#and the whole ''way too personal to play live'' thing) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

#and the whole ''way too personal to play live'' thing)

entropyvoid · 2 days

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So anyway my hot take about the bit where Sunday is taking you on a guided tour through a dramatic play about the history of Penacony is that the confusion of him narrating over the story so you can’t parse what’s goin on is that it’s actually an EXCELLENT creative choice in interactive storytelling actually, because that whole scene isn’t really about Penacony’s past, present, or future, it’s about cult programming. Sunday’s goal is not for you to witness a dramatization of Penacony’s history and form your own thoughts and opinions about it, his goal is a last ditch effort to get you to share HIS specific perspective.

He talks over the story to tell you what’s happening, giving his conclusions from the get-go and sometimes even saying things that seem to directly contradict what he’s speaking over, but by the time you can even parse it, it’s gone and you’re left with little to do but move on. It’s overwhelming and makes it very difficult to form a coherent thought about it, much less a proper refutation to his arguments. It is a tactic intended to melt your brain and repeatedly hit it with a hammer of his view - the only reasonable view. So reasonable that it doesn’t even seem to occur to him that someone might have an opposing interpretation that’s logical, (more on this later,) he’s not open to new ideas, he is so completely and utterly set in his philosophy that he takes a chance in trying to hold your hand through it and explain it to you because he believes that if he just talks you through it, you’ll see the light. He is trying to convert others into to accepting the Order. Inducing mental exhaustion combined with repeating a specific philosophy, backed with an narrative to make it feel credible over and over again until your brain is too fried to do anything but accept if is a pretty common brainwashing tactic. For the devs to actually manage to induce that direct feeling in the players within the safety of fiction is actually a really impressive feat.

And he probably isn’t even really taking the specific approach he does consciously, rather, he is likely repeating some of the tactics that Gopher Wood put him through. Gopher, probably the closest thing Sunday had to a parental figure after his mother’s death, is an entity with no physical form that’s practically nigh omniscient and omnipresent within the dreamscape, is able to take over the bodies of anyone within the Oak family (possibly without their knowledge or without them remembering it?) and has been looking after Sunday from a young age. Firstly, we see them employing very similar (conversational? Argumentative?) styles. From the scene about the rehabilitated bird, we see Gopher giving a very scientific but ultimately leading explanation of natural selection (and the inherent cruelty of nature that Sunday heavily internalizes and repeats further down the line,) then poses a question that seems very open: what do you want to do about it? What do you want to do with this fucked up little fledgling that can’t fly? In his inner world, Sunday presents you with this, and several other personal experiences intended to lead you to a particular answer, then calmly asks you what decision you would’ve made in his place, in a way very reminiscent of how Gopher himself spoke to Sunday and Robin.

Sunday’s answer, to build a cage for the bird so it could live”no matter what,” happens to have aligned pretty well with the philosophies of the Order, and the quick unfortunate end the bird met when it was later released solidified his desire to protect via control, and proved to be a very formative experience for him. I think it’s highly plausible that this an early illustration of Sunday’s cult grooming already taking root, or at the very least, of Gopher fishing for a kid who’s open and susceptible to it. Gopher, seemingly being Sunday’s sole direct conspirator, is almost certainly the one who guided him on the path of worshipping the Order, while also making Sunday feel like it was his idea.

We don’t see too much in the way of interactions between Gopher and Sunday beyond that, so we’ll have to fill in the gaps - but Gopher is shown to be constantly watching over the schemes Sunday is involved in via possession of birds long before we actually learn who he is. He is always there, always watching, he can instantly overtake the will of others (so long as they’re in the Oak family - but that’s abt 1/5th of Penacony’s population and the group Sunday is a part of and thus most surrounded by,) and despite seeming very calm and reasonable, he’s clearly not above shutting people down through direct metal suppression if their questions start to pose any kind of a threat. When Welt’s questions became too direct and poignant, leading to him and Robin realizing that Gopher and Sunday were followers of Ena rather than Xipe, Gopher quickly commands Sunday to use his own mental suppression powers on them (since they’re both outside of Gopher’s control,) and Sunday does not hesitate. I have to wonder - how many times has Gopher potentially used this on Sunday, or any of the people around Sunday who got a little too close to presenting him with ideas that challenged the Order’s philosophy? It would not only be extremely easy for him to isolate Sunday intellectually while retaining his status as the sole voice of reason, but also likely, given that protection through control and domination is kind of the whole theme of the Order. (Or at least - Gopher and Sunday’s interpretation of it.) We can thus extrapolate that Gopher may’ve likely used other tactics of manipulation and control on Sunday that we haven’t seen, but which Sunday may imitate, such as in the segment with him narrating over the play about Penacony’s history.

And Sunday, clearly, is extremely isolated, long before he tres to pull his little stunt that ends in him as the lone awake person in an eternal dreamworld. Aside from Gopher, who can’t really be called on and only shows up when he feels like it, the only person he has to confide in is his sister Robin, but Sunday has long since internalized his whole “the strong protect the weak, and they protect the weak through control” bit to the extent that he tries very hard to shelter her from the things he sees as dangerous and painful. He doesn’t tell her about what happened to the bird (though she figured it out on her own anyway,) he doesn’t tell her a damn thing about his lil Ena cult, and he most certainly does not tell her about his doubts, his troubles, or the emotional weight of hearing about the worst of humanity (like that guy who sold his kids for a ticket) through the confessional booth day in and day out with a script that just says “Xipe forgives you.”

