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holyfuckthisfishcandrive · 3 years

Text

Crushing and Breaking

Masterlist (this is chapter 29), Ao3

Word count: 1433

Warnings: implied/mentioned abuse, food mention, gross food combinations mentioned (the sandwich is something my sibling actually ate once. my dad and I were disgusted), fight and blood, mention of biting ear of and cutting ear off, passing out

Remus took two steps at a time up to Patton's apartment.

"I can't wait to see Virge again!" he grinned. "I missed him."

The apartment door stood open and Roman closed it behind them.

"We're here!" he called.

"Hi, kiddos!" Patton called from the kitchen.

Remus kicked off his shoes and strolled into the living room.

Virgil looked up from where he was setting the table.

"Sup," he gave a two finger salute.

"Holy fuck, you dyed your hair?" Remus blurted out. "Fuck, why didn't you tell me! It looks so cool!"

He heard Roman come in and even though he didn't bother too turn around Remus was sure that Roman was a gay mess. He probably wouldn't stop gushing about this for a week.

Virgil glanced away.

"Uh, thanks," he smiled nervously. "I had a break down."

"Oh. Mood."

The smile on Virgils face turned even more frantic.

"Heh, yeah," the look in his eyes screamed 'you have no idea' and Remus wondered what the breakdown had been about.

"I once tried to shave my head during a breakdown," he said instead of asking. "Roman stopped me though."

"Yeah, cause Ma would've killed you," Roman butted in.

Remus chuckled. Even if Roman was probably right.

"Hi, kiddos!" Patton came out of the kitchen, dispersing the weird tension that had settled over the room. He gave Remus and Roman tight hugs. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good," Roman answered.

"School was boring but Remy let me borrow some cigarrets," Remus said.

He noticed Virgil's eyes widen.

"Do you know Remy?" Remus blurted out.

"Dunno, I know a Remy but..." Virgil trailed off.

"Our Remy is our therapist's boyfriend," Remus offered. "He's really cool."

"Dr Picani," Roman said.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Virgil muttered.

"Language," Patton scolded but looked mostly confused at the exchange. "Do you know know that guy?"

A panicked look entered Virgil's eyes.

"I uhm- Yes. They're my uncles," he smiled nervously.

"Wait, really? Does everyone in downtown know eachother or something?" Remus gaped.

"I didn't know Logan had any siblings," Patton muttered but was ignored.

"No, we don't all know eachother," Virgil scoffed. "That's ridiculous."

Patton chuckled at that.

"Well, how about we eat now, before the food gets cold, kiddos?" he suggested.

"Alright, what did you make?" Roman asked.

"I made us some lasanga," Patton moved back to the kitchen and brought out the lasanga wearing ovenmitts. "I hope you kiddos all like lasanga."

"I don't like the one our cook makes," Remus said, sitting down. "He uses bean curd. It's disgusting and not in the good way."

"Okay, first of all, you have a cook? And secong of all is there a good kind of disgusting?" Virgil, frowned in confusion.

"Yes! Like milk in orange juice! Or a sandwich with peanut butter, cheese, chutney, sausage and coleslaw!"

"Don't ask," Roman said in a flat tone. "Just don't."

"Okay," Virgil nodded slowly and took a seat next to Roman.

An awkward silence settled over them.

"How was school today?" Patton asked into the room, not really addressing any of them.

Panic entered Virgil's eyes again and he stuffed his first fork into his mouth. Somehow he managed to not even make a noise but Remus could see tears in his eyes from the heat.

"We got a math test back," Roman said. "I got a D. Better than I expected to be honest. Can you sign it for me maybe? Mother will be pissed if she sees it."

"Of course, kiddo."

Remus didn't listen as Roman continued to talk about the fight between Kelly Brook and Chase Weatherall that had happened during lunch and had ended with blood dripping from Kelly's nose like a faucet and instead drifted off into his thoughts.

---

"Fuck," Janus whispered. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

It was foggy and the roofs were icy for the first time in the year. Their boots slipped on a few tiles and they barely managed to catch themselves before pummeling down to the street.

They hoped that the fog hid them, at least slightly.

It couldn't hide Heartrate though.

Janus risked a glance backwards and spotted the glowig heart just a few roofs behing them. A lighter figure was just a few metres behind them.

"The red one is fast," Virgil huffed out.

The Prince, the media had started to call him a little while back, Janus recalled.

"Let's split up," they suggested.

"And loose sight of eachother?" Virgil hissed. "I don't think so."

"Okay, yeah."

They jumped down to a balcony, a pot shattered next to Janus and they winced slightly, before jumping over to the next one, Virgil just behind them.

A sharp pain was starting to grow in their side.

Either they lost them soon or they were going to have to give up.

"Don't they have anything better to do than chase us around town?" Virgil sounded out of breath too.

Apperantly not, Janus wanted to say but they opted to save their breath.

They nearly felly down the fire ladder, slammed into a wall, unable to stop themselves on the slippery ground, and nearly gagged as the air was knocked out of them.

Janus stumbled and gasped, trying to get oxygen into their lungs.

They managed to take a breath and it was immediatly knocked out of them again.

"Sorry," the Prince stumbled back a few steps.

Janus flipped him off desperatly trying to regain control over their lungs.

They felt like they were about to throw up. If their vision could stop blurring and swaying, that would also be nice.

Where was Virgil? Had he gotten away?

Good for him. But it also made them slightly bitter. They kinda wanted to throw up on his shoes for that but they couldn't really do that if he had really gotten away.

Dammit.

"Dude, are you alright?" the Prince asked.

They flipped him off again.

"Don't call me 'Dude'," they finally managed to take a breath again.

"Er... Pal?"

"I'm not your fucking pal, sidekick."

They blincked and the blurryness finally faded too.

Heartrate landed on the ground just next to the Prince. The Duke was nowhere inside and neither was Virgil so maybe they were starting a book club together while they were gettin captured in this fucking alleyway.

Janus frowned at their own thought.

They probably had hit their head.

"Are you okay, kid?" Heartrate asked.

Janus opened their mouth to sass him but stopped. They couldn't be mean to their uncle like they could with the sidekick brat.

"No," they said before they could stop themselves.

A strangled yell by the exit of the alleyway distracted them.

Janus turned to see the Duke boy carrying Virgil like a sack of flour. A yelling, struggling and kicking sack of flour, but still.

"Bitch, stop trying to bite me!" the Duke hissed.

"Let me go or I'll bite your ear off!" Virgil yelled, the Ts completely swallowed by his accent.

The Duke dropped him like he was playing football and just made a homerun. That was probably not what it was called but Janus couldn't bring themselves to care. They weren't a fucking jock. They were a queer theatre kid. And maybe hit their head too hard. It wasn't their job to know about sport shit.

"Bitch, I wanna cut that off myself like Van Gogh!"

Virgil scrambled onto all fours and hissed at the Duke like a feral racoon, before managing to get to his feet and bringing a good two metres between himself and the Duke.

