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luci-cunt · 3 years

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Tell me about Magneto🤭

MAY YOU CAN’T SEE IT BUT IM KISSING YOU SO PASSIONATELY RIGHT NOW

Ok so listeeennnn tooooo meeeee, okokokok, so a while ago I went on this James McAvoy bender--don’t ask--and I saw he was in the X-Men movies, whic hi haven’t watched since the Wolverine movies/ Last Stand when I was like, actually a baby. So anyways I flipped them on thinking “yeah what could go wrong?” except I watched them in the wrong order

Anyways here’s an essay on why neither Erik or Prof X was right and the actual answer would be to compromise and these movies how how because they’re both too stubborn and couldn’t it destroyed their friendship and fucked everything up.

Also the fact that X-Men: First Class is the best Villain origin story to ever cross the screen.

Ok so spoilers ahead for X-Men: Days of Future Past and X-Men: First Class

Now, it should be noted that I’m no an X-Men expert I just love these two movies.

So for some context: First Class and Days of Future Past are both kind of prequels, except DoFP is a prequel-sequel?? becuase of time travel?? I’ll explain don’t worry. The point is, they take place in the past where all the characters are younger. James McAvoy plays Professor X (who I’ll just be calling X for this whole thing), Michael Fassbender plays Magneto (aka Erik), oh and Jennifer Lawrence plays Mystic--who will be appearing in this essay XDD.

Alright so first of all have a plot summary: DoFP is about Wolverine getting sent back in time so he can convince a younger Prof X to stop Raven (aka Mystic) from getting caught by this guy Trask who then uses her DNA to create super weapons that irradiate all mutants. The current future Wolverine is in, he, prof X, Magneto, and a few other mutants are trying their best to survive but it’s a losing battle and their only hope is to literally change the past.

This one takes place after the events of First Class, which I will now explain.

So in First Class a younger Prof X and Magneto team up to find and recruit bb mutants to X’s school because the government wants to use Mutants to help fight the Russians (oh head this takes placee in the 1960′s right before the Cuban Missile Crisis). This is essentially a Magneto origin story and also--in my opinion--the best villain origin story to ever cross the screen.

OK so now some details on our main characters:

Magneto/ Erik Lehnsherr: a literal holocaust survivor who’s only goal in the begining of the story is hunting/ killing nazi’s, specifically one nazi who tortured him specifically and I will get into him later don’t worry.

Professor X: super smart rich white boy with a heart of gold but also enough naivete to make a lamb look like a Stephen King character.

Already you can see very stark differences between the two of them. Erik is set up as being a staunch pessimist while X is a vivid optimist, and that makes sense. X’s grown up sheltered and never wanting for anythign while Erik suffered a trainwreck of the greatest traumas in human existence hitting him over and over and over again from like age fucking 9.

Ok also tehre’s J-Law’s character Raven, who is a mutant that can change her skin to look like anythign she wants it to but her actual form is blue/ scaly/ “not pretty” (bullshit but ok). She met X when she broke into his house one night to steal some food and then they became friends, their relationship will become important later but for now that’s all u need to know.

ok so anyways, in the begining of First Class Erik is hunting + killing Nazi’s, specifically looking for this one called Schmidt because when Erik was little he and his family were carted away to a concentration camp where Schmidt witness Erik use his metal bending powers and decided to “train” him. aka physically/ mentally abuse him for years. The whole thing starts with Schmidt trying to get Erik to lift a metal coin with his mind, when he can’t (because he’s a child who didn’t even know he had his powers until literally hours ago) Schmidt puts his mother’s life on the line and when he still can’t Schmidt kills her. This sends Erik it’s a rage and he crushes some nazi heads but then Schmidt is still standing and mentions how “oh gotcha, so it’s rage and pain that’s the key to your powers huh?” anyways this tidbit and the coin will become important later trust me--

Meanwhile Prof X is graduating from Oxford/ generally being an idiot pretty boy. He’s a telepath who knows about his powers and has used them from an early age. He also wrote some big paper on mutants, which gets the attention of an FBI agent who witnesses the villains being mutants and wants his advice

However, the villains just so happen to be Schmidt, who’s going by “Shaw” now, so when X and the agents catch up to him Erik is already there and on a mission to murder his ass. Some bs happens, Erik tries to pull a submarine out of the water but can’t (T-T this will be important) and X jumps into the water to stop him because the mental stress is literally killing him.

That’s how they meet.

It’s important to note: up until this point, Erik didn’t know there were other mutants, so meeting X, who’s friends with Raven, is kind of a big deal for him. He and X become very fast friends and also have a very homoerotic montage where they become dads for a bunch of mutant teenagers, because they realize they can use X to track all these baby mutants, collect them, and train them so they don’t grow up fearing their powers.

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Anyways, the other thing about this is that now that Erik has this newfound group of people that are just like him, he’s opening up, and X is helping him realize he’s actually so much more powerful when he taps into happy memories rather than fueling himself on pain and rage. This scene always makes me sob oh my god--

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Also, fellas--is it gay to “access the brightest cortex” of your homies memories and remind him that hate and pain are not good motivators before reminding him that he has good memories he can draw on and showing him that his life has not been entirely painful?

YEs, the answer is yes are u shitting me??

ok so anyways--something to note about this is that X and Erik are both very protective of all their new kids, but Erik is especially so. I’m going to be getting into this more but just tab thsi thought for later :)

Now, the plot’s kicking up a bit, because it’s at this point that Erik and X capture one of Shaw’s (aka the nazi’s) main lackies and they question her until she gives them the info that Shaw’s planning on using the Cuban Missile Crisis tensions to start a nuclear war to wipe out all humans so that only mutants survive in the new world.

Obviously they want to stop him, but also, you can kind of tell that Erik is not totally against this plan, which only gets to be more later but that’s for later.

Right now I wanna take a quick break to talk about Raven--aka Mystic, aka J-Law. She and X were childhood friends and she kind of clung to him because she doesn’t have family/ anyone she can really be herself around besides him.

X insistently says throughout the movie he sees her as a sister, but it’s kinda obvious she’d be down to fuck. She has this big plotline where she keeps trying to get X to understand why it’s so frustrating for her to have to be using energy to look “human.” Because her natural form is the one with the blue skin. X doesn’t understand this because his power is easy to hide, it’s simple for him to just fake-human and have no one be any wiser, Raven, however, doesn’t have that luxury and when she tries to explain this to X it just flies over his head, insisting she hide her natural self to better fit in if that’s what she really wants.

Queue Erik, who comes in as a king of self love. He’s pretty blunt about it, but his point is basically “you’re wasting energy by constantly pretending you’re something you’re not--stop” and she responds essentially with “yeah but then no one will like me” to which he responds “then make them.”

Raven’s relationship with both the boys is used through both First Class and DoFP to really highlight their faults. X believes humans and mutants can coexist but he thinks we go about doign that by completely ignoring the pages of history of abuse mutants have suffered--and it’s mostly because he hasn’t experienced it.

Erik on the other hand will do everything and anything he possibly can to protect his new family/ people, and in his head that means exterminating any and all threats. By the end of the movie--humans become one of those threats.

The point of this whole ramble is that: they both represent utter opposites, BUT, X’s blind optimism and Erik’s blind pessimism are equally bad.

Ok so back to plot for a second to prove this.

Shaw is revealed to be a mutant himself and he also has a helmet that can block telepathy. (yes it’s the magneto helmetjasjd;fkjaskl;dfjasldkj jsut wait).

His plan’s complicated but basically: he’s going to poke America and Russia until they pop and incite a nuclear war. And it works. The whole pre-climax of the film sees X, Erik, Raven, and the other mutants all working double time to stop Shaw’s plan (AND IT INVOLVES ERIK SUCCESSFULLY PULING A SUBMARINE OUT OF THE WATER!!! BECAUSE NOW HE’S USING HAPPINESS INSTEAD OF ANGER/ PAIN!!!).

Anywho, they’re doing all this, but then some bullshit happens, the plane they’re on crashes oh and -- yeah there’s this part where Erik uses himself as a seatbelt for X it’s fantastic but anyways--

This is finally the climax of the film.

Also possibly the greatest scene in film history in my humble opinion.

Because listen--in order to stop Shaw they need the helmet off of him so that X can telepathically freeze his ass and they can arrest him or whatever. So they split up--Erik rushes into the wreckage to find Shaw and X stays behind ready to freeze the guy as soon as the helmet comes off but--

Well, vengence is just too tempting.

So when Erik gets Shaws helmet off, X freezes the guy, and he’s ecstatic, at least until he realizes Erik plans on killing Shaw.

He’s pleading with Erik because this is vengence and he can’t chose that but Erik just puts on the helmet and--taunts Shaw, pulling out the coin Shaw taunted him with all those years ago and in a mimickry of the game Shaw forced him to play as a child and killed his mother over--he slowly floats the coin at Shaws head, telling him “I’m going to count to ten, and all you have to do is move.”

But he can’t--because X is holding him--and that’s the point, Erik wants him as helpless as he was, and X can’t let his hold on Shaw go because that would mean putting Erik in danger but he’s also in Shaws head so he feels the coin go through his head as though Erik was doing it to him and the fucking cinematography in this scene is so fuaksdjf;laksjd;fjasd;lkfjadsl;asdjf;ljL:DKJFL:SDKJFL:D KFUCKKKKK

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This scene is cinematic perfection don’t fucking lOOK at me unless you agree.

T-T and then, it only gets worse, because now Erik’s finally finished his original purpose--killing the man who killed his mother and ruined his life--and now he’s got a new one, aka protecting his new family aka the mutants.

AND HE’S ONLY PROVEN RIGHT THAT HUMANS ARE A THREAT BECAUSE THEY TURN AND TRY TO KILL ALL THE MUTANTS IN THE PLANE CRASH AND JSUT--

And so he stops all the missiles flying their way, and turns them around on the humans and X has to stop him but he’s not listening and the rawest fucking line in the whole movie comes when X says

“There’s hundreds of men on those ships--innocent men. They’re just following orders!”

And Erik simply replies, “I’ve been at the mercy of men ‘just following orders’--never again.”

And then he goes to blow up the shipsthen one of the other characters goes to shoot Erik and he deflects the bullet wtihout thinking right. into. X’s. back.

Paralysing him.

And just akjd;fjasdflkjasd;lfkj this scene speaks for itself

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Listen just--akjdsf;ljasdlk jguys this movie has no right being this good.

And then the movie closes off with X and Erik literally begging one another to just see it their way--because they both want so badly to be on the same side but they’re too stubborn and they refuse to see compromise and just ajkdf;lja;sdkfja;sdljkfsadlkf

Ok I realize now that I barely talked about DoFP but this is already so long. The major things I was going to bring up was teh absolutely fantastic bitter exes energy that McAvoy and Fassbender bring to that movie it’s excellent but also the fact that X is literally the only person Erik goes out of his way not to kill despite standing directly in the way of Erik’s goal.

Like, you remember my whole deal with Raven??? yeah that’s x10 in DoFP (which takes place quickly after this movie) yeah so her and Erik are close, and shown to be close, but the second he thinks she endangers his fam he literally 180′s so quick and tries to straight up murder her.

BUT HE FUCKING BENDS THE BULLET AROUND X’s HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X!!!!!!!!!! WHO’S LITERALLY 100% AGAINST HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST

Ok, that’s all. By the way I don’t want to like, up your expecations too much because I actually kind of hate X-Men: First Class almost as much as I love it?? it’s very..... of it’s era, and cheesy, and dumb--but fucking magneto you guys holy SHIT

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warmau · 5 years

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Professor!AU Johnny

shout out to the person who asked me to continue this on kofi! tw: mentions of heartbreak, general angst but it’s still a warmau au so you know it’ll end up ok

“just forget me like im trying to forget you!”

the first thing people realize about their new professor is that he’s tall

and that for such a handsome, young looking guy

he dresses like a grandpa

we’re talking knitted sweater vests and corduroy pants

wood brimmed glasses and shiny oxfords

but none of that matters, because by the end of the first class most people know that it’s going to be a fun semester

because professor suh ,,,,,,,,,,,, is a goofball

prof. suh teaches introduction to film studies, it’s a core class that all film majors have to take

and if anyone is passionate about films ,,,, well you haven’t met johnny

he especially likes to rave about likes of brian de palma, john carpenter and william friedkin

the 70s horror wave is kinda his jam,,,,,,

also love documentaries and if you were to pluck his headphones (never in his life will he spend money on airpods) off his head you’d probably hear a fleetwood mac album resounding through them

even though,,,,,,this guy is barely even thirty,,,,,,

but anyway back to the fact:

johnny is the funniest and cornball-est professor there is

in the sweetest kind of way

he’ll go out of his way to organize movie viewings on the quad

ask students to come up to the front of the class and act out a favorite scene of their’s

even bring in his black lab puppy to class and be like

“if you handed in your essay on time - you can give jordan a pet”

totally got called in with the dean to discuss smuggling animals onto campus and johnny was just like hey,,,,,it worked. no one submitted their essay in late

you can tell he really loves teaching and he really loves film, he just gets so animated when he talks

pointing at his slideshows, rocking excitedly back and forth on his heels when a student gives a deep and insightful comment on a directors work

the absolute look of pride on his face when students present their final projects

and he can tell they enjoyed their time working on it

got featured in the university newspaper because he wore one of those newsboy caps

and the caption was: film department fashionista professor ~

johnny got a good laugh out of it

but drama professor ten INSISTED the newspaper do a cover on him too

because johnny? fashion? no,,,,,,,if you wanted fashion, looks, serves then you had to come to him

ten’s assistant professor hendery: all you do is wear black

ten: shuttup i have a masters degree

johnny is friends with all the other professors, no matter the department or the area of interest

he’s on great terms with the engineering departments heartthrob taeyong, the studious physics department head kun, and even the coach for the uni football team jaehyun

he’s basically irresistible - he’s a positivity magnet

and everyone wants to befriend him

or date him

(several times he’s had to politely refuse advances from students and faculty alike - though the one time a love letter found its way onto his desk he really just,,,,couldn’t find it in his heart to throw it out)

basically the entire campus has a crush, platonic or not

and everyone just cannot fathom how professor suh is single

“he is suuuuuuch a catch”

you overhear, while pouring yourself some coffee and trying to remember if you sent out the right links for the homework yesterday

“i know, i heard he’s finally interested in dating again.”

“he wasn’t before?”

one of the teachers shrugs

“he just keep rejecting everyone - but there was a rumor of him going around with someone last week-”

you don’t really care for the rest of the conversation

because you know it’s blatantly untrue

you were the person who had been with johnny last week

all you’d done is meet up to discuss a possible group project between your students

nothing more, nothing less

you’d only recently gotten a job at the university teaching in the history department

and johnny had been kind to you since day one

talking to you on campus when you’d bumped into each other, giving you a little rundown of where to find what and who professors could go to in case of emergencies

he’d been bright and welcoming and just like anyone else

you liked him, not in a romantic way or anything - you just could tell he was a good person right off the bat

after a couple of days you’d run into him after a mandatory meeting for professors

and you had brought up the fact that you were going to be doing a class on the 70s and johnny had excitedly offered that your class join his for a viewing of the ‘79 film version of ‘mad max’

you’d talked about it over coffee at the campus cafeteria, and to your surprise it had gotten blown out of the water

several people, including students, had asked you about it

‘are you into him?’

‘you know faculty aren’t allowed to date right?’

‘didn’t you just get here - you should probably slow down...’

more than anything, you were surprised at how everyone thought they had the right to pry into his business

and it had made you wonder

maybe johnny is too nice for his own good

but either way - you didn’t want to get stuck in any of this drama

keeping this job was your priority, falling in love? you hadn’t thought about it since college

the work day dwindles down, you teach your last class and barely have a chance to let them know about their projects as they all rush out of the door when the period ends

you take a little time putting your things together when you hear the door open

thinking it’s a student, you get ready to see if they have any questions

but instead you see johnny in the doorway

a beige cardigan thrown over his button up shirt and dad fitting jeans

“ah! looks like my students were right - this is your classroom.”

you give a little smile, but ask why he’s ultimately here

johnny doesn’t answer for a second, he looks like he’s collecting himself

“i just wanted to make sure you’re ok, there have been some rumors floating around and -”

you’re reminded of the dozen or so comments you’ve gotten and the whispering of the other professors and ta’s in the lounge this morning

“oh, i’m ok. i keep telling everyone they’ve taken it the wrong way.”

johnny’s smile softens

“im sorry to cause you so much trouble when this is your first semester teaching here.”

you put a hand up and shake your head, not noticing the way johnny ‘s eyes dull just a bit

“don’t worry. everyone will know it was simply school stuff when we have the shared class.”

he agrees with a small nod and you think that’s the end of it

when suddenly he walks over and helps collect some of the heavy books on your desk

“let me carry these.”

