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double--blind · 6 months

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(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation

So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?

We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive

It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.

(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)

Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.

Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.

You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.

This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.

It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.

Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.

By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.

It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?

Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?

Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.

Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.

It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.

So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.

Becomes worse.

#honestly??? it's bc he's everything to her that the decay ending where she shoots him is so messed up #so much sadder #I've got something abt that in my drafts somewhere #it might not see the light of day so I'll just say:#imo she isn't shooting Andy‚ she's shooting Andrew #bc if he's so far gone he'd kill her #then her beloved is already dead #the coffin of andy and leyley #tcoaal #ashley graves #coffincest #character analysis #txt post #this is all my interpretation btw hope no one presumes I'm pushing these analyses as fact #to the ppl who read these ty.... you have my heart...... 🫶

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furiosophie · 2 years

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He looks back down at the baby – Andy – with her lick of dark hair and her splotchy pink skin. Even though she can’t be more than a month old, probably not even, the resemblance to her father – to Hob’s friend – is already uncanny. She looks imperious, a little disapproving, like she’ll nap in his arms if she has to since she doesn’t want to be rude, but privately she thinks the conditions aren’t quite befitting an infant of her station.

Hob loves her instantly, instinctively, in a way that he thinks is going to be nearly impossible to get over.

real people by spqr (@andthepeople)

#dreamling #dream x hob #hob gadling #dream of the endless #PLS GO READ THIS FIC IT IS SO GOOD #it made me cry on the plane #honestly just the ultimate comfort fic #couldn't get the image of them carrying Andy around in that baby björn out of my head #i know they would prob not have gone for a pink one but I needed a color contrast so uh #just pretend they got it as a hand me down #or simply that hob thought it would be funny to break up dreams monochrome fit #anyway the sandman brain rot continues #soph arts

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gojuo · 7 months

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OOOEEEEEOUUUUUOOUUU SMILING FOR THE FIRST TIME TROPE + ALMOST KISSED TROPE + LOVE CONFESSION + "I LOVE THE YOU IN THE FUTURE" TROPE + TIME LOOP / TURNING BACK TIME TO INFLUENCE THE FUTURE TROPE OOOUUUIUUUHEJJEEEUUUUU INJECT THAT SHIT INTO MY VEEIIINSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#WHY THIS SILLY ASS SHIP HITTING ALL THE SPOTS ????? OH YM GODDD #IM GOING INSANE OVER THIS YOU GUYS DONT UNDERSTANDDDDD #WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO READ THIS ...#undead unluck #andy x fuuko #whats the ship name? im officially a sucker for them now

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minilev · 3 months

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#i was simply going through batman 2022 tag looking for penguin and riddler memes and instead got into a thirst trap #never ever read shit on tumblr out of curiosity!#anyways i hope in the next movies we'll get canon Alfred #alfred pennyworth #the batman 2022 #andy serkis #my art #DC

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potatounicoorn · 8 months

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The worst plan I ever made is the fact that I started my scifi reading journey with The Martian and Project hail Mary cause how the fuck could anything ever top those two books.

#I literally cant read any other kind of space scifi than Andy Weirs throwing a man alone in space type #Its so good I just know nothing can ever beat it #I wish I could read them for the first time #The martian #Project hail mary #Andy weir #science fiction

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grassbreads · 8 months

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On a scale of Chang Geng to Luo Binghe, how well does your teenage protagonist cope with the realization that he has a massive thing for the guy that's basically raising him?

#15 year old Chang Geng losing his mind fuming alone in his room listening to steampunk wuxia linkin park #while 15 year old Binghe is in the next room over cheerfully updating his teacher crush blog #like yeah teen Binghe is the amount of embarrassed and shy about his feelings that you'd expect from any crush #and he absolutely does have SO many self-hatred issues #especially post demon reveal and abyss-kicking when he's older #but the whole teacher-student/age gap aspect is the one thing about his relationship with sqq that never seems to be a problem for Binghe #meanwhile I just finished spl volume 1 #and at this point I'm pretty sure Chang Geng would sooner kill himself and/or whoever he was talking to #before he'd admit that he has a thing for his godfather #which like. yeah man. I probably wouldn't admit that either lmao #but damn is that poor kid going through it #spl #sha po lang #stars of chaos #chang geng #svsss #luo binghe #the scum villain's self-saving system #ren zha fanpai zijiu xitong #andie reads spl #ID in alt text

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badnewswhatsleft · 4 months

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scanned the little patrick interview from kerrang winter 2023<3

transcript under cut:

Patrick Stump’s mum is a methodical accountant who likes to plan ahead and think things through. She would bestow this organisational wisdom upon her son when he was growing up. When his band Fall Out Boy got signed, however, thereby kick-starting one of the most exciting trajectories of the past 20 years, Mrs Stump quickly realised there were limits to what she could assist him with.

