#and she gets mad when im 'parenting' her and its like well then fucking use your brain!!! think before you share shit! ask questions!!!!

[bunnyb34r]

Having to explain to my mom that 5min crafts is a content farm/what that is. That sure they have some genuine hacks, but a lot are genuinely dangerous and bad

It's like I'm not trying to be the parent, but I've been on the internet daily since I was 9 years old and you respectively have only been on it for maybe 8 years? Consistently? And only on Facebook. Like man the shit I have seen has aged me a lot more mentally than I care to admit.

It's so hard too bc I know I should like a know it all/conspiracy freak when I tell her not to get a reddit bc she's gonna get sucked into a WS cult and get radicalized, or when I tell her Facebook reels is the same as tiktok. Which she has continuously forbade me to have since it came out (bc evil chinese company. It's okay when it's an evil American company though). That she needs to be careful and not just believe whatever she sees, but it's like for once I DO know more and I DO need to be the adult.

Like I remember having so many fucking talks to get her out of that SAVE THE CHILDREN shit and debunking the wayfair shit, and the Hillary Clinton shit, and all this shit. I constantly am telling her "nope that's antisemitism in disguise, heres why" ab stupid theories and shit and why they're harmful and it's like I want to fucking scream

Idk where I was going with this but like god I'm tired

#and she gets mad when im 'parenting' her and its like well then fucking use your brain!!! think before you share shit! ask questions!!!! #had to explain that the reason jfk had a diff coffin on air force one wasn't like a body swap but bc the first casket wasnt secured right #and the man was LEAKING in the fucking casket and they had to get a clean easier to transport one #that it was his family that didnt want it open not the gov like the man had half a fucking head at that point!! what did you expect?! #and then shes like well how do YOU know all this shit. how do you know YOURE right and Its like bc i check my sources?? bc i know how to?? #bc i actually use my brain and dont sit in a digital echo chamber validating what i want to hear #thankfully we dont actually get fox in our house somehow (god probably) and we dont have cable so she cant watch fox & friends #but Facebook is it's own fucking up hill battle and it's like go back to playing 1010! and shit on your phone instead #and she stays on Facebook for that dopamine hit and its like i know you have adhd and your dr doesnt believe you but for godsake #i stg she's the reason my body hair is still turning white. it initially stated bc my dad was causing us so much fucking stress and then #it lessened a bit but now im finding more and more like my body is eating the pigment sgdgdgdgd #im gonna go gray by 35 i stg i have ONE white hair on my head and have gotten several on every part of my body like eyebrows and armpits ect #the funniest is leg hair like oh okay go grandpa #ANYWAYS im tired and i guess i needed to get this out #marquilla

[kil9]

aauauauuougghghs i need to move out 👁👁

^^^ [CHEC IT OUT] i need to move out moodboard (available now !!!(

#99.txt #my mom is like ''you seem upset with mee :('' yeah cos straight up like i think i just hate u now #when i got covid it was MY problem i stayed in my room. i wore a mask any time i left. i even wore gloves to the kitchen. #to make sure she didnt get it (and she didnt !!!) and i even cleaned the whole house while i had it lol. and still kept it away from her #so now that she has it guess what !!!!!!!!!!!! everyone guess what !!!! its STILL my problem !!! #i stay in my room ! i use the basement toilet !! i have to wear a mask outside my room at all times !! #and wash my hands so much im gettin rashes because she just goes around doing whatever touching whatever ? #coughing on whatever because she doesnt give a shit !!!! #i made it my mission when i had it to keep her safe #and now that she has it its ''well if you wanna keep safe thats your responsibility'' like ??????? #i promise you the thought of making space for another person & accommodating or compromising has never occoured to her once #its all ''well its up to you !!! good luck !!!!!'' yeah fuck me i guess #and she keeps bothering me asking me to help her with shit still !!!!!!!!!!! #''how do i find my documents on the computer ive had for 10 years :('' are you stupid ?????? are you dumb for real ??????? #and she puts me in the situation where. im busy clearly busy with my own shit #but she feels SO entitled to my time that she will just insist that i drop everything and do something for her #if i say no or have a slightly unenthusiastic response its ''oh youre SO mean to me youre SO mean. no one will want you :('' ...ok. #but if i ask for help from my own mother once in a while its ''wow you ask so much of me you know youre not a child anymore :\\\'' #yeah. i know. i dont think ive been helped with anything by a parent since i was like 15 years old #''why are you mad at me ven you seem mad at me :('' yeah . i think like you just kinda fucking suck

[evvlogetarian]

Not to whine I just don't feel well physically n I'm overwhelmed,,, and also recent interaction but why does everyone in my life seem 2 enjoy snapping at me n taking out their anger on me even when I am Not the cause of said Anger !!! Like don't apologize to me be better abt it !!!

#.personal rambles #Just now my sister snapped at me ans got all hussy over shit that wasnt my fault and lit like I cant deal w this rn #I feel awful Im gonna do some pain management rn but like 🙏🙏🙏 lit evrryone in my fam feels comfortable taking shit out on me #Like Im sorry youre angry but does that give u a right to snap at me n yell at me as if I can magically fix the situation #Ig thats the eldest child/son having to be peacekeeper person burden #Like wow I wish I could snap at yall like u do me 🙏🙏🙏 #But I yknow act like an adult and keep my shit in check and it isnt my fucking fault u dont wanna parent my younger sister and have her rely #on us for everything...like for driving they want me to take her out and when she goes places i have to drop her off which idm but when u #get mad at me for having school / work too ... #also my sister last minute plans shit and its spontaneous too which is kinda getting on my nerves #Idk I am probably just overwhelmed bc I feel like shit Im burn out my work wont stop msging me and I got mt own shit to deal with ontop of #everything else...but yanno I have to be the calm dependable one and it sucks ! #Also I didnt sleep well because of my pain and so no wonder om sensitive idk

[charliemotha]

Hazbin Hotel headcanons sorted by character

Charlie:

favorite color is "rainbow" (real answer is red)

autism, ocd, npd, codependent personality disorder

tail sometimes manifests solely for stimming purposes

growls when very excited like a dog

very keen sense of smell

horns manifest when turned on (something something horny)

in case this gets disproven im listing it here: her legs are furred

manifested her wings once around vaggie near the beginning of her relationship and it upset her, never did it again

can walk up 45° angle walls (goat hooves lol)

