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#and they do a hell of a lot of relating to she/her pronouns and girls in their music
genderfreakxx · 2 years
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If people could stop using the term “transmasc” as synonymous with “trans man” that would be fucking phenomenal.
#I’m transitioning because I want to have more masculine traits just by default#but I don’t consider myself a binary trans man. the binary makes no fucking sense to me. fuck the binary#this is I think why I feel so sad when people get angry at ‘transmascs’ for relating to and having gender envy over Gerard way#because I absolutely have gender envy over Gerard- but it has fuck all to do with ‘being a man’#Gerard isn’t binary. they don’t like labels but they’ve expressed admiration for they/them pronouns and said ‘I’ve always liked he/they’#and they do a hell of a lot of relating to she/her pronouns and girls in their music#no fucken part of me is envious of Gerard in a Man Way™#because neither of us are binary Masc-y McMascerson men#I admire g for their entire vibe in every way they’ve presented it to us#just because I’m transmasc doesn’t mean I only admire men. I’m nonbinary#I admire queer people in every form. I’m hesitant to call g queer because idk how they feel about it#but you get what I mean#if Gerard came out as a trans woman tomorrow I would still have gender envy for them. I have gender envy over cis women sometimes ffs#I love them (parasocially yada yada) however they identify. I love them even more because they hate fucken labels. ME TOO#I just love the way they put themselves out there.#I’ve just seen a lot of folks hating on transmascs for relating to Gerard and I think it’s a misunderstanding tbh#it’s all pure love and admiration and inspiration#I can’t speak for everyone but I would never want to push a label on G when they clearly fucken hate it.#that being said; I think the way they express themselves and the art they create is inspiring as hell!!#for me gender envy goes deeper than just surface level aesthetic sometimes#wow this has been a rant. and idk if I’ve even gotten my point across actually#oh well!#gender#blithering on
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chompersbrainrot · 1 month
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procrastinating so u guys get my hatchetverse hcs!!! (these are going to be a lot of shit i picked up from random posts that i dont remeber the ops of so sorry if u made one of these hcs and i dont credit you i love you sorry) ethan green
probably like 23? 25?
hes actually bi he told me himself
afab he/they boyflux sue me
lex is his first and only gf. he's probably had like one bf before but he loves lex sm more (simp) (malewife to her girlboss basically)
orphan sorry i dont make the rules
his dad left like immedately and his mom passed of old age when he was like 17 idk
hannah is basically his little sister. he'd die 4 her actually.
ted spankoffski
like late 20s early 30s at the most ithink
so painfully thirsty for anyone he has to be pan
amab he/him but doesnt really give a fuck
has never had a partner thats so sad. he makes up for this by constantly acting like everybody wants him. they dont. (exepct for me i love him)
doesnt really have a CRUSH on anyone speific but mark chastity is his fav to tease (sorry im a baby for holy bastard)
him and petes parents love them but theyre kinda like.. oblivious and absent. like theyre always on trips and leaving pete to live w ted
max jagerman
im not gonna list all of the teens' age theyre all 16-18
im assimilating with this one he/she pronouns amab
hes omni he told me himself pref 2 women
everybody wants him he only wants the nerd (hes just like me fr)
he isnt dead shut up shut up sHUT UP HES FINE OKAY
his dad is not good his mom died in childbirth
stephanie lauter
genderqueer. they/she/he in order of pref. also uses xe/xir idc sue me
pan thats cannon she told me xirself
does tiktok dances but really badly on purpose
the biggest simp on earth to her one guy and nobody ese
will fluster the living hell out of pete in public for fun
hates being the mayors daughter, feels alienated bcs of it
pete spankoffski
he/they afab i dont make the rules
bi if you argue youre homophobic (/J)
actually loves his big bro but acts like he doesnt bcsaude is ted hears him looking up ted he'll never hear the end of it
nickname seymour from ruth (bcause lsoh)
ex-brony
richie whateverhislastnameis
afab he/xe/nya/zap he would have so many cool neos. one of those people whos neo list is longer than the bill of rights
gay mlm yes
undertale enjoyer
nge enjoyer
discord mod in an anime server
owns several body pillows
xem and ruth have been friends since pre-k so they know eachother like the back of their hand
ruth whateverherlastnameis
afab she/they
omni large large large pref to girls. likes a few boys sorta
biggest theatre kid ever but sucks at acting and singing (the curse)
got ensemble ONCE and cried at the cast list
fav show is heathers
heather m kin i dont make the rules
grace chastity
afab she/her
bi
liked a girl once and cried for a week str8 abt going 2 hell
i dont have alot of hcs for her but i think she would like fire a large amount
not even arson wise but like
a firebug
tinky
i already made my hcs for all the LiBs' true forms so go find those if you want
all the libs dont give a fuc about pronouns call them whatever
i do he/him tho
tinky is really just a 13 yr old girl freaking out abt one specific guy (ted) and making fucked up fanfics with him (time bastard nmt)
the "youngest" of the siblings
boy jerry
i beleive that every character jon plays is related. boy jerry is pauls fucked up brother. which means hes also richies uncle
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breakbeatbun · 7 months
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i did a lot of "boy things" as a kid and I've always felt less "girl" because of it, i never played with stuff that was considered feminine, partly because i was afraid of judgment, but also i found "boy stuff" more appealing. it's tough not relating to one's peers in a binary way. i would love to play cars
tags on this post for context
i was raised by a mechanic and carpenter so a lot of my early free time was spent in a barn full of tools, machines, welding masks, piles of cut-up BMX bikes we'd find in the garbage, stripped-bare sandrails and their engines, couple rifles or compound bows here or there, probably listening to whatever crusty old rock music my dad put on. hell, i was rowing through the gears of my mom's old square body S10 while she drove us to the store before i was barely tall enough to see over the dash. "hanging out with friends" was playing Guitar Hero or Racing & Skateboarding Video Games, or riding our bikes and skinning our knees. "hanging out with dad" was often target shooting in the backyard or building something; I rarely ever held the flashlight, i had the tools in my hands and grease under my fingernails.
that's a lot of exposition but i'm trying to paint the most specific picture i can! TL;DR, a lot of arguably "boy things" in my upbringing, and i fit right into it, lot of fondness in my heart for it still!
around the time i had my big Gender Awakening at the tail-end of high school i had already been Online for a bit - hell i learned what it meant to feel non-binary from this very website circa 2013 - but it wouldn't be until maybe 2019 or so when i moved out that i really started making other queer and trans friends, and it was pretty immediately obvious that i was extremely different from the rest of my community, both online and offline. of course, nobody was rude about it, everybody was VERY respectful of my name and my pronouns and my identity, but it was still really easy for me to feel "othered" because our shared experiences didn't line up at all; At most maybe i got made fun of for having long hair. it made it really easy to feel like i wasn't doing enough work to justify my queerness.
at the other end of that spectrum, i recently tried on she/her pronouns at the front of my bio, just to see if i was missing something, and i was quickly met with an IMMEDIATE outpour of support from friends and community alike. SO many people were loud about being So Proud of me, Knew i Had It In Me, i had multiple friends message me privately to offer information and easy routes to HRT "just in case ;)" i was thinking about it! and, yeah, it's nice to have that kinda support, i'll admit! but it was hard not to feel a little invalidated in not wanting to change. it really felt like a lot of people, close friends even, just kinda saw me as a trans woman waiting to have a bigger realization, as though being non-binary was just a meaningless stepping-stone to something greater. and i mean, i can't blame them, they just wanted to help!!
today i'm pretty firmly Queer/non-binary (with a little bit of Girl on the side when it's either Appropriate or Funny), and my body and voice are very much unaltered from the ones i was born with. virtually indistinguishable from a cishet version of myself, just with the he/him lopped off and they/she sloppily appended in its place; simply because i don't have the energy or don't care to put much effort into change, and that's very much fine for me. I know damn well i don't owe it to anybody but myself anyway, granted none of it tends to matter much when you present as a rabbit girl on the internet LOL. I'm thankful to have built myself a little space where i can engage with others like me, or where other queers feel welcome to express interest in the things that I'M all about! even if it's a little few and far between. still struggle with feeling like i fit in with The Girls tho LMAO.
IDK! this post is my half-baked love letter to my fellow AMAB NB folks who get treated like Cis Men, Trans Women who don't "put the effort in," or Anyone who can Otherwise Relate in the same, or even an opposite sort of way. we are playing cars together
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madelynhimegami · 8 months
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About twenty years ago (probably closer to nineteen), I finished my playthrough of Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life.
This morning, I finished my (first?) playthrough of the A Wonderful Life remake.
Well before I finished, I decided I wanted to make a post talking about it, giving my general thoughts on it. And I'll probably just end up rambling. Who knows if it's at all interesting to people but. Here goes.
Being able to save and load anywhere at any time is such a game changer. Holy moly. Even though I didn't really have to do a whole lot of reloading (except where fishing requests were concerned). But it still felt very good to have.
On a related note, the remake is so transparent about its mechanics, it's amazing. I know that AnWL already had some tranparency added to it (especially wrt your kid), but just. Having as much info as the remake gives you, at all times, is nuts. Makes things so much easier to finagle around.
Likewise, thank god for automatically recording cooking recipes. It was already practically impossible to remember how to make anything in the GCN games. The fact that the Harvest Sprites gave you a new recipe every day also helped. As did telling you when your cooking skill levelled up, because the GCN games didn't tell you anything.
Characters actually sound distinct now! The thing about mediocre localizations is that you don't know what you're missing out on until you get a good localization. And wow, the amount of personality shown by having characters speak differently adds a shocking amount.
