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hinasho · 3 years

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i saw someone ask the question “if you had to choose who would die in The Long Night who would you pick” and that’s such a strange but also fun question i want to answer it. so my picks would be:

the deaths i’d keep:

melisandre, theon, and jorah dying is already fine. the first two’s deaths were satisfying and fit their characters perfectly (melisandre finally found her purpose and theon finally found his way home). jorah also just needed to damn die ahdjchs. i can’t imagine his character being of any use in the episodes after tbh. tyrion was dany’s hand now, grey worm commanded the unsullied/her fighting forces. jorah served his purpose episodes ago so him dying here, and especially dying to protect dany is fine and fits well.

beric’s death being in TLN is fine, but i’d just change how he died. i’d rather he have played a role in defeating the night king rather than simply saving arya. i know she’s the one that killed the NK, so technically he did, but still. i’d rather him have played a more important role in directly dealing with the NK rather than dying alone and left behind in a hallway.

ed like jorah served his purpose. in 8.02 we got that really sentimental shot of the last three nights watchmen standing atop a wall (of winterfell) so them reuniting right before the end was beautiful. ed dying was fine. just hate that he died saving sam like wow talk about the survivor’s guilt.

visieron dying was fine.

the deaths i’d remove:

lyanna mormont. i know she was a kid so she stood the least chance of survival, but it’s fantasy and tbh the child lord surviving after taking down a giant and living to old age and being seen as a legend would’ve been really cool. “the youngest lord to kill a giant and survive the long night” would’ve been a nice tale to have to her.

the unsullied/dothraki. now since these are a people, ofc some of them had to die. i’m not saying save all of them. but the instant extinction of the dothraki is terrible and the majority of unsullied dying is also tasteless for the simple fact that these are the two groups in winterfell that consist of mostly poc and most/all of them fucking die. it’s bad. especially bc??? this isn’t even their home????? the Whiteness™️ to write these two groups of color dying for white people they not only don’t know but who also openly look at them with disdain. what the fuck.

the deaths i’d add:

(here’s the kicker lol)

brienne. she’s served her purpose! she finally got the stark sisters to safety back in their home and kept her promise to catelyn. and then not only that, she finally became a true and official knight in 8.02, her lifelong dream. her dying in TLN would’ve been fine bc she’s finally accomplished all she’s wanted and i think would’ve died at peace. it also would’ve been sad bc shes such a great honorable character.

grey worm. him and missandei giving their “what will we do afterwards :)” hopeful speeches, finally being officially and comfortably together, is what wouldve made his death, while expected, still hit emotionally regardless.

gilly in the crypts. not little sam, just gilly. it would’ve been heart wrenching seeing her die, and i don’t think sam should’ve found out until the morning after/after the fight. this leaves sam to raise little sam as a single parent, kinda contrasting his awful late father. sam doesn’t have much while his father had everything. sam would be the dad to little sam that he wished he had.

the hound. specifically defending arya. beric wouldn’t have been with them and would’ve been off doing smthg involving the night king, while the hound is the one that sacrifices himself to save arya.

tormund. listen i love tormund so much but him dying in TLN wouldve been good. the army of the dead was his fight, not the fight for the iron throne, so his end being here would’ve fit. but there is the issue of them making him the one and only face of the free folk we know now tho. in the earlier seasons we had mance, ygritte, karsi, etc. so one of them dying was fine bc we still had other characters representing the free folk. the fact we only have tormund now, while emphasizes how many of them has died, from a writing standpoint is more of a hinderance than anything else bc now he basically has plot invincibility. i’d have probably had karsi survive hardhome somehow so that least if tormund died, we’d know who the next leader of the free folk could be.

ser davos by defending a little girl. specifically that little girl we meet earlier with the scar on her face. it would be his way of being there for another little girl even tho he couldn’t be there for shireen. i think mr “i don’t fight” dying by protecting an innocent child would bring him peace and would be satisfying (while also emotional).

a stark ffs!!!!!! idk which one, but one of them should’ve died. it would’ve sucked major ass and probably would’ve been tear jerking, but i still think it should’ve happened. preferably at the very end of the episode as the final character death. in my head, the perfect candidate would probably be jon. in my perfect world, the storyline of him being a targaryen wouldn’t exist, so he’d still be ned’s son. as a nights watchmen, him and the white walkers have always been connected while him and the iron throne have not. him dying here, most likely giving his life to ensure the white walkers are finally and truthfully gone forever, would’ve been a good end.

BONUS: deaths that, if were to happen, would have to happen during the fight for the iron throne

(now in my perfect universe, the FFTIT would’ve come before TLN. regardless tho, some characters were more connected to either storyline so their deaths/final endings should reflect as such in whatever order the storylines happen)

jamie. he’s survived a lot of stuff, so if his death were to occur at any point, it should be during this. it would also be a nice full circle since he began this journey killing the mad king so him ending the journey to ensure cersei, the mad queen, is off the throne wouldve be pleasing.

gendry. i like him and it’d be sad to see him go, but him dying for the iron throne, the throne his father essentially died because of, would be interesting

arya. after doing smthg that would directly involve cersei’s death. cersei’s the only one left on her list (well besides the hound but tomato tomatoe) so arya dying to finally finish avenging her family would’ve been interesting. she’s basically turned herself into a weapon at this point so her death being her hitting the final target would fit.

(in my version, this would also leave bran and sansa as the last remaining starks. and since bran is Smthg Else Now, essentially just sansa. a parallel to how ned was the last of his siblings.)

i think cersei is an obvious one.

the mountain. specifically at the hands of the hound (bc ya know in my version the FFTIT takes place before TLN).

those are the ones i can think of off the top of my head. but yeah! if i had to pick and choose who died during TLN (and who didn’t), then these would be my picks :]

#got lb #lexi watches a show #long text post //

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psycheswritings · 4 years

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Nothing’s Fair in Love and War - Eleven

Title: Nothing’s Fair in Love and War

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Daphne Scott (OFC)

Warnings: Swearing, angst and mentions of death and war.

Word Count: 6018 (I know and I am sorry)

Author’s Note: Here we go again with another update. Hope you are all well and safe with this whole pandemic thing. Take care of yourselves and the people around you.

Not much to say about this chapter, so I am just going to show my gratitude towards @internalmess3 for being so kind and sweet and supporting me through the process of writing this chapter - you're incredible and I am so grateful to you! Thanks for everyone, EVERY SINGLE SOUL, who has been reading this fic and commenting/leaving likes. Seriously, that's what makes me keep writing and I LOVE to read your thougths about the plot and the characthers. Don't feel shy in coming talk to me.

You know the drill, if you find any mistakes feel free to report it back to me. Tags are at the end of the post and if you want to be added, let me know. Your feedback is highly appreciated. Happy reading.

WARNING: this fic (as most part of my works) is also been posted on FF and AO3.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

Masterlist

Chapter Summary: Tommy meets Campbell to talk about the plans to kill the Field Marshall while Daphne is trying to adpat herself to living alone. She and William take a walk down memory lane, rememoring how they met and Tommy pays her a visit. The Brummie gangster negotiates with Alfie and they both end up discussing their feelings for Daphne.

Eleven

Tommy had told Lizzie to let Campbell into his office at the pretense that he was parking his car. It was the first time they would meet after his plan to make the Field Marshall leave his house got into work and he wanted to take the Irishman out of guard - and so he did.

“I keep everything locked up, Mr. Campbell. Everything of value.” Campbell looked up at him as he closed the door, a little more forcibly than necessary, on purpose. The man was rummaging through his desk and by the look on his face he certainly wasn’t expecting being caught. Tommy hang his coat, clearing his throat before walking towards the desk. “Take a seat.”

“How is your company treasurer, Polly?” The Irishman asked as he bypasses the desk to stand in the opposite side from Tommy.

“Why do you ask?”

“Oh. Just give her my regards.” Tommy finds the questioning odd but decides to brush it off as he searches for his cigar case, taking one and lightening it. “Ah! You like to play with fire, don't you, Mr. Shelby? Yesterday, in Belgravia, Field Marshall Russell's house was burnt out. An incendiary device was put through his letter box. Which means that he will have to find somewhere else to live for at least the next three months.”

“Which also means that your plan for me to break in and shoot him in his bed is no longer an operational possibility.” Tommy states what they both already know, calmly, a hint of a smirk on his face.

“Indeed, but if you think a wee burn frees you from your obligations, think again…”

“I will keep my side of the bargain.”

“Oh, by God, you will.”

“I will shoot your Field Marshal. But I will do it in a way that serves my purpose.” Campbell is still standing in front of him, both hands holding the cane, clearly riled up by the change of plans.

“The only purpose is my purpose.”

“I will carry out the assassination at a place of my choosing.” The Irishman takes a step towards the desk as he speaks.

“Listen to me. All operational detail must be mutually agreed…”

“I am a soldier of experience and I will determine where and when…”

“Now, that man has twenty-four-hour armed police protection…”

“Your plan was full of holes, Mr. Campbell.”

