#anyway dont perceive me i just needed to put this out into the world

[raise-me-up-take-me-up]

dinosaurchestra is possibly my favourite ever lemon demon album not just because i enjoy all the songs so much, it’s because of when i listened to that album.

i had a competition that started at 7 in the evening and ended at 10. it was for something that i was very passionate about but wasn’t qualified enough in to be confident. my prospects were very slim but i really wanted to do well. i was stressed, and halfway to tears, and it was only midday. so i decided that to distract myself i’d work through the whole album just to have something to do. and oh boy the songs really resonated with me

“Fine” cracked me up and reminded me to look on the brighter side of things even if the cards are ridiculously stacked against me and nothing looks good. “everything works out nice in the end, the sun will marry the moon, it’ll be fine, why don’t we sit back mellow again, and have a nice afternoon? it’ll be fine”

“Neverending Hum” was a straight banger but also told me I had a critter that had my back all the time. “but fear not, it’s your critter to the rescue, hum emanating from its lips, and fear disappears and the parasite trips”

“Your Imaginary Friend” was just really cosy in its own creepy way. “every word that you’ve learned, every wish that you’ve burned, every single strand of hair in your head, every book that you’ve read, we love you this much!”

“Indie Cindie and the Lo-fi Lullabies” was on the surface a sort of funny-in-a-sad-way story about an insecure musician who self-sabotaged, but I kinda saw myself in her. and also the melody and story were very whimsical and easy to get lost in. “indie cindie and the lo-fi lullabies, ain’t gettin very big, in fact her only gig was pathetic even though she dreamed it up, in fact it was a nightmare, the sound just wasn’t right there” like poor cindie...

“Nothing Worth Loving Isn’t Askew” was the only song that I had heard previously but it still impacted me. it’s the ‘its okay to not be perfect’ song that I needed. “symmetry’s overrated, methinks, look at the scars all over the sphinx, i am lopsided and so are you, nothing worth loving isn’t askew”

“This Hyper World” was also super relevant because I had also been stressing about tertiary education and beyond, and what my future would look like, and this song looked at all those stresses and said ‘I know the world is big and scary and confusing, but embrace it all head-on and do your own thing’. It always sounded to me like a career guidance counselor talking to a lost student. “what can you do, what can you do about it? oh, i don’t know, run outside and twirl, scream hello at this hyper world”

“Dinosaurchestra Part Three” HURT ME. i went into this album dismissing the parts as child’s play but for some reason this song got me so emotional at the time. it’s the dinosaur version of the musicians on the Titanic. “we’ll all be blown up real soon, but not before we’re in tune, won’t you be a good dinosaur? (we must be before we’re not) treat these creatures to an encore (one last time is all we’ve got)” like bro... the meteor is coming... but they choose to spend their last moments making music and enjoying themselves.... bro......

“The Too Much Song” was very indulgently melancholic and i’m glad neil put it in the album even though he initially had qualms about it. “you’re too much (or am i not enough?)” is so good to wail out even though i’ve never even held someone’s hand before. it was chill.

i continued listening to the whole album on my commute to the competition to keep the good vibes going, and lemme tell you hearing “Fine” and “This Hyper World” cropping up in my shuffle was what kept me grounded and sane.

and to this day when i think of dinosaurchestra i think of how it smoothed out a very frazzled day and made things so much better.

in conclusion thank u mr ciciereiga for this gift of an album

#dinosaurchestra #lemon demon #wow this got way long #it got WAY WAY long #anyway dont perceive me i just needed to put this out into the world

[nongnaos]

Punk!Pran... he definitely rides a motorbike.

#i'd say 'dont ask me why i made this' bc its embarrasing how much effort i put in #however i need to talk about it #you know that thing about kids going off to college away from their conservative parents #and they get to college and become more liberal and come out and start dressing for themselves? #for my own mental health i need that headcannon for pran #and as much as i love my lesbian outfit cannon pran #i just need a lil emo pran to exist somewhere #if nanon ever plays a punk/emo character pls know i will lose my mind #like if he dressed like Black from Not Me... spontaeous combustion #anyway #bad buddy #pran #pran parakul #bad buddy series #now for the love and honor of all thats good in the world pls do not perceive me

[jounosparticles]

this feels really odd to ask but but what do you think the hunting dogs' thoughts are about death? specifically if they die and how? cause I feel like all of them share a variation of "I will go down guns blazing and with glory"

fukuchi definitely feels it and I feel like jouno as well. they've both had rough and violent lives so I feel like they've always thought death was just right around the corner.

I don't know about the rest of them though. teruko I feel shares the thought but not as intense as the other two, and I dont know about tecchou and tachihara.

anyway. it's a neat thought to me :3

ohhh i’ve been thinking of the best way to answer this for DAYS. this analysis will be long so ill put it under a readmore.

the hunting dogs and death - analysis

overall, it is shown that they can die. i assume due to their abilities and bodily enhancements that they do not die of injuries very easily. it makes me wonder how disease hits them? partially mechanical bodies may not respond to illness as well as natural bodies would? or maybe the opposite and they can heal more so internally? anyways here's my thoughts on how each hunting dog perceives dying!!

fukuchi

i see fukuchi as fairly self-preserving up until the end. he can't die in battle because he needs to make sure the decay of angels plot carries out.

remember that he was warned of this at nine years old. he had to spend his life preparing for this. he likely grew very wary of living recklessly and became great at fighting very fast and young; i assume that's why he went through dojos to fight as a child.

under no circumstances could he die until the world was safe.

i imagine he put on a selfless face and was willing to take serious harm in order to protect the peace, but i highly doubt he was ever willing to sacrifice his life until his plan worked out.

here we see his thought process and how things need to fall into place. his participation was essential because in no other situation would fukuzawa be the one able to get access to the one order. if fukuchi had died beforehand, the war would play out as the amenogozen warning claimed.

he had to leave the world to fukuzawa, the man he could trust most before facing his own demise.

of course, at this point in the series he has been killed since that was the final goal of his plan. a noble death for a fantastic hero.

jouno

im actually a little conflicted on his perception of death. i believe jouno is willing to sacrifice his life if absolutely necessary but is probably more self-preserving than the others. i believe he likely uses his confident and slightly arrogant attitude to hide this self-preserving mindset. someone who comes off as intimidating or nonchalant during battle is more likely to throw off the enemy whereas appearing nervous or angry will make them seem vulnerable. i believe jouno also sees himself as very strategic and able to get out of situations easily if needed. he's a quick thinker from what we've seen thus far.

lets look at when he confronted fukuchi.

he starts off very confidently accepting the offer. we know this is a facade but him immediately trying to throw fukuchi off guard seems so show he's pretty confident in his next move.

but when this doesn't work, he immediately tries to flee. this is fairly unique for a fight in bsd, many characters will often fight until they either get what they wish or they're too injured to move. despite jouno having an ability that could dodge fukuchi's, he still chose to try and escape instead of continuing to fight. this is a very normal human reaction to have but not one you see as often.

and at a disturbance, he begins to panic and needs to ground himself by reassuring himself instead of fighting back. he's not willing to put his life on the line to stop a global terrorism and his own escape is seen as a victory, which i see as him being more self-preserving. this all took place before the sword was set on fire, so it wasn't as if he had that threat to escape yet.

however, there's a chance he just didn't know how to fight the amenogozen; but his ability was definitely one of the best to fight against fukuchi with.

still, he's smart and made sure to plan adequately in case he was injured in the battle against fukuchi. he wants to keep himself safe, but he's still smart enough to take precaution.

i think jouno has probably been through a lot in his life and wants to spend a while living happily, making him more afraid to die than the others. this is even shown when he took teruko being angry as a threat while fukuchi laughed over it.

