#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[scintillyyy]

I love your Stephanie Brown post. It verbalized this feeling I've had about her character for awhile but didn't quite know how to phrase.

Just wanted to thank you for that!

ah thank you <3

yea to me, the super frustrating thing is that dixon's sexism gives her flaws that i find super narratively compelling and interesting and 3-dimensional and overall strong in a way that other writers somewhat miss the mark for me (i actually have a lot of criticisms about bg2009 and how bqm wrote her--overall i find it a very surface level girl power story veneered over pretty standard 2009 era sexism wrt the dynamics between women that has not aged super well and doesn't do much for actually giving steph interesting depth as a character & i find it's weakened by the fact that it is a doylist apology for the absolutely horrific way editorial treated steph prior to her death (which. she does deserve an apology and to be treated better), but also by doing that it makes almost every other character such as babs seem unreasonable and bad for their very understandable watsonian response to being wary of steph for many valid reasons and also makes it hard to actually give steph any flaws that aren't just quirky or clumsy--she's not perfect because she's adorkable). dixon steph has so many problems, being written by dixon, but she's truly my favorite flavor of steph because despite how horrid dixon is, you can absolutely tell how much he truly cared about her as a character. like. i bet if you asked him, he would have nothing but positive things to say about her personality and other characteristics. in fact, i believe a lot of the letters to the editor that talked about her back in the early robin issues had a lot of super positive things to say about her! like he created her! she's his blorbo! he wants to put her through the struggles!

like so many of her struggles when he's writing her is so much due to his sexism (she's never quite as competent as tim, and shouldn't be because she's The Girlfriend--compare to characters like babs and dinah and helena that were women but also written as extremely competent and good at what they do) and also because he wanted to put her through the wars, give her adversity to overcome! like steph is treated horribly a lot. by everyone. but it's partially because he wants her to perservere through it because he likes her and wants her to succeed. like a couple of very common threads through dixon's storytelling for her are the following:

tim is condescending (because that's how boys and girls are. see also: every 90s tv show that had a beleaguered sensible man with a nagging, over the top, ridiculous woman who does silly things that the man Puts Up With) -> steph gets mad -> tim thinks to himself that he shouldn't be so hard on her and usually apologizes -> well, actually tim was probably right because steph did get into trouble but steph making constant mistakes isn't actually narratively seen as "hey, maybe she should stop if she's making mistakes" because dixon wants her to continue.

or

more experienced vigilante (male or female--tim gets a lot of flack, but honestly, almost every single vigilante in batbooks at the time seemed to think steph wasn't quite good enough--batman, dick had his reservations about her, barbara didn't really necessarily want to train her, *cass* straight up told her she shouldn't be doing this, dinah didn't want to be her mentor, etc) tells steph not to screw up -> steph screws up -> steph has to get bailed out by more experienced vigilante -> steph keeps trying despite this

like so many of her diary entries that steph writes involve some flavor of "i've been told not to do this, but i have to, it's something i need to do despite all the naysayers". and it's sexist! because chuck wouldn't necessarily write the 'screw up and overconfident which usually leads to needing to be bailed out but keeps trying anyways' kind of a narrative for a male lead character (male characters get the 'i'm super competent but insecure/humble about it and when i make mistakes i'm able to figure out how to fix them by myself' narrative). but at the same time, it's what he truly believed for her--that she deserved to keep going despite any naysayers. if he truly believed that steph shouldn't be a vigilante or thought poorly of her, she would have been written out and/or he would have written her as making a mistake so bad she wouldn't have continued her activities as spoiler and finally agreed with everyone that she's not cut out for this. but he didn't. dixon writes her as not as competent as her peers because he has a worldview where girls are lesser and not capable of being as good as the boys. but he writes her with dogged determination to keep trying despite this because dixon truly thinks she deserves to keep going despite any mistakes he writes her making and that her perseverance should be rewarded.

like consider the arc where steph finds out tim's identity. dixon makes steph seem unreasonable for daring to change her mind and realize that yea, she does want to know the boy under the mask she's dating after all (because dixon thinks that girls are fickle and change their minds and boys shouldn't have to put up with that kind of nonsense behavior, not because this is a super valid thing to want) -> he has her go beat up an innocent boy named tito and stalk him in the hospital (because dixon is a sexist who things girls are just like this) -> tim does rightfully get mad about this and leaves in a huff -> batman tells steph tim's identity and she gets what she wanted?? -> tim is mad at her and batman until JLL when this is all swept under the rug and they go back to happily dating again + at this point everyone is open to training her/finally giving her a chance (until murderer/fugitive when she gets locked out again--which also leads into the era where dixon is no longer writing her--and after this is when we really get a lot of the really iconic unfair treatment towards her because at this point didio wanted her gone). and it creates this absolute interesting dissonance where you can see the overt sexism in dixon's writing and it's infuriating. and at the same time dixon also rewards her for the sexist way he writes her and she does generally get what she wants because dixon wants to give her the reward for her perseverance.

hell, consider the pregnancy storyline which is beyond overtly sexist and conservative but is probably the part where steph is most treated the best/in the right. tim and her mom are shown as in the wrong compared to her "correct" decision to keep the baby and they have to come around to support her. not just that, but for her to be given a teen pregnancy storyline in the 90s and not be shown as a Bad Girl for getting pregnant as a teen? dixon hates women and yet to him steph is a good girl who makes a mistake (something something he'll judge others, but when it comes to his daughter that's a different case. exceptions apply.) and she gets an ultimately supportive good boy boyfriend who helps her go to birthing class despite the fact that i'm sure dixon looks down on unwed teen mothers a lot.

it's just. i want to study it under a microscope. there's so much to unpack there.

#anyways apologies for the super long answer #i am just fascinated by dixon's treatment of her #it's sexism! but he does it because he wants to give her something to overcome! but it's definitely sexist! #scintilly ask tag #annah-kitathryne

[some-pers0n]

Okay after seeing that nuclear bad take about Albatross being a "fucking psycho", here!! Get another one of these emotional rants of mine.

Albatross is a character I think a lot of people misunderstand. I think a good chunk of the reason why this somewhat new obsession I have over him was kick-started by just how many times I saw people on Reddit or in YouTube video comments go on and on about how he was insane in the membrane and was a pure evil dragon. It reminds me of my thoughts on Orca as well, where I don't want to take her at face value and see her as this dragon who just wanted to take over the throne. That's boring. I like the idea of her being something more.

But with Albatross? We've got a lot more evidence pointing to him being more than just "crazy old dragon". Reading the text, you see that Albatross is just kinda..sad? He's miserable and I personally get the feeling that he regrets having spent decades being bossed around by Lagoon. That he's tired of being seen as this freak-show dragon who could snap at any moment. He did once all of those years ago, and now it haunts him ever since.

Lagoon (and Sapphire to an extent) and their impact on Albatross's life is one that I find extremely overlooked. I don't know how people can think Albatross had no reason to do any of this and was just "snapping because he lost all of his soul" when Lagoon literally was egging him on just minutes before the massacre happened. He was being shown like a disfigured and disturbing trophy to the SkyWings. Statues of herself built by Albatross for no other reason than to have statues of herself. Lagoon flaunted her control over him and how he could do anything for her, mentioning ideas for enchantments that'll make her immortal. When Albatross speaks up, she shuts him down. She emotionally manipulates him by bringing up Sapphire again, saying that he'll never live it down. She then goes on to say how happy she is about how Fathom is an animus, excited to finally replaced her old, snappy, and unreasonable brother.

How much more obvious can you get that Lagoon was manipulating and controlling Albatross? For god's sake we even see this in the guide as well, with Lagoon bringing up Sapphire again. Lagoon uses that one tramatic event as leverage for everything. Something that she did is now Albatross's fault forever because he swiped back. He didn't want to be beaten down and made fun of anymore. He didn't want to be tormented by them any longer.

