#and yeah there's also the dysphoria. I don't normally get that much gender dysphoria from the body being afab

[thethingything]

I forgot that being on our period fucks us up emotionally and gives me really bad dysphoria. that would maybe explain why we've been struggling so much with triggers that aren't normally a huge issue

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #period mention #the contraceptive we're on used to stop us having a period altogether but then we started having one every few months #which is just long enough between them for me to forget that it completely wrecks our mental health each time #usually for multiple weeks leading up to it and then until it finishes #there's a very consistent pattern but we forget that pattern exists so we don't realise what's going on #it's taken a week of being on our period for me to realise this time. like oh right that's why everything's making me cry #also we get period pains so bad we can't sit up at times and I don't know what to really do about that #and yeah there's also the dysphoria. I don't normally get that much gender dysphoria from the body being afab #like I'll get dysphoric from being misgendered but the body itself isn't as big of an issue. I just wish is actually looked like me #because not looking like myself when I look in the mirror is distressing #but periods do make me really dysphoric for some reason and I don't really know how to deal with that #at least I have an idea of why our brain has been freaking out particularly badly over everything for a few weeks #(I mean the triggers are still bad enough on their own but like. most of them aren't normally anywhere near this bad)

[tirfpikachu]

i really think you can give yourself something akin to dysphoria w things unrelated to gender too. i think it may be the same feeling that otherkin and fictionkin people describe, and uhhhhh not to expose myself but yeah i was a hardcore kinnie and still dabble in it, and the feeling is a YEARNING for a different body and a different self, a yearning to not just be your boring cringy lonely self, bc you tried to fix and like that one but it's just too much work and it's annoying

i think also that any body modification or identity changes eventually gets boring, or at least neutral. you change your pronouns online or even irl, it makes you nervous, bashfully happy when someone uses it, giddy with emotion, etc it consumes your days until everyone uses them long enough then it all loses its spark and you have to focus on normal life again. there's a feeling of boredom followed by sudden thrilling nervewracking excitement when they (and i include myself in that) think of a higher stake like "omg should i legally change my name again? should i change my pronouns for the millionth time? what if i'm genderfluid instead of agender? what if i'm bigender instead of demigirl? what would it feel like? omg let me get into the mind of what those identities would feel like let me meditate and see if the ~vibe~ matches my true inner self let me journal on my blog let me go thru the tumblr tag of it to see if all the memes speak to my soul!! ugh this isn't big enough actually, this hasn't changed my life radically and fixed all my life problems and self-esteem yet, should i go on hormones? should i get surgeries? should i tell loved ones that i know will be bigoted and once they show themselves as transphobes i'll have to cut them off? bc my trans friends will reaffirm that they're as bad as abusers? should i get bottom surgery too?"

there's a fun secretive feeling of anonymity, a persona, a simulacrum. almost an OC of your ideal self you get to work on for sooo long until the changes happen, and by then you're emotionally attached to that OC, you want to be them So Bad. it's special rebirth. and many of those ppl... well not all, i do respect that some choose that path for other reasons and for healthier ones than others, i'm not 100% against transition/identification and not all dysphoria is healable, but as a detrans woman who's talked to many like me... MANY of these are just desperate people looking for good feelings and self-esteem, like i used to be. desperate ppl will grasp at anything they think will fix it, especially if luck is involved like hrt/surgeries where you don't actually fully know what the result will be and if you'll even like it, and if you don't you'll just be an ugly boring detrans reject. that's HIGH STAKES and for a mentally unwell person struggling w dysphoric symptoms it's addictive as hell and it makes you feel so special and makes your life finally feel thrilling like a movie, you have a vibrant community, you're finally interesting enough, and you'll finally be attractive enough after all the surgeries and hormones and with the cutest name and the most fitting pronouns and everybody will love you forever and will protect you from the big bad bigoted meanies who you should never talk to ever again shh any indecision is internalized transphobia and any worries from others is bigotry! just keep going!! never question anything or slow down ever and any therapy is just conversion therapy sweetie, don't listen to them <3

#lay text #radfem #radsafe #detrans

[windwardstar]

Sometimes it really jumps out at me that oh wow I am trans and wow cis people really are cis (and trans women really do be women) Because like.

I heard Amanda Bynes had a ton of dysphoria having to dress up and be treated as a boy for she's the man which was like oh wow ok yeah i guess i can see how for someone who is not a guy being treated as one even for an acting role would be dysphoric. And like despite all the failings of that movie middle schooler me saw that movie and was like that is the dream. Pretend to be a boy. Amazing.

And all the movies where the teen girls stuff theirs bras and the "bosoms!" bit from Anne of green gables that I was always just ???? Why would you??? But apparently they really do want bigger chests and are excited for them. That women who get masectomies for cancer get reconstructive surgery to give them their chests back because a flat chest gives them dysphoria.

And like. There was someone at choir who just like vehemently rejected the suggestion of wearing the tux/"men's option" when I mentioned it as an alternative to the dress she didn't like. And like. It was the same reaction I have to the suggestion to wear a dress.

And all the hellish aspects of puberty I went through the transfemme friends excitedly talk about getting and wanting because those are desirable gender affirming things for them.

And just. The whole "the only trans people are trans women" narrative from before I knew there were other options was just yeah I'm with the guys on this one why would someone want to be a woman, (and like, the problem is those guys don't want to be women either so it runs into the same brain wall of can't fathom someone making that choice) but I can totally imagine actually wanting to be a guy. And how like, when approaching the concept with cis people you gotta frame it as them being the gender they are because they don't want to be another one and can find it really hard to imagine wanting to be (aka if you're running into a wall with cis men who are only aware of trans women bring up trans men, because they absolutely get dysphoria of being mistaken for a girl and misgendered as a girl. Like so much of toxic masculinity is weaponised misgendering).

But it's like. Ah yes the fact so many things I find incredibly dysphoric others find gender affirming and the reverse also being true is always just a little world tilting bc oh wow right not everyone hates/loves this gender thing, but also like nice confirmation that if there was any doubt of me being trans that no in fact your experiences are not considered the default normal and that is very much a trans thing.