(as a small note, fukuchi's line in the anime was "haha. it seems our gremlin is angry today" which makes more sense in this context).

so tldr i think jouno would only go down if absolutely necessary and otherwise is fairly self-prioritizing.

tecchou

i believe tecchou would sacrifice himself if it brings justice.

however, he seems to see himself as one responsible for judgement, so i imagine he gives every single fight his all.

regardless of him acting as judgement, it's been shown that tecchou is willing to die if he fails at his work.

here he promises that if he were to fail he would commit seppuku (killing oneself via slicing through your stomach--an honourable death for a samurai fighter (which lines up with irl tetchou coming from samurai lineage)), which is an incredibly agonizing way to die. regardless, he is fully willing to do it if it is for peace. this shows a confidence in death and commitment to his sense of justice to an extreme manner.

and when he found himself in a situation where he was in the wrong, he immediately admitted defeat and asked his opponent to kill him.

he admits defeat, says his wrongs and is willing to accept the consequences.

he even jumps to the harsh conclusion that he isn't worthy of his title as a hunting dog. the stark white in his eyes show that his mind isn't corrupted and that he is doing what he believes is proper justice. incredibly noble.

luckily he was spared-and likely learned a lot about justice not always being as black and white as things appear.

overall, tecchou is a very noble fighter and is willing to put his life on the line for justice. he doesn't seem to fear death and will embrace it if he feels it is earned or deserved.

tachihara

i have less to say about tachihara than the others. i see him as the type that will go down over what's right and that's shown during his fight with fukuchi.

he isn't willing to fear death or beg for forgiveness. he will go down if it is worthy.

we also see that he keeps a argumentative spirit towards the enemy despite the circumstances. he will put down his opponent even in the moment of death, he just has the confidence to.

this panel also shows that he's more willing to die than to be defeated. he doesn't want to harm anyone and be controlled so he tries to kill himself first.

overall, he's a strong fighter who isn't afraid to sacrifice his life for what he believes in. his orders make him who he is, and if the orders are to win he either will or he will die trying.

(of course that last part doesn't really count when he was posing as a mafioso because he couldn't blow his cover by easily surviving everything).

teruko

much like tachihara, teruko seems to be very willing to put herself on the line to keep people safe. this is shown almost immediately in her introduction.

if ordered, she is willing to die. she's incredibly dedicated to her job and would go down if it saves people.

she's willing to go to drastic measures to keep herself alive as well, destroying her eardrum and continuing to try and fight sigma despite being under the directed resonance guns (which were made to destroy people like her). she didn't run, and she did absolutely everything she could have done in order to win.

she seems to also pride herself in fighting and being hurt in battle, likely to show her resilience and ability to do whatever it takes if it saves people.

she even goes on to call the hunting dogs "society's servants" and refers to the enhancement surgeries as "searing order into their own bodies."

this immense dedication makes me strongly believe that she would have no problem sacrificing herself if it is for the best. she killed fukuchi despite really caring for him, so i can see her being willing to put herself into that situation as well.

tysm for the question!!!!! this was super fun to read through the scenes again and try to piece together a logical guess on them all.

#i straight up spent like 30 mins trying to find the drafts button on tumblr pc so i coulf finish my answer og my god. worthit this is so fun #also sorry if the pictures or text is formatted weirdlyor for grammar mistakes im so tired its like 3am #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd jouno #bsd tetchou #bsd tecchou #bsd spoilers #asks #saigiku jouno #jouno saigiku #bsd tachihara #michizou tachihara #bsd teruko #teruko okura #bsd fukuchi #fukuchi ouchi #bsd analysis #tetchou suehiro #tecchou suehiro

[anonzentimes]

do you also get so so so sick of "my fandom sucks" jokes? i got into sonic last year and the series is awsome but the fandom (mostly on twitter) is annoyingly full of "dont mess with us sonic fans we dont even like the games", and then i got into danganronpa and the exact same thing happened. people dont allow themselves to just enjoy anything for some reason????? as if they had to have a justification or apologize for having fun with a thing perceived as annoying by non fans??

anyways i really like your posts, thoughts and rambles so for that and as a fellow sonic and danganronpa enjoyer i want to know what your thoughts on this whole "haha i hate my fandom *stays in the fandom*" phenomenon are. i find it rather confusing personally

DUDE. OH MY GOD KINDA SAME??? Okay, I got into Danganronpa 3 years ago now and only recently last year got into Sonic, Well more like I finally got out of denial about the fact I could be a Sonic fan since I always cared and researched about the franchise more than somebody who wasn't a fan would LOL.

Anyways, It really depends on the context of the joke because I think it's funny when people don't even remember basic information and it's used there? But otherwise it's kinda weird and pointless. The reputation of the fans with media I liked alongside knowing someone who viewed their own interests negatively caused me to become really embarrassed about my interests for a while. I'm finally just kind of embracing myself again and not caring much anymore, I think the jokes and general feeling of people trying to apologize for enjoying something is a lot more harmful than people think. I can say a few of my joking "I hate the fandom," sentiments but it's always followed by SOMETIMES or a PART of the fandom when referring to any drama or specific people misunderstanding things. Every generalization has exceptions and I think it's quite unfortunate people kind of put themselves in a corner like that sometimes.

Honestly it also depends on what the person means when they say it too actually, because sometimes saying that means from the person that they've admitted they have this "bad" status as a fan of something and kind of have accepted it? Like they accept they have that status, say the status is bad, and then stick to it because they've accepted that they're "bad" and enjoy the thing. It honestly is kind of an interesting phenomenon. I don't know, it just kind of all depends on context I suppose.

Just overall I think the attitude people have of bunching status together because of reputation is kind of harmful but inevitable. I do know that whatever phenomenon it is I've been recently stopped being harmed by it from embracing myself lol. I still understand it has a reputation and I may say something like "Yeah, I'm a sonic/danganronpa fan" in a teasing way when it comes to cringe culture jokingly, but genuinely like I'm not sorry or guilty for enjoying anything anymore at all. I mean like, I'm the person who's gone out in public with my surprisingly comfy monokuma jacket and sonic backpack before LOL I don't care what anyone says I'm just having fun and living my life happily with the time I have in this world. I don't need to waste energy thinking about the reputation of the fans of the thing I'm enjoying as long as I'm enjoying it, and honestly life has been so much nicer after that finally solidified in my head again. Nobody lives forever and I'd rather spend it being myself and enjoying what I want to.

Basically my conclusion is this: It can be funny depending on context, primarily when someone isn't having great media literacy, and I think it's fine when exceptions to a generalizations are considered. HOWEVER in general I don't enjoy the negative tone people have towards themself and the guilt about enjoying something that is created with the negative attitude sometimes. We're all just like people on a floating rock I don't think anyone cares if you like the silly hedgehogs, and if they do then they're kind of a loser for getting upset over your enjoyment they should be more concerned with themselves and their enjoyment loll.

Sorry if this has typos or anything lol I was about to go to bed but this resonated with me so i wanted to get my thoughts out right away. Thanks for the ask!! <3

#sonic the hedgehog fandom #danganronpa fandom #danganronpa #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #danganronpa 1 #danganronpa 3 #danganronpa 2 #danganronpa v3

[saiiboat]

i’d love to hear about your fuga sailing stuff \o/

HII ^_^ awesome. ok. so atm i have one silly racing au that i rotate in my head and one fic in the works which takes place directly after fuga when guaxinim, pac, and mike leave the island together on the boat. this one is heavy on the hurt and lighter on the comfort and is essentially just pac on one massive spiral now that he's starting to process everything that happened in prison and the island. lots of pac feeling guilty about cell's perceived suicide and struggling with his anger at mike for getting them into this mess. he's very much an emotional wreck LOL. hes been through so fucking much man. also going from being enclosed in a prison for a year and a half and then being out on open water and the crazy anxiety of being in such an open space is. well. its really getting to him. i'll leave some snippets of it under the cut 💪💪💪

the racing au is really just silly⛵💪💪🔥🔥🔥the nature of the sailing autism being that i always need to take some guys and throw them on a racing team, all of their insanities included.

