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is0gild · 4 years

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Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 27

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 10,891

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

You know that counting sheep thing?

Does. Not. Work.

Of course, maybe I'd be having better luck with it if I was able to go more than seven or eight sheep before my stupid brain would get distracted chasing some other wayward thought down the rabbit hole.

And it didn't help that there were so many wayward thoughts to choose from too. There was wondering when all that seething rage Grandfather was barely keeping in check was finally going to explode and murder me. There was confusion over Mother's actions and uncertainty as to which side she was going to end up being on, mine or that of the family's reputation. There was dread over the talk I was going to have with her and Father that had seemed to take so distressingly, painfully long to get here but now that the time was finally almost upon me, it suddenly seemed far too soon.

But probably the one that was eating away at me most of all, the one playing complete havoc with my nerves, the one that had kept me up tossing and turning all night long so far… was Anna.

I hadn't seen her for the rest of the party. To be fair, I hadn't stayed much longer after she'd fled from me. By that point, my capacity for human interaction had been maxed out and I'd needed to get out of there. Thankfully, Lea had managed to free himself from the clutches of my relations and had rejoined me, bearing two slices of cake. One look at me was all it took for him to know, then he was helping me make a quick exit. After escorting me back to my room, Lea had asked if I wanted company but I'd turned him down, saying I just wanted to go to sleep. He'd left me with a smile and one of the pieces of cake, which I'd set aside untouched on my vanity. From there, I'd changed into my nightgown and readied myself for bed, doing a poor job of it as I didn't even braid my hair. Then I'd turned off the light and crawled under the covers.

But I did not sleep.

Instead my mind whirled and raced and at the forefront of it all was Anna. What was it that had her so upset? Why couldn't she just tell me? How could it have caused such a drastic change in her attitude towards me? When had it even all begun? Was it something that she had been dealing with in silence, letting it fester for some time now and I just hadn't noticed until it'd gotten to be too much for her and she could no longer keep it hidden?

These were just a few of the questions that had kept me up. Were still keeping me up, even now as I spotted the first feeble rays of sunrise beginning to light the night sky outside my window. Honestly, this thing with Anna was stressing me out more at this point than even the idea of The Talk™ was.

But thankfully, all that sleeplessness hadn't been for naught! I had a theory now. I'd been over it again and again in my head. Mentally retracing and RE-retracing every step, every action I'd taken in the weeks between my wedding day and this very weekend, trying to figure out what it was I'd done, how I'd wronged my sister. And there was only one thing I could think of.

I should have called her sooner.

After running away, I shouldn't have waited so long to let her know that I was okay. God, she must have been going out of her mind with worry waiting to hear from me. I know I would've been, had our roles been reversed. And sure, she'd seemed fine that first day she'd tracked me down at the food court, not to mention every day that'd followed after that up to this point. But she'd probably just been keeping the fact that it had really hurt her to herself. And to make matters worse, I hadn't even ever apologized for how long it'd taken me to reach out to her. That's probably all I'd needed to do to make things okay - an acknowledgment of my thoughtlessness and a simple sorry. That was it. And it'd never even occurred to me to do that, not once, not until right now in the wee hours of early dawn.

True, it was all just a guess. But it's all that I had! Now then... how to make her feel safe and comfortable enough to open up and just tell me that? It's not like when we were kids and could just talk to each other about anything and everything. It's not like I could just magically make it all better like we'd always used to over whipping up a batch of-

I suddenly sat up with a gasp.

Because that's when I had it.

I knew what to do.

"Scotcheroos!"

"There you are!"

I didn't even glance up at the sound of Lea's voice, just paused long enough to sample a quick taste of the contents of my mixing bowl before scrunching up my face. "No, no, it's still wrong… maybe I just need to…" my muttering trailed off as I resumed pacing and stirring the concoction more furiously.

"Ya know, I take it back," he said, crossing his arms and leaning one shoulder against the kitchen door frame. "This place isn't a Clue board, it's a goddamn labyrinth. I've been wandering 'round lost in circles for who knows how long now. Luckily, I eventually came across a minotaur who I could ask directions. Good guy. Not at all as bullheaded as the stories would have you believe."

I was only half paying attention to what he was saying. Apparently, it wasn't the half that knew a lame pun when it heard it. Instead it was the half that marched up to him, shoved a small, chocolate-butterscotch coated spatula in front of his face and asked, "Does this taste right to you?"

He blinked, eyes flicking to the silicone scraper then back to me. Then he poked a finger to the goop and stuck it in his mouth. "...it tastes good?"

I huffed and pressed, "But does it taste right?"

"Yes?" he ventured a guess. I frowned and squinted up at him hard. "...and by yes, I of course mean no. Obviously!"

"I knew it!" I whirled around to slam the bowl down onto the counter. My hand came up to rub a curled finger over my chin as I groaned, "Ugh, what am I missing here?"

He was looking at me. At the nightgown I was still wearing. At my bare feet. At my hair thrown up into a loose, sloppy bun with several obstinate tendrils escaping to trail all around my face and neck. "...so is this where you've been hiding all morning?"

"All morning?" I laughed, shaking my head as I moved over to a second bowl on the stove top. Maybe I'd been on the right track with this earlier attempt. "Don't exaggerate, it's only-"

"Noon?" he offered with a half-shrug.

"Noon?!" I parroted back in disbelief. He nodded and I looked to the clock on the oven, which only further confirmed it. "But that's impossible, there's quite simply no way I've-" the words caught in my throat however, for all it took was one glance about the kitchen to verify that, yes in fact, there quite simply was way. My parent's home had a massive, king-sized kitchen to be sure but even so, I'd managed to cover almost every surface in it with many, many other bowls filled with all my previous discarded attempts. Oh gosh, you'd think I'd been at this all night, not just merely since the crack of dawn.

"Ya missed breakfast by the way," Lea said conversationally. "Man, was it awkward with only me sitting there with your folks, Gramps and a handful of your aunts and uncles. Lemme tell you, they're not as big of fans as you are of the Let Me Guess Your Fave Ice Cream game."

I winced, scratching my cheek with a tiny, "Sorry." Now that I thought about it, I did remember the cook bustling about in here as well at some point, probably making the breakfast Lea was referring to. She'd left me to my own devices, the kitchen being more than big enough to accommodate us both without getting in each others' ways. I'd only thought she'd been in here for a minute or two though.

He waved it off, "Nah, don't worry about it. I like to think your fam and I really bonded over all those crepes and long, uncomfortable silences."

I just gave a vague hmm in my throat, already distracted by the task at hand once more as I moved from one bowl to the next. This one? No… Maybe this one? No…

"I didn't know ya knew how to cook," I heard him say.

"I don't," I muttered, pulling a face at the peanut butter rice crispy batter in this pot, which was a whole other mess of problems. One minor catastrophe at a time, however. First I needed to figure out the topping, then I could work out the rest. I sidestepped to the next bowl.

Lea tipped his head to one side. "So then you just know the recipe for this one thing?"

"Not really, no."

His lips pursed to the right. "...struck in the middle of the night by the sudden, inexplicable but undeniable urge to teach yourself how to cook before the day's out?"

I paused, looking up to meet his gaze. "Yes."

He cocked an eyebrow, "Really?"

"Nope." And my search continued! Maybe in that pan over there…

"Okay seriously, whatcha doing?"

Ah-ha! Not the pan, but the gigantic bowl right next to it! I think this batch had been the closest so far. I picked it up and started walking towards Lea, declaring, "Scotcheroos!"

His brow furrowed, "Scotcha-wha?"

"Scotcheroos," I repeated, coming to a stop in front of him and shifting my hold on the container to one arm before stabbing a finger into the mixture. "Taste," I calmly demanded - his only warning before I suddenly stuck my fingertip drenched in sugary, chocolatey goodness into his mouth, forcing a small, strangled noise to choke out of his throat. Hand retracting, my eyes big and round and imploring, I asked, "What's the missing ingredient?"

"I, uh…" he cleared his throat, averting his gaze under my scrutiny as he rubbed at the nape of his neck. Then he snerked and grin, "Love?"

My eyelids drooped. "...not funny."

"It was a lil funny," he mumbled, making me scoff as I spun around and started pacing again, free hand coming up to clasp over my mouth as my index finger tapped the tip of my nose in thought. "C'mon, El, what're ya worried about? It tastes fine."

"But it doesn't taste right," I insisted, snatching up a clean spatula from a nearby utensil holder and feverishly stirring at the mixture. Was that helping? No clue. As previously stated, I didn't know the first thing about cooking. "And it has to. It must be absolutely perfect. You see, when Anna and I were children, Halima used to come over all the time and make these with us. Particularly whenever there was a squabble between us girls that she wanted to help settle. And these always, I don't know… helped… make things better. Somehow. So I thought that maybe… If I could just… Then possibly Anna would..." I stopped, puffed out a slow breath and regathered myself. "But it's been so long since she last made them with us and it just keeps coming out… wrong. I can't remember the exact recipe."

"Why not ask Halima?" he suggested, moving to stand opposite the kitchen island from me.

My eyes rolled as my feet continued to patrol back and forth. "What, at 6 a.m. when this whole madness began? Besides, I don't think she and Mattias even stayed here last night and I don't have her phone number."

"Well then, they have this fabulous invention called the internet."

"Don't you think I tried that already?" I swung up the spatula in frustration, sending some butterscotch-chocolate flying straight towards Lea. He ducked and it blurred over his head to splatter against a wall behind him. "But all the recipes out there are a little different, and none of them know Halima's secret ingredient."

He snapped his fingers, "Applesauce."

I froze midstep. Then I slowly turned to look at him, the hint of a smile tugging at one corner of my lips. "So you were listening last night."

"Course!" he beamed, hunching forward and propping his elbows on the island countertop, arms folded together. "Always do when ya got something to say."

I snorted, brushing the empty sweet talk off as I went back to pacing and stirring. "Anyway, nice try, but it's not like she uses the same secret ingredient in all her recipes. Hmm, maybe it was… honey? Or coconut oil? ...marshmallow cream...?" When I happened to glance Lea's way again, my feet came to a grinding halt once more as I gasped, "Sea salt!"

Both his eyebrows shot up his forehead. "As in the ice cream?"

"No, as in sea salt." Slapping the spatula down onto a counter, I started throwing open all the overhead cupboards in a frantic search. The upside of such a well-stocked kitchen was it had everything. The downside was it could be impossible to find the one thing you actually needed. But behold! Sea salt! There at last, in the ninth cupboard I'd check. But ugh, of course it just had to be on the top shelf, didn't it?

Swiping a finger over my cheek to brush a few strands of hair out of my face (which then promptly fell back into place), I secured the mixing bowl by hugging it tightly to my stomach with one arm while stretching the other up high over my head, reaching for the blue bottle. "It's probably not the ingredient, but it's at least one ingredient I forgot." Almost there…

A hand that wasn't mine suddenly appeared over my head to beat me to it, snatching up the little bottle of sea salt. I whipped around only to be greeted by the sight of a black band tee stretched snugly over a broad chest that I was becoming almost disturbingly all too familiar with at this point.