“oh you don-”

“please?”

his smile curls up at the corners, the gentle plead leaves you incapable of saying no

and so you watch him gather up the books in his arms and you walk out behind him

yeah, i think he is too kind for his own good.

you and johnny plan to merge your classes on thursday

instead of meeting up, you simply email each other about the arrangements

and everyone seems to forget about the momentary rumor that you and him are anything more than co-workers

but still, even through emails, johnny is charming and sweet

you start to question it too

hovering over his profile picture on the email, the empty ring finger and the way you hear stories everyday about confessions turned down by the film professor

thursday finally rolls around and all the students are beyond happy to be watching a movie rather than doing classwork

johnny cracks jokes about the film while you set up the projector, you get a little jealous seeing how engaging your students are with him

when sometimes you can’t even get them to say a word

he’s a great person and a great teacher, it’s like he was made for this profession

you muse, before catching yourself mid thought, embarrassed to be thinking about johnny when you’re in the middle of a class

when everything is good to go, johnny gives you a thumbs up and all the student inch forward in their seats as the opening scene plays

you and johnny move toward the back of the room

where he leans up against the wall and you switch the lights off before catching his side profile in the corner of your eye

he’s handsome, it’s undeniable

but looks are only surface deep, so you wonder if someone so beautiful could also be so kind and caring

johnny turns and you want to pretend you weren’t looking, but it’s too late

the sides of his lips curl up into a smile and he tilts his head, black hair parted perfectly around the frame of his handsome face

“have you seen this movie before?”

he asks in a low voice

“n-no”

“ah, well if you look at the setting the director makes sure to-”

the buzzing of his phone stops him and he excuses him from the room

you think it must be a call from a friend, maybe an appointment reminder

but when johnny doesn’t come back for almost an hour - you start to worry

half of the class is trying to pretend they’re not on their phones while the other half is engrossed in the film

so you make a quick decision to leave the room for a second and find where he’s gone off too

“no, i don’t want to see you again.”

the voice makes you stop in your tracks

that,,,,,,,,sounds like johnny,,,,,,but,,,,,,,harsher?

“i don’t think you understand what you did to me. do you think i can forgive you? do you really think -”

he’s talking faster, but the pitch is higher

“stop, i don’t want to hear it. you chose him, you chose him when you slept with him in our bed!”

you freeze, feeling your blood go cold

this isn’t a conversation i should be hearing ,,,,,

you swallow and want to start backing away, but for some reason your feet are planted

refusing to let you leave

“no, no - just forget me like im trying to forget you!”

at just the right moment, your senses kick in and you manage to turn yourself around and back toward the classroom door

when you step inside, you get spared some glances but the action scene on the screen awards you a clean entrance

you go back to your spot, arms crossed over your chest

was he talking to his ex? it sounded like it,,,,,,but his voice,,,,,

he sounded so broken

johnny doesn’t come back for another couple of minutes

when he does, he enters the room and gives a little smile to students who giggle his way

he sees you and the smile widens

but you can’t smile back

his voice, the pain you felt in every syllable - they make this happy johnny in front of you feel fake

thankfully the ending credits save you from having to make awkward conversation

you and johnny move toward the front of the room and as you shut down the projector you hear him talking with the students

the same pep, cheer, and happiness that’s always there

seems duller

or maybe it’s only you who hears the small change

the rest of the students are reacting and chatting with him as they normally would

and when johnny turns and asks if you want to say anything

you let your students know about their projects, a wave of groans passing through the sea of bodies

you and johnny let the class out a little early, you sort of panic because you think being alone with him will somehow be weird

so you make up an excuse about having coffee with professor ten

you dash through the door, leaving a confused johnny behind and make way for cover in your office

im an adult, why am i acting like some kid who just almost got caught with a secret?!

you reprimand yourself, but still you don’t feel like it would have been a great idea to stay around and chat

like what would you say to him? especially after hearing him ,,,,,, like that

you take cover in your office, closing the door and setting yourself behind your desk

you distract yourself grading some in-class work when your phone lights up with a notification

you think it’s a faculty email so you open it up without another thought

when you see johnny’s names

‘thanks for letting me show the movie to your class! i hope everything is ok, you seemed a little distressed. did professor ten do something to you - let me know~’

the signature on the email is the same one all teachers use in their school emails

you want to answer because you feel bad knowing he’s worried

but at the same time you feel awkward now

am i the only one who knows about his ex? no one has ever brought it up before.......

you pick up your phone and hit reply, but instead of typing anything you just stare at it

whatever, it’s not my business. let’s just forget what i heard and move on.

you lock the screen and go back to grading

the time passes and a couple of days later you find yourself so busy with your classes projects that nothing else manages to cross your mind

you’re rushing down campus with a couple of large display boards when you almost crash head first into someone

“oh sorry - i can’t see over these-”

“here, let me help.”

johnny’s voice reaches you first and then you feel the boards being lifted from your hands

with his tall stature, they look smaller than before

he pouts when you make eye contact and goes

“you never answered my email! are you ok?”

it takes you a second to remember what he’s talking about, but when you do you just make up another excuse

“oh i sent it, maybe it didn’t go through?”

“maybe, you know all the students use up the school wifi.”

you laugh with him and for that split moment it feels like everything is normal

you’re just two coworkers, two friends

but then

“no, no - just forget me like im trying to forget you!”

the words close in on and you abruptly feel the calmness of your situation turn into dread

“i can carry those-”

you start, trying to get away from johnny again, but he simply refuses to let them go

“what room are you in, let me help you.”

you want to insist that you can do it yourself, but panicking you just blurt the number out

you both start your way toward the building and johnny makes casual conversation

but the words you’d overheard nearly overshadow everything he says

why do i care so much? why is it bothering me?

you groan and johnny suddenly asks what’s wrong

you can’t take the feeling and you grab the board back

“sorry - just forgot i need um markers, i have to go!”

your excuse is utter bullshit, you’re sure johnny doesn’t believe you

but you don’t like the sinking feeling you get around him and so you disappear again and johnny almost calls out

but even if he did, you wouldn’t hear him over the pained memory of that phone call

at some point you start avoiding him

or at least avoid any contact with him

you don’t want to seem rude, so you just go out of your way to be in any place that he’s not

so he can’t ask you about it and so you don’t have to be faced with knowing that the happy character he plays

isn’t all that happy

you think that’s what bothers you most - the fact that everyone else sees him as this

positive light, cutely dressed in sweaters over button downs and oxfords

adjusting the glasses on his nose as he flips through a script submitted in one of his classes

but now you just see the pain - the cracking voice - just the visualization of johnny walking into a room

and being faced with something so heartbreakingly cruel that to this day he’s shunned away affection

no wonder he rejects just about anyone - maybe he just can’t trust someone like that again?

“excuse me, can you tell me where the film department is?”

you startle, looking up to see an unfamiliar face

the individual smiles, apologizing politely for scaring you before explaining that they need to see one of the film professors

you have a couple of minutes to spare and even though you don’t want to go to that building

because of the off chance of bumping into professor suh

you still feel like you can’t just give this person vague directions

so you take the chance and tell them you’ll walk them over

they don’t say much, so you assume they’re either a transfer student or maybe a visiting professor

you swipe your id card to get through the entrance of the building and hold the door open for them to step through behind you

they’re rather plain, you’re not struck by anything about them - just that they’re neat and very mannered

so you don’t expect that once you get off the elevator and lead them into the professor’s lounge

that their demeanor to change as drastically as it does

because the moment they set eyes on johnny

who you didn’t even notice in the corner

they lose their posed attitude and run at him with open arms

your confusion is apparent, is this his relative? they don’t look at all like him-

but then it dawns on you

because johnny’s eyes turn cold and his lips thin out into a straight line

“what are you doing here?”

he asks and the tone of voice sets a tension in the room that’s nearly suffocating

“john - don’t be like this! you were so mean on the phone and i thought in person you’d be -”

“you need to leave.”

he’s merciless, motioning to the door with his head

and catching a glimpse of you, frozen in the corner with shock

the pit of your stomach churns

is that,,,,,,,,,,are they,,,,,,,,,,,,,,his ex?

“oh c’mon, you won’t even talk to me now? after everything we’ve been through? johnny love you know-”

even though his anger is nearly blazing off of him like an open flame

johnny touches them gently - his hands barely grazing their upper-arm as he starts to walk them over to the door

you want to escape, that or just plain disappear

but you can’t move a muscle

johnny is nearly two feet away when his ex jerks themselves away

“john - listen to me! you can’t just leave me like this! look - look at this - it’s the ring you got me, we’re still engaged! you can’t just -”

johnny seems to snap, the kindness and the happiness he exudes almost daily is no where to be found

he turns, broad shouldered and standing tall

if you had never known any other side of him you would have found yourself frightened

“that ring means one thing, it means you’re a cheater. im sick and fucking tired of you thinking i will ever take you back - get out of my life for good.”

the cursing sounds unnatural in your ears, everything about this johnny is off

he’s harsh and sharp and his energy is just pitch black

but at the same time you can’t blame him

this person has some kind of chip on their shoulder about hurting him and thinking they’ll get off scottfree

it even stirs up an anger in you as well

johnny turns and with one glance you can tell that the rough, pissed off expression on his face is going to turn into devastation

you don’t want him to breakdown in front of this person so you decide to do something you know you’ll probably come to regret

you intervene, stepping in front of johnny and giving him the fakest smile you can

“oh professor suh did you remember we have papers to grade together, come with me!”

you reach out and touch his wrist, his skin is hot and you tug him out of the room

his ex makes a move toward the door, but you nudge johnny forward and then take the chance to slam the door shut in their face

the sound echoing through the halls and earning you questionable looks on all sides

but you don’t care

you know johnny needs to go somewhere and be alone and you find that place in the fire escape staircase

dingy and old, but free of students and pesky exes

when you find yourself in the small, dark area you realize you should excuse yourself

and let him maul over the many emotions he must be feeling right now

but when you turn to go, you hear his deep voice softly ask you to stay

he sits down on the steps, large hands cradling his head

“why can’t they leave me alone?”

“im sorry, i don’t know why.”

you say the only thing you can say even though it makes you feel terrible

johnny shakes his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes and making it hard to read the expression on his face

although it’s not hard to assume that it’s pained

“you know, i was going to marry that person. i was going to walk down the aisle with someone who - who -”

johnny loses his words

“who would betray you?”

you finish and he looks up, his eyes ringed red and bristling with haziness

“yes.”

he chokes back a sound

“someone who doesn’t really love me.”

he shrinks, large shoulders closing in on themselves

you want to comfort him, but you’re not sure

after all it isn’t as if you and him are particularly close

so you give a small bow as you mutter that you’ll leave him be for now, that he needs his space and you don’t want to invade it

but before you can turn around, johnny rises up off the steps and stops you

for a moment he’s just got a hand on your wrist, holding you in place - maybe he just needs someone to hear him out

maybe he wants to thank you for getting rid of the person who hurt him so bad

but something twists in the pit of your stomach as he tugs you toward him

and you feel weightless, falling into his arms easily and fitting into the plane of his chest perfectly

“im sorry”

he apologizes, deep voice cracking

“im sorry - i just want to hold -”

you give a weak nod, knowing you should be the bigger person and step away from this

he’s vulnerable, you’re the only one around, there isn’t any other reason for his actions

but a little voice in your head prods it says

maybe johnny actually trusts you! maybe you’ve made him feel like being open with someone is possible again!

but you refuse to fall into that trap

johnny is handsome, kind, and didn’t deserve to be cheated on and scarred

and so it’s impossible that he’d ever find healing in you

“can you close your eyes for a second?”

you freeze at the request - wanting to ask why, but somehow all you end up doing is letting your lashes flutter closed

“im sorry, im so sorr-”

johnny doesn’t even finish his sentence, he presses his lips to yours and you let out a sound of confusion

that he interprets as protest so he pulls away just as fast as he started and tries to stumble over another apology

when you just reach out with your hands and pull him back into you

i don’t care if im just a coping mechanism for him right now, just feeling his lips on mine for that moment - it’s obvious he’s missed affection. he needs this. im just being a good person.

no matter how you reason in your mind, your thoughts melt away when johnny’s hands wrap around your waist and his large body nearly envelops you whole

one hand finds the hem of your shirt - but hesitates and stays on your hip as you tilt your head and johnny groans when your teeth pull at his lip

he’s burning up, his skin gets hotter and hotter as the kiss gets deeper and deeper

and you feel your back against the wall - johnny placing his hands on the surface beside your head as he keeps himself from doing anything you might not want him to

but you’re at a point where you’re willing to take his own hand in yours and move it back onto your body

because johnny suh deserves to be loved and he deserves to have someone that’ll give themselves to him and only him

and in this moment it’s you - and you want him to know that

“did you hear about the physics quiz for professor qian?”

two voices from below shatter the bubble around you and johnny

disconnecting from each other - you take in a breath and react faster than he can

you open the door to the stairs, scurrying out

just in time for it to shut behind you as two students round the top stair and find professor suh alone

staring at the door

they giggle, greeting him and he just nods, speechless and touching the curve of his lips

“what the hell did i just do?”

you say to yourself, trying to fix your hair as you pass through the campus and back to the parking lot

you thankfully don’t have any classes to teach today so you just book it home and ignore the notifications that litter the screen of your phone

you feel like you’re in high school again - being a giant child about this sticky situation

but you just don’t know what to do now

why did you let yourselves get carried away like that? you work together for gods sake you’re going to have to see each other TOMORROW

you groan into your pillow

you try to carefully deleting notifications from your work email that have johnny’s name in them

and only feeling worse when they pop up again

you accidentally press on one and it opens

it’s the same profile photo on the email icon, smiling, happy johnny

the same .edu email

everything is the same but the message

‘please don’t hate me’

you take in a breath, tap reply

‘i don’t, but - what did that all mean?’

‘this isn’t something we should talk about over......’

‘yeah, let’s do it in person.’

you gather up a bit of your courage and tell yourself it’s ok. mistakes happen, the air will clear up when you face each other

your students don’t notice that you’re jittery

when you drop the pen you’re holding, they just keep typing away on their laptops

and for the first time as a professor, you’re happy to have no one paying attention to you

when the bell rings and you start walking toward the campus cafe where you’ll be meeting johnny

you feel a mixture of butterflies and sickening poison invade the inside of your stomach

he’s already there, sipping a coffee, wearing a ridiculously long sleeved cardigan and rounded glasses

a student greets him and he gives her the smile you’re so used to seeing

that the image of him curled up with tears on the brink of his eyes just doesn’t seem real anymore

but you saw it. you know you did.

you approach slowly and johnny seems to hesitate between getting up and staying in his seat

“do you want me to get you a coffee?”

he propositions, but you shake your head

“johnny - i mean, professor suh - i hope you know you don’t owe me anything.”

he had been drumming his fingers on his thigh, but he stops

“you don’t owe me any explanations about ,,,,,,,,,,,, that person or about the situation or about,,,,,,,,,,,, why what happened - happened. i just want us to be good colleagues,,,”

your voice trails off when the smile on his face isn’t showing up

it’s just a blank - long stare

“professor suh,,,,,,?”

“did you think i did what i did just because i feel lonely?”

you sit back and look around

“i-”

“you’ve got it wrong.”

he slips out of the chair and you think he’s about to just leave - but he’s thinking what you’re thinking

which is that you can’t talk about making out with each other when there are about one hundred students within earshot range

so you end up again in the stairwell, not the same one - but it’s the only private place on campus

and the second you’re alone, johnny chucks the cup over his shoulder and wraps his arms around you

your body is pressed, perfectly again, into the shape of his chest

“you’re not a rebound, or a coping mechanism, or any of those things.”

he mumbles, deep voice against the skin of your ear

“you’re the first person ive had an interest in in a long time - i just chose the wrong time to act on it.”

you think you’re making the words up in your head, but they’re really coming out of johnny’s mouth

“i know you said you want to be good colleagues, and i want that too. but outside of work i want-”

you shift a little, arms coming up to embrace him back

really you’re not even thinking about it - your body just feels safe and comfortable

and it speaks for you as he pulls back

to look at you with those almost amber like eyes

“i want something more - if you’re ok with it?”

you nod, lips parting a little as he leans in to kiss you again

there isn’t the same desperate, driven by pain feeling as there was yesterday

but it’s still loving and passionate

“but prof - johnny,,,”

you start against the skin of his cheek

and he slows down a little to hear you out

“if i see your ex on campus again, i wont be nice about it now.”

he chuckles

“don’t worry, you have my permission to do your worst.”

you both laugh over it - before kissing again and again and again

until his phone goes off and he picks it up and the head of the film department is frantically asking if he meant to be late to his class or if he got into another accident on his bike

“you bike to work?”