Vaggie:

hair is actually feathers

depression, gad, ptsd, bpd (charlie is her fp obv)

retractable claws that are naturally black

teeth are all flat, fangs only come out when angry

the scars from her initial casting from heaven remained even after she regained her wings

when regaining her wings she also got feathers that cover her chest and upper back

died via suicide and was drafted into the exorcist army simply because adam found her attractive and was completely surprised when she was able to learn to fight easily and quickly

her gloves and socks are to cover up self harm scars

feet are like a moth's, like angel she is self conscious about them

wings do not disappear or retract, they simply fold under her hair

will misjudge distance/placement of things due to lack of depth perception. extremely embarrassed when it happens

its difficult for her to read things from a distance, charlie will often read things to her

her and angel dust are exes, has lingering feelings which is part of the cause of her hostility towards him

coos like a pigeon when relaxed/content

Angel Dust:

homoflexible

depression, adhd, hypersexual (ofc)

any pronouns user

says he's cis but genuinely doesn't care what he's called

qpps with cherri bomb

random nosebleeds due to drug overuse

charlie will call him anthony when she's mad at him like a parent using your full name

his venom causes an intense high and multiple demons have drugged him so they can uhm. well the scientific term for getting venom from a spider is milking but im not saying it

very fidgety and feels anxious if he's not moving at all times

Sir Pentious:

had an interdental lisp and was a snake oil salesman in life, hence his snakelike appearance

pansexual

autistim, npd

tail is more eel-like than snake-like

as an angel, his hood doubles as wings; in his full angel form he gets additional pairs of wings and more eyes along his tail

buries every egg boi he loses

venomous bite that causes delirium and sometimes temporary paralysis

sheds his skin and leaves the empty skins around the hotel, doesn't realize it until he hears charlie scream upon finding it

his hat is in fact sentient but is an extension of him and can change forms (as opposed to all the hats he's shown wearing being individual headpieces)

Alastor:

deer tail .

acearo in the sense that he does not get pleasure from sex but rather from tormenting/torturing others

hated his ears and antlers at first, similar to husk he's accepted them but still doesn't like them

if you touch either he will launch you into the sky

ONLY wears all red

qpps with rosie

vox is his ex, he's long moved on but vox hasn't

his hands have claw fingers those are NOT gloves Fuck You

has hooves but his legs are not digitgrade like charlie's

he can feel and hear through his microphone

Husk:

depression, alcoholic (duh), bpd, ptsd

either hated cats or had a pet cat when he was alive that he killed while drunk

either way his discomfort with his demon form is obvious

full demon form is quadruped

acute senses except for sight

pretty much always at least tipsy

tail usually drags on the floor

really wants to perform his magic tricks to the hotel patrons but is afraid of being mocked

Niffty:

died eitherfrom mixing chemicals in a closed room or climbing into the chimney to clean it and ended up getting stuck

was a maid in life, probably killed someone but was able to dispose of the body so well she never got caught

heteroflexible

still thinks angel dust is a woman cause he never corrects her

#hazbin hotel headcanon #i hope these sre comprehensible my insomnia mefs are kicking kn #angel dust #charlie morningstar #vsggie #sir pentious #alastor #husk #niffty #hazbin hotel

[mamawasatesttube]

So i was just rotating your "Jack drake lives au" in my mind and at the same time remembered those panels of superman shaking hands with Some Fucking Guy (i think he was being a bitch to Lois or smth) and he makes direct unflinching eye contact with the tight lipped smile and his grip is a little too tight to be friendly

Anyways im not saying he hates Jack but i do think Kon off-handedly mentioned the "joke" about his nail polish and Clark went "oh really now?" And didnt forget

So rip Jack at that family dinner night bc not only is Lois waiting for an excuse to obliterate him but Clark is right there with her and if jack thinks that Good Ol Country folk Ma and Pa will back him up then hes in for a surprise lol

oh yeah absolutely!!!! the thing is. literally Nobody likes jack in this au ksjdhfkd like kon and dick absolutely have texted each other to bitch about him, ma openly shakes her head when she hears about how he treats tim (and she WILL speak her mind if he ever tries to shut that sweet boy down in front of her!), cass literally won't speak to him bc he failed the vibe check so bad, etc...

and like. no one is telling tim this. they Know it'll make him feel like he has to defend his dad bc he loves him! but sometimes tim mentions oh he can't join for games this friday night, he and his dad are going on an early morning fishing trip. and cass just meets kon's eyes across the room behind tim's back and rolls her eyes so hard.

but yeah. clark will mostly let lois handle the obliteration with ma's backup as needed bc he knows she's got this. his form of expressing his severe disapproval of jack, his views, and his parenting? supporting tim. thanking him for doing the dishes after dinner, praising his work ethic, ruffling his hair and telling him he did a great job with that case he wrapped up last week, etc. it makes tim go "!!! :D!!!" like that pic of the cat getting patted. tim has always craved approval and affirmation and affection from people around him and he gets it in spades from the kents. and jack sees his son light up and open up around these people way more than he does with him. it's not a good feeling.

it's just tough bc like, tim doesn't want anyone getting mad at jack. but the idea of anyone getting mad at jack on his behalf is also just such a shock to him. he's not used to that. he feels like he has to manage jack and be responsible for him in a lot of ways (if jack says something shitty in front of lois, tim cringes because now jack is gonna get his ass handed to him and feel humiliated, and that's his dad and he was trying to help, and also he feels like it's on him that his dad is being like that. why? oh you know.) (its the unnamed emotional abuse, thats why.)

but also clark and kon watch lois ask tim how his degree is going now that he's in engineering school, and lightly rib him and ask if she can't poach him into investigative journalism instead, because she doesn't usually take interns but she'd make an exception! and tim cocks his head like a dog and says well, maaaybe he'd be down to consider an internship if she's serious? it does sound cool. what are the details? and jack, who barely gets more than one-word answers when he talks to tim about his future, is just kinda seething. heart rate goin up bc hes mad. and kon and clark just exchange extremely amused glances across the kitchen and sip their hot chocolates.

like the tim and jack dynamic is complicated; it'd be a lot easier if the love wasn't so real but it is present. its just that jack is soooo emotionally immature and grounded in Classic American Manhood and ideas of fatherhood. and the fact that tim is growing beyond that and not fitting in the mold he's "supposed" to eats at him. its a tragedy but also we are all pointing and laughing at jack every time superfam make him grind his teeth.

#answers #peacheel #jack drake lives au #tim #clark #jack drake

[lilysaus]

okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.

so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.

i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.

i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".

i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.

which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.

and ALSO.

you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?

i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.

im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?

my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!

anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.