Even with all of the QOL updates... the main thing that makes me never wanna touch the GCN games again is that they're a lot less bugged. I once again blame the old localization.
(you think there's weird stuff going on in the remake. you have no idea.)
That being said, aside from being able to select your pronouns at the start of the game, the cast (including yourself) don't really do much of anything to gender you. AnWL gave me so much gender euphoria before I even knew what it was. (Not to mention the FoMT remake set the bar for being gay in a way that AWL is set up couldn't really replicate). So... who knows. Maybe I'll end up replaying it someday anyway.
Granted, I say that, but as I was typing that sentence I thought about how the event for giving your toddler a bath was broken so that you could not give him one. Instead of a Yes/No prompt the game just said "Several days later..." and then continued like you had said no. Maddening.
Nuts to it, someone just give me an annotated textdump.
After so much hemming and hawing about who to marry in the remake, I ended up just marrying Nami again. One part autistic lesb solidarity, one part her kid being so goshdang powerful. Either way, I joked about how nothing about me had changed in twenty years.
Once I got to chapter two, I started screencapping like crazy. Got almost 400 of them on my switch now. I just wanted to note everything I could about what my darling baby girl was doing throughout her life. Also my wife.
In my original playthrough, even though I tried to influence my son into either art or academics, he ended up becoming a farmer. But then again, I also didn't understand how to influence him optimally. Which sounds awful out of context. Oh well, at least his life was mostly organic.
I managed to get my daughter into academics before chapter two ended. Probably the most interesting thing that happened was how her dialogue changed. She started reciting her ABC's to herself, and mumbled about books, and said that gemstones were like puzzle peices. It was darling.
Since I've only played the entire game with Nami's child, though, I do wanna replay the game just so that I can see what a different kid is like.
Problem is, it just brings back the marriage problem. And the child career problem, because even if I marry Muffy, like hell will I raise an athlete (but I don't want scholar again... but also if they're an artist they run away from home after the game ends, which is kinda messed up).
A lot of people in the village make comments about how air conditioning isn't good for people's health. They did that in the original game too, if memory serves, but it's still weird. Is this a thing in Japan, or was the person that wrote those parts of the dialogue have a vendetta of some kind?
This is another thing that I know got changed in AnWL, but I'm still so glad that chapters are only one in-game year long. There's a special kind of pain to get to the end of the year, only to learn there's more you need to play before you see your kid get older.
Despite that, I still got a whole lot done, to the point that I spent most of the last two years just idling because I had nothing else to do. Same way I got to the endgame of the original, come to think of it.
I never bought the teddybear. I wasn't gonna do it when my daughter was a teen by the time I had the money. I'm not that dumb. Doesn't do anything but be spoopy anyhow.
I seem to remember the seed maker being instant in the GCN game. If it was, it got seriously debuffed in the remake-- you can only put up to twelve crops in at a time, and it takes 20 in-game hours for the seeds to be produced. Obviously meant to balance how absurdly high tree seeds could be sold for, but the prices were already slashed to pieces, so it was just overkill and made it hard to keep up with what crops I did or didn't have seeds for.
I genuinely hope I never have to make nine of each rare crop again. I mean, technically I never had to anyway, but I did and it was so much pain.
Cows are absurdly expensive in the remake. I guess it's to balance the fact that there's no limit on how long cows can be milked, but
here's the dirty secret
If you have a cow and a bull, they'll mate on their own without you needing to order for it. My cows in the GCN games were constantly getting pregnant. Anyone who complains about cows going dry was doing it wrong.
Sheep are significantly more affordable, though. So I ended up getting mostly those instead.
That being said, a star/brown/marble cow giving S Milk (and the latter two getting their milk processed into butter and cheese respectively) does give you more profit than golden wool does... until you get the Blessed Clippers and you start getting two bundles of wool per sheep (which is insane). But wowie are they expensive...
My new personal hell is having a dozen sheep following me around to scream at me. Did they do that in the original(s)? I never bothered with them....
I'm still sad Flora's not a marriage candidate.
As I mentioned, I was basically without anything to do by the end of the game. Which makes the infinite postgame chapter's existence kinda funny? I don't know what else I'd want to do with that, since as far as I've been able to tell nobody has new dialogue.
No really. I can't even 100% the game anymore because Van stops selling goats, I have over 5 million G, I've grown each one of every plant, caught every fish, dug up all the digsite items, and have all in-game achievements. What would I wanna keep playing for?
Also, why isn't Nina in said postgame chapter? If it's the afterlife anyway, then she should be there too, dangit!
I still don't understand why the dog is trainable.
The player's child is so adorable. I love my daughter so much, she's such a sweetheart.
Wish her self-esteem wasn't so low from chapter 3 onwards, though... another reason to see the game married to somebody else.
I am so grateful there's no friendship decay for the villagers.
What a great game.
And now, some of me rambling about my history with the series:
I don't know what drew me to the original AWL game. All I knew is that there was coverage of it in an issue of Nintendo Power, and I just kept reading and re-reading it. I had a couple friends that swore by the HM games (in particular, 64 and StHL), but beyond that I guess something about it intrigued me to the point that it became a game I really wanted. Had a plan of how I would run the farm and who I'd marry. And counted the days before I finally got it (must've been a birthday or Christmas present).
And I played through it, beginning to end. Despite my brother scorning it. Despite one of the friends that swore by HM64 thinking it was such a watered down derivative it made him laugh several times even as he tried playing it himself.
I also got the girl version when it came out. Don't remember how I afforded it, but I remember that I was too embarrassed by wanting it to let anyone know I did get it but myself. Never managed to finish it, but boy howdy did it have a lot of gender euphoria. I got to be a mom.
...I tried other HM games since. I got Magical Melody (which I recall using Action Replay to turn my player character into a girl that make perfect sense to me now but I don't know what I had been thinking at the time), but dropped it shortly after my wife started expecting.
I got both versions of HMDS (mermaid wife yes please), but only stuck with them for about two or three in-game years each.
I got Isle of Happiness, but honestly the fact that every item had decay to it stressed me to the point I couldn't play without Action Replay codes to keep everything top quality and freshness forever-- and even then the crap you gotta juggle is crazy. Played long enough to marry the Witch though, so that ruled.
I got Hero of Leaf Valley, and that one I actually stuck through to the end (including forgetting how many zeros were in fifty thousand and ended up raising up half a million G before the second year's end), but got too paralyzed with indecision on who to marry (it was mainly between Gwen and Aurelia, since I read that Alice couldn't be raised to red heart after the credits. Game seemed to have thought I had my sights set on Lyla, though).
I tried Rune Factory 4... but something about it just didn't vibe with me so I bounced early.
Every now and then, I thought about going back to A(n)WL, or maybe trying a different one. Never did, though. And Stardew or other inspired's didn't ever really grab me.
And yet I inhaled the chance to play the AWL remake when the time came. And now I've finished it. Go figure. I'm still not sure what it is about that game specifically that calls to me.
I think the amount of interactability with your kid is a big factor, though.
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Finding out that i can, in fact, be afab and transfem was honestly so freeing. Also realizing that being assigned female at birth isn't really as important as people make it out to be and has no baring on anything besides your physical appearance as an infant.
Like, since middle school and learning that i was trans in some way, i stopped feeling cis at all. Even when my gender feels more fem (demigirl/girlflux/etc, i use a lot of labels, i am a dragon, ), it still felt trans. And I thought that it was because there's still the implication of nonbinary-ism, that i wasn't ever fully a girl, so that’s why it still felt trans.
Until I was fully a girl, in my middle school's graduation/moving to high school "ceremony". I was all girl-ed up in a dress and 1 inch heels, I felt completely 100% girl. And I still felt trans.
I kept this revelation to myself, I was friends with several transfems and transgirls and all were amab, and we talked extensively about gender dysphoria and transness together. One time, we were talking about chest dysphoria, and I was kinda off to the side just listening, and it hit me, I had chest dysphoria. I had binded on and off in middle school because that's just what transmascs do, but it didn't seem to cause any immediate euphoria to have a flat chest. So I stopped, again, making the assumption that my breasts were already small, so I didn't have dysphoria related to them. Until it clicked...I did have dysphoria, and I wasn't dysphoric about them being too prominent. It was the exact opposite.
Again, I kept this to myself. I was afraid of being ostracized by my high school's gsa by being transmasc and wanting a larger chest size. The other transmascs in the club were on T, and some had even had top surgery (i live in a pretty liberal state when it comes to teenage transitions). Why couldn't I just have a normal friggen gender? Eventually, I just stopped. I started using my birthname, she/her pronouns (i had previously been using they/them), and stopped going to gsa meetings. I was confused, afraid, angry, I didn't know what the hell I was or even what it was I wanted.
Until I stumbled upon a few blogs on tumblr which put words and actual labels to the feelings I had since I was 13. I hesitantly started using them again, picking up where I had left off and adding a few new words to my pile. Salmacian and transmascfem. And for the first time in my entire queer life, it felt right. Yeah, I was a transmasc who wanted to keep my vagina alongside acquiring a penis and who wanted a larger breast size and who wanted a thick beard and mustache and a buzzcut dyed 200 different colors because I was transfem too. I could be transfem too. And goddamn is that beautiful.
this is amazing
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ryuichirou · 9 days
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A big one about ships, a couple of follow-ups, a couple of random twst-related ones (there is one about yandere!Ortho)!