Pssst, Lea's eyes were up there, dummy.

Can you blame me, though? Really? I can't help it if the damn thing was always in my direct line of sight! Curse my genetics for making me so damn short!

I hastily looked up to meet his gaze as he offered me the sea salt. Gosh, he was so close. Really, the only thing separating us was my bowl. Beating my blush back with a proverbial stick, I gingerly took the small bottle with a soft, "Thank you." I then flicked the top open with my thumb and gave it a squint, wondering how much was too much. Welp, only one way to find out! I tipped it upside down over the mixture and let the pouring commence.

"So ya really think these Scotcha-thingies will get Anna to talk to you?" he shook his head slightly.

"I don't see why not." I kept dumping more and more out of the bottle. Better too much than too little, right? "It's always worked in the past. It'll work now. It has to."

"Yeah, but-"

"It has to!" I snapped desperately, slamming the bottle down on the countertop now with a loud bang that made me wince. Grimacing, I added more quietly, "Otherwise I don't know what else to do."

Lea frowned down at me. "...okay, real talk? How much sleep did you get last night?"

My nose wrinkled. "Zero, give or take an hour. Except not give, only take. Is it possible to get negative sleep?"

"If it is, you most certainly have," he snorted. "Alright, Missy, I think it's naptime for you."

A contemptuous huff escaped my nose. "Don't patronize me, I'm not a child. I'm fine."

"You have chocolate all over your face."

"I-?!" Embarrassed, my hand rushed up to scrub at my face. Lea's eyes crinkled and I could see him biting back a grin. When I lowered my hand to look at it, I figured out why. They were smeared all over in chocolate too, so I was probably only making the face situation worse.

He started lifting a hand towards me, then seemed to think better of it, using it to smother his smile instead. Then he asked, "Allow me?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. But then I sighed and tossed one hand up in an impatient gesture for him to get on with it. Snerking, he took the mixing bowl from my grasp and set it aside so he could step closer to me. His hand rose once more, gently brushing the curled knuckles of his fingers along my chin and across the tip of my nose, wiping away the smudges there. Was it just tired, sleep-deprived brain talking, or did he have that soft boyfriend look in his eyes again? Maybe he didn't even realize he was doing it. Maybe he'd forgotten how to turn it off at this point. Either way, that proverbial stick I'd mentioned earlier had snapped in two by now, making it impossible to keep the blush at bay anymore.

His hand cupped my cheek then, his thumb lightly stroking along my skin and leaving warm tingles in its wake. He let it linger there and I had to wonder at how stubborn that particular smear of chocolate must be. And still with that damn look. That thing could be considered a lethal weapon. Honestly, I was surprised I was still standing.

His lips parted, taking in a breath, about to say something and-

"Elsa dear." At the sudden sound of my mother's voice, Lea jumped and jerked back a step from me, swearing under his breath as he turned his back to us both, fingers viciously ruffling his crimson spikes. Mother arched one delicate eyebrow at me from where she had just appeared in the doorway. "Here you are. We've missed you all morning."

"Ah… yes, so I've heard. Sorry, I uh…" My hands self-consciously smoothed up and down my nightgown before clasping together as I took a quick glance about the kitchen. At the small mess I'd made here. Should I even try to explain? The more I thought about it, the more insane it sounded. "...just lost track of time, it seems," I finally settled on, hoping Mother wouldn't pry further.

Thankfully, she did not. Instead, she simply said, "Your father and I are ready for our discussion." She paused, giving my appearance a once over. "...perhaps you would like some time to freshen up first. You can join us in the Indigo Room in an hour." She tacked on a quick, "Lea," by way of greeting to him, bowing her head slightly.

"Ma'am," he returned with a weak chuckle and tiny wave. Then Mother turned and walked off, disappearing down the hallway. "Dun dun dun!" Lea mock chanted ominously, earning his shoulder a light smack from my hand and he sniggered.

Shaking my head, I muttered, "Well, guess I should go get changed."

"I'll meet ya outside your door when you're ready and we can take our lil stroll to the gallows together," he said brightly.

I gave a rueful smile, "You almost make it sound pleasant. Until then." On my way out, I ran across Gerda in the hall, who I asked to make sure no one tidied up the mess I'd left in the kitchen. Seeing as how it was a disaster zone of my own making, I preferred to clean it up myself later rather than make someone else do it. Then I headed up to my bedroom.

One would think I would be in a state of extreme panic now that the time of The Talk™ was finally upon me. However, as I switched out of my nightgown and got myself otherwise ready, I was oddly more just… numb. Huh. Perhaps I'd already used up all my crazy this morning and had nothing left in me to fret with. At least not right now, in the relative sanctuary of my old room. I'm sure I'd have no problem rustling up a fresh wave of cardiac arrest-inducing anxiety once I was standing in front of my parents.

But for now, I'd take comfort in this numbness. Who knew, maybe there really was nothing to worry about anyway. I'd been assuming the worst this whole time, but I honestly had no idea what this little chat was going to have in store for me. My parents had been doing too good of a job staying tight lipped and keeping their opinion on this matter to themselves. No big shock there, really. Who do you think invented the Conceal, Don't Feel mantra? My parents were the masters of that technique and had always been experts at keeping their cards close to the vest. But perhaps I was in for a pleasant surprise. Perhaps all they wanted to say was how proud of me they were for standing up for myself and how they would support whatever path in life I chose, as long as it made me happy!

...yeah right. All of Arendelle would freeze over in the middle of June before that happened.

Regardless, just under an hour later found me almost ready to go. I was somewhat more presentable now, dressed in a nice sundress I'd brought packed in my luggage for this weekend and with my hands and face washed clean of any remaining chocolate. I was just sitting down on the edge of my bed to tie my ankle boots when I heard my phone buzz. Retrieving it from my nightstand, one peek at the notifications informed me that Lea had sent a text:

Knock knock

I looked to my bedroom door. Then back to my phone, thumbs typing a message back.

Who's there?

There was a pause in his reply, so I tossed it onto the mattress next to me before reaching down to tug the laces of my boot tight. It wasn't until after I'd knotted the bow and moved onto the second shoe that my phone was vibrating again. I picked it up.

A dumbass

I quirked an eyebrow at that. Then tapped back:

A dumbass who?

I'd finished the other boot by the time his response came.

A dumbass who Bgan a knock knock joke w/o realizing it n so hz no punchline 4 u

One side of my mouth twitched up.

Wow, how embarrassing for you. They could revoke your snark license for that utterly epic failure.

I watched those three little dots bounce.

Shush n get ur butt out here alrdy

Snorting, I rose to my feet and pocketed my phone. A quick look around the room unfortunately revealed no further ways for me to procrastinate. Alright… guess it was time to get this over with. Heaving a heavy sigh through my nose, I exited the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind me.

Lea was waiting just outside, one shoulder propped against the wall to my left as he scrolled through his phone. Slipping it into his back pocket, he glanced up at me with a tiny smirk but then his spine snapped straight and his eyes widened. "That dress…"

"Hm? What about it?" I looked down at myself. There didn't seem anything particularly striking about it. Just a simple white sundress with a small purple diamond pattern decorating the hem at the bottom and- "Oh! Now I remember. This is the one you said I was wearing in your little fiction you cooked up about how we met, right?"

"Yeah," he smiled softly, scratching at a spot behind his ear. "It's as pretty on you as I, uh… imagined... it would be."

"Thanks," I ducked my head shyly. Luckily I'd had time in the past hour to tape and glue my proverbial stick back together, so I was able to thwack that blush down before it ever really had a chance to even get started. Peering back up at him once more, I couldn't stop a small huff of a laugh in my throat. "Is that what you're wearing? Really?"

"Gotta problem with it?" he shrugged cheekily. He hadn't changed since the kitchen. He was still in his faded band tee, ripped and ragged skinny jeans and steel-toed boots. And yeah, I get it, there was this whole badboy aspect he was going for to keep my parents from thinking they could scare him off. But at the same time, there had to be some sort of compromise, some sort of middle ground where he wasn't also provoking them and possibly making this upcoming conversation worse than it had to be.

Suddenly, he was snapping his fingers. "But wait, you're right! Be right back!" Then he was running off down the corridor back towards the guest room he was staying in. Since it was in the same direction we needed to go anyway for the Indigo Room, I just shook my head as I followed behind more slowly.

He was popping back out of his door just as I caught up. I took one look and wanted to facepalm. "Better?" he asked, smugly flipping up the collar of his leather jacket. "But wait, there's more!" Lifting the jacket up slightly revealed the return of that silly wallet chain hanging from his hip.

Ugh, I should have just kept my mouth shut.

"And the icing on the cake!" he reached inside his jacket and started pulling out the pink, heart-shaped sungla-

"No!" I darted forward, shoving them back into his inside pocket. Crud, these dumb things were becoming the bane of my existence. I pat my palm against where I could feel them on the outside of his jacket, saying sweetly, "Why don't we just keep those tucked away for now, okay?"

"You sure? Just trynta dress to impress!"

"But you're already so very impressive. Too impressive, in fact. My parents might faint from the sheer amount of impressiveness you already are."

"Woah, I'm even more impressive than I thought and that's saying something!" he chuckled. Then with a grin, he bent at the waist into a half-bow and flourished one hand out ahead of us. "Well then, shall we?"

I nodded and we set off down the hall.

We walked along in a companionable silence. Lea seemed to realize I was using this time to mentally prepare myself and bolster my emotional defenses. My mind kept going over it again and again. The exact words I wanted to say to my parents. It'd been something I'd constantly been turning over in the back of my brain ever since Friday evening's dinner. I had a whole little speech prepared. Must have ran through it a million times in the past two days. I had to, otherwise I would just be left stuttering and floundering and drawing a complete blank before my parents. It went a little something like…

Good afternoon, Father and Mother. How are you?

(Good opening. Solid. Cordial. A classic.)

As I'm sure we're all well aware, we're here to discuss the events of my wedding day.

(Straight to the point. Very concise and clear.)

First, please allow me to apologize. I deeply regret any pain and indignity my actions may have caused you or the rest of the family.

(And thus in one fell swoop, I've demonstrated sympathy and understanding, letting them know I acknowledge their feelings, their side of things. Was I killing it with this little speech or what?)

However, please understand that I quite simply could not go through with it. I didn't love him. I wouldn't have been able to make him happy, and he certainly wouldn't have been able to make me happy. It wasn't until I ran away from my old life altogether that I realized I just wasn't happy period. That I hadn't been for some time.

(A simple and straightforward statement of the problem. Plain and direct. Uncomplicated. How could they argue with that?)

I felt smothered. Like I couldn't breathe. I needed my freedom and getting away from everything I'd previously known helped me realize that. Living somewhere new, getting a job, forging out my own path in life… I've been much happier than I have been in a long while. This is what's best for me right now and I hope that with time, you'll come to realize that too.