#adhd stuff #undiagnosed adhd #living with adhd #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #add #its called add not adhd #you dumbasses #scientists are stupid sometimes #make that all the time

[thebatbites]

god im so stumped for the endgame ship i have so many ideas so imma just babble until my brain clears out

at the end of this theres a poll so yall should vote on what i should do!

Zanemau

zanemau has such a sweet, sweet, SWEET dynamic in mystreet

i imagine zane falls first and falls so incredibly hard

but he doesnt realize hes in love because hes so dead set on being the best, best friend.

it takes someone else calling him out on his actions (buying aphmau big, expensive gifts, being touchy with her, constantly vying to get her attention, giving her custom nicknames that he will get mad that ANYONE uses)

then when he realizes hes like "oh fuck what do i do" and completely panics around her at all times

aphmau is kind of oblivious to this. "i mean like he does this stuff all the time, why would it be different?"

meanwhile, aphmau kinda slowly realizes that shes falling for him. shes more nervous about completely ruining their friendship more than the idea of him rejecting her completely

the big gifts and compliments and touchiness make her SO happy and excited. i imagine zane is pretty tight with money (despite being a nepo baby and sitting on tons and tons of money from his rich ass parents) so when he actively forks out money EXLUSIVELY for her it makes her heart all fluttery

their feelings are obvious to everyone except the two of them. the group kinda actively puts them in situations where they are put together.

they are very much your typical, sweet "best friends to lovers" dynamic. which is why i love it sm

Laurmau

mcd laurmau makes me go WOOF WOOF BARK BARK WOAOAUEHEJFJ

and yes im relying heavily in mcd for their characterizations. those are the true versions of these characters. fight me.

yall seen miraculous ladybug? marichat and ladynoir? yeah. yeah its that. thats them

like okay: he is enamored by her looks but he just becomes absolutely smitten with her personality towards the beginning of pdh season 1. its that highschool crush that never goes away. even when he says it goes away, it doesnt. in fact, as they get closer, it gets so much worse!

he keeps the playful flirting and just teases her constantly

but you know as a friend, so he says

and she always playfully turns him down with a joke or a tease but you know. she knows that's just how he is! he has no feelings for her or anything!

but she was wrong, obviously. when they move to mystreet together after sort of growing apart during college, BOOM! those big dumb feelings come back and laurence is... well you know. hes laurence. he wears his heart on his sleeve and he pulls her aside and professes his love for her.

she turns him down (again) but hes unwavered! they go back to their original dynamic and nothing changes

...except BOOM!!! APHMAU CATCHES FEELINGS!!

mental breakdown ensues (on her end) because "HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY CAUGHT FEELINGS FOR THIS DUMBASS!!! I CANT BELIEVE THE FLIRTING ACTUALLY WORKED OH GOD FUCK!!!"

the next time laurence flirts with her she drops the bomb so casually like

"hey, mlady, when are we going to go on that date?"

"i dont know laurence. when are you going to take me?" cue dead silence and aphmau locking Eyes with him and staring into his soul

it takes like 15 seconds for him to catch on

and he explodes. his face turns beet red. he blushes and smiles and giggles and practically kicks his feet and that motherfucker is GIDDY!!!

everything in their relationship is basically the same except they kiss

Garmau

I LOVE GARMAU IN MCD

god the way hes all shy for her and he subtly (SUBTLY!!!) tries to suggest his feeling for her

I LOVE GARMAU IN MCD IM SICK GOD

THE FALLING TREE SCENE?!?!?@? CHEFS KISS. LITERALLY AARMAU COULD N E V E R

(once again, im implementing more of their mcd personalities)

okok but this is mystreet, not mcd!

in my notes, garroth and aphmau were childhood friends for much longer! but then aphmau moved, they eventually lose contact over time so she remembers garroth the most but not really zane and vylad as much because shed often stick to his side because she has a little baby crush on him

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO STRANGERS TO TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY VISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay but... not really "strangers" but they lose contact for a bit and reconnect in hs.

they dont instantly recognize each other but aphmau instantly recognizes zane when she sees him. it takes aphmau way too long (about 3-4 weeks into the school year, when vylad gets introduced and they go to the park together) to connect that garroth the "hot sophomore guy who i am fortunate enough to share air with who weirdly enough shares the name of my childhood crush/best friend but that surely is a coincidence, right?" is the same garroth ro'meave that she used to play with when she was young

garroth... knows. well he gets it much faster than she does. after all, "aphmau" is probably one of the most uncommon names to ever exist in this universe so he pretty much recognizes her right off the bat but how the fuck do you even begin to address this? (is what he asks laurence who literally just goes dude, just tell her)

and then you know how the story goes, the love triangle (love arrow? love axis? love corner??? ITS NOT A TRIANGLE WHY IS IT CALLED A LOVE TRIANGLE) commences, aphmau ends up rejecting both of them because they stressed her out and the boys chill out and then they all become friends

then college happens and BAM mystreet

garroth is more upfront to the fact that he never really got over her

sure he dated ivy and tried to date in college but nothing felt right

being with and near aphmau just felt right in a way no other person has managed to replicate

and suddenly she was back and the world felt right again

but hes still shy and has no idea how to approach her

(i imagine hes much more flirty and a little more like laurence [less extreme tho] when he doesnt really have feelings for a person)

and aphmau well? shes just happy to be back around him. the sun seems to shine brighter when shes with him and she has no idea why

theyre much more awkward then the other two ships i have listed here

esp as aphmau is falling like oh god. the tension??? the awkward pauses and long gazes??? ugh its delicious i eat it up

much like zanemau, it takes the skittles squad™ (aka the mystreet cast) to the extreme measure of locking them in a room and forcing them to confront their feelings /hj

or on the other hand, one of em confesses on complete accident or OOHH on a late night and just spilling their guts

anyway. again much like my zanemau written above garroth would SPOIL her with his ro'meave money and she would not know how to respond

wow i wrote a lot for garmau

BUT WERE NOT DONE BECAUSE WE STILL HAVE

Garrancemau & other ship ideas

so imagine garrancemau as laurmau and garmau happening cohesively much like mystreet where its a "competition" except they have the underlying tension of a college fling or smth like that

and aphmau kinda like. tries to get them together cuz she can see that they also have feelings for each other and they think this is some gay-denial like that

TRUE LOVE TRIANGLE you know???

but like i also wanna try my hand at rewriting aarmau to be less... bad...