Anonymous asked:
i also notice that uhh, you ship f/f and m/m but not f/m? (I mean ofc twst has Three Women Total but ive heard of women in series you've liked before), does f/m feel weird to you? do you just happen to not ship any of it?? i mean im not judging or anything, i only like m/m LOL.
also on this topic, since ive been meaning to ask,. you only call katsu your partner, not anything gendered, so does that mean they're nonbinary?? (i assume katsu reads stuff on your blog/you read stuff together so KATSU PLEASE PLEASE INFLUENCE YOUR PARTNER TO DRAW MORE FISH NEOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Hi Anon!
We do have some het ships, but they really are rare. We talked about it at some point, here are the posts: 1, 2. Katsu was kind enough to find them… But it was ages ago (3 years ago, in fact), so I’ll talk about it again!
It isn’t weird for us to ship f/m; and if the dynamic is our “type”, we’ll very likely to gravitate towards the said ship. A good example of one of our favourite het ships is Eren and Annie from SnK. They have a lot of features and elements of our favourite m/m and f/f ships: one is passionate, determined, stubborn and a bit dumb (due to being blinded by his own determination), the other one is quiet, snarky, a kind of depressed and looks unapproachable, but actually has a soft spot for the first one.
And the girl doesn’t always have to be the “passive” one, because a lot of our favourite het ships could be described as “a bossy woman/a pushover guy that complains a lot”. Like Jordan Sullivan/Perry Cox from the tv series “Scrubs”.  So the guy bitches about how much of a Satan she is and how miserable she makes him, and he clearly knows just how villainous she could be, and yet for some reason the moment she stops torturing him with her attention, he is suddenly lost and confused. Basically, it’s either this, or the previous dynamic for the most part lol
If the ship is fun to play around with, we’ll ship it, even if it’s f/m. We don’t have anything against it in general. But we do have a bias towards f/f and m/m ships that is partially caused by the fact that our favourite dynamics are more likely to exist within those. And of course because the same sex ships are less likely to get canonized and therefore reduced to “happily ever after” in canon… which is something that we absolutely hate :(
And to answer your second question: Katsu isn’t non-binary; it’s just that the pronounces that we use are all over the place. It’s mostly due to the fact we use masculine form when talking to each other (and a lot of our friends) in Russian, mostly out of habit: a lot of people of our generation did (or still do) that either for the sake of sounding more neutral or because they used to roleplay male characters. I’m simplifying it a lot though; it’s kind of one hell of a can of worms that works differently for different people lol This is why you can really use any pronoun when talking about us, it doesn’t really matter that much. Katsu called me a “he” in one of the Nebula replies a couple of weeks ago lol and likes it more in general.
But technically Katsu and I are each other’s girlfriends. We can’t get married, so this status is permanent, but it doesn’t sound that serious, I guess.
And worry not, Katsu has heard your prayers… the other day we were actually shocked to learn that it’s been quite a while since we’ve posted anything fish-related, wow yikes! Gotta fix that!
Anonymous asked:
Hi, a little late but about the twst girls post... I still think about Jamil's vulva... her pink flesh stick out so shyly... that's the outcome of her hard work as Kalim's servant! haha 😵‍💫🤭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
Anooon! Thank you so much <3 I love talking about the twst girls very much, so I am very happy that you still think about it. I put my entire heart into Jamil’s…. yep. That part that Kalim looks at every time they take a bath together. And do other things.
We do have an ask about all the girlies’ private parts, and I am in the process of writing it. I really hope to finish it soon, and you just motivated me even more 💪😔💕
Anonymous asked:
The tapis rouge event isn't even over yet and I'm already wondering who they're going to choose if they decide to make an extra ssr card like silk Vil and applepom Jamil. Based on the group they have in this event, Floyd seems to be the most likely candidate. Maybe Ace and Jamil are feeling generous! I could also see Azul getting his hands on an extra outfit and just handing it to the tweels going "you guys can figure it out" and letting them decide. If I had to choose anyone, I would like for Azul to give it to Idia, just to see him uncomfortable in fancy clothes (also the fact that it's a gift from Azul... The ultimate betrayal!!!). Who would you choose?
Oh good question!!
I would love to see either Floyd or Jade, they would look great, especially Floyd, considering the fact that he is also quite a stylish guy lol I can also picture Azul just giving them an extra outfit so the tweels could fight for it. But even in that scenario Jade is going to let Floyd have it, I think….
However, for some reason if feel like they’re going to pick someone from a different dorm. So Idia actually would be a great pick. I feel like it’s been a while since he had Non-Birthday SSR cards..? I might be biased because I really love the guy and would LOVE to see him suffer while wearing high fashion. The more I think about it, the more I want this to actually happen wow lol
Anonymous asked:
sometimes I forget if I put myself anonymously. anyways, opinions on yandere Ortho? stuff like Ortho possibly messing with idias brain or TW:body modification
possibly changing his brothers body so they can be together forever? like replacing his limbs with robotic ones that type of stuff
You’re good, Anon; and if you suddenly realize that you wanted to send something via Anon, just tell us and we won’t post your username!
We talked about yandere Ortho quite a lot, here are some of the posts on this topic: 1, 2.
But actually! I believe we never really talked about things that you’ve mentioned, which is a shame, because this is such a hot idea. Saying goodbye to Idia sounds like something that Ortho would never want to happen, so he really might start modifying Idia’s body while he is still young. One day Idia is just going to wake up with his legs cut off, because Ortho suddenly decided that it’s time to start. Why didn’t he talk about it with Idia first? Well, it’s better to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission, right? Hehe~
Anonymous asked:
Re: Eric and the teachers meeting
Maybe during parent-teacher meetings? 👀
Could be! But this is too brief of a meeting I think… well, doesn’t matter, if we ever get the urge to ship Eric with anyone, we’ll find a way. 👀
Anonymous asked:
wait a minute. if those previous anons do take over jade and idias spot wont they end up together???
OH SHOOT YOU’RE RIGHT.
Damn. I hope those two Anons have fun. Jade will sit there and watch. And force Idia to also watch.
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likeabxrdinflight · 1 month
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I've noticed a lot of ex-catholics often feeling some kind of way about mary even after leaving- often that's protective of her, or still feeling as though she's a kind of spiritual mother figure.
I think I feel differently, because the woman who hurt me most was devoted to mary. and she was like the prototypical depiction of mary in so many ways- she was modest, and warm, and gentle in her demeanor. she had a rather large statue of mary in the classroom and pictures of her everywhere. she was obsessed with the rosary and made us pray it once a week. and she had this prayer she used to say for us every day at the start of classes, I still remember it- "mary, wrap your mantle around each of us, keep us in your loving care, and guide us closer to your son jesus each day." she said that prayer with such love and sincerity, and despite the pronoun "us," I knew that prayer wasn't for her. it was for us- her students. I know she meant it, too. I had a lot of teachers in that school. very few were as concerned or as invested in their students as she was.
but that could be a double-edged sword, because this is the same woman who told me my parents were committing mortal sins by not going to mass on sunday, decided it was appropriate to share graphic descriptions of hell with fifth graders, told one of my friends she'd end up in prison some day because she lied once about losing a homework assignment, confiscated another friend's manga book and guilt-tripped her about how it "wouldn't make jesus very happy," and, upon realizing I was gay, decided I was evil and pulled me in to see the school counselor to (badly) attempt conversion therapy on me.
so unfortunately I now associate mary with that kind of person- one who can be very kind and warm, loving even- but will turn cold the second she finds something she disapproves of. all that kindness could quickly turn to passive aggression and manipulation, her soft-spoken nature could shift to guilt-tripping without missing a beat. there was a running joke that she could make you feel guilty for doing the right thing if she wanted to. it wasn't really a joke.
so the "loving mother" version of mary is pretty much ruined for me. what I do feel for mary, however, is anger. anger that she was turned into that. what right does the church have to appropriate the life of some poor woman who's only really remembered because of the cruel death of her son? what right did they have to turn her into some idealized mother, some perpetual virgin, some saintly figure for zealots to model themselves after to hide their abusive behaviors?
the version of mary the catholic church sold to me is a version of her I don't like. somewhere beneath that, though, I wonder if there wasn't once a little girl just as angry as I am at the cards she was dealt in the name of god. if there was, then that's a mary I can relate to. that's a mary I can get behind.
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vrisrezis · 11 months
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Aj the furry we are kissing /joking
. Reader is a furry animal like rocket . From the same place he was from too
Cw for like . Reader with internalized transphobia (kinda?) reader comes out to all the guardians individually so this kinda long
You had come to realize something, about yourself. Something you had never considered, something as to which you were unsure how to handle. Something you weren’t exactly familiar with, and you weren’t sure was exactly normal. Gender had been a topic you weren’t always the most comfortable with discussing, at least when it came to you. There was a point in time, you had considered yourself to be male, and another time you had considered yourself to be female. But as you’ve come to realize you do not find yourself comfortable with either label. You’re not sure what it could’ve been, as you find yourself comfortable with masculine compliments, feminine compliments too. However being referred to as a boy, a girl, specifically, felt uncomfortable. Rockets boyfriend, rockets girlfriend. This was something you forced yourself to shrug off, assuming this strange feeling must be related to your lack of self esteem in general. Of course you had an issue with how to presented yourself, you didn’t like yourself much at all generally speaking. You had been created by somebody else, your existence was not your own will. It’s only natural there are things you do not like about yourself, as certain things that make you… well… you, are not your choice. You were raised to be a weapon, a shield, a fighter, and yet despite all of that, despite all the power and strength you are granted it is not what you desire for yourself. Your personality shows who you truly are inside, a kind and happy soul. Not a cold heartless killing machine. Because there’s so much you do not like about yourself, this just feels like another thing about you that you wish you could change. Perhaps it has something to do with feeling like your own person, having your own will, rather than being nothing more than a pawn to someone else, rather than just some science experiment. You had built that for yourself, with the newfound family you have made. Because even with all that strength, they love you for who you are rather than for how competent you are.