(And just like that, a ready-to-go solution was presented to the aforementioned problem. The hard work was already done! All my parents had to do was just hear and accept that. Easy, right?)

Thank you for your time and consideration, I now open the floor up for further discussion and questions.

(...okay, maybe that last bit was a tad overly formal and unnecessary, but you get the picture.)

I think that covered all my bases. Sure, it didn't mention Lea at all. But it didn't totally negate the alleged role he'd played either, at least as far as my parents knew. I was hoping to maintain that little fib by just avoiding discussing it with them entirely. And sure, Lea would be present, but he was just going to be there as moral support for me and a deterrent for debate from my parents. Really, the focus of the talk shouldn't be on him anyway. It was supposed to be on me, on my feelings and why I did what I did.

I was able to rehearse my speech in my head a couple more times before we at last turned a corner and I spotted it.

The doorway leading into the Indigo Room.

Ah, there it was. The spike of adrenaline. That constricting of my chest. Right on cue, panic slithered in to encircle my heart, squeezing it, causing cracks in its protective little numb bubble, seeking entry. I gulped but kept walking, my step never faltering. My hand unconsciously found Lea's, causing him to shoot me a glance out of the corner of his eye. Then he smiled as he gave it a warm, tiny squeeze.

This was it.

There was no turning back now.

Just twenty more steps and I'd be through that door and facing whatever awaited me beyond. I screwed my eyes shut, going over my speech for the umpteenth time. These words were really the only things keeping me sane at this point.

Good afternoon, Father and Mother. How are you?

Ten more steps. My heartbeat thundered in my ears.

As I'm sure we're all well aware, we're here to discuss the events of my wedding day. First, please allow me to apologize.

Five more. I sucked in a breath and held it.

I deeply regret any pain and indignity my actions may have caused…

Three… two… O-

"Ah! There you are, my boy!"

The sudden, booming, and dare I say even cheerful voice had me stumbling and snapping my eyes open wide. Was that… I could have sworn it sounded like…

...Grandfather?!

He'd just come bursting through the very door we'd been heading for, with Father and the Duke walking out behind him as well. He was holding his arms wide open and had this huge smile on his face and- my god, was that an actual skip in his step?

Who was this man and what had he done with my grandfather?

...on top of that, I was just now discovering that Loud, Smiley Grandfather was way scarier than Quiet, Scowley Grandfather.

The maneuver was swift, calculated and efficient. He clapped his hands down on Lea's shoulders, catching him off guard as he spun him one-eighty, tearing his hand from mine. Then Grandfather was slinging an arm around Lea's shoulders all chummy-like. "Come! Walk with us, lad," he rumbled with laughter, forcing Lea into a staggering march beside him as he led him away. "Have you ever had a 1939 Macallan Scotch? Or a Gurkha Black Dragon cigar? No? Would you like to? How about right now?"

"Er…" still being all but dragged away, Lea glanced back over his shoulder at me uncertainly.

Bewildered myself, I just shrugged before gesturing for him to go along with it.

I feared Lea trying to resist whatever this was might risk poking the bear.

The Duke brushed past me to follow the two of them, posture rigid and face as crotchety as ever. Father was the last to go, gracing me with a brief smile. "Go on in. They're waiting for you," he nodded back towards the Indigo Room. Then off he went with the rest of the menfolk. Watching them go left me absolutely baffled.

What on earth had that been all about?!

I had nothing. Zilch. No plausible explanation whatsoever. Well, none except for-

Oh no.

They were literally about to murder him.

Think about it. It was the only thing that made sense! Why else would-

Wait… "they?"

That's what my father had just said, right? "They're waiting for you inside." His exact words. Who was this they? Shouldn't it just be Mother in there? Either Mother had had a change of pronouns and I was about to have a completely different conversation than I'd been expecting this whole time, or…

...someone else was in there with her.

Anna, perhaps? Yeah, that had to be it. After all, despite whatever her issue with me was currently, she was supposed to be there to have my back through this. And with Lea having just been straight up kidnapped, I'd need Anna's help more than ever. Yeah, that's probably all it was. Just Mother and Anna in there.

Hoping I was just being paranoid a second ago and Lea wasn't actually off somewhere getting assassinated this very moment, I shoved such thoughts to the back of my mind and prepared to go inside. I squared my shoulders, smoothed the nonexistent creases out of my dress, swept my braid-

Fudge, I'd forgotten to braid my hair! It was still up in that crude bun. Oh well, no time to fix it now. Hopefully it wouldn't come across so much as "messy" as just "stylishly disheveled." Regathering what little courage I could muster, I took a deep breath, clenched my hands at my sides and finally, at long last, stepped through that door into the Indigo Room.

It was a sitting room that lived up to its name. Everything was a rich shade of blue-violet from the walls to the carpet to the window curtains to the two couches taking up the middle of the room, facing each other from across the long coffee table between them. Sitting together in one of those sofas were three people. Mother - of course I'd expected her. Aunt Yelena - admittedly a bit more unexpected, but actually wasn't all that shocking. And... Maren? Okay, seeing her here actually did kind of surprise me.

But even more concerning than the people I saw before me now was the one person I wasn't seeing.

Anna.

Where was she?

Mother rose to her feet, a subdued smile on her face as she folded her hands in front of her just below her waist. "Elsa. Thank you for joining us. Please," she bowed her head slightly towards the couch across from her, "have a seat."

Perhaps a better question would be, what the heck was this?

...some kind of intervention? An ambush?

Oh gosh, was that why they'd taken Lea away? Had they just been trying to separate us so they could get me alone? Divide and conquer?

I stood rooted to the spot, not budging an inch. Aunt Yelena, usual stoic expression set firmly in place, said, "Maren dear, perhaps you could assist your cousin."

Maren grimaced, making a soft noise in her throat that was half huff, half growl. Then she stood, making her way over to me to take hold of my elbow, gently guiding me over towards the empty sofa. My feet dazedly followed. "Sorry," she whispered to me. "I didn't want to be here. Grams made me." She shot Yelena a sour look as she nudged me into taking a seat before rejoining the other two on the opposite couch.

Then everything fell silent.

Well... everything, that is, except for the hammering inside of my ribcage and the shallow, raspy breaths through my nose.

Alright, fine. So what if this wasn't exactly how I'd pictured it? So what if instead of my parents, I was facing off with some sort of, I don't know… matriarchy tribunal or whatever? So what if Anna wasn't here?

...why wasn't she here? She was supposed to be here! She was supposed to-

No! Stop it! Be strong! Be brave! You can do this on your own, Elsa. Remember the speech! Just recite those words you know so well by now and everything will turn out alright, you'll see. You got this!

Inhaling slowly through my nose, I began, "Good afternoon, Father and-" Shoot, I'd already screwed it up! Wincing, I stammered, "N-Not Father! Mother! A-And Aunt Yelena and Maren too, of course! Er… h-how are you? As I'm well aware, we're here to discuss my day." I blanched, looking down at my hands as they balled into trembling fists in my lap. "Wedding day! My… my wedding day. First, please apologize. Allow! Allow me to…" Ugh, so much for the speech. Why didn't I think to bring friggin' note cards? "...that is to say, I r-regret any actions my pain and indignity may have- wait! No, I-"

Yelena suddenly cut in with a blunt, "Does that boy have you on drugs?"

"What?!" my head shot up and I gaped at her. "I am most certainly not on-"

"It's okay, child," she held up a placating hand. "You're in a safe place. You can share the truth with us, we won't judge. Please, tell us how that boy has led you astray. Debauchery, intoxication, hedonism-

"Auntie," Mother interrupted her, placing a hand over hers as she shot her a small warning look. Then her full attention was on me again, her tone calm, as if she were speaking with a small child. "Elsa, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I understand. Believe it or not, I was young and impulsive too once. I've known men like Lea. Men who are handsome, who appear mysterious and dangerous and how exciting and… alluring all that can seem. It's just a phase, that's all. He's just a phase. But it's all over and done with now."

...a phase? "No, that's not what-"

"It's done now, Elsa," she repeated more sternly, expression hardening. "You just had to get it out of your system. And now that that little indiscretion is behind us and in the past where it belongs, we can forget all about it and you can get back on the correct course and fulfill your obligations."

"...get back on the…?" I echoed quietly, my brow furrowing. Then my head rocked back, gaze widening. "You don't mean-"

"Yes," Mother's eyes closed with a solemn nod. "Be grateful that your father and I were able to speak with his parents and smooth everything over. The wedding had to be rescheduled of course, but will otherwise proceed as planned."

"You still expect me to marry him?" I asked incredulously. This was absurd! Unreal! I'd even go so far as to say I must be dreaming, that this was literally a nightmare, except I would never be so lucky. I knew without a doubt that I was fully awake, that this was real life, and that this was exactly how my family worked. I shot up to my feet, "No! I'm a full grown adult, you can't just-"

"We can and we will! Sit down, you foolish girl," Yelena snapped dryly. "We are all in agreement here that-"

"We?" Maren grumbled, slouching down further into her seat, propping her temple against her fist as she glared down at the coffee table.

Aunt Yelena narrowed her eyes on her granddaughter. "Yes, we." Her cold gaze then shifted to lock on me once again. "We are all in agreement here that your actions have shown you to be too immature to be making your own decisions and so we must make them for you. You have let that delinquent cloud your judgment and good sense. Tell us, are you even so naive as to think yourself in love? Please, lowlifes like him merely take perverse pleasure in seducing and praying on young, innocent girls and using them until they grow bored and move on."

I'd lowered myself to the couch once more. I wasn't even sure when that'd happened. I didn't remember doing it. "...no, that isn't…" I began, but then stopped with a frown. This was all wrong. This wasn't how this conversation was supposed to be going. It wasn't supposed to be about Lea. He wasn't supposed to be the main topic, just an obstacle. Well, my family had seen him as an obstacle alright - one they simply had to eradicate before everything went back to normal and I did as I was told. Shaking my head, I began again, "He isn't like that, but that's besides the-"

"Oh no?" my aunt quirked a disdainful eyebrow. Then to Mother, she said cooly, "Iduna, if you would please."

A look of unease flitted across Mother's face and she hesitated for a heartbeat. Then her hand was reaching down to her hip for something that'd been tucked away out of sight between her and Yelena. "I found this in your room," she said, eyes downcast as she laid the thing out on the low, hardwood table between us.

It was Lea's spiked choker that he'd left with me.

My fingers squeezed the edge of the couch cushions to either side of my knees. "You were going through my things?" I asked quietly, looking up at Mother. She avoided my gaze and said nothing. I felt a sharp, unpleasant twinge inside my chest.

...was this the real reason she'd come to visit me a couple nights ago? Not because she'd missed me or wanted some time alone with me, but to… snoop? What, to look for something, anything that could be used against me, no matter how small or ridiculous?

