#and that i'll somehow get it wrong

[vulpinesaint]

want to post on ao3. don't want to write things to post on ao3. want to post on ao3.

#*starts another longform witcher fanfic* #i'm incorrigible i have a problem i just can't stop #series continuation too. 'i can stop whenever i want! i won't write more of this character!' #and then i was Wrong. humiliating. #anyway ummmmm kgdfghs somehow my brain is NOT enthusiastic about having to write another 25k piece like that piece will be. #sucks enough already having to get 6k words down before i can post a chapter for my current wip </3 #and then i'm ignoring jaskier fic entirely rn. awful. terrible. #it's alright jaskier i uh. i'll have a Second longform fic going for you soon. and then it'll balance out i prommy #terrible terrible terrible!! why must i create in order to have content to show people! #writing should just appear in my google docs overnight for me to post #fanfic #valentine notes

[brookheimer]

the one thing i feel pretty certain about for this episode is that america will not decide the election. a decision will be made, a president will be elected, but america will not be the deciding factor.

succession can’t mimic 2016 or 2020 point blank, that would be boring and have nothing to say. it can’t try to outdo trump because it’ll go too whacky and fall flat like veep’s last season (sorry conheads, no way he’s winning). but what it CAN do is illustrate the immensely corrupt, often arbitrary, and hugely influential nature of news media and conglomerations on political processes. i think probably jimenez will be in the lead, then atn/waystar does something to, i don’t know, discount votes or cast suspicion on jimenez or call the election for mencken early, and the tide will shift, even though the votes are already in. the votes don’t actually matter. the actual result doesn’t actually matter. that’s the power logan (and as an extension, billionaires and CEOs in general) hold. shiv says it herself to logan in s4e2: “just cause you say it’s true doesn’t make it true. everyone just fucking agrees with you and believes you, so it becomes true and then you can turn around and say like, 'oh, you see? see? i was right.'” but it doesn’t matter that logan’s “a human fucking gaslight,” everything he says comes true anyways. not because he was right, but because that’s how it works. he says things and then they happen, regardless of what the truth is or what should actually come to pass. that’s been one of the key throughlines since the very first episode of the entire show when, in response to kendall calling logan out of touch because times are changing and logan isn't changing with them, logan hisses that everyone always says you’re wrong until you do it and prove you were right: “you make your own reality.” you can't miss the bus if you're the one driving it. the election, the votes, the political process? none of that matters. it was always going to come down to the roys and their ilk (allies or enemies, just the top 1%) — that was the whole point of “what it takes” (the mencken episode) last season, after all.

i’ve seen lots of theories about what america will choose and how the candidates will respond and all that and i just don’t think that’s the show’s focus; i think the whole point is to demonstrate the lack of agency, the illusion of democracy. because, i mean, we’ve already seen the fall of democracy via fascist election and fascist election-denial, both in real life and in the countless (usually mid) satires created afterwards. it would be disappointing to see succession use the election to reiterate that same point of 'ohhh alt-right ahhhhh!!!' i don’t think it’ll be about ‘fascism’ at all — at least, not ‘trump-y’ fascism. it’ll be about fascism in the broader sense, the kind that doesn't sport a KKK hood (even when it keeps one tucked away in the attic). it's the fascism that every single roy (very much including shiv and kendall) aid and abet -- the fascism that so many succession fans don't seem to regard as fascism, despite it quite literally being the definition of fascism. trump wasn’t the entrance of fascism into our political process. he wasn’t the lone sign of the failing of american democracy. democracy in america has long been illusory, trump just made it more blatantly evident with his particular brand of hate-speech-ridden masculinist in-your-face fascism.

so i think that’s what this episode will hopefully focus on — america will not decide. corporations, news media, and the roys will. thus, the president will most likely become president not because the country supports his policies the most, but because he’s likely to agree to help block a business deal for a major media empire, and the other candidate is unlikely to. and this will likely come to pass due to said major media empire's interference and influence: they create their own reality. they say it, and everyone agrees with them and believes them, so it becomes true.