“She said to me, ‘I can’t help you anymore - you’re beyond my area of expertise,’” Patrick recalls with a laugh.

In the years since, there has been no end of through-the-looking-glass moments for Fall Out Boy, a litany of incredible achievements highlighted by the ever-growing shows the Chicago four-piece - completed by bassist Pete Wentz, guitarist Joe Trohman and drummer Andy Hurley - have played. It’s an upscaling Patrick admits he still can’t fully process.

“I’m probably never going to get used to it, and I think I’m at peace with that,” he admits, taking time out backstage at Hamburg’s Barclays Arena on the band’s epic So Much For (Tour) Dust jaunt, which recently visited the UK.

Thankfully, Fall Out Boy will be back on these shores next summer, having been announced as headliners for Download Festival 2024, alongside Queens Of The Stone Age and Avenged Sevenfold. The news has given Patrick cause to reflect upon the pivotal shows and tours that have made FOB the band they are today, with a self-deprecating appraisal of the good times and the bad, the tiny gigs and the Hella Mega ones.

“A lot of my life makes sense to me, where I understand the various points of what happened and why, but there are moments with the shows we’ve played that make no sense at all,” Patrick reflects. “You go to arenas and they have pictures in the hallway of all the big artists that have played there, then they’ll have pictures of us, which sticks out to me!”

THE BAND’S FIRST-EVER SHOW AT DEPAUL UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA, 2001 “We were playing with some pretty cool math-rock and emo bands. When we got out there, we were horrible - I mean really terrible - and there were about three or four people there. I can’t remember what our band name was at the time - it wasn’t Fall Out Boy, and we were tossing some names around. I remember suggesting one of the names we had in mind to the drummer in one of the other bands and him telling me it sucked. We had a guitar player who I’d only met the week before and I’ve never seen since. I hope he’s doing good things. I heard he became a bike messenger. I cannot imagine a humbler beginning for a first show!”

FALL OUT BOY’S FIRST GIG WITH ANDY HURLEY, 2003 “I think it was with Andy’s other band, The Kill Pill. Andy played in both bands that night. It was a bigger show for us, opening for [Florida melodic hardcore band] As Friends Rust, and we didn’t have a guitar player, so I was playing guitar. It was weird because we were playing some newer songs, which stood out, so it felt like we’d started to actualise the band. I’m a drummer originally, so I was picky about drummers. But when we played with Andy, it was the first time that it felt right. I remember saying to a friend of mine who was there at the time that we were still a bad band then, and she said, ‘You guys couldn’t see it, but even then, it felt like the beginning of something.’”

THE FIRST UK TOUR, 2004 “One thing I remember was going to a Mexican restaurant, ordering tacos, and being unable to describe the things that arrived at the table - and not in a good way. That first UK tour was with Mest, and it was surreal. I think that might have been the first time I’d ever left the States, so going to another country felt like a big deal. When I got there, I realised the UK is similar in a lot of ways - particularly thanks to our shared musical history. One difference was that the venues all felt so much more punk rock than those in the States, with an unhinged basement vibe, which surprised me but was also thrilling.”

HEADLINING DECAYDANCE FEST AT THE HAMMERSMITH APOLLO, 2007 “I look back on some moments and realise they were bigger than I noticed at the time. The other bands on that bill - Panic! At The Disco, Gym Class Heroes, The Academy Is…, Cobra Starship - were all bands we’d played with a lot before that and were friends with, so at the time I thought, ‘Every show we do is Decaydance Fest!’ Then that moment in time was gone and I soon realised that it was crazy that we were able to get all those people together to do that show. You don’t necessarily realise you’re part of a thing when you’re part of a thing, so when I think back now, I’m amazed.”