And Robin is, frankly, way stronger and smarter than her brother seems to give her any damn credit for. She’s left Penacony to tour the universe, and she headed into a warzone to help in the process, got shot in the throat, and kept singing after recovery. She’s experienced so much more of the universe than Sunday has, she’s had actual conversations with people about their problems that were not one-sided and driven by some sort of ulterior motive. She’s been the first to pick apart his faulty logic or catch on to him hiding something every time, (whether she mentions it in the moment or not,) she was the first to realize something was wrong and wake up in the end, and she ultimately rallied everyone to save her brother from himself. Had Sunday confided in her, talked about deeper life philosophies with her, shared his thoughts and feelings with her, not been isolated or isolated himself from her, treated her like she was just as strong as he was, things may have turned out very different.

Who’s really more sheltered? Robin, or her brother who tried to protect her from it all?

#honkai star rail #sunday #robin #hsr sunday #hsr robin #ch.txt #Oops! I accidentally did a whole Sunday analysis #Anyway uhhhh Sunday is actually an extremely well written character #And that part of the story was good actually

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starry-eyed-wild-child · 1 day

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🌻 charlie walker boyfriend headcanons 🌻

charlie walker x reader

🧡 my sweet, sweet baby charlie - this man is so obsessed with you

💛 like it's low-key creepy but in such a sweet way you'd never even know

🧡 i like to imagine you probably met in his film club, but he'd probably seen you in the hallways at school and he was just smitten after that. or even if you sat behind him in history class or smth and he tried his hardest to not look at you

💛 will be the most loyal boyfriend you could ever imagine, this man would die (and kill) for you in a heartbeat

🧡 okay so, either you had to ask him out OR a bunch of mutual friends grouped together to get yous together because they were just sick of your pining

💛 honestly, robbie's ears are talked off about you, poor guy can't catch a break

🧡 speaking of robbie, he definitely teases charlie about his little crush and will subtly drop hints in front of you just to embarrass him

💛 but robbie is also definitely 1000% your biggest fan, this man would literally make a movie just about how awkward your get together was, he adores you and thinks you're perfect for his best friend

🧡 charlie stutters a lot when talking to you, he just struggles to believe he actually pulled you, the girl of his dreams. and he BLUSHES too, omg this man is a walking mess for you

💛 movie dates ofc are a given, if you're not a fan of horror movies, charlie will still happily sit and watch whatever you want. i personally think that charlie would draw the line at rom-coms tho, but that's just my personal opinion. like he will, but he'll criticise it all the way to the credits

🧡 charlie is 100% a night owl. you'll probably be waking up as charlie is getting ready to go to sleep. not that he likes watching you sleep or anything 😳

💛 BOARD GAMES - play some cluedo with this pathetic little man, he lives for board game nights. play some music in the background, a bottle of cheap rum or smth between the two of you and that's charlie's dream night fr

🧡 absolutely loves holding your hand in public. I don't think that's charlie's that big on pda but he's a sucker for hand holding and nose kisses

💛 is the king of remembering little details about you. remember that necklace that you got when you were six but lost somehow? no? charlie definitely does and would probably get you a new one

🧡 his favourite thing is your eyes. it's his absolute favourite colour. he'd get a bracelet specifically with a stone that is the same colour so he can look at it when he misses you

💛 loves listening to music with you and making you your own playlist. he's the stereotypical romantic of where he loves sharing earphones with you so you can listen together 🥹

🧡 okay I hate to admit it, but charlie is probably a terrible cook. BUT he tries his hardest to cook your favourite foods for you just to see you smile

💛 the most giggly, awkward boyfriend you've ever had and ever will have. he loves your smile, he's always trying to make you laugh

🧡 I have a theory that charlie's laugh is very contagious. this man would giggle once and have the whole class in a fit of giggles because his laugh is just so adorable

💛 wear. his. shirts. this man LIVES to see you in his clothes

🧡 would probably eventually end up giving you the ones he doesn't wear anymore

💛 "they look better on you anyway" 😖 an absolute sweetheart

🧡 soft, gentle kisses are the usual. he's so gentle with you like he's scared you'll break ALTHOUGH when he kisses you, he will grip at your waist really tight

💛 will not, under any circumstances, have you involved with the ghostface killings. charlie can be quite frightening when he's angry so he makes sure jill knows her place

🧡 would probably lie to you about his involvement, as much as he hates lying to you, he couldn't stand the thought of you hating him and leaving

💛 no seriously, charlie would have a full on mental break down if you were to ever leave him or break up with him

🧡 speaking of breaking up with him, lol, yeah no... not happening. it's the last thing he'd let you do

💛 the relationship is low-key a bit toxic but in a 'you can't leave, you're the only person I have' kinda way? y'know?