#WOOF okay here's my unnecessary ~thematic prediction~ for this episode #i have some more like random thoughts ab what'll happen but those r less thought out and more throwing shit at the wall etc #but i've been thinking a lot ab this ep n idk i just can't see any other way it could be done satisfyingly -- they can't just do 2016/2020 #again. the focus has to be elsewhere. i have some specifics thoughts on details but again those r kinda random n will be in another post #after bizarrely getting a lot of things right this szn i know a lot of people are looking to me to see what i'll say for this ep and let me #remind yall that I AM LITERALLY JUST GUESSING BASED ON MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE SHOW AND HOW NARRATIVES #TEND TO WORK PARTICULARLY IN SUCCESSION! if i am wrong which i very well might be please do not crucify me. i know literally #nothing more than anyone else i'm just a random english/gov major who likes speculating about media ! that said if i end up right again #somehow then yes i am a prophet i am jesse armstrong i have never been wrong about anything in my life. etc #watch this age so poorly tho. #LOL #also fwiw i dont think the Shock etc is going to come from the election results - maybe possibly from the way things happen (i could see a #line of miscommunication resulting in fucked up outcomes etc which i can get into in another post) or a roy sibs moment but i just #don't think there's any way the results themselves cld be surprising. it's jimenez or mencken. it's not gonna be connor guys. #succession #succession spoilers #except not really. just succession speculation more than anything else #long post #succession speculation #100

[purpleamethy]

A little rant on Pokémon Horizons because I feel like it:

If they keep having Amethio focused on his rivalry with Freed I'm going to be upset, him in relation to Liko or Terapagos is way more interesting in my opinion.

I don't know if y'all feel the same but I feel like that mysterious aura I saw around him in the first episodes has faded a bit, I was interested in him because of that, he looked different than any other rival characters in Pokémon, he was more like a real villain but now it seems he's just... another Pokémon rival.

Once again I hope I'm proven wrong by the next episodes, hoping we don't have to wait 20 and more episodes to see him again tho.

#pokemon horizons #amethio #pokemon horizons spoilers #tagging just in case #don't get me wrong I really like this series #but I don't want them to sacrifice a good storyline just to make Amethio Friede's rival #there's a lot here #Terapagos reacting to Amethio #Amethio and Liko could be connected somehow #like a lot #but for now he's just Friede's rival lol #and it's been over 40 episodes #almost 50 #great #I guess I'll have to be patient

[hella1975]

not someone commenting on tams to tell me to update taob. what if you fucked off forever

#the actual nerve of some people like it's bad enough getting those kinds of comments ON taob #bc obviously any comment along the lines of 'im literally begging you to update' is gonna piss the fuck out of a writer #BUT TO DO IT ON A DIFFERENT FUCKING FIC????? HAVE A HORRIBLE DAY #and the fact these people not only dont think they're doing anything wrong but think they're COMPLIMENTING ME #'i love your writing so much please update taob' IS NOT A FUCKING COMPLIMENT. LET ALONE ON A FIC THAT HAS NO RELEVANCE TO TAOB #WITH NO MENTION OF TAMS IN THE COMMENT EITHER. NO 'I REALLY LIKE THIS FIC. UPDATE TAOB' not that that would make it okay #but the utter audacity of it all is jarring. how are you gonna clearly have read tams and felt the need to comment #just to have NOTHING to say about it and tell me to update a different fic. actually fuck off #ending the comment with 'okay i love you' do you now. do you really. well it's unrequited babe. fuck off #you people make me mad sometimes istg #'hella why are you always so negative about taob's popularity' when i get something good out of it i'll let you know #edit: they left that comment on ch1 of tams which actually implies they didn't even read it which is somehow. worse #like they've clearly just clicked on it with no regard for the passion and effort i put into it seeing as it's a WHOLE SEPERATE FIC #and considered only that i might give the comment more attention if it was on tams not taob. what the actual fuck is the thought process #in what WORLD is someone taking that as a compliment. in what world am i gonna go 'omg writing it rn just for you bestie 🥺' #actually fuming about this idk why this one has got to me so much the utter CHEEK of it all has really knocked me sideways lmaooo

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Spinning my autistic Nishiki headcanon in my brain still....trying to think of stims n other stuff for him.

