#and you want them to have a normal healthy relationship??? no

[moonsaver]

Okay, honestly, I'm still reeling from the entire penacony quest, but here's my take on Sunday so far;

He's manipulative, obviously.

But like.. the type that's kind of hesitant from time to time because he's still sincere to a degree. At least, when it comes to his loved ones.

So, I guess that hesitance decreases a lot if you're just some nobody. Even then, Sunday does want the better for everyone, too. It just means that others may bear the brunt of it for the most part before being able to get ahold of it.

Also, at the very least, even if some people suffer, at the end Sunday believes they will reach where they want to, after. In that case, however, Sunday suffers far more than them, without actually ever reaching his own destination or idea of paradise.

However, this view is a bit distorted. Sunday believes to be "sacrificing" himself, shouldering loneliness and burdens in order to uphold everyone else's "paradise". But to the others, he's simply a tyrant overruling everyone's will with his own idea of Order.

Sunday deeply cares. He cares too much. That's kind of the problem.

A bit of self-destructing tendencies when pushed too far, I guess.

Lets ignore logic established by the quest for a second (because i literally am still reeling from it)

Imagine Sunday first discovers this possibility. He's terrified of it, but at the same time, he truly thinks this is humanity's salvage – for everyone who has deeply suffered. He thinks of you.

You who have had your fair share of pain, who confides in him late at night in the quiet of your privacy, hushed voices like silenced by a thick blanket through the wall.

You deserve to live a sweeter life. He thinks. No. You deserve more. He knows.

The first person he ever wants to step into this paradise – you.

Now, although Sunday was defeated in the end, we all know that unfortunately, our ragtag team had to wake up again because defeating him first was a dream. This means at some point, Sunday did succeed.

And after everyone wakes, you don't. You continue sleeping soundly. So does Sunday.

The rest of the world can return to their miserable, bitter lives outside of this dream; but Sunday will be damned if he's letting you go. Perhaps.. it's not a selfless wish, anymore. Perhaps at this point, Sunday desperately, selfishly, grips onto you with the latches of a sweet, deep dream. One where he was fatally destined to never reach, only to control from the waking world. Now that everyone else has woken, he wants to return to the dream. He wants to return to you, who he has so lovingly entrenched deep into it.

Also, Robin. Im in SO much pain... PLEASW..

Do you guys think.. even if Robin was vehemently resistant against Sunday's ideas..

Even though Sunday knew she wouldn't stand for it..

Do you guys think.. he wanted her to also join him at the end and enjoy the "Paradise" he created aswell?

Do you think he would have wanted Robin to stop worrying about everything, to take rest, to finally come home, and sing to her heart's content inside the dream? The dream where they set the bird free? The dream where Sunday still has a sweet tooth? The dream where she never has to wear elaborate neck-pieces? The dream where neither of them was hurt? Where neither of them left each other?

Oh...ogh. . My heart.

Sunday would be such a scary lover, too.

I mean even normally, I don't think a relationship with him would be that healthy

Particularly because it seems so healthy

If reader was in a relationship with normal sunday, I mean.. it's gonna at least appear healthy and normal, even to them. It's probably just Sunday having to constantly burden himself with all the dirty strings he has to pull, the quiet rush of water when he washes his hands before caressing the side of your face, the tight, closed smile he would give if you ever asked him what was wrong.. he can't let you know.

I think he'll take a yandere route in an established relationship if you do happen to find out what's been going on behind the scenes. He'll have to calm you down, and you promise you won't peep about it. The build up is almost invisible, because things seem to go back to the way they were. Before Sunday starts acting a bit.. restless. That would be when his yan! Tendencies would start kicking in, for a variety of reasons.

I feel like y'know, out of all the hsr cast, he's one of the characters who is genuinely very close to becoming a yandere canonically. Control freak? Check. Twisted ideals? Check. Unchecked power? Check. Hypnotization/manipulation? Check.

Also, the slight difference of his color pallete as opposed to Robin's.

His is much more washes out than Robin's. It's more "duller" but also more professional, and the gold of his halo is more colder than the warmer tone of Robin's halo. They both still have white/grey as a major color in their palletes, but Sunday's is accompanied by deep navy blues, or washed out blues. Robin's is very vibrant and purple. The only blue segment of her pallete is her hair, and it's remarkably more vibrant than Sunday's.

