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#and maybe let haruka look like a grown up. it's not like i want her to stay a baby forever. if i did i could just replay the older games
waiting-on-a-dream · 8 months
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Prisoner 008: Watanabe Noa - Trial 2
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General info
Verdict: INNOCENT
Physical changes: Her hair has grown down to her waist, but other than that, her appearance hasn't changed much.
Behavioral changes: She's used to taking care of her siblings back at home, so she's now the primary big sister figure of Milgram with Mayumi out of commission. She's been making an effort to interact with everyone, with varying degrees of success, but her reputation has been boosted nonetheless. Being the prison's main cook helps.
She has...mixed feelings towards her verdict. She wants to be angry about it, but due to the nature of an innocent verdict itself, she finds herself accepting it. Her feelings towards her life have also changed. She's more energetic and motivated now. Maybe living isn't so bad?
Trailer art: Noa is turned to the right, looking back at you with a curious expression, mouth slightly ajar. A black border separates the door behind her into two slant halves. The lower half displays stormy dark grey clouds, while the upper half showcases multicoloured paint splatters, with pink and blue being the main colours.
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Voicelines
– Second trial trailer
I know its hard when you have no appetite...but you have to eat.
– Character voice trailer
I'm so horribly selfish, aren't I?
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Cover info
Canon Milgram song cover: Weakness (Noa's shares a few similarities with Haruka where they're both "weaklings".)
DECO*27 song cover: Coward mont blanc (You can safely assume that any songs she gets convey her feelings towards either her life or her husband.)
Non-DECO*27 vocaloid song cover: Nomad (Based on the title of this song, Noa can then be interpreted as a wanderer. Take that how you will.)
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Music info
Song title: Void
Song preview: Love, care and affection. I'll gobble it all up! Is it alright for you to give it me? You should be careful. I was never taught not to bite the hand that feeds me.
I love, love, love you! But why isn't it enough? You have to believe me, I actually sacrificed a lot for you. Have you grown tired of it yet? Then let's put an end to it all.
MV description: The MV is filled with saturated pastel colours, the lighting of each scene important for setting the tone. The paint splatters that appear are 3D and textured. The song is fast paced and upbeat right until the end when it takes on a more somber note.
The MV starts with Noa sitting by a desk, writing what looks like a letter addressed to her mother. Words like: I'm sorry, its been great, and take care of yourself can be read. Similar letters lie in a pile close to her work-in-progress, each with a pressed flower taped to the envelope. A close up of Noa's blank, slightly sad expression.
The camera cuts to a younger Noa sitting by the sandy shore of a beach. Storm clouds loom ahead, reflected in her eyes as she stares at the sea. Raindrops start to fall, darkening the pale blue of her dress. She curls up tighter around herself.
The camera cuts to Benijro in an art studio, working on a canvas. Sunlight pools in from the big window, illuminating him in an ethereal glow as he smiles serenely. The contents of his canvas are revealed: Noa holding a bouquet of lavender. A splotch of blue paint suddenly appears, covering her eyes. Then splotches of pink, yellow and grey join in until the upper half of her face is covered.
The camera cuts to Noa and Benijro on their wedding day. Noa reaches out and caresses Benijro's face. He smiles softly. Green and yellow splotches of paint cover his face. A close-up of Noa's face. Her facial features are gone, replaced with a grey and blue void. She leans forward to kiss him, his green and yellow paint mixing with the void of her face until their faces blur together.
Then they're dancing in a decorated hall, a jazz band playing in the background. Noa's face is back to normal and she's smiling brightly. They step apart, then draw close together again, spinning around in circles. Benjiro bends forward, a hand curved around Noa's waist like he's going for a dip. The setting switches to a bedroom and they land on the bed, now dressed in pajamas. Benjiro tickles Noa for a bit, making her squirm around and giggle. They fall asleep eventually.
A close-up of Noa's face as she wakes up. The next shot is zoomed out to show the other side of the bed is empty. Noa reaches out and clasps at the bedsheet, as if not used to the other side of bed being empty. She rolls onto her back, raising an arm to press to her head, staring up at the ceiling. The camera slowly zooms out as the scene slowly transitions to Noa in her prison uniform, laying on the plain white bed of her cell. A tear slides down the side of her head. End.
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Author's notes
The whole paint splatters thing in her MV is inspired by the MV of Racing into the Night by YOASOBI. :D
Picrews used: - https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1171011 -https://picrew.me/image_maker/707090
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My thoughts and predictions on This (in order from left to right):
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REIJI. Good lord reiji. I am pleasantly surprised to see he has a very long jacket. A Reiji superfan I follow on Twitter noticed that that belt behind him is so long that when gravity finally starts acting on it, it will hit the ground, which I find very funny. Bro has a tail! I also see his arms are exposed….the same Reiji fan noted this is a welcome break for his Live Support member, who can now play the drums without dying in that stiff ass leather jacket. I agree with this, and would like to take it a step further, maybe it symbolizes Reiji loosening up some after the events of Raison Detre? Well. Only time will tell. The boots are nice. I like his megane pose. Reiji has grown on me a little bit so I’m glad to see him have such a drastic shift in silhouette!
KANATA. KANATA NIJO. OHHHHH BOY, this outfit will either be the best out of all of them or flop severely. So happy to see him wearing a giant puffy jacket. The belts and stuff all of it remind me of Talk Flower’s design, which is one I quite like, so I’m hoping it resembles her a little bit. Not much to say about the pants and the boots, they’re pretty standard epsilon format. I’m so glad they let him do a cute peace sign in this, justice for insane boys. What I’m most excited to see, though, is more of his new hair…the way he let it down tells me he’s Insanely Depressed. I can’t wait to witness it ingame. But if Kanachan being depressed = better hair, so be it….I kind of hate the way his bangs look up so this is a VERY welcome change. Wait I just noticed he has a chain, good for him. Well to close Kanata off I’m just praying for his color palette to be good please god don’t do what Aaside did to epsilon
SHU🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹SHUUUUU UJIGAWA. Very very excited for his reveal because god, as much as I love him, HIS AASIDE OUTFIT WAS TRASH! JUSTICE FOR SHU!!! I hated the colors of his stupid fucking shorts with a passion I just hated his outfit okay he was ugly. I admit it. My fav was ugly. I’m very glad they kept a puffy jacket but cropped! Even though I hated the old one, it’s like, it could be better with some changes, and here they are. I’m hoping it’s not zipped, I guess..? I’m not too sure what to expect with the under layers of any of these outfits. Hey they’re all wearing jackets. Maybe that’s to symbolize the persona they all put on to the outside wo(*is shot and killed*). That has to be hot onstage though, right? Well. Whatever. I’m not fully decided how I feel about him only having One garter, and also those shoes have the potential to be very goofy, but that’s alright because even though I want better visuals, I do want epsilon to stay slightly silly. Coughs. I love his new hair for the opposite reason to Kanata’s— which is to say, Kanata is getting worse and I love that, but Shu is getting better and I love that (but I do hope he suffers in Kimisute no matter what I’m sorry). And of course there is SO MUCH to be said about his pose….opening up….becoming happier….proudly showing himself to the world…..Cries. That’s my shitty anime boy right there. The aforementioned Reiji twitter person also mentioned how dynamic that cable is which is so funny for anyone wanting to buy an acrylic stand of him. Maybe they’ll cut it down or something. Overall I love him and I have hope for him and his color palette. Justice for Shu
HARUKA. ummmmmmmm I’ll be so honest with you I. I don’t love it….I DO NOT LIKE SAYING THIS BECAUSE I LOVEEE HARUKA. And I do have hope since this is just the silhouette and all that but I…Boy….what is that jacket. I don’t love the collar being up and I just don’t love the frame of the silhouette in general. I think the biggest part of why I don’t like this is because of how much I liked Haruka’s original outfit? It was genuinely one of my favorites out of the entire cast (aside from fantome iris), generally I just think Haruka looks better with super slim clothes, and I was kind of obsessed with the vibe that came with the bright yellow zip up and shiny af plastic fabric pants. But I will mourn that on its own. I do not understand how his belts will fit into this outfit, or if they’re on the jacket or his pants. But you know what? I love haruka so I will defend him despite whatever this stupid outfit is. Love his pose as always he’s so emo
TADAOMI. last but certainly not least, especially in severe mental problems! Did he get taller, or is everyone else shorter? We shouldn’t give him more power than he needs, especially in physical aspects. We do not need him to kill someone for real (or maybe we do, idk), so let’s not give him that power. It’s funny how he’s Reiji’s height. Toxic yaoi is real forever! His outfit seems fine, I also liked the IDEA they had with his original but not the execution, so I wish it would’ve followed something with that…maybe it has, idk, I’ll have to see the colors! That also brings up the idea of wether they’re matching or not, their original outfits were all pretty different and only united by Vibes. I kind of hope for some more prevalent motifs in these outfits but I hope they keep their individuality. Back to Tadaomi- WHY ARE HIS PANTS TUCKED INTO HIS BOOTS. SHUDDERS. I like his belts too. I hope he’s making a super insane expression or something.
SOME GENERAL STUFF! Let’s talk about the belts, shall we? They all have very obvious belts, I like it. It fits the vibe of a bunch of depressed kids in a band. Shu has the smallest one, followed by Reiji(?), Haruka and Tadaomi are tied, and I would argue that Kanata has the most because of the chain as well. I could be reading too much into this, but I feel like this matches up with their growth to some extent— Shu, who now has a support system and is learning to grow has the least “restraints”. Reiji is up next, he is also learning to let go of some of his rage (or redirect it), and tbh, Shit is looking up for him man. Haruka is still bound by Kanata (maybe even moreso now that he hasn’t seen him for a year, avoidance doesn’t solve problems and in this case will probably worsen them) and his own feelings of guilt. Tadaomi…I consider him the worst out of epsilon, so I’m surprised to see only two belts on him, assuming this theory is correct. Kanata is indisputably in a hell of his own creation every day of his life, I’m not shocked to see him having the most even though I expected Tadaomi to be in this spot. Maybe it’s because of the difference in awareness? Kanata is definitely in some deep shit but understands how fucked his relationship with Haruka is, whereas Tadaomi tries to kill a guy and doesn’t reflect on it at all. Well, we will see. I already noted the fact that they all have jackets. Maybe they’re cold. I’m looking forward to seeing the full visuals posted!! Yayyyyy!!!!!!!! Love forever
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mehreya · 4 years
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you!
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↬ wc: 3k
↬ pairing: oikawa tooru x fem!reader
↬ genre: fluff, soulmate au (where the first words you hear your soulmate say, whether to you or to someone else, are tattooed somewhere on your arm.)
↬ summary: of course your soulmate tattoo had to be a spoiler. of course.
-- send an ask to @/seraee to be on my gen taglist or fill out my form in navi!!
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You’ve been walking all afternoon, your feet are sore beyond belief despite being encased in comfortable sneakers, and yet Haruka still wants you to go to the movies with her. It’s truly unbelievable how much stamina this girl has. She just roamed the entire Minetan Mall, one of the largest in Japan, and she still has enough energy to go watch a movie. You think she must be on a constant sugar rush or something. You protest and try to tell her that your feet can’t handle any more, but she just gives you a look, blond hair shining in the late afternoon sunlight, sky blue orbs sparkling incredulously.
“You’re wearing sneakers.” she says firmly, as if that’s reason enough for you to go on. And okay, maybe it kind of is, but you’re also really not in the mood for a movie tonight, especially not the one Haruka is dragging you to, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
It’s not because you don’t like the movie, it’s because you’ve never watched it and don’t plan on ever watching it. You live in a world where soulmates exist, where the first words you hear your soulmate say are tattooed somewhere on your arm, whether it be your wrist, finger, palm or shoulder blade. People usually get their tattoos when they turn 8, you were a special case and got yours a year later unfortunately. But you didn’t let it deter you. You had been excited, practically buzzing with eagerness and begging your parents to let you stay awake till midnight.
You had stayed up while going through Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, book four of a series you had recently started and much enjoyed. Your nine-year old heart had grown incredibly emotionally attached to all the characters, and you were so invested that you almost didn’t notice when the clock struck midnight.
But then there had been a tingling feeling spreading along your wrist, and you had put your book down, thrilled to see what sweet words would be tattooed on your arm, hoping for something like your mother’s. Hers read, “you have a really pretty smile”. The first words she heard your dad say were words that had been spoken to her. You had hoped your tattoo reflects your soulmate’s first words to you, too.
You had closed your eyes, fingers crossed, waiting for the tingling feeling to stop and the words to finish forming. And then your eyes had shot open eagerly, flipping your wrist to see your tattoo. And the result had you feeling heartbroken at first, then furious.
Your tattoo read, “Man, I can’t believe Dumbledore died” in beautiful cursive. But the words themselves were not as beautiful. They were a spoiler! You had stared at it, unblinking for a few seconds, and then the meaning of the words set in. Dumbledore was one of your favorite characters! The lovable, kooky old man! How could he just die?! And you were only on book four, why did you have to find out before?!
You hated spoilers, and you were furious at your soulmate, at the fact that the first words he said to you, or the first words you heard him say, were a spoiler. You didn’t have the heart to read book five, six, or seven after that, too scared to go through with the emotionally devastating task of actually reading about Dumbledore dying.
You explain all this to Haruka patiently and with as much emotion as you can muster, hoping your tragic soulmate story will convince her to let you go home and rest. But you should have known it would be a futile effort; it’s Haruka after all. She merely pats you on the back once or twice hurriedly as you gape at her unconcerned nature, then locks arms with you and continues dragging you down the street, your objections falling on deaf ears.
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They’re doing reruns of Harry Potter films at the Kieta Cinema this week, and Oikawa really wants to go watch the one they’re showing today. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. During his teen years, he didn’t really have much interest in anything other than volleyball and high school life was strenuous, so he didn’t have enough time anyway.
Now that he’s in university, he has a much more flexible timetable, which makes it easier to indulge in other activities and friendly outings from time to time. Kuroo recommended the Harry Potter series one day, told him he would like it. He was curious to see if he would. Oikawa still doesn’t have enough time to read the books, but he does have enough time to watch condensed versions of them. Kuroo is indignant when he hears Oikawa’s only going to watch the movies, and tells him the best experience is from the books. Oikawa, in usual Oikawa fashion, waves it off and tells him he’s too nerdy, to which Kuroo responds with a roll of his eyes.
Oikawa’s watched the first five films already, two of them in one go, and he’s found the series fascinating, the mix of magic and adventure intriguing. He especially likes watching the scenes where the characters play Quidditch, and he wouldn’t admit it, but he’s impressed that someone came up with such a sport all on their own. It still doesn’t hold a candle to volleyball, though.
He manages to drag Kuroo and Bokuto with him to the cinema, despite Kuroo’s faint reluctance, because going would mean he’s being disloyal to the books, and Bokuto’s reluctance because of the long commute, but this is the only cinema currently playing Harry Potter re-runs, and it’s the nearest. So Oikawa quells their arguments effortlessly, as one would expect. (“Tetsu-chan! Bo-kun! It’s an experience with your teammates, you know, bonding~~ We can bond during the trip too! Besides, isn’t it better to experience your favorite series in different ways?” “I mean, that is a solid argument…” “See!”)
They reach their destination just as the sun is sinking below the horizon, deep pinks and reds painting the sky, fading golden daylight dipped with orange as it creates faint dancing shadows. It’s pretty, Oikawa thinks off-handedly, not really paying much attention to the beautiful sunset as he counts the number of people in the line at the front desk of the cinema. Oikawa, Kuroo and Bokuto enter the cinema, front doors sliding open automatically, Bokuto complaining that it’s cold as a gust of cool air hits them; a result of the air conditioning.
Oikawa looks around casually as they stand in line, hands in the pockets of his navy blue hoodie. He’s only half-listening to Kuroo and Bokuto mildly bickering about which snacks to buy in front of him. Disinterested -because he knows both are going to end up going for the classic, popcorn- he takes his time looking at the neon displays in the cinema, and observing the staff workers. His attention is refocused to the doors as they slide open and two girls walk in, one of them clearly dragging the other as she covers her ears.
It’s an entertaining sight, and so he twists around a little to watch them, an amused smirk playing at his lips. There’s no one standing behind him, so he has a clear view of the two as they squabble. One of them looks like your standard bubbly blonde with a bright smile, but has the prettiest sky blue eyes, ones that are sharp and intelligently observant as they take in their surroundings, still talking to her friend as she does. Probably good at multi-tasking, he’d say.
The other has (h/c) hair, and is trying (and failing) to dig the heels of her sneakers into the ground. She has her hands clamped over her ears, probably to block out whatever the blonde is saying. Maybe the blonde is scolding her? Or she doesn’t want to go to the movies? He theorizes, eyes alert as they scan over her. Whatever, he shrugs it off a minute later. It’s of no consequence anyway. The (h/c)-haired girl looks average, not out of the ordinary in the least. As he’s about to dismiss her, something sticks out in his observations. Her eyes. They’re not the most stunning color he’s seen, but there’s something kind of alluring lurking in the depths of those (e/c) orbs. It’s attractive, he muses, thumb unconsciously running over the tattoo on his pointer finger.
They’ve come closer now. I must have been staring for a good five minutes, he realizes with a start. Bokuto and Kuroo are still arguing, debating over whether they should buy sweet or salty popcorn. Fools, Oikawa rolls his eyes somewhat fondly, you always pick butter popcorn. He’s about to voice his thoughts when he realizes the girls have stopped just a few feet behind him.
His body is still half-turned toward them, and the blonde looks at him sharply, wondering why he’s staring. There’s a challenging glint to her eyes, but she’s still talking to the girl next to her in a sing-song voice. The girl in question is still covering her ears, but she’s noticed him too and her eyes rove over him quickly before dismissing his feasibility as a threat. Astute, he thinks, one eyebrow cocked. The line becomes shorter, and he turns around, drawing forward with Kuroo and Bokuto, who have now moved on to playfully arguing about whether butter and caramel popcorn are a good combination with Coke. At least they’re on the right track.
Oikawa takes out his phone then, left hand still hidden in his hoodie pocket as he dismisses the notification from his Instagram, instead clicking on his messages app. He’s replying to a few messages from Hanamaki when he realizes the two girls are within hearing distance of him now. He can hear their conversation and he snorts quietly in amusement when he hears what they’re arguing about.
The blonde one is loudly singing out what seems to be random facts from the Harry Potter universe, but what he comes to recognize as events that happened in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Possibly spoilers? He can hear the other girl muttering something under her breath quickly, and it seems she’s trying to block out what the blonde’s saying. Maybe she didn’t watch the previous book or read the series?
This argument of theirs continues for a few minutes as the line moves up, Oikawa mindlessly scrolling through his phone, although he’s focusing more on the two arguments happening in front and behind him. It’s quite a good source of entertainment, and he’s giving Hanamaki a play-by-play account of the events, and Hanamaki’s just as entertained, even offering to audio call so he can listen.
Oikawa shoots down that idea unfortunately, saying the providers of their entertainment might find out (the line is quite cramped, although there is a lot of space). He would have texted Iwaizumi too, that would have been even more entertaining since he would have been annoyed at Oikawa, but he’s offline. (Oikawa spams him just to make sure, and he knows he’s going to get in so much trouble for all those messages later).
It’s their turn to pay for the ticket and buy snacks, and Kuroo and Bokuto have finally ceased their little argument, now grinning at each other, proud they made the right decision. They finally look toward Oikawa for his input, and he sees they’ve chosen butter popcorn, like he thought they would. Feeling a little smug that he was right, he nods and tells them it’s the right choice. They pick up their snacks and start heading toward theater room B.
The sound of argument from the two girls has ceased, he notices suddenly and looks back curiously. The blonde is looking smug as she pays for the tickets and food, chattering amiably with the cashier. The (h/c)-haired girl sees him looking, and just shrugs helplessly, a look of defeat on her face. He grins at her, and turns back slinging either arm across Kuroo’s and Bokuto’s shoulders. Looks like the blonde won.
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You’re resigned to your fate now, trudging inside theater room B with a heavy heart and heavy feet. You really, really, really don’t want to see Dumbledore die. You’ve decided you’re going to close your eyes as soon as it looks like anyone’s going to die. Haruka leads you along the rows, choosing the one just below the center. “Up-close and personal!” she grins. I don’t want to be up-close and personal when Dumbledore dies, you think sullenly.
There’s loud chatter coming a few rows in front of you. There’s not a lot of people at the cinema today, so you can see quite clearly where the noise is emanating from. It’s a group of three boys, the ones who were standing in front of you in line earlier.
You can see the backs of their heads from where you sit, black, brown, black and white all bobbing together. Your eyes fixate on the back of the brunet’s head, his hair looks fluffy from the back too, not at all messy. You’d seen him as you walked in, and you’d been immediately enamored. Because how could someone be so handsome? His perfectly coiffed brown locks, deep chocolate brown eyes, high cheekbones, and a smile playing at his lips. His soulmate would be so lucky, you think wistfully.
You’d seen him staring at you earlier, at first thinking it was weird he was looking at you, then seeing the curiosity in his eyes, realized he was probably staring at the whole mess that was you and Haruka. You had torn your gaze away from his then, not wanting to be caught staring.
You did peek at him in between a few times when Haruka had been occupied (with her phone, to search up more spoilers), always making sure to study his expression, so you could look away when you knew he’d look toward you. It wasn’t that you were being creepy, he just radiated this aura that made people want to look at him. It wasn’t just his looks, you noted, but you couldn’t quite grasp what else it was.
The movie starts then, and the beginning intro with the Harry Potter logo shows up. All thoughts of the brunet disappear as you focus on the movie, because despite your reluctance, you know the film is going to be epic.
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You’re left sitting there with your mouth wide open as the credits roll out. The entire theater is silent, the ending scene of the movie sinking in, and then there’s a burst of chatter as the lights turn on, everyone shielding their eyes quickly.
In the end, you had to look at the Dumbledore death scene. You couldn’t tear your eyes away. And knowing what was going to happen (courtesy of your soulmate) did prepare you for it a little, but didn’t soften the blow.
It seems Haruka was surprised by the scene too, because she’s gushing about it now, especially Draco Malfoy and his troubles. He’s always been her favorite, inexplicably. You’re listening to her chatter as she walks ahead a little, adding a few comments here and there as you head up. You’re moving without really looking, and then you hear it. The words. “Man, I can’t believe Dumbledore died.”
You start in shock, Haruka looking at you in concern. Recognizing the sound came from behind you, you whirl around and shout furiously, “You! You’re the one!” You blink in surprise as you realize you’ve come face to face with the brunet, his friends flanking him on the step behind.
His chocolate brown eyes are wide in surprise, but then recognition settles in as he breaks out into a wide smile. It’s blinding, to say the very least. “That’s not how I imagined this conversation going, but I’ll take it.” he says teasingly.
You take a step back to put some distance in between yourselves. He notices, eyes assessing you quickly, but merely smiles amusedly, choosing not to speak about it. “At least your tattoo was much better than mine. Mine was a spoiler! I hadn’t even finished the fourth book when the tattoo showed up.” You scowl, recalling the frustration you felt, but it’s weak, without as much emotion.
He laughs, and extends a hand out to shake yours. You go to shake it as he says, “Well, let me take you out to make up for it. There’s a café next to the cinema?” He’s smiling charmingly, brown eyes twinkling invitingly. He takes the hand that’s clasped with his, and entwines it with his own, ignoring the slight snickering coming from behind him, courtesy of the black-haired guy.
You flush slightly, but tell him you’ll go as long as he buys you scones to make up for the hit your nine-year old heart took. His eyes flicker with something akin to mirth as he agrees, and then he leads you out, asking about your favorite color, song, movie, everything. You’re barely keeping up and you nudge his shoulder, telling him to slow down as he laughs at you. You don’t know him, but you feel at ease, comfortable, even as you joke, “Wow, I can’t believe my soulmate’s teasing me already, after dropping that huge spoiler on me when I was just nine.” 
