you think im gonna answer?”
“ yes you are”
“someone’s confident,huh?”
Lie,big fat lie, if you gotta be honest right now you are shaking,talking to him like this but you had to.’
“look I am depressed, 9 years ago when me and my parents moved in here, I left all my friends in my old town and its been 9 years since I last saw them,I miss them like crazy and right now im stuck in this town,this hellhole I have nobody here and my parents wont stop shouting at each other and im just done with everyone and everything,I just don’t fucking care anymore” he pauses to smoke “ you happy now, go and tell everyone so they can laugh at me,what are you waiting for?”
You just stand there,frozen so this is all he hides behind his smile and cool personality. this is what makes him smoke in the late hours in the night.this is what makes him go crazy. this is it.
“Im sor-“
“don’t , do not say it” he looked at you with his sad,red eyes. Now they arent’t empty, they are full of hidden emotions .
Since this day you and heachan became friends. He still smoked but at least he felt a bit better but you found yourself falling more and more for him and the more time you spent with him the more you had to hide your emotions.
One night around 11pm you are ready to fall asleep when you hear a knock at your window , you stand up and see haechan sitting on the tree next to your window.
/ a voice that will reach you wherever you are/
“what the hell are you doing here?” you say,opening your window to let him inside.
“ my parents are shouting the fuck out at each other again and I didn’t want to listen again and the only place I could go is here”
“im happy you came” you say as you both sit on your bed
“me too” he says almost like a whisper but loud enough for you to hear it . he looks up to you with his beautiful eyes.” You know since we started talking Ive been smoking less,I just don’t feel the need to smoke when I can talk to you about,hm, about everything to be honest”
You coudnt believe your eyes, he really just told you this.
‘’im so happy to hear this haechan,im really so happy for you”
“none of this would have happened if you didn’t stalked me so its your fault , I guess” he says placing his usual smirk on his face
“ I didn’t stalk you,oh my god haechan!” you say both of you laughing.
/dance on the surface to draw and draw and dance all night/
He looks at you with his smile fading and his face becoming serious.” y/n I think I like you” he says all of a sudden. You look at him with wide eyes not believing what you just heard “I know, I know it sounds crazy but anybody has never showed that they care so much about me and the fact that ive been clean for a week shows me that I don’t need weed to get high and forget all my problems for hour or two, the only thing I really need is you and I know it still sounds crazy but I realy really like you you,y/n, I really do.”
/ a scene that openes in front of you when night ends,yes I see/
You were on the verge of crying.” I like you too heachan, Ive always liked you” he looks with eyes full of hope no longer empty and kisses you. A kiss that was way long awaited from both of you and finally happened. When you parted your lips he whispered. “I will quit smoking, I promise” then he pauses “I will do anything to have you,y/n and im not joking’” then he kisses you again.
/ gotta end it tonight to start again,ready for a new flight/
masterlist
#hopeyoulikeit#nct#jaehyun#nct soft hours#nct dream#nct soft edits#lee donghyuck#na jaemin#lee jeno#nct 127#mark lee#nct scenarious#nct smut#nct angst#nct imagine#nct scenario#nct fluff#nct romance#nct haechan#lee taeyong
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I'm super happy to write this. Format is a little different than usual because it’s all three and their pasts would be connected. It’s also pretty long so the rest is below the cut.
➤These four kids caused so much trouble for Dadan, like this poor bandit just wanted a peaceful mountain life and instead she got four mountain monsters.
➤Luffy gives her a lot of grief because she’s a year younger than him and he was the youngest.
➤Sabo and Ace baby her so much compared to Luffy-who they let a crocodile eat at one point.
➤Despite the fact she’s been raised alongside them and therefor can defend herself, all three brothers are SO protective. They even made a secret vow to never let her marry someone they don’t approve of.
➤When Garp shows up he’s so confused?? He left two and now there’s two more? Are they dividing themselves or just attracting other orphans? Now he has four times as much work to make them all into marines. Unlike the three brothers-he does not hold back on her after hearing she wants to be a pirate as well.
➤In order of protectiveness, Ace is the most protective, Sabo’s in the middle, and Luffy is the least protective because he’s always sneaking off with her to go do dangerous things. She’s just as reckless as him and the two should not be left alone together they will destroy everything and themselves.
Luffy & Strawhats:
➤Their meeting is different because it’s after the two year skip and while he’s so happy to see her he feels so guilty when he sees her too because Ace is gone.
➤Despite how goofy Luffy is the two probably cry and hug for a long time and have a serious chat about Ace and the fact hat he was smiling when it happened so there’s no need to feel guilty-after all, pirates rarely get happy endings and look at how cool Ace was all the way to the end, right?
➤He doesn’t introduce her to the crew right away because the two are caught up in reminiscing about Ace as well as just catching up with each other, in fact the whole strawhat crew goes wild because their captain just never returned to the inn and as crazy as Luffy is he almost always comes back to wherever the group is staying.
➤Of course he’ll ask his sister to join his crew, and of course she’ll have to refuse because she’s a pirate or an informant or something crazy because everybody in this family is insane.
➤When he does introduce her to the crew they all have different reactions, though at first everybody’s shocked because he’s never menttioned having a sister?!?
➤Zoro is pretty indifferent about her, but he’s still surprised by how polite she is compared to Luffy-though after a few days he sees the resemblance because both of them are stupidly reckless.
➤Sanji treats her like a princess as expected and he also yells at Luffy for never telling him he had a sister.
➤Nami and Robin treat her like a younger sister, letting her stay with them while she visits and even taking her out to just do things with them. The two are like the older sisters she’s never had but it’s also strange because they kind of remind her of Ace and Sabo in a sense.
➤Brook is brook and of course, has to ask if he can see her panties which earns him more knocks on the head than usual-Sanji, Nami, Luffy & Sister.
➤She loves chopper. SO MUCH. He’s so cute and she even tries to steal him from the crew.
➤Franky is extremely friendly but she’s a little weirded out by him-even more so because he’s not really wearing pants. That being said she’s impressed with the fact that he built the ship and Franky’s more than happy to eat up all the praise at his handy work.
Ace & Whitebeard pirates:
➤The second he spots his sister he jumps off the boat and is propelling himself her way with his flames. The crew is completely baffled by the sudden display but they’ll have to wait to question it until they reach the island.
➤He crashes straight into her and the two destroy a house in the process, which they then spend the latter of the day rebuilding. On the bright side as they rebuild it they get to catch up with each other.
➤He’s so happy to see her and hear about how she’s been doing. He’ll ask her about all her adventures and answer any questions she has but then he’ll get serious and ask if she’s seeing anybody. CAN’T HAVE THAT. HE’S TOO PROTECTIVE AND NOT READY TO LET GO OF HIS LITTLE SISTER.
➤When the crew arrives they’re rightfully confused by Ace and the young woman he’s with. Like, he jumped off the ship for her so it’s clear to them she’s important.
➤Whitebeard is the first to figure it out-as Ace talks about his family a lot-and the first thing he says is probably something along the lines of “Ace if you want to protect your sister you shouldn’t fly yourself at her from however many miles away from her they were.”
➤The rest of the crew is just like :OOOOO
➤It’s pretty obvious how protective Ace is of her, and the guys are more than happy to use that to mess with their favorite hot headed commander. Poor girl is getting more attention than she knows what to do with.
➤”Marco don’t you even look at her you pervert.” “Oh, too late we’ve got a date tomorrow night” “I’LL KILL YOU” “How are you going to do that, #2 commander?”
➤Sister catches onto this and happily joins in on the fun, though eventually it dies down and she just continues catching up with Ace. She’s so happy he found a father figure and that he’s so happy with the crew. The two part but not before Ace can give her his vivire card.
➤She’s so happy because now she can find him whenever she wants to visit him.
Sabo & Revolutionaries:
➤He forgot her along with Ace and Luffy and once he calms down and wakes up he’s just a crying mess. Regardless of his injuries back then..how could he have forgotten his family..?
➤When the two do reunite he’s a crying mess for so long. He’s just got his sister locked into a hug while he cries and apologizes for forgetting her-which she doesn’t even hear at first because she’s crying too because SHE THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD?!
➤Once the two calm down-and they eventually do after a few hours,yeah, hours-Sabo explains everything that happened and why he didn’t find them immediately. Since he’s apologizing every other sentence it takes him a while to finish explaining it and by the time they’ve gone over everything a few of the revolutionaries have found their way to them.
➤They can all pretty much guess who the girl is, and Koala is the first to react. She’s so happy for Sabo so she jumps at his sister and hugs her and introduces herself. Almost immediately the sister is making fun of Sabo and Koala, teasing them and asking if they’re together.
➤She’ll stay with them for a few days not really caring if anybody sees her with such well known people-shes a pirate or something herself anyways so it’s not like it makes too much of a difference.
➤A lot of the revolutionaries are caught off guard by Sabo’s sudden protective nature. Like, they’ve never seen such a brotherly side to him before and it’s just so strange. Hack particularly has a hard time with it because he’s seen Sabo do some real damage to enemies and here he is acting like an innocent older brother? That being said, he does like Sabo’s younger sister-even more so when she gets impressed by his fishman karate.
➤After the two go their separate ways Sabo probably calls Dragon all happily-realy he’s supposed to be asking about his next assignment but instead he’s rambling on about his little sister and how happy he is.
#sabo imagine#luffy imagine#one piece imagine#ace imagine#portgas d ace#monkey d luffy#sabo#luffy#one piece#one piece headcanons#op#op imagine#op headcanons#straw hat pirates#whitebeard pirate
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You are the love of my life Pt.2
You are getting married, but not to Harry...
Part 1
wordcount: 2,178
masterlist
Standing there in front of you is Mitch. Mitchel Rowland, a friend you made through Harry. You invited him and his girlfriend, Sarah, as you had gotten to know them really well during Harry's first solo tour, as they were both apart of the band. "Mitch?" you asked confused. You go in for a hug, as it had been a while since you last saw him.
“Wow, you look amazing” he says looking at you up and down.
"Thanks, Mitch. Why are you here? The ceremony is starting soon, you better get back to your seat," you say.
"Y/N he is here" Mitch didn't need to name him, you knew who he was talking about.
"What? Why? He wasn't invited?" you question him. "I know, I told him he shouldn't be here, but he just showed up out of the blue. I told him to go home." Mitch says with a smidge of annoyance in his voice.
The door behind you opens, and the same cologne you smelt before instantly fills your nose. You knew it isn't the dress fitter as you look at Mitch's face, his expression is a mix of confusion and anger. You then turn around to see him standing there. He is wearing a black suit, dressed for the wedding. But he wasn't a guest.
