#and like. that's kind of It. like. what else am i gonna watch

[meazalykov]

the younger morgan

alex morgan x morgan!USWNT!reader

part one / part two / part three / part four / part five / part six

Growing up in the Morgan household, I was always known as my own individual person. Y/n Morgan. I am described by my peers as someone who’s kind, sensitive, and humble. However, to some of the public and people who barely know of me, I am known as  "Alex Morgan's little sister." 

It wasn't a title I despised while growing up. Being born 14 years after her, I was adopted by the Morgans at birth. My sister and parents have been my family for my entire life, even if we aren’t blood. They’ve surrounded me in a blanket of love while supporting my athletic, famous sister at the same time.

Alex won her first World Cup in 2015 when I was eleven. I remember sitting in the stadium, the air electric with cheers and chants, watching her lift that trophy high. Having my sister as my idol while growing up was a blessing that most girls would dream of.

The pride I felt was immense, but it was always mixed with a yearning.

I played as a striker while growing up, just like Alex. My feet scored goals in every match i’ve had minutes in. By the time I was old enough to transition into taking soccer seriously, it was clear I had inherited the Morgan soccer genes, even if I wasn’t blood-related. 

With the best coaches in the country guiding me, I quickly became one of the best U21 strikers in the world, just like Alex. Success in high school championships, the USYNT national team (before my senior team call up in November 2022), and in my first year of college landed me a spot on the San Diego Wave alongside my sister. I forfeited my college eligibility so I can jump into taking soccer seriously, which I did.

Yet, I hide the fact that the inevitable comparisons to Alex bothered me. Anytime I made a mistake, I had people on social media saying that “Alex at your age would’ve never made that mistake!” and more that were way harsher and mean. I felt a hollowness inside me because I had to accept that San Diego wasn’t the club for me. Something I didn’t realize until half-way into the season.

This wasn't about the love or support I received from my family or the fans. It was about forging my path, I wanted to be my own person away from Alex. I love her so much, but I wanted people to see me for who I really am. I needed a moment which would give me the reassurance that my career was truly mine.

One afternoon, after a particularly grueling training session, I collapsed onto my soft beige colored couch for a nap. I knew I had plans with Jaedyn, Naomi, and Maria later— but I knew I could fit in a good three hour nap before I had to get ready for the night. However the ring of my phone jolted me awake after an hour into my nap. My eyebrows knitted at the sight of my agent's name, Maggie, flashing on the screen.

Usually, Maggie never calls unless we are discussing deals or contract negotiations. However, I asked her two weeks ago if she could contact SD Wave about putting me on the transfer market. Maggie said that wasn’t needed since there was something else that would excite me– but she didn’t explain what. 

"Y/n, I have some exciting news!!!" Maggie began without giving me the chance to say hi, her voice brimming with enthusiasm as I clicked on the speaker option. I rubbed my tired eyes trying to pay attention to what she’s gonna say.

“What happened?” I ask, sitting up from my laid down position and sitting criss-crossed on my couch.

"You know how you asked about a possible transfer? Well I already had a few offers coming in for you before you asked—'' Maggie started as I heard a few clicks on her side of the call, I’m assuming she's clicking stuff on her computer while on the phone with me. 

“So– *click*--- *click* — okay! There are a lot of NWSL clubs that have put in an offer for you. Houston, Gotham, Orlando, Kansas, and Washington have sent in their offers— but I understand that you wanted to go to Europe, is that correct?” Maggie says as I bite the skin around my nail beds. Growing up, I’ve always admired European clubs and the different cultures  Europe has. Playing in Europe would expose me to a better challenge that I’ve wanted in my career. A good chance to (hopefully) play in the Champion’s League too, another thing my sister won in 2017.

“Yes, that is correct.” I say, trying to sound as normal as possible. I am nervous, knowing that this call could change my life. 

“Okay- well that's amazing because several European clubs are interested in you. You have many clubs to choose from— Chelsea, Manchester City, Arsenal, Tottenham, Real Madrid, Madrid CFF, PSG, Wolfsburg— those clubs in particular all offered you a contract. Barcelona showed interest too but you’re not a free agent and due to their financial struggles, they cannot sign you unless you were free. However—- Bayern Munich in Germany offered you a very great deal– a four year contract with add ons—the salary they’re offering along with the add-ons is way better than all of the others. I feel like you would love this club." Maggie commented. Outside of work, Maggie and I had a somewhat good relationship for people who try to remain professional. Maggie had a good intuition and can read people, which means that she knows how I work and how my personality is in detail. 

Hearing about the clubs– my heart pounded in my chest at Bayern Munich. The name alone sent a feeling inside of my body that I couldn’t explain. I placed my hands on my forehead as I felt overwhelmed from the amount of clubs I could choose from. However, my curiosity and intuition wanted to look more into the Bayern Munich offer. 

“Maggie— I can’t lie—Bayern Munich is sticking to me right now.” I say, dragging out my last words as my voice breaks into a yawn. Training was intense today. 

“Okay! Okay! Here’s what we can do— I can come over now and drop off the documents to you— you can look over them and we can have an in-person meeting on your day off from training next Thursday at lunch, deal?” Maggie said. I can sense her smile through the phone call as I felt relieved from having to make such a quick decision. It's Friday so I have six days to make a final decision. 

"Deal," I said, barely able to handle the fact that my nervousness turned into small excitement. I couldn’t tell anybody about this but that was okay with me.

Thursday came and I chose to move to Munich in June. I can spend the season, before the olympics, with San Diego then i’ll move to play for Bayern on the four-year contract afterwards. I couldn’t tell anybody the news until I got the green-light to do so from Maggie. 