It's a moment that haunts Albatross. He regrets it deeply. It was an accident, but Lagoon won't ever make him forget it. She used the guilt that Albatross felt and made him do anything she wanted. How could he do such a thing? Cut off his sister's talons and drive her to madness? Lagoon knew how much this incident impacted Albatross. She wanted to make sure he always knew that it was his fault. That, no matter what, he will never live down being the one to ruin Sapphire's life.

His entire life he's more or less been just a means for Lagoon to exploit. A tool for her to use whenever she wanted something. The Summer Palace was more or less a vanity project, where Lagoon could show off how she has two palaces now. I don't think he ever used animus magic for himself. The only time he acted of his own accord, he would be snapped at by Lagoon. Him being mentioned to have traumatized dragonets by setting the trees ablaze during a Talons of Power ceremony was, again, brought up by Lagoon so that she could remind him of how he's unstable and should listen to her.

Not to also mention that he was described by Fathom as kind, albiet distant and somewhat cold at times. I don't think he was evil. He was a dragon who was spat into a world that was unkind and took advantage of him at every moment. Him being different than the others was the catalyist for everything. He was told he would be nothing more than an unstable, murderous dragon who could snap at any moment.

And he did just that, didn't he?

#wof #wings of fire #albatross wof #I am THE No. 1 Albatross sympathizer and don't you get that wrong #Hdodhekdbkehre again like. I don't condone his actions or think he was right to kill Lagoon (shocking I know) #But to dwindle him down to “lunatic with a knife” is ASININE #Treat him like the misunderstood and tragic villain he is #sp-rambles

[nadvs]

ik your list is already overflowing w ideas but the pillowtalk blurb rlly made me think of a toxic relationship fic w rafe (not the fetishizing purely fucking kind but moreso an exploration of how it's like being in love w someone as self-destructive as rafe fshfjsh) i just know u would rlly nail it !!!

no pressure tho ik ur working on a lot of wips (AND UR DOING AMAZING !!!) just needed to get this idea out there hahahahha

၊၊||၊၊||၊၊ open arms / sza

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

i know all this is bad, but who needs self esteem anyway?

At a certain point, it doesn’t even feel like Rafe is breaking your heart; you’re the one doing it to yourself when you expect every explosion of his to be the last.

He never lays a hand on you, but he starts fights out of no where, spiralling into indignation and hostility. If anything, he’s more destructive to himself than he is to your relationship.

He’s spiteful when he’s upset. You know him well enough to recognize he’s not really mad at you most of the time. When he feels like he’s losing his mind, you’re an anchor, calm and kind and gracious, encouraging him to talk about what’s really upsetting him.

When things turn vicious, you don’t always give him the satisfaction of fighting back. The glimpses of his gentle soul are what keep you around. He’s breaks, but you put him back together.

spent your whole life being hopeless, choking on insecurity

You know it’s not all his fault. When Rafe first opened up to you about how his father has dismissed him and told him to man up all his life, anger bubbles inside of you. It’s not fair.

Deep down, Rafe is a sweet boy, and your mind constantly wanders down the path of who he’d be if he was loved growing up. The potential of what he could have been is what’s most painful of all.

He self-sabotages. You can tell. When he’s mean, hurling accusations at you that you don’t even care about him, you can see past it enough to realize he’s trying to ruin his own happiness.

At the end of every conflict, he crumbles into tears, nervously chewing on his thumbnail, trembling, whimpering about not wanting to lose you.

you my favorite color, now you seeing every shade of me / locked in for life, on god, no replacing me

Rafe can’t imagine a world without you.

He’s hard to love. He knows he is. When he acts unreasonably - getting mad over something and fighting with you even when you had nothing to do with it, giving into his anxious thoughts that you’re cheating on him, trying to control you or boss you around - it’s like he’s witnessing himself do it. It’s a horror movie when he watches himself losing it.

You know you can leave. As they say, women are not rehabilitation centres for badly raised men. But it’s work you want to do, because when he lets out his tender side, showering you in hugs and kisses and compliments, smiling so lovingly and brightly in a way that makes the bad times seem like nothing in comparison, you know it’s worth it.

Every time you guide him out of the dark, understanding him better than he understands himself, he thinks about how lost he would be without you. You see it all, every ugly side of him, and you stay. And he would pray to whoever’s listening that you stay forever.

#THANK U SO MUCH FOR SUCH A KIND MESSAGE FIRST OF ALL!!! #def have a lot of wips but i did it to myself hahah 🙂‍↕️ #not sure if i could make this a whole fic but i will be brainstorming for you anon #blurb #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron and reader #rafe cameron and you #rafe cameron and y/n

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for playing my music/turning up my tv insanely loud in response to my neighbors?

this may be a bit venty. i'm sorry. i've been dealing with this for 5 years

i (23) live in a 3-tiered apartment complex where i'm in the middle, with an upstairs and downstairs neighbour. they both suck for different reasons, but this is mostly focused on my upstairs neighbour, who is a (hobbyist) dj. he's from the caribbean (which is a reason i don't want to get the landlord involved who is very racist), constantly plays deafeningly loud music with thumping beats that he shouts over into a mic. this is a near daily thing where i usually have to end up banging on the ceiling or yelling at him through it to turn it down because it shakes my entire apartment and scares my cats. i've tried talking to both him and his girlfriend multiple times over the five years i've lived here and neither of them care enough to stop. they also have monthly parties where they cram 15 people into their apartment and he djs the entire time until 1 am. these people are in their 30's or 40's btw, way too old to act like this. i'd move but this is the only affordable apartment for me in town, it's walking distance to my work, and it's crazy cheap for what it is, about $500 usd for a full 2 bedroom apartment, so despite being miserable here i can't afford to go anywhere else. at this point whenever he starts blaring music (which starts sometimes as early as 8 am as soon as his gf leaves for work) i turn on my own music so loud it hurts my ears (making sure my cats aren't in the room ofc) and he usually gets the idea after a bit and turns his down. i also play my music very loudly even if he hasn't been noisy that day, just because i feel like it and he's done it enough that i'm just generally pissed about it all the time. admittedly i also do this to bother my downstairs neighbour too who is a 60-something year old asshole who constantly berates me over tiny things, threatens to call the cops on me for many reasons including my cats keeping him awake, running my dishwasher too early in the morning, and parking in my driveway too close to his window. also, once my upstairs neighbour put burning coals from his fireplace into a plastic garbage bin and put it right next to the WOODEN stairs to his balcony and nearly caught the complex on fire. when i noticed this and went out to the stairway to yell that there was a fire in the garbage bin my downstairs neighbour came out and got mad at me for yelling and waking him up over a fucking fire, if you want to know how unreasonable both these assholes are. my downstairs neighbour also smokes indoors, making the entire complex and outside smell like cig smoke and weed which makes me sick bc i have bad lungs. my room is right above his as well so it sometimes seeps in through the vents forcing me to sleep in the living room. i've also tried talking to him multiple times and he doesn't give a shit and he's friends with the landlord so he never gets in trouble for any of this. he is also super racist and has called my upstairs neighbour the n word

both of my neighbors hate me so i don't care if anything i do bothers them i just wanna know if the music in response to my neighbours being shitty is an asshole move lol

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[sillygraham]

Peace ✷

pairing ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ john marston x gn ! reader

warnings ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ no dialogue , angst...sorry , hurt/(no) comfort , abigail and john r not a thing in this , not proof read

a/n ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ i think I've seen a fic like this before but...i dont really remember? still in my head j am givinf them credits if i actually did read something like this,,, might've been a caption on a joiver art i saw idk . anyway i rly need to stop making everything angsty,,,

I will help you swim / I'm gonna help you swim

You knew you weren't going to see him again. Watching him from where you sat at the campfire, the gang was falling apart and you were planning your way to leave. Such little people left and your heart hurts whenever you see the condition Arthur is in.

Always having to deal with hearing Dutch say they just need one more score — but you know it's over. This is it.

John walks over to you and sits down next to you. You give him a smile and he returns it. The two of you sit in silence as the remainder in the members do the same.

Hearing Micah and Dutch whisper about something you move to grab Johns hand. Now your fingers interlocked, you look at him and he's staring at you too.