“Guilt-tripping never works on me, (Name)-chan~~” 
“Guess I need to find a different soulmate.” 
“Rude, (Name)-chan!”
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“They’re like an old, married couple already.” Haruka giggles, gazing fondly at her friend. “At least Oikawa’s met his match.” Kuroo says, snickering as he watches you prod Oikawa’s shoulder as your complexion colours, Oikawa laughing and apologizing as you scowl. Bokuto doesn’t reply, so he looks to his right to see him staring at Haruka with puppy dog eyes. Understanding what happened, Kuroo snickers again. “That has got to be the weirdest soulmate tattoo ever.” Then he realises he’s the only one who hasn’t found his soulmate yet, and he groans as he leaves the other two and slinks out of the room. Why am I the last one, ugh.
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maddogofshimano · 3 years
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Bound in the Chains of Suspicion: Haruka and Hamazaki Board Game Event
Major Y3 and Y4 Spoilers
I was surprised to see these two on an event together! Haruka even gets to be the protagonist here
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I was more surprised by how emotionally compromised I got about Hamazaki of all people. I mean, I’ve thought he was a cool character ever since Y4, but man! This is the most important part though: LOOK AT HER
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I’ve been busy so self-care was writing things up in more of a summary form than doing line for line translations this time. Apologies for the likely higher number of errors than usual and less polish overall, I got this done with only a few hours to spare before the event ended
I do need to put a big honking Content Warning on this one for attempted sexual assault of a minor, in which a grown man twice demands to see Haruka’s panties and attempts to grab her when she refuses. I’m really not a fan of the writing choice to include this, but I’ve got it in here for completeness’s sake
Summary: Set during the time between Kiryu and Yasuko leaving Hamazaki in Okinawa and Haruka’s call to Kiryu the next day to tell Kiryu that Hamazaki had passed away in the hospital. Haruka grapples with whether or not Hamazaki is a bad person and if he’s trustworthy while attempting to save his life
<After the incident where Hamazaki drifted to Morning Glory from Okinawa Penitentiary No. 2.....> We're starting off with in-game events/dialogue, Hamazaki handing over the blackmail he took from jail and asking for Kiryu's help
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Immediate flashback to earlier 3/9/2010, more in game events. The kids have just gotten back from a field trip to the woods. They had fun, and want Kiryu to come along next time. Kiryu tries to introduce Hamazaki, Haruka is not having any of it
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She tells Kiryu to shut up and Hamazaki to stay the hell away from everyone. Hamazaki is hurt by this, but fully understands and agrees to keep his distance
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Next we have the beach conversation with Kiryu where she asks if he’s going back to Tokyo and that she’s scared
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Haruka's usually very polite but she keeps calling Hamazaki あの浜崎って人 which is like, "that Hamazaki guy" lol
Haruka's been told by Ayako that "that Hamazaki guy" has left with Kiryu to go to the police station. She's wondering why that guy is now trying to convince Kiryu not to go to Tokyo....... isn't there going to be a big problem if Kiryu doesn't go? Did Hamazaki tell Kiryu not to go..... for Haruka's sake? There's no way, right? A bad person like him wouldn't do something like that..... She can't trust him,  but..... <Haruka flashes back to her yelling at Hamazaki and Hamazaki looking sad> She feels she might have been cruel to him
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She thinks that Hamzaki just looked so so sad, so she tells Ayako she's going to head out for a bit and asks her to watch over things while she's gone. She thinks that she still can't trust Hamazaki but that maybe, it's possible he really has changed, and he's not such a bad guy anymore... but she can't be sure! So she's going to talk to him a little more
<Haruka was unable to believe that Hamazaki had changed when she first saw him, and said something cruel. She's still unsure on his change, and in order to discern it for herself has decided to talk to Hamazaki directly--following Hamazaki and Kiryu to the police station>
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She shows the cop an photo of Kiryu and asks if he's come this way, as well as a big man with a shaved head and a scary face named Hamazaki. The officer says that they did, but went to help a lady look for her brother instead. He points Haruka in the direction they ran off in. She thanks him and wonders who this woman is, and remembers that Kiryu has a phone so she can just call him. Except she forgot her phone at morning glory...... thankfully there's a pay phone nearby, so she uses that instead. Kiryu isn't picking up though, which is worrying. She's sure Hamazaki must have done something!
She runs around the market with her picture of Kiryu asking people if they've seen him. A store owner says that yeah, he's seen that guy with the scary face, he was here not too long ago, and points her in the right direction. She follows the trail, talking to a homeless man, a younger guy, a tourist lady, and finally hitting a dead end and talking to a goon who says yeah, he's seen those three, but his memory's real fuzzy. Maybe he could remember if Haruka would show him her panties. Haruka is taken aback, he tries to grab her, and Haruka fights him off enough to escape. She hides nearby, and happens across someone bleeding on the ground. It's Hamazaki!
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Hamazaki is bleeding badly, and collapses. Haruka thinks that she needs to call an ambulance, and fast, but she hears someone shouting in search of Hamazaki. She knows that if they come this way they'll be out in the open, so she starts dragging him despite him being heavy
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the voice was of course coming from everyone's fave, Saito the Prison Warden
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He knows that Hamazaki got shot in the torso, so he couldn't have gone far. Haruka wonders why Saito would try to kill Hamazaki. Unfortunately Saito decides that his subordinates are useless and that if he wants anything done he'll have to do it himself
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He tells a homeless man that if they spot Hamazaki, Yasuko, and Kiryu he'll give them 100,000 yen, and the offer stands for any other homeless friends that help search. Haruka knows that she needs to get Hamazaki somewhere safe that they can hide, and fast. She thinks about it and remembers that right at the end of this alley there's an empty room that's never used that Taichi told her about. She manages to sneak herself and Hamazaki to the building without being spotted by the patrolling homeless men--but once in the building she finds that there's a homeless man inside. He tries to tell her to go play somewhere else but notices that she's dragging Hamazaki behind her, and starts shouting in hopes of getting the 100k. HARUKA ATTACKS THIS MAN. HARUKA OVERPOWERS THIS MAN. THIS MAN IS STRUGGLING TO GET AWAY AND HARUKA IS TELLING HIM HE CAN'T TELL ANYONE CAUSE THE PEOPLE LOOKING FOR HAMAZAKI NO OJISAN WILL KILL HIM
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The man comments that Haruka's hands are shaking. He says he's been there too. When he worked as a day laborer, his hands would shake like that when he was desperately trying to haul heavy things. For the sake of helping an adult she's pushing her tiny body to it's limits... He agrees not to tell anyone, he's not going to be happy with any amount of money at the cost of someone's life. If any other homeless people come by, he's going to spread rumors that Hamazaki is far away from here, so that should help with Haruka's escape Haruka thinks again about calling an ambulance, worried that Hamazaki will bleed out, but still worried that they'll be found before it gets there. She also worries about why she hasn't seen Kiryu, and why Hamazaki was all alone at that building. The guy that shot Hamazaki seems like a cop and a bad person, but she had also thought Hamazaki was a bad person before... He did shoot Hamazaki, but Hamazaki also stabbed Kiryu...
Haruka wonders if maybe telling the cops where Hamazaki is would be the right thing to do. Maybe he's the real bad guy here. In response Hamazaki makes an eloquent argument compared to every previous line which had just been "Ughh gh ughh" and instead goes for "cough cough....!"
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He's conscious enough to recognize Haruka as that kid who was at Kiryu's place. Haruka asks if Hamazaki is alright, and where is Kiryu? Is he okay? Hamazaki wheezes out that Kiryu's gone to a bad place, which is about the most ominous way to say things. Haruka panics internally, but unlike many other instances of miscommunication where Hamazaki would pass out right there, he says that Kiryu went with Saejima's sister to Tokyo. Haruka can't believe it. Hamazaki apologizes that he ended up separating Haruka from Kiryu after all.
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Hamazaki also says that, despite everything, Kiryu's doing this to keep Haruka safe. Haruka wonders about that and Hamazaki collapses again. Haruka rushes off and calls an ambulance from the closest pay phone. She thinks that, if she trusts what Hamazaki is saying, then Kiryu has something important to do again. But is that really the case? She decides it'll be alright to trust Hamazaki. Before she makes it to the pay phone she's stopped by Saito introduces himself as a prison warden and says he's looking for a very bad man. He's large and has a shaved head, and was seen with a woman in a long coat and a man in a Hawaiian shirt. Haruka says she hasn't seen anyone, and rushes to the phone to call. Saito doesn't seem too convinced. Haruka makes the call and thinks that Saito had a real scary look in his eyes. She's pretty sure he's the bad one here. Once that guy gives up looking, then she can go home
Unfortunately we have the return of the disgusting creep that wants to look at her panties, now telling her that he looked all over for her, and she better not think about trying to run away this time. Haruka tells him to stay back
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He says that it's fine if she hates him. In fact, that's even more enticing. She says to let her through, she's in a rush. He says he just wants to see her panties already, and tries to grab her. Another fight, she manages to avoid getting grabbed but he keeps her cornered and says she should stop fighting. He's cut off by a baton to the back of the head by the unlikeliest of heroes, dropping the creep
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Haruka now has to consider, is it possible that Saito isn't actually a bad guy? Haruka leaves, and Saito comments to himself that he's going to find Hamazaki.
Haruka rushes back to Hamazaki, who is still lying on the floor going Ughhghghhhhh. She tells him to hold on a little longer, and ambulance is on the way. Hamazaki apologizes, and asks if she's alright. Haruka's confused. Hamazaki says that she scraped her knee on something, didn't she? It was from dragging him, right? She says no, she just fell and scraped it. Haruka's taken aback, even on the verge of death he's concerned about someone else--he really has changed. But... this could all be an act, she has no way to know... should she really be trusting him? There's a voice outside saying that this is where he's hiding. Search everywhere. both: !?
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There's no time to hide, Saito is already here. Apparently it's been about 2 hours.
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He followed Haruka, knowing she'd lead him right to Hamazaki. He saw the blood on her clothes and had a hunch. Once they talked at that pay phone he was certain she was hiding a half-dead Hamazaki somewhere. Haruka tries to protest but Saito thanks her for her help. It's a good way to thank him for saving her from that creep, right? Either way he only stepped in because he wanted her to lead him to Hamazaki as quickly as possible. Saito decides they've had enough chit-chat and says it's time to cut to the chase: he starts beating on Hamazaki and demanding to know where Kiryu Kazuma and Saejima's sister are
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Hamazaki tells Haruka to run. He says that once they realize they can't beat the whereabouts of Kiryu and Saejima Yasuko out of him... they'll start torturing Haruka. He's going to use the last of his strength to stand and knock this guy to the ground, that'll be Haruka's opening to escape. Saito tells them to cut it with the whispering. Hamazaki says that Saito has a real hideous mug, it really makes him laugh, and earns himself another beating. Haruka calls out but Hamazaki cuts her off and says that it's okay to be scared. Hamazaki's dealt with plenty of guys like this. Saito threatens to kill him if he doesn't spit out where Kiryu is already. Hamazaki laughs and says he doesn't know. Saito asks if he needs his memory jogged, pauses, and sees Haruka standing in front of Hamazaki. He asks what she's trying to do. She says this is terrible! She can't let this go any further!!
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Saito doesn't care if she's just a kid, he's happy to give her an attitude adjustment. Hamazaki launches himself at Saito to prevent him from beating Haruka, saying that he won't allow Saito to lay a single finger on this child. Saito attacks Hamazaki with intent to kill. Hamazaki can't move anymore after the fight, and Saito keeps hitting until he goes down. Saito declares that he would never die in a place like this, he's the one who's coming out on top. He reels back to strike Hamazaki, shouting for him to die, and........ HARUKA GRABS HIM AND STOPS HIM FROM HITTING HAMAZAKI! He calls her a bitch and tells her to let go of him!
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Haruka: I won't let go....! Not ever.....! Hamazaki-san! Run!
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Saito: Let go of me you biiiiiiiiiiiiitch! Saito turns to swing at Haruka but is taken down by one giant punch from Hamazaki, who tells him not to get back up. The ambulance finally arrives. Haruka begs him to hold on just a little longer. Hamazaki agrees, and laughs a little. He stopped Saito from laying a finger on her after all. He's glad he was able to protect her. There's on favor he needs to ask of her. Hamazaki: Tell Kiryu...... and Saejima that......... the Tojo Clan... is the only proof they ever walked this earth...... They have to... protect it....... from the police
He then collapses. Haruka begs him to hold on
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<screen fades to black>
The doctor tells Haruka that Hamazaki is in bad shape... he might not even make it to the morning.
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Haruka thinks back to her yelling at Hamazaki at the orphanage Haruka: I'm sorry, Hamazaki-san..... I... I was cruel to you then... and now I can't even apologize to you for it. I'm sorry....... I'm sorry...... Hamazaki: ......What's.... wrong....... Haruka-..... chan........ Haruka: !? Doctor: Incredible.... he's awake! Haruka: H-Hamazaki-san.... I'm sorry! I... back then when I.... I'm can't apologize enough....... Haruka: Back at Morning Glory.... I didn't trust you.... I said some cruel things that hurt you.... I'm sorry! Haruka: I was certain you were a horrible person back then.... but now.... I don't think that's true.... Haruka: For protecting Uncle Kaz.... for protecting me.... thank you, Hamazaki-san! Hamazaki: Heheh.... thanks, huh? Hamazaki: ......First time.... anyone's ever said that kind of thing.... sincerely to me...... Haruka: Hamazaki-san...... Hamazaki: Heheh.... it's fine........ Since we're.... giving thanks to people..... Hamazaki: Thank you... Haruka-chan.... Right at the very end...... you saved me <Hamazaki collapses> Haruka: .....! H-Hamazaki-saaaaaan!!! <at New Serena, Kiryu gets a phone call> Kiryu: ....Haruka. What's wrong, did something happen?
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Haruka: Uncle Kaz... Hamazaki-san..... he just passed away. At the hospital.
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Straight from the in-game dialogue, Haruka tells Kiryu that Hamazaki had been shot in the back, leading to his death. He thanks Haruka for being there for him, she says it was no trouble, and that she thinks he died protecting Kiryu. Kiryu agrees. Haruka says she thinks she was wrong about Hamazaki, and passes along his message for Kiryu and Saejima, and lets Kiryu know that his body is currently at Morning Glory. Kiryu says they'll hold a memorial service once he's back <phone call ends> Haruka: .....Uncle Kaz. The Tojo Clan that Hamazaki-san protected... he's left it's protection to you. <END>
Bonus stuff:
as we all know, Haruka has not had enough people literally die in front of her eyes, so time to add Hamazaki to that list!
okay so immediately after Hamazaki wakes up in the hospital there’s this screen which made me break down into nearly crying laughter in the middle of the emotional moment, so I used my editorial authority to move it down here instead
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the doctor’s face! why did they do this!!
Anyways here’s all of Haruka’s little blurbs from going around the board
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Beach There's a beach in front of Morning Glory. We keep coming back to here to look at the ocean. It's an indispensable spot for all of us.
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Morning Glory Our beloved home. When I first came here, I thought it was super spacious, but lately it feels cramped. It must be because everyone has grown up.
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Hamazaki-san The guy who stabbed uncle Kaz.... But now, Hamazaki-san gives off a totally different vibe than back then. Is it really okay to trust him....?
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Ebisu Pawn The Ryukyu branch of Ebisu. Uncle Kaz goes there every now and then. I have no idea what he's pawning off but... I'd like to help.
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People Running Shakedowns Even in Okinawa there are people that will do shakedowns.... I need to tell everyone to keep an eye out before anything happens....!
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Ojisan The caretaker of Morning Glory. Honestly, everyone truly thinks of him like their dad. If you tell him something like that however, he will get embarrassed.
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Everyone at Morning Glory Everyone here has no parents, but each of them has a bright future ahead of them if they keep working hard. We've all become a real family for each other.
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Sailor Outfit For my middle school I have to wear this sailor outfit. At first I would get embarrassed when everyone looked at me.
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Mame A resident (pet?) of Morning Glory. Mame is getting bigger, and it's making his daily walks and pacing beforehand a real pain! (TL note: the resident (pet?) is Haruka swapping the counter between for a person and for an animal, which does not really have an english translation lol)
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Dragon Mask When Taichi was sick, this was used for a pro wrestling match on the beach. I haven't seen it since then. If I ask nicely, I wonder if it could be used again?
That’s all! Thank you for reading all of this!! I cherish every single tag people leave on these posts when they reblog them
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sabraeal · 3 years
Text
Born to Make History
A prequel to this prompt from an earlier collection! The short program I reference here it based very heavily off of Nathan Chen’s 2021 short program which you can find here
[Read on AO3]
Obiyuki AU Bingo 2021 Figure Skating AU
“I hope you weren’t expecting me to go easy on you this morning.” Garrack’s voice booms across the ice, loud enough that a few other skaters slow, craning their necks to see who the fabled Coach Gazelt would chew out next. “Your work is just beginning if you want to call this a comeback.”
A groan rumbles in the back of her throat, dying to be let out, but it’s impossible to miss the small figure sweeping the eyes, dark hair curling over his eyes. Ryuu’s here already, picking at some footwork-- his transitions are his weakest element if his scores are anything to go by, but he’s determined to make it his best. Shirayuki breathes in, six counts in and eight counts out, and lets her protest die on her tongue.
Shirayuki slides out, stomping her skates beneath her to get feeling back in her legs. “I know you better than that.”
Her muscles ache as she eases into a lap, letting the ice settle beneath her. When she was small, she could blast out into the rink like a cannon ball, running across it like it was just another bit of ground beneath her feet. But she left it, and silly as it sounds, the ice hasn’t forgiven her. Her blades don’t tremble like the used to, but a few days off the ice-- especially folded up on an Transatlantic flight-- leaves her with a drunken lurch, the whole world passing by too fast.
But it’s quick to even out, her body warming to the chill of the rink, to the way her legs have to bend to keep her moving. After a lap or two, control is easy as breathing, as easy as swimming to a fish. The ice may not have forgiven her, but it’s missed her too.
She glides to a stop right at Garrack’s toes, sending up a little spray. It earns her a smile, tight-lipped but approving. She’ll earn teeth once she gives it a medal to sink in to. “I think if you let up on me for a moment, I’d have to take you to a hospital.”
Her coach barks out a laugh, blonde hair ruffling out like a halo from her bun. “Oh, Shirayuki. You say the sweetest things.”
It might be cold in the rink, but it doesn’t do anything but make her cheeks burn hotter. She forgets, but these Americans-- they don’t really take ‘hard ass’ as a compliment.
Well, most wouldn’t. Garrack looks quite pleased, though.
“Aw, coach.” Hands catch at her shoulders, and she knows them even before a sandy head peeps over them. “Can’t you give her one easy day? She’s finally made senior!”
“Oh, Higata, really, there’s no need--”
“Sure.” Garrack bares her all her teeth in a smile Shirayuki’s willing to bet has been the last earthly sight of some of her students. “But if I give her a pass, you boys will have to pick up the slack.”
Already, Higata’s hands loosen their grip. “N-now, I didn’t say--”
It’s far, far too late for him to quibble over exactly what was and wasn’t said on the ice. “What do you think? Balance drills? Or we can see how far you’ve come with your flexibility for spins.” Garrack tilts back her head, giving him a speculative look. “Maybe even run through her routine once...?”
“Ah, Shirayuki!” He gives her a firm pat on the back, sliding away. “I did what I could! Viel Glück!”
Garrack watches him skate off with a satisfied grin lingering on her lips. “Nice boy, that Higata. Thick as a hockey puck, but nice.”
Shirayuki knows better than to posit her own opinion when Garrack’s in a punchy mood. “The usual warm up, then?”
Garrack levels her with another of her measuring glances. It’s the sort that could bring grown men to their knees-- she saw it happen once, outside of a rink in Wisconsin-- but Shirayuki is used to it now. Assessment is a tool, and Garrack Gazelt has made her career by being good at it.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” she asks instead. “You only got off a plane yesterday. That time change is easier the other way.”
She nods. “Really, I’m fine.”
Garrack sits back in her hips, one arm tucked under the other, and takes a long, thoughtful drag out of her thermos. Shirayuki shifts on her skates, trying to look-- awake. Ready to seize the day.
I’ll push you. Garrack had made no bones about that during their first lunch in Strasburg. She’d given her a similar look then too, assessing, trying to see that promising junior skater in a university student’s body. But you’re a professional. You say stop, we stop. You say go, we push on. You’re at the wheel for this one. I’m just your emergency brake.
“All right,” she sighs. “Keep it simple, though. Think easy, for once.”
“I said I was--”
Garrack flaps a gloved hand. “It’s not about you. I took a look at the books this morning, and Haruka’s right after us.”
Shirayuki blinks. Strange, he usually grabs the first slot. “Are you avoiding him?”
“Me?” She presses her thermos to her chest, scandalized. As if she and Haruka don’t skulk about the rink when they see each other, hissing like cats when necessity forced them onto the same practice time. “I don’t avoid anyone.”
A dubious hum goads her to tepidly add, “No more than he deserves.”
Shirayuki folds her arms across her chest.
“No more than usual,” Garrack promises. “But that’s not why we’re going to get off the ice.”
She lifts a brow. “And why is that?”
If Garrack weren’t in skates herself, she’d be bouncing on her toes. “I want to be in the seats when he sends his students out.”
Shirayuki’s mouth pulls thin. “The season just ended, and already you’re trying to--?”
“No, no. I’m not looking to poach, and I don’t care what routines he’s working on for next season.” She huffs, hair fluffing out in agitation. “And his aren’t better than mine anyway, he just has top tier skaters because him and Haruto like to rub--”
A polite cough breaks her concentration, enough for Shirayuki to sneak in, “Then what exactly do you need to see?”
Garrack’s mouth curls into a smile Zen has, on more than one occasion, called grinch-like. She leans in, voice dropping to a whisper, and says, “Haruka’s putting someone new on the ice.”
“A new student?’ Zen sputters, skates limp in his hands. “Haruka never said he was taking on a new student.”
“They aren’t on the roster.” Shirayuki’s shoulders hunch around her ears, as if that might keep her words between them. “And the other coaches don’t know anything either.”
Zen settles back against the bench. “We just got back from Worlds three days ago. How could he possibly have someone new that quickly?”
“Maybe it’s someone who just promoted from juniors.” She should be excited; a new student with that level of ability would be someone to watch, to learn from. But instead anxiety twists in her gut, a snake that slithers itself into tighter and tighter knots. “I saw your program, by the way. You did well.”
“I got fourth,” Zen grumbles, sliding his foot into a skate. “No wonder he already scouted a replacement.”
“Haruka would never replace you, and certainly not because you were a jump shy of bronze.” Or silver, which if he’d skated clean, he would have earned in spades. “Kiki placed second. It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s jumped to a coach with someone on the podium when they started competing at the senior level.”
“Sure,” he grumbles, “but usually it takes long than--”
“What are you two talking about over here?” Kiki drops her duffel unceremoniously between them, the bench warbling beneath it. “Gossiping, I hope?”
“Just our progress at Worlds,” Zen lies smoothly, sending her a secretive wink. She’s not sure why-- Haruka’s always favored Kiki; if anyone knew anything about this mystery student, it would be her. “Shirayuki was just saying how impressive it is to get so close to the podium, but I said--”
“Right.” Kiki casts her gaze over the ice; a few weeks ago there would have been nothing to that, just a casual glance, but Shirayuki knows her better now, enough to see the hopeful perk of her chin and the inquiring lift of her perfectly shaped eyebrows. She’s looking for someone; even when her gaze swings back to Shirayuki, she knows it’s not about her. “What were you two talking about?”