Keeping this news from Alex and my friends was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Alex was not just my sister but also my mentor and my rock. But I knew I had to wait until everything was finalized before telling her. She should understand that part. Meanwhile, rumors swirled online, speculating about my potential move to Europe in the month afterwards.

One evening as I played with Charlie, in Alex's living room, I could feel the weight of my secret growing heavier. I look at my niece with a light smile as she colored in a fairytale themed coloring book I got her last christmas. I am going to miss seeing her every-week when I move to Germany.

Eventually, Alex finished what she had to do in her kitchen and picked up Charlie. The little girl complained before her mother explained that it was late and it was time for bed. Its 8:30 which wasn’t late in my eyes but Charlie is a child so— 

After Alex put Charlie to bed, and after I cleaned up after Charlies crayon mess, she joined me in the living room and sat beside me on the couch, her expression serious.

"Y/n— we have to talk.” Alex said. My nerves were on fire hearing Alex say that. I knew she was going to mention Bayern— I can’t hide it anymore. The rumors on social media are increasing and everyone knows my move to Munich is inevitable, even if I haven’t addressed it yet. 

“I know.” I respond, my right leg is crossed over my left one as I cross my arms together.

“Are the rumors online true? You know I don’t like to search the media for answers, but the rumors are increasing and everyone is positive that they’re correct on their suspicions— Are you leaving here to play for Bayern?" Alex asked, her eyes searching mine for answers.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. I couldn’t lie to her "Yes, Alex, they're true. I'm going to play Bayern Munich in June."

After saying this, I thought Alex would be happy for me right away. 

However, her concern was palpable. "But why, Y/n? Why are you moving so far away? We have everything here."

"That's why, Alex," I replied, struggling to keep my voice steady. "I need to do this for myself. I want a new challenge and seeking something new has been my goal for since the off-season. I need to know if I can make it—-- without always being compared to you." I struggled to say the last part.

The argument that followed was heated but subdued, mindful of Charlie sleeping nearby. Alex didn't understand my need to step away, to find my own path. 

“Everyone knows you’re a great player, you have a higher record than me this season!! You don’t need to leave the country.” Alex argued. 

“Well you played for Lyon and Spurs at one point, which is outside of America—- the NWSL isn’t the only league in the world and I need to grow. If your concern is about safety, I promise i’ll be able to take care of myself. I need this Alex— You know I am a responsible person!” I stood up from the couch. Alex followed and looked at me with concern.

“You are– I’m not saying you’re not responsible– but you’re going to leave everything behind!” 

“No I am not? I will always come back during International breaks!” I argue. 

“Okay– but you shouldn’t “need” to move to Germany. You’re going to leave your friends behind too Y/n!” Alex continued to argue. My blood boiled at her words. 

"You know, Why can’t you just be supportive!!?? I can’t do this anymore–” I say as I ran to put on my shoes by the door, grabbing my tote bag with all of my items inside. 

“I'm glad I'm moving away Alex. Maybe they'll respect me as a good player and my own person– and not just Alex Morgan's sister!" I stormed out of her apartment, the rift between us widening.

We didn't speak after that night. Even at training with the San Diego Wave, we maintained a professional distance, our conversations limited to the bare necessities or anything related to Charlie. The silence was deafening, but I was resolute. This was my decision to play for Bayern, she needs to respect it.

When the SheBelieves Cup came around, Alex and I both made the roster, as usual. This was my last international break as a San Diego player. Since i’ll be living in Germany by the time the Korea friendlies happen in June. 

On the national team, I found solace in my closest friends Jaedyn, Sophia, Trinity, and Mallory. Jaedyn plays at San Diego with me so she has a better understanding about the situation. I told her that I am moving to Munich and we had a bittersweet moment, at least she was supportive of my decision. All of the other girls sensed something was wrong but respected my need for space, assuming that they shouldn’t come in-between family business. Especially if one of their captains is involved. 

On the pitch against Japan for the first she-believes game, my performance was excellent on the pitch. In my mind, I knew I wanted to do good so Bayern fans would be excited about my transfer to their club. 

After scoring twice against Japan, we were now in a penalty shootout with Canada. This is the second-time we’ve gon into penalties this year together. Once in the gold-cup a few months back. 

Emily Fox made the penalty against the Canadian goalkeeper, and the next Canadian kicker’s shot was blocked by Alyssa (Secretary of Defense). Everyone looked in my direction as the ball was passed into my hands. If I make this shot, I win the shebelieves cup for the United States.

My hearts pounded like a drum in my cheat as I looked ahead at Kailen, my San Diego teammate and friend who plays for Canada. She knows how I kick, and I know how she blocks shots coming her way. 

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm inside of me. I had practiced penalty shots countless times throughout my time in soccer, but this was different. This was the final. This was for the win.

The referee blew the whistle, signaling it was time for me to shoot. My body stepped forward, and my mind was clear. As I closed in on the ball, I locked eyes with Kailen, who was poised and ready, her eyes fierce with determination.

My foot struck the ball cleanly, sending it soaring through the air. Time seemed to slow as the ball arced towards the goal, the world holding its breath. Kailen dove to her right, stretching out in a desperate bid to stop the shot.

But it was too late. The ball sailed past her outstretched fingers and hit the back of the net with a satisfying thud. The crowd erupted in a roar of triumph, the sound crashing over me like a wave. I scored the winning goal!