You truly don't want to just abandon him but you can't stay and asking him to leave with you seems unreasonable to do. Thinking to yourself, you decide to maybe share one last tender moment with him before your leave.

You get up and tug his arm and he gets the message; standing up as well. Then you lead him as far as you can from the camp, to a lake. He stares at you; confused but you squeeze his hand and he understands.

Releasing his hand the two of you slip out of your clothes and only have your undergarments. Stepping into the water, you reach your hand out for him to grab and he does.

You ease him in and instruct him to keep calm and let himself float. Promising you won't let him sink.

You stare at him as you keep him a float. Simply admiring him as his long hair makes it look like he has a halo — like he's an angel from the heavens above. He looks so peaceful but you know he's fearing of suddenly drowning and the fact he put his trust in you to keep him living makes your heart skip a beat.

The only sound the two of you hear being the rustling of trees, water splashing, and your humming. Feeling your eyes well up with tears, you close your eyes, trying your best to savor this moment.

It's so peaceful...you wish to stay like this as you open your eyes again and notice he's opened his too. He takes note of your teary eyes and his face twists with concern. You give him a smile of reassurance but it didn't help.

Yet he didn't say anything, just appreciating the silence as well — he never thought water would be this calming for him. You lean down and place a kiss on his forehead and he smiles.

You hear him mutter an 'I love you'...

That's all you hear, before everything sounds silent now. You try to respond but all you can get out is a small noise.

He doesn't mind, he knows you love him as well and wouldn't leave him.

And you do love him...you treasure him and everything about him. Ever since you met him, sure he was a piece of work but that was why you loved him.

So it leaves him confused and hurt when he can't seem to find you at the camp the next morning. He was hoping to ask if the two of you could go to the lake again but he can't find you.

He notices a piece of paper in your tent and he picks it up to read.

He feels his world crumbling as he reads it.

My Dearest, John,

I'm sorry for leaving you. I love you, I truly do, I just couldn't bring myself to ask you to leave with me. I don't know where I am going, think I'm just gonna wonder until I find where I can stay. I know it seems like a bad idea, but it's all I could think to do. The gangs falling apart — Dutch as gone mad. Please get out of there as well. I hope you can forgive me if our paths decide to cross again and god I hope they do. I'll miss you dearly, John

Love, [Name].

He couldn't believe it. You left without telling him? He would've said yes if you'd asked him. Why didn't you ask him? Did anyone else know about this? Were you safe? He prayed you were safe. Please be safe.

The day couldn't get anymore worse then this. You left without a word and his heart is broken. He's not sure if he could handle more.

But more he had to handle. Everything is falling apart, he has to leave. And that he does when he gets left for dead by Dutch. When he's forced to pick a side and Arthur makes him leave, to get away from this life, to go find you. He keeps Arthurs words in mind, after getting to a safer area, he sets off to find you.

He will find you — somehow; he needs to.

a/n 2 ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ lolol sry this is short . i think idk...i was listening to twin sized mattress and needed to write this ! hope u enjoyed ur read see u next time ^3^ mwah mwah

#john marston #john marston x reader #gn reader #gn!reader #john marston x gn reader #sillygraham #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #arthur morgan #fem reader #fem!reader #male reader #male!reader #masc reader #masc!reader #john marston x female reader #john marston x male reader

[adelaidedrubman]

NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL MUSIC MONDAY 

tagged by absolutely no one and requested by fewer still, but in the spirit of kicking off the summer of hook, line, and sinker i am also taking the liberty of starting wip music monday whether anyone likes it or not. afflicting @v0idbuggy @poetikat @henbased @florbelles @unholymilf @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat @strangefable @derelictheretic @corvosattano @shallow-gravy @nuclearstorms @cassietrn @confidentandgood @afarcryfrommymain @vampireninjabunnies-blog @nightbloodbix @voidika @firstaidspray @megraen @roofgeese @trench-rot @strafethesesinners @blissfulalchemist @inafieldofdaisies @clicheantagonist, please feel free to drop a wip and a tune that vibes with it!

naturally i am sharing another hl&s playlist banger. pov you’re jestiny and this is what you desperately wish your ex-girlfriends’ internal monologue to be as they watch your current partner fail to bait a hook, but unfortunately probably only the last part applies:

i heard you had to drive him home after two umbrella drinks / i heard he’s got a prius ’cause he’s into being green / my buddy said he saw y’all eating that sushi stuff / baby that don’t sound like you, that don’t sound like love / sounds like it sucks he can’t even bait a hook / he can’t even skin a buck / he don’t know who jack daniels is / ain’t ever drove a truck / knows how to throw out a line / but not the kind in a field and stream book / no darling i ain’t even worried you’ll come running back / he can’t even bait a hook ... [outro] nah you’re the one that’s gonna be sorry when you’re headin’ to get tofu and he has a flat tire in his foreign car and don’t know how to change it and you’ll get your new gucci shoes wet and you’re mad and irritated, i’ve seen you irritated, i’m telling you, better him than me actually

epic blunder, this is how they actually see you and your new man. wip excerpt from hl&s c.3, tentatively titled “throw out a line” (warnings for jessie typical emotional regulation and references to stalking behavior, played for laughs but called for what it is in text):

“Ms. Woodhouse,” John held out a hand towards the brunette that was met with nothing but a scowl in return. 

He made an apologetic ‘ah’ noise and wiped the hand on his shirt, but Jessie knew it was not the fish guts Sherri was repulsed by.  “My apologies.” He bowed. “I haven’t yet had the privilege of patronizing your little store.” Jessie smiled. Patronizing was right. And Sherri deserved it. “It’s so difficult when I have my own boat ramp right in the backyard to remember to get out there to support the small business owners in the community.”  “Support?” Skylar cut in, scowling even harder than Sherri did. “When have you ever supported any business around here? You call trying to shut everyone down and take their property from ’em support?”  Huh. That’s weird  — Skylar seemed to have history with this guy. And it was bad enough he was a lawyer at all, did she fuck up and start pretending to date a fucking foreclosure attorney or something?  John waved the accusation off. “Please, I hate discussing business matters during my recreation time.” He reached into his back pocket to take out his wallet, pulling another hundred dollar bill from it. “I would love to support Can of Worms now.”  John turned to Sherri, gauchely waving the bill in front of her. “I’m afraid my lovely date and I have fished through all of our bait. But it seems you have plenty left. He nodded towards the unopened can at Sherri’s feet. “I’d like to purchase it.”  Sherri met him with a dead-eyed stare. “Store’s closed.”  John turned, looking across the water at the Can of Worms storefront. “Your hours say open until 9.”  “Well, I’m not on the clock.”  “Oh, don’t be unreasonable. I’m paying well above market rate for something I could just waste time going over and buying from you, for much cheaper, in the store.”  “No, you couldn’t,” Skylar said. “Store’s closed.”  He pointed behind him. “I see it open.”  “Store’s always closed to you.” Jestiny gave up on pretending not to notice the conversation, setting aside her beer to slam her hands down on the side of the boat. “Well, sell it to fuckin’ me, then!”  “God, Jessie,” Sherri groaned, leaning down to hold her head in her hands. “Can’t you just fucking leave us alone? Following us, harassing us while we’re trying to fish? We broke up with you. We don’t want you around.”  “Shit’s sad,” Skylar agreed. “Just stop. Don’t make us get a fuckin’ restraining order or something.”  Jestiny kicked the side of the boat, hard. “They’re called Orders of Protection, in fucking Montana!”  “You learn that from your slimebag lawyer boyfriend?” Skylar asked. Jessie frowned. That was hitting below the belt, she thought. “And did he learn it from law school, or ’cause half the fucking County wants to take one out on his creepy ass?” Sherri brought a hand over her mouth to stifle her laugh at Skylar’s joke. “They really are perfect for each other, huh?” she giggled against Skylar’s shoulder, setting her chin atop it and looking up at her adoringly.  Jessie felt flames crawl up in her belly. Of all the infuriating insults.  “Yeah, we fucking are! I finally have someone who can keep up with me behind the rod and on an intellectual fuckin’ level!” she forced herself to flash an adoring smile of her own at the man she shouted over. “And he’s got an actual sense of humor! Just look at his outfit.”  John turned to shoot Jessie a glare.  “Yeah,” Skylar laughed, turning to nudge the flyaway hairs clinging to Sherri’s dewy brown skin away with the sun speckled tip of her nose so that she could finally whisper her teasing directly into the brunette’s ear. “Looks like you and me were the only ones that didn’t think to come dressed for the circus.” 