when i talked about this au before i said that they sailed j22s but im upgrading them. they now sail Melges 20s. its official. ill put images under the cut. god. gorgeous boats.

the general idea is that JV and cell are two sailors looking for new members for their respective crews. felps is already on cell's crew and guaxinim sails with JV. probably at some point jv was on cell and felp's crew and now they have some kind of crazy beef. anyways. cell is just as weird and gross and intense as he is in fuga and he really wants pac and mike on his crew and having nothing to do with JV. obviously mike is skeeved out by the weird gross guy who looks maybe a bit too hungry sometimes and tries to get pac to join JV's crew with him. unfortunately pac is way too enamored with cell's negative rizz and cell proposes the idea to pac that tazercraft splits ways and mike can join JV's crew on his own. Mike is understandably upset at this but still ends up joining JV and guaxi's crew. the two boats have insane tension and pac is torn between pretending none of this happened at all and ignoring mike/sending worlds saddest eyes back to mike. mike is hurt and pissed off at pac and cell and felps and does his best to pretend that they dont exist at all while also needing to beat them in every regatta ever or he'll DIE because maybe if he wins against them enough times it'll prove something to pac. what will it prove? i dont think even he knows lol.

cell is actively trying to drive a wedge in between pac and mike and JV is doing the same thing on the other side. felps is purposely looking the other way during all of this and guaxinim is watching it all go down with some sick sense of fascination. definitely just hanging around to watch it happen like a long drawn out car crash.

cell in this au is especially fascinating to me. squeezing him like a stressball. he's ten ways fucked in the head and the reason why he started sailing in the first place is because his therapist told him to get a hobby and it was downhill from there. anyways cell tells his therapist about pac and the next time cell sees pac he walks up to him and says "my therapist says that we need to get coffee together and have normal interactions so i stop thinking about eating you" and pac just goes. oh! and its the hottest thing anyones ever said to him

obsessed with them, frankly

^^ sexual images fr

#ty for the ask :333 it was fun to get to talk abt them ^_^ !!! #wsdanon #courtesy of ro #suicide mention #<< pac recounting the end of fuga #our answers #saii.answers #saii.writing

[ilikeyoshi]

i HHHAAAAAAATE the emphasis ppl put on "empathy" as a sign of Good Personness, because that's not what empathy IS. empathy is your body's ability to feel what you PERCEIVE others to be feeling. it's not even ACCURATE.

ALL empathy does is causes your body to experience emotions and feelings based on your perception of others' emotions and feelings. it makes you sad when others ARE, or ARE PERCEIVED to be sad. great example: i get sad about my friends' minecraft pets getting lost or dying, EVEN WHEN MY FRIENDS DONT MIND THAT MUCH. because I PERCEIVE that to be something that would make someone sad, so i GET SAD. THATS IT.

empathy DOES NOT make me compassionate. if anything, empathy makes compassion HARDER for me. when my empathy makes me feel something intense, sometimes i then get angry or upset about Having Feelings Foisted On Me, and i sometimes incorrectly blame my friends for HAVING FEELINGS or GOING THROUGH SOMETHING DIFFICULT. it is selfish, misguided, and DIRECTLY NEGATIVELY IMPACTS MY ABILITY TO BE COMPASSIONATE, SYMPATHETIC AND SUPPORTIVE. it is a NIGHTMARE to navigate.

conversely!!! my LOW EMPATHY FRIENDS don't have this problem! compassion is A CHOICE TO BE KIND. sympathy is A CHOICE TO UNDERSTAND. these things are not impacted by empathy AT ALL. hyperempathy is like autoimmune diseases to me; it is an OVERACTIVE BODILY RESPONSE, just to other emotions (and perceived emotions) instead of threatening cells (and perceived threats).

probably, a balanced amount of empathy (and DEFINITELY low empathy) does not produce the problems i mentioned. but it does not MAKE you kind. it does not MAKE you understand. it just makes your body feel shit, often INACCURATELY!!!!! THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!

feelings and emotions have NOTHING to do with morality. burn this idea out of your mind, because it is incorrect and believing it is making your life harder. what happens when you feel something bad? what happens when your feelings want your friends to shut up, or go away, or get over it? what happens when your feelings make you mad at someone for hurting? what happens when your feelings make you hate someone for existing?

feelings are natural, they happen to everyone regardless of empathy, and they are MORALLESS. it is your ACTIONS that determine your morality. it is your DECISIONS that determine your morality.

all that shit i just asked are feelings ive had, usually as a DIRECT result of hyperempathy. and in a world that totes empathy as A Sign Of A Good Person, it's taken A LOT of work to realize i'm not EVIL for feeling things. just because my FEELINGS want my friends to shut up doesnt mean I want them to; feelings are extremely vague and nonspecific. usually "wanting friends to shut up" is an incorrect interpretation, and what my feelings REALLY want is a break from the conversation. maybe i'm too overwhelmed to continue dealing with heavy emotions, which is much more likely to happen to me BECAUSE of empathy. and the longer i try to do it anyway, the more likely i am to really hurt myself AND my friendship. because when we give in and listen to our emotions uncritically, bad things can happen. "taking the ACTION of telling my friends to shut up" can happen. and you know what got me in that situation? empathy.

when you conflate empathy with compassion and sympathy, you are making an incorrect, HARMFUL statement that hurts people with low AND HIGH empathy. you are wrong. you need to kill this idea in yourself, for your sake and everyone else's. your feelings do not make you a good or bad person. what you DO with, or in spite of those feelings DOES.

#yoshi talks

[transdib]

every day i live in a passive limbo, waiting for the moment i suddenly feel better and can confront my anxiety, paranoia, and loneliness.

i feel like i have been shattered, and left in pieces with no glue to be put back together.

every day my existentialism and history of being gaslit dominates my brain and i can never make sense of my thoughts and feelings. i am constantly second-guessing myself, and implanting intentions that weren't previously there. i feel like i am required to have constant self-awareness, and to not have so means that i am Obviously Insane and Unsalvagable.

people on the outside would think im just a very holistic thinking person. which is true, and can be a good thing. but honestly? it's detrimental to how i perceive myself. i cannot unabashedly live in the moment of anything. i am, by default, viewing myself from a third person perspective in a hyper critical way. i feel afraid to fall into any category of people or labels, because to claim anything about myself is felt to either be a lie, a mockery of people who are "really" that thing, or it's attention seeking (which of course is the worst thing you could ever do right?)

even claiming to be existential causes a fear and anxiety that i am being pretentious or not self aware that it's a very human experience. my detachment from the world, my trauma, my existentialism, none of it is important or matters because others experience it too.

i cannot begin to describe what gaslighting does to the brain.

what it's done to me.

i dont even wanna claim ive become very isolated because others also experience it. id say the lockdowns from 2020-2021 triggered this, but i think more and more and realise that i wouldve done this when my mum died, or even earlier had i not had a confident person with friends take me under their wing.

i feel my whole life has come into question. i feel like my old home, my old life, my friends and pet and loved ones, dont exist anymore. i feel like im a dead person, looking back on their life and realising who i really was. all the mistakes and inconsiderate behaviours i ever done. it just fuels the fire of the gaslit brain.

everything i ever do or feel is a contradiction. i dont matter to others, but i also have more of an impact on others than i realise. the impact i have matters more than what im ever feeling, and for me to not be self aware of that clearly demonstrates how selfish and horrible i truly am.

maybe it's why people think im such a giving, non-judgemental, and sweet person. im not. im angry. im subjugated. im frightened. like a deer in the headlights, i have no choice. im easygoing and agreeable because i am scared of disagreeing or giving my thoughts through normal debate. because doing so in the past has caused assumptions about me, or intentions skewed or created. my words did not matter, but also they did.

i dont know how to just. start talking to people again. i have been given advice from people who have dealt with isolation but. i know the secret is to challenge yourself and do things even when you dont feel ready, because youll never feel ready, but how? i have lost so much. i dont have the support i need to do something so brave. because i am a coward who avoids and runs away. thats probably manipulative for me to do anyway. ive dug myself into a hole i cant climb out of. ive literally made it worse for myself for no reason. and now i cant even face the consequences of my own inaction.

but why would i wish for people to be there for me when i cant even be there for them? i know i would be there for them, in a heartbeat, but i cannot right now. thats selfish and manipulative to say i guess but. it's not fair that others dont get considered as a result of me not considering myself. mental illness makes you selfish. it makes you not a good friend.

i want to be a real friend.

dont wanna break when i bend.