“My plan was mutually agreed!”

“And now your plan is up in smoke! And I have formulated the only viable alternative.”

“For God's sake. What do you mean? How would you get to him?” Tommy takes a drag from his cigarette, taking his time to answer.

“I won't. He'll come to me.”

“Now listen to me, Mr. Shelby. When this meeting is concluded I must report directly to Mr. Winston Churchill.”

“Your relationship with Mr. Churchill is not my concern.” The Brummie answers nonchalantly.

“And Mr. Winston Churchill will need to hear details.”

“Well, you tell him he'll have to trust me.” They glare at each other for a second, then Tommy speaks again. “Look, Mr. Campbell, I will carry out my mission.”

“Good.”

“Good. But I will do it in a place where it will be impossible for you or your men to have me shot afterwards.” Campbell shifts in his place. “Because that was your plan, eh? Coopers front and back. No way out. Me shot dead, dumped in the Thames. I will do the killing, but in a place where that will not be an option.”

“Where and when?”

“Epsom. Derby day.”

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After one week of living in the hotel Daphne decides to rent a flat. It’s the logical thing to do, she thinks to herself, so she can have more privacy and start doing things her way. Her relationship with Alfie was still strained and they were sticking to talk just about business because every time the topic changed they ended up fighting and it seemed that the both of them were tired of it. William and Harriet helped her accommodate in the new place.

She had been avoiding to talk about certain topics with Harriet because she knew how the woman was caught in the crossfire and a part of her, the one who still cared for Alfie, wanted him to have some sort of support system because if she knew him well enough, he was most certainly trying to pretend that everything was fine. Ada was out of town - they have talked over the phone and the Shelby sister assured Daphne that everything was alright between them - so she was relaying on the last person she had left - William.

Since their conversation at the hotel, their first one after she had left Alfie’s house, Daphne had been thinking about the things he said to her. She had been able to avoid the specific topic of her relationship with Tommy on the occasion but she was sure that it was just a matter of time until it come up again. Truth be told, she wasn’t even sure if they had a relationship of any sort because they never really talked about it. Actually, the last time they had seen each other the last thing they did was talk about anything.

“How’s Jane?” She was facing away from him, making tea for the both of them as he adjusted himself on the spare armchair by the fireplace. The flat was not big, everything was in the same room basically - her bed near the window, a little bedside table, a modest wardrobe and a dresser near the fireplace, two armchairs and a center table. There was a nice bathroom and a small kitchen just beside.

“Fine. They are getting used to things there but are happy together. She send you lots of love.” Daphne gave him the teacup and goes back to take her own before getting comfortable on her own armchair.

“Send my love to her when you write to her again.” They fell into a comfortable silence until he asked her.

“Have you talked to Thomas?” She averted his gaze, sinking into the chair.

“Will…”

“You've been avoiding the topic since the night we talked in the hotel.” Daphne was really hoping that her acting had been on point for him not to notice, but she was just so tired that it wasn’t all that surprising that she slipped onto her act. “He likes you.” Her hazel eyes searched for his blue ones and he laughed at her expression. “What? Did you really think I wouldn't notice?”

“I really hoped I wouldn’t have to talk to you about it.” She exhaled loudly, taking a sip of her tea and William takes a moment to observe her: she is looking to the fire, he knows it is because she doesn't want to look at him, her cheeks are still rosy from the cold, her fingers playing mindlessly with the hem of her dress, her legs tucked under her. It was easy to fall in love with her, he knew that more than anyone.

“Well, unfortunately for you, I am your better option right now.” Daphne looks at him again, sees his playful smile and sighs.

“We could always not talk about it.” William raises an eyebrow at her.

“Not an option.” He waits, patiently, as he always does, for her to get comfortable enough to talk. Sometimes, William wonders why she always seemed more willing to share things with him than with Harriet, for example, or even with his sister. Most women didn’t like to confide in a man like that. He should know better though, because Daphne was nothing but unusual in a lot of things.

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

“You're redirecting.” He scolded her and she laughed, sitting up straighter to face him better.

“I am not, I promise.” Daphne had already accepted her defeat because she knew he wasn’t going to give up, but she wanted to make him understand somethings that had been on her mind lately. Somethings that were very important for their relationship. William drank the rest of his tea, putting the teacup into the table and getting comfortable on his chair as he took a deep breath.

“I remember that you gave me quite a scold.” He smiled looking at her to see that she was doing the same. “We fought over what was the best way to treat a patient and you were so damn stubborn, standing there, hands on your hips, holding your ground and defending your opinion so fiercely.”

“I was right.” There was a smug look on her face and he just shook his head in annoyance.

“You were and even so Dr. Lewis choose to believe in me.” Daphne rolled her eyes and William smiled. He knew that she never really liked the old doctor.

“Of course he did. The man worshiped the ground you walked on just because you are a man.” She rolled her eyes before continuing. “And you were a prick just alright.”

“I was. Smug little thing, fresh out of college, I thought I knew better about everything and I certainly wasn’t looking for being proven wrong by a young nurse on my first day.” She remembered that, he was the talk of the hospital that morning and for the following days - the young hot doctor who had just arrived to help Dr. Lewis. Daphne had been there for almost a month, things had been going as smoothly as they could be but her mood was sour due to being away from her brother for so long.

At first, she had been excited about the new addition to the personnel, after all, all help was welcome - that is until she actually met William. She was treating a soldier with a severe injury and Dr. Lewis brought him to give his opinion on it. The first thing she noticed was how handsome he was and how young he looked but the niceties stopped there, because next thing they were arguing about the right treatment to apply and things just went down after that.

“You actually searched for me to try and convince me that your plan was better than mine.”

“And you snapped at me right away. I don’t think I had ever fought with a nurse before but you were having none of my shit.”

“You were used to just bat those eyelashes at them and have your way out of the discussion, weren’t you?” She smirked at him and William put his hand in front of his face, sighing. “Oh, sweetheart, you don’t have to tell me that. I am pretty sure that all the nurses thought I was crazy for fighting you that day. I certainly received lots of death glares on the corridors for weeks.”

“Matron certainly didn’t agreed with that because she gave me a hard time until we made amends.” William still remembers how much the older woman made his life difficult on the weeks right after his arrival.

“Harriet wouldn’t shut up about you and how I should give you a chance because you were ‘oh, so nice and gentle’.” She feigned an affected voice, then paused for a second looking directly at him. “And how I was going to fall for you if I did open up. I think I did, for a while.”

“Daph…”

“No, I have to say it for both our sakes.” They looked at each other for a long moment before she continued. “We never really talked about why I couldn’t stay with you and sometimes I feel selfish for keeping you around.”

“Then we both are being selfish because I didn’t wanted to lose you either.” She takes a deep breath, gets up from her seat collecting the teacups and walks to the kitchen, gets the bottle of whiskey from the counter along with two glasses and goes back to where he is, pouring them both a dose, offering one of the glasses to him and then getting comfortable on the armchair again. Daphne took a sip of the amber liquid, relishing on the way it burned her throat as she observed the fire crackling.

“I really fell for you at the time, you know.” Her voice was firm, as if she was trying to reassure herself and him at the same time.

“I know. You are good at pretending but not that much.” They smiled at each other and stayed in silence for a moment.

“And I really wish that things could have been different, that we could have gotten a better chance but you were right when you said that I didn’t wanted to live after Benjamin died. I just never let myself acknowledge that.”

“Nobody can blame you for that. I don’t blame you for that. After we came back, every time I saw Jane I thanked God for her being safe and remembered how you must feel everyday because of him.”

“I’m sorry for shutting you out and not giving us a chance. Most part of the time I am sorry for not letting you go.”

“It wasn’t your choice. Not entirely at least. I stayed because I love you and between being in your life as a friend or nothing at all I would always choose to stay. We already talked about that.” They did, in fact, when Daphne told him they couldn’t be together anymore, not as a couple, he had asked her if she wanted him to leave her life completely even if it would’ve been impossible at the time because they were serving at the same place. But she haven’t wanted him gone back then and she still didn’t want him gone now.

“I just don’t understand how I couldn’t love you the way you loved me back then but I can fall in love with another person now. It just doesn’t make sense and…”

“Hey, hey, hey. Stop that!” He kneeled in front of her, taking the glass of whiskey half drank from her hands and resting it on the table, holding both her hands in his, forcing her to look at him. “Love is not rational, Daph. I know we try to find some explanation, a reason for it but it doesn’t exist. We don’t choose who we love or in what moment we love them.”

“We could have been good together.”

“We are good together.” He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. “Just because we are not together as a couple it doesn't mean we don’t have a good relationship. We’ve been supporting each other all these years, you can’t say to me that this is not a good thing.”

“It is. You’re one of my best friends, always will be.” She smiled at him, remembering all the times he had been there for her. There was no denying how important he was in her life. William would always be a huge part of her history.