Before getting a chance to process what had happened, my teammates rushed towards me. All of their faces showed joy and relief. They enveloped me in a jubilant embrace, lifting me off her feet as we celebrated the victory together. I looked around, taking in the ecstatic faces of my friends, the adoring fans, and the sparkling lights of the stadium. I looked to my right and saw my sister’s bright smile looking towards me, this made my heart warm up a little bit. 

After everyone broke away from me, before the trophy celebration and the part where I’ll be rewarded as SheBelieves MVP, Alex approached me. Her expression was softer than the last time i’ve talked to her at her apartment. Her eyes reflected a mix of hope, sadness and understanding.

"Y/n, can we talk?"

I nodded, and we found a quiet spot away from the rest of the team on the pitch.

"I'm sorry," she began. "I was selfish. I was thinking about how much Charlie and I would miss you, not about what you need."

Her words broke the dam of emotions I'd been holding back. "I know. But Alex— I just want to be seen for who I am, Alex. Not just as your little sister."

She pulled me into a hug, and for the first time in weeks, I felt a sense of peace. "You will be, Y/n. You'll be amazing, and I am so proud of you and that gorgeous penalty kick." Alex squeezed me and I laughed at her gesture. 

“Thank you, Thank you! I have the best sister who showed me what good penalty kicks are.” I smile. 

As the middle of June approached, after the Korea friendlies, I prepared for my move to Germany with a mix of excitement and nerves. Alex and I grew closer again, our bond strengthened by the fact that this new routine will give us a chance to miss eachother. 

The day I boarded the plane to Munich, with three suitcases and one carry on bag with everything I need for my apartment I found while spending a week in Munich last month—  Alex was there, cheering me on. 

“I’ll miss you sweetheart.” Alex hugged me. I hugged her back before hugging my smaller niece who stood beside us. "I will miss you both the most." I respond.

Later as the plane took off, I looked out the window, my heart full of hope. This was my chance to prove myself to the world and to the fans that I am more than just my sister. 

-----

part two here

<3

#alex morgan #jaedyn shaw #uswnt x reader #uswnt players #uswnt imagine #woso community #woso fanfics #woso x reader #san diego wave #nwsl #nwsl 2024 #she believes cup #bayern frauen #bayern munich

[meyerlansky]

Something I think is interesting about the punch on the wing scene in MOTA is that Bucky says “I order you to hit me,” and then immediately after (I’m 90% sure it’s his next line after Curt speaks) says “ranks off.” Like… you can’t order someone to punch you (effectively pulling rank) and then say no more ranks. I mean you can, because he did, but yeah

Y E A H! IT DRIVES ME CRAZY ACTUALLY!!!

like you can take bucky's "that's an order" as a wink-wink nudge-nudge crack at the fact that uhhh neither of them really give a shit about rank on the ground: if curt did he wouldn't step up to gale about the RAF captains, and if any of the four majors in the scene did they'd have stopped a lieutenant from taking a hit his commanding officer stepped up for. i don't even really think curt cares about bucky ordering him to hit him, not in the sense of "i am a good little soldier, i can't disobey an order 🫡" anyway. when curt brings the ranks up, he's really REALLY obviously using it as a soft no, both to give bucky an opportunity to laugh it off and save face AND to try and get out of being made to do something he does NOT want to do even though his friend asked him for it. and even after that, he has to be pushed EVEN MORE into actually swinging. he gives bucky two very obvious soft no's, and only throws the punch after bucky physically pushes him into it. that's what we in the know call "coerced consent," baybee!

and then, boy i wish i wasn't at work so i could post caps, but AFTER THAT they have this little exchange that just feels fucking awful to watch: curt is watching bucky reel from the hit looking very concerned, and when bucky stands up he kind of backs away and puts his hands up like he thinks bucky's gonna swing back. bucky kind of sidles up to him and pats him on the shoulder—very "big dog who wants to play-fight with someone smaller" body language, as a note 😳—and it looks like everything's fine, but then as he walks over to the edge of the wing he shoots curt this look that's... a little resentful? maybe? like he wasn't expecting curt to hit him THAT hard? and curt turns away AFTER that look, so i think he caught it, and he looks SO FUCKING MISERABLE for the rest of the scene, even after bucky grins at him and i want to rip my own throat out about it actually

tangent ahead, my meta-writer roots are showing, i cannot help myself: bucky's relationship to his rank and authority is fascinating to me, actually. he really only wants it when it's convenient and it gets him what he wants. he doesn't want air exec because he feels left out of the fighting and guilty for being safe when everyone else is up, which is not THE most selfish on the surface, but it is still him prioritizing his feelings over doing the job he was given and thereby keeping the ENTIRE GROUP safe. he's buddy-buddy with the other pilots until he wants curt to hit him or crank to stop saying shit he doesn't want to hear [which imo is worse, even though i agree with bucky wrt Fuck 'Em; at least he was alone with curt on the wing, but making crank say "yes sir" in front of his ENTIRE CREW? ouch. ouch!]. he plays favorites in the air, with curt AND gale, and puts MULTIPLE FORTS FULL OF MEN in danger to get them out of tight spots. he basically abdicates all leadership responsibility in the stalag and puts it all on gale, up to and including only really discussing escape for the two of them, not their crews.

