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askganon · 6 months

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I'm really tired. I just transferred to a new university to study psychology and it has been the actual worst experience in every aspect. The two biggest issues are the fact that I am autistic and thusly have issues making friends, and that I have this god-awful professor in my counseling class.

This professor is OFF his rocker. He actively talks about the secret society he is in, trying to teach us preposterous things that have no place in that class or even the school at all. I could write a novel about every problematic thing he has said, but my most major issue with him is how he views and treats women, and continuously brings sexual topics up when they have no relevance to the course material.

He has disrespected his wife over the phone in the middle of class and then tried to justify his behavior using his gender, spoken extensively about what features men don't like on women such as makeup or plastic surgery. He says "natural" women are "healthy" (well-endowed) in either the chest or behind but not both, and are uneven in the chest. He specifically targeted my classmate, who was the only one wearing false eyelashes, to say that men don't like that either.

Another time he told us that women run the world because men are obsessed with us, that we are not oppressed at all, yet he turns around and tells us how women in the corporate world go commando under their skirts and sleep around to work up the corporate ladder. He says this in a way that puts women to shame for this as well.

This week, though, was completely different. His departure from the course material started with the extremely invasive question, "what do you remember about your transition to adolescence?" Again targeting that very same classmate. I blink and he is now telling us that the male experience during puberty is far worse than what women experience, basically saying that—excuse my bluntness—getting a boner in class is much worse than anything women go through, even turning to our singular male classmate for backup on this.

He also tries to tell us that its so so bad for boys because the girls actively try to touch them or make them "psychologically disturbed," as he worded so decoratively. What adolescent girl wants anything to do with that when she's going through her own problems? Since when were young girls going out of their way to trouble boys like this? I was actively trying to deter boys during this time.

I and the other two women in my class were disputing all of this, until our professor finally said, "I will just let that go over y'all heads cause you will never understand the male experience," to which I, shaking with rage, replied, "—and vice versa."

My mental health has been suffering severely, and much worse since this happened Monday. I had never felt such pure, primordial rage towards someone before. This man makes me feel not only objectified but also demonized. Last night was my breaking point, working on one of his assignments. I experienced the most intense mental breakdown of my life so far, and afterwards spent all but two hours of the night trying to cram the project that was due today.

I guess my point is that I would report him, but my school makes it nigh impossible to do so. I'm perpetually exhausted and I do not know if I can make it through the last two weeks of class. I want so badly to be petty and spiteful to his face, but for the most part I've controlled it.

I don't really know what I'm looking for by doing this. I guess I just want to know what you think? Apologies for the length of my message.

Such is the mentality I encountered often in my youth by Hylian men, and women, toward my sisters. They would lust after my sisters based on their attire and physique, while also attempting to demonize them and ostracize them for the exact same reasons.

In short, men are cowards who carry the darkest urges shamelessly, but are too prideful to admit the problem within themselves. Instead, the vilify women for their own indiscretions.

They will openly mock my Gerudo for their appearance, while desiring nothing more than to own their flesh in the most disturbing of ways.

This professor seems like a prime example of the Hylian males I encountered. But if this is the case, then so too is his weakness.

He has likely been thwarted in his past in his attempts to procure a mate to his liking, and due to his pride, he believes it is all of womanhood to blame, and not himself.

This one he singles out is likely similar to those he desired but could never obtain in his youth. As such, he blames all others for his own shortcomings.

Likely too with his mate. I would assume her physique does not fit the desires he now feels entitled to, and as such he makes her the target of his criticism.

But through all of this, he reveals a second weakness.

Fear.

He fears that which he cannot control, and women as a whole seem out of his grasp. Every slight, every jab, and every assault from his lips is but proof that he is afraid of what women are capable.

In the midst of a Gerudo warrior, this professor of yours would crumble like kindling to a flame.

Take solace in the knowledge that you are superior to this worm, for you are what he can never have.

#Ganondorf #Legend of Zelda

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insignificantfailure · 7 months

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I'm gaining more courage to express my gender since I've been opening up and receiving support I never expected, but it's all still so weird. I want to look more masculine leaning, but keep my long hair and occasional makeup. I want a completely flat chest and abs and strong arms and a tall figure, but I still want to wear skirts and thigh highs at home when I feel silly, not in public though because being perceived as solely feminine literally ruins my day. I want my voice to be deeper, but I want to keep my cute laugh.

I also want people to never mention gender roles to me ever again, especially having kids. I don't want any of that, the thought of it makes me physically cringe and die inside every time. I don't want to be a man, I don't want to be a woman. Both words and roles associated with them disgust me when applied to my own persona.

Man. Woman. It's probably because of society's expectations, but the society is an important aspect of life.

Boy. Girl. See, girl I've been called my entire life, it's familiar.

But then again, I'm not a girl anymore. I'm an adult, so in a binary context, I should be fine with woman, because my sex is female. Yet it repulses me, and I don't know what about it exactly. Then, man. Same story. Don't make me what I'm not. Don't put words in my mouth. Don't assume. Don't expect.

Moral of the story, though? I want to be me. Just me, no label. A combination of whatever feels comfortable.

Pants from the men's section (that give me so much gender euphoria, I'll make another post about that) with a top that shows my waist while I walk and talk like a guy would as I wear my peachy lipstick.

Sometimes wearing my hair up hidden in a hood with bangs showing to mimic a typical male's haircut while my nails are painted in glitter.

Only wearing men's jackets and being hyper aware of one of my only masculine traits which is my broad shoulders while doing so, feeling like I'm covered in a veil that finally hides my feminity. Not to necessarily look like a man, but to be more neutral.

Literally feeling like I'm high when strangers on the internet (not aware of my gender issues) assume I'm a guy and call me dude/bro. It still confuses me why I like it so much. He/him make me happier than they should, probably because they affirm the other side of myself. I'm happy I'm finally getting recognised as more than she/her, if that makes sense.

Seeing my hands with short nails and no nail polish as I grab something and suddenly they're very gender and pleasant to look at to me.

Sitting in positions that are not ladylike in the slightest.

Anyway what was this post about ahaha

#gender identity #gender #gender euphoria #lgbtq #lgbtqia #gender issues #gender questioning #nonbinary #non binary #agender #genderfluid #mental health

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mxrobotlegs · 11 months

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My Journey

hey! in celebration of Pride Month, I'm going to finally write about my Gender Journey™ (because the word "transition" doesn't quite describe it) throughout the past 5 years and my life as a whole. I hope that this will allow someone else to get something out of my experiences, now that I've decided to record all this down. to be honest, I hadn't done this yet as I only just now figured myself out to a level where I'm comfortable discussing all this publicly, and this is where I decided I'd put it!

Childhood

let's start out with the beginning. I was assigned male at birth and raised in a conservative area of northern Florida (yuck, I know). throughout my childhood, I always felt like being a "boy" wasn't right for me. I had to deliberately act masculine to fit in, and even then, it all felt like I was just performing for them and that I wasn't really part of the group. this wasn't the only experience I had back then that was like that, either.

privately, I had a desire to wear feminine clothing and makeup. I even did so secretly by using my mom's collection while she was away from the house. I enjoyed this and it made me happy, but I also felt guilty because "boys" being feminine didn’t go without ridicule at the time and I was doing it behind her back. I told my mom what I was doing due to the guilt. despite her having conservative values, she was surprisingly supportive at the time, even offering to help me try on other clothes of hers. however, I had too much anxiety about accepting her offer and what would happen to me if I did so I ended up dropping it.

all my curiosity at the time in gender expression also led to me looking up "boy to girl" transformation videos and other stuff like that on YouTube and other websites, but I didn’t learn about queer people in a positive way from any of that. this was all happening around 2008 or 2009, so the web wasn't super accessible back then and I was an 8- or 9-year-old newbie. school didn't help, either, since I was being home-schooled with a Christian curriculum, which of course would not mention such topics. the only real expression of any sort of femininity that I had was occasionally having older girls tie up my hair in a ponytail just to "tease" me (I totally didn't enjoy it with an ulterior motive). this was also around the time that the show "I Am Jazz" was popular, but I didn't feel that I was like her, either, nor did I think it was possible for me to be like her since I viewed my gender as immutable. as a result, I dismissed my feelings, and I wouldn't think about them for years to come.