“yes - and ill be picking you up on my bike on our first date.”

#nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct au #johnny scenarios #johnny imagines #yungho scenarios #yungho au #member: johnny #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 au #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 #johnny #uhhhhhhhhh htgrfhdskjl

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dreamsafterhours · 4 years

Text

college boyfriend!markhyuk au series: II (donghyuk’s pathway)

a universe in which roommates!markhyuk meet each other's s/o in class

markhyuk are roommates, my/n and dy/n are roommates, mark and dy/n take classes together and so do donghyuk and my/n — how will their fates intertwine?

genre: fluff pairings: platonic!mark+dy/n format: dotpoint AU universe: non idol, college best friend warning: a lil swearing (best get used to it lol)

masterlist

or click here to continue your friendship with paediatrics!haechan!

I ⇤ | II | ⇥ III

II: relationship consolidation.. it’s platonic i swear

the fellowship continues (mark + dy/n)

so the month that follows your first meeting

is full of

a mixture of crackheadedness and tortured artist vibes

a lot of it is sending lit memes and other shit to each other at 2am when u have an 8am the next morning and yelling at each other for keeping u up so late but then laughing again at whatever the ridiculous punchline was

“to quote shakespeare’s hamlet, act v, scene ii, line 270: no”

/deep inhale/ /unhinged laughter/

that’s your inside joke for a whole two weeks mark couldn’t get the numbers right the first few times uwu poor confused thing but he got it after a while so good on him

in the second class after the first day, you try your best to find in him the crowd of people lining up to go into the lecture theatre but you can’t and it’s almost time to go in and—

oop you’re getting swept by the current of the masses

you still try to look for him even then

and luckily your attempts pay off !bc you do see him further up the stairs

,, but he’s

,.talking to another person, sitting in a seat on the end of the row

slightly disappointed that you can’t sit together and get to know him better and hopefully become friends but !! still optimistic that you’ll just make new friends

you file into an empty seat near his row a little further down the stairs from where he was sitting

you take out your materials and start to go over your notes from the day before when

someone plops himself down on the seat next to you

you look up and before you can smile in greeting, you recognise

it’s mark!!

he says “heyyy” in that rlly soft voice idk if you’ve seen the vid of him going ʰᶦ but that’s the voice he uses here

and you’re like “oh hi! wait i thought i saw you sitting over there” pointing behind u

and he’s like “oh i just met a friend and i was saving his girlfriend’s seat haha.. she just arrived so they kicked me out and i saw u and !!yeah”

and u nod at him like “nice nice i thought you ditched me” jokingly ofc

“no no i was actually trying to find you but.. you’re too short”

“i’m what”

/whispers/ “i’m sorry omg don’t kill me pls”

/stands up straighter to assert dominance/ “say that again, marcus. say that again”

ajsagdfo cuties

“ok then should we meet somewhere before the lectures”

so you decide on the benches outside the building as Your Spot™

the lecture’s just an introduction to the first text in the syllabus bc . second class

and so there’s quite a bit of note taking,, naturally

mark forgets what the prof says before he can write it down and this particular prof, you learn, is prone to talking fast and then switching the lecture slides before anyone can write anything important down

poor mark is doing a lot of looking up at the slides and then down at his notebook and :(((

so r u but u seem to have better memory than him so u either have the lecture slides up if you’re a typer with your notes or manage to write your notes and still listen to the prof if you’re a writer idk yalls preferences so

meanwhile mark whispers under his breath,, half to himself

“what” don’t we all,, mark.. don’t we all

and he does that a few times so you look over and he’s written barely anything so at that point he’s almost just resorted to listening to the prof and not taking notes at all

then he seems to catch himself and he starts writing down whatever key terms the prof is spewing and you realise

kid’s blanking out lmfao

so you tell him you’ll send your notes over to him after class and he’s like !! R U SURE im so sorry im not used to this sPEED and i can’t put my hand up and ask him to slow down someone else has to do that

and u just nod and tell him it’s all g

so class ends and you wave goodbye (confirming to meet at the benches next week too) to go to your tutorial class that happens to be right after the lecture and so does he,,

and this is your thought process for the next five or so minutes:

there’s only one exit so surely he’s only going outside and not the same way as me

oh look he’s going the same way as me.. i’m sure he’s just going to another building ooh that’s a pretty cool tree

hey we can walk to our next classes together and then split up where we have to go in different directions

is he turning left or right left or right i’m going left left or right left or—wait oh cool

ah there’s a bunch of classes in this building too surely he’s on a different floor. see he’s going up the stairs—wait he’s going up the stairs.. so am i..,,,

nah surely he’s going up another floor

wait if he’s going up another floor.. why isn’t he going on the elevator

does he have a fear of enclosed spaces

does he have childhood trauma in an elevator

maybe he keeps fit by climbing stairs

lol this is my floor, be funny if..

hang on a second

HANG ON A SECOND

“HANG ON A SECOND” that wasn’t one of your thoughts btw that was. out loud

very loud

and he turns around, startled at your voice again

looking up from his phone and eyes getting wider than they were in their initial reaction

“wHAT THE—WAIT HOLD UP HOLD UP HOLD UP—”

he’s giggling at this point bc it’s so funny to him

“HOLD—YOU’RE?? in this tute too??”

“are we??—”

“—in the same class?” yall say that in unison bc that’s the proliferation of a Wholesome Friendship™ right there

u laugh bc wow this is my new best friend

“this is crazyyy”

“yeah what the f..” he highkey cuts himself off bc i mean day 2 guys

but then you

“exactly what the fuck...”

lmfao he knows then that it’s ok to swear with you

n e ways

y’all keep talking until your tutor arrives and lets you in the class

ofc you sit next to each other in the tute as well

you have a great time and class ends quicker than you thought bc you’re having fun and that’s always gewd

so the next few weeks u’re just vibing with each other

walking to class together after ur lectures

walking each other to other classes

studying together in the library in your spare time catching up on content and exploring ideas discussed in tutes for your shakespearean sonnets class

"o romeo, romeo, wherefore were thou and juliet teenage dumbfucks”

he couldn’t stop laughing at that for three days straight

“t..teENAGE /wheeze/ dUMBFUCKS HAHAHAHAHA”

getting pretty close basically

sharing hobbies and music tastes (u find out he plays guitar and it’s the biggest possession he brought into his dorm from his house and listens to frank ocean and john mayer a lot, watches fullmetal alchemist)

sometimes you’ll come to meet him at the benches full on catwalking down the path with your airpods in and resting bitch face on listening to some dope shit while the crowd parts for you and he’s just like O.O

how is she friends with me

he thinks you’re so cool it’s cute

but he’s also alr convinced himself that you’re so out of his league he highkey won’t dare try and make a move

n e ways

he sees ur airpods and he’s like “aren’t you afraid you’re gonna lose them one day”

and you just look at him and go “do i look like a fool, marcus”

he laughs so hard at that

complaining to you abt his roommate in real time over text like

marcus the fool 🤡: “dude he’s whining at me to ‘play with him’ i don’t want to play with him”

marcus the fool 🤡: “now he’s getting jealous of u”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he asks who u think u r”

you: “tell him i would fight him”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he says u won’t win”

you: “bet”

marcus the fool 🤡: “i told him u don’t need to fight for my attention bc uve alr got it”

marcus the fool 🤡: “now he’s fake crying”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he’s telling me to leave the house and leave the kids”

you: “am i a homewrecker now”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he calls u a homewrecker”

you: “tell him i’ll kiss it better”

one day like a month or so into your friendship

you rush to the benches with that look on your face that says you’re about to murder someone which usually disappears when you see him and take out your airpods bc rbf

so he ,, approaches with caution ,,, easy does it,,

yes he’s wondering if it’s your time of month

ngl it åctually was which makes things worse

t e n t a t i v e l y he asks on the way into the lecture theatre

“hey dy/n u ok?? u look.. ok nvm”

bc u lowkey glared at him but u didn’t mean to i swear u just looked at him but u were alr in a bad mood

so ure like “sorry yes i’m fine i didn’t have my coffee today so i may be a bit cranky”

“what happened? u sleep in or smth”

“yeah i slept at 4 last night”

“wHY did u do that”

“idK but i was running late just now and the line at the cafe was so long i stood in line for five minutes and i said nop class is abt to start”

“oh okey”

this keeps bugging him all throughout the lecture

so he turns to u when the lecture is over and he’s like

“u have another lecture next right”

“yes marcus i have another lecture that you’re taking with me”

“come ditch with me i’ll shout u a coffee”

“what really”

“for sure, we can catch up on the lecture in the library tonight”

and you remember that you’d made plans with your roommate my/n to go to the library that night anyway so you agree and let him know

so he’s like “oh rlly? can i bring my roomie along too he probs doesn’t have other plans anyway i hear they’re doing some kind of project so he better not be going anywhere” with a lil frown uwu angery mark

“sure don’t see why not. we’ll all study together”

“nice i’ll let him know”

“cool”

cool

u see where i’m going with this

waggles eyebrows

wink wink nudge nudge

click here to continue your friendship with paediatrics!haechan!

I ⇤ | II | ⇥ III

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lampd-intheface · 5 years

Text

vampire LAMP au

okay but like imagine a vampire au with polysanders except virgil is the only human???

roman got bitten by a vampire in italy just for kicks and then he was left to his own devices. he had to suffer through the shift alone with nobody to help him

for a little while, he was ravenous and accidentally killed a lot of people. in the end, tho, he snapped out of it and taught himself how to control his hunger

roman lived through the italian renaissance and moved between italy and spain (which is why he can speak really good spanish/italian) and even settled down a little in england for some time too

when roman settled down in england, he met patton who'd been a vampire for a while now

patton became a vampire becos he was hit with the plague and his mother was desperate to find a cure. this vampire they met ended up helping and then taking patton under his wing

roman and patton eventually find themselves in america (which was still a pretty new country at the time)

logan lived during the industrial era where everyone was just inventing things left and right and it was booming in terms of science and machinery

he was turned becos a vampire thought his genius was too valuable and death shouldn't put a stop to logan who had a lot of potential

the three then settled down in america

roman made some money writing fantasy books under pseudonyms. logan made money through patents or really any kind of intellectual work he could find. patton spent his time at home, just helping out and taking care of roman and logan

they had to move often, of course, becos people would be suspicious if they just stayed in the same place for too long. they couldn't get attached to people either becos getting attached to people meant people who would keep track of them

after all of their years being alive, patton and logan and roman have amassed enough money that they're just chilling and living comfortably

now, it's the modren era and, in this au, all of them either have online classes and/or night classes

virgil takes night classes and online classes because it limits his social interaction with other people and he's much more comfortable interacting with smaller groups of classmates (night classes)/not physically interacting with classmates at all (online classes)

the others because well duh they're vampires

it's not becos they dont like sunlight (they can be exposed to a little but too much gives them rashes). it's just that it's easier to keep a low profile if they interact with less people

logan is really the only one seriously taking classes and not for any other reason than because he loves learning. patton and roman will take classes here and there but only for their hobbies

insert virgil. i haven't thought this one through but logan probably meets him first because they share a class together.

anyway, LAMP have a meet cute or whatever

maybe like virgil is in an art history class and the prof says something wrong abt a certain part of history

logan is about to correct the prof but virgil beats him to it and logan is impressed with how accurate virgil was with his facts because logan lived that era and not a lot of people are so knowledgeable about it

that aside, their friendship takes time

logan has to introduce patton and roman separately and then the three of them have to keep attempting to get closer to virgil slowly and at virgil's pace

eventually, for their own reasons, they fall in love with virgil

logan falls in love with how much he relates to virgil. virgil is so smart and the two of them can talk and have debates and virgil just understands him so well

roman falls in love with how snarky virgil is becos he'll tease virgil and he knows virgil will serve it right back to him. virgil challenges him and its exhilarating and exciting

patton falls in love with how soft virgil is and how much he wants to protect virgil from all the bad things in the world. he loves how virgil has been through so much and yet virgil is still so strong

virgil is unaware of how smitten the three of them are tho and he falls in love with them too. he kind of just... plans to be with whoever asks him out first (if any of them ask him out at all)

because virgil struggles with his anxiety a lot, he can't really work at normal places. there's too many interactions, too many people.

he had thought that he'd eventually get used to it and then he'd be able go get a job but it's taking him a lot of time to get over his anxiety

precious time he can't really afford since he's putting himself through college

which is where his vamp boyfriends friends come in because hello, if they can't pay for their cute human crush's essential college classes, then what's the point of having all that money?

in any case, they find out abt virgil's financial problems and they're like omg... we're the solutions to his problem!!!

roman: i can finally actually slay what ails virgil!!!

logan: you won't be slaying anything--

roman: LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING

before they establish that sort of relationship though, logan and roman and patton all agree that they want virgil to know the real them first so that virgil can decide whether or not he wants to be associated with them

the last thing they want to do is make virgil feel like he's obligated to stay with them even tho he fears them becos they're paying for his college and housing him and stuff

so, they plan get to know virgil more and then tell virgil they're kind of sort of creatures of the night

definitely easier said than done

when they tell virgil, he's like *phone error sound* ??? before realizing oh my God, they're serious

he then laughs about it a little and the other three are confused but he clarifies that the situation was very ironic

becos like omg, how hilarious is that??? the one goth guy who's super pale and avoids social contact and is practically the stereotypical vampire is actually the only one that's NOT a vampire??? that's irony at its finest

virgil then also assures them that the three of them being vampires doesn't bother him one bit

virgil, the epitome of tumblr humor: bold of you to assume i wouldn't f**k a supernatural being

jokes aside, he does reveal to them that he couldn't care less about what species they were, just that they loved him and he loved them

and damn did virgil love those three idiots

roman: woah there, you might pull a muscle from all the i love you's you're spouting

virgil, sweating up a storm after showing the most emotional vulnerability in his life: sh*t u rite

jokes aside, they do form a sort of weird relationship where the three of them happily provide for virgil because virgil doesnt have the means to do so

it takes virgil a while to really get used to it since he's not used to accepting things from other people without giving back

he struggles for a little while becos he keeps trying to find ways to repay them for what they do for him but there's only so much he can do

eventually they have a conversation abt it and they're like babe honey sweetie no

patton: you give us your love and that's the absolute most important and priceless thing in the world!!!

virgil, known pessimist who cringes away from romantic gestures out of habit: sounds fake but ok

but like eventually they work it out in like a slowly but surely kind of way.

virgil learns to see money the same way the other three do (replaceable and pretty much worthless to vampires who have a large abundance of it) and the other three learn to kind of tone it down on the expensive gifts

virgil: im so glad you guys dont buy me really expensive things now

roman, sweating profusely as he hides the golden apple he had commissioned to be made especially for virgil: oH YEAH OFC HAHAHA

(logan, when roman had suggested getting virgil the golden apple: first of all, no??? in what way is that even romantic--)

omg imagine if virgil does the thing where he coops himself up in his room??? and then someone tries to get him to get out by pulling the blinds open to let in light??? and virgil hisses???

patton, having just let sunlight in, looking absolutely offended: OKAY FIRST OF ALL, you're not a vampire so don't take that tone of hiss with me--

someone is like teasing or bullying virgil abt his aesthetic and virgil is obviously getting uncomfortable, esp when they call him twilight (in reference to the vampire romance novel)

so one of the boys, probably roman, steps up and he's like 'the person you should call twilight is me' and he scares the bullies by flashing his eyes red and showing them his fangs

omg!!! roman doesn't have a reflection so virgil helps him put on make up or smth!!!

maybe virgil in this au is an artist so he paints a picture of all three of them so they know what they look like becos they dont show up on pictures and reflections

patton, gazing down at the picture: this is what true love feels like

logan, also feeling the same way: really? how unpleasant

logan:

logan: give me more

omg also logan having only really kept up with the intellectual side of history so he doesn't know abt memes and like stuff like that so virgil teaches him and he has his Flashcards™

iDK MAN JUST VAMPIRE BOYS BEING SOFT FOR EACH OTHER AND FOR THIS SMALL LITTLE HUMAN THEYVE PULLED UNDER THEIR (bat) WINGS

#sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #analogical #prinxiety #moxiety #poly am sanders #polyamsanders #polyam sanders #lamp #alternate universe #lampire au #mine

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heleneplays · 5 years

Text

Pizza Time!

