#apparently starting at your actual level and working your way up you have an easier time with things

[queer-overwatch]

hihi! loveee this blog god bless both of you i'm tweaking waiting for venture to come out 😭😭 might be a bit odd but if it's something either of you feel comfortable writing about, could i request them with an audhd masc reader who's really struggling with executive dysfunction? like they're struggling to do anything and feeling really down and ashamed about it (⁠me rn T~T) thanks!!

Venture w/ Audhd!Reader!

It's not odd at all! We both get the same way fjsofndk, have some hurt/comfort for ya <3 -Frisk & Xorn

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(Good lord we need more Venture gifs-)

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This was stupid, you were stupid, having a job was stupid- everything was stupid!

It's so easy, all you have to do is just get up, grab a pencil, and write a few words! It's quite literally the easiest assignment you've ever gotten from the Wayfinders! Ever!

Yet for some stupid, unknown reason you just- couldn't. No matter how much you yelled at yourself or cried, feeling useless, you couldn't get up. It was pathetic, sad, pitiful, everything you didn't want to be and yet, were.

You were sure your partner would be able to do this, anyone would be able to do this, so why couldn't you!? Groaning, you desperately wish to push yourself up and out of bed, yet make no movement to do so.

Stuck in your own head, you don't notice Venture knocking on your door, or stepping into your room after a few minutes of waiting. You only acknowledge them after they scare the shit out of you by grabbing your shoulder.

"What the fuck-!" You're finally able to move, even if it wasn't thanks to the best circumstances-

"Sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" They laugh slightly, cheeks a bit darker than usual as they bend their knees slightly so they're eye level with you as you sit up in bed.

They slowly look you over, drawing their own conclusions as to how you're feeling and gently pushing you so you're on one side of the bed before grabbing something from the desk on the other side of your room and snuggling up next to you.

"So I'm gonna take just a wild, crazy guess here and say you haven't done any work today?" They hold out what they'd grabbed, apparently it was your assignment from the Wayfinders. Just seeing the paper sucks any energy you had left out of you as you groan.

They laugh pitifully at your misery, patting you on the back and setting the paper down on your lap. "I'll be honest, I haven't gotten a whole lot done today either. I'm a bit of a slacker myself from time to time!"

Venture throws an arm around your shoulders pulling you into their side softly as they nuzzle your cheek teasingly. "Buuut I've still gotten more done than you, so I'm on a winning streak technically! Though I guess I could be the best partner ever, which I already am, and help you out a bit."

Of course they'd turn it into a challenge, if there was one thing Venture adored, it was winning something. You could imagine their smug look already, as adorable as it was, you simply couldn't hand it to them that easily. Plus..the paper was already there, maybe you could just do a little, just so you would have it out of the way faster.

As you take the assignment from Ventures lap, you slowly start to write a few words, finally getting something done as Venture talks your ear off about how awesome they were.

About halfway through, it hits you that this was their attempt at helping, at getting you motivated. It was always easier to do things when they were around, and they knew it.

They still ended up with a stupid, adorable, smug smile on their face at the end of the day.

Hiii here are some headcannons to add on <3 -Xor

First of all it just sucks , wanting to do things but not being able to will yourself to do them is actually just awful.

Venture makes it a point just to generally check in on you and make sure you're feeling okay overall.

They then immediately delve into "how can I help you?" Asking you what you want or need to do but just can't seem to.

If it's something personal then they'll leave it to you unless you want their help. However if it's not then they ask you how you would perform the task and try to help you out with it.

The whole time they're really understanding and encourage you, not to do things but so you don't feel horrible about not doing them.

They try to find ways to interweave things you really enjoy doing along with said tasks , trying to help the tasks seem bearable in a way.

And if you simply can't, then it's a good time to relax and work out a half plan, for anything that needs to be done and try to do it layer.

They aren't going to push you to do anything just gentle yet loud encouragement and a couple nudges in the right direction.

#venture x reader #sloane cameron #venture #overwatch venture #overwatch x reader #masc reader #Xornk

[comicaurora]

With the ubiquity of Webtoons, it is apparently becoming less and less feasible for an author to start up a webcomic that they host themself and then actually garner and audience. How do you feel about the possibility that, supposing you are able to sustain Aurora to completion, 10 years from now Aurora might be one of the last of the traditional style?

Oh, I doubt that. If by "traditional style" you mean "one complete print-ready page at a time", infinite-scroller one-panel-at-a-time comics are a completely different animal, stylistically speaking. It's more like a reel of film or an animatic you scroll through than a comic. There are things you can do with it that you can't do with traditional paneling, and things you can do with traditional paneling you can't do with that. It's a "two cakes" situation - a functionally distinct art form with different strengths and weaknesses. Just look at what a webtoon looks like when it's printed in book form - all those straight-line panels have to be cut up and floated onto a single page.

It's not a style you favor if printing is a consideration from the get-go, like with some of the oldest webcomics that originally made the jump from traditional publishing to the much-less-annoying world of online distribution. They panels fit together because that's what they were meant to do, it leaves less empty space on the page and it's overall a smoother transition from online to print because the pages are basically already done.

And if "traditional style" means "independently run," well, comics and webcomics have, to my knowledge, always been a largely unprofitable venture for the individual creator, at least until physical book sales and merch enter the equation, and the question "how do I get people to read my webcomic" was never an easy one to answer - it hasn't gotten more difficult with time. Conglomerates like Webtoons and Hiveworks give creators an easier answer to that question by providing centralized hosting and advertising, but the mechanisms that made early webcomics work haven't appreciably changed. Anyone can buy a domain name, plug in some Wordpress tools and go to town, same as they could back in 2005. I'd say it hasn't gotten less feasible to be independent, it's just that sticking with a conglomerate is a (theoretically) simpler route to views and success that didn't exist in the early days of the 'net.

And the thing is, that doesn't mean they're better for everyone. If a conglomerate tool existed that would've let me make my comic site exactly how I wanted it to - with spaces for lore, maps, additional content, etc - I probably would've done that instead of starting from scratch, since lots of the backend structuring work would've already been done for me. But Webtoons comics are, as mentioned, completely stylistically different from mine, and Hiveworks submissions are closed, plus they design their own site for you and also lock themselves in as your publisher. I personally don't like it when other people take creative control out of my hands, and there are plenty of artists that feel the same way.

If anything, the rise of social media and the centralization of the net into things like twitter and reddit (and even tumblr) makes it theoretically simpler to get your independent comic noticed than back in the wild west early days, because now you know where a potential audience for your work is hanging out. Back in the old days I don't even remember how I found some of the comics I read religiously - maybe TVTropes links, thinking about it? But that was basically all they had for discoverability! From my perspective it's only gotten easier to get the word out about a project you're working on, and while part of that is because there are now large hosting platforms that comic artists can sign onto, part of it is a level of interconnectedness that has only grown with time that allows the work of independent creators to be discovered, shared and spread faster than ever.

#asks #art stuff #writing stuff #behind the curtain

[drdemonprince]

I feel like you've answered a question on this before, so sorry if my search skillz failed me. how do you keep a playful attitude when trying new things? I started a book on wu-wei/'trying not to try' that has made me feel a bit hopeless so far, as I know that approaching things more casually/playfully will help it feel less painful (social situations, job search, dating, etc), but apparently you can't consciously try to be playful?!

Hmmmm this is a tricky question to answer, because it is far easier to describe what the end state feels like than to explain how I got there. But I will try!

I think if you're someone who tends to be quite skeptical and cynical about things, your first instinct during difficult situations might be to turn that skepticism toward yourself. You watch yourself trying to complete the new activity, or talk to the unfamiliar person, and all you can see is the flaws, and you tell yourself, "yeah, nice try bozo, you're never going to be good enough at this / it's never going to be worth it" and what do you know, you are crestfallen and unmotivated. And now that you're judging yourself and feeling shitty, it's even more difficult to complete the task.

but, in my experience in graduate school, developing as a creative writer, and just fumbling my way through social mores, there comes a time when you stop turning that skepticism on yourself all the time, and instead direct it outward, and begin to notice just how fucking confused and fucked up everybody else's attempts are. and if you're lucky, you might even notice other people's foibles and missteps with a sense of affection, rather than cruelty.

the more you step outside of yourself and observe others, the more you notice all the awkward things people say, the strange moments of crossed wires and missed signals, the jokes that fall flat, and just how much people really do not care about all of that so long as you keep engaged and keep your energy open and keep trying.

i have never seen a neurotypical socialize flawlessly. they say rude weird ass things and bump into other people all the fucking time! but they just keep going. often they don't even realize they've done anything wrong. and maybe they haven't even done anything wrong really. perfection isn't really what is expected. the energy is what matters more than the execution, and so if they move around with an open, receptive quality to themselves, and keep learning, they can get by being a little awkward or confused just fine.

and once you recognize how much people are fucking up all the time and that it doesnt really matter, and nobody really cares, for me it gets a lot easier to saunter around being my own level of messy and loose too. i used to judge how inept and oblivious everybody was -- at work, in school, during the hangout, on the train. and at some point i realized it was actually beautiful and something i could feel affectionate about.

it turns out you do not need to worry about everyone behind you in line at the grocery store hating you for taking too long putting your change away. AND you dont have to be mad at the guy in front of you who takes five minutes to put his change away either. because YOU are HIM and HE is YOU and we all suck and that's great.

it's fucking funny how silly and sloppy and dazed a lot of people really are. everybody fucks up constantly and is fucking weird. so who cares! i dont need to evacuate the space because i forgot myself and started picking my nose in public for a second. i can just rub my hand on my pant leg and move on. i dont need to give up going to the comic book club because me and one other guy there got into a small argument. i can come back the next month and make a joke about it with him. that's just normal messy human stuff.

the writer david cain talks about coping with social anxiety by imagining other human beings as kittens that have been dumped out from a basket into the room. they roam around, falling over themselves, exploring and sniffing and doing kitteny things, and none of them are a threat to you ever, and their actions dont mean all that much and certainly aren't all that menacing, they're just silly little animals fumbling around.

and i like to think of humans that way. we goof off, we devote an entire supposedly very serious work meeting to discussing something only tangentially relevant but far more emotionally compelling, we make up all kinds of games to play and weird rules for those games, and then we break the rules of those games and forget them. none of this shit is like, real. and the people who recognize what a goofy joke it is are often the most powerful.

not taking anything too seriously makes me feel powerful. im cynical and skeptical about everything that i get told is an airtight social or procedural rule, and i experiment around the boundaries of it, to see where it bends. but whereas i used to do that in a very bitter and entitled way, trying to find my way "out" of a system I had disdain for, now i can sometimes play with these boundaries and laugh at myself for tripping over them at times and just keep on moving, because that's what everybody does.

[romanoffsbish]

Labor Pains

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Wanda Maximoff x Sibling!Reader

TW: Blood, Pregnancy/Labor complications, Slight angst but relatively fluffy.

Requested by @kloy344 ,thank you for your request, I truly hope it was what you’d wanted.

Ever since you'd become pregnant, your powers had been all over the place as your hormones clearly had their influence upon them. Something as simple as the impending rain had the potential to make you burst into tears, as if you were meant to be empathetic to the precipitation.