and like, i get it! i 100% understand why he's as selfish as he is, and in particular i wouldn't expect his internal logic to be consistent while he's White Girl Wasted as a—very bad, but really his Only Available—coping method for very deep trauma and grief. but he's SO self-centered, basically all the time, and it is such an interesting trait in contrast to the rest of his character, which is: he's fundamentally a good guy. i buy what he says to paulina, that he signed up because he wanted to help right nazi germany's wrongs. he's the one who says "maybe we should think about them" when the tuskeegee airmen roll in, and you can take that a couple of ways, but i personally don't think gale would've talked to alex without that push from bucky. he gets bitter about lil and dye for a hot minute [again, while drinking] but then gets over it REAL quick to reassure her dye'll be fine. he writes the letters to the families of the guys they lose over bremen even though it's not his responsibility As Of Five Minutes Ago. he SNAPS after the mustang fires on the march column, because simoleit put his men in danger with the night marches. he was absolutely NEVER going to shoot the german kids in westphalia, vs gale who is SO OBVIOUSLY talking himself OUT of murdering a child. he does actually care about people! even people he doesn't know! and i don't actually think he'd shrug off his abuses of rank and skirting authority, if it was pointed out to him and it impacted people he didn't want to hurt. which is why i wrote 2.6k of navel-gazy fic about it, even though he only finds out curt's hurt because of him at the end of the fic but shhh

#masters of the air #mota #mota meta #heheheheheh #anyway! #i've got THOUGHTS! #buckycurt #curtbucky #i forget which tag we use tbh #buck(y) sandwich #bucky egan #curt biddick #long post #ish #john egan #curtis biddick

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Do you have a favorite Bridgerton book/storyline?

Favorite/Least Favorite changes book to show?

So let me start this answer by saying that I haven’t watched any of season 3 yet. 🫣 Part of that is money reasons. We pared down our streaming services to the minimum when money was tight and I just haven’t gotten around to renewing my Netflix. Probably will once the rest of season 3 drops because… (book spoilers below the cut)

My 3 favorite books/storylines are:

1) When He Was Wicked (Francesca & Michael Stirling) because holy damn and hell and everything holy in between. Michael Stirling is the epitome of making consent sexy. That's all I'm gonna say about that, but I've seen enough talk and gif's floating around here to know that they've introduced John Stirling already and I am HERE for them laying the groundwork for a season five or six focused on Francesca and Michael Stirling.

2) Romancing Mr. Bridgerton (Colin & Penelope) asfklsjfksanfs. I loved how sweet their story is, enough that I am mildly concerned about how they're going to deal with the massive change on the show, i.e. the fact that book!Lady Whistledown didn't nearly bring ruin and humiliation down on the Bridgerton family at all, let alone twice. On the one hand, I understand why show!Penelope did this and I kind of love that they've given her this massive mistake, this huge flaw for her and Colin to work through. But also 🫣 I don't have an excessive amount of faith in them handling these kinds of changes well on the show because the show is all about The Drama. Which brings me to...

3) The Viscount Who Loved Me (Anthony & Kate) Look. I absolutely love some of the changes they've made while translating the books to screen. And I don't even care all that much for the historical accuracy of the show. They threw it out the window with season one and made it a brilliant alternate universe that allows them the freedom to not only give us a diverse cast but also give the middle finger to anyone who says "that' never would've happened." So I'm willing to forgive a lot of changes. Buuuuutttt.... having Anthony actually propose to Edwina, having Edwina actually believing she wanted to marry Anthony, changed the characters in a way that didn't sit very well with me. At least not with the way it was handled on the show.

So that covers my least favorite change they've made on the show so far, now for my two favorite changes.

Benedict. Gah he's so much better, such a more interesting and fleshed out character on the show than he is in the book. They've maintained his fantastic sense of humor and relationships with his siblings and somehow made it better by bringing in the pseudo underground culture of artists, the introduction of queer characters, and his cravats! I could write an ode to show Benedict's wardrobe it is FABULOUS. And while I know I said above that I don't really care for the changes made to Anthony's story, I'm kind of hoping they flip book!Benedict's story on it's head and see where they can take it. Because that book was one of my least favorites. Give him a man. Or give him a woman built like Luisa Madrigal but who sometimes dresses as a man and can pull it off. I don't care but do SOMETHING ELSE besides the nonsense that happens in his book and GIVE HIS PARTNER SOME FUCKING AGENCY.

Queen Charlotte. Look. She's not even in the books, but she's one of my favorite characters on the show. She and Lady Danbury own my whole heart, okay? And her spinoff show... I've only been able to watch it once because (other than the money issue mentioned above), I was crying literal buckets starting somewhere around episode five until the end and I binge watched that shit so what is that like six hours straight crying???? Also, having her as a character gave us Brimsley and Reynolds. (*whispers my poor overworked and beleaguered babies*) I wasn't overly fond of the role she played in dragging out the drama surrounding Anthony and Edwina, but that could've been avoided entirely if you'd given show!Edwina even an ounce of book!Edwina's compassion and understanding of her sister and had her do something equally dramatic like, oh I don't know... TURN HIM DOWN?!?!? (Can you tell I'm still salty about this?)

Alright, that's enough of that. I have a job interview to prepare for, but this was a nice distraction from my inevitable nerves.