Zen squawks. “I said--”
“I know.” Her voice is even, logical. “But Shirayuki can’t lie.”
Shirayuki wants to protest-- she can, really, she’s done it before-- but takes one look at her and blurts out, “Haruka has a new student.”
Her skates clatter to the floor. “What was that?”
“Well,” Zen murmurs, mouth twitching. “I guess somebody isn’t the favorite after all.”
Garrack may be content to sit in the seats as Zen and Kiki take the ice, but Shirayuki leans on the barrier, letting the chill brush over her face. At this level, they’ve all been skating since they were old enough to fall and get back up. But unlike her, Zen and Kiki have never stopped, and the gap in skill has never been more apparent than now. They take to the rink like birds to air, winding around each other in complex circuits, slapping hands and turning circles around each other.
That’s the other thing: they’ve always had each other. Kiki’s hardly twenty, but there’s already rumors of Milan being her last Olympics, of what she might do once she’s over the hill-- and the first word on anyone’s lips is pairs. The second and third are Zen Wisteria, since there’s not a person alive who can imagine a competition without either of them on the ice.
Her fingers grip the rail’s rubber rim hard enough to leave crescents. They’d look good together-- they do look good together. It makes sense to go that route if Zen picks up a gold. It’s what his father did, years ago. For his mother.
The gate swings open, and they both glide to a stop. But then, to be fair, so does most of the rink.
There is no official size for a skater-- not like gymnastics, where smaller equals better and taller equals a very gentle nudge toward ballet-- but still, there is a trend to fall on the shorter size of average, at least in singles. Height might give more control on the ice, might give an extra spin or two, but when it came to jumps, the less bulk heaved from the ice the better. But Haruka’s student--
Well, he’s certainly not Mitsuhide’s height, but even with his slouch he’s taller than most men here. In his skates, he even looks down at Haruka-- though it’s not much of a feat; the man never comes onto the ice, just stands behind the barrier to shout his way through practice. Not that he needs to raise his voice to make his displeasure known; a single frown usually sends Zen and Kiki gliding back to him, heads bowed.
He’s outright glowering now, but his new student only rubs at his hair, a half-gloved hand riffling through black bristle. There’s something about him, something about the way he moves that seems familiar, if only she could catch his face--
But then the thrum of a guitar rolls over the ice, tinny on the rink’s speakers-- Zen’s song, his short program. The one that fell just short of the podium, because he put a hand down after a jump got away from him. Haruka’s student turns around, and even from where she stands, she recognizes the grin.
Oh no. No.
It should be Zen at the center of the ice, but this guy pushes out instead. His black clothes making him a stark contrast to the ice, to the barriers around him. Zen’s already halfway to the center, confused and a bit agitated, looking like he’s about to have words-- and then Haruka’s student glides out, Spanish guitars warbling in his wake.
He moves like water-- no, like a blade through water, each motion of his arms both flowing and sharp, carving through the air with a grace than even Zen would be hard pressed to copy. His hips swing, daring angles that should throw him off his footwork, that should leave him stumbling, but instead he’s mesmerizing, a flamenco dancer that does not need to touch the ground.
“Who is he?” Ryuu murmurs, shifting in the seat behind her.
“I wish I knew.” Jealousy drips thickly from Garrack’s voice. “Just where did Haruka dig up a gem like this?”
Tanbarun, Shirayuki nearly says, but she can’t speak, can’t do anything but watch this man skate Zen’s routine like he owns it, like it was made for him. She expects him to mark the jump sequence-- quad toe, triple toe loop-- but the moment he jumps, she knows-- it’s clean. No, more than clean, because this isn’t a joke, not a sly wink and smile to his new friends--
He’s come to compete.
“Can you believe that?” Zen normally floats like a cloud on the ice, but right now he looks like he could thunder and storm too as the song switches to the next on deck. “He did my whole routine.”
Kiki’s mouth cants, wry. “Better than you did.”
He snaps to her like a lightning crack. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“I would.” Garrack saunters up to the barrier with a barracuda’s smile, raising a brow. “If you’d gone that clean at Worlds, that would have placed you. Maybe would have brought home gold.”
Zen only glowers, and Shirayuki sends her coach a pleading glance. It’s a hopeless cause to wish she’d keep her mouth shut, but maybe Garrack might blunt her tongue.
She really should know better.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone move like that,” Garrack sighs, tapping her hand on the plastic. “Not since...”
Your brother, she doesn’t say; a small mercy. Zen’s grimace says he heard it anyway.
“Where’s he from?” Ryuu asks, appearing at her elbow. His brows are drawn, grave over his already serious eyes. “I haven’t seen him at any competition.”
Shirayuki bites her cheek to keep from saying, I have.
“That’s the question,” Garrack grumbles, looking greener by the second. “Where did he find an unknown that can skate like that? It can’t be--”
“Korea.”
The accent that says it is distinctly not that; oh no, there is a deeper rumble on the ‘r’, a harder ‘k’ at the start. A thicker accent than he’d sported when he loomed over her, gold eyes cold as coins, and asked, I think you get my point, da?
When she turns, there he is: her saboteur in the flesh.
“Well, well, devushka.” His grin stretches wide, elbowing in between Zen and Kiki. “Long time no see.”
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bbdaydreams · 3 years
Text
Courage My Love// Semi Eita
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Pairing: Semi Eita x Reader
Summary: You like Semi and come up with a plan to confess to him, unfortunately it takes a turn. You meet again a couple years later by chance.
Chapter Seven: Take What You Want
Series Masterlist•<Previous•Next>
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“Are you done with the eyeliner? I need it,” Izumi asked Haruka as everyone was getting ready on the bus.
“Stupid. Fucking. Boot. ZIP UP!” Yui yelled in frustration as she yanked on her zipper that had gotten stuck on itself.
“Yui, be careful-“ you started only to witness them accidentally hit their forehead.
“Goddamnit!”
“Yui got a boo boo already,” Haruka sighed before handing the eyeliner to Izumi.
“Poor Yui,” you said rubbing her forehead to which Yui attempted to bite as a joke. “Ooooo feisty, let’s save that for the set, alright babe?” Yui got up and took hold of your ears gently and you did the same. Giving each other a toothy grin you started shaking each other’s heads and making a random sound but you decided to mess with her and let your forehead tap hers. Yui let out a yelp as you let go and ran off the bus to get away from her wrath.
“Y/n!”
“Not here right now! Please leave a message!” Yui was probably the person you were closest to in your band which meant she was the one that had to put up with your bullshit while you put up with hers.
“I’m gonna getcha! And then I’m gonna hitcha!”
“No you’re not!” Running into the venue you were trying to find a place to lose her until you saw Won’t Regret and decided to talk to them instead after realizing the time. “Hey, boys,” you greeted.
“Hey,” they all greeted back.
“You look really good tonight,” Ranmaru said to spite Semi.
“Boo! She does, doesn’t she?” Yui asked as she wrapped her arms around your torso only to move your body side to side with her like a penguin.
“Thanks! You guys look good too,” you said taking note of their ensemble.
“Thank you,” Ranmaru said, looking over at Subaru.
“Gotta impress the crowd, ya know?” Subaru said before stretching his arms upwards to show off the muscles he’s gained from drumming over the years.
Your eyes grew in size taking in Subaru’s form only to grow wider when taking in Ranmaru’s, who was bigger than Subaru due to him working out, when he started rolling his shoulders. Semi took notice of your reaction and knew what his band mates were doing the moment they first complimented you but they didn’t have to go this far. “Hey! You guys should probably start prepping your stuff on stage to make sure it sounds good. The guy is signaling for you.”
“Yeah! Let’s go!” Jiro said wanting to help his leader out. He walked behind Ranmaru and Subaru’s backs and gave them a slight push so they could start walking. The two were about to complain before the took in Semi’s glare. When they got to the edge of the stage they fist bumped knowing they accomplished their goal only to hear the crowd scream because they thought the show was gonna start.
“That’s literally the funniest part about performing live,” you stated causing Semi to ask you ‘what was’ while looking confused.
“Them being so excited that they’ll literally scream just by seeing someone get on the stage, even if it’s just a tech guy,” Yui answered.
“Or when the lighting changes! The room just gets a little darker for a second and all of a sudden someone shrieks which just cases a chain of other people doing the same while others laugh,” you added on.
“It’s cool seeing them get so excited. Gets me excited,” Semi said, looking longingly to the crowd.
“I gotta go piss. I’ll be back!” You told them, excusing yourself to go find the restroom. After walking around with no luck you eventually decided to ask a staff member to point you in direction of the bathroom.
Sometime during your search you could hear Won’t Regret start playing their set and when you finally made it to the comfort of the stalls, Semi was already at the second verse of the first song. When you felt it time you were ready to get up you heard a voice belting out the bridge.
“Rage!
I'm the bad guy, I'm the nice try
I'm the typical bitch with the rage
On my face
I'm the goddamn beast of the goddamn pride”
Your face grew warm from the raw emotion you could feel from the sound. After washing your hands you sprinted back to where you left Yui at side stage. She turned around as you were approaching and looked at you with wide eyes.
“Was that him?” You asked while pointing at Semi. The song had ended and he started introducing the band to the crowd.
Yui with the same stunned expression nodded her head before speaking. “Dude, this mother fucker got lungs.”
“It wasn’t Jiro or Ranmaru? Even Subaru?” You continued still not believing it was your old friend that could do that.
“It was him. Has he always been able to do that?”
“No! Where’s his guitar?”
“I don’t know. He performed the song without it. He’s something else. It’s crazy.”
“Maybe he took over the vocal role and left the guitar to just Jiro...” you wondered.
“Alright let’s keep the night going. This next song is called Girlfriend,” Semi spoke into the mic. Ranmaru started leading them into the song with his bass and Jiro and Subaru followed.
As they were playing the intro, Semi licked his upper lip before taking a deep breath and started singing. With every word he sung he nodded his head along with the music either up and down, back and fourth, or side to side; whichever way he felt was best for the moment. He would bring his mic stand closer to himself and then pull it away so he could take quick breaths. When he got to the pre chorus he started bouncing his right leg to match the instruments as he head banged along.
You were feeling as if this was a completely different person from sound check. He wasn’t as stiff as he was before, he was actually getting really into it.
At the chorus he grabbed the mic off its stand and started walking closer towards the crowd which made them start pushing against the barricade. Backing away to get ready for the second verse, he made his way over to Jiro who was on his on his left and rubbed the back of his hand on his cheek before proceeding to go over towards Ranmaru on the other side of the stage to boop his nose. Both gestures made some people in the crowd scream which you and Yui found funny.
Hopping to the beat of the repeating pre chorus into strutting along with the chorus, Semi made his way back to his mic stand and put the microphone back into its holder. At the bridge his voice got softer and he was swaying lightly side to side but as it progressed he leaned forward with the mic stand until it was almost on the ground only to gradually come back up while rolling his shoulders backwards.
Using both hands to hold the bottom of the mic that was still on the stand, Semi belted out the final verse that led into the ending of the song. He used both his hands to run his hands down his face into raising his hands to show his index and thumb fingers were connected while his other fingers were pointed upwards. He then pointed at the crowd only to then use his hands to make an hourglass shape. Ending the song by putting one hand on his chest and the other on the mic, he pulled the stand to the left side of his head so he could catch his breath. The crowd immediately started cheering and screamed even more when he used the bottom of his shirt to wipe his forehead.
“Girly,” Yui started, “I ain’t gonna lie to you, but that’ll make your pussy throb.”
“Yui!” You laughed not expecting those words to come out of your best friend after what you both had just witnessed. “Girl, I was literally about to say that made my pussy throb,” you responded to finish the meme.
“Is he single?” She asked in a joking matter.
“Yui!”
“Y’all better not be referring to Jiro,” Izumi said which made Haruka hit her on the arm. She looked at you two with a panic in her eyes which you guys responded with a smirk.
“Oh? Does our baby of the band have a crush?” You started.
“Does our little drummer girl like their little guitar hero?”
“I hate you guys” Haruka said as she crossed her arms and pouted.
You all put your arms around her instead of continuing to tease her and continued watching Won’t Regret perform. Some of the songs really blew you guys away. Each song had something different to say and even if you couldn’t relate to the songs personally, you could emphasize with them. At one point you had tears in your eyes because one song had hit Yui too close to home. Taking note of the time, you realized their set was almost done and you needed to do your warm ups so you led the girls to your green room.
“They’ve grown so much,” you started, crossing your arms over one another to stretch.
“I mean, they’ve been playing for years so it makes sense but Jesus didn’t they just recently get signed?” Yui asked, holding the back of foot behind her to her butt one at a time.
Izumi sat on the ground with her legs spread out and placed her hands in the middle to stretch before speaking. “Yeah, with that talent they should’ve been signed years ago.”
“I guess luck wasn’t on their side up until now,” Haruka responded while doing lunges.
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On stage, Semi could feel the rush of adrenaline within him. He was on a high performing live with his band mates and he couldn’t be happier. He loved showing off and seeing you and your band mates watch him for a while only fueled him more, not to mention his band mates and the crowd did as well. He put out so much energy and was lucky that the crowd gave it back because many crowds don’t. Most people just stand and watch with a bored expression on their face during the opening band because they’re only here for the headliner.
“Thank you so much again! We’re Won’t Regret and we’ll be at our merch table once we get off stage. The night is still young so I hope you’re not tired yet and are excited for Courage My Love!” Semi spoke, resulting in the crowd hollering at the mention of your band. “Wow, you guys really like them. But what about One Ok-“ More screaming started before he could even finish speaking. “-Rock. I didn’t even finish saying their name!” Semi laughed. “You guys were a beautiful crowd. Thank you for your time and being the first people to ever hear us live in the US. We’ll meet you at the merch table!” Getting off stage the boys received so much applause they couldn’t help but look back and wave goodbye.
“That was amazing!” Jiro started once they were off stage.
“That was the best show I think we’ve ever played,” Subaru added, pinching his shirt and moving it so he could get some cool air.
“Good job, guys,” Ranmaru spoke, putting his bass down in its case.
“I’m excited to meet some of them,” Semi said.
Meeting some people after the show was a new experience for them this time. Back home when they met people, the majority of them were people they could recognize because of the amount of times they’d seen each other where here they’re in a completely different country. Everyone was new.
Not many people were lined up at the table, probably a good fifteen people were, which they assumed was because not everyone wanted to risk giving up their spot in the crowd.
“H-hi,” a girl with dyed blue hair stuttered as she approached the table. “Could you sign my book?” she asked, opening her composition note book to a blank page.
“Of course!” Jiro responded with a smile. Semi and Jiro had the best English so they did the majority of the talking while Ranmaru and Subaru would responded whenever they felt comfortable.
“Could I also get a picture?” she asked nervously.
“Yes,” Ranmaru, answered enthusiastically.
The guys posed behind the merch table while the girl stood in front of it and one of her friends took the picture.
“Thank you for hanging out with us,” Semi told them.
“Have a good day,” Subaru added, smiling and giving them a nod to which the new fan gave back.
The boys continued talking to the people that were in line for them and ended up staying there to watch your set from a distance. When your set was done they got up and ran to the bus so they could take a quick shower, Semi going first since he had to go back on stage.
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Your band met with your fans after your set as well and left once On Ok Rock started to perform so you could shower as well.
When you were done you found Semi standing side stage watching Taka and his band perform. “Hey,” you started, surprising your old friend when he heard your voice.
“Hey,” he responded.
“Proud of you. You guys were incredible to watch.”
“I could say the same to you. I didn’t know you had that much energy in you.”
“Don’t worry, I’m still lazy. The stage is where I really let myself bloom. I love it,” you told him honestly.
“Well, I’m glad you found your safe Heaven.”
When Taka announced that they were playing the final song, you and Semi stopped talking to pay attention to your cue to start getting on stage after one of the staff members handed you wireless mics. Semi took the lead and walked to the center of the stage when his part started only for you to follow when it was time for the duet. You continued your singing since the second chorus was assigned to you. Semi and Taka backed up to give you some space to have center stage but when it was over you and Semi crossed each other to switch positions. He sang the part that led into the bridge only to switch places with you again and then walk over to the left side of the stage. Taka stayed in the middle and you made your way over to the right side. As Taka sang the last chorus of the song you and Semi did your best to interact with the crowd before standing up to walk towards the middle of the stage while alternating lines. Taka sang the second to last line by himself and then you and Semi joined him to sing the last one together to end the night.
You both stood with an arm around Taka’s shoulders as he had his over yours and Semi. When the song was over, you and Semi moved to get off stage but Taka kept a hold on you both and spoke into the mic, thanking the crowd, your bands, and everyone else that helped make the show possible. He had you all bow together before turning and waiting for his band mates to come over so they could take a group photo with the crowd behind them.
Getting off the stage Taka thanked you for your performances tonight before letting you both go to your respective buses to relax and get ready for the next day.
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“Welcome back,” Haruka yawned when you appeared.
“Hey. Is Izumi making curry?” you asked.
“You know it!” Izumi responded, following your tradition of her cooking her favorite curry on the first day of tour.
“I can’t wait,” Yui spoke, tired from jumping around. Taking a seat next to her on your small lounge couch, you rest your head on her shoulders and let your eyes close as you waited for Izumi to finish dinner.
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Laying in his bunk after a long night, Semi couldn’t sleep. His mind was clouded with how the first night went. He was proud of himself and his band mates for doing really well their first night. They performed just like they usually did and didn’t hold anything back which made them surprise themselves. He honestly thought at least one of them, mostly himself, would’ve messed up. Eventually letting his mind wander a little, he thought of you.
He’s seen you perform on stage through his phone screen but never live in person. You were all smiles on stage moving your body along with the music while also never missing a beat. You were literally a pro. He also enjoyed watching you interact with the crowd and seeing you change your attitude when talking about certain topics regarding your music, most of them being about feminism, but other topics as well. He felt like he could watch you perform for hours and never get sick of it. He just wanted to listen to you.
Another thing he realized is that he would love to sing a song with you. The duet you both shared was probably his favorite part of the night because of the harmony he could hear through his headpiece was crystal clear since the majority of the crowd was blocked out. It was pure bliss to him.
He could still feel an attraction to you but he knew better than to jump on it because who knows if you still felt the same. On top of that you both decided to start anew instead of jumping into where you left off. He had to take things slow and see.
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a/n: I wrote 90% of this all this morning all because I couldn’t get the songs out of my head. The first song Won’t Regret sings is another song by Badflower and it’s called Wide Eyes. I’ve been obsessed with Badflower since December like I basically listen to them daily they’re sooooo good. Also the song that made the girls emotional was Daddy by the same band.
I basically headcanon Won’t Regret as Badflower like I legitimately believe songs like theirs are what Semi’s band are like. Also if I remember correctly I’m pretty sure this hc is what led me to write this story. This is a long ass authors note oops sorry I just adore Badflower
Taglist: @pluviophilefangirl @yourstarvic @sunaswife @mynscorner @syaziahvg @discountkiyoko @blondemitski
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sea-owl · 3 years
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Let me start off saying that do not take this seriously. This was an idea running rampant in my brain and wouldn't leave me alone.
So an AU where Sakura has some past lives too because Kishimoto did her dirty too many times and he could have at least given her this since the three man band was pushed on us so much along with the brothers idea. I mean it wouldn't be that hard either like Naruto and Sasuke are the sun and moon? Okay Sakura can be the stars or earth that helps balance/makes peace between the boys/brothers. One detail I liked imagining is that these past lives of Sakura's got killed the same way, by Naruto and Sasuke's past lives, and then shit that was already bad goes worse because now their peacekeeper is gone. I will go into this later.
I also imagine that her past lives were the wives or companions of Indra and Madara that's why she's so full of love for Sasuke. Yes all her past lives have pink hair that is non negotiable.
I've seen people use Shachi for Indra's wife's name and I've kinda adopted that, and I always called Madara's wife Haruka.
Shachi was a family friend in her youth that would come and go because her clan traveled during that periord. They were some sort of travelling medicine men basically. Indra developed a big ol crush on her, while Ashura, who was younger looked up to Shachi like a big sister. Years later after Indra leaves he finds Shachi again, he ends up teaching her how to use chakra she's pretty good at it, a fast learner. They get married and have kids. This is definitely Sakura's more loving, and kind side as the way Shachi was raised. Though that isn't to say Shachi couldn't be petty or passive aggressive. Shachi also gave birth to the start of the Uchiha clan and maybe Haruno if we're feeling spicy. Shachi always thought the brothers could rekindle if they just talked, she knew both of them and Indra never fully explained to her what happened that he left. Shachi tries to bring them together again, they fight, and end up killing Shachi as she tries to stop them.
Now onto Madara's and Hashirama's lives. Haruka was born to a clan that was more neutral in the wars, hell we can make it Haruno too to make things easier. She was a trained fighter, but she was more defensive. She was very knowledgeable in herbs like Shachi. This is kind of how she met Madara and Hashirama. They got hurt and she was passing by. She healed them both and refused to let them fight in front of her. Haruka was more stubborn and quick tempered than Shachi but that's ok because she had Madara and Hashirama's bullshit to deal with. As the boys were creating the leaf village she was there to help keep tempers in check and make sure things were realistic. Somehow during those talks Madara convinces Haruka to marry him. When tensions started rising up between the two again Haruka was there trying to get them to see the other's point o view, and to tell Tobirama to shut it when he got on her nerves. Haruka was heartbroken when Madara left and furious when he returned. She confronts him at the valley of the end with Hashirama. She ends up killed in that battle.
By the time Sakura is born Shachi and Haruka's names are long gone. There might be a small myth about then among the Uchiha but that's it.
Shachi and Haruka aren't just silent observer's over Sakura's life, they actually are more like those old gossiping aunties who Sakura can hear in her head all the time and sometimes can see if she focuses enough. Sakura who has had Inner since a child just fucking rolls with it.
Shachi and Haruka sees the reincarnations of their boys in Sasuke and Naruto immediately but they let Sakura navigate those relationships by herself with a comment or two from them. They are estatic when Sakura decides to become a medic ninja, taking their herb knowledge further. They never tell Sakura about how they died, it would be cruel of them to tell the young girl she will be killed by those closest to her.
When the rooftop fight happens and Sakura rushes forward Shachi and Haruka are terrified because they know this is it. This is the moment Sakura is to die by her boys' hands. They're horrified, she's too young they were both grown adults when they died.
They let out a sob of relief when Kakashi appears, saving their newest reincarnation. They begin to hope that maybe this life will be different.
Skip forward to the war and Haruka is pissed. Like ready to take to take over Sakura's body just to fight her husband herself pissed.
"I want a divorce!" Sakura can hear Haruka shout.
Shachi shakes her head in disappointed mom. "Don't look at me they get it from Indra."
When Naruto and Sasuke find out about their past lives Shachi and Haruka make themselves known. They show themselves after the boys battle. It's the first time they are seen by anyone that isn't Sakura.
"That damn bastard, wait till I get my hands on him in the after life." Haruka rants. "I wanted one of us to kill him! I can't believe some creep took that away!"
"Who is she talking about?" Naruto whispered to Sakura.
"Madara, her husband," Sakura answeres.
"Husband?!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Yeah I'm still unsure how that happened."
Shachi is pulling on Sasuke's ear still in disappointed mom mode. "If you ever put my reincarnation in a genjutsu like that again I will personally beat your ass little descendant. Your clan started in my womb, you will put respect on my name and to my reincarnation."
Sasuke can only grunt. Still confused by the whole thing.