———

When you were to bid your sister and wife goodbye this morning, you'd actually begged them not to go. Your gut was telling you today would come at a high cost. They'd simply waved you off, as they knew your powers had been playing games on you as of late. They told you that it was a simple information extraction, they promised to have each others sixes, and kissed your cheeks as they'd left.

The only thing that information really did was to leave you worried for what might be coming your way. You weren't due for another three weeks, so they really were eager to go, as this was going to be their last mission for awhile. You'd been slightly envious at first honestly, as being pregnant left you benched, but you were more than excited for motherhood so it became easier over time.

As your morning progressed, and the afternoon approached, the feeling hadn't subsided, then a blinding pain hit in your abdomen, briefly crashing over you all at once. Realization washed over you, and you just knew something was wrong internally.

You wobbled to the medbay in search of literally anyone, and to your relief Cho had been in. As soon as she saw you, she'd smiled your way, and then it dropped when she saw your face. You'd touched your belly and a terrifying image had flashed through your mind. All you could see was blood, a deep crimson hue completely flooded your mind, you heeded the warning and cried out in fear.

"Help me..."

She was at your side in the blink of an eye, before settling you in a wheelchair, and loading you into a car to take you to the hospital. Fortunately for you they knew her there, so there was no questions of your sanity, or brushing you off as if you were just a panicked mom who spent too much time on WebMD.

—

As Natasha and Wanda navigated the hallways, it had been going rather smoothly. Until Natasha accidentally stubbed her toe, and nearly toppled over, and Wanda couldn't help but to laugh.

"I've seen you get shot and barely flinch, but a toe to the wall nearly takes you out? Y/N clearly did have a reason to be worried." Wanda muses, as she walks a few paces ahead, laughing maniacally.

"No, she should be worried that your laughter will get us caught, pipe down." Natasha growls, as she speeds by her and into the control room.

Comfortable silence falls over the best friends, as Natasha gets to work, while Wanda stands guard against the empty halls. Several minutes had gone by, as Natasha had began crumpling paper, and shooting it into various bins across the room, tapping random keys whenever necessary. Wanda had watched in amusement, wondering how her level headed sister had ended up marrying such a child.

Suddenly though, her stomach flipped and her stance became rather stiffened. Initially she thought someone had been approaching, but the building was still apparently cleared, as she sensed only Natasha, herself, and the team waiting for them.

"Something's wrong Nat." Wanda suddenly states, as her stomach starts to intensely flutter, almost painfully so, and her mind was then jumbled with thoughts of you.

"Wanda, the missions going just fine." Natasha laughs out, as she continues to hack into the Hydra systems.

"No, Nat.. Something is wrong with Y/N, I can feel it, we need to get back to her, like now..." Wanda groans, as she feels a sudden, sharp pain, and grips at her stomach, the sensation nearly brings her to her knees.

Natasha's body was sent into a frenzy, as she typed that much faster, and yanked the drive from the machine as soon as the beep registered in her ears. She remembers all too well how Wanda knew Pietro was down before it was ever said aloud. Her painful sobs were heard across the entirety of Sokovia, so she has no doubt that Wanda's feelings are justified.

—

They had hooked you to every machine possible, before giving you an ultrasound, and you'd watched as their faces contorted into something unreadable. Then they began to run around you without speaking, but you could tell they were prepping you for something.

"What's going on?" You ask in a panicked tone, and a nurse stops to place her hands on your shoulders.

"Stay calm, but we're rushing to prep you for an emergency caesarean, there's a tear, and it's breeching dangerous for both you and the fetus."

As soon as she'd finished speaking, your abdomen tightened, and a blood curdling scream tumbled passed your lips. Your mind had gone fuzzy as they rushed to wheel you down the hall, and you'd shortly passed out from the immense pain.

You slowly came to again in an operating room, to the sound of weakened crying, and a weak smile painted your face at the sound of your baby's subtle wails.

"She's hemorrhaging!" You vaguely heard the doctor shout from above you, along with the intense beeping of your attached vitals monitors.

"We'll have to perform an emergency hysterectomy if we wish to also keep the mother alive."

Panic flooded your mind, as all you wanted was to be a mother, and allow Nat the same luxury. Now, your body nearly killed your daughter, and has taken away any future of more children—you'd seemingly failed everyone you loved.

"It's a good thing she made it when she did, or she would've lost the baby too." You heard, as a  bitter tear ran down your cheek, before you'd faded out once more.

—

The rest of the team anxiously sat in the quinjet, waiting for the redheads to re-emerge, before being able to break the startling news they'd just received from Dr. Cho. As soon as they saw them making their way to the jet, Steve jolted up to meet them at the door, causing Natasha's anxiety to increase.

"What's going on?" Natasha coldly asks, as she sees Steve's poker face fall into a terrified expression.

"Y/N felt like something was off, so she went to find help, and then everything went south. Luckily, Helen was there and rushed her to the hospital. Now we're just waiting for news..."

"You knew and didn't tell us?!" She seethed, as she stepped towards the super soldier with her widow bites at the ready.

"The mission had to come first." Steve firmly states, and Natasha punches him squarely in the face, then Wanda throws him across the jet with her powers.

"Fuck you, and your missions! We're taking about my sister! She was left all alone, and probably afraid." Wanda screams, as she crumples to the ground in immense pain, unaware of where yours ends, and hers begins.

She's about to be an auntie, the prospect of losing anything in that process was not something she'd ever prepared herself for.

"What are you guys waiting for?! Fly us to her!" Natasha shouts, as she moves to Wanda's side, and tries her best to soothe her through the pain, even though her hearts just as shattered.

Being a mom is a dream that she never thought would come to fruition after the Red Room, but between falling in love with you, and the advancements in science the outlandish dream became rather obtainable. Now, she wishes she'd never dreamed at all, because losing you would be nothing short of a nightmare...

Clint had the jet in the air within an instant, and flew it with maximum efficiency to get the distraught women to you as fast as possible.

The closer they got, the less pain Wanda felt, which had actually terrified her beyond belief.

"Nat, I-I can't feel her..."She whimpers, as she leans further into her for comfort.

"Shh... Don't think like that, Y/N's too stubborn to die, she wouldn't leave us, they probably just have her sedated..." Natasha deflects the potential of anything else, as she does her best to keep her composure.

Clint landed the jet in a field nearby, dropping the door open, which Natasha and Wanda sprinted out of immediately and ran straight towards the hospital.

"Natasha! Over here." Yelena shouts, as she'd come straight to the hospital at her sisters request.

"Listen, Yelena Jr is in the NICU, and Y/N's still in surgery."

"Surgery?? What happened?!"

"I don't really know..."

Helen Cho had just finished talking to the doctors, and made her way back to the group of frazzled women.

"Ladies, let's sit down."

"No.. Just say it." Natasha says through gritted teeth, as Yelena wraps an arm around her waist to keep her up.

"Well, Y/N suffered what is called a Uterine Rupture, and fortunately for her, she'd gotten here just in the knick of time. I'm going to assume that was her powers doing... Your daughter is in the NICU, being observed, and everything seems fine with her, but she'll likely be there for the rest of the week. As for Y/N, she's not doing as well. As soon as they'd removed the fetus, Y/N's uterus hemorrhaged and they had to make a rather controversial decision for her." Helen informed the women, eventually pausing to give the women a moment, as well as to take a drink of water. 

"What?! What did they do?!" Natasha asks in a panic.

"Well, in the choice of life or death, they'd had to perform an emergency hysterectomy..."

"What does that mean?" Natasha asks, slowly losing her patience for this entire conversation.

"It means that Y/N's uterus posed too much of a threat, so it had to be removed..."

"Oh..." Natasha dejectedly mumbles, slowly moving her body to a chair in a corner, where she pulls her knees to her chest in a protective position.

Yelena and Wanda just stood there in shock, until the witch whispered out a universal concern.

"Did she make it?"

"It was touch and go for a bit, but she stabilized, and they were finishing her up when you all arrived. I'd say they'll allow you to see her in an hour, and one of you at a time is allowed to visit the baby..."

Natasha jumped to her feet, wiping away at the tears that had been freely flowing, and Cho got the hint and guided her to where she needed to be. The nurses then got her in proper PPE, then took her to meet her tiny darling.

“So far so good, she’s strong, just like her mother’s… She’s stable enough to be held, would you like to hold her?”

Natasha nodded, holding off on using her words, too afraid of the sobs likely to fall out. The nurse gently smiled at her, before removing the baby from her pod, and Natasha

“Your wife was rather fortunate in her arrival time, because your daughter here seems to not have suffered any obvious deficits. Her neurological check up went well, her reflexes work properly, and she’s rather observant for only being an hour old.” The nurse sweetly relays, in an obvious attempt to calm the frazzled redhead, but it’s of no use.

The nurse quickly picks up on that as she glides out of her personal space. She’ll only be truly calm, when she sees your perfectly alive face smiling up at her.

“Privet, Mila Alya Maximoff-Romanoff. I’m your mama….” She coos, as happy tears fall down her cheeks.

“Your mommy is currently in a bit of a bind, but she’s quite stubborn, so it’s nothing she won’t come out of.” She bitterly chuckles out, as your daughter’s wide eyes look up to her.

“You’re so beautiful, ideal'nyy angel mamy.” She coos, as she observes your daughter’s perfect features.

(Mama’s perfect angel)

It’s far too early to really determine who she’ll take after, but as of right now it seems that she’s got her mama’s nose, and fiery red hair, but Natasha’s internally groaning at the initial shade of her eyes. She knows she is screwed if your daughter ends up with your eyes, because telling her no will never become easy...

—

Wanda and Yelena were just informed that you’ve been situated in your room, and they all but sprinted off towards you. They shot off a text to Nat, then sat beside your bed, waiting for your eyes to open.

“Moya dorogoy, please open those beautiful eyes of yours…” Wanda whispers against your temple as she places a gentle kiss to your irritated skin.

After about an hour of waiting with no movement from you, Yelena had left to collect snacks, as she was rather ‘starving.’ Wanda paced around the room, floating her tendrils between her hands as a way to work through her anxieties.

“Sestra, slow down.” You croaked out, she squealed at your voice, and the tendrils bounced off the walls, until they threw a pillow across the room.

“Y/N… Thank God…” She sighed out, as she ran over to you, and rested her forehead to yours.

“I’m sorry…” You whimpered out, and her head pulled back so fast, as she glared down at you.

“Don’t you dare apologize… You told us something was wrong, and we waved you off. I’m proud of you for listening to your body, because I wouldn’t have survived losing you, or my gorgeous niece…” She sternly, yet softly relayed to you, as she firmly held onto your shoulders.

“I-I… I’m damaged goods, what if Natty resents me now that I can’t have anymore of her kids?”

“She would never… She’s not with you because of your incubation status Y/N/N. I’ve never in all my time been worried about her love for you, that women is irrevocably in this. I can’t tell you how much I had to hear about you over the years whenever you were gone. I’d have to remind her that we were sisters, because she could get rather specific at times.” Wanda immediately relays, shutting your fears down, and wincing as she remembers.