Firstly, tumblr was an ass @jadeowl19 so the whole ass fic i made underneath for us is G O N E

secondly-- to answer again,,,,, this ask is giving me nourishment and life, u dk how MUCH it means to me bc I rushed to my laptop and finished our mc hangout doodle bc of this

thirdly-- Positivity??? I don't know her 😎 jk jk i wish we could meet again but rn depression and anxiety is kicking my ass bc 6 day classes AND dorming in another city is so hard i miss a lot of things.... still, i'll come fight tho ✊😔

fourth,,, gonna place a cut bc im gonna try and rewrite that long post back

[[MORE]]

J.Core and (Jacob) El Adler own a pizzeria together.

J.Core is best chef and El is best boy server

Helene is a regular bc food is cheap, is near, and is very, VERY good

also bc she hasn't seen El for years, atleast now she knows where tf he went to

Helene is also a student in the local university

In the middle of the year she keeps bumping to this girl

@jadeowl19 Salatirwell C.

She's skeptic and kinda annoyed at herself bc why??? was she bumping to her EVERYwhere????

like classes. then the libary, the gym, on the way home--

EVERYWHERE

its_fate_bitch.jpg

they have a weird "hey I keep seeing u around, nice, bye!" kind of relationship

UNTIL THE WORLD LIT PROF MCG ASSIGNS THEM AS PARTNERS FOR THE FINALS

owo_ohcrap_sweatdrop.jpg

they're like,,,, "based on previous meetings... you seem to be a decent person. Okay, I'll work with you."

They're usually free Wednesday and Friday Afternoons, so they work on their project during that time

Helene insists they do work-afternoons that include food

its_the_filipina_in_her_jumping_out.jpg

FOOD

sustenance

she (Helene) needs it

and sleep too

so Sal proposes her favorite Bakery/Coffee shop

They order in a panful of Pumpkin pie (Sal), Red Velvet cupcakes (Helene) and a buttload of Coffee (like 3 pots between the two of them)

Helene cuts back on being a regular on CorEl's Pizza bc of that and usually swings by for dinner on weekends instead

"Hey look, our favorite regular is back!" -El to J.Core

"She's your sister, you don't count." -J.Core yo El

"Meanie."

so a new tradition is born

Four months, a breakdown, and finishing touches to the paper later, Helene becomes unavailable for their usual afternoon sessions.

Sal's sad but she ain't admitting that

Sal proposes working on different ends

Helene's all like: "Nah,,, let's just do working dinners instead"

Sal declines a few times bc owo,,, dinner????

Is_this_a_date.jpg

anyways she hits a roadblock in the last of their research so she calls for that dinner meeting

Helene beams and immediately drags her to CorEl's after the last of her afternoon classes are done (6:30 pm)

Sal's first impression of the place:

it's... homey? I don't know.

she dont know its her brother in the kitchen

Meanwhile Helene's vibrating in her seat for her damn pizzas

PIZZAAAA

Sal's a lil hesitant bc owo

but first bite...

It's like she found the answer to a millenium prize problem

They finish in small time, and get to work immediately

and El kept bringing out more pizzas and drinks for the two to snack on

by the time they finished the paper, as in really finished, it was almost closing time

OwO_we_are_sorry.jpg

Both girls are stuffed and get ready to leave

Helene is so stuffed and so happy

Sal's just... blown with the taste

"Delicious as Always, El!"

"Yeah, send my compliments to the chef."

El takes this literally,,,,, and continues the trend

J.Core now has to deal with the usual business problems AND El being a wonderful idiot

meanwhile Sal also becomes a regular

but not as regular as Helene

SHE STILL DONT KNOW J.CORE WAS THE CHEF

they meet a few more times, sometimes even at weekend mornings

(thats why helene is wearing the sunflower sunhat here)

they present & get full marks for the project, and get back for a celebration dinner

El pulls out all stops bc owo,,, good for you both!!!

and then when they finish their food J.Core goes out...

only to see his sister being the one to enjoy much of his latest pizzas

drama.mpeg

---

OKAY!!! IF YOU'RE READING THIS YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU AND I APPRECIATE U GOING DEEP TO THIS RAMBLINGS-- YOU'RE A STAR!!!

to @jadeowl19 thank you again bb and i hope this brings a smile to your face bc owo ily!!!! thank u for being the sweetest and i dont deserve u 😭😭💖💖

---

for more stuff like this check out the #modern au ot #mc hangout blowout tag 💖💖💖

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erika-blue · 4 years

Text

my heartbreaks on the first half of 2020

celebrated new year without one of my fave titas

she passed away last november 2019 and t’was our first time celebrating holidays without her. though, we’re not in the same religion, we have already built a strong bond ever since i was born. very sweet, kind, and lovable tita i ever had. she’s a good cook! special occasions will never be the same without her esp without the spaghetti and gelatin she always serve :( rip mama r! miss na kita love u always

got eliminated

THISSSS HURTSSS LIKE HELL :(( 2 weeks of effort and u just got eliminated because you didn’t reach the coach’s expectation. i have always believed in myself but this just crushed my self esteem and the feeling of inferiority crept in. i can dance but i started to doubt my self that i’m not good enough that’s why i got rejected haha. i also felt bitter, mad, and unmotivated at the same time because i believed that i can do it buttt whyyyy... anyways, i have already accepted it and moved on. thats life, i guezz. i’m happy now and took it as a motivation :)

covid19, dean’s list

this really ruined everything in terms of acads, summer plans, opportunities, etc. we had to self study because online classes are no use. it was really hard because it was our first time and we’re not really used into online classes. profs kept on adding assessments with the same deadlines. tbh we’re doing it for compliance, not to learn. also, im planning to enroll at summer class but since it will be online, i didn’t go. HOWEVER. 2nd sem ended, and i wasn’t able to meet the GWA for becoming a dean’s list :) only 2 points. 2. points. this means i need to work extra hard for the next sem. wish me luck haha!

that’s all!! just reminding my self always that these are all normal and part of our life. let us all take our heartbreaks into a lesson, challenge, and motivation to keep pushing. and don’t keep it to urself! you can always talk to someone :) good day!

- erika

#personal #quarantine #thoughts #diary #motivation

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hey-hey-chan · 5 years

Text

Coffee vs Scantrons - Changbin

❀ College AU + Fluff

❀ Word count: 3.2 K

❀ Your grades are consistently being one bad after another, and you’re not here for it. You decide to take matters into your hands and meet your teacher during office hours... but unexpectedly, one of your classmates is there as well and invites you to coffee to repay a favor. You’re not jumping for joy since the boy doesn’t have the best reputation in your class, but will you forever be annoyed by his rambunctious nature, or fall for his boyish charm as the class goes on?

❀ A/N: ... i don’t even like coffee, i need to stop writing about it. also shoutout to my number one hype woman ruby who misses my writing and motivated me to write this,,, this one for u <3 also this is unedited. im sorry my writing is so bad,,, iM RUSTY

----------

“Ok, don’t tell me if the grade is bad though.”

I planted my hands over my eyes while I shoved my test at my best friend, Euna. She grabbed the test and put it face down so she couldn’t see it either and rolled her eyes at me.

“C’mon y/n, it probably isn’t even that bad. Like you’re a smart girl, missus straight A.” I groaned at her comment and kept my eyes closed.

“Shut up. I have gotten a... B before. But, seriously just tell me if I should look or not.” Joy just shook her head and look at my test grade. I immediately noted how her features shrunk together and her eyes turned to me sadly. I frowned at her expression.”w-what, is it THAT bad?”

She pushed the test towards me and there and behold a C- staring at me. I sighed and tried to push the image out. I peeked over at her test score and saw a big fat A taunting me. I wasn’t jealous. I was just disappointed in myself.

...And a tiny bit jealous.

I groaned and shut my eyes again, hoping I wouldn’t start to cry in the middle of my business class.

“Hey, it’s okay, we have more tests and Professor Lee is a really good guy, it’ll all work out.” Her advice went in one ear and then out another.

Yes, a C was passing, but I don’t want to just pass, I want to excel. Plus, my mom would kill me if I got a C, especially because I dropped another one of my classes during the quarter. I had no excuses now.

“Hey.. hey!” My friend snapped me out of my trance while I just shook my head at her. “Y/n, why don’t you just meet with him after class and get help?”

I took a big gulp of water, hoping it would calm my nerves. It didn’t.

“Well, the point is is that I feel like I’m not even struggling.. yet the results I get back are not what I expected. I don’t know what to ask him.” I confessed babyishly. I felt like I was whining for no reason.

Euna shrugged and packed up her backpack and headed out the door, which made me run to catch up with her.

Before I could head out the door, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I skittishly turned around and was now locking eyes with Seo Changbin, the class clown who happened to be incredibly smart and cute to say the least. I always had a small problem with him.

“Uh, hey, I borrowed a scantron from you the other day, right?” I nodded my head. He gave me a sheepish smile and I knew what was coming. “I’m sorry, I forgot to bring an extra one for you-” Before the boy could finish his sentence, I waved him off.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to pay me back, it’s just a scantron.” I quickly said. Honestly, I was a bit irritated since scantrons are not the cheapest thing, also this is business, I should’ve charged him for it. But I was too nice to be a businessman.

I turned and walked out the door before he could say anything else and caught up with Euna.

The girl was already out the door and waiting for me with a smirk upon her lips.

“What?” I barked. She pulled on her rain jacket and gave me a suspicious look.

“He totally likes you.” I felt my face turn red at her statement but it was a foolish thought.

“You’re so wrong, he has a bunch of other girls he talks to. Plus, we have never talked before.” Euna shrugged and walked faster so that I had to speed up my pace.

“Well, he at least thinks you’re cute. Did you see his blush?” I raised a brow but didn’t want to egg her on.

“Whatever, think what you want, loser. Focus on Heejun instead.” The girl gasped and slapped my arm lightly while I laughed. Heejun happened to be the boy she was crushing on, but was about 4 years older. It was ... weird.

“Shut up, don’t come running to me when you discover lover boy likes you.”

I scoffed and pushed the thought out of my head immediately.

Changbin doesn’t like me. And I won’t give him a chance to.

-----

Professor Lee’s office hours were from 7:30-8:30 am. I had to take the 7am bus to come to school during that time, which means I slept on the bus and almost missed my stop. Thankfully my body naturally wakes up at the rough turn.

I stepped out into the cold air and wondered if my business grade was even worth the trouble. Ok... it definitely was. But not at 7am.

I walked up the steps into the building and found his office number. I took a deep breath, not even feeling my anxiety due to the cold, and knocked on the door.

I waited a few seconds before walking in. I saw my professor sitting quietly, typing away on his computer.

“Hi Professor Lee.” I greeted. He turned quickly and gave me a bright smile, which was unsettling since it was 7am.

“Hey! What can I help you with?” He said brightly. Suddenly my fear of meeting him washed away.

“Um, so I just haven’t been doing so well on the tests and I was wondering if you could clarify some terms for me?” He nodded and pulled out a chair for me. I got my notes out while he finished typing an email up.

“So, how’s it being up at 7am?” He asked suddenly. I let out a nervous chuckle as I swear I could see my breath in his ice cold office.

“It’s... a new experience. I used to wake up at 6:30 for classes, but that was last year. Now my first class is at 9, so I feel like a slug to be honest with you.” He let out a loud laugh, making me feel more welcome.

“I get that, but I’m an old man, and I love sleeping early and waking up early.” I let out a small smile.

“Yeah, I am usually an early bird too... but I like to wake up early and do nothing.” He chuckled until I held my notes out to me. “So uh, I’m not really understanding 5 styles of leadership and how they relate to Maslow’s hiearchy of needs. Like I understand the 2 separately, but now how the connect.” I explained.

He nodded and wrote all of them down. “So, autocratic, bureaucratic...”

He went on and on about different questions I asked him about business, but they still felt fuzzy to me. I also learned things I didn’t know before, showing how I wasn’t as good as business as I thought.

“So, what are your favorite movies?” He asked when I was done asking him questions about business.

“Hmmm... right now, it’s The Polar Express?” He laughed loudly and shook his head.

“It’s only November and you’re thinking about Christmas movies?” I nodded frantically.

“Of course! I’m always thinking about Christmas movies because Christmas is my favorite holiday.” I grinned just thinking about sitting next to my TV and drinking hot cocoa as the snow falls. School will me put on pause and I’ll finally be done with college apps; sounds heavenly.

“Agreed, I love Christmas too.” I heard a deeper voice come from behind me, making me swivel around. And just my luck, Changbin was leaning against the doorway like he was cool or something. He gave me a quick smile until he turned to face Professor Lee.

“Hey James, I came to turn in that assignment I missed last week.” Changbin handed him a white paper and I grew curious about how close the boy was to our professor since he called him by his first name.

“Ah yes, how did your job interview go anyways?” Changbin’s smile brightened up and I felt his ego expand.

“Amazing, I got the job.” He high fived Jame’s hand and backed away. Then he turned to me and gave a look of guilt. “Oh gosh I’m sorry, was I interrupting something?” I shook my head and Prof. Lee did too.

“Nah you’re all good, I was just about done too. See you later Professor Lee.” I turned to walk out the door and unfortunately, Changbin was going the same way.

“Hey, you’re y/n, right?” I nodded, a bit, ok a lot, surprised that he knew my name. “Cool cool, sorry I’m bad with names.”

“No big deal.” I hated how I was so cold to guys, and only guys. There’s something about boys like him who make me put this wall up.

“So the Polar Express huh?” Now that caught my attention as I raised a brow.

“Yup, one of my favorites. Brings back all the Christmas feels I know and love.” The boy nodded enthusiastically.

“True. Classics give you those feel good vibes.” I nodded, unsure how to respond. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I forgot to give you your scantrons back right?” I shrugged.

“It’s just one-”

“Well how about I treat you to coffee to make up for it?” I paused in my tracks and raised a brow at him, suspicious at his motives. He gave me a sheepish smile, but I could tell he was waiting in anticipation for my answer.

“Really?” I stated like I was disinterested, but really my heart was jumping like crazy. I didn’t know if it was because of the cold or nervousness, but his cheeks were tinged a light pink.

“I mean, like, in a friendly nice way. Not like I’m coming onto you in any way, I swear. Guys who come onto girls too strongly are freaks.” I chuckled at his answer, and how could I say no to that... and free coffee.

“Then fine, I’ll let you buy me some coffee.”

His smile lit up and he ruffled his messy hair that was still messy from pulling his hood down.

“Oh good, for a split second, I thought you were going to reject me.” He faked his dismay by putting his hand over his heart and clutching it dramatically. I laughed at his silly antics but didn’t let myself become comfortable with him yet.

The school cafe was just around the cafe so we hit it pretty quickly.

“Hi, what can I get for you two?” The pretty girl at the cashier greeted. I could tell Changbin was checking her out as he pretended to scan the menu. I wanted to roll my eyes, people who order coffee don’t need the menu, they always know their order. But I didn’t care who he checked out, it wasn’t like I was into him.

“How bout a venti iced americano please.” The girl nodded and wrote it down.

“And for you?”

I hummed and scanned the menu, since I, a college rookie, didn’t drink coffee often. But I definitely needed it for the early hour I woke up.

“Um, I’ll just get an tall caramel macchiato.” I didn’t even know what they tasted like, the drink just sounded cute.

“Great, one venti ice american and one all caramel macchiato, that’ll be 5 dollars 13 cents please.

Changbin let out a low whistle which made me snap my head at him.

“What?” I snapped. He laughed and gave me a mischievous grin.

“Nothing, it’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever seen a girl or a guy order a tall coffee in the morning before.” I shrugged and tapped my shoes on the ground-- a habit I had when I was nervous.

“Well, I’m not much of a coffee drinker, so it doesn’t take much to wake me up.” He raised a brow.

“Wow, not a daily coffee drinker? I’m not sure if I know anyone our age who doesn’t drink coffee every morning.” I shrugged and put my hands in my butt pockets.

“Well, now you do.” I wiggled my eyebrows jokingly while he laughed at the ground like he was trying to hide his loud laugh.

Our drinks were soon ready and I grabbed my drink while he grabbed his. I put a little coaster around mine while Changbin talked to the the pretty cashier once more.

“You two enjoy your day.” She gave him a small smile and whipped her hair at him. I felt uncomfortable.

He gave her a small smile and nodded. “You too.”

As we walked away, I gave him a little nudge, as to which he was surprised at. “What?” I scoffed.

“That girl...” I trailed off, hoping he would pick up my sentence. He just stared at me dumbly. “The girl thought you were cute.”

At my words, he just shrugged and sipped his drink. “Okay... do you agree with her?” Now his words caught me off guard.

I took a sip of my coffee to wake me up. “Uhhhhhh ... hmmm... uhh..” I heard him laughing at my response and wiped his hands on his pants sicne they were wet due to the condensation to the iced drink.