"Look, I don't want to hurt you," Heartrate spoke up. "I want to help you. There has to be a reason you're doing this. You're too young to end up in a life like this."

"But be gay, do crime," Janus heard themself say.

They should probably shut up until they could think clearly again.

The Duke snorted.

Janus couldn't see Patton's eyes behind the mask but they could imagine how confused he looked.

Great.

This was going well.

"Are you drunk?" Virgil asked.

"No, not really."

"Oh. Okay, then," Virgil nodded slowly. Somehow he sounded a lot less concerned than Janus thought was appropriate.

The world was blurring around them again.

"I think I'm gonna pass out though."

They heard someone answer but it sounded too far away somehow and they could barely even tell who had said it.

Darkness began to cloud their vision.

"Fuck," they tried to say but they had no idea if it actually made it out of their mouth. If it did they couldn't hear it anymore.

Taglist:

@patton-cake , @isabelle-stars , @joylessnightsky

#sanders sides #platonic anxceit #creativity twins #prinxiety #dad patton #patton sanders #ts patton #roman sanders #ts roman #remus sanders #ts remus #virgil sanders #ts virgil #janus sanders #ts janus #woethough au #au #my writing

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chaoticquips · 5 years

Text

Wrapped Up

A reminder that @linklyshow is a wonderful person! An angel, best boy.

Continuation to my Coraline AU, although this is more like the end of the movie whoops!

The door slams shut behind him. He’s too busy trying to catch his breath and slow down the mounting panic to really revel in the cold draft that washes over his back.

It’s all normal again. No magic, no bugs, no sand filled needle creatures trying to grab at him-

It’s over.

When he moves, there’s a slight sting to his thigh. Grazes left from their fingers-

He pulls off his- Robin’s -glove and tucks the door key inside with shaking fingers. A wave of relief comes in and settles in his stomach as nausea. Numbly, he slides down against the wall until he’s slumped against it.

He almost... died in there. In a little door in a little house in the middle of no where with no one to even realize he was gone.

Shaky breath in. Shaky breath out. Repeat. He grips the glove tightly, feeling the outline of the key on his palm. It helps a little bit, reminding him of-

The front door opens. Wally scrambles to his feet in what can only be enthusiastic relief.

“Mom! Dad! Oh my god, I missed you so much!” With tear-filled eyes, he barrels into them. Hugs them tightly and breaths in that wonderful, parental smell of home. They’re home.

“Whoa! Slow down there, kiddo, you act like you haven’t seen us in ages!”

That’s... that’s not...

Eyes wide, he whips his head up to see none other than-

“Uncle Barry?!”

“What am I, chopped liver?” Iris laughs at his side. She smooths a hand over his wild hair and Wally realizes what a mess he looks.

And that he’s still clinging to them like a life line.

He quickly lets go, sniffling. “S-Sorry! What are you guys doing here?”

“Well, your parents wanted us to come see the new place, get our opinion on it since, well...” Barry rubs the back of his head.

“You seemed lonely, all by yourself.” Iris cuts in, giving him that soft smile of hers that makes his chest feel a little too tight. A little too loved. “Sometimes new environments can be hard to settle into, it’s easier to have some sort of familiarity around, right?”

“What better familiarity than family, right kiddo?” Barry ruffles his hair and Wally chokes back a laugh that almost shoots out of his mouth like a sob.

“But it looks like you’ve been adjusting fine?” Iris says, shaking off her coat to hang on the rack next to the door. “Look at you, all dirtied up! What have you been up to today, Wally? Hopefully nothing too dangerous?” She shoots Barry that secret little look she sometimes does that makes him all nervous.

“What’s the look for, hun?”

“Oh, you know.”

Wally feels the weight on his chest disappear. A laugh trickles out as he takes their- warm, soft, real -hands and leads them into the house.

“There’s a garden outside, you wanna see it?”

“Sure! Let’s get you cleaned up first so your mother doesn’t have a fit.”

“Iris, we’re heading outside, he’s going to get dirty anyway-”

“Barry. Need I remind you of the dog incident?”

“I’ll shut up now.”

He can’t stop the smile on his face.

“I’m sorry.”

“Gah!” At the sudden voice, Wally falls backwards and drops in the deep pit he had just climbed out of.

“Oh, shi- shoot! I’m so sorry!” Hands suddenly pulling him up, too quickly too quickly, the world spinning as Wally rubs the winded feeling out of his chest. Taking a few deep breaths with his eyes closed, sitting up against the stone wall, he feels hands on his shoulders.

When he opens his eyes, he glares.

“Oh, you.”

“Uh, yeah. Me.” Robin says nervously. He’s wringing his hands together and actually looks a little... guilty? Wally sighs.

“Whaddya want now, gonna make fun of me again?” Wally moves to stand up but is swiftly pushed back down by Robin’s surprisingly firm hands.

“No!”

Rather than the firm, chunky feeling of Robin’s coat sleeves going over his palms, Wally realizes he’s looking for the soft feeling of gloves. He’s looking for warm, soft blue moonlight on a rooftop where he was taken off guard by someone surprisingly kind to him.

His face tingles where the Other Robin had...kissed him.

To push back the rising embarrassment and incoming blush, he immediately tries to focus on the stupidbutreallykindacute way this Robin styles his hair.

God dammit.

“I.. I wanted to apologize, for calling you weird.” Robin moves from a crouched position over Wally’s lap to sit with a hard thump on the ground in front of him. “I shouldn’t have said that, I really shouldn’t have. It’s just...” He sighs.

“I dunno, I don’t really have a lot of friends.” Wally snorts.

“You don’t say?”

“Shut up.” He whines out, nudging at Wally with his foot. “Point is, I said some stupid stuff I shouldn’t have about you and I feel bad. I thought you were like the other kids.” He’s hunched over himself, taking off his glasses for once and rubbing at his eyes.

Curiosity at what the weird kid who’s been harassing him all summer actually looks like strikes Wally like a harpoon. But he’s still kinda pissed, so he looks at Robin’s shoes instead before he sees anything.

... Jesus, those are some expensive shoes.

“What other kids?”

“The ones I go to school with. They... they say shit about me all the time and I didn’t realize you were just joking around. Defensive measures and all that.” He shrugs, voice muffled by his coat sleeves.

“Doesn’t make it all right though.” Wally says.

“Yeah, I know. It really doesn’t. Trust me, I’ve been beating myself up about this.” With a half hearted chuckle, Robin lifts up his left, bandaged hand away from his face, but stays hunched over.

“Wha- literally? Dude, what-”

“L-Like I said, I’m beating myself up about it and now I’m getting yelled at for doing that, so I’m apologizing.” Robin cuts in. A hot flash of sadness and anger rips through Wally.

“... So you’re just apologizing to me so you wont be in trouble anymore? If that’s all, fine, you’re forgiven, now go-”

“God dammit, no! I don’t want-!” Robin’s voice cracks as he slams his bandaged fist on the ground. “I don’t- I didn’t mean! Look, I’m trying to apologize!”

“Yeah, and you’re really bad at it!”

