#and when i feel like i need to do any of those things i cant turn to any of them

[bbodiless]

HOW JJK MEN DIRTY TALK! | JJK Men

content. +18 mdni, !fem reader, slutty dirty talk, sub choso

includes. Geto, Gojo, Toji, Nanami, Choso, Sukuna.

GETO SUGURU

“thaaaat’s it, baby. can you take it a lil’ deeper f’me?”

“so beautiful. kiss me while you do it, yeaaah…”

“pull on my hair, baby. i love it when you do that.”

“you got me so hard wearing that tiny ass skirt.”

GOJO SATORU

“yeah, that’s how I like it. keep goin’, pretty.”

“ooh, yeah this pussy is so pretty.”

“lemme taste you, I gotta.”

“i can't hear you, beautiful, lemme hear those pretty sounds.”

TOJI FUSHIGURO

“you know how pretty this cunt is, girl?”

“so fuckin’ tight…”

“whatever you do, don't fuckin’ stop.”

“i cant get enough of this sweet thing…”

KENTO NANAMI

“feels so goddamn good, sweetheart.”

“you like it when i spank you, hm?”

“i fantasize about you sitting on my face, y’know that?”

“that outfit is driving me fucking crazy.”

CHOSO KAMO

“please, baby… i need you so bad.”

“my love, touch me, please?”

“i can’t go any longer without touching you.”

“i wanna see you touch yourself…”

RYOMEN SUKUNA

“undress yourself for me, woman.”

“let me see how wet you are for me.”

“no panties on? dirty, dirty girl.”

“my sweet little pussy..”

#jjk x reader #jjk #jjk smut #jjk x you #jjk geto #jjk nanami #nanami is a gentle dom #nanami kento #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna ryomen smut #i cannot write gojo #gojo satoru #jjk gojo #choso is bae #choso smut #choso x y/n #choso kamo

[lemongogo]

can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me. #as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists. #and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh...... #i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it. #i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

[13eyond13]

I think the moment Light's crush on L first smacked him in the manga (like when it finally rooted and started blooming in his guts) was when L was like "you're my first ever friend" whilst smirking into his teacup. And not because Light fully believed he was being sincere about being friends, but because he KNEW L was slyly teasing him and speaking to him on more than one level at once. Nothing more unexpected funny flattering and intriguing than that for him right then

#im thinking about this specifically because of that post about the girl getting a huge crush on her enemy that saved all her threats #bc that's basically that moment for light i think #light tries to squash all positive emotions towards others at all times when he's kira if they interfere with his plans after all #but if L does something like this to him then it forces him to think about his feelings in a strategic preparation sort of way #nay dare i say it basically is giving light permission to do so #he can now hold off on completely stamping out those feelings as soon as they arise #almost (he thinks) as a way to study his enemy and see how full of shit he may or may not actually be about such things #this moment probably starts a shift in light where he can allow himself to acknowledge that he maybe has a bit more than just #enemy feels for L you know #bc maybe L also is having other kinds of feels about him?? #whether or not it's true it would impress him as a bold move #and kickstart him having to analyze what he actually does sincerely feel for L #and maybe start reframing and recontextualizing a lot of their tense ambiguous interactions up til that point secretly as well #heck we basically see him doing that when hes like lounging at his desk going HAH if it's friendship he wants then by god it's friendship #he will get #and this game of chicken with L about saying theyre friends keeps him from being able to completely avoid confronting #any complicated feels #like he otherwise probably would #because he legit cant back down from preparing for another battle of the wits with L #both because of his competitive pride and his genuine need to protect himself #would he call it a crush to himself yet #no probably not #i feel like that came later much later #he def would have acknowledged it as such by the end of the story tho #essentially L found a way to create a little wedge to ram in the door to Light's feels #and that is a smart enough move to probably have made Light start developing a crush on him even if he didn't have one already #l lawliet #light yagami #lawlight #p

[skunkes]

How do you feel about Dungeon Meshi (i think i spelt that right) getting more popular? I feel like i’ve only seen u post about it but now its popping up a lot more on my twt / tiktok

Mixed feelings! Glad it has an anime now and that ppl are enjoying it, because its really good!

