By Choice | Revenant x Fem reader
How dufuk dat Totem work. Also obv this is before his Rework. Daddy didn't need no fancy shmancy work to be HIM.
Word count: 3528
By Choice
Your first encounter with teh simulacrum was something you hardly forget, and you constantly think of given how different a dynamic you now have.
It leaves you in awe, and he shares the same feeling, unable to understand how a single person can mean so much.
The tanned-skinned woman offers you a stern look, a mix of pity and spite facing you as you look at her with happy eyes that have yet to understand the shift in mood.
She'd just offered you words of encouragement, even if they held playful tease, but now as she looked at you, she seemed rather sour.
-All to your confusion.
"Loba?" you say with uncertainty, your face showing just how concerned you are.
She seemed to have regretted speaking to you in the first place, and the truth was, she'd rather forget who you were now because it wouldn't make sense to remember someone who wouldn't last.
At your address, she tried to force a smile, an unconvincing one that made your earlier valor slack. For whatever reason you felt less confident about your debut.
"It's nothing dear," she said with that same unconvincing curve to her lips.
It took you a moment to understand why, and You didn't have to ask why her expression had changed as you then turned and followed her line of vision, soon looking at the banner next to yours.
'Oh...'
-To think you'd be paired with the synthetic nightmare on your first match as an Apex Legend.
For a prolonged second, you stared at the banners with wide eyes, in disbelief before another contender approached, coincidentally the same who'd be your teammate.
Loba practically sneers as your partner makes his way towards you, sizing you down as you stare back at him with a sternness that wavers the closer he comes.
She doesn't stay long after that, and she doesn't even bother to tell you anything more either, all of which you overlook as you are more concerned with the bot's presence.
You swallow down thickly as your heart speeds and aches in pain, uncertain of what is to come, feeling unfortunate that not only would you have to watch out for potential enemies, but consider your partner a possible hostile too.
To say the least, you were on edge the entire time and were relieved to part ways after. Even if there had been nothing truly eventful about your match other than him shoving you out of the way a couple times.
You clenched your fist each time but bit back saying anything more than a short huff the second time it happened.
You were glad it was over, much more that you came back in one piece. But luck would have it that you'd find yourself working with him more than once, so much that you wondered if it was fate.
You wondered if there was something you couldn't escape waiting for you at the simulacrum's side.
'maybe death,' you mused darkly at first.
-That or the games were somehow rigged.
Though, you pondered if your fate was as horrifying as you had initially thought given how you no longer felt threatened by him.
He was a dick to you, but even his attitude began to ease as time passed, and so did yours.
He went from disliking you, to simply ignoring you....to suddenly being pleasant, earning your favor, something that wouldn't have been too difficult from the beginning.
'Maybe he just takes some warming up,' you mused with relief at your newfound partnership, finding things worked better when he actually considered your plans.
-And from pleasant, he went to confusing.
.
.
.
' Alluring little thing,' he constantly thinks so.
He regularly observes you, memorizing your every movement, even the most subtle breaths that leave you.
He regularly keeps track of your heartbeat and does so with the same tranquility one would find with the sound of gentle music.
He's keen on the existing twinkles in your eyes throughout the day, under different lighting, and inspired by different emotions.
It's all so interesting to him.
You are interesting.
The fixation he has for you digs deep, further than anything else he's ever felt, bypassing the searing wrath that has, until then been his only drive.
Unscathed, he made his way towards you, his long legs reaching you in short strides.
"You came back..." you say with relief, the words leaving you in a low breath. You sure are surprised, he can tell by the way your eyes look at him as though the sight of him is the last thing you'd thought to catch.
-Especially with how he reacted just before he stalked off after your earlier spat about strategies
And you beam as a result, unknowingly letting him know just how much it meant that he turned back.
Before long, slowly his hand fell to your face, the back of his fingers gently drawing down your moistened cheek as you'd just crawled away from the water you'd fallen into during your last scuffle.
Blood gently grazes his affectionate digits, and while he's familiar with the feeling, it's not quite as tantalizing as it's always been.
-And it's been an issue with you lately that he can't seem to understand, or express.
Instead, it's an oddly hollow feeling he feels, even if it's nothing more than a scratch that's marked your face.
Realizing that your pain brings him no pleasure is strange and bothersome, but he doesn't voice his new discovery. Instead, he masks it, pulling back his hand too for being so impulsive.
Why has touching you become such an obsession?
-He burns to know.
"hn...Get up," he demands while helping you up, pulling you by the arm after giving you a quick heal.
Your legs scramble to find ground as he quickly pulls you to him faster than you can gather your thoughts or try getting up on your own.
Though, throughout the trip, you had newfound vigor.