On an evening where you were extremely drunk and emotional you had talked to gamora about this issue you were having, and gamora had came to a simple conclusion. “Maybe you’re neither, then. Or perhaps both.” she shrugged, “I wouldn’t say you’re agender, maybe you’re non binary.” as to which you stared at your friend blankly. “Those words aren’t in the Bible.” “Shut up and listen to me for once. Also, the hell is a Bible?” You shrug, “not sure! Pete mentioned it.”
Ever since your long conversation, you’ve come to the conclusion you’d like to be referred to as they, instead of she or he. And upon gamora using those pronouns for you, as well as gender neutral language when discussing you, you’ve found yourself significantly more comfortable in who you are. This took some time for you to adjust to but you found yourself loving it a lot. However the first step to allowing others to accept you, is accepting yourself first. Realizing that just because this way of gender expression is something you yourself never heard about, doesn’t mean it’s not a very real identity that makes people comfortable. You have had to realize the way you feel doesn’t make you weird, or a freak. There’s many people in the galaxy, it is preposterous to think there will only be two gender identities throughout the course of the universe.
“There’s… nothing wrong with me… is there..?” you ask, looking up at your best friend. She shakes her head, “No. Of course not.” She says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I should hit you, for even thinking like that.” and that’s all you needed. Gamora was unyielding in terms of her support of you and who you are.
Next stage, which took a very long time for you to be ready for, was telling everyone about your feelings, about how you identify and how you’d like to be referred. Admittedly, you were scared. You were terrified of rejection, but you knew gamora would be right behind you and kick anyones ass that disrespected you. Especially any of the guardians.
You went to groot first, as you feared him the least. Groot was just a innocent baby, and you know he not only would accept you but he wouldn’t even question it. And upon telling him, you were correct. You explained to groot as delicately and as clear as possible that you don’t think you’re a boy, nor a girl, completely. From your understanding, despite the fact groot clearly uses pronouns like he and him to refer to himself, he doesn’t actually have a gender. He does not hold to traditional gender values that you and the other guardians may, so because of this fact groot is completely understanding. In fact for him, it’s common knowledge. It’s clear he doesn’t understand why you’re telling him this, because it should be as obvious as night and day, but regardless he shows his support and you’re thankful for the little tree.
You make him promise not to say anything yet, as you want to tell them first. Especially rocket! And the little guy agrees, albeit a bit confused as to why it’s being made such a big deal.
Next, was Mantis. Mantis is such a sweetheart, you could only hope she would also be supportive of you. If she isn’t, then you know how you feel cannot be possibly right. You feared that, if even Mantis didn’t support you there was truly something wrong with you. After all, Mantis is the one in tune with emotions. She’s the one always encouraging others to be more open about their feelings and being more vulnerable. That no feelings are bad, so long as you don’t act upon them in a negative way. You second guess yourself, as Mantis notices how much your sweating. Typically, when people like you and rocket sweat it is not noticeable, so the fact Mantis is able to notice simply by looking at you, means you’re sweating an unhealthy amount.
However, once you finally come out haha and say it, she seems relieved. “Why do you look so relieved?” you say, finally catching your breath, since you’ve been holding in so much all at once. You look so tired, just from that. Which lets gamora know that this coming out process might take more than just a day. This is something you really have to work towards. “oh, well…” mantis trails off, looking to the side before looking back at you, “I’m just relieved it wasn’t anything serious, that’s all.” her statement makes you feel even more tired. “It was serious!” “Oh…? Really? Well… I am very happy for you y/n! You have finally discovered who you truly are inside, and I’m very proud of you for opening up to me.” she says, and for a moment you forget how scared you are to tell the others. “I love you, you’re a dear friend. You’re family. But…” Mantis trails off again, and you’re almost scared for a moment. “I kinda already knew.” she says, as a matter a factly. “When I touch you, I feel your emotions, as I’ve told you many times.” she starts to explain, “one time I touched you and felt… confusion about gender expression and identity, you see. So I’ve known for quite some time.”
You sigh, “would’ve been great to know that sooner, mantis.” “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to ruin your … yknow… confession thing. It was very appreciated, I’m glad you trust me with this. I won’t tell the others, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Next on your list was quill, because for as big of an idiot that guy is, gender expression seems to be a huge thing for terrans as far as you know. They even had a whole month dedicated to people like you, and not only that, parades. “Clearly they are people that are celebrated” Gamora states, giving you more reason to open up to her boyfriend about such a matter. While you were a bit nervous, given that you told two other people, your nerves had calmed a bit in comparison to before. But seeing your friend in person, confronting him about these feelings you’ve felt for so long, you curled right back in at yourself. This was such a vulnerable position, and you could possibly be ruining the guardians as a group due to wanting to open up about feelings that can be kept to yourself. This was selfish of you to ruin something for everyone-
Gamora nudges you with her foot, given the height difference between you both she would’ve been unable to do so with her elbow. You shake your head, snapping back into reality. There was no turning back now that you’ve already began the process. You look up at your friend, who was probably expecting the worst given your nervous demeanor. You see the shock on his face as you come forth with what you’ve been wanting to say, and he shakes his head. You almost panic, before you see a smile etch Quills features. “That’s it?!” he asks, “you know I don’t care about stuff like that, y/n.” he says before patting you on the head. “Glad you came and told me though.”
Next, was the lovely drax the destroyer. To be honest, he’s one of the last people you wanted to tell simply because of his big mouth. His opinion was not one you found yourself fearing, and given how accepting everyone’s been so far you found yourself mostly at ease. However you did have to remind yourself of the people you haven’t opened up to yet.
Opening up to him proved to be less difficult, for you’ve known drax to be accepting of his family for all of their weirdness. He has never been overly judgmental. However, he seems to raise a brow at you for this information, making you regret your decision for a brief moment. “Why are you telling me this?” he asks, genuinely. “What do you mean?” you ask in turn, and he continues “has somebody been addressing you any differently?” he asks a second question, “I thought it was simply common knowledge you are not male nor female. Who shall I smash for disrespecting you?” ah, now you understand.
And finally, your boyfriend. The one you were the most nervous about. If this affected any of your relationships with the guardians at all, this was the relationship that would affected the most. Once again, you find yourself extremely nervous. And as gamora noticed, much more nervous than anyone else you’ve had to confront.
“You’ll be fine.” She reassured you. “I’ll be right outside the door” she says, wanting to respect your privacy with your boyfriend. You nod, thanking her before walking in your shared room with rocket. Groot lived in this room too, but he was out and about with quill currently.
As you strike a normal conversation with your boyfriend, he assumes things are as normal. He’s tinkering with something and you’ve come to bother him as per usual. However, something in your demeanor is off to him. He wonders if you’ve done something to possibly upset him, and are trying to break the news to him. Whenever you accidentally broke something of his, you did this. You spoke in that nervous tone and started pacing as you tried to talk about random things with him. It always ended the same. He pretended not to notice and then you’d be ridden with guilt and you’d say “rocket I have something to tell you!”
But he did not expect such urgency in your voice. The way you said it, sounded like it was much more serious. In the past, it sounded more shameful or embarrassed, this time it sounded much more than that. Like the shame and embarrassment was much deeper, stronger, and like you were genuinely afraid to tell him what it was. At that alone, he stands up, now done tinkering with a new potential bomb for him to randomly set up. He looks you in the eyes and nods for you to continue. You take a deep breathe, preparing what you were gonna say to him. You said these exact words to everyone else, it should not be any different with him.
“Rocket. Im non binary.” you simply say, as a matter a factly. “And I understand if that bothers you, but I cannot hide this part of myself any longer.”
In all honestly? He’s never seen you so serious. He can’t help but laugh, and your ears flop down for a moment at the thought of him not only rejecting you, but laughing at you. He shakes his head, “I’m laughing at you for a totally different reason hun.” he says, “I just can’t believe you seemed so scared to tell me something like this.” he laughs a bit more before grabbing your hand. “Listen, I don’t care what you identify as. Be who you are, me and you are surrounded by misfits and you think I’d care about something like this?” he asks, and suddenly you feel stupid. “I love you, as you are. And I always will. Flaws or not. Not that being non binary is even a bad thing anyway.”
You sigh, giving him a genuine smile. “Thanks rocket.”
“Anytime.”
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fresh-avoguecado · 10 months
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Growing up as a trans guy afraid of Hell
I have this little creature that lives in my chest, right below my collarbone.
She's always peeking through my eyes, always smiling.
Her name is a tree. Aspen. My inner child or something like that.
She has this thick mane that she wears in pigtails- so often that her hair has semi-permanent dents where the ties grip. 
She doesn't like wearing it down.
She's a little girl who only understands "she" and "girl" to be a conglomeration of sounds used to address her. She makes people laugh and she laughs a lot herself. 
She's curious about the world, the first baby of a family whose children have just turned into adults. She's loved really really well at this age. 
She'll switch to perma-ponytails next. She doesn’t like having hair in her face.
She sees a brown pageboy cap in a store and tries sticking the ponytail up in it. She likes how it looks. Like Newsies.
Aspen cuts the hair short for the first time. Like, committed to the shortness for a hot second short.