Adolescence

fast forward 8 years to when I'm 15 or 16. after years of toxic masculinity, I started thinking about my identity again. however, this time, I’d been exposed to transgender communities online such as "r/egg_irl," and I was confused by them as I thought that anyone would press that button. you know, the one which would instantly turn them into the opposite gender (of course they would!). I asked my friends, all guys, this same question and every single one said "no." this was my first wake-up call that maybe I'm not as cisgender as I thought I was, and that maybe I should consider HRT. I also thought about working inside my assigned gender and wearing stuff like utility kilts (don't say a word) just so that I could wear clothes closer to what I could wear if I was a different gender than a "guy." needless to say, I did not go through with the kilt idea as my friends and other people thought it was strange and most of my anxiety at the time came from other people's thoughts about me, unfortunately.

in 2015/16, U.S. discourse about queer people wasn’t great as anti-SJW movements were at their peak back then and gay people were often the butt of their jokes, making coming out of the closet seem like social suicide at the time. this terrified me as I started to realize that I needed to do something about my feelings despite all the negativity, so I researched the topic further. it only solidified my desires. at the time, I was also planning to go to the U.S. Naval Academy in a year, having been in NJROTC since the start of high school. this made my anxiety that much worse as it would be rough for someone in the middle of HRT.

I decided to tell my mom how I felt a couple of months later, and she said what I feared most: that I had to choose between living my life as the true me and the Naval Academy, my dream. by then, I had already went through much of the admissions process and been accepted (a huge pain), and this threw me back into the closet for years to come as I didn't want to give up on my ambitions. funny enough, a year later in June of 2017, I started my time at the Academy with their version of first-year indoctrination, and I decided the whole military thing wasn't for me and dropped out (painful, I know).

Early-Adulthood

despite the Naval Academy situation, I was able to get into Florida State University at the last moment in July 2017 and move out of my parents' to live off-campus in a small studio apartment. the next six months were the most miserable, lonely period I’ve ever experienced. I holed up in that apartment until I got my first girlfriend (and she was straight) in December of that year. let's call her "Stinky." she and I went on a break a couple months later in early 2018 after an argument, so I went to visit my parents back in my hometown to escape from her. during the visit, the feelings that I was experiencing before I went to the Academy resurfaced. this led to me telling my mom how I felt again, but I stuck to my guns this time, insisting that this was what was right for me. I also told her that I didn't want her to tell my dad yet as I was worried about how he would react (he was my role model and a Vietnam War veteran). she agreed, and she said she would need some time to think about all this. I drove back to university.

their reaction wasn't great, to say the least. my mom called me later and said she was upset about the news. I decided to go back home the next weekend to talk with her about it in person as I was concerned. during our discussion, she went on to dismiss my feelings and make it seem like I was making a mistake, implying heavily that I will be some sort of freak at the end and that the process would be long and difficult. strangely, my dad was distant the entire time. while I was on a drive with him, I confronted him about his behavior, and he then told me to not act on my desires until "after he was dead." I guess that she had told him despite my wishes. this whole situation threw me back into the closet, again, because I naturally valued my parents and didn't want to lose them. I told them to forget about it and that it was just due to me being sexually frustrated.

however, I couldn't fend off my feelings for long after that. I was back to dating Stinky. I tried to keep the act up for my parents as well as her, but it took less than half a year this time for it to fall apart. it was May 2018, and I started to feel that I needed to do something or I would have to deal with gender misery forever. I thought, "well, if nobody is going to support me, I'll just have to do it myself without any of them knowing and deal with the consequences later." Stinky and I had planned a vacation to Miami to visit her family later in the year during August, and I figured out a way to get HRT, using the trip as an opportunity.

the plan was that at the end, I would fly back to Tallahassee while she spent some more time with her family down South. in May, I had secretly scheduled an appointment with Planned Parenthood (using informed consent) that would take place during that brief time we were apart. this was so that I wouldn't have to go to a psychologist as I was still an 18-year-old and it would cost too much. I drove 4 hours to Orlando (the nearest location to Tallahassee that offered HRT), completed the appointment, and drove 4 hours back.

my prescription for spironolactone and estradiol was filled the day that Stinky came back. I decided that I should tell her what I was doing and that I needed this. she became distraught and made me feel guilty, but I stood my ground and took my first dose that same day. 1 week later, I went to a cryogenic storage appointment before the medication started taking effect in earnest so that I would have the option in the future of having biological kids (no matter how unlikely that seemed at the time). I also started laser hair removal for my facial hair shortly after. the next couple of months were rough, with her frequently telling me how terrible I made her feel due to my changing body, but also that she still didn't want to break up with me. she was disgusted by the effects of HRT. this didn't help my state of mind as I still wanted to continue dating her, too, even though this relationship was obviously not healthy for either of us.

in October 2018, just a couple of months later, I deluded myself into thinking I could repress my feelings for her and stopped taking the medication, even watching anti-trans media to attempt to reinforce that effort. this didn't work as less than a month later on November 16th, I realized that living a lie for someone else was a terrible idea and I started taking the medication again (I haven't stopped since). we continued "dating," but it was dysfunctional, with her eventually losing attraction to me. we broke up in the second half of 2019. she was still my roommate for months afterwards (which was terribly painful and filled with drama).

during that mess of a relationship, however, I also had to plan for my parents' reaction. I wouldn't be able to hide this from them forever. expecting a similar outcome to what happened in 2018, I did everything I could to become independent just in case they disowned me or wanted to have leverage in a confrontation. whether it was financial (I took my money out of their bank account and put it into my own), or alternative transportation in the case that they took my car (I bought a motorcycle), or even health insurance (I obtained new insurance through my university), I got it done. in February of 2019, I was completely independent, even leveraging my status as a veteran from my time at the Naval Academy to obtain educational grants that would otherwise be unobtainable due to my parents' income (they weren't even paying for my education to begin with!).

this turned out to be a wise decision as during a visit to my parents in May, I would be forced to come out to them after almost 6 months of continuous HRT. my parents noticed subtle changes like a feminine bracelet I wore around them, that I was shaving my legs, and that my face looked softer, but I think that I still went largely under the radar. I explained the changes as being normal "guy" stuff (for example, shaving your legs helps with swimming, of course). one day, my parents and I went out shopping. my mom and I walked into a shopping center while my dad waited in the car. as she and I were chatting on the way in, she patted my back and felt the bralette that I was wearing to conceal the effects of HRT. she said, "what is that?" and glared at me. I cursed my negligence and told her what she didn't want to hear. she was silent as we walked into the store and said that I was "mutilating my body" as we walked out. we got back into the car and drove home with my dad. the drive felt terrifyingly slow, and I didn't know what awaited me when it was over.

this time, however, I decided that I wasn't going to let this narrative be controlled by my parents. as soon as we got home, I told them that I wanted to have a conversation with them. I explained to them that I had been taking feminizing hormones for over six months and that this was the right decision for my happiness. I endured verbal abuse from my mom and silence from my dad. she said things such as "you're confused," "nobody will love you," "you'll get beat up," "you'll be ugly," and even "you're mutilating your body" again. to this day, I still do not forgive her for what she said that night, and how could I? after she was done with her assault, I explained very plainly: "you will either have a daughter or you will have no child at all." that seemed to resonate. they said that were so resistant to all this out of "love" for me. I told them my experiences and why I was doing this. I also explained that my gender expression is separate from my sexuality, which isn't changing. they didn't know or care about any of that until then. they had to listen to me, and they had to accept me. and if they didn't accept me, they would lose me, either by me never talking to them again, or by suicide if I had to continue performing the gender they wanted.

today, they are strong advocates for queer rights after ultimately deciding to stand behind my choices. they even supported my desire to get multiple gender-affirming surgeries in late 2020. but I don't know how it would have turned out if they had had leverage over me back then, and I didn’t want to find out.