“I know!” He yells out.

“I mean, most people would have the decency to look me in the face if they were going to apologize-”

“I know, but I-!” Suddenly he stops. Wally watches the anger flow out of his body and hears him take a deep breath.

“You’re frustrating as hell, you know that right?” He says quietly to his expensive shoes.

“Hey man,-”

“Let’s start over!” He yells, pouncing forward and covering Wally’s eyes with his hands before he sees his face.

“Wha- dude! What the hell!” Wally reaches up and grabs at his hands, pulling them off. Belatedly he remembers the other boy is stronger than he looks. He doesn’t get far until his head nearly hits the wall behind him with the force of the other boy’s hands returning to his face.

“Let’s start over! First impressions are everything, right? We just got off on the wrong foot.”

“A few dozen times.” Wally mumbles.

“Just-!” Robin stops and sighs. “...Do you think we could be friends? If we actually tried this time? I wont call you weird, you don’t call me weird, no arguing unless it’s banter because it’s actually kinda fun with you.”

“Mm, I didn’t know friendships had rules.”

“Less rules, more like guidelines. A, what do people call it? A bro-code?” It’s the most anyone has ever tried with Wally before. He honestly feels a little touched his creepy neighbor is trying so hard.

“I... I think I can work with that. Y’know, considering how desperately you wanna be friends with me.”

“Oh shut up!” He can’t help but laugh at Robin’s expense and he’s pleasantly surprised to find the other boy laughing too.

“God, you’re a mess.” Robin laughs out.

“Me?!”

“Yes!” It takes them a second to calm down, but finally Robin’s hands pull off his face ever so slightly.

“I...I’m gonna take my hands off, ok? Then we can start over.”

“Dude, why are you nervous? You’re not horribly disfigured or something like that, right? Like, I don’t care if you are, it’s totally fine, just-”

Robin takes his hands off Wally’s face and gives him a smile so blinding he can’t tell if it’s the sun or not.

Wait, no, it’s definitely the sun. He had his eyes closed for too long.

“...So?”

“So what? I can’t see anything man, gimmie a second.” He rubs at his eyes while Robin stays strangely quiet. Then he clears his throat.

“Hi! You must be Wally West, right? I believe you’re renting one of the rooms in the Pink Palace, right? I’m the son of your landlord, Dick. It’s nice to meet you!”

When Wally opens his eyes, he almost doesn’t believe what he’s seeing.

Dick Grayson, acclaimed child prodigy and adopted son to billionaire Bruce Wayne, is sitting in front of him.

Directly in the dirt he had dug up for the tulips he had been planting.

When Wally just stares at Dick, his smile shrinks and he moves to pick at his bandages. He averts his eyes from Wally.

“I-I heard you were into science, right? That’s partially why you moved here, so you could go to the academy on scholarship? Or was it to take special summer classes? That’s pretty cool either way.”

“You’re-”

“I’m more of a math guy myself, y’know? And, uh, acrobatics but you probably already knew that.”

More silence.

“...Would you like me to grab you water or something? You look kinda pale-”

“You’re telling me,” Wally cuts him off, “That the creepy little shit who kept waking me up in the middle of the night to knock on my bedroom window, who stalked me for most of the summer, and almost got me killed is none other than the Dick Grayson.”

“Um. I resent the creepy part and... yes?” Wally takes a deep breath.

“Hoooooly shit.” Wally rubs his face with his hands because, wow. Didn’t see that one coming.

“But you get now, why I had to-”

“Hide your identity and be a total weirdo? Yup. It’s all coming full circle.” He makes a little circle in the air with his finger and Dick punches him gently.

“Hey!”

“Unbelievable. That’s... good God, I’m friends with a celebrity.”

“Don’t go telling the world, ok? Mostly because people are, y’know.”

“Nah man, my lips are sealed. Besides, you said it yourself, who would I tell?”

“...”

“...Too soon?” Dick gives him a half smile and helps him to his feet.

“So, uh, what did you mean when you said I almost got you killed?” Wally snorts.

“That is a long story that I’m 100% sure you’re not gonna believe.” Dick does his little half smile again and Wally decides that he thinks it’s fitting for the other boy.

“Try me. We’re friends now, I’m legally obligated to believe everything you say.”

“Alright.” Wally looks the other boy up and down, hand on his chin. Dick rolls his eyes with a grin.

“Your shoes are way too expensive for gardening.” In mock offense, Dick puts a hand on his own chest.

“Oh yeah? Well your jeans look too new to be gardening in!”

“My jeans?Take a look at your- dress pants? Really?”

“I might have taken a reaaaally long break from my ballroom dancing classes at the summer house. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m gonna, especially when your nanny yells at me for being a bad influence on a ‘high-class citizen’.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Alfred would never yell at you. He’ll just give you the scariest silent treatment and cook your favorite food slightly off so that there’s something funky about it, but you don’t know what.” When Wally gives him a strange look, Dick starts laughing about how Wally looks funny when he’s confused.

Wally realizes rich people are fucking weird.

Wally also realizes he really wants to reach out and hold his hand.

Then Wally realizes that without the glasses, Dick has really pretty eyes.

He’s so screwed.

#OH YOU KNOW....#just one boy having a good time #sorta???#its a yes their arguing is flirting and my mind can only be slightly swayed on that #fics #my work #birdflash #superheroes #dc #thank you for my lovely coraline au commissons linkly!!!!#i love them so much

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redrosella · 5 years

Text

Passion

Chapter 1 of 2

Summary: An old photo in Patton's room brings up new questions for Virgil. Who was Passion? Why had he never heard of him? Where is he now?

...Can Sides die?

Author’s Note: Wow, I haven’t posted any writing on here forever. I really should get back into doing that. Anyway, I know the summary is vague, but I promise it’s for a good reason ;) Don’t want to spoil anyone.

Cleaning Patton’s room seemed like an impossible task.

Every side seemed to be covered in different toys, pages, and countless knick knacks that seemed utterly unorganizable. There was almost no common theme to be found that would lend itself to creating a semi coherent living space.

Now, it may have been possible if you were to throw out some of the more obscure items, or maybe even move them to a different place where they wouldn’t get in the way so much, but no. Patton wouldn’t dare parting with even one of his treasures, so organization it was.

And who worse to recruit than Virgil?

“Thanks for helping me out, kiddo! Just let me know if you ever get overwhelmed and we can take a break.” Patton flashed Virgil a smile.

“No problem, Dad.” There was no possible way Virgil would ever deny a request from Patton, even if his room did make him slightly uncomfortable from time to time. So here he was spending his valuable time helping him with this impossible mess.

They figured the best course of option seemed to just be picking a corner and begin cleaning it out in the hopes of actually making a dent, so Virgil went to the far left corner as Patton began working on the right.

There were a lot of very peculiar items stashed there, from memories of high school crushes to childhood toys that broke the instant they were played with. Some of it even managed to bring a half smile to Virgil’s face rather than a grimace.

It took a good half an hour of work on his corner before things finally seemed to get slightly more presentable, and a half an hour before he came across a picture frame.