In their adult lives Shachi and Haruka pop by for visits, but their working it out with their own boys, and falling back into their roles as their peacekeepers. They coo over baby Sadara, and still act like gossip aunties. They ship Boruto and Sadara, and make bets with Sakura on when they get together. Naruto and Sasuke just call them Sakura's realtives for when their talking to others about them.
Shachi is also trying to straighten out the whole Uchiha clan in the after life, no descendants of her's are gonna act out. She don't care if they're already dead, and who they gonna complain to, Indra? She's got hom whipped after so many years apart. Haruka gave hell to her husband for many years. Hashirama was on thin ice with her, but she had Mito to help with that.
Again don't take this seriously. This just wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it out.
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Same Prompt Party! Usagi: New Year’s Fireworks
I told myself that I would get this done much sooner than the last minute because I’ve grown as a person since the last same prompt party, but that was a fucking lie ahaha. Here it is, though, just shy of 2,200 words!
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Fireworks weren’t supposed to start until midnight. Everyone knew that. But when Usagi opened a groggy eye to check the time after the first roaring booms, it was barely ten. Not that she knew that right away-- the clock was still up on the nightstand, entirely out of sight from the mattress’s current position on the floor. She had to fumble around for her phone instead, as careful and quiet as she could ever be. Only then did she see that it was a touch past ten, and that she had more notifications than her phone could display, the last several of which were texts from Mina.
still time for you to come out!
lots of hot guys here tonight, what mamoru doesn’t know can’t hurt him ;) ;) ;)
kidding, of course. i miss you!
Usagi turned her phone over and curled her body back around Chibiusa. Apart from a scrunch of her little eyebrows, she seemed undisturbed by the growing ruckus outside. Usagi put a hand on her tummy anyway, just in case she needed some comfort. 
She could have gone out with everyone, even with a six month old. There was generally little they did all together that couldn’t accommodate a baby. There wouldn’t have been any fuss if she’d asked for it. Last year’s party at Haruka and Michiru’s house had even been alcohol free, just because she couldn’t drink. It had seemed like everything might have been okay then-- it was the first year they rung in in peace, Usagi was pregnant with their promised princess, and if their powers had deserted them and the crystal towers of Serenity’s palace had yet to rise, that couldn’t compare to the hope that lit up Usagi’s heart the same as the fireworks lit up the sky.
But like the fireworks, it was short lived.
Usagi shifted her arm under her head. She’d read in a book-- she’d tried very hard to read a great many books before Chibiusa was born-- that you weren’t supposed to let a baby sleep in bed with you, but she hadn’t been able to stick to it. A bed was so large if you slept alone. But she’d done what she could to be safe. No pillows. A blanket only for her feet, because even in socks they got so cold. She wore layers of sweaters to bed. Sometimes when she woke up she was drenched in sweat beneath them, but always when she woke up Chibiusa was breathing. It was a fair trade.
And she hadn’t done it the first few months. Newborn Chibiusa had slept in her crib beside the bed, though Usagi probably didn’t deserve credit for that because she’d had Mamoru in bed with her then. It had been easier-- not easy but easier-- to leave Chibiusa where she was supposed to be. It was only around the four month mark that he’d sat on the edge of that very same bed they’d shared and said “I feel like we’ve played our roles and run out of script.” His voice was so low that she almost hadn’t heard, that she knew he hadn’t meant to say it out loud at all, but it had been the end of it all the same. She’d asked him to leave. She hadn’t told the others yet. She didn’t need to give them the idea before they came to it on their own.
She ran her hand softly along Chibiusa’s face, then through her hair. Her straight, dark hair that shone red-brown in sunlight but otherwise had no hint bubblegum pink. That had been the proof. They weren’t in the future they thought they were fighting for. The future Mamoru and the others had signed on for.
There was another crackle and a bang. The room lit up for a few seconds before dropping back into its long shadows. Usagi wished they would stop. What was there to celebrate? If last year had been the first year without war, this was the first year without hope. The first year where everyone would know there was nothing keeping them tied to Usagi. The first year Usagi was bringing in alone, or very nearly.
Her phone buzzed again and she didn’t bother to look what it was. Everyone had their own things to do, and even as they made a show of trying to bring her in, they were still off doing them. And that was better. She’d never meant to trap anyone, however much she wanted them to stay. She was never like Serenity in that way. Maybe that was why she no longer was Serenity.
She tried to make herself sleep instead of thinking. It had always been such an easy thing, but even that was different now. Always exhausted, hardly able to sleep-- was she even Usagi still? Was she anything? What was left of her that hadn’t faded alongside her powers?
More bangs, one after the other, bounced against her ears to join the cacophony of thoughts between them. It took her a long moment to realize the noise was not paired with the flashing lights of more fireworks. Usagi shot up. Someone was at the door, pounding their fists against it by the sound of it. She hesitated for a moment over Chibiusa-- she was sleeping so well, even moving her over to the crib seemed cruel. She kissed her cheek and left her there, willing her with all her might to stay still.
Usagi threw a robe over her pajamas and hurried to the door as the knocking grew somehow more insistent. She didn’t yell that she was coming for fear of waking Chibiusa. Whoever was at the door didn’t seem to have the same concern.
“Usagi! I know you’re in there. I will break down this door if you don’t open it right--”
Rei stopped short as Usagi flung the front door open. “Shhh! Chibiusa is asleep.”
“Sorry, sorry. You weren’t coming.”
This was the part, Usagi knew, where she was supposed to snap back that she was, and comment about Rei’s impatience or whine about how unfair she was or make some sort of production, but she didn’t have the heart or the energy. A beat passed in silence. Rei frowned.
“I decided,” she said as she stepped inside and shrugged off her coat, “That we can’t bring in the New Year like this.”
“Like what?”
Rei looked her in the eye, still all fire even without Mars. “Don’t like what me. You’re hiding away here when you should be with me. With us, all of us.”
“I have to take care of Chibiusa.”
“So? We love her. Or let her stay with Mamoru, wherever he’s living now.”
Usagi’s stomach dropped. Rei wasn’t supposed to know, no one was supposed to know. It was her most awful secret. She didn’t know if she felt angry or sad or relieved that it was out, maybe all three, or nothing at all, or--
A soft thump from the back of the house broke her train of thought. “No, no!” she hissed, running back to the bedroom as Chibiusa began to wail. The mattress was not spectacularly thick, the fall to the ground was only a matter of inches, but still. Inches could be enough, and then Usagi would have nothing, nothing left at all. She scooped Chibiusa into her arms. The little girl quieted immediately. She looked fine, not so much as a red mark anywhere she might have hit the ground, no blood, no bruises. Startled, probably. That was all. Usagi held her tight anyway.
“What the fuck is going on in here?”
Haven’t you heard of privacy? A Usagi who no longer existed snapped from deep within the Usagi who did’s head. “It’s safer this way. If she’s not in the crib. It’s safer like this.”
She watched Rei take it in, the mattress on the floor next to the bed frame, the lack of pillows, the singular blanket, Chibiusa’s crib gathering dust in the corner. “Usagi… what are you doing?”
What does it look like? and What I have to, and What are you doing, Rei? sounded in the back of her mind, but Usagi only shrugged.
“We’ve been waiting for you to say something, anything. Mako thinks you need time, but god, Usagi, how much time could you need?” She put her hands on her hips, readying for a fight Usagi didn’t have in her. “I’m not starting a year with you lying to us.”
“I didn’t lie.”
“Like hel--” She looked at Chibiusa, face dipping towards sheepish before hardening again. “Like heck you didn’t! There have been three times you’ve said Mamoru was here when he--”
“Rei. What does it matter?”
Rei’s jack went slack. She mouthed through several silent words, through surprise and anger and emotions too quick for Usagi to catch. “We’re your friends.”
“For how much longer?”
“What?” Rei looked furious enough that she might have slapped Usagi if she weren’t holding a baby. 
Usagi held Chibiusa a little tighter. “It’s over Rei. I’m not Serenity, you don’t have to stay.”
“Have to-- after everything, you think-- over?” Rei stopped her foot and turned out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Chibiusa began wailing again.
Usagi rocked back and forth to try and calm her down, but not thirty second later Rei banged her way back in. “You’re unbelievable.”
“You’re scaring her.”
Somehow, Rei thought the correct response was to pluck Chibiusa out of Usagi’s arms. Infuriatingly, it worked. Rei bounced Chibiusa against her shoulder and Chibiusa stopped crying in favor or yanking on a hunk of Rei’s hair. “I’m not going anywhere, and neither is anyone else.” The anger in her tone was undercut with the cooing voice she took on when speaking to Chibiusa. “After everything we’ve been through--”
“After everything, this isn’t even the future you were fighting for!” Usagi felt might cry, not the big wails that used to bring her comfort but the awful, hopeless tears that left her dry and exhausted-- more exhausted-- in the aftermath. “All that, and now it’s just… this. You were promised a different world, and I couldn’t give it to you. I messed it up somehow. Of course I did. Of course, stupid Usagi... but now you don’t have to be stuck with me. You can just live your life, you don’t have to ruin it anymore.” 
“Usagi…” Rei gently placed Chibiusa in her crib and grabbed Usagi into a hug. “That’s not how it is at all.”
Usagi started crying in earnest, glad she could hide her face in Rei’s chest. “You don’t have to pretend--”
“Cut that out,” Rei barked, but she stroked Usagi’s hair with all the same tenderness she’d shown Chibiusa. “I’m not your friend because of the Moon Kingdom. That’s why we met, but that’s not why I’m here now.”
“It’s not?” Usagi hiccuped.
“I’m here for you. And god, I never wanted-- Crystal Tokyo scared the shit out of me, and I know I’m not the only one. When it started to look like things would just be normal, it was a relief.”
“But…” Usagi couldn’t think of how she wanted to protest. It didn’t sound like it could be true. Crystal Tokyo had seemed cold and severe, but it was the good future, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it what everyone wanted?
Rei pulled away to look Usagi in the eye. “If I had a choice, this is the future I’d pick. Except--” she pressed her knuckles against Usagi’s head. “I’d change it so you don’t try and hide everything.”
“I thought if you knew, you’d leave, too.” Usagi stared at the ground.
“Stupid.”
“I am.”
Rei flicked her nose. “Shut up. Help me get this mattress back where it belongs.”
Usagi helped her-- or tried to, by some measure-- hoist it back on the bed frame, and then before she could protest Rei had found pillows and blankets to pile on top of it. She climbed in and gestured for Usagi to join her.
“You’re not doing this alone, even if you want to.” Rei put her arms around her. “You’d have to move far away and change your name to get rid of us, and even then I’d probably still find you.”
Usagi laughed despite herself. “Probably.”
“Let us help you. Let me help you.” Rei brushed some hair off her face. “You look exhausted.”
“I am exhausted.”
“Go to sleep, then.”
Usagi wanted to tell Rei it wasn’t that easy, but the next thing she knew she was roused by the pop and crackle of more fireworks. Her head was still on Rei’s chest, and something warm pressed against her back. Ami curled against her on the silver of open bed space. Flashes of light illuminated Mako and Mina sprawled on the floor. Usagi swallowed a sob, but it tasted like warmth instead of despair. She closed her eyes again as the fireworks escalated to their finale outside, feeling a small sparkle of hope begin to bloom again in her chest. The new year, their whole new future, had arrived, and she wasn’t facing it on her own.
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keyofjetwolf · 3 years
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Bonus Question Answers! (anime heat 2)
I asked a silly question! You gave me incredible answers. SO VERY MANY INCREDIBLE ANSWERS. Now, I present my favourites! And really, they were ALL favourites. Mmm, headcanony goodness.
Oh, special shoutout to this unattributed one, which I suspect fell prey to someone submitting early, but as phrased, made me snort laugh: “one of my longest held headcanons is that ami“
SAME, FRIEND
Anyway, If your answer is listed below, you’ve earned an entry in a random draw to win a GIFTENING liveblog OF YOUR CHOICE
Q: Senshi headcanon time! Intrigue me, humour me, crush me, FEED ME.
* Michiru actually did have a guardian cat, once. It was silvery grey with dark blue eyes. It did not speak, but it was always there to provide support and comfort in a life which had little of either. The first time Michiru had a strong vision, which left her cold and senseless on the floor of her room, it was the small warmth from her cat that brought her back to the world of color and light and solidity. The cat was a friend and confidante in those early days, when Michiru was unsure if this experience was real or the beginnings of schizophrenia. The fact that her mother could see the cat, and regularly make comments about the uncleanliness of such creatures, was proof of Michiru's new reality. So when the cat entered the fray to distract a youma, saving Michiru, but being killed in the process, it became one more thing that the Moon had given her, only to steal away. Michiru promised herself to never rely on another again, or to allow the Moon to have her heart again. And she had done fairly well at this. Haruka, for all her charms, was a plaything, and not something to sacrifice herself for. But pausing outside the Marine Cathedral, Michiru found herself looking into dark blue eyes, so different, but so similar, and knew that she would do anything and everything in her power to keep from having to watch them close, again. -- @incorrecttact  [YOU ARE ALSO KILLING THESE QUESTIONS. This hit me right in the kokoro, and I welcomed its sweet sweet pain.]
~~
*  Mako teaches Hotaru, Chibiusa, and the Amazon Quartet to cook and bake as a bonding activity. Hotaru LOVES making cakes and decorating them. Chibiusa likes cooking with noodles and even making her own; it doesn’t sound special, but the food she makes is DELICIOUS. Ves, the red one, finds cooking easy, but doesn’t like it and so never does outside of being coaxed into it. Jun, the green one, finds baking easy, but also doesn’t like sweet things, which limits her repertoire. Cere, the pink one, has no natural talent, but she very much WANTS to be good at it, so she turns out to be the best cook of her Senshi group. Palla takes to neither, but she is very enthusiastic about eating their experiments.  --  Jules  [I am an absolute slut for Mako and moments with the kids, and including the Quartet was a brilliant stroke.]
~~
*  A Serenity is not supposed to be reborn. They are born, they live, they die, and they are done. They are not like the Senshi, whose souls reincarnate, carefully bound to Serenity blood. They are not supposed to be reborn, so when Queen Serenity sees everything fail and decides to send their souls to the future, the Senshi are easy. Serenity is not. In desperation, Serenity does something she would have never considered in any other circumstance: she ties Serenity's soul to the Senshi. What was once a one way tie, has now become an equal bond, and so everything changes.  -- @madegeeky  [Ooo, this is some lovely twists on my own reincarnation headcanons, while still keeping the “this is a mistake” flavour. IT TASTES GOOD.]
~~
*  How about more Rei whistle antics? You headcanon Usagi would use the whistle for every mundane thing and Rei would come. Usagi would do this at 2 AM in the morning too and Rei would still be woken up and still come even in pajamas if she need be because Usagi had a spooky nightmare or "Rei-chan I fell off my bed and now my face hurts". Knowing Rei whistle antics can be funny for us and maybe aggravating for Rei at times because "Usagi you blew the whistle because you fell off the bed?" what if we can make it a pinch sad? Like what if Rei can tell what sort of peril Usagi is in by the way she blows the whistle in tone? Like when it's a sad somewhat weaker whistle, even if it's just a tiny subtle tone, Rei can IMMEDIATELLY tell "USAGI IS SAD AND NEEDS ME" and she will RUSH over in 5 seconds like in her Rei way, she might even have the mind to bring snacks, cocoa and plush to hug for the comfort.  --  Mrs. Duckling  [HOW ABOUT INDEED. I hadn’t thought about the different ways the whistle can be blown and what it might say, what a wonderful addition. THANK YOU FOR CATERING DIRECTLY TO ME AND MY NEEDS]
~~
*  PGSM!Sailor Mars - [REDACTED] Oh. Right. You're not there yet. Awkward... Anime!Minako is a huge fan of romance manga, but for all the wrong reasons. She tried drawing doujinshi of crack ships before realizing that A) she's not really a writer and B) she's REALLY not an artist. She plans on using some of her rich idol singer money to commission really bizarre romance stories. The sort that make you go WTF?! Of course, step one is "become a rich and famous idol"... Meanwhile, Rei also buys the romance manga that Minako gets into, (partially so she'll shut up about it) but mainly just analyzes them for mood and the characters, and gets frustrated when they inevitably devolve into nothing but sappy kissing and mooning over each other. She's trying to see why Minako gets so obsessed, but doesn't want to flat out admit that she doesn't get it and have to ask. -- Peter "Pigeons!" Svensson  [I had nothing but fun with this, fantastic. ps: THANK YOU FOR THE PIGEONS NOMINATION]
~~
* If these four* Senshi were to meet you, I think they'd each also be meeting some of their best qualities: Usagi is love, and that love is infectious as HELL. Much like a certain blogger who has amassed an international following on the strength of her love for her favourite media, wouldn't you say? Ami is very impressed by your office set-up! But when she sees you re-enter the room with a sprightly little black cat riding on your shoulder, she knows she has discovered a kindred spirit. Where can Rei-chan possibly begin? From your passionately informed and encyclopedic knowledge of their interactions ("She has RECEIPTS, Usagi!"), to your, let's call it tenacity ("She stirred that sugar for TWO HOURS, Usagi!!"), Rei finds so much to admire. And while no one could ever possibly love Rei as much as she loves herself, she magnanimously allows that you are a close second. As for Haruka, well! World Shaking? More like Toilet Breaking! You wrecked that shit and unleashed the sea. She can certainly relate *eyebrows, eyebrows* *would that i had time to write out blurbs for the others! but we're heading back into lockdown today, and i need to get to the post office to mail you a package. PRIORITIES! xo  -- @rasiqra-revulva​  [Okay look when I said “crush me” I didn’t mean WITH NICENESS. Also thank you for the huge laughs. *eyebrows, eyebrows*]
~~
*  Minako manages to write a tell-all book (anonymously, of course, and with names changed to protect the relevant,) about their first few years as Senshi in the lull between Stars and Shit Escalating Again. Even more astoundingly, she manages to get it optioned as a film and play Sailor Mars without blowing her cover! Rei seethes. Minako’s annoyed because she tried out for Usagi. Usagi’s just happy Minako’s successful. The film manages to pick up nominations come award season, and Michiru even arranges for the rest of the Senshi to attend. Minako loses to some film from a really overrated director that manages to out-award bait her reenactment of D-Point. She’s silently fuming through his acceptance speech when he’s Burning Mandala’d mid-sentence. And that’s how the Senshi discovered that Jadeite survived getting run over with planes, joined the entertainment industry after Beryl’s defeat, and had been using it to drain energy ever since! Sailor Mars’s speech about how he disgraces the passion of filmmakers everywhere and her comrade’s hard work goes viral. -- Regalli  [LOVED THE TWIST ENDING, also Rei basically stealing the awards show stage, as we all know she would]
~~
*  Not Senshi, but cats! One day, when Usagi is queen, she's going to decide to knight the cats. Luna thinks it's silly and figures Usagi is just acting on a whim, but Artemis has his chest puffed out and is glowing with pride. They're given tiny medals made by Endymion. -- RibbonFinale  [Oh I DID want this. I wanted this very much, THANK YOU.]
~~
*  Makoto can't culture bonsai trees. It's not a matter of ability, or scale — she can work with tiny tools with equal facility as large ones — but she can't bring herself to push the things down, to cut and twist and bind them to grow the way _she_ wants, not the way it wants to grow.   The tiny pine she bought to try it out, years ago, is in a pot in the corner of her apartment; it's just now grown taller than she is. -- Taperwolf  [I didn’t expect this one to hit me as hard as it did when I started reading. Love it, love it, love it.]
~~
*  You know those 'meetings Usagi doesn't know about'? the ones where the girls dive into the nitty gritty about being senshi, the ones where they decide who will take up being the Disguise Pen Decoy if Minako is killed? Usagi knows about them. it was one of those 'character A eavesdrops and hears character B talking about them' setups, but instead of hearing Ami call Usagi a ditz, she hears Ami saying 'I'm the weakest fighter, if Minako is assassinated and we need someone to be decoy it'd be easier to explain away my absence than Rei's or Mako's' In these meetings they speak very coldly about themselves, Ami is always first to call herself the weak one, Minako calls into attention her showboating, Mako will openly remind people she doesn't think things through on the battlefield, and Rei derides herself on her inability to keep her cool (heh) and they all come up with contingencies to cover for eachother to the minutest detail. Usagi only ever evesdrops on one of these meetings, but now she knows they happen. and she can't un-know.  -- Vega  [OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.]
~~
Manga Sailor Pluto has picked her nose 2,013,417 times. -- too ashamed to say  [WHY THE SHAME THIS IS CORRECT  AND NOW RIGHTFULLY CANON]
---
I’ll be drawing for the bonus liveblog around the start of THE GIFTENING 2020 (currently looking to be Monday, 11 January 2021). Each bonus question is another chance to earn an entry! I CAN ABSOLUTELY AND SHAMELESSLY BE BOUGHT.
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You know those times, when your thoughts go flying and your own headcanon gets thrown into an (alternate) bad ending scenario?
Definitely guilty here... ^^‘
The bad ending
„You do realize this is quite your own fault right?“
Neptune came to hate this voice so much during the last weeks and months. Her fists were already trembling by the bare sight of her opponent, while she simply refused to believe any of those words Venus’ whispered to her right now. However, the former Senshi of love was far more successful in this than Neptune would have liked. While manipulating Haruka had been fun but far from any real challenge, Venus had come to particularly enjoyed teasing and driving Neptune over the edge. It had ended painfully for herself on more than one occasion but damn, it had been worth every single moment. Haruka had been easy. There was so much anger, so much hatred for herself buried that close beneath the surface. A small little push and pull, that’s all that had been necessary for the nice little chaos to unfold and things quite naturally following their way. Neptune on the other hand… even Venus had to admit it was way different with her. The senshi of the sea was much more complicated, her feelings much more concealed, but oh how her strength had proven to be her greatest weakness. It shouldn’t have surprised her but still, even Venus found the irony behind this strangely amusing.
„I actually have to thank you, you know.“
Venus grinned as she carefully followed the impact every single one of her words caused. Oh, how she enjoyed having Neptune on this point. Her careful held facade breaking away slowly, giving way for the much more pleasant feelings of hate and anger Venus feed on for her own joy.
„I don’t think I could have done all of this myself. Not that quickly anyway. You did help quite a bunch you know. Poor Haruka. In the end, you broke the very rest of her spirit.“
Venus felt the by now nearly familiar pressure on her chest, rapidly and mercilessly growing as Neptune used her powers, however, none of this stopped her lips from forming into a cold and deeply satisfied smile. Despite everything, this was her victory. They both knew it was.
„Shut up!“
The roaring depths of the sea sparked back through Neptune’s eyes right before a wild hit of energy knocked Venus off her feet. Neptune’s attack sent her crushing against the nearest wall, the force breaking at least two of her rips in the process. Nevertheless, Venus laughed out loud.
„Well, look at who cannot bear the truth!“
Venus coughed, the sharp pain exploding at her side, but the so-called senshi of love grinned. She bathed in the sea goddess’ hatred. In that guilt cracking up Neptune’s soul and seeping through this raging sea of emotions. To Venus, this felt like the most exquisite wine or perfume and it was worth each and every risk she just took.
“Come on! Tell me I am wrong.”
Quite some dance with the devil this was, but Venus had not come this far to let this end without a little bit of fun.
“She asked you not to keep her away, didn’t she? Her only wish not to be a useless bystander on the battlefield. And you...? Tell me again, what did you do exactly?”
Venus never actually was surprised to find her body lacking the ability to move. She knew that part of Neptune’s powers all too well by now. She could also tell what probably would follow, but Venus never actually intended to give Neptune time to call upon the crushing waters of the sea to rise deadly from beneath her feet.
“Don’t worry.”