I think he likes spinning his keys and clicking his lighter open and closed, basically likes fiddling with stuff, including his necklace. I think he gestures with his hands a lot too, idk he just stims with his hands a lot. He likes shiny things. OH, I also think he likes video games, and one small part of it is he likes the clicking noises the buttons make. He also like, actually likes games (real sore loser though, but it's one thing he's better than Kiryu at lmao)

Fuck it, following on from that last bit here's some unrelated headcanons too: he likes strawberry milk. Idk man I think he enjoys it. Probably secretive about it though. Ooh, def likes strawberry shortcake too. Boy just likes strawberry. Would be tempted by cute strawberry shaped phone charms and keychains but that shit ain't "manly" so he just looks at it forlornly for second and quickly moves on

One time I read a fic that said his hair/shampoo smelled like sandalwood and vanilla and I haven't stopped thinking about that because idk what the hell sandalwood is but I DO love vanilla. For some reason I think he'd also like green apple?? I have no idea why??? Just smells nice yknow.

Better singer than he is a dancer (I mean I feel like this is canon have you SEEN him in the disco minigame he plays like I do), which is probably both due to and why he fuckin belts along to his favourite songs when he's driving, but I think he also hums to himself when he's doing other stuff. Doesn't even notice it sometimes, it just happens.

Fucking HATES being in Kiryu's apartment in 0 and is there as little as physically possible because Kiryu's apparent inability to throw away his trash drives him INSANE like 'damn bitch you live like this???'. He's a bit of a neat freak so the absolute STATE of that place leaves him like I Need To Get Out Of This Place (he just likes things clean and tidy, is that so wrong?) Sometimes he'll just go FUCK IT, grab a bin bag and gloves and start filling it unprompted if it irritates him enough (Kiryu stands there like ".o. thanks bro" "shut up kiryu" "okay")

#akira nishikiyama #pls reply/reblog with ur Nishiki Stim Headcanons /lh. or just any headcanons #yes i wrote some of this in my first post but those were the TAGS they dont COUNT #im sort of rambling so sorry this feels like too much yet not enough lmao. like im somehow Doing Headcanons Wrong im gonna get a bad grade #i think i'll leave it at that for now we'll come back to it

[fourteenthz]

viper i need you..................................

#there's something wrong with the proportions on her face but I cant point out what is it #I saw it kinda fast tho maybe later i'll try again #i'm so glad the nose is there....... I opened character creator and was cheering IT IS STILL THERE !!!! #I think it's the eyes that made me step back. it looks more realistic but less alive somehow #but when she smiles im like 'ok good enough' there's something on the chin too bc I think the face looks lil smaller #for some reason it looks bit cuter than it was before but also not as much I really was expecting worse #i'll never get more feral vieras so i might get used to this lol trying to get less negative abt this #and the benchmark reeeally helped i think. I don't hate it so !! #besides viera changes I like pretty much loved everything else. finally saw more attentive and gnb looks NICE #I love new explosion. so bonus points for good gnb and drg!!! and viper looks REALLY NICE #I really think I might not be immune to new dps.... when am I ever #was expecting bit more cleavage on the gear ngl but GOOD it looks really good. #gotta try some hrothgals later and cook the one from thesa's backstory I CANT WAIT THEY LOOK NICE #BUT ALSO...... my dream was that they might add a buff slide on character creator... it was a distant dream and they would never #still i dreamt..................................... but oh well. next time maybe who knows #wait is the pupils the problem with the eyes? i'll have to check side by side later anyway just showing u guys my girl. as usual. #she looks goos she always looks good so!!!!!!!!11 #more excited for dawntrial YIPIEEE #also thinking here... i might change a bit of her skin now we have the graphics update #like a tad darker bc with the light update it looks lighter than normal so !! we shall see !! #7.0 spoilers #dawntrial benchmark #kelly says #wol posting