"I shudder to think what other horrors we might uncover in a more thorough search of whatever squalor you're using as a poor excuse for living arrangements at the moment," Yelena tsked. "Tell us, what other depraved acts did that boy use to beguile you? Substance abuse, carnality-"

"Oh god, Aunt Yelena, no!" I buried my face in my hands. I take it back… this was, in fact, a nightmare. This was ludicrous. All this fuss over a stupid, cheap piece of goth jewelry. Puffing out a breath, I gestured towards the collar, "That, right there? It's nothing. It was just a joke, okay? It's-"

"The crumbling state of your future is no joking matter, young lady!" she huffed back, for the first time showing a crack in her stone cold mask. "Look at you! I don't even recognize you anymore. Gone is the sophisticated and well-mannered woman we all nurtured and helped you grow into. We're left with nothing but this pathetic, disgraceful shadow of what you once were. Your actions are mindless. Your behavior is deplorable. Your appearance is appalling." My appearance? What on earth was wrong with- oh for the love of… curse you, you cruddy bun! I just knew you'd be my downfall! "There is little doubt in our minds that this is all that degenerate's doing. He's got you all turned around, making questionable decisions and not taking care of yourself. And you let him. Why? Just what do you have to say for yourself?"

It's funny… now that I was at last being given a real chance to speak, I found I could no longer string even two words together. My lips parted, but nothing came out. My throat had closed up, my voice had abandoned me. I glanced to Mother, but she still wouldn't look me in the eye. As for Maren, she just gave me the barest of shrugs and mouthed another silent 'sorry' to me.

My mouth was dry. Blood rushed in my ears. This was all wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Leading my family to believe that Lea was my boyfriend had been a mistake. It hadn't helped, it'd only made things worse. Now I'd been backed into a corner where I'd either have to defend the lie or come clean with the truth, and I didn't see either option turning out particularly well for me. My hands were wringing at the skirt of my dress, mangling and abusing the fabric. The corner of my eyes stung. This should have all been going so differently. Lea should have been here. Anna should have been here. Where-

Suddenly the door to the room crashed open, making all four of us jolt. I twisted around in my seat to see Lea storming in, a dark scowl marring his features. I blinked.

He was angry.

I'd never seen him angry before.

I hadn't even thought a single angry bone existed in his body.

"Come back here, you vulgar, deadbeat hooligan!" the Duke snarled as he too came in, hot on Lea's heels, his mustache swishing in an agitated frenzy. Lea ignored him and kept going.

Grandfather was next to arrive. Gone was the smile from earlier, replaced by pure unadulterated rage as he roared, "We told you to stop! Did you not hear us?! Or are you as deaf as you are brainless?"

"Lea?" I asked as he at last came to a halt next to me, my wide eyes darting back and forth between him and them. "What's going on?"

"Get your things," he ground out through grit teeth, grabbing my hand and pulling me up to my feet. "We're leaving."

"Wha-?" That was all I got out before he was on the move again, tugging me into a stumble after him.

Grandfather and the Duke were still bellowing their outrage, hurling insults that were getting lost in a jumbled torrent of words as the two of them tried to talk over each other. By now, Father had entered the room as well but unlike the other two, he only narrowed his eyes and remained grimly silent.

"Lea," I tried again, my free hand going to his arm as I struggled to keep up with his long, hurried strides, "tell me what happened."

"Oh, I'll tell you what happened alright. What happened is Gramps here," Lea came to an immediate stop in front of the man in question, glaring daggers at him, "tried to pay me off to ditch you and disappear for good."

Both eyebrows shot up my forehead. "...Grandfather, is that true?"

"Of course it is!" Grandfather snapped, jabbing a finger into Lea's chest. "That's all you're looking for, isn't it?!" Another jab. "A nice, plump handout to make you hit the road and stop sullying my granddaughter's honor!" And yet again. "Well, what's the matter, dolt?!" Jab, jab, jab. "What, were you hoping for more munny?! Not enough zeroes for you on that check, hm?!"

Lea's right eye twitched. "Swear to god, Gramps, if you poke me with that fucking finger one more damn time-"

"You mean to tell me you didn't take the munny?" a new voice, slow and dubious, interjected into the conversation. We all turned to see that Aunt Yelena had left the couch to join us, squinting at Lea with a skeptical frown.

"Shit no! What's wrong, you buncha geezers, hearing aids on the fritz? How many times do I have to fucking say it?! I don't want a damn cent of your stupid, stinking munny. Next person to ask will hear me telling 'em just exactly where they can take their munny and shove it! C'mon El, let's go already!" And he was off again, charging out the door and taking me with him.

I had to hand it to Lea. The tension in his shoulders, the flaring of his nostrils, the flash to his green eyes… he certainly had the whole offended boyfriend act down pat. He'd almost even had me fooled for a second there, but clearly it was all just for show. I mean... pretty sure it was, anyway. It's not like he'd actually-

Thud!

That was the sound of me faceplanting into Lea's back as he came to an abrupt and unexpected stop just as we exited into the hallway. Ow. With a tiny wince, I looked past him to see what the roadblock was only to discover we'd almost had a head-on collision with-

"Anna?" I gasped softly. "Where have you-" The words died on my tongue.

She was shifting her weight from one foot to the other as a small, nervous smile flashed across her face. But that's not what I was looking at. No, what I was looking at was her shoulders. More specifically, at the arm wrapped around her shoulders. More, more specifically, at the person attached to the arm wrapped around her shoulders.

My eyebrows knit together. "...Hans?"

Hans Westergaard. That's right, those Westergaards. As in the owners of the multi-billion dollar corporation Southern Isles Exports. As in long time business partners and allies of the Fryse family stretching back generations upon generations. As in this was their son before me, right here, right now. As in a boy I'd known since I was a child and had grown up with into teenagers. As in the teenager I'd began dating in highschool and started calling boyfriend. As in the boyfriend who'd proposed and became my fiancé. As in the fiancé who I'd left at the altar.

...as in my now ex-fiancé who currently had his arm wrapped around my little sister's shoulders.

I don't know how long I just stood there, staring and not blinking. It felt like an eternity, like time was standing still. But in reality, it was probably only a second, maybe two before I heard myself asking, "...what is this?"

Hans visibly stiffened, awkwardly removing his hand from Anna. His fingers scratched against one auburn sideburn at his temple as he muttered to her, "You... haven't told her yet?"

"Told me what?"

I knew. Deep down inside, I knew. It was so painfully obvious now, how could I not? But still, I needed to hear Anna say it.

"Told you that…" she stretched the last word out before trailing off, gnawing on her bottom lip as she poked the tips of her index fingers together and her eyes darted frantically about. Finally, in a voice so tiny I almost couldn't hear it, she blurted out, "Hans is my new boyfriend?"

Annnnd there it was.

...wait, was this what she'd been freaking out about all weekend? It was, wasn't it? Oh gosh, it all made so much sense now! Why she always seemed to change the subject whenever I'd asked her about the new guy she was seeing, why she kept clamming up whenever I'd approached her, why she ran away practically every time I'd so much as uttered a single word to her. It wasn't anything I'd done, she was the one who felt like she'd-

...hang on, back up a second. Rewind to the conversation I'd just been having in the Indigo Room. Hadn't Mother said… I could have sworn… Had I misunderstood? No… no, I don't think so…

Pretty sure it had been stated in no uncertain terms that I was still expected to marry Hans.

But that didn't make any sense! Not unless-

I looked at her sharply. "His parents don't know. Father and Mother don't either."

"We don't what?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of Mother's voice. I'd forgotten about her. Really, I'd forgotten about everyone else. Mother, Father, the rest of my family, even Lea who's hand I was still holding… every last one of them, completely wiped from my brain. For a moment there, all I'd been aware of was my sister, my ex-fiancé, and me. Now the rest of them were crowding out the door behind Lea and me, many still with scowls twisting their faces. Mother's expression, on the other hand, was that of surprise as she spotted who was standing next to Anna. "Hans? We didn't know you were coming by today. To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?"

As Hans gave a weak smile and struggled for some sort of polite response, Anna piped up with, "Could everyone excuse Elsa and me real quick? We'll just be a sec, promise!" She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me several steps away, leaving Hans looking rather distraught at being left to fend for himself before our family.

Well… our family and Lea, but I doubt Hans was going to be getting much assistance from that corner.

Once Anna and I were far enough away where a hushed conversation would not be overheard, she snatched my shoulders and whispered hastily, "Sis! I was gonna tell you, I swear! Mom and Dad too. But it just… it never seemed like the right time, ya know? I-"

"How long?" I cut her off, my voice flat.

Her forehead wrinkled. "...how long…?"

"How long have you and Hans been…" I looked away, my nose scrunching up slightly.

"Oh! After you two broke up, definitely, definitely after!" she insisted with several firm nods. Then her face blanched, "You weren't thinking that...that he and I would've... before you and he... No! No, we'd never do that to you! Not ever! Not in one billion, trillion years! Never, ever, ever, ever-"

"How long after we broke up?" I pressed, meeting her eyes now with a frown.

Here she grimaced, sucking in a breath through her teeth and turning her head away as she rubbed her elbow. "...the day after?"

...okay, I didn't mind the fact that Hans had moved on. It was actually almost kind of shocking how little I cared. I guess it was just further confirmation that I'd made the right decision by not going through with the wedding. Besides, how hypocritical of me would it be if I did care? Here I was, crushing on Lea for crying out loud! But that's all it was - a crush. And at least in my case, it'd taken several weeks to develop.

Hans had waited a day to move on. And he hadn't moved on with just anyone, he'd moved on with my sister. And since then, the two of them had probably been… doing things, ugh! To think, the guy I'd been engaged to for a year, doing god only knows what with my baby sister less than twenty-four hours after I'd-

...well, to be fair… he probably knew the "Lea and me" story by now, so he'd probably thought I'd been cheating on him for months now...

...then again, Hans didn't know about "Lea and me" the day after I broke it off. Heck, I didn't know about "Lea and me" the day after I broke it off! I didn't even actually know Lea then! So it's not even like Hans had had the moral high ground when he'd… when he and Anna had…

"-not like we meant for it to happen, it just sorta, ya know… happened!" Apparently, Anna was mid-babble as I tuned back into whatever she was saying. "I mean, I always thought his eyes were kinda dreamy, but he was your fiancé so I was all, woah there girl, hands off, no touchy, big friggin' no-no there! But then, all of a sudden, he wasn't your fiancé, and well… I was there, and he was there, and we just… happened!"

...there was something…

"And I wanted to tell you, oh my gawd, you have no idea how badly I wanted to tell you! I didn't want either of our parents to find out before you did, I wanted you to be the first to know and for you to hear it from me! But we just kept putting it off and off and off-"

...something… something my subconscious was trying to tell me right now…

"-and off until finally! This weekend! I said it's now or never, damn it! It was going to be Friday night, I was going to have him over for dinner with Mom and Dad at the same time you brought over Lea! But then I just… dunno, I chickened out and told him to stay away!"

...scratching, picking at the back of my mind…

"So then I said Saturday! Definitely Saturday! At Grandfather's birthday party! Think of it, it would have been perfect, like… like our grand debut! But then I friggin' wimped out again! I was just really scared how you might react… I didn't want to see you hurt or…"

...god, what was it? I almost had it, it was literally on the tip of my-

"But finally, I said you know what? I just gotta rip off that stupid bandaid! Today! It had to be today! That's why I brought Hans here, now, so we could finally just-"

"Why today?" I asked abruptly.