The pressure on her chest made it more impossible to breathe. It literally cut off her breath and caused Venus to cough. Her mocking words no longer escaped her as easy as before, but nevertheless, she pushed on. The blonde tasted her own blood in her mouth and fought to take her next breath, yet she knew in only a moment she would have won everything there was.
“I fixed your mess.”
The wicked grin on Venus’ face quite successfully drove Neptune mad. She would end this. Here and now. Once and for all.
But along with those last mocking words came a change of atmosphere that made Neptune freeze. The very air seemed to have changed and shifted. The wind picked up and with it came a far too familiar brush not only on her skin but on her soul.
“Haruka...”
Venus forgotten, Neptune turned, instinctively knowing where to look for her partner. Standing several meters across and away from her was Uranus, strong and mighty, her presence so radiant Neptune actually shivered. The aura of her partner choked her and she painfully realized how long it had been since she felt the soldier of the sky embracing her full potential and power like this.
“You know what to do.”
Neptune didn’t even turn as Venus summoned another portal to disappear, maybe to watch in all safety the confrontation that was about to happen. Neptune could not care less about their former leader, retreating once more cowardly and fleeing from their battle. It could not be more insignificant when it was Uranus who caught Neptune’s every attention.
It had been weeks... no months...
Months since Haruka had vanished.
No... since Michiru’s very own actions had driven her away...
Since then, since she had found the crash-site of Haruka’s bike and all traces were grown cold, Michiru had pushed herself to her own breaking point and limits, both physically and mentally, with her powers finally growing (or was it breaking?) to their fullest potential.
Vision after vision she had witnessed Haruka suffer…or get tortured…
As vague as her visions could be, the pictures they brought to her this time always remained crystal clear. Right to the point where Michiru, for all she knew, felt like she too was with them back at that chamber of tortures. A powerless bystander to Haruka’s cries, her screams…to every damage inflicted on her bruised and broken body as well as to her spirit.
At times, Michiru was sure Mars knew she was there as well, for she could feel a grin behind the searing flames occasionally appearing on the edge of her mind. For some reason, they both shared this strange connection to this realm of visions. And Michiru was sure the only reason Mars allowed her to stay was because the senshi of fire knew to have Michiru watch her lover’s endless tortures would do way more damage, than burning down Michiru’s thoughts.
It never made a difference anyway.
No matter how many times Michiru returned back to this living hell, no matter how many times her visions either overtook her out of nowhere, or she forced her mirror to do her bidding, she never got closer to actually find Haruka or reveal her location.
The prickling on her skin, the actual shift of the wind should have warned her, but Neptune cast away all instincts of the warrior inside her because they could not matter less.
She still managed to dodge Uranus’ attack, close as it was, but never rose her arms to send the roaring sea down at her attacker in response. Instead, Neptune’s thoughts, ever so calculated even within the fiercest battle, grew blank.
Too many things she wanted to say... too much to apologize for...
But there she was, staring back at eyes clouded by a dark and restless storm, that did not even seem to recognize her and her own regrets and guilt bound her tongue, as she looked at Uranus with disbelief.
„How pathetic.“
Uranus‘ voice was as cold as her appearance and demeanor. It did not bear any emotion other than the ever so small sign of growing impatience.
The senshi of the skies took one single step towards Neptune’s direction and with it came another set of attacks Neptune barely managed to avoid. Uranus always had been fast. Way faster than her and it never took long for the raging winds to cut deep into her skin. Those blows she reflected with her mirror didn’t make much of a difference, leaving Neptune bruised and shaking, way too soon for her own liking.
„This is a waste of my time.“
Again grey, empty eyes looked down on her and if Neptune recognized anything it was the displeased hint marking the end of Uranus‘ patience.
This wasn’t the challenge she had hoped for. Too easy. Too weak. It was a mere mystery to her how no one before her had not already silenced the disobedient sailor of the seas. But it wasn’t her place to question the princess‘ orders. She had been sent her with a clear mission and order she planned to execute without further toying around or wasting her time.
A sudden change of energy washed over Neptune senses, a spark, bright and clear, that spiked the second Uranus across from her summoned her sword.
„You got it back..-“
Neptune watched the scene in front of her utterly puzzled. Seeing the mighty talisman appear in her partner’s hands shocked her in a way she never had expected. It took the ground from underneath her feet and Neptune never grasped the moment Uranus charged at her without further hesitation. Instead, visions flickering in front of her eyes robbed her of the reality. Fast and hectic fragments, all tinted dark and red drilled themselves into Neptune’s consciousness.
Flashes of chains…of pain and suffering…a broken pledge of obedience…the cover of nothing…of strength..and purpose…and power born anew…
Neptune choked, both from the impact of her visions rendering her frozen, as well as the force of the blade knocking out of breath.
„Does it mean, it’s gone..?“
Neptune barely noticed it, the searing blade cutting through flesh and bone, nor the pain exploding from her abdomen to quickly cover and wreck every last part of her body.
„All your suffering and pain....“
Neptune blinked. Her vision blurred from sudden tears and pain, neither of which she could differentiate at this point. But still, the strangest kind of smile flickered across the dying soldiers face.
„I-I … I am glad…-“
She tried to raise a bloodstained hand. Just once... just one last time...but another thrust cut off her words, robbed her of her breath.... her pain...
Her last moment, gone just like that...
The transformation of the warrior vanished, leaving behind the body of the young woman who suddenly appeared way more fragile. The storming sea gone and vanished from deep blue eyes, turquoise locks torn and tattered while the mirror shattered on the ground.
A broken relic to prove the execution of her order.
A useless thing the princess told her to keep, without Uranus ever grasping the reason or intention why.
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welcometomy20s · 3 years
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February 7, 2021
This is Part two of the introduction of Nijisanji. I have written for an audience who has just gotten to know vtubers through hololive and wants to explore more. This part cover all of Nijisanji members who has debuted in the year 2019.
2019 Part 1 (Jan-Apr)
Warabeda Meiji - Another eleven year old, but likes FF14 and K-On! So frequently described as an 11 year old third season. But she is genuinely cute! And a really good singer, so much so that her K-On cover gets banned for being too close!
Gundou Mirei - Actually a teacher, but definitely a ditzy and lazy one, that is incredibly sexual to an uncomfortable degree, you know, a fan favorite, including of mine. Watch her 3D streams and you will be amazed. Has a ship with Shoichi as mentioned before, even though she’s a self-professed bisexual. It’s odd but, you know, it works!
Yuzuki Roa - Kind of innocent devil like Towa, but more like a kid than an older sister. Really like Belmond. Was friends with Chitose, a retired member, and got a costume based on her a bit, and maybe is retiring herself, considering she hasn't uploaded for quite a few months now. Well, whatever. She’s cute and innocent.  
Onomachi Haruka - Another of the rare, truly seiso people in the team, but can go wild if the vibe goes that way. Lost and found a llama in minecraft once.
Seto Miyako - Kind of a quiet girl who might be psychopathic... you know the type. Her true tendencies pop up during gaming. Also tweets a lot... make sense.
Kataribe Tsumugu - Basically retired, but her concept was so shocking that it took Naruse Naru’s return of old design to push her into the bottom of the list.
Otogibara Era - She’s a Cinderella if she has gone completely out the window. People routinely separate the original Cinderella side as Era, and her true side as Gibara.
God, how do I describe her. Gibara is just great. Her adult comments are something to behold, let’s say she gels with Tamaki very well. She returns to monke often, and does other types of screams too... seriously look at her gacha stream and witness Gibara in her full glory. Also incredibly lazy and definitely cannot live by herself.
But as you have guessed it, she is an incredible singer. (It might be the case that incredible singing is associated with madness) Had knockout hit with her 3D stream, trending number one on twitter and 30,000 US dollars in superchats!
Lize Helesta - Queen of Shizuoka, I mean Heleste kingdom. Usually behaves like an empress, but as with most royalty has a real competitive spirit, so she knows how to badmouth when she needs to. So, she’s a really stingy person as well... not really fitting for a royalty, but you do know some people that act like that.
She’s a strange person. Look at asphalt or a handstand in order to sleep. Friends with Ange, who was a childhood friend, even with an age difference. Also does radio stuff with Lulu as well. Reveres Mito, wonder why. Again, incredible 3D debut.
Ange Katrina - Nice low-middle voice with a smooth upper body, and surprisingly small but that got fixed as 3D started. Think she’s cute, but blushes when people agree. Just a cool gal who I enjoy very much... her streams, I mean.
Inui Toko - She’s a cerberus, and now works at a cafe. A little bit out there, but definitely a tsukkomi. Usually does little gaming outside Minecraft, so mostly talks and sings. A unique laugh and loves Ensemble Stars. Hangs out with red and blue people, like Lize, Ange, Roa, Ayame, Suisei and so on. Actually is boing boing, Ange felt betrayed.
And as mentioned above, a great singer, and can play many instruments as well!
Saegusa Akina - High tension singer, who is quite sickly and is terrible with girls. But he got better as time went on and the ship with his gen mate Manami started to sail. Actually he hangs around with many girls... maybe it’s just Manami?
Arizona Manami - Ito Life’s daughter... so you know what she looks like. Calls herself the queen of sensitivity, and yes she does very suggestive streams... but she’s pretty innocent and childish... so she’s kind of like Melody in a way. Has a very fond-looking relationship with Akina as mentioned above.
Suzuhara Lulu - Just your typical art student. She’s a rich girl, so she knows very little about the outside world. Definitely has stamina of a thousand horses, famously played 11 hours of Dark Souls, then straight onto 10 hours of Ring Fit, and never got phased. Seriously, she never gets phased. She rode the freaking snake without a problem! Apparently really beautiful in real life, really has large expressions.
There’s a rumor going around that she’s actually some kind of an eldritch god... and I don’t know where that comes from at all. Look at her, she’s such a sweet gal, look at her dancing and singing... she’s a true idol, that’s what she is... (don’t hurt me.)
Yukishiro Mahiro - First-year high-schooler. Good variety of content. Her personality is of a rude kouhai. One viewer described her as a bad-tempered chihuahua. Really likes Kanae, which is okay, I guess. There’s not much more than that.
2019 Part 2 (May-Aug)
Ex Albio - A hero from a different world. Originally portrayed as a rude snarky figure, much like Kazuma without charm or luck but with perseverance. Got his fame through his noob Minecraft experience, as with Minecraft servers, they are ripe with collab opportunities, so he started to collab especially with Ars Almal, which he thinks as a mentor... and so they both talk in high register. Eventually became a couple.
Has a thing where he questions something and immediately denies it, which is quite funny. Eventually got a dark alter version due to the imagination tournament I talked about earlier, which brings the fact that he can’t fight until tragedy occurs.
Levi Elipha - Actually only six years old, and apparently dense, like physically dense. Great singer and good physique, does some English songs as well.
Nui Sociere - A 25-year old witch, but more like a NEET with an addiction to horse racing. Very much like Megumi in terms of magic abilities, but capable of melee.
Kind of sounds like Doraemon when she screams... usually plays JRPG... and well, just look at her. Damn... well, least you have something to look forward to.
Hayama Marin - Hayame is Hayame. She’s just a little kid with a pure mind. Yeah.
Hayato Kagami - CEO of a toy company, so called that. Polite and diligent, but like a CEO of a toy company, completely becomes a boy when getting a bit excited.
Actually is a great singer, maybe a trained singer as well. As a good example of rich getting richer, fans have a tendency to throw red superchat, a typical stream might hit 10K USD, even though there’s nothing particular going on.
Yorumi Rena - Idol magician, but no actual proof of her magic abilities. Plays APEX a lot. Very much an outgoing person with lots of collab from everyone. Hakase calls her mama. Sleep promptly at midnight, except when ARK was involved.
Also makes 8-bit art proficiently, does all her loading screen. A bit of a lewd mind.
Hakase Fuyuki - HIgh school girl who likes to experiment, but it’s obvious none of it ever works. Tries to ship Yorumi and Kagami, and calls him papa. Just absolutely in her own world and everyone is just privy to it... also incredibly bad at gaming.
Mayuzumi Kai - A white hacker. Very cool, but has a thing for comedy, almost to the level of Joe Riikichi, but laughs very little himself. Make sense, since he lost his parents at an early age and lived in the system, therefore is a night streamer. Very good with kids as a result, and very kind and polite as well.
Ars Almal - A mage who specializes in lightning. Started out by apologizing, gets bullied for her round face, usually by Shiina. Cute voice with toxic words with a knack for pranks and taunts. Actually is quite boing boing. Good at Minecraft construction, but get rough and dirty under the wheel, as in Mario Kart. Became a kitsune, and then immediately got compared to Fubuki... much like Fubuki in a sense.
Aiba Uiha - Another idol who is a bit out there, has a tendency to be clingy. Also has a large physique... kind of a denatured Lulu is what I’m getting at. Sisters with Ara Chae, incredibly bad eyesight, apparently. I can see that, actually.
Eli Conifer - A flower fairy and maid with a unique phrasing. Likes to immerse herself in games, very knowledgeable, especially with teas, and also handy at housework, and superb at drawing and singing. Ryushen and Rion think she’s a badass, and they might not be entirely wrong on that aspect, actually.
Kokoro Amaiya - Dragonborn, I think. But there’s no dragon anymore. Has that mumble-speak that people really don’t like. She’s very much kid-like in a sense, uh, so get put into the loli category much like her fellow peer. Incredibly weak.
Ratna Petit - Adventurer with an independent streak. Does games and ASMR, tries to be grown up during collabs, but retreats into a kid in solo streams. Got the infamous random deletion of the account that Kiara famously got.
Nijisanji ID Gen 1
Taka Radjiman - Another CEO, this time a food CEO. Usually streams games, but much like other CEOs here, a pretty good singer as well. Obviously a good cook as well.
ZEA Cornelia - She’s an automata. ZEA is short for Z-type Executive Automation. Likes to sing, and sung many songs including La Vien en Rose by IZONE! I really like her, her streams are bit odd and ZEA can carry a stream like no another.
Hana Macchia - A design student, much like Lulu. Likes drawing as you expect, also like gaming as well. Does some barista stuff as well, a kind of the ambassador of Nijisanji ID, since her father is American and her mother is Japanese, and she lives in Indonesia.
Papa Macchia appears on stream from time to time, and apparently was the progenitor of Hana’s gaming prestige as he played Doom and Half-Life. She’s on the cute side of things, but blushes when she gets called that. Also cries in horror, but screams in excitement... just overall a well-rounded in strangeness. I really like her.
2019 Part 3 (Sep-Dec)
Sukoya Kana - Incredibly smart, but also has an otaku and perverted side. Likes acting, as you might have guessed and bad at housework. Has a quiet voice, but gets savage when a game is involved. Pretty good at english as well. Does a radio show as well.
Oh, yeah, likes to throw up. It’s a thing. Also plays drums. She’s pretty cool.
Shellin Burgundy - Before Kanata did her PPT intro, Shellin was the first one. Professes himself to be a detective, but little lightheaded for that. Good narration voice, though, which means he’s a good singer as well. I kind of like him. He’s good.
Hayase Sou - An outdoorsy girl who likes cosplay and road biking. Kind of talks like she’s middle age, but she acts pretty young. And of course she likes shotas.
Fumi - It took over a year for her to debut. She’s a hikikomori gundam otaku and a goddess. A bit airheaded and pretty bad at gaming, and since she is 67, gets called grandma infrequently. She’s fun to watch. Has a ship with Nagao.
Hoshikawa Sara - Half Japanese and half English. Definitely a cool and tough, ready to take whatever sex jokes and insults you throw at her. Hangs out with Mahiro a lot, or with male members like Yumeoi, Ebio, Shellion or Kanda. Has a wide voice range, with a wide personality as well. There’s a sense of healing to her, honestly.
Obviously gets fangirled by many, including Matsuri, whose frequently red superchats her much to her confusion and relative embarrassment.
Yamagami Karuta - She’s a tengou in training, since she is filled with desires, mostly to connect with people. This is real, apparently. Has a ship with a staff member...
Matsukai Mao - Smartest devil... no, she’s an airhead like the rest of them. Apparently she can spit out crude oil... which is pretty useless. Definitely an unlucky, miserable person who needs to be protected at all times, and she relishes that like the devil she is.
Hangs around with Luis a lot in real life, apparently. Also plays APEX and stuff.
Emma August - Demon Lord that was thrown in an uprising, living with Morinaka Kazaki, and got a new house in February of last year. An alcoholic and a masochist, who gets berated by Kazaki of all people. Definitely not a loli, that’s for sure.
Luis Cammy - An expert thief, which excites Shellin very much. Seen as the leader of the gen, but found out to be much of a kid as the gen mates, especially around Shellin. They are a couple now, apparently. Oh yeah, she did an Outlast stream with a cat outfit and invited Shellin because she was scared? Now there's a loli version of her... yikes.
Fuwa Minato - A host, but a teetotaler, because of health problems... yet drinks Monster energy like it’s no business. A bit out there, as Nijisanji people are. A bit of a trickster, a bad boy if you will... right there with being good at games as well. He’s pretty cool.
Shirayuki Tomoe - When I first saw her, she felt like one of those people in mahjong tournaments. Well, she’s a queen of the night, so night-time streamer, although she has daytime streams as well. Strong drinker. Talks about SM, but also effortlessly friendly and a lovely person. I think she’s attractive, but I can see why people call her cute. She hates bugs, loves cute things, odd thoughts... feels like an aunt to me.
Very bad at reading kanji, not that she’s good at anything else. Likes to practice, hence preserved her way in the Mario Kart tournament. Does talk and ASMR streams with a third of her viewers being women. Likes Mirei, makes sense. Oh, she’s a nudist.
And don’t forget the relationship between Kana and her. Purported to be the most real of the ships of any vtubers. I believe it’s called Crossick. I don’t know too much.
Gwelu Os Gar - Presenter for the elf kingdom, hired as a presenter, since Nijisanji got so big and there’s only so many Kakeru around. Unfortunately seen as boring, and transitioned into kind of a Maimoto character.
Already married, I don’t know why that’s significant but there you go. Oh, and an actual dad! That is pretty significant. Although Setsuna also has a child, and had to retire to take care of the little baby. Teaches math to others, so that’s cool.
Mashiro - Recent high school graduate. He’s a boy. Yes, he has heels and boobs, but he’s a boy. And yes, he is a bit out there, stealing candies from the office.
Naraka - Another oni, and a loli-baba. Obviously a fan of the fellow oni, Mikoto... which has a queen kid relationship. And yes, her chest is smaller than Mashiro... sad.
Kurusu Natsume - 19-year old college student who likes music and sheep. Very smart and very normal. Has an ASMR test stream, which was pretty fun.
Nijisanji ID 2nd Gen
Rai Galliel - An interdimensional policeman. Likes cheese, but hate porridge due to only eating one for four months. Likes baking, pretty cool personality, if a bit straight edge.
Amicia Michella - A freelance illustrator, so the drawing is superb. Like sleep but also sports. Also penguins. Likes to play horror games pretty calmly. Raises two dogs, well one of them passed away late last year. Sang a 10cm cover?
Miyu Ottavia - A business student, and likes otters and is optimistic. Mostly plays RPG and online multiplayers. Tries to be cool, but look at her! She’s very cute.
Riksa Dhirendra - A 24-year-old freelancer and works as an editor and translator. Looks mean, but is actually a very decent gut. He is pretty competitive. Plays RPG.
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tokumusume · 4 years
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tokumusume’s list of best and worst movies and dramas watched in 2019:
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There’s a new category this year. Inspired by kpopalypse, welcome the Honorable Mentions! Movies that weren’t exactly bad but also weren’t good. Movies and dramas are qualified to enter if I watched them for the first time this year, not that they were released this year. Click on ‘keep reading’~~
Best Movies:
1.      Parasite
Another masterpiece from the director of Snowpiercer (let’s pretend Okja never existed). A poor family con their way to a rich household. Choi Woo-Shik from The Witch (see below) is the eldest son and mastermind, fabulous as always. Definitely the best movie of this year. For me, movie of the decade.
2.      The Witch Part 1 The Subversion
This movie is amazing, hard to describe without spoilers. A perfect mix of Stranger Things and Hanna. Choi Woo-Shik can come to my house and kick my ass anytime. I can’t wait for part two.
3.      Death Trance
Visually stunning, kinda like Amemiya Keita’s style in early Garo or Mad Max. I wish the movie was longer and the characters were better fleshed out, Ryuen the monk and the little girl had so much potential... The most interesting thing about this movie is how sexualized the main male character is compared to the female ones, and apparently, the swords were designed to look like veiny penises (can’t find a source for this info), and yes, they do look like veiny penises. The final showdown is heavy with sexual energy. Have I already said that Ryuen deserved better? #RyuenRights
4.      Gintama 2: Rules are made to be broken
The barber shop scene is a fucking cinematic masterpiece. I never laughed so much like I did with this movie. The way it doesn’t take itself seriously, the meta jokes, everything is perfect. Even better than the first one.
5.      Kingdom
While I think that some fight scenes were way too long (like the bamboo forest one), the dynamics between Shin and Hyou/Eisei were highly entertaining, at least in my shipper eyes. I like that (SPOILER) the King of the Mountain People is a woman and not once they try to call her Queen. She is a King. Hashimoto Kanna is adorable as a Ten, Kanata Hongo does a great job as Eisei’s psycho brother, Sakaguchi Tak waves his sword around, the usual stuff but with added layers of dirt and sweat.
6.      Bravestorm
A movie I lovingly call “Japanese Pacific Rim”. Full of Kamen Rider stars (Hino Eiji! Misuzawa Haruka! That girl from Heisei Generations, the one with a sword! She has a sword in this as well!) and giant robots (god, I love giant robots!), I waited so much for this movie and it exceeded my expectations. I just wish I could’ve watched in theaters, it had a limited showing in my country.
7.      Twelve Suicidal Children
What begins as a murder mystery ends with a twist you won’t see coming. All of the actors are amazing, but special mention to Sugisaki Hana and that guy from that one boy group I forgot the name but can’t be bothered to Google.
8.      Gakkou Gurashi
Four girls and their teacher try to survive the zombie apocalypse trapped inside the school. This one destroyed me for days.
9.      Forest of Love
I’ve watched some Sono Sion movies but nothing prepared me for this. Be aware of extremely gory sequences and sensitive topics. Hinami Kyoko is so amazing as blue-haired, punk girl crush Taeko that I totally didn’t notice she was AkibaBlue in Akibaranger.
10.  The Host
After watching Parasite I decided to go on a Bong Joon Ho binge and watched this horror movie. Not as good as Snowpiercer and Parasite in my opinion but heart-wrenching nevertheless. The little girl is the star of the movie.
11.  The Hungry Lion
A story about the dangers of social media and slut-shaming. I want to punch Mizuishi Atom in the face.
12.  Cromartie High
A little absurd comedy about yakuza-style high school boys (played by middle-aged men lol) forming a club to battle aliens summoned by themselves just because. It made me laugh like a child. A hidden gem.
Honorable Mentions:
1.      River’s Edge
Depressing as fuck. Warning: the cats die. It’s not graphic but it’s traumatizing. Yoshizawa Ryo is a gay boy who sleeps with old men for money. There’s a graphic sex scene (not Yoshizawa, sadly) where my only thought was “That thing is gonna get stuck in there! Use a condom!” Can’t remember much from it except for these three scenes.
2.      The Disastrous Life of Saiki K
Yamazaki Kento has the acting chops of a dead fish but it comes handy for playing a teen with psychic abilities and zero social skills. Hashimoto Kanna is one of the prettiest girls in Japan. Yoshizawa Ryo with white and blueish hair looks more like Sakata Gintoki than Oguri Shun in the Gintama live action. The end is a huge let down but the fun ride is worth it.