His eyes lock on you, he gazes over your entire body, his eyes soften and his mouth gapes slightly. "You-you look beautiful" he stuttered out walking closer to you.
Mitch just looks at the two of you "I'm gonna go back to my seat" he says walking out the door. "Mitch? Can you tell Grace I might be a while" he just nods, then shuts the door behind him.
"Harry, what are you doing here? Michale won't be happy if he sees you" you look into his eyes, they are so familiar. More memories come flooding back of all the goodness you shared with him.
"Why didn't you tell me you were getting married?" he says quietly, his voice is shaky, he isn't angry, just hurt.
"I don't know, Harry!" you raise your voice, he flinches at your change in tone.
"We haven’t spoken in years, and the album, god, I didn't know what to say?" you sighed.
"You could have called," he says slowly, looking up at you. "You could have called too!" you yell.
"I know, but, I don't know! I thought you would come back, like all the other times. But you never did, you moved on, found someone else, and now your getting married" he says throwing his hands up gesturing to your dress and everything around you. "I was stupid, I was so caught up in everything, I didn't realise that I wasn't enough for you. I've been beating myself up every day for never doing anything" he says looking to the ground, the light caught on his glassy eyes, when he blinked a tear came out.
"I didn't want to ruin your happiness, Mitch told me you were happy with Michael" he wipes the tear away.
"I am happy with Michale," you say sternly. It felt weird to say, especially to Harry.
"I know! That's why I could never do this! You are finally happy after so long.” he exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air. “I saw the invitation on Mitch's fridge, and I had to get away. While I was gone, all I did was think about you. I knew this would be my last chance" he pauses.
"Y/N when you left me, I so was caught up in the fame and the money, everything was crazy. And you were always there through everything. When you were gone I realised I had nothing without you. You were my happiness, you complete me" Your expression is blank. You didn’t know how to feel. Tears started welling up in your eyes, you tried to blink them back, but that only made them spill out.
"And I've tried, Y/N trust me I've tried to move on, but I can't, your it for me. I love you. I never stopped, and whether you marry Michale today, I will still love you, for the rest of my life" There were tears running down both of your faces. "Don't cry" he says "Your gonna mess up your pretty face" he said wiping a tear away on your cheek. You push his hand off you and step back.
"You can't just come to me and say all of this! And on my wedding day? Of all the days, you chose today? Harry, you have always had bad timing, but this, this is just the worst.” You're angry but relieved at the same time. If he wasn't here right now, you would be standing at the alter about to commit to something you weren't 100% sure about.
“You always ruin everything good for me! God, when Michael asked me to be his girlfriend, your album came out the same fucking day!" you're still yelling, even though you relived you still needed to vent your feelings.
"Everything I do, it's like your ghost is there haunting me"
"We were so good Y/N, we were so in love" Harry pleads, taking your hands into his. His hands were warm, how they always were. Your hands fit perfectly in his.
"It was good, I loved you" you emphasized the loved, and pull away from his grip. "Harry your too late, I love Michale, and he makes me happy" you say, mostly to convince yourself.
"I've changed, losing you made me reali-"
"You should go," you say interrupting him. You couldn’t let him stop your wedding.
"Y/N please," he says with so much emotion in his voice, while wiping the tears from his eyes. You sit back down and start trying to fix to fix the mess you had made of your makeup. You get lost in thought as you dab at you undereye. Harry then sets a box down on the vanity in front of you. "What is this?" you ask him.
He opens it, and inside is a ring. The most beautiful ring you had ever seen. Three sparkling diamonds, with two rubies on each side. It was the exact ring you wanted. You remember back to the drunk conversation you had so many years ago when you told him about your dream ring. "I got it the month before you broke up with me. I was going to propose to you Y/N" You look up at him.
"Harry," you say slowly. "It's beautiful, perfect even, how, how did you remember?" you say quickly while picking up the box to get a closer look.
"I always remember" he says.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" You ask him angrily. "If you loved me so much you were going to propose, why didn't you fucking tell me?"
"I was stupid Y/N, you broke my heart, and I didn't think you would want me back." The sadness in his eyes made you feel so much guilt. You try not let it get to you.
"But I kept it, I looked at it every night, contemplating whether I should have picked up the phone, and told you." You find yourself wishing he called.
Instead of telling him how you feel, you shut the box and place it in his hands. "I have to go, Harry, everyone is waiting"
"I'm so sorry Y/N, I'm sorry I let you down" You close his hands around the box, and pull him in for a hug. The hug lasted for a long time. You could feel him crying as he buries his head into your hair, inhaling your scent for what would be the last time. The hug was a goodbye, and you both knew that.
"Good luck" he says, pulling away. You wished the hug could last forever. "I hope he can make you happy" he says putting the box back into the pocket of his tailored black suit.
"Goodbye Harry," you say leaving out the door. You didn’t know what to feel. Everything Harry said was everything you wanted to hear but at the wrong time.
You meet up with Grace, and she gives you a look. "I'm fine, let's do this," you say, trying to convince your self that this is the right decision. The music starts playing and you walk down the aisle, all your friends and family rise and look at you in awe. You're clutching your bouquet so tight, your hands are white. This was it, too late to turn back now.
When Michale turns around to look at you, he wipes a tear from his eye. He looks so handsome. As you grab his hand joining him facing the priest, he whispers to you "You look amazing" while he squeezes your a hand.
"So do you" you say smiling. As the priest goes on, the feeling of uncertainty rises in your chest.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Michale whispers in your ear. You look at him with confusion on your face. What does he mean? Of course, you want to do this, don't you? "You have to do what makes you happy" he continues, "I just want you to be happy" Did he see Harry? Did Harry talk to him? Your head is now spinning, why did this have to happen today, of all days, on your wedding day. You look at Michael, then look to the door you entered through. Were you really about to do this?
Tears are streaming down your face, you look at Michael and kiss him on the cheek, and whisper in his ear "I am so sorry.” Picking up your skirt you run back down the aisle. Guests are giving you horrified looks as gasps and chatter fill the church. Michale's mother suddenly stands up, then your own mother and they just watch you run. No one stops you though. Everything is a blur, you see Mitch in the crowd of people, he sitting down, and he gives you a weak smile.
When you get out of the church into the parking lot, holding up as much of your expensive white dress as you can, you look for the black range rover you knew he would be in. You spot it and surely make your way over, it starts moving, he’s leaving. He obviously hasn't seen you. As he turns out of the parking lot, and onto the street, you kick off your shoes and start running.
"Harry! Stop!" you yell after the car. You then stop in the middle of the street as its no use. Just as you stop so does the car. He gets out, his face is red from crying. He runs to you, and you run to him. As you meet you jump into to him, wrapping your legs around his waist, just like you would do in the airport when he got back from a tour.
His lips immediately crash into yours. You kiss him like your life depended on it. It felt so good, it had been so many years since your lips were on his. "I fucking hate you" you say to him breathlessly between kisses. He is holding on to you so tight like he would never let you go.
"I fucking love you" he says laughing. You continue kissing, without a care in the world. Even though you just abandoned your own wedding, you didn't care because kissing Harry at this moment felt so right.
"I promise I will be everything you want, I love you Y/N" he carries you to the passenger seat of his car, and you get in stuffing you dress so it doesn't get caught in the door. He gets in and drives. He stops at a nearby park. You look at him "What about the wedding?" he asks you.
"I don't know," you say sighing. "I just knew if I said ‘I do’, I would regret it" you say turning to him, taking his hands into yours.
"You will always be a part of my life, I will always love you and I can't just pretend I don't. I was doing that for so long, and you made me realise I can't ignore my feelings. I can’t just push them to the side and think they will go away.” He looks into your eyes, and he has the biggest smile on his face, it’s contagious. You smile back at him.
“A little part of me was always wishing it was you and not him, and when he turned around at the altar, I wanted it to be you. I don't care about what our future holds, all I know is right now, I want to be with you.” You squeeze his hands so tight.
"I promise to love you and make you happy.” he pulls you in for a hug, followed by a long passionate kiss.
“You are the love of my life" he says when he pulls away.
You knew you had done the right thing.
#harry styles#harry#styles#harry styles blurb#harry styles fluff#harry styles imagine#harry styles one shot#harry styles smut#one direction#one direction imagine#one direction fanfiction#harry styles fanfction#fanfic#imagine#writing#1d#liam payne#niall horan#zayn malik#louis tomlinson
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top ten kagepro songs?? 0:
*rubs hands* u now i read your whole wall of text about this? well now its my turn c:
warning half of this post is just about Shinigami Record bc i’m looking WAAY too deep into it but honestly i love doing that gbdhsg that part has over 500 words and im not sorry
Disclaimer: The first few don’t have numbers bc I just CANNOT choose a favorite ok ngsdhjgs
Shinigami Record - I’m gonna start with this one because i was already planning on making a post about how underappreciated this song is… half of this post is probably gonna be about this song alone so i might as well put it as nuumbr one tbh
Musically it’s really simple and just so amazingly gentle. I feel like the slow piano and the way its played in the verses helps to convey Azami’s feelings really well. It starts as just a bunch of lonely piano notes, but then as Azami finds someone who loves her, feelings grow and change, so does the guitar replace the piano for the second verse. Then the harmonies for the part when Azami creates the Kagerou Daze make it feel not only more mystical but also give it more emotion. She creates it filled with love for her family after all, this part needed to have a lot of emotion in it! But then it quiets down and the lonely piano returns.. the guitar and piano interlace each other(i cant find a good english word for it im sorry) while Azami’s voice is growing more unsure and then ‘gasps’ with the realization, in a way. The harmonies return and we hear both the lonely piano and the love-filled guitar. Azami is really conflicted and u can HEAR that!! Then it bursts with the pitch change and you can just hear how heartbroken she is! the highest note really reminds me of when people are trying to sing but they’re crying so their technique is egh but it has so much emotion?? idk maybe its just IAs voice… and then after she sings “I still love you” theres a drop that sounds like slamming doors and the guitar is GONE. It ends on the same lonely piano we started with(different pitch blahblah i know ok) but there’s also the added noise that you can either hear traffic in, OR the sea/ocean waves. I KNOW im reading way too much into this but traffic could allude to our time, where the main story is set and the fact that what Azami did has consequences reaching much further than she could have ever imagined but also that despitwat happened, most people don’t even know about her story and everythings… well, normal. The sea waves would be just like the world she’s come to love and she’s leaving it all behind i guess lolThe way this song tells Azami’s story is uh, very simplified, but i think it works well. It gives you enough information to feel sorry for her even if it doesn’t really explain much. We only see Azami’s perspective so i’m not surprised or disappointed that reasons behind Tsukihiko’s disappearance arent really stated. Also i’m kind of glad it doesn’t delve deeper into the story, because i personally really didn’t like these chapters of the manga at all lol bc i didnt agree with the characterization and it didnt show Azami’s loneliness as much and kind of ruined the magic. I like Azami’s story when its still told as a kind of fairytale…This is also probably THE best Kagepro song in terms of tuning, too. idk what happened but i feel like here it’s much more soft than the other songs which makes it all the more enjoyable.
one day i’ll write a full essay on this…
I’m not gonna go that deep into any of the other ones dont worry
Remind Blue - Easily the best song on the Mekakucity Reload album. While i adore Additional Memory as well, my heart belongs to Remind Blue. Because the range isn’t that big, Miku’s voice and Jin’s tuning of don’t get overbearing. Im also a sucker for lyrics connecting to past events or symbols so the whole time reading the translation i was just lying in bed like kermit surrounded by heart emojis. I may or may not make a cover of this one…
Lost Time Memory - I feel like all that could be said about this song has already been said so I’ll just say i love it. I was introduced to it through Juby’s english cover(Classical Rock Arr. version!! thats important, i love this arrangement probably more than the original but the dude who made it just doesnt have a nice voice for this song… Juby’s not perfect but this cover’s good enough) an really this is the song that made me want to learn about Kagepro so there’s a lot of pure nostalgia connected to this one.