🧡 sex would be hella awkward at first, charlie would have absolutely no clue on what to do, poor boy :(

💛 he just wants to make you feel good. speaking of which, PRAISE. praise this man, he thrives of knowing how good he makes you feel

🧡 loves you on top, and when you tug at his hair when you're close to finishing

💛 is the most whiny mess during sex. he's so LOUD. he moans, groans, whines and whimpers so much and he's not embarrassed by it either

🧡 makes sure you cum first every single time. charlie will not stop until you do, even if it take until morning

💛 king of aftercare. he'll clean you up, cuddle with you, talk with you, make you a cup of tea and a snack, All OF IT

🧡 don't be fooled though, he loves some aftercare himself. playing with his hair as you lie on him, completely blissed out. cuddle him, tell him how good he was, and boy MELTS

💛 overall the dream boyfriend and i'm desperate for a charlie in my life (rory culkin a chance, please?!)

🧡 100/10 would recommend

#scream #scream 4 #charlie walker #charlie walker x reader #rory culkin #rory culkin x reader

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allyeardepression · 2 days

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@jegulus-microfic | may 11 gentle | words: 573

part 1 | previous part

I don't know what's happening to me, so I'm pouring it all on James (i’m sorry)

tw: implied child abuse in the past, anxiety, dissociation

James sat at the dinner table, playing with his food rather than eating it, trying to silence his thoughts by concentrating on the conversation Sirius was having with Marlene about the next Quidditch game. Unfortunately, he was losing the battle between him and his mind—he couldn’t remember most of the time spent in the Great Hall, yet the one thing he remembers vividly are the silver eyes looking at him almost the whole time from across the room.

He was thinking about his last meeting with Regulus often—how the younger boy held him, whipped his tears more than once, and how he listened. It wasn’t much, but it meant the world to James.

And yet it still made him feel uncomfortable sometimes—what if Regulus used that knowledge against him? What if he was too scared by it all and went to Sirius and told him about it? Or even worse—what if he reached out to James’ parents to warn them?

He was overthinking again—James knew that. If the other boy did any of those things, he would know immediately what’s with Sirius’ straight-forwardness and his parents’ concern. And still…

The spiral in his head went on and on until he found himself at the Astronomy Tower again. He doesn’t know how or why he got there, but the moment he came back on earth, he sat on the cold stone, looking up at the night sky.

He was trying to find the northern star when the door creaked slightly and Regulus sat right beside him. The boy reached out and placed his hand over James' knee in silent question. In response, the Gryffindor just nodded once. Regulus lowered his hand and immediately started rubbing small circles on his knee with his thumb.

After a long moment of silence, Regulus’ gentle voice came to James’ ears.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling like I’m in some kind of trance or something, like—I don’t feel like I’m in my body feeling my emotions. It’s more like watching a movie in shit quality,” he answered quietly, resting his head on Regulus' shoulder. For some reason, the other boy's proximity, his touch, and the smell of strawberries and cigarettes on his body helped James calm down. “But it’s not always like that, you know? Normally, those thoughts aren’t so loud, and I don’t feel overwhelmed by them—they’re there, but I can live with them. But lately… I don’t even know what is happening; it has never been so bad.”

Regulus didn’t respond. He just perched his head on James’ and kept caressing his knee.

“You know you’re not too much, right?” he asked at last. “If it wasn’t for you, Sirius was going to die in that house. I can see the way you treat younger students, and not just Gryffindors—all of them, regardless of which house they are from. And you’re not doing it to rub it into others’ faces. Yes, you are loud and obnoxious—“

“Well, thanks,” James chuckled from where he was still lying on Reg’s shoulder.

“—BUT your heart is so pure, and each and every person in this castle can see it,” the younger boy finished, reaching with his free hand to the other boy's head to stroke his hair. James let out a content sigh at the feeling of slim fingers tangled in his curls.

“Thank you,” he whispered, closing his eyes and letting himself enjoy the moment of peace for some time.

#jegulus #james potter #regulus black #starchaser #sunseeker #james x regulus #the marauders #dead gay wizards #jegulus microfic #james is having a hard day #regulus is trying to help #they both need a hug #by: allyeardepression #500 words or more

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billpottsismygf · 3 days

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The Devil's Chord! This was my most highly anticipated episode of the series because of The Beatles - who I'm very nostalgic for, sue me - but they had a much smaller part than I expected. That may be for the best, as the actors don't look anything like the real deal, but they did an admirable job considering the circumstances.

I love the idea behind this one. I'm a musician myself and love things about music. Music being important, music being holy, I love it all. Everything from Maestro playing us into the theme tune, to the way it aligns with the characters' established personalities (the Doctor's jukebox and Ruby's band), made me very happy. The music battle was especially cool. Very The Devil Went Down to Georgia. Out there, but I liked it a lot.

Maestro was also a lot. I liked them, though. Great costumes, great performance. A campy villain in the best way. They're the Toymaker's child, which is interesting in itself, and I like that the rules around fair play seemed to extend to them as well.

There was a lot of series arc stuff here. So, Ruby has Carol of the Bells deeply ingrained within her. There was some important figure (another of the Pantheon, presumably) at her birth - is Ruby herself a child of the Pantheon? More snow, as well. There's also the One Who Waits coming up again. It all feels a little too self-conscious and crammed in - "remember, there's pay-off coming for these random mysteries that you have no context for!". I know we live in an era of heavily serialised media, in large part because of streaming and the binge model, and obviously Doctor Who has been semi-serialised since the revival, but it just seems like a lot. Maybe even too much, especially since the first episode was quite heavy with it too.