She blinked once, then twice. "...what?"

I fixed her with a hard stare. "Why did it have to be today? Why this weekend? Why… when Lea was here?"

She froze, eyes growing round. Then she was tugging at one of her pigtail braids, looking anywhere but at me. "I don't know what you-"

"This is why you convinced me to trick Father and Mother into believing I was dating Lea." My frown deepened. She flinched and said nothing. I was breathing heavily through my nose now as my chest burned. "It is, isn't it? You knew our parents wouldn't have approved of you two. That they still wanted me, as the eldest, to marry Hans. So you thought that... that if I showed up on their doorstep with a boyfriend who was their worst nightmare, that it would somehow… what, make you and Hans not look as bad? Lessen the blow? That Mother and Father would use up all their freaking out on me and have none left over for you?"

She gave a small "...no?" with a half-hearted shrug. My eyelids drooped. Then she sighed, "Okay, maybe a little bit… but that was just a small part of it! The smallest part! A teensy-weensy, itty-bitty smidge of it, I swear! The main, big reason I suggested the Lea plan was because I really thought it would help you! That it would be just the boost you needed to stand up to Mom and Dad and get you through this big talk with them and-" Anna's words drowned in sharp gasp. "Frick, the talk!" Her eyes drifted back over to where the rest of our family was still gathered. You could see her putting two and two together, could all but hear the gears beginning to turn in her mind. "...was that happening right now? I didn't miss it, did I?"

That was it.

Right there.

The last straw, apparently.

I was done. So done. Done with the lies, the expectations, the not getting any sleep, the panic, the stress, the fear, all of it… I just let it all go. I don't know how. I'd never been able to before. It had always seemed impossible, but now it was so simple, so easy. All of it, just gone with a tiny snap inside my brain. In its place, an almost eerie peace had settled over my heart. I knew what to do now. It was so clear, so obvious. I turned away from Anna and started to walk calmly back towards the others.

"Sis?" I heard Anna whisper after me, but I just kept going. "...Elsa? What are you-"

"Father. Mother," I came to a stop in front of them, pulling their attention away from whatever discussion they were in with the rest of the group. All eyes turned to me now. I could sense it in all of their looks - the curiosity from my parents, the thinly-worn patience of my aunt, the simmering fury coming off both Grandfather and the Duke in waves. Normally all of it would be enough to break me, but not this time. Instead, I just let it all wash harmlessly over me. I could feel Lea at my side and I took what little comfort I could from that. Then I drew in a long, deep breath and began.

"Lea and I aren't dating. We never were." I stated it simply, as if I were merely discussing the weather. Mother's and Father's gazes widened in shock while low grumbles and murmurs passed amongst my other relatives. I went on, "I didn't even meet him until after I ran away from my wedding. He's just a friend, one who was willing to go along with a ridiculous and what I can see now was quite honestly pointless plan.

"I didn't run away because of him, he had nothing to do with it. I ran away because of me. I did it for me. I wasn't happy. I didn't want it… not the wedding, not the life you'd laid out for me, not the future you'd so carefully planned, none of it. I needed to be on my own, I needed the freedom and space to make my own decisions and to be me, to decide what I wanted and what was best for me. It's my life. I get to decide how I want to live it and none of you get a say in it. Period." I stood a little taller now, hitching my chin and narrowing my eyes, "And if you don't like it, well then that's too bad."

A hush fell all around us. My parents' brows were furrowed as they exchanged glances. Father was the first to speak, "Elsa, perhaps we should take a seat somewhere and talk about th-"

"How dare you, you ungrateful girl?!" Grandfather suddenly erupted in a snarl, face a dark, blotchy red as he stomped forward. "I will not stand for such insolence in my presence! No granddaughter of mine is allowed to speak to us in such a manner ever, you hear me?"

My eyelashes twitched. An almost imperceptible wince. The only reaction I gave to his outburst. My gaze then shifted from him back over to my parents. Whether or not they were in agreement with Grandfather's statement, they kept it to themselves, remaining mute on the subject with small grimaces. Locking my eyes on Grandfather once more, I said evenly, "Very well then. I guess that makes me no granddaughter of yours."

I started to turn to leave, but then paused. Looking back to my parents one final time, I tacked on, "Oh, and the next time you try to marry me off to someone, you might want to make sure he's not in another relationship already."

Both their postures snapped straight at that. "Hans?" Mother asked, turning her focus on him now. "What does she mean by that?"

"I, uh…" he laughed feebly, sidestepping in a poor attempt to hide behind Anna. As for her, she just gaped at me as I turned my back on them all and walked away. I could see Maren out of my peripheral, her jaw slack as well, but with a smile tugging up at the corners of her lips as she brought her hands together in a slow, silent clap.

"You stop right there, young lady!" Grandfather was shouting after me, but I did not stop. "You will do as you're told or so help me, that's it for you! Step one foot outside this house and you're cut off! Disowned! We'll have nothing more to do you with, you hear me?! Nothing!"

Still, I kept walking. I could hear a single pair of footsteps behind me. Once they caught up to walk along beside me, I glanced over, knowing I'd be greeted by Lea's grinning face. I told him, "You can put them on now."

He cocked his head at my words. But then it clicked, and his grin stretched wider. "You sure?"

"Positive," I said flatly, staring straight ahead once more. I could still hear Grandfather yelling his tantrum after me back there. "Go nuts."

"Oh hell yeah!" He reached inside his leather jacket, whipping out the heart-shades and slipping them onto his nose. Then he spun into an about-face, striding along backwards next to me now. "Suck it, bitches!" he crowed back at them all, throwing his hands up to flip the double bird as we turned to disappear around a corner.

That's right.

Suck it, bitches.

Author's Note: So THAT's why Anna's been acting all squirrelly! How 'bout it ya'll, didja see it coming from a mile away? xD Hopefully I surprised at least one or two of you with that lil twist xP And oh gosh, when it rains, it friggin' POURS! So much being thrown at Elsa all at once xD Hope the drama turned out okay! As you've read through 27 chapters of my writing by now (at least! I'm sure there's those of you who've read my other stuff too tho xP), you've probably gathered by now that I'm more about the sass, humor, and mindless fluff and less about… *gestures towards last half of above chapter* THIS. But I did the best I could and that's all anyone can ask for! Also… those damn heart-shaped sunglasses, I swear xD They were just supposed to be a one time throw away gag for the yacht chapter, but apparently my Lea muse liked them so much that he kept finding an excuse to bring them back every damn chance he got! It wasn't supposed to be a running gag, it really wasn't! But hot damn, if the Fire Boi wouldn't look good in those puppies xD

So, it's official… Elsa is finally done with all of it. Done with the lies, done with the family BS, all of it. Next time, what's she gonna do now that she's finally at long last well and truly free? So many possibilities! Where will she go? What will she do? Will she and Anna ever be able to patch things up between them? What's next for her and Lea now that their lil fake dating scheme is kaput? DOES that sheep counting thing ACTUALLY work for anyone? I mean, seriously?! Stay tuned!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/science/from-apples-to-popcorn-climate-change-is-altering-the-foods-america-grows/

From Apples to Popcorn, Climate Change Is Altering the Foods America Grows

The impact may not yet be obvious in grocery stores and greenmarkets, but behind the organic apples and bags of rice and cans of cherry pie filling are hundreds of thousands of farmers, plant breeders and others in agriculture who are scrambling to keep up with climate change.

Drop a pin anywhere on a map of the United States and you’ll find disruption in the fields. Warmer temperatures are extending growing seasons in some areas and sending a host of new pests into others. Some fields are parched with drought, others so flooded that they swallow tractors.

Decades-long patterns of frost, heat and rain — never entirely predictable but once reliable enough — have broken down. In regions where the term climate change still meets with skepticism, some simply call the weather extreme or erratic. But most agree that something unusual is happening.

“Farming is no different than gambling,” said Sarah Frey, whose collection of farms throughout the South and the Midwest grows much of the nation’s crop of watermelons and pumpkins. “You’re putting thousands if not millions of dollars into the earth and hoping nothing catastrophic happens, but it’s so much more of a gamble now. You have all of these consequences that farmers weren’t expecting.”

Because the system required to feed the country is complex and intertwined, a two- or three-week shift in a growing season can upset supply chains, labor schedules and even the hidden mechanics of agriculture, like the routes that honeybees travel to pollinate fields. Higher temperatures and altered growing seasons are making new crops possible in places where they weren’t before, but that same heat is also hurting traditional crops. Early rains, unexpected droughts and late freezes leave farmers uncertain over what comes next.

Here are 11 everyday foods, from all over the country, that are facing big changes:

Tart cherries

Michigan

Weather has always been a challenge in northern Michigan, but never — at least as far back as tart-cherry growers can remember — has it been this frustrating. Tart cherries are a small, delicate crop that bakers prefer to use fresh for pies, although most are frozen, dried or processed into juice or canned filling. Growers rely on a long, cold winter and a slow, cool spring so trees won’t bud and bloom before the threat of a final freeze is over. But lately, Grand Traverse Bay hasn’t been freezing over reliably, so warmer temperatures arrive too soon. There have been two total crop failures in a decade; the last one before that was in 1945. Spring weather has become more violent, too, pummeling trees with hail and winds.

The spotted wing Drosophila, an invasive fruit fly, showed up in 2010, and many farmers believe it is spreading quickly as a result of shifting climate patterns. It lays eggs in the fruit, and its larvae feed inside, ruining the cherry; so far it seems impossible to control. A team of researchers is trying to develop a cherry tree that blooms 20 days later, but with fruit that ripens at the same time as it does now. Still, a solution is years away. That may be too late for some of the 425 families who grow tart cherries. Already, there is talk among some families of abandoning the cherry business altogether, said Dr. Nikki Rothwell, coordinator of the Northwest Michigan Horticultural Research Center. “The stress is becoming too much for many of the growers,” she said.

Organic raspberries

New York

The fruit fly that is vexing cherry growers in Michigan is also attacking the raspberry crop in New York State. Winters haven’t been as long or as cold, so the flies are appearing earlier; organic fruit are especially at risk because farmers are limited in using pesticides. Unlike other flies that feed on rotting fruit, the spotted wing Drosophila, which by 2011 had arrived in significant numbers in upstate New York, has a tiny saw near its abdomen that allows it to cut into fruit that is just ready to be picked. The raspberries, already delicate, can end up infested with larvae, and turn to goo by the time a customer gets them home.

Couple that with mild winters that don’t kill off pests, and unusual weather patterns that don’t bring rain when they should — or bring so much that farmers can’t get into the fields to work or have to battle fungus — and organic berries aren’t such a good bet anymore. “People have really given up on raspberries on a lot of farms,” said Alissa White, a researcher at the University of Vermont who tracks the impact of climate change on Northeastern farms. “Farmers are the kings of risk management. Once every 10 or 20 years we could lose a crop. But if once every three or four, that’s a lot.”

