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thetriumphantpanda · 9 months

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Come Away With Me | Joel & Tommy Miller (Monday)

Summary | Day One of your trip to the lake house with Joel and you can't keep your hands off each other. It's all about making up for lost time.

Warnings | Fluff, 2(3?) lovesick fools, mentions of food and alcohol, explicit smut, breeding kink, oral sex (F & M Receiving), unprotected PiV sex (We can't all have a sexy Joel Miller to make us pregnant, please wrap it up), talk of UTI's (Honestly, not worth it, PEE AFTER SEX PLEASE), as always, Tommy kinda getting cucked and Joel just being Joel.

Word Count | 5.1K

Authors Note | The love that this series has received already, without me even posting a chapter has been overwhelming and I am so grateful to you all for being so enthusiastic about this. This little trio means more to me than you can ever imagine and I'm so incredibly happy to be able to bring them back to you. I would love to know what you think about this first instalment, so please leave your comments, reblogs and my ask box is always open if you want to scream about this with me. If you enjoyed this then please consider leaving me a tip on my Ko-Fi here.

SEASON TWO OF TRIAL & ERROR. Read the first instalment here (This probably won't make sense without it.)

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

You press a kiss to Joshua’s forehead as he keeps his hands around Tommy’s leg. He’s four now, toddling about, like a perfect little human, and still, whenever you see him, your chest swells with happiness and love in a way you didn’t think would still be possible.

“You be good for daddy, okay?” You smile, ruffling the hair on top of his head, before bending down to his height, opening your arms for him to fall into as he hugs you, “I’ll be back soon, I promise, and I’ll call every day.”

A whole week away from your baby boy was daunting. You don’t think you’ve ever spent longer than twenty-four hours without him, but you know he’s in good hands. His dad knows what he’s doing, you’re not worried.

Tommy has picked Joshua up into his arms, the little boy clutching onto the collar of his shirt as he leans down to lock his lips with yours. You smile into his kiss, letting your hands drop to his waist to pull him a little closer to you.

“You make sure you give the old man a run for his money, okay?” He smirks when he pulls away, hand running over your hair.

“He’ll wish he hadn’t come up with idea.” You whisper back, one last chaste kiss to Tommy’s lips and Joshua’s head.

“You ready?” Joel asks from across the truck, sliding into the driver’s side.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

Joel is nervous. He very rarely feels like this in his older age, especially when it comes to speaking to Tommy. They’ve grown up together, he basically helped raise him, had countless awkward conversations with him, including the one that got him here in the first place, waiting patiently for his birthday so he can steal away his girl and have one night with her all to himself, but he’s still nervous.

It's the end of summer, Sarah will be leaving for college in the next few days, dead set on becoming a doctor, so Joel’s decided the only way to celebrate his little girl going off and doing what neither he nor his brother could do, and to ease the impending loneliness he’s going to feel at having this big house all to himself, is a cookout. He’s fed everyone, spent time keeping Joshua amused so you and Tommy can eat in peace, and now, a few beers in, he thinks he’s ready.

He walks down to Tommy, who is cleaning the grill off, listening to the sounds of you and Sarah chasing Joshua around his garden, trying to tire him out. He puts his hand on Tommy’s shoulder and squeezes and they share a smile between them.

“You alright, brother?” Tommy asks, brushing down the last of the grill.

“I’m good,” Joel replies simply, “But I have something to ask you, a favour.”

“Anythin’ for you brother.” He smiles, setting down his cleaning tools and picking up his beer.

“I know we never discussed it, between us, but what happens between me and her, it makes me happy, y’know?”

Tommy’s smile gets bigger, and Joel knows that because it’s all his brother has ever wanted for him, to be happy, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been so grateful for the man in front of him.

“I know second time around it’s takin’ longer than we’d all like,” Joel sighs, you’d all been trying for months for the second baby – people had told you second time around was easier, but whoever decided that was a damn liar, “I just wondered, y’know, ‘cause she’s stressed and all, whether I could take her away?”

“Take her away?” Tommy asks, eyebrow cocked with his lips on the bottle of beer.

“Not from you,” Joel stutters, “Just for a week, somewhere quiet, I don’t know, the lake or somethin’, just see if her relaxin’ might help things.”

“Where were you thinkin’?” Tommy asks.

“I’ve been lookin’ and there are some nice places up in Colorado,” He rubs the back of his neck, not wanting to admit to his brother that he’s trawled the internet late at night trying to find somewhere he can afford, that in his mind he has it all planned out, “Close enough that we can get back if anything happens with Josh.”

“I don’t know that she’ll get the time from work, Joel,” Tommy sighs, “It ain’t that I don’t want her to go, I know she’d love the time away, but she’s pressed.”

Joel turns around and follows Tommy’s eyeline, you’re sitting on the grass with your back against the veranda, watching as Sarah plays with Joshua a little further away. Your head is leant back against the wood and Joel can tell you’re exhausted. A full time job, plus being a mother, whilst Joel’s got Tommy working longer and longer hours so they can finally get their business off the ground properly.

“When was the last time she was anythin’ but a mother?” Joel asks, turning back to his brother, “Come on brother,” He pleads, “We can give her a break, give her the chance to be just her again,” Then he decides to sweeten the deal, “I’ll even give you the week off work.”

“You really don’t have to beg me Joel,” Tommy insists with a smile, “If she can get the time off work, then you can have her.”

You’re three hours into the drive. Joel has insisted he can make it in one go, with a few comfort breaks on the way, despite it being a twelve-hour drive, but you’re not going to argue with him. He’s well and truly in charge this week and you’re more than happy to relinquish control to him. It’s nice, having someone else worry about you, whether you’ve got enough snacks to keep you going, whether you need to stop to use the bathroom, whether you need to close your eyes and take a nap, as opposed to you worrying about doing that for your son.

Joel is tapping his hands on the steering wheel. Sarah had made him a mixtape before she left, supposedly full of the songs they used to listen to in the car together, though you can’t imagine Joel had allowed much Taylor Swift judging by how fast he was to press skip when the familiar sounds of Teardrops On My Guitar started playing through the truck. He’s just finished singing along to Bon Jovi, a smile on his face as he looks at you.

“I love your voice,” You smile, running your fingers lightly up the arm that is resting near you, his warm palm on your thigh as he drives, “It’s not too late y’know, to make it big with your guitar.”

He snorts but with a smile on his face, “I was never any good at bein’ on stage, always got choked up and froze,” He turns his head to you a little, “I’m happy to just save my singin’ for you.”

The CD he’s got playing skips to the next song and the sounds of Destiny’s Child’s Survivor start filling the car. Joel is already moving to press skip so you grip hold of his wrist.

“Don’t you dare,” You warn, “This is such a good song.”

“Sweetheart, come on, you don��t really wanna listen to it.”

You chuckle at him, “You’ve listened to everything you wanted, just give me this one song.”

“If I’m lettin’ you listen to this,” He growls, “Then you’re gonna owe me.”

“Is that right?” You play coy, “And what do you deem suitable payment for a single Destiny’s Child song?”

You watch his face, still trained straight ahead on the highway, but with that smirk that you always love to see from him. It means he’s thinking something filthy and filthy Joel is something you simply cannot get enough of. You watch as his eyes meet yours momentarily and then drop to his lap. If you hadn’t been so focused on his face, you’d have missed it, but your eyes trail down his body where you can already see him growing in his jeans.

You lean back in your seat, nodding to yourself, “Joel Miller, grown man, wants me to suck his cock whilst he drives, just like a horny teenager.”

He brings a hand to the back of your neck and squeezes, trying to gently drag you forward, “I’ve waited a fuckin’ year to have you to myself, pretty girl,” He speaks lowly, “Didn’t think I was gonna wait for a bed, did you?”

You chuckle but move to undo your seatbelt. He keeps his hand resting on the back of your neck, but it’s gentle. He doesn’t pull you towards him, just waits for you to set your own pace. You reach across the console of the truck with your hand, palming him through his jeans, reveling in the way his head tips back and he lets a long sigh fall from his lips.

“You missed me, huh?” You tease, bringing your fingers up to the button on his jeans, you should have known he had something planned when he turned up without his belt on.

“You seriously askin’ me if I missed you?” He asks as you pop the button and drag his zipper down slowly.

You lean over, lips pressing a chaste kiss to the scruff on his jaw, “Boost my ego, Joel Miller,” You whisper into his ear as your hand sneaks underneath the waistband of his underwear, “Tell me how much you missed me.”

He lifts his hips for you a little so you can shuck his jeans down just enough to pull his cock out. You lean over, Joel’s wide palm still resting at the nape of your neck as you fist him, running your hand up and down his length. If you were a stronger woman you’d tease him, but you’re as desperate for him as he is for you, so you bring your mouth right to him, swirling your tongue over his tip, lapping up the drops of pre-cum that are waiting for you.

Your wrap your lips around him and swallow him down as far as you can take him without him hitting the back of your throat, using your hand to pump the length your mouth doesn’t reach, swirling your tongue around him as you pull your mouth back up.

“God fuckin’ damn, babygirl,” Joel groans above you, hand tangling in your hair as you continue to bob your head up and down on him, “You’ve done this before.”

It strikes you in this moment that in the four or so years you and Joel have been together like this, he’s never once let you put your mouth on him like this. Before Joshua, he had always been hyper focused on your pleasure, whether you felt good, and in the years since, in those few short hours you had together, he’d never once asked for it, had stopped you when you tried, he’d only ever come for you when he was fucking you.

You sneak your hand lower, cupping his heavy balls in the palm of your hand as you take him further down your throat. The added sensation of your hand has him bucking his hips up into your mouth enough that you have to pull away from him, coughing and spluttering.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” He worries, taking his hand from your head, “Are you okay?”

“Focus on the road, Miller,” You demand, moving to get right back down to business, “If I choke to death on your cock that’s my business.”

“Kinda hard to focus on the road when I’m seconds away from filling your mouth, pretty girl.” You can hear the strain in his voice as you start working his cock again, pulling off only long enough to reply.

“That’s what I want,” You whisper, “You gonna come down my throat Joel?”

“That what you want?” He grunts from above you.

“Wanna taste you.”

“Well pretty girl, you just keep goin’ and I’ll give you what you want.”

He stays true to his word, and after a few short minutes, he’s gripping a fistful of your hair, breathing your name out, as his cum spreads across your tongue. Salty, masculine, musky, but distinctly Joel, and you think from this moment on you might be hooked on the taste of him.

You pull back up, sitting back in your seat, Joel turning his head to watch you as you open your mouth, sticking your tongue out just enough to show him what he’s given you. Then, you close your mouth and swallow every last drop, wiping the small amount that had gathered in the corner of your lips back into your mouth.

“Jesus,” Joel breathes, “You’re somethin’ else, baby.”

It’s late evening by the time you and Joel arrive at the lake house. It’s dark so you can’t properly take in your surroundings, but it’s peaceful and quiet, and when you step out of the truck, it smells different. The smell of pine and fresh water fills your senses and it’s at this moment you realise you really needed this – a break away from the suburbs and the city you’re so used to.

You make a simple dinner of chicken and roasted vegetables, washed down with lukewarm beer that hadn’t had a chance to properly chill. Joel insists on doing the dishes, silently cursing he didn’t pick a cabin with a dishwasher. The more time he has to spend washing up, the less time he can spend buried deep inside you, which is what he wants most right now. He’s hungrier for you than he’s ever been, you having refused his offer to pull off the highway so he could return the favour earlier.

You’ve taken two fresh beers from the fridge outside with you. He can see you sitting on the small swing seat on the porch, taking small sips of your drink as you wait for him. You’re on the phone to Tommy, letting him know you arrived safely and then he can hear your voice change as you speak to Joshua – more high-pitched than normal. The conversation doesn’t last long, Tommy clearly needing to put Joshua down to sleep, so you’re hanging up the phone in no time. He notices you shiver through the window, so he digs out one of his flannels from his bag that hasn’t made it to the bedroom and takes it out with him, draping it across your shoulders. He takes a seat next to you, his thigh touching yours, as you hand him his beer.

“I bet this view will be beautiful tomorrow.” You muse, taking another sip of your drink.

“I don’t know,” He speaks back softly, looking at you, “It’s pretty perfect to me already.”

You can feel your face grow hot at the compliment, but you smile. Joel drapes his arm across the back of the bench, and you automatically shuffle in closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder as his hand trails up and down your arm.

“So, how have you really been in that house without Sarah these past few weeks?” You ask, hand coming to rest on his thigh.

“It’s been strange,” He answers honestly, “But I’m so proud of her, my little girl training to be a doctor.”

Your heart swells because you’re pretty fucking proud of her as well. She’d worked so hard to get into medical school the past few years, finally settling on what it was that she wanted to do, and you have no doubt that she’s going to find some incredible medical breakthrough during her career.

“Still don’t know where she got her brains from,” He grumbles, “Sure as hell ain’t from the side me and Tommy got ours.”

You swat your hand to his thigh, “What have I told you about being kind to yourself?” You chastise, earning a low laugh from him, “Don’t sell yourself short, you started your own business Joel, not everyone can do that.”

He nods, but you think it’s more to placate you than understanding his worth, but you decide to let it lie, “You know, she’s not far from here,” You offer, “If you wanted, you could go and see her.”

“I’d like that,” He smiles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, “I’ll call her tomorrow, gonna have to think of a white lie as to why I’m all the way out here though.”

“I’m sure if we put our heads together, we can think of something.”

It’s silent for a while between you. Listening to the wind rustle the leaves on the trees is soothing. Pair that with Joel’s gentle tracing up and down your arm, and the way he’s slowly rocking the swing with his foot on the ground, and you’re almost ready to fall asleep.

“Hey Joel,” You whisper, leaning your head up towards him, he answers with a hum of acknowledgement, “You wanna take me to bed?”

He leans down, pressing his lips softly to your own, “I thought you’d never ask.”

You stand, extending your hand to his, which he takes, letting you lead him back inside. Because he’s used to it, the routine of checking the locks at home, he makes sure he double checks all the doors are locked before letting you take hold of his hand again and lead him down the small hallway, into the master bedroom at the end.

The bed is huge, white sheets resting on top, with plump pillows at the end. If it wasn’t for Joel’s hands on your hips and his lips on your neck, you’d be focused on falling into it and going straight to sleep. He’s walking you forward, trailing wet kisses down the expanse of your neck, then he turns you once your knees hit the foot of the bed.

He brings his palms to your face, cradling it in his hands as he leans down, pressing those soft, plush lips to your own. You bring your arms to wrap around his shoulders, pressing yourself up on your tiptoes as his arms wrap around your waist, pulling your body flush to his broad frame as he opens his mouth, tongue licking into your own mouth as he deepens your kiss. It’s the first time he’s kissed you since last year, both of you having some form of silent agreement with each other that Tommy doesn’t need to see that. He see’s everything else you do when you’re together, when he’s watching his brother fill you up, this here, when Joel kisses the very breath from your lungs, this is just for the two of you.