Because If he came back there had to be a reason. He had to find you useful, and you wouldn't disappoint. You'd show the simulacrum that you were just as worthy of a contender, an equal partner that wasn't going to be a commodity like he'd stated before he left you earlier.
As snappy as his words are, you only huff with triumph, nodding, looking at him the entire time with that little twinkle in your eye.
However, as soon as he helped you up, your breath paused and that little spike in courage was forgotten.
You lean close to him as a consequence of his gruff pull, for a second lingering as you look up at him and put on an uncertain face, curious of him as he is of you.
-At least, that's what he would like to imagine; That you are just as interested in him as he is in you.
It's considered, and For whatever reason he stays there by you, silent.
You lick your lips, subtly, not at all seductive, yet all the same, looking alluring as you offer him eyes that question him for every one of his actions that seem so unlike him.
For instance, his persisting hold that has gone from your arm to your side.
A single hand stays there and he watches as you direct your pretty eyes down to the side it resides after looking away from his own sight.
As of late, he's gotten closer throughout every interaction, and you've noticed.
'What's he doing?' You want to ask him, but you feel embarrassed too, silly too.
'He's a robot....well, Simulacrum,' you think with correction. 'Aren't they... somewhat human? At one point wasn't he?' You don't know what to think, but as you remember that, a part of you feels happy.
Something in you warms at the idea of there existing a part of him that holds the emotional capacity you do...that could somehow understand what it is that you are feeling at that very moment.
And your skin tingles as he takes the tiniest step forward while still gripping your hip.
'It's silly right?' you wonder, 'What should I do?' you wonder without direction.
While lost in thought, your hand rises, instinctually drawn to him, but he stops you midway by breaking the moment with a step driven back.
He has to peel himself away from you, being the first to move as he advises you to heal while turning to face east, and you are grateful he does.
It's not like you wanted him to draw distance, but at least he saves you the embarrassment by looking elsewhere.
'Maybe it's for the best,' You think.
"That's where we're heading," he tells you while marking the map, and he threatens to leave you behind again while waiting, eyeing you to make sure you're prepared to move, not missing the way you can't meet his gaze.
-Observant to how you seem to smile as you look at anything but him, even if it's not entirely joy-filled. There's a touch of something more but he can hardly catch it as you do your best to hide your face.
Though, occasionally you slip, and it's adorable as you try and peek at him, much more when you pretend it's not what you wanted.
It's not just enchanting how you look, but why you look that way.
And he's insistent on being the one to cause those reactions, on being the only one you show those precious responses to.
He feels scorned when anyone else can make you happy.
it's sickening at first how much he craves you. It's humiliating to him how he needs to point you to him instead, though, it's watered down when you seem to need less and less of a pull.
it's satisfying when you seek him, when you stop looking at him with question, and merely act on the same instinct he has when near you.
As his hand falls over your cheek, you stand surprised, your eyes peeled wide as his fingers move in soft caresses.
'It's just like before...' you think back to when he'd first done so, to that moment so many weeks ago.
You'd thought about it so much, nearly obsessed over it, and just how excited you felt no matter how hard you tried to pretend it didn't happen.
Your eyes flutter close, acceptant to his cold touch.
Soon, you become eased into the act, expectant of it, and he loves the way your eyes flutter close, taking in a long breath to enjoy the moment like it's an otherwordly pleasure.
The more he repeats the act, the closer he feels you, and before long there's less uncertainty.
Now, he's amused at knowing the touch of his razor-sharp claws can cause you serenity. Furthermore, it's something you need from him as you become bold, taking his kind hand, cradling it in your own as you lead it to your face and offer him sweet eyes and a pout that fills him with the slightest guilt for making you wait.
Never before would he have thought he'd succumb to a simple look, much less one as bratty as the one you pull.
These were the kinds of things he'd see people do and scoff at... How is it that he's now just one in the mass of these annoying, unbearable skinbags?
Curiosity led to experimentation which, opened the path to a routine that brought forth a side of him he forgot existed.
It'd been lifetimes ago since he'd felt the insistency to touch anyone so softly, or even be the recipient of such a feeling.
He soon becomes content with his own fill of affection, moving on without any address.
In a sense, it's like a kiss to you, an 'I've missed you' without words, moreso when it's been longer than a few hours apart.
-And that's another thing, he can't stay away.
It's not long before you pay him back with the same gentle touches, enamored by his every edge and smooth plating, an idea he thought impossible.
He feels almost naked sometimes, far too much, and while it's overwhelming at times, he doesn't tell you to stop or urge you back.
Knowing that he can also fill you with desire makes him feel alive, existent in a realm he's made of something more than wires and programming.
And one day he pushes further, coming down to your lips, pressing his own.