Although, I did wonder if this one was meant to be later in the series. First Ruby saying "you never hide" and then "you always know what to do" signaled a far longer association with the Doctor than she has had, but then it was especially jarring when she said it was hard to keep track of when her time is and it could be June or July... That sounds like someone who's been travelling with the Doctor for a while, not like someone who's on their second trip. And it was Christmas for her only last episode. Obviously there can be off-screen trips, but usually for the first couple of episodes we want to feel that this is the start of their journey as the audience gets to know them. Did this get plucked from later in the series and dropped into the episode 2 slot? Because it seems a bit of a shame, if so.

There was a lot of fourth wall breaking in this one as well. There was a wink to camera each from Maestro and the Doctor, as well as the Doctor's comment about thinking the music was non-diegetic (a nice little moment that probably a lot of people will miss). I do quite like a meta moment, and particularly loved the Twelfth Doctor's partaking in them, but I wonder if these serve a particular purpose, because we also had Mrs Flood talking to camera at the end of the Christmas special. Since RTD seems to be going with a theme that the rules of the universe have changed and become a bit more magical, I wouldn't be surprised if the meta elements tied in somehow.

Then, this is less meta and more fully surreal, but that whole ending musical number was... odd. I don't know what I think about it yet. The Doctor with his wink and "there's always a twist at the end" seemed to signal that we were leaving the normal reality of the show, but then... Did that musical number literally happen? How about the Abbey Road zebra crossing acting like a piano? It's part of my specific brand of autism that I struggle with surreal things when it's not clear how/whether they relate to the more realistic things going on, so maybe other people love it. It just made me feel confused, though, and slightly annoyed. I expected a musical number because the trailers showing this made that fairly clear, but I'd assumed it would be explicitly connected to the strange happenings of the episode. Instead it's just plonked at the end after everything has been fixed.

A lot of this latter stuff sounds quite negative, but overall I really liked this one! As I said before, the music stuff speaks to me personally very much, and I'll withhold final judgement about the serialisation stuff and even the meta/surreal stuff, as it may well pay off yet.

Small things

Love their outfits so much, and obviously we've known about them for a while, but it was funny they were worried about blending in when both of them (especially Ruby) were wearing pretty 60s adjacent outfits at the start. The Doctor was more 70s, but I don't think many people would have looked askance.

Ahhhh, Fifteen mentioning that One was in the junkyard made me exceedingly happy! The speculation about what happened to Susan also has me hoping beyond hope that this might be set-up for a Susan return.

I loved that extended instrumental scene where Ruby just played on the rooftop and people listened. It was quite moving!

Love hearing the word "lesbians" on Doctor Who <3 - I don't think even Bill explicitly got to use that word!

Just the general queerness is really nice. Ruby writing a song for her friend's gay break up. Maestro being they/them and it not really being a thing beyond their introduction. Ruby's mum having a "girlfriend" who was a Beatles fan that makes me wonder if that's in the platonic or gay sense.

I want to know the behind the scenes details of how they chose the music they did, especially when it comes to the chords that both summon and banish Maestro.

Henry the child is real and alive at the end! (Though it's during the musical number, so I guess real is dubious.) When he vanished into nothingness (and his music teacher didn't seem to care), I had thought he wasn't real. Does he have his own world-ending powers?

The Doctor referring to bigeneration as having had his soul "torn in half". Hmm, don't like that! I won't rehash my feelings on bigeneration here, but this implies that there is not continuity between the end of Fourteen and the start of Fifteen, which mucks up one of the only ways I could hold onto being just about okay with it.

#doctor who #the devil's chord #mine #dwmine #reactions #doctor who spoilers #dwspoilers #it's not even a good musical number #oh well #also the susan thing has me genuinely very very hopeful #please please please bring back carole ann ford while you still can #and obviously if you do bring back susan she had better be played by carole ann ford #dwe15

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pinazee · 3 days

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Psy vs. Psy

I genuinely think that if they were going to bring back any psych villian, Lindsay Leikin would pose the biggest threat. She knows Shawn isn’t psychic, she has adequate motivation to target him personally, and has the skills to prove he’s a fraud and do it slyly as she is also highly skilled in deductive reasoning (she did manage to get them to the counterfeiter to begin with so she has legitimate talent). She could even orchestrate it from prison. Maybe her parole was denied again so, like, what else is she going to do? Plus, she’s kind of nuts. Faking being a psychic with the FBI is a whole other level of bold compared to a local precinct, then she met a counterfeiter and was like yes please, more crime, then killed him when he tried to run, slept with Shawn that same night, then tried to take him hostage when she got caught. Its just a shame she wasn’t a bit more charismatic or eccentric. They had her play it as a very normal girl swept into a life of crime because of a guy (probably because she was a “love interest” for Shawn) when the receipts show she was an absolute lunatic (look at her face after they found the guy she killed. This bitch is smiling).

Also, she just kinda gave up when she was caught. I wish she’d have been screaming “he’s a fraud!” as she was taken to the car or even had a heart to heart moment with Lou Diamond Phillips because she did betray him after all. Idk, i just wanted more. (But i think maybe the writers recognized this and thats how we get Declan later??)