*IN MY OPINION!!!

i really enjoy aarmaus dynamic but i do really like it more in a sibling light so i dont know if i really do wanna go the romance route

but also i love aroace aphmau! or katemau or travmau!

APHMAU IS A VERY SHIPPABLE CHARACTER OKAY? SHE HAS GOOD DYNAMICS WITH EVERYONE!!

so yeah. i dunno!! what do yall think? please, im very curious and im open to suggestions!!

*SUGGESTIONS!! i may not take them and decide to do fuck all so please if you give me a suggestion please know that i may not take it but i value your input and i put it into heavy consideration!!

#aphmaurewrites #aphblr #aphblur #aphmau #aphmau mystreet #aphverse #mystreet #laurmau #garmau #garrancemau #god im so fuckin stumped #THESE ARE ALL SO GOOD #my multishipper ass is trembling there are so many OPTIONS #rotp #rise of the phoenix

[chaos-grimlin]

Intro: No one truly knows what happened that night in Woodsboro, California. All the public knows was that two teenage boys, Billy Loomis and Stu Macher, went crazy. That the boys killed with no motive, that it was a case of crazy and peer pressure. Sidney Prescott, the "girlfriend" of Billy Loomis,Y/n L/n, the girl both boys were deeply obsessed with, and Gale weathers, a news reporter, where 3 of 5 witnesses that were willing to talk and tell their sides of the story to the public while Dewy Riley, the deputy sheriff of woodsboro, and tennager Randy Meeks refused to talk to law enforcements at the time. All the stories told to law enforcement seem to differ from person to person, but...in this tale, we will focus on Y/n, the obsessions, side of the story...

Marked(Poly! Billy and Stu x reader)

Word count:1022

(Idk why the gif is so small-)

Chapter 13- Imagination

^^^Y/n P.O.V^^^

I stood up on my jelly like legs. My body was shaking and my mind was foggy.

Hurtful thoughts raced through my mind. I wish I could go back in time and save Casey..

I let my shakey fingers grip the knob of the sink and turn it till the slowly warming water streamed from the tap.

I cupped my hands under the water and then splashed the hot water onto my face. The hot water burned the tender skin on my face, but it felt nice.

I used my hands to wipe the water off of my face, but... Once I looked into the mirror, all i saw was red all over where i had wiped.

My throat went dry, my body stiffened, and my blood ran cold.

My eyes slowly trailed down to my hands and I saw red dawning on my fingers and palms and dripping down my arms.

"Casey's blood"

My whole world crumbled and moved in slow motion as I lifted my arms and saw her blood dripping onto the floor.

I closed my eyes, wishing this was all a dream, wishing that i wasnt in the bathroom with Caseys blood dripping onto my body, a feeling i was all too familiar with..

I closed my eyes, stray tears dripped from my tear ducts.

I took in a shaky breath as I opened my eyes, and when i did, the blood was gone...

I saw water coating my hands and drip down my forearms.

It was all just my imagination fucking with me in the worst ways possible.

I looked away from ny hands and looked at my own reflection..

The whites of my eyes were a light shade of red, my skin had gone paler, and deep purple marks dawned on my neck.

I let out a shakey sigh. "Y/n..me and Randy are sorry....please come out" I heard Tatum say.

My body tensed when i heard her voice. She had just yelled at me because I had said Stu could be a suspect.

"Yeah...were so so sorry... Please just come out" Randys soft, sad voice called out to me.

I turned my head towards the door and slowly pulled it open, being met with Tatum and Randy wrapping their arms around me.

I was quick to hug them back. "Im so sorry..i shouldn't have gotten so mad at you" Tatum whispered, "its fine..i should have stayed quiet" I added. Tatum sighed. "No you don't need to stay quiet Y/n...we were all stating opinions" Randy said as he and Tatum pulled away from the group hug.