That in and of itself wasn’t weird. Patton had tons of pictures scattered across his room, hidden in every nook and cranny. What was odd was the person in the photo.

He looked like a young Thomas, just barely on the cusp of middle school. He wore a thick scarf and glasses, a book and pen in hand. His eyes almost gleamed with interest despite looking caught off guard in the photograph.

“Uh… Patton? What is this?” Virgil asked.

Patton hummed in question, popping his head out from his corner of the room- which looked a lot less clean than Virgil’s. He’d probably just spent the whole time reminiscing rather than cleaning.

Virgil held up the frame, waving it in lieu of answering. Patton managed to catch a glimpse and gasped, running over.

“Oh my gosh, I thought we didn’t have photos of him anymore!” Patton took the picture frame reverently, holding it close and absorbing every detail of it. He held it so close to his face that Virgil wondered how he was even seeing the whole picture.

“Who is it?” He asked after a few awkward seconds of letting Patton quietly gush over the photo.

Patton blinked. “Oh, I forgot you weren’t around when he was! He’s Passion. His name was Pasha.” He held out the photo between them, letting Virgil see it again.

“Passion?”

“He was Thomas’ interests as a kid. His hobbies, his dreams. He was my best friend back when Thomas was ten years old,” Patton clarified, a wistful tone to his voice.

Virgil bit his lip. “What… what happened to him?” Clearly he wasn’t around anymore. Virgil would have seen him, someone would have mentioned him, something would have come up. Instead this was the first time he was even hearing anything about a Passion. It sounded more like Roman than anything, but that wasn’t right, was it?

Patton became oddly silent at Virgil’s question, staring at the photo with a touch more sadness.

“It isn’t my place to say,” Patton finally settled on saying.

“Whose would it be?” Virgil asked.

“Logan or Roman. They know more than I do.”

A thousand thoughts raced through Virgil’s mind. Logan and Roman weren’t around when Thomas was ten. How would either of them know what had happened?

“Well kiddo, I think we should call it a day. I’m… I just want to be here for a bit.”

“Patton…” Virgil trailed off. “Are you…?”

“I’m fine. Just thinking. It’s always good to get the emotions out, right?” Tears glistened in his eyes. “Thanks for helping me clean, really. And thanks for finding this picture.” He flashed the anxious side a real smile despite the tears trailing down his face.

“No problem padre…”

----

In the beginning it was just Morality. Just Thomas’ emotions getting him through life day by day. There wasn’t a need for anything else. When you’re a baby, things are relatively simple.

It’s when you get older that things become a lot more complicated.

Passion came into existence when Thomas began to explore. He was a little four year old still trying to find his way, but he did have interests, favorite things, goals that weren’t all emotional. Passion was there to fill that gap for Morality.

It was a shock when he first popped up. Morality had no idea that there could even be other sides, so seeing Passion suddenly appear with his scarf and glasses in the mind palace one day nearly sent Morality into a tissy. They quickly figured it out, though. They were sides, and they were parts of Thomas. There was no reason to be afraid of each other.

They ended up making a pact to stick together throughout those formative years. They worked to fend off the emerging dark sides, doing their best to make sure that Thomas wouldn’t fall prey to that kind of thinking. It didn’t always work, but it was enough.

They saw Thomas grow up. No other light sides appeared, but that was fine. They were content just being with each other.

----

“Logan… Can sides die?” Virgil asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

Logan almost dropped the book he was reading, completely caught off guard. Virgil didn’t blame him. There they were, sitting in the living room having a nice quiet time together, and the anxious side just decided to drop one hell of a bombshell.

“I… why would you like to know?” Logan asked, befuddlement clear in his voice.

“Just wondering.” Virgil shrugged. He decided that he wasn’t going to bring up Passion. Clearly with the reaction Patton gave it was a sore subject, and he didn’t want to cause more harm just because he was curious. He figured he’d just skirt around the issue with Logan and try to suss out an answer without actually mentioning it. Maybe that’d stop all Virgil’s dwelling and let him focus on more important things.

...It was wishful thinking, but Virgil would bank on it anyway.

“Well… I suppose it is possible…” Logan said very carefully. He sounded like he was treading on very thin ice, not about to lie, but also not wanting to say anything that could cause a negative reaction.

“How would that… hypothetically happen?”

“Virgil, are you okay?” Logan asked, cutting the conversation off.

“I am- really!” Virgil quickly defended. “I’m just curious. I’ve never heard of sides disappearing, but it’s gotta be possible right? If Thomas doesn’t need one anymore?”

“I highly doubt Thomas wouldn’t need one of his core personality traits. Even the dark sides are needed, despite everything negative they contribute. They still have some good, and Thomas still can use their words to his benefit.” He sighed, looking put out. “Are you worried that Thomas doesn’t need his anxiety anymore? Because I’m pretty sure we already went over this when you ducked out.”

“No, I know Thomas needs me, don’t worry. I learned my lesson there. I was really just curious, I swear.” Virgil really hoped he wasn’t digging himself into a hole. “But you never answered my question. Is it possible?”

Logan bit his lip, looking down at his book and back up to the other side. “Yes. I suppose it is. If, hypothetically, a side’s job could be taken by another side, then that side would no longer be needed- but that is a highly improbable scenario. There is no reason that would happen, especially because Thomas is a grown adult. His personality has been solidified by now.”

But it hadn’t been in the past. That meant it was still possible then. Logan clearly didn’t know of anything like that happening, but he also wasn’t there until Thomas was twelve years old. Maybe something happened to Passion before he was around, so he wasn’t aware?

But who would take up Passion’s spot? Unless…

Roman.

Roman was passionate. He was creative. He was the source of Thomas’ hopes and dreams.

It made perfect sense.

Oh god, Roman killed another side. Maybe not intentionally, but he took their job. That’s why Patton was so upset, but didn’t want to show it. He was afraid of hurting Roman's feelings.

Virgil stood up quickly, his chair pushed back slightly.

“Virgil?” Logan questioned.

“Sorry, I need to… go. Thanks for talking, that was really interesting,” Virgil said quickly, speeding out of the room and leaving a confounded Logan behind.

Virgil needed to talk to Roman.

Later.

After he finished processing this.

----

Morality and Passion were ten years old when they decided on names for each other. Calling each other by their titles was just too formal for them, and they came to the conclusion that they weren’t just Thomas’ morality and passion, but so much more, so they deserved a name just like him.

“I want to be Patton!” The tiny side cried out as he pointed at a name book, the name sticking out.

“Why’s that?” Passion asked inquisitively, looking at the book carefully, where the meaning of Patton was printed.

“I dunno. It just sounds nice!”

“But names have to have meaning!”

“Well Thomas’ name was picked just because his parents like it! We can do the same.” Patton pouted. “You can pick out a nice meaning for your name, but this is what I’m sticking with,” he said stubbornly.

Passion was about to protest further, but his eyes trailed a few lines up, spotting something that caught his eye. “Pasha,” he said reverently.

“Huh?”