I myself think its annoying when ppl are like "im gatekeeping x media bc its important to me 😡" so thats not how I feel on the other end. It has impacted lots of ppl so if it can get a bigger reach and impact more, thats good. ^_^

if i did not have the time or energy or resources to read it, I would've hated feeling alienated just bc it became a favorite media of mine after the anime came out

Its more like. Idk.

I know ppl who hope it gets Bigger for more official merch but I just don't want it to get Embarrassing ykwim.

I need it to not get so popular that in a few years I'm hiding the volumes from my shelf because its an embarrassing, beat to death thing thats present in every store, backpack, socks, sweater that looks like characters clothing, funko pops, etc. something i cant even enjoy anymore bc its been wrung dry and overexposed and misinterpreted, "of course u like it EVERYONE likes it!" and now I'm tired of it, and wouldn't want ppl to associate me with it LOL 🧿🧿🧿

#anonymous #skunk mail #its like how i do enjoy jjba but id never wear merch out bc what if some fandom poisoned man makes a kakyoin doughnut #joke to me. which happened in college when any mention of it came up #or like how. (insane evil hater mode) when i see people really into BNHA or SNK still im like 😬 #can u imagine if those were somehow your favorite series' in the past and now someone who doesnt even go there feels weird about it For You #when you mention it being your fave. LMFAO. i recognize that'll happen regardless due to ppls tastes but ykwim!!! fandom poison!! #the subreddit has already started with unfunny memes 😭 #AND already started with ''um but my shipping??? my Het shipping why no het people shipping?? why no het Canon ship??'' #ok this is the other hater part that sounds like the ''im gatekeeping this thing thats already popular 😡'' crowd #and im already sorry for the wording im gonna use but you KNOWWWWW the type. #i need it to not ever be on the list of anime that harry potter GOT loving normies my age list as their fave 😭😭😭 #SORRY. this is why i cant interact with jjba bc i know my harry potter loving old friend's husband loves it #or like how my friends boyfriend balks at any mention of ''gay shit'' in it. YKWIMMMM. DONT LET IT GET THIS COMMON #we cant let it get to ''i love marvel movies disney harry potter GOT and [ANIME]!'' status 😭 SORRY. #I need it to get so popular they release a thistle figure im already saving for just in case. But not marvel funko pop lover popular. 😭

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Me, decorating my room: ...should I get a naruto poster?

Also me: If I search for naruto posters... they'll all make me angry in a way that's fucking unhinged

#and i was right. of course i was right. i wanna spit and bite #thry focus on the wrong things. why cant they just read my mind and make exactly what i specifically want? #why the fuck woukd i want an itachi poster??? i want a fucked up chakra tree sapping the people of their life force #i want naruto standing strong when everyones trying to tear him down. i want kushina telling naruto how much she loves him before she dies #i want iruka taking care of naruto when everyone else has turned their backs. but those make for bummer fucking posters #and i dont wanna hang my own art on my walls. maybe i need to go to an anime con. but i still feel like the artists would focus on the wron #things. ugh. i am become a naruto elitist. i just have too many feelings abt naruto >:-[ #also. i live in the middle of nowhere in the mountains now so like i dont thibk ill b going to any cons. #also moving across the country is fucking exhausting and idk when ill have time to properly draw yet #naruto ramblings #is it too much to ask for everyone to interpret naruto like i do? in opposition of the writer?? is it me who's out of touch??? #no. its the people who are wrong. lol me and my fucking naruto feels

[ouchhq]

am i so hard to care about?