I stayed quiet and averted eye contact with them both...

~~~Time skip~~~

Dewy came back to the house 2 hours later.

"Well...I filed the report and Billy is down as a suspect. So we will question him and check his call logs okay?" Dewy said with a gental tone as he put his hand on my back.

"Okay" I said as I looked up at him and forced a smile "thank you Dewy" i added. "Oh no problem.. Also your mom said that you can stay here you'll just need to go get your clothes.". Dewy said

I was almost shocked when Dewy sais that. My mom, of all people, would NEVER let me stay with someone she didn't know.

My mom didn't know Dewy nor Tatum. She only barely knew Randy and she wouldn't let me stay over at his place.. But she'd let me stay with Dewy and Tatum and their parents.

I nodded "I'll go pick them up now" I said.

"Do you want me to drive you?" Dewy asked. "No..its fine" i said with a small smile. "Do you want me to walk with you?" Randy chimed in. "No thank you..id rather walk and clear my head" I muttered.

"But its not safe" Dewy said as he tilted his head at me and ran his fingers through his short hair.

"Ill be fine" "even after the call? The threat?" "It'll all be fine"

Me, Randy, and Dewy went back and forth between the topic of me walking alone.

I wanted to be alone to clear my head and plus the call was more then likely an empty threat to fuck with me.

Students at Woodsboro can be quite mean..

"Fine... Just be safe" Dewy said as he patted my back.

"Yeah..be safe.." Randy muttered before wrapping his arms around me, engulfing me in a hug "I love you" he whispered in my ear.

Those three words were words i didn't hear alot...

They made me nearly forget what i was doing and they made butterflys hatch in my gut and fluttered around .

"I love you too Randy" i whispered back with a smile before i turned on my heels and walked to the door, opened it,and walked out, shutting the door behind me.

The daylight slowly died as darkness consumed it. I looked up slightly, my eyes catching the sights of twinkling stars.

The nights in Woodsboro were always pretty.

I wrapped my arms around myself as a strong gust of cold wind blew and tangled around my body.

I shivered slightly but i kept walking.

As i was walking, all the baby hairs on my neck rised and goosebumps formed on my skin as i felt that feeling..

The same feeling i felt the night Casey did..

The feeling like someone was watching me, analyzing my ever step.

I bit my lip softly as i hoped that the feeling was just a dream, just my mind fucking around with me again, making me feel and see things that werent true.

My lungs burned and ached as i sped up again, feeling eyes stair into the back of my skull.

I glanced back behind me but didnt see anyone.

My breathing was unsteady as I jogged.

A string of swears left my lips as i turned back around and kept running.

After every step i took the world seemed to slow down, till...i saw my house looming in the distance...

#billy loomis #stu macher #randy meeks x reader #billy loomis x reader #stu macher x reader #casey becker #randy meeks #billy loomis and stu macher x reader #scream

[mx-misty-eyed]

i saw spiderverse yesterday and oh my god. (movie review/spoilers below)

First of all, trans gwen stacy, im literally going insane, gwen stacy is trans. Anyway it was the best spiderman movie I've ever seen, easily, best animated movie too. Across the spiderverse was so good I'm genuinely considering if it was the best movie I've ever seen. The cameos were so fucking awesome i was shaking my friend next to me and pointing at the scream like every two minutes, donald glover, spectacular spiderman, insomniac spiderman, scenes from andrew and tobey's movies. Gwen's back story and home life, her struggle with her dad and the way its so easily comparable to coming out to your parents, for both her and Miles. She told her dad she was spiderwoman and he couldnt accept that, their relationship from that point is incredibly difficult in which they cant really even look at each other, him getting upset because to him, she isnt his daughter anymore, eventually all of this ending in the heartbreaking talk at the end where they finally try to see each others points of views and get to say what they want and finally hugging as the world around them is painted in trans colors (little tangent here but oh my god the way gwens entire universe looks like paint or a painting is so fucking beautiful and the way it started running and she was yelling and crying at her dad, so fucking amazing)

And Miles hiding his identity from his parents, scared that they'll hate him or be mad at him lying about it for so long, and when he finally gets up the guts to tell his family (albeit the wrong family) the dialouge is so similar to trans people coming out. Him saying he has something to tell them and he doesnt want it to change the way they see him or anything and how he doesnt want them to be mad or love him any less. Me and my friend related way too much to that scene.

Miguel my husband and his backstory were heartbreaking too, not having a family, finding a universe where he does have one and trying to live there. Hobie Brown just being the coolest fucking guy ever from his accent to his genuinely accurate portrayal of punks and how they use it to be serious and have him realize the spider team aren't the good guys or play it up for jokes. THE INSANE FUCKING PLOT TWISTS OF, THE SPOT BEING THE GUY MILES HIT WITH A FUCKING BAGEL IN THE FIRST MOVIE, MILES BEING IN THE WRONG UNIVERSE WHEN HE GOES HOME BECAUSE HE WAS BIT BY THE SPIDER FROM THAT UNIVERSE AND SHOULDNT ACTUALLY EXIST AS SPIDERMAN, AND OTHER UNIVERSE HIM BEING THE FUCKING PROWLER. The entire theater was freaking out it was awesome. I dont think i even need to talk about the animation. The blend of different styles was awesome as usual, but they actually experimented more with this one and it paid off so well. The vulture in the beginning was so beautiful, me and my friend were freaking out every time he was on screen, and Hobie fucking brown. Hobie Brown was the most beautiful animation I've ever seen, the way he moved, the way he changed colors, they way he interacted with objects and people and the world around him, they experimented with him and it paid off so well and I hope in they next one they'll continue to do things like that. I literally never review movies but everything about this one was so awesome that i needed to talk about it

#spider man: across the spider verse #across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse spoilers #atsv spoilers #hobie brown #spider punk #spiderman 2099 #miles morales #miguel o'hara #gwen stacy

[red-dyed-sarumane]

tagged by @itstimetodrew for 15 questions!! thank u!!

1. Are you named after anyone?

i'm not really named after her but i do share a name with an older cousin

2. When was the last time you cried?

last month when i finished pmd eos again. the music and the friendship and the self sacrifice always gets me.

3. Do you have kids?

no & i dont want to for lots and lots and lots of reasons

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

i used to play soccer & do swimming when i was young but now the only sports i do are mental gymnastics

5. Do you use sarcasm?

yah

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

how they act like are they quiet or loud or grumpy or fun loving or serious etc

7. What's your eye color?

legally blue

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

scary movies. i have a very particular taste in horror so i dont always like them but i much prefer them over like "and then everything worked out & they were happy" endings.

9. Any talents?

qc calls me mad talented whenever she sees my doodles so in honor of her im showing off my art here

10. Where were you born?

in the us. im a pennsylvania resident for those who didnt know

11. What are your hobbies?

digital painting mostly but i havent done that in a month unfortunately. secondly i LOVE LOVE LOVE messing with vocal synths i may not be good but its like my favorite thing. related i like fucking around in my daw but i dont know shit about music so im just having fun being bad. last year i picked up making character plushies too & this year i want to expand that to trying to make rime's hoodie for myself but i doubt it'll go well lmao. i write if feel like it but its mostly to get scenes out of my head & i dont really try to be good. media wise i like to keep up with the niconico daily ranking for vocaloid songs & sometimes i play video games. i dont like to watch things id rather read books but it doesnt happen often. everyone who follows this account also knows i love to over analyze vocaloid songs too.