“I fucking heard that!” 

#wip #asked to be removed/added from tag list btw #it's the summer of hl&s i'm going to go insane #Spotify

[llatimeria]

why are upstairs neighbors the way they are. i know this is long but can somebody please . please read this and give me a reality check

the last few people who rented the apartment above us were annoying too but it pales in comparison to whoever lives there now. Every single fucking day, usually in the evenings or late afternoons, they do ... Something. it could be sex or some kind of exercise or any other number of things. It's just a lot of THUD THUD THUD THUD THUDs on and off for half an hour to an hour and a half. Today it started at 8pm and lasted til 9 but the last time I made a note of the time it happened around 3pm as I was trying to do homework.

It feels like the whole ceiling shakes. I swear sometimes it fucks with the air pressure in my ears, which is really hard to notice until it's driving me insane, like a grain of sand in my sock. It's started to stress out our dog, which just makes her start barking (and she's clearly barking at the ceiling), but her barking is in itself overstimulating, which stresses us out more, which she picks up on, which just makes her bark more because she's baby and doesn't like it when her dads are anxious.

The thudding alone can be enough to overstimulate us, but combined with the barking and coincidental other neighbor noises that don't usually bother us, it's... Extremely draining. We're both neurodivergent people with PTSD. Loud, unpredictable noises don't really mix well with us. On more than one occasion my partner's had full blown anxiety attacks bc of the combination of sudden loud noises (a known trigger for them) and the overstimulation (another known trigger for them). We like. Actively can't keep living like this. lmao. I cannot stress enough how it is every day and never quite at the exact same time so we can emotionally prepare for it, and it's not like we should have to prepare to exist in our own living room anyways.

Anyways I just need to purge all of my anxieties and get a reality check about this. Help

We could just be stupid and unreasonable and should just grow up and get over it, and will be fully confronted with that if we do anything.

We might just open ourselves up to harassment (or becoming the butt of a lot of jokes) because we're the whiny neighbors who have nothing better to do than complain

Even if we are being reasonable, it doesn't really make a difference, because if our neighbors think that we're not, they could harass us anyways

They could make a noise complaint about our dog out of spite ("why are you mad at Them when it's Your dog that barks")

Maybe we're also extremely annoying neighbors and we'll look like huge assholes/idiots if we complain about anyone else (implausible, but again. Small dog)

What if we try to contact them and they interpret it as an attack on them. We think one of the people living above us is a very large, heavyset man we've seen around the apartment complex, and we don't want to put our feet in our mouths if he's literally just vibing (or worse, excercising to lose weight) and we just totally humiliate him by telling him his mere footsteps are overstimulating down here. I don't want anyone to feel BAD. (And we're also not totally sure the guy we've seen is actually the guy above us, we just know they showed up around the same time)

We did actually try bonking the ceiling with a broom a few days ago and they obviously heard it because they stopped for a second, laughed, and started doing whatever it is more loudly, but what if that was entirely a coincidence and they didn't notice at all

What if they interpret any message we send as a passive-aggressive attack rather than just trying to let them know how loud they're being

And what if we do actually come across as passive-aggressive towards people who aren't us and we just make everything worse by bungling our communication attempts. It wouldn't be on purpose, but again it doesn't matter because some people interpret everything as an attack regardless

They could generally just fuck with our lives and make us miserable forever with no recourse if we fuck this up, too. like. We LIVE right BENEATH them. They know where we live and probably the layout of our apartment, since it's probably identical to theirs. They could probably figure out which car is ours. They could report our dog barking, or just come up with any number of fake/minor complaints. They could stalk us, vandalize our shit, intentionally make more noise or make louder noises and intentionally try to overwhelm/trigger us, or any number of things. Even if they got in trouble for it, that doesn't really matter because I just don't want it to happen in the first place.

And, worse, what if we try to get them punished, but it turns out we really were the aggressors the entire time according to anyone normal, and we just get our entire lives deservedly wrecked instead

i don't know what to dooooo

#I just have a really hard time judging myself and my own intentions #I feel like I must've gotten positive and negative responses to complaints completely at random as a kid #bc I just. do not have this skill at all. #I always feel like I'm going to get laughed at for how petty my problems are

[directorphobos]

I don’t wanna be clocked as the “I’m better than you disabled type” for saying this, so please don’t go there. But I feel like people do have a problem with getting way too comfortable in their misery over the years here and I hope people see what I mean one day. Back when I was miserable myself and didn’t have the resources I do now, I used to get angry at those who said I’m capable of “doing more” or related but after receiving the help I’ve needed I’ve come to realize its a kind of fucked how normalized its been in these spaces to just.. use specific experiences or illnesses as a scapegoat? For a lack of better words. I used to do it but again, it’s normalized here I guess.. we’re capable of so much more and I’m growing more and more tired of the “I’m x so I can’t do x” thing..

I’m diagnosed with various things, some expected some new, I’ve been through heaps of traumatizing both irl and online situations resulting in the cptsd, chronic depression, BPD, some sort of dissociative disorder etc all being treated. What gets me though, is I see people experience way more mild things that they end up intensely identify with and blaming it or a few bad experiences on every negative trait they have, and don’t try and change anything. A lot of the time leading to misdiagnosing themselves as well with something serious, and yeah, I get mad about it. I get that people don’t all experience things the same but the same awwrghwk729191

The more I see this sort of thing taken happen between mutuals/acquaintances etc after I provide my insight the more (unreasonably?) angry I get? Because in my mind I guess people should know better but at the same time they haven’t been “enlightened” like I have so to speak. I’ve helped a couple of people, but some are so, so stuck in the “I’m this so I can’t do that or be expected to” thing and I only see this mindset in people who are very stuck on social media. I do not see this in people who are more “offline” or focus more on projects/friends/etc who have been through a lot like I have as well.

And just like. Dude.

[CW experience dump of unpleasantness];

If I can go through 13ish years of back to back domestic violence, witnessing my parent trying to kill themself multiple times, being woken up to screaming at 1am almost every day for months at one point, see people get beat, get beaten myself, have someone try to run me/family over twice, have a sibling die, endure s/a and on top of that be sent through multiple manipulators online after thinking I was through it all; I’m sure others with more “mild” problems in comparison they’ve ever went through can pull out of the “I’m so constantly drained and I can’t do xyz thing,” like I have, with work. But they have to really want it, when I get angry is when I see someone perfectly capable of using those resources and they don’t, but instead sink more into the “I can’t to blah” mindset.

I guess yeah there’s no hiding that this is a direct nod towards something that happened to me/someone recently, but nothing would change even if I dumped my feelings which I’ve done way too much of and itd always amount to nothing sooo instead I’ll just dump about what I see it all relating to in online phenomena. I’ll never be satisfied with how a friendship fell apart because of [the everything], and I could explain my pov further but I don’t want to get anymore specific than I am + I’m all around very certain it all culminates to this sort of thing. Out of all the worries I have recently reflecting on this is the only upsetting thing I’ve really been through recently besides random works issues and I think this will plague me for a long, long time. Wegh

Ty for the like attention span of idk 3 peanuts of my 50-ish followers who would read this post 🏓

#chatter #rant #yyyeah #I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and its bouncing between aggression to how common and dehibilitating of a mindset it is #and neutrality #I am just getting this off my mind so it won’t just sit n burden me I guess #thanks tumblr for not limiting my words #I hate ‘vaguing’ like this but I mean if it fits it fits and this is an unresolved problem I’ve tried to resolve for so long #it always amounts to nothing #vent

[yakkolicious]

So I was playing Undertale and I REALLY love Undyne and I think she deserves a whole post on why she's so awesome.