#i need to vent and i know u guys cant stand me because i can feel it (and certainly from the anon hate) but i think im gonna have an ulcer #if i dont put this out somewhere #SH s*icide tw !!!!! #i need some advice or opinions because i feel like im losing it #i dont understand why my friends cant care about me #i know !!! i know i seem out of touch and insane because i say this so often and the question to someone reading would come natural: maybe #it is just ur perception…. maybe u suck ass as a friend too #and i do ponder about that!!!!!! i take those possibilities into consideration i do. and i genuinely dont think i suck as a friend. i always #check in. if they seem off i ask how they feel. i ask updates on their stuff. i dont think i deserve this tbh #but especially when i am struggling they just disappear #like even when i reach out and let them know im doing bad. they clearly read my measages and choose to ignore them #these are supposed to be my best friends #these days ive been so bad. and trigger warning again #i just feel so suicidal and i have been hurting myself in the desperate attempt to cope and manage these thoughts #and i dont tell them these things #i dont share the details because 1) it is too much to dump on someone and 2) they dont show any interest even on the surface level of my #problems so i just wouldnt tell them the deeper issues #i am just in so much pain. and i also feel a lot of anger because of their behavior. i feel so so hurt by it. so many years of this going on #of them just not even acknowledging my struggles while i was in the midst of them and trying still to support them and be there for e #whatever they had going on. and getting nothing in return #i hate that i feel so angry but i do. and ive been swallowing this anger and pain for so long i feel it eating my insides #even my therapist doesnt understand why i am friends with people that dont care about me #i dont know what i should do #i want to say something #actually i already talked about this to one of them one year ago exactly and i told her all these things and she just said she didnt know #why i was ignored. and then still kept being a part of it #the thing is i am so upset and my mental health is so so so bad. i am supposed to spend new years eve with them in two days but i dont know #how i can do that feeling like this #but if i speak to them about it i think it will also ruin the mood #if someone has any thoughts or advice it would be very welcome….

[coyoxxtl]

tumblr centrist liberals stop acting like voting is the most influential and important political activity you can participate in challenge

#me donating to mutual aid posts on tumblr and donating esims to people in gaza has done worlds more influence than any vote i ever did #people who risk their lives in protests do more than voting #i firmly believe that #this isnt a Voting is Pointless post this is Voting is the Barest Minimum #voting is easy. when there’s no outside barriers its so fucking easy. #you fill in a card and call it a day. its easy to feel like you made a difference when all you did is fill in some dots. #yall barely even follow up on who you vote for or even Care if the people you vote for fail you #its the perfect thing for weak liberals to attach to #treat it like the be all end all with activism and you have the easiest get out of real political action card #no need to get your hands dirty if you did all you needed to #as someone who DOES vote. voting is the easiest political thing i engage with. everything else is a risk. or at least a sacrifice. #voting is barely anything to me. i dont feel like i do Anything with it. but donating. making political art. THATS something. thats REAL. #i would go to big protests if i lived somewhere with them #like i understand. wanting voting to be enough. im a heavily depressed bitch who feels like they cant engage with anything big or important #i know tumblr is full of those types. yall dont want to do anything. yall dont want to be uncomfortable or upset or anything negative. #personal comfort above all else. thats what tumblr is. thats what centrist liberals are. there’s no real desire to break out- #of the comfort zone or status quo respectively. yall are scared to get Involved. and i am too. but with how current events are going… #i can see that i don’t want to be that anymore. i know i need to be more than that. its hard and risky but i Need to. #and so do yall. yall NEED to engage with activism outside of voting. or you’re doing nothing. #txt

[snickerdoodlles]

there's a point at which someone's fear of being a dick wraps back around to them just being a dick anyways