Also tangent associated thought like. There is a whole "woman dressed as a man and lived as a man for xyz reason but wasn't actually a trans man/masc" which like ok I can accept that there are women who for brief periods dressed as men in order to achieve some goal or something but like... seeing how cis people respond to being miagendered that is causes dysphoria even short term and knowing as a trans person how hellish dysphoria is like... why isn't that an aspect in any of these discussions (and if it is why have i not heard it yet)? Like dressing as and being treated as a gender you are not for years or decades or the entire rest of your life is hell. So why would someone willingly do that? Like obviously we can't ask the historical figures that and we shouldn't say whether or not they experienced dysphoria from dressing either way (unless there's like actual documented proof) but like idk. This kind of just occurred to me and now I'm like. A) the default assumption always seems to be this is a cis woman presending to be a man unless we have explicit proof to the contrary and even then ignore that to say she's a woman but then B) how have I basically never heard any reports on how these "cis women" hated being misgendered (like I'm sure there were some and I would love if we could find these reports bc it would really help highlight the difference between dressing up as a man bc women couldn't xyz and trans man dressed as a man and when found out used the excuse of only pretended to be a man for xyz to avoid being punished for you know being trans)

#monday trans ramble

[calder]

"I'd use a bullet on myself, but with all these critters an' mobsters about it feels a waste, don't it?" -Clutch, about why he hasn't killed himself

Clutch Connors is a human male that can be found in the area south of Connors Farm. When approached he will bark a series of quips in a random order, sometimes based on player statistics.

"Razorgrain, rays-or-grain. Heh, yeah. I'll take the grain any day of the week.

Whatever happened to bullfrogs?

You jack off with that arm Mister Meaty? (If the Sacrificial Lamb has a Strength score of 7 or higher.)

'S okay pardner, I'm not much for books either. (If the Sacrificial Lamb's Intelligence is 3 or lower.)

Met a guy named Fallout once, ugly motherfucker.

What the fuck is a cow anyways?

I'm a centrist, 'cept when 'm not.

Don't ask me about roads.

War... What was it about war...?

Please, kill me. Just fucking kill me. Do it before the shmuck with the buttons makes you walk away. Please. (Has a rare chance of occurring if the Sacrificial Lamb has the Wild Wasteland trait.)

Clutch is involved in the quest Saint James Infirmary Blues and is one of the escaped patients the Sacrificial Lamb is tasked with rescuing, while the quest is active, you can speak to him and at first he will be apprehensive about returning, the player can either use a Speech check of 40 to convince him to return, or state that they'll take him there by force, after which he will become immediately hostile. If the Sacrificial Lamb has a Medicine skill of 70 or has Frankie in their party, they can determine that Clutch is not a danger to himself or anyone around him, but unless they can also get Weezel to confess to struggling with gender dysphoria and convince Rhonda Simmons to stop taking Day Tripper to hide her autism, the quest will not be marked as complete until they either kill him or convince him to go back to Dr. Rollins.

After the conclusion of St. James Infirmary Blues where he stays at the farm, Clutch will be hostile to any entities hostile to the Sacrificial Lamb in the area, and the player can initiate dialogue with him where he opens up about his struggles with suicidal thoughts and schizophrenia. After exhausting all dialogue options, every time the Sacrificial Lamb talks to Clutch, he has a chance to give a Fancy Lad Snack Cakes, Instamash, Pork n' Beans, Tin Can Grenade or Radweed Joint to them along with a random statement of gratitude.

Thank you for being my friend.

Thanks for not takin' me t' that funny farm.

Hey, I love you... don't make it weird.

Nobody's ever been that nice to me before, here, have this.

Hey, I like men too. (If the Sacrificial Lamb has the Black Widow perk)

Hey, I like men too... you're not my type, though. (If the Sacrificial Lamb has the Confirmed Bachelor perk)

From one motherfucker to another motherfucker, eh?

Hey don't tell Ma about this one. Heheh. (When giving a Radweed Joint)

If the Sacrificial Lamb instead takes him back to Dr. Rollins, he will be wearing a Patient's Gown and standing inside the New Unity Clinic, where if spoken to, he will normally be silent with the subtitles simply show "..." He has a small chance to whisper "Fuck you." and if the Sacrificial Lamb has the Wild Wasteland trait he can also say, "You know you'll lose Karma for this, right?" At the conclusion of the quest Bad Medicine, if Dr. Rollins is killed, he will sometimes stand over his corpse and talk to it with his arms crossed, regardless of if the Sacrificial Lamb kills Dr. Rollins or gets Ranger Sykes to arrest him, Clutch will eventually return to Connors Farm with his inventory reset, but will keep the barks from convincing him to return to the clinic.

Clutch's inventory contains a random amount of regular 10mm ammunition and one random special 10mm round (but he will have more if the Sacrificial Lamb has the Scrounger perk and kills him.) He is equipped with leather armor and a 10mm pistol. While staying at the New Unity Clinic, he is equipped with a patient gown and his inventory is empty.

Exhausting all of Clutch Connor's dialogue after completing Saint James Infirmary Blues without killing him or returning him to the clinic is essential to completing the Basket Case challenge and receiving its related perk.

Trivia

Clutch almost recites the classic phrase "War never changes." found throughout the Fallout series, but forgets the rest of the sentence.

His apprehension regarding the subject of roads may be a reference to players in Fallout: New Vegas being able to ask characters about the NCR-Legion conflict, where many of them will bring up the safety of roads. (citation needed)

His Wild Wasteland dialogue in the New Unity Clinic is a reference to Karma, a statistic that tracked the morality of players' actions in previous Fallout games.

Mister Meaty was the name of a puppet show that briefly aired on Nickelodeon from 2007-2008.

Glitches

Prior to Patch 1.03, Clutch would become immediately hostile to the Sacrificial Lamb upon starting Saint James Infirmary Blues.

Prior to Patch 1.17, Clutch would sometimes be dead of a gunshot wound if the Sacrificial Lamb approached him and then left Connors Farm without starting or completing Saint James Infirmary Blues. Using console commands to warp directly to the farm from the clinic will show that he was meant to be shooting at tin cans on a fence, but because the cans have no collision until picked up, if a caravan is walking by, he can hit one of the caravan guards, traveling merchants or pack brahmin, causing them to turn hostile and kill him before returning to their route.

Clutch will sometimes use the same combat barks as the Stargazer cultists or Infected Commandos

Clutch will sometimes say one of his perk or item dependent lines when giving the Sacrificial Lamb Pork n' Beans, regardless of if they have the prerequisite perk and not receiving a Radweed Joint.

If Dr. Rollins is spawned in front of Clutch after killing him during the quest Bad Medicine using console commands, he will still talk to him as if he was dead.

this seems to be an entertainment-oriented article for a bunch of fallout that doesnt exist. i have no idea of the context or joke but this was a fun read, thank you !