With his mouth still latched to yours, he uses his hands to push his flannel from your shoulders, before he reaches down and tugs your own shirt from where it was tucked into your jeans. He takes his time, unbuttoning it one notch at a time, until that too is pushed from your shoulders. You don’t even realise he’s undone the button on your jeans until he’s pushing them down your hips – too focused on the way his mouth tastes.

“Sit down, pretty girl,” He whispers, dropping to his knees, “Been drivin’ me wild all day,” His hands trail up your legs, parting them in front of his face when you perch on the edge of the bed, “Thinkin’ about you all wet down here, after you sucked my cock.”

He runs his thumb over the front of your panties, tracing the seam of your pussy, which has indeed been completely soaked for him since you sucked him off. He presses his mouth, wet and hot, against the delicate skin of your thigh as you let your head drop back and a sigh to escape your mouth. His mouth comes to rest between the crook of your thigh, where the seam of your underwear is, and you think he might just pull them to the side and give you what you want, but instead, he starts a trail of kisses from the opposite knee, moving slowly up your other thigh until you’re squirming for him.

“Don’t tease me,” You beg, running a hand through the curls on his head, “Make me feel good, Joel.”

“This what you want, pretty girl?” He asks, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your underwear, dragging them off you when you lift yourself off the bed a little, “Want my mouth here?”

His thumb runs up the seam of your pussy, the friction without the barrier of your panties delicious now. You spread your legs for him, heels resting on the bottom of the bed, baring your spread, aching cunt for him. His palms are resting on the inner part of your thighs now as he leans in, lips pressing a single chaste kiss to your clit.

“Fuck,” You breathe out, chasing the feel of his lips as he pulls away, you almost whine until you feel him push one of his delightfully thick fingers straight into your weeping pussy, “Fuck Joel, holy shit.”

He’s grinning up at you like the devil when you look down, pulling his finger out all the way before slipping it into his mouth to clean it off, “You been this wet all day?” He asks, thumb moving to gather the slick at your entrance to drag to your clit, moving in featherlight movements.

“Y-yes,” You manage to choke out, “This is what you do to me.”

He doesn’t respond. Instead, he puts his face right back where you want it, tongue licking a firm, wide strip from your weeping hole and up to your clit, using the tip of his tongue to place precise flicks on your swollen bundle of nerves. He’s so fucking good with his mouth it actually hurts. He’s managed to learn exactly how you like it, what combination of moves with his mouth and the addition of his fingers bring you over the edge the fastest and that’s exactly what he’s doing right now. He slips two of his fingers back inside you, curling them straight up into that spot within you that makes you cry, lips sucking your clit into his mouth whilst his tongue still moves perfectly across you.

“God fucking damn it, Joel,” You cry, fingers tugging at his hair as you push your pussy closer to his face, “Gonna make me come.”

He doesn’t bother to pull his mouth away from you to tell you it’s okay like he usually does, just continues the movements just as they are until your crying his name out, the rope that was pulled taught inside you snapping as your pussy clenches around Joel’s fingers and you come so hard your vision blacks out for a moment.

You collapse down onto the bed, arms no longer able to hold you up as Joel takes his mouth from your clit, gently pulling his fingers from you. Without needing to be asked, you scoot up the bed, letting air fill your lungs. Your eyes are trained on Joel as he starts to undress in front of you, smirking at you when he drags his shirt over his head.

“You should charge people for this,” You mumble, “Sure a lot of ladies would pay good money to watch you strip.”

“Like this?” He chuckles, slowly undoing the button of his jeans, dragging the zipper down painfully slow as you start humming, encouraging him to really put on a show, “Zip it.” He laughs, pushing his jeans down his legs, his cock hard and pressing against the thin material of his boxers.

He shucks them off his body as well and you watch, captivated as he fists his cock, he is, next to his brother, one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Joel Miller,” You breathe out as he clambers onto the bed, pulling you up slightly so he can take your bra off, “Do you know that?”

His mouth is pressing kisses between your breasts, letting his teeth nibble small marks across your chest before he takes one of your nipples in his mouth. You can feel his cock pressing between your folds, running up and down your pussy as he settles properly between your thighs. You run your hand through his hair as he trails his lips up to your face, peppering your jaw with kisses.

“Can’t say I’ve been told much,” He whispers into your ear, “But I’ll take it.”

You can feel him reach between you, base of his cock in his hand as he brings the tip to your slick cunt. He thrusts forward just a touch, giving you the tip, lips settling onto your own so he can swallow the small moans you let out as he inches deeper and deeper into you until he bottoms out. You shift your hips underneath him, legs hitching around his waist.

“Baby please,” He pleads, “You gotta give me a second,” His head dropping to the crook of your neck, “Fuck, how does it always feel like I’m fucking you for the first time?”

You want to give him all the time in the world but you’re just as bad as he is. He needs to move, and he needs to move now otherwise you think you might actually die.

“Please Joel,” You moan, rolling your hips up into his, hand still firmly tangled in the curls at the back of his neck, “You need to move.”

“I ain’t gonna last, babygirl.” He groans as he pulls himself out and slams back into you.

“Don’t care,” You moan as his lips attach themselves to your throat, “Just need to feel you.”

He moves, placing his hands on either side of your head, pushing himself up, as he drags his cock from your tight heat and starts thrusting properly. You’ve had this man more times than you can count, two or three times a month for the past six months whilst you try for your second baby, but the way he feels inside of you never fails to set your body on fire.

He’s always so big, and you feel so fucking full of him. You close your eyes and tilt your head back further into the mattress as he drives himself deeper into you, head of his cock brushing against your cervix. It’s pain and pleasure, it’s too much and not enough all at the same time. He makes you stupid when he fucks you like this. Focused on one thing, and one thing only.

One of his hands clutches your chin, his voice hoarse with pleasure, “Look at me,” He demands, “Give me those beautiful eyes when I fuck you.”

You do as you’re told, eyes opening and staring into his own chocolate orbs that are dark with lust. God, you love him. You know you shouldn’t love him this much, it’s dangerous, but he’s so fucking good to you, you can’t help yourself.

“Good girl,” He praises, making your pussy clench around him, “Doin’ what you’re told, you’re so good for me, aren’t you?”

“So good Joel,” You moan, fingers gripping the meat of his biceps as you hold onto him, hips rolling up to meet his with every thrust, “Want you to come for me.”

“Yeah, want me to fill you up, pretty girl?”

“Yes Joel!” You cry, “Fill me up baby, please.”

His hips start to falter from their precise thrusts of before, he’s so fucking close, you can see it on his face, hear it in his growls. He dips his head back to the crook of your neck, teeth nipping along your collarbones as he pounds into you. He lets out one long moan of your name as he stills inside you, and you can feel the familiar warmth of his cum filling you up. He brings one of his hands down to cup your ass, lifting you up a little, as if he thinks the angle of your pelvis makes much of a difference when it comes to getting you pregnant.

He groans into your neck as he slips out of you, letting your hips finally drop to the bed as he rolls off you, collapsing in a heap beside you as he catches his breath. You lean over, kiss pressed to his cheek with a mumble that you’ll be back in a minute once you’ve cleaned up, the pain of last month’s UTI still fresh in your mind after you fell asleep without going to the bathroom.

When you return, two glasses of water in hand, he’s already pulled back the sheets and has settled himself back against the pillows. You hand him his glass, setting yours on the nightstand as you climb into bed, settling your aching bones against your own pillow when you realise this is uncharted territory with you and Joel. When you spend your one night with him, neither of you sleep – you spend as much time as you can connected, making each other feel good, and when he’s with you outside of that, with Tommy watching, or joining in, whichever he feels like doing that night, he’s always gone in a flash. You’ve never settled down to sleep next to him, you don’t know if he snores, you don’t know if he wants you to cuddle into his side and drift off to sleep together.

“Stop thinkin’,” He sighs, “And c’mere.”

You smile, crawling over the space between you as he moves his body down to lie flat on his back. You drape one of your arms over his tummy as his wraps around your shoulder, the other resting on your arm wrapped around him. You bring your leg up to wrap between his and let out a sigh.

“You have no idea how much I’ve always wanted this,” He whispers quietly, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, “Somethin’ so simple as fallin’ asleep with you.”

You hum against his warm skin, letting the thumb that’s resting on his tummy start rubbing small circles on his skin, “It’s nice,” You speak, punctuating it with a yawn, “Hope you don’t snore though.”

His chest rising with a chuckle as he pulls you tighter to his body, “Go to sleep, babygirl,” He speaks quietly, “I’m gonna wear you out tomorrow.”

You don’t know whether he’s referring to the hike he wanted to take you on through the mountains, or the fact that you both know what you’re really here for. Is he going to keep you right here on this mattress all day, filling you up until you can’t take it anymore? Either way, being here with Joel has already been the ointment you needed for your stress. Your shoulders are more relaxed, and you don’t have the headache you usually do at the end of the day from gritting your teeth. Whatever he’s got planned, you’re going to take it, and for now, you’re going to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach that this time, though longer than you ever get, is still fleeting. You can worry about that another day.

Taglist: @morning-star-joy @sinsofsummers @dinsdjrn @cavillscurls @cupofjoel @tightjeansjavi @kaitangatatacos @paleidiot

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ughgoaway · 8 months

Note

Blurb of Annie's birthday... Matty brings a cake to school to celebrate his little baby's special day... he stays a little while...

I'm loving all the blurbs

oh, I'm so glad you are loving the blurbs!!! I am loving writing them, little Annie Healy has my heart.

Anyway, yes yes yes I love this idea so much omg.

(Can Ace write anything without saying “smile” and “eyes” 1000 times… wait and see!! (the answer is no.) Also, timeline wise this makes absolutely 0 sense but… I do not care!! All that matters is the vibe <33)

It's Monday when Annie comes in very proudly and announces “Miss y/n, I'm six on Friday” with her chest puffed out and a big smile on her face.

You pretend you don't know, despite having seen it on the system last week, “Is it really Annie? Wow! You're growing up so quickly” You smile down at her as she nods along to your words, holding her bookbag (do other countries have these? idk) in one hand and the other hand out, ready to gesture with when she spoke.

“My daddy says the same thing.” she starts. Then her face lights up further, “You know my daddy is coming in on Friday!! He asked Mrs Richards and she said that he could come and bring a cake for everyone!!” she recounts excitedly before her face drops, and she suddenly gets very serious. “But you can't tell anyone that miss y/n, it's a secret. Pinky promise?”

You smile at her but soon put on a fake stern face to match hers. You drop to her eye line, stick your finger out, and link it with hers, “I promise Annie. Now, how about you go put your bookbag away so we can get started?” she doesn't respond but instead nods and shuffles off to set her bag down.

Leaving you standing and reeling that Matty is coming in on Friday, in peak proud dad mode, to celebrate his daughter (who you love.) fuck. This was going to make your head spin.

/////////////

cut to the actual day, and Annie comes in wearing a little badge and a hat. You see Matty drop her off from the classroom. you totally weren't staring out the window waiting to see him arrive or anything…

he wasn't even really dressed up, just a chequered button-up and jeans. but for some reason, he still made your heart race. seeing him bend down and give her a kiss on the cheek, and a big hug almost made you audibly sigh, but you caught yourself before you did. because that would be inappropriate, you didn't have any feelings for him. none at all. totally neutral.

Annie came bounding in, a massive smile on her face showing off her gappy smile. she'd very proudly come in the week before talking about losing one of her teeth, and now, every time she smiled, her gaps were on show.

class started, and to avoid Annie literally buzzing with excitement all day, you allowed her to announce to the class the news of her big day.

with the happiest face you could imagine, she said, "It's my birthday today! I'm 6 and my daddy is going to come in with cake for everyone!"

a chorus of cheers came out as you sat behind your desk, trying to stop your grin from growing an unreasonable amount.

soon enough, you got the class back in order, and the day whizzed past. Suddenly, it was 2:30, and there was a knock on the door.

matty stuck his head around the door and quickly met your eyes, "hi" he breathed out, staring at you with adoration in his eyes.

“Hi” you breathed out in the same way. For a few seconds, you both stood there with stupid grins on your faces staring into each other's eyes. Of course, in a classroom of 5 and 6-year-olds, that peaceful staring didn't last long. But it simultaneously felt like a quick glance and a full minute.

Annie comes running out of her seat and to the door. Matty quickly catches on and comes fully into the classroom, managing to hold a cake in one hand and hugging his very excited daughter with the other.

“Daddy!!” she squeals with excitement, bouncing in her dad's arms as he tries desperately to balance a cake. Over the young girl's shoulder, he shoots you a worried glance, and you snap out of your trance and come to grab the cake.

“Ah yes, let me just grab this,” you say, and Matty smiles graciously at you. His other hand quickly scooped Annie up into his arms to greet her properly.

“Hi, peanut!! You have a good birthday?” he asks. His eyes flick between his daughter, babbling on about her day, and you standing at your desk showing a room full of mesmerised children the cake he brought.

In between his daughter's rambling stories, he manages to catch you chatting to the kids, “Yes Annie's dad Mat-” You pause and catch yourself before you slip, flicking your head up and making brief eye contact with Matty. “Mr. Healy brought us all cake! Let's all sit in our seats and get ready to say thank you like we practised!”

Matty's face briefly scrunched in confusion, but you did nothing to answer his silent question, only shooting him a sweet smile and spinning around to walk to the front of the room. The combination of the cheeky smile and the way your dress moved as you spun had Matty's brain stuttering through his thoughts.

Annie was still chattering along, completely oblivious to her dad being completely enamoured with the woman in front of him. She soon saw her classmates all in their seats and was wriggling out of her dad's arms, trying to join her friends.

Matty comes to join you at the front of the room, fighting every urge in his body to wrap you up in a hug. He wants nothing more than to grab you by the waist and pull you in, burying his face into your neck and breathing in the vaguely sweet smell that follows you around. He thinks about how his other arm would swing around your shoulder and pull you impossibly closer. Your arms would come around him, and he would feel you hum in enjoyment at the contact.

But he doesn't do that. He simply waves in a way that makes him feel so uncool that he internally cringes. You giggle at his clear discomfort and copy his wave, tilting your head teasingly at him.

You somehow manage to wrangle your mind back to the task at hand, you clap your hands and grab your classes attention. “Right! Everyone, this is Annie's dad, Mr. Healy!” Matty cringes at you not using his name, loving the way it sounds coming out of your mouth.

“As you can see, he has been very kind and brought us a cake to share! Can we all say thank you?”

Matty was staring at you, lost in watching you work, but soon the ensemble of small voices wrang out, pulling his attention away from you.