#im side-eyeing those who reblogged my post on ethnocentrism and missed the point #but im also thinking about the tags i saw on being too scared to comment on fic #the first is being ~too scared~ to write cultures other than their own #(1. my point was people should be learning *as they watch the show* not just when they write #2. i just. jfC. stop saying youre too scared to *try* to write from another culture/POV different from your own as tho its a *good* thing) #the second is just annoying/frustrating because being too scared to participate in community is how community's die #i dont want to be dismissive of cancel culture because i do know the stories and there is always indv cases of a person ready to be a dick #but like. its just *not* a thing most people have to be worried about. very likely you're just not big enough to have that concern. #anxiety's no joke but like. u dont just accept the anxiety as the excuse. you have to challenge it. i've been there but u cant feed it. #and i dont want to sound dismissive of that anxiety but im really frustrated with seeing people throw that excuse around #without considering how their fear-based attitudes/actions come off in turn #such as not showing fandom creatives any appreciation for fear of saying the ~wrong~ thing #which comes off as creatives' stuff seeming to be ignored completely or otherwise very discouraging silence #when the only rule for tags/comments is to treat others the way you wish to be treated and apologize if you accidentally tread a toe #and being more worried about accidentally stepping on a theoretical persons toe than interested in showing actual people gratitude #like? pretty sure im not the only one side-eyeing that like ''have u really considered this feeling/logic????'' #again: its not saying that anxiety isnt a dick or easy to dismiss but i am saying maybe challenge it or at least reflect on it #i just #blahh #the commenting thing is way more mild than the other but tags arent for that conversation and i need a much better brain space for that one

[rohirric-hunter]

One thing that I love about the snarmour and it seems like the new Silent Hunter set has it too is that it is SO outrageously shiny. Look at how the light reflects and plays off the metal parts of this set, especially the shoulders. Those shoulders are going on a lot of other outfits I can tell you right now

#lotro #i feel like maybe this sort of thing was enabled by some of those graphical updates they did when they released umbar? #very cool #also pardon the shakyness i panned this by hand #like with my mouse #theres a key you can use to auto pan but it goes way too fast imo #i need to find some kind of program for more controlled panning #one of the reasons i havent really made any of the music videos i have in my head is because i cant do smooth panning rn #im sure theres some kind of program that will like create mouse input to my specifications tho #like an autoclicker #technically against lotros tos but if its for a music video i do not think they would care #lotro should have a cinematic camera tbh #where you can pick different angles or alter how your character is centered in a shot #introduce slow panning in a chosen direction #it would be very cool

[pezpenser205]

if i had a nickel for every time i got an anon criticizing me where i responded willing to believe them, being curious and wanting more resources or details so i can learn, but they go dead silent and never say anything else about it id have 2 nickels which isnt a lot but its really annoying and makes me sad that its happened twice.

#''x is bad'' #ok i wanna believe you but can you give me something to read or explain this to me bc just you saying things isnt something i wanna form- #a strong opinion around. #*silence* #ok! why!!!!! #i feel like if youre coming to someone with information especially an autistic someone then you should be ready to explain what you mean- #-and how you got to that conclusion. like someone saying ''x is a dogwhistle'' or ''x is bad'' doesnt tell me anything. i dont know any- #-more than i did when we first started talking. i just know that this person thinks these things and thats not enough. as an autistic- #-person whos been duped countless times into agreeing with stuff or saying and doing things in conversation that i didnt actually agree- #-with im not just gonna believe everyone. youre on anon and i dont know you. how am i supposed to know i can trust you. i cant. and i want- #-to. thats why im asking for information. i want to know things and i want to get things right but saying 'youre doing x wrong' without- #-telling me exactly why its wrong is a fucking nightmare man. i need to know in excruciating detail in order to change how i think. #its not that i dont ever want to change how i think i just cant trust people and want to know that the information im taking in is accurate #and i want to understand it fully. i cant just know one facet of something. #i dont just see the overarching idea. i see the smaller bits that make up those ideas. if you dont give me history or backstory to work with #i wont see the full idea. despite wanting to. #bleh. #im tired #op

[qumiiiquinnquin]

ill never be good enough at anything

#vent #events of today only proved it #im genuinely so close to giving up completely #i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing #I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im #the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did #i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships #i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long #i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math #i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive #hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough #i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi #i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i #know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out #i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on #just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height #the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly. #ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from #if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic #i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me #i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.