Love,

kdnfb

#mollywog #look at that ask

[ambreiiigns]

i finished the saw series :)

#didn't watch the last two. for obvious reasons. but wooo #i feel like i didn't expect to get this far but. cool. next on the list is silent night deadly night bc tis the season #but also child's play and evil dead. re-animator too. probably tomorrow #i think re-animator tomorrow and i'll save evil dead and child's play for After christmas #i'll watch whatever up until my birthday and after that xmas starts To Me so after my bday it's silent night deadly night #do you get the vision #i also wanna watch suspiria before my bday ? oh and i should watch more halloweens. ugh. i just wanna see laurie. #not sure how many are worth it but ye. i think i'm missing h20 and like the last three ? i watched the rob zombies #and i watched like. one thru ? five?? skipped 3 and 6 on purpose #so i THINK i have four left. even tho ends seems to be shite. we'll see how i feel #and theeeen i wanna rewatch the texas chainsaws 🥰🥰🥰🥰 my beloveds #and like. that's kind of It. like. what else am i gonna watch #i don't think i have any other franchise on my to do list? i'll have to move on to the newer stuff. i don't really feel like it. :( #oh nay

[popponn]

there is something about how when anime official art gets yoichi right fashion wise it's always a comfy bf look like look at him

very fluffy. very huggable. i want to poke and pinch his cheeks. also he often has those lil blushies when he eats and for some reason it's cute. the gap moe between on field and off field is still something else to see each time i remember it. i love it ofc 💚 but it's still something else

#his nickname is egoist. he gets heated and shittalks regularly #deadass say 100% k word kaiser in a panel that is pretty wild. also get d threats regularly (rin barou im not even gonna try to list em) #friendly reminder that i love him even when i do not post about him #comfort character that literally make me look at him when im stressed and just sigh come on lets go #kind of like a bit pavlovian if i wanna bully myself about it. but honestly he is just #but honestly seeing him work hard and being passionate makes me admire him in the “i wish i am like you” all while going #“uwah” in the way that i very much realize i can't never be him and that very fact make him even more admireable to me #everyone has their own pathway and process. and his story is honestly something that makes me soft #hardworking people are something else. always a sight to watch and it's beautiful #okay wow im yapping but it's yoichi what's new. hopefully i can write something for u this valentine babe #babblings

[lisbonsteresa]

[through gritted teeth] i am so normal about this

#no no no it's just like.... #the difference between just these two instances from s1 to s3 is FASCINATING to me #he's not asking in the first he's just stating a fact and he's having his belief confirmed #(by a man who's now almost definitely going to be in jail for the rest of his life - #the less extreme of the worst case options jane's had in his head but still nothing to scoff at) he's told with passion and conviction that #the revenge was worth the cost; that he doesn't regret it in the slightest; that it was 'redemptive') #and that's exactly what jane thinks that's what he's built his life around for the past - at least 5? - years #but he IS asking in the second; it's years after the first and he's not the same man he was then #he does still believe in vengeful justice i think but it's not just him that he has in mind now #there's other people to consider - people that found their way into his head and his heart (despite any of his efforts to the contrary) #and he's asking this question to a man who's just been cleared of all charges (were they murder charges? idk i need to watch that ep again) #it's not just him he's thinking of now and it's not just the most concrete costs either #it's....idk it's a shift from the objective costs to the emotional costs; it's the shift from being told to asking i'm just obsessed #(also interesting that these are both men when the only time i can think of off the top of my head where he has this kind of interaction #with a woman is the s1 country club episode? the one with liz forbes? where she breaks down and says it doesn't change a thing #that's a completely new tilt to it too that's something to consider all of this actually has no point but where else am i gonna say it) #tm

[pepprs]

i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!

#purrs #imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i #get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i #am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of #course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into #the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere #so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the #way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT #SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #delete later #like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy) #it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more #than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE #psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si #since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i #just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being #RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy #like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I #it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal

[leatherbookmark]

an interesting thing abt jgy antis is like. where is the source of their, shall we say, negative opinion of jgy? like, 1. jgy is a villain, he does horrible things with no remorse, he’s willing to do everything to achieve his selfish, egotistical goals. --> 2. the source of this claim: this, this and this scene. --> 3. alright, but to me -- says someone who’s not an anti -- this reads differently. that he did all those things, and did them on purpose and without remorse, is not that obvious to me. why do you think that? --> 4. well, obviously because he’s a villain and does horrible things with no remorse.

like... he’s evil because he does bad things, and he does bad things because he’s evil. i’m interested in how antis came by those opinions, but a, unfortunately i have them all blocked, and b, even if i or someone else made a poll, it wouldn’t be authentic because no sane anti is going to say “well, people hated him and wrote all those things about him on twt, so i started hating him as well”, or “i only care about wgxn, you could sell me anything about other characters if your arguments were convincing enough because i zoned out during the parts when wgxn weren’t on screen/pages of the book”. it’s all “written in the book/shown in the show” and “logical arguments you’d agree with if only you could read”.

#thinking back to my early c/q/l days where i reblogged this dumb ass meta abt how jgy FOR SURE pushed lxc away because he WANTED HIM #to be tormented by uncertainty forever. like 'the worst person you know just saved your life; what now' kinda thing #i was like oh... THIS IS SO RIGHT... because it felt bittersweet and painful and i am Still guilty of accepting/agreeing with headcanons #or interpretations that aren't 100% what i think because i have this ingrained idea that other people are always more mature and #sophisticated and smarter than me and so they Know Better #the person (i think?) later went on to write a meta abt how jgy is a badwrong narcissist. so #(this is also the reason why i spent months praising and getting excited abt a fic where jgy was dating nmj for like a decade despite #not loving him; and why he cheated on him many times with lxc Just Because. i didn't think jgy would do something like that but everyone #else was like omg this is SOOOOO good so i was like shit i guess it is! IT'S SOOOO GOOD OMG;;;;; have i mentioned i have no brain on #my own? yea) #anyway i'm not gonna paint myself as this genius from the first watch because I Too had wgxn goggles fucking ON and didn't even notice #the box hand touch during my first watch. (have i mentioned i am not very smart or observant) and when wwx was whistling ghosts at jgy #and jgy was clearly Going Thru It in the guanyin temple i was like 'haha good for him' #but iirc i Was nonetheless drawn to him (although xy was first <3) and it was like. well he's evilbad but maybe he felt bad when he murdered #his child? --> well maybe he's not 100% evilbad... maybe... --------------> a-yao did nothing wrong and i will kill you if you even suggest #otherwise. (<-- a joke.) #anyway a whole bunch of antis seem like kindasorta stuck in that initial wgxn-centered; everyone else either has 2 personality traits Max #or is either wgxn allies (good) or wgxn Haters (we hates them forever!) just like. unwilling to accept any new viewpoints At All #and then there are Types of those jgy antis because you have people who hate him for Other Reasons and people who hate them because they. #honestly seem like they've only read moralistic books for young children where the brave kind hero is the one you're supposed to cheer for #and want to be like; and the villain has all the traits you're supposed to know are Bad (mean greedy selfish lazy etc) AND NOTHING ELSE. #its like that *man who only saw boss baby watching another movie* damn this is giving me some serious boss baby vibes ! meme #anyway. love it when the tags are 3x longer than the post. cheers #shrimp thoughts