4. Ayano’s Theory of Happiness - whenever i tell someone new about kagepro i always say this is the song that makes me cry and laugh the hardest. I laugh a lot because of the tv anime version bc lmao every time i see it i LOSE IT gndnsdgs The reason i cry is quite obvious i think, but i still feel the need to specify it’s because of the lyric “so I hope you can love tomorrow”. It’s just such a simple thing but it makes me tear up 99% of the time. And like the thing is, the last couple of lines aren’t directed at any particular character either so its like she’s singing to us. She hopes we can love tomorrow as well… and just for you Ayano, I will try.
Also MARiA’s cover is the best one i barely listen to the original now lmao
5. Summertime Record - did i mention im a sucker for lyrics where the character is looking back at what happened? bc yeah i am. This song is really dear to my heart for some reason so much so that when at a camp with the choir ive been in for like 6years we were supposed to make a little song about it for the last campfire, i managed to get my friends to write the lyrics to this song with me and i think that in itself is very fitting to this song. and just.. yeah the whole thing just feels very welcoming and I love Haruka so
6. Children Record - BOYS👏 AND👏 GIRLS👏 yeah this song staight up slaps and i love it (altho i mostly listen to the version with MARiA bc the tuningin this one :’) its realy good go listen) and uh yeah its just a really good opening to the series! idk what to say exactly so uh really lets not drag this out
7. Additional Memory - so when this song came out i had to lay down for like a week bc just… woah yeah ok!! all the motifs and melodies from other songs just hit me so HARD and THE PV OH MY GOOOD i was SCREAMING! and youre absolutely right about the lyrics!! “if this were all a misunderstanding, i don’t want to hear it” just HITS and HURTS and GOD YEAH
8. Kagerou Days - ahh classic above classics…. the one where you’ve set your expectations for Hibiya to just be a good childhood friend only to have it be crushed by other media… its just a great base for angsty AUs for anytwo cahracters that care about each other really and i love it! also like when i first listenedi was like what and when i realized whats happening i was just… poetic cinema guy but with hearts i really love angst huh
9. Headphone Actor - I don’t know what to say apart from I love Takane, I love the whole Harutaka story, I love the metaphor and the music and I have a little lesbian moment every time i listen to LiSA’s version of the song(THE WAY SHE SHINGS “Dokoka e to mukatteru”??? IM TOO GAY FOR THIS SHIT I CANT) and its 3:30am so i cant think anymore okbut god i love LiSA’s voice
10. Never Lost Word - ah the kinnie really jumps out here lmao this is the song i listened o and was just !! it me!! which… NOT a good thing if not for the last verse lol but yeah i just identify with kido a lot so like…i just really felt this song back when i first listened to it and even now i still do… just… yeah. and i just really like it in every way i guess lol
ALSO Shoutout to Gunjo Rain and Dead and Seek for beeing other tragically underappreciated Kagepro songs bc they dont have PVs
#thannk u!! this was rly fun actually#Konoha's State of the world should have been there...... and toumei answer....... ehh#i feel bad for not includiing some others too.......#also#sorry for any errors english is not my first language#my post#asks#wintertimerecord#song talk
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Chapter Eighteen
ROBYN
Please don’t let me regret this I thought to myself as I hopped out of the backseat. I was able to talk Rayven into going straight from the hospital to rehab and after a long sixty days, she was finally released.
Her mom stayed long enough to know she was still alive and curse her out, then she went back to BIM. She did try to talk Rayven into going home, but thankfully it didn’t work. Rayven knew she needed help and she would just go right back to her old habits if she went home. She was ready for change and that made me hopeful.
“My house is your house” I announced setting down the small bag that contained everything she owned.
“This is nice” she said quickly scanning the room, as Ollie and Pepe came running from the back.
“You guys wanna go out?” I asked opening the kitchen door, so they could zip past.
“I didn’t know you had two dogs” Rayven said as she watched them play. She was suffering from short-term memory loss, but the doctor said it was possible some things will eventually come back to her. “It’s great that Ollie has a friend now”
“Yeah, they love each other” I smiled, watching them act crazy. “Come on, let me show you your room”
“Thanks for helping me. I know you went out on a limb for me by bringing me here and giving me a job. I’m sorry for quitting on you when you needed me the most”
“Are you serious? We’re family, we have to stick together” I replied giving her a hug. “You know what Gran say; water does run, but blood does clot”
“So, no hard feelings? I know it’s been some time, but for me it feels fresh”
“Ray we’re good. Now go take a shower. I went and got you some necessities, they’re in that drawer over there, and I took the day off so it’s just you and me today. Pizza is on the way. I’ll be downstairs if you need me”
As soon as I hit the bottom stair, the doorbell rang. That was quick I thought to myself as I ran and grabbed a twenty out of my purse. “What are you doing here?” I asked opening the door with an attitude.
“Well, it’s good to see you too babe” Dre replied with sarcasm lacing his tone. I hate it when people show up to my place unannounced, so I stood there with my arms folded across my chest, unamused.
“You gonna let me in?”
“Not before you tell me what you’re doing here”
“Hey Rob, do you have any razors?” Rayven yelled, jogging down the stairs. “Oh, hi. Sorry, I didn’t realize you had company.”
“I don’t. They’re under the sink, in the very back” I replied, waving her away.
“So, you’re really gonna leave me standing here?” He asked, now irritated with me.
“Yes, until you tell me why you’re popping up unannounced”
“I just wanted to see you babe. You know you like having me around” he teased.
“I do enjoy you. I just really don’t want us moving too fast.” I replied. He was right, I couldn’t deny that I love having him around. It felt good having his conversation, cuddling, and the sex was addicting, but I didn’t like to not be in control, and him coming over unannounced was out of my control.
“Really Robyn? You don’t have to keep saying that. I get it” he stressed, obviously irritated. That's the only time he calls me by my first name.
“Well I’m busy, and I told you I was going to be busy today. You can’t just pop up at my house, and how do you even know where I live?”
“What’s up with you lately? I’ve done nothing, but treat you like a queen. I drop what I’m doing when you call. I let you ride my dick when and how you want, and give you anything you ask for at the drop of a dime, but it’s a problem if I know where you live?” he frowned.
“I’m just saying, if you think showing up here unannounced is okay-”
“-You know what, I’m out. Just hit me up at your convenience since that’s what this is.” he turned to walk off so abruptly, he startled me.
“Wait” I called out and he paused just as he got to his car. “Stay.... please.”
“I don’t like feeling like a bug-a-boo.” he admitted. We had been sitting on the patio in silence for the past half hour. Him smoking a cigar, while I smoked a blunt.
“It’s not even like that” I sighed as the wind whipped through my hair. The sun was slowly going down, leaving a beautiful gold and blue across the sky, and I couldn’t help but to focus on it. I could feel Dre’s gaze on me, but I couldn’t look at him.
“What is it like then Anna? Because you’re constantly sending me different signals. I can’t keep up. One minute I feel like my best friend is in front of me, the next minute it’s some bitchy chick with a slick mouth. Just tell me what’s going on with you” he begged, putting his cigar out and grabbed my exposed thigh with the same hand.
“I lost my son” I choked out, trying to hold in my tears. “Tomorrow will make it one year”
“I’m so sorry” he replied, immediately pulling me into a tight embrace. “Now I feel like a jack ass. I should’ve realized that’s what was going on, especially with the nightmares you’ve been having lately. What can I do? I just want to help.”
“I don’t mean to be selfish, but I just need time. I know you drop everything for me at any given time. I’ve always appreciated that about you, but this is personal and I have to get through it alone” I replied, finally making eye contact with him. His face was hopeless, with his brows furrowed and his glare intense.
“I just want you to get through this. I’ll fall back and give you some space. Whatever it takes.” he agreed, releasing me and kissing my forehead. “You know all you gotta do is call, and I’m there”
As soon as he pulled off, the waterworks began. I was good at holding shit in, but as soon as I let a little out, everything always resurfaced at once. Ollie noticed me crying, and immediately came running and hopped in my lap.
“He really loves his mama” Rayven’s voice startled me from behind. I wiped my face and tried to pull myself together, not wanting her to see me like this. She still didn’t know everything, and I wasn’t interested in catching her up to speed right now.
“Who was that guy?” Rayven asked curiously, taking a seat where Dre was just sitting, as she smacked on a slice of cheese pizza.
“My friend Dre” I replied, leaving it at that.
“Oh. I knew he seemed familiar.” she mumbled between bites.
“Yeah, he used to come to the store a lot. I’m sure that’s where you saw him”. I replied, hoping to help her memory. I thought she remembered for a second, but figured she didn’t when her facial expression lit up for a second, but then dropped.
“Is he the reason you left Chris at the altar?” She asked bluntly.
“No. Of course not!” I replied a little offended. I wasn’t really sure of what she was remembering but now I was curious. “Why would you think that?”