[dreamingofstarslight]

I am melting into a puddle like the wicked witch

#i speak #i need this heat to STOP #and i need more cold days #and i need time to stop for a few months #ughhh this about to be the worst few months #ive got death anniversaries coming up and birthdays for those dead ppl coming up and my birthday #and siblings birthdays and ugh these seasons already fuck with my emotions #and now theres these things and this heat and my lead teacher fucking sucks as a person #and my work mom is quitting this month and its just going to be one thing after another #and its legit gonna be a thing where i am gonna be late some days bc of how overwhleming this is going to get #kinda feel like that song ‘wake me up when september ends’? yall know the one #but its more like ‘wake me up when october begins’ #i think I’ll be okay being a person in october #last year i didnt even really remember that it was my birthday/my graduation anniversary bc everything kind of fell to the wayside #and i dont mean to sound any bit bratty about it but it fucking sucks that even as an adult i cant find happiness at my birthday/graduation #anniversary bc literally smack dab jn the middle of those dates my grandpa died #so its like i hate feelimg mad about it but also what do you mean im probably never going to be happy on my birthday? #god it just sucks #vent #sorry #just ignore this literally

[skyllion-uwu]

Am I nauseous because I'm hungry or because I triggered myself last night

#my stomach hurts and i need to eat but the idea of doing that is. ack #and i cant tell my parents why because id have to unpack so much spontaneously #like id have to explain i was on the internet before they let me make an account and that i didnt tell them when i was getting those dms #and how its basically ruined any neutrality i had towards sex because ill be fine and then BAM! #everyone else is 12 year old me and im an adult and im my abuser and im going to hurt them if i keep talking about this #just because it was only words doesnt mean it fucked everything up forever. i know back then i was aroace but didnt have the words #but i sincerely think id be just sex neutral if it wasnt for that fucking asshole and now i think about sex for too long and get sick #and i didnt say anything because i thought they were my friend and i dont know if they were 11 like they said they were or not either way #its just. im getting so much off my chest here i wish i could go back in time and tell myself to block after that first message #and i didnt say anything after i realized because i wasnt allowed to have social media and i didnt want to get in trouble over that part #fantasizing alone is one thing but as soon as someone else is involved theyre me and im that person on da and i hate it. i hate it i hate it #i hate it i hate it #is that a common thing. where you feel like youre the abuser in certain contexts even if youre nothing like them #whatever. i have physical therapy and then ask a prof if i can use him as a reference and then finish my application if he gets back to me #and then i can rot all i want #sky vents like amogus

[apathyfairy]

some days you really just want to scream why is this so hard!!!!!! why is life so hard for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

#maybe it's bc i just started my period or maybe it's bc im on the verge of my next breakdown but im struggling!!!!!!!!!! #yesterday i realized it's been exactly 2 years since i moved into this living situation im still stuck in and it just hit me #as i was trying to fall asleep that like ok i just lost 2 more years of my life!! i accomplished absolutely nothing and #just ran in fucking circles going nowhere and literally have done Nothing #and not to make excuses but im only now realizing how badly covid fucked me like not covid covid but covid time #as in like jobs and having any sort of future like that was Exactly the time after i graduated that i needed to be doing shit and i couldnt #and yeah i know there are sooooo many people in similar situations bc of covid but god i just feel like such a failure which i am #but i just feel so helpless like i honestly do not know how to move forward #or what i even want out of life anymore if anything at all and yes ok so period plus 2 year anniversary plus my birthday next week so im #extremely on the edge rn #and anyway last night i was crying bc of the 2 year thing then u know how when u sometimes start crying about one thing #u start crying about just everything wrong in your life so yeah i did that and then suddenly it was about still living here #and still living in this state and still living with mentally abusive relatives and how much of a failure i am at my age and how my birthda #will make me feel like shit and how much i miss my dogs and how much i worry about my cat and how i cant ever lose her ever no matter what #like i simply will not go through another pet death i just wont. and then all roads lead to my biggest mistake and regret so my ex then #all that and how i literally cant change any of those things at all and how much i feel like a prisoner and i cant escape and anyway. #im just not doing well lately lmao

[hella1975]

(hella you dont have to answer this, just wanted to say it) i know you ofc know that grief is a really complicated n fickle feeling but. it is, so i hope u can give yourself that space to grieve and do whatever it takes...but also please take care of yourself. and we're both creators of stuff so i really get the feeling, but i promise youre not destined for getting worse or stuck in that. something similar happened to me my senior year and even if you didn't know him that well, you're allowed that space to feel too.