12. Do you have any pets?

i live with 4 dogs but theyre more my parents pets than mine.

13. How tall are you?

5'4" or like 162cm

14. Favorite subject in school?

in high school it was english & german in college it was ethics

15. Dream job?

none. i like what i have now where i go in, do my tasks, and get to come home free of stress and paperwork to do whatever the fuck i want. i dont deal with customers or anything. worst thing that happens to me is an egg explodes. peak type of job. but i dont want to do this all my life either.

taggingggg @andromedako @estradasphere @kukiyuuri & whoever wants to do it!

#thank u natalie i have to start tagging u in things too #i need to draw seriously again but im too busy procrastinating a 30 second task

[wroughted]

instead of a big formal post im just going to continue to spit out random wrought lore when i feel like it :)

WROUGHT LORE DUMP HOORAY 🔒😈

• wrought killed his abusive parents when she was 7 to escape with her little sister but his sister got sick with something mundane like a cold and died anyways within the week. he has never fully processed or recovered from this.

• wrought doesn’t know how old he is <3 (its about 35 probably) but he has no clue he doesn’t know his birthday or anything i don’t think his parents celebrated it in the first place but also. the…brain damage from how she grew up plays a part

• pre-tadpole he was in an extremely toxic situationship and with a dragonborn named epitaph who was a Bad Person. wrought wasn’t good either but in comparison to epitaph she’s an angel lmao. toxic butch on butch violence yay :)

• he LOOOOOVES lying its her favorite pastime :) think shawn spencer from psych type lying. like ridiculous levels of tomfoolery and shenanigans >:)

• he’s EERILY good at mimicking/changing his voice. she used a completely different voice from his actual voice around the companions until one day he just dropped it and everyone was like “DID ANYONE REALIZE THAT WASN’T HIS VOICE?!?!”

• continuing from the last 2 points wrought doesn’t understand how to be a Person unless she’s mimicking it for most of his life. wyll is key in him understand who He is and how to like. be okay with Feeling!!! [my brother’s ocs are also MAJOR factors, one of them and wrought were roommates before the epitaph incident when wrought got too…unsettling and scared him off but they reconnect and are like siblings :’)]

• for some in game mechanic/play lore a BIG defining thing was he let astarion kill him when drinking his blood. wrought SOMEHOW hasn’t died after living so stupid and dangerously (and being yknow homeless. yay urchin bg) and basically has no fear of death now as long as its weird and for a bit or something. just very curious and unfazed by the whole deal and thought it would be cool to see what would happen if a vampire drank all his blood. wasn’t even mad @ astarion the next day which i think freaked astarion out a bit because well. thats weird wrought!!!!

• wyll is wrought’s first REAL relationship he’s NEVER had these feelings!!!! he slept with people all the time (milfs mostly bc they are obsessed with her 😌) whether for fun or mostly to get info/steal from people lmao…the closest to a “relationship” was epitaph which was bad and fucked up in every way and wouldve gotten wrought killed if epitaph hadn’t just happened to die

• besides wyll, wrought’s best friend is astarion and they are VERY codependent and sooo fucking weird together they make me want to cry <3

• need to talk more about just wyllwrought but they are t4t. this is essential. <3 <3

• most importantly wrought has a giant dick. <3

#YAAAAAAAY WROUGHT LORE :D my big pink weird freak :’) #wrought #e #btw came up with the parent murder before i knew the durge plot LMAO #can you tell ive never had ocs before idk what im doing but wroooouuuught

[taegularities]

I’m writing this for Rid 10 minutes after reading CMI 11 omg how dare Rid to play with my feelings like this 😭 I have so many favourite moments in this chapter okay lets go —

1. JK calling her baby constantly “Baby, babe, my baby, angel” yes im so weak for this shit🤯

2. Girlfriend - Boyfriend 🥳🥳🥳 fucking finally!!!

3. So so so proud of my baby oc standing up to her mum!! Bring it on! Though i hope down the story that they’ll reconcile!! Just like what cmi jk said, i think deep down her parents do love her. Its not just enough or maybe shown in different ways. Even parents and children irl have different love languages. But I want this to happen for them. I know they are at peace but having both their families by their side as they go through their relationship will be so reassuring and special ❤️

4. Mama Jeon 🥹 I feel like oc will get the love and comfort she craves from a mother from JK’s mum 😭 i already love her character!! And when Jk called her “Mama” I FREAKIN SWOONED

5. My favourite part of all this madness was the pregnancy scare. JK looking for her all over and his panic state, crying and his line “I’m gonna kill someone if I don’t find her..” oh my heart broke because he just wants to know she’s okay and she’s safe. It is sad truly that his first thought was he fucked up, when he didn’t. If I were JK, I would think its oc who did something wrong but I’m not wired like cmi JK, i have evil thoughts and trust issues 😐🤣

6. When oc said “You’ll leave me, because you’ll be mad.” I just wanna hug her so bad :( the trauma of people leaving and her experience of jk leaving her the first time 😭😭😭 my heart broke for the both of them tbh :((

7. I understand oc’s fear. Things are just looking up in both their careers and they are only starting their relationship. Not saying a baby is unwanted and will jeopardise what they have atm, but the arrival of a little one will surely change some things. BUT I WANT A LITTLE ONE SOON! A mini oc to give jk a heart attack 😌😌

8. The way jk reassured her - how you wrote jk seeing her face and he just rushed to her and hugged her without knowing what the heck was going on. 😢

9. “You’re not gonna leave me, right?” Yes this line again 😭😭

10. Eun as usual, BEST GIRL FRIEND AWARDEE OF THE YEAR 🍾🍾

11. “I love you.” “I love you, angel. Saying this isn’t enough, and I can’t word it anyhow else, but. I love you… I love you, fuck.” ENOUGH SAID. I said enough. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

We finally got the Gf-bf conversation and the I Love You!!! God knows how long I pestered Rid to finally give this to us!! Wohoo wohoo!! Week is complete!! Rid you’re the best ❤️ My favourite chapter yet. No kidding, my heart was beating so fast towards the end! Also the chapter beginning in smut?? Hello!! GIMME!!! 😋🙊

Rid i freaking love you. Mwah 💋

I said what I said, you’re not going anywhere! We’ll keep you here ❤️

the way i'd been looking for this ask bc it wouldn't show up and finally found it in my inbox on mobile 🤣 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR INCREDIBLY KIND WORDS.

now that they're warming up to that relationship (and have finally made the status of it official 🥺), she'll be hearing so many petnames from him!!! the baby and angel ones will always give me heart palpitations, but also munchkin.. </3 and yes!! we are the proudest!! she's inspiring bc she had the courage to do what a lot of people can't. and i want to hug her for standing up for herself and trying to make herself happy. but reconciliation, you say? that'd be wonderful, of course 🥺

EEHEHEHE mama jeon is the sweetest and we will definitely see more of her (and him calling her that 🤭). the ending was my favourite as well! from the moment he started looking for her till the very last sentence.. i cried a lot writing it :') so i'm super happy you enjoyed that bit, too!! oc worrying all the time, i know 😭 she needs the tightest hug!!! but yeah, her worries were why she didn't want to go home, like she was so terrified he might leave or make her leave bc yeah, they're young and as you said... a child would change a lot. but at least now she knows he'll be by her side, no matter what <3

ENOUGH SAID INDEED 🗣️ i know a lot of people were waiting for this and i really hope i put it into words well. it was such an important one. so so thrilled you loved this chapter (and that it's even become your favourite? AHHHH!!), and i appreciate your feedback so much 😭 hope you enjoy the next one just as much. i love you, and.. yes ahhh do keep me here hehe 🥹🤍