Aspen stops using pronouns for Aspen when thinking. Do other girls feel like this? Boys too? They must right? I don't think it's supposed to hurt.
 I'll just keep quiet. I can fix this.
Something in the kid is having trouble seeing the positives of growing up. But puberty is a lifetime away. Aspen has been a kid for forever so far, so that worry- 
-that weird thing called "womanhood" 
  wasn't anything to worry about anytime soon.
Not to worry. Not to worry. Aspen doesn't need to feel worry. 
Aspen is a very mature kid. All the teachers say so. Aspen is a paradox. 
The polite class clown. The charming and desirable tomboy. Everyone likes Aspen. And Aspen likes God so much and so Bravely n' Publicly that everyone in Churchome likes Aspen too.
The wonderkid is thoughtful, wonderfully spontaneous and compassionate. Pretty. Wonderkid is too talented and too well-loved by the family to not have all artistic dreams supported.
Aspen takes a Logic class.
IF  (grateful to have opportunities) AND (want the family to love you/go to heaven)
THEN (- cannot betray the familygod by becoming like that. Like becoming one of those people who are either the butt of a joke or a sexual adventure onscreen.)
Not when they have invested so much.
I was supposed to be better than that.
I-
I-
It would be sinful.
Aspen really wanted to go to heaven.
In heaven- it would all make sense, in heaven, the kid wouldn't feel this way about his body. He wouldn't- she-
I didn't want to be a she. I didn't want to be a she. It was wrong. 
What was wrong with me?
I read on a Christian blog that sometimes the mind needs visual symbolism to help get a point across.
“Try writing whatever negative thoughts you have about yourself on a piece of paper. Burn it, and watch as His light covers over the page and destroys your sin. Give your burden to the Lord.”
I write the word FREAK over and over again on a piece of paper and then I burn it on our porch.
I can fix this.
I. Can. Fix. This. 
I'm so desperate for anything at this point, anything to make the sin of my disgusting ungratefulness go away. I don't understand why God made me a girl. I don’t understand.
Why would He do this to me? I pray for God to show me a reason. God just says "Hold on." Over and over, every time I pray that's all I hear, "Hold on."
I suck up my tears. I genuinely don't know how I will stay alive. I don’t know how many years I’m going to need to “hold on” for until reality itself somehow shifts.
Until the mountains move. 
I am happiest when I am asleep.
But I don't want my parents to know that- I don't want to seem ungrateful or like I'm mentally ill when they have only ever treated me like the perfect faultless angels that they are.
I am a bad daughter.
I hate being a daughter.
I hate being in this body.
I can't fucking escape it.
I can't runaway from my own skin.
I tried I tried I tried-
I’m fifteen, running barefoot on concrete until I leave bloody tracks.
I read and I read and I read. 
I relate to Frankenstein's monster.
I want to stop existing like this more than anything.
"Hold on."
I'm angry at God for sticking me in this gender- from making me live in a world where being trans is a sin. For making it so that obeying Him means living a Freaky Friday nightmare every day of my life for years and years and years until I die.
I’m so scared of being buried in a dress. 
There's this one acting teacher in Aspen's school who doesn't look at Aspen in the same slightly-too-smiley way most men do. 
This guy calls Aspen "kid" exclusively and nonchalantly gives the kid one of his old pirate costumes after a Peter Pan performance. The boy one. 
The one I had been staring at.
The guy teaches me stage combat and makes me captain.
I later learn that he has a husband. I feel seen by him in a way I haven't felt before.
But it's a sin.
But…
I can't imagine him not going to heaven.
Not when his eyes look at me and say “hold on.”
Sometimes the things we talk about in Bible study make me feel…
I shouldn't feel that way.
"Trust in God" is the blanket answer Churchhome gives me when I ask them questions.
"Hold on," says God. The two words are enough to make me keep trying to fix/not hate myself. To survive for that person I'm going to save. To survive for the next version of me. For my phoenix.
"Hold on." The encouragement is somehow enough but just barely.
I hang on to a thread for the next six years.
The kid watches the people with the kind of body Aspen would grow into go about their lives.
The kid watches as all kinds of adults trade their name cards in for adjectives. People keep misspelling “Aspen” as “Pretty”.
Pretty loves to dance. Pretty loves to play piano. Aspen loves being able to express emotions without talking. Aspen didn't like the way Pretty's voice sounds.
There is a noticeable difference between Aspen's voice and the voice of real boys now. The kid tries not to think about it.
There are helpful YouTube videos explaining why God doesn't make mistakes. Why obedience is so rewarding, even it if doesn't feel like that in the moment- even if you can't comprehend ever being a woman and being truly happy. 
Trust me
Trust me
Trust me
Some people act wary around the kid now. The word gay is tossed around briefly. Briefly-
But the kid quickly works to quell those rumors.
I pray to God every day, trusting God to fix me, begging him to change me. To make me a boy- to pluck me out of this reality and let me be born again. Let me start over the right way for I am defective and want a recall.
Aspen needs a change in the brain.
I can only ever be happy as a girl if I have a lobotomy.
Aspen prays for a lobotomy.
Aspen prays for breast cancer.
Take away that part of myself that isn’t allowed to live. 
Dementor-kiss me and let me be pretty without caring. 
Amen Amen A man a man
The kid is lying sideways in bed. Wearing a black push-up bra. Trying to make it feel not alien.
The kid doesn't understand why the body is sobbing uncontrollably.
What's wrong with me? 
Why do I feel like this? 
What's wrong with me? 
What's wrong with me?
The kid tries standing a little wider, tries hunching the shoulders in, and wearing two sports bras two sizes too tight. The frayed straps often leave red rashes. Worth it.
Wonderkid tries it, and starts feeling better.
He cuts up bedsheets in his room and ties it around his chest so tight that his lungs sound raspy for hours afterward. 
But in the mirror, with that snake-sheet constricting his chest, the kid looks so happy in his pirate costume.
He feels slightly more alive when he tries on a binder for the first time.
He feels so much better that it's scary.
Because that isn't an option.
That isn't an option.
Not for Wonderkid.
Wonderkid moves to New York.
Public school is different than The C.C (Conservative Christian) Homeschool Co-op he was born into.
Aspen tries being Wondergirl for a while, wants to be with be a guy.
Lonely.
Body hurts.
Brain hurts.
Don't really feel anything.
But that's okay, all I need is God. The Lord is my strength and my shield. 
If I'm feeling pain then I must be doing something wrong, I must deserve the consequences. I am sinning by wanting to be a boy and being ungrateful for my gender. I am sixteen years old.
Some part of me trusts that I need to hold on a little longer.
I am always a boy when I dream. I am happiest when I am asleep. I think I have a purpose. I think I need to stay alive a little longer for him. I like the name Thomas.
I'm seventeen. Somewhere in my mind, I say "I can't be a girl forever. This hurts too much."
Another voice says 
"You can't die yet."
Life is supposed to be good, you're just not seeing it right… you need to trust in the Lord.  You have control over your life right? Everything you do has consequences. 
Everything is your fault. 
Dear God- help me lose weight, become more boxy, dear God help me to find a guy that I will actually desire to be with, make my chest smaller, make me stop, dear God Dear God Oh my God-
I cry and cry and cry until I never cry.
I'm still Wonderkid at school. Talented- I've evolved from Pretty to Beautiful now.I'm told to be thankful for my body by my Mother whenever I mention anything. I know I should be thankful. But I'm so ungrateful to God.
I know I’m swine compared to him. To His majesty and grace.
Who am I to question Him and His perfect plan? "For I know the plans I have for you-" I choke out on my bathroom floor, "Plans not to harm you, but to give you a hope and a future." I peel my shaking hands away from my face.
I was never good at memorizing Bible verses, but I always remembered the gist of them pretty well. We were graded on them at Churchome.
I discover that alcohol makes me not care about my body anymore. I drink and I stop caring about the way I have to be when I'm around people. I drink and I stop caring about the future or being trapped in this body or what happens next. I don’t even get hungover.
It's such a relief. A godsend. For a few hours every weekend, I genuinely don't care about being a girl. I can just dance and there are lights and music and everyone’s happy and young-
I really love dancing.
Soy milk increases estrogen so I start avoiding that like the plague- not because I'm… you know, like that or anything. I just don't like the way the female chest looks aesthetically/feels/is/exists/sits/lays/
I can't escape my body I can't escape my body scratches on my skin blame it on eczema-
A quiet stage.
Spotlight.
I’m eighteen. Red curtains lift around me and several cellos start singing.
I am stunning, I am so goddamn beautiful and I and everyone else in the auditorium knows it. 
My technique is clean because I give 120% in every class. At my ballet academy, I'm most teachers' favorite. I love that we aren't allowed to talk in class. I love the way ballet makes my body hurt.
I'm flexible but not as strong as the other dancers- a little heavier too* (*see Not Anorexic) and I haven't had as many years of training under my belt.
But God can I act- I dance with emotion, I dance and the world is superimposed with places I've only been to in movies. 
I'm told that I dance like I've been alive for a really long time. Too long.
I’ve been alive too long like this.
I'm doing semi-clean pirouettes onstage- but in reality, I'm a smoke signal on top of The Great Wall of China- alerting of Hun attacks by burning tall and bright. My superimposed movie. I dance in the dark night wind and horse hooves of the calvary clop on top of smooth stone.
I do a grand jeté and the smoke signal sparks out orange fireflies.
I know the audience is seeing Pretty and the way her blood-red “Arabian” costume sparkles in the light- but they don't know just how beautiful my imagination is making the scenery right now.