“Then talk to me. Don’t push me out because you think you’ll hurt me. I will say to you if something is too much but let me help you.”

“I don’t know what to say. Really.” Daphne sighed as she sank into the chair and William adjusted himself on the ground right in front of her. “The way I feel about Tommy is… different. He makes me feel things that I had never felt before. Things I didn’t wanted to know about.”

“Well, you’ve been avoiding it for years now, I really wouldn’t expect nothing less.”

“He’s everything I didn’t wanted for my life.” Problem, that’s what he was. A big, huge problem. William laughed and Daphne gave him a not so playful slap on the arm.

“Maybe he is exactly what you need him to be even if you haven’t realized it yet.” She looked at him, half closed eyes, a smirk on her lips.

“When did you got this wise?”

“You’ve been rubbing off on me.” William smiled at her and Daphne felt the urge to hug him, so she did, sliping from the armchair to sit on the ground with him.

“Why couldn’t I have stayed in love with you? Life would be a lot simpler.”

“That’s the thing, life is never simple.” The moment is interrupted by a knock on the door, so Daphne gets up to answer it and she has a hard time coming into terms with the person standing in front of her.

“Thomas?” William looks at the door after hearing the name, his eyes meting Tommy’s for a moment before he got up from the ground.

“Hope I am not interrupting anything.” His voice was devoid of emotion but Daphne notices the hint of displeasure on his face. William was faster than her to answer.

“No. I was heading out, already.” He was putting his coat on and heading to the door. “Mr. Shelby.” They shook hands briefly and the doctor turned to face her. “You’ll gonna be alright?”

“Yeah.” She nodded and he got closer, giving her a kiss on the check before heading out.

“See you tomorrow then.” Tommy takes a step to the side, giving space for him to get out of the flat. “Mr. Shelby.” The two men nod at each other and the gangster observes as William walks down the stairs before looking up at Daphne, who was observing him. After a moment of silence he asked.

“May I come in?” She stepped out of his way, opening the door more for him to enter. Tommy looked around, analysing the small space, noticing how it looked cozy, much like her. Daphne closed the door and walked towards the little table near the fireplace, taking both glasses laying there and walking to the small kitchen.

“Do you want tea? Or whiskey?” She turned to look at him and he just shook his head, denying her offer, stuffing his cap on one of his pockets.

“No, I am fine.” Neither of them said nothing for a long while. “Did you knew?” They both knew the answer to that and Tommy didn’t fail to notice the offended look on her face.

“Of course not.”

“Then that night, at Charles’s wedding, it wasn't just a way to distract me.” The look she gave him hit him harder than any slap he ever received and, for a moment, he almost regrets asking it, but after Grace he just had to be sure that what he was feeling for her wasn’t just one more thing that Solomons’s could use against him and his family.

“If you thought even for a moment that I would sell myself for something as simple as a decoy you’re clearly underestimating me.” Tommy isn’t accustomed to being held accountable by the things he says and when he does, he usually doesn’t care about what people feel about it. So it actually gets him by surprise how he always seems to find enticing the way Daphne always gets back at him for the things he says.

“You can’t really blame me, can you?” He walks to her, slow and deliberate, leaving her time to back off, which she doesn’t. When they are a breath apart, his cold fingers trace the skin below her neck and then lower, getting hold of the ever present pendant hanging on her neck. He pulls the locket out of the chancel of her dress, feeling the metal against his fingers and this time, different from the night of her birthday, he opens it. As he expected, there are two photographs there - a girl and a boy. “You’ve been hiding a lot of secrets, Senior Sister Scott.”

“Am not the only one, Sergeant Major Shelby.” All he wants to do is to close the distance between them and kiss her, like he had done at the library of the Weston’s house. Give in to desire and press her against the wall, have her right there, but there is something that holds him back. “My past is none of your concern.”

“Your past, your present, your future… I want them all to be of my concern.” The way she looks at him with half closed eyelids should be illegal and Tommy has to take a moment to put his thoughts on check again. “He is the reason why you said I couldn’t make you want things you can’t have?”

“Thomas…” Daphne closes her eyes, feeling trapped in his presence, she doesn’t think that she can talk about Benjamim with him, not yet.

“Because you don’t want to live without him.”

“Tom…”

“You think you don’t deserve to have a life without your twin.” Her hazel eyes focus on his blue ones, hands searching for support on his chest as Tommy holds her to him with his free hand.

“You know nothing about that.”

“I know enough.” She tries to walk away from him, but he is faster than her, releasing the open locket and holding her by the arms, keeping her close, forcing her to face him. “‘Can’t imagine the pain you feel.” Daphne’s resolution falters for a moment, her breath coming fast as if she had runned a mile, she feels her chest tightens as she tries to remembers the last time that she had let herself really feel the grieve.

“He was more than my brother, he was everything.” Her eyes close for a moment and the memories cloud her mind and she relieves all the times they skipped the music classes so they could run through the gardens, searching for a good spot to hide between the trees. How they always sneaked into each others rooms at night so they didn’t had to sleep alone. The way he always seemed to know what she was thinking before herself. Daphne searches for the locket, closing it and holding it between her fingers as she rests her forehead into Tommy’s shoulder, his hands travelling to her waist as they sway from side to side for a long moment.

“Why did you stayed with Alfie?” Daphne thinks for a moment but she already knows the answer, she has knew it for a long time.

“Because it was comfortable.”

“And I am not, so that’s why you’re fighting this.” She doesn’t answer, it’s not needed, they both know it’s the truth. The woman raises her head, looking at him again.

“Why are you fighting this?” There is a long pause where the only thing they hear is the crackling of the fire and the noises of the city outside.

“Because you deserve better than me.” Daphne sees nothing but truth in his ice cold blues.

“I think that is for me to decide.” And decide she does, standing on her tiptoes and closing the gap between them in a gentle kiss. As their lips move together all that Tommy can think about is how much he doesn’t deserve the woman in his arms. In that moment he too makes a decision, a decision that could change everything.

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“Did you one anyway, you ignorant git.” He doesn’t notice that Ada had entered the room until she places the cup of tea almost in front of him, turning to leave. That is the moment that Tommy raises his eyes from the paper in front of him.

“Ada, sit down here for a minute.” She does as he asks while he folds the letter and puts it on the envelope, linking it to seal. “Ada, if anything happens to me today, I need you to post this letter. The stamps already on. Don't ask any questions. It's…” He pauses for a moment as he takes the cigarette from the ashtray. “...to do with insurance.” Ada looks at him, a little disturbed by the information, picking the envelope from the table.

“Look, Tommy? Whatever it is you're involved in, just tell us. God, you never let anybody in. We love you, Tom.” His eyes search for hers in the moment and Ada seems to be in an internal battle to choose her next words so he picks the other envelope and holds it between them.

“This one you can hand over yourself.” Tommy sees the curiosity in her eyes turn into worry when she sees the name outside the envelope.

“What are you going to do, Tommy?” James enters the room and Tommy gets up, walking to the couch to pick his coat. “What are you doing up at six o'clock in the morning?”

“Ready?” He asks the young writer that nods at him.

“What the bloody hell's going on?” Ada asks, voice an octave higher.

“Little errand.” James answers her.

“What errand?”

“He just has to stand there, Ada.” Tommy adds as he picks his things..

“Stand where?”

“Let's go. Come on.” The older Shelby calls and James follows him out of the room, Ada a little behind them, talking exasperatedly.

“James, what's going on? Don't listen to him, James, he'll get you killed! What errand?”

“For the cause, Ada. The good old cause.” The young writer tells her as he and Tommy walk out the door. The two men walk the streets towards Camden Town and when they are approaching Alfie’s bakery Tommy says.

“For the next ten minutes, you don't do or say anything I haven't told you. All right?” Met with silence he asks again. “All right?” James confirms it just before they reach the doors.

“Hello, Ollie.” Tommy greets the young man as he heads to the door.

“Hang on. Just you, yeah? He stays out here.” Ollie admonishes and Tommy turns to James, pointing at him with his index finger and then at the ground, throwing his cigarette away as he does.

“You stay here.” The young writer stands there, looking around a little apprehensive, as Tommy follows Ollie inside. He stops, pretending to tie his shoe much to the annoyance of the young man, before they continue to Alfie’s office. The Jew barely acknowledges him as they enter the room - feet propped up on the desk, leaning back on his chair reading the paper - and Tommy takes a seat in front of him. He just talks when the phone starts ringing.

“That'll probably be for you, won't it?” Tommy gets up to answer the call.

“Hello? Arthur. You're out?” When the call is finished and Tommy sits back on the chair, Alfie straightens himself to look at the Brummie.

“Right, so that'll be your side of the street swept up, won't it? Where's mine? What you got for me?” Tommy takes the license from his suitcase and hands

“Signed by the Minister of the Empire himself.”

“Yeah?”