[danithefangirlbunny]

just so y'all know inside (2021) and inside the outtakes (2022) still hits as hard as they did when they came out

#bo burnham captured the zeitgeist of 2020 like nobody else did #he doesn't say the word COVID once #and yet! #I think as the years went on watching them became worse somehow #to me at least #don't get me wrong: I regularly watch them #but bo burnham captured exactly what 2020-23 felt #especially 2020 2021 and 2022 #I don't know #I'll always hold inside (2021) very close to my heart because it carried me through tough times #and then inside the outtakes (2022) came out and it felt like inside (2021) all over again #they work very well together but even better apart #I watched inside (2021) a couple of weeks ago and am watching inside the outtakes (2022) today #they hit hard watched back to back. they hit harder watched with certain distance. and they hit the hardest as we travel further from 2020. #I don't know if I'm using zeitgeist as the true meaning of the expression so forgive me #but inside (2021) and inside the outtakes (2022) are simultaneously different and equal works #I couldn't choose one or the other because they came to me at different times to different needs #I love them very much even if differently #but I love them both #I can open my heart and say that I needed them both #and rewatching is like being hugged by bo burnham #I feel very seen and loved and adored #I love bo burham #I have loved bo burnham for almost a decade now #from all his specials none hit as hard as inside (2021) and inside the outtakes (2022) #bo burnham #inside (2021) #inside the outtakes (2022)

[hungrydolphin91]

me, who has too many thoughts about cult-ish Kresnik clan: pls tell me about cult-like Elysia 👀

OK SO.

This is gonna get long because as usual I am overexplaining and it's also very angsty because there is something wrong w me but you asked so here you go!!

tw for possession and cult behavior:

I have to preface this by saying that this cult!Elysia AU is part of a general darker Zesty AU where the biggest fundamental difference is that prolonged exposure to malevolence causes seraphim to straight up not exist rather than turning them into dragons (it still turns humans into hellions though). They can withstand it better if they have a pure vessel but since it causes them to become less and less corporeal over time it's better in seraphic culture to have a vessel with its own mobility like, say, a living thing (or a goblin cart but that's a different story XD). This has obviously caused a very different dynamic between humans and seraphim, as humans are unknowingly wiping out the seraphim that would have been blessing them and restoring peace to their own declining societies, while seraphim see humans as little more than plague-ridden beasts to be avoided at all costs.

Thus how we get to cult!Elysia, established by Zenrus on a mountain far away from human settlements to avoid their malevolent contamination. After he witnessed the fall of the last Shepherd and the general shit-show that is Camlann, Zenrus gave up on humanity and twisted the myth of the Shepherd into one of the seraphim's ultimate weapon, a human that could be manipulated via armatus and used to wage war against his fellow humans. There's plenty of disgruntled seraphim around seeking shelter and revenge to join his cause, and two kids, one human one seraph, who could easily be indoctrinated and groomed for this purpose. I'm sure you know who those two are ^^'

At first Sorey and Mikleo buy into what they're told; I mean, they're isolated on a mountain and these are their only guardians so how could they not? Sorey's not too keen on the methods though, mainly because in order to be able to armatize someday they have to improve his resonance via pacts and possession, which has the same toll on his body that it originally did in canon. Mikleo, meanwhile, is assigned as Sorey's primary caretaker since they're the same age and even though they're preserving this vessel to stay "pure" there's still a lot of disdain toward humans in general; this is not a desired task. And Mikleo resents his job at first but as he spends more time with Sorey it becomes pretty evident that humans have the same feelings and intelligence of seraphim, that they're not "lesser" or "dirty." Before long he starts doing his job too well, ie. trying to keep Sorey healthy by not letting the other seraphim abuse him and make him sick again. His protests are not appreciated and are mostly ignored.