“Pasha! That should be my name! Then we could both have names that start with P!”

“You just chose a name that sounds like Passion!” Morality accused.

“So? You said it yourself, it doesn’t have to have a big meaning. It can just be a name.” Passion crossed his arms. “This is the name I want.”

“Oh, fine. It’s nice to meet you Pasha!” Patton stuck his hand out.

“It’s nice to meet you, Patton.” Pasha shook the other’s hand, which Patton quickly turned into a hug that they stayed in for a good minute.

These were their names, and their names alone.

----

It had been a few days since Virgil talked with Logan, and still the only conclusion that he could come up with was that it was indeed Roman who had taken Passion’s place. Thomas was young and his interests were still growing and changing when Passion was still around. There was a chance that when Roman did come around, he unintentionally overstepped his role as creativity and bit off more than he needed to, rendering Passion useless.

That did seem like a very Roman thing to do. Not intentionally, but he always dreamed of bigger and better things, so of course he might take the reins on things like that without even thinking about it, because it was so ingrained into his personality.

It wasn’t a one hundred percent certain theory, however. Virgil knew better than to bank on those. There could always be some different explanation that he hadn’t though of- and this was a pretty drastic theory just to be throwing around with very little evidence.

That’s why he needed to talk to Roman. Get some information out of him and figure it out for himself. He wasn’t sure what he’d do with the information, but he just needed to know it to ease his mind. He’d figure it out later.

“Roman.” Virgil flopped over the creative sides’ bed, his hair falling over his face.

“Yes, My Chemically Imbalanced Romance?” Roman jibed. He was sitting at his own desk, brainstorming ideas idly. Virgil liked to sit in on these sessions, reminded of the days back when he and Roman worked together to create edgy poems and the like for Thomas. Even if he didn’t really contribute anything anymore, it was still nice to listen to the embodiment of creativity spitting out ideas and eventually hitting that one perfect one he was positive would work.

“I was wondering… You’re not just creativity, right?”

Roman shot him a confused glance. “Well, a-doy. Just like you’re not just anxiety, you’re also self preservation . Hell, I even introduced myself as the fanciful side the first few Sanders Sides episodes! What kind of a question was that?”

Alright, it was a stupid question. Virgil just didn’t know how to casually bring it up otherwise! That was the only way he could think of that could maybe naturally work.

“I was just wondering,” Virgil mumbled. “So what other traits would you describe yourself as?”

Roman frowned. “Are you having an existential crisis, Virgil? Because I can tell you that you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’re self preservation, caution, fear, that voice of reason in Thomas’ head. You give us all a reality check when we need it.”

Geez, did everyone think that Virgil always needed a pep talk? He should really tell them to cool it. He wasn’t always on the brink of sinking out again, he was just in a bad place that one time- but things were different now. He was a different side now.

He guessed it just took time for the others to realize this. So now he just had to deal with the constant reassurance and slight babying, even when he was trying to do this for everyone else.

Okay, maybe not everyone else, but still just in an effort to sate his own curiosity.

“No, Roman, I’m fine. Just curious. What would you describe yourself as?”

Roman looked like he wanted to protest more, but decided against it, instead tapping his chin with a finger. “Hmm, well, that’s a tough one. I suppose I’d be creativity, dreams, ambition, talent, those kinds of things.” Roman perked up for a second “Oh! And I can’t forgot passion! I’m-”

The rest of Roman’s words were drowned out by Virgil’s mind.

There is was, straight from the horse’s mouth. He was passion.

Roman had to have taken over Passion’s role, killing him. He was the reason why Patton was crying in his room.

And Virgil couldn’t even blame Roman. Roman was just naturally passionate. He was always driven, always pursuing new things, and there was no doubt that he was just like that when he first came into being. He would never have done that to another side intentionally, but it’s not like it was something he could control. Roman was just the natural evolution from Thomas’ passions as a young kid to his hobbies as a teenager.

The rest of the conversation with Roman was a blur in Virgil’s mind, but he eventually got out of his room and into his own, left with a cacophony of thoughts and no way to organize them.

----

Pasha and Patton were only ten years old, but they were aware of things like relationships. Sure, they may not be old enough to get all the logistics of it, but they knew the basics: people that were together held hands and did things together and were happy.

Patton already had two of those things with Pasha, so he figured why not try holding hands with him? Then they could be together like their parents!

It was a perfectly logical conclusion in the moral side’s mind. He loved Pasha, and Pasha loved him, so obviously they should be in a relationship.

“Pasha! Hold my hand!” Patton cried as he raced into the side’s bedroom.

“What?” The passionate side poked his head up from a children’s book, confusion written over his face.

“You should hold my hand, and then you can be my boyfriend!”

“You… want to be my boyfriend?” Pasha blushed, putting his book down on his lap.

“Yes! That’s what everyone does when they’re close friends! They hold hands, and then they are a couple! We already hang out and are best friends, so why shouldn’t we be boyfriends!”

“That.. does make sense,” Pasha said, a tone of contemplation in his voice. “But would you really want to be my boyfriend? I… I’m sure there’s someone better.”

“We’re the only two good sides! Besides, even if there were others, I’d still like to be with you! You’re funny and kind and passionate about so many things! Do… do you want to be my boyfriend?” Patton’s voice got a tad smaller at that last question, a bit of fear worming its way into his gut.

“I… Of course, Patton. I’d love to hold your hand.”

A large grin spread across the moral side’s face, and he quickly rushed over to Pasha’s bedside, grabbing his hand. It was a bit clumsy at first as he tried to figure out the best way to fit their hands together, but they worked it out quickly.

A blush spread on both of their cheeks, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.

----

The next day when Virgil walked into the living room, he was met with three identical faces all looking at him with a variety of different expressions, concern being the most obvious.

“Virgil, we’re… worried about you,” Roman started.

“What?” Virgil blinked.

“You’ve been asking some odd questions lately, and we were just afraid that you might still feel out of place here- or perhaps that some worries are plaguing you still and you need to have someone help you work through them,” Roman clarified. “There’s no shame in asking for help. We’re all here for you.”

“What are you talking about? I’m fine.” The anxious side crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at everyone.

“Virgil, you asked Logan about death, and then asked me about what you thought your purpose was here. It sounds like you are still struggling to find your place in our group, and wondering if you are still useful- which of course you are-” Roman quickly affirmed. “You know you’re part of the family.”

“Of course I know that.” Virgil scuffed his shoe on the ground. “I told you, I wasn’t asking about that stuff because of me. I was just curious. Not everything I ask has to revolve around me. There’s just a lot of stuff that I still don’t know here.”

Logan frowned. “Well, usually curiosity occurs from something happening to spark the idea. It is not a far leap to assume you are currently thinking about these types of things and are wondering about what we know. It’s okay-”

“I’m just trying to find out about Passion!” Virgil cut him off, too annoyed at the barrage of misunderstandings to think through his words.

Everyone in the room froze up.

“How… How did you learn that name?” Logan asked slowly.