Watermelons

Florida

Warmer weather and an increasingly earlier growing season have, in many ways, been good for farmers like Sarah Frey. She used to start harvesting her South Florida watermelons in mid-April. This year, crews were picking in March. She’ll be picking earlier in South Georgia, and expects to pull watermelons from fields in Missouri by the Fourth of July, which she said was rare when she was growing up in the 1990s.

But earlier and longer growing seasons have consequences. For Ms. Frey, harvesting watermelons earlier than usual puts her into competition with the late-winter crop from Mexico. And new, more restrictive immigration policies could mean she won’t have enough workers from Mexico to work the fields when she needs them — especially because many American produce growers are starting or expanding operations in Mexico. “Having it earlier is good for customers and good for business, but if it’s overlapping with the import business and I can’t get enough workers to harvest, that’s a problem,” she said.

Chickpeas

Montana

The chickpea is enjoying an unexpected assist from extreme weather. Farmers in Montana, who grow about 60 percent of the chickpeas produced in the United States, are being encouraged to plant more as a hedge against heat and drought. The average annual temperature in Montana has increased by 2.4 degrees over the last century, but the amount of rain hasn’t changed much.

Chickpeas, which need less water to grow than wheat and other cereal grains that are the mainstay of Montana agriculture, provide an antidote. They improve soil and help reduce the need for fertilizer; rotating in a spring crop of chickpeas before a wheat crop can help break disease and pest cycles, said Kevin McPhee, a professor at Montana State University. It also doesn’t hurt that hummus is so popular, opening up new markets. Still, all the new chickpea growers face tough competition globally. India, which imports huge amounts of American chickpeas, protected its own producers with stiff tariffs in 2018, and China and the European Union have responded to recent United States trade tariffs with their own.

Wild Blueberries

Maine

The wild blueberry has long been an essential player in Maine agriculture, but unpredictable weather is challenging the 44,000 acres where the commercial low-bush berries grow. The season has stretched out four weeks longer, and summers are becoming warmer. Temperatures last year reached an unprecedented 95 degrees, said Dr. Lily Calderwood, an extension wild blueberry specialist at the University of Maine.

Frosts are becoming erratic, too. A frost in the spring can kill blossoms that would have become fruit. “We didn’t used to have these unpredictable events,” Dr. Calderwood said. “We could rely on gradual and reliable growing seasons. Now it’s all starting to skip around, and these frost events come out of the blue.” Drought isn’t helping. Many smaller growers, some tending fields that are 100 years old, don’t irrigate, but that expensive step may become necessary. And the same fruit fly troubling cherry and raspberry growers in Northern states is also a concern in Maine.

Organic Heirloom Popcorn

Iowa

Gene Mealhow comes from a family that lost its farmland in the 1980s. Now he grows pearly flint popcorn, whose genetics he can trace back to the 1840s, on about 300 acres in Illinois and Iowa. When he was growing up, predictable spring rains led to even summer heat and a reliable crop of corn. “Now when it rains, it comes down four of five inches at a pop, or we’ve got tornado warnings,” he said. “Believe me, the weather is so extreme.”

This season, some of Iowa’s big corn producers face land so soaked with rain that they have to leave crops in the field; recent floods turned the Missouri River into a monster. But not all of Iowa is in trouble, Mr. Mealhow said. Some parts of the state produced bumper crops last year. His little pocket of land near Shellsburg in eastern Iowa hasn’t been hit as hard, either. Still, he’s doing what many small farmers are: diversifying. He’ll work through his existing inventory of popcorn, which he sells under the Tiny But Mighty brand to stores like Whole Foods Market, and just grow some for seed. The rest of his energy will go into growing onions, sweet corn and tomatoes for restaurants in Iowa City and Cedar Rapids. Next year, perhaps, there will be more popcorn. “Everybody is still optimistic,” he said.

Peaches

Georgia and South Carolina

The symbol of Georgia and the mainstay of a Southern kitchen, peaches could be devastated by climate change. They need a certain amount of consistent cold weather — what growers call chill hours — followed by dependably warm weather. Without enough chill hours, peach buds are weak, and weak buds make poor fruit.

In addition, trees are blooming too early and then being hit by unusual frosts, which result in less sellable fruit. In 2017, a warm winter destroyed almost 85 percent of the state’s $30 million peach crop. It’s part of a pattern noted last year in the federally mandated National Climate Assessment, which predicted that it would continue. In response, researchers at places like Clemson University are trying to find new peach strains that can handle the shift, but new cultivars are still years away.

Organic Apples

Washington

Most organic apples in the American grocery store come from Washington State, which grows about 230,000 tons a year. Apples don’t have the same worries about chill hours that softer fruits like peaches do, but they are being threatened by climate change in their own way. One problem that comes with hotter spring weather is an increase in diseases like fire blight, which can be especially hard to prevent in organic orchards where antibiotics can’t be used, said Kate Prengaman, associate editor of Good Fruit Grower, a Washington-based magazine for tree fruit and grape farmers.

Hotter temperatures can subject both organic and conventionally grown apples to sunburn, which causes defects on the fruit’s skin. Some growers have taken to installing large nets over orchards to reduce the intensity of the sunlight, but the process is expensive. Unlike many row crops, which can be replanted from year to year, orchards can take a decade or two to regrow, and farmers expect them to produce for at least a generation.

Golden Kiwi Fruit

Texas

As warmer weather endangers traditional Texas crops like peaches and pears, some growers have been enticed by exotic fruit like the golden kiwi fruit, a less fuzzy, sweeter and more nutritious cousin of the more common green species. The first golden kiwi crop was harvested in East Texas in 2014 using cultivars from Auburn University in Alabama, and enthusiastic researchers like Dr. David Creech have been growing increasingly larger crops every year. The humidity and acidic soil of East Texas seem like a perfect match for this potentially lucrative crop.

But Tim Hartmann, an extension horticulturalist at Texas A&M University, said kiwi fruit are sensitive to cold weather. Finding the right amount of chill hours — the cold weather that kiwis need to produce — and dodging freezes make the task difficult. “You would think that with temperatures warming up, a subtropical place like Texas would predispose it as a suitable area for subtropical crops,” he said. “But we’ve noticed that as the climate changes and the weather is getting erratic, the freezes we get are more unpredictable.”

Artichokes

California

When the chef Mary Sue Milliken started noticing artichokes in her favorite Los Angeles farmers’ market in December, all she could think about was climate change. The weather in Castroville, long the epicenter of California artichoke country, has shifted in a state where agriculture is feeling the impact of climate change more than any other.

The classic California artichoke, with its spring growing season, likes cool, overcast weather that comes when heat from the Central Valley pulls in cool marine air from the Pacific Ocean. But the ocean has been warming, and the marine layer has been less reliable, said Pat Hopper, manager of the California Artichoke Advisory Board. And warmer weather has improved conditions for pests like the artichoke plume moth. As a result, artichoke growers have developed new seed that grows well in the desert heat of Coachella, 450 miles south, which puts California artichokes in the market almost year-round. “We’re in a time of change,” Ms. Hopper said. “The biggest thing consumers are going to see are higher prices. It’s just a result of higher costs all the way around to make things grow.”

Rice

Arkansas

About 1.2 million acres of farmland are planted with rice in Arkansas, which grows about half of the country’s supply. And that rice needs a lot of water. But changing weather patterns produce less rain during the growing season, and the underground aquifers that feed the state’s crop are drying out. “The rice industry as we’ve known it is not sustainable,” said Dr. Anna Myers McClung of the Dale Bumpers National Rice Research Center in Stuttgart, Ark.

Higher temperatures are another culprit. Too much heat alters the starch that the plants produce. Long-grain rice that should look translucent becomes chalky and cooks up stickier. It breaks apart more easily at the mill, causing waste. In response, some farmers are building reservoirs or experimenting with new, less water-intensive growing methods. Researchers like Dr. McClung are working with genetics to find strains of rice that are better adapted to the changing climate and more drought-tolerant. But developing a new variety, she said, could take five to 10 years.

#9 news science guy #channel 1 news science #science news journal articles #science news nature #science news update technology #science news vs scientific american

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wily-one24 · 7 years

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A (for Paint it Black), F, R, S, T

How did you come up with the title to [Paint It Black]?

I don’t think it was a very big process. I had written, probably, about one or two chapters of it before it was named. By the time I realised it was going to be bigger than I had first imagined, the theme had set in. And... after that... I couldn’t really get the song out of my head.

I mean, that whole “I have suffered a great loss and my despair is so big that I am literally offended by everyone else’s happiness and I don’t know what to do other than try to turn everything else black” is pretty much the beginning of Regina’s entire story line, no?

Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Oh, wow, ok, that’s hard to do off the top of my head. There are so MANY different dialogues, do I go for the funny or the angsty or the hot? Which ones? *the stress*

Ok, you know what, let’s make it a theme, let’s just go PIB with this one, too. Which, oh, so many to choose from... but... let’s go this snippet off the top of my head. I’m proud of it because... I don’t know, sometimes I like to really push the characters into a corner and see the truths they have desperately scrambled come flying out against their wills, and jfc, sometimes Snow can be so blind and I think maybe doesn’t want to see the truth and needs a bit of it slapped into her, but also... this is a conversation that desperately needed to happen on the show, perhaps not quite as angsty and hate fuelled as this one, but there you go:

Standing above her, Regina is monstrous. She’s always been tall, always been bigger, more times than not she’s been threatening. But like this, Snow wonders if she’s played the wrong hand, if Regina really might kill her.

“I never cared for you, either of you.” Regina hisses the words, pushed past the point of pretense. “The sniveling little brat and her bastard father.”

“No.” The end of magic leaves no reprieve as Snow is hit with words instead. “My father was a good man!”

She does not have time to stand.

“To you!” Regina screams it, more unbalanced than Snow has ever seen her and so she stays on the ground. “To you and to your poor dead mother, the perfect wife. Was he a good man to the frightened girl whose hand he forced against her will? Was he a good man when he took everything else against her will? And then punished her for it? Was he?”

Snow shakes her head, she can’t hear this.

“Yes, I killed him.” Regina seethes. “He deserved it. And you deserve to be punished, so does your daughter and everyone else tainted by his blood.”

Dizzy, scared, panic overriding the common sense she thought would save her, Snow gasps as she crawls backwards crablike on her hands.

“Even Henry?”

This stops Regina cold.

Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

I knew someone was going to ask this. This is a difficult question for me to answer. And not because I’m deliberately being difficult, but because I subsume a LOT of different works. And yeah, I am absolutely sure some of them (all of them) have influenced my writing over time. I cannot point to one exact place and say... hey, that’s it, that’s where I got it. L.M. Montgomery, Enid Blyton, Ann M Martin, Anne Rice, G.R.R. Martin, Stephen King, James Patterson, James Clavell, Dan Brown... these are all writers I have gone through phases of just consuming everything they’ve written. And that’s not even mentioning the tomes and tomes of fanfic I have read in the last decade or two. So much fanfic.