[lenjaminmacbuttons]

does anyone have any woman's relationship with her mother leads her to descend into madness movie recs

#talkyllama #I was initially kinda craving/thinking about seladon darkcrystal but I don't have that kind of time tonight #maybe just the one episode where she comes out in the skeksis dress... #nah I want a movie. like maybe hereditary? Is that kind of what hereditary is about? #We were gonna watch fire walk with me today and I know laura palmer has a) a relationship with her mother b) a descent into madness #but I don't know how crucial or direct a is to b #and I'm. in a specific mood. #My mother is an emotionally mature adult who is good at handling conflicts and processing her emotions. And I am mad about it. #so im feeling the need to watch someone else go crazy to catharsize how strongly I feel like going crazy. or like I've already gone. #anyways apparently my dad canon confirmed has seasonal affective in addition to mom's canon confirmed adhd and her family history of #bipolar disorder and whatever the heck is going on with the brains on dad's side of the family #so uh. as deeply joyous and grateful as I am to have been given the gift of life. why the hell did my mother and my father think it was a g #good idea to put their genes together #I gotta trail off here I'm gonna go draft those bomm posts I thought of this morning. legit looking for recs if anyone has some though mwah

[charliesinfern0]

stupid fucking animation software compressing my files to shit for no reason

#it wasnt fucking doing this before what changed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #this is why i havent updated citrus in a few days i was so excited to actually make it and update it super often this summer #what the fuck ever man #im pissed #im okay #i mean im angry but ill be fine #ill just try and fix it tomorrow and if i cant then whatever #my doubts are starting to kick in so im just going to try and stop thinking about it for a bit #god im actually super angry its kind of freaking me out why am i so pissed #i feel like i cant think about anything else #maybe i need an apple snack that might make me feel a little better #sigh i just want to show you guys citrus so bad #hopefully ill be able to get my shit to work again soon #sigh ok #im gonna make some apple and peanut butter now #and think about ace attourney #if anybody here likes ace attourney id love to talk about it :3 #i havent actually played the games but ive watched a bunch of videos about the first game #so id love to maybe hear any of your guys' opinions on the games and what you like about them!

[veeslug]

There is nothing more disappointing than finally checking out a movie that basically everyone says is really really good and gets tons of hype only for it to be the most mediocre thing you’ve ever seen.

#this is about spirited away idk what y’all see in that movie but I’m happy for you #idk if it was just the hype giving me impossible standards or what but I could not get into it #and it sucks because I can totally see things that I really like and I see the great movie everyone else does #but then it’s just nothing for an hour #like. I really like the stuff with chihiro just talking to the other employees and the stuff with no face #and the stakes were presented really well that dream scene where chihiro is trying to find her parents in the pig pen is really freaky to me #but I don’t care about half these characters. I don’t care about dragon boy I don’t care about the old lady or her weird baby or her sister #and I kind of had a hard time following what was going on at times #idk maybe it’s a cultural/language thing #I’m not gonna get everything even in an English dub because it wasn’t made to be watched in English #it’s the classic question of: is everyone else blinded by nostalgia or am I just not getting it? #I wish I liked this movie as much as everyone else but it’s not clicking for me #fern’s ramblings

[skitskatdacat63]

okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??

in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕

(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)

I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.

I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)

I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.

But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???

#theres some actual term ive heard before abt this kind of behavior #but i cant recall it rn and you know what google is like when youre trying to look up symptoms 😭 #but yeah its probably smth mentally related which ive just never looked into further #i just am prone to anxiety about literally everything i think :) #sorry for such a long response!! #but its rly nice to know that someone else out there deals with this <3 #i think im just my greatest enemy LOL im always just fighting with my brain #some part of my brain just likes playing devils advocate and being contrary to what i want to do ig? #but yeah what you said about the flood of emotions! so true!! #like for some reason ig its just hard to open myself up to such sudden excitement/joy if that makes sense? #tysm for the ask :D it makes me feel a lot better abt that :D #i always fear that i complain too much abt things in my own control #like: 'i want to watch 2009 but i cant' 'but isnt the ability to watch 2009 under your control' 'yeah BUT YOU KNOW' #when i say i want to do something i either do it immediately or its gonna take a bit for me to get to it #but rest assured it will probably happen eventually #i like how i wrote a super long response and still somehow managed to write a paragraph of tags #truly my trademark at this point #catie.asks. #catie.rambling.txt

[welcometogrouchland]