“That’s my fault, kiddo,” Patton spoke up softly, speaking up for the first time since the invention began. “We were cleaning out my room a week ago, and he found a photo. I… I didn’t realize. I’m sorry, kiddo.”

Virgil rubbed his arm self consciously. “It’s fine, Pat. I was just wondering what happened. You told me to ask Logan and Roman, but… I didn’t want to hurt them like you clearly were when it was brought up. I was trying to be discreet.”

“Pat, you were hurt?” Roman’s head whipped over to the fatherly side, concern obvious on every inch of his face. “Whatever for?”

“I… I just missed Pasha, that’s all. Nothing to worry about. I know that I shouldn’t be afraid of letting my emotions out anymore, so I just let myself miss him. It’s okay.”

Roman put a hand on Patton’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Patton. I’m sorry. It’s okay to miss him.”

“I suppose we owe you an apology, Virgil,” Logan said after a minute. “I did not think that you knew about Passion, so I did not make the connection, and instead jumped to a false conclusion. I apologize.”

“It’s no big deal. I was just wondering.” Virgil shrugged. If he knew that asking about Passion would have caused this mess, he would have just kept his curiosity to himself. Everyone staring at him now was just making him even more anxious.

“Well, I suppose we owe you an explanation now,” Roman spoke, still patting Patton on the back and shooting Logan a look. The logical side nodded back.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to explain it to me. I figured it out myself,” Virgil said with a sigh.

“You did?” Logan asked incredulously.

“Yeah. You said that sides can only die if their role was taken over by another side. Roman appeared when Thomas was eleven, and when I showed up around twelve, Passion wasn’t there. I figured that Roman took over Passion’s role, and that’s why he’s gone now. I don’t blame you, and I’m sorry for pushing.”

Logan and Roman both shot each other a look. “Virgil… That’s not exactly true.”

“What?” Virgil blinked. “But you told me that that was the only way sides could die.”

“Passion didn’t die, Virgil,” Patton spoke up, his voice soft. “He’s still here.”

“I… I don’t understand. You were mourning him. How is he still here? What do you mean?”

“Let me tell you a story, Virgil…”

----

“Hey Pash, what’s wrong?” Patton poked his head into the dining room. The eleven year old was sitting at the table, a contemplative frown on his face.

“I don’t know.”

“How can you not know what’s wrong?” Patton walked over the the side, sitting on the chair next to him and leaning close.

“I don’t know!” Pasha cried out, throwing the pencil in his hand down with a dull clunk. “It just doesn’t make sense! Thomas’ teacher wants him to do a writing assignment, and I want to do it, but I also don’t want to!”

“Why don’t you want to?” Patton grabbed one of his boyfriend’s hands, trying to physically reassure him. Seeing his boyfriend in any kind of hurt was always heartwrenching.

“His teacher wants us to do this writing about these silly things, and it just seems stupid to me! Like, I want to, but it’s a waste of our time!”

“Oh Pasha… Nothing is a waste of time if you have fun doing it.”

“But we could be doing better things!”

“Pash, you never know if something will be worth doing if you never try it.”

“I just think we should be doing more… concrete things. Like working on math, or history! Not spending time writing stories. They do nothing to help us.”

“But they’re fun! Our time together doesn’t really do much, but we still hang out and enjoy it!”

“I guess…” Pasha trailed off.

“Come on, let’s just do something fun now and take your mind off this. We can always come back later.”

“Alright. Thanks, Pat.”

“No problem.” Patton flashed his boyfriend a large smile. “That’s what I’m here for!”

“But what am I here for?” Passion mumbled under his breath, too low for the other side to hear.

----

Something wasn’t right.

Patton could feel it. Thomas’ mindscape felt weird, like there was something invariably wrong. His first thought was Passion. He had been acting weird lately, but surely he couldn’t be causing this… wrongness? Pasha would never do something like that. Dark sides did that, not Passion.

Patton slipped out of his room, taking small steps over to their living room where he could hear sound. It felt wrong.

“-isn’t right! Doing theatre would take up too much time! We would barely be able to get out homework done!” Pasha was pacing around the room, looking at the floor and ranting to himself. A roiling feeling boiled up in Patton’s gut. “But this would make Thomas happy! I should be letting him pursue his dreams! But not at the expense of school! School is more important than some hobby that he probably won’t care about in a year. School will lead us to more substantial hobbies!”

“Pasha…?” Patton questioned.

He didn’t hear him.

“But what if he likes theatre? What if he wants to continue it? What if he gets a major role? He wouldn’t be able to do anything else! I can’t leave all our other passions behind just for this one! What about astrology? Math? Those are so much more viable career options! I know we should be enjoying our youth, but we have to think about things like this! We can’t waste our time doing theatre!”

“But what about what Thomas wants?”

“We are Thomas! We know what’s best for him!”

“No, we’re his sides! He’s still his own person who can make his own decisions!”

“But I’m still his passion! I know about things like this!”

“And I know that this will make him happy!”

He was arguing with himself. He wasn’t even being discreet about it, he was just literally talking back and forth with himself like he was two different people.

This had been happening a lot lately- on a lot lower level than this, but still similar. He’d argue with himself, flipping between different options and never settling on something. It was like a never ending war with himself. But never as obviously and physically split as this. Patton wanted to step in, say something to comfort his boyfriend and tell him that everything was okay, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to do or how to fix this. He was frozen with indecision.

“You’re not listening to me! Well you’re not listening to me! You can’t keep doing this, we’ll never get anything done! You’re the one getting into a huge argument with yourself, just choose something! But there is no right answer, it’s all subjective!”

Tears began to well up in Pasha’s eyes. He clapped his hands over his ears, trying to block out the sound that wasn’t around him. The sound that was all inside his head.

“JUST GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”

And then…

Pasha didn’t exist anymore.

Just like that, he was gone. Patton’s boyfriend wasn’t there anymore, and instead… There were two people on the floor, dazed and confused but entirely separate.

One had Pasha’s glasses. The other had his red scarf wrapped around his shoulders.

“We…” Scarf looked up at Glasses. “What?”

“This… is an unprecedented turn of events…” Glasses sputtered out.

“Pasha?” Patton whispered. It was like his entire world was breaking down. This wasn’t right. Where was Pasha? Where was the boy he grew up with? What happened?

“Patton?” Scarf spoke up, his eyes meeting Patton’s. “I… I don’t know what happened.”

“We split,” Glasses explained, sounding like he just came upon the realization himself. “We couldn’t decide which path to pursue, and we weren’t getting anywhere like that, so Thomas’ mind split us in two. So we wouldn’t be constantly fighting and could actually get something done.”

“So… who I am?” Scarf asked, fiddling with his scarf idly in his hands.

“Who do you feel like? I feel like… Logic.”

“I feel like… Creativity.”

Patton’s world shattered.