Adulthood

a couple of months after Stinky and I’s breakup, to cope with it (I felt like it was my fault even though it wasn't) and the discomfort about my changing body, I escaped into virtual reality. for the next couple years, my social life was almost entirely on the internet as I didn't have to deal with anxiety and could present myself exactly the way I chose. this immersive world helped me discover the new me and how I wanted to act. I experimented with the way I talked, the way I acted, my disposition, and many other things, until I found a persona, my persona. I even experimented with my sexuality and determined that yes, I’m still not attracted to masculine people and no, I’m not entirely opposed to polyamory.

some more time passes - 2021, two years ago - despite “finding myself” through years of socialization and personal introspection, I still put myself inside the gender binary (I blame my upbringing). I thought that I had to be either a man or a woman, and that anything else outside of that box wasn't a real option for me. for whatever reason, I also had this misconception that being non-binary wasn't being, well, non-binary, but instead still having to fit somewhere on the binary spectrum despite its name, just not necessarily at either end.

at this point, in all ways, whether by government ID or by gender presentation, I was a woman. my friends and family all knew me as a woman, I identified as a lesbian, and I thought this was the end. after 3 years, nothing could change.

but despite everything, I still never truly felt like a "woman" or even a "girl" despite my “transition” being as complete as it could be. I would subconsciously refer to myself as a "person" or in the case of my parents, their "child," or relating to my S.O., her "partner." anything else didn't feel right when others said it or even when I said it to myself. this feeling wasn't something new to me, either. previously, I had chalked it up to dysphoria making me think that I didn't yet deserve to be a "woman" and that's why I didn't feel comfortable yet. but, realistically, it had to be something else. it should make me happy to be gendered "correctly." which it did, initially, as I was struggling to pass in public during the start of my transition (I viewed it as an accomplishment). but now that I was passing as a “woman” nearly all the time, however, it made my stomach turn when a person referred to me with gendered terms. that feeling wasn't present when someone referred to me as “she” or even “they,” and I couldn't figure out why.

outside of the very start, my gender presentation has never been very feminine. I mostly wear androgynous clothing. I tried wearing makeup, and to my surprise, I determined that I liked myself without makeup more. my interests don't really consist of traditionally feminine things, and I stopped shaving my legs (my parents complained about that one). I've played with the possibility of being non-binary, but it still never really resonated with me and I felt like it just wasn't the right fit.

I've now been on this journey for almost 5 years. last Friday, while I was at the dentist, I noticed that my hygienist was confused by my gender presentation due to how she stumbled between she and he pronouns every other sentence when referring to me. I was amused because generally someone would decide what they thought I was, stick to one set of pronouns, and I would correct them if needed. the situation felt comical, almost unreal, and it made me think about how glad I was to not have to be in her shoes. she then brought me to the front desk after she was done with the cleaning and I corrected her with a simple “she” when she started to talk about me again (my initial amusement had worn off). the hygienist became flustered and I smiled. this made me think, “why do I enjoy someone else’s confusion about my gender?” I’d experienced this feeling a couple of times in the past but I’d never given it much thought.

now, thanks to way too much self-analysis (and my partner’s love and support, of course), I have found the reason for these feelings and why labels never fit me. it’s because I simply do not think of myself in gendered terms. I’m just “me.” I was also never comfortable referring to myself as transgender, now knowing that it was because it implied that I went from being one gender to being another (which never felt accurate). being a “woman” also started to feel like it was holding me back, making me realize that the explanation is that I just…

don't have a gender.

agender it is. let's say that I have transcended the concept of gender entirely. fuck having a gender. who needs one? I sure don't. I never have.

happy Pride!

#lgbtq #agender #lesbian #gender #euphoria #dysphoria #gender identity #identity #pride #pride month #story #me

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marxonculture · 2 months

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On Epic Fantasy, Gender, Changes in Belief and Samantha Shannon’s The Priory of the Orange Tree

Ordinarily I don't write about books here, but I had something I wanted to get out about what I've been reading lately, so here goes...

I’ve always maintained that high fantasy is something in which I have very little interest. While friends and family have raved about Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones over the years, I’ve felt a great disconnect from those stories and worlds, and I always assumed that it was the genre itself at the root of the problem. Meanwhile, I was raving separately about the immense creative achievement of The Matrix (all of them, not just the original film), which is (if I’m being honest with myself) high fantasy wearing the skin of science fiction. Chosen one narratives, prophecy, fantastical creatures, magic systems, and a great battle to determine the fate of humanity are the makeup of The Matrix, just as they would be any other work of high fantasy.

I learned the hard way during my undergraduate degree and subsequent three years as a post-graduate student that reading for pleasure can very easily fall by the wayside when you have to read so much for work – the act of reading itself becomes a massive chore. So, when I left academia and started getting back into reading for pleasure in a habitual way, part of the journey for me was discovering my taste in literature as an adult, which meant giving fantasy another try.

The discoveries I’ve made since getting back on the horse have been a mixed bag – some expected and some very much unexpected. Among those realisations was the fact that fantasy as a genre is not as immediately repulsive to me as I thought; what is repulsive to me, on vibes alone, is fantasy written by men. It turns out that my lifelong struggle with masculinity (I’ve only recently begun coming out to myself and others as non-binary - I use he/they pronouns) applies to literature, too. Surprise, surprise, The Matrix’s exploration of gender identity and transness was more relatable to me than the aggressive hyper-masculinity of Game of Thrones and to a lesser extent Lord of the Rings (yes I know the consensus is that LotR is very gay, but it’s also very male). So, while in search of something to read on my local library’s eBook lending service, I decided to give Samantha Shannon’s epic fantasy novel, The Priory of the Orange Tree, a shot, and I’m so very glad that I did.

TPotOT has been misleadingly described by some as ‘feminist Game of Thrones’. And, while I can see where those people are coming from, this work feels like its own entirely distinct thing. Rather than plunging into the darkest, grimmest depths of humanity’s worst moral failings, as George R.R. Martin does almost fetishistically, Shannon uses her beautifully engrossing fantasy world to explore the necessity of trust and cooperation with those whom one’s belief system might deem unacceptable, in order to confront something that threatens everybody. This is less an allegory for climate change, and more an allegory about dogma.

The world of this Roots of Chaos series is built upon a series of conflicting, yet paradoxically overlapping, paper-thin religious belief systems. These systems hold the societies of Shannon’s four, wonderfully drawn POV characters together, and what makes the narrative of this gargantuan book so captivating, is the necessity of these characters coming to terms with the elements of their belief systems that have been falsely constructed in order to serve an agenda. This isn’t a didactic story about one morality system being superior to another, but rather one of learning to find common ground with those who believe differently to you, accepting truths when you are confronted with them, and having enough faith in humanity to trust that society won’t collapse as a result.

The Priory of the Orange Tree isn’t the only book in this series (Shannon has since published a prequel entitled A Day of Fallen Night), but it does function as a standalone story with a definitive ending. That being said, Shannon smartly chooses to end her story at the conclusion of its central conflict – the battle with a terrifying, all-powerful dragon called The Nameless One – rather than spending extra time exploring the aftermath. We don’t know whether the colossal revelations poised to shatter this world’s religions will lead to societal collapse, or whether the characters’ faith in humanity is justified. Anyone who knows me is aware of how I feel about certainty in narrative storytelling. Asking questions is much more interesting than answering them.

Ultimately, The Priory of the Orange Tree is a story that leads (and ends) with its characters. The book is deeply concerned with the repercussions of its plot on its intricately detailed world, but it is more focused on the way these characters grow and change when confronted with undeniable truths. Eadaz uq-Nāra is up there with my very favourite protagonists, and her journey and relationships are rapturously entertaining and moving. Shannon clearly adores her characters, which makes it so very easy for us as readers to fall in love with them, too.