It's okay. I know.
I get offstage and sweat is in my eyes, I'm panting, and for some reason the physical exhaustion from the sport makes me feel like a boy. Life is good and there is air in my lungs for once and the first thing that my extended family says when I greet them at the stage door is,
"You're growing into such a beautiful young woman."
I am so scared of being buried in someone else’s grave.
I tell them “thank you” and I hold on.
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jaydenchip404 · 24 days
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Gender Identity
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I need to step back and restart. Evaluate how I feel from a different perspective or from a blank slate. I need to be removed from what I WANT and focus on what I AM.
This is as if labels weren't a thing:
My gender identity is weird, so bear with me. The youngest I can ever remember myself feeling weird feelings about my gender identity was before my brother was born; he's 12 now, and it was after kindergarten, so around 6 or 7 years old, I was playing alone in my bedroom doorway, and I just got the strongest feeling that I wasn't meant to be born a girl, that god had somehow messed up when making me. It was this whole ass process that, back when I was a kid, you were either a girly girl or a tough man. So I thought that I was not a girly girl; I don't like doing girly things—I hate dresses, high heels, makeup, the color pink, etc—it made me uncomfortable in my own skin. So I told my mom that I felt more like a boy, and she said I was a girl and that I couldn't be a boy because I was born a girl. So I just adopted the term "tomboy" and never thought about it again. I think it was around 6th grade when I felt like I was neither a boy nor a girl; I kind of just existed as an entity on my own. I was kind of, but not entirely, removed from the concept of gender; I was just me. In 9th grade, I kind of fucked around with labels. I mainly identified as a demigirl or other woman-aligned genders, but it still didn't feel right, and I could tell it was on the right path. I watched so many videos explaining what it felt like to be a demigirl, and I related to it a lot. So I called myself a "demigirl", even if it was 100% me. June 3rd, 2023, I updated my profile to say "I currently identify as aegoromantic, aplatonic, bisexual, fictosexual, orchidromantic, and perifluid (masculine, demigirl, gendervoid, non-binary), using the [neo]pronouns she/her, they/them, xe/xem. Though I mostly prefer to be called by xe/xem." I was very new to the LGBTQIA+ community, so this profile was only after a few (hundred) hours of research within only a few categories. I noticed a pattern in my labels; my labels changed so often that I couldn't go three days without changing my profile. So the thought of "My gender changes a lot. Maybe I'm genderfluid.", hit me like a brick. So I happily called myself genderfluid. Sometimes my gender got stuck for a few days, but mainly my gender changed every day. I wasn't in control of it; I just let my gender flow wherever it wanted. I noticed it would go from feeling 0% gender to 50% any given gender to 100% any given gender. So I adopted labels like demigender, trans, cis, agender, and stuff like that. It felt good, but it still wasn't right. I would go onto wikis and ask them questions, and they would answer with labels, but I still called myself genderfluid. This went on forever, and then [Tumblr User] gave me a gender tracker, so I came up with the thing saying I could track my gender over 30 days, and whatever the most common labels were, that's what I was. Things didn't go as I had planned. I thought it would show that I was all over the place or reveal something I didn't know, and that was amazing about me, but it didn't. It showed I was trans, non-binary, and other labels. So I gave up and called myself a trans man and non-binary, and for the most part, I am that! I desperately want to look like a cis boy, be treated like a cis boy, and act like a cis boy. I want to be a cis boy, but I can't because I was assigned female at birth, and that makes me feel horrible. Facing transphobia in the real world has amplified this feeling of being trans (they only make me stronger lol), the feeling that "Hell yeah, I'm a boy no matter what other people think!", but at the same time, I feel between male and female/super neutral. No matter what gender I change to or what I look like, I always want to be treated as a cis boy, but when I do face transphobia and it really gets to me, my gender does revert back to a cis woman. It usually only lasts until the dysphoria is gone, then I go back to being a boy.
What does this describe?
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chrisodonline · 1 year
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Stray Thoughts on "Sleeping Dogs"
Or "Stray Dogs," if you will.
I had intended a few different posts, and while threatening promising to write up more about this Sunday's episode, I never really got to.
HOWEVER, I did want to just mention some random things, or things of note. Most of it good. Some of it, "Hmmm?" It wasn't an episode for everyone, as I've noted. But I've read far too many things that really just seemed like some people watched it and did everything they could to find things wrong with it. Now, more often than not, I know the exact reason why. It's cool if it's not your cup of tea, but trying to make it sound like it shouldn't be anybody else's cup of tea is just...calm down.
Yes, I was determined to enjoy this because this was one of the rarer birthday week episodes where there wasn't sparse Callen due to Pebble Beach scheduling. And I was not expecting the rich and joyous Sallen we got, but I loved it. One of the best gifts this week!
No one can ruin that opening banter scene for me. Sam's teasing. Callen's obliging him. And here's the other thing: Sam didn't tease Callen about the fact that he's doing whatever Anna is asking. Callen even tried to use the "We" pronoun. The only real joke Sam makes about Anna and the wedding is directed at Callen: Sam wants to warn Anna about what she's getting into. Sam doesn't agree with her taste (we'll get to that), but his jokes are not misogynistic nor do they show any real toxic masculinity. See, other shows (and, hell, even this one on more than one occasion), would mock Callen for being "whipped" when he really just wants to be married to this woman and will do whatever it takes to get her to that point. Callen's love language is acts, specifically acts of concession, which are even more significant when you consider the traits he's usually ascribed: loner, stubborn, individualistic, etc. There's an essay in there about how hard he's worked to earn that perception to keep people at bay, but we'll just move forward.
While the show as a whole creates jokes out of Anna's wedding planning, Sam doesn't go after her for being a bridezilla or crazy or ridiculous. He does not like that suit and has no reason to. But he doesn't say, "Your girl is crazy, G. Run." He says, "Please tell your lady this will not work on me, and I want to look my best when I'm roasting, er, toasting you." So, that's good. What's less good is the constant joke that is Anna's wedding planning and decisions that just aren't in character at all. I know I headcanoned and tried to make the wedding planner scene work, but I would've hoped she'd have stopped after that. But no. This is a problem. They worked really hard in her first two appearances this season to try and pretend like a lot of the issues they (the show) created with this relationship never really happened and that she has always been the girlfriend/love interest that other characters (like Sam) were used as mouthpieces to say she was. They made G and Anna have adult conversations that made sense, and they made them seem like a healthy couple you were like, "Oh, hey, I would've been rooting for this more and sooner."
And then the wedding stuff. I'm not going to say that the dragging of it it out is one-sided. Callen clearly is hesitant for Hetty-related reasons, but I think he is slowly letting himself realize maybe that's not the best thing. He outright said he just wanted to be married to Anna. I think he confuses even himself. Anna seemed, initially, more willing to move forward and more quickly. However, this constant changing or picking ridiculous approaches to the wedding ideas feels like nothing more than dragging something out or avoidance. Is she frustrated and trying not to let herself get frustrated by Callen's wishing to delay things, so she just keeps trying to fill time by making zanier decisions? Is that her way to try and incentivize Callen to hurry up and forget the Hetty Factor? Or is it more of her avoidance issue and not his? I've written pretty often about her tendency to run, even if she did the Hetty thing and always swore it was for reasons that were in his best interests. She would do things that made her really sus in the beginning: she showed interest then the minute he returned it, she ghosted him and mocked him about it in front of Sam. She tried to get away from the team on the motorcycle. She told him to tell the truth and then treated him like a jerk when she went to prison. But guess what? He still tended to her in the hospital. And then lying to him about where she was with the volunteer work, etc. etc. Again, she always said it was in his best interest, and boy has he heard that before...and been totally okay with it. The show has just botched things with patterns so many times, it's hard to write off these silly wedding planning jabs. So, there's my essay on that.
Back to highlights: The Castor thing and recurring joke? GOLD. GOLD. I will love it forever and ever. Callen's explanation for it made so much more sense than Sam's tux choice from Anna, and so the joke was more solid. I. was. howling. when Castor walked out for the visual gag. The fact that Castor's pride has taken a hit because of being disarmed and knocked out frequently, and Callen's noticing it and being willing to reach out, was the explanation? Perfect. It shows a guy having some self-esteem issues and another guy picking up on that without making it too awkward or sappy. Just...trying to make him feel like he's one of the guys, and it's all okay. Nothing to be ashamed about. This is the Callen who has made more and more efforts to not be such a lone wolf. We've seen it with Fatima, others, and he's just really been dropping his guard and taking his role as a mentor figure and respected leader more seriously. Growth. Growth with some jokes, yes, but growth. Again, Sam doesn't tease him about being kind or make fun of Castor for taking those "hits." He's just like, "I guess you have a new best friend now. Look at you." He plays off his fake jealousy and projects it onto Castor's potential jealousy. It's cute. It's banter. It's teasing. They are all still guys, and they do a lot of bonding this way. They're not always going to be This Is Us, and this is honestly more realistic.
Of course, poor Castor gets knocked out again. But, hey, Callen did, as well! So I bet he still feels okay. And Callen probably feels a little guilty. "Hey, this is my bad, Castor. Let me buy you a drink...after our sedatives wear off." Because this was a Bartels episode, and for some reason he's like, "Let's have the bad guy give Callen a sedative." It's a well he's gone to before, and now poor Castor has gotten dragged along for the ride. (I was, for a moment, really wondering if Callen was going to get abducted because we only have a few more eps left of the show, and that's right up there with explosions as being part of the show. Alas. Maybe his days of getting himself taken are truly behind him. Growth!)