“Thank you, Mr. Healy!!” says the sea of children in front of him, Matty looks out at the crowd, used to the number of people but not quite the age range. He sees a mob of gappy teeth and excited faces and can't help but mirror them.

“Wow! You guys are welcome! I hope you all like it. It's already cut up... sooo-” he looks over to you for further instruction, and you snap back into teacher mode quickly.

“Okay! Everyone, can we all line up in register order for our cake?” Some groans come from the crowd, but you quickly catch them, “and don't worry if you're near the end. There is enough cake for everyone! I promise.” You smile and wave your hand, and soon enough, each child falls into line, all bubbling with anticipation.

//////////

Quiet music plays through the classroom speakers, and the noise of children chatting and giggling permeates the room. At the front of the room, you are leaning against the desk as Matty stands in front of you with his hands in his pockets.

He stands with joy written all over his face as you continue to laugh at his stories and jokes, the sound of your laughter ringing in his ears in the best way possible. It's so melodic that Matty has the fleeting thought to record it and use it in a track.

“So you used a scooter to get to the smaller stage” you laugh, staring at Matty with an impressed yet questioning look. As he nods, his curls bounce. You briefly get distracted by how perfect they are, but his resonant voice brings you back to earth.

“An electric scooter, I'm not just furiously pushing myself on a razor scooter in the middle of a concert” Matty corrects, looking faux offended at your forgetfulness.

“Oh yes, sorry and electric scooter, of course.” You say nodding, “I don't suppose there's any video of this that I can see? I think I need to witness it.” You smile at him.

Matty pauses briefly, weighing up and showing you the video. On one hand, he can get closer to you to show his phone but on the other, you get to see a mildly embarrassing video of him whizzing away to the sound of “Vroom Vroom” by Charli xcx.

You take his silence as offence and quickly start stuttering apologies, “Oh I'm sorry if that's too personal, you don't have to show me. I was just-” Before you talk so much it makes you dizzy, Matty cuts in.

“Oh no don't worry love,” the nickname slips out without a second thought, Matty doesn't even consider it but you are sure you'll be thinking of his voice saying that on repeat for the next week, “I was just thinking how embarrassing this is going to be, but you're right. You do need to see it. Just promise me you won't think less of me, yeah?”

He makes intense eye contact as finishes, and you can't help but blurt out what you think of immediately, “I could never think less of you.”

A silent beat passes, and Matty doesn't say anything, just bashfully smiles and grabs his phone.

//////

Too soon for your liking, 3 pm comes, and it's almost time to leave, but before everyone goes, you have one more thing to do.

“Okay I have to play teacher now, sorry,” you say to Matty, standing up. He nods and steps back, letting you get everyone's attention and speak.

“It's almost time for our mummies and daddies to pick us up, so let's all do one last thing before we go today. As you all know, it's Annie's birthday,” Matty watches his daughter's eyes light up at being mentioned, “so let's all sing her happy birthday!”

You count them in, and the class starts singing to Annie, you and Matty included. Matty watches you sing for his daughter, pure joy on your face and a grin that makes his knees weaken.

The song ends, and everyone claps, just in time for the bell to ring, and you send them off. “Okay everyone that's the bell! Go grab your stuff and meet your mums and dads in the playground, Mrs Richards will be out there to help you find them if you need it!”

You wave each of them out until it's just you, Matty and Annie in the room. You spin around and bend down to her level, “Did you have a good birthday sweetheart?”

Her toothy grin comes out again, and she nods furiously, “Especially because my daddy came in, that was really fun” she says, looking up at Matty and grabbing his hand.

“I had so much fun too, sweetheart! Let's get going though, yeah? You've got Grandad and nanny at home waiting to see you!!” Matty says to his daughter, who immediately starts dragging him away and saying bye to you.

You laugh and wave them off, “bye Annie!!” You say excitedly. You make a point of lifting your eyes and meeting Matty’s.

“Bye Matty” you say softly, waving at him the same way he greeted you earlier.

He simply grins and waves back before returning his attention back to his daughter and continuing to be dragged away.

blurb masterlist here!!

#now do we have any annie birth date opinions...#like what star sign is she??? i cannot decide on my own #anyway heres a blurb i hope you all enjoy #thank you for the conept anon i love u <3 #dilf matty <33 #anon!#teacher au!

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shardofhope-fanfic · 2 months

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Jimmothy. (2021, May- 2024, March, 7th)

I don't know if it's hilarious, or morbid that Jimmothy and his brother passed at the exact same time in my life. I don't mean a date, or anything so specific. But they left me during the transitory periods of my life when I had time to dedicate to them without any other worries. When Juice Box passed, it was too soon. I fought the reaper tooth and nail to give him more. He died short of his second birthday.

Jimmothy was made of tougher stuff than that, I suppose, but the march of time will wear us all down. Rats have it rougher than us, as after two years, their nerves began to fray and fail. I knew he was getting old in December when he began to waddle. Hind Leg degeneration had begun. I thought it would be different, this time. A slow decline into a peaceful death. I had time to come to terms with it. I thought it would be easier.

This monday, he seemed slightly off. He was still eating, but very little. All he wanted was apple sauce and attention, and I made an appointment for him to get checked out on Thursday. Not for any notion that I could keep him alive for much longer, but to make him comfortable.

Tuesday, he had stopped eating altogether and took a rapid downturn, only wanting to sleep, and occasionally cuddle. Strange, considering he was as independent as a rat could be. He hated being handled and coddled. And would only allow extended petting when he rode around on my shoulder like a pirate. Boys always tended to be, but that's what I loved about them. They were little teenagers, constantly embarrassed by their "Dad" being around, except when I fed them of course.

Later in the night, I knew that he wasn't long for this world. His hind legs had completely given up the ghost, and I couldn't coax him to even drink water. I thought it would be easier. It was not. I cried my eyes out like it was the first time I held him. I was so convinced that he would be gone in the morning, so I slept, getting mentally ready for burying the last of my first pair.

Yet he was still there in the morning, so my surprise. All that preparation crumbled in a moment, and I spent most of the day crying, petting him, and fretting over making him comfortable. I made a bed for him on my desk. I cried more, and I thought that maybe he would make it to the vet.

I spent an hour petting him as I listened to my records, holding him in my arms like I used to do when he was young as he rested. I made my peace then, I thought he may linger for a few more days and gently put him away to use the restroom.

by the time I got back, he was gone. died in the 3 min it took me to take a piss and wash my hands. His brother, of course, did the exact same thing to me.

In my heart, I feel like he was helping me get over him before I had to put him to rest. That he knew how upset I would be, how much I loved the little bastard and wanted to spend some time with me before his time was up. I like to think that, instead of he just wanted to die alone.

Either way, he was an important part of my life. Bought as a paid with his brother, during some of the worst years in my life. I'm better than I was then, healthier and happier, despite everything. Yet....Yet I feel a little lost, without them. Without my boys.

This doesn't even feel like a eulogy to me, more an explanation of what happened, and how much I miss him already. Yet, it feels like the best way to show what he was. He was a stubborn bastard who always wanted his way, despite whatever it was. But he loved everyone, even still.

Even still. I want him to have a little of the immortality that the internet provides, and thus, I write this. In the end, his stubbornness was a gift to me, giving me the time to spend some last moments with a pet I loved with all my heart.

Goodbye, my little bastard. I'll miss you.

#pet death #eulogy #pet rats #I love him #and I miss him.

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crinkled-emotions · 5 months

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Day 12: "Did you get any sleep?"

Slowly but surely getting there. I'm kind of hoping to catch up by the end of Monday (which is coincidentally my sister's 20th birthday! Crazy, feels like yesterday she was biting people)

(by people, I mean me)

(that's a story for another time)

Anywho, taking a break from TGM to write some Outer Range! This is more of an alternate take on Rhett and Hadley's story from the original 15k fic I wrote but I don't have a problem with that at all. I'm always down for a little cowboy

With Hadley - she is an OC, but other than her being Australian I've kept her general stature etc unknown.

It was still dark when Hadley stumbled down the stairs, scrubbing at her face as she quietly made her way to the kitchen. With a flick of her wrist she started the kettle and then reached for a mug.

“Hads-”

“Fuck, Rhett!”

Hadley whipped around, pressing herself to the counter when she realised Rhett was sitting at the island, his own cup of coffee in hand. When she checked his coffee maker she could see it was half empty and she frowned.

“Did you get any sleep last night, babe?”

“No,” he admitted. Hadley sighed, leaving her cup of coffee to give Rhett a hug. His arms went around her shoulders and she leaned into his body, running a hand over his side.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“What’s the point, right? Then both of us are up for no reason.”

“Or we can come downstairs, watch something shitty and break the cycle of going to bed only to lie awake for hours. It only makes it harder, Rhett.”

“Are you seriously trying to fight me before 6am?”

Rhett pulled away, brows furrowed. Hadley’s face fell but she kept her hand on his shoulder, shaking her head.

“No; it wasn’t a criticism. I’m more worried about what kept you up rather than the act of you being up.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Hadley hummed.

“I get it. Not sleeping makes you do dumb shit. Do you want to try go back to bed now?”

“Can’t... gotta get to the ranch.”

“Five minutes with your dad, Rhett, I swear,” Hadley said. Rhett rolled his eyes but he pulled Hadley back into his arms.

“For his safety, I think it’s better that you go feed Jester and get ready for work.”

Hadley raised an eyebrow, pressing a kiss to his temple before going back to the kettle when it finally boiled.

“Diplomacy? That’s hot.”

Rhett put his head down, a blush covering his features and Hadley tried to stifle her giggle into her coffee.

“Mom wanted to know if we could put flyers out again this afternoon when you finish work.”

“Did Joy give the okay?”

“Don’t think it matters.”

Hadley took another sip of coffee, reaching for her phone. She went quiet for a moment, heaving a sigh.

“Alright; I’m gonna go get dressed and feed Jester. Are you still going to be here when I get back?”

Rhett got up to rinse his mug out, a habit he’d picked up from Hadley, then gave her a kiss.

“Probably not. I’m sorry, Hads, I know you wanted to have date night-“

“-don’t worry about it.”

Her eyes were warm as she squeezed his bicep, heading for the stairs.

“Make sure you eat something before you go, not eating or sleeping is a bad combination.”

“Thanks baby,” Rhett called after her.

The morning didn’t start well at the Abbott household; Rhett told his mom he’d already eaten breakfast and she huffed and puffed about it, then his father demanded that they move the cattle for the third time that week which would be a big feat between the two of them. Usually Hadley and Cecelia would help but Hadley was working and his mom was meeting with the police again about Perry and Amy. Neither had been seen for almost three weeks and had mysteriously disappeared around the same time. By the time they got saddled up and a plan made Rhett’s stomach was grumbling because as much as he’d insisted that he’d had breakfast, his breakfast consisted of coffee and a granola bar. He was already dizzy when they finally located the herd and working them back toward the pasture nearest to the main ranch site was difficult enough.

Royal was in a bad mood, too; he was bitching and moaning and worried about Amy but he wouldn’t talk about Perry or ask about Hadley which was almost normal these days. Hadley had made it very clear she thought Royal was a shitty father and that if she had any say in the matter she would have helped Rhett get the fuck out of town when he had the chance. He’d given up the rodeo to help his family and Hadley saw the way he regretted it every time his father tried to talk to him.

“Rhett- Rhett!”

Rhett snapped out of his daze, clearing his throat.

“Yeah?”

Royal sighed.

“Were you listening to anything I just said?”

“Nope.”

“Don’t be an ass; what’s on your mind?”

Rhett glanced down at his reins, enjoying the way they ran through his hands. He and Whiskey had been thrown together when he was a teenager and for three years it looked like they weren’t ever going to work together; now she was one of the only things that made him smile.

“Thinkin’ of goin’ home after this. S’not like we’ve got much to do this afternoon.”

“Rhett, we need to go through the barn and then start calling Rebecca’s college friends-“

“-you think they’re gonna know where Amy is? Perry?”

“Rhett.”

“I mean fuck, dad, you think people who knew her ten years ago are gonna have any clue where her daughter went- that they never met? Yeah, that makes sense.”

“We have to do something. That is our granddaughter – your niece – that is out there and she’s probably scared as all- well, you know what I mean.”

“Did you ever think maybe Becca came to get her?”

“Rebecca could have come home at any point, the door was always open for her to-“

Rhett swore, turning Whiskey around to come nose to nose with his father’s horse.

“What you and mom did to Becca, you’re doin’ to Hadley right now. I might have only been a kid when we met her but she was alone out here. She didn’t just leave because Perry’s a sorry excuse for a husband-“

“-Rhett, that’s enough!”

Royal’s eyes narrowed and his mouth twitched, body straightening in the saddle. Rhett rolled his eyes.

“Let’s get these cattle into the pasture and then I’m goin’ home. Me and Hadley can hang up flyers in town when she’s done with work.”

Rhett nudged Whiskey into a canter to catch up with the cattle, calling over his shoulder that he was going to be sick the next day.

Considering her boyfriend’s history with the Tillerson’s and the fact that Wabang was kind of scary for an Australian woman to be living on her own, Hadley had installed a camera on her gate that alerted when someone drove through it. When she got the notification during her lunch break she checked it, frowning when she watched Rhett’s ute drive through. Considering it was barely midday and he never came home for lunch, she was a little confused.

Hadley: are you okay?

Rhett: fine

Hadley: gate alatm went off. You’re home really early

Rhett: done for the day

Hadley: ?

Rhett: talk about it when u get home

Rhett: love u

Hadley: love you

Hadley: see you later

Hadley stood from the lunch room table, gathering her items and her paperwork to track down her boss.

“Hey, any chance I could take off? Something’s wrong with my boyfriend, I’m worried. If everything’s fine I’ll come straight back and work overtime-“

“-Hadley,” her new boss smiled, having finally replaced the one who called her Aussie because he couldn’t be bothered learning her name, “considering what you and your boyfriend have been through recently, please go and check on him. Take as much time as you need, don’t worry about coming back today or working overtime.”

Hadley turned and headed for her desk. In minutes she’d collected her things and was out the door heading for her ute, trying to figure out if she should text Rhett or ambush him. Sometimes it was easier to ambush him but when it came to his family...

Hadley: hey, I’m on my way home

It was better to give him a heads up.

“Hey, babe! You here?”

Hadley kicked off her work shoes at the door, stepping into her pair of cowboy boots. She glanced around her house and then called upstairs, before glancing toward her tiny stable where Jester and occasionally Whiskey stayed. Her lips twitched upwards in a smile and she left the house to cross the gravel to the stables. Sure enough Rhett was there, talking rather seriously to Jester who was just enjoying the pats he was getting.

“Is he talking back?”

Rhett jumped when he realised Hadley was standing by the doors, still dressed in her work clothes but her boots on instead of the office shoes she wore to work. She sent him a smile.