I’m so glad to have found this book. TPotOT, along with Becky Chambers’ miraculous space opera, The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, have been genuine reassurances to me as I come to terms with who I am as an adult, both in my tastes as a reader, and more fundamentally in myself and my identity. In short: genre fiction written by queer women is good for you.

#blusforjews #books #booklr #epic fantasy #high fantasy #samantha shannon #the priory of the orange tree #tpotot #becky chambers #the long way to a small angry planet #wayfarer #the roots of chaos #nonbinary #getting back into reading

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specialmouse · 6 months

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If being transgender is inherently reinforcing gender roles, then isn't transitioning as a transgender woman also inherently sexist? I ask this in good faith as a closeted transgender woman who doesn't want to transition in order to avoid reinforcing misogynistic values.

I think first and foremost it's important to understand that misogyny is baked into almost every facet of (at least my and many others') society. Cis women are not somehow magically not sexist for being "female" just as "males" aren't biologically predetermined to be sexist. It's just what happens when we live in a patriarchy. We all suffer for it because of how it's structured. Please don't take what I said as reasons not to transition. Anything you do within a gendered society is going to be reinforcing gender roles/expectations to a certain extent. I view gender as a construct that doesn't NEED to be around, yet still is incredibly pervasive and will continue to be for tens of thousands of years, if not the rest of human existence. There's nothing you or I can do to change that, on a fundamental level. When I, as a closeted transgender man, wear makeup and low-cut tops and lower my voice around men, etc., I am also enforcing gender roles. I'm doing what I feel like I need to in order to be treated better by those around me. It doesn't make it more righteous or fair because I'm a "female" and less so for you because you're "male". What you would be doing as a transgender woman by transitioning is no different, and in some ways it is even more important for you to adhere to those roles for your own safety, as deviation from the "norm" stands out to people, makes you more visible.

Forgive me if this is undue projection, but I understand the feeling of... almost interloping into a community that may or may not view you as an oppressor. As a closeted transgender gay man who 100% presents as a cishet woman in day to day life, it worries me that I'm somehow fetishizing gay men and their (our?) struggles and joys because I haven't experienced what most of them have. That's not my fault, I didn't choose to be like this. It's important to realize that there are facets of this community you don't understand that are important to a lot of people, and you should learn them. Here's the thing, though: transgender people have been around for tens of thousands of years, in different forms under different names. Contemporarily, I believe we are in a time where we are under more scrutiny than ever before, and we turn that inwards on ourselves as well. So, as someone who is female, or whatever, you are not being sexist by transitioning. You have one life, and that life should be spent doing what makes you feel best, not adhering to some people's moral codes. It's good that you're aware of the fact that you could harbor some sexist ideas, especially growing up "male" in a patriarchal society you are told certain things that could engrain themselves in you later on, but then again so does literally everyone else. Some of the most sexist people I've ever met have been cisgender women. And once you do transition, you lose that "male privilege" almost immediately. It's entirely conditional.

The only people that truly think the act of transitioning is sexist are TERFs, who have a very black-and-white view of the world on "biological" lines. Does biological, sex-based oppression exist? Yes, in varying intensities around the world. Does that mean that you being more feminine, going on estrogen, getting SRS, etc., is part of that? Of course not, it never has been. I want to make that very clear.

I hope this answer makes sense, I'm really tired but I wanted to answer this in good faith for you. I struggle a lot with the "morality" of my transition and have recently come to the conclusion that it doesn't fucking matter. We are going to die, perhaps sooner than we thought. Grow your hair out, make your voice higher, put some lipstick on whether in your bathroom or out in public, if that feels good to you. Go by another name, kiss someone who likes girls. You are not a bad or sexist person for doing that, not even close.

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thisiskatsblog · 8 months

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finally read Ursula le Guin's Left Hand of Darkness, a book people have been recommending me for years. one of the reviews on goodreads said the book had changed the reviewer forever. at my age, very much in the autumn of my life, I have to get used to being proper old now, I didn't think a book could change me. but reading about a genderless society, about people who are not one nor the other but both, left me yearning for a person to love who is like estraven. both caring and strong. and completely lacking fragile male ago and female drama.

and, perhaps unsurprisingly, but it was a painful realization nonetheless, it also left me wishing I could be like estraven: outside the way I really feel inside. with age, pregnancy, and weight gain, my body has become so utterly feminine that it's hard to make it "work" for me in any other way than with femme aesthetics. and since I quite like those aesthetics at times - I appreciate feminine looking men as well as plain hot lipstick lesbians in all forms and sizes) - I just went with it. In the mirror, I wanted to see someone I'd date.

but by reading, and falling in book love with estraven, I realized how much of myself I have also left unexpressed for so long. I remember how last time I had the house to myself I wore the fabric belt from my trousers instead as a tie - because as long as I don't look in the mirror, I can imagine it looks like it did when I was didn't carry all the extra weight on my boobs and hips.

and I remember, during my teens, on occasion wearing my father's blazers and my grandad's hat, and at uni, carrying an old pocket watch I got from my dad and emulating my boyfriend's style, who wore makeup and sweater vests over 70s style shirts. At 20, I was androgynous and queer and beautiful. Over 25 years later, I feel beautiful only when wearing 50s style dresses that accentuate my bossom and have inherited my grandmother's pearls, while my brother got the pocket watch.

and it's not that I don't like myself like as femme, it's just I very much feel the void of where my more masculine part used to be. it being so invisible lately, I am left to wonder is it still there.

of course I know it's there. I use deodorant for men and have never worn anything but unisex perfume - have avoided handbags and high heels for most of my days on this planet except those where it's an absolute necessity for the dress or the occasion. I am a woman in a man's job, in a women's sector, where I've managed to turn the 100% female staff into a better balanced gender ratio pure and simply because I missed the way I can be around men. and I am a strict powerboss when I need to, but mostly I very much care. I read and watch LGBTQ material where I often identify more with the male queer characters than with the female ones (which never get enough attention Netflix!), yet when I watch my boy with other teenage boys, it completely passes me by, yeah, like that I have never been and never will be - yet when we curl up on the couch in the evening and I read him my favorite book from when I was a young girl, we both revel in the same things and feel so much alike, and so unlike his father.

I really yearn for a society that is completely free of gender divides and norms. Yet it is so hard to imagine. And I find it so hard to express how I feel about that other than in words. My extremely feminine body gives me so few options. My features are too thin, my boobs too big, my forms too round, my hips too broad, my face too soft.

what changed is that this book has placed the finger on a very painful spot, and I don't know now, if I'm every going to stop feeling sore.

#me

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deadlittledogs · 2 years

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if this is too personal ya dont gotta answer but what made you realize you weren't transmasc/trans?

OH WELL I MEAN.... it's kinda complicated? In the sense that I'd have to explain all the little pebbles that lead up to road of me identifying that way in the first place. Simply, I think apart of it had to do with the act of deconstructing all those years, my internal thought process and also my personal perception of gender and sex.

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG ACTUALLY I LIED)

I was very confident I was trans when I first 'came out'. It seemed like such a simple answer. Puberty hit me suddenly, it seemed, and I could not cope with having the mind of a child but the body of a woman. It felt like overnight I had been haphazardly stuffed into the skin of a porn star. I didn't like that when people looked at me it was my sex they saw first, above anything else, and not my personality. Not my humor, not my hobbies, not who I was on the inside. I felt trapped, suffocated by my own breast, my hips, the curves that were constantly prevalent through the fabric of my clothing. It disgusted me. It scared me. It felt as though everything had changed and now I had this role to fill. I've always been a bit of a tomboy so being traditionally feminine made me feel out place. Like I was wrong, pretending to be something I wasn't. I hated skirts, hated dresses, despised wearing makeup because I felt it exasperated these feelings of-

"You aren't right, you aren't one of them, you're different; a farce, an imitation."