.....

i have a therapist im gonna be seeing every 2 weeks. if this doesnt work out, then idk what i'll do. i have settled for the most part, and when life feels good, when my roots are grounding and growing in england, it feels good. i dont have many friends here, but i am happy with my partner and his friends, but it feels like i have so many loose ends and a life i have left behind that i cant face. and i am guilty when i experience happiness, let alone share it. because that doesnt align with my narrative that im suffering. which i am, but, i am also trying to survive and live in the life i currently have.

i guess that's what happens to the gaslit brain.

but i have to believe things will get better.

because if i don't

then what?

#life of doge #negative rtshrthrth #tw for abuse or gaslighting or whatever #idk why im posting this this is such a traumadump im sorry #its long and self pitying im sorry

[feeling-grubby]

I see you have some custom signs for your trolls. And I'm curious: What inspired them? Is there any meaning behind them? Or did you just pull them outta thin air? :0

Okay I can't tell if I love having you in my inbox or hate you for the questions you ask. Because on one hand you ask questions, I hope people will ask, and on the other hand you make me want to info dump so much.

Like have you seen my response to the Rakker question you asked? I even did art for that one. I loved it though! I dunno if anyone actually bothered to read through me info dumping about them. dunno if they will this time either.

God it's basically a design question too but I'll refrain from how their horns are designed after their signs, and also where the signs are on their clothing. I swear NVidia's and Tikvah's sign placing is the best so far.

Anyways to answer your first question most of them are alchemy symbols. Very few have signs outside of that. I intend to make most of my trolls have an alchemy symbol as their sign.

As for symbolism oooooo boy that's a long one. I'll try to keep in order of blood caste. Burgundy to fuchsia.

Maebel Morri

Maebel's sign is one of the symbols for arsenic, an insecticide and weed killer. This fits well with her lore, as her lusus needs to eat other lusi to survive. This often sentences young orphan trolls to death, especially lowbloods, who are viewed as pests. However, by killing pests, it allows plants to grow, which allows for life (for her and her lusus to keep living). This is all tied to her being a prince of doom.

Rumboo

n/a

Tikvah

Tikvah's alchemy symbol is the one for hour. The hourglass, which represents the fleeting nature of human existence. This symbol is fitting for Tikvah, as she is a character who is constantly striving to make the most of her time and achieve her goals. However, her quest for success has come at a cost. She has sacrificed her own mental health in favor of putting her work first, and she often is unemotional and analytical. Which plays into another symbolism hourglasses have, balance. She needs to find balance.

Nvidia

Nvidias sign is one from the extended homestuck zodiac, not alchemy obviously. The sign looked like an eye, and I wanted her to have eye imagery. It also had three pupils and Nvidia has three eyes so yeah. It is a very fitting sign for her, as she is a famous goldblood streamer who is constantly under the scrutiny of others. She has three eyes, which reflects her intense focus on her work and her desire to be seen and heard. Her lusus is overprotective of them and always has an eye on them. She is a master of self-presentation, and she knows how to control the way that she is perceived. If someone wanted to plot with me about a stalker character for Nvidia, I would be open to it, as I think it would be a good fit for her character. I'm always down to plot out some horror and angst for my characters.

Angora

(I wasn't going to redraw this one I struggled to much the first time, so this will have to do.)

Angora's symbol is one of the alchemy symbols for purification. I chose this symbol for him because I thought it would fit a pyromaniac character well. For fire is often used in spiritual ceremonies to purify things considered to be evil. They can also be described as pure, naive, but still have a fiery personality.

Piapot

n/a

Zynier

Zynier symbol is the alchemy symbol for fixation. For those of you that dont known fixation is a process to transform a volatile substance into a form not affected by fire. There is more than that but that's the part important to Zynier. The reason is it plays into his character, because he has seen the injustice of the Alternian justice system and has become apathetic to it. He is no longer affected by the injustice in the world due to his job. He is still the same person at heart, but he is now indifferent to the emotions and problems of others. This makes it difficult for him to make meaningful connections, as he is unable to relate to others on an emotional level.

Hollie

Hollie's symbol is the sign of alumen (alum?), which is a chemical compound that is used to hydrate things. This works for Hollie, as she is often seen as a kind and nurturing person. However, the word "alumen" also means "bitter salt," This plays into how she is kind and always hides her pain of people hating her under kindness and understanding, pretending that it doesn't hurt but it does. She hides that she doesn't like her appearance as well. Alumen is also used in some spiritual practices to cast off evil and negative energy. This relates to how Hollie is actively hunting down the person who tried to kill Zynier, and she is determined to make sure that no other assassin ever gets the chance to hurt him again. She is actively hunting down evil and warding it off.

Rakker

Rakker's symbol does not mean happiness. It is the symbol for a ventriloquist dummy, which is often associated with happiness. This is because dummies are supposed to make people laugh, and laughter is often associated with happiness.

So yeah, that is everyone with their signs and symbolism. I really hope people like this. I put way too much thought into details about my characters. heh never ask me about a character's design. that would be a much longer post than any of previous ones. if you read this far thank you! I appreciate it and any ask I get.

#hollie #tikvah #nvidia #maebel #piapot #angora #rakker #rumboo #zynier #long post #ily #thank you so much #Traice talks

[lilredghost]

baby bestie because i read chp 14 so late im feeling like its my birthday, that i get chp 15 so early!! can i just quickly take the moment to scream about the dream scene??? all those little tells that maybe this isnt right (inception vibes). this was so brilliant

also obi's downward spiral about if anakin loves him or married himbeacuse he is an alpha IM CRYING WITH HIM OH GOD WHAT IF OBI NEVER CLAIMED HE WAS AN ALPHA AND STILL RULED OBIKIN WOULD NEVER HAVE MET PLS

Obi-Wan has had a hard time keeping his head on straight, this last week. A harder time than usual, anyway.

A side effect of all the stress, perhaps. babygirl change your suppresants pls theyre stressing you out i still dont trust komari she is maham anga's character for a reason

Anakin's hand has settled on his thigh; it grips him tight, bold and claiming, under the table.

Obi-Wan wonders if it will leave bruises.

The fingers creep closer— not further up but further in, ghosting the edge of the scent gland there— and Obi-Wan has to swallow back his arousal, trying to focus on Luminara. oh he's so jealous thisis such a good thing to read in fics but somehow such a red flag irl uk ill read any fic if it says possesive anakin

He feels like he’s back in his wedding finery, wondering why his fiancé won’t look at him.

His husband won’t look at him. i cried then for obi-wan and im crying for now poor baby had all his childhood dreams broken like sugar glass and now he knows anakin may never have married him????? i love it when u put obi-wan thru the horrors

im just gonna very casually read thru the rst of the fic again cause i simply love the writing style in this and i have creative writing hostel championship coming up so. uk. i would really like to write as well as you

(Referring to ch 15 of Their fragrance came from you)

Baby!! I had so much fun with the dream scenes honestly!! I felt so evil writing it but it was so so satisfying (summary of this whole chapter honestly). My aim with those slightly wrong things was that you wouldn't quite be able to tell if it was just Obi-Wan's unreliable narration at work (especially because he often has moments where he's caught up in something and "doesn't quite remember"/"didn't realize" something happened), or if there was actually something wrong! I also thought about having the whole dream sequence in italics, but I wanted the reader to take Obi-Wan's introspection about not being an alpha seriously.