Gus is basically siri at this point. Between the archeology, safes, online poker, the law, tennis players, space, comic books, of course pharmaceuticals, and now studies tender from all over the world- its a smaller list of what Gus doesn’t know. Gus clearly likes learning. I’m surprised he never thought of becoming a teacher or college professor, to try to pass that love of learning to the next generation. Though i guess we see he’s not that great with people surprisingly, considering he’s a successful salesman. (OH MY GOD WHAT IF THIS WHOLE TIME GUS ACTUALLY HAD LIVED UP TO HIS POTENTIAL AND BECAME AN INTERNATIONAL SPY. He knows all these things because of his job, psychs only been able to stay open because Gus can fund it from his spy job, joining psych was a good front but he was also lonely from never getting to be himself. I kid, i kid, but its a fun idea for me haha)

No fucking way shawn doesn’t know what a drill is. Henry definitely would have beat that kind of man stuff into him. The military time too. I just felt the need to point this out. its like the show itself is dissing my boy and i have to defend him lol

I love when Gus is proud and smarmy over shawns talent. Look at his face here. My boy about to prove you wrong.

And do you think Shawn is actually afraid of competition or do you think he learned at an early age from his father that he didn’t have value unless he was the best? Huh Henry, huh???(Weekend warriors “you don’t want to be a loser” comes to mind)

Henry trying some reverse psychology here. I can’t tell if its because Henry is actually concerned for Shawns safety like he said he wasn’t in the previous episode, or if he’s still taking it personally that Shawns using the gifts he “gave” him to be psychic. Probably both. We know he was really bothered by his motorcycle accident, so i wonder if he’s been kind of spiraling, and adding up all the crazy situations he’s been in. (Which, i don’t think Shawn tells him about. i think Gus calls him like a weekly report haha) I think the fact that shawns cases are becoming more dangerous he suddenly doesn’t like the idea of him being a detective, well a detective this way at least, because i think in his mind he’d be safer if he was an actual cop where he had a partner with a gun, and back up, and rules, and training. I mean we know he wouldn’t be, (look at what happens to Lassie and Juliet)

I just wanted to gif this because it’s one of my fave jokes in the episode!

Mildred to the rescue! Im not entirely sure how this worked but it did and thats what matters haha

*Appropriate reaction is appropriate*

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vogelmeister · 2 days

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Eurovision 2024: my experience as a fan

One thing about me is that I love Eurovision. I have all the winners plastered on my door at home, I can beat anyone and everyone at European geography. Each year for a week in May, I am people’s go to for anything and everything Eurovision, from explaining the big five to promoting my favourite songs. I willingly get up at 5am to tune in live, I have written two academic essays on Eurovision, and both essays have a sense of passion running through them where you can tell I love the topic- may or may not have been called out once on that. I knew so much about the topic that neither essay required much research. When I lived in the Netherlands, I attended Het Grote Songfestivalfeest, probably killing my seat neighbours with my singing and poorly articulated Dutch when De Diepte came on. As well as that, my friends and I took a trip to Rotterdam and visited where the contest was held in 2021. Having me, an Australian, alongside a Dutch person and a Greek, exploring Rotterdam highlighted to me exactly what Eurovision should be about. Unity.

Being in a room of Eurofans gave me joy that is unexplainable. I just remember realising, ‘hey I found my people’

However, I always knew ESC 2024 was going to be a hard watch for me, even before the boycotts begun. About a year ago I went through a massive friendship breakup with one of my closest Eurovision friends, and their villianisation of me meant that watching with them wasnt an option. I didn’t want to watch alone. That’s all I will say on that. I had a year to deal with that, anyway, and even when people were boycotting the event after October 7th, I thought, theres actually no way that Israel is actually competing this year. They surely will send something too political and get dq'd, right? Most of the knowledge I have of Palestine and Israel comes from my year 12 modern history class, which as my friend and I discussed today, was taught neutrally- and it’s not in Israel’s favour. I was there when Hatari spoke out in 2019 and did the banners, and I remember the shock and understanding what a big deal this was.

I toyed with the idea of boycotting myself. I had my reasons. I auditioned for a play, which didnt work out for me, as I was too distracted by Eurovision week to care. I was less invested in Eurovision as a whole, and I would get sleep. But in the end, I decided not to. My friend (who found out I liked Eurovision after I bitched about my ex friends not enjoying that I had other interests asides from Taylor Swift) was already coming around to watch. I decided my mental health came first, before boycotting and before being an activist. If I could save this one piece of my mental health, I would be fine. Stupid delusional me, well she had hope. I wanted to support Joost, and the other artists who were stuck in this shitshow of a year. I staunchly boycotted Isreal’s song, I have only heard it in full once, and that was against my will. I even blocked her on Spotify.