You giggled at her clear display of disgust, but then a sharp pain shut you up immediately.

“I promise you that the only thing on her mind right now is the happiness, and health of her girls.” Wanda concludes, with a kiss to your head, before she leaves to meet her niece, and make room for your wife to have the room.

—

Natasha rocked Mila to sleep, humming a calming tune, before placing her back in her pod. She watched her sleeping form, focused on the calming rise and fall of her chest, then she ran off towards your room as soon as Wands informed her you were up.

She took a few deep breaths before entering your room. Her heart instantly sank at the distant look in your eyes, it didn’t take her long to pinpoint the exact reason, as your hand was placed over your gown covered abdomen.

“Moya lyubov’…” She shakily whispered from the doorway, and you turned to face her, sending her your best smile in the hopes of reassuring her, but she saw right through it.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t take your worries seriously, detka…

“Nat, it’s okay… It wouldn’t have changed anything, you just would’ve had to bare witness to the horror show.

“I should’ve been here to do that! There’s no excuse, you were scared and we left you alone. If Cho hadn’t of been there in preparation for us going on our mission we might’ve not been so lucky… I promise I’m not leaving your side, no more missions, I’ll do desk work.”

“Natty, that’s not what you want, and I want you to be happy. Missions make you happy.” You gasp out, immediately interrupting her.

“No, they don’t, you and Mila do... Missions don’t keep me warm at night. They don’t kiss me so lovingly, that it feels like the very first time all over again. They don’t squeeze my finger in their tiny hands and look at me with innocent, hopeful eyes. Missions were at one point a necessary part of my life, I mean, they brought me to you. They no longer serve me, and that’s more than fine. I’ve done all I’m willing to do, I’d like to think I’ve earned this time to step back, and to just be in the moment with my girls.”

“You certainly have… I love you so much Natasha Alianovna Maximoff-Romanoff.” You whimper out, dramatically sighing out after the long winded name.

“And I you Y/N Y/M/N Maximoff-Romanoff.” She returns the sentiment with a slight chuckle, then leans down to place a sweet, firm kiss to your lips.

“She’s absolutely beautiful by the way.” She beams, as she ghosts her lips above yours, and pecks them once more for good measure.

Tears immediately fall from your eyes, as she gently moves her hands to cup at your cheeks, and stroke away each tear that attempts to fall.

“Oh, sweetheart…”

“I didn’t even get to see her, it was all so blinding… I just remember everyone running around me, then I was screaming in pain. Eventually I came to at the sound of her cry, but then I began to fade out again as my body reacted horribly to the procedure… She’s our tiny miracle Natty, I can’t give you anymore babies… I’m damaged… Is she going to be okay?”

“You’re not damaged my darling girl… You’ve given me everything! You somehow managed to make every single dream of mine come true, even the ones I’d sworn off, or the ones I discovered through you. I will love you just the same, I married you, not your womb. Mila is more than enough for us, and she’s strong just like her mama, the nurse even said so. If down the line we want more, there’s always adoption, or surrogacy. We still have all those frozen embryo’s in Tony’s freezer, he never lets me forget it.”

Her heart soared at the sight of your beaming smile, and she released a breath she hadn’t even been aware she’d been holding in.

“Give me an hour, and I guarantee you she’ll be in this room with us…” Natasha stated, with a wide smile, and a glint of determination in her eyes.

As soon as she left, Yelena entered with a wide array of snacks in her hands.

“Let’s play a game…”

Your quirked brow, and frown was enough to press her to go on.

“The game is, you watch me eat all your favorite snacks, and I’ll only stop when you agree to change her name to Yelena.”

“Belova…”

“Mmm… This oreo is delicious…”

“Why would you even want her to share a name with you? I’d expect you to be protective of your name, wanting it all to yourself. Her name is Mila Alya, which it will remain. We picked it because it means to be loved, and beautiful.” You groan out, rubbing your hands down your face in pure frustration.

“Mm… A pickle…”

“Belova, I swear to God, our sisters will destroy you if you don’t knock it off.”

“What? You hate pickles, that was me conceding…” She quips, whipping her head to the left as you throw your cup of ice at her head.

“Ha!” She laughs out, then moves off the corner of your bed, and to the couch.

Your eyes had closed shortly after Yelena’s taunting had come to a stop, and a wave of exhaustion consumed you.

—

“Detka, wake up… You have a visitor…” Nat’s gentle voice permeates your ears, as she gently caresses your cheek, and your eyes flutter open rather slowly.

“There she is…” She coos, as she stares down to you with loving eyes and a gentle smile.

Once your eyes had fully adjusted, you take notice of the bundle in your sisters arms, and your heart nearly stops.

“Sestra, meet your daughter…”

Once you see your daughters perfect, soft features, and notice her curious eyes staring back at you, every concern you had been harboring had left your body.

Everything was going to be okay…

—————————————————————

Taglist:

@beenicejoy @d14n4ol

3,404 Words

#natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #natasha x y/n #natasha x fem!reader #natasha x you #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff pov #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff oneshot #natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff x wife!reader #gxg #wanda maximoff #Yelena Belova #black widow #black widow fluff #black widow x reader #black widow x female reader #black widow x y/n #black widow x you #black widow angst #black widow pov #black widow imagine

[rallamajoop]

A Guide to Resident Evil Village's Weirdest Unlockable Weapon

RE8’s LZ Answerer (aka: did you know you this game lets Ethan unlock a fricking lightsaber?) is surely the weirdest video-game-thing I have ever spent far too much time working to unlock – and then even more time figuring out once I had it. So GDI, I’m writing up a proper guide on this thing, because there is sweet-FA other info out there about it on the web.

For a novelty-weapon, this thing is complicated. It has multiple different modes, and multiple different colours, none of which are very intuitive and most of which aren’t actually very useful. But it can still be damnuseful for anyone going for the knives-only achievement, and may even come in handy going for the no-healing-items achievement. And even as a pure novelty, c’mon – this game gives you a fricking lightsaber, how is that not awesome?

So here’s the lowdown.

Unlocking the LZ Answerer

For this, you need an SS Rank on every level in Mercenaries mode. Including the Hard levels, which is a heck of a job. But if you’ve bought the Winters Expansion (and you should), then by the time you’ve got SS ranks on every standard level, you’ll have unlocked Lady Dimitrescu as a playable character (just an S on the last level is needed). And Lady D is broken on hard mode.

Her rush-in-and-choke-slam move will one-shot any regular enemy besides the Soldat Panzer or Jet, and she can tank more damage than anyone else and use healing items if you’re stuck. You’ll still need regular attacks to deal with boss enemies, but getting SS or even SSS ranks in hard mode with Lady D is sometimes easier than scoring the same ranks in easy mode, because the scores you need are lower. She’s not your best option for SS ranks on the lower difficulty, and even with her, those hard mode stages are still a challenge, but she’s totally your best option.

Once you’ve got those scores, the Duke will sell you the LZ Answerer very cheaply at any point where you can access his shop – even if you’re reloading from an older save. Sadly, it’s not available in Mercenaries mode, or when you’re playing the main campaign as Chris.

If you're paying really close attention, you might note this thing uses the same model as Chris' target locator. Why it's called the 'LZ Answerer' we will probably never know.

Using the LZ Answerer

Here’s where things get complicated.

Switching Modes

The LZ Answerer has three different colour modes, each with different effects, and each of which can be activated in either single- or double-bladed versions. Like all ‘knives’, you can either slash with it or hold the aim button for a forward stab for extra damage.

To activate your sabre, hit the attack button, or hold the aim button.

To activate double-bladed mode, hold down the aim button. After a few seconds, the second blade will start extending. You have to keep holding aim until it’s finished extending or it’ll disappear again. You can actually attack during this period – Ethan will simply do a forward stab – as long as you don’t release the aim button. The annoying part is that if Ethan is knocked down or if you change weapons, the sabre will deactivate, and you’ll have to do this again.

You can change the colour of your sabre the same way you switch ammo for your grenade launcher: hold ‘aim’, and hit the interact button (F on keyboard). Switching colours will also switch you back to single-bladed mode, unfortunately.

Entering double-bladed mode doubles your damage and changes Ethan’s attack animation. It’s well worth using, but does take more time to activate, which becomes an issue under pressure – especially when Ethan gets knocked down mid-battle and you have to reactivate it again in a hurry.

Note that Ethan’s usual parry-ability to push an enemy away doesn’t work when you’re using the LZ Answerer, or any other knife-weapon. Apparently you’ve got to be holding a gun for that.

Colour Modes

Red: Attack mode. Sabre does maximum damage in this mode.

Blue: Defence mode. Sabre does less damage (about 1/4 of red), but can be used to parry attacks, knocking enemies back.

To parry successfully, you need to hit the block button just as an enemy attacks. Just holding block down will still block, but won’t knock the enemy back.

Green: Healing mode. Sabre does even less damage (about 1/12 of red or 1/3 of blue), but heals Ethan slightly with each hit.

Healing mode will also boost your HP when you attack farm animals, or some inactive Soldats. From my own experiments, this didn't work on the Soldats in Heisenberg's operating room, but did work on the first inactive Soldat you encounter, sitting in its chair, and on the Soldats you find lined up in alcoves in the passage by the backup generator room (one of which does attack you, so something of a pattern there).

Double-bladed mode: Doubles damage of whichever colour mode is active.

Damage reductions here are relative – I don’t have exact figures, but have done a bunch of experimentation on multiple difficulties, recording how many hits it took to down an enemy. But I did some running around the Stronghold on various difficulties to test this thing out a little more thoroughly, so have some figures.

On Casual difficulty, a single-bladed red sabre will kill a standard lycan or moroi in 1 hit. Your blue sabre will need 4 hits – or 2 with a double-blade. For comparison, the Karambit knife (unlocked after you finish the game for the first time) took me up to 3 hits to take down a lycan. Some of those hits may have been misses – its range is so short that it’s often hard to tell if it’s connecting at all – but you can see the LZ Answerer is already starting to lose its edge.

To kill 1 lycan with the green sabre will take you around 6 hits, even if it’s in double-bladed mode, so presumably closer to 12 with a single blade (I say ‘presumably’ because good luck counting out 12 hits on a single lycan). Even on Casual.

Up the difficulty to Hardcore, and you’ll need 2 red hits to take down one lycan (or 1 hit in double-bladed mode). By Village of Shadows, you’re looking at 2 double-bladed hits from your red sabre per kill – so if we do the math, we’d be looking at 48 hits with a single-green sabre. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Where it really gets complicated

So in theory, this is a weapon with a lot of versatility: 6 different modes, the ability to parry and knock down enemies or even heal yourself, and do serious damage without spending ammo. In practice though, only the red mode is really useful (damage in other modes is just too steeply reduced), and even then, more of a novelty than a substitute for your guns.

See, here’s the thing: using the LZ Answerer really drives home that this is not a game designed for melee combat, and letting enemies get into melee range is a Bad Idea.

Even on casual difficulty, most enemies will strike at you the moment they get into range, and your sabre has no real impact or stopping power. Enemies will regularly take multiple hits from it without flinching, and it does nothing to interrupt incoming attacks.