“Which means that you can put your rum in our shipments and no-one at Poplar Docks will lift a canvas.”

“You know what? I'm not even going to have my lawyer look at that.”

“No, no, it is all legal.”

“You know what, mate? I trust you. That is that. Done.” He straightens his hat and then turns to pick a bottle of whiskey. “So, whisky. There is one thing, though, however, that we do need to discuss.”

“What would that be?” Tommy asks, taking a drag of his cigarette as Alfie places the bottle on the desk, holding his glasses to his eyes and analysing the contract.

“It says here twenty percent paid to me of your export business.”

“As we agreed on the telephone.”

“No, no, no, no. See, I had my lawyer draw this up for us, just in case.” He places the new contract, that he just got from the drawer, right in front of Tommy, leaning on the desk to show it to the other man. “It says that here, that a hundred percent of your business goes to me.”

“I see.”

“Just there Don't worry about it, right. Cos it is totally legal, binding. All you have to do is sign the document and transfer the whole lot over to me.” Alfie reclines himself back on his chair, waiting for Tommy to sign the contract.

“Sign just here, is it?” The Brummie asks, calmly.

“Yeah.”

“I see. That's funny, that is.” Tommy says, taking a drag from his cigarette and pointing at the paper in front of him.

“What?” The Jew asks, confused.

“No, that's funny. I'll give you a hundred percent of my business?”

“Yeah!”

“Why?” Ollie, who had been standing there, fidgeting more than usual, points a gun towards Tommy, who looks at him unamused.

“Ollie, no. No. No. Ollie, no. Put that down.” Alfie takes the gun from Ollie’s hands and places it on the desk, as the younger man retreats to the background. “He understands. He understands. He's a big boy, he knows the road. Now, look, it's just non-fucking-negotiable. That is all you need to know, so all you have to do is sign the fucking contract. Right there.” The Jewish gangster taps with his finger where Tommy is supposed to sign.

“Just sign here.” Tommy says, before stubbing the cigarette on the ashtray.

“With your pen.”

“I understand.”

“Good. Get on with it.” Alfie encourages when the other gangster does nothing.

“I have an associate waiting for me at the door. I know, he looks like a choirboy but he is actually an anarchist from Kentish Town.”

“Tommy, I am going to fucking shoot you.”

“Right? Now, when I came in here, Mr. Solomons, I stopped to tie my shoelace Isn't that a fact, Ollie?” He looks at the younger man and then at Alfie again. “I stopped to tie my shoelace. And while I was doing it, I laid a hand grenade under one of your barrels. A mark fifteen with wire trip. My friend upstairs is like one of those anarchists that blew up Wall Street, you know? He's a professional. And he's in charge of the wire. If I don't walk out of that door by the stroke of seven, he's going to trigger the grenade and your very combustible rum will blow us all to hell. And I don't care ‘cos I am already dead.” Alfie scratches his beard, holding his glasses and analysing Tommy for a moment.

“He tied his lace, Alfie. And there is a kid at the door.” Ollie confirms.

“From a good family, too. Ollie, it is shocking what they become.” The Brummie remarks.

“What were you doing when this happened?” Alfie turns to face Ollie.

“He tied his lace. Nothing else.”

“Yeah. But what were you doing?”

“Marking the runners in the paper.” The young man seems embarrassed. There is a little noise of metal and Alfie turns to see Tommy with his pocket watch in hand.

“What are you doing?”

“Just checking the time. Carry on.” The Brummie show a hint of a smirk on his face. The Jew gangster takes the gun from the desk and hands it to his associate.

“Ollie, I want you to go outside and shoot that boy in the face from the good family.”

“Anyone walks through that door except me, he blows the grenade.” Tommy explains.

“He tied his fucking lace, Alfie.” Ollie becomes nervous by the second.

“I did tie my lace.”

“I bet hundred to one that you're fucking lying, mate. That's my money.” Alfie plays with the gun that he took away from Ollie’s hand.

“Well, you see, you have failed to consider the form. I did blow up my own pub for the insurance.”

“OK, right, well, considering the form, I would say, sixty five to one. Very good odds. And I would be more than happy and agree for you to sign over sixty five percent of your business to me. Thank you.”

“Sixty five? No deal.” Tommy looks at the younger man. “Ollie, what do you say?”

“Jesus Christ, Alfie. He tied his fucking lace. I saw him. Look, he planted a grenade. I know he did. Alfie, it is Tommy fucking Shelby.” Alfie gets up and hits Ollie in the face, holding him by the collar of his shirt.

“You are behaving like a fucking child. This is a man's world. Now, get that apron off and sit in the corner like a little boy. Fuck off. Now!” As Ollie does what he is told, Alfie checks his pocket watch and sits again.

“Four minutes.” Tommy says

“Right, four minutes. Talk to me about hand grenades.”

“The chalk mark on the barrel at knee height said, "Hamilton Christmas". I took out the pin and put it on the wire.” Tommy spins the pin between his fingers before putting it on the empty glass sitting on the desk. Alfie takes it to inspect.

“Based on this…” The Jew shows the pin to Tommy. “...forty five percent.”

“Thirty.”

“Aw, fuck off, Tommy. That's far too little.” He throws the pin at Tommy, who picks it up and starts to play with it.

“In France, Mr Solomons, when I was a tunneller. A clay kicker. A 1-7-9. I blew up Schwaben Hohe. Same kit I'm using today.”

“Funny that. I do know the 1-7-9 and I heard they all got buried.”

“Three of us dug ourselves out.”

“Like you're digging yourself out now.”

“Like I'm digging now.”

“Fuck me!” Alfie whispers, leaning into his chair. “Listen, I'll give you thirty five. That's your lot.” Tommy thinks for a moment.

“Thirty five.” Alfie spits on his hand, gettin up and offering it to Tommy, who does the same.

“Now you go out there, send the good boy from the good family home, and come back here, because we have other business to discuss.” Tommy nods, goes outside and sends James back home, when he comes back Alfie is alone in the office. He closes the door behind him, sitting down on the same chair he was some minutes ago. The both men contemplate the silence for a few minutes, the Jew is looking out to the window. “You probably already know about Benjamin, don’t you? ‘Know you’ve been doing your research on us for a while.”

“I do.”

“Do you know what he meant to her?” Alfie turns to face Tommy, elbows resting on the desk as he intertwined his fingers in front of him.

“I know he was her twin, yes.”

“He was more than that. They were everything for each other. I knew him. The boy served under my command til the day he died. Wouldn’t fucking shut up about her any chance he got. When I finally met Daphne it was as if I already knew her.” He remembers, clear as day, her hazel eyes looking back at him, fighting to hold back the tears, blood all over her nurse uniform. “I fucking promised him I would protect her. Now, we both know that neither of us are men of keeping their promises but this one, this one I intend to keep, because everytime I look into her eyes I believe, even for just a moment, that there is something good in this world. She suffered enough, deserves some happiness and I am not letting you ruin her chances at it. I am not letting you ruin her, Thomas.”

“I don’t plan on it.” Alfie scoffs at him.

“As you didn’t planned to fuck the beautiful blonde who came all the way from New York with her posh husband.” Tommy doesn’t show any signs of emotion but the Jew knows better. “Yeah, I know about her. The woman who betrayed you and then fucked off to America. Beautiful thing she is.”

“She is in the past.”

“Is she? Really?” Alfie restes his arms on the desk, leaning closer to the other man. “Because you’re sitting there telling me that you don’t plan on ruining Daphne but you are lying to her, ‘cause you were with the posh blonde some weeks ago.”

“It’s done. What I had with her is done now.” He pauses for a moment and Alfie just observes him without saying anything. “I know how much you care about Daphne and you have my word that I don’t intend to hurt her.”

“That’s the thing, mate, sometimes the things we don’t intend to find a way of happening.”

Tags: @stressedandbandobessed7771

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aftgficrec · 4 years

Note

do you have some ff where neil’s having flashbacks ?? preferably in front of the foxes

Here’s an angsty handful of Neil having flashbacks! - A

i had a dream (where you couldn’t hear me screaming) by cloudtalking [Rated: T; 5000 Words; Complete; 2018]

“for the boy that’s been through war, you would think mandatory therapy sessions would be less of a hell,” andrew says. greetings for him are unnecessary, and he has never wasted words.

neil breathes deeply, letting his chest visibly rise and fall, tilting his head back against the leather seat and closing his eyes. child soldiers such as he have always been better seen and not heard.

(tw: child abuse, tw: violence)

A Trip Down Memory Lane by immigrantjughead [Rated T; 776 words; Complete 2018]

Neil goes into panic mode after remembering a person from his past.

(tw: torture, tw: character death)

your love is the cure by goldengalaxies [Not Rated; 2568 words; Complete 2019]

Sweat poured from his temple, running down into his eyes. He could feel the bile coming up in his throat.

“Neil! The fucking ball is right in front of you!” Kevin’s shout brought him back to reality.