3.      Ano ko no, Toriko
Congratulations to Yoshizawa Ryo, he has FIVE movies in my list of favorite movies this year! This is to make up for crowning GIVER as the biggest waste of time of 2018, this list is totally not biased, lol. “Ano ko” could be just another romance movie but the (very) little insight into how the entertainment industry works and not focusing on school life made me love it. Poor Sugino Yosuke being left behind again, when will this boy get the main girl?
4.      Monstrum
It doesn’t reinvent the wheel but it’s pleasant enough to fill a rainy afternoon with a lot of blood and spilled guts. Hyeri of Girl’s Day is the heroine and Choi Woo Shik is the commander she falls in love with.
5.      Weirdo Go
I confess I watched this one just to see Ji Li (aka my snake son Nie Huaisang) dressed as a woman but it was enjoyable and not that problematic.
6.      Real - Kanzen Naru Kubinagaryu no Hi
Directed by the same guy that did “Creepy” and “Before we vanish”, there are lots of twists you won’t see coming. And a dinosaur. A fucking dinosaur.
7.      Tomodachi Game: The Final
The movie loses its focus halfway through then picks up again minutes before ending. Yoshizawa Ryo delivers again as the sadistic Yuuichi, much like his role in Gintama. The plot twists are the star of the movie.
8.     The Living Dead
Sorry Wen Ning. I saw the plot twist coming in the first 30 minutes of the movie, not very smart of the writer. His personality did a 180° turn for worse and I’ll demote the movie to an honorable mention for it. Gao Han is cute though, I would like to see him as a better character.
9.      Backstreet Girls
Some recycled scenes from the drama to situate the viewers, a completely new story for the movie, it is certainly funny and enjoyable, if you can get past the forced gender reassignment surgery background and transphobic jokes (you shouldn’t get past it btw). I like the soundtrack.
Best Dramas:
1.      The Untamed
Do I need to say more?
2.      The Tale of Nokdu
This Korean romance had everything to be a mess but it wasn’t!!! *claps* I don’t hate the main female character and the whole palace politics actually kept me interested until the end. The complete shift of atmosphere mid-season was strange at first but ultimately very welcomed.
3.      The Naked Director
Netflix original Japanese content is amazing. This one is a look at the life of a legendary porn director in the late 80s, I learned a lot about the history of Japanese porn and censorship (yay pixels!) and went looking for his, erm, works. Very graphic, 69/10 don’t recommend watching with people in the house.
4.      Channel wa Sonomama!
I don’t remember it well but it’s about a news station and what is like to be a journalist and it was very interesting and funny.
5.      SCAMS
Forgettable. Sugino Yosuke with black hair cons old people via phone calls.
Worst Movies and Dramas:
1.      The cat in their arms
The cats spend 90% of the movie in human forms, and halfway through it they simply abandon the cats’ plot to show a fucking long montage of a weird guy painting a picture of a nude girl. It’s also super creepy to see a grown-up man acting like a cat, getting belly rubs and eating cat food from a bowl. Yoshizawa needs to choose his roles more wisely.
2.      Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun
A waste of Suda Masaki’s talent. Can Japan stop casting Tsuchiya Tao already?
3.      Samurai Marathon
Almost two hours of dirty men running through a forest. Maybe Japanese History experts will enjoy it, because I certainly didn’t.
4.      Lady Vengeance
While there are legit great moments, I didn’t find this “classic” to be anything special. The animal cruelty was too much for me.
5.      Hot Gimmick
This movie makes Bohemian Rhapsody’s editing look like a work of art. There are more flashing cuts than a T-ARA music video. I have no idea who likes who, who’s banging who, what even are they saying. Too much poetic shit for my like. I wanted to see Shimizu Hiroya naked. I was bamboozled.
6.      The Divine Fury
While some parts were interesting, at the end I still don’t know if the protagonist is possessed by a demon (if yes, then why would he help a priest destroy his friends?) or if he was blessed by God when his father died and talked to him (the glowing hand thing, why and how??). The exorcism parts are really, really scary, or maybe I’m just a chicken, but I had to avert my eyes. The best (only) part is that the protagonists are hot. Hello Woo Do-Hwan, you can sacrifice me to Satan any time…
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ecoamerica · 22 days
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youtube
Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared
The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!
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docholligay · 5 years
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Misery, Rocks
Angstober day 12: I never loved you anyway. 1200 words, Talismans AU. Please tell me if you like it! Whole Au is here. 
Haruka’s hand hurt. 
It hurt because she had slammed it into the tough plaster wall of the place that she and Michiru shared, some swanky apartment where everything was constructed of brick and stone and concrete. It hurt because Haruka was stupid, and hadn’t stopped to consider that the walls were not the paper thin things that she had grown up with, which bent to a whisper. It hurt because Michiru didn’t love her anymore, because she’d left and Haruka had known no other way to handle the roiling in her chest. It hurt because no one was there to hold her, to touch her, to give her the gentleness that she could never ask for, and here she was, again, dying of thirst in a desert. 
It hurt because Michiru had never loved her at all. 
She had said that, Haruka remembered, though she wasn’t sure she remembered it right. Haruka was a burden and Haruk was stupid and she had never loved Haruka, Haruka had only ever been a toy because people didn’t take girls like Haruka seriously, how could they? 
A sob broke from her throat like a stone through the window, and she hated it even as the glass cut long, jagged lines through the soft, hidden parts of her. She shouldn’t be crying. She couldn’t be a pussy on top of all this. Michiru was right, she should have seen all this coming. 
You’re so fucking stupid how could you think anyone would want to keep you fuck you’re dumb you’re dumb and you fuck everything--
Haruka slammed her fist into the same spot on the wall, and it resisted her once again, her hand once again screaming pain up into her brain stem, and tears came to her eyes again as she sank to the floor, cradling her hand against her chest. 
There was no point to any of it. She’d tried so hard to learn the things she needed to learn, so Michiru wouldn’t be embarrassed at fancy parties, and with her family. She had learned how to ballroom dance, and even Michiru’s friend Aki said she was a natural, and had beautiful lines, and that was something, wasn’t it? She’d carefully kept the silk ties and fine suits Michiru had given her, nice and neat so Haruka would know how much she appreciated them. She was trying really hard with the manners, and she thought she was doing okay, but the book was really big, and Haruka read slow, but she was going to work on art and music next, too. 
Haruka had spent hours trying to be the sort of woman who would deserve Michiru’s hand. But because she was stupid, she hadn’t seen the truth. That she could shine herself up as much as she wanted, but she was a pair of Payless shoes, and that’s all she’d ever be. 
Michiru didn’t even know what Payless was. 
Haruka leaned against the wall and looked over to the liquor cabinet. Most of the alcohol in it was fancy, something Michiru wanted for fine cocktails and entertaining, but the one good part in all of this was that it no longer mattered what Michiru wanted. 
She dragged herself to her feet and slowly made her way to the cabinet, taking a bottle of Yamakazi off the shelf and pulling off the cork, making sure to grip the neck of it tightly with her already-bruising hand, letting the lightning pain shoot up her arm and remind her of every stupid thing she’d done. 
It burned on her mouth, the complexity of it lost on her but still the perfect highball of whisky and sorrow as enjoyable as ever. 
Haruka wasn’t that different from her mother, after all, and it was probably only a matter of time till she moved onto something harder, too. It made sense that if her mother couldn’t love Haruka, even strung out, so Michiru couldn’t be expected to, either. She was born in a district of people that were forgotten, and that’s where she’d die. 
She took another long, deep drink of the Yamakazi, and she couldn’t tell if it was the drink or her tears that blurred the neon and streetlights into one of oil paintings she’d never see with Michiru again. 
“Sheesh.” Mina was standing at the door, shaking her head, and let it swing behind her. “Pathetic.” 
Haruka tightened her grip on the bottle, trusting the pain to keep her focused. 
“The fuck do you want?” She scowled, and for a moment, she felt truly angry. How dare Mina intrude on her moment, on her sadness, on what she might have called fear, if she had the courage to do so. 
It was a relief, to feel angry. 
“Michiru called, said you were doing,” she put a hand out in front of her, “all of this. I’m here to stop you, I guess.” 
“The fuck does she care?” Haruka hammered the bottle back down onto the bar, but Mina did not so much as flinch. 
“Your command of the Japanese language is stunning.” She walked toward Haruka, unimpressed. “I’m your commanding officer and it’s in my best interests that you don’t get fucking killed, so I don’t care if she doesn’t care.” 
“What?” Haruka shrugged. “Here to tell me that my life is valuable, and I matter, and all that shit?” 
“No,” she snorted, “I’m here to tell you senshi aren’t a renewable resource,” Mina leaned against the wall next to her. “But you can imagine I said all those things if you want to play pretend.” 
See? No one cares about you. How could they? Your life doesn’t matter and the only worthwhile thing you can do is die and no one will even noti--
“You two done?” Mina looked over disinterestedly. “Fucking around?”
“Yeah,” Haruka slumped forward onto the dining room chair, hand still clinging to the bottle, “we’re done.”
“Right.” Mina clapped her hands together. “Haruka, I don’t like you.” 
“Who does?” She asked the table. 
“But I need you, so, you’re coming to the Crown with me.” Mina walked over to the closet and drew a jacket out of it. “Here. Let’s go.” 
Haruka stiffened. “I don’t want to fucking go to the arcade.”
Mina slammed the coat down next to her. “Well, I have to meet Rei and Usagi down there in twenty minutes, and I’m not gonna leave you here to get yourself on the news by dying in a heiress’ apartment, so put your fucking coat on, we’re going.” 
“I don’t--”
Mina stepped into her face. ‘You think I fucking want you around, bro? Your radiant, charming fucking personality keeps me warm at night? No! But, I’m a professional, and you’re a soldier, and so we’re going to pull this together. Now pick. Up. That. Coat.” 
That was twice today, that someone had told Haruka how little they wanted her around. Maybe she’d go back to her mother’s apartment after this and make it a hat trick. 
But she picked up her coat, following orders, and slipped it over her shoulders, delighting in the terrible pain as she worked her hand through the sleeve. Michiru never loved her, and none of the other senshi ever would, but there was hope. She was a soldier, and she was brave, and she was stupid, and sometimes that was all it took to die a hero. 
She hoped if she couldn’t be loved, she could at least be that.
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murasaki-murasame · 5 years
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Thoughts on Sarazanmai Episode 6: “I Want To Connect, So I’m Not Giving Up”
All things considered, this episode was way more positive and hopeful than I expected, but it still hurt in it’s own way, and Ikuhara is still aiming to literally murder me with these post-ED scenes.
I was worried that Ikuhara wasn’t going to be able to pace out an 11-episode anime properly, but thus far it’s been fine, and this episode in particular gives me hope that the rest of the show will be just as good.
Also, I really think that anyone watching the show by this point needs to at least check out the ReoMabu prequel manga, if not also their twitter account, so you can get more context for their relationship, now that they’re becoming more prominent.
Anyway, thoughts under the cut.
It almost feels like a spoiler to include the episode title at the top of the post, since it’s one of the big emotional climaxes of the whole episode, but oh well. I still really love how this series is using it’s episode titles to hammer in specific emotions at the end of each episode.
This episode title also reflects how this is the episode where the patterns that have made up the show thus far have pretty much veered off-track. There were no musical numbers, no transformation scenes, no new Lucky Selfie Item, the kappa zombie of the week is determined to have love instead of desire, and for the first time ever, the episode title is actually a positive one that shows how Kazuki has grown as a person. I haven’t watched Penguindrum or Yuri Kuma Arashi yet, but I really like how Ikuhara intentionally deviates from the episodic patterns he sets up in order to create a sense of dissonance and change, and this is a great example of that. It really feels like this is the halfway mark that’s bridging the two halves of the show. I wouldn’t be surprised if the kappa zombie of the week stuff more or less stops after this, with how Reo and Mabu seem to be changing tactics, and the main trio are more aware of how the process works and how they’re erasing people from existence by defeating the kappa zombies.
Even though this is just the mid-season climax [and the point where the first of the two light novel volumes ends], it really feels like it could almost work as a full-on season finale, or at least a penultimate episode, with how it pretty much wraps up Kazuki’s entire character arc. But we still have five more episodes to go, and the post-ED scene in particular makes it clear that there’s still more to delve into. As I said above, I was worried that, based on what I’ve heard about Yuri Kuma Arashi, Ikuhara isn’t good at properly pacing out 1-cour anime, but this episode in particular makes it feel like if he was bad at it before, he’s certainly gotten a lot better at it. The pacing actually sorta reminds me of Planet With from last year, in how it feels like every single scene in this show is meaningful, and it feels like there’s more development than you get in most full series.
And on the note of Kazuki’s development, it didn’t go at all how I expected, but I’m really happy with how it went. I was honestly expecting Haruka to get turned into a kappa zombie and for the main trio to find out about the ‘erasure from existence’ thing after they defeated him, so I was surprised to see that he got saved, and I definitely wasn’t expecting it to also involve Kazuki finally accepting his brother’s love and saving him, after being given the choice to basically kill himself to erase all of his sins.
I think we can all agree that that whole sequence in this episode was ultimately a metaphor for him being suicidal and thinking that if he could die, or if he could have never been born in the first place, then everything would be better. There was just a vague plot mechanism in place to make him think that that might be genuinely true. Kazuki is a really complex and divisive character in a lot of ways, but moments like this really make it clear that he’s just a depressed teenager who feels unworthy of love. So it was nice to see Enta and Toi come through to save him before he could go through with killing himself [especially with how that whole bit incorporated Toi’s gun and Enta’s soccer skills].
The big climax of Kazuki’s arc, and his acceptance of Haruka’s love, ties in a lot with how we finally get some fairly blunt info about how society works in this series, and what exactly the loss of a Shirikodama means for a person. Like with how basically every Ikuhara anime is ultimately concerned with the idea of society being made of an in-group and an out-group, with being forced into the out-group being equivalent to death [but also to transcendence, sometimes], people in Sarazanmai are connected via their Shirikodama, and the linked desires that they represent, with those who cannot ‘connect desires’ being forced out of that circle of connection, and erased from existence. There’s a lot of in-universe lore and jargon going on there, but it basically boils down to ‘isolated outcasts get rejected and forgotten’. But on a more small-scale and personal level, this episode also explores the idea of smaller social circles, and the way that people can be rejected from them, and reject themselves from them. Kazuki feels that he was always on the outside of the circle after he found out that he was adopted into his family, and he’s been pushing Haruka away and refusing to connect with him directly for a variety of reasons. He’s been intentionally rejecting himself from that circle this whole time, and his big emotional realization in this episode is that Haruka genuinely loves him and just wants to have a normal relationship with him, and that he can allow himself to be loved and accepted into that circle. He can allow himself to be chosen. The fact that Haruka wants Kazuki to know that they’re a part of a circle together, from beginning to end, pretty much encapsulates all of that.
We also learn that part of why Haruka also has his own self-loathing issues going on is because he stole Kazuki’s mother’s scent pouch and rejected her out of fear that she’d steal Kazuki away from him. So he probably feels responsible for what ended up happening that day when Kazuki went to go see his mother at the train station.
I really hope we get to see the two of them interacting and talking things out soon. In a lot of ways their whole arc together has basically wrapped up, but it’ll still be nice to actually see their relationship improving.
I’m curious to see if Kazuki’s going to ever go back to his cross-dressing days now that the whole Sara thing has been exposed, and he’s finally allowed himself to love and be loved by Haruka as himself. I guess that’ll be what shows whether he only cross-dressed solely to try and connect with Haruka, or if he also had other reasons for it.
I have the wonder what’s gonna happen with the main trio now that Kazuki’s come to his big character development climax moment, and they all have a better understanding of how the kappa zombie thing works, and about the broader otter/kappa conflict. It’s also worth noting that, since they apparently defeated the sachet kappa zombie for good this time, they should have their fourth silver plate of hope, so they should just be one away from getting a full gold one. I’m really curious to see how that turns out, since I don’t think Kazuki is going to care about it at this point, since he’s managed to restore his relationship with Haruka without it. I think he’ll just let Toi or Enta use the gold plate for their own wish instead. And out of the two of them, with how things are going, it seems like Enta will probably end up letting Toi make the wish for himself.
It’s worth pointing out that even though Kazuki’s development more or less wrapped up here, there’s presumably more to do with Toi and Enta and their own personal conflicts. I think they’re each going to get one more focus episode before the anime wraps up. I don’t know entirely how their own stories will end, but Toi still needs to sort things out with him and his brother, and Enta clearly has to do SOMETHING about his repressed crush on Kazuki.
I would say that it feels like there’s actually not much more that even needs to happen with the main trio at this point since they’ve gotten so much focus and development already, but that’s where Reo and Mabu come in, since they’re clearly going to be way more prominent in the second half. The synopsis preview for episode 7 seems to imply that we’ll get more backstory for them, which will hopefully include the short chapter from the light novel that the anime’s apparently skipped over thus far. At the very least, this episode’s post-ED scene is enough to make it clear that there’s a lot to learn about them.
At first I was super thrown off by that whole scene, mostly because the art used for the backgrounds was so stylized that it looked like it took place on some fantasy planet, but after thinking about it, it makes sense, and I think it still slots into the same timeline as the manga and their twitter account. I think that their twitter account basically ended with the two of them getting drafted into the Otter Empire, and the post-ED scene in this episode shows them serving in the empire afterwards, and Mabu getting killed in the middle of them trying to finally capture Prince Keppi. It’s all very sudden, but it makes sense. And obviously we’ll learn more about it later.
It still looks like Mabu is being kept alive by a mechanical heart, which was probably provided by the Otter Empire in exchange for their continued service. But we still don’t know exactly how he got given that heart, and what his maintenance entails. It seems interesting that his situation resembles what Keppi said about the effects of having a Shirikodama removed, but Mabu still seems to be around, and Reo still remembers him and their history together, even if Mabu does seem to have lost his emotions. Maybe his mechanical heart is basically keeping him in a stasis where he’s not completely rejected from the circle like the defeated kappa zombies are. It might be worth noting that we’ve also only seen Reo interact with Mabu at all thus far, but that might just be a coincidence.
It looks like their goal, or at least Reo’s, has shifted over to capturing Keppi once and for all now that they’ve seen him in the security camera footage of the main trio saving Haruka. It definitely looks like his ultimate plan is probably to use Keppi to make a gold plate of hope that he can use to wish Mabu back to how he used to be. And honestly at this point I think he deserves it, lol. The main trio’s problems are all just real-life relationship issues that can be resolved through communication and honesty, but Reo doesn’t really have much of a choice if he wants to fix the issue of Mabu being a living corpse fueled by a magical mechanical heart.
I’m really curious to see how their methods change after this, now that they have a more concrete goal. I wonder if they’ll keep making new kappa zombies each episode, or if they’ll continue to play a more active role in things.
At the very least, I think that there’ll be a sequence later on where the two of them get their own Sarazanmai musical sequence and secret-leaking scene. It’d just make sense in a lot of ways if we find out that, similar to the main trio, they can transform into otters and do the whole Sarazanmai thing.
I’m also still curious to see if/when their connection to Sara comes up in the story, especially since it seems like the prequel manga is probably canon to the anime. I think it’d at least be weird if it doesn’t come up at all, since the fact that they raised Sara seems like a pretty big deal.
And on the note of her, and the prequel manga’s plot in general, this episode raises even more questions, even if it answers at least one. At the very least, it looks like the sleepwalking dude at the end of the manga was her manager, and the silhouetted figure with a crown was Prince Keppi. But even knowing that just raises it’s own questions. In particular, why didn’t Keppi mention Sara in his whole info-dump about the otter/kappa war? He basically acted like he was the only surviving member of his kingdom, but Sara [and her manager] are obviously still around. She’s even a popular TV idol, and even uses her kappa form as a mascot, so Keppi should at least be aware that she exists. So I wonder if he might be intentionally trying to hide his connection to her, for one reason or another. In particular, I wonder if maybe Keppi is trying to protect her from the Otter Empire by acting like he’s the only kappa left alive, so they won’t get suspicious of her. Though it’s hard not to think that his overall motives might be more sinister after his episode, so who knows.
I have a feeling that Sara might also have the power to produce dishes of hope like Keppi can, regardless of what he says about him being the only one able to do that. If she does, I could see that leading to an ending where she’s able to grant Reo’s wish, and they can basically go back to being a family together.
This episode kinda makes me even more confused about Sara in general, though. Now that we know more about the reality of the war going on, and the kappa being a nearly extinct kingdom, you’d think that she wouldn’t be quite so flippant about transforming into a kappa in public, or using her kappa form as a mascot on TV. Episode 5 also made her seem a lot more . . . spacey and off in her own world, in a way, than how she seemed at the end of the prequel manga. I wonder how she feels about all of this.
I was a bit worried that the show has been spending so much time on the main trio that it wouldn’t have enough time to really go into Reo and Mabu, and the whole otter/kappa conflict, and so on, but it looks like all of that is becoming a lot more important now, and this episode already spelled out a lot of info, so I think it should work out fine.
I really want to check out the light novels now, but I’ve already decided that I’ll wait until near the end of the year to buy both volumes together. I did import the ReoMabu manga yesterday, though, so that should get here next week. I have a feeling I’ll also end up importing the physical volumes of the new manga adaptation as well, lol.
All in all, this was a really fantastic episode. I’m really happy that Ikuhara hasn’t lost his touch, and that we’re still getting such great shows from him. Now I’m just crossing my fingers and hoping that the second half of the show can stick the landing.
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maddogofshimano · 3 years
Text
New Years Haruka Character Story
Y1 Spoilers
I did a fresh translation on this one because I know I super rushed it the first time through because I was frantically grinding diamonds. This one is simultaneously very sweet and raises several questions.
Here’s the card! It’s very pretty.
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Summary: It’s 2011, and Kiryu has something he needs Haruka to pick up in Kamurocho. She goes by herself, and with the help of Date retrieves this special item. Unfortunately, it’s not what either of them are expecting, and the Tojo Clan seems desperate to get their hands on it...
2011. Haruka is in her third year of middle school.
Summer vacation is just about over, Haruka's a little sad about that. Haruka asks if Kiryu's bought everything for dinner. 
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He says he has, but he has something he needs Haruka to do. She asks if he needs her to buy something else. He says no. He actually... wants her to go to Kamurocho. There's a person there who's been holding onto something for him. He'd like Haruka to go pick it up. She needs to do it directly.
Haruka agrees, and asks if she can to go right away? She doesn't have anything prepped. Kiryu says that Morning Glory will be fine, don't worry. She leaves Kiryu in charge of the cooking, since it was her turn. Kiryu says he'll make "Man Food" (Tl note: bachelor meal?)
The next day she arrives in Kamurocho.
Haruka: Uncle Kaz said that someone from Sunflower should be meeting me here... ?: Haruka-chan! Haruka: Ah, Takako-san! It's been so long! Takako: It has! You've gotten so pretty...! I was really surprised to get a phone call from Kiryu-san. Here's what he wanted me to hand over. It's a little heavy. Haruka: I'll put it in this bag then. Thank you so much! I'm glad this was so easy to pick up. Takako: Sorry, I'd invite you over for lunch but Sunflower is in the middle of spring cleaning right now... Haruka: No don't worry, I'm sorry to have been a burden. Tatako: Well, I'm off! If you ever are in the area again, give me a call. Give Kiryu-san my regards!
Haruka thanks her and wonders if this is the thing that Kiryu needed her to pick up personally. She thinks it'd be a good idea to check it... but she's starving, and she sees a Smile Burger. A goon bumps into her, and they both drop their bags.
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 He cusses her out, she says that he's the one that bumped into her, he is incensed that she would dare talk back to him. Thankfully, Date arrives. 