With Sorey's health frequently compromised, the two spend a lot of time indoors talking or reading books Mikleo swiped from Gramps's house. It seems Zenrus broke rule number one of Cult Formation because some of the books they read have ideas that go outside of the cult's ideology, namely that the purpose of the Shepherd is supposed to be as a bridge between humans and seraphim and that coexistence between the two is not only possible but highly prosperous for both (sidebar, Zenrus owns those books because he used to believe in those things! alas!). Of course once they start talking about this and asking questions their reading material is confiscated and burned, except for a copy of the Celestial Record that Sorey stashed under his pillow. It remains their favorite talking point as they imagine a less malevolent-y future where they could leave the mountain and explore these places for themselves.

As the two grow older they internalize their experiences and reject their ideology in different ways: Sorey is rather quiet and withdrawn from the years of abuse and resulting learned helplessness, except when he's alone with Mikleo in which he talks his ear off. He still has pure feelings of wanting to be the Shepherd, just the one from the books not the sermons. Mikleo however is more rebellious, fiercely loyal toward Sorey, and wants to just run away with him somewhere beyond the reach of the Elysians OR humans. He's been practicing the Spectral Cloak arte in secret so they might be able to escape with it one day.

Ok I'm almost done since most of this AU is just backstory anyway but there is the usual inciting incident: on a rare day where they're allowed to explore the nearby temple, Sorey and Mikleo meet the human Alisha, who came searching for a seraph to potentially bless her city, as the corruption in Ladylake runs deep and she believes in the old legends of seraphic blessing bringing prosperity. As far as the two can tell, this human seems harmless and polite, reinforcing their ideas from the texts that humans aren't inherently bad. She also mentions a festival in honor of the Shepherd, though humans see the title and action of drawing the sword as more of a ceremonial sign of divine leadership and right to be king rather than a specific connection to seraphim, since most humans don't believe in them. Sorey is fascinated by this but Mikleo doesn't want to hear about it; he's still struggling to dissociate the title of Shepherd from Gramps's twisted agenda that's hurting Sorey.

At any rate, they recommend that she stay away from here; the seraphim here aren't going to help and are more likely to put her down like a rabid raccoon. But even with her departure Lunarre still shows up, not unnoticed by the Elysians this time, and while fighting him Zenrus is finally able to enact a full armatus with Sorey and kills the hellion. The rest of Elysia celebrates, as this means the time has finally come to begin their war on humanity, but to Sorey and Mikleo it means the timetable for escaping has been bumped up from "whenever Mikleo has perfected the Spectral Cloak" to "TONIGHT."

And that's pretty much the full background for this AU, the rest of it is pretty sparse but does involve stealing Gramps's pipe as an act of rebellion, an edgy, angsty lil Mikleo who thinks his whole race are monsters (he did that whole paradigm-shift thing where he swung from one extreme belief to the opposite extreme belief), and a potential plot line where Zenrus tries to hunt them down. He didn't raise these kids for 17 years to let them wander off before the final showdown, after all.

Anyway thanks for reading this far, I love being invited to share my soul-crushingly angsty WIPs that I can never actually write or finish. I hope it was interesting and relevant to your own interests! feel free to share your Kresnik thoughts as well, fucked-up fantasy cults are fun :D

#my wips #tales of zestiria #sorry this took me a little while to get to my brain's been fuzzy #i don't think i'll ever actually finish this one it's more of a self-indulgent idea than a whole story #but there are some small delicious dialogue snippets of edgy mikleo being a little too possessive of sorey's wellbeing #and their later fight in the aqueduct is somehow worse bc when mikleo storms off sorey now has to worry if he'll ever see him again #or if the prevalent malevolence will just erase him from existence and leave sorey wondering what happened forever. no closure. #there's something wrong with me :D