I looked at it all positively- this all meant I was going in more blind than ever. I bought my 2024 CD, but I also broke a lot of traditions- I didnt do my predictions like I do every year on my whiteboard, I didnt film the first semi qualifications with the caption ‘im in spain’ and put it on my story, and I hardly watched the NFs. I liked Eurovision, but this year, with all going on, I felt guilty and ashamed. I have been ashamed of being a eurofan before, but not on this level. I felt like I was trapped in a glass box, kicking and screaming at the ebu but they had airpods in. The answer was so obvious. Ban Isreal, like you did with Russia. People were harassing artists for competing, especially Olly, who I realised had no choice in the matter anyways. I ended up thinking “just get through the week, soon it will be over, and you’ll have fun with your friend.” I have never wanted Eurovision week over in my life. I just wasnt excited. Europapa basically became my ride or die, built upon my love for the Netherlands, and the genuine good vibes of the song. Joost was charismatic, and the song had a nice story. Another one of my friends, who realised I was eurofan after I posted a video on my story where you could see my Dowue Bob poster (I have my reasons for keeping it), found a watch party and it was free. She had her drivers license so she could get us there, and my other friend and I agreed. It would be fun, I would bring my Dutch flag and my orange beanie and wear my Sam Ryder shirt.

The first semi happened. My friend came over, we slept on the couch. I enjoyed myself, the qualifiers werent shocking though and I guessed 9/10 of them. It was pretty mid, but it was fun. The only issue was Poland being robbed and the Australian commentary on SBS being dicks to Portugal, which they backtracked in the final. It was insufferable, but the worst was yet to come.

The second semi. I was so excited to see Joost perform and bonded with my Dutch coworker over him and his song, which honestly was beautiful. If she didnt know how much I love the Netherlands before, she does now. I did notice that when Israel qualified, all the sickness in my stomach just exited the room, as the worst that could happen, happened. But sadly, I knew it would happen. Seeing the videos, however, of Palestine protesters and the booing and shouting, despite attempts to silence us, was beautiful. It showed exactly where the fandom stood, what we thought. And my mum was even happy about Israel being treated like bullshit.

And then shit started to go down.

The second semi press conference. The kaarija video. Joost being followed around for propaganda content by Israel. Joost’s “why not” and throwing the Dutch flag over his head. Marina falling asleep (queen). Bambi being dehumanised by Israel’s delegation and asshole of a commentator. Zionists kept making excuses and I got a few threats on TikTok of all places for supporting a bully manchild. Well, fuck you, at least I am not suporting genocide. It was a mess. My friend asked me for my opinions on the qualification while at work and i basically told her I didn’t want to talk about it. I looked so sad on break my coworker offered me a banana.

“Treat Eden Golan as human! She’s only 20” I wondered, how could I? How could I treat someone as human when they were basically a puppet, a face for a genocidal nation. How could I do that when that same genocidal nation was tearing apart the one thing I loved? Her delegation certainly didn’t treat Joost Klein as human; certainly just as another tool they could use to promote their propaganda machine. I felt sick. He wasn’t the only one. I was so proud of Joost, and I will always be proud of him, I think. What he did during the press conference after semi 2 took guts. Normally I would be pissed at a delegation getting mistreated like this, but not today. As far as I was concerned, this was good riddance. Get the fuck out, you’re not wanted here.

On Saturday, I started to realise I had this heavy feeling in my chest and it wasn’t leaving. I felt on edge, and yet I was a world away in Australia. I listened to “I can do it with a broken heart” fifty times on my way to work that day, confident that maybe I could power through this matinee shift without cracking. My favourite thing in the whole world was falling apart before my eyes, and it was easily avoided. I felt sick at work, there were points when I was thinking “I can’t do this.” But I could. I would. I would get through this shift. I messaged one of my friends in NL asking her how she was and she said she also wasnt having a good time, to which I confessed not wanting to get out of bed that morning because I was so sick with discomfort.

People were continually asking my thoughts, if I enjoyed the shows, the memes were sent and I had to put on a brave face because crying over a song contest is stupid and im a coward and hate being an outspoken activist.

The final straw for me was Joost Klein getting disqualified. This would have been a devastating blow for me no matter which nation it was, but it being the Netherlands, the one country I love more than anything else, the one song that was basically my ride or die in this shitshow of a year: well it felt personal. It showed the double standards of the EBU- how could an incident, hardly worth a fine, get Joost kicked out of ESC when Israel waltzed in with a smugass grin and a kill count. If it was about Joost's parents, I hope he hit them hard. the misleading information, the lack of transparency, and AVROTROS's discomfort over the whole ordeal was the cherry on the cake and really, actually showed me in full colour who the EBU were and that they didn't give two shits, bending the rules for Eden and using everyone else as scapegoats. That Joost, or any of the other artists were not allowed to have boundaries. Instantly I messaged my friend, and went “I am not fucking going to this watch party.” She agreed with me, the vibes would be off and probably zionist. My other friend, who was staying the night, was still keen to watch ESC. Instead of going to the livestream in Hurstville, we all came to mine at 5am and we elected to watch together. To finish what we started. As my friend said, “it could be the last one.”

I saw myself witnessing the death of Eurovision. All because someone wouldnt fucking kick out a country. When I woke up in the morning, I saw that Bambi had posted a statement saying they had issues with Israel and the delegation, and even the EBU fully admitted that Israel had broken rules. Yet where was the punishment?

I will confess the 5am start time hurt more this time around. Normally I would be bounding down the stairs, box of chips in hand, and excited to see the memes. Today, it just hurt. Dancing around to Europapa didn’t hide the emptiness in my soul about the disqualification, about the double standards enacted by the EBU this year. The interval acts were mid. Petra talking about the rules, saying shit like “it’s apolitical” stung with irony I had never felt before. I put on a brave face and I had as much fun as I could but in reality, I was sad and angry. Wishing I had gotten into that play. That I had the guts to boycott and explain to people why. That Joost wasnt disqualified for shit Eden Golan would have gotten away with.