And the repetition of things which happened in the dream, but slightly different… idk what drove me to do that, but I'm soooo happy I did. I think it adds so much flavor in showing how Obi-Wan perceives the world (or how he fears it to be) vs. how it actually is!

Ahhh the concept of Obi-Wan openly being the first omega ruler from the beginning! He would have come out sooo much less depressed 🥺🥺 (But maybe, in some ways, more stern? He has to show that he's not soft just because he's an omega, after all!) I love to think that in an AU like this, Stewjon and Tatooine still needed that mutual help so they went to make an alliance. But since there's no immediate candidate that's obvious for marriage, Tatooine doesn't write anything about marriage in their terms, hoping it will pass under the radar (it does). They settle instead on a sort of cultural exchange where Anakin will come spend some time in Jedha and then later Obi-Wan will go and visit Mos Espa. And hey, two omegas in positions of power… working closely together…. Obi-Wan gets to be Anakin's friend without jumping through all the hoops. Anakin gets to learn all about Obi-Wan's secret dreams of marriage. And then Obi-Wan's heat rolls around, and Anakin offers to help, and-- Well, the rest is history!

"babygirl change your suppresants pls theyre stressing you out i still dont trust komari she is maham anga's character for a reason" ALFKJSDLKFJSKJ THE WAY I CACKLED. She IS maham anga's character for a reason, but not this reason!!

The grade of suppressants Obi-Wan is taking are only meant to be used in the short term (a few years, with medically scheduled heats once or twice a year) in cases where it's not safe for an omega to be having heats. Otherwise, he should be taking regular-strength suppressants (with that same caveat of medically scheduled heats once or twice a year, along with a full detox every five or so years).

But uh. He's been taking them for twenty years. One medical heat a year, to mimic an alpha's biorhythm. No detoxes. It's a wonder his suppressants hadn't failed up until this point already. On top of all that is the new stimulation that he's getting from Anakin, which has his body trying to react like an omega (like Anakin's mate!!) and so it's also actively fighting through the suppressants rn. They're definitely failing, but they're failing slowly enough that he hasn't noticed. ((Also the idea that they'd fail is so inconceivable to him…. he's definitely not a doctor, lol))

I get you on the jealousy honestly I would HATE if someone did that irl but I'm such a fucking sucker for it in fiction. Anakin will cool down about it once he feels more secure, but I feel like it's necessary for his character to go through that development rather than being chill about Luminara from the get-go.

"poor baby had all his childhood dreams broken like sugar glass" LITERALLY 😭😭 I wrote a post a while back about how Obi-Wan didn't want to tell Anakin about his designation yet because he was too afraid of losing him. But now (he thinks) he's lost Anakin already!!

Luckily, Anakin will convince him that he wants to stay. So yes I'm putting Obi-Wan through the horrors, but. Ultimately it's so that he can heal and move on

And I'm so happy you like my writing style, I think it's really grown into itself (and grown on me, too) over the course of the fic! Good luck on your writing competition -- I'm sure you'll do well 💖💖

#this chapter was a delight honestly #it wasn't easy to write but I'm very happy #now I just have to resolve it in an equally satisfying way! #asks #imjusttoofunky #emperor obi-wan au #also I wrote this at 2am and queued it so please forgive any mistakes

[obscenity]

⛧ ; hiihi

thank you for your response, again! do you have any favorite things about being schizoid or ones that you consider positive?

also, do have any views on szpd in the sense of it being a disorder and all that? i find it interesting because it's technically considered among the Serious Mental IllnessesTM and personality disorders (the latter of which makes sense but i wouldn't be surprised if people with other pds find it much harder to deal with theirs) but i don't really perceive my experiences as.... suffering? ill? or the like? perhaps it's because some other pds tend to come with intense emotions and i'm just. dissociated all the time pfff. the way i am feels normal to me, even if neurotypicals would consider schizoids very confusing or hard to understand or abnormal in general. though then again i have this sorta mindset that suffering and pain = negative emotions that are felt, like sadness or anger. not Nothing. emptiness isn't negative if you compare it to feeling upset. sure, there's supposed to be fullness, perhaps, but i don't view it that way aha. but regardless it's funny when you're neurodivergent with little awareness about others no matter what your neurodivergence is, because i can't comprehend neurotypicals are unlike me and that i'm supposed to be the weird one. i've always called them aliens instead aha. i'm perfectly normal To Me, so what're the weirdo neurotypicals on about? (/joke but also i do think that way.) i figure it's just interesting to think about.

hiiiiii again sorry it took me so long to answer this time ive been busy being insane (playing tower of fantasy)

anyways . for me it really depends on the day. sometimes i have a lot of fun just reveling in my space and existing with entirely 0 responsibilities and obligations from other people. its very nice. i like to imagine a future in which i continue to exist as i am now (doing absolutely nothing. at least for another 2 weeks before i have 2 start college) and i dont find myself upset by it. i dont find myself being sad or feeling lonely if i continue living in my own little world where no one is ever allowed in. im not overly upset at the possibility i might just be single for the rest of my life. im content to coast through life feeling very little. though like i said, it depends on the day. sometimes i get really mad at myself (im angry more often than sad) and wonder why i cant just be "normal". and why its so hard for me to just talk to people. its an uphill battle just to remain in peoples lives. its very difficult for me because i rarely, if ever, am the one to reach out first or message people first. i just dont, im often not thinking about other people for long enough to want to text first. which obviously means most other people take this as a sign of me not being interested. which isnt always the case with me. i just dont like being the person to do it. im terrible at putting effort into relationships because it just feels so ... hard. and not worth the fight to keep someone in my life. i often think things like "if they really wanted to stay, they would have" when i drift apart from people. of course i know relationships have to go both ways, realistically i know one person cant just always put in the effort. but the little schizoid devil that sits on my shoulder tells me otherwise. (if you were wondering the angel would also be the schizoid. ie the euphoria of cancelling plans and avoiding social situations)

i do consider it a disorder (because my nothing is in equal parts enjoyable as it is suffering) but youre right in that it just does feel very normal to me. ill probably never go to therapy for it, as its not something thats so debilitating to me that i need "fixed". theres nothing to really fix, i think this is just how i am. im not really interested in putting allthe effort in to make myself "normal" when i have no problem with myself in the first place. and i dont really consider myself abnormal, i dont really care honestly. i dont care if people think im a creep... or that im a weirdo.... or a freakazoid or whatever. im too busy having a superiority complex anyways

#i think i got a little off track on this one mybad . #asks #⛧ anon #long post

[espressogal]

spent so much money on skin care and makeup and im going so crazy over not being as active last year but idk if im burnt out but im just not losing weight the way i used to and idc as much but i do but also im in my last two weeks of undergrad what the fuckity fuck and i wanna do well and im resigniing from all my jobs and i need to find a job but no ones getting back to me and its so exhausting and im so tired and so done and its so hard to make friends but i dont even want that many friends but i feeel like i neeed friends bc im 22 and time is running out i mean i know its not but it feels like it bc i guess im comparing myself to everyone and i dont have it figured out idek who i am how am i supposed to know what to do with life if feel the weight of the entire world on me my 20s was supposed to be fun and figuring myself out but why does it feel like hell why does just enjoying my time feel like torture maybe its bc im so focused on the idea of enjoying my time im not realizing that the times im supposed to enjoy my time im worrying about enjoying my time so im wasting my enjoyed time on stressing and its making me feel like im wastiig my time and why do i feel like this im only 22 but also how am i 22 i was only 18 yesterday and 16 the day before when did this all happen why am i closer to 30 than 13 why are my friends talking about getting engaged why is everyone moving out why cant i move out without the gut wrenching feeling of leaving my family behind i was supposed to get close to them by now but im now i have independence but i dont i wanna leave this city but ill leave a part of me behind like an unfinished chapter that i forcefully ended i need to finish this chapter and make amends with the past and unlearn my trauma responses and forgive myself but how am i supposed to do all that and also become the girl of my dreams and who even is the girl of my dreams she changes after meeting every new person that enters her life or when shes infatuated by a new character or influencer who makes their life seem like a fairytale but anyway theyre all bullshit anyway social media is fucking fake everyone wants to seem perfect and put together and happy and for what?? whatver man whatever makes you cope i mean if i looked perfect and was rich i guess id do it too and it would be nice to get paid for being fake perfect but who wants to be fake perfect anyway i cant imagine living my life and making money based on how other people perceive me i cant imagine what that would do to ones self esteem oh wait i already do that except i dont get paid huh funny isnt it anyway i have a headache and im so so so sleepy these days like my system is running on cbd maybe i shouldnt have bought a pack of 50 edibles but my antidepressants arent doing jack shit but making me feel horrible so its weed or its anxiety man i wish therapy was free where am i gunna go whwen i graduate i need a psychiatrist but theyre held up until next year i need it so just stop man oh wait i just got an email my sephora order is shipped im happy now