So you can hit a lycan the moment you get into range, and that lycan will still tank the hit, dive straight through the blade, knock you into the dirt and go for your neck, locking you into an extended animation and forcing you to reactivate the sabre again from scratch before you can go in for another hit. If you want time to reactivate both blades, you’ll probably have to run away and come back.

In theory, being able to parry incoming attacks in blue-bladed defensive mode should be a good solution, but in practice, parried enemies are blown too far away to set them up for a counter-attack. By the time you’ve closed the distance, they’re probably getting back up again. Using your regular block in melee combat and then attacking immediately after is actually the more viable strategy. Note also that, even on a successful parry, Ethan still takes damage, and all that damage adds up pretty quickly.

But the biggest problem is that defensive mode reduces sabre damage by around 75%. That means up to 4 times more hits to take down an enemy, and at least 4 times more chances for them to get through your guard. By far the most effective strategy I could come up with – regardless of difficulty – with was to just rush enemies with my double-red sabre and take them down before they had the chance to react. Apparently the best defence really is a good offense with this thing.

Healing mode is only worse: one hit from a green sabre does barely 1/12 the damage of your red sabre, and you’ll need multiple hits to raise Ethan’s health by even a single colour phase. Trying to kill enemies at short range with what amounts to a pen knife just results in getting bitten more, and ending the battle with less health than you started.

Some Actual Tactical Advice

The long and short of all this is that in 99.9% of circumstances, there’s no reason to use any mode but red. The best tactic available is killing your enemy in one hit, before it ever gets the chance to attack at all.

Strategy-wise, I found two different semi-viable ways to use this thing in combat, both working best in double-bladed red mode. Switching colours mid-stream is just too slow to be practical under pressure.

Block as soon as an enemy gets close to you, then use the window after it attacks to attack back. You’ll take some damage, but not as much.

Charge in swinging the lightsabre madly, preferably while weaving to the left, hitting the enemy without putting yourself in a good position for it to hit you back. On lower difficulties, this will kill most enemies in one hit.

If you do get knocked down in the midst of a fight (and you will), you’ll probably end up finishing the fight with a single-bladed sabre. C'est la vie.

In Conclusion

So with all these issues, is there are a reason to use the LZ Answerer at all? Well, actually, yes.

For all its problems, the red sabre is still the best knife-class weapon in the game. Even in single-bladed mode, it does more damage than the Chris’ karambit, and has better range to boot. And if you’re going for the knives-only achievement, that’s not to be sneezed at.

Though green-bladed mode isn’t useful in combat, it will actually heal you a little even when attacking farm animals or (surprisingly!) inactive soldats. And if you’re going for the three-healing-items-or-less achievement, then that's actually useful.

That said, by the time you’ve unlocked the LZ Answerer, you should already have unlocked ‘special customisations’ for all your weapons (a much easier Mercenaries-mode unlockable). And with that bonus, Ethan’s basic starter pistol, the Lemi, also heals you a little with each hit. It doesn’t do much damage, but you can do damage with it from a safe distance, and that’s often going to be way more practical.

All that said, the green sabre can be more efficient. Testing this out, I found that, killing the two goats with the green sabre refilled my health all the way from red to dark green, whereas killing those same two goats with the Lemi only increase my health from red to orange. And being able to stand there and just whale on inactive Soldats is a pretty effective way of refilling your health too.

Ultimately, the LZ Answerer is mostly just a novelty weapon that can be pretty frustrating to use in practice. But as a cute gimmick that mostly exists as an excuse to play more Mercenaries and reuse Ethan’s knife-wielding animations in a fun way, that’s all it really needs to be. It’s neat, but you’re not missing a lot if you never unlock the thing, and that’s okay.

#Resident Evil Village #LZ Answerer #Ethan Winters #Resident Evil #my gifs

[bekaroth-reads]

Gman x Reader

[Things to note: I'm just now getting back into the Half-life series after not playing it for years, so there's mostly likely lore stuff or whatever that's wrong. Also, this is kinda long and not proof read, sorry about that, I guess]

It was a nice day. During everything that was constantly happening good weather was always a blessing that everyone was thankful for. Something else that you were thankful for was the fact that you were in one of the smaller cities. Yes, you were still under the every-watching eye of the Combine, but it wasn’t as pressing as it was in the larger ones. You had actually moved, or rather were moved, to this place, so little that it didn’t even have a name, about fifteen years ago. You had spent much of your childhood and some of your teenage years in City 17, and when it was deemed that you were, “old enough,” to take care of yourself in your later teen years, you were chosen for a project to inhabit a smaller, more rural habitations the Combine had started to move people to.

While your parents were hesitant to let you go, they were somewhat happy to see you got to one of these more peaceful areas. Apparently, you had lived somewhere similar when you were a small child. Though, you had trouble remembering it as it was so long ago. Your parents had found you wandering in some ruins, and took you in. It was odd to see a child around all things considered, but as they were wanting a child for sometime and the Combine officials where they were didn’t seem to mind them having one, they weren’t going to complain.

You were part of the reason that they were moved to a larger city in the first place. It was so there were plenty of Combine approved personnel to keep an eye on you and your life; it was almost like they were expecting something drastic to happen. But, throughout all your life and all of the extensive habit studying, frequent doctors’ appointments, and the other few odd things here and there, you were just a normal person.

Honestly, while you were sad to be separated from your parents, you were more than happy to get a new start at life out here. There most you could complain about was the fact that your work was chosen for you. Most everyone out here were scavengers or sorts. Janitors might be a more fitting term; perhaps something between the two. Your job was to clear out rubble around the area to see if there was anything useful in the debris, or to try to find usable building space for whatever the Combine might want to use it for. At the moment, they were using them from makeshift housing for means of building the populous of the area.

While you and your neighbors most certain ally weren’t told what their plans were, you all figured it was to divide people even more to make control a bit easier. Though knowing the odd ways of the Combine there was no way of knowing for sure.

There wasn’t quite as much work to do today as your group had finished clearing a section of debris, and you were all told to wait for further instructions before moving on to the next step. Seeing as it would still be light for a few more hours, you decided to go for a walk before going back home. There weren’t many level places to walk, at least where you were being watched like a hawk the whole time. You had fun exploring the old buildings and the surrounding areas anyways. Sometimes you could find little bits and bobs and take them home to brighten the place up before the official team went on a search and were told to dispose of most everything.

You had found a building this time that look like used to be a work building of some kind. If you could find the place that used to be the office, you could really score some stuff. The last one that you searched had all sorts of fun things on the desks; your favorite was a little snow globe that had surprisingly not been shattered through the years. The glass was starting to yellow a bit, but the glitter still shone brightly around the little cartoon, alien figure in the middle. If only the people who made it all that time ago knew…

Much to your delight there was an office here. Looked like it was something corporate and cushy, so there was bound to be plenty of frivolities around based on the things some of the older people in your group had told you. As you looked around for anything interesting, your eye caught a picture hanging on the wall. While you thought to take it back with you just as a joke, you decided it would be better suited here as something of a monument to the people that used to work here; who knows if any of them survived.

You did have to admire, even sort of marvel at their out fits. It seemed odd to you that there was really that many different types of clothing. The most anyone had these days were their jumpsuits and maybe a hat or some other accessory made from the scraps around. These people looked like they all had full outfits with some pretty fancy jewelry, watches, and a few more accessories that you weren’t even sure what they were.

A crunch of the graveled debris put you on alert, and quickly you spun around. There was someone there…or, you thought so. Now that you were looking closely you could see it was just your imagination. Something else that told you that you were still alone was the fact that your imagined voyeur had an outfit like the people in the picture. It must have been a trick of the light, one of those things where if you look at something for too long then you see it’s ghost for a moment once you look away. After looking for a few minutes more and grabbing a few things for yourself and some for your neighbors, you decided not to push your luck any further. It’s not like there were any rules against looking around like this, as long as one stayed in the permitted region. But, it was never a smart idea to give the Civil Protection any opportunity say it was for their own entertainment.

There was something that kept gnawing at the back of your mind that you were in fact being watched. It seemed this feeling was correct as the next thing you knew there was someone standing on a ledge about twenty feet above the hall you were walking down. You took a moment to try to see who it was, but quickly decided to keep moving. It seemed that two things were true: there was a man in the office room with you and he did in fact have one of those office outfits on- a suit you think you had heard them called? In any case, he certainly wasn’t from around here; that meant there was a non-zero chance he was with the Combine somehow. No need to interact with them when you don’t have to.

Whoever that was must have wanted you to see him as there was no effort on his part to hide once he was spotted. In fact, he watched you the entire way through the hall. All you could do was to leave this place as soon as you could and hope that he wasn’t some sort of new look out and that you had seen the last of him. That last hope should be the actual case as you were getting close to where you had entered from and though you weren’t sure exactly how that guy got up where he did, it must have taken at least a bit of time get there.

“Excuse me.”

Against the odds the man you were just pondering walked from a nearby doorway, making you freeze in your tracks. Though he looked like any other person you had seen, there was something about him that seemed like it commanded more authority, almost to an involuntary degree.

“Pardon me,” the man offered, perhaps as another greeting or perhaps because he noticed that he startled you, “but… you see, I … was passing through when, I noticed something… familiar.” There was something odd about the way his words were spoken. It didn’t seem to be a stutter, at least in none of its usual varieties. It almost sounded like he was struggling to breathe with every word he said. Or, like it was difficult for him to even form the words in the first place.

“Familiar?” You question hesitantly.

“Y-es.” He replies expectantly.

“Do I… I mean- have we met?” You asked.

“No.” He responded. “Though that should not have… any bearing on the situation.”

You were starting to think this guy was more than just eccentric.

“So, we’ve never met, but you’re supposed to look familiar?”

“Not…look. It’s more of a …feeling.” Now the man looked confused. He seemed to think there was something that should have been obvious to notice, but you weren’t sensing anything.

“Perhaps… yes. I believe your… well, rather, you- have buried yourself. Though, I cannot say why.”

The man sat down the case in his hand, the handle falling down with a small thump. He then walked closer to you, raised his hands, and placed his thumbs on either side of your head to gently press onto your temples. You were still frozen where you were, though you almost felt curiosity rather than fear.

“Now- let us see what… exactly has you so forgetful.” He hummed more to himself rather than to you a split second before every thing went black in a snap like a light being switched off.

Things were suddenly zipping through your mind and past your darkened eyes faster than you could even hope to process them. Star rushing past, flashes bizarre landscapes wove their way between the spacial feeling of pressurizing weightlessness and the smell of char. Things that seemed so strange, so alien, and yet…

Just as quickly as you had blacked out, you suddenly found yourself back in the abandoned building, the man walking away from you and picking up his case once more.

“It seems like this… is a more, intensive, process than I originally thought. You seemed rather overwhelmed.” He looked back to you, his eyes that were once a striking blue now seemed to have a bight green glow from the irises, making them look almost teal. There was an endearment to his gaze, that you now seemed to understand; at least a bit more anyway. Something about him did seem familiar; it was a sense more so than a memory. Even though you did not know him, nor had you ever, it was like you had been looking for him for centuries.