“I really don’t know how you’re going to feel about what I’m about to say, but I want to be honest with you. Seeing his face triggered something, because now I remember Chris paying me to keep an eye on you two”
“What?” I asked completely shocked. I knew Chris was insecure when it came to Dre, but I didn’t think he would take it that far.
“I mean everything is fuzzy, but bits and pieces are coming back. Please don’t hate me for this” she paused and turned away from me. She was looking out at the beach but her focus was clearly on something in her mind. She appeared to be looking for the right words.
“I remember having sex with Chris. You left him in front of everyone y'all knew, that really fucked him up, and I’ve never seen a man so depressed” she admitted quietly. The way she low key put the blame on me hurt my feelings a little. I wanted to plead my case, but at the same time, none of that even mattered anymore.
“Anyway, I convinced myself that you wouldn’t care since you left him, but when he called me Robyn, I knew it was wrong” she turned towards me and I looked away. “He really loved the shit out of you, and I love you Robyn. I’m sorry I betrayed your trust. This whole past couple of months has been a real eye opener for me. No one has been there for me like you have, and I wish I didn’t do what I’ve done. Can you forgive me for every way I’ve hurt you in the past?”
I was holding in so much emotion I couldn’t speak, or it all would’ve come out at once. Besides, I really didn’t know what to say, so all I did was nod. We stayed in silence for awhile, while I paced my breathing to calm myself down.
“I forgive you, but as for being able to trust you again, we just gotta take it one day at a time” I stated, breaking the silence. “This is a lot. Everything that’s happened in the past year is a lot, and I wish I could just snap my fingers and forget, but I can’t. So I’m working on it, one day at a time”
That night, I laid in bed, but couldn’t fall asleep. My mind was racing, not only because of the conversation I had with Rayven, but it was officially the day I lost Christian. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. I hadn’t been to his grave site since we buried him, maybe that’s why I couldn’t find peace. I decided in the morning I would get up and make that trip.
CHRIS
“Everything is perfect mom. Relax” I stated as she paced the living room, waiting for Taylor. She had cooked enough for a party and even baked a triple layer chocolate cake, so that this dinner could be perfect for him.
“I’m just nervous. I can’t sit still” she explained, smoothing out her dress and taking a couple of deep breaths, as the doorbell rang.
“I got it” I quickly jumped up before she could protest. When I opened the door, it was like looking in a mirror and seeing a younger version of myself. “You must be Taylor”
"And you must be Chris, it’s nice to meet you” he replied, shaking my hand.
“You’re here” mama applauded with the biggest grin on her face.
“Hi Ms. Joyce” he smiled, reaching in for a hug.
“Hi angel. I’m so glad you came; I see you met your big brother Chris.” Mama began to get teary eyed, looking at him, then me.
“Yes ma'am, I can’t believe I really have a big brother” Taylor grinned excitedly. “I’ve always wanted a brother”
“Really? Because I’ve always enjoyed being an only child” I replied, not realizing how rude it came out until mama popped me on the back of the head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that”
“Naw, I get it. I was spoiled like crazy growing up, I know what you mean” he laughed.
“Hi. I’m Tae” Lashontae smiled, with a small wave. “I’m Chris’ friend”
“Girlfriend?” Taylor asked, looking from her to me.
“Friend” we both replied in unison.
“Well its nice to meet you too” he nodded in her direction.
We got the pleasantries out of the way and really got to know each other over fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, corn on the cob, and dinner rolls. Even though he was given up right after birth, it seemed he got the lucky draw. He was adopted by a single thirty-year-old woman who couldn’t conceive. She was the CEO of a chain of hotels and too busy for a man anyway. She never hid the adoption from Taylor, but he never had any interest in looking for his biological family until she passed away.
“Mama had everything, but nobody. She was an only child and her parents passed away in a fire when she was twenty-eight, all we had was each other. We were constantly traveling, so nowhere really felt like home until I lived on campus at UCLA. I finished my bachelor’s last year, so I’ve been here five years now” he explained.
“Damn, you already have your bachelor’s? Congratulations, because I was done after high school. That was enough for me. I thank God every day that I found my calling in hair” Tae joked and we all laughed.
“Yeah, I finished early, but I was home schooled, and that one on one really allows you to move at your own speed. I got my high school diploma at fourteen years old, and started my own company at twenty. Mama groomed me to take over what she started, but my passion is for fitness. She stood by my side when I opened my gym, which hasn’t been very successful thus far, but she still left her business to me”
“Well that’s the beauty of it, angel. She wanted to make sure you had something to fall back on” Mama smiled.
“Yeah. She really made me feel special, like I could do anything” he reminisced.
“I have prayed for you every day of my life. I’m so glad God blessed you with a wonderful mother. I just wish I had the chance to thank her for taking care of my baby”
“Knowing I have family is enough. I set out to find you before my twenty-first birthday and I did.”
“Speaking of birthdays, Chris is hosting a charity event on his birthday this weekend. Right?” Mama asked, turning all eyes on me.
“Your birthday is this weekend?!” Tae shrieked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t like to make a big deal about my birthday” I shrugged. “But I did tell you about the charity event, that’s the weekend you couldn’t get off work.” I reminded her.
“That’s right, I’m fully booked this weekend and there’s no way around it” she frowned.
“It’s going to be a lot of fun. We’re playing kickball, having a cook out, and all the proceeds will be going to charity. You’re welcome to come and invite as many people as you like. We want this to be big” I explained as I wolfed down the last of my food.
“Count me in. I’m always down for sports, charity is the bonus” Taylor added.
We hung out for the rest of the evening, filling each other in about our lives. We left mom’s and went to my place, where I introduced him to Anthony and Ryan. We had a blast playing 2K13, while the ladies talked hair and makeup and played with Diamond. We didn’t have much in common, but he was still pretty cool. I was nervous before meeting him, but he fit in so naturally, it didn’t even feel like we just met.
The next morning, I was up at the crack of dawn because Tae had a six o clock flight, which ended up being delayed. She was frustrated because she had to go straight to work after she landed, and now she had to rearrange her entire schedule for the day.
“Well, at least that means I get a little while longer with you” I nudged her hoping for a smile.
“Yeah, but he is not going to understand” she huffed with a frown as she sat down in one of the uncomfortable, hard chairs.
“Who?” I asked confused.
“Oh, um... my first client. Can you do me a favor please? I really need a coffee or tea” she shifted, faking a smile. “I’m going to make a few calls and push these appointments back.”
“Yeah, I got you” I nodded. “I’ll be right back”
After twenty minutes of pushing through the crowd and eventually finding a Starbucks, I was on on my way back to Tae with a caramel macchiato and a sausage, cheddar, and egg biscuit for the both of us.
The airport was packed, but I had a clear vantage point of Tae and she was still on the phone. She was laughing and the way her face lit up made me wonder who she was talking to. She was completely engrossed in her conversation and didn’t notice the guy sitting a couple of seats away, checking her out. That is, until she hung up, and he approached her. I tried to quicken my pace, but ended up bumping into a pregnant lady and dropping one of the drinks I just bought.
“I’m so sorry!” I quickly apologized picking up the cup and tossing it in the closest trash can.
“Thank God it only got the floor” the woman exclaimed without stopping. Thankfully, a janitor saw the incident and immediately jumped into action.
“I got it. Don’t worry about it” he waved me about as he started to put cones around the area.
By the time I made it to Tae, the guy was walking off and she was slipping her phone in her purse.
“Thank you soooo much. I really needed this” she beamed, before taking a sip of the drink.
“I saw that guy staring you down, before he came to talk to you. What did he want?” I asked, handing her a sandwich and taking a bite out of my own.
“My number” she replied nonchalantly.
“Well did he get it?” I asked, hoping her answer would be no. I really liked her and wasn’t entertaining anything with anyone else, so I could only hope we were on the same page.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” she chuckled, leaving me in the dark. I didn’t see anything funny, so I stared at her patiently and waited for her laugh to subside.
“I want you to know I really like you Tae. I’m not talking to any other females, because I want to see where this goes” I admitted and her demeanor changed.
“I like you too Chris, but we aren’t in a relationship. I don’t think it should be a problem if I want to give my number out” she shrugged. “You always make it clear that we’re just friends. So, what’s the big deal?”
“So, what do I have to do then? Do you want to make it official? I’m down, if that’s what it takes. I don’t need anybody getting in the way of what we got going on.” I blurted, before I even knew what I was saying. It’s true we’ve been taking it slow, but I don’t want to move so slow that someone else slides in and I find myself permanently in the friend zone.
“Are you serious? You sure you’re ready for that?” she asked, drawing her brows together as she looked me in the eye.
“If you’re ready, I’m ready. You’re a good woman, I can’t let you slip through my fingers” I admitted, just as her flight announced it was time to board.
“Well it’s official then. You’re mine” she smiled before leaning in for a kiss and pressing her body against mine. We stayed there for what seemed like forever. My hands roamed up and down her backside and our tongues danced until the speaker announced last call for her flight.
I was so engrossed in my thoughts on the way home, that I didn’t realize the route I was taking until I was driving by the cemetery Christian was buried at. I hadn’t been to his grave site since the funeral, so I decided to stop.
Today marked a year since he died, but somehow, I remembered exactly where he was buried. His tombstone wasn’t hard to find. It was shaped like a rocking horse, so it stood out from the rest.
“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever. Christian Mattias Brown” I read the tombstone aloud, feeling an indescribable pain with every word.
“Forever pure“ a familiar voice finished reading the rest. For a moment I thought I was tripping, but when I turned around, I was face to face with Robyn.
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Reprieve (1/3)
To the anon forever ago that requested a story where Mulder finds William, I’m sorry this took so long. I have two other parts for this, but I’ll leave you with part one for now. Under the cut & also at AO3:
Mulder had heard through the proverbial grapevine what had happened. Things back home in D.C. were far worse than he thought, and Scully had been forced to make the ultimate sacrifice. Giving up the son she’d wanted for years was not an easy decision for her, he knew that, and yet a tiny part of him resented her for it.
The night he’d gotten the call--after a few somewhat conspicuous e-mails from Skinner, he’d used a payphone in the back of a bar, where his former boss confirmed his suspicions--Mulder had gone back to the hotel and punched a hole through the wall. He left early the next morning, thankful he paid in cash and stayed under an alias so they couldn’t track him down and make him pay for repairs.
His first instinct had been to hightail it back home. He could only imagine the horrors that awaited him there. Upon second thought however, he knew he couldn’t exactly return to Scully empty handed. What kind of gift to the woman who’d given him everything would that be? The whole reason he’d left in the first place was to guarantee both hers and William’s safety, and he couldn’t even do that.