#diary entry #jthoughts

[trans-mink]

17, 18, 29!!!

17- Your favorite character to write this year?

Kana (my dmmd OC) I loved bringing her to life and giving her a personality even if it was only in a short chapter, I love her

18-The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Sei (also frm dmmd), basically i dont fully understand their lore bcs i havent played a certain route that u need to unlock it but im planning to soon, as far as i know they dont have much screen time anyway so its been good to work out how I want to portray them and their thoughts

29- Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

I dont like rereading my stuff cos its cringe but I enjoyed writing this bit kjfnjkfb. (from my ongoing wip The House That Mink Built)

“Mink? That old crank’s long gone.”

“Please Noiz just- look, you’re a pro at sticking your nose in other people’s business.” 

Noiz (hacker extraordinaire) sniggered at that and Aoba crossed his arms impatiently. 

“So can you help me or not?” 

He cast his eyes down and pulled at one of his plugs. “I read his prison file before the Platinum Jail stuff happened. It’s important to know who you’re dealing with and I thought I’d get ahead, however a lot of the data was redacted.”

Groaning in frustration, Aoba made a show of cursing out the universe and most importantly, Toue for making the whole operation as painful as possible. 

“Easy, I haven’t tried to recover it since then but I’m pretty sure I can still get access.” Noiz said.

“Huh? Really!” 

“Give me some time to work on it." 

He almost went flying backward, swept into a tight embrace and Aoba thanked him earnestly. A light bulb went off inside Noiz’s head. A filthy smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and he snaked a hand up Aoba’s back, taking enjoyment from making him squeak and wriggle in his arms.

“You gotta repay me somehow.” His tone dangerously sultry, lips ghosting over the shell of Aoba’s ear making his breath catch in his throat.

“Rhyme with me. I’ll beat you this time.” Noiz whispered.

Aoba scoffed and pushed himself free, bright pink dusting his cheeks. “Y- you little shit! I thought you’d got bored of that?”

Noiz shrugged. “I don’t do it so much but I want the satisfaction of taking you down fair and square this time."

The grimace on Aoba's face said it all. All previous offers for a rematch were turned down for good reason, his desire for destruction couldn’t be trusted but…

"Do you want to find the crazy old bastard or not?” Noiz pressed.

"I do." Aoba quietly pleaded.

“Hey." Noiz gave him a light smack on the arm. "Relax. You probably won’t need it after how you played last time, but I can make some armour for Ren, adjust the settings and such, we’ll be more evenly matched. Deal?”

What little memories Aoba had of Rhyme were not fond, but he’d come to understand why Noiz’s life had revolved around it. The sense of humanity and belonging must have been immeasurable.

It was when Noiz had dropped by one day that he noticed it; Starting with an almighty THWACK.

He’d stupidly left open one of the top cupboard doors and Noiz walked straight into it. He hurriedly pulled up a chair for him to sit, it sounded painful, but Noiz continued talking like it was nothing. 

Meanwhile, a bruise the size of a Jupiter formed on his forehead and it turned a nasty colour. Noiz reluctantly took the ice pack offered to him and sat there looking grumpy, as if Aoba was the crazy one for being concerned. How Noiz wasn’t face down in agony he couldn’t understand.

The nerve condition that had so often landed Noiz in trouble prevented him from feeling the swell on his skin, cuts, grazes, burns, the little finger that had broken and healed, bent out of shape at the knuckle. None of it bothered him. A problem like that caused a unique kind of pain; the inability to understand how others felt and perceived each other, “the normal people'' as Noiz put it. 

But Rhyme was a whole different world, it allowed players to take every attack at full force like they’d been physically hit and when it was over they got to leave the game unscathed (in most cases). It’s then that Noiz fell back to the numbness of his own reality.

#ty for the ask #i want to go back and edit everything to sound less wanky mhbvhjg #ask

[sentofight]

ooc. some of my characters act a little bit childish and i get if some people roll their eyes like 'they are old' but hear me out. to point out no one has said anything, so please dont assume it is u. just thoughts my brain is holding me on gun point if i didnt write it, otherwise will delete thoughts in mere seconds.

character like kula who was experimented on, thus she didn't have a personality of her own--experiences like any other kid growing up made her blank. so, she is technically a kid learning basics. however, due to the amount of experiments she is still whether in shock and refuses to leave that period because it means she is going to forget that part (even if it is hurtful and sad it is part of her plus u know she does not want to forget what was done to her.)

kula is slow in acquiring mannerisms and what we call common sense. kula not only she suffered due to the experiments but she lost her very first friend in a uh... climatic way. Candy was her first friend and it reset kula's development back to square one. hadn't not for diane and foxy she would've shut herself off from the world and decided it is better to not 'feel' again. it's because of her loss she decided to 'learn' more about what feelings are.

she [____?] Diane and Foxy. The word is missing for her but with time she learned what 'love' is. She loves her family. She loves her best friend Candy. She loves the things that makes her smile--ice cream! after she dramatically meets k' and maxima, she loves them too because they are her family! she loves seirah a lot! seirah (whip) does everything to fit in the missing puzzle pieces for her. it is a tough work for someone whose brain is not 'normal'.

With Seirah's help Kula is introduced to a lot of things, especially relationship and how she should talk and communicate better. the reason why my kula is still exhibiting childish tendencies more because ...I AM WAITING FOR SEIRAH TO TEACH HER. also real reason tbh im more into developing my muse on my own pace not because i need to be pressured by how others perceive my 'canon muse' as. all my muses are my ocs deal with it. because i assume that your muses even canon are you ocs too! we write them out of fun and joy no need to police the heck out of each other. unless the fanon goes too hard and it does not make sense then yeah poooooooolice!! arrest this person for ruining a good character!!!

anyway, for kula i take it slow, perhaps extra slow with developing her because you cant undo the frick that happened to her with an ask or a thread. i'd love to explore her more so EYES EMOJI MONEY EMOJI PSPSPSPSPS.

another muse is perhaps edea. dont get me wrong she is not childish in the same as kula but she can be ..mix of stubborn, headstrong and overachiever and that comes out as bratty at times. put in perspective that she is lone child, her mother is most of the time sick in the hospital and her father is a man of higher statues who is away, too most of the time .well. she wants to prove herself that she can be independent and can take care of herself. not to mention she wants to make her father realize she is not a kid...by being a kid skfljsdf edea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hear her out please. she learns the sword to know how to protect herself. likes learning sword so she continues and wants to be a master in it to get her father to see that she is growing--she is not the little kid he has to keep an eye on. almost master the sword and her world gets upside down when she learns about the world from agnes' perspective. the world she crafted so well--black and white. evil and good. it shattered in a single encounter with a stranger. she so heartily believed in that kind of world and that she is 'white' because she is always on the justice side to know she is ...quite grey..if not leaning to black. why? because she is not doing enough to change the bad things happening around her that her father is seemingly 'ignoring'. she is at fault as well as her father.