After the show, I felt empty. Switzerland won, and congrats to them obviously, I like The Code. But after the shitshow of this week, all I felt was free and relieved. Israel still came top 5 and it confirmed what was sickeningly true. People still support Israel. People were still pulling the “Croatia robbed” game, unaware how tone deaf that feels in the current circumstances. It didn’t matter who won, as long as it wasn’t Israel, but it never felt like Israel lost. All I wanted to do was cry. My friend was showing me Eurovision memes probably unaware that I had been through the worst Eurovision of my life, and just wanted to cry and be left alone. No hate to her obviously but I was fucking trying to hold it together all morning, but I couldn't express my emotions on the matter. I hope AVROTROS sue the shit out of the EBU. I hope Joost gets a hero’s welcome home in the Netherlands. I hope past artists speak out. I hope Isreal gets banned.

I will be celebrating the small wins this year. I will be streaming the artists that stood up to the ebu, streaming the ones that spoke out, and of course, continuing to support Joost Klein. I will never forget watching Ukraine sail past Israel in the televote, a win of itself. I am thankful to those in the arena that spoke out against the EBU and booed both Israel and Osterdahl. To those who smuggled in flags, to those who refused to be silent. I will get over this, I will, but seeing the outcome of this week leaves little joy. I hope this isnt the end of Eurovision, but wherever we go now, I think a part of me did die this week.

#this ended up being 2000 words but i needed it out and off my chest. i needed to share it. i felt betrayal as a eurofan #i have just had such a brave face all week and i can't with this thing i used to love #at least i have therapy content #honestly #i just want to talk about how awful this year was from the perspective of a fan and trust me most of the fandom is wanting the ebu's demise #i hope they learn but they wont #if you are fucking rude about this ill block you on sight #and if you are a zionist #well fuck you too #fuck eurovision #eurovision 2024 #eurovision #fuck the ebu

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dreaminofu · 1 month

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BIG DAY TODAY FOR ME AND I JUST WANT TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS ❤️

#i’ve been on a long recovery journey for the past 3+ years and after living with my mum for nearly two years #i moved back to my own flat today and i’m able to live independently again!!#i still have some way to go but this is a big step in my recovery and i couldn’t be happier #i’m feeling all the feels #i cried the whole way in the car and i burst into tears every now and then but only happy tears mixed with some tears of bafflement #it’s hard to believe this is real #also hearing my little brother tell me how proud he is teared me up even more ngl we don’t say those things out loud too often #i have the best family and i couldn’t have done this without them ❤️❤️❤️#there was also something very symbolic in that the last song that played on the radio in the car was Ruoska #and now i’m gonna boop the hell out of y’all <3 #personal

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 7 months

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phone calls my detested

#i had to make a vet appointment and Wow i am not cut out for this whole independent adult thing lmfao #i had to write down a little script for myself...#i feel so bad for the receptionist i was stumbling and 'uhhhhh'ing my way through that call #fuck and when i was supposed to end the call. i didnt realize #I DONT KNOW THE PROTOCOL OKAY #do i hang up??? do i say bye??? she didnt say bye so was there something else i was supposed to say #she hung up so Yay but oughhhhhhh what the fuck #youre telling me people just Know how to carry a conversation? they just Know the routine? sounds fake #i had to rev myself up for the call too #put on a hat. put on sunglasses to trick my brain into thinking we're outside doing things thus fabricating confidence #phone in one hand fidget-dodecahedron in the other. Pacing #my brain is a normal brain that works perfectly fine thanks for asking #absolutely unprompted #i feel so connected to my neanderthal ancestors when i have to make a call #theyre being stalked by a smilodon... i have to talk to a person... same Fear <3 #no but fr whenever i have to talk to someone my thought process shuts down Completely and i forget that im a living human being #fight or flight - neither. freeze and play dead #i think in my next life... i would like to be... a decorative plant #perhaps one of those tall ferns outside a seaside barbecue restaurant #i'd Win at that life. id be so good at photosynthesizing & rustling in the ocean breeze

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royalarchivist · 1 year

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Phil: I always love hearing about like, different stories -- especially from the teachers in the chat -- where like, a student or like just a member of the school has some form of like, Techno merch or like, does something that is clearly a Techno reference. I just love that. It’s ‘cuz like -- exactly what I was hoping to happen is happening, where people are just keeping his memory alive. Whether it’s through wearing, you know, his merch and stuff, or still supporting him through doing like, you know, just talking about him or making like their art piece about him, stuff like that. It’s very cool. Technoblade truly never dies, if everyone just keeps f**king talking about him. [Laughs] If everyone just keeps referencing him, which is very easy to do because he was incredibly funny. He has a lot of referenceable quotes and sayings.