Also.. Sunday's whole ideas on "weak" and "strong"

Of course, it wasn't all correct, but that doesn't mean they didn't hold some semblance of sense.

Regardless, this playing with yan! Tendencies..... HOOOOO boy

So many thoughts. Sunday manipulating his partner is quite possibly the most common theme in them.

#moonink #hsr #honkai star rail #hsr spoilers #honkai star rail spoilers #hsr yandere #yandere hsr #yandere honkai star rail #hsr x gender neutral reader #hsr x y/n #hsr x you #hsr x male reader #hsr x reader #yandere honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x reader #hsr sunday #sunday hsr #honkai star rail sunday #hsr sunday x you #hsr sunday x y/n #hsr sunday x reader #honkai sr #yandere sunday x reader #sunday x y/n #sunday x reader #sunday x you #yandere sunday x you #yandere sunday

[annabel-lee-nevermore]

Hey All

I know I've been quiet aside from a few fic posts recently (especially since I've never been one to post my own thoughts to tumblr quite often) but I've noticed a growing issue and want to say something.

I love Nevermore, I truly do. It consumes my thoughts alongside everything else I do, I still consider things I do that are things Annabel would do "Annabelisms", hell I even still write fics (my wip gallery is a graveyard that I hope to conquer).

The following is a critique of the fandom at present, and though I know it will piss some people off, I hope those who are pissed off take the time to read this. Take this as your content warning before you whine at me, I will argue with you if complaining about it being in the tag is all you have to say.

But still, I've quieted down in the fandom, I no longer talk as often in the server, this blog lies dormant, and there's a reason. Between a few personal feelings about the Montrada developments and the events of the most recent free chapters and picking up more hobbies, I've kept my eye on the fandom, albeit from afar, and I've watched as it grows more and more hostile towards anyone who chooses to voice a negative opinion, especially through the anonymous confessions blog.

This is a Fandom. A [Tumblr] fandom. Surely you all have heard the stories of infighting growing worse and worse in fandoms until they rip themselves and the creation of their source material apart. Voltron Legendary Defender, for example, fell to infighting over a few ship opinions and led to a blackmail incident in an attempt to make things go their way, as well as who knows how many people being doxxed for having "bad opinions".

This is not limited to VLD, but I fear I'm starting to see the same sort of cracks form. People having critiques of the comic is a Healthy and Normal way for people to engage in media, especially media they love. Any sort of theorizing that it's meant to sow discourse and toxicity in the fandom is a product of an echo chamber coming to form, and a toxic one at that, where everyone has to share the same, positive, opinions or face ostracisation from the fandom they claim to be a fan of. This is only going to lead to the fandom cannibalizing itself. Especially with the size of the Nevermore fandom, if we drive out everyone who loves the comic and has critiques and soon the healthy fun ecosystem of people drawing fanart and writing fic out of love will wither away.

And alongside that, though interaction with the creator of a fandom can be a fun novelty, the ways that the nevermore fandom has a wealth of "word of god" information that is never present in the comic, and acts like everyone should know it is fully ridiculous. Not everyone who reads the comic is in the discord. Not everyone in the discord has backread every single factoid about the comic that Red and Flynn have shared. In my opinion parts of this have led to a parasocial relationship with the creators, and alongside that, led to a fierce need to defend them whenever any critical opinion shows up, immediately writing it off as hate and rushing to call them out, despite critique being a normal way to interpret media.

I love this Fandom, but from my (albeit less involved than I used to be) view, its tearing itself apart and I really hate to see it go like this, especially since we're not even a full season deep.

#nevermore webtoon #nevermore #nevermore webcomic #nevermore fandom critique

[jewishregulus]

ok I'm obsessed with how you describe possessive james and I'm also obsessed with jegulus getting together as teens in a toxicish relationship and then getting back together as slightly more mature adults

so imagine reg and james dancing around each other trying so hard to be mature and act normal and then one day james just snaps. like he just pounces on reg and 2 days later has to be the one awkwardly explaining why he didn't pick of his phone for so long and also reg and him are dating again

i think that jfp pouncing is very key . bc liking regulus goes entirely against the loyal to his friends sweet innocent good neighborly boy . bc now he likes morally questionable pretty boy with sad blue eyes and blow job lips and beautiful princess curls . and a small slutty waist . he’s so beautiful it makes jfp forget his savior complex!!!! so now he has to deal w the fact he would willingly fuck his best friends estranged brother who he “hates” ……… i think in the beginning their relationship is very weird bc of this but i think they mellow out and r very sweet …… one thing abt me is to me jegulus is a healthy relationship . they may have some rough eras and get together rough but they are inherently good for each other !!!! i think that james being so possessive isn’t necessarily a bad thing bc regulus feels safe and secure bc of it …. he feels wanted !!!!! i love them deeply