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The goon asks if this asshole is her dad.
Date: Heh. That firecracker's dad is unlike anyone else in the world. I'm just his friend.
The goon throws hands, as goons are want to do. Date kicks his ass. The goon quickly snatches his bag and flees, promising that he won't forget this! Date makes sure that Haruka is alright, and says if she comes to Kamurocho she should really let him know. Where's Kiryu anyways? 
Haruka answers that this time she's here all by herself. Date wants to know why the hell she'd do that. She explains that Kiryu wanted her to pick up... where'd the bag go? Date points it out, it seems it got displaced during the fight.
Haruka's worried that whatever she needed to pick up might have been broken, so they should check... Date is tired of standing around and invites her to New Serena, he'll make some food. Haruka asks if Date also makes "Man Food". He laughs and says she should look forward to eating it.
<Part 2>
Turns out Date is a good cook! He says he's pretty meticulous about it, and that Saya is also fond of it, though she wishes he had been that good at it a long time ago. They open the bag up to check what's inside. It's something small, and pretty securely wrapped. It's...
A pistol. A real one.
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A yakuza bursts into New Serena with a knife. He's been looking for Haruka, and wants her to hand that bag over. Date recognizes the man's pin, he's Tojo Clan! The goon says that if they won't hand it over, he'll just have to beat it out of them. Date beats this guy too, and he runs off fast. 
Haruka asks if that was a Tojo goon, Date confirms and says that if they know about that pistol, they're going to keep trying to take it... We really need to know why Kiryu wanted you to get this so badly
Haruka agrees and calls Kiryu.
Kiryu: Ah, Haruka? Did you already make the pickup? Kiryu: You shouldn't take it out of the bag very often. Haruka: Something that I shouldn't take out... so this is genuine? Kiryu: That's right, and it's high quality. I think you're grown up enough to have it now. Haruka: I'm grown up enough...! Uncle Kaz, what the heck do you mean...!? Voice over the phone: Excuse me? Kiryu: Ah, sorry. Someone's here, I'll have to cut this short. Haruka: U-Uncle Kaz! Haruka: .... Date: What'd he say? Haruka: That I'm grown up enough, so it's fine for me to have this... Date: What? What does that mean... Haruka: I don't know either... Uncle Kaz, he hung up in the middle of talking... Date: ...I don't want to believe it. I really don't want to believe it, but... Haruka: ? Date: Well, maybe Kiryu's returning to the yakuza... Haruka: Eh...? Date: I can't think of any other situation where he would need a gun. Then the Tojo Clan heard about this gun's existence, and decided to steal it. Date: There's probably going to be a lot of people who aren't happy about Kiryu returning. Haruka: B-But, they'd definitely find this at the airport...! Date: Didn't you hear that Kiryu is coming here? In that case, wouldn't he just meet up with you and pick it up then? Haruka: (That's... Uncle Kaz is going to...!) Haruka: .......... Date: ...Haruka? Haruka: I'm going to get rid of this thing! <Haruka runs out of New Serena> Date: Hey, wait!
<Part 3>
Haruka is looking for somewhere to throw away the gun where no one will find it. Unfortunately she is found by the goon from part 1. He wants her to return what she's got right now! Haruka is surprised he said "return", and asks if he means this gun? The goon says that since she went and looked inside... he'll just have to erase her!
Thankfully Date is here to rescue Haruka again. He's pretty winded, he's not as young as he used to be. The goon says that Date's been a real pain in his ass, and fights him again, and loses again.
Date: Whew... Calm down Haruka. If anything happened to you I'd never be able to show my face around Kiryu again. Haruka: Sorry... Date: Hey, why are you trying to drag Haruka into this? Is this some kind of payback? Goon: Ugh, i-it's... Haruka: Before you said to "return that"... Were you talking about this gun...? Goon: Huh...? You, you didn't notice? Haruka: Eh? Goon: We took the wrong bags. I got yours, and you got mine. Date: What? Goon: Look, this is your bag. Haruka: Ah! They're identical!! Date: Then, it was crazy to think Kiryu would send Haruka out to retrieve a gun for him. Damn, I really cried wolf on that one... Me and my big imagination. Date: I'm really sorry, Haruka. I shouldn't have worried you like that. Haruka: It's okay, I caused you a lot of trouble too... I'm sorry. Date: Well, there's one person that could have prevented this whole mess. Oi. Goon: Y-Yeah... Date: I'm a detective, so don't even think you can escape and do whatever it is you were planning with this gun. Goon: Ughhh... Date: So, what did Kiryu actually want you to pick up? Let's open it. Haruka: Yeah, let's take a look. ...This is........ Haruka: A kimono? <Haruka returns to Morning Glory> Kiryu: ...So that's what happened, huh? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you go by yourself. Haruka: It's okay. Date helped me. By the way, Uncle Kaz. What was the reason that you wanted me to pick up these clothes by myself? Kiryu: ...Because of this letter, you should read it.
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  Haruka: A letter...? Kiryu: It's from the person who got that kimono for you. Haruka: Umm...
To Haruka, If you're reading this letter, that means I wasn't able to give you this myself. That's a shame, I have always hoped to give you this kimono when you got older. I hope that wearing this kimono when you make the first shrine visit of the year brings you much happiness. Please be happy. That is my only wish. From Yumi
Haruka: .......... Uncle Kaz.....!! Kiryu: Yeah. ...Well, try it on. Let's see how it looks.
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Haruka: Alright. Haruka: How is it, Uncle Kaz?
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Kiryu: ...It looks great on you. Yumi would have said the same. Haruka: Thank you, Uncle Kaz. Haruka: ...Thank you. Mom.
<END>
Bonus stuff: this isn’t a bonus at all but hey Date? Hey Date??? You’re really just going to... help Kiryu rejoin the Tojo Clan via his daughter picking up a gun for him????? You are so ride or die it’s a problem. What the hell man!
This is the only time I can think of them explicitly referencing Kiryu visiting Kamurocho post Y3 that isn’t during one of the games. It wasn’t a hard assumption to make, Akiyama seems to know Haruka pretty well in Y5 despite not interacting in Y4, but it’s cool to have that confirmed directly.
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sabraeal · 4 years
Text
All That Remains, Chapter 5: The Flower Garden of the Woman Who Could Conjure [Part 2]
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4
Written for @claudeng80‘s birthday, and only....a few weeks late! Had this thing not become a BEAST it would have arrived on time but...who doesn’t want a 9K birthday gift?
Perhaps it is lies that make men human.
Ah, you shake your head-- surely not, for man is more than vice, more than our venal sins--
But it is stories that bind us, is it not? Tales that start as words between friends, that then are pulled as taffy in the teeth of those that tell them, that become exaggerated, distended in their telling.
If at the kernel of every story is a truth, then it is one that is surrounded by lies.
Or perhaps that is only what liars tell themselves when they must live with what they’ve done.
Why would you leave Wistal for Lilias?
It was the first question any of them asked-- unless her reputation had preceded her, and then the conversation would shift sharply to Garack and her apprenticeship, to whether all the rumors they had heard about Wistal’s Head Pharmacist were true.
(They had only been disappointed when she didn’t know; she’d hardly been there a year, and though she’d studied closely under her, Garack hadn’t seen fit set aside a lesson to rifle through the rumor mill’s latest)
It’s cold here, Suzu had reminded her that first trip, as if she could forget with how both her heaviest cloak and double stockings that still could not keep out the chill. At least then she’d had a mission she could speak of, an excuse she could throw up a shield against more unwanted questions. After all, all of them abhorred missing data.
It had been harder the second time, when the whole of this golden opportunity had seemed stained with Izana’s touch, had seemed tainted by his test. She’d been lucky those first few days; they’d been less interested in her answer, and more interested in issuing their dire warnings. It gets colder than this, Kazaha had told her, puffed up with his own importance, colder than you’ve ever known.
Then Obi had arrived, coming in with the snow, as he’d told everyone that would listen, and well-- as interesting as Garack Gazalt’s red head assistant was, her mysterious attendant was even more so. At least, for a while, and then they were just another part of Lilias, another pair of heads over a sea of furs.
Still, you must miss it, Yuzuri would say, wistful, it’s so warm there.
I miss the mornings, she had said once, tucked between her and Ryuu at the commissary. Birds would sing me awake.
Too early, Obi had scoffed, wrinkling his nose. They see the sun and go crazy.
Just early enough. The corner of her mouth curved as she met his grin. You just get to bed too late.
Talk to my mistress about that. It’s too much to look at him sometimes when he teases like that, when he pretends it isn’t her that he’s talking about. She’s the one who likes to burn candles at both ends.
Stories are apt to praise the little girls who walk them as kind, as obedient, perhaps even clever should they outwit a sufficiently evil witch or an especially corrupt king. But this little girl-- kind as she was, clever as she was-- was dogged, was stubborn.
Ah, how rare such a thing is, at least in stories. It is a detail to be left out in the telling, to be lost to the years, to be replaced with a kindly figure that gives her wisdom, but now--
Now the tale is fresh, heavy with the truth, and you may know: even with assurances from the adults around her, the little girl did not take the boy’s disappearance lying down, oh no.
She would not suffer losing her home.
Even though it is the birds that wake her, it does nothing for the bleak knot in her belly, only grown tighter as she’s slept. Or rather, as she didn’t; her mattress may be feathers and her sheets may be silk, but neither were any help as she lay there, finding faces in her canopy.
Still, the morning will not wait, not even for a princess. Her hours are full, from sunrise to moonrise, and on most nights, beyond. If she means to keep pace with her promises, she has to start early.
A woman of proper standing would have a maid to dress her-- no, a woman meant to be Zen’s wife would have a team of them to do her entire toilette, but Shirayuki has only herself. A pharmacist’s purse was nothing to sneeze at, but it didn’t pay the way an estate would, and even if she could afford the expense--
Well, Kiki dressed herself. There was no reason she couldn’t either, not when she was already in the practice of it.
“I’m not wearing court dress,” Kiki reminds her, mouth canted kindly, when she sees the state of her morning gown, hook and eyes flapping open like a wound down her back. “They aren’t meant to be put on alone.”
“That’s what Haruka said, too,” Shirayuki murmurs, hands braced on her vanity.
In the mirror, Kiki’s brows raise. “You had Marquis Haruka talk to you about your toilette?”
“Against his will,” she assures her, breathless, before she realizes what that sounds like. “I mean, not that I-- he was berating me--”
Kiki holds up a hand, lips quivering. “I can picture the scene.”
“Oh.” Her cheeks heat, glowing pink in the glass. “Of course.”
“I’m nearly done.” Her fingers are nearly as deft as Obi’s, making quick work of the horde of hooks. “Since I’m back here, is there something I could put in your hair?”
“Oh! If you don’t mind.” Shirayuki reaches out to where she keeps her clips, flipping open the chest, and--
And they lay next to each other, stark against the pale velvet: her hairpins. The ones Obi had given her. Her hand shakes as she brushes against the carved flowers of one, against the smooth tassel of the other. She has a box of combs as well, bought on her travels under Obi’s urging, and--
“Is there any news?” She wishes she could sound brighter, less worried, but--
You don’t know anything about me, Miss.
--but despite all Zen’s assurances, this knot in her gut only sinks further, heavier with each passing hour.
Kiki hisses, fingers slipping on a clasp. “No,” she says finally, hooking it with a violent jerk. “Not yet.”
Her heart clenches, ribs squeezing as tight as any corset. “Ah.”
Kiki lifts her gaze, meeting hers in the mirror. “Don’t worry, it’s only been a night.”
“Oh, right.” Still, the tightness in her chest doesn’t ease, doesn’t let her breathe easier. “They probably need-- time. To search.”
“Yes.” Kiki’s gaze drops, fixing to the last clasp. “Exactly. Did you find what you wanted?”
Shirayuki stares at the hairpins, the best she has--
Shouldn’t Master be helping you with this, Miss?
And closes the box.
She turns to Kiki, smile bright, tight. “Why don’t you just pick out one of my combs? Any will do, I think.”
It is not that the girl was not trusting-- for all girls in these stories must be trusting to a fault, must first fall for the lies meant to keep them safe-- but it was only that unlike other before her, she trusted herself as well.
The boy was her home, a part of her. Just as she might step through the door and know that there was still an ember smoldering in the hearth, she knew that something was wrong with the waiting, with the way those around her would say, he will come back on his own, he only needs time.
One does not need to see smoke to know a fire burns. And the girl did not need to prod wounds to know her boy was hurting.
Kiki cannot come to her every morning, she knows-- if Shirayuki were a princess in more than aspiration, she might be able to merit a countess as a guard, but as little more than a pharmacist living off the goodwill of the crown, she knows the assignment has caused tongues to wag, and not just below stairs.
Good, Obi would say, about time all those fancy nobles started guessing what you’re worth, Miss.
That would bring a smile, usually; as uncomfortable as this sort of attention was, Obi always made it sound exciting, as if each drawn eye was an accomplishment. As if every turned head was a coup.
But he’s not here now. And who lays beyond her door--
“Mitsuhide!” she gasps, glad she chose a gown she could close herself. “Are you with me today?”
“For a while, at least.” He smiles, stepping closer to loom pleasantly over her. “You’re looking well today.”
--Often sees only what he wants to see. Or, maybe, speaks only what she wants to hear.
“Do you think so?” she ventures, searching his face. Sleep has not come easy these past few nights, and though she knows she must, at some point, lose consciousness in order to wake, she remembers none of it. No moment where she dozes off, no burst of restfulness when she opens her eyes, no dreams.
Though perhaps that last is a mercy.
“Of course!” His smile is earnest, crinkling the corner of his eyes. “You’re practically glowing.”
Her smile is tremulous, but she manages to hold it, even if just for a moment. It’s enough to please Mitsuhide, which is what matters. “Thank you.”
He turns, offering his arm, and she nearly takes it, hand hovering over the dark cloth--
Dark cloth that isn’t wool, oh no, but lighter stuff. Cotton, perhaps, or a stiff linen. Summer fabrics. Obi had been wearing them weeks ago, and Haruka chided him for being too early, that the palace guard wouldn’t change over until the equinox--
“Is there any word?” The words stumble off her tongue on wobbling legs.
Mitsuhide blinks, eyes wide and brown and guileless. “Come again?”
“About Obi,” she presses. “Have they found anything yet?”
“They?” he murmurs, brow furrowing, but a moment later-- “Ah, you mean-- ah--?”
“The men Zen sent out to look for him.” She lays her hand on his arm, fingers clenching in the cloth-- cotton, she was right. “They must have news.”
“Oh, ah...” He clears his throat. “No. I haven’t heard anything.”
His hand engulfs hers, and oh, she hadn’t realized she had been gripping him so hard. Her fingers ease, smoothing the wrinkles they left.
“Shirayuki,” he rumbles, “I know you’re worried.”
Her throat is too tight to manage anything more than a squeak.
“Zen will take care of it,” he tells her, no doubt dogging his voice. “And I’m sure that-- that--” his gaze slips off her, fixing across the hall-- “I’m sure Obi will be back any day now.”
Ribs squeeze tight, her breath trapped in her lungs, and oh, how she wishes she could believe that, how she wishes he would just drop down onto her balcony like he never left, but--
You don’t know anything about me, Miss. 
She can’t.
“After all, it’s hardly been a week,” he continues, confidence limping.
A week. Shirayuki’s mind whirls, starts counting the days, but she stops herself. She knows well enough how long it’s been; there’s no need to do the unkindest arithmetic and find the difference between that and when they’d told her.
“Right,” she says instead, plastering on a smile she does not feel. “Any day now.”
The girl is dogged, is determined, but in the end-- she is just a little girl.
Have you seen him, she would ask, did you see him when he left?
The townsfolk would only look at her with pitying eyes, would only shake their heads. He is gone, girl.
Then I will find him, she would say, and the townsfolk would sigh, would grimace, would tell her, it is time to accept it.
It is not any man that she knows the next morning.
He’s young, dark haired with an oval face, the same as so many guards at Wistal. She knew nearly every man on Lilias’s walls from walk alone, from veteran Jirou-- always a sergeant and never a commander, just the way he likes it-- to fresh-faced Hiro, only recently given his pike and hat. But here-- well, Obi had not been so involved with the guard in Wistal, save to avoid them.
No name comes to her. With the spray of freckles over his nose and the roundness still in his cheeks, he could not have been more than a recruit when she headed north, probably assigned to one of the lesser-used gates or sent to guard doors.
“My lady!” he gasps, bowing his head. “I’m to be your escort.”
Her smile stiffens, pulling tight like pressed paper. Perhaps she had been too generous with his age-- he was more likely one of the lanky boys hanging off the gate, rather than one of the young men guarding it.
“Oh,” she manages, poorly burying her disappointment. “T-thank you.”
Who does he work for? Her hand tightens on the door, the faint lilt of of Obi’s voice drawing her short. He had always been so much better at this game that her, plucking out which overtures were insult or ingratiation. Without him in her ear, she’s playing this game half-blind, never calculating the angles soon enough for safety.
Still, he is a young guard, surely too new to be in anyone’s pocket, and Izana was always so careful with the men that surrounded the royal family--
“Just for the morning!” he assures her. “As a favor to Lady Kiki. She’s busy this morning, my lady.”
That answers that question handily. “Oh. Well. I suppose...that’s fine.” She pulls the door closed behind her. “Do you know Kiki personally?”
“Hardly,” he tells her with a humble flush, falling into step just behind her. “My father is a tenant of Seiran. I didn’t even know she knew my name.”
Shirayuki’s smile settles easier on her face. “But you knew hers.”
“Everyone knows Lady Kiki,” he says, hushed and reverent, and oh, does Shirayuki recognize that breathlessness, that wonder. Even now it would catch in her chest when the light captured Kiki in just the right moment, like one of those paintings where ancient goddesses emerged from the sea or decapitated faithless kings. “She’s magnificent.”
She hums, smothering a smile. “Have you been in Wistal long?”
“The last three seasons,” he says, as if Wistal has anything other than this eternal summer and a slightly more mild winter. “They say I’m almost ready for the Poet’s Gate, if I want a little more bustle in my day.”
The Poet’s Gate. There’s a pleasant ache as she remembers those early days, as she remembers the two guards who would open it for her if she only asked-- Kai and Shiira, a bare recruit and a man hardly a handful of years his senior, both always greeting her with a smile. She hadn’t seen them since she’d returned; Obi had laughed when she’d mentioned it, worried, that first week.
They’re both veterans now, he’d told her, smile fondly curving a corner of his mouth. They won’t waste them on gate duty. Probably have plum assignments in the court, by now.
She means to ask about them, about whether he has heard where life and duty have taken the men who were kind to her before she earned her place, but instead--
“Have you heard anything about Obi?”
Heat floods her cheeks, but that is a familiar betrayal. That her mouth and mind no longer obey her, that she’s so liable to spit out her first thought with no warning--
That is new. That is worse.
Still, the boy only blinks. “Obi, my lady?”
“Sir Obi.” The title is odd on her tongue, like a shoe slipped on the wrong foot. “Zen-- His Highness sent men out to look for him a few days ago. I thought you might have heard something, seeing as how you live in the barracks.”
And guards are more loose with gossip than fishwives, Obi would say with a wink.
His brows draw down, mouth bowed in confusion. “Is Sir Obi some kind of nobleman? An exile, or something?” His eyes light as he adds, “An outlaw?”
Shirayuki can only stare, a terrible foreboding crawling in her gut. “N-no! Sir Obi is a guardsman-- or at least, he was, before. Now he’s a knight of the Royal Circle.”
The boy’s interest wanes. “Oh, no, haven’t heard anything about that. Not too strange though-- the knight’s circle tends to take care of their own.” His mouth rumples thoughtfully. “Though I haven’t heard of any of them missing, of late. Or anyone being sent out after them.”
“But the search,” she presses, the foreboding’s claws sinking deep into her belly, “you’ve heard of that, haven’t you? At least from the men who have gone out?”
Still he looks at her, uncomprehending. “My lady, I don’t know any that have.”
The girl has known kindness before.
Kindness was a hand in the market, leading her home when she was separated from her grandparents. It was the basket of food on her doorstep when they died, still warm from the oven. It was a dexterous hand deep in a rose bush, untangling branches so they might grow straight, might bloom in their season.
It had never before been the man who said, He will not come back, for it was the the river that took him, and he has drowned.
But honesty is its own kindness, in its way. Even when its message is cruel.
“You are distracted.”
Shirayuki blinks, and it’s only then that she feels the liquid at her wrist, thickly winding down her palm. Her toast sits outstretched in her fingers, forgotten, egg yolk dripping on her hands, her cuffs, the table--
“Oh!” She drops it, alarmed, onto her plate. “I’m-- I’m sorry, I just--”
“You weren’t paying attention,” Haruka admonishes gruffly, handing her a serviette. It’s a lost cause; the yolk may come off but it leaves a runny yellow blotch on the cotton. Unsalvageable, according to the court; ripe for the garbage.
She frowns. Maybe she can convince them to just replace the cuff; she’d heard just the other day that lace was soon to be out of fashion anyway.
The marquis grips her elbow, guiding it away from her tea. “You’re still not paying attention.”
She blinks. “Did you just reach across the table?”
He settles back into his seat, dabbing absently at his mouth. “Only to save the wash-maids their scrubbing. They’ll have a hard enough time with what you’ve already spilled, let alone adding to it.”
Her cheeks flare with heat, but she keeps her hands in her lap, worrying at the cloth there.
The marquis grunts, setting down his fork. “I see you have no intention of putting your concerns aside and dedicating your attention to the lesson.”
“No! I mean, yes! No, wait, I mean--” she shakes her head-- “I’m trying.”
With a sigh, he places his napkin on the table, shifting his plate away so that he may fold his hands above it. “What could weigh so heavily upon you that you cannot make it through a single egg?”
“Nothing,” she promises. “It’s just...”
Haruka raises his brows, as encouraging a gesture as she’s ever seen from him, but--
But to say she’s worried about Obi, that he’s run away and he won’t come back, that perhaps she’s chased him away--
Well, to a man like Haruka, she might as well be complaining about the dishwasher in the kitchens, or a hound in the kennels. A bodyguard should be beneath a princess’s notice.
Her mouth thins. Besides, that’s only half of the concerns she’s been wrangling with these last few hours.
“Zen told me that he would-- he would handle something.” Every word wobbles under its own weigh as it stumbles from between her teeth. “But it seems that he might not have...that he didn’t...”
The marquis clears his throat with a sharp nod, approving. “It is the prerogative of princes to keep their promises. Or not.” He fixes her with a stern look. “He must do what’s best for the kingdom.”
What’s best for the kingdom. The words rankle, rattling her right down to her bones. Obi was his aide, his staunchest ally, his friend--
“It is what’s best.” Shirayuki can do no arithmetic where Obi does not benefit Clarines, and that Zen might-- that Zen could-- “He knows that.”
Haruka lifts a shoulder, a careless shrug so like the Izana’s she nearly shivers from the chill. “Then perhaps he has been kept from keeping it. He is, after all, not the highest power in the kingdom.”
It’s tempting to believe; Izana often relished his role as a caltrop to their happiness, adding bizarre twists to his expectations that left Zen scrambling to meet them. But still, still--
“No.” If there is anyone that can do the complex calculations of loyalty and risk, it’s Izana. “I don’t think he would have stopped him. Not for this.”
“Then perhaps it is a lack of time,” Haruka offers, begrudgingly helpful, “or the resources. Or perhaps--” he hesitates, sending her a long look-- “the will.”
Her breath gasps from her, a palpable hit, and she doesn’t want to believe it, doesn’t want to think Zen wouldn’t believe finding Obi is as much of a priority as her, but--
There’s no reason to get so upset. It’s not odd for Obi to disappear with no explanation.