Then I got more involved on the queer side of the internet and with these feelings that had arose, combined with the gender dysphoria I had felt in the past as a younger child (caused by trauma and general tomboyness) I was like. Oh. I must be a dude. It makes perfect sense. That's why I don't feel like a 'woman', that's why I hate my tits and my hips, that's why I'm so bad at being a girl.

It went this way for a while, I flipped flopped for a couple years and also went SUPER HARDCORE BIMBO MALLSLUT when I was around 17-18 'cuz I was really desperate to be a normal girl (aka dressing really slutty and sending nudes for money and then getting confused when I got horribly horribly fucked up over it cuz isn't this supposed to be empowering? What about the slut walks? This is my choice, isn't it? So why do I feel like killing myself?)

I WENT AWHILE BEING TRANS THOUGH, EVEN THE TIMES I WOULDN'T ADMIT IT OUT LOUD I SAW MYSELF THAT WAY....

I hated being 'misgendered' and being called a girl in general. I knew that when they saw me as a female, despite my best efforts, that I had failed to obscure myself properly and was a walking monstrosity. Instead of seeing someone who was normal, I knew that they saw a disgusting, man-ish, and ultimately failing woman instead. It completely repulsed me and I'd get shivers of delight when someone would mistake me as a boy, because that meant that the inherent sexualization of my body had been successfully hidden. I had been a 'person' and seen as someone 'normal' and not just a mound of tits and hips jiggling around.

There were times where I would get hyper focused on appearing as masculine as possible (other times where I simply wouldn't care), and I'd make a great effort at micro-managing every little thing about me. Hiding my small hands, being extremely critical of the way I walked, the lingo I used, the way that I sat. It'd make me feel dizzy sometimes, this obsession with trying to being something that ultimately I did not understand. Being male did not come naturally to me, it was something that I had to try to whip into every fiber of my being to feel a semblance of validity. But yet often, I did not recognize myself. Looking into the mirror often brought feelings of drifting and derealization. The critiques my mind constantly supplied would keep me up at night and it felt like a battle I was constantly losing.

I was so exhausted and tired from these years of fear and hating myself, being too afraid to touch anything feminine because I was convinced I couldn't do it right. I asked myself, what is gender? What is sex?

Is it normal for a woman with trauma to hate her body so deeply? To feel fake? Could I just be a woman, as I was, and not need to change a thing?

What is a woman? Is a woman just a 'feeling?' you're supposed to have? Is a woman makeup and high heels and shiny things? Is a woman being naturally empathetic and maternal? Or it simply a state of being? A body you were born into?

I had often wished to be born as a man but it was the realization that no, if I had been born into a male body and raised that way I wouldn't be myself at all. It wouldn't be like just like plopping my brain into a different body. The person I am now, my experiences and my personality wouldn't even be remotely the same. I am who I am because I was born female. It made me appreciate myself for the first time, in a unique way.

I found that I would try to embrace my fears and be an 'ugly' woman and that I was tired of obsessing over my gender and how I was perceived by the eyes of others. I started reading more stuff from angry feminist, watching movies with female leads (that winter Ginger Snaps and Jennifers Body played on repeat, yo) and listening to detransitioners.

And slowly, I found, I loved being a woman. Women have something men don't and that's something I've just observed- and I am very observant. I have a need to understand people and their behaviors, I watch those around me closer than most and I spend a lot of time in my own head either psycho-analyzing myself or those around me.

Men are just different, man. I don't think I realized this as much when I was younger lmao. They aren't the way they are in shows or movies or cartoons; there is no real Eddie Munson, ya know? HE DOESN'T EXIST.... The only times I watch a movie or something and I'm like "Okay, yeah that guy probably actually exist somewhere," is when there's like, a pissed off dad or something.

THEY JUST WORK ON A DIFFERENT FREQUENCY, MAN and I was like, no, actually, I don't want to be apart of.... whatever this is...

EVEN WHEN I WAS TRANS I ONLY HUNG OUT WITH CHICKS AND WIMPY DUDES..... any time I hung out with like, normal guys, it became very apparent that we were on two different levels, ya know?

But you know what's fun....? Just cuz I'm a chick doesn't mean I don't do the crap I used to. Like, fuck, man, I still love pretending I'm a dude sometimes... ITS FUN.... I would totally dyke out with a chick if she wanted to look like a couple of twinks with me. Like yeah man I'll be your boywife, I'll absolutely get into some yaoi boy shit with you idgaf.

I be wearing cargo shorts and an oversized hoodie and dirty sneakers and just looking like an absolute lesbo AND IT DOESNT MEAN SHIT........ I could grow out my mustache, chop off all my hair, wear nothin' but the mens section at H&M but literally that has nothing do with my gender. Why should it? To me being a woman just means that I'm female, doesn't have anything to do with my interest or personality or sparkle feelings or whatever (although, I do be shopping). AND CLEARLY I MEAN I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON there's so many things I could ramble on about and honest to god as long as this might be this is probably the most condensed version I could possibly muster (Don't even get me started on the long lasting effects of early childhood sexual trauma and early exposure to porn, how I was more comfortable with the idea of being with a man when I was trans or how the 'queer' internet just poured gasoline on my burning teenage mind) BUT UGHhHh......... I don't know....... I feel like despite my best efforts with my wording I'll still get a pissed off little gamer in my inbox so I'm gonna go cook a turkey burger before I regret speaking at all lmao

BUT YEAH...You guys can ask questions if you want more insight though! I'm pretty open about most things if I feel like you're not asking purely just to put a bee in my bonnet. You can also DM me if you want to get deeper about it but idk.... IDK.... Just some pennies for thoughts.....

#ERHM ERHM #long story short: internalized misogyny #if there are grammatical errors fuck yuo #also it's important to note that it took a while to find explanations for these feelings #like for example I didn't like being misgendered #so I examined that #why don't I like that? what does that really mean?#>It means they didn't see you as a boy #>why does that upset you?#>because that means they saw a girl #>and why don't you like that?#>because if they see me as a girl even when I'm trying to present as a man that means they see a failure of a woman #>and what does it mean to fail as a woman?#ETC ETC....

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miskatonicmayhem · 3 months

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A little nsfw under the cut but I just saw a poll asking people if they've had gay sex and as a nonbinary person it really honestly had me stumped

Cause like I guess technically no, not if you're one of those people who's a real stickler about "straight passing privilege" which I definitely have. I am well aware of that. But I am also what many identity policers would call a fucking transexual. I'm a few months short of two years on T. My voice has dropped, I shave every morning (because facial hair just personally isn't for me), my shoulders have grown broader than my hips (not by much but still), and yet most people still assume that I'm a woman. I don't blame them because I love to wear flashy makeup and gaudy jewelry and slutty outfits that show off my tits, and it's not like most people assume someone's nonbinary right off the bat. Society has most of our brains trained to assume either male or female as default. And meanwhile my boyfriend just looks like a guy, He's just a regular dude, and sometimes I wonder what people think when they see us together. Because the queer vibes are definitely there for those that are paying attention. I still remember when a friend's ex asked me to clarify when I said I was dating a guy, because I realized in that moment that he had been convinced I was a lesbian, and I really don't blame him. I can see where he got that from. He's not the first to make that assumption, and plus straight women don't serve cunt the way I do. I think that's what really throws people off, regardless of whatever gender vibes I've chosen to go with that day, people can sense that some kind of fuckery is going on. I also have to laugh at the number of times people have referred to my boyfriend as a twink (he's not, he's not nearly scrawny and hairless enough) but I understand what they're trying to say, "your boyfriend's kind of fruity" and that's true. My boyfriend loves flowers and cute animals and being submissive and wearing fucking short shorts to show off his ass. And none of those things make a person gay, but my boyfriend's also sexually attracted to men, and since we started dating he's gotten a lot more comfortable being out and proud about that fact. So on the one hand no, I've never technically had gay sex because I've never had sex with someone who identified as the same gender as me (or the gender I was assigned at birth), but on the other hand my boyfriend and I are gay as fuck together. We as individuals are happily queer and if you ask me, the sex we have together is gay as fuck. Also that boy has happily sucked my t-dick so

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sketchbook-magic · 1 year

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I saw a post about how everyone's talking about how they played with Barbie dolls due to the upcoming Barbie movie, and well I thought I'd put in my two cents.