#'i knew a guy named fallout' is kinda sending me

[trickstarbrave]

So, I'm sick and stuck in bed for the day, and bored. And I was thinking :

About Steren, or more specifically Steren's-Dad-Nerevar. He was a trans man, that's how he and Voryn managed to have a child. And in the first story of Steren in Vivienne's au you posted, Azura says that Nerevar and Voryn's soul from Steren's world wish to join and like, merge with the Neht and Ryn from this world, right ? That's how they get memories.

SO, if it is the same in the au you're currently writing, I cant help but picture Nerevar having meltdowns and crying and wanting his son back. And then just as randomly, as he undresses before going to sleep, he's just. "Wow I love my body. Wait, what...?" Because inside him there's a remnant of that other version of him who is crying for Steren too, but also sometimes just gets "Damn that's our body ?! FUCK YEAH it's all I ever dreamt of! How did you get it-you were BORN with it ?! You lucky bastard !"

the way i see trans people in dunmer culture (and this is like. entirely headcanon you could argue against it) is that trans people are seen as religiously and culturally important. boethiah and mephala don't have set genders and can present as male or female or any other weird combination and really play around with sex and gender as concepts. there is also a heavy focus on life being a trial to overcome and being trans does introduce a lot of difficulties in life like dysphoria and having to use magic to present how you want to, as well as i think some degree of social policing (we do know there is sexism in dunmer society to a degree. along with that one telvanni mage who is so anti-misogyny she just became a full blown misandrist who thinks its hilarious the 'beloved masculine hero nerevar is a woman')

so steren's-dad-nerevar is actually quite proud of being trans. having to realize it, flesh sculpting to get the body he wanted, "proving" himself to be a man. he's just mad those parts of him got lost to history in the historical revisionism the tribunal pumped out en mass.

also steren's-dad-nerevar never really had much bottom dysphoria--i never really write trans nerevar having it. i know its a common experience and completely valid for a lot of people to experience but i personally didn't have it much so im just writing what i know in that sense. i've actually also thought about how he'd feel being in vivi-au-nerevar's body and i think while its normally fine he sometimes does just. get kinda surprised like "OH. i have a penis. right." he's pretty alright with it all things considered but i think sometimes the steren's-dad-nerevar parts come out more strongly than usual kinda missing the cool top surgery scars he had and having a vagina at times (though he doesn't miss. anything to do with menstruation in the slightest. LMAOOOO)

i think it's ultimately for the best nerevar have a dick in this universe though. or else steren would have. a LOT of siblings by now. it spares me from having to make 500 fucking ocs.

its different for him i'll say that. sometimes he really likes being in a basically "cisgender" body but sometimes he kinda misses the body he worked for and cultivated himself. which has gotta be a weird experience for vivi's nerevar who is mostly cis i think just randomly being hit with thoughts of "i kinda miss my old trans body". 4D chess of gender feelings

#steren nerevarine #vivi au #nerevar #i barely slept again sorry if i am a rambling mess not making sense :'D

[scoutpologist]

your gender rantings are so real and also interesting to me because i have like. an equal and opposite experience with being bigender. like i don’t like the term nonbinary for myself either but that’s because it’s important to my identity that i Am the binary [mainly bc of big lifelong gender feelings caused by growing up intersex blah blah whatever whatever]. it’s honestly kinda weird to me that there’s an assumption that everyone under the umbrella of “nonbinary” would be ok with being individually referred to as nonbinary

heyyy gender opposites!! it's always so interesting to me to hear from bigender people too, because i feel like we go through that same battle of having to fight the binary. one of the fundamental assumptions of the binary is that male and female are polar opposites, as are masculinity and femininity, with no gradient in between. you are or you aren't.

this is. troublesome for a lot of people, but the particular way that both bigender people (talking man and woman bigender here) and agender people fundamentally shirk that is interesting. because the binary functions on the ideas that 1) you cannot escape and 2) you have to "pick" one gender/sex/presentation and stick to it.

so i think it's really cool to compare our experiences!!! reading chameleon, chameleon part 2 by catmask on here was genuinely a really crazy experience because i could see a lot of myself in the story of forsaking part of your identity in order to let the other part of yourself be seen. i relate to people of pretty much any gender and want to explore all types of presentation, and trying to reconcile that with the pressure to "just choose" (plus dysphoria) is sometimes a bit too much.

there's also the differences, like you said, and there's really nothing to say there because it's obvious what they are lmfao, but i salute every multigender soldier out there for being strong as hell against people who are literally incapable of being normal about any trans person they don't understand.

also, yeah, it's really silly that a lot of people have the idea that because you're technically under an umbrella term, that that's how you identify yourself. i might call myself nonbinary for convenience sometimes, or when i'm feeling particularly in favor of that term, but overall i'm just agender. and being told i can only be male, female, or nonbinary is weird. because i'm not really any of those.

so i definitely get you there. especially because nonbinary is a bit controversial for some people, because it's a term that's named after what it's not. good umbrella term, but not for everyone!!

#ask #aforlorngazeintoyesterday #i'm glad you like to hear my gender rants!!!! <333

[henrioo]

Hiii, since i’ve nothing to do and I love rambling, I’ll ramble abt how much I appreciate your writing.

When i first installed tumblr, i was already attacked by she/hers in fanfics (😥😥). Tbh i was tired of fem blogs, thinking everyone is fem or idk . You’re the first one piece blog i actually like. Whenever i want, i can just re-read your blog’s fics and others. I really like your account !! ^_^ finally a good one piece blog, the others aren’t really safe tbh. Like those who wrotes ‘gn!reader’ but hit you with ‘good girl, wife etc..’ or those who feminized ftm!reader.. like tf… anyway live laugh love your account (its really entertaining !!)

— SOSO’S

YES I LOVE RAMBLING TOO THIS BLOG HAVE MORE ME RUMBLING THAN STORIES PLEASE RUMBLE WITH ME

Yeah ik, honestly i know Tumblr before I even think about myself like a trans person, so having fem content didn't bother me at all at that time

But when I got back here last year I realized how much fem content exists, but I was like "nha it's fine, we still have some gn content I will be fine"

Spoilers, I didn't get fine

It's so rare to have real neutral content in gn content that this makes me so frustrated that when I started my blog, I always got this on writing "if you can't find or it's not good enough for you, then make yourself"

And I did and I went pretty fine I guess, at least my gn are really neutral I hope hahaha

But day by day got me more and more frustrated and my dysphoria was getting worse because I was missing having some real valid male content

I need my favorite look at me and say "I love you like a man, like a boyfriend, I want you to be my husband, the father of my children"

I need to read that they also see me like a man.