The episode was paced just fine for me. I followed it all, actually! Whaaattt? I know. A bulleted list of things I liked, in which I try to avoid making this post even more of a novel:
The casting of the other subjects was pretty good.
There were some actual stakes and action scenes.
There were some actual twists. They didn't have to try and convince us a turn was serious with the ominous music cues.
Callen's admitting he may have let the guy get away because he wanted him to, so he could get Pembroke, pointed to a lot of the morally gray issues. It's complicated, and shows like this tend to take a very black and white approach. But the character of Callen has always lived more in the gray than the black or white.
Points to Chris O'D for somehow managing to deliver the line, "I'm Subject 17" without it being hokey: it is a fine line to hit with sounding serious but not overdoing the gravitas.
I'm still very annoyed with the Leah thing from last season because it was just such an OOC to do without more reasons or context -- or some explanation that it was a sign Callen was truly spiraling. However, at no point did he ever try to make an excuse for it in this episode. Now that I liked. When someone called him out for it, he never tried to say, "Ah, yeah...well, see..." He took it.
He was also not questioning the blame that he set Pembroke off...until he realized it didn't make sense with how things had happened. He would've been the first target, not the only one not on the list. And he was right to question that. Even if, by that point, his guilt about the whole Leah situation and her not believing him was probably what made him too trusting and took the guy to the hospital.
I also thought the other character scenes were good. They can never seem to make up their mind about the Admiral's characterization, but this ep had one for him that made sense and made him work. I will always <3 Shyla, and I am sad they didn't figure out how to bring her on sooner and more often. Fatima and Rountree (and their actors) have always had the unenviable tasks for trying to fill in so many different gaps -- from characters completely gone to characters having to appear and do less -- but they do it with smiles and eagerness. Bartels made sure there was some more depth for them here, too.
I won't even go into the whole Hetty thing. Y'all know how I feel on that. And what can I say that hasn't already been said? (Though that never seems to stop me, does it?)
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cahrolinehasmoved · 10 months
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get to know the author⋯
name:  charli
pronouns:  she/her
preference  of  communication:  discord  all  the  way,  i'm  slow  as  all  hell,  but  i  promise  i  get  to  messages  there  so much faster than the ims here.
most  active  muse(s):  just caroline. i have an archangel azrael ( azrahel ) but i put her on semi hiatus until i can actually feel like doing things on her blog.
experience / how  many  years:  been on this hellsite since 2011. so . . . . 12 years lol . somthin' like that.
best  experience:  meeting  my  friends.  hands  down. 
rp  pet  peeves:  people stealing shit such as graphics, writing ( i LITERALLY just went through this on azrael... ) and any other stuff. not reading my rules and my muse's information ( every day...on caroline. at this point, i ignore. bitchy, i know but whew...its all over my blog basically ), and people rushing me for replies. i am slow...but i am trying.
plots  or  memes:  memes  bc  they  help  me  with  plotting!
long  or  short  replies:  medium - longer length replies. sometimes ya girl rambles on and on.
are  you  like  your  muse(s):  in A LOT of ways, yeah. i really related to caroline the most as a teen tbh. and still, somewhat now with the whole insecurity stuff and all. but also, we both have a fiery personality. i think that's one reason i can maintain muse for her a lot more than any other muse? because like . . . . writing her, the words, actions, etc comes naturally ? and like i feel like i can get into her headspace fairly easy. idk if any of this makes any sense lmao. tagged by: @chmerical <3 tagging: @flesheaten , @fuckedprophet , @theirhorrorstories , @biigscene and YOU !
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mothbo-jumbo · 1 year
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im transmasc trans man but im still attached to my agab enough to id as a girl + demigirl but at the same time im so detached to whatever the fuck we consider to be "gender" that i can only describe that void of gender as nonbinary and agender, my gender is fluid enough that i can only describe it using my interests, not to mention that on the off chance i DO experience attraction, its queer attraction to women, but i also experience attraction to men and that is queer also so im a nonbinary gaybian lesboy turigirl as well, im aegoace, im grayace, im aroflux but im constantly going from no attraction to a Very Small Amount of attraction so im practically aro but im not aro, im aroflux, that Very Small Amount of attraction counts to me
im a turigirl but also im a lesboy, im a woman who experiences queer attraction to men/men aligned ppl but also a man who experiences queer attraction to women/women aligned ppl, my entire queer identity is built on contradictions right down to how im attracted to the very genders i experience said attraction to
im also mspec as well, experiencing both tertiary attraction and queerplatonic to multiple genders, experiencing biqueerplatonic attraction to 2+ genders (idk to what genders tho, i just know that they’re nonbinary n xenic in nature), i experience panaesthetic attraction to all genders, polyalterious to some but not all (again, dont know which genders, just know theyre xenic in nature), among others
despite that im somehow still consider myself straight? i experience some sort of tertiary attraction to a gender that im not (n im a lot genders so its surprising that theres still genders that im not), but again, since it bares worth repeating (at least to me), my entire queer identity is built on contradictions and being contradictory to itself
also back to the aegoace/grayace/aro/aroflux thing, aegoace fits because of the fact that despite my v fleeting attraction (grayace), i still do fantasize about and consume sexual content, while aroflux fits cause i still experience romantic attraction despite said attraction being V Small And Weak n with aro, while theres nothing wrong with aro, it just doesnt fit as nicely aroflux n that my weak n small attraction i feel is still significant enough that i would rather label it as aroflux than aro
also when it comes to pronouns idc what u use for me, she/her, they/them, star/stars, it/its (my favorite set of pronouns ngl), idc just as long as u dont fucking insult me in the damn process, plus i have 540+ of them ??? so its unlikely that someone will come across a pronoun set i DONT use, hell i think its easier to list the ones i use then the ones i dont
my favorite pronouns are she/her, it/its and any dog related pronouns, ironically not he/him despite being a transmasc (wo)man n he/him literally being the v first set of pronouns i started using but gender n pronouns is a bar and im fucking everyone in it (and stealing their pronouns in the process)
theres also the fact that i use xenogenders so theres another piece in this mess of a contradictory construction project that i call my queerness, my gender is prince like buts its also a dog, its like hermitcraft, but its also swampert from pokemon, its renthedog but also prince and the dressmaker by jen wang and these are just small handfuls of my xenogenders, i have so many more that i simply dont have the energy to name
theres also the fact that im aldernic, so i want a body that simply cannot exist, i want seraphim wings, a seraphim body in general, animal ears, claws, so many things that i want but just cant have cause im stuck in this stupid human body
so anyways, gender and sexuality and pronouns are games n im going “fuck it, we ball” by going off the rails n spam pressing the buttons on the controller
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aparecium-rp · 2 years
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ABOUT:
Character name: Alice Longbottom Age & Birthday: 27 & August 31st Gender & Pronouns: Cis-female & She/Her Occupation: Senior Auror Blood status: Pureblood Previous house: Gryffindor Affiliation: Order of the Phoenix  Face claim: Daisy Ridley
BIOGRAPHY:
 Alice Longbottom (neé Rosier) was born into the world of the pureblood elite. A lot of her relations are focused upon blood status, and the importance of those who have pure blood being top of the Wizarding world. Alice couldn’t be any different than the majority of her family and because of this she never really fitted in with her immediate family, or the wider pureblood world.
 Alice didn’t really fit in with the other pureblood girls, or what society really thought a pureblood lady should be. She knew from a young age that she was different from the others, that she didn’t quite fit in. Whilst the other pure-blooded girls her age liked to sit and drink tea, paint, and sew, Alice much preferred to be in the garden, or to be flying. Although she knew this, it didn’t make her feel insecure at all. Alice was happy with who she was and wasn’t going to let someone’s ideas of who or what she should be change her.
 When she went to Hogwarts she was sorted into Gryffindor. This was a shock to the family, and was just the start of her separation from her family. By the time she left Hogwarts she wasn’t speaking to them anymore. She had a good group of friends that they didn’t really approve of. The thing was, she preferred her friends to her family. If anything Alice would say that she was beginning to make her own family. Family didn’t have to be biological, and she would argue that her new family has loved her a hell of a lot more than any of her biological family ever did.
 From an educational point of view Alice wasn’t academic in the slightest, and didn’t really know what she wanted to do with her life. She got through classes, studied hard, because she wanted to get good grades. She didn’t want to risk flunking any classes just in case they came in useful in the future.
 Whilst Alice isn’t that academic, she is pretty talented when it comes to flying. To be honest, pretty talented is a bit of an understatement. Alice had a natural talent for flying, and for quidditch. She might be small, but she is mighty, and pretty lethal with that beaters bat. Flying for the Gryffindor quidditch team is amazing, and Alice adores it. There is nothing quite like the thrill of flying.
 It was a sunny day in the middle of fifth year when the aurors came to visit. It was a career informing class, and the class left an impact on Alice. She’d not considered being an auror before, but she fell in love with the career that day. The two aurors that came were awe-inspiring, and Alice left that class with only one goal in life; to become an auror.
  Alice had to work hard for it. She wasn’t really academically gifted and had to fight to get the grades. But she was determined. A lot of her time was spent studying, but she knew it would pay off in the end. Alice had terrible time management skills though. She didn’t like to not be social, so really she barely slept. She worked hard, and partied harder. But she did it. She passed her OWLS, and went on to continue working towards being an auror.
 The day that she left Hogwarts was the day she left her family. Not only did she disagree with their viewpoint, but she also did not want to marry and start a family like they wanted her too. So she left, and was officially disowned. She didn’t care about that though, and made her way onto the auror program.