#marauders #marauders era #regulus black #rab #snake in the lions den #jegulus #james potter #yap tag #ivy answers

[corruptedpete]

i am just so here for the fact that vegas has already recognized his attachment to pete, desperately apologizing and begging him to not leave vegas like every thing else he loves does, asking porsche to bring pete to hum bar just so he can get a chance to talk with him again..

i’m also here for the fact pete is in a state of denial that he even liked any of what they did together, he took his chance to escape his captor because thats what a good bodyguard would do in this situation, just to not tell any of the main family or his friends who really hurt him this way because for some odd reason he can’t give vegas up..

the codependency brewing is gonna taste so good

#'codependency is toxic' #okay and? these characters are literally in the mafia and hit themselves to feel better #and you want them to have a normal healthy relationship??? no #that episode was perfection #vegaspete #kinnporsche #kp meta #shut up julia

[oceanwithouthermoon]

domestic kubosai, coming home after a long day to their lover and a quiet house, not needing to say anything to each other to take comfort in one anothers calming presence...

quiet kisses and gentle touches.. putting on chill music at a low volume, silently getting ready for bed together, smiling at each other through the mirror while they wash their faces, aren getting into bed first and waiting for kusuo with his arms open and kusuo climbing in and immediately latching onto him..

^ literally aren to kusuo when hes like two minutes late coming home

#im so normal about them :33 #theyre the most healthy and loving and understanding relationship to ever exist sorry i dont make the rules i just enforce them #they are so healthy you wouldnt even believe it #by the way if anyone wants to talk about kubosai ever i am so here always #i have no irls who care and idk who to talk to on here RAHHHH #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #kuboyasu aren #kubosai #meows post

[skrunksthatwunk]

aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)

#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they #they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along #if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway #poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki #g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd #i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl #but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system #hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3 #berserk #berserk 1997 #how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm. #gutsca #griffguts #don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her #and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing #but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik #the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh #hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist #it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i #same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're #kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters. #so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah. #(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even #though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol #time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most #important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing. #he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making #damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again. #or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human #because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)

[crossbackpoke-check]

18 + swaymark!!

oooo thank you!!

#18 - pleaser, wallows + swaymark

okay i know they are canonically obsessed with each other but. the song is in some ways about feeling like you’re failing in your relationship and being not quite as obsessed with them as they maybe are with you, and in this video of them talking about being a tandem, there is the slightest pause before swayman answers “do you miss him?” that makes me want to probe a wound. we’re not talking irl reasons of how that’s an absurd question (how do you miss him. you’re coworkers you’re seeing each other all the time) we’re talking that maybe this whole goalies-in-love thing got blown out of proportion and now swayman’s having to buy into the bit too hard. linus loves it & everyone’s asking about their bromance & how they love each other so much and the thing is—linus is safe. he’s got a wife and plausible deniability and jeremy? jeremy is gay. sure, he can crack jokes and people-please but the more people ask the more they're going to find out until maybe they find out something jeremy doesn't want them to know. and the longer this goes on, the more jeremy has to sit at linus' dinner table with linus and his beautiful wife and pretend like he isn't a little bit in love with him. and you know what? the longer it goes on and linus doesn't dial it down jeremy does stop being in love with him, because it just feels cruel, until he finally is done enough that he stops biting his tongue and ruins the moment.