“Tough morning?”

“Dad’s on somethin’ again. Wants to call Rebecca’s college friends about Amy. Like they’re gonna know where she is; don’t even think they know about her.”

“That’s not enough for you to crack the shits, Rhett. I know you; you put up with that.”

“I asked him if he thought Becca came to find Amy; get her outta town. He didn’t like that but he didn’t like me telling him he treated her badly either.”

“I can imagine... are you okay?”

“Fine.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Hadley walked through the stables, taking a seat on one of the bales of hay. She drew a knee to her chest with a sigh.

“I understand why you keep this stuff from me; I do. I just need you to know that when you are ready to talk, I’ll listen.”

He stayed focused on Jester for a moment and Hadley started to worry that she was losing him. Rhett gathered his thoughts and lifted his head, gesturing back toward the house they’d decided to share when Rhett was getting into screaming fights with his parents more than they were having productive conversations.

“What’s the saying? Smoko?”

Hadley laughed at his terrible attempt at an Australian accent, standing to give him a hug.

“A+ for effort, Rhett. C’mon, bit early for afternoon smoko but we can still have a cuppa.”

“I swear I’m gonna need a translator if we’re gonna get married.”

“Slow down, cowboy, who said anything about marriage?”

“Me, so if you’re in trouble with the IRS you better tell me now.” Hadley’s shoulders shook as she laughed, following him back up to the house.

#Outer Range #Rhett Abbott #Rhett Abbott x OC #G's Dec 2023 Prompts!

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beardedmrbean · 1 year

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COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) — A school shooter serving a life sentence without parole for killing a first grader on a South Carolina playground when he was 14 is asking a judge to lessen his sentence so he can eventually get out of prison.

Jesse Osborne's lawyer asked Judge Lawton McIntosh on Monday to reconsider his sentence so Osborne, now 21, could have some hope of freedom in his 50s or 60s.

Attorney Frank Eppes said the judge didn't fully consider a psychologist's report that Osborne's lashed out because of abuse and can be rehabilitated.

“Give Jesse some hope to live with,” Eppes said at a televised court hearing.

Osborne himself asked for a chance at life outside a prison cell, apologizing to the family of 6-year-old Jacob Hall who he killed and everyone at the school that day.

“I would just like to say sorry to every single one of them. Because my evil actions hurt their lives,” Osborne said. “I’m just going to try to better myself in the Department of Corrections the rest of my life.

But the teacher whose class was having recess, the parent of a wounded child, the father of the student celebrating his birthday, the superintendent who saw the bloodstained class rug and the school principal all said at Monday's hearing at the Anderson County Courthouse that they don't want to ever see Osborne out of prison.

Principal Denise Fredericks recognized Osborne as he paced outside Townville Elementary School with a backpack full of ammunition for 12 minutes after his gun jammed before police arrived to arrest him. Osborne had been a student there for seven years.

“I do wish Jesse a life where he can wake up, breathe, eat, work, be productive — but not outside the walls of a prison,” Fredericks said. “In my opinion, his current sentence is still so, so much more merciful than the sentence he gave to Jacob and our school family.”

Prosecutors said Hall's family didn't wish to speak in court but want Osborne to never be released from prison.

Osborne is serving two life sentences after pleading guilty. Before opening fire at the school on Sept. 28, 2016, he shot and killed his father while he slept in a recliner, kissed his rabbit and other pets goodbye, then stole his dad's truck and drove to his former elementary school, according to Osborne's confession.

Osborne crashed his truck into the school fence and fired at the first grade class celebrating a classmate's birthday at recess. Hall bled to death from a gunshot to his leg. Two other student and a teacher suffered minor injuries.

Uneaten cupcakes with the Batman logo could still be seen on the ground inside police tape hours after the shooting.

“My son hates his birthday now,” father Jeff Bernard told the judge.

Prosecutors said Osborne wanted to kill dozens but he was carrying the wrong ammunition and his gun jammed after every shot.

“He didn’t stop because he wanted to. The gun jammed. Thank God the gun jammed,” Fredericks said.

Osborne's lawyer said a video call he had open to a group chat with people who knew his plan showed him sobbing, upset and ready to give up after the first shots.

Osborne is asking the judge to consider a supplemental report from a psychologist that disagrees with prosecution experts who testified at Osborne's original sentencing that he is a dangerous and pathological liar with no remorse.

Osborne's brain was sill developing in his teens. The psychiatrists cited by the defense said he has shown guilt and grief and responded to treatment during the nearly seven years since his arrest on school grounds.

Osborne's lawyer suggested a 30-year minimum sentence for the two counts of murder, followed by 15 years for shooting at the other children and then lifetime monitoring by GPS after he is released from prison with one review after 10 years.

McIntosh asked for a detailed report from the defense expert in the next month and told prosecutors they would have at least 10 days to respond.

A number of students never returned to the school after the shooting. Some haven't returned to any school. A popped balloon ended a school dance in tears. Recess is still filled with anxiety, said teacher Meghan Hollingsworth, whose class was celebrating the birthday that day. Her child was in kindergarten just down the hall.

"The screams of children having fun sends a panic through me as I look to see who is screaming and see if they are OK," she said.

She asked the judge to think about a sign in her first grade classroom and uphold his life sentence handed down more than three years ago,

“You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choices,” it reads.

#nunyas news #he was 14 might have a case for mercy ya #not like the victims get that tho #rough choices

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moxleys-darlin · 1 year

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6: The Moment Our Eyes Met

Summary: Grace meets someone special unexpectedly and they come to an understanding.

TW: discussions of child abuse, drug abuse, triggers, and parental loss.

Disclaimer: This story has Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, and Nancy Benoit. If this bothers you bow out now because they're here to stay. Nancy and Chris have never been together in this story, Chris is with Eddie and Nancy is with Taz and the mother of Tyler (HOOK).

Also! I absolutely changed Mox's backstory so read carefully ❤️

I only claim Grace and her family; everyone else I'm borrowing.

(Pictures aren't mine)

Grace rushes up the stairs and into her room to pack her duffle bag. She made sure to do any homework Friday night, including the work she would miss Monday, and put the folder on top of her desk so she could check it Monday night when they got back home. She hears a chuckle at her door and turns to see Eddie.

“You don’t have to rush, mija, we have plenty of time.” He looks into her bag as he walks over. “Don’t forget a jacket cariña, your dad may say it’s not cold but it’s January and he’s Canadian, so I don’t trust him.” She snorts and snatches her hoodie from her desk chair and zipping her bag up.

“All ready! I can’t wait to get to South Carolina and see the show!”

They load the bags in the car and say goodbye to the girls, Joanie, and Billy Gunn, who was home for the weekend. She waves as they drive away and smiles at Sheri’s enthusiastic wave. The hours pass by between talking, reading, and finally sleeping the last couple of hours. She groans as Eddie shakes her gently.

“Wake up cariña; we’re at the hotel. Look there’s Chris.” She blinks sleepily and waves at Chris through the window.

They get unloaded and up to the hotel room before she gives Chris a hug. “Hey Dad, missed you.” She lays her head on his shoulder sleepily and smiles when his laugh reverberates.

“Bonjour mon calme. Why don’t we all get some sleep and when we wake up, we’ll go get lunch and go to the arena.” She nods sleepily and walks to the made-up bed before dropping onto it, ignoring their laughter.

“There you are my dove.” She smiles as she hears the Englishman’s voice and excuses herself from Eddie and Chris for a moment.

“Mr. Regal! How are you?” She wraps her arms around the man’s waist tightly.

“I’m well, darling, and you? I also have something for you.”She smiles brightly. “You shouldn’t have, Mr. Regal. I’m here with Papa to watch someone wrestle and visit Dad and Uncle Taz. I didn’t know you’d be here so now I’m more excited.”

He pats her lovingly on the shoulder as he smiles at her. “I wanted to give you your birthday present in person, my dear. I’m here to watch a young man named Jon Moxley; Bryan and I have heard wonderful things about him, and I want to see for myself.” He pulls a package from the bag at his feet and hands it to her.

“Thank you!” She opens it carefully and gasps at the book series in her hand. “The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings series! Oh, thank you Mr. Regal! I love them!” She hugs the man tightly again.

“Bryan helped me find them for you so I’m very glad you like them; it took us quite a while to find a set that matched properly.” He chuckles lowly and squeezes her once more before stepping back.

“Oh! I have a phone now! I’ll give you the number before I leave, or you can get it from Dad. I can finally call Bryan on my own phone! How is he lately? Still winning like crazy? Shawn talks about him every time I see him.”

“He is doing well, my dove, but I believe your Papa is signaling for you.” He points behind her and she turns to see Eddie waving for her.

She chuckles. “Glad to hear, but I guess I gotta go. Thank you again for the books; I love them! I’ll see you before we leave tomorrow! Tell me what you think of Jon Moxley, and I’ll watch him tonight too; we can compare notes.” He ruffles her hair and sends her a smirk before she meets back up with her dads and Uncle.

“Grace! I’m glad you made it! It’s all Chris and Taz have been talking about.” Her shoulders stiffen slightly at the voice, and she edges closer to Taz who puts an arm across her back.

“Lawler, didn’t think you were supposed to be here tonight.”

“Ah, you know how Vince and Stephanie are Chris.”

Her dad hums at the man disinterested and turns to her. “Why don’t you and Eddie go sit down in your seats. We got you right up front so you can see everything. I’ll join you when I can okay?”

She doesn’t acknowledge the commentator as her and Eddie pass, but she hears a rumble from Taz that makes her think he tried to speak with her. She wraps her arm around Eddie’s and squeezes to let him know she’s okay and he kisses her on the temple. Grace never really understood what made her so uncomfortable around the man, but he always made her antsy and jittery, so she stayed away.

“Here we are cariña; are you okay?” She smiles brightly at him.

“I’m fine.” She shrugs. “Lawler’s always rubbed me the wrong way since he grabbed my shoulder that one time and called me Stephanie. He’s weird and creepy but not in a ‘you and Dad should step in’ creepy.”

They’re interrupted as the show starts and the dark match starts. She feels a slight shiver when the second match starts, and the first team comes down. She looks up to see the two young men in blue trunks jumping around and she blushes when the guy with the ponytail throws her a cocky wink.

Grace watches the match in amazement. She doesn’t know what it is about this particular match, but she can’t take her eyes off the man with the reddish-blonde ponytail. She can hear Eddie chuckling beside her, and she breaks her concentration to look at him.

“What?”

He laughs again and shakes his head at her. “Dios mija, if you stare at that boy any longer, he may catch fire.” She shoves him lightly and barely turns her head in enough time to see the man being thrown her way.

It looks like he’s thrown into the barricade harder than they had planned because half of his body is over the barrier. She reaches out instinctively to help him and though Eddie tries to stop her, her hands make contact with his shoulders, and they jolt at the feeling that goes through them. She helps push him back upright and he stares at her for a moment before he is yanked away by Mercury and thrown back in the ring. She stares down at the mark on her arm as half the shield and a sword turns a pretty scarlet red.

“Cariña…” She hears Eddie speaking to her, but she can’t take her eyes off the dazed man in the ring as he’s double teamed then pinned. “… to the back with Dad.” There’s a tug on her arm and she willingly follows. “… privacy for y’all.”

She’s sat in a chair, and she finally shakes herself out of it as Eddie goes to touch her arm. “I met him, Papa.” She pets down the mark with her finger. “At least one of them anyway. It’s a perfect half so that means two, right?” She looks up at her dads and Uncle.

“Yeah, that’s right, mija. Joanie’s was a perfect half too.”

She looks around and finally notices she’s backstage. “Wait, when did we get back here? I gotta go meet him, right?” She tries to stand up, but Eddie puts a hand on her shoulder. “I brought you back here so you could meet after his match, okay? Get you two some food and you can sit and talk. It’s less crowded back here and in catering.” She smiles weakly at him and bounces her leg as she waits.

It’s a herculean effort to convince her dads to go back to the crowd and let Taz watch over her from a small distance away, but she manages somehow. He doesn’t make her wait long as he and his tag team partner come to the back, but he looks upset. She worries it’s because of their marking until she hears part of their conversation.

“… back here somewhere.”

“It’s just my luck, man; I finish my mark with a cute chick that doesn’t want it.”

“No way man, she was staring a hole into you the whole match.”

“Then where the hell-?” She steps close to him to make him stop walking and smiles softly at him.

“H-hi, I’m Grace, it’s nice to meet you.” She holds her hand out to the, once again, surprised man.

His friend nudges him and he throws her a confident smirk. “Jon Moxley but people call me Mox.” Grace blushes as he looks her up and down. “Well, aren’t you fuckin’ gorgeous?” He grabs her hand and gently shakes it.

“I’ll see you later Mox; good match tonight.” His friend doesn’t wait for an answer as he jogs off and she notices he still has her hand.

“Would you like to go to catering with me? I’m starving and you just went through a match so you gotta be as well.”

“Mind if I take a quick shower first and meet you?” She nods and smiles while he sends her a devious smirk and kisses her hand before heading off.

Grace heads to catering on her own where she makes eye contact with William, and she heads to him gleefully.

“I believe I can tell Bryan that Jon Moxley was quite the wrestler, yes?”

She blushes and chuckles. “Shut up, Mr. Regal. I-I found one of them and I thought I would get these butterflies in my stomach but after the shock passed everything was calm.” She holds out her arm and shows him the mark.

“Ah, young love; it’s the most beautiful thing. Bryan said the same thing when he met me the first time.” He cups her cheek and tilts her head up to look at him. “Enjoy this, my dove, you have met one of your loves and it’s a wonderful occasion.” He releases her face, and she grabs some random food to share with Jon. “Let me pay for this- I don’t want to hear anything about it, my dear, it’s my treat. Enjoy your time with your young man.” He pays for the food and kisses the top of her head before he walks away with his phone to his ear.

She reaches into her bag for a book and reads as she waits for him to join her and she’s surprised that there isn’t any anxiety or fear. She’s calm, but excited to know about him. A weight leans against her chair and she flinches at the sudden presence.

“Ah shit, I’m sorry Darlin’, should have made a noise to alert you.” He comes around the table scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “You got us food? What do I owe you?” He sits down and she giggles at the growl from his stomach.

“You don’t owe me anything-.”

“I’m not gonna let you spend all your money on me; I don’t let Claudio do it either.” He says harshly and she can’t help but flinch.

“My- I guess he’s like an uncle- paid for it so neither of us would have to. He’s generous with money like that.” She rubs her leg. “So, you really don’t owe me, and he won’t accept money.” She says quietly.

“Shit,” She hears him mutter and scrub his face. “I’m sorry, Grace. I got… issues sometimes when people try to take care of me, but that’s my shit and I shouldn’t put that on you. It drives Claudio crazy too because he’s generous as fuck and so damn nice.” He sighs sadly and puts his hand on the table palm up. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, I won’t say it won’t happen again, but that was wrong of me. Can we start again?”