First of all, I am female to male trans and have been struggling with gender identity since I was tiny and didn't know what words to use until I got older, and my mom was very adamant I play with dolls assigned to my birth gender. I didn't mind because I was very into fashion and makeup like a typical girl (I've always been a designer ❤️), I also liked the idea of royalty and the media didn't have many royal things other than princesses so I was kinda stuck with Barbie dolls. (And yet my mom is surprised I took my three childhood passions and got interested in drag. What's funnier is my high school technically made me their first prom drag queen. I identified as gender fluid throughout high school and my mom insisted I wear a dress but it happened to be a masculine day that day.)

Toys were probably the first hint that I was a gay child, and my mom knew this well and decided to force her will onto me through toys. When I was small I'd rather play with some G.I.Joes my grandpa collected and when my mom found out I was suddenly banned from my grandparents' room in their house she had no control over and had to play with Raggedy Ann's and Betty Boop dolls. (I will admit I looked up Betty's skirts many times and my mom is still shocked I'm attracted to females.) One time I decided to dress my boy dolls in drag including makeup and I found them in the trash the next day naked and without faces. And one incident I'm still salty about is I spent my allowance money on an RC Helicopter drone toy and my mom immediately exploded the moment she saw it and returned it to the store before it even got into our house and I didn't get my money back. I was, however, grounded for a month and had to go to church to do confession which my local church was not trained to do but my mom made sure the Protestant priest did it correctly the Catholic way.

And now whenever I mention I'm trans my mom likes to use me playing with dolls she forced me to play with as a child as evidence that I am indeed not trans and that me experimenting with gender and wanting to play with male toys never happened. And if you say otherwise she throws a child sized tantrum until you agree with her. Yet she says she's not abusive in anyway... All she does is sit in one spot and verbally and emotionally abuse everyone until she gets her way... She also openly admits now that she has manipulated me multiple times, especially when I ran away to get rid of her in my life and she pretended to call the police to have me arrested, and she thinks it's hilarious I fell for it. And the media thinks people like me are the ones grooming kids... Never considered a whale of a Catholic woman...

Anyways, that's my experience with Barbie dolls as a child.

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fairymint · 1 year

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🎈 How does your muse relate to gender dynamics in their world? Is it different from IRL? (Felix ofc)

Well, this question falls under optional lore since pokemon is a huge fandom; there are followers I have who write escapism and followers who write dark topics.

But there is lore. Basically, world-building wise, bigotry and gender dynamics stem from the 'Alpha Wolves' cult/ideology, spreading historically from Galar the way it would have IRL, minus the guns; instead they weaponized dogs.

Pokemon seems like a place that is ahead of reality in progressiveness, but only by a little- a consequence of probably many things, such as easier travel, the weapons being living creatures, and a culture of love- ask many IRL an adult and many deem life just being unfair, independent- I don't see that streak in this world; aka i don't see bullies getting far/too violent without a team to back them up.

Anyways, Felix is in conflict about gender dynamics as a trans gay man born in the 90s. There's thought patterns, internalized toxicity, that bubbles up and causes him to take caution- I'm leery of strangers IRL that are 'too' nice to me because they might be about to misgender me. I don't wear makeup IRL because i don't pass as male 'enough' and am not comfortable yet. Because he's very small and 'cute' and such, he's not confident that other men will have genuine sexual interest for him- masc4masc gay culture at work, the want to appear more 'adult' and/or earn love. passing as a 'little boy' is both a trans and dwarfism thing;; and just trying to be gender euphoric without being misogynist/transphobic himself.

and, for the sake of my comfort and world building, his transition was fairly quick- i don't really wish to RP 'in-between' states, such as the wait for top surgery, bottom growth, voice dropping, etc.- I've had to drop contact with somebody over clearly preferring him pre-transition, and while i do still relate hard to the nonbinary agenda™️ mid-transition, I'm working on it. I'm not rlly comfortable with they/them due to terfs but i try to be kind/understanding. like, i still have boobs irl and i hate it. i don't trust nsfw themed blogs because the possibility for chaser behaviour ooc is high. consider a lot of that kind of stuff happening offscreen/off the radar. He just sort of reappeared in Alola under a new name and gender- only real exceptions being ORAS and Magikarp Jump with they/them pronouns. But, he's been blessed with very dramatic changes, when some trans guys get Nothing for any one change.

Ideally, he's so comfortable in his masculinity that he likes to be fruity sometimes- but he's still for the time being a bit shy about it, especially compared to my other, more traditionally masculine muses. He's a baby gay growing into his masculinity(/femme queerness), but is recognized as male by society. He's not used to the top energy side of himself; he grew up wanted as a 'bottom'.

IRL wise....i get hit by dysphoria here and there, especially with faceclaims. there's a fine balance between my personal style, looking as young as i do IRL, looking old 'enough'.....and y'know the work involved in finding or drawing shit and fkdgjkd. As well as enough expressions to work with- that's top priority.

facial hair's working wonders for my gender presentation, but I'm waiting for more. I'm waiting for surgery. I'm waiting to be 'There' tbh. my mixed passing is leaning into male.

#ask.#felix fae.#trans talk.#ask to tag #bigotry mention #internalized transphobia tw #transphobia tw #long post

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kittenkatsims · 2 years

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I'm never gonna be a good trans person to close-minded people who only have one idea about what transness should be. I'm always gonna like feminine things and I'm always gonna want to dress up in skirts and dresses. I don't want to go on hormones or get top surgery. I don't feel like a boy or a man, and yet I've found a new level of euphoria using he/him pronouns. I will always look like a woman and I accept that people are going to perceive me as one when they first meet me and as long as they respect my identity once I correct them, I'm fine with that. I don't need validation from transmedicalists and I don't need anyone to tell me whether or not they think I'm doing trans right. I am at peace being myself. For years I would picture my ideal form and I would picture a skinny androgynous person. Someone who was nothing like me. There's always been a disconnect between the two- what I was and how I felt. I've spent so much of my life trying to be what others wanted me to be. First, I tried to be what I thought a woman should be: feminine, subdued, thin. I didn't eat for a year, trying to become what people wanted me to be. And at the lowest point in my life, I got more compliments than ever before. Eventually, I got tired. I realized that life was so much more than being thin. I was unhappy and I didn't care how fat I became I just wanted this to be over. So I got help. Around six months later, I realized I was nonbinary. And so I spent another year trying to be what I thought that was. I dressed masculinely and avoided clothing that showed my curves. I cut my hair short. I wore binders, even when no one else could see me. I thought I was happy. But my dysphoria persisted no matter what I did. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Now I wear princess dresses and elaborate makeup. I never leave the house without a pair of earrings. And I'm happier than ever. I used to try to justify my gender presentation. I compared it to drag and likened my femininity to putting on a performance. And in some ways, this is true. But femininity is so much more than that for me- it's something I feel in my soul, inalienable from the rest of my being. My gender is complex and that's okay. My gender is more than my presentation. My gender cannot be defined as female or male and cannot be put in a box of what androgyny should be. My gender is fluid and ever-changing and what makes me happy now will probably be different from what makes me happy in ten years. I have no plans on forcing myself into being one thing for the rest of my life. He/him pronouns make me happy right now, but in a year, I could identify more with she/her. But I'm done doing what I think I "should" do, or conforming to the expectations of whatever gender I identify with at the time. I am a biological female. I am nonbinary- not a man or a woman. I like color and bright things that make me happy. I like pink and I like to feel pretty. And when I look in the mirror, I'm the happiest I have ever been. Feminine, fat, nonbinary, and unapologetically me. My gender contains multitudes and so do I. And that's something to celebrate.