“Ok honestly, I’m curious! I won’t tease you or anything, I’m just genuinely curious on what a normal person thinks of my looks.”

Changbin was... hot. To say the least. He was an attractive guy who I’m sure who got lots of girls and got lots of attention, especially with his nice style as well.

“Ok fine, yes you’re cute, but I’m sure you already knew that.” I said pretty quickly, but he still understood it. His cheeks were flushed and a pretty pink. I knew my cheeks matched mine unfortunately.

He then turned to me and said, “thank you for your deep insight.” I laughed at his boyish humor and I heard him laughing too.

“You’re pretty funny as well.” He didn’t respond to this compliment but stopped in his tracks. I quickly looked down at my watch and saw that time.

“Oh shit,” I mumbled.

“What?” He wondered.

I shook my head. “Oh no big deal, I just have class in 5 minutes, so... see you in class?” He nodded slyly and waved me off.

“Definitely, see you later y/n.”

And as I walked away from him, I felt my heart warm with a feeling I’ve never felt before and an excitement and anxiety I wasn’t sure I liked or hated.

------

Business seemed so far away yet it came so quickly. I walked into business and sat next to Euna who was already waiting for me.

“Yo, are you drinking coffee?” I nodded.

“Yup, a caramel macchiato.” She gave me a weird look.

She pulled out her bottle filled with tea and raised it to take a sip. “What’s the occasion?”

“Changbin bought me it.” Euna almost spit her drink up on me, but I pushed her away and she swallowed. “Dude!” I shouted at her. She coughed viciously but ignored me.

“Changbin?? You mean in this class Changbin??” I immediately shushed her and looked around and saw people staring directly me. Oh great.

“Wait, you and Changbin are a thing?” The guy behind me asked. I felt my cheeks heat up at his question.

I shook my head. “No, we are not.”

“But he bought you coffee.” I nodded.

“Yeah, um, he owed me a scantron so he just bought me coffee.” The boy named Soonyoung narrowed his eyes at me.

“You know a pack of scantrons are like 50 cents while coffee is like... more than that.” I rolled my eyes and shrugged.

“I don’t know, I just met Changbin practically yesterday.” I felt weird talking about my life, it was just ... weird.

Suddenly, Changbin walked in and I turned back around. The class was silent.

Changbin’s laughed filled the silence. “Why is everyone so quiet today?” I leaned back in my chair while Euna patted me on the arm comfortingly. After Changbin’s comment, the conversations resumed and the class was noisy once again.

“You bought y/n coffee? You never buy me coffee you jerk.” Soonyoung joked while punching him on the arm. Changbin glanced quickly at me but punched Soonyoung back.

“Shut up, I only buy coffees for pretty girls.” He said while looking right at me. Oh my god... how does this guy how such confidence.

I pretended I didn’t hear it, even though I obviously I did, and faced the teacher while even my professor gave me a small smile.

“Ok class, today is gonna be a fun day!” The class cheered and whooped in excitement. Everyone hated lectures, so when he spiced it up, we were all thrilled.

"So, I’m a bit sick and I’m a bit too jumbled to do lecture today, for the first 20 minutes, I’ll lecture, then I’ll let you guys ask me any kinds of questions you want, sounds good?

We all screamed “yes”.

The lecture seemed to fly by since he had a way with making boring topics fun.

Then, after the lecture, he pulled out a chair and sat in the middle of the room. “Question time!” He called out while everyone started to raise their hands.

“How old are you?

“Old enough to be your dad.” He laughed and then said “53.” He kept calling on people with ridiculous things like how many pets have you owned throughout your life and then simple questions like what’s your favorite movie? And so on.

“Hey James, do you ever ship your students together?” Soonyoung asked.

James furrowed his eyes together. “What do you mean?”

“Like, do you ever think 2 students would be a good couple or something?”

“OHHHH” James laughed and shrugged. “I mean, sometimes, of course I don’t know my student’s sexualities most of the time, but yes sometimes students come up to me, who I know fairly well, and tell me who they find cute and I then ‘ship’ them.”

“Is that the case right now?” Another student asked. James gave a small smile and shrugged, which meant yes.

“Don’t worry, we all know who it is.” Soonyoung called out while Changbin punched him on the arm.

“It’s probably you and Changbin.” Euna whispered in my ear. I just kicked her leg.

-----

The class flew by and since it was a Friday, I took my time leaving. Before I could turn to Euna, she was already gone. That rat.

“Hey y/n.” I heard the familiar voice of Changbin. I felt my heart speed up without wanting it too.

“Hey Changbin, what’s up?” I asked confidently. He seemed a bit taken aback, but he recovered smoothly, as he always did.

“Uh, so, I was wondering if you had a Snapchat?” I raised a brow and leaned against the table while it was his turn to look nervous.

“Hmmmm indeed I do. You want it?” He nodded shyly so I felt a bit bad for teasing him. I saw him add me on snap and I added him back quickly.

“So, coffee is definitely better than a scantron right?” He asked. I laughed at the inside joke.

“Definitely.”

“You know, I think I’m going to have to forget my scantrons more often so I can treat you to coffee more often.” He joked, but I felt like was nervous saying it.

“Well, you don’t need to forget your scantrons to treat me to coffee.” He paused at my words, letting them sink in. Before he could act on them, I said “bye Changbin, see you Monday.”

And this time, I felt at ease with my small crush on the boy.

#stray kids #stray kids scenarios #straykidznet #sk-writersnet #changbin scenarios #stray kids scenario #stray kids oneshot #stray kids imagines #stray kids imagine #seo changbin #changbin imagines #sk #skz #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz oneshot

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hobidreams · 5 years

Note

hi there!! are you in uni at the moment? im really not sure if you’ve ever answered that, im only asking because I start uni in about two weeks and I’m NERVOUS. I was wondering if you had any advice? if this is too personal you don’t have to answer it at all I understand. but thank you! :) ps LOVED the second chapter to the yoongi story can’t wait for the third

hii love. yes i am!! OF COURSE i am happy to give advice! this is more general advice, but if you want to give me a few more details about your situation (housing/faculty/etc), i can give more specific tips!! pls do keep in mind i’m in Canada and in Arts so my experiences may be different depending on where you are! feel free to send in another ask if i didn’t answer a question you had :)))

this got so long, hence the cut! sorry mobile users if it doesn’t show up.

GO TO OFFICE HOURS

i know everyone says this but it is SO important. i have to write a lot of papers & every professor has a different way of marking. i usually ask them to look over an early draft of my introduction/thesis to make sure i’m going in the right direction. this has resulted in at least going up half a letter grade, if not a full one!

you also get to know the professor better, in case you need them in the future for a recommendation letter or help with something.

it’s also a good opportunity to ask any questions you may have about upcoming homework, etc. profs will often drop hints about what they’re looking for!

DO YOUR READINGS

seriously. some people will swear you don’t need to read anything, but i find that i can only write papers by picking out niche moments in the text. many textbooks for science courses are very useful & it’s great if you can take notes on the material before time! or even skimming it will put you in better shape for the lecture.

LEARN HOW TO COOK

university campus food is SO EXPENSIVE. i spent so much time on campus my first year & i spent like $15-20 a day on food (2 meals). learning to cook is not only better for your health, but waaay better for your wallet. curry is really great for meal prepping on the weekends.

FIGURE OUT POTENTIAL PATHS

are you interested in grad school in the future? you may have requirements you need to take. please don’t think you need to decide on anything right now!! but if you have any vague idea at all, it’s a good idea to take a look at what you need to get in IF you decide to go that way. you don’t want to be in fourth year & realize you need to stay an extra year bc you didn’t take this one super specific class.

ex. i want to go to law school, so in first year, i looked up the average admittance GPA of unis in Canada + figured out my schedule for when i need to take the LSAT. that helped shape my plan for uni!

GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

i know. it’s so hard. i’m the worst at making friends but i make an effort to talk to at least one person in every class. this is important not only if you get sick/miss lecture & need notes, but also because you could potentially make some great friends!

join clubs. it’s a great way to meet new people & maybe learn a fun activity while doing it! your uni will likely offer a clubs day. this will really enrich your university experience!!

LET YOURSELF FAIL

you’re going to fail/do poorly in some things. it’s inevitable, since you’re doing something new. give yourself time to grieve over a bad mark, but then move on. look at how you can improve (doing more practice tests? studying this particular area?)! one fail is not the end of the world. even a failed course isn’t the end. you can always try again.

a lot of my friends failed because of poor studying habits carried over from high school. don’t be this person. uni is HARD and requires a lot of work.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH/MANAGE YOUR TIME

if you get sick, you will be out for WEEKS. & while sometimes it’s unavoidable to pull an all-nighter, don’t think you can get away with doing it all the time. the work you put out during those hours won’t be the best anyways, so it’s not worth it. make sure to plan your time out as best as you can.

i find for writing papers, i do it best in small chunks over several days so i always start early. others like to dedicate a whole day to writing it without breaks. just don’t leave it until the last minute & find what works for you!

mental health is also really important. i believe most unis have accomodations for mental health & if you have a pre-existing condition (like ADHD, etc), make sure to reach out to them so they can get you things like extra time on exams, etc.

but in general, do things that make you happy! you don’t need to spend every minute studying, even if it is before a big test. tbh, i find that relaxing for a few hours the night before a final helps me retain information better than if i was cramming.

ENJOY YOURSELF

i’m not going to lie, it’s going to be a hard several years. but school is not the end all be all. so, if you want to go to a party instead of studying, well, do it. have fun. live your life!! of course, you want to keep a good balance between your fun / school, but please enjoy yourself!!!!

#so sweet that you thought of asking me :')#i hope i was able to help <3 #feel free to pop back in once your uni starts & keep me updated on how it's going!! :)#i wish you nothing but the best #rain reply #dreamers #my two drops worth

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isitstraightvodka · 5 years

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so buckle in: so way back when i was 21 (.. so three years ago) which i know doesnt seem young when you're it, but looking back im like HOLY SHIT i was a BABY, i was at uni (still am) and when i was picking my classes for the semester found it amusing that two of my classes were with the same professor. i'd had him before, he was pretty chill, and ugly as all fuck. like. he was known for being the professor that all the good professor's chucked their shitty classes at bc he'd never published (1)

and anyway it was all good! u know, the classes seemed interesting and i was coming out of a really bad depressive period that had lasted about a year or so and i was, to my mind, Recovered. so that semester i put in a lot of effort into…. pretty much everything. my grades were sky high, i was dressing nicely and doing my hair and makeup, i was moving out of home, i was On My Shit. and it had been a bit of a joke among my friends and i that the prof seemed to quite like me (2)

he was always joking about with me, he handed out extensions to me like candy, and one time he was caught staring down my shirt which. was just sort of Funny at the time because??? this dude is in his late thirties and a bit sad, so whatever you know. it just became a running joke amongst my friends and i that i was going to fuck my professor. until, of course, end of semester came about and he invited the whole class (for one of the units) out for end of semester drinks (3)

and so my friends and i trundled along and got…. fucking obliterated. he did too. and then as the night goes on people start leaving and it somehow ends up just being he and i as i figure out how to order an uber (i’d never used uber before at the time, it was still relatively new in perth) so i can get home. anyway my phone died so i was like… well. Fuck! and he invited me to come to his office and charge my phone. anyway ended up fucking him because im a Disaster who wants validation (4)

and he’s a dickhead in a position of authority exploiting that position and also out relative drunkenness to get a fuck. anyway all good, all fine. the next morning im freaking out like holy shit CAN’T HAPPEN AGAIN to which he’s like. it’s chill, i really like you and im already planning on notifying the university that i cant teach you again which had me like. oh. oh okay? cool. that’s pretty great, thanks. and he’s like… so like, would u be interested in going on a date? (5)

and im like…… in for a penny, in for a pound right? so. sure, ig, as long as you. file that paperwork, that would be nice i suppose. anyway we end up dating for eight months, i meet his friends, some of his family. it’s all cool, but also im not actually sure if i like him or not or if i just like the fact that someone’s into me? and then i meet a girl through a friend of mine who is like oh man i met this girl i think you’ll get along with you should join us for dinner tonight (6)

so, i do. and while we’re at dinner i mention something about the prof just casually to my friend and the girl stops and goes “oh, you know x?” and im like oh yeah we’ve known each other a while and she sort of went quiet. and then later on she’s like “hey, dont take this offensively, but do you know if x has a history of sleeping with his students?” and im like. alarm bells ringing. like yeah! my dude he sure does! in fact, i’ve been fucking him for 8 months (7)

and she goes “that motherfucker, i’ve been dating him ‘exclusively’ for five months” :) and so we confronted him and it turned out! he also had a chronically ill fiancee at home! who none of his friends or family that i’d met had said anything about! anyway someone ended up reporting him to the university without our consent and he ended up getting away with the whole thing (and! he never submitted that paperwork lmao). that’s the story of my shitty ex! who i still have to see around campus (8)

tl;dr: don’t fuck people who are in positions of authority over you. even if you think you’ve got control over the situation, you don’t and they Will fuck you over and destroy your mental health!!!!! (9)

well THAT was one hell of a rollercoaster! men ain’t shit, he is disgusting and I can’t believe you still have to see him, that must be horrible. and he’s a fucking professor, it’s wrong and foul to take advantage of students like that, and he’s engaged too?? like wtf dude, he sure is fucked up for thinking all this is/was ok. i’m fuming, this is why i don’t trust many men bc they’re act in terrible ways, I hope you’ve had/will have better experiences, lo, it’s what’s best for you, and you deserve everything good when it comes to relationship. I pray you never go through something like this again, but thank you for sharing! xx

let’s chat about shitty exes!

#candidroger #liv answers #i put it under the cut so it doesn't clog up peoples' dashes

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strawbabycowboy · 5 years

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per kelly’s choosing, im going to tell you the story about how we are kicking a trump supporter out of our group in class. to preface - i can talk a lot lol.

so the backstory is that theres three girls and 1 guy in our group. they all know eachother from hs and whatnot. the girls do not like the guy, and that became more obvious as the class went on. alright so. this guy has missed like probably 3 or 4 weeks of class at this point, including meetings for a presentation we had. he missed every meeting or cancelled; the day of the presentation we were supposed to meet thirty minutes early to go over it and make sure its all good. he texted us first letting us know hed be there. come time to meet up and hes late. we wait and wait and then class starts and hes still not there. our professor is giving him shit because hes missing again, and jokes about failing him so his admission to ucsb gets rescinded lmao. he also tells us that we can kick him out of the group if we want. at this point he had missed 4 weeks of class, meetings for the presentation, and now the presentation itself.

we leave class and our gc gets a text from him saying hes so sorry he missed but he was in an accident. we start a side chat about this. he tells us he forgot his phone in the car and it went to the shop and he went to urgent care, he has a concussion. all of us call bs on him forgetting his phone in the car, like b real. we then call bs on all of it when hes driving his car, which has no damage and he shouldnt b driving w a concussion, and is at school the next day.

come friday, after news of the alabama abortion ban, one of the girls sends us a sc of a tweet from his twitter “lessgo alabama sorry not sorry” then other tweets and things that expose him. which wbk that he was super conservative, whitewashed, and republican but ! this was ... tew much. after some gentle suggestions, agreement that none of us are comfortable with him being in the group any longer, and my offering to be the bearer of the news, we have removed him from our group document for our final study guide and decided that at 5am tuesday morning ill be sending him a text letting him know hes been voted off the island, literally just “we’re unanimous in removing you form the group, and [our prof] already gave us the go ahead. good luck w the final.” issa right 2 work state, baby, and ur fired! honestly fuck that guy, he got mad someone called prolifers rapists as if trump didnt call an entire race of people rapists and murderers.

anyway, im ready for whatever drama is about to go down tuesday in class. tbh he better not press us on why we kicked him out cause i will expose him to the entire class and im sure most of the groups wont work with him anymore. i bet the table in the back corner will though, theyve got two meatheads, a blonde, and a guy who barely shows up. but also!! he deleted his twitter lmfao but we have the receipts !

tldr; this guy missed 4 weeks of class, screwed us on a presentation, and turned out to be an anti-abortion, trump supporting fuck so were kicking him out of our group two days before the final leaving him either on his own or to find another group

#god fucking damn that was long #cheers to u if u read this #it feels good to have the girls back me on this one #like fr i thought i was about to have to take this shit on my own or sumn cause i was not about to stay in the group with him #like how the TF do you think that people with uteruses shouldnt have the right to decide what happens to their body #in this house we are prochoice #personal #story time with emily #fuck donald trump

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sophocused · 5 years

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pursuits of 2019 | a 3am ramble

Hi hi don't mind me as I ramble about all the ideas I have floating about my head bc it's the new year and I'm really excited.

tbh actually I think 2019 is the year I wear my clothes that actually show the shape of my body, idk I think, I've been expressing myself well with the colourful clothes, I think a lot of friends associate colourfulness with me now, which is fucking bomb. I dont even remember the days I would wear all black, or all toned down shades. But yeah for 2019, I wanna wear more non-baggy clothing, colourful just the same... I'll probably treat myself to a lil shopping spree sometime late February or mid-March. Ooo or I'll go thrifting againnn sometime then.