#…this so is not a five sentence summary but ALSO this manages to perfectly align with something i was obsessed with (that media video) #like yeah is that pause reasonably a buffering time to a weird question? yes!!! do i want to read into it & make swayman a bit uncomfortabl #also yes!!! sorry i decided to give them tragique but they were assigned by spotify. the other option for this song was an ED fix-it fic #about healthy sex and learning that it can be a part of a normal relationship!! sex is weird and fucked up!! but like. that’s just because #i have always interpreted this song as a) unrequited best friend love & you’re worried you’re gonna fuck it up b) virgin who doesn’t know #what sex is and is scared to tell anyone and then option c) people pleaser keeps going along with it but can’t anymore #also OBVIOUSLY they end up fine. whether that ends up being jeremy finally telling linus (oblivious) i don’t want to do this with you #i need to get over you & them creating a platonic space & sway ends up with someone else OR linus has the oh. true. i simply never #considered that i could be gay for you option OR the one i have just invented but is now my favorite because i love a good polycule is that #linus & his wife simply add jeremy to their relationship. and then this song becomes jeremy scared to have sex with linus’ wife at first lo #liv in the replies #the interviews in that video doing the lord’s work fr but also that ‘do you not miss him’ feels SO uncomfortable. say no! but then he leans #in with the dirty jokes comment & i know i’ve made like eight variations already (sorry. that’s how my brain works) but it is soooo fun #to me personally if they are broken up but now have to act nice & keep doing all these rituals & sell us on the narrative & they’re just #trying to see who’s going to crack first. needle each other into laughing or getting irritated enough it shows through & the other one wins #do even more aggressive hug rituals!! get a medical warning from the athletic training staff!!!

[to-dance-beneath-the-diamond-sky]

I know it’s international asexuality day and we’re supposed to be proud of being ace and all. But idk. That’s hard when I really really hate that I’m ace. Being a cisgender heteroromantic sex-repulsed ace is not exactly a fun or positive experience for me. It is just me feeling lonely and defective and wrong all the fucking time. Like that’s genuinely great for all the aces and aro people out there who love it and can take pride in it. You’re valid and you’re not broken and I’m happy for you that you can embrace and celebrate this part of your identity, I genuinely am. But for me personally, I would give just about anything to not be ace, I hate it so much. Being ace has never not once done a single good for me.

#I’m sorry #but I just want to be normal #Yeah yeah yeah I know internalized acephobia and all that #but idk #being ace has genuinely never resulted in a single good thing for me #very very hard not to hate it when it only ever makes life more difficult for you #idk maybe it’s just that it combines with my other trauma and shit but like #I still hate it and would give almost anything to not be this way #I want to be lovable #I want to be able to be in a normal healthy romantic relationship #instead of being terrified of them and sabotaging everything because the person will want to have sex #And the thought of having sex with anyone is literally panic inducing #Anyways #please ignore me #im just being emo and sad #Because I have such an intense crush on someone right now #And I can’t pursue it because I’m ace and he’d want things from me and I’m just. I just can’t #I can’t even talk about being ace to people because no one gets it and it makes me soo uncomfortable to have to talk about it or explain it #so yeah he’s so nice and I really really really like him. But like every other of the few times I’ve been romantically attracted to someone #I’m not gonna act on it because I’m fucking ace and I’m gonna be alone my whole fucking life #Because no one would ever want to be with me given the way I am #God #sorry please just ignore me #Personal

[textualviolence]

screenshotting this tag because i’m not trying to start a fight but. with all due respect i could not disagree more

#Nieyao fucking makes whatever psychosexual issues they have going on so much worse #because its so profoundly unethical and actively dirties the respectability of the bond they had previously #they can never have good sex its always profoundly psychologically destructive for the both of them #since they're both so invested in this idea of nie mingjue as a Good Man(tm) #the moment Nie Mingjue has sex with his subordinate it automatically drags him down to the level of a JGS (meng yao's actual real FATHER) #and thus tranforms a normal healthy socially well regarded though hierarchical relationship #into a disgraceful abuse of power that casts an ugly and revelatory light on the hierarchy they occupy #it's no longer possible to pretend NMJ's position of authority and Meng Yao's subordination isn't inherently identical to #the authority and subordination that facilitates JGS's abuse of vulnerable girls #was there ever anything other than sex underneath their bond? they both need to think so and they'll both be unable to convince themselves #they'll fuck once and try never to do it again but its too late because the fact that they did reveals the nature of their relationship #fundamentally its always about fucking. always about power. and it was from the beginning #its not about mentorship or fostering talent #for both of them i think their whole worldview would collapse and they would no longer be able to see their society as just and fair #if they don't fuck they can go on thinking they're normal people!!!!why waste this opportunity!!! #if you want people who shouldn't fuck look at wangxian #book got boring once they fucked im sorry ill say it

[quietwingsinthesky]

i have been thinking about that ‘give your oc a kink’ post for days. because i think even would have a thing for hypnosis. yes, yes, for character reasons of overwhelming feelings of impending failure that make the idea of having the ability to choose anything at all be taken out of their hands look extremely appealing. but also because it would be so fucking funny in the worse timeline. imagine you get stuck in time hell with a guy whose whole thing is hypnotizing people, and u hate him. u hate him so. so much.