(neil is sick. ofc he ignores it and passes out on the field. the team teaches him it’s not okay.)

(tw: vomiting, tw: child abuse)

Cracking Façade by Tori_Scribbles [Rated T; 4051 words; Complete 2019]

Neil was stretching too thin. He was focussing on Kevin’s French instructions, the Bearcats defence, where the ball was and keeping half an eye on the cousins and their German bickering whenever he could. So when one of the Bearcats defenders slammed him back into the court wall, her hand gripping his shoulders, pinning him in place, his heart lurched.

(tw: torture, tw: homophobia)

hold me close, in fact bury me by djhedy [Rated: T; 46809 Words; Complete; 2019]

Neil hasn’t had a panic attack in four months.

or it’s the one year anniversary of when shit went down and neil is totally ok

#fic #neil josten/andrew minyard #matt boyd & neil josten #nicky hemmick & neil josten #universe: canon divergent #theme: flashbacks #theme: panic attacks #theme: ptsd #theme: mental health issues #theme: angst #theme: found families #tw: rape reference #tw: noncon #tw: torture #tw: homophobia #tw: child abuse #tw: vomiting #artemistake

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rosaline-kei · 4 years

Text

Don’t Go - Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin nor the characters.

Parts: 「1」「2」「3」

Chapter 2′s Title: Mikasa

Synopsis: Even after what was thought to be the end of the chaos, Mikasa Ackerman struggles with conflict, confusion and her emotions. The Raven plans to leave for the Kingdom of Hizuru—without a proper goodbye to Eren Jaeger. What is she running away from? What is she afraid of? Are apologies enough to heal? (Contains Manga Spoilers)

Prompt Summary (from a user): The reunion of Eren and Mikasa after Eren comes back from Grisha’s memories. Even though Eren’s head got blown away xD, I think that he will transform into his Titan Form. After reading the latest chapter I Think Eren will apologize to Mikasa for everything he did to her after the time-skip and will probably tell her not to join that Kiyomi and the Hizuru Kingdom. Thank you!!!

Eren wouldn’t let Mikasa leave for Hizuru because he knows that she loves him and that her love has nothing to do with her Ackermann genetics.

Takes Place after the war is finally settled. When Eren apologizes to Mikasa and Armin and ofc to all the members of the 104. Squad

I don’t think that Mikasa will accept his apology immediately since she is the Person that got hit the hardest by Eren’s deeds and especially his words in chapter 112

Rated: T

Read it also on / Leave a Review at:

Ao3 or FF net

Author’s Note: I hope this was okay haha. T-T, like I said, long time since I written something so I hope this isn't shit lmao. I hope I managed to convey Mikasa's conflict and confusion well. The next and last update, which is where the apology scene will occur, will most likely be posted in December (Hopefully, December 1st) since I still have things I want to touch up in part 3, which I feel is still missing stuff. I also really want to focus more on and finish the next chapter for my other two ongoing AOT/SNK fanfictions (Bloodlust and Love; which you can find on my ff net or ao3 account) since I hadn't update them for a while due to exams, and I really want to update them before November ends. ALTHOUGH, if Love and Bloodlust are done earlier than expected, part 3 (the last part) will come out earlier too soo, wohoo? Haha.

“…How do you know I’ll be able to stop her…?” Eren mumbled out subconsciously. Undoubtedly, he did want to stop her. He… couldn’t bare the idea of her leaving, especially when he hadn’t had the chance to speak to her. But given the fact she had given the red scarf back to Eren, he wasn’t even sure if she wanted to see him, or if she’d even listen to him at this point.

Armin only scoffed, followed by a brief laugh. “Because you’re Eren Jaeger… you would never let someone you care about so deeply, leave for a reason like that.”

“Mikasa! Wait!” Armin called out as he ran after her. “You’re… You’re not serious about leaving are you?”

The meeting had just ended. Kiyomi Azumabito had sent them a letter. In the letter, Kiyomi wrote that she’d like to invite Mikasa to stay over at Hizuru—to which was where the money-eyed woman stated was her home, her rightful home.

But, Kiyomi didn’t state how long she wanted or planned for Mikasa to live there.

All the letter contained were those persuasive words and the time their ship would be at Paradis’s docks to escort Mikasa back to her homeland. And should Mikasa agree, she was to meet them at the docks, wearing a ruby necklace (that came along with the letter), which was a welcome gift.

The meeting was short, because Mikasa was the first to speak, and to conclude. “I will go.”

Truth be told, everyone was caught off guard by her response. “Mikasa Ackerman,” Commander Hanji said in a rather reassuring tone, “Nobody’s forcing you.”

Whatever Hanji had assumed was Mikasa’s reasoning for wanting to leave, was most likely wrong. But Mikasa didn’t seem like she was going to correct her anyway. “If you feel obligated to go because you want Paradis to remain on good terms with Hizuru, then—”

“It’s not that.” She had cut her off, “I… I just want to go back home.”

And just like that, the meeting ended. There was no stopping Mikasa, everyone knew that. Plus, this was her choice to make.

Armin watched Mikasa leave the meeting room, feeling a surge of worry running in his veins.

Because she didn’t state how long she planned to stay there either.

And that’s how he ended up chasing after her.

. . . . . .

“I’m serious. I already said I want to return home—my homeland. I want to see what it’s like.” Mikasa stated as she continued to walk. And despite her attempt at sounding convincing, Armin wasn’t easily fooled nor tricked by her lies.

“Are you sure you want to leave?” Armin frowned, “You haven’t even had the chance to have a proper conversation with Eren!”

Armin knew he was pushing it. He could tell from the way she suddenly froze in her steps that he himself had stepped into a dangerous, sensitive territory. Eren was a touchy subject for her, he knew. But someone had to say it—someone had to remind her what, or who, home actually was.

Silenced diffused into the air. The chilly air grew colder as a cool breeze blew by. Mikasa never knew she’d ever find herself hating the cold this much… it made her miss warmth. A warmth that she once grew so attached that was later forcibly taken away from her by a twisted fate. Her hand went up, wanting to adjust the scarf around her neck… to only realise she wasn’t wearing it.

Ah, that’s right… ever since then…

Mikasa shook her head. No. She didn’t want to remember any of that now.

“Mikasa?” Armin called out again, but in a gentler tone as his hand reached out, gripping her shoulder tightly. She felt comforted by his gesture, at the same time she still felt a sting in her heart from the words he spouted out earlier.

“… I have nothing to say to him.”

Lies. And even Mikasa knew she was lying to herself.

“Try again.” Armin murmured, urging her to be a little more honest with herself, “Do you really have nothing to say to him?”

Mikasa bit her lip before she proceeded to admit some truth, “I… don’t know what to say to him.”

“Trust me, Mikasa… if Eren could’ve apologised to you personally—if he had the time to apologise to you, to everyone a million times, he would… but he didn’t have time, and now he’s detained.” Armin sighed, “But when he’s released, he—” Armin cuts himself off halfway as he noticed a troubled expression forming on his beloved friend’s face. And because he knew her for so long, since childhood, he was able to read her like an open book.

“Is what he said back then still bothering you?”

Mikasa flinched, which confirmed his thoughts.

“You know… he didn’t mean it. He—”

“He had to.” Mikasa completed Armin’s sentence, her obsidian coloured eyes meeting his gaze briefly, before staring down at the ground. “I know that…” She muttered.

Yes, for the most part, she knew that he didn’t mean what he had said. But there was this haunting voice—and this other small part of her brain—that couldn’t help but still believe in his words. There was evidence to support it after all, like how she pinned Armin onto the table when he had tried to attack Eren when he had belittled her.

And as that image flashed in her mind, Eren’s distressing words began to echo.

Do you know what I hate most in this world? Anyone who isn’t free.

Slave. Slave. Slave.

I couldn’t stand to look an undoubting Slave who only followed every order.

SLAVE. SLAVE. SLAVE.

Ever since I was a kid, Mikasa…

Ever since. Ever since. Ever since…

I’ve always hated you.

HATE. HATE. HATE.

Always.

Out of the blue, Mikasa suddenly stumbled as she felt a sharp, and familiar piercing pain in her head. The headaches never left, huh?

Armin quickly supported her before she fell, but before he could say anything, Mikasa started to murmur in a stressful way, as if something was haunting her. “I have to leave…I need to… leave… then maybe I…”

Armin’s eyes softened as the raven trailed off. To some extent, he knew what Mikasa was trying to do by leaving. To some, travelling across the world would mean one is trying to understand… trying to comprehend, and trying to find themselves. Perhaps that’s what Mikasa wanted, to find herself. Or, she wanted to get away, run away… to find some form of distraction. But the blonde knew better—that her leaving and running away wasn’t going to resolve anything.