ik my words prob dont do much, and i dont pretend to know better than you about your hometown or life or anything like that, but im here if u wanna talk. i love u <3

thank you for this my love. this is so kind and you didnt need to say anything but you DID and im so grateful for that. i promise im okay and im very good at being able to tell what episodes are temporary and what are more serious, so i know this one is temporary and is more shock/natural sadness at hearing the news that will peter off over time, so im trying to just. let myself feel it all for now and then put it to rest after a couple days. im sorry you can relate at all, i feel like it's such a specific, strange kind of grief to explain, when it's someone you know very distantly and technically have no 'right' to grieve, because like you said, grief is complicated, and it doesn't care what right you have to it or not. which is something im having to remind myself of and tell myself im not being selfish or self-centred for feeling upset by this. ive reached out to one of my irls and im going to tell her tomorrow bc i trust her to be good about this, so as basic as that sounds that's a pretty huge thing for me and im hoping it'll help even if it is just. talking it out. idk. but i appreciate this and i appreciate you, ily bestie xx

#as much as i do blame my hometown i think a part of that anger/blame is a coping mechanism #bc it's easier to blame all the bad things that happen IN that town ON that town if that makes sense #and im aware it lacks nuance to narrow shit down like that but it makes it bearable for me #to just blame everything on this vague broad 'hometown' idea in my head #instead of truly delving into it bc that WOULD make me miserable #im so sorry to even delve into this for anyone idly reading bc i know this is very serious but i need to put it SOMEWHERE #like im twenty and SIX boys in my year have died #two were drug overdoses and one got pulled out of the river so we'll never know which of those were accidental or on purpose #one boy had leukaemia another got killed in a hit and run the day before his eighteenth birthday #and now this boy. and he fucking hung himself like i cant get that out of my head of all the ways to go he chose that #and of those six boys two of them were my cousins and one was seventeen when he overdosed and we're pretty sure it was an accident #which makes it WORSE like he would have known when the drugs were already in his system that it was too much #and he was just a child. he would have been so scared. and they're all just dead now and they keep dying #and i just feel so helpless and like in me getting out of that town i left them behind? #idk. im venting now im not expecting any of this to be addressed by anyone lmao the problem with most of it is that it CANT be addressed #like what can you do? just keep on going until the next one #ask #delete later

[navramanan]

I go through these short periods of time feeling very okay and good even only bc i distract myself from what pains me until it catches up again and the cycle repeats itself

#i think it's verrrrrrrrry close to catching up again after i've had normal 2 weeks lol #so many ifs and buts and would things be better had i made a different decision lived in a different place or time etc #but i'll never now i'll always only have the here and now and the unchangeable past #and the very incertain scary future i'm trying so so so hard to be hopeful about but seeing things as they are right now. i really dont kno #i can only fake it to some point. i cant fake it till i make it. i'll fall apart countless times and then wont make it anyway #i feel like. i feel like all the circumstances i've been in have all always been against me #like i'm the only unlucky one among the people i know #i try so so so hard to remind myself that people who seem to have it so much better have their own problems too #but then also i remember something i wrote down once as a teen. the phrase you typically hear #''i have been battling (?) with this problem but am lucky enough to have a support system / loving friends etc'' #and idk how right i am with thinking this way but no matter what problems you have. #it's the toughest thing to lack deep connections with at least 1 person ideally like 3 i guess bc it's such a fundamental thing #you know having someone you can ALWAYS turn to without feeling bad and you know that they can and do turn to you too #and i do have a few wonderful friends i love so so much but i feel and know that no one needs me like i need them #every friendships feels so fragile to me. no one depends on me turns to me for advice or to vent etc #and when i feel like i need to do any of those things i cant turn to any of them #there's still inevitably a sort of disconnect i feel #and it terrifies me that i'll never find someone i connect with on a deeper level and it's mutual and we both can depend on each other #and there are no boundaries no shame no unspoken words #i dont know how true any of my feelings are but. but yeah #nesi rants