[vargaslovinghours]

Y’know like, nyah

#💟 #Doodles #Art #Edgar #Scriabin #And Also With You #Okay first - look at Scriabin's hand in the first one I'm so pleased #I don't know why claws are always the funnest to draw and always turn out the prettiest but I am not about to stop lol #Fun posing ♪ #All the rest are pin style nails tho haha ♪ Those are fun too #Demon!Scriabin is just fun to draw in general ✨ He has a different kind of contrast to him that's really fun to line somehow #Angel!Edgar is gorgeous too! I just feel bad that I keep running out of room for all his details ouq Both of them really #I managed to get both wings in the first one for Scriabin at least! I max out at two wings per side lol #I want to I want to ahhh I'll have to figure how to make it cleaner :P #Anyway! #Since them making contact feels so nice a good strong pet from head to tail would probably feel really good :3 #Lazily flopping around like a cat to be as decadent and sinful as possible haha ♪ #Edgar he's going to get the wrong idea if you touch him so casually! #Not like he needs much of an excuse haha

[musical-chick-13]

"Truly GOOD works don't have thriving fandoms because people aren't interested in fixing them, so what do they have to write fics/make art about."

Idk about you, but I don't write fic for properties I don't genuinely enjoy and think are, on some level, actually good.

#like I'm here to EXPAND on shit I like is that not a common experience? #if I think a work is bad why would I care enough to create something in response to it? #you think I did all those episode reviews and wrote all that shit about cxgf because I thought it was BAD????? #I have ten (10) wips and ONE of them is a 'rewriting canon to be in line with what I wish happened' fic? #idk if I'd even call it a FIX fic. it's more of a 'slightly less personally depressing resolution' fic #I'm sorry. truly I don't understand this viewpoint #'if a story is well-constructed enough there won't BE any extra dimensions to explore' WRONG. I'LL /ALWAYS/ FIND THINGS. U UNDERESTIMATE ME #I WILL /CREATE/ BLANKS TO FILL IN /BECAUSE/ I LOVE THIS THING SO MUCH #like yes everyone is probably going to have at least one piece of media that they don't think is High Art™ that they get unhinged over #(ctrlz squad sound off) #but I just...I'm sorry I cannot imagine spending all of my time going 'I will create things in honor of something that I believe is Bad™' #or 'this thing made me angry I'll exclusively spend my time fixing it' instead of just. watching/reading something else that I DO enjoy #also like...things that ARE widely-agreed to be genuinely good still have big fandoms sometimes? #tgp is pretty popular on here. csm is MASSIVE. both on and off tumblr. #and some things WOULD be otherwise easily fandomize-able: cxgf is one. dpat is another. but these don't HAVE huge fandoms because the shows #are not popular. like just. we live in a world where people are somehow both elitist and anti-intellectual at the same time #ANYWAY this is in response to that one post I saw about--*I am dragged offstage for my own safety* #In the Vents

[zemnarihah]

my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....

#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth #she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her #directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her #and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because #you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple #days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and #she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends. #and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only #give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i #didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she #says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do. #i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was #really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think #for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe #since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why. #i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a #fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if #i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person #to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a #conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a #hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend #group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.

[dandyshucks]

whyyyy does nobody ever come back to this group fjdkdl they show up once for a first time and then never return !!! its kind of crushing bc some ppl I've been like... excited at the prospect of seeing them again and then they just never show up ever again :')