“You’re not a slave, Mikasa.” Armin said firmly, but he already knew that she would know that he never once saw her as that. Armin knew that these words were what she wanted to hear, it’s just… that it wasn’t him that she needed to hear those words from. “Remember that time, you defended me from Eren when were kids? You—”

Before she could let Armin finish, she pushed herself away from his support and began to walk off again. “Maybe that was because my Ackerman instincts hadn’t fully manifested…” She mumbled.

Armin frowned as he followed after her, “I thought you knew that he didn’t mean what he said? You know… his words weren’t true, right?”

“I know… I know that he didn’t mean what he said, but it doesn’t mean what he said wasn’t true.” And before Armin could retort, he found himself standing in front of the house Mikasa currently resided in. “Wait here.” She muttered before entering.

And when Mikasa came back outside, it wasn’t what she came out with that surprised Armin, it was what she said next.

“Return this to Eren after I leave…” Mikasa mumbled, as she passed the red scarf to the blonde gently. It took a while for Armin to process what she had just said.

It wasn’t like Mikasa to… give away something that she once treasured so much.

“I heard it doesn’t snow as often at Hizuru…”She quickly excused.

And we’re back with the lies, Armin thought tiredly.

“Oh, but don’t tell him I’m going to Hizuru. Nor this. I wouldn’t want to… he doesn’t need to know.” Mikasa added on, forcing a smile that made the blonde began to lose his patience with her lies.

“Mikasa! You’re overthinking this. This scarf… it means a lot to you… Eren… he… Mikasa rethink what you’re doing! I know you’re still hurt after what Eren said. But… time will eventually assuage the pain you have in your heart. And… Eren didn’t mean it! If you just talk to him, I can pro—”

“… Then tell me, Armin…” Mikasa said with the forced smile that remained plastered on her face, “What Eren said to me on that day… is there any proof that what he said was wrong?”

“Yes! Yes there is! Like I said, you…when we were kids, when Eren was talking bad about me, you punched him—”

“—And I also slammed you on the table when you tried to defend me.” Mikasa bit her lip as she said this, her tone suddenly overflowing with regret. “I’m… sorry for th—”

“Mikasa.” Armin didn’t seem interested in her apologies, he was keener in knocking some sense into her. “Please rethink about what you’re doing.” He persisted.

“…Don’t worry.” She reassured, and with the smile she had forced on her face, she made her way back towards the door of her house. “You have to face it!” Armin suddenly exclaimed with his fist clenched, “You’re running away now… from Eren… from everything… you need to face it! You… Just talk to him, Mikasa!” Despite his pleading tone, Mikasa continued to walk.

Is she really going to leave?

By now, Armin knew he can’t stop her but he continued. The only person who can stop her right now wasn’t here. He was somewhere else, lying in a goddamn cell.

“Why don’t you want to talk to him? What’s there to be afraid of?!” Armin began to shout. And that’s when the next four-word question slips from his tongue, that made the raven paralyse. “Don’t you love him?”

Once again, Mikasa felt a sharp arrow stabbing her heart, piercing it all over. And just like that, she remembered a question Eren had asked her before.

What am I to you, Mikasa?

And honestly till now, she doesn’t know. She answered him saying that she saw him as family. But now, with everything… with all these overwhelming emotions. She doesn’t know.

Most of all, she doesn’t know if what her heart was feeling was due to her raw emotion or due to her Ackerman genetics that supposedly made her cling to Eren.

Was everything a sham? She wondered. What am I so afraid of?

Ah, that’s right.

“I’m afraid… of my emotions.” Mikasa didn’t care to elaborate on what she meant by that. Regardless, that was the truth. She was never great with handling emotions—especially the overwhelming ones that she was currently suppressing, with much difficulty.

She was afraid of seeing Eren, because he had all the power to evoke one too many emotions out of her. And she was afraid, so afraid that one of those emotions would be associated with the pain she felt during one of the previous meetings she had with Eren.

Most of all, despite all reassurances, there was a small part of her that was afraid of confronting Eren to only hear him say: Yes, I still think you’re a slave.

Maybe Mikasa did love him, and maybe if she stayed, she’d realise how much she was in love with him.

But love can be painful, and it was pain that Mikasa was running away from.

The world is a cruel place. And sometimes, it can be so cruel to the extent it can make anyone forget about its beauty.

“…and what good will it do to your emotions, Mikasa, if you leave…?”

For some reason, Mikasa felt an itch at her eyes, but she chose to ignore it.

“You’re just confused, Mikasa! Just stay and you and Eren will—”

Mikasa turned back towards the blonde before he could finish his sentence, causing him to pause mid-way in his sentence and his eyes to widen. There were tears forming in her eyes.

If only she could be more honest with herself… if only she could understand her emotions better, Armin thought. After all, those tears of hers that streamed down her cheeks revealed all too much.

It just showed that she was still conflicted, about staying, about leaving… about everything.

“Armin,” She said in a tone meant to soothe, though it made him jump a little, “It’s getting late. You should go to bed… goodnight.”

The raven then reached out for her door knob, twisting and opening it, entering her house… but not without uttering, “Thank you, Armin.” before closing the door.

At the Dock – The Day when Mikasa is due to Leave for Hizuru.

Eren was now running.

The moment he heard the key unlocking his damn cell, he sprinted away and towards the docks. Clenched in his fist were a red scarf and a piece of paper where Armin jotted down the exact location where Mikasa would be at.

As he ran, he began to remember the things Armin said to him the other day…

The things he said about Mikasa.

But before his thoughts could dive any further, he spotted a figure standing at the docks, which he didn’t fail to recognize immediately.

“M…Mikasa!” He called out hastily.

He hoped it wasn’t too late.

The figure turned, and his pair of emerald orb finally meets her obsidian orbs that soon widen in shock.

“E-Eren?!”

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theartoftiinyideas · 5 years

Text

first meetings and near-death experiences

[kageyama tobio x fem! reader]

a/n: my first ever post here, hope you enjoy a flustered blueberry boy and the gigantic amount of headcanons i spat out for him on a whim of inspiration. stong language ahead!

word count: it’s so fucking long you don’t even wanna know but it’s good shit i promise

summary: a lot of interesting people roam the train station late at night. at one moment, they appear to be stealing your precious volleyball. the next, they save your precious life.

——————

it was a really late Friday night and you were walking to the train station after your practice, gym bag slung on your shoulder and volleyball in your hand

you play beach volleyball, so you were sticky with sand and sweat, pleasantly tired but wanting to just go home after a long day and do absolutely nothing on the weekend

when you got to the station you almost smacked the information board with your ball, groaning about the fact that your train was only due in 30 minutes

stupid Miyagi public transportation and their stupid schedules

there was literally no one around this late, just some guy sitting on the other side of the tracks, and you grew bored in exactly 0.6 seconds

you decided to play around with your ball to kill time, but you were deadass tired, and one wrong move sent the ball flying in a direction you did not intend it to go to, whooshing over the train tracks and landing on the other side of the station, bouncing away as if it were laughing at you

now this station had their deep-ass train tracks running in the middle, so you would've had to cross over by the railway bridge to get your ball back, but there was no way in hell you were doing that as it would require you to physically move

meanwhile Kageyama's sitting on a bench with his earphones in, listening to his rage playlist and cursing that dumbass Hinata in his mind because he made him stay for extra practice, which caused him to miss his train and now he has to wait and ugh, shut it Tobio, nobody's buying your crap we know you like practicing with Hinata

so Kags is kinda pissed and zoned out, but he sees something bouncing from the corner of his eyes and wait just a second is that a volleyball? how'd that get there?

you're intensely brainstorming about what you should do when you spot the guy you've seen earlier get up to retrieve your ball and you let out a sigh of relief, thinking the situation was handled

but instead of throwing it back to you, the guy just kinda... stares at it with heart eyes questioningly

okay, that’s fine, he probably didn’t see you, you just have to make him notice you somehow and- woah woah wOAH

the guy had the audacity to actually start examining your ball, testing it out in his hands and throwing it against the wall like he's checking the quality before planning to s t e a l i t

and you're getting pissed because uhh excuse me wtf that's clearly not yours pal so you start calling out to him but he either doesn't hear you or doesn't want to hear you that little thief

thinking it was right damn time to resort to drastic measures, you begin full-blown screaming and frantically waving your limbs around to try and get his attention

meanwhile Kageyama is still trying to figure out the mysterious appearance of the volleyball because this boy can be lil dumb sometimes, but hey, what's that sound disturbing his loud ass music

he takes out an earphone and almost topples over from surprise because who the hell is screaming but then he's turning around with his angry af Tobio expression activated because who the hell is screaming ffs?¿

“well fucking finally, you asshole, at least we know you're not completely deaf. now give me back my ball.”

and Kags is even more annoyed now, scowl deepening and imaginary fire erupting behind him because who does this random girl think she is your future gf tobio but sshhh

and really the only defense mechanism Kags knows for screaming is evEN MOrE scREaMInG

“how the hell do I know this is even your ball, dumbass?!