#i never let them just have a nice relaxing time huh #even just wants someone to take over their brain for a bit so they arent filled with insane amounts of stress about fucking up. #and no one around them will help out for silly reasons like ‘this is a bad coping mechanism’ and ‘having free will is important’ and #‘controlling someone’s mind is invasive’ #except for this one asshole. and they don’t even like him. #i cannot emphasize enough how much the core of this timeline is that even and the master do not fucking like each other. at all. #but the thing is: time bubble. #even can’t reasonably expect to survive on their own. and the master gets his kicks out of watching one of the doctor’s companions get Worse #when circumstances force their hand. and also its helpful to have a spare to be able to throw into pits before you jump in yourself to see #how deep they are. #something even is aware of. and on some level finds easier than their relationship with the doctor. there’s security in knowing someone will #destroy you. in choosing them to do it. or at least telling yourself that you had a choice when you picked them. #<3 healthy and normal relationship. #i got off topic this was about hypnosis. anyway the point of that was that its one thing to give a guy your death and another to (willingly) #let him fuck around in your head. no matter how appealing it looks some days. #and let me tell you: even’s had some days. #endgame for even getting out of this. (if they do. i haven’t decided.) but the endgame is someone on the surface whose face the doctor knows #and someone underneath who is a complete stranger. both metaphorically and physically as in: that suicide pill tooth is probably not the #last thing they end up letting the master stick in their body. even is at the end of the day a constant struggle to be a person and not a #reaction to the people around them. #dw oc #and maybe in a nicer timeline they meets river song and find kinky applications for hallucinagenic lipstick. i could let them be happy. #i could. i wont! but i could.

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

#i dont feel stable enough for like . any relationship platonic or romantic andnit fucking..rly sucks bc i want to have friends but like #with what happened with daj the other day im like. i dont think i can be like . idk. ik daj said it was ok and she understood but im so #upset that i lashed iut abt that and i keep trying to get into therapy but i fucking..cant find one. at all #im trying to be more reasonable witj mymoney and i know like. i need therapy bc i Need to work this out and i am not able to work it out #with myself. i need to see a professional abt this . so ik it wouldnt be frivolous to spend money on a therapist if i cant find one in #network. bc the in network thrapists dont accept/dont specialize in working with patients with bpd which i like. thats..my issue. im almost #posiitive. ive done a lot of research and it matches up with like . all of my experiences #ik everybody feels unstable after a breakup buti genuinely like. i dont feel whole. and im looking back on how i treated myself and thiught #abt the relationship and its like. i stopped talking to all my friends i stopped talking to my family i literally dropped out of school i #moved across the country i dropped any interest that we didnt share i literally like. i gave up fucking everything and thats not. healthy. #and he never aksed me for that and its not fair of me to resent him for me doing that bc he nevrr asked me to #but i feel like. everytime i think abt him it feels like im being torn in half like . i put him on so incredibly high of a pedestal i #literally thought of him as perfect that was..recurring. and when i was upset with him i took it out on myself horrifically and thats not #normal . and jow thinking abt him literally physucally hurts bc theres still that part of me that thinks hes perfect and that im a mistake #and a failure and i didnt Be connor right. and then theres a part of me that . doesnt think of him that way #and its just like. aughhf. even outside that relationship im looking back on past friendships and how like..obsessive i get with them #and then when they 'betray' me i just. immediately turn on them and like. thats not normal.. #and my sense of identity is um. Well you guys have seen. you know. #ive looked into it a lot and i rly think i have it and im not like. 100% positive but i feel like even if i dont itd be good to work with a #therapist who Has experience with that. since the experience is so similar. yk. idk #i just feel insane and i feel like bod would make like. so much of my life and the way i act and the way i react to things like..it makes #sense when i look at it as if i have bpd. and if i dont it literally seems completely irrational and erratic like. IDK. so basically i need #a therapist who can work with that but none of the ones in network specialize in that and then i was researching and found out a lot of #therapists specifically Dont work with bpd patients and like. judge their peers who do for woriing with bod #which is 1. Actually disgusting 2. Straight up stupid 3. Terrifying. so i only want to work with a therapist whi explicitely says I #specialize and work with patients with bpd 👍 but i literally could only find 1 and theyre out of network and its 15p for visit and id #prefer to do weekly visits if possible but thats . 300 per paycheck for therapy . biweekly itd be better but thats still 150. and i have to #save up for the trip home and then the new apartment immediately after #and i have to get credit card . #and in an ideal world id hold off on the therapist until i get my new apartment so that i can fully focus on coping with myself and learnin