I am not okay yet but I will be in a bit, I think 👍

#ramblings of a lunatic #I'm in a funk and need... something #I'm just figuring out what that something is #a bit of fun #a bit of comfort #a bit of distance from the stuff i love but have been doing for a while (but i dont think I'm done with yet. #when i say distance i mean like. watch something else for a few days but still ask my friends for edits. if that makes sense) #and then i think a bit of rest #it's hard! i am having a hard time! #but also. like. i ate today and gradually started to feel better. I'm gonna finish this essay on monday. I'm gonna watch tv w/ my parents #i think I'll be okay I'm just burnt out again. this time it's the kind of burn out that stomps on creative energy and spinterests #but I'm slowly getting one of those things back! and i think the latter will follow #again I'm sorry to use Tumblr as a diary. i just don't have one rn lol #i need to buy one. someone pls remind me to buy a journal soon before i implode

[pepprs]

my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm

#purrs #delete later #also she’s guilt tripping me into coming to the stupid fucking potluck on sunday bc she needs the extra help and it’s like… what are you #gonna do when i move out. like i am a grown woman and i should be able to choose how i spend my two precious weekend days. and my dad is a #grown man and he should be able to choose where he works. like is that not a little bit insane. i get it but also….. i do think it s kind of #fucked ip that it’s her way or the highway and her needs take priority over all of ours and she’s asking us to bend to what she wants when #she wants it. like i get it bc she’s sick but it’s not fair for her to expect that from my dad especially. particularly when me and my #brother are back at work / school in more high risk environments than my dad who would be in a private office alll day. and the thing is no #one is brave enough to all her on it bc if we did it would be the END of the world. she even threw a fit on my dads bday and complained bc #the things he wanted to do were things she didn’t want to do like all the man wanted to do was go mini golfing and when that wasn’t good #enough he just wanted to go on a walk and my mom complained the whole time and also scoffed the movie he wanted to watch and said it was #boring and it’s like… wtf it’s HIS birthday??? but what do you expect from the woman who (and in fairness her friends got her these as gifts #but still) has TWO kitchen items that say some variation of ‘a marriage is when one is always right and the other is always the husband’ 💀 #i look at that little plaque every night bc it’s in front of the sink when im doing dishes and it makes me so fucking angry. like my dad is #a whole fucking person and he can be right too and he deserves to make choices and be happy and not have his wife put him down all the time. #idk. and she puts down his family all the time too and complains when he wants to do the most reasonable things for his own enjoyment that #don’t align with hers and criticizes his interests all the time and it just sucks to see. he never shows hurt or anything so idk how he #feels about it but it makes me so angry and sad and when i tell her to stop she just lashes out at me so. 🤪. like how do we get her to stop #making her needs more important than everyone else’s bc… she may be our mom / his wife / whateger but that doesn’t make her queen. no one is #(andalso this has only gotten worse bc of covid / her being sick. like this has been a lifelong thing it’s just it’s a lot worse now bc the #circumstances gave her room / forced her to have to take up more space. and it’s just so frustrating. i get it. but none of us are pawns or #dolls or subordinates or anything. there’s 5 adults here and we should all be able to make choices and not be guilt tripped by her. lol #)

[balletfilmss]

LOVERS LAKE

✸ pairing : luke castellan x fem!reader

✸ synopsis: you & luke escape to the lake and away from counselor duties!

✸ warnings: pre-tlt, established relationship, kissing, me believing whole heartedly that i can fix him

✸ authors’s note: ignoring that it’s literally christmas & this is so summer-coded, charlie bushnell brought back my original series luke obsession so here you go 🙈

the lake was arguably the best place to be at camp half-blood, even for someone who hated the water and was all but dragged their by somebody else who loved it.

that someone was you, and the somebody else was luke.

that boy loved swimming in the lake like the stars love sitting in the sky, and the only thing that made it better was when you were there with him.

between knowing that fact and the pleading look in his pretty puppy eyes, how could you say no?

so now you and him were in the lake together, on a rare escape from your responsibilities as counselors during rec time. you may or may not have been hiding from your campers by staying hidden by the boathouse that stored the camp’s supply of canoes.

you were clinging onto the wooden dock while your boyfriend swam about, still putting on your angry facade at him after he threw you in the water initially.

was the way he scooped you up in his big strong arms and grinned like a little kid when he jumped in with you absolutely adorable? yes. did that mean you were going to let him get away with it? absolutely not.

pouting with your arms wrapped around the dock leg, you watched as the boy’s head disappeared underwater, not missing the mischievous glint that lingered in his eyes beforehand.

and just as you had expected, a wet head of dark curls popped up just beside you. just to be annoying, he shook his head like some kind of dog and laughed when you scrunched your face up at the flying drops of water.

the little loser laughed at you. now you were definitely mad, and would’ve crossed your arms and harrumphed if you weren’t still holding on to the dock like you’d die if you let go.

“are you ever gonna leave that poor dock be and actually come swim with me?” he asked, batting his pretty long eyelashes like he was pleading for you to do what he asked.

“go away.” you grumbled, looking away from him.

“aw, c’mon sweetheart.” he cooed, his tone teetering between teasing and sincere.

you felt familiar hands wrap around your waist as luke pried you away from the dock, ignoring your words of protest.

“you are literally going to drown me.” you frown as you have no choice but to hold onto him.

look, it wasn’t that you couldn’t swim, it was just that it was going to take one hell of a monster chasing you to make it happen.

“oh my gods, i am going to die.”

you were now out of arm’s reach of the shore, left with nothing but your boyfriend to keep you afloat. dam it.

“would you relax? i’m not gonna let you drown.” he chuckled, smiling at your antics as he kept both you and himself afloat.

“well you pushed me in, so you may as well.” you responded, sticking your chin up in dramatic negligence.