#super lovely :'))))) #*cmi spoiler #<- using this till the new ch drop still :) #notes for rid 🌹 #chaotickoalashark #fic: colour me in

[mdhwrites]

One of the problems that ive noticed with TOH is its odd morality. By this i mean it has a very specific way of redeeming its characters, i dont have a word for it other than scapegoating.

For Amity, it was 'yes i am pretty horrible... but look! its my parents fault i ditched Willow! and look how horrible Boscha is! focus on that so i can be redeemed.'

For Lilith, it was 'yes i tried to murder a child and cursed my sister... but look! its Belos' fault for being so evil and manipulative! i deserve redemption now!'

For Alador, it was 'yes i went along with my childs abuse for years and even had a semi active role at some points.... but look! my wife is suddenly cartoonishly evil and i cant be blamed for anything all of a sudden!'

For Hunter, it was 'yes im working with a horrible man and i do anything he says, even killing innocent endangered creatures...! But look! my evil uncle Belos was abusing me so i cant be all bad!.'

Ok you probably get the point. when you notice it it becomes actively impossible to ignore and instead of wanting to explore motivations and actual growth, the show just shoves the blame onto someone else and everyone eats it up. Heck, ive seen Boscha be characterised as or called an actual S//ual Ab/ser in this fandom. Shes a Fourteen year old spoiled bully. not satan reinincarnated.

*screams bloody murder at the Boscha stuff* What sucks is I've seen and heard about those too. Actually, between seasons 1 and 2, people were so adamant about Odalia being more evil than Belos that it made me do a whole blog about the complexity of high society characters and the Blight Family's potential. All of which went to waste... As a note, if you read that blog and go "I want THAT Blight family," A: Little Miss Rich Witch and B: I have a 300k word TOH fic that has that Blight family. Getting back on track though... I agree. Just kind of in general. It's actually something I somewhat touched on in my Raine blog that some characters will feel like they exist in order to help others with their 'arcs'. Willow is the most blatant of these because it took until SEASON 3 to get an episode that's supposedly about her to ACTUALLY be about her. Before then, every episode that is supposedly hers is just used to push another character's arc forward. In S1 it's Amity every time. In S2 it's Hunter. It's part of why she never is doing anything with plants or magic, the things you think she might from the beginning, but other interests that keep getting tacked onto her so that she's doing something these other characters can interact with. And it's really bad because it's blatant that she doesn't have a plan for her or arc because she only exists when she can push another character forward. But calling these 'arcs' also feels incredibly disingenuous when you look at the larger scale of TOH. I mean, how long do any of those depictions EXIST before being replaced by "Going soft on me Blight?" "Mad but Sad Boy," "Cool Aunt Lilith" etc.? I mean... by the time each of those lines happens, the character is already a good person. Period. And questionably for any real reason in the cases of Hunter and Lilith, as neither really do much self reflection and all it seems to take with Hunter is "Pretty girl mad at me." Yes it's more complicated than that but if they'll simplify a child soldier becoming a good character to ONE PERSON SHOWED ME KINDNESS and BAM instant good guy, I'll simplify what the fuck happened. It causes them to feel like... Well, second introductions to the characters. Versions of them that just don't have the backstory and bad deeds of the past one. That's why phrase I use "Your arc seems more dramatic if the character starts OUT OF CHARACTER," straight up calls them OOC. Because by the time their 'arc' is finished, they feel like an entirely different character. Not only that but the show will work HARD like you pointed out to make you just... forget about the character's canonical history. Replace it with enough excuses or contradictory information and can you really judge them? Yes. Yes I can. Because they still did those things. I can just judge the show as a bad writer too then.

#TOH #Rambles

[4-leaf-cloverr]

AITA? (Graphic language, sorry)

hi i enjoy your content so much! Just before i go on a rant (p.s. you dont have to respond to this monstrosity if you dont want too :))

Ok so this is like some vent bullshit and i could use advice!

So ive had a shit weekend overall, my ma found out ive been cutting again- and just, its very confrontational and tiring to deal with the consequences. But, today my friend who gets upset over the little things didnt come in today- i asked what was up, and they simply replied 'died' and 'exploded'.. which means she probably cried that morning and got a day off school- but im not mad at that..

I dont know if its me and my dumb brain but i feel so envious of her? I dont know. But it annoys me thinking she got a day off when she really didnt fucking need it while i was fighting off the urge to not cry all day long- along with suicidal thoughts every few minutes, ive always hates school, but now im doing GCSE's i have to be there.

Ive always been told to tough it out and that it will be fine- i had a panic attack earlier in school, so obviously perfectly fine :))

but am i wrong for being mad at her? I know she has no fucking clue i do any of this shit- but it like really frustrates me when she gets off for small shit like that- her mum is really soft on her as well, always praising her for the little achievements like going in the fucking ocean!

Am i in the wrong for feelinv this way? Also im sorry for putting this on a cute little blog about fanfics and shit- but i really need advice, and because im thinking this way i just feel like an even bigger piece of dog shit!

Alternatively, i really look up to you and need advice. ;-;

thanks for enjoying my content! I'm really happy that you look up to me so ill try my best!

I think that it's not a bad thing to feel envious about! Everyone's parents are different and her parents are just softer than yours. Cutting is a real bad habit to develop and confrontation is hard, so that's understandable that you feel that way after your mom found out. Maybe you should find someone like a friend or someone you really trust to cry it out to because telling yourself its going to be fine only works to a certain extent. I hope this helps 💖

Just know it will get better, anon :(

#TW self harm #not writing

[electrificata]

Here is what i have been listening 2 lately yes im avoiding something no i dont listen to a lot of """new""" music

"This corrosion" the sisters of mercy - nothing revolutionary here, its a goth (sorry eldritch) classic with the big stupid jim steinman bombast that i love. If you want a good time search "andrew eldritch interview" on youtube, he's a huge bitch its so funny

"My lady of mercy" the last dinner party - a cute fizzy indie pop song that splits open into huge, triumphant stoner rock choruses. Its my understanding this band has weathered "industry plant" rumors despite being like, not. Anyway if industry plants made shit like this id be ok w the concept

"Kybalion" killah priest - my friend sold this wu tang associate to me by saying a) he's into the occult, b) not sure if he's actually any good, c) hes making animal noises on the new album. "Hermes trismegestis of lyrics that specialize in physics and pyramids" literally what else do i have to tell you

"Blood makes noise" suzanne vega - i love when a singer songwriter chick has one hard track on her album and this one sounds urgent and clanging and ominous im having a great time

"You aint no celebrity" jungle - everybodys losing their shit over "back on 74," and rightfully so, but this is the ass shaker on the album, its like an update on all those 2000s sean paul hits i liked before i heard at too many bar mitzvahs (it actually knicks the buzzing theremin from "get busy," which was always better than "temperature")

"Naked eye" luscious jackson - 90s crunchy touchy feely divine feminine radical vulnerability nonsense

"Come together" primal scream - these guys were kind of narrowly revolutionary in the 90s and i dont hear anybody under 40 talk abt them ever but i loooove the early 90s uk "what if classic rock was dance" shit that was happening with them and i guess kind of madchester?

