#and when it's bad it's awful

[krakenattack]

A Finalized List of FFVIII Remake, In Order of Who Wants to Get Into Cloud's Pants, Least to Greatest

Okay, I have finally finished my first ever Final Fantasy game and thankfully, or not, the most horny parts of the game seem to be at the beginning and a bit at the end. The story definitely does take over and we meet a whole slew of characters disinterested in what Cloud's got in his cargo pants. But I swore, to the audience in my head if nothing else, that I'd post a finalized list once I finished the game. So, first things first: Scarlett, Palmer, Reeve, Zack - Disqualified. They either don't meet Cloud, have 30 seconds of dialogue, or both. Maybe if they get more of a personality than a sheet of paper. And now, on to the list!

Cloud - Vehemently disinterested. By far, of all the people most interested in having sex with Cloud, Cloud is the least interested in it. He doesn't register anything but the most blatant sexual interest, and even that with only mild annoyance. I refer to him affectionately as a traumasack, because this boy has so much PTSD he barely registers he has a dick, much less any fun potential applications of it. This, of course, makes the rest of this list very funny, very sad, or both.

Madam M - Violently disinterested. She's a professional implied sex worker, and she's seen Cloud's type before. She's not wasting her status as 'Madam M' by not being able to be very picky about her sexual partners, and Cloud doesn't even hit one of her criteria. Hard pass, even with his prettiness.

Red XIII - Strongly disinterested. He just got out of lab where he's been presumably tortured and experimented on by Hojo. He also has PTSD out the wazoo. Also probably uninterested in humans? Idk, he's only in the last act.

Hojo - One, I truly don't believe Hojo has any interest in sex with other people, he's too interested in his experiments. Maaaaaaybe with a clone of himself, but I doubt it. Second, I Cannot Live In A World Where Hojo Fucks. Gods all preserve me from that.

Chadley - Disinterested. Honestly, has probably never even crossed his mind. I almost forgot him from this list because it was so perfectly obvious to me that Chadley simply doesn't look at Cloud like that. I *did* forget him from the first list. Whoops. Sorry, Chadley, you're an innocent cinnamon roll.

Barrett - Still disinterested. Doesn't hate Cloud anymore, but he's still, uh, very fanatical. Not entirely focused on his ecoterrorism, but enough that Cloud doesn't ping him in any way.

Rude - Disinterested. Very professional, but I saw the way he jerked the controls away to avoid shooting Tifa. Man's got a crush, and I can't blame him. Also, one of the few who fought Cloud one on one and didn't flirt with him. Man's probably straight.

Aerith - Still politely disinterested. Can confirm she does like some boys, since she had a mystery boyfriend that Cloud had some sort of trauma memory attack about, so she's not a lesbian like I originally thought. Definitely bi though. Still, views Cloud like a therapy project that she knows someone should do something about, but she doesn't have the time for.

President of Shinra - Mostly disinterested, but if it got him something he really wanted or was critical in his weird paradise plan, might do it.

Chocobo Sam - mostly disinterested, but in the right circumstances, round a campfire at night, after a hard day on the range, just the two of them, when a man gets to feeling lonely, then possibly.

Biggs - mostly disinterested, except in the very drunk bro one night stand described before

Leslie - mostly disinterested, he's still got a lot of grief going on, so he's not interested by himself, but if his boyfriend Andrea Rhodea asked, he'd be down.

Reno - disinterested, but could be persuaded. Hasn't had a lot of scenes with Cloud but was a bit flirty in their fight and seems like the kind of guy who'd be down for maybe some casual sex.

Tseng - perfectly balanced. He is neither interested nor disinterested. He is perfectly professional, and his actual interests and disinterests are a mystery to everyone. Tbh, he's only on this list because he did speak to Cloud once in game and he has more than 30 seconds of dialogue.

Don Corneo - *sigh* much like me, reluctantly putting him on this list, Don Corneo is reluctantly interested in Cloud. He picked Cloud in drag over the other two women, enjoyed Cloud's complete disdain in the seduction scene and only lost interest when Cloud changed back into his usual clothes. Would he still be interested in Cloud out of dress? Would he have Cloud dress as a woman to pretend he was still a hetero? I do not know and I do not care to find out. I accept that Don Corneo does canonically fuck, but I do not want to think about it. Gross.

Heidigger - interested but only in a deeply fucked up way. Like, public humiliation, fucked up power fantasy over Cloud way. He wouldn't act on it unless he had a wide open opportunity, though. Ugh.

Johnny - would never act on it, but if Cloud pointed at him and told him to come here, now, Johnny would snap to.