“You appear to be having…difficulty, remembering. And, regrettably, I do not have any more time- to spare helping you at the moment.” Suddenly, a white light in the shape of doorway rose from the ground. “We shall be in touch again soon.”

And, and with that he walked through and the light closed.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

You managed to stumble your way back to your apartment, the first thing you did was flop down on the old mattress that you had. There were so many things rushing through your mind, but most of them were incomprehensible. You weren’t sure how long you lied there and pondered, but it was long enough that the sun had finished going down. The cool might breeze helped to calm you down and bring you out of you zoned out fog.

You sat up, not realizing until you were directly in across from the little window on the other side of the room that you had a cold sweat, the breeze cooling it further. Not doing much more to acknowledge it than the involuntary shiver that ran through your system, you walked over to look out at the night sky. Reaching over to the nearby desk, you took your little snow globe and started to fidget with it, stirring up the glitter in all different directions.

Holding up the little semi-sphere to the open window, the glitter blended with the starts and the little alien hovered among them all. Yet, it was still trapped by the yellowed glass.

You sighed, tired from everything, but still lazily swirling the snow globe.

"Did I have a past life or something?" You wondered aloud.

"I wouldn't say-"

You screamed at the voice that suddenly appeared behind you.

Whirling around you saw the man from before, the green flittering from his eyes and leaving only the blue once more. He ducked down quickly, and a moment later stood up with your tricket in hand; you must have dropped it when you were startled.

"My, apologies..." He offered before looking at the thing in his hand. A playful, almost unbelieving smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as he turned the contents himself.

"Life is... full of- interesting allegories. Wouldn't you agree?" He mused as he handed the globe back to you.

You didn't have a response. That didn't seem to matter as he seemed to have more to say himself.

"As I was explaining: I wouldn't say that you- had a... past life- as much as I would say, you've had one with a... new beginning."

You felt like you should understand what he was saying; you wanted to understand what he was saying. But, it was odd to think you were anyone but who your immediate memories told you that you were- just an average person trying to live the best life that they could under the iron grip of the Combine...

Wait!

"The Civil Protection! If they heard me yell, then-"

"Do not worry. We are somewhere that... they cannot bother us."

It was then you noticed how still everything was. The wasn't a sound other than one that was familiar to the soft hum from the field of stars you saw earlier, and the breeze had stopped completely.

"Where? Where are we?" You questioned.

He made a face that seemed both amused and forlorn.

"You really have... forgotten- so much."

Before anything else could be said, it seemed like he realized something. No, it was like he was being told something in an unseen earpiece.

"It seems our current time together must come to an end. I must apologize for presuming your- continued visits. However, it has been...

It has been- welcoming, to have like company."

He straightened his shirt collar and then his jacket like he was embarrassed about something; perhaps what he had just said. Then he gained a smug grin.

"And, I cannot very well leave you... to your own devices after- introducing you to your true nature. Might be dangerous, hm?"

The light doorway immerged once more, and you new that meant he had to leave.

"You will come back?" You asked a bit more enthusiastically than you meant to. It seemed you also felt the connection he did, though you weren't even sure you knew what it was.

"Of course. Until we... meet again."

And with that he was gone, leaving you back to the real world, your thoughts, and the soft night breeze.

#gman x reader #g man x reader #hl gman x reader #gman #g man #hl gman

[thessalian]

Thess vs "Little" Extras

So once again, work is seismic levels of bullshit.

We weren't doing too badly - just about caught up, in fact. This is despite the fact that every single last one of the little fuckers I work with keep leaving me with the problem dictations. So I get all the placentas (and The Placenta Guy is working overtime at the moment, damn near literally), all the bowel resections (dictated by people who either dictate too fast, speak with a difficult accent, dictate a report full of grammatical errors, or all of the above), and all the ones by the various newbies who either haven't figured out that maybe switching off the recording while you're taking measurements would be a good idea so that a typist doesn't have to sit through 10-15 seconds of silence between each measurement, have no idea how block keys work, or both. This is my main annoyance. I may have little snippets designed to make typing the stuff The Placenta Guy throws at me a little easier, but that shouldn't be an excuse to throw all of them at me. And yes, I know they do this to me specifically because when I see the queue get larger and look over, I see stuff that was put into the queue before any of the stuff in mine, put there by someone who picked it up out of the queue and decided they didn't want to do it so put it back.

(At least they seem to have figured out that if they're going to pull that shit on me, they should take some of the bullshit from The Breast Guy off my hands.)

Anyway, today all the doctors doing dictation a) came in somewhere in the middle of the day, b) dictated their asses off, and c) dumped the typing into the queue in big blocks of 20+ reports at a go. So you can imagine that even working flat-out, our queue went from mid double figures to low triple figures and we couldn't whittle it down. So that's a mess to look forward to come Tuesday - especially given that they seem to have been coming in on weekends lately, too. I heard talk in our last staff meeting (our first staff meeting, really) that we were looking for a new staffer. That was months ago and I have, of course, heard jack squat. So this is fun.

So in the middle of all this - dealing with all the fiddly frustrating bits of typing that no one wants to do - I get an email from Scruffman, my manager. He's apparently supposed to be writing a Standard Operating Procedure document for the department. Thing is, he's not writing it. Apparently he either can't be arsed or doesn't know what our SOP actually is. Because he asks me if I can write a step-by-step SOP guide to the typing so he can put it in his document. That's ... it. No details. So, grumbling because I am busy actually doing the SOP he's asking me to put down on 'paper', I put together a bullet-pointed list and go, "Is that the sort of thing you were after?" He says yes. I think that's done.

Nope. Then he emails me back going, "So could you grab some screenshots, and put that and your list together as a Word document?"

...I really want to know why he asks me to do the fiddly shit. I'd feel a lot better about it if he told me that it's because I'm one of the most competent people in the department instead of just dumping it on me without any sort of comment, which generally leaves me to think that he picks me for this shit because I'm the one that won't complain at him.

Anyway, I tell him I don't actually have Word on my work laptop. I don't use Word at work. (Hell, I don't use Word at home; I have OpenOffice). But, because I do believe in actually doing my fucking job, I tell him that the only way I could do it is if I took the screenshots, emailed them to myself, and did it on my home computer.

To which he says, "Great; Tuesday's fine. Thanks!"

Now I'm trying to figure out whether I want to start late or leave early on Tuesday because there is no way I'm doing that shit unpaid. Thankfully, I know for a fact that Scruffman would never expect me to (he told me to log out early when I spent 15 minutes of my own time filling out my staff evaluation form, and this is far more delineated as 'work') so that's fine. Thing is, we're getting to a point where I don't know how much we can afford to have me off doing something else. I am the one person in the fucking department who doesn't dodge any work that might be deemed 'difficult' or 'annoying' or 'something they just don't want to do'.

Anyway, after all this, I have to leave the house. Enough groceries to tide me over until the monthly Big Shop can be delivered, and pain meds. It's been a rough week and I keep getting migraine stabs. It's not fun.

#Thess has a day job

[xplrvibes]

on a serious note, are the boys actually okay? they seem so distant and they look drained. and let me just say, i'm sure this isn't the girls' fault. the boys aren't being held at gun point to stay with them. like you said, if they're making snc miserable, they wouldn't be with them.

I truly don't know. They aren't very forthcoming on xplrclub these days, either; the party line seems to be that they just have a lot of moving parts in their lives and are very busy.

If you want my honest theory, they should've taken a long, serious break after Colby recovered from chemo last year. There shouldn't have been a hell week or anything like that. They should've been on a hiatus.

Colby was declared cancer free at the end of June(ish?), and they were back to filming, editing, and traveling full-time by early July. That is just not enough time, physically or mentally, to adjust or process the whirlwind of everything that had happened.

They dove headfirst into grinding at the same level they were at pre-cancer and I just don't think that was a good idea.

Couple that with all the other crap going on right now - the Conjuring shit, the fans, the constant travel, the fact that Colby is still doing over 50% of the editing when he damn well shouldn't be, etc - and I honestly just think they are treading water and spinning plates.

Especially Colby. Sam...I don't know. It's hard to get a read on him. That philosophy he's always spouting really never actually says all that much, if you truly look at it sideways. The message he seems to be throwing out there is, "Everything sucks but also everything's cool and I'm just gonna focus on the cool and keep it moving," which...ok. Have fun, I guess, but that approach to life has to be exhausting after a while.

Then again, Sam does seem more animated and interested in their recent appearances on public podcasts and interviews, whereas again, Colby just seems to be checking out mentally. So, idk. Maybe Sam's just having an easier time putting the "Sam and Colby LLC" mask on right now, but I noticed it with Colby way before I noticed anything with Sam.

As for their distance - to put it plainly, the internet sucks. Colby has made it apparent for years that it's hard for him to see the things said about him online, to the point where he admitted to having a breakdown about it all about a year or so ago, and has recently said he can't even look at comments anymore. Even Sam, who always seemed to have a more healthy wall up between him and the uglier side of social media, has recently made a few comments suggesting that he, too, is sick of it. So, that coupled with just being busy and having a lot of shit to do in a day - it's really easy, if something needs to be eliminated from your daily schedule for you to have more free time and a better quality of life, to cut social mesia from the roster.

I also lowkey think they are starting to be sick of the paranormal stuff, but that's just me.

I think they need to take a break, sit down, and really work on restructuring their business and their lives in a way where it isn't so go-go-go and the onus for everything isn't on them. They need to take a break from social media and the rat race that it can be, and they both need some serious therapy.

But I'm sure they will do none of that, so this cycle will probably continue in perpetuity.

#asks

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

1) I could have told you that. I knew all of that, even explained it in a Tumblr post a couple of weeks ago. Where's my linguistics degree? Can I get a linguistics degree for my Tumblr blog?

To be fair I don't think I get any special credit for deep analysis for picking up on that, it's kind of the engine by which their entire double act works. Which anyone who listens to it will be aware of, but come on, person who wrote some stuff to get a linguistics degree, you’re not supposed to actually spell it out. This is like when Lee and Herring started straightforwardly informing the audience who would be taking the high and low status for that episode. The entire joke of that bit being that it doesn’t work, you can’t do that or you’ll ruin the illusion.

Closest they’ve come to doing that before now was that time when they Elis joked that one of them should make a massive life change so that they’d be more different from each other because there always needs to be a bit of tension created by the differences between members of a double act, and John said they don’t need that because they have it in their different levels of career success, and that may have been pulling back the curtain just slightly too far because there wasn’t really any way to reply.

2) This is a longshot, but I don’t suppose anyone would know how to find that flowchart? Apparently they put it out on Twitter (I am not I am not I am not I am not calling it by any other name and I kind of hate how I’m starting to see people shift from jokingly saying “I guess we’re supposed to call it X now” to just saying “I saw this on X” like that’s a reasonable thing, I don’t even use that website and I objected to its normalization as a tool of serious discourse in the first place but this is a step too far) in 2016, does anyone know how to find Tweets from 2016?