*crosses arms over chest* “well, is it yours?”

that question catches Kageyama off guard and he suddenly becomes a whole lot more nervous because you don't seem to be angry anymore, actually you're really chill standing there with your eyebrows raised at him and oh god what does he do now???

“uhm... no?”

yeah tobio, real smooth, you totally got this under control

“wooww, you’re killing it, sherlock. since you're such a genius, solve this: only the two of us here! to who else could that stupid ball belong to?''

“okay, okay, fine!”

Kags' ears are totally red from embarrassment, his lips angrily jutting out as he stalks toward the train tracks, gripping that damned ball between his fingers and praying to every god out there that his hair concealed most of his face

it didn’t, and Kageyama knows immediately from your amused grin that you're enjoying his suffering and now he's feeling even more awkward and salty

his usual comfort is volleyball ofc, so instead of acting like a normal person and throwing it back, he tosses the ball perfectly into your waiting hands almost on instinct

and you're just standing on the platform edge with your ball now in hand, gaping at this actually pretty handsome guy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), because damn, you may have screamed his head off seconds ago, but that was a scarily accurate toss

Kageyama would rather die than admit it, but he felt a sting of pride hAH, fricking take that annoying girl as he watched your amazed expression, taking note of how you were also wearing a post-practice sweatsuit, your hair an absolutely mess but looking good anyway and wait what oh shit why are you smiling was he staring for too long shit shit abort-

“gotta hand it to you, that was a great a toss! how long have you been playing?”

Kageyama's just so confused like how do females work istg you were ready to murder him and now you're being all friendly and cute and asking him questions about v o l l e y b a l l is this real?? have the angels answered his prayers??¿?

he somehow manages to reply without embarrassing himself any further, and even though it's just short answers and questions, you're actually having a conversation

at this point you're both just rolling with it cause this whole situation is surreal enough as it is

Kags' natural trademark scowl is ever present but inside he's kinda grinning because wow he's talking to a girl and it's not super awkward because it's about something he loves doing if only the team could see him now

“for almost 8 years now. this is my first year in a high school team.”

“hey, mine too! but i've only been playing for 3 years total. man, you must be pretty good then, huh?”

“yeah, i guess.”

you almost let out a little 'aaawwww' because this guy just scratched his neck shyly, his ears turning kinda red at your compliment and the sight way beyond adorable

“let me guess, you're a setter?”

“yeah, it's the best position.”

“hah, you whish.”

“it is the best... what- um, what position do you play?”

you cannot even begin to fathom the colossal amount of effort and bravery kageyama had to collect just to utter that one question. he was starting to understand the troubles of tanaka and noya; talking to girls was hard as fuck

“oh, well, how do i explain this? there are no fixed positions in beach volleyball.”

i’m terrible sorry kageyama.exe has stopped working

“what do you mean there are no positions??”

“exactly that. no positions.”

“but how? and.. and why??”

“hey, chill out, dude, there are only two people on a team, we kinda have to do everything.”

“...what kind of stupid volleyball is this??”

“hEY you takE THaT bACK!”

aaaand you're arguing again; Kageyama absolutely outraged that his precious setter position is non-existent on a court full of sand while you loyally defend your sport because beach volleyball is better in any kind of aspect anyway

“the two of us have to have the skill set of eight people on your court, so excuse me if we're better than you.”

“eight people?! there are six players in normal volleyball, dumbass!”

“whatever! like i would vonultarily waste my time trying to remember the rules of something so basic!

“oh, i’m sorry, basic? basic?! have you ever attempted to—just once—sync together with five totally different people?? i don’t fucking think so, so get outta here with your ‘we’re better than you’s!”

you would forever take this to the grave with you, but in the instant after that last jab, your treacherous tounge always ready with a witty insult has failed to back you up and you had nothing to throw at this jerks head. but were you going down without a fight?? fuck no

“well, i, uh... setters suck!”

“you suck!”

“spiking is cooler, anyway!”

*very offended gasp* “you did not just say that!”

fired up and fumming, Kageyama just goes off on this insane rant about how you're exactly like this one annoying guy he knows, and he's super serious and angry the whole time, gesturing with wild hand movements as he paces up and down, and it's so funny you can't find yourself to be offended so you just burst out laughing

irk marks explode on Kags’ head and he almost blows up again because this is of upmost importance, but then he sees your toothy grin, your eyes crinckling in amusement as your natural laughter fills the space and echoes of the station walls and oh no, Tobio, your ears are turning red again

you quiet down after a while and flash a smile at Kags who just stiffens because goddamnit that's attractive and you just go “you're insufferable, you know that?”

LOOK WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING PLS in that moment Kageyama is completely done with girls forever until you decide to open your mouth again and change his opinion in 0.034 seconds

“but, you're pretty cool, and you play volleyball, so i can't really stay mad at you. so with that said, wanna pass the ball around until our trains come to celebrate our truce?”

Kags gives you a tiny, microscopic smile and says “sure” all nonchalant and breezy but inside he is s h o o k. he is the equivalent of asdfghjkltiwnz because you find him pretty cool?!?! okay, he can certainly roll with that

so you pass the ball back and forth from different sides of the train station, taking care to be extra accurate with your aim so the ball won't drop into the deep gap between you two

this goes on for a while until it's Kageyama's turn to pass the ball back to you, but suddenly the loudspeakers come to life, screeching an announcement nobody cares about, and it startles our dear Tobio, making him give you a longer pass then he intended to

you move to reach the ball but you come short, and when your hands connect with the ball, it drops straight into the large gap where the trains move. the absolute worst place it could’ve have chosen to land honestly

man your ball sure is being a sneaky little shit today

Kags is just basically the embodiment of “oh shit”, feeling stupid for messing up, but it's kinda your fault too, because he wouldn't have been distracted if it weren't for that goddamn loudspeaker and the cute face you were making while concentrating buT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW

your frustrated expression just makes him feel worse and both of you are thinking the unspoken question of how the hell are you going to get the ball back from there

“sorry. the pass was too long.”

“nah, it's fine. i should've been able to get that.”

and suddenly you're dropping your gym bag to the floor and walking to the platform edge to straight up hop down to the train tracks and Kageyama is internally losing his shit because what the actual fuck do you think you're doing

he has to inch closer to the platform to even see you cause the gap is so deep it swallowed your entire figure

“oi, dumbass, what the hell are you doing?”

“paying dora the explorer, what do you think? this is my only ball; i'm not going to just let it be squashed.”

“well, hurry up.”

“would you relax? i'm fine. besides, the train isn't going to be here anytime soon--”

*hhoooooonnnnkkkkk*

turns out you should have listened to that announcement because it said that the train will be arriving early and oh would you look at that it's here

you're frozen on the spot, terrified, staring at the two bright headlights that are approaching way too fast for your comfort

then Kageyama's shouting and cursing and it suddenly clicks that you will die if you don't start moving now

you throw the ball out of the gap, scrambling towards the side to climb out but the pavement looks far more out of reach then you'd imagined

you try jumping to get ahold of the edge so you could pull yourself up, but it's no use, and you begin to panic, desperately clawing at concrete because the train is not slowing down

then Kageyama's face pops up from above, the same panic shining in his eyes as he reaches down to you as far as he possibly can and he's screaming at you to jump and grab his hand

you hear another honk and feel the ground shaking underneath you as the train rapidly approaches, and with one last strain of energy you jump as high as you can, grabbing onto Kageyama's hands as they lock around yours in a death grip

you're being pulled up, up, up; your legs climbing the sides, and with a final yank you land on top of Kageyama, the train zooming past you seconds later without even bothering to stop

your breathing is heavy as you hold onto Kageyama tightly, his strong arms still around you, both of you being too shocked to care about the compromising position you're both in as the train clears out

you manage to roll off Kageyama several minutes later, laying beside him as you try to calm down and think of cute kittens and puppies because holy shit you just almost died

it's quiet for a while, both of you strictly looking at the ceiling as you try to figure out what to say to the other after a disaster like that, but before you could think it through your running mouth just comes and ruins it

“i’m like 80% sure that train was supposed to take me home.”

“... what. the. fu-”

Kageyama is visibly shaking (from rage, you persume), his face furious as he's wildly pointing at you, shouting and rambling so fast you can only make out the words idiot and dumbass, which are what most of his speech consists of anyway

you can't get him to stop, so you hug him, making him immediately shut up and go rigid as he stares dumbfounded in front of him until you pull away

your knees are almost touching while you two sit on the floor face to face, but neither of you could bring yourself to care too much about the sudden closeness. a lot of shit has happened tonight

you can't help but laugh then, if only to break the tention, but it's clearly strained, and Kageyama sucks in breath to calm himself because one more of your aggravating, doesn’t-make-any-sense-at-all reactions and he’s going strangle you—

“i'm sorry, you're right. i shouldn't have done that. i am a dumbass.”

well fuck he wasn’t expecting that

it’s clear you were still shaken up, but kageyama never had the words to comfort someone, so like any other time, he went with the first thing that came to his mind

“well... yeah.” so fucking smooth tobio i cant even

it got a giggle out of you, so it wasn’t a complete disaster, but soon you became serious again, your piercing eyes never leaving Kageyama's as he stared back, unable to look away

“you saved my life back there, so, like, thanks a bunch.”