Sighing, Mulder bit his lip so hard he tasted blood, and he marched up to the counter at the bus station, buying a ticket on the first Greyhound out of town. He wasn’t headed home, not yet.
When he climbed on the bus, he clutched a worn out bag to his chest and stared out the window. The sound of an infant crying brought him back to reality. A woman sitting across the aisle smiled apologetically, all the while rubbing her daughter’s back.
“She should calm down once we get moving. But I suspect she’s not feeling well,” the woman said, by way of explanation.
Mulder nodded in reply. “It’s okay,” he said, reaching into his bag for a worn out paperback, not intending to be rude but hoping the woman would take it as a sign that he wasn’t looking for a conversation. Tucked between the pages of the books was a picture of William and Scully, one he’d taken the day before he left. He knew it was in the book, knew it because every night before he fell asleep, he’d hold the picture and stare at their faces, and he’d hope he’d see them soon. The picture had been a source of comfort before, a talisman that kept him grounded and reminded him why he had to keep fighting, but seeing it again filled him with something kin to sadness mixed with anger. He closed the book as the bus took off, and he stared out the window, trying to convince himself the anger wasn’t at Scully, but rather at the impossible situation they’d been faced with.
It wasn’t right, he thought, after everything they’d gone through, that this is how they’d end up. That William had been carted off to who knew where while he was on a bus headed west, and Scully was back in D.C. doing “not well” as Skinner had put it. He knew he should head back, should at least try to fix whatever was left of their lives, but he was reluctant to do so, both out of self preservation and an unwillingness to accept their newfound reality.
Before too long, Mulder was lulled to sleep. When he woke up, they were pulling into another station. The bus driver stated he needed to refuel, and lucky for them he’d said there was a nice diner inside the station as well as several shops they could peruse while they waited. Mulder bought a sausage biscuit and a coffee that was on the wrong side of burnt and walked over to a bank of payphones. It occurred to him that in a few years such things would fade out of existence, what with the invention of cellular phones. He’d had one back home, but it had been ditched. He couldn’t run the risk of being tracked.
“Who is this?” Skinner asked, upon finally answering on the other end.
“Sir, it’s me, and--”
“I thought we agreed it was best to sever contact for the time being. And aside from that, am I really the person you should be reaching out to right now?”
Mulder closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to the cold metal of the phone booth. “I know, sir, but I can’t reach out to her about this. Not yet.”
“What are you talking about?” Skinner asked.
“I need you to tell me where he is,” Mulder replied, keeping his voice low. He hadn’t even known exactly what he planned until the words left his mouth, but now he’d never felt more convinced. “I need to find him, and I need to bring him--”
“Do you really think that’s a good idea? You’re not exactly in a position at the moment to be keeping anyone, let alone him, safe. You don’t know what it’s been--”
“Then what was the point of you tracking me down and telling me? To add to the difficulty I’m already facing?” Mulder cried, clutching the receiver so tightly he feared it might break.
“I just meant…” Skinner trailed off. Across the miles, Mulder could practically picture the older man taking his glasses off and rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “Circumstances here aren’t entirely ideal for the two of you to be taking care of him. This line is secure, Mulder, but that’s about all I’m able to say at the moment.”
“Then I’ll come back for Scully, and we’ll go someplace else. We’ll get out of what’s left of your hair, Walter, and you’ll never have to see us again,” Mulder said, realizing full well he was pleading with him, despite having no real bargaining chips in his pocket. “I just--” he started, but he paused, feeling a lump grow in his throat. “I need to see my son. I know you were part of the process, okay? So all I need is something to go on. A dot on a map, someplace to start. You and I both know this isn’t what she wanted, and this isn’t what’s best for either of them,” he continued, growing increasingly convinced that what he was saying was true. He could only hazard a guess at circumstances back home, but for Scully to give up the miracle child they’d created together, he knew they weren’t good.
The line grew quiet, so much so that Mulder feared Skinner had disconnected the call. Eventually, Skinner cleared his throat and sighed. “What’s your schedule number?”
“My what?” Mulder asked.
“I need to know what bus you’re on, so I know the route, so once you reach your destination, I can have the information you need waiting there for you,” Skinner replied.
Mulder pulled the ticket from his jacket and rattled the number off to him. He tamped down the hope that began to flicker, because he knew it was far from over.
“Be careful, Mulder. Don’t do anything that would put him at even greater risk. I think we both know how she’d feel about that,” Skinner said, by way of warning.
A tinny voice warned Mulder that if he wanted to continue the call, he’d have to insert more money. He thanked Skinner again and disconnected instead. He finished the last of his breakfast sandwich, wiping the crumbs from his face as he tossed the wrapper in the trash. He boarded the bus feeling more determined than ever to set things right.
It wasn’t until Mulder reached the last stop that he even realized the enormity of what he planned to do. Someone from the depot approached him, confirmed his identity, and handed him a thick envelope she was instructed to provide him. When she walked away, he held the envelope in his hands, afraid to open it for fear of being burned. Inside would be the location of his son. He glanced about, tears burning his eyes, and for a split second he considered tossing the envelope in the trash. Sure, he’d asked Skinner for help, but he wondered if William would be better off staying where he was.
He approached a bench in the corner, telling himself he’d just take a look, and decide then what he’d do next. Inside the envelope was a handful of cash--enough, he assumed, to reach where he’d need to go--and an address scratched out on an index card. His jaunt across the country had taken him to Oregon, because of course it did, but to get to William, he’d need to go to Wyoming. How his son had ended up across the country, he could only guess, but Mulder stood up with a sudden resolve. He approached the desk and purchased a ticket before winding his way back to the bench to wait. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out the photograph of William, curling his hands around it like a secret. His eyes ran over the boy’s face and his impossibly tiny hands and feet, and he wondered how much he’d grown. Before long, the intercom announced his bus was leaving, and he again stood, ready to get things over with.
Once in Wyoming, he rented a car, knowing he couldn’t very well show up on foot. Then again, he thought, no matter the vehicle, there was no easy way to walk into someone’s house and demand them to give you your child. As he maneuvered his way, Mulder realized he had no clue what to say. These people, whoever they were, had agreed to raise William as their own. They’d only had him for a matter of a few weeks, but surely they’d grown attached. They’d changed him, bathed him, sang to him, and held him. The last one made his arms ache for the weight he’d felt for so brief a time.
When he pulled up across the street from the address written on the index card, he realized something was wrong almost immediately. There were a few cars out front, nondescript enough, but something about the scene made him feel uneasy. Against the curb, a man sat in a van, trying his best to look inconspicuous. If not for his training as an agent, Mulder may not have suspected anything more than someone waiting for a friend, but as he headed up the drive he heard the van door open and the sound of the man approaching him.
“Can I help you, sir?” the man asked.
Mulder turned, sheepishly rubbing at his neck. For a minute, he wondered if maybe he’d guessed wrong and this was a relative of the couple inside, or maybe the husband himself. But the way he stood, pushing his jacket back just enough for Mulder to catch a glimpse of his gun, made him realize it wasn’t true. “I’m just here to visit my cousin. They’ve got a new kid, you know, and I just wanted to see him.”
The man eyed him suspiciously. “You come visit a new baby and don’t bring any gifts? Some cousin you are, huh? Listen, you’d better get going. They’re actually sleeping, and--”
Before he could say anything else, Mulder decked him, hoping it was enough. Whatever was going on here, something was very wrong. He held the man’s neck in a lock, pulling him close while still pinning him in place. “Who sent you here? Are you here for the baby? Is he here?”
“I--” the man choked, gasping for air until Mulder let up pressure enough to let him speak. “They’re inside, finishing the job, I--”
Mulder’s heart stopped. He’d heard from Scully before he left the dangers she’d faced while pregnant, and having witnessed the chaos surrounding William’s birth, he knew first hand the lengths people would go when it came to his son. To have come all this way, only to learn he’d come too late, made him grow cold. “Why does he have to die? Can you at least tell me that much?”
The man hesitated so long that Mulder tightened his grip on his neck in hopes of forcing him to respond, causing stars to pepper his vision. “He doesn’t,” he gasped. “He wants the boy to live. He said...he said it’s important that we bring him back alive.”
It was all the motivation Mulder needed. Once the man started fighting back, he twisted his neck, pulling back on his windpipe for good measure. Leaving him on the lawn for passersby to see seemed like a bad idea, but he headed for the door, knowing he didn’t have much time. In the living room, a man lay in a pool of blood. As he headed upstairs, quickly drawing his gun, he spotted pictures on the wall that confirmed it was the man who lived there.
“Please, don’t--” a woman’s voice cried before the sound of gunfire exploded down the hall.
Mulder ran the rest of the way, rounding into a room he quickly realized was a nursery. A woman he could only assume was William’s adopted mother--he cringed at the word, however accurate it might have been--lay on the floor between two men staring at a crib in the corner. He couldn’t see William, but the mobile above him was spinning like crazy as he let out a piercing cry.
“What the hell is he doing? We need to get him out of here,” one of the men said, frowning in confusion when the other, several inches shorter, pressed a hand against his arm to stop him. “We were given a job, and we need to complete it.”
“Yes,” his partner replied, pointing to the mobile. “But look what he’s doing. We were told he was special, but who knows what else he can do? We need to be careful, or--” he turned, eyes widening, at Mulder emerging from the shadowed doorway.
“You aren’t going anywhere with him,” Mulder said, raising his gun, but praying they’d move away from the crib. There was no way he’d ever dream of putting his son in danger.
“And who are you to stop us?” the taller man spoke, regarding Mulder with an air of suspicion. “He warned us we might have trouble collecting the boy, but I never imagined we’d have this much resistance.”
“Who sent you?” Mulder bellowed, stepping further into the room. He carefully skirted around the woman’s body, inching closer to the crib as the men circled away, still close enough to reach him but further away from Mulder’s gun. The sight of William’s face, despite it being contorted in confusion and sadness, caused Mulder’s heart to swell. “Who sent you? What does anyone want with him, enough to kill the people tasked with raising him?”
The shorter man cleared his throat, gesturing wildly toward the crib where the mobile appeared to be picking up speed. One of the felt animals, dangling from a thread, seemed dangerously close to flying off. “You see what he’s doing, don’t you? We can take him somewhere his abilities will be cared for, somewhere he’ll be appreciated.”
Mulder shook his head before charging forward, pressing him to the wall. He watched as the man’s lips turned turned purple and his eyes bulged out. “See, that’s where you’re wrong,” he said, pulling him away from the wall and all but dragging him out into the hall, painfully aware of the gun the man’s partner had aimed at his own head. “You’re not taking my son anywhere,” he said. He pressed the gun against the man’s chest and pulled the trigger.