Marle - not very interested, but Cloud's an attractive young man and she's old, not dead. Probably wouldn't act on it, she likes Tifa a lot and Tifa is clearly interested.

Wedge - interested enough that Barrett wingmans for him! Wedge is still a beautiful mystery to me, his scenes drop off drastically in the mid to end game. But Barrett awkwardly tells Cloud that Wedge 'really likes [Cloud], you know?', so he gets to stay up this high.

Rufus - reasonably interested. He'd be down for a fuck, see where it leads. Could be the start of a beautiful rivalmance, but he's not Roche(read: insane); he wants to see if they're compatible first

Jessie - in love with the idea of it. The bubbly and quirky activist with her broody ex-SOLDIER boyfriend who only shows his soft spots for her!! It's the stuff movies or plays are made out of, and Jessie plays her part to a T. Honestly, Jessie's character fascinates me, but that's for a different post. Suffice to say she's in love with Cloud the way an actress can be in love with a character. It's definitely real; in the moment.

Andrea Rhodea - interested. He'd love to have Cloud as a casual boyfriend. Not super interested in fixing Cloud's multitude of hangups, but would be respectful of boundaries at least. Would be upfront about his wants, ie lots of sex and sometimes dressing up and going on dates to events, sometimes with Leslie, sometimes without. (Leslie is also a casual boyfriend)

Tifa - okay hear me out. She's interested, but she's not as desperately interested as I thought she was. She does want to help fix Cloud, but her 'desperate lovestruck childhood friend' vibes dropped way off after the early game. I actually debated putting her fourth but decided that if all the crazy plot shit wasn't happening she'd definitely still be angling for a date. I no longer think she believes the love of a good woman will save him, I think she's just as interested as any reasonable, sane person could be in the currently burning trashfire like Cloud currently is.

Roche - burning hatemance across the world. Roche is uh, how you say, mentally unstable, and definitely fell in love with Cloud, his racing, and his fight-style. He probably imagines Cloud to be similar to him, forever chasing the soaring high of the adrenaline rush, desperate not to experience the crash, and so remembers Cloud much more fondly than he did in the moment, rewriting over Cloud's own reactions and personality to make him more like Roche's own desires and thoughts. Would love to have the rivalmance of the ages, and would get violently jealous if he learned about Rufus or Sephiroth.

Sephiroth - is there a word stronger than interested? I mean, Seffie's interested all right, but it's the kind of interested that you would get having dated someone for five years and still having that good spark. Sephiroth treats Cloud the way some assholes treat their partners when their partner gets mad at them for something they see as inconsequential and petty. As far as Seffie's concerned, they are already boyfriends/soulmates/two halves of the same whole, but Cloud's mad at him for some reason, and so he's condescendingly giving Cloud his space to stop being mad and come back to bed. He's interested in sex with Cloud, he uses some seduction techniques to gauge how mad Cloud still is at him, but he's not desperate about it, he's not uncertain or hopeful about it, just expectant. There is no world or universe in Sephiroth's mind where he and Cloud don't belong to each other(he even says something like this! Twice!), so to say he's "interested" is to strongly undersell the point. Yeah, he stays at the top of the list.

And there you have it. List of all the major and middling characters from FFVII Remake. I didn't include people like Wymer, specifically because I forgot who the fuck Wymer was between when you first see him and when you last see him. I was so confused when Barrett and Tifa ran up to him all concerned for him, I literally said 'who is this? Why do we care?'. So Wymer, the teachers from Leaf House, the tournament announcers, the weight lifting bros, etc., all got tossed. Oh, and Aerith's mom. Her I just forgot about, and I don't wanna google her name or figure out what flavor of disinterested she is. This post is already so long.

#ffvii remake #phew #finally done #you would not believe how long I thought about all the middling interest characters #it's a good game #it's just about 30% too long #they're trying to stretch the gameplay out of of 1/3 of the original game #without enough extra plot/character development to fill in the corners #so they pad it by making every fight 25% too long #very annoying #but still a good game #when it's good it's very very good #and when it's bad it's awful

[abracadaze]

i feel so bad for nikola tesla like imagine spending years beefing with a guy who has conned the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and you end up dying broke and starving and alone and then 100 years later another guy cons the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and he's doing it all IN YOUR NAME. he must be rolling in his grave like a fucking rotisserie chicken