OK, so, Undyne is trying to kill Frisk so she can take their soul so the monsters can leave the Underground. I first heard of her (in-game) when Papyrus talked about how awesome she was. When I made it to Waterfall, that's when I finally met Undyne, and she was a NUISANCE at first. She kept throwing spears at me that depleted my health. I'm attempting Pacifist, but I was seriously worried that I would get so mad at her that I'd kill her.

Well, today, I fought her! Her spears were annoying, but I loved the green heart mode! I also loved how I had to make use of the "flee" option to win, and THE WAY HER SPARING WENT-

So, I had to give Undyne a cup of water to revive her after she collapsed in the Hotland heat. The way she just left without trying to fight me further was so... sad. Seeing her go without saying a word just had me wanting more. I guess I could've just gone to Hotland, but it would feel so unfulfilling, since I felt like I needed to spend more time with Undyne. So, I turned around and went to her house.

Undyne was pretty peeved with me at first, thinking I was just there to rub it in, but when Papyrus challenged her to become my friend, she went ALL OUT! It was so silly and fun, but for some reason... silly and fun haven't been enough for me in this game.

Before I grew to REALLY like Undyne (and I'm currently in Hotland and thinking Alphys and Mettaton will make me feel the same way, yippee!), I found myself falling more for the minor characters in Undertale than the major ones. Don't get me wrong, I don't think any of the main characters are bad by any means. Toriel was super sweet and I loved spending time with her in the Ruins, but I am sad I can't call her. Papyrus is hilarious, but more in a cute way, and I think my time with him suffered because he was overhyped by my friends. I joke about hating Jerry already, but Sans is honestly my genuine least favorite character so far, since I just find him boring and overhyped and he hasn't really done much to really win me over. I found Froggit, who could just use a compliment, Snowdrake, who just wants people to laugh at his jokes, and the Nice Cream guy, who just wants people to buy his ice cream, more compelling. Napstablook and Monster Kid I suppose are somewhere in-between major and minor, and I really like them both, but even Blookie was barely clicking.

Then came Undyne. Undyne isn't the normal type of character I gravitate to. She isn't a smart-aleck or a sweet little dummy or a shy angel. She's loud and proud, overly violent in everything she does, she has a huge ego but no wit. Here she is, still threatening me with a spear as she makes me golden flower tea and "teaching" me how to make spaghetti as I burn her house down, but in-between... she's telling me about how much I'm like Asgore and coming to all sorts of realizations, like that her extreme cooking methods were why Papyrus's spaghetti was so bad and that I really didn't want to hurt her. I mean, I did at one point, but I did choose to spare her in the end. Even when she told me that she was teaching Papyrus how to cook because she would feel terrible about actually letting him into the royal guard because of his kindness, a moment I expected to make me hate her, I saw where she was coming from!

Probably the most important thing I saw Undyne learn was that friendship isn't just something that can happen. It takes time and effort, and it's unreasonable to expect you to instantly be her friend after everything. The other characters are cool and all, but Undyne's special. She reflects on her actions. Toriel ditched, Sans and Papyrus are cute and quirky, but not only does Undyne stay in your life after the hang-out, she lets you swing at her, learns that you really are as kind as your act has been, and she feels so REAL!

Also, Undyne made me like Papyrus more! Before I met Undyne, Papyrus seemed kind of flat. He's innocent, wants to capture a human and join the royal guard, likes puzzles and spaghetti. I didn't really think much of him. However, once I came to Undyne's house to hang out with her and Papyrus, Papyrus showed a different side to himself! When Undyne threatened me, he peeked through the window and told me that he overestimated her! Papyrus is a SASSY boi, and I NEVER would've known that if it wasn't for her! I'd like Papyrus LESS if there was no Undyne!

God, Undyne is amazing and I love her so much and I love how she made me love Undertale more.

#yakko yaks #not tagging as undertale because i'm not sure if i'm ready for the fandom

[sparkanonymous]

⚠️ Total Drama Reboot Season 2 Spoilers ⚠️

I didn't mention this before, but the team names feel so uninspired. Even last season's team names felt more Total Drama-esque. These names are just... insults. It annoys me.

Episode 2

Caleb x Priya... I don't really like Caleb, so I'm not really into it. But it's amusing that every chance Priya gets to ogle him, Millie comes to interrupt her. Caleb is supposed to be the hottest guy on the island, but Millie is in no way interested.

Holy fucking shit. Ripaxel? The last pairing I was expecting to be honest, and I am actually unreasonably excited to see it. Kinda surprised he wasn't into Axel smashing his face with slop, though maybe he can read people well?

I'm really glad most of Ripper's teammates are trying to help him. Y'know, despite him and Axel being on different teams. Am I smelling Ripper with friends?

Julia working her ass off to not be voted out. It's just going to end in heartbreak at this point, no matter when they vote her off.

Emma, using Chase's weaknesses against him, makes her so much more entertaining to watch. I wonder if Chase will do the same thing to her at some point.

I didn't notice Nichelle's hair was tied in the back until now. Well, time to add that to the mental reference.

Zee kinda just being there and enjoying himself is just so Zee of him, lol

I love Damien and his stupid ways of getting around problems. Still one of my favorite characters, and I doubt that anything will change that.

I wonder if Wayne is going to make enemies this time. He laughed at Julia because she made a goofy noise when she hit the hoop, and no one laughed with him, not even Raj.

Buttered Ripper is disgustingly disturbing.

Ripper humiliating himself is what gets Axel's attention? Hm...

Millie ruined her relationships on her team in one foul swoop. Poor Damien honestly, because that is traumatizing. I think Millie's heart was kind of in the right place, but that was horrible.

Thank GOD Chase was voted off. I can not stand him. He adds nothing to the challenges, especially this one, and he's a massive jackass. This is painful, but I'm kind of rooting for Ripper to hang in there another couple episodes.

Episode 3

Using a character to disguise themselves as an intern is a really interesting idea. But they should have given MK a better disguise. It's very clearly just MK with a mustache. They could've at least given her a different hat and a different hairstyle.

Ripper, being a dumbass is not going to help you win over any ladies.

Raj and Wayne struggling with the concept of cheating his great. It makes a lot of sense, too.

Bowie realizing just how stupid his boyfriend and his boyfriend's friend are. Love is love. I know he's having a hard time convincing himself that Raj is someone he wants to be with for a long time, but you can tell how bad he feels for making him do something he didn't want to do.

Zee is such a dumbass.

Oh my god, they REALLY like using dodgeballs this season.

Damien knew Chris hated them all last season. Like, why is he surprised season. He's so fucking dumb, though, and adorable.

Zee getting a pet raccoon. Please let him keep it.

MKulia... it's so good this episode. They try to kill the other team, and they're flirting.

Nichelle with candy all over her. Someone needs to draw that.

I'm gonna agree with Bowie here; it's a bunch of bullshit that the numbers count. It should've had to do with how much of the team had gotten there.

Episode 4

I'm glad they kept the consequences from last episode. It's good that Raj is still upset, and I'm glad that he's a little mad at Bowie when he asked him not to cheat anymore, and Bowie immediately encouraged MK to cheat more.

I have a feeling that Raj and Wayne are gonna kick themselves off again because of the cheating. They're competitive, but they want to win fair and square.

Bowie should be more prepared to fight harder than to cheat, so I wonder how many of his crowns were because he cheated.

They fixed Priya's blush. I wonder if it was because they wanted to color it more correctly this time, or if it was because she just isn't blushing as much as she was last season.

Damn, how many noses has Axel broken to expertly refigure them?

The glass panels remind me of the clips I saw of Squid Games.

Both Bowie and Wayne calling after Raj fell...

Where's Zee's raccoon :(

Bowie's reaction on the screen made it pretty evident the answer was A, Emma.

Damn, nobody knows anyone this season...

JULIA, your gay is showing.

Zee, that's disgusting.

That finger on the chin... Axel, I know you're threatening Emma, but COME ON. (Like, remember when Bowuigi shot up in popularity because of the Mario Movie trailers for the same thing?)

Ripper can read people really well, huh? Caleb, too.