edea requires developing as well and thankfully *looks respectfully at bear and wylan* they are doing THE work with her. i'm getting there to loosen up that 'childish' part of her with time. actually, I WILL NOT YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE SHE IS CRAZY GIRL AND SHE WILL GO HAM ON YOU IF YOU EAT HER CAKE OK? jokes aside, she is a serious character if the situation demands it. and looking at BD2 she got a new air about her and thats like nice! somewhat mature of the events in BD1 but she is still our crazy bimbo lol.

in terms of confidence, i love writing them both. perhaps edea comes more natural since i have been writing her for a while and she has less baggage than kula ngl. but i enjoy getting challenged by my writing partners with prompts/asks/and threads.

i wouldn't want to call z.ack childish, he is optimistic but i get why he might be called that. he is pure. he believes in the goodness of everyone--deep down they can find that goodness too and do good. balancing his optimistic childish with his seriousness can be tricky. like there is a battle in my mind sometimes how to write his response because in my head they are both legit answers. should he go the 'optimistic response route' or 'serious route'. i usually try to imagine the character saying the line in that situation and im puzzled--he can say both lines! but other factors factor in and i pick the one i feel resonate with the thread flow better.

anyway. love my muses, i love your muses weee.

#ooc.| faty speaks #[brain just THROWS UP THOUGHTS #[now it goes silent

[grimrester]

hi i dont have anywhere to deposit my umineko thoughts now that im a little more than 1/4th of the way through a playthrough so im depositing them here. mostly so i can come back later to see how right or wrong i am. i dont think this post would be interesting for anyone but myself. spoilers below the cut

some notes:

i am much less interested in the concrete individual mysteries and locked rooms than i am in the overall themes and meta-narrative

im watching a youtube playthrough so my ideas may be influenced by the youtubers

i just finished the scene of the second twilight in ep 3

i know/have seen enough of higurashi to know who bern and lamda are analogous to in that story

ive seen a handful of very very vague spoilers including: at some point maria also receives the title "the creator" (i do not know what that entails), rosa and shannon may become beatrices at some point (i saw fanart tagged similarly to evatrice fanart), battler becomes a "sorcerer," kinzo died 2 years ago somehow (???) and at some point there is a character who sentences people (i dont know who) to death in some kind of trial????

anyway here are some collected thoughts on theme assembled in no particular order:

i think the "point" of umineko is going to be that it's a story about storytelling. the "witches" very much all seem, to me, like young girls telling each other fucked up stories. in-text they frequently call each episode "a game" but it plays out much more like collective storytelling, where they all have varying amounts of influence. the magical fights in particular remind me of seeing people god-modding in rps on gaia online when i was 14.

beato is only just getting her footing when it comes to telling a story. she really wants to tell a gory fantasy story but battler refuses to engage with her story that way, and instead goes into it like a classic murder mystery. it frustrates her to have an audience that doesn't seem to perceive her story as "fun" like her fellow fucked up traumagirlie witches do.

virgilia is a more restrained storyteller who thinks more about the emotional aspect of stories, and this is why beato says she's always sucked at "these kinds of games" when they're having their magic fight where the goal is to ridiculously one-up each other.

battler is also a fledgling storyteller, but everyone around him wants to tell fantasy stories and he can't let go of stories more grounded in reality.

im guessing the trial i got spoiled for but haven't gotten to yet is going to put all the witches and maybe battler on trial for their storytelling techniques. the point will be to ask the reader to personally evaluate what value different kinds of stories have. maybe it'll also ask battler to prove concrete culprits for the murders in each episode?

there's also themes here about how empathy is a skill that children have to learn and how trauma can interrupt that learning. this is why most of the witches so far are described/portrayed as cruel but also innocent. they're delighted by gore, dress in ridiculous costumes, and engage in the power fantasy of being witches. it reeks of kids emulating my little pony creepypastas on deviantart because they need some kind of outlet (and, like, same).

all or most of the characters in tea parties represent some real-world person (that we will probably never meet). beato's real world equivalent has friends like her (bern and lamda) or older than her (virgilia and ronove), and likes the real-world battler. she tells stories trying to impress him and that's why she gets frustrated by the way he engages with them. the other tea party characters are essentially her friends dropping by mid-story and contributing to either make it more interesting, or to try and help her by steering her towards a story battler would like more. she's very emotionally stunted due to trauma. i would guess her real-world counterpart's history is similar to the story we hear about Beatrice from rosa. she has an older relative who is, at a minimum, inappropriately interested in her and grooming her.

some some random notes on the mystery solutions:

any magical explanation for the murders are "not true." they are Beatrice's initial explanations for the murders, but battler will eventually go in and work basically as an editor to retcon in real-world explanations. when someone becomes a "witch," this is actually them becoming the culprit (so eva is a culprit in ep 3).

kinzo is burned in every episode to hide that he actually died years ago. his appearance in late ep 2 is due to Beatrice's storytelling - he's not "actually there." the other characters just never found his body.

because kinzo is already dead, and by the red truth we know there are 18 people on the island, the actual 18th person is beato, perhaps? im not super confident in that one.

i feel like i have basically no ideas on the ep 1 murders. i think the faces mustve been smashed for a reason, so the culprit(s) is probably one of the first people murdered, but idk who or why. i think I'd have to go through ep 1 again to come up with anything. same for ep 3 coz i havent finished it.

for the epitaph solution, i think the sweetfish was a hint about following forest trails down to the ocean, then following the oceanline. much like rosa did as a child, this would eventually lead you to the "second mansion" where beatrice lived. this mansion is actually the same as the the first mansion, and they're connected somehow by the underground tunnels. the "two" people in the riddle refer to the two portraits of beatrice and they lead to a passage that connects the two mansions. idk about the middle part of the epitaph about the twilights. honestly i think it might be a red herring added later, as the execution of the twilights doesn't actually seem to revive beatrice (she doesn't really seem to have changed at all throughout the story so far - she sort of always has some level of presence and influence). but i might just think this bc i cant figure out any kind of wordplay puzzle with it.

i think battler gets pretty close to some of the solutions in ep 2. the first twilight is easiest i think. maria is given the key, someone (my guess is rosa) takes the key in the night and commits the murders, reseals the key and puts it back. rosa is shown buying sweets early in ep 2, and in ep 3 she is shown as having sleeping pills for maria. she invites her siblings to the chapel to "discuss" and offers them drugged sweets or other food during the discussion, then murders them after they pass out. (the corpses are frequently described as looking like they're just sleeping.) she does it because she thinks she's the closest to solving the mystery due to her experience as a child with beatrice, and doesn't trust any of her siblings not to steal the gold from her.

i dont think she does the later murders. those are by a different culprit, which is why battler has a hard time solving them - he keeps assuming it's the same person. my guess is whoever commits the later murders does them because they become paranoid after the first twilight. i think it must be one of the servants due to the master key issue but im not sure who, so im stuck from there.

that's all! im excited to find out how wrong i am!

#txt

[amaranthdahlia]

because "you're my hero" outro song is deku's feelings about bakugou, while "shout baby" outro song is deku and bakugou's feelings about eachother and their relationship.

While not actually confirmed unlike you're my hero , shout baby's lyrics suspiciously sounds ao much like its about bkdk's relationship lol

(Incoming shitty and messy explanation but i just wanted to point it out haha)

(So like, i just suggest listening to the song and have bkdk in mind wkdkwl and like the song is so fucking good)

●

Nothing seems to stay the same (dk and bkg's relationship?)

Your hair, the way you smell

The way we struggled when we learned to dance so long ago

All of these times, they're stuck deep in my memory

Only to sink into silence, never heard again (like how we dont get to see alot of their childhood moments?)

Since when,

Was I able to tolerate more like this.