#when penelope scott said ''you promised you'd be tesla but you're just another edison'' she was so right. she gets it #edit: now that this is getting popular i just want to say please don't deify/martyr tesla #yes he was dealt an awful hand but he also had some very bad opinions especially towards the end of his life. like eugenics #he was clearly struggling with untreated mental illness and was also a product of his time so i'm not trying to cancel him or anything lol #but people in the notes saying ''my poor baby boy tesla did nothing wrong'' is weird. you know that's weird right. #daze.txt #100 #500 #1k #5k #10k #20k #30k #40k #50k #60k #70k #80k #90k #100k #speechless btw. about the 100k notes thing

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

He was just being a silly little guy!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #jin guangyao #wen ruohan #nie mingjue #lan xichen #JGY's character is the zigging and zagging guy of all time #We love a little meow meow that can bite and scratch and kill you. #We also love a little meow meow that can mewl pathetically! #'He's evil now and torturing his former friend?" ZAG TIME: He's a spy and feels soooo awful about it!! #ZIG TIME: He (probably) didn't need to go that deep into the role and kill as many people as he did. #Something I really love about the sworn brother trio is how they reflect how our feelings distort our perception of others. #Lan Xichen represents how when we love/care about someone -anything they do can be endearing. They aren't manipulative: they are clever. #Its less about rose tinted glasses and more about reframing every look you get of them. The constant justifications you make for them. #They just need a space to be loved! “They care for me so I will stand by them no matter what to show them I'm there for them!” #While NMJ represents how when you dislike someone - Everything they do is an affront or proof of their foul character. #Everything is a sign. Everything is 'proof' they are just as awful as you want them to be. Every 'good trait' is twisted. #The problem is that most people are just human. They are flawed and they are capable of good and bad things. #Meng Yao's motivations are very complex. Yet he's extremely human all the same. He isn't the saint nor the monster of the story.

[paper-lilypie]

free falling

#hahaha that moment when you realize you’re down bad for the incarnation of a god and you’re ruined for anyone else #funny that #one piece #kobylu #tagging as kangvcd bc technically it’s their koby design #koby’s awful no good very confusing day #fanart #monkey d. luffy #coby one piece #gear 5 luffy #sun god nika

[jakeperalta]

defining a "comfort album" as whatever feels right to you :)

#this poll is brought to you by the migraine i just had #because in january 2021 i became unwell for several months and evermore was always my go to #whenever i could do nothing but lie there and feel awful #so today when i went to lie down it was just automatic to be like at least i have evermore to listen to :) #so even though it's quite a sad album it's a comfort in the sense of being what i reach for when i feel bad #the other option would be lover as my sort of happy place album #i'm curious whether this will skew more towards the earlier albums than favourite album polls because of the nostalgia factor #or i could see folklore winning for the comfort during the pandemic factor #polls #taylor swift

[thegreenthepeacetheorange]

three times katniss talks about peeta completely normally in catching fire

I watch as Peeta crosses to the table, the sunlight from the window picking up the glint of fresh snow in his blond hair. He looks strong and healthy, so different from the sick, starving boy I knew in the arena, and you can barely even notice his limp now. 

I hadn't thought about it much, but in the arena at least some of the boys got to keep their body hair whereas none of the girls did. I can remember Peeta's now, as I bathed him by the stream. Very blond in the sunlight, once the mud and blood had been washed away. 

I like to watch his hands as he works, making a blank page bloom with strokes of ink, adding touches of color to our previously black and yellowish book. His face takes on a special look when he concentrates. His usual easy expression is replaced by something more intense and removed that suggests an entire world locked away inside him. I've seen flashes of this before: in the arena, or when he speaks to a crowd, or that time he shoved the Peacekeepers' guns away from me in District 11. I don't know quite what to make of it. I also become a little fixated on his eyelashes, which ordinarily you don't notice much because they're so blond. But up close, in the sunlight slanting in from the window, they're a light golden color and so long I don't see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinks. 

(every time she describes him, which is often in this way, it's like in a romcom or movie where the hero steps in and he's bathed in some sort of otherworldly glow so we know that THIS is the person, this person bathed in golden light.)

#she is OBSESSED with peeta in the sunlight #constantly talking about him shining and shimmering and bathed in sunlight #what do we say again? DOWN BAD #it's like every time he's in front of her she's in awe #it's crazy to think she wasn't into him when she talks about him like this #everlark #katniss x peeta #katniss and peeta #peeta x katniss #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #the hunger games #thg

[obsob]

lady amber my beloved

#mine #rote #fitz and the fool #amber i would die for u #this was going to be a fools quest beloved but unfortunately the short hair was rlly bad so shdhsdbd #au in which everything is the same but beloved kept their beautiful long locks #honestly fools quest is simultaneously the hardest and funniest rote book to read #like on the one hand everything is awful. on the other hand people hve told fitz hes cringe for being depressed like 5 times its so funny #also when fool said ash made a convincing girl and fitz said 'you would know' FITZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i screamed girl ur so funny #anyway . this drawing gave me so much grief i drew it last week and only this evening had time 2 colour it ooooaug #moving tomorrow good lord !!! im not convinced i can get everything in the car but my mum says we can so.....i believe her i guess #im so stresed. also i think my printer is just going to be like. raw dogging it in th car bc we dont hve a box big enough so KJBKSDJBK #anyway hve a nice evening!