#just some thoughts inspired by me changing the pronouns in my bio #feel free to reblog if this speaks to you #nonbinary #tw disordered eating #a very brief mention but still #terfs dni #transmeds dni

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lick-me-lennon22 · 3 years

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Trans Man!Reader X Beatles headcanons/How they'd support a trans (FTM) partner + help them through dysphoria 💙💙💙

(lengthy title, I know ^^' this amazing request is from @anonymous-blanket ! they originally asked for how the Beatles would help a trans [FTM] reader through dysphoria, but I sort of expanded it to add general headcanons- I hope you don't mind :) 💞)

⚠️⚠️⚠️DISCLAIMERS:⚠️⚠️⚠️

- I myself am a cis woman and this is solely based on the experiences my trans guy friends have been so kind as to share with me, as well as some of my own research on gender dysphoria and grounding techniques

- this is NOT entirely accurate to the 60s or 70s

- I have written these with the assumption that the reader has already come out and has transitioned or is currently transitioning; with that being said, none of the lads would ever out you or disclose your identity before you are ready to do so yourself/without your permission!

- all of the boys would respect your identity and address you by your name and preferred pronouns !!!

- please feel free to (kindly) correct me if any of this post is offensive or incorrect! I have written these headcanons with nothing but love and respect for the trans community ♡

Paul:

when you come out to Paul (if you were together before you began your transition), he's so proud of you for being your authentic self and so glad you're willing to share something like that with him

he immediately offers to take you out shopping and buy you a more masculine/comfortable wardrobe, as well as items such as boxers and binders if you want them

whenever you're up for it, Paul does your eyebrows and some masc contouring (if you ever want him to)- he's quite good with makeup, as he often does his own!

along with (of course) using your correct name and preferred pronouns, he showers you with gender-affirming nicknames and compliments ("my handsome man," "my prince," "dashing," "Adonis," etc.)

if you ever feel dysphoric about sitting down to pee, Paul reminds you that he also pees sitting down (hc)- "It's just more comfortable that way, no shame in it," he shrugs

he makes it a point to remind you how strong and handsome you are often

if you're having a particularly bad day and your dysphoria feels suffocating:

Paul respects your boundaries if you want to be left alone or don't want to be touched

he stays close to you and holds your hand if/as soon as you're okay with it

he tries to take your mind off of your discomfort and ground you by serenading you with your favorite songs

he listens attentively if you just want to vent, and gives you plenty of reassurance and words of comfort/validation if you need them

Paul reminds you that however you want to present is valid and that you are still, of course, a man- regardless of idiots who may tell you otherwise

"How can you not look like a man...? You are a man, love" ♡

John:

when you come out to John (if you were together before you began your transition), he talks you through everything you're feeling and listens intently when you share your experience with him

he suggests going to therapy if you feel like it'd be beneficial (he attends therapy sessions as well- hc)

he immediately assures you that he'll beat the living daylights out of anyone who dares to deadname or misgender you

John (without an ounce of subtlety) corrects anybody who uses the wrong pronouns to refer to you

he makes sure you know and always remember that your identity is valid

if you're comfortable with it, John places pride pins on his leather and denim jackets- regardless of the comments people make

he will absolutely go off on bigoted and closed-minded interviewers/reporters who question your identity or your relationship

John accompanies you into the men's restroom if you're nervous (and if you want him to) and will tell off/uppercut anyone who even looks at you the wrong way

if you're having a particularly bad day and your dysphoria feels suffocating:

John reminds you that your body doesn't dictate your gender and that your identity is 100% valid

he offers his clothes for you to wear if that would make you more comfortable

he helps ground you and distract you from your discomfort by putting on a silly movie for you to watch (together, if you'd like)

John carries his/your cat into your bedroom and places them in your lap for cuddles and purrs

he reminds you of what a hot, sexy stud you are ;)

"A... woman?? That's the dumbest thing I've ever 'eard. You can't 'look like a woman,' you ain't one- you're a man, love"

John tells you he can't wait until the day you become his husband ♡

George:

when you come out to George (if you were in a relationship before you began your transition), he sits patiently and listens as you share your feelings and experience with him

on his next trip out to the store, he buys doubles of all the masculine-scented hygiene products he usually purchases (body wash, deodorant, shampoo, etc.), as well as some extra boxers in your size in case you'd want them

when he arrives back home, he wordlessly places the items in your shared bathroom/dresser so you have access to all of them, but won't have to ask if you aren't comfortable enough to yet

he's very mindful about using your correct name and pronouns from the moment you come out to him

George supports you if you're on T and gives you daily reminders, or advocates for you if you aren't and want to be

he supports you equally if you don't want to start T at all!

he reminds you that your presentation doesn't invalidate your identity

he refers to you as "my boyfriend" or "my man," and tells you that you look sexy, dashing, and handsome ;)

if you're having a particularly bad day and your dysphoria feels suffocating:

George respects whatever you want to do and makes sure you're as comfy as possible if you just want to stay holed up in your bedroom for a while

he fetches you some comfy, baggy clothes in case you feel like disappearing into them for a bit, and offers you some of his clothes if you'd prefer them

he'll bring your pet into your room for some extra love and cuddle time

George will be considerate of your boundaries if you don't want to be touched, but stay by your side if you'll allow him

he's taught you how to meditate and will practice meditation with you as a grounding/relaxation strategy

"Remember, darling- your body doesn't dictate your gender. You are a man no matter what" ♡

Ringo:

when you come out to Ringo (if you were in a relationship before you began your transition), he is elated and relieved that you feel comfortable enough to share something like that with him

the next time you leave the house without Ringo, by the time you've arrived back home, he's set your entire dining room up like a gender reveal party: complete with an It's a Boy! banner and everything blue he could find (it's overkill, but he means well)

on the table is a care package he's bought and assembled for you

in it, he's included plenty of masc-scented soap/deoderant/shampoo, boxers, a pricey and great-quality binder (if you've expressed that you want to bind), and a very thoughtful handwritten and decorated card

from then on and if/when you're ready, Ringo makes a point of (re)introducing you to everyone (and I mean everyone) as his boyfriend- you both love the sound of it!

he'll give you the most genuine, validating compliments out of nowhere

for example: the first time you watch your favorite show together after you've come out to him, Ringo admits that he's always thought you looked/sounded a lot like one of the main characters (who happens to be male)

if you're having a particularly bad day and your dysphoria feels suffocating:

if you're still alright with being touched, Ringo smothers you in one of his famous bear hugs and tells you that everything is okay and you're no less valid for feeling this way about your body

he brings your favorite snack/treat into your room for you to eat and enjoy

he'll sit on the bed and engage in honest conversation with you if you feel like venting; if not he brings you all of the pillows, blankets, and/or stuffed animals in the house- as well as any clothes you'd like to change into

he showers you with gender-affirming nicknames and compliments: "my handsome man," "my prince/king," "heartthrob," "hunk," "stud"... some of them silly, but all of them sincere

Ringo is sure to remind you that no matter what your body looks like or how you're feeling about it in this moment (and no matter what bigoted asswipes may say to either of you), you are just as valid and masculine as any other man:

"Because that's what you are, my love- a man!" ♡

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pocketfoxxo · 2 years

Text

So i've been trying to figure this out for a while now (nowhere near coming out yet and trying to keep this somewhat private but not mamy people follow me here and the ones that do are very cool 😎) and I'm really leaning towards identifying as agender.

As a child i definitely did not feel like a boy. I imagined myself as a girl, was very feminine, wanted to not be a boy so bad. As I grew older I thought well, it's fine that I'm a boy, i can just be a very feminine one. I grew my hair out, wore some women's clothes (some of my fav memories were my girlfriends being my moral support as i shopped in very girly stores) and wasn't until after high school i felt comfortable wearing nail polish and makeup.

I never really considered identifying as anything other than male because to me it stopped being about wishing i was female and more about wanting to feel comfortable and accepted just being as i was. I wanted to prove to myself and others that you can be a guy and wear whatever you want. And so i've always gone by he/him pronouns.