“Look, dude, I don’t know who you are,” the taller man said, holding his hands up. He paused, pressing a hand against his graying hairline that was lined with sweat, despite the chill that permeated the house. “That boy is dangerous. He was left in the hands of people who can’t protect him. He’s a special boy, and I have to--”
Mulder’s eyes pressed on the man, and he watched as finally, he crossed the threshold into the hall. This man, much like the others he’d come across, weren’t the brains behind the operation, and he had a very strong suspicion of who was pulling the strings. Still, he couldn’t risk him getting away, whether he had William or not. “That boy is my son, and you’re not taking him anywhere,” Mulder said, gripping his shirt and urging him backwards towards the stairs. The man raised his gun, intending to shoot, but not before Mulder shot him first, pushing him down the stairs for good measure.
All at once, the house seemed eerily silent, the cacophony of noise settling down into a quiet hush. Mulder drew a deep breath, keenly aware he needed to hurry. He was fairly certain Spender was behind all of this, and it was only a matter of time before he sent someone else. Even if he didn’t, the neighbors were sure to have heard something, and had likely already phoned police.
Mulder made his way back into the nursery, grabbing a bag and stuffing it without giving things too much thought. He could stop somewhere along the way for baby food and whatever else he might need, but he wasn’t about to leave his son without clothes and diapers. His son, he thought, stepping towards the crib. Above William, the mobile had ceased moving, save for the slight rocking of the animals dangling from it.
“Hi,” Mulder said, surprising himself at how shaky his voice was. He reached for William, keeping his movements slow despite the necessity to leave quickly, for fear of scaring him. When his eyes locked with William’s blue ones however, it was like he seemed to understand that this was important. Holding his son for the first time in months should’ve been a much more joyous occasion, but Mulder pressed a kiss to the boy’s head and hoped they’d have time later for that. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his lips ghosting against the boy’s hair. It was a reddish brown, somewhere between his and Scully’s, and it was the softest thing Mulder had ever felt. “William, I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea.”
In his arms, William let out a little cry, his bottom lip jutting out as his eyes watered in confusion. Still, he reached out a pudgy hand and pressed it against Mulder’s cheek, as if offering encouragement despite the fact he was still too young to speak.
“I’m your dad, buddy. And I’m here to protect you, okay? I know these are your things,” Mulder said, trying his best to speak calmly. He reached into the crib and pulled out a stuffed whale. William’s hand left his cheek, and Mulder had to laugh at the impatient way the boy’s fingers curled as he reached for the toy. “Okay, you can keep this one. But we have to leave the rest. I can get you some more once it’s safe, okay?”
As he cradled William against one hip and a bag of his belongings on the other, Mulder carefully maneuvered his way back outside, hurriedly crossing the street to the car. He’d had the foresight to purchase a car seat along the way, and carefully buckled William inside. As he secured his son, the boy’s eyes never left him. Mulder thought of what he saw, of what William did to the mobile above his crib. He couldn’t help wondering what else he could do, but even as he thought that, he knew it didn’t matter. William was safe, at least for now. He planted a kiss against the boy’s face before handing him the stuffed whale, and then he jumped into the driver’s seat, eager to get away, already thinking it was a miracle no nosy neighbors had come out and caught a glimpse of the action.
“Do you like music, Will?” Mulder asked, only second guessing the nickname after it left his mouth. He wondered what the couple who’d been keeping him had called his son, let alone what nicknames Scully might have been partial to. Scully, he thought, freeing one hand from the wheel to turn the stereo on. He’d have to reach out to her eventually, have to find somewhere safe for the three of them to reunite. He found a station playing classic rock as he followed signs to the highway. “We’ll stop when it’s safe, okay?” Mulder said, even as he realized he didn’t know how soon that would be.
Mulder lost track of what state they were in, but he kept driving until his eyes blurred together. William had, for the most part, settled down, although Mulder suspected that was perhaps due to the rhythm of the road. He spotted a sign for a rest stop and, needing to stretch his legs while also figuring William needed his diaper changed, pulled into the lot.
“Alright, buddy,” he said, upon reaching in to unbuckle William from his car seat. It struck him in the fluorescent light of the streetlamp that his son's eyes looked so much like Scully’s. “Like your mom,” he muttered, not realizing until afterward that he'd spoken aloud. “Ready for a break? Ooh yeah,” he continued, scrunching his nose. “You do need changed. Come on, let’s go.”
As Mulder walked into the rest stop, he couldn't help thinking how light his son was in his arms. He wanted so badly to get used to the feeling of tiny hands clutching at his shirt and the way the boy nestled his head into his chest. He'd have thought William might not have reacted so well to someone who was technically a stranger to him, but he was grateful all the same.
After grabbing a few basic supplies, Mulder dashed into the bathroom for himself but, casting a glance around, he realized there was nowhere he felt it was clean enough to lay William down to change him. “Backseat of the car it is,” he muttered, only to be met with mild babbling from William.
He headed out to the car and got out the necessary supplies before pausing, his hands hovering over William, who’d suddenly decided he wanted to wiggle around. It struck him as he pulled back the tiny tabs and went about changing his son that Scully had done this many times before him. Scully, he thought, his breath hitching in his throat, who was halfway across the country, oblivious to their kid’s whereabouts. Scully, who’d changed their son one day not too long ago, thinking it would be the last time. The choice to give William up had been hers, but he hadn’t been there to help her, let alone stop her from making a decision he knew she regretted. He’d made a choice in deciding to get their son back, although he hadn’t exactly counted on bullets being involved, but he was just thankful he and William had both survived unscathed. He stepped back from the car, tilting his head to the side and surveying his work. The tabs keeping the new diaper closed weren’t exactly straight, but as long as they did what they were supposed to, he considered it a job well done. “Not bad for a first time, huh?” he asked, working to fasten William back in his car seat.
As Mulder went to get in the car himself, his eyes caught sight of a payphone outside the rest stop. His fingers flexed against the steering wheel, and he knew he should call Scully. He should pick up the phone, drop in a few quarters, and tell her everything that had happened since he left, especially the last few hours. He wanted to, but he also knew the longer they stayed in one place, the greater chance remained of them being found. There was also a part of him, a small part that still existed all the same, that whispered at him to wait for other reasons. He didn’t resent her decision, not really, but he still felt protective of the small moments he had with William.
He merged onto one highway for a bit before switching to another, and then he switched back, deciding that he’d head east. Going back home wasn’t an option, not yet, but he could head in the general direction, and get a hotel room. He’d driven for far longer than he’d been used to, and William had given up his peaceful baby act in favor of crying. He pulled up to a drive thru to get food for himself and then checked them into a cheap motel that looked a bit nicer than some he’d stayed in by himself in days gone by. Once safely inside, he started unpacking their meager belongings.
“You cool with bananas and cereal, Will?” Mulder asked, noting how the boy had perked up at noticing the food. A pang of guilt coursed through him at that, realizing how hungry the boy had to be. “I’m sorry we didn’t stop sooner. I had to make sure we’d be okay,” he said, preparing the food. It wasn’t perfect, positioning William on one leg to eat his banana and cheerios while eating his own cheeseburger and fries with the other, but Mulder made do as best he could.
William was, for the most part, content to shove pieces of banana into his mouth while picking up pieces of cereal along the way. It wasn’t until he saw Mulder shoving a fry into his mouth that he reached out his hand, flexing his fingers at the fry, clearly signaling that he wanted one.
“Oh, I don’t think your mom would--” Mulder began, cutting himself off before realizing that for one thing, Scully wasn’t there, and that also, there was no reasoning with a child William’s age. His lip quivered, his eyes brimming with tears, and it was all Mulder could do to give him just one fry to nibble on to keep him from crying.
After dinner, Mulder cleaned him up and changed him into a set of pajamas he’d nabbed before they’d run from the house. He settled them both on the bed and fumbled through the channels, desperately needing sleep but also wanting to see if what had happened had ended up on the news. If it had, it hadn’t made the national level yet, which he supposed wasn’t much of a surprise. A group of people intending to kidnap a baby who they believed had special abilities knew how to cover their tracks.
The thought occurred to Mulder that he’d seen the proof of William’s abilities himself. He’d seen the way the mobile over his crib moved, but he hadn’t seen any evidence of anything he could do aside from that. What caused his abilities he didn’t know, but as the boy nestled into his side, Mulder knew it didn’t matter. William was his son, and that was what remained important.
Bedtime proved to be more difficult. He wasn’t about to pull out a dresser drawer and make his son sleep in that, and dragging the carseat in wasn’t an option either. He decided on arranging the pillows in a way that would make William safe, and then settled in himself. He remembered the night before he’d left, staring down at William, laying peacefully between he and Scully. Scully had been hesitant about it at first, spouting off about documented cases where infants sleeping in the bed weren’t safe, but knowing it would be their last night together, she’d eventually caved in. He glanced over at the phone, and again thought of calling her. He didn’t quite know how she’d take it, but it was still something she deserved to know.
As if William could read his thoughts, William raised his tiny fists and began to cry. No amount of rubbing on his tummy or whispering soothing words would do. Mulder wondered what, if anything, William had retained from his time with Scully. Brains were more her territory, but Mulder figured surely babies knew who their parents were.
Eventually, but especially after Mulder got up and paced about, rubbing on William’s back while singing an old Elvis song terribly off key, William settled down. Mulder waited until he was sure his son was asleep before he decided it was safe enough to wind down himself. He kept a hand securely on William’s body, as if doing so could ward off any harm.
Before sleep claimed him, he decided he’d call Skinner in the morning. Using his former boss as a middle man was a safer option, he decided. “Things will be better soon,” Mulder whispered, watching the steady rise and fall of William’s chest. Satisfied that they were safe, Mulder let himself fall asleep.
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ooc; You know, I never thought anyone would like Thoth other than my group of friends who gave him a chance. I was so nervous with him, that I tried to make him a weaker character and I just couldn’t do that haha. I’m still nervous about him, but I want you all to know...
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I really am thankful. From the fan art, to the threads, to meeting so many wonderful people, I think it’s time to shine a light on those who I’ve chatted with, and gotten to know as well! Even if it’s just a simple hello, it makes my day. You guys are all wonderful, and I’m beyond happy over this. I was going to make a 100 follower and then the followers skyrocketed before I could haaa... ^^;;;
Anyway, these people below the cut? They really are cool.
But so are all my followers, even if we don’t talk!