She looks at him for a moment before answering. “Before we do, you need to know that I have shit too. Aggression scares me to death most times because of my stepdad and I know people can’t always control outbursts but I’m asking you to try.” His eyes roam her face for a moment like they can see the past bruises and trauma before softening and he sends her a genuine smile.

“Yeah Darlin’, I can try.”

She puts her hand in his open one and smiles. “Hi, I’m Grace Parker, but people call me Gracie, it’s really nice to meet you.”

“I’m Jon Moxley, but friends call me Mox, it’s a damn pleasure to meet you too.” His voice is gravelly, and she swears he’s damn near growling.

They focus on eating for a moment after his stomach growls again before she asks him a few important questions. “So, Claudio?”

He looks up at her and gives her a dopey smile as he thinks of him. “Yeah, Claudio Castagnoli. He’s a huge Swiss dude and strong as hell but he’s a gentle giant; you’ll love him.”

“How did y’all meet?” She sees him eye the other half of her sandwich and she nudges the plate toward him. “And can I see your soul mark?” She blushes at the dirty grin he sends her and looks at the complete mark on his inner wrist, same place as hers.

“Oh babe, you can see anything you want on me.” She rolls her eyes at the cocky wink. “It was actually completely random, like us. He came to visit a friend that was wrestling the same day and we accidently bumped into each other. That was last year, and we’ve been making it work since; the long-distance sucks but it’s worth it.” He shrugs and she extends her foot to nudge his calf to make him look at her.

“I agree, long distance sucks but it’s worth it. My family are all wrestlers or retired from the business, so I know how the distance thing works.” He stares at her for a moment and looks confused. “This the stepdad?” She shakes her head as she looks down at her fries a moment. “You don’t gotta tell me right now if you don’t want. We can save the heavy shit for when you’ve met both of us.”

He hooks his ankle onto hers and she smiles. “I ran away when my stepdad attacked me and threatened to ‘finish what he started’. The man I worked for- well he’s family too- sent me on a bus to El Paso to a family friend who took me into his family despite knowing he could get arrested. Told me if I wanted to stay, they’d help me, so I got emancipated and I’ve lived with them ever since.”

“That’s amaz-.” He looks over her shoulder and his eyes widen.

“What is it?” She turns her head to see her dads and Uncle coming up to them and she looks back at Mox and smiles. “Oh, yeah, um that’s my family.” She giggles nervously.

“Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, and Taz are your family babe?”

“Y-yeah, is that okay?” She tries to pull her foot away, but he doesn’t let her and sends her a smirk.

“All good, Grace. I just- they’re legends and you just- they’re just your family to you.” She laughs loudly and covers her mouth.

“I swear I’m laughing at the situation because I had the same reaction when I met them.” She giggles again. “But they’ve been family since like day one, so I’m used to it now.” She waves them over then grabs Jon’s hand on the table. “It’ll be great, you’ll see.”

He squeezes gently and she feels hands squeeze her shoulders lovingly. “Hola cariña, wanna introduce us?” Jon sends her a wink and she smiles.

“Guys this is Jon Moxley; Jon this is Eddie, Chris, and Taz.” She points to each of them this time. “My Papa, my dad, and my uncle.”

Jon stands up momentarily and shakes each man’s hands. “Ya can call me Mox, everybody does. It’s nice ta meet y’all.”

She gets up and they clean up before starting the walk to the car. She holds Jon’s hand as he talks to the guys, and she catches a glimpse of William again, so she squeezes his hand. He turns to face her, and she’s mesmerized by his smile for a moment before Taz clears his throat and chuckles.

“Just like when I met Nancy.” He mutters to her dads, who laugh.

She rolls her eyes. “I have to go say bye to Mr. Regal; I promised to give him my number for his husband Bryan. I’ll be right back.” She turns to the three older men and glares playfully. “Please don’t run him off. Y’all hear?”

As she walks off, she can hear Jon muttering to himself. “Does she know all the legends? Holy shit.”

“Mr. Regal! Hey, I’m glad I caught you. Here’s my number for you and Bryan and thank you again for my books.”

“There you are my dove, you are most welcome, and thank you. Bryan will be calling you soon I’m sure, especially after he learns about tonight.” He places a hand on her shoulder. “I am so proud of you, my girl.”

She beams up at him. “There’s another one too; his name is Claudio. I can’t wait to meet him.” They talk another moment before he hugs her and kisses the top of her head.

She returns back to the group to see Taz gone and her dads talking to Jon. “There she is! Come on Chris, let’s head to the hotel. You can drive her there, right?”

“Uh, yes sir, I can. I’m not staying there but I’m close by so I can drop her off.” She remembers at that moment that her and Eddie have to go home tomorrow, and Jon catches her mood change. “Hey, it’ll be alright, let’s just hang out a bit longer.”

She watches her dads leave and settles into the old car with Jon who grabs her hand again before heading to her hotel behind Chris and Eddie and parking in a parking spot. She shivers slightly at the cold and grins lovingly when he takes his jacket off and helps her into it. They talk about little things, and he tells her about his wrestling career. The deathmatches scare the hell out of her but the passion in his voice quiets the fear a little. He looks at her during the conversation like he’s waiting for her to disagree with him.

“Hey, as long as you come home to me and Claudio, I’ll support you. Is it scary as hell? Yeah of course it is. Will we fight about it one day? Probably, but as of right now, I’m not gonna tell you to stop what you love.” He looks surprised at her answer, and she smiles as he plays with her fingers.

She watches curiously as he clears his throat and looks out the window away from her. “My dad died when I was like five and my sister was four. My mom didn’t do too hot after that. I mean, two kids under six and no husband? She tried her best, but- yeah.” He clears his throat again and she squeezes his hand in silent support. “She didn’t marry again but she had plenty of boyfriends, some good and some that were horrible. I did everything I could to protect my sister and take care of her, so she’d have a good life. I left when I was sixteen and found Heartland Wrestling; my sister left not long after me and lives with her friend now. We talk a lot on the phone, and I see her when I’m in her town. I developed a drug problem because of things, but Claudio helped me get clean.” He stays silent for a bit before opening and closing his mouth as if trying to continue.

“Hey, I am so proud of you; thank you for telling me that. You don’t have to continue right now.” She strokes the back of his hand with her thumb. “We got plenty of time to learn about each other so don’t push yourself.” He sighs before turning to look at her.

“I don’t like taking from people because I learned that everything has a price. If you want something, you have to give something.” He looks down at their conjoined hands. “Before you and Claudio, I wouldn’t do this. I learned early that people can fake love to get what they want, and I closed myself off to only my sister until this mark showed up. Mom lost hers when Dad died and she hated that I had one, but I knew that this mark meant someone would love me one day.” She reaches over and traces his mark with her finger, loving the shiver that runs through him. “How did I get so lucky to get two people?” He whispers.

“That’s why you snapped when I told you not to pay me back?” He nods slowly. “We’re a team now, yeah? You, me, and Claudio are a team. I understand what it means to work through something you had no choice to learn in order to survive, but we can work through things together now.” She touches his mark again and smiles. “You’re not alone in this anymore. You said it yourself; you have two people to love you now.”

She’s surprised when he kisses her gently on the cheek. She writes her cell phone number on a piece of scrap paper and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek back before sliding out of the car and up the elevator. Opening the door as quietly as she can, she slips inside the room.

“Hey cariña, there you are. Are you okay?” She tearfully smiles when she sees them waiting for her and goes to their bed to sit between them, laying her head on Eddie’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow. How can I have only known him for a few hours and now I can’t imagine going home while he goes somewhere else? It makes no sense.” She raises her head and looks between them and it’s Chris that answers her.

“Because mon calme, he is literally a part of your soul; perfect for you. You’ve just met him and now you’re being separated; it’s not a fair thing for you to go through. We will make sure that he and your other soulmate can come visit you.”

“Claudio; the other soulmate’s name is Claudio.” She feels a kiss to her temple and Eddie sighs.

“I’m sorry we have to go home tomorrow cariña, so soon after you meet him.”

She gets up from between them and grabs clothes from her bag for a shower. “I think I’ll be okay. If he didn’t have a match coming up in another town, I’d probably be more upset, but he’ll probably be gone before us tomorrow morning.” She runs her hand down the jacket. “Thank y’all for waiting up for me; I’m gonna get a shower so get some sleep and I’ll be out in a minute.”

She blows them both a kiss and returns their goodnights before taking her dirty clothes off and jumping in the shower. She takes a quick shower and hops out, drying off quickly as exhaustion suddenly hits her. She looks at Jon’s jacket for a moment when she gets to her bed before slipping it on and zipping it up. Grace smiles as she looks down at the jacket deciding it’s the next best thing to having him there with her.

She wakes up to a chirping from her phone and blearily flips it open to a text from an unknown number and looks up when her dads stir but ultimately settle back down.

Unknown: outside. 5 min. -Mox

She shoots up and looks at the phone again to make sure she ready it right before jumping up and getting her shoes on. She brushes her hair out with her fingers and calls it good before nudging her Papa.

“Papa, I’m running downstairs for a few minutes; Jon’s coming to say bye.”

Eddie sighs sleepily and rubs his face. “You be careful. If you’re gone longer than ten minutes, I’m sending Dad after you and you know he’s not a morning person.” She giggles at his grumbling and kisses his cheek.

“Yes Papa, I promise.” With that she slips her shoes on, grabs the hotel key, and heads downstairs.

She gets to the front and sees the car from last night and Jon leaning against it with two drinks. “Mornin’, darlin’.” His voice is deep and gravelly, and her heart skips a bit.

“Good morning, Jon! What are you doing here?” She blushes as he looks her up and down and smirks before handing her one of the cups.

“Hot chocolate for a cold morning and I wanted to see you before I left.” He reaches out and snags the string of the jacket. “Looks better on you than me and seeing you with it on is worth bein’ cold.” He sends her a wink and chuckles.

“I didn’t even realize I still had it on last night.” She sips her cocoa and lets out a small groan at the warmth.

“Cold there, Gracie? I can think of a few ways to get you warm.” Her cheeks turn as red as their marks, and she looks to the side. “Aw, I’m jus’ fuckin’ with you darlin’, c’mere.”

Careful of both of their drinks she goes for a hug and laughs in his chest. “I bet you say that to all the girls you meet when they help you back over a barricade, huh?” She looks up at him and see his eyes soften.

“Nah, only the ones that have a shield and swords mark on their wrist.” He presses his hand tighter on her lower back for a moment before she steps away and leans on the car beside him.

“Maybe if we had more than five minutes before the ‘Rabid Wolverine’ comes for me, you could tell me more about those other ways.” She sends her own wink to him, and he bursts out laughing.

“I knew you were hiding that somewhere in you.” They drink their drinks for a moment in silence before he breaks it. “I hate that we have to go. That’s why I made sure to see you before I left, and you went back to El Paso.” He stays looking ahead at the wall.

She bumps into his side and he looks and smiles down at her. “I appreciate it, I was worried I wasn’t gonna see you and we’d only get to talk on the phone.” She giggles at the grimace he makes. “What’s that face for?”

“I hate technology if I’m being honest; not very ‘tech savvy’. Claudio makes fun of me, but yeah I hate it.” She leans her head on him and laughs again.

“So you hate it, that’s not the most terrible problem you could have.” She shrugs. “Would make it hard to stay in touch while you’re traveling and I’m in school, but maybe we could get a messenger pigeon!” He snorts then burst out laughing.

“I’ll call you, you little brat.” He rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath. “A fuckin’ pigeon.”

“Good to know I’m special then. Don’t worry about it though; we’ll make it work out somehow.” He looks at his watch and sighs. “You gotta head out?”

He sighs again and nods his head. “Yeah I do, fuckin’ sucks.” She sets the drink on the trunk and stands in front of him, taking his drink and putting it with hers.

“M-maybe you could find time to come to El Paso? You and Claudio? I could show you around town, show you the wrestling school, show you-.” She’s cut off with a soft kiss to the forehead.

“You’re cute when you’re nervous; sure, we’ll come to El Paso.” He plays with the strings on the jacket. “I think I’m good for a few days after my match Friday and I’ll check with Claudio, but I’m sure we can figure something out.” He grins at her and reaches down to grab at her hand. “I really do have to go though. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

She squeezes his hand and smiles at him. “Go, get on the road before I try to keep you longer.” She starts to unzip the jacket, but his other hand stops her.

“Nah, you keep it for now and I’ll steal it back the next time I see you.” He smirks at her cockily. “That way you can tell all your friends about the stud you snagged from a wrestling match. I get to be the damsel in the story.”

She leans up slightly and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Call me when you get where you’re supposed to or shoot a text and I’ll do the same, though messages get expensive so maybe the phone call is best.” Grabbing her drink, she gives him a smirk of her own. “And you can bet this weekend is all my friends and sisters will hear about for a while; I’m sure Mama will interrogate me too once she hears from Uncle Taz.” She shakes her head. “Go, get on the road before I kidnap you!” She jokes.

He leans in and whispers in her ear. “Don’t tempt me, gorgeous.” He pulls back and kisses her temple. “I’ll see you soon.”

She watches him grab his drink and get in the car before driving off. She waves at him until the car disappears and then goes back into the hotel where she’s not surprised to see Chris waiting for her.

“I’m sorry, I know that was longer than ten minutes.” She smiles when he waves it off.

“You had plenty of time so don’t worry about it, mon calme. Come on, let’s go get your stuff packed.” He throws his arm around and leads her to the elevator.

Spanish: cariña: honey Dios: God mija: daughter/girl

French: bonjour: hello mon calme: my quiet one

Chapter 6! Mox is finally here! So now we begin the journey! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! I hope to have Chapter 7 up tomorrow! Much love! 🥰😘❤️

#everymilebetweenus #claudio/mox/grace #soulmarks #soulmates #grace parker #original character #found family #jon moxley #jon moxley fanfic #claudio castagnoli #claudio castagnoli fanfic #wwe imagine #aew imagine

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wind-becomes-lightning · 2 years

Text

about last words and being ready

I was thinking about which Naruto character I could project on again today to get my feelings out, but though I had a half baked idea for Mirai, I decided not to do that, instead I’m doing a stream of consciousness discussion about last words.

See, one of the drawbacks of having a parent dying over several years is that you have enough time to think about how the funeral might be. Maybe that is an advantage too? At least while my father was still alive I used to think this is an advantage, that I could prepare myself slowly for all of the grief that was to come. It was like grieving before anything had even happened.

I used to think about this a lot, back then, because a few months before my father died, an acquaintance lost their father just by sheer bad luck. Saturday he was still working in the garden with his wife, Monday they had to turn off his life support. Brain aneurysm or how that is called. He was just there and then he was gone.