As for school that's coming back, thanks to friends I think the textbooks they provided me saves me $250 of textbook money, and I also switched out one of the 2000 psyc courses for anth1210 which I've been told is super easy so I'm gna work hard to get an A+. I also got psyc 2490 which is a more intermediate elective bc ik essays are involved but I really fucking interested in abnormal psychology. Maybe I can learn something about myself. learn how to help others better. how to help myself better. It's an both electives are online courses so oof I need to FOCUS. Dont get sucked into procrastination temptations and also I need to be frequent in talking to and or meeting up with the profs. I just wanna be more involved for once. I wanna show that i care about the course and not just the number being served up to me on my transcript. Bc that's really important to me in order for me to stay trying and giving a fuck about school. I need to see value in what I'm learning. It's not just a way to my degree. It's not just some stepping stone. The content is worth something to me.

So for winter term, I'm probably going to finally learn how to study in public alone. I'll be able to find more spaces too bc I no longer need places with an outlet bc my parents got me a notebook for Christmas that lasts over 10 hours so FUCK YEA it's so light I'm so happy. My back is so happy holy shit. It's going to add LEAGUES of convenience in my day-to-day uni life tbh. Taking it out during class is easy it so smol and it boots up so fast SIGH i didnt even know I wanted one hahahah I didnt think to get myself something like that or save up for it so glad my parents did. But yeah more study spaces means more practice for me to be alone in public man. I still get anxious sometimes. I feel like I'm being watched. 1. I'm more than most likely not bc everyone's doing their own thing. 2. even if they were, their eyes are just wandering like my eyes do when I casually people watch. I gotta train my mind and body dat it's not a big deal.

Anyway, IM LIMITING MYSELF TO SKIPPING NO MORE THAN 3 TIMES per class. Like I swear to god, it's a 3 strikes I'm out typa thing. Maybe I'll put $10 in a thing for everytime I skip, and donate it to a charity or something. Which isn't very good punishment since I'd be doing a good thing aaaa Idk yet. BASTA. No skipping. Fuck. Skipping was the main fucking reason I did ASS in fall term. That and alternating between "I'll do it at school" and "I'll do it when I get home" too often.

Get your head in the fuckin game nina, I dont wanna see another C or B in that transcript. B+ is the bare minimum standard now. Gotta resurrect that GPA.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. My social life is gna suffer a lil. Hi friends who I normally hang out with or see all the time. You will likely only see me once a week 😅 bc ya girl gotta study for her dreams to come true. I wanna ace human phys 2. I wanna ace microbio. I wanna ace anthropology in humanities. I wanna ace abnormal psychology. I wanna get 7 hours of sleep a night at least. I wanna be ahead in my reading. I wanna be up to date with my class notes. I wanna keep all my files organized. All my due dates organized. I wanna be able to work 14 hours a week, 5 days a week, without feeling like it's in the way of my studies and life in general. I wanna be able to see friends at least sometimes, like a lunch date, bc lord knows I've learned that I cant study as much as when I'm alone compared to when I'm with other people.

I'm gonna cook more often at home too, or do something like that, I hadn't cooked since summer bc of how school got, and thanks to my fam for understanding, but I gotta do my part in the house. take initiative. keep laundry folded gdi. I dont like coming home to a room with a mountain of clothes to fold in a corner and a desk where I can barely see my desk. It just drains me. So knowing this, I'm reminding myself the way I like things, where I want things to go, and what I need to do to get them there.

uh ah uh okay something I realized has been extremely apparent for most of 2018. to put it bluntly, I dont see myself as someone other persons could romantically love. Not after christian tbh. before you think it's because I dont like myself, I love myself. I'm so fucking great at loving myself. The thing is, I worked really hard to love myself, and I'm a constant fluctuating work in progress. and thats not even romantically. so, it just feels like that's how it would be if any other person were to try and love me, that's a whole lot of time and effort, and they'd have to want to want to love me in the first place. THAT sounds like I a lotta work. I dont want to put that pressure on anyone??? I think I'm only making half any sense bc another part of me wants to probably say, "ofc there are people who will want to be with u, u acorn". SO I'm gna follow that little voice this year. Last year I shunned it and focused more on platonic love and woo yeah it's so strong, theres nothing stronger.

I'm gna find me a girl. or a mans. depends who I end up meeting first. I know if it's a girl it's tricky bc how do I know if she's into girls too without exposing that I'm trying to find out if she is for the sole purpose of wanting to flirt with her??? I only just recently embraced my attraction in 2018 so it's like... I got no practice in actually flirting with women. I barely have practice flirting with dudes. Anyway ANYWAY, I'm just letting the universe know that if they got someone in store for me in 2019, my arms and mind are open as hell. I'm gna love them so healthily and we gon have such a fulfilling and respectable dynamic. we're gna be so perfectly imperfect bc we gon understand that we're just people and cant be each other's sole source for all kinds of love and energy, that would otherwise be given by many different types or friends and family members even.

WOW I'm really sleepy hmm maybe I'm finally all rambled out.

#01032019 #nina rambles

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ac-ars · 6 years

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high for this

it’s been less than a year this time, less than two weeks actually and it’s a success im sure we all can agree lmao

have fun

Luna Valente doesn’t expect much fun when she gets accepted to the University of Oxford, but it’s the only way to stay away from her controlling aunt. She doesn’t expect also Matteo Balsano, who is the most helpful out of everyone there. Is he really as perfect as it seems though?

previous chapters here

🌙

2/ you there when I'm high, you're gone when I'm low

“So, how was the date with Balsano?” Ambar asks almost carelessly, but Luna knows already that it’s just a tone the blonde uses always, when she is pretending to not be curious. Valente sighs slightly and shrugs. “There was no date, plus it wouldn’t be a date if he showed up.”

Smith scrunches up her nose. “What do you mean?” Her shoulder hits some guy’s arm and she just keeps walking, making Luna wonder if she ever at least tries to be nice.

“I mean that he was supposed to come over, but he texted me that he had last minute student council meeting. You know that, you were there after all, right?”

Ambar looks at her weirdly, as if confused, but it’s just for a mere second and this expression disappears, leaving its blace for blank, bored stare. “Yeah, yeah, sure. It was super bad. You know, schedule changes and such.”

Luna nods slowly, smiling a little in her direction and Ambar makes awkward face. “I gotta go. I will see you somewhere later though, good luck on class and well whatever.”

With this she disappears in the middle of the hallway and Luna just looks after her as she is walking quickly, somehow too quickly for Ambar to be casual, but it’s not like the brunette can do anything right now. She just turns away checking the texts from the girls who are probably already waiting for her.

The hallways are filled with students, most of them is older than her and she is kinda awkward, not sure what to do. Some are looking at her, yet definitely more is ignoring her passing by and that’s amazing thing, because now she doesn’t need to try to run towards the exit or something.

At least the day is pretty, the sun blinds Luna as soon as she leaves the building and she needs to quickly search for her sunglasses. They aren’t in her backpack, which isn’t really surprising. After all recently it has been only sad and grey and sometimes even rainy, so there was no need for such thing like sunglasses. She sighs with disappointment and looks around for her friends, letting out small, heavy sigh seeing that Jim and Yam adopted Nina as well today.

Luna just approaches them without saying anything and sits on the grass next to the blonde, as quiet as possible. Nina seems to be super focused on the big, fat book that is lying in front of her on the grass and Jim is eating her fruits from breakfast box using a fork. Luna rolls her eyes seeing this and just pulls out bio book and her earphones, because the next class there can be some surprise like quiz or test, no one ever knows really.

Sadly, as soon as she turns on some random Abba song, someone hits her on the shoulder and says her name loudly. Luna growls, putting her phone in between the bio book pages and turns to Yam, who looks at her expecting.

“What?” she asks and it might be rude, but that’s how they talk to each other mostly, which is mostly funny.

“I was asking you. Where is your prince charming?” The blonde shrugs as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and Luna wonders if it’s their only topic to talk about. Matteo this, Matteo that, just like they weren’t in fancy uni with many, many older boys to talk about, or some hot profs, no, they are just stuck gossipping about one boy, who has been such a hot and cold pain in the ass, that Luna before her period needs to stay away from him.

“I don’t know. He seems to have some other stuff to do.”

Yam shrugs scrunching her nose and steals an apple slice from Jim’s box.

“He is probs busy with Gastón.” Nina says as she turns the page of this really ugly book, and just focuses on the text again. Jim and Yam jump to her, the ginger actually falls to Simonetti’s back and they start giggling loudly with the rest.

Luna sighs fixing the laces to her converse as she takes them around her ankle playfully and ties normally, it makes her feel less fancy than everything else plus it’s not like she is trying to be actually fancy. She also isn’t an aesthetic university girl like Nina for example.

“Luna, maybe you know what happened?”

The Mexican growls, falling to the grass and covers her face with bio book, which smells like dust by the way. “What would I know? Sorry, but I don’t talk to Matteo about his friendship issues.”

She knows it wasn’t the best thing to answer, especially seeing how even Nina raises her eyebrows. Jim and Yam jump surprised and just steal Luna’s precious book, hovering over her so their hairs tickle Luna’s nose. “Then what are you two talking about?” With this the ginger turns to her chihuahua bestie and winks. “Maybe they aren’t talking at all, though?”

They burst out with laughter and Valente just blinks at them surprised, not knowing what to do with this thing. This whole situation is completely ridiculous, because the girls don’t shut up, but also she has no idea what the hell is Matteo pulling on her, disappearing right before they were supposed to meet.

She doesn’t like it, she very doesn’t, she will tell him about how shitty he is acting, and that if he really will expect her to be normal next time, he will probably end up disappointed. Yet, at the same time it’s not like they are something else than just kinda friends, not even fully friends so Luna can’t think he will be always there and text her. Still, some other text than the short one he sent would be nice, and maybe sending another with other date of their meeting, but nah, why would he even try?

“You feel eh, don’t you?” Jim asks with small frown and Luna shrugs, not really saying anything.

“We are taking you to the lunch by the way, so get your small butt up and let us pay for your pizza.”

🌙

They are really paying for her food, and Luna can’t say no, and doesn’t wanna say no since it gives her the chance to pay for some of them next time, or even later. They somehow talk about dumb shit, trying to set her up with hot waiter who asks for their orders and this is definitely something finally normal. They haven’t done normal for a few long days, so she is really grateful for them to take her head away from bad ideas and bad thoughts and general annoyance that keeps bubbling in the back of her head whenever someone mentions Matteo Balsano.

Sadly, it’s not like she is interested in this pretty boy who gives them some discount, she keeps having the smile of one Italian on her mind, how he likes to wink at her and send her tiny smirk whenever he wins some playful conversation. How he just acts, making her like him for just existing and this is very dangerous ability.

Luna obviously takes part in the conversation surprisingly, despite almost twins gushing about some dance classes they found next to the campus, Nina interrupting them with some new drama informations about how girls from her literature class kept gossiping that Matteo and his best friend had a fight, or at least a drama recently.

She remembers how when on the airport Matteo was all smiling and laughing at the screen of his phone, saying that it was his best friend spamming him already. Now when she thinks of it, it’s all kinds of weird that he hasn’t mentioned this guy even once and that something must have happened. Yet, she doesn’t feel like she has any right to ask or mix herself in Matteo’s business.

It’s time to make them stop talking so loudly that other people are sending them annoyed looks, so Luna sighs and asks. “What are we doing tonight?”

They immediately shut up and stare at her very seriously. “We are going to have very much fun, Luna Valente. We are going to drink alcohol and dance, and sing very loudly, and you are going with us.” Yam says very casually with straight face and stable voice.

“But tomorrow we all have classes? Are you okay?”

Jim rolls her eyes and moves to Luna so close, she almost ends up on her lap. “We are okay, that’s just part of being a student not at home, so we will make you be less boring tonight.”

“I am not boring, I just don't feel like drinking my ass off in the uni night, that's all,” she says with a shrug and Jim and Yam share knowing look.

“That's exactly why you should go and chill, you deserve all chill, Luna and we don't want you to end up blackout, just to relax and dance. Don't you like dancing?”

Valente sighs with a pout and wonders why she is so bad at saying no.

🌙

“Could you please already stop touching my hair?” Luna asks when Nina pulls single strand while braiding this fancy thing on Luna's head.

“I'm sorry, it's just because there is so much of your hair around it just tangles around my fingers,” the Argentine girl explains and shrugs a little.

The brunette hums, trying to not wince every time she feels a pull on her head, and it’s not that hard, because Nina is trying to be softer now. “You aren’t going with us, are you?” she asks and Simonetti smiles. “Of course not. I have some writing to do still and I promised my dad I would skype with him tonight. But I hope you girls have fun.”

Luna looks at her in the mirror and blinks surprised a little, yet trying to hide it. “Won’t you tell me now that we all should study and focus on classes?”

“No, because you don’t like it. And you are adult, Luna, you decide about it yourself.”

“What? How do you know that I don’t like it?” she asks surprised, and now she feels all kinds of dumb, and rude, and mean person.

Nina shakes her head slightly with tiny smile. “Once I told Jim to study and she told me to stop telling people what to do, everyone is adult here, and I guess I was just sure that it’s help, not annoying. Anyway I hope you have fun.”

Luna smiles back, happy about this one step towards being better with everyone, and wants to say something, but Jim and Yam jump into the room laughing loudly and having something glittery in their hands. Valente gasps, fully knowing what this means.

“We got you a dress!” the blonde yells and Luna feels how her blood leaves her face, this fabric is definitely too much, probably too short, glitter isn’t that much of a problem, but the rest will most likely be. “Come on, go and try it, and then you will do some makeup, because I’ve seen some on your instagram account and you are good at this.” Jim smiles and pulls Luna up from the chair before pushing her in the bathroom along with the dress, and again, she should definitely read about being assertive.

🌙

Those colorful little shots are so pretty, the more she takes, the better they get, and at this point the glittery dress is biting her skin less and less. The music is loud, yes, but it’s the nice kind of music, Luna likes it and the only breaks are to drink a little more. She knows that this was her last one shot, sadly, still it’s okay; she can have fun without any more alcohol and then go back home and go to sleep, praying for no hangover in the very next day.

She doesn’t talk or dance to anyone except her two friends, they seem to be glad about that, but at the same time they keep pointing at some boys in the crowd. None of them seems to be a good one, but let’s be real, who would search for a boy to date in the club filled with alcohol and bass sounds that can be felt in bones.

Luna adores dancing to be honest, no matter if it’s dancing around her dorm while cleaning, or dancing like here in the club. She just loves it, loves to move and jump with the rhythm while her hair is softly bouncing around, tickling the skin of her back and shoulders and the fact that the more they dance, the more she can drink.

It’s almost an hour after midnight, and Luna doesn’t feel sleepy or tired one bit, which is very dangerous in her case, but classes are later in the day, so she will let herself sleep longer. Jim and Yam keep spinning around and making sure they all don’t leave each other and lose in between people. Luna sighs, because she felt some elbow in her ribs, or someone stomping on her toes, she guesses it’s time for a break so she yells to the girls it, trying to break through the newest remix of some famous song.

She gets to the small table breathing quickly, and leans against it with her elbows. Her phone buzzes, so she checks it after brushing her hair away from her face. It’s just some notification from insta, Simon sent her a text, but she can’t focus on it when there is orange-pink circle around Matteo’s profile pic waiting for Luna to tap it and watch. It takes much strength to ignore it and block the phone before throwing a look around. Too many people, weird people wearing all kinds of clothes in all possible colors, and then she spots this guy wearing all black by the bar, and Luna can swear she loses her breath.

He is smiling smug at this girl in green dress, even shorter than it should be allowed, but neither of them seems to care. This girl’s face Luna can’t see, she just notices how Matteo looks at her and even if it’s very bad look, she doesn’t focus on it, staring at the way this black shirt is staying on his shoulders, not too tightly, yet it seems like there is no extra fabric there. How first few buttons are undone, and how the sleeves are rolled up, not to mention those black pants, having Luna have all issues possible.