Axel burning the hell out of Emma. Verbally beat the shit out of her, girl.

Emma's gonna get herself voted off... or maybe Priya...

Ripper taking his shot with the poetry for Axel.

Raj... I'm so sorry...

Bowie with the Michael Jackson moves, lol

Emma, she knew it was B... I guess it's time to vote off Priya... maybe...

Raj hugging Bowie, thinking he wasn't cheating and was just that good at reading people. Ugh, they're gonna break up this season, aren't they?

YEAH RIPAXEL

Okay, I'll make more notes when the next episode comes out. I honestly wish Damiya was the Priya ship, but whatever.

#total drama #total drama reboot #total drama spoilers #td spoilers #spark speaks

[peacerisendove]

Big Ethel Energy S2 Episode 25 and 26

The best thing this comic has done so far is focus on Veronica and her blooming love life because I love to see it. It's interesting , it gets away from our annoying protagonist, it gives this comic life that doesn't seem insular.

And honestly that's what you want in a comic that is about life! You want to see the surrounding environment and what's going on because when the focus is solely on your protagonist and their problems it does get tedious especially when that protagonist appears self centered, never recognizes their own faults/wrongs, and bad mouths the people around her amongst other things.

For once something that feels extraneous and separate to Ethel and her main character life! And that is a good thing as I've mentioned!

I love something that has absolutely nothing to do with her. Ronnie is out living her life and getting interested in another man. It's very cute and wholesome how she's very into this guy without him even realizing. They're very different and it's super cute. Especially with how she genuinely wants to learn more about being more eco-friendly and not wasting.

I feel like these bit are trying to maker Veronica come off as rude, but I don't see it that way. She feels professional and focused, even though she really wants to get to know more about Gilbert.

Aaaaaand back to Big Ethel Drama we are.

Honestly, Betty's reaction is exaggerated. Someone else has a crush on the guy you like and said guy said no to you before? You deal with that kind of thing.

You don't own Seth.

Ethel is in a relationship and isn't going after Seth. She has a crush, but she's not going to currently act on it.

The only person Betty can be reasonably upset with is either Seth for rejecting (because it always hurts when the guy you like doesn't like you back) or herself. It's unreasonably to be mad at Ethel for something she can't control, but also isn't even a thing. She's making a mountain out of molehill and her response is exaggerated.

Though honestly, lets look at the comic, Betty has had a lot of time to be upset over Seth not liking her back, so her being mad even now is ridiculous in my opinion. She is rejected by Seth in S1 Episode Episode 50. I'm assuming it is around fall because Ethel states she was away on Holiday at the start of Season 2, so I think Betty's had more than a few months to process. The last time we heard about her opinion of Seth was S2 Episode 15, where she said: "I'm not angry at him anymore for not wanting to date me, but I'm still hurting a bit from his rejection".

Above Image: Season 2 Episode 15

SO which is it Betty? Why do you feel so goddamn attached and possessive of a man who has no interest in dating you and who we barely see you interacting with??

And even if it's just the rejection hurting her, that gives you not right or reason to bite your friend's head off for JUST HAVING A CRUSH when she is ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP AND PROBABLY WON'T ACT ON IT. Betty is fueling her own fears and anxieties and that's her own fault. It's honestly just ridiculous to watch as well.

This little reaction makes her seem really entitled and childish overall, which are aspects I don't associate with the general idea of Betty's character in the Archie Universe (essentially the concept of Betty over all as someone who's read the old comics).

-sigh- Man, I know this misunderstanding is going to blow up in Ethel's face and I genuinely feel bad for her in this instance.

Episode 26

OKAY NOW I CAN GET INTO THIS.

GIRL NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU. YOU'VE HAD SO LONG TO PROCESS YOUR FEELINGS. This is only your issue no one else's. It's truly so embarrassing and ridiculous to watch this go down.

Why is almost everyone in in this comic is so terrible? It's not even a reasonable sort of terrible you know? Yeah people get angry but it feels like drama for drama's sake.

NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'T DUMBASS. I HAVE THE RECEIPTS. FUCKING SETH POINTED THAT OUT TO YOU, YOU CALLED IT MANSPLAINING AFTER HE REJECTED YOU.

Above: Season 1 Episode 50 (read left to right)

Betty: "I'm sure he knew."

GIRL. Do not put the blame on him. Even if he knew. He also clearly knew it was inappropriate, so he politely ignored or dissuaded you from it. This is not about feelings. It's about what is proper. He didn't want to take advantage of you and so he didn't.

UGH SHE'S BEING BITCHY AND SHALLOW AND POKING AT ETHEL'S RELATIONSHIP, WHICH SHE KNOWS AS HE FRIEND IS A GENERAL SORE POINT, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T HAVE ONE. How shallow can you get? Even as a friend I wouldn't do that.

I'm rolling my eyes ya'll. The pettiness. The idiocy of her reaction. Please go read a better comic than this.

Why do we keep blaming people who don't deserve it? First it's Jughead now it's Seth. When and where will it end? Also crying? Seriously? How are you not pissed the fuck off? I'm pissed the fuck off and I barely like you as a protagonist. Where are the actual fights in these friendships??? All it is is crying and yelling.

Seth didn't drive a wedge between you two. You continue to not want to take responsibility or accountability, and honestly neither does Betty now that I think about it. That and what drove a wedge between you two is Betty's stupid reaction to something should have dealt with months ago. It's probably been a whole season! It's spring right now I think! Get over it! He doesn't like you!

Goddammit. We almost have a voice of reason. He's right on the first part. It's not her fault, but we really need to stop propping up Ethel on a goddam pedestal. It's infuriating.

She's not right!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD.

YOU CAN SETH'S NAME A THOUSAND TIMES BUT IT'S LITERALLY NOT HIS FAULT. I am begging the author to get an editor or something. I'm begging. This is ridiculous.

(I am so upset that I hit the image limit of 30 I want you guys to see my upset Jughead reactions.)

Me too Seth. Me too. I know she's over correcting and being so FUCKING STUPID.

...

WHAT THE UTTER FUCK!!!!! YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID. I HATE YOU. YOU LITERALLY DID THIS WITH JUGHEAD!

GROW THE FUCK UP.

TAKE SOME GODDAMN ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS IN YOU GODDAMN LIFE.

YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE ON A PEDESTAL. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE A FUCKING PROTAGONIST OF A SERIES WITH THIS KIND OF WRITING.

SETH DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG. YOU'RE MAD!!!

#BIG ETHEL ENERGY #Dove reads BEE #Dove reads Big ethel energy #-SCREAMS YELLS- #BITE MAIM AAAAAAAAAGH #LONG POST #DEAR GOD #someone TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS BECAUSE OH MY GOD WHY WHY WHY

[wolfie-2013]

Ok so I’m this post I showed off my Spider-Sona. Originally it was for a Spider-Man x Mha AU. Specifically one in which Todoroki was Spider-Man. It was only recently that I really started to come up with story for that au. I wanted to share what I have so far, but I’ll probably be splitting it into parts since the google doc is like 8 pages. So this first part will be before UA.

The MHA earth is gonna be Earth-2016, and it’s basically gonna be canon mha. So quirks are still a thing. But now todo has his quirk + spider powers.

He got them a year before UA. And that was when endeavor took him to his agency, shouto got in trouble for doing something at the house and Enji decided that he would not be left alone, and got bit by a radioactive Spider.

The spider in question was brought in as evidence from a drug lab bust that was performed about a week prior. The only reason they noticed the spider was because it was kept in a container and had the “warning radioactive” sticker in it. The agency looked at the files but there wasn’t much on the spider. On that day, the spider managed to somehow escape its enclosure, and while a completely unaware shouto was wandering the halls the spider bit him.