My Dad by comparison was already dying for over a year at that point and it was still going to be over 10 more slow agonising months. I used to wonder, what is better? Is it better that I have time to think about the future and know he won’t be there? Or is it better to just enjoy every second together until the very end, even if it's sudden?

I remember wondering about this, when I was thinking about his funeral again, months before he was actually dead. I was so embarrassed by that always, because it was like I was declaring him dead before he was. What if he got a donated liver in time? What if he healed? Then I'd never forgive myself for thinking such things.

Either way, one of the things I used to think over and over about was the speech. As far as I can gather, people in the US usually do a speech when a relative passes away, but that's by no means normal in Germany. So when I wrote these 500 speeches in my head to say at his funeral it was because I was convinced I would want to speak at his funeral. I thought I owed him as much.

At the time, I was pretty clear that I wanted to write my speech about last words, mostly because I really loved that HIMYM episode in which they all talk about the last words with their parents. I had this whole idea about how it does not matter what my father’s last words to me were, because he’s said so many great things to me over the years and who cares if the last ones are important or not. So was the plan.

I did not speak at my father’s funeral. In fact, I never even wrote that speech down.

You know, the last thing my dad said to me was a month before he died. Just around my birthday, when I had just turned 23. 7 years ago. He had already been so sick that he wished me happy birthday 4 times on 3 wrong days, but I didn’t care, because I knew I’d never hear him say it again.

I was getting ready to leave back to the town my university was in and entered his room to say goodbye. My mom and him by then weren’t sleeping in one bedroom together for a long time, he had a sick bed and everything. So there he is on his bed, he was just recently released from hospital again but his health was already getting worse by the day. Mom and I later talked that he probably needed to go back again.

I can’t remember everything that happened then, I probably wished him well and said I hope he can stay at home even though I knew it wasn’t happening. I think that might have been the time he asked me what “whatsapp” is. My dad, who had always known everything about the newest technological advances had no idea what whatsapp was. That was more shocking to me than it should have been.

Either way, I said goodbye, leaned over to give him a hug and then he pulled me in. He was nothing by that point, a skeleton walking, if people would ask me what death looks like I would just show them a pic of him from that time. So he presses me to his meagre chest and I’m kinda confused and then I hear he is crying. I don’t think I’ve seen my dad crying even at my grandad's funeral.

It pains me to admit that I was embarrassed by this, that I pushed him off so I didn’t have to hear him cry anymore. I didn’t even look at his face then. I just took a step back. That was when he grabbed my hand, wished me safe travels and then said.

“Remember that I love you, always.”

I didn’t know what to make of that, I was embarrassed. I hummed and walked out, said goodbye again and closed the door. That was it, that was the last time I would ever talk to my father.

It hit me later that he probably was aware that he would never see me again and the pain of it was too overwhelming. My father didn’t want to die. As far as I know the last thing he said to my mom when he was brought to the hospital was “Don’t make them keep me here I will die, let me go home, I don't want to die here, let me go home” which is its on can of worms and how my mom survives without therapy is beyond me.

Well, his last words to me were very lovely and wonderful and that would have lent a perfect way into the speech I had planned to write, right? But I didn’t write it or hold it after all as I’ve said.

See, this is the question again, what is better? Being prepared for it or just being surprised by it. I thought I was ready for him to die, it was a long time coming. He was suffering so much and deserved peace. I was ready, I thought. It was going to hurt but I was prepared for it.

Even during the day he actually died. 7 years ago today, I thought I was so ready for it. We decided to turn off life support in the morning and then I just sat at home next to my phone and waited for it to ring. I tried to distract myself by talking about this and then with my roommate, seem very casual. I wanted to be there with my family members but I lived too far away to make it home. I waited for the call, because I was convinced I could handle it.

But then the phone actually rang.

I remember it so clearly, picking up my phone, there was my mom, she didn’t even say anything, she just sobbed before she got a word out and I felt like someone was pulling a rug from underneath me.

I don't know how I managed to stand upright during the call. I don't know what happened the hour after it. All I remember is a blurred room, everything ebbing and flowing like I am on a ship and the empty pit that had suddenly opened inside of me. I thought I was prepared for this. I knew this was going to happen for hours by this point, but none of it mattered.

When I came home and they asked me if I wanted to see my dad one last time I said I wasn’t ready.

They told me that my option was now or never again, and I said I was not ready. So I didn’t go. (Later I found out neither did my mom or my brother)

I suddenly felt too young to have to deal with this, as if 23 wasn’t a full blown adult with responsibilities. I couldn’t - It was too much of a burden to bear.

And so, the speech never happened. I didn’t even want to be at the funeral. I was so angry and hurt and thought the idea of getting up and shaking hands with people who would tell me they are sorry for me when they don’t know me and don’t know how I feel was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I wanted to yell at them to leave me alone and I did eventually yell at my mom and she yelled at me and .. death is inherently not fair.

I don’t think I even ever told my mother what the last thing he said to me was, but when I entered his room a month after he died and just sat on his bed and cried I remembered it suddenly. That he’d left me with love above everything else. I used to say, love doesn’t end with death and I believed that then still, even if it had gotten hard.

Well, I do not disagree with my original thesis statement that last words don’t matter. They are not interesting or important or change a person's relationship with you. If his last words would have been “buy a laser printer, because ink is so expensive” which wouldn’t even have been out of character for him, I would now laugh each time I buy ink from a story (sorry dad, still no laser printer!)

Still, despite all of that, I am glad that his last words to me were affirmations of love. I cherish that very much and I believe that is true. He is always gonna love me, my mom, my uncle, my brother, his children, all of us. And that is so important to me.

(Now imagine my freak out when I finally finished the Naruto manga after years of just putting off reading it fully and Itachi’s last words to Sasuke are almost exactly the same. My god, I needed a day break after that.)

If you want to do me a favour today, then please send your parents (if you get along with them) or your parental figures a message today and tell them something nice. Just be glad they are around to love you and care for you. I wish for you that you never have to lose them, or only when you are ready.

If such a thing even exists.

Or, otherwise, you could also sign up as an organ donor in whatever country you reside in. That would do too.

Don’t try to make yourself remember darling, Don’t look for me I’m just a story you’ve been told So let’s pretend a little longer Cause when we’re gone Everything goes on.

#nisi complains nonsense #this is a queued post idk what im doing wh en this goes live

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binkszamsstuff · 2 years

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The reflection crouse

Goodbye mommy pt3

Masterlist

"I love you Tilly girl" y/n spoke to her.

"I love you too mommy" tilly responded, the image of her mother days before she lost her would always make her cry. As a child Tilly really tried not to notice the changes her mother was going through. But now those were all she had left of her mother.

She remembers her pale and sunken skin, her mother was terribly skinny and Ill looking. Her hair thin and dull, her eyes the same Tilly once found a journal full of her mums health that her dad kept to try and keep track. The last entry wrote.

Day: the 10th

Medication: take three times day, the two with the blue stickers on them she takes before eating and the ones with red after.

Weight gain/lose: I've tried to keep her full of protein but she still remains at 80 pounds.

Notes: the doctors and I have tried so many medications to give her more time, nothing's working. I fear the constant change of meds is doing more damage then saving.

Tilly had it hidden in her closet under her Jean's, she knew if her father found out she had the journal of her mothers last date he would be upset. Not mad just upset, tilly knows that he tries to keep the the hurt from her.

It was monday. Every monday before school Tilly and y/n would have mommy Monday. Pancakes and cartoons and after was the best. Today is the first monday without her mum. No pancakes, no cartoons, no mommy mondays, no mum. Tilly cried all day at school they called home and james had to pick her up early.

If someone asked Tilly what the hardest day of her life was she would say that Monday when she awoke to no mum.

The many times Tilly met dot she hated it. Her father's blatant disregard for her back handed compliments and tone deaf jokes made Tilly made.

The way she spoke about her mother was the worst of all, 'im your new mom now' she would "jokely" say. Or 'why is this old stuff all around?', 'we need to clean out this house of her junk' all these things bucky was ignored, all the clear dirty looks and eye rolls that Tilly gave to Dott ignored too.

"Dad I told you I'm going out with!" Tilly said with an annoyed sigh.

"Tilly can't you just spend some time with Dott? It's family night I told you this yesterday."

"And I told you I was going out on Monday! She is NOT family"need

3 months later.

17 she was turning 17, tilly had found some old pictures from her grandma and grandpa of her mother on her 17th birthday. Y/n had a 70s themed birthday party and everyone dressed up. They told her to the keep the pictures. And when she showed her dad he laughed so hard at the mere sight of them.

"The song dancing queen by abba played all night long, god look at me I almost forgot about my long hair. I guess I did a good job on the custom" he laughed. Their were many pictures of aunt Natasha, uncle tony, steve, thor, sam, aunt wanda, pepper, and tilly's favorite was her mum holding a very grumpy 10 year old yelena in her arms as she danced.

But her real favorite was the last two, one was of y/n smiling about to blow out her birthday candles her eyes filled up with joy and the candle light made her look beautiful. And the other one was of bucky and her slow dancing the perfect photo caught of the two. The look that her father had in his eyes Tilly has not seen in a long time. The way he looked at her mum.

So now it was tilly's 17th birthday and she was having a 70 themed party with all her friends and grandparents. She was off the walls as she and her aunts ready in her room, the only thing she didnt like was her father's new girlfriend Dott. Tilly hated her and she didnt care that her father was moving on and happy call her selfish but she didn't care. No one could replace her mother. When aunt nat found out she almost slapped bucky and she told tilly why. Dott was always trying to steal bucky away from her mother and the drama that went with it was enough for Tilly to never ever want Dott around her or her father.

Bucky insisted that Dott come tonight that it would be a good bonding time for them. Tilly felt as if her father was shoving her down her throat. And every time Tilly saw Dott she always tried to bring up that she should move in and 'we can get rid of all the old stuff' tilly's mother was NOT old stuff! Or she would try and convince bucky to donate y/n's things that were still around the house.

The party was going fantastic all tillys friends were there and her aunts and uncles. Until Dott spilt her drink on her shirt. Bucky and her going upstairs to clean her up but when Dott came down in one of her mothers shirts Natasha lost it and so did tilly and everyone else.

"What are waring?" Natasha seethed at Dott.

"She spit her drink nat its fine" bucky blew off.

"No it's not fine that was your wife's shirt, not just some shirt james your wife's."

"It doesn't matter Natasha shes gone. My wife died!" Dott smile didnt flatter.

Tilly started to cry. Did her dad really not remember what that shirt was? Was he that careless? That was the shirt y/n went to the hospital in. That was the last time y/n ever went to the hospital because she never came home from that one. That was the last shirt Tilly had ever seen her mother in and the music stopped, tillys grandpa holding her grandma as she cried and Natasha was about to slap bucky until Tilly muttered.

"I hate you, and today is my birthday that me and my family throwed to celebrate my mum and me. And you've ruined it! I didnt even want you here." Tilly stormed off her friends following her to make sure she was okay.

"Its just a damn shirt!" Dott said rolling her eyes "your mommys dead get over it!" Y/ns mother marched her way up to her and slapped Dott and then bucky. "My daughter deserves better then this and so does my granddaughter! That girl misses her mother and you! James my husband and I love you and my daughter did too but this is too much! I know it's been 7 years but that does not mean she didnt exist. I know everyone deals with grief in different ways but you forcing your daughter to act like her mother never happened is wrong. I'm every disappointed in you james" and with that grandma and grandpa walked upstairs to go to their granddaughter.

A/N: I know this was a crappy chapter but I needed to get it out so🤷

#bucky barnes #bucky x female reader #marvel #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshots #steve rogers #steve rogers au

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devilsskettle · 2 years

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today was so good honestly. 1) orientation for my bitchin new job that i’m getting paid for, 2) hair and eyeliner looked great all day, 3) getting my mom to drink with me and making her listen to lady gaga and my lit theory rant and collaging with her, 4) basically finished 3 collages i just have to glue everything down and put the finishing touches on but i think they’ll be really good!! 5) writing class tomorrow and collage group (with my mom) the next day, 6) the promise of going to target which means i’m getting some swim trunks and perhaps some free shit with my five finger discount, 7) the promise of seeing my sister and going to the beach soon, 8) i remembered to take my meds, 9) i don’t have covid anymore, 10) i’ll probably actually get to go to therapy for the first time in a month on monday which tbh isn’t that helpful but i have a captive audience at least and i love to complain. things feel not bad!! and 11) it rained last night and it was so nice today it wasn’t hot at all but it was so sunny. and 12) my friend finally found the records that i left at his house on accident. and 13) i’m fucking beautiful. like i feel like i suddenly became beautiful this summer. my face looks good. my body looks good. my hair looks good. my clothes look good. i look good. it’s crazy do hot bitches just feel like this all the time 14) driving lessons! with any luck i’ll have my license by the end of september. 15) i’ve decided to get myself a tamagotchi as a treat for myself when i get my license (and have more money) so i can put it on my keychain. 16) i tracked down the cake that we got for our 10th birthday party and my mom said we could get it sometime soon just because! because it’s beautiful and it’s cake and i remember it being so good and we finally found it and it’s the end of the summer. 17) i am getting back into writing and i have some nice clear ideas to pursue i just have to fucking sit down and write. 18) i’m also helping my dad with this book by transcribing these interviews he’s conducting and i need to get on that but it will be so fun to hear all the stories and it’s so cool to get to be a part of this project so i’m gonna start working on that tomorrow afternoon when i have real time and energy. anyway! not to brag but i’m basically on top of my shit except for some other things that I won’t mention because i want to get to brag about things being good for once instead of just being apathetic and depressed and bored. also 19) my grandpa is letting me borrow his car which is so fucking rad. i’m going to have so much freedom so soon. omg i will be able to give my friends rides. i’ll be able to go on road trips. i’ll be able to go to the grocery store and liquor store and any other store without having to go on a major hike. i’m gonna have a motherfucking cd collection maybe i’ll get those like dice or whatever to hang from the rear view mirror i’m so excited. 20) gonna refresh my latin so i can tutor if anyone wants a fucking latin tutor i guess and i’m so ready to reconnect with her (latin. the love of my life that’s why it’s the original romance language). 21) i am determined to go to the knotts berry farm boysenberry festival. it will happen. and if anywhere in the realm of possibility, i’m trying to get myself to halloween horror nights. i’m optimistic i’m really trying to make it happen. one or both will happen this year. it will happen 22) i’m gonna say listening to lady gaga again. love her

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ahappybeginning · 2 years

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It’s been a minute since I posted here, and a LOT has happened in the past couple of weeks, both good and some really not. I’m gonna try to cover everything because a big part of the reason I made this blog was to help me track my progress during this journey and I don’t want to gloss over any important developments along the way, good or bad. So I’m gonna use this post to rant about the bad/annoying stuff first, then I’m gonna make a separate post for the good stuff so I can leave things on a positive note.