 Of course people had their doubts. They asked how this bubbly and reckless girl could ever make it as an auror. They doubted her abilities, and her skills, even though she had proved that she was capable of getting onto the hard program. This didn’t put a dent in her confidence though, it only made Alice push herself harder. Those three years that she trained as an auror were hard, but she made it. Sure, she hardly went out, and was definitely work focused, but she was determined to be successful. People still talked. They doubted her still, and they warned her that she should stick to the pureblood traditions. That she should get married, have babies, and stay at home. Alice detested the mere thought of this, and it just continued to push her on towards qualifying.
 Alice cried the day she qualified as an auror. She cried for all her hard work. She cried because she’d proved everyone wrong. She cried because she’d finally gotten her dream. All of her hard work had finally paid off. Of course, the hard work was only going to continue, but she’d done it. And finally everyone that doubted her was quiet.
 All along, from that decision to become an auror, through all the doubters, and the late night studying, Frank Longbottom had been there. She wasn’t sure when she fell in love with him, but all Alice knows is that she is irrevocably in love with him. He is her other half, her soul mate, and she simply cannot imagine life without him. She knows that she wouldn’t have gotten through the auror program without him, and she thanks her lucky stars every day that he is hers.
 Things had been going pretty well for Alice. She’d qualified as an auror. She’s got Frank. But then the world around her is at war, and Alice has to fight. This means fighting against the family that disowned her. But Alice has never been one for sitting around. And so she fights. Joining the Order was a simple decision, and it made her feel like she was finally doing something good in this world.
 Behind closed doors the war terrifies her, even though she was trained for it. Her betrayal of her family always plays on her mind, and she always worries that she has put a target on their back. But she is determined to fight, and use all of her natural skills to use. She has to fight for a better world. She wants a family with Frank, but she can’t imagine bringing an innocent child into this world.
 So however much it frightens her, however much she worries that her cousins will come kill her, she fights. She fights for a better world, and a world where everyone is accepted, regardless of their blood status.
 They have to win. There is no other option.
OOC INFO:
Played by: Rachie Time Zone: GMT+1
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achelost · 2 years
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(   a girl in the shadows, chipped nails & messy braids, the sharp sting of longing.   )   ▸    welcome to latverion, AMY BENDIX. it’s time to be gracious, for in this vast multiverse, you have been saved by emperor doom. according to records you are 20 and use SHE/HER pronouns. emperor doom expects you’ll enjoy your career as STUDENT/GRIFTER, or else. excellent. we look forward to your contribution.
ABOUT BASICS
FULL NAME: amy bendix
AGE: 20
AFFILIATIONS: the underground resistance
GENDER AND PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her
FACE CLAIM: giorgia whigham
IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS
POINT OF ORIGIN:
100% from the netflix adaptations of the punisher ! amy will not have any comic connections, but she will also run on a lot of headcanons and personal views! 
ABILITIES/SKILLS:
amy doesn’t have any supernatural abilities, but she’s honestly a pretty good pickpocket. she’s incredibly street smart, and knows how to get her way out of almost any terrible situation. she’s sneaky, and slippery, and it serves her well when grifting. 
HAVE THEY BROUGHT ANY FAMILY OR PETS WITH THEM:
she has not! however frank is in fact around somewhere and he’s the only thing she’s really had that she considered family in years. after her and frank go their separate ways, amy also ended up getting a little close to karen.
ANY HEADCANONS YOU WANT OTHERS TO KNOW:
amy doesn’t know why she was saved, or spared, or whatever, and it’s kind of freaking her out. she hasn’t had much, if any, exposure to actual superheroes before (though she counts frank), and so the entire element, and concept of this place, is insane. she’s deeply on edge, even more than usual  —  which is a lot. amy runs on paranoia. 
she has a hard time adjusting to being a student, and is considering leaving that area, but for now, she’s doing her best. amy was 16 when she had to stop school, and being back is a really difficult shift for her. she feels behind, and it makes her upset. she’s grifting out of habit, sneaking little things away from people for her own benefit, when she gets noticed by the underground resistance. it’s only then does she find a little bit of community and that sense of almost belonging.
amy has always gotten along better with people older than her, and has a hard time relating to most people her age. it was like that at 16, and it’s like that now at 20. 
she’s seriously paranoid. she always feels like she’s being watched, followed, or in trouble. 
she was, very weirdly enough, deeply interested in stark industries and the whole tech of iron man when she was a kid. 
QUESTIONNAIRE
HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT EMPEROR DOOM?
amy quite frankly doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, who doom is, who any of these people are, or what the hell happened to her home. she’s so deeply clueless and it freaks her out. she should, maybe, feel some sort of positive emotion for the man who saved her and brought her here, but honestly? he’s sketchy and weird and she’s secretly watching him back. yeah. thanks doom. 
HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER FEEL ABOUT THE BATTLES? ARE THEY TRYING TO AVOID THEM? OR ARE THEY EAGER TO JUMP IN?
amy has no positive or negative feelings about the battles. she’s been around violence and bloodshed for so long it’s normal, so it honestly kind of feels like an everyday kind of a thing. she’s not deeply bothered, nor does she have a strong sense of morality telling her they’re wrong. she’s definitely avoiding the battles, though. fighting in them, at the very least. she likes being there when they happen, because people are placing bets and have pockets full of money.
WHY HAS YOUR CHARACTER ACCEPTED THEIR JOB POSITION? WILL THEY USE IT TO GET CLOSER TO DOOM? OR WILL THEY USE IT EXPLOIT HIM? OR DO THEY SIMPLY LIKE THEIR JOB?
did she have a choice? amy kind of really said “okay” and fell into the routine of student life. she wants to drop out, in a way, because why the fuck is she studying when there’s a literal insane world thing going on right now? she does have to say, she is pretty pleased that the major authority (doom) doesn’t really care about her petty thievery. it feels a little bit like knowing you won’t get in that much trouble for doing bad things, so on that hand, she’ll take it. she will, in fact, use it to exploit him, though, to whatever capabilities she can. 
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zevlors-tail · 2 years
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My Obey Me OC's
Muse
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Muse is the MC of my three OC's for Obey Me. They were the one put through Diavolo's exchange program and were handpicked by Diavolo himself. They are fully human, meaning they are NOT Lilith's descendant or part of Lilith's bloodline, and are 24 years old at the start of the story. They use They/Them pronouns and identify as both agender and asexual. Their assigned sin is currently Envy.
Muse can usually be found cooking up chaotic plans with Luke or adventuring in the Devildom with Solomon, and when they're not doing that, they're actively practicing witchcraft since they are, in fact, a witch. Speaking of, their cursing skills are on par with Lucifer's, so it would be unwise to get on their bad side. This would probably be bad news for Mephistopheles if he weren't so skilled at curses himself, as Muse has declared themselves his sworn mortal enemy.
Those closest to Muse include (in order) Solomon, Luke, Satan, Asmodeus, and Leviathan. They're also particularly close with Cypress and share a rather strange bond with Raphael.
Cypress
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Cypress, whose name comes from the color in his eyes that resembles the brilliant green hue of a cypress tree, is a demon Muse meets after they return to the Devildom for a second time. He seems to be quite comfortable around humans in general and is even protective of them- especially so towards Muse. He's not quite as old as Lucifer or Simeon, but has been around for more than a few thousand years and looks about 27 in human years. He can most commonly be found tutoring another student in the library at RAD or lurking somewhere around The Fall.
Cypress uses He/Him pronouns, is both aromantic and bisexual, and identifies as cisgender. He flirts quite casually- though most of his genuine affection is often only aimed at Muse, and, when presented with the opportunity for a relationship, will almost always decline on the premise of not being truly interested in the other person. When he first meets Muse, he explains to them right away that his assigned sin is Lust and that he's an incubus.
He's quite talented academically, excelling in most subjects at RAD and pursuing a few higher level classes of his own volition. He's particularly skilled at Devildom history, mathematics, and any material or teachings related to the three different realms and their history with each other, their arts, and their specific languages. He spends quite a lot of time on his own and little is known about him outside of his classes at RAD, so there's a bit of a mysterious air around him.
If there's anything note worthy about Cypress, it's that he's a bit of a yandere and that he absolutely despises Raphael. Oh- and the fact that he avoids Solomon, Asmodeus, and Belphegor like the plague.
Claire
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Claire is the third OC I created for Obey Me and the OC with the least amount of things known about them. Claire uses She/Her pronouns, identifies as cisgender, and is a lesbian. She is 23 when first introduced into the story and, despite her intense purple eyes, she is indeed a human. She's earnest, honest, and wears her heart on her sleeve most of the time, which tends to cause her some unwanted grief when it comes to her love life. Her assigned sin is Lust, however she also has an assigned heavenly virtue: Kindness.
When Claire is first introduced to everyone, she has no memory of her very complicated past- the only thing she remembers is her name and surviving the hell she's been in for the last six years. In spite of that, she makes fast friends with Cypress and Muse and most of the brothers as well. On any given day, you could find her playing video games with Cypress and Muse or pining after Thirteen in a painfully obvious way.
Even though Claire just wants to get on with her life and establish some normalcy for herself after everything that's happened to her, she seems to get pulled into Devildom and Celestial Realm drama repeatedly no matter how hard she tries to fight it. Poor girl just wants a break and to fall in love- is that too much to ask for? Apparently it is- and as it turns out, not even the witty sorcerer has a solution to any of her conundrums.
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