#aperkynobody

[theperkiestnobody]

One day on a blank page, She wrote about dreams and aspirations What her life would be when things came into place She went to bed, happily, dreaming of the life she thought it once would be. One day on the corner of lined pages, She questioned how much were dreams worth And wondered how to stretch that to make it through the days Things fell out of place And she needed to pick up the pace She went to bed, wearily, escaping to the life that would never be. Then, one night up on a hill side looking over towns by the sea She talked about the life that could have been and the dreams that never were And under the moonless, starlit, sky with no reason nor barrier She told a stranger of all the sacrifices she’s made Just to live the life she once sold oh so many years ago. So, one night, months later after she gave all that she was to someone she hardly knew She went to bed safe and sound In the arms of that someone who brought back the life She wanted to see through.

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#poems #poetry #aperkynobody

[theperkiestnobody]

Sigh

You know I don't really have much of a problem when it comes to sharing food but literally when I tell my fucking housemate that i barely have food and what I have is servicing as my breakfast lunch and dinner and she still has the fucking gull to ask if she can still have some and knowing my dumbass can't say no it just bothers me so fucking much. Like I'm hurting for cash and my boss isn't giving me enough hours to fend for myself and my financial aid isn't coming in and it's really not my fault youre not using your money wisely to buy yourself food like I'm not your goddam mom go fend for yourself

#rants #aperkynobody

[theperkiestnobody]

Blah blah

Idunnoo bout y'all but lately Facebook has decided to have a bunch of videos up on my dashboard about relationships and what not and it just kinda has been a floating thought in my mind what with me being in my first serious relationship ever and almost hitting the year mark and iunno maybe I'm just kinda sick and tired of just seeing like "the 4 different personalities" and "what you should avoid before thinking about getting married" and all this other horseshit so I'mma rant

TL;DR don't worry you'll find someone someday

So lemme tell y'all a lil something something, around this time last year, I was on the fence about getting back into dating after Everett had asked if he could be my boyfriend and I could be his girlfriend. Why? Because after a couple of years dating dinguses, idiots and fucktards, I needed a break from it all. It wasn't good that my "first" boyfriend straight up didn't talk to me for weeks prior to breaking up with me then the next idiot that followed tried breaking up with me through text message and basically told me I wasn't worth he emotional investment. And it didn't help I lost a sense of who I was while dating them. Like I basically did everything a good girlfriend was supposed to do so why didnt we stay together? Probably because I was just conveinent. And when I stopped being that, they just wanted me gone. Afterwards I just had a series of unfortunate hookups, one night stands which led to my first encounter with a fuck boy and my first consideration of having a friend with benefits. And I hated both. I can't blame the fwb guy because honestly I get it. Been hurt too many times, you aren't looking for someone whose decently attractive you want someone super attractive and whatever bullshit and it was really my fault for trying to change it to a different outcome. So after him, I was done. I just decided for myself that if I really wanna dress all nice and what not, fuck man I'll take myself out on dates. I'll buy myself that expensive ass food and I'll tell myself I'm worth it cause no one else fuckin would and if they did they just legit wanted me in bed with them. So 🤷🤷 whatever right?

I continued on, going to school, trying to hang out with friends and spend some quality roommate/housemate time. Tried figuring out this on your own away from home situation (literally a year after I moved out from my folks) while working at best buy. And lo and behold, this super excited, tall goofy fourteen year old (he's actually twenty three pero like he looks fuckin fourteen) looking white boy that legit runs up to me in his new blue uniform asking me where tf some stupid ass Samsung TV was. Mind you at the time he was starting as the Samsung experience expert while I was just your average merchandiser, working there for almost half a year, making things look pretty and I was always running around the store like a woman on a mission and had zero time trying to help coworkers and customers look for something specific. But I'm too nice of a person and I try to help however I can and I asked him if he bothered to look in our system to see if it is noted we have it in stock (which A++ for him he did before asking me). And I don't remember when I started having feelings for him all I remembered was that it kinda hurt when I figured he didn't have any for me. And i remember when it happened.