3) While trying to Google this Tweet from 2016, I came across the John Robins mailing list, which I had not previously known existed, so of course I joined it. There is also an archive of these emails online, and the latest one says:

That said, I will be releasing a recording of the show on Bandcamp in some form. Probably around March / April this year. I know it has value, and I was so consistently blown away by all the people who came to see it, it means so very much. I will pull my socks up and listen back to the recordings I have and make the necessary edits to create an acceptable representation of Howl for you to listen to.

Hooray! Thank you, John. You’re the best. I feel like I should make a joke here but instead I’m going to say what I’m actually thinking, which is that March or April would be perfect for me, as I need something to motivate myself to keep not drinking/drinking to far below problem levels (if I’m capable of doing the latter, which I may not be, I don’t know) past January, and if I listen to the “I realized I was an alcoholic and quit” show while being back to my pre-2024 drinking levels, it will just make me feel guilty. But if I listen to it when I’m at a good place with that, even if it’s still hard and feels bad, it will be easier to enjoy. And you shouldn’t take comedy as your reason for big life decisions, but right now I’ll grasp at any motivational straws, and that might help. So, seriously, for real, thanks John.

I am aware that if I start using that as motivation not to drink, this will kick the level of parasociality in my John Robins fandom into a new gear, which is always a recipie for disappointment. If John Robins has sexually harassed anyone, I need that to come out now rather than later (I'm like... I mean I am kidding, I wouldn't start drinking again just because of John Robins, I'm just saying that at this point his comedy is part of what's keeping me not drinking, and the possibility of that sort of thing leading to disappointment is the first thing that comes to mind if I decide to believe in something). It's fine if a story comes out where he was just kind of a dick, his genuine unlikeabilty is one of my favourite things about him as a comedian. But please let it have limits. (Note: Yes I am working on actual coping mechanisms in real life and not just relying on comedy recordings, but it all helps.)

4) As I found earlier today when I was cutting up all those Textual Healing clips, it is really fucking annoying that those podcasts keep putting in the radio sting 0.0000000000003 nanoseconds after John or Elis finish talking, and regularly wait about -0.5 seconds by which I mean they’ll play the sting over some talking, so it’s hard to cut out clips without including the annoying sting. Which I guess is the point of broadcasting stings. Sorry that the John/Elis clips I cut out so frequently feature the broadcasting stings, it’s hard to cut around them.

[electricbluebutterflies]

Jessica/Leto + Wild, breathless kisses brought on by a heartfelt gift.

Early-era, PG-ish, also on ao3.

It doesn’t seem significant at the time.

There are only so many ways to get someone to open up, and Leto is quickly running through them. Attempted conversation on any level, borderline disaster and one-word responses unless she thinks he’s making a terrible mistake and that’s happened maybe twice in the past year. Intimacies, she’s at least figured out he wants her to be comfortable and he’s pretty sure he’d get maimed if he did anything she couldn’t at least tolerate, but their communication isn’t any better in bed than it is anywhere else. Tiny presents…

There is something feral about that woman, like a small bird taking whatever shiny things wash up on shore, and if that’s the way into her heart then he is more than willing to try to work with it.

Even this approach offers opportunities for failure. Doing too much too soon, for instance – any of the family heirlooms, most of them too noticeable for her taste, most of them-

It is distinctly challenging to try to figure out a woman who he’s starting to suspect doesn’t understand herself either, and out of that he worries. Is the general goal of romancing her wrong? Would it be easier to live in peaceful separation and just let her… oh, he hasn’t the slightest idea what she’s supposed to be doing beyond intimacies, and even that’s questionable, and-

They are in each other’s lives, for better or worse. Damn him for wanting to turn that into something.

He watches her as months pass, watches her… not quite bloom, that would be too kind a word, but at least acclimate. Tries to keep the pressure low and justifiable – there are only a few formal events in the year that are truly unbearable without some kind of companion, and his vulnerability is enough to get her into a dress that can only fit one of her in an actual color, and-

It is an hour before such an evening when he slips into her spaces, a routine he’d like to think they’re developing. Easier to directly give fair warning – who he’d rather not speak with and why, any other petty drama he suspects might go over her head – and lately the only time he goes looking for her. Otherwise she just appears, as if aware that her presence is wanted, as if-

“May I add to that?”

She looks breathtaking as-is, unusually light-green silk, enough attention to detail that a casual observer might have no idea of her origins and oh what if that’s what she’s trying for and-

“That depends on the details,” she replies, and this too is progress. The less compliant she gets, the more like an actual normal human being…

“It’s just a small necklace. And you can take it off if you don’t like it.”

That’s apparently tempting enough to make her pull her hair out of the way and offer her neck. So still as he puts the piece on her, and it really is delicate, only visually interesting up close and-

“Comfortable?”

She moves away, towards a mirror that must’ve been acquired at some point since the last time he had reason to be in her spaces, and her expression is… not actively unhappy, he can’t pin any closer than that but at least-

“You’re learning.”

Something in her visibly breaks, and next thing he processes she’s cleared the distance again and tilted her head up for what feels like the most genuine kiss she’s ever attempted, something raw and real and beautiful in it and-

“You don’t owe me-“

“Does this really look like…” Something sparkly in her eyes, adoration and frustration, maybe she’s going through the same confusion he is at all times and-

“You should have pretty things,” he murmurs, taking a step back before things escalate further than they should right now. “I want you to have pretty things.”

“I’m not… used to that. But I could learn.”

“If it’s against your codes-“

“I was taught to be adaptable,” she says, glancing away for a moment. “I was never told that anyone might find me beautiful, but…”

“You run delicate,” he interprets. “Understood.”

“Perhaps. I don’t know yet.”

He knows what vulnerability this is for her, how challenging to admit her uncertainty, and… there’s something brave and defiant about her, something he may be falling in love with, something-

“Do let me know when you figure it out.”

She takes another kiss, deep enough to decide how the evening will end before it begins. “You do something to me,” she breathes against his skin. “I’m not sure what it is, but I like it.”

He slips away again, before he can say things he’s not sure of either, before this can actually get weird. “See you in-“

“You do want me close, yes?”

“Always.”

#ebf writes fic #leto x jessica #queue

[wafaelsx]

the reality of long-term solitude (III)

i’m not so great at structuring these things. imma just write as i go but basically something a friend told me a couple of years ago is starting to click. i find that oftentimes i accept what people tell me as true in the moment while i still have my doubts, because i don’t particularly enjoy discourse unless it’s just so pertinent to moving the conversation forward. i believe we were talking about what we’re looking for in a partner, and i said i want someone who completely understands me. i had the presumption that if i met someone that i was already very compatible with, that in due time she’d come to, solve me perhaps. it’s funny because that’s the last thing i want from anyone else, even friends of mine. i believed that whoever i end up with for a long term romantic relationship would domesticate me in a way. i had a mental image in my head of myself as a pet, and my partner as my owner, but not even in a ddlg kind of way as it probably sounds. i don’t particularly like being dominated or what have you, i’m pretty ‘vanilla’ on those fucking bsdm tests. part of me, i suppose, was and still am tired of living, in the traditional sense. i think if i found someone that i was extraordinarily compatible with personality wise, and was also moderately attractive, i’d be willing to marry this person. i keep going back and forth between referring to my potential partner as a woman and them, but i’m heterosexual.. believe it or not. hopefully i can find a fucking woman before they’re not even called that anymore. but in any case, the vision in my head is something like i’m left to my own devices for about 65% of the time, and the other 35% of the time would be spent with them. this time i would also surrender to doing actual activities, going out, whatever the fuck. i kind of see myself as a bit of a science experiment in a way in that regard. i envision myself being like shown off in a way, like ‘look at this guy, he sure is something! i also fuck him, for reasons that may not be apparent!’ because i do believe on the surface level, there isn’t much to desire in me as a person. i’m probably a lot funnier than most people, because i have an easier time finding humor in situations, or making connections others wouldnt, based on my knowledge of, i mean everything. i’m probably also a bit smarter than the average person. those two attributes alone make me unique in a sense, other than that i don’t know what you’d see in me as a person, both personality and physical attraction wise.

anyway, my friend’s response to my desire for my partner to understand me in an all encompassing way was quickly shot down, basically. he told me that no one will ever truly understand me, because humans aren’t capable of doing that, not even for themselves to an extent. this probably should’ve been obvious to me, i know. i’m not naive in many ways, but as it pertains to romantic relationships i certainly don’t have it all figured out. my attempts at such have all fallen pretty much flat, and i can’t say i’ve found that those experiences made it easier for me to find someone new, as many might allude to. they were swings and misses, wholly, and i get frustrated with myself thinking about my missteps in that regard. a lot of things u just have to experience to get it, and i will say this is probably one of them. advice about ‘‘women’‘ or ‘‘how to get pussy’‘ or whatever never sounds very good coming from anyone, especially cause whatever advice they give you probably won’t work because they aren’t you, and don’t understand you. the nuance involved in courting a partner is quite complicated in my own estimation. there isn’t really a guaranteed way to convince someone that you’re worth fucking, and to be honest, you’re probably better off misleading them in a way if thats your goal. lying isn’t necessarily what im getting at, but it seems in my experience that what women found attractive in me wasn’t actually who i was, so when we make it out the ‘‘talking phase’‘ and they see me a bit more transparently, many of them were quick to throw in the towel. i’m a bit of an obsessive person, so it’s been hard for me to let go of people from my past. all in all, i chalk it up as a learning experience and i’m pretty unfazed by my past dealings with women. it doesn’t keep me up at night, but i do sometimes wonder what, or if i had actually done wrong, or if it just wasn’t meant to be. i will also grant that sometimes u meet people at the wrong part of ur life and the maturity difference/difference in actual place in life proves too great to overcome. logic tells me pretty much every relationship ive seriously been involved with couldve been salvaged, or maybe a better way of saying it was i doubt that we were different enough to not eventually work it out, if we both tried. most ppl arent patient tho with relationships, and i get it. people often bring up just the staggering amount of humans on earth as an antidote to your dismay about unrequited love, or what have you. i think that’s a pretty stupid thing to tell people when theyre going thru it, partly because i dont think the logic actually holds any water. i think most people could be in a committed monogamous relationship if they were both mature enough, i think thats the biggest determining factor above everything else i’m still very young, so most women i encounter are not really enticed by the idea of lifelong commitment. i believe if we have enough in common and we like fucking each other more than average, what else is out there really? i think those two things together are probably extremely difficult to find in one person, especially for me.

i probably have more to say, but i can’t think of how i want to format it, even in an approximate sense. so i’ll try to sum it up with these closing thoughts. i guess i’m just saying i realized that i have to learn to live with myself. oftentimes i express my thoughts or beliefs, and i can see in real time how my words are just failing to land on people, even my own fucking parents. maybe this all just sounds like an emo wall of text, idk. people are more unique than i suppose i had considered, so to ask of someone to solve any other person would be quite the undertaking. i also realize that before i can be successful at anything, i’m going to have to change in a very profound, fundamental way. the answer isn’t clear to me, i’m unsure what lies ahead.

[vespertin-y]

I FORGOR TO PUT A TITLE WHEN I POSTED THIS SORRY. BEGINNING OF CH2 LIVEBLOG!!