And then I went to look for male content and well, things can really be worse the deeper you go

And then I realized that male content here is a totally red flag and basically a big NO

Amab or afab doesn't matter, they all gonna treat you like a super shy delicate boy

You're always gonna be the bottom, and if you are the top then the bottom will be a FTM reader (why can't you top a cis man?)

You're always gonna be feminized and like panties and pink and nicknames to shame you like princess and whatever

The worst for me was seeing that most of that stuff was writing of male writers

Like, you are hating your own identity?

I'm sorry if you like to be some weird femboy that likes to be treated like a woman and a slave

But I'm sure most masc people (cis, trans, NB etc) genuinely don't like that

It's totally fine you wanting someone to validate your gender, regardless of the gender okay? That's why cis women like to be called princess and stuff

But seriously, this just makes my dysphoria really bad because omg can't nobody write just a normal male reader? It's not an alien, we are human like everyone, it's like they write about male like they never interacted with a man in their whole life?

Do you guys know that romantic and platonic relationship between gays are basically the same as a couple of lesbian or straight people? Right? We are not different from anyone

Ofc gays have their own fights but like??? Are you getting? Idk how to explain better

Then again the hit "make yourself" and that's what I'm making lol, I have a lot of hiatus due my mental condition, I'm not gonna lie about that

But I'm always doing my best to have more stories here, maybe I won't give you guys new stories every week, maybe I will take some good months on the ask, maybe I will disappear and get back

But I'm not planning on giving up on this project so soon

Writing male stories is healing not only you guys, but me, really healing me

And that's why I won't stop, I want to write about a lot of things, some stories I will talk about more serious things like dysphoria or homophobia because I think it is fair we have good stories talking about this

I want to write about comfort, about angst, about grief, about transitions, I want to write about children readers and happy families

I want to write for FTM boys, NB boys, cis boys

I want platonic, romantic, nsfw, angst, long, short

I want all

Because I think we deserve that, and if I have the power to do then I will do

And see that not only me is being healed by my blog is always what give more determination to continue

Like I said, maybe not as fast as we all wanted, but I'm promise I'm here and I'm not leaving soon

Okay I talked a lot lol hahahah well thanks for that

I'm always happy to see you guys enjoying here, it really makes me happy, so make yourself welcome and enjoy!

#henri talk

[ellilyre]

Trans force 141

Just my hcs about their individual transitions ect ect

written by a trans man

Price

he considered himself as a butch lesbian for a long time

a lot of internalized transphobia. (ex "well i would've liked to be a man, but im not. if i can accept that then ppl can stop being delusional")

when in his early 20's he met a girl, and when things started to get 'serious' between them she told him she's trans. He liked her too much already to just brush her off, so he finally allowed himself to ask questions he was asshamed to have...

that night he finally understood a lot of things. that ppl don't usually wish they were born as the other sex, that most girls dont try to masculin themseve, that its ok to feel that way, ect ...

also im not sure how to explain that but he don't actually only like girls : he convinced himself that 'i like being masculin bc im a lesbian'. Figuring out his gender somehow made him take conscious of his repressed attraction to men (dont mind me im projecting)

transition when you're already in the military isn't easy. hrt, coming out, changing uniforms and dorms... That did ended in some verbal/physical abuses, well, it would have happened if Price weren't that badass and ready to fight back til he gets respected.

the only long leaves he personally asked for was to get and heal his top surgery and a hysterectomy 

he has always loved the name Johnathan. he doesn't know why but it sound pretty to him. naturally he knew he wanted to be call that

Ghost

when he was still a child he tried to tell his mother about how he wants to be a boy, but she brushed it off, blaming it on his father's abuses (she genuinely meant it)

before he even knows what transidentity is he got himself a v good passing and got everyone treating him like a boy, but he still assumed its more a trauma-respond kind of feeling

when he was about 16yo he learnt about transidentity and- yeah that just made sens

dont ask me how he found hrt but he sure did

before getting into the military he spent a lot of time in gay/queer bars. he didn't really liked these places but it was the only places he could find ppl like him that could somehow help him

when he came back home after years in the military (like in his comic) his transition was fully done. his mother still thoughts it was a trauma-respond, but if it makes her child happier then she accepted it. Tommy called it bullshits and called him slurs, but it went better after he recovedred from drugs. his dad.... well :')

his dad still called him his daughter until his very last breath

he dont have any surgery done. he'd like to but after everything he's been trought, the idea of being put artificially on sleep, especially while knowing ppl are going to do things with his body, sound terrifying to him.

Never uses binders. When its a dysphoria day he uses tape but most of the time he dont bind at all.

Gaz

First of all, this guy has two moms (im not taking criticisms on that), so the hard part of a transition wouldn't be to come out but mostly that he knew ppl would blame it on his mothers

... and yeah, lot of ppl said its bc he dont has a father. But don't worry he never let them talk for long. He almost got expelled from his highschool for beating up a kid being transphobic/homophobic

His moms sometimes said like "why don't you ask the household's man for that ?" And it gaves him such gender euphoria before realizing they use it to makes him do chores without complains

Now it has become a kind of running gag. Whenever they ask him to do something he's like "ohh you need a strong manly alpha man",

I feel like Kyle was the name of the mc of his favorite book as a pre-teen.

The most normal and chill transition out of everyone here : doubted his gender identity, talk about it with his moms, got estrogens blockers, went on t few years later...

ikr this one hc is a bit blend compared to the others here, but tbh i just really love Gaz and i want him to be happy

he also don't bind often. but unlike Ghost he has a small chest and ppl usually assumes its pecs

he dont plan on getting top surgery (not necessary) but wants a phalloplasty

Soap

bro has known he was a boy ever since he left the womb.

when he was a kiddo he was only playing with boys and wore boys clothes and stuffs. ppl were confused ("did the MacTavish also told you they had a babygirl ? bc that's clearly a boy playing with our kiddos")

his (big) family inst closed minded, but theyre from a rather small town in the Highlands and are kinda traditionalists

so yeah theyre a bit confuse but if their child is happier playing with boys, why being dicks about it

he eventually came out in his teen years and his parents were a bit confused but at the same time it... makes sens. like yeah that kid has been like a boy since baby

his family (especially parents) struggled to understand whats the difference between being trangender and a tomboy. theyre not transphobics, the concept just is very strange

the story of how he somehow found hrt is even darker than Ghost's

used to unsafe binde sm im surprise he can still breath

he was on hrt when he entered military, and kinda had to fight to be in the men's dorms, but it worked bc hes a badass

no surgeries done (bc he doesn't want to take long leaves), but he plans to get top and bottoms surgeries somedays

#now that im thinking about it the girl i mentioned with Price can totally be Laswell #they dated for 4 weeks and then broke up bc it didnt worked out although Price was still head over heels for her for like 6 more months #now hes terribly embarassed whenever she brings up the subject #thank you for coming to my transgenders 141 agenda #call of duty mw2 #call of duty modern warfare #john price #johnny soap mactavish #ghost simon riley #kyle gaz garrick #cod headcanons #task force 141

[girltober]

Girlfit! Gamer socks/armthings and a sundress might not go well together on paper, but I like this fit a lot 🩷 girls just have so many more customisation options to pick from. And you know what they say, you gotta Get Railed in a Sundress 😜

---

So! Girl Month is two thirds over... whats the state of affairs?