[angeltism]

rot.ary di.al the aqua bpder song ever

#➳ the fool speaks #like me listening 2 that on repeat years ago while splitting on my fp back then . #putting aside all the story and stuff . those lyrics are basically just what it feels like splitting on someone . to me . #as well as some of my less normal/healthy ways of showing my devotion to those i care about #''call me call me baby - check me on the cheek and all night i'll wait for your reply'' #and then ofc the ''i can't wait for you to die'' for the splitting obv . #''all the ones that i love have hung up the telephone time after time after time after time after-'' abandonment issues ++ bpd tend to go #hand in hand #''time and time again again i'll only speak to uu'' prioritizing uur fp above all others because they're OBVIOUSLY the most important perso #in uur life (and if uu don't talk to them right this instant they'll leave uu forever and hate uu and uu can't have that now can uu) #''and maybe uu should give me back the love i gave to uu'' feeling unloved and as though uur fp doesn't care about uu the way uu care abt #them (and if they don't have bpd or uu just . aren't their fp too . then yeah they most likely don't . ahahahah . ow .) #''i've given up on any kind of hope that's left for me'' the self awareness uu get at some point abt the fact uu are . well . Like This tm #and then the ''time is just a-ticking away now hey now for uu for uu'' more ''i hope uu fucking die'' splitting type stuff #''and after i've called uu for the 43rd time'' flashbacks to me desperately trying to talk to my fps over the years to no success . #and then more ''call me call me baby'' w affectionate words and the want/need for attention #''where are uu going my darling?'' fear of abandonment #''why do uu never talk to me'' as mentioned above being more prone to feeling neglected by uur fp if they aren't around as much as uu'd lik #''nevermore forevermore - love is nothing but a waste'' feeling like trying to connect w and maintain a relationship is . well . #a waste because of whatever reasons uu find applicable since there's like 100 uu could think of . purrobably . #and then the rest of the song is kinda just repeats of all these lyrics #ok nawt all of them but uu get the idea #like #damn #idk maybe it's just me but bpd song of all time . sort of . idk . #hap.py days too but that one iirc was Actually Written as a bpd song . this one is kinda just fitting even if on accident ??

[cryptidm0ths]

Thisng that are being manifested : kaname changes state (preferably wakes up and maybe joins the cast) during the graduation events very quickly followed by himeru fs2 as they scramble to gather an understanding of themself to project outside of their self imposed role of HiMERU

#as moth ahs been saying to anyone who s willing to talk to thwm for more than 5 minutes um the only way for meru to significantly evolve in #their character arc is for kaname to not be in a coma as himeru is currently just stalling in the grieving process full of regrets that #they cant mourn for obvious reasons but they cant act anyway outside of the preset parameters of HiMERU just in case so they are stuck #they cant move on(?) #bc of the constant cloud of regrets and selfloathing/blame #and um while slowly watching them open up to crazy b is fun and all moth loves fictional characters in intenseemotional distress #and so with kaname waking up you get the relief of well kaname not being almost dead + a very direct callout of himerus plan being fucking #illogical and fueled by the worlds least healthy coping mechanism #+himeru not wanting to sacrifice the relationship theyve made with crazy b + but also just the whole mes s of youve been lying to us for a #year and the mixed feelings that come with that #and and and um moth is tired but majnly they just feel like meru is stalling in their development not really allowed to change almost just #survival instincts #oh and also if kaname dies idk it feels cheap almost like himeru and kanames relationship never gets fixed or atleast flattening out to a #more normal sibling dynamic #bc himeru regrets how they treated kaname and just need them to sort that out #god #moth is sorrybthey are rambling words have been difficult lately #hope this made sense as always #moth chitters #might delete later #oh this is vvvv himeru centric but honestly at this stage we can safely say teh si is specifically on himeru so no otehr characters exist #anyway the younger himeru sprite from obligato is wrong they re not a carbon copy of kaname and and mmm trust mlth they are happy elements