“hey, it was push you in or get caught and have about seventeen campers join us. which would you rather have?”

the first option, obviously, but you weren’t going to tell him that.

instead, you stuck to the silent treatment, which meant luke was left to his last and final resort.

“guess you leave me with no choice then,” he feigned a regretful sigh, even though you both knew he was ecstatic to do what he was thinking.

“wha- no. no no no no!”

luke had let go of your waist for no more than two seconds before you had screamed and clung onto him for dear life, your arms tightly wound around his neck and legs around his waist.

“i’m going to kill you, castellan.” you grumble, unable to see his reaction as your cheek was pressed against his.

there it was again, that gods damned chuckle of his that made your heart do little somersaults.

“love you too.” he said humorously. but when you didn’t reply with the same phrase, it was his turn to pout.

“hey.”

between the pout in his voice and the poke he delivered to your sides, you knew that your inattention had had just the effect you wanted.

this was the dance the two of you had done several times before. he’d annoy you, you’d ignore him and then you would relish in the way he turned into a lost puppy when it lasted for ten seconds too long, proving once again just how tightly you had him wrapped around your finger.

“hey. hey. hey.”

he poked you again and again, repeating the same word in hopes that you’d look at him, but you remained relentless.

“i’m not forgiving you that easily.” you insisted, as if your faces weren’t inches away from each other and water wasn’t the only thing between your body and his.

once again, he knew you too well to know there was little truth to your words.

he pressed a kiss to your cheek in hopes to get you to finally turn your head and look at him. again, nothing.

“hey, pretty girl.” he whispered, growing desperate and excruciatingly impatient. “would you at least look at me?”

feeling as though you’d drawn it out rather excessively, you listened and looked at him.

immediately, your lips were captured by his in a sweet kiss, the lake water seeping in between and tainting the flavor.

when he pulled away, luke wore a smirky kind of smile that made you want to kiss him again just to get rid of it and the giddy little feeling it gave you.

“am i forgiven now?”

he was, but instead of saying that, that was when you splashed a wave of water in his pretty little face.

#୨୧ love letters #｡ﾟ･ׂׂ daddy issues (kj’s version) #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x fem!reader #luke castellan oneshot #luke castellan imagine #luke castellan x you #percyjackson #percy series #pjo show #pjo x reader #charlie bushnell #luke castellan #luke castellan pjo #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians

[ghostfacd]

ALL BECAUSE I LIKED A BOY? | TOM BLYTH

pairing. tom blyth x fem!actress!reader

summary. after you and tom called it quits, the internet can’t help but make you their punching bag, all because you liked a boy.

part 2 | installment of this au | recommend you read it for more context!

CELEBRITYNEWS Months after the pair announced they were dating on Instagram, couple Y/N Avocot and Tom Blyth have now since broken up due to personal reasons and “mutual agreement” according to a source. We will miss the sweet ex-couple, and we wish the best for Y/N and Tom!

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user1 guys im going to cry

user2 this wasn’t in my 2023 plans.

user3 actual tears

user4 ik rachel is heartbroken rn bc they’re both her close friends and she introduced them to one another 😭😭

➥ user5 you’re so right OMG

user6 they were so good together?? im upset

user7 he’s single now….. YES

ynuser me time 🌞 (new skincare video up soon yayy!!)

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user8 guys, it’s official. she unfollowed tom

➥ user9 it’s the way he still follows her and likes all her posts like this is too sad to watch ☹️

user10 girly after unfollowing tom and everything even tho he still follows and likes her post

user11 she doesn’t deserve him lol. not then, not now, not ever

sean.kauf ur time

conangray yess i love you yn

➥ ynuser @/conangray @/sean.kauf i love you two 💘

rachelzegler only girls party

➥ user12 oh?

hollywoodnews Oh? is this a new romance brewing? Actress and music artist, YN Avocot and her fellow actor and cast mate Sean Kaufman seen awfully comfortable in multiple restaurants not long after YN’s breakup with her ex-boyfriend, actor Tom Blyth

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user13 cant defend yn anymore

➥ user14 she never asked u to defend her stop being delulu..

user15 welp called it, she’s a hoe

user16 doesn’t sean have a gf? not her homewrecking…

user17 acting like all that after she’s single please someone humble her immediately

user18 guys stop sending hate to yn, it’s literally not gonna help anyone. she’s single, she has the freedom to do whatever she wants without you guys being down her back 24/7.

liked by @/tomblyth

➥ user19 hello tom blyth literally liked ur comment??

user20 not tom still being nice to her even after all this. Personally me? Id never take that level of disrespect

ynuser “all because i liked a boy” OUT NOW! This song was originally something else that I put off for a really long time until now, it’s all from my experiences so it makes it very personal for me. I hope you guys like it as much as I do! As always, be kind to yourself and one another ❤️

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sean.kauf love this, love YOU!

➥ ynuser ❤️❤️

conangray this is a masterpiece

user21 THE REFERENCES TO THE HATE COMMENTS OMG ☹️☹️ this song is so good she doesn’t deserve all the hate she gets

user22 and all of this for what? WHEN EVERYTHIN’ WENT DOWN WE’D ALREADY BROKEN UP

➥ user23 TELL ME WHO I AM GUESS I DONT HAVE A CHOICE

➥ user24 ALL BECAUSE I LIKED A BOYYYYY

user25 the way tom hasn’t said anything..

#coriolanus snow x you #Coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow angst #coriolanus snow smut #coriolanus snow imagine #coriolanus snow fanfiction #coriolanus snow x reader #tom blyth x reader #tom blyth #tbosbas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games x reader