Its been a little while since I last posted anything substantive bc well... girltime has been normalised. In the first week I was very strict about wearing only "proper" girly clothes, not even using my normal dressing gown! But as time passed I've allowed myself to wear more unisex clothing - for better or worse. In general Girl month has become less... exciting and wild and more a mundane part of life. I go out in girlmode and don't think twice about it.

I've been on E nearly 2 weeks now with no effect, which I guess I expected but its a little disappointing. My nips don't feel any more sensitive than usual which is lame.

Sidequest 2 and 3 have not been completed, but I'm planning to complete 3 tomorrow which I'm looking forward to (shes soo hot). And I forsee myself completing 2 also bc like... cmon, how hard can it be?

Girl month has also been a little bit of a slut month for me- which has honestly been kind of the best part lmao. I mean my bodycount is still 1, but I've really enjoyed wearing revealing clothes, going out with my girltreat in, and thinking a lot about being a... well a free use fucktoy 😳.

Maybe I'll make another post trying to delve into the psychology of it, but I guess long story short... horny guys are gross, but horny girls are hot. That might only be true in my own lesbian*(?) head but I feel like its not just me who feels that way. Idk theres a lot to unpack there. Being a girl made me feel more confident being a pervert is what I'm saying, for better or worse.

(*For this month(?))

But to the main event: gender.

I started this month with the view that i was doing this for shits and giggles and nipple-orgasms.

I was planning to walk out of this having unlocked Cis+, as a BoyChad like Finnster who can walk through the Valley of Girl and not flinch at the feminine shadows cast over me.

But...

Rrrrrgh.

*deep sigh*

I guess... I'm probably not cis.

Yeah yeah I know the guy who volunteered to dress as a girl for a month for no reason is actually trans big surprise, someone call the pope, who could have seen this coming yada yada.

I will say that I'm not sure that I'm a girl either though.

I enjoy dressing up femme, and I get a little hit of dopamine whenever someone calls me Charlotte or uses she/her pronouns, but...

(Wait typing that sentence in real time just made me realise that i might just be a girl after all uuuh nvm continuing with my original point)

...I don't necessarily... feel like a girl? Like I mostly forget I'm a girl and then occasionally I think "oh yeah I'm supposed to be a girl rn. Or maybe... I just AM a girl for this month? Oh nice I'm a girl I guess sweet" and then carry on with my usual activities.

Although even that sounds pretty trans hmm.

(Good thing I successfully turned off Pop-ups or this post would be unreadable with the amount of Transgender XP I've gained lmao)

Does anyone remember that one comic? Its like the car driving "PENIS" face one except the thought is "im a girl". This is nonsense to non-tumblrinas I'm so sorry, if anyone finds the comic I'm thinking of please send it to me.

Anyway, i may not be a trans girl, maybe I'm nonbinary or maybe genderfluid or bigender or something else... but M** left Plato's cave when he became me/Charlotte, and I/she can't imagine going back in there and forgetting. Wearing a dress is just too much fun to quit lmao.

I definitely think i just don't have a very strong sense of gender in general- I've boymoded for family events and doctors appointments and felt no discomfort or dysphoria- but being a girl recreationally is just more fun!

I might do Boyweek in early november to try to solidify my gender opinions, but for now... my gender is almost certainly queer and i can't wait to find out what I become ^^.

Thank you everyone for reading and supporting me, thank you all my friends for being chill about this and thank you M & L for supplying me with E and thank you Y for being the madlad who took E for lols in the first place and MASSIVE thank you to the one who took me opshopping and opened my mind to polyamory and made this whole experience... just so much more comfortable and fun.

Oh and thanks to the random internet people who followed along too- Its been really cool to see this break containment in little ways!

Uuuh anyway this might feel like a very final retrospective post but I still have a couple of girlweeks left in girlmonth so I'll keep y'all posted with my future girlfits and antics!

Love y'all! ❤️🩷💜

#girl month #girltober #transgender #genderqueer #girl #gender #girlblogging #girl month nsft #girl drugs #hey guys did you know that in terms of male human and female pok-*sniper takes me out* #girl fit #i censored my boyname not bc I have strong feelings against it but just for internet privacy reasons lmao #yes i picked the vaporeon gif for that reason lmao

[arb0k]

As someone who is traveling states next week to meet doctors for the possibility of top surgery, may I ask what the process has been like for you? If this is too personal of an ask please feel free to ignore, of course.

not too personal at all, I enjoy talking about it! Interesting information to have archived too.

!Overall time between getting a referral to the clinic from my GP and the actual surgery date was one year. Waited about 7.5 months between making an appointment and the day of the consultation, and 4.5 months from the consultation to the day of the surgery. (They actually offered to move my surgery up by a significant amount because they hada cancellation, I turnedthem down because I didn't want to have to deal with recovery and grad school at the same time.)

The consultation is mostly about picking what exact procedure you're going for, keyhole double incision etc. Mine was super uneventful because I had DDs lmao, I walked in and said "I promise I am too big for anything other than double incision" and he took one look at me and was like "yeah". It was over pretty quick. I'd say if you have any questions you want to ask them you should write them all down in advance, I tend to come up blank when put on the spot. Mine provided before/after photos when asked but didn't offer unprompted, so if you want those be sure to put that on the list.

also it does involve being naked from the waist up and poked and squeezed. The surgeon really does need to know, but I was anxious and in a hell of a mood the rest of the day afterwards so maybe don't plan on anything too mentally draining. (Nature of the curse, pre-op for dysphoria surgeries is just kinda hell for people with dysphoria specifically).

You will need a therapist letter if you don't already have one, any surgeon worth a shit follows the WPATH guidelines which you can look up in advance (they're all publically available on the WPATH site). Even if they don't, it's mandatory for all the major American insurance companies. It isn't urgent until closer to your surgery date tho, so don't stress too much if you don't have one this second or they reject it the first time for wording issues. The requirements for top surgery are a lot more lax than the bottom surgery ones, at least!