Maybe one writer here or there gave me the courage to experiment, because I saw it in their book/fic, but I cannot for the life of me remember each and every name and I wish I could, but I cannot. I have experimented with second person, past tense, present tense, etc... and I have found a groove that works for me. A bit of this and a bit of that.

Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

In terms of reading? I guess I am a sucker for the angsty slow burn, the fake relationship. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

For writing? I think my readers would probably be able to pick up my tropes better than I can, but... definitely angst. No matter what else, there’s always angst.

Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

There are probably things I generally don’t write... I tend to just write the ideas that come into my head. But I don’t think there’s anything I have specifically banned myself from writing. There are several pieces out there that I, myself, would never have thought to write, but wrote on a challenge or dare from someone else and are actually quite good. Like... I once wrote a (canon, NOT AU, think about that) tentacle porn fic for VM. That’s a challenge as a writer, right there. Also, there may be one or two weird little anon pieces in the OUAT anon fic kink meme that belong to me that I WILL NEVER ADMIT TO. But I like. Also not what I would have written, but there you go.

As for reading? I generally stay far away from ABO type things, I don’t like cross overs, Teen/high school/college AU. In terms of fandoms, things like “modern AU” piss me off. I watch the show for a reason, gimme those characters in THAT SETTING or go away. I also steer clear of a lot of “cheating” fics, that’s a person thing, and I try not to get too invested in kid/baby fics, but that’s just me nit picking, because I have rarely read anyone who writes children well. Some that are catastrophic, like having a NEWBORN FUCKING BABY reaching out and grasping hold of things or eating food. Like, no, people, no. If you don’t know kids, just don’t write them. Just... don’t.

#jacqui goes off on some tangents everyone regrets #its-rowark

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biofunmy · 5 years

Text

From Apples to Popcorn, Climate Change Is Altering the Foods America Grows

Here are 11 everyday foods, from all over the country, that are facing big changes:

Tart cherries

Michigan

Organic raspberries

New York

Watermelons

Florida

Chickpeas

Montana

Wild Blueberries

Maine

Organic Heirloom Popcorn

Iowa

Peaches

Georgia and South Carolina

Organic Apples

Washington

Golden Kiwi Fruit

Texas

Artichokes

California

Rice

Arkansas

Sahred From Source link Science

from WordPress http://bit.ly/2vrvqFP via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

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willridgard · 6 years

Text

THE ‘A TO Z’ OF MY AMERICAN ADVENTURE IN WORDS AND PICTURES

Did I really live in America for 15 months?

Yes.

Yes I did.

But, after more than 18 months since moving back ‘home, from Richmond, Virginia, I frequently ask myself the above question.

More than 4,000 miles away from friends, family, and home comforts, I must have been mad when I think about it. But I did love it! Experiencing a different culture and way of life was superb and I’m really glad I was brave enough to do it.

I haven’t written too much lately, but I’ve been inspired by my ‘American adventure’ and plan on providing my committed readers with A to Z ramblings and pictures on all things ‘Merica. So here goes…

Alcohol - They love it! Yep, it’s true, some Americans cannot drink, but then some Brits cannot either! There are some lovely local ales and ciders to choose from. Oh what I’d give for a Bold Rock Cider or a Vienna Lager right now; Virginia’s finest! Bud Light was like water over there and there was nothing better than a visit to the local alehouse or brewery on a Sunday afternoon filled full of sunshine, live music food trucks, and good drinks. ‘Tailgating’ was fun; you basically eat, drink and play games in/by your cars until you are ready to go into the event you are waiting for. It’s also almost impossible not to get ID’d in the States; you literally get ID’d every single time. In Walmart they have a ‘Challenge 40′ policy. Strict or what!? Pints come in the form of ‘fluid ounces’. You can pick from 16, 24 and 32 fl oz. 1 imperial pint = 17.5 fl oz. It’s fair to say that the 32 fl oz ‘growlers’ (which keep your beer cool & fresh) are the most popular…’Tipping’ is a must. A lot of employees make most of their money from tips; anything less than 10% is frowned upon, but not illegal. I recommend tipping at around 20%, and in cash…We partied pretty much every weekend (we even did an all-nighter in a Ipswich v Norwich themed party in respect of the 1-1 draw in September 2016) and I learned all the ins and outs of popular drinking games such as Chesticles, Flip Cup and Beer Pong. #BYOB

Baseball - ‘Take me out to the old ball game’ was a song that I had to get used to during my stay. I took a while to warm to the popular sport, but actually rather enjoyed it in the end. I found it quite relaxing and similar to cricket, but some fun interlude activities, after every inning, such as t-shirt shooting, mascot racing and a firework display made it worth the admission price. The Richmond Flying Squirrels were my local team (I even got a selfie with ‘Nutsie’), but I was fortunate enough to watch a Major League Baseball game between Washington Nationals and St. Louis Cardinals. In prime seats, it was fantastic to experience the pace, skill and professionalism that these major players display. Unfortunately, I never really gave hitting or pitching a go; Year 11 Rounders was where my talents ended! #ItsAHit

Cornhole - Cornhole is amazing! Basically, either on your own or with a partner, and against another individual/pair, you have to chuck bags of corn (effectively beanbags) onto a board from quite a distance. You score one point if your bag stays on the board and three if you manage to throw it into the hole towards the top of the board! However, if, say I was to throw my bag into the hole and then little Jimmy, on the other team, did as well, our scoring points would be cancelled. The team who scores 21 points first is the winner. Technique and mental strength is everything. Some people loop them. Some people fire them in. I was obsessed, but I wasn’t as good as your average American… I might make a couple of boards now and turn it into a UK craze…#NiceToss

Driving - God. Where do I start? Turning left at traffic lights is a nightmare. You can turn right on a red light, which actually makes things on the road a lot quicker…if you don’t crash into the back of someone (cough, Daryl). Turning left is slow and takes forever. Daryl and I also took two hours to get from work to our apartment (a 10-minute drive) on our first day…it was fun trying to work out where to go and on the wrong side of the road! Trying to buy a car, as a ‘foreigner’, was even more fun. After literally the longest day in the world, with lots of technical difficulties, I finally managed to get my hands on a Hyundai Elentra. Fortunately, obtaining a Virginia Driver’s Licence was far easier, although I did have to take practical and theory tests. Now, it’s no secret that I spent quite a bit of time and money getting a UK licence, but, ironically, I had no such problems getting a Virginian one. After smashing the theory test, adapting to all the different road signs, my practical test was literally a 15-minute drive around the block to make sure I could control the car! Oh how I laughed. American driving licences are handed out via states, only making them valid in that state, so it’s all very confusing when someone from Florida drives in Virginia for example…Automatic cars are also very popular out there. Nine out of 10 cars are automatic. I’m not a fan myself; you approach a junction and all you have to do is brake, but it felt like you should have more to do! I was more of a ‘stick’ fan. Stick to what you know. There were also lots of monster trucks, with wheels as big as elephants. Don’t mess with those. #MyRideOrDie

Experience - If you’re thinking about going to work/live abroad, even if it’s for a short/extended period of time, go for it. Different places bring different experiences and ways of life. If you don’t like it, you can always come home! #JustDoIt

Food - Oh my god. It was amazing. It’s easy to put on the pounds…and not so easy to lose them. Americans love their food. They especially enjoying ‘grilling out’ - the equivalent of a BBQ - with an unlimited array of meats, pastas, and salads. They literally ‘grill’ all day (often by the pool and with a ‘cooler’ packed full of beers) and everybody brings a dish until it’s all cooked and eaten! Fried food is massive. McDonalds is monstrous. Chicken wings (mostly devoured at Buffalo Wild Wings) are most popular and the portion sizes will blow your mind. I made history when I walked through a Chinese drivethrough (I had car issues) on July 4…They’d never experienced that. Chipotle was the best. I had countless amounts of it; I could eat it forever. Double chicken. White rice. Black beans. Medium sauce. Grated cheese. Sour Cream. Sweetcorn. Chips & dip. Unbelievable. Still, I did miss a good ole Sunday Roast. #BurritoBowl

Golf - There are some lovely courses, with some beautiful views. If only I was a bit better…However, I did make Oasis Sports Park history with a tee-off that skipped across the pond on three or four occasions before plonking right next to the pin for a birdie. Well, birdie opportunity…You know what they say ‘form is temporary, class is permanent’… Footgolf, at Windy Hill Sports Complex, was a lot of fun too and was the permanent fixture of the annual Wynn Lane competition. I did convincingly win it in 2016…#Fore

Hiking - There are some amazing views in Virginia. It took me a while to get used to that hike life, but I actually really enjoyed a good ole Sunday morning stroll up the mountains. Hiking is kinda scary you know, but fortunately I outfought several bears and managed to avoid any catastrophic slips off the top of the mountains. Better to be safe than sorry… #HypeToHike

Indoor soccer - So much fun. It’s fast, it’s feisty, and it’s really competitive. Indoor soccer is played professionally across the pond and I found myself working in a place that specialised in it. XL Sports World provides 24/7 soccer. Every night of the week, hundreds of players and teams, of all ages, sexes, and abilities compete against each other. From U6 up to the 40+ age range, every day was different. In the ‘Winter season’, when there is no ‘outdoor soccer’, the XLSW facility is absolutely heaving; it opens at 6:30am and often closes somewhere between 2 and 3 am, with both ‘fields’ fully occupied through the duration! Crazy. Indoor is played on a pitch with measurements of 180 by 75 feet. Solid walls all the way around lead to a plethora of rebounds and pinballs! Let me tell you that indoor is bloody exhausting and you need subs more than ever! In such a tight area, toepoke shots were so effective, yet so annoying to watch as a football traditionalist. I loudly disapproved at the start, but actually used them quite a lot in the end as goalkeepers didn’t expect them and nobody knew where the ball would end up! This is not just your casual game of five-aside by the way…there is a whole book of unique rules (including the controversial three-line rule among others), with match referees, who have to be certified. Games consist of two 25 minute halves and you can get blue, yellow and red cards! Blue card = two-minute time-out. Yellow = five minutes. Red = whole facility ban plus a trial with the disciplinary committee (basically FIFA). Working and playing there was challenging at times as you wanted to win, but you also didn’t really want to upset customers/referees that you have to build relationships with. It’s a fine balancing act, but I think I got it just about right and only received one blue card(hand of God) in hundreds of games played. Once the ‘regular season’ is over, the play-offs occur, with the lure of ‘half-price beer’ for the winners often inspiring the teams…XLSW is the biggest seller of beer in the whole of Richmond. Impressive! Indoor Soccer is fantastic and I’d love to play and be a part of it again. Partizan Richmond United were my outdoor team and we were decent (I think we finished as runners-up). Roachy = absolute Scottish legend. #Helen #GoalsBusiness