“Then why would he tell me he would?” She wishes she could keep the raw edge from her words, the accusation. “He must have done something. Kiki and Mitsuhide both said that he...”
Her words dry up at the pitying look on the marquis’ face, gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by his usual stony expression.
“Not that I care to insert myself into your petty concerns,” he says, his tone thick with disinterest, “but it would behoove you, as a princess, to have a keen eye for who is most loyal to you, and who is most loyal to your husband.“
She blinks. “But--”
“It would be a mistake of the highest order to believe they are the same thing.” He gives her a long, meaningful look. “Kingdoms have fallen from such folly.”
Trust is a strange thing, is it not? It is a badge of honor, freely given. It is a privilege, hard to earn.
Doubt is easier; it lives with us, a tenant that never leaves, feeding our darkest thoughts and deepest fears. It is so easy to glut oneself on uncertainty, on indecision, and yet--
And yet we will fight hardest when trust is on the line. Even with the bleakest evidence, we will beg for one slight more, for another single shred of proof until it buries us. Anything to keep from believing it has been broken.
For once trust is lost, it can never be regained.
Her stomach still churns when the marquis releases her from her lesson, his words sitting as poorly as her egg and toast.
He must do what’s best for the kingdom. The words ring loud in her ears, inescapable. Perhaps it is a lack of time-- or of will.
It is only the tweak in her jaw that warns her how tight she is clenching it. This is-- she can’t-- she shouldn’t--
Her hand drops from the door, and she takes a deep, collecting breath, drawn right up from her toes. No matter how much Haruka may pretend he knows about Zen, about his motives, he’s still not him. A man like the marquis may make false promises, but Zen--
She squares her shoulders, glaring down the door. Zen has never not kept his word, not to her. He doesn’t deserve this doubt.
The knot in her stomach squirms. If only her surety could kill it.
It’s Kiki who waits for her in the hall; her lean is casual, one boot placed on the wall behind her as if this were some simple tavern and not the royal palace. For a moment, Shirayuki nearly laughs; few dare to treat the heart of Clarines with such irreverence-- Obi, for one, though she suspects he constitutionally incapable of awe; Izana, for another, though she supposes he has the most right out of anyone to treat the palace like any other home; and--
Zen.
It would behoove you to have a keen eye for who is most loyal to you, and who is most loyal to your husband.
The world tilts, and suddenly the casual lean seems studied, affected. Every line of Kiki’s body is tense, coiled for confrontation, her head hanging heavy and shoulders bowed, as if the weight of her thoughts were a burden. It’s only when she turns to her, smile tilting her lips, that it eases, but--
But even that is a conscious effort, an act that she is performing for Shirayuki’s benefit. Something is wrong, and Kiki doesn’t want her to know.
“Shirayuki.” Kiki peels off the wall, faint, friendly smile in place. “Did you enjoy--?”
“Have you heard anything?” Shirayuki nearly winces at the edge in her voice, at how terse she sounds. “Anything at all?”
There’s a moment, so quick it would be missed were she not waiting for it, where Kiki’s face quivers, where her carefully constructed smile pulls tight like tanning hides. It’s gone the next, replaced by a concern so genuine Shirayuki aches to believe it. “No, not yet. I’m sure that--”
“It’s been nearly a week,” she pushes, “and no one’s heard anything.”
Kiki shrugs a shoulder, too casual. “It’s Obi. He goes off all the time.”
“Not for this long.” She shakes her head. “Not without telling me. What if something’s happened, and he--?”
“You don’t need to worry, Shirayuki.” Kiki lays a hand on her arm, giving her a comforting squeeze. “Obi can take care of himself. If he talks himself into trouble, he’s fully capable of talking himself right back out.”
Her nails bite painfully into the flesh of her palms. “But he shouldn’t have to,” she says, so softly, meeting Kiki’s hard gaze. “We’re his friends.”
Kiki’s grip tightens, but her only answer is a harsh breath, echoing in the hall.
“He was already by himself for so long,” Shirayuki pushes, “we shouldn’t let him be alone again. Not like this.”
“Shirayuki--”
“Did Zen send anyone out to look for him?” she asks so baldly, Kiki rocks back on her heels. “Or was that...”
She can’t bring herself to finish the thought. Not without knowing for certain.
“Zen,” Kiki grits out between her teeth, “is doing what he think is best.”
It’s not the answer Shirayuki is hoping far, and it’s far and away from the one she wants.
“I think,” she says, drawing herself up to her full height, “that I need to see Zen. Now.”
It is said that the depth of a wound has little to do with how it heals, but rather depends on the way that it is left, on the shape of the weapon that made it. Trauma, they say, is the difference between a clean cut and a poor death.
There is no way to prepare for betrayal. Perhaps that is what makes it so hard to swallow, so hard to forgive. It is a ragged knife, pressed to the most sensitive parts.
And no matter how shallow the wound, the rent it leaves is ragged, slow to heal, if it ever does. Traumatic, to be left with a gash that will not close, that can open and bleed again, if it chooses to.
A killer, some might say. Just another type of poison.
In her first days at Wistal, she had heard the complaints: Prince Zen is never in his office. The second prince keeps lords waiting in his antechamber for hours. The prince has no respect for the time of the members of the small council.
It had made her laugh then, small giggles smothered by the collar of her lab coat while Ryuu watched her with wary eyes. Even before the kiss in the tower, before she’d known about his feelings for her-- and discovered her feelings for him-- she’d felt a thrill knowing that she was often the reason he crept off his balcony after tea, or slipped out a window after brunch. He kept important men waiting, but her-- never.
Or at least, not until now.
Shirayuki’s hands are rarely idle.
At Lilias, she had rarely been without a book to hand or notes to make; all too often Lata had remarked on the stack of tomes that seemed to follow her wherever she went, or Shidan complained about the number of notes he found littered outside his office door.
What is it they say, Miss? Obi would tease, his mouth rucked in one corner, brow cocked. Idle hands are wickedness’s tools?
She’d given up on smothering her smiles by then; he’d always known anyway. Then I guess that makes me all goodness.
Ah, he’d sigh, looking over the yard, breath misting on the air. I suppose it does.
Even as a child, she’d been under the bar, playing shell games with the glasses, or in the kitchen, learning how not to cook away from her grandmother’s watchful eye. A busy thing, the townsfolk would laugh.
But a princess is not busy. Or rather-- she only plans to be busy. She doesn’t carry a stack of books under an arm, or have ink spilled on the web between her thumb and forefinger, nor does she feel the need to fidget when she’s left to wait on what amounts to little more than a cushioned stool.
Ten minutes after she sits, she tears the lace on her sleeve. Another five, and she’s lost a button, hidden somewhere underneath her voluminous skirts. Not three minutes later, one of the guards takes pity on her and gives her his handkerchief.
“Hard to ruin a simple thing like this, my lady,” he says with a wan smile, casting a nervous look toward the door.
Shirayuki takes one look at the lovingly embroidered initials in the corner and swallows down, I wouldn’t be so sure.
All told, she waits an hour, the sun sinking under the horizon before Zen leaves his office, half-dressed for dinner.
“Shirayuki!” His eyes pulse wide as he sees her, swinging towards Mitsuhide in question. “I didn’t know that we-- did we have plans tonight...?”
“No.” It’s an effort to keep her voice even, calm. “I needed to see you.”
His mouth flares wide, the weariness gone from his face, as if it had never been. “Oh?”
She takes a breath, bracing herself for the conversation to come, but she chokes on it as he takes her hands so softly between his own.
“I don’t have time tonight,” he says, gentle and pleased, “but tomorrow-- dinner, just the two of us. I promise.”
“That isn’t--”
He squeezes her hands before he leaves, smile wry and tired, and she--
She stands alone, hands still warm from where he held them, the unsaid words caught in her teeth.
Have you seen him? the little girl asks, day in and day out. Have you seen my boy?
He is gone, the townsfolk tell her, as they always do. If it were another girl, this tale might end here; determined and dogged she might be, but everyone has a breaking point. It would be too easy to accept it, to forget, to let her boy become a faded memory from childhood.
But this little girl-- she learns.
Where did he go, then? she asks instead, and the townspeople shrug their shoulders. The city, some guess, or the wood. Perhaps he followed a traveling band, or a woman.
What does it matter? one finally says, cross. What would a little girl like you even do?
Ah, for that is the trouble with stories; they make us think of virtuous, obedient girls, girls who remember to offer old grandmothers lunch from their basket, and remember all the words to the magic rhyme. We forget the most important thing:
Little girls can do anything, so long as they haven’t learned they can’t.
She nearly loses herself in the city.
The streets of Lilias had been as familiar to her as the lines on her palm, their winding paths worn into the very fabric of her heart so that even on the darkest nights, she could make her way back to her chambers with little more than her legs alone. She’d thought she’d known Wistal the same way; she’d lived for months in that little apartment outside the palace, the one with the pot-bellied stove, and even when she’d moved into the dormitories, she’d spent hours perusing the markets for pharmacy stock. But now that she’s here, standing in its night-darkened roads--
Ah, she feels every day of those years away.
Still, she remembers when Obi would stumble onto her balcony, pockets a fair bit heavier than when he’d left her, crowing about the pub just outside the gates where the guard would go to drink away their days. And gamble away their paychecks, it seemed, if Obi’s suddenly flushed fortunes were any indication.
He’d never told her its precise location-- she’d gone to drink with the guard in Lilias, more times than she could count, but in Wistal she’d been reserved, wary about mixing company outside of Zen’s influence, and either Obi had sense her hesitation, or--
Well, or he’d just not wanted to go out drinking with the bookworm who kept him cooped up in the library all day. Still, she knew it wasn’t far from the Poet’s Gate, and not far from the market district, somewhere close to the river that ran through the city, and from there--
From there, she just followed the guards.
The water hungers.
You laugh; how can waters hunger when they have no mouths to eat, no bellies to sate. But that is the thing of it-- waters run deep, and they long to be filled. That is why we talk of pond reflections that reach up to pull children in, or monstrous horses that lure men deeper, or great, terrible beasts that live at the bottom.
The girl knows it, as all clever children do. But she knows just as well-- a beast that hungers can be bargained with, as long as you pay the price.
Hood drawn low, Shirayuki slips in to the steady stream of patrons that saunter into the bar.
The pub is dim, much more than she expects. Wistal has ever been the bright spot in her memory, the city of eternal summer; that it has places where the lamps burn low too gives her pause.
Not for long; she’s the daughter of a bar-- or at least a granddaughter-- and she’s used to these dark places. As a child, she’d sit under the tables, listening to the custom talk, hearing about plans she only half understood and people she would never known. She’d learned words to never say, too, or at least that was what her grandmother had told her, sending her to bed without dessert.
She knows what to look for-- a shadowed table, not too far from where the guards are losing their coin, just close enough to eavesdrop without--
“Ah, sorry,” a man says, shouldering her hard enough to make her gasp. “I wasn’t looking...ma’am?”
He wraps the last word in a question, and with a cursory glance around the room, Shirayuki realizes her mistake. She’s the only one in the room wearing skirts that isn’t also serving drink.
Of course, of course. Her grandparents might have seen both husband and wife for their evening drink, but a place like this, meant for guards who were done with the day but yet didn’t want to face their duties at home--
“Ma’am?” Another man, dressed in the uniform and nearly as young as Ryuu steps up to her. “I think you might be turned around.”
“N-no.” She digs her heels into the floorboards, and the soldier trying to steer her stumbles, jostling her. “I’m right where I--”
“Lady Shirayuki?” The other man stares at her owlishly, and it takes her a full minute to realize that if she made the cheeks rounder, the skin more freckled--
“Kai?” She grips his wrists, relief nearly choking. “Kai. I’m so glad to see you.”
He blinks, staring down at where she grasps him. “Ah, of course, my lady. I’m glad to see you too. Been a long time.”
“I hope you’ve been well,” she says, breathless, “but also, I need your help.”
There are rules this sort of bargaining, to gaining favors from the wild.
They are not like any you know. We live in a world of reason, where one can exchange paper and the promise of precious metals and receive goods in return. But to do so with a wild thing, with a tree or a deer or a mountain or even a river--
Impossible. Their price is fixed, a single thing.
And oh, it is high.
Every little girl has her precious treasure, an item of unfathomable worth. They are secret things, sometimes kept hidden under floorboard or pressed between pages of a beloved book, and sometimes kept in plain sight, for clever girls know that no one will look for what they can already see. And secret these things much remain, for once someone knows of it--
Well, there is a kind of power in knowing what someone loves most, is there not?
This one keeps hers under the bed, peeking out just under the skirt. It is special thing for special occasions, hardly worn save to impress. The red shines when she puts them on, the patent leather hugging to the small curves of her feet, and although some others may have better, may have silk slippers or heeled boots soft as a glove--
Here, her boy had said, hands scarred from thorns, blood smearing into the leather. I found them.
--hers are far more precious all the same.
The table is well lit, and Kai sees to it that the barmaids keep it laden with food and drink aplenty, but--
“This is kind of you,” Shirayuki says, hesitant, “but I need your help.”
“Anything,” he promises, and the men pressed in beside her nod, eyes wide and innocent.
She stifles a sigh. A part of her-- a non-small part of her-- wishes it had been Shiira instead. “It’s Obi. He’s missing.”
Kai goes pale beneath the lights. “Missing?”
She nods, hands gripping the edge of her cloak. “I need to know if you know-- know anything. If anyone has seen anything.”
The men exchange concerned glances, the kind adults do over the heads of little children. Her nails bite hard into her palms. This is what all her years of learning, all her hard work has come to: for everyone to treat her as if she is as unable to hear simple truths as a child.
“Please.” She hates how her voice cracks under the weight of her worry, of her anger. “If anyone knows anything-- anything, I don’t have much, but...”
She places a long, wooden box on the table, and with a practiced motion, pulls the lid open.
“What I do have,” she says, watching the glass bead wink in the light, its orange gloss as alive as fire, “is yours.”
The river is a force of nature, relentless, ruthless, and uncaring, but--
So are little girls, when they have been crossed.
Is it true you took my boy from me? the little girl asks the river, her words lost in its rapids. I don’t have much, but what I have is yours.
It does not answer; water may be ever-changing, ever-flowing, but it waits on tradition.
If I give you my shoes, she asks, brushing their shiny leather for the last time, will you give him back to me?
The men are silent, eyes fixed to the hairpin glistening on the tabletop. Lady Mihoko may say it is the least among her ornaments, lacking the precious stones and fine filigree that most nobles favor, but-- it has worth. The bead may be glass, but the pin is gold, and what it lacks in precious jewels it makes up for in rarity; in all her travels across Clarines and Tanbarun, Shirayuki has never seen another like it.
It only strikes her now that maybe, just maybe, it was too fine a prize for a bare-knuckled fight under a bridge. That maybe--
Maybe it might be more precious than she could have ever known.
Her chest tightens as one of the men reaches out. Here she is, with Obi’s greatest treasure, and she is giving it away.
Maybe it’s no wonder why he left.
The little girl watches as her red shoes float back to shore, watches as they are left so delicately on the bank, and forgets how to breathe.
Did I not throw them far enough? she asks, using all her strength to hurl then into its current. Give me back my boy!
Still they drift back to her, cutting through the river’s relentless flow, now even a drop of water left on them.
Where is he? she asks the river. If he is not with you, then where has he gone?
But that is not the bargain, now is it?
He slides the lid shut. “We couldn’t possibly take this, my lady.”
Another of the guard nods, eager. “It wouldn’t be right.”
“Not when you’re looking for Sir Obi,” Kai tells her. “I didn’t see anything, but one of the recruits mentioned something the other night.”
Her heart flutters painfully in her chest. “What did he say?”
“I don’t...” Kai’s cheeks flush, and his eyes won’t meet hers. “Are you sure you want to know?”
“Yes!” She’s breathless, so close to her answers.
“The recruit doesn’t know Sir Obi, not by anything but reputation, so we can’t be sure--”
Her hands dart out, grabbing the close weave of his sleeve. “Kai, please, anything.”
He glances up at the other guards, uncertain, and says, “He saw a man leaping over the walls the night Sir Obi went missing. He thought it was odd at the time, but since they were leaving from inside and going outside--”
“They?”
Kai grimaces. “Yes, they.”
She stares, uncomprehending. “He wasn’t alone?”
“No.” Kai hesitates, looking sick, before he adds, “He was seen leaving with a woman, my lady.”
It is funny how we want answers, how we need them, how we are desperate for them-- but only when they are the one we are looking for.
A woman. The air in this pub is too thin, she can hardly breathe. “I need to stand,” she says, hardly thinking, “please.”
The guards all scramble to move, offering hands to help her forward, but--
He wasn’t alone. He had left with a woman. He had planned to leave--
“I think,” says an all-too-familiar voice, “that this is quite enough.”
Shirayuki raises her gaze, fixing on the cloaked figure before her, on the pale of her hair in the gaslight, on the nigh-black indigo her eyes have become in the shadow, on the pale outstretched hand that hovers, expectant before her.
“Come on,” Kiki says, gentle yet firm. “It’s time to go back.”
It is magnificent, is it not, how we survive?
It is said it is our strongest instinct, the call we cannot refuse. When there is nothing else left to us, when not even thought can be counted upon, it is still in us to live.
A body may have a thousand cuts, a back may be pricked with a dozen arrows, but oh, how we will still stand, how we still take the next step, and then another. How we will walk a mile as we still bleed, if only to to take another breath.
And yet still, it is possible to die of a broken heart. And old man may lose his lover, and when he lays down that night, he never wakes.
A poison, a blade, our longing: it is up to the heart to decide what we can take.
Isn’t it magnificent how it is impossible to know which will be the killing blow?
It is lucky that her arm is tucked so nearly into Kiki’s side as they walk back; Shirayuki’s mind cannot hold a thought for more than a moment, let alone try to trace her steps back through the market.
“He wasn’t alone,” she manages. “Someone left with him.”
Kiki hums.
“A woman.” Her brow furrows. “She must have gone over the gate with him. Do you think that it could be Torou?”
“I couldn’t say,” Kiki replies, tight.
“Do you think that he...” She cannot seem to make the words settle on her tongue. “Do you think that he planned...?”
She cannot make herself say, do you think he meant to leave without saying goodbye?
Kiki is silent, the sort of silent that isn’t empty but heavy instead.
Shirayuki stops, and Kiki pauses beside her. “Did you know he didn’t leave alone?”
Kiki’s mouth pulls thin, and she looks away. “It’s late. We should get inside.”
Shirayuki lets out a long breath, finally glancing at the door before them, and--
“This isn’t my room.” She blinks. “This isn’t even my wing.”
“No,” Kiki says with a long sigh. “It isn’t.”
Not every lie is meant to wound. Oh no, some are meant to be shields, a cushion between our softer parts and the sharp edges of reality.
After all, not all of us are ready for the harsh light of truth. Some of us would prefer to remain blinded all our lives, if only we could keep from hurting.
“I must admit,” the consort says, as elegant on her ottoman as if she were keeping court. “I did think you would last longer than this.”
Shirayuki drops into a genuflect so low her head nearly brushes the carpet. She has dined with princes and traded quips with kings, but there is something about the consort of Clarines that intimidates her as not even Izana does. “Your Majesty.”
“Please, let us not stand on ceremony.” She gestures for her to sit, though there’s no chairs to take, only the floor before her. “Especially since we are so soon to call each other sisters, are we not? Unless--” she darted a pointed glance at Kiki-- “I am to take from this ill-conceived jaunt that you have changed your mind.”
“N-no!” she yelps, taking a step forward, only halted by the mild-mannered brow the consort lifts. She haltingly drops to her knees, tucking her ankles beneath her on the carpet. “I mean, yes. I mean-- I still want to marry Zen. I just...I can’t let my friend--”
“Shush.” She holds up a hand, mouth bent in a kindly curve. “I understand your worry. But I have always been told you are a clever girl, and you are going to have to be much cleverer than this if you wish to marry my brother.”
Shirayuki frowns, annoyance building. “I just went into the market--”
“And into a tavern frequented by commoners,” the consort interjects, cross. “I know that you have, to this point, been far more free to roam as you see fit, but my husband place this restriction upon you for a reason. Surely you must know that a woman of your standing must be entirely above reproach if she wishes to...elevate her station to the degree you do.”
“I’m not trying to--”
“You are,” she is informed. “Perhaps you do not want the title, but Clarines cannot be cloven from a Wisteria, no matter how much you wish it. It is best that you resign yourself to that reality now, if no one else has seen fit to impress it upon you.”
Shirayuki squirms, the carpet rubbing at her knees. “Haruka did tell me something like that.”
“I would expect so. He’s a realist, unlike some.” Haki shifts on her stool, leaning close. “If you are to maintain the reputation needed to make this scheme work, you cannot go haring off to find your friend. Not when Zen has everything well in hand.”
She sits back, gracing Shirayuki with a significant look. “Especially after another man.”
Heat creeps up her cheeks, and oh, that implication knots her dread tighter in her gut, makes it sit as heavy as lead. “It’s not like that. I just can’t sit by if something’s happened--”
“It’s not easy,” the consort allows, with all the weight of someone who knows from experience. “But a princess is not a hound. It is not our place to search.”
Her hands clench tight in her lap. “I can’t do nothing.”
“Nor did I say you should.” The consort’s lips tilt, sly. “When one cannot act themselves, they rely on their people to act for them.”
Frustration wells up in her. “I don’t have people. I only have myself.”
“Come now, you cannot believe that.” She tilts her head, laying a thoughtful finger to her chin. “You have Zen, who in turn has people. People who he is using to find your Obi as we speak.”
Shirayuki darts a glance at Kiki, but she’s inscrutable, as always. “Is he?”
The consort raises her brows. “You doubt him?”
“I...” She doesn’t want to. “The guard--”
“As if my brother would send our guards to find a man of his aide’s caliber.” The consort laughs, so easy. “Did he not promise you he would find him? Give you his word?”
“Y-yes.” She can still feel his hands around hers, the warm way he had looked at her. “He did.”
“Then how can you worry?” The consort smiles brightly. “My brother’s word is his bond.”
“I...” Something twists with her, dark, but she swallows it down. “Right. Of course. Zen is-- handling it.”
The consort nods, business concluded. “Good. Now come, I’ve been told you are struggling with your lessons.”
Oh. She hadn’t been aware that was...common knowledge. “I...”
“It’s only to be expected,” the consort concludes, “most ladies are trained their entire life for this, and you have only just started. But worry not,” she smiles, so warm, “I will help you.”
Shirayuki’s eyes pulse wide. “M-me? That’s...very generous of you.”
Haki’s mouth curls in amusement. “I won’t pretend my motives are not personal. I’ve seen the list of candidates for if this experiment fails, and you are fully the most interesting person out of all of them.” Teeth flash from behind her lips, gone in a moment. “I refuse to have to plan every gala with someone whose most nuanced opinion has been formed over the difference between carmine and crimson.”
Shirayuki frowns. “Aren’t they both red?”
“See, already you are more tolerable than half of them.” She sighs, waving a weary hand. “What you don’t know about this life can be learned. And unlike some, I believe in setting up people to succeed. It must be my soft northern heart.”
Now that her heart is calm, she remembers the enormity of what she’s done. “So you won’t-- I mean, Izana--?”
“Ah, your little jaunt. No, this will be our little secret.” Shirayuki isn’t sure who that shark’s smile is for, but she’s glad it’s not her. “Women must have some, after all.”
But that is the thing, is it not? That which is hidden never stays buried. Reality never halts its siege.
In the end, all we have done is allowed the truth to hone its blade. In the end, it is a betrayal we never meant to make.
It’s funny how we may hurt the ones we love so easily, without ever even trying.
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