So he feels pretty normal the rest of the day, but that night he starts to feel sick. He goes to bed and the next morning he’s magically feeling better. (Also in this au his vision in his left eye was damaged from the boiling water.) He wakes up and can suddenly see perfectly out of his left eye. He goes to get out of bed when he hears a rip. He looks at the bed sheet in his had to see that he had ripped them with a pair of talons that had grown on his hands. (The talons are retractable and not as big as Miguel’s) He shoots out of bed and runs for the door, his hand gets stuck to the door knob for a second before he finally gets free and makes a beeline for the bathroom. His mouth had felt weird since he woke up. It was unnaturally dry and felt as if it was overcrowded. So he looks in the mirror and sees a large set of fangs protruding from his top gums and a smaller but still unreasonably big set on from his bottom gums. (Unfortunately for our poor boy these are not retractable. He has a venom that is released through his fangs. He also has natural spinnerets in his arms now)

Anyway: time skip, he gets his suit made (it has web shooters built into it as a back up)

(Also in this au todoroki is more similar to my todoroki, so he’s pretty loud. But because of the fangs he now has to hide he started speaking much softer. (No one really noticed a change at home since shouto definitely wasn’t very loud there, and since he was homeschooled he didn’t have to worry about any classmates noticing) so that will explains why he’s so quiet and kinda mumbles in the show.)

So he becomes the Spider-Man of (whatever Japanese city he’s nearest to as well as a few others) and you may be asking “well what’s his uncle Ben moment?” Well when he’s starting out, he hasn’t the slightest idea of how to be a vigilante though he does try his best. Eventually a much more experienced vigilante( idk her name yet or her quirk) feels kinda bad for him and decides to take him under her wing. They get really close and she kinda becomes the mother/aunt figure that shouto has never had but always desperately wanted. Until one night they’re both working together to try and take down a gang that’s been extorting people for “protection”. There’s a lot of gang members and the two are out numbered but they’re managing. That is until someone either shoots his mentor or she gets impaled by someone’s quirk. She goes down and shouto sees red. He takes down the gang, webs them up and runs over to her.

She dies in his arms.

The person that killed her fled as soon as shouto began overpowering the gang. Shouto chases after her killer and eventually corners them. He hangs them high above the ground, and he wants to freeze them to death, or drop them, he’ll he’s even mad enough to burn them. But he stops. Killing this person would make him just as bad as them. And it’s definitely not what his mentor would want.

So he ties the thug up and leaves a note.

This is the first time Spider-Man makes the front page of the news, It’s all Japan can talk about for weeks.

And also right before UA he actually gets recruited to the Spider Society. So he has the “Goober” or dimensional travel watch. (He gets invited a few months after across the spider-verse happens as well as the events of beyond the spider verse. Miguel and miles have made up and are working on it) So he also is constantly wearing the watch. Miguel along with noir are his spider mentors. Miguel helps with the talon and fang aspects of his powers (how to properly retract his talons and how to deal with the fangs and how to hide them. Noir trains him with hand to hand combat, detective skills (noir is a private eye), stealth, and also pickpocketing and a couple of other tricks.

So the typical Spider-Man villains aren’t the big guys in this au. The League of Villains is still the biggest concern. And while shouto does fight them sometimes. His villains are still threats but definitely aren’t as well known or as feared as the league. Anomalies are also still occurring, So sometimes another spiders villain will pop into another’s dimension.

That’s it for this one.

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #alternate universe #shoto torodoki #shouto todoroki #spiderman #spider man across the spider verse #Spider-Man x Mha #Atsv x MHA #Spider-Man Todoroki Shouto #atsv

[vizthedatum]

This was my outfit yesterday! I feel very self-conscious about this aspect of myself. Going to Cornell was not easy, and it makes people both under- and overestimate me. I absolutely hate it. But also, it has really helped me so much and I acknowledge the privilege.

In 9th grade, I told my plaver (<7 always) that I wanted to go to Cornell… my parents wanted me to go college, preferably a top tier one. We were lower middle-class at best because of poor money management, unstable mental health, and the challenge of cultural assimilation into a new country (something ny parents still have trouble with (not judging)). Money was always tight and especially after my brother was born and especially when my dad had a stroke in high school.

So I was trained by my mother to push myself to excel in every subject, even if I didn’t like it.

I did ok. I did enough to get me into Cornell but I had a hard time internalizing much of the knowledge I accrued or forced in my brain. Often, I felt like I couldn’t understand why I knew something - I just knew it because I had to know it.

I had constant anxiety and SI. In addition to several undiagnosed and unmanaged chronic pain issues. And crippling depression (my parents asserted that if anyone found out I was depressed or sought mental health care then I would not get into college… or even have friends).

I got into Cornell in my senior year (lol I guess this is the timeline) and I was incredibly sick. My trauma was catching up to me. My hs ex was incredibly abusive. My parents, even more so. There was *something* going on with my brother but no one listened to me, and I’m still mad about that. I wish he had gotten into treatment sooner.

I missed more than half the days of my senior year in high school. I had migraines, extreme pelvic pain, and… near crippling fear/anxiety/depression. And most doctors didn’t really believe me. My school? Wayzata High School?? Well on behalf of the now-politician, Ginny Klevorn, white suburban mom™️ extraordinaire INSISTED that I needed consequences (despite me basically making up all my homework and exams) … so they gave me straight Fs for one of the quarters in high school. But they did make my parents take me to therapy until I graduated - too bad that my first therapist was also abusive and was later fired.

I was furious.

I worked my ass off to my detriment to attempt to do as well as my other over-achieving peers. I definitely wasn’t learning - I swear that I didn’t know what I was doing half of the time. I didn’t have a lot of money or resources either - we just got creative most of the time. I just had to get good grades and do a million extracurriculars and volunteer and learn how to drive and come up with excuses about my behavior and play the violin and deal with abuse and pain. I was definitely not the best student but it was good enough. Four Fs would ruin all that though.

I got in anyway because I incorporated it (and my immigrant upbringing - I think that was the trend back then, oof) into my essays… I got a sizable financial aid package. And I visited and accepted.

And then I went and was so severely depressed and in bladder pain the whole time that I ended up with a 2.99 GPA, more trauma, maladaptive behaviors, no idea what I wanted to do in my life but applied to UMich’s MPH program on a whim and someone took a chance on me. And the Cornell degree.

I did work hard but… Cornell was traumatic. It’s really not ok that we are known for suicides and general bleakness. The “easiest Ivy to get into, hardest one to get out of” or whatever? Fuck that - I saw grown adults crying or majorly stressed out because they might be put on probation or cast out of the engineering degrees. Or the level of absolute corporal punishment of students using the answer manual to finish homework and then they all had to go to a hearing?? And you could have some permanent mark on your record? Wtf? Do you remember that? It was a witch hunt and also extremely unreasonable. I felt like I and so many other people I knew were constantly on edge.

My urologist in Ithaca also FUCKING SUCKED. He did this weird procedure trying to literally stretch out my urethra with rods… and I got so much worse. He slut-shamed me constantly. He was the only specialist in the area - and not specialist in my conditions. I think I was his only regular AFAB patient!

And I got my first back hernia at Cornell.

And a devastating friendship breakup that I will never truly understand. I was so lonely for a while.

But the wines class was good.

I met amazing people there, and I’ve had unforgettable experiences. My best friends were from there. I did learn how much I couldn’t learn, and I taught myself how and did really well in grad school.

And now it helps in job interviews and stuff. And makes people (read: me) think I’m elitist. Yay.

And yeah - I think college and then ending up with 5 degrees is one hell of a trauma response.