[diluc33rpm]

2/2 Do you crave approval and/or praise?

yeah? what do you mean you don’t like tumpet ? 🎺bwaaa?

#the... normal amount i’d guess #i used to certainly #but i think that’s disappeared as a ‘craving’ in that sense and is a lot more of a mundane form of occasionally seeking reassurance #i get nervous about it sometimes but i’ve been beginning to accept that it’s ok to want to feel out differences in perspectives with others #so that’s fine #also helps a lot with feeling motivated about creative work and other kinds of pursuits #note on that though i am talking about PEER approval the first step in even getting here was being ok approving of myself first #mainly had to do with deprogramming and just. unlearning a bunch of self beliefs (i at least was sorta aware of it but its hard even then) #but once you have that particular baseline of respect for yourself as a person imo you don’t really crave anything so much? #there’s no subsisting off of other people inasmuch as conducting a relationship with them because you’re not trying to replace a lack of it #relating to others in a healthy way very much is about genuinely believing yourself and trusting your own pov first #before you can get to the rest. hell of a climb if you’ve spent any part of your life mostly hearing critical gaslighting or indifference #but in my experience at least it’s a lot of burden off both yourself and the people you care for once you finally make it there #gonna have a hard time constructing anything more if youre not standing on solid ground first (..& hopefully not somewhere prone to floods)

[devotedlystrangewizard]

every single day i log onto this app with hannibal on the brain is one day closer to my inevitably 5k word essay on the similarities and differences between zenoswol & hannigram. these are not at all related but they are both part of my special interests so they are now

#sonething something mutual destruction & love through violence & affection/hatred &- #but also something about how zenos assumes a lot which hannibal tends to leave up to will. statements & questions. therapist & enemy. #the difference in setting. the all of it. i am going insane thinking about this and i am alone jn this #its the autism. #it is 4 am i have exams tomorrow i should not still be awake but im THINKING. AGAIN. #also the way hannigram definitely affected the way i viewed zenos like. in general #aromanticism also factors into this #i like exploring my own psychology its like pretending to feel my emotions by being aware of them #surviving things they shouldnt?? doing things that in a normal person relationship would be absolutely horrible??? #(idk whether hijacking someones body to kill their friends or trying to saw someones head open is worse) #(but neither of those things really seem like a healthy thing to do) #the whole 'idk what this emotion is so im killing you' vibe. 'try to kill me you are the first and only one i want to die to' #theyre like cats bringing home dead mice. i dont want ur dead mouse but i know you do it out of love so thanks man. pls stop tho #also one of my ocs (tma oc actually) served the end & sacrificed those they loved to it. #killing as a form of love. not a mercy kill (tho ive used that as well!) but just. #fucked up little guys who believe that killing someone is the ultimate show of love. who cannot see past the violence #oughhhhh #i miss my tma oc they were cool i should go back to them

[exchangeyourexperience]

sometimes ill get into this headspace where im like man i really am too hard on my mom, truly the worst thing she ever did to me was not be an emotionally perfect parent, and honestly who is, she really didnt fuck up that bad considering. and then i spend 20 minutes alone in a car with her and come out of it understanding why people kill

#undefined.txt #like ohhh yeah this is why i dont remember 80% of my childhood and go entirely nonverbal when someone is even mildly irritated with me #and live in constant fear of irritating my loved ones to the point of abandoning me at the drop of a hat X3 #like i have to remind myself that doing shit like forcing a 7 yo to pack a suitcase and telling them youre #kicking them out of the house because they didnt want to take a shower while theyre sobbing and begging you not to is like. #not a normal or healthy thing for a parent to do. #and that shit like that had a lasting and devastating impact on me and my ability to form and maintain relationships with people #but we stay silly :'3