#Technoblade #Philza #Emerald Duo #Phil plays Hardcore #Phil #In my culture (or at least; the way I was taught) grief is navigated through storytelling #you keep a person's memory alive by sharing their stories #American culture -- at least the part where I've lived -- seems to try and enforce the idea that grief is silent #that it's meant to be quiet and dealt with privately #which is. a very unhealthy thing #That being said; in the past I've hesitated sharing clips about Phil talking about this stuff #because grief IS personal and it felt inappropriate to share #even if hearing him talk about it made me feel better #but Phil's right. it's part of the storytelling. it's part of the legacy #I remember a few weeks ago one of my little cousins was talking about Youtube videos he's been watching #and he mentioned Technoblade and I froze up #because it caught me so off-guard. and he's obviously way too young to know what happened #But I sat down and I talked with him about Techno and told him stories I knew #And I told him about the whole ''Blood for the Blood God'' thing and ''Technoblade Never Dies''#And it was really nice #It was nice to see a new generation discovering him and his stuff.#Sometimes stories are all we have #But Techno's legacy is cemented in our minds and it's available for almost anyone to stumble upon it #I've cried so much for Techno and I know that grief will never go away #but grief is a form of love too

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rivilu · 11 months

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Everyone's on about Miguel beefing with a 15 yo, which sure it's funny, but y'all are letting the Spot, "I now declare this child that MY INVENTION inflicted this anomalous occurrence on, my lifelong nemesis", the ULTIMATE beef haver, to go unchecked.

#spireverse spoilers #across the spiderverse spoilers #you know at least miguel has the excuse that 15yo or not Miles's actions might cause TWO whole dimensions to collapse #assuming both pavitr's and miles' own dimension have a similar population to ours #thats SIXTEEN BILLION LIVES at stake babes #yah like no i'd also be going kooky crazy in his shoes #ofc his handling of Miles' situation wasn't good but that's not. precisely his job? Breaking the news shouldve fallen on Peter and Gwen #yanno. his actual friends? but they skirted around the subject too much so woops it falls on Miguel now #the most emotionally unsuited for this task guy possible. woopsies.#get ready for the most projection filled fight of your life kid cause it sure is cheaper quicker and easier than therapy!#I jest and the projection part is true but tbh i think too many people in the tags are interpreting Miguel being antagonistic to the rest-#as him having personal beef with children instead of him focusing (too much) on the bigger picture. like..isnt that his entire personality?#the 'fate of the multiverse' guy? cmon now.#the main issue is that miles Does Have To TRY- that's part of the canon event in the first place #trying and failing. if his plan of keeping him trapped until jeff died had worked then his dimension would most likely also collapse #if anything the way things are set up rn is sooo interesting because miles IS precisely on the way to fulfill a canon event #the question is - are they going to play into that- or is there going to be a twist. Gwen's realization that Her dad could in fact Quit -#comes to mind #i for one would find it really funny if the plot of the next movie is trying to convince jeff to quit his job but i doubt it jxnsn #my guess is that since this is basically the variation of the trolley problem where the singular person on the tracks is one you care about #(but said person is simultaneously also on the 5 person rail because if they don't die everyone does)#and miles has decided to just go and stop the fucking trolley itself fnsjsj #the plot's gonna go a bit more all out . /Beyond/ the previous scope- if you will #the only sticking point i have with this movie in general though is pavitr sticking with the group like.#“obviously he would've stuck with miles- he wouldn't want the guy to die!”so you think he prefers the version of events where everyone does #his friends? his aunt - whatever family he has- his girlfriend? EVERYONE?#yeah like nah until he can solidly know that shits gonna be fine in his home world i don't think it makes sense for him to fuck around more #yanno?#not that I dont want to see more of him- on the contrary I fuckin love his design to bits #just saying if miguel drops the bomb that his universe collapsed and my guy switches sides i would not be surprised

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swinging-stars-from-satellites · 9 months

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what are the chances my dad (known music nerd especially when it comes to bass) would be aware of any of the context or lore around Dark Alley

#like would it be super concerning for me to send it to him and go haha emo song but like I relate to it a lot :')#which I feel like saying that HERE is terribly concerning bc of the Lore (Pete post suicide attempt playing the demo to heychris #and the whole ''way too personal to play live'' thing)#but I don't mean it in a suicidal way at all I mean it in the ''looking in the mirror and not liking what you see'' way #like I suck most of the time. I'm negative and mean and it makes me SO angry that the main solution #is to focus on being grateful bc why should I be grateful when it feels like everything sucks??#and then I blame other people for my own bad behavior and feelings bc I struggle to take responsibility without #trying to explain myself when really I just need to listen and learn from the people trying to help me #and I'm just so so pessimistic and I wish I wasn't. I know I'm a horrible person and my attitude sucks and I hate that #but the LAST thing I want is to die. I just want to be better!! immediately!!! I hate that it's such a slow process!!#I never see any progress!! I just make the same bad choices over and over and then resolve to change again and again #and it just doesn't get better!! I never learn!!! but I want to so so badly!!!#I want to be good and okay and not a jerk to people irl but I hate everything and everything sucks in my perception #and I want SO badly to change that. I don't want to die I want to live and be better!!!!#anyway. how many red flags would it set off if I sent my dad this song

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hiding-under-the-willow · 10 months

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Tossing and turning in bed plagued by visions (Ed Edgar headcanons that are definitely just me projecting my cowboy ass autistic interest in strange animals onto him bc he too is a strange southern man with autistic swag)