There's no movement from his mouth, and yet you press your soft one to his, pretending there is flesh there.
Your unbothered behavior sends him to the moon as you hold his hands, passionate in the lasting kiss.
He can feel it, your lips on his, the warmth and devotion in what you offer.
Somehow...can you?
'Can a machine love?' Noxx has dared to ask, and even if his genuine curiosity holds obnoxious condescension, it's made Revenant wonder.
-Enough to ask you.
Your eyes open wide, and you look at him with stupefaction.
"W-why do you..." you can hardly ask without stumbling over your words, and he noted your heart is fighting to jump out of your chest, it's restless as it races.
it stills when his fingers catch your chin, holding it there delicately as you continue to lay beneath him, caged down by his outstretched arm.
"You're a smart girl," he compliments because he truly does find you fascinating, even if he teases you.
He considered your thoughts worthy of contemplation, even the silly ones.
" What do you think?" he wants to know.
He wants you to speak the possibility into reality, because if you say so, then he's willing to believe.
He doesn't love himself enough to consider being happy, but if you, as fascinating and wonderful as you are tell him it's possible, then he has no doubt.
he feels something in him sinking as your eyes hold back tears, and he prepares himself for the worst, nearly certain that somehow this has all been too good.
"If I can love one... I'd hope he could feel the same for me," you say as you offer him a smile, a soft one he wants to call his and keep safe.
"If I can say I love you and be sure of it, even when I feel so afraid - could you admit it to me too?" you're begging, because you're at the point of no return, and his question feels like a make it or break it moment.
'Are you capable of that?' you think with worry.
The uncertainty in the question he asks fills you with worry because you know what you feel for him. You love Revenant and were sure every step you'd taken together was one taken with love from both sides.
' Or is this when you tell me... when you show me your true self?'
It filled you with dread to think that this was somehow a game of his, that he was truly evil and treacherous.
it's been on your mind for a while,
'Silly little Girl... you're nothing more than a game to him.' Revenant's voice echoed in your head, startling you.
You thought it had been your teammate at first, that Revenant had found his way to you already, but that hadn't been the case. You couldn't see him anywhere, and you wondered if you'd imagined the voice at first.
The sound of static occasionally fell in the background and you pressed your lips thinly wondering why your comms were failing.
"Rev... I can't hear you," you try to communicate with your partner, though, getting nothing back but choppy static.
Laughter surrounded you, and you grew weary of it.
It sounded just like Revenant, and the more he spoke, the less you were sure it was just your imagination.
"What's happening?" you thought with uncertainty, feeling sick.
There was only one thing you could think of, but you were unsure because this hadn't happened the last time you'd used his Totem. it was nothing similar.
'Poor little skinsuit...' He murmured.
' - used as just some entertainment in between matches where he can do what he actually loves,' he persists, and you had to bite back.
"That's not true," you start with annoyance that soon deters the longer he repeats the words, the more he continues to taunt you. It feels as though you'd been listening to him for an eternity, wearing down your will.
Ignoring him hadn't worked, but it seemed that arguing back was worse.
Laughter follows as a retort before he speaks again,
'It's what he was made for, It's ALL��he is.'
The words are spat out, sharp, and sinister.
Just as you find refuge, you look down at your hands, and your breath comes out short and quick, as the air feels sparse.
"he's not like that, " you say as you look down at your empty palms covered in black smoke. "I thought he was, but he's not." you continue.
'Revenant, He's gentle... soft.
he's different with me...' You tried to remember that.
"he's different," you voice.
'ooh?' coos the voice, 'different you say?' he asks.
'I see he's got you all worked up with his fingers. You're familiar with them, but have you ever seen them painted red? Don't you know that same hand has sliced through more hearts than your little one could ever bear?'
"I know already, what he's done... what he is," you say.
'Do you? ' He asks with doubt.
'Do you think he's a victim? that he's some poor, trapped soul?' He asked with scrutiny.
'Aren't you sweet... you pity him don't you?' he asked with amusement.
'you want to save him, right?' he persisted with the same sneer.
'Well let me tell you something, he's earned his place in this hell! No one forced him to be the monster he is! he's made killings far before he was trapped in that body.' He informed you, making you bite your lip down harshly.
'Did he tell you that? of course not, he hasn't even told you his real name, has he?' he asked confidently.
"When he's ready he'-" Your voice died when he interrupted you.
'He knows your every secret while giving you nothing but breadcrumbs.
Sweet, sweet (f/n).
You trusted the wrong person again, didn't you?' he sang as your vision blurred, and you had to admit that stung.
Just the idea...
'That's right...' Revenant's voice starts as your face slowly falls into bleak realization.