Kags just nods, stretching out his hand and introducing himself, you doing the same as the tense atmosphere slowly evaporates

“so, uh.. you up for more tosses, Kageyama?”

utterly lame joke, Kags is not amused whatsoever and flat out says no to that question for probably the first time ever which is a huge deal, you should've recorded it feeling that today was filled with more than enough practice

instead you two opted to go find your ball, again, passing the time with small conversations and comfortable silences, Kageyama waiting with you for your train to arrive, even though it meant he had to miss another one of his

and when you waved goodbye to each other, Kageyama had another tiny, microscopic smile on his face

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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xelere · 6 years

Text

tw long rant cus i need to breathe

wow the fight i had with dad that made me depressed af.... i had it now with my white brother and his wife and partly with my mom too

they talked abt having their kids kidnapped would be the worst and i jokingly said ”haha thats me” cus i need to deal with it

and my brother starts to lecture me and then just completely insensitive says ”but werent you abandoned on the streets i dont think china-” oh here we go again

my kind but weak mom goes; ”no actually a police station” as if that was any better??? she has NEVER stood up for me, no one has. maybe she wants to and agrees with me cus shes the smartast in our family but she never had the GUTS to and the same for my other brother they be agreeing or at least UNDERSTANDING and maybe RESPECT me a little but nor enough to ever have mt back those fkn pussies

then we start to fight and i start to cry again cus im so FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY of having a white family and i CANT EVER REST I CANT REST ANYWHERE WHERE IS MY FUCKING SAFE SPACE CAN I BREATHE

and then his wife goes ”but linn.... now im getting angry you cant just accuse him of being subtle racist!!” and shes always quiet an i always thought she was lile smarter than my stupid brother but obviously.... not

and i just give up.... im a fcking minority in my own family. not to get too personal but my little sister would never have the guts to do this cus shes afraid of conflicts. i ALWAYS have to shut the fuck up in family reuinions. and just because i came with trauma, i was an angry and anxious baby, always screaming and thanks to that being labelled as ”problematic and annoying and angry” by everyone who didnt know how to handle me - thanks to that people STILL think they have the right to silence me. im a grown ass woman, im fucking 19 years old and everyone in my family still rolls their eyes at me and goes ”but linn....”

im so fucking tired. im so fucking tired. and i say that. i tell them im tired and that this is why i want to die cus thats exactly why and my brother starts to laugh and like.... accuse me and shit for not ving grateful cus he wants ro defend mom or smth like.... excuse me youre her fucking biolocigal son you have your own fkn mother right here and everyone in this ugly country looks and thinks wxacrly like you

honestly im too tired to write all this shit down cus i could go on for ages in literalky gonna WRITE A FUCKING BIOGRAPHY ONE DAY IM JUST SO FRUSTRATED I GOT NO FUCKING WHERE TO VENT GOD I HATW MY FAMILY I GET IT HAVING AN ASIAN ANTIBLACK CLASSIST HOMOPHPBIC FAMILY WOULD BE BAD TOO BUT LIKE....... at least it would be my family at least they would look like me and not be racist against me?

and what makes me the most sad is that my adoptive family is still better than like 90% the only difference eis that most adoptees dont dare to ”come out” like this, criticizing their own adoption bc ffs we’re terrified of being abandoned. its just....... theyre so fucing dumb. they dont know shit about racism or adoption and like.... thats kinda essential. no one repsects me in this family except for my mom but shes a fucking coward, always in the middle. everyone else talks down on me and i didnt notice like YESTERDAY DURING MY LAST BREAKDOWN THAT WASNT ABT ADOPTION BUT WAS ABT MY EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE DAD AND HOW I REALIZED HE ALWAYS TREATED ME AND MY SISTER LILE SHIT AND BLAMES MY TRAUMA ON ME SO NOW MY WHOLE FAMILY TREATS MW LIKE A PROBLEMATIC WEIRD KID

i want to leave this family so sad but i dont have any friends cus im too mentally unstable to keep friends and i also have a little sister i need to protest but FOR FUCKSS SAKE TOURE RUCKING 15 AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT BISEXUAL IS like im so done with her too, ive proteced her so much, just because i WAS the angry problematic kid i ALWAYS took the fights for thet cus shes a scared rabbit but she never give me a thank you, never says she appreciates it, always throwing me under the bus when dad accuse us of something and i used to accept it cus i know she was too scared of him BUT AGTER ALL THIS TIME AFTER EVERYTHING IVE DONE FOR HER SHES FUCKING 15 SHE KNOWS I HAVE HER BACK IVE BEEN PRTOEVTING HER EVER SINCE THEIR DIVORCE WHEB OUR GROWN ASS ADULT 21+ BROTHERS LEFT US AND I WAS LIKE FUCKING 11 YEARS OLD I PROTECETED HER AND I NEVER GET ANYTHING AND IF I STOP TALKING TO HER SHE WONT EVWR TALK TO ME BECAUSE THATS HOW ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS WORK

i lost all respect for my brother. i knew he was a racist dumbass but like.... he really sig there and laugh and accuse me and guilt trips me when i tell him his dumb ignorant ass is the reason i want o die. this is why i wanna fake my suicide so i can revenge them but i also dont cus then i’d just give in and be one of all those adoptees who commoted suicide and whos gonna fight for them IF NOT ME CUS I ALWAYS DO FKN EVERYTHING. this is also why i low key think i got bpd or smth cus i always want to kill ppl like my family or myself or why not BOTH

cant wait for tomorrow where i have to face everyone and were gonna pretend like NOTHING happened. you know why i came here with my mom and visited??? BECAUSE I WANTED TO TAKE A PAUSE FROM MY DAD AFTER THE SIMILAR SUICIDE THREATENING PANOC ATTACK FIGHT I HAD LIKE YESTERDAY

i just gotta accept tjat my family is totally shit right? i just gotta live through it? this is why i never wanna have kids in sweden. like yeah i’ll probably still be in contact cus im only human, i love my parents and my family ofc.... but like........ I AM NOT TRUSTING THEM. MY REAL FAMILY IS HONESTLY OTHER WOC ONLINE AND OTHER TRANSRACIAL ADOPTEES (the smart oens not the whitewashed ones i try not to blame them but im really fkn tired lf having to protest them and clean up and defend them)

i remember when i was like this every single day....... i DONT WANT IT TO COME BACK IM SO TIRED HOW MANY TIMES WILL I HAVE TO THREATEN WITH SUICIDE AND SHIT FOR MY FAMILY TO LIEK..... TAKE ME SERIOSULY NO ONE EVER HELPS ME I EVEN GAVE UP ON MY PARENTS I WANTED THEM TO READ ON RACISM BUT THEY REFUSED AT ELAST MY DAD, SO I KNOW I ONLY GO WITH STOP TRIGGERING ME BUT LIEK...... IVE THOUGHT SO MICH FOR MY MOM TO BE QHERE SHW IS TODAY WHOCH IS LIKE THIS COWARD BUT AT LEAST SHE CLMFLRTS ME AFTERWARDS AND IM TOO TIRED TO HAVE TO CONVERT AND EDUCATED MY WHOLE FKN FAMILY WHEN THEY DONT DO SHIT TO LEARN FOR ME

i just gotta smile and wave and pretend to love my brother when he didnt do shit when they divorced, mom got ptsd and i went through AT LEAST A THIRD ABANDONMENT, and he doesnt do shit now all he thinks about is how i accuse him of being racist cus he doesnt understand systems and structures which i blamed it on but tbh he’s the famiöy’s racist he really is hems always been cus hes so fkn stupid he’s joked abt muslims and chinese and black ppl and everything im only pretending its the systematic so my mom doesnt get angry lmao but he.... IS..... not ONLY like all the other white people..... but he IS...... for real

and giys..... i left so much of my anger out in this post cus im too tired and mt phone is gonna die but that vreqkdown i had recently....... i wrote like 50+ posts and theyre SOOOOO LONG and also more wellwritten im just saying to give you a perspektivet of how ISOLATED AND DESPERATE I AM IM DESPERATE BITCHES I HINESTLY THINK IM GONNA DIE IF I KEEP STAYONG HERE I WANT TO ASIA I WANT TO SOMEWEHRE MULTICULTURAL I WANT FRIENDS I AM GOING TO DIE IM GOING TO DIE IM DYING IM DYING AND IF IM DYING IM GONNA BRING DOWN MY WHOLE FAMILY AND EVERY WHITE PERSON AND EVERY NON ADOPTEE WITH ME

#kms #kmf #= killing my family #pp

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