-The Emo Community Has Forgiven Kaito Momota

-i’m far from the first person to point this out but there’s a lot of weird undertones between shuichi and food. he doesn’t eat breakfast, he complains about gaining weight easily in salmon mode, and once he says he would literally rather die than eat greasy food. him being raised by celebrities only adds to the concern,,,i would like to submit shuichi for the “gains weight post-trauma as a sign of Healing” trope pls

-the horse a message makes its appearance!! i’ve seen some people say kokichi wrote it, but i feel like tsumugi (well. probably one of the monokubs lets be real) wrote the og message and he just added to it. For The Funny.

-”so, you found that message while you were out chasing some bug? wooow, gonta! you did it! i knew i could rely on you since the moment we met!” “what? really?” “yep! so you should work for me!” gonta is smart enough to be useful and naive enough for kokichi to feel safe, so he latches on FAST. notably, tsumugi is the first one to be worried about it - i wonder if kokichi is afraid of bugs for a reason...?

-for a liar, kokichi seems real determined to make the others face uncomfortable truths. everyone stutters and shuffles awkwardly when shuichi walks in, but he loudly asks if he’s not wearing the hat because kaede is dead. he says to gonta’s face that he’ll be murdered if he keeps being so gullible, and then he mocks them all for “banning the k-word”. it’s interesting, and consistent with when he says he doesn’t like people lying to themselves. (and also with him being petty and bitter about everyone else’s lies being just fine).

-”...you look better now. i didn’t think you’d get over kaede’s death so quickly.” “...we don’t have time to be standing around.” “...how heartless. guess you two weren’t as close as you looked.” every time i think i like maki she says something so fucking cruel for literally no reason!!! a character being a jackass has never stopped me from liking them before (...obviously) but it’s the way no one ever seems to mind her saying shit like this. it just goes by unaddressed! it grinds my fuckin gears. crumbles my cookie even.

-”it’s okay. it’s easier for me to earn points if i pray. it’s a shortcut to a platinum membership!” LMAOOO. for real though irl japan has SUCH a big cult problem, it’s wild to me they didn’t write angie to reflect any of that aside from tiny lines like this?? the call of racism was stronger than that of good commentary apparently...

-they walk into kirumi’s lab and she immediately starts talking about the role of maids and other servants under queen victoria, shuichi starts talking about jack the ripper, and korekiyo starts talking about class divides in victorian-era england. the level of autism that oozes off everyone in v3 is truly unmatched, i love this game so much.

-shuichi consistently giving miu absolutely WITHERING stares is so fucking funny. he almost never even *says* anything to her, he just radiates such hatred she starts crying immediately. i’m a shuichi kinnie why don’t i get this power!!

-himiko’s lab has so many saws and knives and swords (also an ACTUAL GUILLOTINE) i’m continually shocked none of them were used for murder.

-(note: shuichi’s dialogue sounds a bit sad when typed out, but he’s smiling for this entire conversation and so is tenko.) ”i can’t believe what happened in the dining hall earlier...males are so insensitive! i wouldn’t ever dare to ask why you decided to remove your hat! that’s something that should be kept private between you and kaede!” “thank you, tenko...” “i...also feel that i must carry on kaede’s wish. no matter what, we’ll get out of here! i won’t give up! shuichi, don’t ever conduct yourself in such a shameful manner ever again!“ “ah, yeah...i won’t.” shuichi 🤝 tenko: LOVING KAEDE SO FUCKFJ MUCH. i like kaito but i am constantly thinking about an au where tenko trained shuichi instead - they have such an endearing and uplifting friendship in these moments where tenko isn’t reduced to her One Joke. they high five on their way to smooch kaede and that’s very important to me!!

-”if you don’t like something, [monokuma]’ll fix it. so don’t get rid of it...please don’t get rid of...me.” “very bad when lady who act like that preys on you.” gonta noooooo D: at least he knows it’s bad, he doesn’t usually acknowledge when people are shit to him :[

-gotta thank tsumugi for tempering the reveals of her no good very bad storyline with shuichi ass shots, i would not have survived otherwise.

-oh look it’s the bit where JP kaito says a slur. anyway,

-”eh? you think i’m messing around right now? aw man, you really don’t get it. i’m trying to get this through to everyone...if you keep saying all this stuff about “working together” and “cooperating”...then you can expect to receive some painful retaliation. get it?” infuriating that kokichi can just Say his reasoning for his behavior through at minimum chapters 2-3 and it just gets glossed over. shuichi does at least try to ask what he’s suggesting, but he gets cut off by kaito threatening violence and kokichi (understandably) bolting. still, i would expect at least a flashback to this from him after the insect meet n greet??? mr detective???? no thoughts head empty??????????

-THE PLAYTHROUGH I’M WATCHING HAS ABRUPTLY DECIDED TO STOP SKIPPING THE FTES???? WE’RE WATCHING ONE OF KAITO’S NOW I FUCKING GUESS. CONSISTENCY? DON’T KNOW HER!

-they did one of kokichi’s next...i don’t know if i can say anything about it that hasn’t already been said, haha. the machiavellian lengths kokichi will go to for attention remain iconic.

-that’s the end of day six! see you all next time for the ch2 motive! (kaede died *yesterday*, jeez...)

#dr #mem liveblogs

[cosmicjoke]

Have you read Saezuru 48? What are your thoughts about it?

I just finished reading it, yes!

Just for an initial impression, it seems to me like both Yashiro and Doumeki are really struggling against their actual feelings, and Yashiro in particular continues to struggle with his desire to be with Doumeki, and his fear and need to push him away. It seems to me that Yashiro is both suffering from a sense of guilt over having pushed Doumeki away, with each reminder that Doumeki was genuinely hurt by it (which I'll get into in a second), and a sense of regret and sadness for seemingly having accomplished what he originally set out to do, which was make Doumeki hate him so the separation between them would be easier for him.

I think Yashiro still genuinely believes at this point that he's alienated Doumeki. His resigned, pained expressions each time Doumeki bitterly remarks on how Yashiro ran away shows that Doumeki's anger and/or hatred toward him is deeply painful for him, because of course, Doumeki was the first and really ONLY person to ever, truly love him. So to see that he’s apparently destroyed that love, that he's seemingly succeeded in accomplishing Doumeki's resentment for him must be awful. At the same time, Yashiro accepts that resentment with a resigned sadness. I think Yashiro believes he deserves it, even as he knows he largely pushed Doumeki away to protect him. But there's Yashiro's issues with self-loathing again. He believes he's doomed to forever remain unloved, because he sees himself as a sullied, corrupting, bad person. He knows he went out of his way to make their separation as painful as possible for Doumeki in an attempt to make Doumeki forget him, but he sees now he's only done the opposite, that Doumeki still continues to be affected by him and what happened between them. This, I think, can only feed into Yashiro's feelings of self-hatred. Once again, he thinks he's done nothing but cause another person pain and misery, even though he'd been trying to do the right thing.

I wasn't sure at first if Doumeki was acting so distant because he was trying to get something out of Yashiro, or if he was just truly hurt and acting out on those feelings. But I'm starting to think Doumeki really is just hurt, and the dumb dumb is too caught up in those feelings to see how much Yashiro actually still cares for him. He's deeply jealous of Inami, and wants Yashiro to stop seeing him, even as it's obvious to the reader that Inami means nothing to Yashiro. Doumeki doesn't know that.

Basically, both of them are laboring under false impressions of the other. Both of them think the other doesn't care for them the way they once did. Yashiro thinks Doumeki hates him now because of the way he pushed him away in the past, and Doumeki maybe still thinks Yashiro never cared for him at all. Essentially, in order for this to work itself out, they're both going to have to come clean with one another, and stop being so stubborn.

Yashiro almost tells Doumeki at the end of the chapter that Inami doesn't mean anything to him, but then chickens out. I think he's afraid that if he tells Doumeki how he really feels, Doumeki will reject him anyway, because, again, Doumeki is acting like he hates Yashiro now. And Doumeki is acting that way because he in turn is afraid Yashiro will reject him again. It's like a vicious cycle. Someone's going to have to step up and just be honest. At this point, I really can't say who that's going to be.

It'll be interesting though what happens next chapter. With Yashiro and Doumeki alone together in Yashiro's apartment, it will give them the perfect opportunity to just level with one another. I hope they do.

Also, I just wanted to make mention of Yashiro’s internal thoughts about Misumi, once again.  We continue to see Yashiro’s resentment of Misumi in trying to force him to stay connected to the world of the Yakuza, which once again makes me think that Misumi is going to end up playing a big factor in the story at some point.  Yashiro wants to get out of that world, but Misumi won’t let him.  Maybe Yashiro’s insistence on being involved in this case with the Sakura group is him rebelling against Misumi.  I doubt Misumi would actually want Yashiro involved, due to the level of danger.  There’s also the possibility that Yashiro is still suicidal, and he thinks the only way to escape Misumi and the world of the Yakuza is like this, by purposefully placing himself into dangerous situations in the hopes of getting killed.

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #Yashiro #Doumeki

[shooting-stars-only]

I'd love to hear more about your experience building a career in IT without a degree, if you're comfortable sharing. Desperate for inspiration right now!

Hello anon!! Glad to share! I think IT is a great career for people without degrees. This is extremely long, so it's under a readmore.

So, this answer varies a bit depending on what part of IT you're most interested in. I'm gonna tell you what I did, which was start out as a help desk technician. Afaik, this is the most common career path for IT without a degree.

First thing I did was get familiar with computer hardware. I did this by taking computers apart and rebuilding them while I studied online resources. I got the computers from the local university, which offers spare or old electronics for very cheap; there are probably similar programs in your area.

The second thing I did was find out what certifications I needed. Certs are the currency of the IT field; degrees are useful, sure, but IME certs will get you way farther.

The first certification you'll want to get is the CompTIA A+. The tests themselves cost about $350 each, unfortunately, but that is a one-time payment and you don't need to buy official exam prep material. HOWEVER, I also know people who have no certs and are sysadmins, so this isn't required. They typically started out in a tech support call center and work on their own projects on the side — building gaming computers, learning a coding language, that kind of thing. It's a little harder for them to get going than for those with certs, but not impossible at all.

The A+ focuses on entry-level hardware and software. It's a little deceptive as far as the actual job goes, though; for one, it tests you on technology that's a little outdated (my last test in 2019 covered Windows 7 and 8.1), and you have to memorize shit, like what speed of RAM you can use with which type of motherboard, etc. The good thing is that none of this memorized information needs to be retained. We have Google. Just remember it long enough to pass your test and keep the general theory in mind, no need to remember specifics.

For prep advice, Reddit is a good source (check out /r/comptia), and the books and tests recommended there can be found for free in the right places. Also, if you see this in the next 5 hours, Udemy apparently has their courses on sale for $19.99 (as opposed to $109).

So we'll assume you get the certificate. Now you get to apply for jobs. Lucky you!

I live in a semi-rural area, so my job searching experience might be very different from yours. Here are some general tips, though.

Play up your people skills. My first manager told me I was hired because it was easier to teach willing people technical skills than interpersonal skills. And before you worry too much, please consider that the standards here are "willing to help" and "not condescending." The snotty IT guy stereotype is alive and well, and if you can be more polite than that guy, you're in a good place. People can handle weirdness if you're nicer than the other options.