So the biggest and most devastating thing to happen was that this past Monday, it was announced that the hospital I was supposed to be having surgery at, which is only 10 minutes away and holds a LOT of history and sentimental value for me, is set to close at the end of next month, and they’re stopping all non-emergency surgeries next week. And this came right as I JUST let myself finally relax and breathe easy because after months of hard work and a million appointments, I’d managed to get through everything on my pre-op checklist for both the surgeon and my insurance, had already applied for short term disability with the dates I had gotten the ok from my boss to be off, and was basically ready to just wait out the last two weeks until my surgery date.

And then everything got upended with this news. So now, I will be forced to travel over an hour to the next closest hospital that my surgeon works at (and there’s no way I’m switching surgeons because I love the one I have, and anyway that isn’t even an option because my insurance will only cover me if I use specific doctors/facilities), and because there’s so much chaos with trying to move so many of his patients around, my surgery date got bumped back 6 days to September 12th.

Ok now, my logical brain knows that this could have been much worse. Overall, I know things will still be fine and I will still have the same end result. But the emotional part of me had a proper breakdown over all of this for several different reasons. First, 6 days may not seem like that much in the grand scheme of things, but the fact is, I’ve been maintaining a 30 carbs or less (daily) diet for well over a month already. I ended up starting it a few weeks before I really had to (it’s supposed to be a 30 day pre-op diet to shrink your liver to help during surgery) because I didn’t want it to be a huge shock to my system so I slowly started decreasing my carb intake until I could get to where I officially needed to be. And let me tell you, this shit is NOT easy. I’m hungry all the time and I’m experiencing some very unpleasant side effects based on the fact that I’m not getting enough of certain nutrients because of the restrictive nature of the diet. It’s not really meant to be sustainable for an extended period. So with that said, adding another 6 days that I have to do this is TORTURE. When my mom tried to tell me that 6 days is nothing, I challenged her to try and stick to this diet for 6 weeks and see if SHE would be ok with adding an extra 6 days to it, because I can guarantee she wouldn’t. And beyond that, the surgery date is now only 3 days before my birthday, and I tried SO HARD to avoid being miserable and in pain on my birthday. Plus, the likelihood of a hurricane happening increases significantly the farther into September we go, so overall I’m just very frustrated and unhappy with the delay.

And then if I set aside the technical aspect of the surgery for a minute, the news of that hospital closing hits a lot closer to home for me, because it’s where my dad used to work (my mom actually did, too, but only for a brief time), and I still have memories of going to visit him there when I was young, and he would give us the little booties the nurses wore over their shoes and we’d all eat lunch together in the cafeteria. It’s one of the very few memories I even have from that period of my life. And when I was there last month for an endoscopy, one of the nurses taking care of me said she’d gone through nursing school with my dad and remembered him fondly. So even though he’s been gone for a long time now (and hadn’t worked there in many years even before he died), I still felt his spirit and energy there, and it was a huge comfort to me. And I don’t think I realized just how grounding the idea of him somehow being there with me when I have surgery was until it was very suddenly ripped away from me. It’s deeply upsetting and it’s not something that most of the other patients being displaced by this closure can understand. So I’m honestly still grappling with that part of it, even though I’ve mostly calmed down about the rest.

And just to add insult to injury, I was told yesterday that now I also have to drive all the way up to the new hospital the Friday before my surgery in order to do a COVID test there and for registration. Well first, I already DID the registration online, so I have no idea why I need to do it AGAIN there. And second, the idea of driving 2 hours round trip for a test I SHOULD be able to do locally and that takes less than a minute to complete is ludicrous to me. It’s beyond frustrating and I hate that there’s nothing I can do about it (believe me, I tried).

So that’s where I’m at with the negative stuff. Next post will be a lot happier. ❤️

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mirabelmadrigal10182004 · 1 year

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*Mirabel’s birthday*

Raya, 14: Tía Julieta, what’s your birthday gift?

Julieta giggles: It’s birthday gift for her.

Raya: No? When is your birthday?

Julieta: My birthday is Monday, March 6th.

Raya: Aww man that is so cool!

Julieta: I said yes, how old are you now?

Raya: I'm 17.

Julieta: 17? That’s great news!

Agustín: Mirabel’s coming?

Julieta: Not yet, Agustín.

Raya: Tío Agustín, Mirabel is going home after school.

Agustín: Okay, alright.

*oven dings*

Julieta: Raya, the cake is ready.

*Julieta opening her oven*

Julieta sniffing: The cake is smell so good. Let’s decorate the cake.

*Julieta meanwhile, finishing the decorating cake*

Julieta: I’m done.

Agustín: Guys! Mirabel’s coming!

Julieta: Everyone, come quick! Hide in here!

*Raya pointing a finger up to shush Julieta*

Isabela whispering: Come on.

Luisa whispers: Quiet.

*Everyone hiding on the table*

*Isabela and Luisa hiding on the doorway*

Isabela and Luisa: *shush*

*door opens*

Mirabel now on her doorstep: Hi, mom! Hi, dad!

Everyone: SURPRISE!!!

Mirabel gasps in awe: Oh my!

Julieta: Happy birthday, Mirabel!

Mirabel: Awww thank you, mom!

Julieta: Look, Mirabel! We made a birthday cake for you. It’s time for you to make a wish.

Mirabel: I wish you save a miracle, fulfilling your vision.

*Mirabel blow out the birthday candle*

All: Happy birthday, Mirabel!

Mirabel: Aww thank you at all.

Raya: I’m sorry you took my barbie, Mirabel. I have a surprise for you.

Mirabel asking Raya: What is surprise?

Raya: Ta-da!

Mirabel giving her gift: Is this for me? Thank you, Raya! You got a new one barbie!

Julieta: Now, let’s eat the cake!

*All meanwhile, eating the cake*

Mirabel eating cake: Nom, nom, nom! Yum!

Isabela: Delicious.

Mirabel: 👍

All: 👍

#disney encanto #disney mirabel #mirabel madrigal #mirabelencanto #encanto #isabela madrigal #julieta madrigal #luisa madrigal #agustin madrigal #raya and the last dragon #raya disney #disney ratld #disney raya #ratld #ratld raya

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cassurrjoybell-30 · 4 months

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Howling Love - Chapter 14

*Warning Adult Content*

Camryn Summer.

"Earth to Camryn, buddy we need you here," Kendra called out as I was stuck going through my itinerary for the road-trip Amille and I were going on.

I had already made a reservation at a spa then a woodland lodge, it was the perfect location for our date, then we would stay there for as long as we wanted until we had to head back home, since we were also getting a week break from school.

It was the perfect time to do so, of course I rescheduled our plans to the free week so it wouldn't impede on any other school plans, it was just great, I was way too excited but I didn't care.

"Yeah, sorry what?" I questioned Kendra who just face palmed.

"Camryn we need you to pick a location for the bigger gym, we also need an evaluation done on the pack house, the houses being renovated also need extra material, we need you to come up with a budget for that too," my mother asserted seriously and I wondered why she was so worked up.

"Uh, Kendra where's my bag?" I asked suddenly, not really surprising him.

I had rushed over to my dad's office after leaving Amille and his cousins with his uncle in the city, apparently they had secretive shopping to do.

I was jealous I couldn't get to shop with Amille but I had spent most the week with him even today morning we had gone on a run together so I couldn't out rightly protest not having time with him.

But I was still jealous. I couldn't help it.

I rummaged through my neatly packed documents bag, Amille had bought if for me.

Apparently, I was messy with documents, so it was better I separate school and pack documents, it made a lot of sense since I could find what I wanted easily.

"The new location, outlined on the map, the plan structure and all the requirements from budget to contactors, I've already contacted them they start work Monday, pack house evaluation, I had Maxine do the research along with Orlando, we catered to everyone's needs and are changing the kitchen equipment plus the basement pool is freezing, needs fixing, it's being done today, as for the materials I talked to beta Kyra and he's handling the procumbent, this is estimated and final budget approved, the contractors resume work today. Can I go back to what I was doing now?" I stated leaving my mother, Kendra my assistant and also my father who had come in shocked.

"I was prepared to give you a lecture on responsibility. When did you get all this done?" Mom asserted as I dropped another file on the table.

"During the week. Amille helped, he's a really great motivator, those are the detailed reports of the cases we've had of integrated wolves we've had in the pack, territory expansions and the festival plans," I stated nonchalantly earning a snicker from Kendra.

"I'm impressed, clearly you're ready, all this time I was worried, thought you would never get to this stage but you've been efficient Camryn, these last documents weren't even on your roster for this week or the next," Dad praised and that feeling Amille had told me about bloomed inside of me.

A sense of accomplishment through my father's praise.

I owed it to Amille though, he was the one who helped, along with our friends.

He had made me learn not to rely solely on myself but my friends, we all had school but he shared the work easily and in a few days I had all the work I needed done, complete, he was brilliant.

"I think you're ready, soon the pack will know too, if they don't already, I'm already anticipating the party, it's going to be great," Kendra exclaimed and I turned to look at him questioningly, why was he so pumped up.

"What party?" I demanded and he looked at me in surprise, so did my parents.

"Camryn, you couldn't have forgotten right," Mom stated and I still looked at her with questions.

"Camryn, your birthday is in two days, have you forgotten, why do you think I've been putting you through so much pressure lately," Dad asserted and I had to be honest.

I felt no pressure, I was content, anything that he used to do that made me mad or frustrated lately it barely made a dent on me, with Amille it glided over me because he was my sounding board, he made sense but on the part that my birthday was that soon.

I had completely forgotten, it had slipped my mind even to the point that my wolf stirred at the mention of our birthday, we had no idea.

"You can't be serious, you forgot," Mom mumbled in somewhat a controlled tone.

"I've been so busy, I guess I got caught up with everything it slipped my mind," I replied.

"Or caught up with someone." Kendra whispered and I kicked his shin under the table making him grunt out in pain.

"Don't tell me it's that friend of yours you're always with," Mom stated with a rising anger, her tone did nothing to hide it.

I knew why though, over the course of the week, the more time I spent with Amille, the more I learnt about him and his dad, also about their history.

They were once part of this pack, well his dad was anyway, he had a history with my father which is why he crashed the barbeque and caused the scene.

It also led to me learning why my mother didn't like Amille very much, he was the son of the man her husband used to love and I was close to asking him to be my boyfriend and the school.

Almost everyone saw us as a couple already, she didn't want to acknowledge Amille in my life, it made her angry, you could just tell.

"We aren't talking about Amille here, this is about Camryn," my father suddenly intervened with a low warning growl and I was grateful his intervention sliced through the building tension.

"Yes, yes. I already planned, well half of it is done. I didn't know if you wanted a big party so I planned for both," Kendra mentioned showing me his plans on his tablet whilst my parents had a silent conversation which was making things awkward.

"Kendra I like small parties, they are more meaningful you know that, you can have the big party for the pack, it wouldn't be right not to have them celebrate, I'll meet you later at the shop, I have things to do," I surmised and before anyone could protest I was packing my stuff and out the door before anyone could say anything.

Once outside and in my car I banged my head on the steering, how had I forgotten my own birthday.

I was turning eighteen and I was going to find my mate.

Was Amille my mate? was he the one?

It started bombarding me, questions and doubts, would I have him when I turned eighteen, would we be together.

It terrified me thinking that we wouldn't be together, the past months had been bliss, he had come into my life and showed me nothing but kindness, the beauty of the world that I had never seen.

He didn't break my heart further no, he made me whole again.

Able to stand on my own two feet, able to stand in front of the pack and lead it with my whole heart, he had done so much for me, was I willing, would I ever be willing to just let him go and love someone else.

I don't think so, I could never lose him, not Amille.

I quickly dialed Orlando wanting to know where they were.

"Hey man, you done already," he exclaimed and I nodded but then realized he couldn't see me.

"Yeah I'm done. Where are you guys?" I asked not wanting to seem desperate but I was.

"By Ford, Amille wanted to get you hotdogs, he said they were your favourite or something," he replied and I chuckled tears bubbling in my eyes, he knew that too.

I had a weird thing about food, I liked it all and didn't have a favourite but then Amille asked the service lady at Ford's cafe to let him make a hotdog in his style.

It seemed ordinary until I ate it and till now it's my favourite thing, they actually paid him for the recipe and named the hotdog after him for some reason, it's actually a patron favourite.

I wiped my tears away calming down.

"Can you guys wait for me there, I'm really hungry," I finally spoke.

"Yeah, sure. Teja stop eating my fries, Amille," Orlando whined before the call cut making me laugh, anything could happen when I turned eighteen and scent out my mate but the one truth I knew was that if it wasn't Amille DeAndre Laurent.

I was rejecting whoever they were, Goddess forgive me, all I wanted was Amille and no one else, he was the one for me, damn the consequences.

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nvmwc · 1 year

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He gave me money yesterday to tide me over until Monday. I spent too much on my birthday to distract myself and took a week off to celebrate. My paycheck was pretty small and I ran out of money after rent . As per usual he helped without a second thought. He’s always like that ,

It’s day two since i lost my kit. I have been drowning in my thoughts since. I miss it so much, I want to do right now so madly. My skin has become adjusted. It’s ready. I didnt want to give it up.

It’s taking everything in me to not go get a new kit set up. I work right next to so many places that would sell what i need .

It’s already so wrong, I feel it would be even worse to buy something that hurts him so badly with his own money.

I understand it hurts him

But what about me. What about my hurt? He’s hurt me my dad has hurt me and my mom has hurt me and my cousin and uncle. I’ve lost so many people in the past few years. It hurt so bad. Especially my grandpa.

He raised me and i watched him take his last breath. Everyone else looked away. Not me though. I looked rightat him as he looked around with his terror written all over his face. He couldn’t breathe anymore. He was always there for me. Especially on Mother’s Day. My mom abandoned me so naturally Mother’s Day is hard for me . I told him when I was 11 how that day made me feel because i didn’t have a mom. He told me that from then on he was my mother now. And every Mother’s Day since I’ve celebrated it with him. I’m 28 now and this weekend will be my first Mother’s Day without him.

My father has yet again in my life gone off his rocker. Crack, meth, heroin and alcohol have again won. I was rooting for him he completed rehab and got into an Oxford house. I was so proud. Then one night boom he got evicted. I have been dealing with this off and on since i met him when i was 6. Ii begged i pleaded I’ve screamed and enable. But not this time. I told him during our counseling session that if he ever did this again i would never talk to him again unless he could prove he was holding a job and was sober for a year.

I have my partner but i decided based off the results of me depending on him emotionally that will never happen again.

Out of every man Ive ever loved that held me hurt me. Every single one.