#Cornell #cornellclassof2012 #engineering #abuse #systemic ableism #ableism #illness #mental health #childhood abuse #trauma #harm #neurodivergence #college

[1randomperson15]

Hey, I've been questioning if I was autistic for a while now, and I am unable to get an official diagnosis (and tbh dunno if I want one), so here is a list of traits that may or may not be autistic traits and if you could go over them that would be great! (just ask if you need clarification for stuff, and if you have additional questions feel free to shoot)

Hates jeans

Hates seat belts

Hated a scratchy blanket everyone else thought was fine

Hated bras and avoided wearing them for the longest time, still Does Not like them

Will take them off as soon as I get home

Wouldn't wear them if people didn't care

Comfort & convenience >>> Looks (don’t really care about them, don’t really understand people who think otherwise)

Am agender

Plays same music over and over again (changes maybe every 1.5 years)

Wears same clothes each day (gets upset when can’t)

All basketball shorts and a shirt 

My parents had to fight to get me to get new clothes even when my old ones were clearly too small

Gets upset when my haircut isn’t the way I like it (full on sobbed when it was really bad)

I was usually upset after every haircut until there was a stylist who did it the same every time

Hate surprises - I already put out things to prepare food, but Ma wanted to make something else for me

When trees were massively trimmed I was saddened - I never thought about those trees before

Same with the bushes in front of our church parking lot

When I couldn’t find hot chocolate powder where I thought it’d be, I started tearing up and getting unreasonably angry and felt like throwing a tantrum

Tears up when I don’t understand something/gets really frustrated

Cried when I got into slight trouble with my Bio teacher

Doesn’t take criticism well (non quantifiable that is, anything other than numbers) (anything that you can't objectively prove ie math)

Monotone (ish) voice (have been called emotionless/cold, need to be more expressive in presentations; when asked some people say I do, others say I don’t so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Speaks more formal -ish? I think anyways

Copied characters/youtubers a lot when I was younger

Poor volume control (especially when excited)

Don’t know when to jump into conversations

Kinda feel like I’m just there, not part of it (outsider looking in)

It’s seems like a 50/50 if people tune me out

one on one is easier than group

Don’t know how to make friends

Can’t tell if I’m friends with people/if they care about me/would miss me

Have “obsessions” (ie. constantly think about Thing, read boat loads of fic about it, and talk if I feel I’m allowed to)

I have a bunch of nonsensical ramblings written out, and much more my sister was forced to listen to

Usually only have two interests at a time (1 youtube community, 1 fandom)

death (of others) is weird, feel empty for several days, then don’t feel anything after that

I hate alarms/repetitive noise 

Sometimes have to adjust volume others don’t need to

Sometimes the volume is too quiet to hear but when I turn it up slightly it's painfully loud

Mornings - take a bit to put on socks & eat breakfast, don't like verbally communicating (it's not like a coffee thing or whatever, usually it just takes time until I'm able to do things - might just not be a morning person)

Also, I used to not eat breakfast, until my parents found specific foods I would eat, and then they'd give it to me until it'd taste bitter and make me want to throw up and the cycle continues and now there's quite a few foods I used to love that I now Do Not eat

I used to just speak in mumbles and grunts a lot which my sister could mostly interpret to my parents

I would often feel angry for no reason/not know what I wanted when I was a child and took it out on my parents - I was very difficult

Once I couldn't communicate with my Dad that I needed a longer break between rounds of badminton and he kept insisting so I just sat there and was mad at him for the rest of the day

An English a teacher would add questions in our essays as genuine questions, but for the longest time I just assumed that meant I was taking my reasoning in the wrong direction, not that I was supposed to dive deeper

I don't usually speak unless someone explicitly asks me to bc I don't want to be annoying (in gcs and usually irl too)

I have spent 6 hours doing a spreadsheet...twice

am very blunt (people typically know if I don't like them, I don't try to be rude, just clear)

#actually autism #autism #actually autistic #my stuff #irl #I'm sure there's more shit but that's what I can think of #I dunno how much of this is relevant but might as well just in case it is

[bicheetopuff]

“Entrance Exam Arc” & “Quirk Apprehension Test Arc” Dissection

Katsuki is Still Mad About Not Being The Main Character

Contents:

I: Quiet Before The Storm

II: Beginning of Toxic Rivalry

III: Aggressive Intelligence

IV: Wrap Up

I: Quiet Before the Storm

We get nothing from Katsuki after he gets attacked. He’s completely silent throughout chapter 2 which takes place over the span of ten fucking months. No training, no coping with his near death experience, no bullying Izuku. Except this one panel where his silent speaks louder than his usual brash words.

He’s not saying anything but it’s also obvious that he’s not ignoring what just happened. Izukus class bullies him for being quirkless. Katsuki only uses his quirklessness as ammunition and to remind himself that he has something Izuku doesn’t. Katsuki isn’t saying anything here because he knows full well that Izuku can get into UA, quirk or no quirk. He also knows that there’s no harm in Izuku training for the entrance exam and it’d be unreasonable to belittle someone who isn’t doing anything wrong when he just saved his life. Instead, he shows empty aggression but doesn’t act on it at all. His silence in this panel is his way of showing the little gratitude he has for what Izuku did for him.

II: Beginning of Toxic Rivalry

This is the start of actual rivalry. Not just needless one sided violence. This is the first of many times that these two are compared to one another on opposite sides of the spectrum by people in the story not nerdy manga readers that look too much into their relationship because they’re bored.

They’ll continue to be compared to one another and Katsuki is going back to his hostile ways because of it. Because they’re now stuck together.

There’s anger there. But there’s also a hint of concern if you squint. It’s not concern for Izuku, it’s more concern of what’s happening to him and why it’s happening so fast. Izuku is quirkless and weak, how’d he suddenly get strong and confident enough to not only apply but, to make it into UA? How’d he suddenly develop the guts to stand up to him?

III: Aggressive Intelligence

Katsuki is intelligent and inventive and we don’t start to see that side of him until the quirk apprehension test when we see one of the several ways he uses his quirk. We’ve only seen him use explosions as a weapon up to this point when he shows he knows how to use it for mobility as well explains how he does it successfully.

I actually really like this panel. Like I said, it shows a side of Katsuki we haven’t seen yet up to this point. It shows how much he thinks about his power. The more uses he can come up with, the more powerful. But not only that, it shows his curiosity about Izuku and not being angry about it for once.

I think this has to do with the earlier observation of Katsuki wondering how Izuku got into UA and feeling that something isn’t right with the situation. He wants to see what changed and what’s special about him now but instead he’s seeing the same old quirkless Izuku he grew up with. What changed?

(Of course this scene, being kind of important to Katsukis character in a sense that it shows he’s really not all bad, the dubbed version of the anime ruins it by making him seem like the cockiest asshole alive.)

…his question got answered

But this representation of newfound power did nothing but left him with even more questions.

newsflash, Katsuki is a conspiracy theorist, Horikoshi told me.

I’m sorry but, if he was just a pebble why would you bully him for ten years and get particularly frustrated when it came to Izuku specifically? Why would the mere mention of him piss you off so much? Why do you suddenly see him as this extreme threat just because he used this quirk you didn’t know about to throw a ball 0.1m farther than you? Don’t act like you wouldn’t have still bullied him if he had manifested a quirk when you were little. Whether you want to admit to it or not, you know you didn’t bully him for being quirkless. You used his quirklessness to justify your resentment and bullying and used it as ammunition. Sir, don’t pretend like you didn’t already know this boy was never ‘just a pebble’. Why suddenly reduce Izuku to something you know he’s not?

I’m putting emphasis on this panel because he’s always used the same insults towards him… “nerd”, “deku”, “useless”. Up to this point he’s referred to Izuku as someone he needed to put in his place. Those factors plus the fear/confusion in his face, it feels more like he’s trying to convince himself that Izuku was, and should’ve stayed a pebble when he knows he never even considered him as something that small, hence the emphasis on the memory from their childhood of the two of them in the woods… the first pleasant memory that we see from their childhood. If anything, Katsuki tried his best to shrink Izuku down to the size he thought he deserved to be but knew he wasn’t.

IV: Wrap Up

This is the start of even more unjustifiable anger and resentment towards Izuku for Katsuki. The problem that I don’t even think he realizes he has, is getting worse. He sees his problem as Izukus existence when his real problem is his own insecurity and how he lets Izukus growth effect him. While Izukus confidence and power is increasing, so is Katsukis self doubt and insecurity and he isn’t sure how to express it other than projecting it on Izuku because that’s what he’s always done. More insecurity = more aggression.

The next post in this series is gonna be Deku vs Kacchan and I’m excited to dump my thoughts on it. It’s the first of many of my favorite moments in the series.

Katsuki Metas

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#bnha #bnha meta #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #mha manga #bakudeku #mentioned briefly