"Obsession" animotion - this is the loud obnoxious goofy 80s pop hit all the other ones want to be. The boy-girl vocals are really fun BONUS the singers fell in love and are still married, go look up a recent performance of this song theyre so old and so horny for each other i love it

"The big sky" kate bush + "chains of love" erasure - two very different 80s pop classics, but i listen to them the same way, and frequently right after each other. I have a theory of art and fiction i call, for the moment, "mythological awareness." I use this to refer to work that knows what old folkloric/mythological/archetypal symbols and narratives and images it evokes. Work that knows that any love story is every love story, every mad scientist is a wizard and a shaman and a hacker as well. Kate is singing about the things we pay attention to as children and forget as adults, the sky is a marvel its easy to forget about because its there every day, but that doeant mean its any less a marvel. This might be the most straightforward u2-ish rock single bush ever put out, but it feels like shes marching at the head of an army of zeppelins and airplanes and rockets powered by the laughter of gods. Andy bell of erasure is singing about a fictionalized pre-aids era of gay utopia like its something that used to be real and can be real again if we all clap our hands. He details a world of "sisters and brothers" open to the pleasures of the world, fucking and loving and worrying about what theyll do for dinner rather than whether they can get into the hospital to watch their loved ones die. And over an unstoppable synthesizer bounce, falsetto floating over clouds of gospel-inflected backing vocals, you believe him. He could be talking about atlantis or hobbitton or erewhon or the greek age of heroes and he knows that, the halcyon past is a myth none of us can get away from, maybe we need to understand it and use it rather than disavow it. I was born years after both of these songs hit, and my parents didnt listen to either of these artists, so they come to me fresh and bright and veiled in the light obscuring mist of morning, for me and no one else (everyone else)

#sorry for this post

[furiousgoldfish]

i saw you were opening this up!! i have a lot to say-

first of all, thank you for this blog. it's literally helped me so much in figuring out what abuse is like and helped me realize the kind of household i really live in.

my whole life i thought i was exaggerating or making shit up , that my experiences werent valid or crazy enough to be considered abuse. i literally forgot so many events in my life because i repressed them and because of that i feel like i cant explain my situation that well.

my parents and brother are incredibly homophobic and transphobic, theyre super fucking toxic to me and its horrible. when i was younger and was having a hard time in school because of a group of bullies, i called them to pick me up and when i explained what happened they told me it wasnt that big of a deal and it wasnt something to cry to them about.

when i was in seventh grade i had a panic attack at this church thing my mom was going to, and she took me outside while i was trying to calm down. i repeatedly told her "im sorry" for dragging her out and wasting her time, and she looked at me frustrated and said "you should be."

when i was questioning my sexuality they told me it was the devil lying to me and putting things in my head. they brought me to several pastors and churches so i could talk to leaders about it and they all told me that it was sinful and against god.

i came out as nonbinary last year, and my brother found out because he looked through my things, and then outed me to both my parents after i told him to not say anything. they said they refused to send me to any kind of therapist that wasnt a biblical one or a pastor and that im only looking for people who tell me what i want to hear.

my dad placed 30 minutes of screen time for tiktok, discord, and snapchat. he once brought me to a restaurant because he said he wanted to hang out, but when i got there he pulled out literal charts of bar graphs depicting how much time i spent on each app. then he told me he was going to either take away all my social media and online friends, or he was going to interrogate them. and i had to choose.

once in a family therapy session my mom said she would rather kill herself than let me join an lgbt support group. another time my brother came to my room and told me my mom was suicidal and that it was my fault. he said, "you think you have problems? you think youre depressed? mom is literally suicidal because of this whole thing with you. this is a wake up call. grow up."

another time, he (my brother) told me that i was a woman, that i couldnt change that, that its what it said on my birth certificate and no matter how much i called myself nonbinary it wouldnt change that im a woman.

recently, i talked to my mother about getting a new therapist. she gave me the phone number to one she found. and it was a conversion therapist. she was about to send me through a conversion program. this was a few days ago.

my parents constantly tell me that what they do is because they love me and want whats best for me and i constantly make a problem because i dont appreciate them or i get mad at them or i dont talk to them or i push them away. and it makes me feel like its my fault.

again, thank you so much for your blog. its helped me ground myself so much. keep doing what youre doing- seriously its amazing. <33

Yeah, all of us think we're exaggerating and making stuff up, it's incredibly sad we all get to not just get hurt, but constantly second-guess ourselves about it. Repressing and forgetting events is also extremely common too, it's out only means of defense against a too-painful reality.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with homophobia and transphobia at such a young age, and from your family members as well, it's devastating. You should have gotten support from your family members when you were bullied, being picked on and hurt by your peers is enough bad, without anyone acting like it's a no big deal.

It's so painful you were apologizing for having a panic attack, even in the worst pain you still had to think about what others might think and whethere you're an invonvenience. It's hateful they tried to stop you questioning your sexuality, you if anyone have the sole right to figure it out for yourself. Even to involve religious authority to shame you, that's sick! I hate every single pastor who had the fucking nerve to tell to a child their sexuality is sinful or against god, sexuality is something so natural and positive and you should have been celebrated.

It's incredibly hateful to expose you to religious abuse just because they found out, against your consent, that you're non-binary. They used religion as a threat against you, and as a way to control who you are, and are not allowed to be, and this is a crime. Your choice has been taken away and given into the hands of people who only had control and force in mind.

Your social media time is your own business, I can't imagine anyone punishing a grownup for something like that, the entire world is on the social media without any self control! You've done nothing wrong.

Your mother is awful. Die rather than for her child to have a healthy support. I'm so sorry you had to hear something so hateful, from your own parent. You didn't deserve that. It's not your fault. You can't control your sexuality, you can't control people's hatred. I wish you had more support during this. Nobody is allowed to blame you for hatred that's directed at you.

I'm so sorry that your family members refuse to accept your identity, and that they would do something so horrifying as conversion to you. That is not only dangerous but deadly, and it has never been done out of love. I hope you never get sent to a conversion program, because that is devastating and dangerous, I want you to stay safe, to receive love and support for who you are.

I hope in the future, you will meet people who will find you natural and delightful just as you are, who will share the same mindset and approve of every bit of who you are. You deserve so much support in dealing with this. I'm with you, and I bet a lot of people can relate to this and want to offer you community.

#abuse #ask #furiousgoldfish #homophobia #transphobia #emotional abuse #guilt tripping #victim blaming #religious abuse #intolerance of sexuality #intolerance of identity #spiritual abuse #shaming #guiltig