Also make sure you ask them if they've worked with your insurance company before. I lucked out in that my surgeon is contracted with my insurance company specifically, so they already knew all the requirements and got all my pre-auths to go through first try. They were a much better resource than the insurance website itself (depends on what you've got obviously but mine in particular has zero gender dysphoria requirements in writing and makes you call them on a case by case basis every time, which I didn't have to do because the clinic already knew what they wanted from working with them in the past).

They'll give you most of the instruction information then, feel free to glance through it. They also called me two separate times over the following months to read the instructions to me out loud and confirm I understood them. It's mostly all the stuff you need to avoid in the last weeks before anaesthesia, which are NSAIDs like Ibuprofen/Advil, any hormone injections, smoking and alcohol (weed edibles specifically are fine tho! fun fact)

Surgery week itself was three appointments: a pre-op a day before so he could draw the incision lines on me with a permanent marker, the actual surgery the next day, and then a follow-up to get the drains removed six days after that. The pre-op is more shirtless grabbing, but he also used just a normal hardware store level to get the incisions to line up and made me hold it between my tits, which was so funny that it mostly made up for it.

You have to shower with a special anti-bacterial soap the morning before you go to surgery, so you'll have to start getting around way before your actual surgery time. My surgery of 7:30 had a check in time at 5:30 and I had to be on the move before that so like, be aware, make sure you have the ride situation sorted out. I think they let some smaller chested people go home same day if they want but honestly shell out for the night in the hospital if at all possible, the good pain meds are worth it.

I just got dropped off at the hospital and didn't plan on anyone staying with me or visiting and it's honestly been fine, once I recovered from the initial anesthesia I've been coherent enough to text people and chat (and the hospital bed has a USB port in it so you can plug in a phone charger!). They asked me for the phone number and cell carrier of the person picking me up so they could get live text updates , which you should absolutely sign up for. I promised a bunch of people I'd personally text them when I was awake and then wasn't actually coordinated enough to for several hours, oops c':

I'm lucky enough to be local to a good clinic (20-40 minute drive) so I don't really have input on the out of state thing unfortunately. Make sure you have someone with you, I'm independent enough to feed myself and go to the bathroom myself but the pain is def proportional to how much you move and you won't want to be up and down constantly. also I'm not squeamish about emptying my own drains but if you are you'll need someone else to do it

The main restriction mobility-wise is that you can't raise your arms above shoulder level (tho they told me that it isn't a hard rule, just try stuff and stop if it hurts, you won't fuck anything up by letting your body let you know. I was kinda horrified to move at all at first but it really won't hurt anything haha). Main repercussion of this is you won't be able to put shirts on over your head, so get out every button-up you own. Shelves and microwaves and such are all also out of reach for me but that's an easy thing to ask for help for, I just really didn't want someone else to have to dress me lmao.

uhhh that mostly covers things so far? I'm in less pain and more coherent than I expected (when I'm awake anyway) so like make sure you have your phone charger and maybe a book or something!

#feel free to ask questions btw! #if it's too personal I'll just say that. the actual asking part won't offend me~ #zero rambles #medical talk cw

[fierrochaseist4t]

Sparky sparky sparky! I MUST hear ur thoughts on wlw jasico and mlm pipeyna I'm so intruiged!!

OMG YES IM ABSOLUTELY SO VERY GLAD TO TALK ABOUT IT MORE

okay so for the genderbend au im literally just switching my headcanons from what i have in the already canon universe 😭 for simplicity imma just say my genderbend au gender/sexuality hcs before i actually get into explaining dynamics and stuff (under cut since this is a ramble-y post)

nico - transfem genderfluid lesbian, she/he

jason - transneutral nb bi, they/she

reyna - transfem gay, he/they

piper - transneutral queer, they/he/she

also cw for talks of dysphoria and queerphobia

okay so first off wlw jasico bc yes. i love them sm. nico deals with a lot of dysphoria and comphet, a good deal of that comes from growing up closeted in the 30s. she's still got the idea that all "real" girls settle down with a nice guy and start a family, which she doesn't want, so it causes her a deal of dysphoria. after she spends some time at cj, she makes good friends with reyna and jason, both of whom are openly queer at the time. jason being bi and reyna being trans as well. they share experiences and help her learn to accept and love the fact that she's trans and a lesbian. eventually, he and jason develop feelings for each other but keep their relationship private. not necessarily secret, but they didn't go around telling everyone about the details and intricacies of their relationship.

now onto mlm pipeyna. i really like the idea of transmasc lesbian reyna in the normal pjoverse so naturally in a genderbent au im a sucker for the idea of transfem gay reyna. i think reyna would come to terms with himself fairly easily, given the fact that he doesn't really wanna change much about himself??? i see him still going by he/him pronouns because of familiarity and adding they/them pronouns to the list. both sets offer a certain kind of comfort for two entirely different reasons. they knew they liked guys since they were like 11 and basically just said "oh. yeah ok we'll go with this." didn't really tell anyone, just kinda let them figure it out when they never talked about any girls they liked and mentioned his various boyfriends he's had over the years. they're not too invested in romance but enjoy it and are a overall very good partner. piper i think probably took more time to accept themself, but when they did they had a very "oh you don't like it? sucks ig" attitude towards people who gave her shit about it. so im very much lead to believe that the two of them were comfortable with each other right off the bat and eventually developed feelings for one another. reyna took more time to develop feelings i think, but eventually were cool with how they saw piper and asked him out.

this was me when i saw this ask

ty for letting me ramble about this 😭 <33

#stfu sparky #pjo #hoo #toa #nico di angelo #jason grace #reyna avila ramirez arellano #piper mclean #im actually so tempted to write a fic about this bc i have so many thoughts and feelings #i also have thoughts about wlw leo and nico #bc why wouldnt i #also trans fem percy and trans masc anabeth #*annabeth #SO ManY thoughts and feelings about this #spins in a circle and falls over #sparky answers

[alleycat4eva]

Thoughts on Recent Posts

I'm not sure I should even be on this subject anymore with how I tend to react to it.

(Can't add Readme but here's where it would go)

To me being female is intrinsic to and unseperatable to being second class person growing up and it is also an unseperatable part if me. It is like the color of my skin where even when I fought to be more than just a girl or woman I was always held down and back by being a woman.

And maybe it's jealousy of male puberty and the liberty granted to males in my life -because as much as culture dictate they provide or protect it is me paying for my own schooling, my rent, the food, the bills; me doing the chores the talking the car fixing- but there is an unseperateable part of what feminity and womanhood is in that struggle to be recognized as a equal. A struggle that was not asked for, and can't be run or hidden from.  It's not all of it but it is a formative part.