He takes the girl’s hair behind her ear wearing this small smirk before brushing her collarbone and arm with his fingers. Luna can almost feel the trembling of the girl with black hair that is very focused on Matteo Balsano, and having him all focused on her, and Luna has no idea, but she hates it. She hates that he is here acting completely normal, living normal as he always is, after he just threw her random text about sorry, not coming over, and then leaving her waiting again. Luna hates it, hates him and this girl, and the alcohol for making her feel this way, and she also hates herself. For wanting him to look at her.

Now she feels like she needs to drink more and regrets not doing it earlier. Though, who knows what would she have done with more alcohol in her blood. She stares at him most likely too long, at least long enough for him to catch her eyes for a second, and Luna can’t say what he will do now, because she turns away, looking at her phone screen intently and hoping that Cancun beach homescreen pic will teleport her there so she won’t have to handle this boy.

“Now I feel kinda sad here.” Luna hears by her ear, the voice obviously low and soft, and her drunk ear takes it eagerly and shivers climb up her spine. “Come on, sweet thing, talk to me.”

“And why would I?” She pouts raising her eyebrows at him, while he just smiles at her. “I’m sorry for not letting you know earlier about not coming to see you. And I’m sorry I haven’t texted you since then.”

This is all kinds of weird and Luna wonders what he wants this time. “Why are you apologizing? It’s not like you have to. We aren’t anything that would oblige you to explain yourself.”

Matteo hums, moving closer. “But I am not explaining myself. I’m just saying sorry because I haven’t done things that I should have, of course. And I’m here willing to make it up to you, if you want of course.”

“I mean, you don’t have to. You don’t owe me anything.” The brunette shrugs turning away.

“But I want to,” he murmurs and she can feel his breathing on her shoulder, she knows he is doing the exact same thing he was doing to the other girl minutes ago, yet this feels too good to pull away. This small feeling of excitement builds in her and she likes how it tickles her from inside.

Still, she decides to play with him a little. “Yes, but you were busy, Matteo.”

He chuckles and rests his hands on her waist, before turning her to him and leaning against the edge of the table. “I am not busy anymore. I am free for the rest of the night actually.”

Luna bites on her lower lip, taking all his attention to it. “From what I know, we are always free, that’s a human right, no?” She asks with a small giggle and Matteo shakes his head, leaning closer.

She wants him closer, but obviously she doesn’t get it, that’s how life hates her- once she wants to get something, once, and Jimena just hits the something from the side, which makes Matteo pull away and stand a little away from them.

“What are you doing, Luna? It was girls night, she says with accusing tone and her blonde bestie who follows her just points at Matteo. “I’m sure we should let Luna do what she was doing, or almost doing, before, Jim.”

Balsano snorts and Luna can feel herself giggling. “Yes, this was a girls night, did you hear it Matteo?”

The ginger looks at Luna’s companion she bumped seconds ago, and now she is shook, because there he is the boy she’s been gossipping about for long, long days, or that’s what Luna thinks is the reason of big eyes her friend makes at Matteo.

She spots Yam turning towards the bar, and then away from the bar so she can put the shot glasses on the table, and when Luna reaches for her immediately, because well her sanity definitely needs that, some hand takes it faster and in a second that’s it from her shot.

“It was mine? Who the hell do you think you are?” The brunette asks, completely surprised, because why the fuck would Balsano steal her shots.

“I think, that it’s time for us to go home,” he just states, ignoring her angry glare and loud questions. Luna huffs and crosses her arms. “I don’t wanna go home. Besides, I am not going to leave my friends here.”

The Italian nods. “Well, then we are going to walk them first, but then we go to your dorm so you get home safe and no one steals you on the way.”

Luna is very lost at this moment, she doesn’t get this boy one bit. First he is undressing some girl by the bar with his eyes, then he does the same with her, but using his voice and now he changed into group father who is gonna make sure everyone has no fun. Still, the look he is giving them now makes Luna just give up, she turns to the girls and sighs. “Are we going then? This one is gonna be super whiny I believe.”

“Okay I guess, but next weekend we are gonna stay looooonger.” The ginger pouts and Luna giggles. “Fine, can be.”

“No, you must promise, Luna Valente.” She takes up her pinky and the brunette just takes it with hers, nodding few times until her friend is happy. Her eyes walk towards Matteo who just sends her a wink and she wonders why would he try to send her home already. Or more like walk her home. And why would she agree.

🌙

It’s cold when they are walking towards Luna’s place, cold enough for her to start shivering and cold enough for her to accept Matteo’s arm around her shoulders, because he is warm and she would take everything that is warm. The girls are already in their room, since they live together, and Luna can walk calmly knowing that they are safe, most likely sleeping, and if not they always have the other to hold their hair in case of throwing up.

Matteo isn’t talking much, she isn’t either and it’s okay. Her heels are hitting the hard bricks of the sidewalk and except their breathing this is the only sound Luna can hear, which is nice. She feels that when he isn’t talking she is the least exposed to any harm from his side, he is just comfy and warm, and smells so nice, not with alcohol and when they will get to her place, Luna is sure he will let her go and won’t try to get in touch for next few days.

She sighs heavily and yawns, hearing his tiny chuckle and she guesses she can break the silence for a moment. “What’s so funny?” she just asks and he looks at her before sending her a smile. “Few moments ago you were all about staying in that club longer, and now you are like sleepy, little kitten.”

Luna huffs, it’s not that being compared to a kitten is a bad thing, but he is clearly making fun of her and her drunk self doesn’t like it. Actually she feels drunk only in the moments when she looks at his face.

“I’m sleepy because you are boring, Matteo.”

He raises his eyebrows at her and she giggles shaking her head. Italian gasps at this and pokes her on the ribs so she jumps a little. “I am not boring, it’s not my fault that you decided to have crazy night after waking up in the morning probably around eight am.”

Luna bites on her lower lip thinking, trying to remind herself when she did wake up, but since she can’t at this moment, she just ignores his comment.

There is again, a little quiet minute until it’s his turn to ruin it. “Why didn’t you take a jacket?”

“Why didn’t you?” Luna answers with a question and he sighs done. “Because I am not cold. Now you tell me.”

She pouts moving a little closer to him, hoping that he won’t mention it. “I forgot to take it.”

“Well, so we better hurry up.”

The brunette nods agreeing; she wants to be home as soon as possible, take off this uncomfy shoes and dress, spend few years under the shower and sleep for the rest of the night. To speed up the walking she tries to play with the one stone by kicking it away and when she walks to it again, she just kicks it again. Once it goes to the left, more towards Matteo’s feet which makes Luna pout, yet he surprises her by kicking it so she can continue.

He pretends that it didn’t happen and the brunette pretends she doesn’t see the look he is sending her.

🌙

“It’s a nice building,” he murmurs when they get to the door of her dorm. Luna looks around the hallway and she can’t really see anything nice here, it’s just normal, but she guesses Matteo was trying to make the conversation with the least awkward start.

“Well, you could have seen it earlier.” Luna shrugs and he smiles leaning his back against the entrance door so she can’t really get in or even try to put the key in the lock. “Let me in, Matteo.”

“Why were you so annoyed at me today?” he asks instead and she frowns. “And why do you care?”

Matteo crosses his arms and she does the same, which probably looks ridiculously funny. “Because I don’t want you to be angry at me, sweet thing.”

“How would I be angry with you, if you don’t even talk to me?” The brunette hums and Balsano nods slightly, thinking probably about something important or not important. She has no idea exactly, but this scrunched nose of his is kinda cute and she likes it, his lashes are throwing some shade at his cheeks, definitely unfair that his lashes are so long. She stares at him just like he stares at her and it’s the weirdest moment between them ever.

“I’m sorry,” he says and she blinks surprised. “I will be talking to you now.”

“You know that it sounds super weird? Plus you don’t have to, Matteo. I get it, I just don’t want you to tell you would do something and then text me last minute, that sorry, but you can’t be there and then ignore me for few days. It’s fine, just stop.”

Matteo looks at her carefully. “Stop what?”

“Stop trying to be nice. Because it’s not really working for either of us.”

He smiles a little, which is ridiculous for Luna, so she doesn’t manage to react quickly enough when he reaches for her hand and pulls her close to his chest. She blinks surprised, looking into his eyes, he brushes her hair behind her ear softly and sighs. “Will you let me try once again? Let me and it will be fine, I’m sure of it.”

The brunette opens her mouth to say something, but he stops her. “Don’t tell me now, I’m sure your drunk self needs more time to make decisions, not to mention drunk choices are always bad for us. Let me know later, though. I will be waiting.”

She sighs with a tiny nod, barely moving and Matteo kisses her forehead before leaving. She can only watch him heading towards the elevator without turning away as she has two things on her mind. First, did he mean himself or her when he talked about deciding about stuff while drunk. Second, he never promised her anything and this she should remember.

Luna shakes her head and gets into her dorm, fully knowing that today to sleep she will listen to the song he sent her in the plane on repeat.

#soy luna #lutteo #hft #my writing

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bcdyhigh-blog · 6 years

Text

hey y’all !! i have this queued and everything bc my forgetful ass prob won’t be around for the soft opening.. rip. anyways i’m lia, twenty, a rpdr and retro future enthusiast, and i’m hyped as hell to introduce my Kids ! admittedly gyuri owns my heart more than max so, you can have her first, you’d prob thank me for it shortly anyways DKSLGFJ you can find her bio HERE, i also have her PLOTS and STATS pages up, so check them out as well ! and if you wanna plot, just hmu over at discord !

( KIM MINJI | CISFEMALE | SHE/HER ) I swear I saw MOON GYURI around campus yesterday. I hear the TWENTY-ONE year old is very resolute & circumspect which totally adds up since they're a TAURUS. They’re in their THIRD year and studying MUSIC PRODUCTION. you might also see them at a RADIO CLUB meeting. ( lia, nt, she/her. )

moon gyuri, a daegu native with an older sister and younger brother, an ambivert and an all around baby

i already have an overview of her bg so i’ll stick to the basics with this copied intro gklfds

buT she became involved in music through her father, who studied it in uni and ended up becoming a music instructor with a focus on piano, flute and vocals

her and her mom.. also her older sister, didn’t have the best relationship when she grew older, which seemed to die altogether when her parents divorced and her mom left. but her and her sister’s still exists, it’s just that she’s a bit of a toxic influence on her and she tends to distance herself from her

went to seoul arts to pursue music like her father ( a daddy’s girl too like ) and found her way into the world of production !! just before junior year, she transferred out of her original program, applied music with a concentration in piano, into music production and has loved it ever since

she’s making something of an income as the creator of an acct on youtube and soundcloud for her music — going by the aliases lunar wave and leda on them respectively ( can you tell how creative i am.. seriously, im dsfggdfjk )

she’s not even close to making it big yet, having only started a few short months ago, and that being said, she doesn’t mind if she never works for a moderately to highly popular label in the future — though she should if she wants to get by

among the aesthetic, lo-fi music crowd ( one of those yt accts with a livestream for certain playlists that go on for hours, rip ) where for the most part, it’s personal faves mixed with her own works, and has a substantial following for such a new acct as of now. but has an interest in experimenting, with mashups ( as a lover of them ?? i couldn’t help myself sgflkdsjg ) for example, with a small fear of how that change would be received

anyways she’s a member of the radio club, is usually found in either her room or some studio in the music department, and is a struggling bi baby

this is so short iK, it’s a little infuriating if you ask me ljkgdfjls

in terms of her personality and other things:

she’s quite a loyal person, but even she knows when to draw a line in the sand. while like i said, her relationship with her sister is Not Great, she hadn’t completely given up on her for many years. definitely for the time being, for her own benefit, but her being someone who’s open to the idea of people changing for the better somewhere down the line leaves a bit of room for her to possibly change her mind, if her sister does enough to allow her to consider it

so she can be a bit of a doormat in some cases, it all depends on how she sees the person that determines if that’s the case, but she generally won’t let you off if you’re being dumb/an ass to someone or if she gets advantageous vibes from you for example ( given she can.. be a little dense on occasion and is a gentle soul overall ) so.. idk fgklsj good luck to the 99% ig ??

she does have a slight dependency on others despite her thinking all signs point to the opposite, and even though her and her mom never rly had a good relationship she still reels from the neglect/abandonment some days so handle her with Care if she deems you a close pal

super wary with taking risks and the like, add her stubborn nature and she’s gonna be difficult to persuade on a range of things

unwavering in her work and with those she trusts. she also is the same with herself more often than not, but she’s not exempt from having that doubtful voice in her head convincing her she’s doing a shit job in x thing to throw her off

she’s a little reclusive when focused on something, if she tells you she’s working on a track, it’s essentially a head’s up that you might not see her for a couple of days depending on how soon she gets it done — lowkey that bitch™ who makes up an illness to her prof or boss, so she wouldn’t even show up for class/work if it’s more than just her fucking around

bc admittedly, a lot of what she posts is fucking around and liking it, her more thought-out and effort packed projects are hidden away on her laptop

a bit insecure with her work and just her general disposition ?? bc like i said, she’s not exempt from that Evil voice in her head and those few more.. conflicting points above, we’ll say, mess with her a lot and leave her disheartened so.. my poor child

so that being said, she’s v strong overall, takes people’s shit but if it gets to her, she gets over it p fast ( the first time around ). doesn’t dwell on much and will be courteous to you even if she’s declared you too toxic to stick around 24/7

isn’t exactly one to get angry super easily ?? she’s basically just disappointed or annoyed at best 99% of the time, it takes a lot to get her beyond that

a cute bean who wants the best for everyone and is also clumsy as absolute fuCK

uhhh

plays piano and bass guitar

prob has some kind of little amateur rock band with a few music majors and took up bass for the hell of it lmao

so.. if you want in on that lmk sdgkldg

loves animals, leans towards cats or big dogs. corgis and those little spaniels get a pass tho

speaking of, she has a cute little calico kitten ( i’m shit with pet names so that’s tba rgkjls ) who she Loves, her baby !!

sweater, ball cap and basic t shirt junkie

those glasses minji’s worn on occasion ?? rinna wears them too but.. actually needs them, not even close to a fashion statement

doesn’t don much makeup unless someone’s dragging her to a party or something

thaT’S when she looks a little more like a classy early twenties bitch.. which lbr, is hard enough when adulthood is a whole Train Wreck for the most part LGFJSDL

not a heavy drinker, but the textbook definition of a lightweight so.. she’s always praying for anyone who has to deal with her dgfjklsfg

lattes are her livelihood

a bit of a hopeless romantic, god help her

her favourite subject in school was literature/writing and reads quite a bit on her breaks between classes, prob tried to take up a creative writing class as an elective as well

favourite music genres.. it’s easier to say what she doesn’t like/finds boring, which is prob country and some aspects of edm/pop, not into punk/metal either

these are super basic plus her personality description is all over the place bc i’m rushing but.. i’ve gotta get to max’s info so this’ll do for now i hope ??

#sitaintro #╳┊: — welcome to chili's ! •「 ooc. 」#omg this took longer than i thought.. her pages aren't even ready yet KDLSGFKDFGL #q.

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dreamsafterhours · 4 years

Text

college boyfriend!markhyuk au series: III (mark’s pathway)

a universe in which roommates!markhyuk meet each other's s/o in class

markhyuk are roommates, my/n and dy/n are roommates, mark and dy/n take classes together and so do donghyuk and my/n — how will their fates intertwine?

genre: fluff pairings: mark+my/n (fem), donghyuk+dy/n (fem), platonic!mark+dy/n, platonic!donghyuk+my/n format: dotpoint AU universe: non idol, college bf warning: some swearing

masterlist

or click here to meet your soulmate, paediatrics!donghyuk!