Avoid coding bootcamps. In general, be wary of paid training that doesn't give you industry-standard certificates. There are so many businesses out there who will happily take your money and teach you the bare minimum before throwing you to the wolves.

For all things resume and interview, I highly suggest checking out Ask A Manager's site. I basically learned all my office interpersonal skills from her.

Try to work in a place that gets public funding. Government, nonprofits, schools, etc. YMMV on this, but I find these environments to be much less (openly) sexist, and more willing to take any complaints seriously, if only because it's worse for them if something negative gets out than in the private sector. Downside: the pay is not comparable at all to private sector pay. It depends on your priorities.

Speaking of pay...what is a help desk technician's starting wage, you might ask?

Well, in my HCOL area, a technician job requiring an A+ cert and a high school diploma starts out at about $28/hour. In Phoenix, AZ, the same job starts out at $20/hour. In LA, looks like it's $20-25, same for Boston. As you gain experience, your value shoots up. My previous position was as tier 3 support (the person the help desk techs turn to when they're stuck), and I was making more than most of my college-educated friends. Except the engineers. But having seen what it takes to be an aerospace or chemical engineer, I'm okay with that.

If you are looking beyond the immediate future right now, you can also check out other IT subfields. You'll usually start off in help desk, but you can advance very quickly. I would suggest:

Cyber security

Data analysis or database administration

Networking

GIS (geographic information systems, very cool stuff)

Software dev (check this out if you like flowcharts)

As far as my career path: I worked as a computer technician for a university, then a tier 2 support job for local government. (I then job-hopped and had a mental breakdown. Simultaneously. I do not recommend that part.) Now I'm a database administrator and project manager. I'm very new to this job but so far it's great.

Please feel free to ask me more questions! Most of my friends are in IT and if I don't have an answer, I can find you one.

#answers.txt

[surrsilver]

While I was happy to be sleeping at all (not EVERY single night, but most) the usual 2-4 hours did not equate to an especially sociable disposition at the company's (Yep. The telemarketing company Lydia used Eric to reel me toward) starting time of 8:00 am. The office was in Mesa, and even though I had worked out a rental agreement for a new roommates older BMW, this till required awakening no later than 7. As many people with sleep problems can attest, inadequate rest one night does not necessarily mean that sleep will come any easier the next. Under normal circumstances, I would avoid all but the most essential human interaction until a combination of coffee and the natural awakening process left me reasonably alert and pleasant to be around by 11, or so. My new friendship, undoubtedly desirable as it was, in a general sense, threw a bit of a wrench into that plan. Lydia, it seemed, was never lacking the ability to exert an almost super-human level of energy. I had tiptoed past her office, right next to the sales floor, minutes before as she was explaining to her daughter's pre-school teacher, on the phone, that in the event of her child's continued misbehavior, she needed only to give Lydia a call, and she would "be right over there to straighten her out." But, that conversation had apparently ended, and she immediately noticed me, pouring myself a large cup of coffee, smiled a grin I would reserve for winning the power ball, and walked-or, more accurately, bounced-straight toward me."Daniel!What's up, buddy?!"

"Hey Lid. Tired. How are you?"

"I am great because you are coming over for dinner tonight! I'm making pork chops...and I'll make some of that spinach ravioli you like, too! It's my way of saying 'sorry for being a bitch' the other day." We had gotten into a minor disagreement over something I definitely don't remember now, and would not be surprised if I had forgotten already on this day....2, or 3 days after occured. The problem was--and I really should have taken note of this, there is no such thing as a minor, stand alone,disagreement when we were involved, as neither of us had yet internalized the old adage "better to be happy than right," were not exactly proficient in the area of "temper control," and were both extremely easy to anger. Worst of all, we both had an unfortunate tendency to take everything personally. In retrospect, it was a bad combination.

"Awww, no worries, buddy...just as much my fault as your's....gotta take a rain-check on the pork chops and ravioli, though...as much as it pains me (this was true. for one, I genuinely enjoyed being around this girl-usually.also, though she had just turned 20 at the time, she was already a phenomenal cook) I have a meeting I have to go to, though." The buoyant good-will in her expression disappeared.

"A fucking meeting? If you don't want to come, just say so. I'm a big girl." She walked briskly toward her office. Her reaction, I realized, actually made sense due to my lack of care in how I explained my inability to join her for dinner.

"Awww....hey Lid. It's not.....I mean,come here." The middle finger went up, and her office door closed behind her. This would be easy to explain later, though, so I refocused my activity toward downing 4 cups of coffee in an effort to get into the swing of my workday.

At about 10:30, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Lydia. Surprisingly, she'd not only shaken the angry contempt for me demonstrated such a short time ago, but was, quite noticeably, even more playful and vibrant than usual."That girl's gonna be at this meeting, huh?"

While I'd met her over a year prior (she was actually one of the first people I met after moving to Phoenix in 2001) I did not really consider us close friends until recently. After we had spent nearly every available minute offered by breaks and lunch, for a few weeks, talking. And, after the conversation ended up covering some extremely rough topics, notably, her childhood, and it was obvious that she both liked and trusted me, I felt somewhat sheepish. I had no stories from childhood that would accomplish anything other than prove what she likely already suspected, that I had been protected from all of the difficulties she, and so many other, people have to cope with early in life, and I never, in a million years would have faced some of the traumatic experiences that she had detailed to me--at my encouraging--with tears in her eyes, several days ago. But, I felt comfortable with her, as she clearly did with me. So, against my better judgement, the next time she offered to set me up with this friend, or that one, I told her of my strange, powerful attraction to the halfway house girl. I assumed that this story, so comparatively lame in the midst of others we had just addressed, was destined for the trash bin of our conversational repertoire. I also guessed that, even in the event that she desired to do so, it would be virtually impossible for her to get much mileage from it....and, I ABSOLUTELY did not predict that it would be provide her years worth of trash talking fodder, as well as incontrovertible evidence of what a (take your pick of countless insults ranging from joking to completely serious, depending upon the situation) I was incorrect on all counts. Eventually, I grew to love Lydia. A lot. But, our relationship was not propelled by the mysterious, overwhelming force that still had me stalking the halfway house girl (should have used a pseudonym. Couldn't think of one that fit) at her homegroup. There were actual choices and decisions involved. Had I recognized what now seem to be fairly obvious red flags, I could have made better ones. Tragedy may have been avoided. But all this was to come. At this point, she was just a buddy curious about her friend's strange obsession. "Yep," I admitted,"she'll be there."

"I knew it!" I began a fresh pitch as she walked off after shooting a mischievous grin in my direction.

[nock-nox]

An excerpt of a fic I'm working on:

Donna and Bane popped the three of them to the dining room, where Lily and Lance were both waiting by a plate of sandwiches, apparently deep in conversation. A water pitcher refilled glasses on their own, and both elves stuck around for just long enough for Harry to catch the edge of a brewing argument, “Elf youngling can'ts be forgetting his duties just because he’s excited to have the young Master back in—“ And then they were both gone with a crack and a brief displacement of air.

“Harry! Where on earth were you! I’m starving here. Positively wasting away,” Lance declared.

Harry flushed, “Sorry! I had intended to just skip lunch, but apparently that’s not allowed or something?”

“Ah, yeah, the elves can be a bit pushy about that kind of thing. What were you doing, anyway?”

Harry paused in the middle of transferring a sandwich from the tray in the middle of the table to his own plate. “I was—exploring.”

The pair of them exchange knowing glances.

“So how’d that turn out then?” Lance asked.

“I—“ Harry started, intent on giving a rough account of the things he’d seen. But now that he was really considering how he felt about the whole thing, he found himself spinning into a completely different direction, “Okay, I understand that magic is supposed to break the laws of physics. But there’s breaking the laws of physics, and then there’s whatever the hell is  going on inside this bloody house,” He exclaimed, gesticulating wildly.

Lance and Lily both laughed. “That was about my reaction the first time,” Lily admitted.

Unwillingly, Harry felt a growing sense of camaraderie at the statement— unusual for him, as it was coming from Lily. “How do you— How do you reconcile it? How do you not feel— I don’t know, exposed? It’s such an alien feeling to not know the edges of your own territory. I feel—I just don’t know.” He rambled, baffled.

“It takes some getting used to, but you’ll get there. Remember that this is a magical household, and family magic at that. It knows you, it loves you, and it’s going to take care of you as long as you’re here. You can sense that—,” Lily pointed to his chest, “—on some level anyway—if you just listen closely. It’ll get easier once you can really feel that.”

Lance hummed in agreement around a large bite of sandwich.

“James used to theorize that every Potter just had a new room built when they had need of one rather than try to find one to use somewhere, and that’s how we ended up with such a magical monstrosity.” Her tone was wistful.

Harry swallowed. Her gaze had dropped to the table, food forgotten. Loss gathered around her like a shroud, weighing her shoulders down into a hunch. Though he never knew him, Harry missed his father like an ache in his chest. To have company in his grief was comforting, but he wondered if it was worse for her in some ways—to clearly recall all the small ways James was missing from her life, here, in this house they once shared. Across the table, Lance mirrored his own expression, and for once they did actually look like twins.

She cleared her throat, “But I was never sure if that made that much sense. I thought perhaps the house just comes up with new rooms as you come to open doorways, based on what you both need and expect. And perhaps the rooms that stick around are the ones that we remember the most clearly. There’s a room… kind of like that in Hogwarts, on a much smaller and more contained scale.”

“No one knows for sure? I mean, there have to be records about the house being built. Blueprints, building codes. Entries in old Potter journals, maybe?” Harry asked.

“Perhaps there would have been, for any other wizarding property. But the Deothwích is special. The rooms we stay in may be newer and more updated, but the property itself is old magic—very old magic. I’d guess it predates Hogwarts at the very least. There aren’t any records that we can find, and even when James’s parents and grandparents were alive, they had no idea either. Just theories built on generations of Potters having lived here for a long time.”

Harry sipped his water thoughtfully. The Potter family was an older line, but Harry knew from his trip to Gringotts and his lessons with Ms. Bennett that its notoriety and longevity actually came from being a branch of a much older house—

“The Peverells?”

Lily looked up at him, surprised. “Yes, actually. How did you—“ She stopped, thinking. “Lyra’s lessons I suppose.” She looked back at Lance, who just looked confused. “You should know that too, little lion.”

“Er…“ Lance started, lifting from his chair, “In my defense, genealogy is boring.” And in a flash, he was gone from the room.

“That’s not an EXCUSE TO NOT LEARN IT!” Lily called after him, exasperated. She turned to look at Harry, and then smiled.

Harry started, realizing he was smiling openly at her. His expression dropped into something blank, but it was too late—he’d been spotted.

By his count, that made strike three of not-quite-hating-Lily for the past hour, which meant it was past time for a tactical retreat. He hopped up from his own chair.

“I’ll have Bane show me the library,” he said shortly, and left the room before she could make it strike four.

#i want to finish more of this whole fic before i start posting again #but i also want instant gratification lol #so here's an excerpt of the fic i'm working on #harry potter fic excerpt #wbwl #the harpie speaks #my writing #Doctrine of Snakes