#Sanders Sides #Thomas Sanders #Roman Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Logan Sanders #Sanders Sides Fanfiction #Redrosellawriting

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sanderss-ides · 6 years

Text

Help (analogical)

Word count: 639 Warnings: suicide, self harm, panicking (I dunno if there’s anything else?) Notes: this is my first sander sides fic, well, completed one at least. Also this is just a one shot. I’d add the story under the cut but I dunno how to, I’m sorry - "Why are you still here? You know you're only making Thomas miserable!" I know... Virgil thought as he looked down. "Roman! You're hurting the poor kiddos feelings!" Patton had a disappointed look on his face, and Virgil tried to leave before the dad side made a big deal of it. "Good! He deserves it!" There was hate in Romans eyes. Sadly, the look was common. Logan gasped slightly. He may be a bit... Emotionless, but he knows when someone's crossed the line. Virgil glanced at all of them before nodding and vanishing into his room with a small 'pop.' Anxiety's breathing was shaky, and he sat on his bed, trying to use the techniques he learned from Talyn. 4, 7- He started gasping, unable to control. 4- He couldn't breathe at all now. He knew there was only one way to calm down. He searched his drawers frantically, but finally found a blade. When he first showed up, his room was full of sharp things, almost as if he were supposed to cut. He did; he started about a few weeks after Roman started to insult him. Shaking the memories away, he held the razor blade up to his wrist. It was vertical, not because he was trying to kill himself, but because there wasn't enough room between the other cuts, which smothered his arms. He started to dig into his skin, and slide the blade across. dig, slice, dig, slice, is that all I'm good at? There was a knock at the door, which startled anxiety, and he accidentally went too deep and long. Fuck. "Kiddo? Are you okay?" Came a worried voice from the other side. "Im fine!" He yelled back in a shaky voice. He was going to bleed out and he didn't know how to stop it. Virgil was in a deep panic, unsure of what to do. He was losing blood quickly. but isnt this what you wanted? Isnt it what Roman wants? The thing is, Anxiety wasn't sure if he actually wanted to die. He wanted the pain to go away, but he knew there was a way for that to happen without killing himself. He took a deep breath, thinking of who to call. logan! Surely he'd know what to do. Hands shaking, dots blurring his vision slightly, he pulles out his phone and clicked the call button. Ring.. Ring.. Ring.. "Virgil?" "Logan... I messed up really badly, I need your help." He felt ashamed, saying that. He was the strong, mean side, after all. "Virge, what happened?" Logic burst through the door quickly. Anxiety would have blushed at how cute Logan looked when he was concerned, but he was freezing cold. "Lo, im so sorry," he sobbed, losing consciousness. Logan went wide eyed and concentrated. A first aid kit popped up beside him. He started to put pressure on the wound, or... Wounds? Oh gosh... He shook the thoughts away, knowing his crushes life was in his hands. He wrapped the anxious sides wrists up, laying him in his bed so he could get some water. "Hey lo- why are you covered in blood?!" Patton literally screamed. "Unimportant, I'll be back soon," he grabbed a water bottle and ran up the stairs. Virgil was sitting up in his bed, his hand running through his hair, clutching it. He was in pain. "Virge, here, it'll help," Logan softly handed him the water. He drank it slowly as Logan held him tight and rocked back and forth. The blood stopped flowing out, and Virgil drifted off to sleep, still in the logical sides arms. Logan layed back carefully, a weary smile on his face, his cheek stained with water. He hadn’t realized he had been crying until now. Strangely, this was the best night of sleep either of them had had in ages.

#Trigger warning #tw #self harm #suicide #self harn #sanders sides #fander #Thomas sanders #fanfic #Virgil #anxiety #Roman #creativity #princey #logan #logic #Patton #morality #deceit #lying

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kukuandkookie · 7 years

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✩ Crystal Gem Rebel - You’ve befriended a local human and they’ve become curious about why you revolted against the Diamond Authority… Why did you decide to defend Earth, despite all the risks of rebellion?

"What were you like before you came to Earth?" The question caught Jade by surprise, making him spit out his drink. He paused and turned to stare at Steven, who was sitting beside him. "Huh?" "What were you like before you came to Earth?" Steven repeated patiently, sitting with his legs crossed. “And why did you decide to revolt against the Diamond Authority? Why did you decide to defend Earth, despite all the risks of rebellion?”

"Well..." Jade hesitated. "That was a long time ago." He hunched his shoulders and sucked harder on the straw to his soda. "Oh come on!" whined Steven. "Can't you tell me just a little bit...?" Jade bit the inside of his cheek, tapping his fingers against the table outside the Big Donut. "Well, I didn’t really rebel until much later—officially after I met you guys, I suppose.

“I first came to China on Earth when it still had dynasties, back in the ancient past. It really influenced my life. The few people who knew about me kinda treated me like a…well, a deity, because they didn't know what I was." "What's a deity?" "Uhh...basically a god of some sort. They admired me for being made of jade, I guess. I'll admit all that pampering did sort of get to my head―" Jade stopped himself. "Anyway, my point is that it's been a long, long time since I came to Earth. I dunno if I really remember anything from being back home..." "You have to remember something!" Steven protested. "Don't hold back on me, man!"

Jade frowned, resting his cheek in his hand. "Okay, okay. Give me a second." He thought back to the past, trying to decide what he wanted to say. "So basically you want me to talk about the 'Great War' and everything." Steven nodded eagerly. "Please?" he added. Sighing, Jade nodded. "Yeah, sure. There's nothing all that exciting to talk about though. I was a Gem in Homeworld like most other Gems. I lived a pretty good life as a high-ranking soldier, I guess. A little controlled, sure―but nothing that made me question the authority and stuff, because it was so common. I thoroughly believed in the Diamond’s cause. I lived there with my two friends, Nephrite and Jadeite, both of whom I'd taken under my wing and vowed to protect.”

Steven smiled. “That's what we call a brotherly bond here on Earth.” “‘Brotherly’?” he repeated curiously. The half-human boy nodded. “It's someone who's really close to you. Like a friend, but something more… Not quite romantic, but all about bonds.” Jade nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah…like that.” “And the rest of your story?” he pressed. “When the Great War started, I was sent to Earth with many other Gems and I fought for the Diamonds. I'm not proud of this part of my history, but…I fought a lot of Crystal Gems, Steven. I might have even poofed or worse…shattered some of them.” Steven looked down sadly. “It’s not your fault. That's how war is.” Jade nodded. “I witnessed firsthand the terrors of the war. And it was not pretty. Gems were damaged, cracked, corrupted, poofed, and shattered on a daily basis…” He shuddered. “It was terrible. I had constant flashbacks to it after. I would fight and fight and fight, but the war felt like it would never end. It kept going and going, and it seemed like our Diamonds wished to exhaust all their resources and Gems on this singular rebellion. It made me lose faith in the Diamond Authority. “So at the end of it all, when one of the last fights got extremely brutal, I saw my chance to escape thanks to a nearby warp pad. So I took the chance and warped away. It led me to ancient China, where I was in the Forbidden City and discovered by the emperor.” Jade paused. “After that I lived a life of prosperity until the dynasties ended and I was left to roam the Earth.” He hesitated. “I guess you could say I’m a coward. I abandoned the war and my cause; I abandoned Homeworld and all I’d ever known, and I abandoned those I loved—the two you dubbed my ‘brothers’.” "But there’s so much more to you than just that!"