THE LAST GIG BEFORE GOING ON HIATUS AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, 2009 “It was such a strange show. I had checked out at the time, and was busy thinking about solo stuff, but really I just wanted to make lots of music. One of the things that was crippling was making a record and then going on the road for two years to promote the record. For me, making records is what’s important, so the grind of having to make them so slowly was killing me. I was therefore in a bad space with the band. I think we were out with +44, and I remember Mark [Hoppus] shaving Pete’s head onstage. Pete had the famous haircut and that was the end of it. It was kind of a joke to do that, but it ended up proving to be fairly symbolic, as it really was the end to that whole moment.”

FALL OUT BOY’S FIRST GIG BACK AT SUBTERRANEAN, CHICAGO, 2013 “The whole thing happened so fast and so suddenly! We had a meeting in New York. The four of us met at our manager’s apartment and we talked about maybe getting together and seeing what happened. It was tense, actually, as we hadn’t talked to each other in a long time and there were all these old grievances - but there was also this sense that we were older and wiser. We put together some songs, and one of them was My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up). On the morning of the show, we appeared on a radio show and the whole station felt excited about the song. It felt like the beginning of a rollercoaster. That night, when we played Light Em Up, a song people could only have heard hours ago, the room exploded!”

CO-HEADLINING THE MONUMENTOUR WITH PARAMORE, 2014 “That was one of my favourite tours! Andy and I would do a drum-off, so we got to play together, which was a full-circle thing for me, as I had never got to play drums in front of people with the band before then - so that was fun! I remember thinking on that tour that we were really getting somewhere as a band. Our first show, we were a pretty bad band. For a while in the early days, we wrote better than we played, and we thought better than we wrote. But as time passed things really came together. That tour was a point where we felt that we were really getting somewhere. Plus, the audiences were great on that tour - incredibly excited and giving.”

HEADLINING WRIGLEY FIELD BASEBALL STADIUM IN CHICAGO, 2018 “When I was a kid, the height of my ambition was to play the [1,100-capacity] Metro in Chicago. I never thought in a million years that we’d get to play Wrigley Field - I didn’t even know that bands played there. It’s not a venue, it’s where the Cubs play. I’m still in disbelief that we’ve now played it three times! That doesn’t make any sense to me. The first time we did it was terrifying, but also familiar. We used to have an apartment in Roscoe Village, which is walking distance from Wrigley Field. I remember Pete and I writing [2003 single] Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy together, then we went jogging around Wrigley, and a group of drunk Cubs fans shouted ‘Fucking losers!’ at us. Being inside that structure years later, singing that song, was therefore so surreal.”

HAVING A FREDDIE MERCURY EXPERIENCE HEADLINING READING & LEEDS FESTIVAL, 2018 “I think about that regularly. I’m not a natural performer. I used to act, so I could act as a character, but I couldn’t really be me and sing onstage - that never used to be comfortable for me. I have this very specific memory of This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race. There was this part where I sling my guitar to the stage and I’m just singing and having the crowd sing with me. The way they responded at that point made me suddenly think, ‘Oh, I can do this!’ I remember running towards the audience with the microphone and the life that came back at me just blew me away. When you have an audience like that, you’re Freddie fucking Mercury! I think about that on an almost daily basis when we’re on tour. That song has a whole different life now because of my experiences at Reading & Leeds.”

PLAYING THE HELLA MEGA TOUR WITH GREEN DAY AND WEEZER, 2022 “I couldn’t have been more obsessed with a band than I was with Weezer in 1998-’99, when I was in high school. Then, years later, they’re your buddies and you’re playing with them and they’re playing some of your favourite songs ever. That is so strange. One of my musical origin stories was in fifth grade, when this kid in the middle of class beckoned me over. We snuck under a table, and he puts headphones on me and he plays Dookie. I was like, ‘What is this?!’ On that tour, Billie Joe Armstrong said I was a really good singer. I’m still recovering from that.”

#patrick stump #fall out boy #andy hurley #joe trohman #pete wentz #time capsule #read the charts #yaaay patrick crumbs <3 #biggest takeway is that he likes when audiences are excited #so if yall have GA standing tix to a fob show and all ur doing is standing there i will come to your location to shake you by the ankles.#/jk obviously but just barely.