II ⇤ | III | ⇥ IV

III: 별빛이 내린다 샤라랄라랄라라 (2+2=4)

the meeting of two souls: mark & my/n

hi hello good day how are you? i hope you're well today/tonight this is like 3 weeks late isn't it :D pls don't come after me i lost some motivation to write for a while but here i am now so let's get to it!!

aight so you met donghyuk's roommate for the first time yesterday and,,

you honestly had NO IDEA someone could be that cute

highkey regretting not asking for his name but you were so caught up in lingering on the fact that he implied you were pretty , like wHO DOES THAT ASDFKJL

you highkey shouted the verbal equivalent of a keyboard smash with ur roommate and she was all !! oh so this guy cute cute

you were contemplating whether or not to sneakily ask donghyuk for his name but you were worried bc hyuk has,, crazy sense when it comes to reading people and seeing through their words

and honestly you didn’t want to have to deal with hyuk potentially teasing the shit out of u for having a maybe crush on his roommate whom u’d just met

so you just beat your pillow sleep on it after your roommate reminds you it’s getting late and no life decisions should be made after 12am!! live by it

you wake up craving jjajangmyeon but alas if you were to get any satisfaction of that kind of hunger, it was going to have to wait because

~~ we love ~~ packed schedules ~~ in this house ~~

i hopes the sarcasm was noted in that previous sentence bc now u wish for life to cease

4 weeks into the semester and you were drowning in the midst of reports and lab pracs and content and revision

you were ready to ascend to the next life with only regret and an ability to vaguely explain the properties of a prokaryotic cell and endosymbiosis

but honestly donghyuk’s been a big help throughout the past month

your only friend in classes

official study buddy

2am revision session consultant

personal older brother bc he claimed you as his adoptive sister

another reason your roommate told you to go to bed was bc you literally have

a tutorial class + 2 consecutive 1.5 hour lectures + a 3 hour lab class to finish your day off

with no break for lunch in between :’((

looks like you’ll be starving through your library study session with dy/n

but oop

you find that dy/n had stayed up long after you’d fallen asleep writing her essay

leaving your dorm feeling a twinge of guilt that u might have distracted her from focusing on her work to listen to your rambles and kept her up later than she should have been

but a text from her in the afternoon reassures u that honestly she wasn’t even planning to write that essay and The Feels™ had just hit her last night and that she made it to class

you: oh PHEW that’s good

you: sorry i didn’t wake you up on my way out, u looked so peaceful i couldn’t bear to disturb

dy/n 🦁: dw dw it’s all g i made it n e way

dy/n 🦁: also is it cool if my friend and his friend comes to the study sesh as well we have to go through some lecture content

you: ah yes don’t see why not :)) i’ll probs have my earphones in the entire time anyways lmao won’t affect me

but will it

“who u texting in the middle of diffusion” cue hyuk peering over at the phone you’re hiding in your lap

you click your tongue at him and lock your phone, “someone twice the man you’ll ever be”

he gasps in mock horror like he’d just witnessed a murder as quietly as he can ,,

“you’re texting a guy? in the middle of diffusion?”

“no. my roommate lmao”

“and what? is it me or your roomma—”

“—my roommate” you glance back up at the prof without looking at him

“ouch”

“you dare?”

“if i don’t dare, who will”

and due to this exchange, you miss the osmosis slide

“ah shit what was osmosis again”

“lmfao what makes u think i know that”

(pause)

“isn't it just.. net movement of free water molecules from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration”

sorry my bio neural pathways are being excited again after being revisited for the first time in two years

/stares at him/ “why was that infuriating to hear from u”

after class you prepare to head to your dreaded 3-hour lab class you have with donghyuk but he stands up and stares into the void blankly

“where am i going”

“where do u think”

“oh, hell, most likely”

you scoff at the accuracy and drag him out of the lecture hall

you look at donghyuk and he’s visibly resisting the urge to poke your cheek when he first puts on his gloves

“what’s with you today”

he stares at his hands forlornly, “idk ask that to my timetable”

“week 4 got u dead huh”

he glances at you with a frown, “don’t act like u’re not dying too”

“damn. touché”

to your dismay, the lab class runs later than scheduled and you get out of it 20 minutes after it was meant to finish but luckily it’s your last class

with a quick goodbye to donghyuk and a text letting dy/n know you were going to be a lil late, u stop by ur dorm to pick up ur textbook before rushing to the library

you were highkey exhausted and just. famished by that point

but a promise is a promise and you weren’t going to back out of one now

especially when you felt like you owed your roommate one and it was you who originally suggested a library session

so you get to the library, bag strap slung over your shoulder, checking the photo of the seats dy/n had saved for you in the library

highkey getting lost once or twice but you manage

you get to the general area and spot dy/n sitting at a four-seater (wow how’d they get that) but you

freeze when you see who’s sitting next to her

it’s ??

????????

????????????????

/error 404/

????????????????

????????

ur heart goes into panic mode bc

it’s not even kidding it’s donghyuk’s roommate

and despite ur brain short-circuiting

you manage to remember that dy/n had said that mentioned her friend’s.. roommate.. also coming along..

and if her friend was donghyuk’s.. roommate..

you: : )

you: oh my god they were roommates

and speak of the devil

“oh hey fancy seeing u here”

you turn around and it’s donghyuk legit chills right there

you barely reply a “hi”

“i thought u were going to ur dorm for dinner”

“ah yeah—no i’m.. gonna go over some.. diffusion”

“oii! over here dude” his roommate whisper-yells out at donghyuk

dy/n waves at you “heYY my/n”

donghyuk waves and turns back to you “welp i’m gonna join a study group.. you could join if you came alone? i’m sure they won’t mind”

“about that”

“u waiting for someone?”

“i’m going over there too”

“what?”

he glances over at the table and then back to you

“that’s my roommate. right there next to your roommate”

you point her out and then donghyuk’s jaw drops

“what the fUC—” and you both. burst iinto laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation

like ?? how???

“wOW r u KIDDING”

“HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN”

“talk about a coincidence.. oh my god my cheekbones hurt” he says as he clutches his side

so you get to the table and dy/n tries to introduce u to donghyuk’s roommate

“mark, this is my/n, my/n this is mark”

ah yes so mark is his name, you think

cute name for a cute boi

“nice to meet you again, mark”

dy/n: “?? again?”

mark gives u a rlly wide smile “yeah we’ve met. hi my/n”

you swear you’ve never had your heart flutter like this

fdksoafjadgioarigilf

then mark introduces dy/n to donghyuk and they start talking about how they’re your legal guardian and telling the other to “get in line”

leaving you in middle like “ok mum and dad” but also thinking back to when donghyuk was highkey flirting with you,, and now how he’s flirting with dy/n ,, oh dude he’s flirting

and highkey ,,, you don’t have any hard feelings about it ,, you know she’s also got this kind of humour code and she’s far more comfortable with meeting new people

until dy/n jokes about custody rules and donghyuk replies with “who says we’re split”

ok mum and dad

n e ways you came to study and study you will

so you settle down and go through your notes for the day

albeit being a lil distracted by mark who sits right across from you somehow, somewhy,,

somewhy should be a word you can’t tell me how to english

you keep wanting to steal glances at him but you have to physically restrain yourself from doing so

and also donghyuk who keeps poking u under the table and texting u even though he’s right next to you

💩hyuk: bro

you: wHAT

💩hyuk: nvm lol

you: im boutta slap u. give me my pen back i saw that

💩hyuk: damn

💩hyuk: also r u hungry

you: terribly

you: why

💩hyuk: does ur roommate have any allergies

you: not that i know of

you: again

you: why

you: u buyin?

💩hyuk: 🤡<- you

💩hyuk: 🤡, how do you feel about dinner

you: invalid question. no variable answer

💩hyuk: alright, 🤡. im not buying for u

you glower at him but he isn’t looking at u,, he leans back and laments about how he’s craving chinese food

did he read your damn mind how did he know

and apparently he’s read dy/n’s mind too at how she jumps up at the mention of chinese and agrees profusely

so you find yourself abandoning your studies for the rest of the night and in a restaurant lmfao

“chill,, guys,,, jjajang is fine”

rock paper scissors for the cheque ends in mark’s tears

“no it’s ok. i’m ok it’s our first meeting as a fateful group and it makes sense! for me to pay”

after you satisfy your cravings the boys walk dy/n and you back to your dorm

mark tells dy/n to give him her bag for him to carry and while she practically gives it up to him, he has to insist that he’ll carry yours too

to which you’re like omg no it’s fine i can carry it it’s not that heavy i swear—

until donghyuk takes ur bag off ur shoulder and passes it to mark

because of the narrow path, you’re forced to walk in pairs and you end up walking next to donghyuk who makes happy sounds about how good that food was and how priceless mark’s face was when he lost rock paper scissors

then dy/n takes the initiative to make a group chat for you four,, asking for donghyuk’s number to add

you give her a look like damn gurl but you have no idea if she saw or if she just ignored you on purpose lmfao

also donghyuk looked way too happy afterwards

either way you slapped her when you got back to the dorm like “SINCE WHEN WERE YOU SO ?? BRAVE?”

dy/n: um

dy/n: honey

dy/n: have you met me

and thus the chaos of a group chat was born and just like a real child, you spent hours on it

dy/n 🦁: ok we inside

you: thanks for dinner again mark!

💩hyuk: he says you’re welcome

💩hyuk: i say we “accidentally” lose our purses next time we go out

you: nah you’re paying next

💩hyuk: y

💩hyuk: y, 🤡

dy/n 🦁: yes y, 🤡

dy/n 🦁: HAHAH WHY IS SHE 🤡

💩hyuk: i thought you of all people would know

dy/n 🦁: why is she just as dumb in class as she is in the dorm?

💩hyuk: i knew it

dy/n 🦁: she poured too much hot water into her tea the other day it overflowed and spilt onto her foot

mark: oh no were u okay

💩hyuk: looks like you’re gonna have to study osomsis

💩hyuk: osmoiss

💩hyuk: fuck

you: yes i’m okay it wasn’t that hot i had socks on too

💩hyuk: osmosis

dy/n 🦁: avoided tragedy luckily

💩hyuk: finally

you: there is a reason you’re saved as 💩hyuk on my phone

dy/n 🦁: HAAHAHAHAHHAHAH

seriously you just don’t know just how much this group was going to mean to you yet

click here to meet your soulmate, paediatrics!donghyuk!

II ⇤ | III | ⇥ IV

shoot me an ask if you’d like to be tagged in future parts!

#dreamwritersnet #kwritersworldnet #neowriters #nct au #nct 127 au #nct dream au #markhyuck #markhyuck au #markhyuck x reader #mark x reader #haechan x reader #donghyuck x reader #mark au #haechan au #donghyuck au #nct college #nct college au #eng lit mark #paediatrics haechan

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aitian · 3 years

Text

5:43 am 12/29/2020

end of year.

feels right to revisit how i looked this yr on photobooth. most ppl only knew me through my webcam. i dont have many thoughts abt who i am or what im doing these days. mostly playing video games with alice. we smoked together a few days ago & i still feel like im in deadtime. like maybe i cant remember the important things im supposed to from the past. & rly existential lately. the panic is just in my throat, thinking abt how fast time is going & how there is no way back. i think there is a carceral logic behind the entrapment that all us depressed & anxious kids feel.. like the inadequacy of being alive, the failure to feel like a beautiful future is unfolding. im not sure anyone feels that way these days, & maybe thats why they r all holding on so desperately. all empires fall. im so grateful to be able to feel moms body & be her child these days. i just wanna lay my head on someones chest & feel good, warm, soft, coarse fabrics. also feeling anxious abt my classes, turning in the same essay that isnt rly an essay to all of my profs. oops. it was rly the best i could manage. vestigial body... i will finish writing smth i feel proud abt one day, & it will be written to myself. like this.

idk when the last time i wrote was, but maybe i wanna talk abt my relationships. feels like i got a hard reset on my brain by smoking with alice. oh god. anyway i havent been talking to sherry & adele recently bc i just dont feel right around them. in november remembering again what it felt like to feel so unwelcome all the time, feel that energy & those manners replicated by them toward me.. ik i should just talk to people frankly abt the things im uncomfortable with at home now that i have so much practice doing it but i just dont want to. somehow it feels like they should all just know, that they are living alongside me all this time in various ways even if i am not saying things to them, & our actions that connect us in relationship are felt by them too. & there is some part of refusal to see the relationship for what it is. im not begging for some trans pity or for commitment.. those kinds of relationship arent real. what is real is wanting to spend time with me, wanting to experience some sort of exchange between bodies, wanting to walk toward near horizons. feels like everyone who listens & agrees when i speak just does it to be amicable. there are only so many ways i can reassure myself that ppl understand me for who i am, even when they are constantly being led astray to hurt me. like alice saying its good for doctors to have objective views of their patients, outside of any other relationship. mom saying that she trusted our teachers to teach us what we needed. getting weirdly gendered messages from friends at home, & never asked in good faith about how i feel. its rly so shitty that even questions like how was the day or what ru thinking rn or whats on the horizon r things they want me to ask, then dont want to answer, & make fun of bc they feel awkward saying anything. so stupid. its this kind of shit that holds me back from letting my desires be known, these rituals of repression & shame. & i always wanna hear ppls desires & then immediately regret asking to know that our relationship is in direct conflict with their utopias. so stupid.

today after dinner, which was in the late evening, mom & alice & i did some short yoga stuff & then we did silly lion dancing. im still sore. i stretched out everything that felt sort afterward. anyway, felt good to be goofy & sweat & breathe hard.

what im feeling abt this year: - vestigial body x1000 --> dark room, heart beating fast, waiting & squeezing. theres that episode of midnight gospel when the dying dog/reindeer lady talks abt giving birth & dying, like squeezing & tensing & on no this moment will never end & then releasing & coming to rest & then all over again. & that is what i think abt every time i feel in panic now, or in a deep place of fear. there r some pains that cant be escaped, & they dont need to be. they r felt all the same. - i made a new friend through q&a who is a kid im supposed to b mentoring. it just means that all relationships are reciprocal (i dont like that word either, but they r never simply one way or transactional) & we met every thursday during the school yr. i prepared short stories for us to read & writing prompts, & we wrote abt stuff. - i just cant remember. all i remember abt this summer was going to stone valley with mom, feeling the sunlight & my tiredness (in an enveloping selse, toward my body & my spirit), playing games w sherry, playing some piano, & working on that fire emblem romhack. feels like the year went by so quickly. like i just had my birthday a few days ago, & now the new year means it is coming again soon. sometimes whole lives are vestigial. what is gruesome & magnificent abt that is that those vestigial bodies are hard to kill without clear intentions & collective effort. what sucks is the entrapment. i have been feeling this cant remember feeling in a bigger way, toward what my life was like before college, toward who i was in college now that i am so removed, & even more toward the kid whose world blossomed into smth they desperately desired & felt afraid of. middle school me would be horrified. maybe an even younger me would be proud, feel in awe or struck by the rightness of home. - i want to remember mom. the way she walks around with her hands in her pockets. 帅吗。:). how we skip/gallop sideways to avoid the wind on our walks, & she bounces when she walks like a silly kid. i love her. unruly gender, stubbornness of feelings, failure failure failure is why we r hurt but also why we r rly still allowed to be here. thinking abt moms essay, moving away from her grandma, thinking she would live together again someday. thinking abt how im home this yr, in a way i thought maybe i would never be ever again. its so cruel to leave love behind for the sake of a ritualized life i could never participate in. i wont do it. i just wont.

some feelings abt the coming year - i want to meet someone like myself & fall in love. deeply, with myself, in relationship. i wanna have sex too, & feel held in my being alive. i wanna be allowed to enjoy my body in even more regards like wearing short sleeves & feeling the sun on my arms free from dysphoria, existing in public not noticeably & feeling the evaporation of racial tension, waking up with that feeling of possibility, like i want to be alive & eat food & go outside & do those things in my body that remind me that i am a part of how the rest of this world is growing. i wanna be held in that knowing, together, of wellness & movement toward everything that means we matter to each other. - playing video games has been so important to this vestige & i dont want it to remain that way. i wanna collect stuff & grow stuff in real life, & grow myself & my relationships too. its not living when its the mourning of the freedom i should have always had & should have every moment i am continuing to life unfreely. - i wanna do some stuff to express gratitude to the ppl i have continued some sort of relationship with. feel bad abt how no one has emailed me back in more than a month now. maybe wanna do a q&a chapbook or yearbook. complex feelings bc i am so not in relationship with the ppl i wanna care abt. it sucks. part of that is letting go of guilt too, & being real with myself abt how much responsibility is on the other body to make me feel okay in our relationships. its rly not my fault that, u kno.. everyone is used to making someone like me feel like shit. sad that my most continuous relationships this yr r with professors. those dumb feelings of obligation r killer. i guess im grateful to be legible in some ways, while feeling the intensely awkward unwillingness to be real abt our positions relative to each other. i think lots more happening in this regard in the coming months w classes, blk atlantic ecologies, maybe smth w prof lee. & sometimes thinking abt what grad school would mean. - i wanna feel slow, i wanna feel like myself, i wanna feel free. some feelings r sitting in the garden on my own in the spring, planting some stuff. thinking abt what it might grow into, coming back again & again. the sun ducks behind clouds & comes back out, & the world feels so light & passing by. & time feels forever, like i have so much patience to dream & breathe & observe. this is one of my early memories, watching shadows on the concrete/sidewalks at preschool, feeling warmer then colder then warmer again. i also wanna feel the kind of collectivity that makes me know we all insist on home. i want it to branch beyond this home that i know. & also mean that i will not throw this away. im thinking abt how to exist intimately with more than one person at once. it is smth i will learn as it comes into my life.

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