"What more would there be to me?" Jade asked, staring down at his hands. He tightened his grip around the soda a little too hard and it exploded, liquid dribbling down his hands. "Ugh," he exclaimed, throwing the cup into the trash as he wiped his hands. "I'll get you a new soda, but then you have to promise me you'll tell me more." Steven held up a coin, his face determined. "Uhh...fine." Jade felt a little embarrassed, but he had to admit that sodas were nice. "And maybe another box of those donuts? I don't exactly have a lot of this...Earth money. I mean, I don't have to eat but still—they tasted good." Steven grinned. "I know exactly what you mean." He held up another coin, winked like a magician who was about to perform a magic trick, and then he jumped off of his seat. Steven jogged into the Big Donut, leaving Jade to collect his thoughts. When he came back, he sat down expectantly and looked up at the Gem before him. "So...?" Steven pressed. Jade sighed. "Okay." He took a soda and a donut, beginning to consume them slowly. "But there really isn't all that much to me. I wasn't some hero like the Crystal Gems here—Amethyst, Pearl, and Garnet—I was just a plain, old Gem working for the empire." Steven let his fingers slide on the table they were sitting at, the other hand on his cheek. "What was your personality like, then?" "Well...I guess I was a little...crude." Jade made a face as he set down his soda briefly. "I wasn't the nicest or the most trusting guy around, but I was loyal. I didn't have reason to question anything that was happening around me. Everything was as it should've been, or so I thought. I thought nothing needed changing. When your mother, Rose Quartz, began rallying Gems to help her fight in the upcoming battle, I saw her as most other Gems did. We thought she was crazy to be going against the system, and that she was dangerous. That there was something wrong with her." He paused and looked at Steven, whose eyes had widened at the mention of his mother. "But...I guess I also kind of pitied her. I felt bad for her. I knew what it was like to feel oppressed, but I guess I just didn't have the guts to stand up for myself like she did. So I stayed a loyal subject despite all the warning signs.

“Steven, I messed up. I'll admit I'd been fighting for the wrong side the whole time. I realized it after enough battles—when the war was almost over. And you could say it was almost too little, too late…

"The War was a close battle. A lot of us Gems were shattered. I didn't get to return to Earth because one of the warp pads got destroyed and I was stranded in ancient China. And as I mentioned, at first I was angry, so I sort of kind of maybe threw a fit. It caught the attention of the people there and they thought I was some god sent there to punish them.”

“Wow. That’s really cool though,” Steven said.

“But I'm not cool. I was a coward and a fool, and I made so many huge mistakes. I left everything and everyone behind without a second thought. I was selfish." “Jade…” "Then, years later, I travelled to Beach City because I'd heard stories about people here that sounded like Gems. Then there was that giant hand ship in the sky, when Peridot and Jasper came…” He trailed off, before sighing. “China's changed, Steven―it had a huge downfall and now it's a lot different than it used to be. It shaped me into who I am now. Remember when I first ran into you? I wasn't very friendly. It's just...I have a hard time trusting anyone now, y'know?"

Steven smiled. "I know."

"But you found me. You kept asking me to be your friend. And then, I caved in." Jade sucked on his bottom lip. "I warped where you said you'd be, and I saw you in trouble with that corrupted Gem so I decided to help out."

"Then you unleashed that awesome water dragon when you were completely cornered and helped us save the day!" Steven spread his arms wide.

Jade smirked a little. "Yeah, awesome."

Steven sat back down, grabbing a donut. "So...do you think you're more than 'just a Gem' now?"

Surprised, Jade turned to stare at Steven. "Huh?"

"Well, you said you weren't anything special. But now you're a hero! You help us when we need back-up in a battle!"

"I'm still nothing special though." He shrugged back at the young boy. "You guys have lots of Gems to call on for back-up."

"Every bit counts." Steven's eyes glowed as he clamped a hand down on Jade's arm. He let out a little puff of air through his nostrils. "Your help counts."

Jade stared at the boy's eyes and could sense the sincerity. He awkwardly pulled his arm out and smiled. "Heh. Sure, if you say so."

"Yeah! See, you're something special after all. Everyone's special," Steven said, doing a fist-pump.

"...You sound so much like Rose Quartz sometimes," commented the Gem, propping his elbow on the table as he sloshed his straw around in his soda cup.

"Really? Pearl says I look like her sometimes too." Steven looked up and smiled his best smile. "Do I?"

"Uhh, sure, kiddo." Jade smiled slightly in amusement. The resemblance there wasn't quite as close, but he could see it. He pushed back with his hands and leaned back against the chair. "You take after your father too."

"Yeah, Dad's awesome." Steven grinned. "Everyone here in Beach City is awesome. So is the people who aren't here—like Connie; she's super nice and one of the best friends around. She's really smart and good at listening," he gushed.

"She's nice," Jade agreed. "I don't really know her though."

"I should introduce you to her! You can tell us more about the Homeworld," Steven suggested excitedly.

Jade chuckled. "Okay, okay."

His little companion paused. "You know, Jade, you don't live in Beach City either, right?"

"Yeah—I prefer the outskirts. I can keep an eye on things that way, but I can also keep to myself." Jade raised an eyebrow. "What are you getting at, kid?"

"Well, you're awesome too, like everyone in and not in Beach City."

Jade paused and stared at Steven in surprise. It was the third time in one conversation that Steven had managed to surprise him, although that within itself didn't come as a surprise anymore. Steven was a special kid; one capable of making everyone around him happy and willing to be his friend. He was demonstrating that ability right at that moment. Sure he could come off a little strong or be a little annoying, but he had a good heart. He really was in many ways like his mother, Rose Quartz.

Jade smiled again. "Thanks, Steven. You're pretty awesome yourself." He ruffled the kid's hair.

Just then, a voice called out from above, coming from the cabin attached to the Crystal Gems' temple. It was Pearl, asking Steven to come inside. "We have some more training to do, Steven! We don't know when more Homeworld Gems will show up, so we need to be careful!"

"Okay!" Steven called back. He turned to Jade. "I have to go."

"Sure thing. Be careful and good luck. I know you'll kick major butt." Jade gave the boy a thumbs-up sign, something he'd learned during his stay on Earth. He watched as Steven dutifully saluted him before taking a few donuts and scrambling off of his seat, running back to the cabin.

Jade leaned back, relaxing as he took another donut and sipped at his soda.

What I was like before I came to Earth is all in the past. Even the reason why I first rebelled—or rather, why I abandoned the the cause—doesn’t matter anymore. I now have a more worthwhile goal, and I can fight back against the Diamonds instead of hiding.

I can be something worthwhile now. I can mend my mistakes from back then. I can help the Crystal Gems and the humans of this planet.

I can be a hero.

#gemsona week #writing prompt #gemsona #fanfiction #literature #kuku88 #my writing #jade

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