@avoiided,
Preshie mun! You’re Gaster terrifies me, not like bad dreams terrifying but he is a really well developed villain! He just is so wonderful to interact with, and I love our threads, no matter the blog! Let’s not forget how you’re a sweetheart either! I feel like I spam ya too much haha, anxiety man- BUT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL! Keep being you :D <3
(I still can’t believe Thoth had a mini crush on Gaster and they could have been nerdy friends if the judgement ever happened aaaaaaa)
@curioosity, @snackiies
Azura mun! I am still vastly scared to chat with you, but I want you to know, I do mean the words I say ^^ You may be feeling down right now, but... I think you’re a great person. I really mean that, you’re oc is very well fleshed out and very engaging! I adore seeing you on the dash, and your art- and your posts! I hope things brighten up for you! You need a good day, and I hope you get it!
@sixfingersixtails,
I really adore your concept and I’m glad you’re one of my friends! Sixer is adorable, and Thoth absolutely wants to spoil him! And pet him, seriously how many times have they ended up curled up together haaa. But the depth of your stories and fanfic are amazing and I love reading every chapter! Keep up the amazing work! <3
@softashfuck, @goodster,
I hope you had a good birthday kiddo! I love ya, you’re the son I wish that was here for I could spoil you some more. Seriously, anyway, I love your character and your interpretations and the fact you spam me with such lovely art ;w; so nice. I swear I’m going to keep spamming you right on back! <3
Okay but I mean it, I do care a lot about you and I do see you as my kid. Seriously, if I could scoop you up I would. <3
@all-seeing-all-knowing-eye, @br00kie-draws
BROOOOOKIE! Okay, first off. When I first met you, I was highly nervous and scared, I met you through an ex-friend that showed me your art and since then I am so glad I met you. Our ships are adorable, they have bumpy roads and that’s what makes them enjoyable, they arent perfect, and that’s just how a good ship should be. Not to mention your art?! Like DAYUM GIRL. Such a good, best friend too, always listening to me ramble! Love ya! <3
OUR SHIPS ARE ALSO A BLESSING thoug so yea!
OH AND ALSO HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME ICONS ON RANDOM LIKE THE SANS ONES, ;w; I cry, I cry with joy
@s-k-e-t-c-h-y-m-e-s-s,
I know we don’t talk as much these days, I know you’re busy but I still check up on your art! (I really should finish that gif I made omgosh) But you are also a very nice person, and a wonderful artist!
@splinter-sister,
Rach.... I gotta be honest. I love you, and I think without you these last years or so, I don’t think I’d be around. I was in a really bad patch, and thinking things I shouldn’t. I let my thoughts almost win but you pulled me out of there. You helped me in so many ways, you even sent money through the mail cuz of my situation. I feel like I can never thank you enough because you really are my best friend and I honestly don’t know what I’d do if you suddenly disappeared one day. I know work is hard on you, but you’re such a great person and you know what, I’m proud of you. <3
AND THEN THERE’S THE SHIPS OKAY
Thoth and Rachael, Rachael and Rich/Neal, Rachael and--- Wait no that’s it. I think, maybe. We ship a lot, I blame our shipness. lmao Love it all!
@buy-gold-bye,
Lye! I’m still vastly nervous to chat you up and that’s why I go silent cuz my nerves kick my ass but you are such a cool person! And your art? A++++
@derse-agent, @wd-blaster,
Heya! I like your stuff! It’s really cool, and I know I owe you some things, don’t worry I didn’t forget! I just want you to know, you’re a really cool blog and thank you for joining the streams at times! LAOS YOUR GASTER IS ADORABLE OKAY
@scientistofthevoid,
AAAAAAH?! For one I totally ship Tenny and Lotus now, I love how Tenny turns to mush at the very sight of my pretty boi. Not to mention t’s us so sugar sweet~! With some deviousness in there. Okay but on top of that, I love your characters, and the art, the fact you have put a lot of effort in your things and you’re a great friend! <3
@xenoasks,
Okay so, I love your art and the fact your Gaster is different fom others and you put time and effort into your creations and just YESSSSS. It’s amazing, and I love it and you’re really cool!
@stealthnerd
your art is realy cool and you are officially a senpai. I love the way you draw man, and I enjoy seeing you on the dash!
@of2814,
Apaaaattthhhyyyyyy, I miss ya, and I should deff mesage you more! Omgosh,and always drag you to more streams for you can succumb to the siliiness again! I love your Parallax! Hal and nomal Hal and the one time we rp’d where Venom was also Hal sdsfgb All the good stuff and I STILL REMEBER OUR SHIP OF SIOBHAN AND HAL <3
@theirmercy,
Okay so we’re still getting to know each other but you are an absolute delight!? AND YOU HAVE AN AMAZING SANS AND I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE AND I’M GOING TO KEEP RAMBLING IN CAPS FOR YOU UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE AN IDOL HUN. <3
@ask-mystery-shack-cipher,
FOXIE AND HEALER!!! Healer, I love the way you write and Foxie? Hun, I wish I could draw like you. You two are really good friends and I’m sorry I haven’t een overly chatty? But I watch your content all the time! <3 You guys also helped me get rid of a toxic ex-friend and I’m grateful for that, you have no idea! Thank you for giving me strength!
@lastinggaster,
YOU ARE SUCH A SWEET PERSON!? You drew my boi, you chat with me, we rp- You are a delight! I want to invite you to all the streams and groups and let everyone marvel at your amazingness!
@lackadaisicaldenial,
Okay we don’t chat as I do with others but I’d love to? I’d love to also thread with you and I’m sorry if I didn’t answer that meme! It’s there staring at me like a deer in the middle of the road omg! But we should plot, on any of my blogs!
@evilgsanchez,
Okay so I loved our interactions with your Evil Rick and my Rick, I’m sorry that hes inactive right now, I’m trying to rile him back up but it’s just hard for me idk why- (been on an undertale kick tbh, aaaaa) BUT YOU WRITE AMAZINGLY AND BLOW MY FUCKING MIND LIKE OMG, HELLO SENPAI
@elooplvfklhiflskhu,
We just recently started talking but hey! I love your art from what I’ve seen keep up the amazing work okay? And don’t worry about messaging me, It’s all okay fi you want to :D I dont bite
@rubentheruler,
**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, screeching**
Your art is still amazing and I am highly nervous to talk with you but you are a sweety and I aspire to be like you!
@unspeakablyevil,
I would really like to chat with ya! And plot, and write! You seem to have an amazing Aku and it’s wonderful to see you on my dash!
@void-dad,
I love Trashy and I would really like to thread with ya. Your character is cute and well rounded, and I enjoy his story. Plus you’re a good person :D
@purplepimpryda,
BROTHER OF MINE I LOVE YA. I enjoy how hard you work on everything, even back when you wrote Joker. How we shipped, I still remember every moment despite my shit for brains memory hahaha. It’s wonderful and so are you and I’m glad you got out of your bad situation and are doing better and got things going for ya now! I love you, and I am very proud.
@pinkheartmelodi,
I LOVE YOUR BLOG OKAY? I read everything ^^;;; Haaa, I do, and it’s great. I’m kind of a side liner and I need to change that becuause Melodi is a cutie and I should totally spam you with more asks!
@paitakoyaki,
PAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII *SCREECHING INT THE SUNSET*
I miss our clown days, but I love how you draw still and I should message you more often, I miss ya buddy. You were and still are an amazing fiend and I aspire to draw how soft you do, those lines man mmmf, good stuff right there. Also Penance and Sorrow should hang out again.
@blackhxt,
SILVER HOW DARE YOU SINK ME THIS DEEP INTO VILLAINOUS
YOU MADE ME LOVE SO MANY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE SHIPS, THE LORE, AND I’M SCREECHING AT YOU NOW. Oka but White Hat and Slug yessss, Flug and Black Hat, yesss, but my favorite...
Is the one I never expected. My fanfic’s Bill Cipher, dubbed ‘Glitch’ and Black Hat. I can’t believe they have two kids now and they recently hatched and are going to destroy the world. Cute little guys.
But you’re also a great friend! Seriously, amazing! <3
@cubicscubedemon,
Okay so I didn’t know anything of your muses but I saw you on the dash and I followed and I DO NOT REGRET THAT BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY YOU TAKE YOUR CHARACTERS AND HOW MUCH STORY YOU PUT INTO THEM AND HOW MUCH WORK AND XKSHJBDCSFVGFMBH YOU ARE AMAZING <3
@storyteller-arc/ @smol-goop,
*inhale* B O I. Okay but on a serious note I love your Gaster, I love your oc. Storyteller, Gaster Grim likes them but not only that they managed to get Thoth to like them, he also likes smol as well. You have a really good character set it just attracts my characters like a magnet hahaha
Not to mention you are a adelight! Absolute delight!
@hannah-the-small,
*takes a deep breath* HOW CAN I EVEN BEGIN TO WRITE ON YOU!?
You are an idol to me. You are someone who has developed their entire set of ocs so much that I wish I could put that much effort without feeling nervous like hot dayum. You have suhc a good thing going, and I ust wanna punch Dick, hug him as well, punch him again- and also adopt ames and Hannah, and Eight- and the heroes, and Black Hat, and Dave, and all of them and HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME LOVE ALL THESE BBIES
@glitchster404,
GLITCHSTER IS ADORABLE!
I really do love how sweet they are and also the thread on Sans how he was commanded and i ended up being really cute and I just lve it all. You also have wonderful art and you are really dang sweet, <3 <3
@billrick,
okay....okay... I love your entire thing going on with ER, and I would love to write with you. I don’t even care what blog omgosh because you are an absoute steklar star on here, and Imma call you senpai til you perish cuz DAMN. Look at those headcanons, DAYUM look at those posts and stories and AUs and the past and 70 years worht of stuff and AAAAAAAA
A M A Z I N G
@a-vf-vi-tf-ti, @deep-black-dreaming
AAAAAA? I love your ocs, I love our rps and ideas on discord but we should deff rp here on tumblr again! Lemme drag you down with me on here muhahahahah, ALSO YOU’RE ANOTHER CULPRIT FOR GETTING ME DEEP INTO VILLAINIOUS AND I LOVE IT
@omnituent,
*stares at you deeply, squints*
Imma kick your Black Hats ass again just you watch. BUT ON A SIDE NOTE! OMG CAN WE THREAD ON HERE TOO? Discord is wonderful man man, I’d love to take it to tumblr, if you’re okay with that! I’ll even dust off my WH just for that reason :D
@igxitixn
You’re character seems swet and we should send some asks to each other ore often! I hope you’re having a wonderful day and I would love to get to know you more!