See the best buy we both worked at is located near a college town so the vast majority of the employees are college students just trying to pay off whatever debt and there was this one girl, we'll call her Sandy, who got hired right after her best friend which both were known to throw the wildest parties which I've probably been invited to once but never again since I don't drink. And I've never hated her or anything, I mean Sandy is a pretty nice person and though she's fucking nuts and will black out drunk twice a week, she helped me out when i was basically on the last straw with the fwb guy and helped me by making sure I was surrounded by friends so I didn't have to feel like I had to go back to hanging out with him because I was just so desperately lonely for company. and when Everett started working there, he got along with everyone to the point that they all knew him as that hyperactive kid who'll always put a smile on your face..and eventually they started hanging out and I knew that for one, I shouldn't be trying to date co-workers let alone look into dating cause I just started trying to get to know myself and two, there's really no way that I ever attract anyone, especially people like him. So I just kind of went about my days there till he eventually came up to me and talked to me. We had just small chatter here and there. Then eventually it became more than that. He knew that the guy working as a "security" guard employed by best buy was my housemate at the time and got into a conversation about going night hiking to which he asked me about it. I said I'd love to go and he quickly wrote down his number, gave it to me right before our general manager asked what the fuck we were doing in which I fuckin lied for him and I fuckin texted him, planned it and we went on a fucking night hike and talked to each other about literally everything personal. He knew every single thing about me in those three hours we spent by ourselves together and afterwards, I'm absolutely pretty sure he gave me compliments not just to compliment me but to also hit on me seeing as how he fell for me...and what happened afterwards was a series of him showing up to my apartment (which at the time wasn't too far from best buy) just so he could see me (IN MY FUCKIN PJAYS IF I MAY ADD), him asking about me around the store because literally everyone kind of knew who I was but just by character and not name, and eventually leading towards our "first date" which ended up going on till 3am cause of late dinner with friends and then him coming over the next day to watch a movie and play cards and that's when he asked me if he could have my lips and be mine and he waited till I was ready. He waited patiently for me to say yes, waited for me to be okay and ready to have sex with him and has been nothing but just a total sweetheart and always there for me when I needed him

And lemme tell you we aren't your generic couple either. We both have our mental illness. Some days are way better than others and maybe one day we'll finally be okay. And I also didn't wait till I moved in with him. Sure, I had my own life with my own things and I still do things on my own...but I also take into consideration what his feelings are and if he's okay with it and if he isn't we talk about it. I moved in with him maybe four or five months into our relationship because it just wasn't okay for me to live in my apartment any more due to it's conditions and what not and yeah, we're both living with his parents and theyre okay with it but honestly, we take care of each other. We push each other and all this jazz and it's all because I just ...I just said yes. I went into this relationship with both of us knowing what kind of baggage I have. I went into it slightly thinking he'll dump me after three months or he'll get tired of me...and now, I wake up to his cute little face and sleep with one of us wrapped around the others arms and I know there's a future with us. And yeah, if I were to have told my past self that after Kyle and Jon dump you you'll find someone youll be madly in love with through work, I wouldve asked what kinda drugs am I on for this kind of optimism. So honestly, yeah, you're gonna find someone someday. Even if that someone is you.

#aperkynobody #long post #super long post #relationships #love

[theperkiestnobody]

Black Mirrors

So I'm currently watching black mirrors and managed to get on season 3 episode 2 and like I feel if I were in Cooper's position the CEO of the company would be all "Why...Why does she have just adult responsibilities in there?" And Katie would be all "excuse me, ma'am, is this what you're afraid of?" And like literally stacks of like bills and deadlines scribbled in blood would be everywhere with alarms going off that like read "you're late to class" or "time for work" and I'd just kinda lower my head in shame and nod.

#help #Black Mirror #live watching #aperkynobody

[theperkiestnobody]

Sometimes I am like this Distant Distinct Remembering such useless things Picture painted memories That’s all I see Just still movements Still moving

#poem #poetry #aperkynobody #spilled ink

[theperkiestnobody]

Why can't people understand if I'm busy I don't wanna talk to anybody

#aperkynobody

[theperkiestnobody]

Why can't people understand if I'm busy I don't wanna talk to anybody

#aperkynobody

[theperkiestnobody]

I legit reblog things with little to no thought about what the context of the post held that some if y'all think I'm gay or a fucking idiot for reblogging shit from mutuals who reblogged from me. And only half of that's true.

#I'm ghey for my boyfriend tho #aperkynobody

[theperkiestnobody]

Is being salty keeping me out of trouble and away from being super dumb?: No Will I stop being salty about things that have already happened and live a better life ?: Also no.

#aperkynobody #digital diary.

[theperkiestnobody]

For once in my life, I just want to be alright. I don't want to be worried about the things that might be or already have. I just wanna worry about the amount of time spent when I'm not with you.

#tired and writing #blah blah. #aperkynobody #write #prose

[theperkiestnobody]

So I guess while a friend and I went to go get in n out after him having the worst day of his life last night and batman day being today, I get yelled at for snapping a small video just joking around with our mutual friend cause I said "fuck you (insert city name from where friend is from)" and this guy out of no where wants to lecture me about not putting their fucking shame on social media cause I "had no right" to do so but I didn't know what actually happened till I parked my car near the "incident" and the bus that had the city name from where my other friends from hit the car parked near. This bitch assumed I was gonna fucking post his shame like please I don't give a flying fuck about your mistakes BUT I GUESS MY PETTY ASS WILL NOW.

#fuck you #aperkynobody

[theperkiestnobody]

Someone save me from boredom

#aperkynobody #im bored #selfie #me

[theperkiestnobody]

I sometimes want a boyfriend to take cute pictures with even though 99.9999% of the pictures I take of myself are fucking crap

#aperkynobody #relationships #photos #take a picture with me cuties

[theperkiestnobody]

We are only made up of the things that are said and the things that are told

Emotions run when the bottle breaks

#aperkynobody #digital diary.