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27-royal-teas · 1 year

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baby seasons change but people dont 🐑

#infinity on high #ioh #fall out boy #fob #pete wentz #patrick stump #andy hurley #joe trohman #fob fanart #Toby speaks #Toby’s art #I was reading all the notes you guys wrote on my smfs Doberman drawing and I was legitimately crying #I’ve never gotten more than 20 notes on a drawing much less comments!!!!!!#Y’all are so sweet it made me want to draw more for the first time in months #So thank you so much

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haveyoureadthisbook-poll · 2 months

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#the martian #andy weir #science fiction #book poll #polls #have you read this book poll

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ryllen · 5 months

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as much as ridiculous he is, I appreciate Pen who found me passed out after 3 AM in the middle of desert & brought me home

a l s o, smart kid fhsdhdhsh

#fsdhdh i literally forgot the kid was there in the first place he really knows how to not get tangled up in adults fight #my time at sandrock #mtas #mtas pen #mtas logan #mtas builder #mtas andy #mtas unsuur #mtas justice #i broke up with unsuur just so i can read his friend status dialogues #HE IS TOO BORING WITH ONLY HIS ROMANCE LINES like HE HARDLY TALKS ABOUT HIMSELF ANYMORE #he is already very flat THE ROMANCE LINES ONLY MAKE HIM INCREDIBLY FLATTER THAN FLAT #even Pen ENDED UP MORE INTERESTING to listen to THAN UNSUUR FHSDH #i keep thinking the way unsuur runs or holds our hand and walks LOOKS LIKE TOYSTORY WOODY FSHDHSH #h e l p that man #Logan really lock on target on us SCARY fshdshd #he can't be fooled he knows the game will be over if he ends us first fhsdshd

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navybrat817 · 6 months

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October Reading List

Hey, lovelies! Here are the fics I've had the pleasure of reading and reblogging throughout the month of October. Please show these writers some love and heed the warnings for each fic. Remember, you are responsible for your own media consumption. Banner by yours truly and divider by the talented @saradika .

Love, thanks, and happy reading!

Marvel Characters

Bucky Barnes

Feelin' Gourd by @jobean12-blog

Never Saw You Comin' by @nickfowlerrr

Healing Hands by @rookthorne

Mile High Club by @writing-for-marvel

Off Day by @theeleggymeggy

Hold Me Down by @flordeamatista

Blood Sweat and Tears by @treatbuckywkisses

Protective Biker!Bucky by @pellucid-constellations

Insomnia by @intrepidacious

Chain Around My Neck by @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

Storm by @bucky-barnes-diaries

Biker!Bucky Headcanon by @sinner-as-saint

Smitten by @buckylattes

Give Up Part 1 and Part 2 by @fineanddandy

New Perspective by @honeybloomss

Behave by @becca-e-barnes

Steve Rogers

Haunted by @targaryenvampireslayer

Let's Get Physical by @mrsmischief209

Darkness Between the Stars by @biteofcherry

You Are in Love by @scrumptious-delusion

Baby Girl by @wint3r-h3art

Drain You by @darkficsyouneveraskedfor

Morning Light by @drabblewithfrannybarnes

Interrupted by @ciarawritesmarvel

Steve Rogers as a Husband @neonovember

What You Can Do For Your Country by @krirebr

I Made Your Favorite by @heli0s-writes

The Cinema Experience by @myfictionaldreams

Learn My Lesson by @cockslutpadalecki

Breathe Me by @fushic0re

An Olive Branch by @real-jane

Stucky

Letters to the Moon by @violentdelightsandviolentends

Chris Evans Characters

Andy Barber

Your Age is Showing by @worksby-d

Rosebud by @kthynes

Second Shot by @/drabblewithfrannybarnes

Ari Levinson

Beauty Wrought of Rapture and Desire by @the-iceni-bitch

The Domestic Life @imyourbratzdoll

Of Service by @stargazingfangirl18

The New Romantics - Part 1 by @slvttyfied

Curtis Everett

Lots of Candles by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

Can I Try Something? by @luxeavenger

Lloyd Hansen

Trucker!Lloyd by @oh-my-damn

Alpha by @boxofbonesfic

Sebastian Stan Characters

Lee Bodecker

It Will Come Back by @slyyywriting

Lights Out by @vellicore

No Way Out by @shadeysprings

Captivity by @wheezy-stucky

Devil Devil by @sgt-seabass

Snuggle Time by @holylulusworld

#navy's fic recs #reading list #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x female reader #stucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader x steve rogers #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x female reader #lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker x female reader #lloyd hansen x reader #lloyd hansen x female reader #curtis everett x reader #curtis everett x female reader #andy barber x reader #andy barber x female reader

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