Since childhood, people have been telling me I am such a cry baby (literally screams deku)

Keep it a secret (dk relying the OFA secret to bkg?)

What a cruel phrase

My scream is getting scratched out

A typical future, yet so far away (dk becoming a full fledged hero by mastering ofa, or maybe them becoming friends again?)

It won't reach to that person

Where should I go?

I don't know, so I simply cling to it

Admiration that can take away

The worries from everyday It won't disappear (deku admires bakugou and he knows he's strong and capable but he would always worry and look out for him)

I wanted to keep protecting our fragile connection (do i even need to explain cus holy shit this line is what completely sold me)

 If I were to keep it locked away

It would be as if it isn't there

But do you know

that it's not so small that I can forget it?

So when the sun comes up I know what to do

I must put on my strongest face,

Because that's all I could have done

I am a bit confused since I have never been this way (putting both colors cus both verses could be referred to both of them, bc one it can b about dk bc uhhh dk, [see i told yall i suck at this] and the other thing it could b about bkg referring to his guilt about all might? And the fact that the you're next scene happened during a SUNRISE)

You are in my heart completely (???)

I don't know what to do

I didn't want to learn

I wish I had done it differently (bakugou regretting not taking deku's hand)

It's so fragile

I wanted to deny myself (bakugou not wanting to acknowledge his weaknesses)

Like I was doing something wrong

I was disappointed in myself (bakugou realizing his assholery)

But everything is so new to me (the way bakugou perceived the world was turned upside down for him)

I can tell without asking anyone

You wont bring me happiness

But there is something else

that you have given me (his heroic heart and instict?)

●

I wish i could decipher some lyrics and connect it with canon material but unfortunately im not an ultimate bkdk expert so i dont have many receipts so if anyone wants to go ahead PLEASE i would love to read it

(ALSO this is NOT the entire song, i removed some lyrics so i suggest looking up the entire song if you want to see the full gist of its ktdkness)

AGAIN this is pure speculation and interpretation, since i think this song is broad and vague and most likely not related to bkdk in the show (that its a bit of a stretched allegory?). I distanced some lines from the other when it was supposed to be connected and mean something else.

so yeah this is defs bit of overanalysis ykno

Anyways yea the only reason i said this is bkdks song is bc i got ALOT of bkdk vibes from the it, period.

haha doesnt help they showed us this sequence at the end of the song/outro (and it happens in a sunset lol) :

#look man shout baby is such a fucking banger i wish ppl talk ab this song more #i love the way it was composed and sang it gave me so much nostalgia vibes idk why #and the fact that it sounds sooo much ab bkdks relationship makes it even more emotional #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #bakudeku #katsudeku #decchan #wonder duo #dynadeku #man this relationship #katzuku #dekugou #dahlia.txt #twin stars of class 1a

[cowboyjen68]

Hi jen! 20 something masc bisexual who just cant figure out if theyre a man or a woman here. I dont really feel comfortable talking about this stuff but writing anonymously is a lot less daunting and you seem like a really chill person and such a good mom. When i was youger, around 16, i cut my hair short and dressed less conventional (stopped wearing what my mom put out for me lol), bc i wanted to express myself. I didnt get the "mens" haircut i wanted originally, but i made up for it with flannels and hoodies. Slowly, occasionally, people started to ask me my sex/gender and when someone read me as male i was over the moon. By the time i was 18 i had stopped wearing makeup and tried hard to pass as male. It became pretty exhausting and my bestfriend is a very feminine guy, who usually gets read as a woman, inspired me to care less what people think i am. Im trying to take things as they come but with my mullet (thick long hair in the back) i noticed people read me as female more often than not. Its not insulting, but i cant help but feel disappointed. It felt so right when people read me as male. Im considering transitioning but i hate the idea of coming out to my family (as trans) and im scared of "being wrong about all this and screwing my body up", even thougt I like the prospect of the physical changes testosterone brings. All in all, I feel like ive been stuck in this undecided period for so long and something needs to change.

Im grateful for any words of advice :)

I am so sorry for the delay, my seasonal side jobs keep me very busy. I owe you some sincerity here because you asked and trust me to give you the truth, at least as I see it.

Of course I cannot in anyway see inside you or know the mix of emotions you have or the complex amount of experiences you have had in your 20 something life. When someone is struggling with hard questions being “PC” does no one any favors so here is my best take, but ultimately you know what is best and perhaps a therapist that will not just be a "yes" person would be very helpful.

Firstly, if you decide to transition for whatever reason, comfort, ease of experiencing the world etc, there is no rule that says you have to do anything at all to alter your body. You can be who you are within yourself. I am a lesbian and a woman whether or not some stranger on the street thinks so. (and the amount of time I am called "sir" in one day changes absolutely zero about me). Same applies to you. If you are concerned about medical or hormonal intervention you are not wrong to have caution. Anytime we take any medication from a blood pressure pill to nasal spray, doing due diligence and understanding the affects on our body is important. And each of us must take into consideration body health, genetics, dr suggestions, past medical history and the reality of what time, money and effort we are capable of exerting, especially if it means for a life time 

That all being said short hair, clothes, your interests and personality are not (should not) be gendered. There is no reason a woman can’t be and exist as a female who is not always thrilled with her body (looks and function) and be a human who loves doing a myriad of things that may or may not fit what society prescribes as our gender roles.  

You say you are disappointed when read as female? Why?  Do you dislike that they are not seeing the real you OR because you know being read as such means, in our culture, you are seen as less capable, treated differently, perceived as weak, not as smart as men and treated as the lesser of our society simply based on your body?  Either way, this is a them problem and not a you problem. You are as flawed, strong, smart, confident as you are no matter how they see you. It is not up to them to decide how human you get to be based on what sex you are. No one fits all the general attributes imposed gender roles wish for us to follow. 

Ask yourself, if I transition and am still consistently read as female, how will that affect me?  Will I become angry because I am putting time, effort and money into presentation and people still see what they see?  Am I going to feel better able to shrug off mistakes make by quick glances or because people have known me for years because I am more true to me?  Transition should happen in a vacuum, in my opinion. (disclaimer: I am not trans so perhaps this is not how trans men feel) You are who you are whether in a crowd of people or alone in a forest. Others should never make that decision or set the bar for you. EVER. They have no investment in your internal self. 

Since you are asking me, this is my experience. In my early years i understood very quickly how I was treated differently when people (men and women) saw me as a little boy instead of a little girl. In my teens I saw the way girls who hit puberty before me were immediately treated sexually, will less respect and I was like” well shit”.  I would have happily been seen as a boy/man and probably went to length to insure that. At 12 I was pretty confident I wanted to be or should have been a boy. My mom very colorfully explained to me there are issues with both sides and am a girl who wants what boys get in the world.. sooo get them as a girl.  THEN I met other lesbians and butches and bi women who are masculine and they told me their stories.. which were just like mine. I realized to be a man I had to give up being a woman and being a woman, my reality, physically and in my upbringing (in the 1980′s and 1990″) was the best and only way to connect to other people because I was not different with them or alone. I needed to be me 24/7 not just in public, not just at parties, not just with friends, but when I was alone, at night or mowing the yard. Perception and societal opinion had nothing to do with my body, my mind, my personality. 

Am I still affected by gender roles? Of course. Our society genders everything from pocket knives (camo or pink camo) to cars, abilities to shampoo! Do i sometimes let it slide when a man thinks he is talking to another man, sure.. why not? I learn somethings (some things I don’t want to know on occasion). But at the end of the day, most of the people I deal with begin to see me as a kind, capable women or...(translation: human) and when it counts I don’t want to be vague or dodgy about my sex, my gender or my sexual orientation. Who I am, who I deserved to be, my right to exist as me is too important. None of these were over night revelations. Time, experience, community as all helped me understand:

You have to live with you forever and always, don’t try to exist as the easiest way for society to view you. 

#bi #masciline #butch #trans man #my opinion #personal story #lesbian