and I didn't even get to draw anything good while sitting there !!! AUGH

#bleaseeee come back shfkdl im the only person that goes every week !!! #theres one other person who occasionally shows up but fjdkdl otherwise its just me #and then new ppl every time #and i cannot help but feel like im doing smth wrong and making them not want to return fhfkdl #i even get ppl to talk in the latter half once I've figured their vibe out and they seem genuinely happy to engage w convos #i somehow land on a topic we all enjoy and then we have a fun convo #and im very careful to not talk too much or too little djfkdl i am constantly adjusting to make sure I'm matching whats needed #i kind of have conversations irl down to a science dhdksl its ridiculous honestly but. it is what's gotten me thru life lmao #and I've been told countless times how good i am at connecting w ppl and making ppl feel comfortable #so im just like. what am i doing wrong !! how do i make this group enjoyable so ppl will come back !! #i know it's not my job lol im just an attendee and not a leader but i feel like i Have To if i want ppl to return #idk i just. god. there were cool ppl last week and this week it was some other new person who seemed like she did not want to be there #and i doubt I'll ever see those cool ppl last week ever again #i just want to cry a little bit sbdjdkl today was such a waste of time except for the fact i was able to get out of this hell house fhfkdl #i will just keep hoping that someone actually enjoys it enough to return i guess but this is getting a bit crushing to have happen so much #but... at least i am getting to talk to ppl face to face outside of my mother every week i suppose #vent // #dandy.cmd

[hearts-hunger]

these bookstagram reels giving some over the top bit of dialogue from some horny woman’s attempt at writing 50 shades make me want to tear my hair out genuinely

#like the chick locks the door to get away from the ''morally grey mafia boss'' and he busts down the door anyway #and demands that she tell him what's wrong and won't leave her alone and doesn't take her at her word #and somehow that's sexy??? #idk the things that pass for romantic/sexy in these ''books'' are genuinely concerning #because it's mostly women being overpowered and dominated #and it's okay not because they consented to it but because they guy is ripped #anyways i could write a whole thesis on this but i reckon i'll spare the dash hehe #maddie.txt

[queen-scribbles]

Cannot BELIEVE there's... almost 2k of buildup to the scene I've been waiting forever to write.

OH WAIT YES I CAN

#queen rambles #writer stuff #half of it is senya's fault #i think i've been looking forward to it for so long part of my brain is trying to procrastinate out of fear i'll get it wrong somehow #but my muses are also just always chatty #so there's that

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

Are you left or right handed?

right handed

#ask #if this is abt the left from right thing i know. it still takes me a minute to sort it out even if i know i'm right handed. it's ridiculous #and i have a lazy eye in my right eye u would think i could remember which side that was too but no. i'm like uhhhhh idk left? #i have to sit there and do some mental gymnastics and somehow i'll still manage to have it wrong lmao #one of the reasons i shouldn't drive. the map will be like turn right in 100 ft and i'd probably get so lost

[itgoeso]

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#one of the most annoying parts of having bpd isn’t even part of the bpd itself but it's the stigma #and don’t get me wrong this shit is FUCKING HELL and very hard and embarrassing #but the way people think bpd is somehow the same thing as sociopathy or psychopathy is just like ?????????????? #and the way even doctors are so sensationalist about it and it does affect your overall hope for how you're gonna be able to #idk navigate life with it. because they make it look like someone who has bpd #is just the worst most difficult and awful human being on earth #like everyone else isn't difficult everyone else doesn't struggle w emotions or relationships or abandonment #and the way they approach it truly makes you feel like you're damaged for life and you're broken and you're doomed #i could go on and on about how this is just upsetting and like sometimes when people learn that i have bpd they're surprised #because i keep a lot of things and feelings to myself because i don't want to be the stereotype #i'm venting but what i mean is that i think the stigma around bpd just makes everything harder #for instance i feel the need to be centred because otherwise i'll be perceived as a bpd stereotype #so i can't get angry i can't get upset i can't get sad i can't miss someone i can't need someone #i can't fear not having someone in my life anymore i can't fear being alone and so on #i have to be manageable and cool and nonchalant and complaisant all the time #sometimes i feel like i'm not allowed to be a person BECAUSE i have bpd #but yeah i'm yet to learn to not give a shit about how people perceive me but there are days that this is harder than others