@dalearmitage
I know you thanks to Brookie and your character is amazing but I’m highly nervous to bug you nad for that I am very sory and I hope that we can chat more!
@an-ordinary-roach,
You have such a cute oc and I want to know all about them! We thread here on Tthoth and Grim but man I’d spam you with even Eddie Gluskin if you’d want :D Or Jack, but Jack scares everyone and so I keep him in th corner hahaha. But the point is, I love your concept and I wanna pet th roachie
@gothamsbruja
I remember when you were still developing your oc and it was on skype, and she had blue skin but now she covers up the blue skin and she is really great. I think you did amazing with her!
@hsheaddogs
Hey I just met you and aI think you guys are great. Sans and you, really cool! Thanks for joining the stream the other day and I hope to thread with you more! I mean it, and I should say hi to you more often on discord ^^ You seem great!
@gummypeculiar
YOUR CHARACTER IS SUPER CUTE AND I LOVE THEM AND I WOULD LOVE TO WRITE WITH YOU SO MUCH MORE EVEN THOUGH WE ALREADY WRITE ON sANS AND I JUST LOVE THEM AND WANNA KNOW ALL I CAN!
#I feel like I missed a few people but if I did#let me know#I hink you all are great#this took days for me#and thats another reason ive been so slow but im glad I did this#I appreciate all of you#I would have given up on all my characters if it weren't for al of you!
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What if... [TRR X PM Cross over] (Riley x Drake) (Kai x Hana) [PART 8/?]
Hi guys!! This is part of a nameless Riley x Drake series. You can read the previous parts HERE.
Tags: @lazychic28 @boneandfur @drakelover78 @captainkingliam
@andy-loves-corgis @client327 @walkerismychoice @chantelle-x0x
Summary: What if things were different? (Part 8)
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Tame Impala - The less I know the better
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Kai woke up with a terrible headache, as she did the previous day before, and the previous one, and the previous one and basically the whole week.
Riley had been nagging her about her barely attending to class so she decided it was time to move on from Hana being with someone else.
The last few days had been particularly difficult having to face Hana and her confessing everything to Kai. Maybe even more than she would have wanted to know.
It turned out that blondie was Hana’s ex, a freaking Diana Argon looking woman that had broken her heart some time ago when she decided to marry a well connected man.
Hana had told Kai she’d struggled getting over her, especially since M, as Hana called her, had never stopped texting her. When Kai and Hana got together, Hana stopped answering, and that was when M dropped by.
Hana appologized several times, asking Kai to help her getting over M, Kai was too hurt to even listen to Hana’s excuses.
So even though she had confronted Hana unsuccessfully seeking for relief, she did found some at the bottom of a bottle some days and crying herself to sleep some others.
The sunlight was making her headache even worse walking her way through campus. Class today had been a nightmare, she was ready to head home alright. Kai closed her eyes for a second and felt her body bump someone else’s.
She opened her eyes, ready to blurt out some remark when she saw the last person she thought she’d see.
-Hey Kai!
-Oh hi!
-How have you been feeling?
- jdkfjbnvf-she shrugged
-Heh, I feel ya!
Kai nodded starting to walk away when a light bulb stroke her brain.
-Wait - she turned
-Huh?
-Would you like to come home tonight?
-You sure?
-Yes! It’ll be fun! We can have some snacks and something to drink. We can even karaoke!
-I don’t karaoke
-Please? I need it! I’ll invite more people so it’s not akward!
-What time?
-Right now! Come with me!
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Daft Punk - Around The World
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Riley was feeling a bit down lately. Drake had texted her sometimes, but they hadn’t seen eachother since the Kai debacle. So she did what she used to do when she was feeling blue: she tied her hair into two buns, she put on her old ragged Star Wars tee, her ironman undies and her headphones. She turned up the volume and danced it out.
It was so therapeutical to dance to the upbeatmusic that she usually forgot not only about her problems but about the whole world as well.
So concentrated was she on the music and her butt shaking, that she didn’t listen to the door being open and the two people entering the apartment.
At one point, when she was doing some questionable dancing moves she thought were extremely hot, she turned around opening her eyes.
In fron of her were now a bended over in laughter Kai and, to her horror, a very amused Drake.
Terrified, she looked at them and then at her very naked legs. Running towards the couch, she grabbed a blancket and covered herself ET style, landing on the floor; on her ass.
She took off the headphones expectantly looking for an answer, but too ashamed to say anything.
- So, Leia... - Drake smirked making her blush violently.
Why was Kai so determined to embarrass her in front of Drake?
-I invited Drake for some karaoke night!
-You what? - Riley managed to splutter
-If you don’t want me here Mr Stark, I can leave... - Drake stated overdramatically, making Kai laugh again.
-C’mon! It’ll be fun! - Kai begged making puppy eyes - Please?
Riley fumed towards her room without saying anything.
She was rambling through her wardrobe trying to find anything to wear when she heard a knock on her door.
-Who is it?
-It’s Drake
Riley put on the very first thing she found and opened the door.
-So... I was kind of serious about leaving if you want me to - Drake rambled looking at her feet
-No, I mean, it’s nice to have you here. I... I would have liked a heads up but...
Drake flashed a smile, a genuine smile. And the most beautiful smile Riley had seen in a long time.
-By the way - he looked up - I like those jeans, they realy make you justice.
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Some time after the living room was full of people. Penelope, Sloane and some of Kai’s college class mates were mingling, sipping wine and beer and listening to music.
Riley didn’t know much of those people, and as Drake was talking to one of their mutual classmates, a guy named Neville, and Kai was a bit busy with a boy Riley didn’t know, she decided to go and talk to Penelope who was standing by herself in a corner.
That’s how she learnt she was from Cordonia too, from Portravira, a small coastal city. She also had two pooddles whom she missed terribly and a boyfriend back home named Zeke.
-He and his family are so nice! His sister Kiara and I are very fond of eachother.
-Kiara? Drake’s sister’s friend Kiara?
-Oh yes! Do you happen to know her?
-Well, I kind of saw her once...
-Oh! She’s so nice! She likes Drake, you know? But poor thing, he doesn’t feel quite the same for her - she shook her head sadly - They’d make a lovely couple. Don’t you think?
But Riley wasn’t exactly thinking about Drake and Kiara being together as she oagled at him from the distance.
He looked so handsome with that white polo shirt and those dark blue skinny jeans that make his butt pop.
-Well, anyway - Penelope continued - design was the only thing I needed to learn, and as Cordonia University doesn’t teach it, I had to come here!
Riley was well aware that she had lost a good portion of the conversation, but luckily for her, Sloane joined them at the same time that a tipsy Kai announced that the karaoke was about to begin.
Kai opened the night by singing a dubious version of ‘Let’s get loud’
As many of the attendees were reluctant to participate, Kai came up with a system in which all the names were written down and put in a paper bag, so they could pick a name and the lucky winner would have to sing along the karaoke track.
After a various repertoir, incluiding a hillarious version of ‘I want it that way’ and a very off key ‘I will always love you’, most of the guests were drunk enough to call it a night.
At one point, when the songs had became more and more babbled, Kai dragged Riley’s name out. Luckily she was drunk enough to accept singing, so she stood up and staggered her way to the screen and mic.
She typed the song’s name and waited for the music to start. Although she was feeling a bit selfaware, she started singing.
In the beginning
God created Heaven and Earth
For what it's worth, I think that he might've created you first
Just my opinion
Your body is the one paradise that I wanna fly to
Every day and every night I've been sick and tired of running
Chasing all of the flashing lights
These late nights don't mean nothing
She look at Drake as she sang, not knowing if he’d get the hint. He just sat there, nursing his whiskey, staring at her pokerfaced.
I need your love
And I'm dying for the rush
'Cause my heart ain't got enough
I need your touch
This is getting serious
Drake took the glass to his lips, once and over again.
When Riley finished the song, he got up and went for a refill.
She was struggling whether to follow him or not when she felt someone tapping on her shoulder.
-Wow! I never heard someone sing so beautifully - Neville praised
-Oh! Thanks
They engaged in a trivial conversation for a while and she forgot a bit about where she was about to go.
After a while Neville excused himself, and left the party.
Only 5 people were remaining when Kai took Drake’s name out of the papaer bag.
Drake’s cheeks were reddened. It was hard to tell if he was blushing of drunk.
He strode to the keyboard and waited for the song to start without lifting his eyes from his feet.
Have you got color in your cheeks'
Do you ever get the feeling that you can't shift the tide
That sticks around like something's in your teeth
Oh, good! Riley thought. I love this song!
Drake sang with a deep gorgeous voice, totally on key.
Riley felt like the world blurred around them. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was something else, but suddenly Drake gazed at her, as if he felt they were the only two people in the room too.
I dreamt about you near me every night this week
How many secrets can you keep'
'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow
When I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep
Spilling drinks on my setteeIf this feeling flows both ways
(Sad to see you go)
Was sorta hoping that you'd stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying
things that you can't say tomorrow day Crawlin' back to you.
Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?
'Cause I always do
Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new
Now I've thought it through Crawling back to you
Riley could feel something warming up on her. His voice, his stare. Was she imagining things? Was he really singing that for her?
So have you got the guts?
Been wondering if your heart's still open and
if so I wanna know what time it shuts
Simmer down and pucker up
I'm sorry to interrupt it's just I'm constantly
on the cusp of trying to kiss you
I don't know if you feel the same as I do
But we could be together, if you wanted to
Was she just imagining things? Was she reading between lines too much? Why was she standing up? When did it happen?
They were looking at eachother’s eyes. His stare was burning, piercing her like a lynx, making her entire body tingle.
When he finished the song, he glupped the rest of his drink.
Was it it? Would he be coming to her now?
Just then Penelope tapped her forearm.
-Riley, dear. I have to take off now
Riley saw from the corner of her eye Drake’s face grimmace.
-Oh! Okay
-I wanted to thank you for the invitation. I had a great time!
-Well, I’m...
-Drake! Are you leaving too?
Drake, who was standing right behind them, as waiting for their conversation to be over, gasped in surprise.
He looked at Riley, at Penelope and then at his very empty glass.
-Sure - he mumbled leaving with Penelope and the rest of the guests and leaving a very dissappointed Riley at the doorstep.
<NEXT PREV>
#trr#trr x pm#pm#riley hopkins#Kai Parks#drake walker#penelope#neville#kiara#hana lee#perfect match fanfic#trr fanfic#trr fanfiction
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