[uncanny-tranny]

At some point, I think people have to contend with the fact that misgendering isn't a completely a universally agreed upon concept in the specific sense that misgendering can be very personal.

What may be misgendering to you will not be to other trans people - even if they have the same gender as you. You may be misgendered if somebody used the wrong label to describe you (e.g., somebody calling you "girl," even if it is slang), but that does not mean that that will apply to everybody.

It's important to recognize this because so often, people will say things like, "you can't use this label/phrase/term for any trans person who is a [gender]! And if any trans person who is a [gender] uses those labels/phrases/terms, they're wrong and bad!" and that is simply too broad a generalization.

It's fine to be uncomfortable with certain things like this. It is fine if you don't want to be misgendered, and indeed, I share in that sentiment. However, that does not mean that your comforts and discomforts apply to all trans people or all trans people who share your gender. There's a difference in that, I think.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #dysphoria tw #some other trans men do /not/ feel misgendered by being called/labeled as a lesbian/woman/wife and i do! neither of us are bad for that! #some trans women are misgendered by being called 'straight' if they like men! some trans women are misgendered by being called 'gay'... #...when they are attracted to men and neither of those women are bad people/bad women for their desires and who they are #what you do is listen to individuals and what they feel misgenders them and work with them without judging or being shitty to them #do you have to 'get it'? no! but you don't have to be awful about it either #and if it bothers you /so/ much then do both of you a favour and walk away

[comradekatara]

can i be real with you guys for a second. do i have permission to speak my truth without being flayed alive. just for a moment. the way many of you talk about zuka makes me think you guys don’t actually enjoy their relationship. people will be like “oh i love how it’s grumpy x sunshine because zuko is a little grouchy grouch and sokka is funny and flirty and bubbly” and i’m just like……. in what world?????????? i don’t think you guys ship zuck actually i think you guys just wish you could ship zukang without being perceived as weird for age gap reasons. but in no world is zucchini a ship wherein sokka is emotionally uplifting zuko thru the power of love and friendship. they’re literally both suicidal freaks. and yet people love making them not only as boring as possible, but also giving sokka a personality transplant (aang’s personality, to be specific) because they hate the source material or they just see conventionally attractive teenage boys and black out or who knows what. but it’s okay you guys can just ship zukang if that’s really what you want out of their dynamic. i won’t judge

#hot takes #it’s not a bad ship in theory but ever since 2020 ppl have been so intent on reducing it and editorializing it and like #i don’t know those guys. those boys genuinely are strangers to me #it was only good back when gay people hadn’t been invented yet #and 7 people total on this earth actually understood it #but i kind of miss back when everyone was like ‘what a cute bromance’ #bc even if they weren’t being explicitly gay about it they DID Understand the nature of their dynamic #and now it’s like ‘well of course theyre gay’ but they don’t actually interrogate that further #and it’s awful. #literally ruining a freak4freak relationship it’s truly criminal #if u want grumpy sunshine (ugh) just ship zukang no one is stopping you #but that is NOT what’s going on with sokka at ALL #leave him ALONE!!!!!!

[mamadarama]

592 - ive noticed a lot of herp owners also like bugs so i hc that shinobu likes bugs too

#we had dermastid beetles at my old job to clean bones they were so cool and smelled awful #not as bad as the crickets tho theyre fine when its just a few but a whole colony smells god awful #handcrafted funnies #enstars textpost #ensemble stars #enstars #wataru hibiki #eichi tenshouin #leo tsukinaga #natsume sakasaki #rei sakuma #kanata shinkai #shu itsuki #tatsumi kazehaya #himeru #mayoi ayase #kohaku oukawa #niki shiina #rinne amagi #jun sazanami #nagisa ran #madara mikejima #ibara saegusa #chiaki morisawa #shinobu sengoku #tetora nagumo #hiyori tomoe

[samuelroukin]

SAMUEL ROUKIN as Lt Col John Graves Simcoe in TURN: WASHINGTON'S SPIES (2014—2017) Episodes 4.06 Our Man in New York