Jamaica - I loved living with a few Jamaican lads. We had such a laugh living and working together. FIFA was on repeat. The nights out were great and we all played footy together too. Their cooking was sublime. Hopefully King Rusty has got a bit better at sh*thead by now… #BobsleighTeam

Kickers - Richmond Kickers were my local professional soccer team. Kickers played in the third tier of professional soccer (The USL) and the standard was quite impressive. On my first visit to City Stadium, I saw them narrowly lose 2-1 to a West Brom side that saw one of my heroes in Gareth McAuley play! In the summer of 2016, Kickers went one better and shocked a strong Swansea side by deservedly beating them 2-0. Both games were delayed by major thunderstorms, which was certainly a new experience for me and the English sides (Tony Pulis did keep his hat on). After settling into my XL Sports World job, I broadened my journalistic horizons and the Kickers were fantastic for me. They took me on in a part-time intern basis, and as the 2016 season progressed, I often found myself in the Kickers’ headquarters, writing articles and becoming part of the team. I even helped out the retail team once and sorted out the club merchandise! It was great to see how a professional club operates and I was very thankful to be a small part of the journey. I was very impressed with their ticket promotions too; prices were cheap (often $10) and there were stacks of drinks deals for paying customers too. Kickers’ average gate was around 4,000 when I was there. Impressive. #RVAIsRed

Lifestyle - You can do what you want really. I had so much freedom and lived a very relaxed life. All I really did was drink beer, eat food, play football, and hang out with friends. Perfect. I hit the gym a bit, I dived in the pool a bit. Concerts were epic (Milky Chance being my favourite), but you had to be careful of the crazy rednecks which were also in abundance at other events I attended such as NASCAR and the Rodeo. The Rodeo was a strange one; it’s something I can say I’ve been to, but I’m not too keen on it. Being a sport fanatic, I also put a lot of effort in to see live American Football, Baseball, Hockey, and Basketball matches. All of which were fascinating and very different. I must say that the hype, the electric atmosphere and the interval entertainment significantly adds to the value for money of attending American sporting occasions. They make you feel involved and you cannot take your eyes off the spectacle. I often went line dancing (LOL. Hopefully there is no video footage of my amazing dance moves out there) at a local bar, and loved Rugged Maniac which consisted of a 3-mile run littered with challenging obstacles (fire, barbed wire, tunnels, etc) and mud up to your waist! Paddleboarding was bloody immense…once you could do it. I did fall over a few times initially, but it was brilliant thereafter. I shot a few guns (Walmart was full of them) and, like everybody else, got hooked on Pokemon Go. The English accent drew a fair bit of attention too for some reason…#ILoveYourAccent

Mates - I was very fortunate to have such a close group of friends during my stay; they were really friendly, fun and made my experience all the more enjoyable. There are too many people to individually mention, but I made a lot of good friends I still keep in touch with. Most of these friends came from working at XL Sports World. I think it’s fair to say that I received a lot of ‘banter’ for my British roots, but elephant fan ‘Harry lad’ (fellow Brit) and I certainly gave as good as we got! Drinking games and hanging out with the likes of Justice, Wankathon Ian, Cheeky Keeky, Jesstice, Creechy, King Rusty, Coach Katy, Tommy Tuch, Syd the kid, Carlos Mohammed, McGinn, Daryl and big man Otto et al were always good value and lots of memories were made. I left them all supporting Ipswich Town and becoming experts at Sh*thead and Drenthe…#AlrightMate

Newspaper - After getting involved with the Richmond Kickers, I proceeded to write several match reports for the local newspaper: The Richmond Times-Dispatch. Being referred to as a special correspondent (!!), I covered games against teams such as Charlotte Independence, Bethlehem Steel and Louisville City, with my RTD front page on a thumping 4-0 Kickers win remaining my biggest achievement in journalism. I loved the challenge of writing for an American audience, using phrases such as cleats (boots), on frame (on target) and offsides (offside) with a hint of disapproval in my face… #SportSells

Opportunity - I am so very grateful for the whole opportunity. Ultimately, I grabbed this opportunity after working for the same company in England. My first involvement with XLSW was during a university placement that saw me lead American groups on sports tours around the UK…We visited places like Wembley and Wimbledon to mention a few, and my job was to show Americans the sights and take them from A to B. Sounds pretty cool, right? Well it’s a bit harder when you do it with a broken ankle..! Hard work and determination got me through that tour (I did get a first in that placement) and future opportunities rose from it as I was invited out to Virginia. XLSW now have bases in Florida, Maine, North Carolina, Georgia, and Pennsylvania. They, alongside soccer, are growing all of the time. #GoForIt

Patriotism - You wouldn’t believe how proud I felt to be British out there. I think I got the patriotic bug as Americans are so proud of their country and to ‘be American’. They love celebrating their country and indeed others’ as they go absolutely mental for St Patrick’s Day which is something we barely even celebrate in England! Thanksgiving and July 4 (Independence Day) are also massive and are just excuses to drink loads of beer and eat loads of food to be honest. England should have more days like that. ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ national anthem was absolutely everywhere! It seemed like it was sang at any excuse. From sporting occasions to the rodeo and NASCAR racing, every single American would standup, remove their hat, and belt out ‘the land of the free and the home of the brave’ very seriously! If you didn’t sing, or at least stand up, it was very frowned upon! Fortunately, Richmond possessed quite a large English and Scottish contigency out there, so that helped me keep sane! #StandUpIfYouLoveTheAmericans

Queen - Our Queen is a legend. Americans love her. We love her. What a woman. #GodSaveOurQueen

Richmond - Richmond is a cool place. Very artsy. Very cultural. It has a bit of everything. There are loads of great bars and places to eat. Richmond is definitely not shy of an event either, with half marathons, mud runs, live bands and gin festivals on every street corner. Soccer is growing all the time out there. You can watch more live football there than you can in England. It’s crazy and is probably why I loved my time there so much. #VirginiaIsForLovers

Skunks - Ahhhh, our Social Coed team consisting of all the lads and ladies in our friend group. What a team we were; I think we won the trophy four times! I’ll never forget my Skunks debut when I scored a ‘girl-goal’ (there is alternate scoring in Social Coed). Quite a few people laughed at that. We played good football, had a good team spirit, and drank loads of beer afterwards. Our girls, alongside a lot of other females that played at XL, were very decent by the way. I can see why the US are so dominant in the women’s game; they love it more than the blokes! I believe the Skunks have sadly dispersed now, but am also led to believe that my number 32 shirt has been retired in honour of my motoring arms and legs. #Champs.

As well as Social Coed, I played for several teams in the Men’s Open, which was a different ball game. I think I lost two or three ‘A’ finals with ‘Leicesterlona’, which was gutting as we had a great team who moved the ball well and rotated well. Conor Sammon’s (ex-Ipswich) best friend played for us as well! I never thought America would link me to the former Kilmarnock striker; football’s a funny old game! Underdogs Ian FC, captained by the inspirational Ian Robinson, also lost a final, in the ‘B’ division, after scoring three goals in the last two minutes of the semi-finals to spark absolutely wild scenes! I will never forget Marc Gohlke flopping around on the floor like a fish while trying to save a shot. Good times. I also need to mention that I scored five goals in an ‘A’ game once. #WillRigsOnFire.

https://www.facebook.com/will.ridgard/videos/vb.710673231/10153940691018232/?type=3

https://www.facebook.com/will.ridgard/videos/vb.710673231/10153907826768232/?type=3

https://www.facebook.com/will.ridgard/videos/vb.710673231/10153890752158232/?type=3

Travel - USA is one of the biggest countries in the world, so it would have been rude not to have done a bit of exploring. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to visit all 52 states, but I did manage to tick off Florida, Washington DC, and both the Carolinas. DC was amazing. I loved it. I saw all the sights, where the history of the US presidency is well-celebrated. Florida was hot. So hot. Lots of lovely beaches there, with the white sand squeaking with every footstep. I wouldn’t recommend getting stuck in Boston airport and sleeping on the floor though. That’s not so fun. #Explore

Uber - Uber is extremely popular out there and is pretty much used to and fro all parties. However, the Jamaican lads and I did get stung one night when an Uber cost us $300 for a 25-minute drive. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry in the morning. I think that was my last Uber tbf. #AToB

Vote - I was in America the night of November 8, 2016 when Donald Trump was elected as the president of the United States of America! I was deported a day later. Lol. JK. I returned home a month later. It’s cool to say that I witnessed this significant piece of American history though. I sat up until the early hours with a six pack of Bold Rock and watched it all unfold. Virginia was 50-50 for the record…#DonaldTrumped

Weather - It was extreme. The humidity was relentless. The sun continuously baked.The rain was torrential. The thunderstorms were enthralling. The snow was extraordinary. I’d say Virginian summers saw temperatures average around 32 degrees celsius (90 fahrenheit). Florida was something else, I think it got up to 43 (110) at one point. Outrageous. The snow locked me inside my apartment for a whole week. My Elentra had to be rescued by a snow plough. Sadly, I never got to drive one. I absolutely loved the extreme thunderstorms. They were petrifying, but awesome to watch (especially with a beer on the balcony). #StormChasing

XL Sports World - XLSW was where I spent the majority of my time. My role was very varied and I enjoyed all of the challenging elements that went with it (mostly). I did a bit of coaching, which I really enjoyed. I did some marketing and PR work, and was especially prolific when co-promoting and setting-up our Open House project, pushing and driving our Youth programmes through. I wrote weekly newsletters which differed in content and I drove the social media to new levels. I managed the facility most evenings, checking teams in and co-deploying an effective payment system that was well-respected by teams, referees and players (eventually). I established excellent relationships with current and new customers - consistently attracting a host of new team$$, while maintaining current customers’ business. I scheduled league games (which is harder and more time-consuming than it sounds). I introduced cricket to XLSW. I ordered food. I pulled pints. I cooked food. I cleaned toilets. My role certainly varied and it was brilliant to do for just over a year. Social media is massive, but word of mouth is still the most effective news source there is and I think I did a lot for XLSW and their customers. It wasn’t all fun and games though. People moaned. Referees were abused. Fights occured. I had to call the police once. When it boils over, it boils over. It was uncomfortable at times. #PlayTheXLWay

Youngsters - My American adventure all started through the Summer Camps. For three months, alongside Daryl, I coached ‘soccer’ to hundreds of kids. It had its challenges and was extremely tiring, but I had a cracking time! There were some excellent players and some amazing kids. Some weren’t so good or nice, but, collectively, we all had a great summer coaching them. The Summer Camps certainly prompted me to work with children as you can have such a positive influence in their lives. #JustPlay

Zoo - Z is such an awkard letter, but Richmond has a zoo. I didn’t visit it, but I did think about it. It’s quite good apparently. Maybe next time. #ZooLander

So there you go. There is my A to Z analysis of my time in America. I do miss parts of it. I had a cracking time and it played a big part of my life and led me to where I am today.

Did I really live there though? I’m still no clearer…

#america #americanadventure #atoz #britsabroad #travel #explore #lifestyle #richmond #va #virginia #footballislife #summercamp #godsavethequeen #submission

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