And so - and I won't lie this is something I think I might need therapy for- to me claiming that feminity without having faced the history is fraught. It's claiming powerlessness when you have/had the power. And instead of embracing traditionally feminine activities or ideals or aestetics and continuing despite sex it... embraces these things while adhereing to it.

And on the concept of gender neutral I don't have a conceptualization for it other than not ascribing to either gender role (which I always thought was taught and assigned) which I thought was like. The norm. Because both are incredibly constrictive and don't actually represent real how real people live.

And as for transmen well I will be honest and say I have no idea and no info on it. I've known two transmen but one detransistioned and the other is just the dude I took class with.

Not to mention the discourse in the community itself? Like there's inclusive trans binary trans transfluid and like transcum and transmed and dysphoria

(On a side note? Wtf is the Treatment for gender dysphoria? Because why the hell did I like. Just get told to basically deal with it when receiving treatment for ana/bul and that I just had to overcome that feeling and learn to live with it but like that def does not seem to be the case for gender dysphoria. So reading things like do X to feel more like your dysphoric image of yourself is... Not at all how I was trained to deal with it. They were like " yeah sometimes you'll not wanna eat and tear your skin off that's normal ride it out and dont do that and def eat despite dysphoria")

I'm here. I'm listening. I'm genuinely trying to understand.

And then everything I try to go to tumblr -a fucking leftist source if there was one- and search transwoman is hyper sexualized and fetishized selfies instead of gender discussion. Same with trans. Just to be sure I type in woman and get paintings and then radfem and terf actually have discourse and discussion. Which is why I am thankful for the tag recs.

Btw tranmen? Some affirmation and discourse. But like. Also chock full of radfem and terf stuff.

But then, on a side note, to be literally 2nd gen after ww2 in this country and then be called nazi? What the fuck? Is that the greatest act of violence? For me to say -on the internet- " hey uh I know that this is generally gonna be hated but I think I might be a terf here's why I'm not really sure what's going on"

And then thats nazi self identification somehow.

Go outside and touch grass. Go to 4chan and see what neonazis will actually post. Come here to the US south where people feel comfy enough unironically tell me that men are better and that I should know my place. Where cops have in the last 6 month shot someone because they smelled weed while he was walking and they pinned him to the ground a street over and there is a lawsuit for use over canines against civilians and for an illegal body slam. (All separate.) Where there are legitimate state reps who want to legislate how afab can move in and outta state.

And thats not trying to be like oppression Olympics. That's saying here and now calling me a nazi and being devisive feels outta touch and insane. I literally have little to no control over myself how tf am I going to be controlling anyone else.

#tw transfobia #transgender #trans #gender #woman #the south #dysphoria #tw ed

[goyangii]

going thru ur tags gives me a headache u reblog literally anything with buzzwords and a flashy headline but don't apply any critical thinking skills or consider that ur views might be flawed... ur literally in an echo chamber and it's sad as fuck to see. women are victims of misogyny but trans people are not the problem

thanks bb it means a lot you'd read my blog <3 fr though i usually browse tumblr during breaks on mobile so yeah i'm not running a resource or research-based blog by any means. most of social media is buzzwords and flashy headlines and memes anyways and this is a personal blog, not some debate blog.

i've been in the trans community for years and years from 2012 on and while i can agree radblr (and any online community tbqh) has its own echo chamber-y qualities trans spaces are even worse about it. at least on radblr you can have a dissenting opinion and ppl will disagree albeit loudly but i've gotten banned/blocked/cancelled for posting even vaguely dissenting opinions (such as "lesbians don't need to include bepenised people in their dating/sex lives") in trans spaces when i was ftm so. pot meet kettle ig?

it's not as if i woke up one days and was like "today i feel like hating tranners :3"?? it took almost a decade of experiencing misogyny, racism, and homophobia from a community of mostly white heterosexual people to realize something wasn't right and to start thinking critically about the idea that someone can be born in the wrong body. i know and have parroted all the popular trans activist ideas, it's not that i don't know them front to back by this point. i was on hrt, i met with psychs, i was diagnosed with GID and by all means was a ~textbook~ trans case. i was planning on getting top surgery and changing my name/markers legally when i started questioning stuff, and believe me more than fucking anyone i wanted transition to be the answer to my dysphoria. but larping as a man didn't make me one no matter how much i wished, how well i passed, how validated i felt by my friends/peers/partners. i still have a lot of empathy for ftms and if transition wasn't a flawed premise foundationally i would support it if only bc i know so little helps with dysphoria. but it literally doesn't and won't ever cure it and even "fully" transitioned people i know/knew had dysphoria, worried about passing, etc. and were behind their backs misgendered, treated as their birth sex, etc. it took me breaking out of trans spaces and talking to normies (i don't even mean radfems or ~transphobes~, i mean literally just normal people in class or at work) to realize this.

also individual trans people are imo not the main problem but are perpetuating what is, which is an ideology that hurts women and lgb people. any ideology that says that sexuality is determined by gender (a socially constructed identity based on stereotypes) and erodes sex-based rights (such as the right to a female doctor, shelter, exam by police officer, etc.) is imo harmful whether or not trans ppl individually are "problematic". idk if you think i go out every day kicking trans ppl and bemoaning their existence but ultimately i'm only ever rly gonna feel particularly negatively towards a specific trans person if they're actively shit, as in they're a racist/homophobe/pedo/sex pest/etc. and frankly a pretty disturbing amount meet at least one of that criteria if not multiple, even if i'm only considering trans people i know personally.

#mine #wish tumblr mobile notified me when i got asks rip.......

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

Heyy Aryan :)

First things first, thank you so much for this blog and all the awesome advice you give, you’re really doing god’s work here bestie

Anyway, soo i am an afab person, and I’ve been questioning whether I’m nb

I don't think i experience gender euphoria,, in the sense that i don’t feel like super ecstatic or anything when people use they/them pronouns for me or when I bind (I don't actually even have a binder bc of family reasons but I put on two bras and that does help somewhat so yea),,, but I do feel like relief ig, like yea, this is correct, there’s nothing wrong here, ykwim?

Plus I don't know if I’ve always felt uncomfortable with being perceived as a girl? Like I’ve known a lot about nb identities for a pretty long time now, almost like 3 years I'd say, but then why did I never question if *I* was nb till only a few months ago? What if this is all just in my head?