#turn #turn amc #turn washington's spies #turnedit #john simcoe #john graves simcoe #samuel roukin #samuelroukinedit #perioddramaedit #tvedit #ben.gif #gradient text #that should be ME #good for her tho #sorry abt the god awful coloring but this was the darkest scene ever put on television <- lies i tell myself when im just bad at giffing #hot tag

[somegrumpynerd]

The most labrador coded guy, somebody call him a good boy

#UTDR #UTMV #Cross Sans #Consider this a small apology for all the awful dad stuff I am doing to this guy #I wanted to draw more but I am so tired today -A- #Thinking about how if they were animals or wereanimals or something like that #Cross would be a big-ish scary looking dog #Who wants to be pet so bad but doesn't let people near him #And when he finally lets someone pet him he probably whines the whole time and his tail thumps around furiously #Also Killer is a cat who can't purr unless he's in stage one #Anyway do you think Nightmare learned how to bake in his half a century? #I hope he makes cookies every once in a while and they're super nice

[nats-uvi]

Angst time :D👍

You can read my rambling about her in the tags

#listen LisTEN TO Me #hear me OuT #oh is hc time #I read a while ago howw empathetic people tend to feel bad when they feel any angry/“negative emoy #el archivo literalmrnte lo tengo giardafo como “problemas emocionales goes brrrr” xD #how they tend to bottle everything up cause it makes thrm feel shame about how their actions might be seen as “selfish” #despite having VERY good and VALID reasons to justify thrir anger #based on the pilot I think she's pretty meek and also a little bit of a pushover #also I was thinking she'll be pretty self consious and try to mask her emotions the best she can #which obviously is super unhealthy #I think that at some point she's just going to SNAP and is gonna be awful and soo sad and omg I cant wait to see it #give my girl some character development pls #cause as much as I like crybabies characters I also like for thrm to learn how to stand up for themselves #anyway sory if that didnt made sense xDd is just that I have never had so much fun with a fictional character #mi hija fr #el archivo literalmente lo tengo guardado vomo “problemas emocionales goes brrr” xD #ya ahora si los tags serios #tadc fanart #the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc gangle #gangle

[canisalbus]

As a survivor of abuse I relate to Machete so much. I've always felt unclean for no reason except being told I was unclean, and it made me feel worthless or revolting by default. Like, no matter what I did I would be filthy and unpleasant to be around.

Seeing that he can be loved, makes me feel like maybe I could be loved too.

.

#abuse is one of those things that can strongly warp your perception of yourself and the world around you #if you're told you're a bad person often enough (especially by someone you should be able to trust and rely on) #you start to believe it yourself #even in the absence of any proof of that being the case #sometimes you're able to view the situation objectively and come to a rational conclusion that you're not #uniquely awful/ugly/stupid/sinful/worthless #you're just a normal person and you have been brainwashed to resent yourself for your imaginary flaws #it's still really difficult to free yourself from that way of thinking once it has taken root #it's not impossible but it is a test of perseverance #in the beginning it just feels like you're lying to yourself when you make the conscious effort to fix the damage #and think of yourself more kindly #sorry that got off track #answered #anonymous

[hylialeia]

you don't get it. she loved him once. she didn't have a maester, she had a brother. he sold their mother's crown to keep them fed. he said Dany, please. she loved him, once.

#I feel like the tragedy of viserys and dany is they really might have been close and loved each other normally of they'd been allowed to #barristan says viserys always seemed aerys's son but when has westeros had any sort of developed understanding of mental illness #dany knew him best and she said the last kindness left him when he sold their mother's crown #it begs the question how much kindness there would have been if they hadn't been children forced out on the streets #a brother dany says never forgave her for their mother's death giving her birth. #but who told her stories and brought her up while his own mental faculties were wearing thin #it doesn't feel like tywin keeping tyrion based on lannister name and blood alone #she loved him once. #that viserys had some inherent lecherous evil in him doesn't feel in line with that to me #it doesn't feel in line with dany please #if ned is the good guardian to tywin's bad one viserys was just a boy who found himself in that role under the worst possible circumstances #and who under duress of those awful circumstances and his own undiagnosed mental illness #(for which he never got any help or support) #failed his sister very very badly #leaving daenerys to feel the hole of his absence even when he was still alive #because she loved him. once #lol anyway! #asoiaf #daenerys targaryen #viserys targaryen

[vuigardarling]

i need to stop saying “i want her” every time someone describes an undesirable and or insane woman

#i do it too much irl #okay i won’t but for context ; i said this about my coworkers little sister when she was telling me how awful she was #that sounds bad said little sister is my age- #jocelyn rambles