But I think now I always thought the idea of identifying as something else puplically to others was really scary. It is really scary. And it wasn't until i thought to myself like, what if i were to identify as something other than male only to myself. Not tell anyone but just, me. What would I want to address myself as.

And to be honest that's where I'm stuck. Like deep down, I really don't feel I HAVE a gender. Like people always adressed me as male (except when people accidentally misgender me which happens p often doesnt bother me tho) and like I don't really care? Like whatever pronouns people use it just doesn't matter to me. I feel like I've always felt disconnected to my gender. Never truly felt male and tbh i dont think i could truly ever feel female either. I don't know. So I'm thinking I might be agender. Was also torn between bigender, egogender, and non-binary but they don't feel quite as right as agender.

So just throwing this out there to the void (felt really good to write this all out anyway)... um. So advice i guess would be appreciated? Anyone going through similar things? Kinda hope nobody reads this lmao anyways have a good day 🥰

#gender confusion #rambles #personal

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justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms · 2 years

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Hello do you still do match up?

If yes i have a match up for Demon Slayer and Hunter Hunter or just Demon Slayer if you Want!

I am an 5'4-5'5 Bigender Goth (in female body) artist.

I have long straight black hair and Dark brown sleepy eyes with really pale skin.I only wear Black, white and red color for my makeup and clothes and i wear black glasses.

Alot of people think i am cold or sum but it is not really true, it's just i don't really change my expression and don't really show emotion or i always hide it. But i am a shy,quiet,Nice and caring person. I Am always alone minding my Own business and I'm listening people vent and trying comforting them even tho i am not really great at it. When people that i know are alone, i am trying not been shy and go to them just so they won't be alone and having a talk so it won't make akward. I talk soft and quiet.

I'm fear of the dark, insects(Spiders even more) and heights.

And I have a weird accent and difficult to talk some words in English.

Things i LOVES

-Flowers who is red and white mixing.

-rain

-relaxing

-laughing with people

- The color red and white.

-helping people

-Nice people

-drawing

-revenge

Things I DISLIKE

-rude people

-hot day/cold day

-people yell at me.

-people scaring me

-walking outside when is dark

-myself crying.

-thinking I'm weak.

-my english

-medecin

-people force me to do things.

I Hope that is all, sorry for my english

Hello Anon! I'm so sorry if this has taken a while. I just noticed your ask sitting in my inbox. I've only seen one episode of Hunter X Hunter so I decided to just go with Demon Slayer. You also didn't mention gender preference for your match up character (unless I missed it) so I've gone with a male and a female character just to be safe.

Okay, let's do this!

In Demon Slayer I match you with...

Underneath his seemingly uncaring exteriors, this man will love you with his entire being.

He just doesn't really know how to express himself so openly yet. Give him time and he'll open up to you more and more.

Giyu enjoys sitting with you while you draw, not so much to watch you but just to take in the peaceful moment.

I imagine Giyu is pretty awkward in social situations so people being rude/scary will make him uncomfortable. For both his sake and yours, he'll try to get you both out of those situations as fast as possible.

I think Giyu would help you overcome any thoughts of being weak and would enjoy training with you if that’s something you would like to do.

OMG! Rainy day snuggles where you two just relax next to each other!

The other Hashira really love your relationship (well, in some cases, as much as they can love something *cough*cough*Sanemi*Shinazugawa*cough*cough*).

Shinobu will mercilessly tease Giyu but deep down she’s glad he’s found someone he cares about and that he can open up to.

The main four (Tanjiro, Nezuko, Zenitsu, and Inosuke) also really like you. The Kamado siblings enjoy spending time with you and Tanjiro will act as your personal cheerleader, always encouraging you. Zenitsu will fawn over you (as usual) and Inosuke will insist on fighting (if you don’t feel like fighting him, Tanjiro will drag him away so you don’t ahve to worry about that).

All in all, you and Giyu make a pretty cute pair!

I also match you with...

This sweet bean is super gentle and will never scare you (on purpose).

She definitely understands what it's like to dislike people yelling at you and making you feel scared so she will avoid making you feel that way with every fiber of her being.

Nezuko is going to love watching you draw (assuming that's something you're comfortable with).

I also think she would quite like your accent and would enjoy sitting and listening to you talk. She finds it relaxing.

Of course being close with Nezuko also means you’re close with Tanjiro.

He loves you so much (platonically) and is glad Nezuko has someone other than him that she cares about. He often worries about her being by herself should he be killed in battle before he can turn her back into a human so knowing you’re there for her is a big thing for him.

Zenitsu can’t believe his luck! Two people in female bodies that interact with him on a daily basis and they’re together? He still flirts with both of you but ultimately respects your choices and preferences so never actively peruses a relationship with either of you.

Much like in Giyu’s section, Inosuke will demand to fight with you. Except this time, if you don’t want to fight him, you have both Kamado siblings sticking up for you. As Tanjiro drags him away, Nezuko puffs out her cheeks in anger at Inosuke. Give her some headpats and she’s instantly back to normal.

#match up #anime #demon slayer #giyu tomioka #nezuko kamado

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oreoambitions · 3 years

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Hi! Can I ask you for some advice? It's fine if you don't want to answer, but I've been having a gender crisis lately. (I'm AFAB) It started when I looked in the mirror and thought I was a boy and my immediate reaction was disgust. I don't feel comfortable referred to as a boy or non binary or using pronouns that aren't she/her. I'm been combating this by dressing a little more feminine than usual and when I do, it helps. And I have a lot of male friends (because I'm in a male dominated club) but when they refer to each other as boys, I don't feel included and usually add girl when I'm with them. I just don't know anymore. Can you give advice if you want to?

Hey friend! That sounds like an interesting situation you're in! I'm not sure *exactly* what you need advice about so I'm gonna just throw some stuff out there. It sounds like you need to have a talk with the folks you hang around with. If - and I have hung around in male dominated groups, so I know that's a big if - there are one or two folks you trust to take you seriously, tell them how much it bothers you when the group self references as male and get them on the same page about using more inclusive language. Adding "and girl!" is helpful but it'll be more helpful when other folks in the group are backing you up (or better yet, speaking up before you have to). And you might feel better when they're acknowledging you instead of leaving you to acknowledge yourself! Get yourself some allies in this if you can, and I think you will be more comfortable in that space. Whether you are able to shift the group towards more inclusive language going or not, it is absolutely okay to dress as feminine as you want, even in male-dominated spaces. Ma'am if you want to go to an engineering class in a ballgown, you can absolutely do that. If you want to wear exclusively colors folks tend to associate with women, you can do that too. Get your nails done, go crazy with your hair, put makeup on just for you - it's okay. Some people really find a lot of joy in presenting as femme as possible, and there is nothing whatsoever wrong with it. You are allowed to explore that identity and expression of that identity in the same way folks are allowed to explore genders they were not assigned at birth. Go nuts! Take no prisoners! You may get a little social pushback from male identified folks and if you do you can tell them (and remember for yourself) that you are just as capable and wonderful when you express yourself in an explicitly feminine way as you are when you choose to mute that expression. Same book; different dust jacket. There are folks who will understand this from the start and will not ask you to justify yourself, and those folks are your secret crime fighting team. Keep them close. Lastly, lemme say that only YOU can get to the bottom of where this repulsion about being perceived as andro or male is coming from. Some folks describe a similar kind of discomfort before working out that they aren't the gender they were assigned at birth, and some cis folks really find joy leaning into their gender identity to an extreme. Both of these things are okay! And it is also okay to go hard in one direction before discovering that actually you need to go the other way. Do what feels right for you right now, and don't let anyone push you around if you want to try something else later! You are a beautiful badass and you get to make decisions about how you want to show that to the world. Wishing you peace, joy, and close allies. There will always be rough patches and hard situations, difficult days and difficult people, but in the end you are going to be okay. Stay safe and stay brave out there <3

#Oreo Rambles #gender stuff #Ask Pile

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