And I know that it’s okay to question your gender identity and then maybe end up at cis,, but I don’t want to, I mean that’s not sort of, where I see myself in the future,

And I mean I know that gender identity does not equal gender expression but I feel like I’ve really felt most myself when I present as more masculine rather than femme, and I have, for the longest time, felt like everyone just wanted to have a flat chest, or that it was the “default” and I’d prefer having a flat chest, like if I was born that way, then I wouldn’t have issues with my body

Does this count as gender dysphoria? How do I even figure this out, it's literally so exhausting

Any help is appreciated <3

Hey anon!!

Aksjakd thank you I’m always happy to help y’all out ajshajd <33

Also remember you don’t need gender euphoria to be trans/nb bestie!!

Ahhh yeah mate I get how you feel, it’s not exactly euphoria but more relief, a feeling of like “finally, thank god” or like a puzzle piece fitting into place

Bestie listen to me: it’s not all just in your head. Why would you fake smth that actively makes your life harder? Also, faking is a conscious choice. You’re good bestie.

Bestie that is totally normal and like, pretty common actually. I knew about trans people for quite a while before ever questioning if I was trans!

There’s a reason for this actually: it’s because transgender and nonbinary narratives are constantly portrayed in unrealistic ways very few can relate to, and because they are portrayed as *distant from reality and humanity.* 

It’s always “trans people exist!” but never “trans people exist and they are your friends, family and community.” Trans people exist yes but they’re portrayed as quickly transitioning and blending in, “always known,” “born in the wrong body,” and not everyone can relate.

So don’t worry yourself too much about it, mate, it’s pretty normal to not realise you’re trans/nby even while knowing these identities can exist. The way they’re portrayed as well as internalised transphobia and a multitude of other things can get in the way of questioning and realisation.

I’m. Bestie. If you don’t want to be cis. That’s like. Not cis.

No but literally I want you to try thinking—why do you not want to be cis? Does something about being cis make you uncomfy? Distressed? Dysphoric?

One very common thing in trans people is not being able to picture themselves with a future as their AGAB, only as their actual gender. So yeah.

Hmm yeah it sounds like you might be experiencing gender dysphoria.

Flat chests being a “default” if it’s a societal mindset is generally like, misogyny. But if it’s how you view yrself and not the entire population/don’t think flat chested r the default for everyone, then that sounds like it may be dysphoria.

Here’s a post on gender dysphoria you might wanna read, it might help you out and I recommend you read it, especially the links at the end—they might resonate with your experiences.

Honestly, just do what makes you feel like yourself. Stop asking yourself “what’s my gender, really?” and ask yourself “what makes me feel truest to myself?” Does being nonbinary make you feel true to yourself? Be nonbinary.

Also, remember, dysphoria is not necessary to be transgender or nonbinary, nondysphoric trans/nby people are real and valid!! 

I hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck on your questioning journey!! Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night!! Sending my love <33

#ask #anon #helping out a questioning person

[antiterf]

Do you think it's normal or commonplace to feel more dysphoric when I'm at home with my parents who don't respect who I am? Like, when I go to school, everyone calls me by my legal name, teachers call me he/him and the few people I talk to do as well, I am allowed to talk about myself in masculine forms too (gendered language, so pretty much every sentence I say and every sentence someone says when talking to me is either in feminine or masculine form), and my dysphoria is usually lower. Like I have smaller problems with looking in the mirror and I am a little less paranoid about my body shape showing, etc. But whenever summer break comes and I have to stay at home with my parents, who call me exclusively by my dead name and always call me she/her, forbid me from packing and often from binding as well, I find myself being unable to look in the mirror at all without becoming nauseous, sometimes I can't even leave the house at all due to dysphoria, and I notice that my overall mood is worse, that I am way more exhausted and way sooner than I'd normally be, and I am also constantly grumpy and irritated.

Yeah that's about as normal as it gets anon. I notice the same thing in different situations and at one point couldn't get myself to get up and talk to someone who constantly misgendered me from social anxiety.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that shit at home though. I would try to get out of the house with your friends as much as possible to try and cope with it a bit.

#notaterftip #not sarcasm #whatsintheinbox

[scoutpologist]

idk if this helps, but coming from a trans ftm guy, heres my advice: accept the questioning, and divorce all concepts of societal feminimity and masculinity away from the "gendered" things youre doing. it gets 1000% easier when you stop seeing certain things as "things woman do" and "things men do" and even "things trans people do". for some of this its definetly harder to do that (especially when people IRL will see things gendered ie skirts for girls beards for boys) but when you yourself stop seeing things in certain terms and start defining them to yourself, it makes it so much easier to accept yourself and feel comfortable in your own body. like, other people can and will see different things you do as "girly" things or "boyish" things, but it doesnt matter what they think because they arent living in YOUR body. if what you do isnt feminine or masculine or gendered, then it just isnt! Even if its typically gendered stuff like painting or nails or makeup or growing a beard or shaving your hair. its just you doing your own thing. questioning yourself is normal as well - ive been a trans male since i was 15 and ive STILL been questioning myself, even when i feel like i know for sure. i just accept its a part of my journey, and i still divorce concepts of even gender and perception of the things i do from each other. i know im a boy - what kind of boy? Well im still figuring that out. it can be the same for you. Youre still yourself, whether feminine leaning or masc leaning or neither, or stargender or genderfluid or anything else, at the end of the day youre still yourself, no matter what gender or genderless version of yourself you land on. You can always change your mind, you can always feel it from moment to moment, you can always just put it away for later. It doesnt invalidate yourself to question it, it just makes you understand yourself more clearly. i hope this helps, because i can understand the dysphoria of not wanting to be gendered (even if its for me in a certain way) but it makes me feel better to remind myself that nothing has to FEEL like its gendered if i dont want it to be. it can certainly be the same for you <33

you know, even though i think that the categories of masculine and feminine are utter bullshit i didn't think of this at all. that's fucking awesome and i think it'll help a lot. you're right - everything is just stuff that people do. the categories aren't real. why didn't i think of that???

also thank you for the words about questioning. i really really needed to hear that honestly, because questioning is always a very embarrassing and turbulent thing for me. i feel as if i have to sort myself into a category. there's just this urge that i have to know exactly what category i fit into.

this is a very annoying feeling that doesn't really align with my values at all. i think most categorization systems can be limiting at best, and i think the vast majority of people are in a grey area between "ideals" of labels. i don't think labels matter and in fact i think many times they can hold people back. but i still feel the compulsive need to label. annoying as hell, but what can you do. maybe i really need to work on that.

thank you so much for the advice rabble, it means a lot <3 nothing is real and we can do whatever we want, hell yeah

#ask #rabble-dabble