Except for him. And now he’s gone. So many things have happened since then and the majority has been absolute bullshit. We got an apartment. Our relationship fell apart there for a moment. Dad relapsed again and uncle died.

I’m trying so hard to focus on the good and the positive Parts. But all i want to do is tear myself to pieces.

I want my grandpa back, i want my dad pack. I want my parents back. The three of us, grandpa dad and me. Back when my grandpa could walk and my dad was as ‘sober’ as he could get.

Every man who is not my grandpa has used abuses and cheated me. I want to go home. That’s all i want is to go home. But my home is gone now

#sh.#self destruction #feeling alone #alone with my thoughts #i want to cvt #self h@rm #tw selfhate #no parents

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cruzzramirez · 2 years

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Day 3: The Gift That Keeps on Giving - 10 gifts given to Cruz Ramirez over the years.

Cruz was 5 years old on a Saturday. It was her birthday! And her birthday meant…several things but, at the time, the most important thing was that she was going to get something from her dad! She knew because she had seen her mum hide a large envelope when it came in the mail a week ago.

Bessie had mumbled something about it being too early but Cruz had not seen that as a bad thing at all! Her dad had sent it early because he knew that if he did then it wouldn’t be late.

As was tradition her mum, her grandmother, and herself had gone out to dinner and went back home to eat cake and open gifts. With the candles blown out and cake demolished, Cruz had been saving the best gift for last.

Her mother and grandmother had watched, faces screwed up like they were anticipating a car wreck. Cruz didn’t notice as she carefully tore the seal across the envelope and pulled the single piece of paper from its inside.

Only it wasn’t paper. It felt glossy! She turned it over and was met with a smiling picture of her father in his uniform. His name was scrawled across it, complete with a Happy Birthday!

“That little-” Bessie had started to say only for her mother to touch her arm.

Cruz had stared at the photo for several seconds before bouncing up. “I love it! I love it! I love it!”

She had put it in a page protector that was supposed to be for school and kept it propped up on her shelf with a pile of various items that were less important to her. Everyday she would wake up, smile at her dad smiling back at her, and go out to run.

Cruz is 18 years old now and that photo, long since been taken out of that page protector because she had needed it for a project in English, sits pressed into a folder along with all her other collected memorabilia over the years. It’s not because she wants to keep it for herself. At one point she had even tossed it in the trash after trying to clean out her room. But then she had thought that maybe, one day, it would be worth some money to some collector. It was a reminder of what an idiot she was, every time she looks at it an embarrassment of the faith she’d had in the guy smiling back at her.

Cruz was 7 years old on a Friday after school. She was getting ready to run home since it was the fastest way to get there, only someone called out her name before she could take off.

“Maisy!” said Cruz, smiling real big and wide at her new friend. The girl had moved here with her family from Scotland. Her hair was bright red, freckles decorating her pale skin in a way Cruz found very pretty.

The other girl held out her hand and when Cruz lifted her own she dropped a neat row of yellow and black beads with a hook on the end into her palm. Cruz’s eyes had lit up,. “Oh my gosh! It’s yellow! I love yellow!”

“I know,” Maisy smiled. “That’s why I made it that way.”

“Thank you!” Cruz pulled the other girl forward into a tight hug.

The two girls had been friends until Maisy and her family returned to Scotland only 2 years later. It had been a tearful goodbye between them.

Cruz is 18 years old now. The, now slightly chipped and roughened, line of beads is still clipped to her keys, a reminder of a little girl who snorted when she laughed and who went with Cruz as the pink and yellow Power Rangers for Halloween.

Cruz was 8 years old on a Saturday morning, buzzing with excitement as she and her mother stood in line at the zoo.

It had been a perfect day as far as Cruz was concerned. They had wandered around, looking from one animal to the next. They’d listened to the keepers as they answered questions about the animals, Cruz getting all the facts she could because she wanted to be able to impress her friends on Monday when she told them all about it.

It was lucky that they made it to the Cheetah enclosure just in time for the keepers to bring the large cat up to the glass, explaining into a microphone that played into a speaker on the other side, how fast they were.

“Like me!” Cruz had said, looking up at her mum. Bessie had smiled and nodded. They stayed there after the little show had ended, Cruz glued to the viewing window as she watched the cheetahs saunter about.

As they were leaving they passed by a gift shop, filled with hats and shirts and posters. She watched as kids pulled things off the shelves but kept walking, knowing better. Even at 8 she knew how much going to the zoo was a bit of a press for them money wise.

Her mum had tugged her by the hand off her path to the exit and into the shop. Cruz had argued that she didn’t need anything! She had the map that one of the greeters behind the front gates had handed to her. That was good enough, wasn’t it?

Still, Bessie guided her around the shop, only to point out a stuffed cheetah. “What about that guy?”

He came home with them, Cruz’s arms wrapped right around him all the way.

Cruz is 18 years old now and that cheetah is sitting on her dorm bed, having been with her through thick and thin. A reminder of all the times she had cried against its soft fur, of when she needed to hug something in the night, a comfort, a friend. Something to remember that perfect day.

Cruz was 9 years old on a Friday, carrying a big cardboard box back into the house. Her mum’s friend had dropped it off, a bunch of clothes that her daughter wanted to give away before she went away to uni in Wales.

“Oh, honey, look at this!” her grandmother said, holding up a dress. “Why don’t you try it on?”

Cruz did. It was too big.

“Well, you’ll grow into it!” she insisted, tossing it into the ‘Keep,’ pile and continuing through the rest.

It had hung in Cruz’s closet that night until she got out of bed to put it on again. She didn’t know that she liked it very much. She never wore dresses or skirts. They didn’t offer the comfort that trousers and shorts did. If she ran in this it would just, like, fly up! She’d have to wear shorts under it to be safe. It was very pretty, though. Maybe she could wear it to something when she wanted to feel pretty.

Cruz is 18 now and that dress is still hanging up in her closet, never worn out of the house. It had always been an option in the back of her mind, sometimes taking it out when considering it for dances or events around town. She was never brave enough, though. Those sorts of things just hadn’t been her jam. The dress was a reminder that those sorts of things just didn’t make her feel pretty. It was a work in progress.

Cruz was 10 years old on a very snowy Wednesday. It was Christmas Eve and she had checked to make sure both her mum and grandmother were fast asleep before zipping into the living room.

One gift stood out among the others. The gift paper it was wrapped in was shiny, the creases and folds perfect, the bow on top like all the pretty pictures. The rest were nice, too, but she knew her mum wasn’t the craftiest of people.

Cruz took it out from under the tree and shook it, trying to be content with just that much information. She was almost positive she knew what it was but…she wanted to be sure! Her fingers pried at the perfect placed tape, trying to get it without ripping the paper.

After the first mistake she figured she’d already ruined it and just tore it clean off.

What remained in her hands was a box, the logo looking up at her one she didn’t recognize. Her hand pushed the lid up, letting it flop over the side. She pushed two sheets of tissue paper out of the way and gasped.

A pair of the most beautiful sneakers she had ever seen in her whole life lay inside that box. She had taken them out, tried them on, and started dancing around the living room in them. Her mother had only been a little bit mad at her the next morning, having to relent as she watched her daughter carry them around in their box all day.

Cruz wore those shoes into the ground. Even after she had outgrown them and their soles had worn down with no tread left.

Cruz is 18 years old now and that pair of sneakers is hanging in a shoe organizer on the back of her closet door back home. They were the beginning of her little collection of sneakers, her want for another pair having gone out the door when she had looked online for others and saw the prices. They’re the reason she scrolls on her phone and laptop, looking at the pretty and collectable sneakers as they went on the market. They were also a reminder of just how stupid she had been as a kid, thinking her dad actually cared. She had asked for another pair from him the following year and he had sent her a box of chocolates instead.

Cruz was 13 years old on a hot summer’s Thursday. She had been going through plastic water bottles like they were candy, crushing them back until she could go after the next one.

“Good lord, child!” her grandmother said when she’d seen the recycling pile Cruz had made. “Where’s your plastic one? With the handle?”

“It broke, remember?” Cruz told her. It had been pretty old, gotten from a family friend whose son had played football. The plastic had cracked, making its one job of holding liquids no longer an option.

“Well come on then, let’s go get you a new one.”

They’d taken the train to NTO and were perusing an athletic store’s options. Cruz knew they were walking out of there with the cheapest option but that didn’t mean she couldn’t look at the other stuff! She kept looking at the hydroflasks in all their pretty colors.

“Get you the yellow one,” her grandmother said, pointing to it.

“What? No, I don’t need it,” Cruz shook her head. “I just need something to hold water, you know?”

“If that was the case, then you’d be using one of the tupperware containers.”

Cruz giggled at the thought.

“If you get another cheap one it’ll break again, and we’ll be back here spending the money you’re trying to save. Get the yellow one. It’ll last you until you’ve got a trophy to drink out of instead.”

Again, Cruz giggled.

Cruz is 18 years old now and that yellow water bottle still follows her wherever she goes. It sits in the pocket of her backpack, waiting to be refilled. It sits on the ground in the woods, waiting for her to return to it after a few laps. It has stickers on it and a few dents, too.

Cruz was 15 on a Saturday, alone on a train. She had been on a few by this time in her trip, so she knew what she was doing! She got a window seat and stared out it, not wanting to check her phone because she knew her mum would be trying to call her and also because she didn’t want it to not have any battery on her way back home.

She wanted to be able to call her mum after the try outs to tell her all about it! They would probably be on the phone for hours! Her mum probably wouldn’t even be angry with her for going to London on her own after she told her that she’d qualified.

The snack trolley came down the aisle and Cruz sat up-! Only to remember she didn’t have money to spend. The train tickets and Uber was what she needed to worry about. She fell back into her seat, sighing.

The woman across from her stopped the guy, asked for a few things, and off the trolley went.

“Oh, darn,” the woman said, loud enough that Cruz peered over to see if she was okay. The woman rolled her eyes at herself and then seemed to notice Cruz looking at her. She held up the pack of M&M’s. “Do you like the peanut ones?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “They’re not bad.”

“I can’t eat them. I’m allergic,” the woman smiled, leaning over to offer them to Cruz. “Want to help me out?”

“...are you sure?”

“Aye, of course, love! Wouldn’t want me over here going into anaphylactic shock, now, would you?” the woman laughed, making Cruz smile. She reached over to take them. “You on your own, there?”

Cruz hesitated, her mum’s lessons on stranger danger running around in her head. The woman waved her hand.

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that! I’m alone,” she said, gesturing to the empty seat next to her. “I’m going to see my son in London. I’ve never been this far away from home before. It’s rather exciting!”

“Me either!” Cruz leaned against the arm rest, happy to talk to someone. She hadn’t had anyone to all day and it had been getting to her. The two of them exchanged stories and were sitting next to one another by the time the train pulled into their stop.

“Good luck on your race, love!” the woman had waved.

“Have fun with your son!” Cruz had replied.

After, when she had been waiting for her mum to come get her, sitting alone in the train station, she had remembered the M&M’s still in her pocket. She ate them, crying at the sweetness and the crunch under her teeth. They had tasted so good. A small comfort offered in the middle of devastation.

Cruz is 18 now and those M&M’s were long gone, along with their wrapper. Still, whenever she’s looking for some comfort or just chocolate, she’ll reach for the peanut M&M’s first.

Cruz was 16 on a Monday morning, just returning home from her run.

“Fuck!” she said as the door handle caught the wires of her headphones, yanking them from her ears.

She didn’t know why but that never failed to piss her off. Cruz let out a frustrated noise and pretended to punch at the door handle.

“What are you doing?” her mum asked, making her freeze. Cruz only turned her head to meet her mother’s confused look.

“Nothing!” she said, pulling her headphones off the handle and carefully wrapping them up.

Friday afternoon her mum called her into the kitchen from her room, presenting her with a box. Cruz had eyed her warily but opened it up anyway. Bluetooth headphones lay inside. Wireless.

“Aw, mum, you didn’t have to-”

“Honey, it was time. Last thing I need is your ripping your ear off running with those other ones.”

“What? I’ve had these for years and have never done that!”

Cruz is 18 years old now and while she was reluctant to try the wireless headphones, she had to admit that they were a total game changer! Not only for running, but for even just getting up to go to the kitchen and getting some lemonade. She never noticed how often she would try to quickly run off from her phone or computer until she was no longer getting the sensation of her headphones pulling at her ears. They were a reminder that the little things added up.

Cruz was 17 on a Sunday. It was her birthday again and this time she frowned at the envelope Mr. McQueen had sent her.

She waved it in the air, sitting at the table with her grandmother and mum after cake. “What do we think?”

“Looks too small to be another photo,” her grandmother said. “I think it might be coupons.”

“Oh, come on,” her mum chastised only for her smile to turn a bit wicked. “It might be gift card!”

The three women laughed as Cruz tore open the envelope, turning it over to let the contents fall onto the table.

“Huh,” Cruz said, picking up the folded pieces of paper to smooth them out. “Oh. They’re tickets to the next race he’ll be in.”

“Where’s that?”

“Edinburgh,” Cruz said automatically without having to look at the page. She was thankful it was in front of her so neither of the other women would notice. Silence settled over the table.

“That’s not far,” her mum suggested only for Cruz to laugh again.

“He didn’t even send plane tickets. Or get us a hotel.” She shook her head, shoving the papers back into the envelope. “I’m not going.”

They had been swept into her bag with her other gifts, ready to be forgotten about until she cleaned it out.

Only the following day at practice with the kids Sammy Owens, who had the wicked magic ability to adapt to any environment he was in and who was, secretly because no coach could admit to having one, Cruz’s top pick of who would go on to be a champion in Magick Grand Prix, was talking about the race.

“It sucks!” he was telling everyone during a water break. “We’re going all the way to Edinburgh for a wedding and can’t even go because it’s all sold out.”

Cruz is 18 now and still listens to Sammy talk about going to that race. It was just more motivation for him to work harder toward his goal of qualifying. The tickets are with him, tucked away somewhere in his room as a keepsake.

Cruz was still 17 and it was graduation day. The ceremony had been fun but she was ready to get out of there. They had been sitting for way too long! As soon as they had been dismissed she popped up from her seat and went to find her family.

When she did her mum was holding a large bouquet of flowers. They had hugged, crushing the pretty petals between them slightly. It wasn’t anything big, like a car or a new laptop or whatever other sort of graduation gifts the other kids around her were getting, but she didn’t care. They sat on the kitchen table until they wilted.

Cruz is 18 now and she still has a few of those flowers pressed between the pages of books. They’re on her dresser at home, sandwiched under her 20 pound weights, waiting for her to come check on them. They were a reminder that a gift didn’t have to be expensive or extravagant to mean something. The love and care her mum had given her over the years had been more than enough proof of that.

#swynwrimo

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