'And you were so easy...' he added with a chuckle, 'All he had to do was offer you a little petting, like a dog.
he hardly did anything before you leaned in for more, ' and you recall it.
'Were you that touch starved?' he asked with mock pity.
At that, you closed your eyes tight, and you shook, denying it.
'Love me! love me! Oh please! Look at me! Please, someone love me!
- Pathetic!' The sound of laughter made you shrink.
' Even in this dimension, you're pathetic,' he said with a cackle.
His words continued until Familiar hands took a grasp at your shoulders, holding you tight and making you open your eyes in shock, a strangled breath leaving you.
Revenant, your Revenant in his physical form looked down at you, and as his hands squeezed you, you came to with a start.
"What the hell did you do?" the question came out irate and nasty as he stared at your shaky form, his voice making you flinch as you continued to stare at him with surprised eyes that soon filled with fright.
'This is who he is, All he is....' the voice said before it became quieter, leaving you with nothing but doubt. 'Remember that when he touches you...'
You could only shake your head in denial, not knowing what you were trying to wash your hands of exactly.
Meanwhile, You shook in his hold, and that very expression you couldn't wipe away had him unsettled,
"What did he tell you?" it was the only question he could ask, and you couldn't answer him.
Your voice refused to work, nothing but a small sound came out before you took a frantic step back.
He noticed and pulled you back, his hands refusing to let go. the ends of his digits dug deep into your arms, the grasp becoming aching enough to make you wince.
"Answer me!" his anxiousness deepened through his words and the desperate way he held you.
As you looked up at him, truly gazed at him you remembered how scared you'd been when you first met him, and why.
You recalled one thing: that after all, he was meant for killing.
How could you forget?
'He's right, at least about one thing,' you thought with dismay as the step you took back returned, the foot falling back to its earlier place after he restrained you.
The haunting voice had been right because you can't fight back. even if you had the strength to pry him off, you had no will to draw further.
'it is pathetic...'
Where else could you run to?
there was nowhere else you wanted to go, no other arms you sought for refuge.
-Because you loved him.
And it was the first time you truly admitted it.
Soon, you clung to him, needing to hold him, having a desperation to feel his arms coiling around you.
You'd wondered what it'd be like, and it was as serene as you'd expected, offering you a comfort no one else could.
'Even if this is a game to you, give me more time, let me enjoy this more.'
"Shut up..." your voice stayed soft as you pressed your cheek close to him, " Please... please shut up,"
His voice was no comfort to you right now, especially not when it melted with the vicious one from earlier and you begged him to stay silent.
But you wanted him close.
"Just hold me... touch me... don't let me go...Rev, "
"Stupid little skinsuit," he muttered, still annoyed, though complying with a gradual approval.
He hadn't imagined you'd ever lean on him the way you were now, so desperately.
"I warned you," he really wanted to scold you, because he told you not to touch his totem, that it was only his to enter.
There was a reason for his forewarning.
The longer he'd been with you, and the more he was starting to feel for you, the more unbearable it became to go through it, and he just knew it'd be a true nightmare for you.
His lips grazed the crown of your head, gently pressing down, 'How could I resist?' he wondered, his earlier fury settled.
'Especially when you cling to me like this...'
Though, he insisted on knowing what you were told. It would take some digging, but he'd figure it out. But later, because at that moment, you were more important, comforting you was his only objective.
"Do you love me?" you ask him with that soft tone to your voice that has him feeling sparked with something vibrant.
"Because I love you, " you say while you lean close, and he comes down to try and meet you. His hand shifts to hold your cheek, marveling at the delicate skin and how there's a touch of flush to it.
One of your arms is draped over his shoulder, fingers scrunching the red cloth that covers the back of his head whist your other hand is pressed to his chest.
"Revenant? Do you feel something for me? Something similar?Anything?"
He's always been fascinated by your heart, and he wishes you could feel something beneath your palm. He wishes you could feel how much his heart would be speeding at your confessions and the sensual way you peer at him.
" I feel you mine," is what he first says, marveling at your sight.
"And only you have my mercy," he tells you, as his fingers brush your cheek. Without much thought you turn your head, your lips aimed to brush over his hand.
Successfully, you land a kiss before looking up at him with eyes dimmed with yearning.
"You have what no one else has, or ever will," he says with certain.
"And what's that?" you ask softly.
"- Me." he answers simply.
"My devotion, and conscious loyalty," he affirms. "Something no one, not even Hammond will take from me again," he swore to you and himself.
"With you, I'm a puppet by choice," he said while nuzzling his face to your neck, and as strange as it may be those words meant much more than a simple I love you.
From Revenant, their meaning was profound.
There was a knot in your throat, and to save yourself from what would be choked words you pressed your lips to his, finding your own way to translate the Phrase.
'I love you too...'
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