#and its. WEIRD. like its STRANGE i literally just feel like im watching the new adaptation of it!!!!!

[olliecoded]

sorryyyy im going to say it do NOT cancel me but......the visuals/cinematography/soundtrack of the horror in st4 are......sigh. well theyre reminiscent of it 2017

#all the buildup voices in the background. the weird camera angles. the zombie people and cracking jaws #i literally feel like pennywise is about to pop out #and its. WEIRD. like its STRANGE i literally just feel like im watching the new adaptation of it!!!!! #it does make it MUCH less spooky for me though which is nice #stranger things #stranger things 4 #it #it 2017 #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #max mayfield #steve harrington #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #mike wheeler #will byers #GOD. i love tagging characters completely unrelated to the post. it makes me feel alive

[yonpote]

re: dnp onscreen "personas" lol. i mean yall know what i mean by that but i feel like explaining it anyway just to be thorough. this is related to what ive been calling The Shift.

2011-2012 was around the time where the barrier between real dnp and the people they played was starting to be fortified. and like, part of it is just, with phils channel once he wanted it to be less video journal-y and more weird experimental short films, he still wanted to entertain people while talking abt his life, so maybe he would stretch a tale a bit or act a bit peppier than he is irl. and with dan, he had concepts literally from the start of what to do with his channel, and how it was inspired by a lot of sketch comedy based channels like communitychannel and [REDACTED]. so its not like it wasnt somewhat personas from the start, but 2012 was when it was cemented, and once they became known for being a duo it was just further self-flanderization. a Phanderization even. like intentionally playing into the ornery guy who makes bad puns and the happy go lucky guy who accidentally says innuendos. real tsukkomi and boke moment.

ok im gonna elaborate on why tatinof was a fanfic now :) this is the PEAK of phanderization, to me it's not a surprise that the cracks in the egg PERSONAS were starting to show bc they were just Fully In Character for like a year or so straight. in tatinof, the serious bitter eye-rolling "ugh dont do a song and dance" guy was dan (The Straight Man) (dont laugh thats just what its called) so of course his counterpart was the silly happy just having fun "i wanna burst into song!" guy was phil (The Fool). but when you watch their making of doc, dan says that HE'S the one who wanted to do the song and dance. if youre an Enthusiast abt dnp, you mightve already known that dan was a huge theater kid and loves the book of mormon n shit. phil likes theater too, but dan LOVES IT like not just watching but Performing. BUT to a regular degular in 2015 just casually watching or a huge fan but hasnt watched every liveshow ever or a phannie who just really believes in the Phanon, this may come as a surprise. phil is the happy silly ball of sunshine right? like ok. these aspects of their personality (dans bitterness and phil's positivity) aren't exactly LIES. but like obviously theyre just humans. this is what Interactive Introverts was TRYING to comment on, but imo i think fell short of its attempt bc in the end they were still trapped in their personas for the sake of Giving The People What They Want

ok i kinda tangented so back to the personas, it's not as if today they are Fully Raw And Real with us on screen, that's just kinda inherently never gonna happen, there will always be shit we don't know about them bc like. it's still a screen. BUT now that they are more real with us, we kinda see the energy of the olden days back, ofc less MegaRandomHyper and more gay millennial waffling. but it's them! cuz they really are so similar to the personas, but there's always an underlying layer of This Is A Bit. when dan's annoyed at phil for something we know he's not genuinely angry ESPECIALLY when we see that phil does it on purpose to rile him up. i think something strange is that, it's not like during 2012-2018 we didnt see stuff like this, dan's always been silly and phil's always been sarcastic, but bc so many people had bought into the Personas of danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil, that ended up being cemented into fic.

ok i wanna ramble on more but maybe ill make a new post lmao

#oh i thought i posted this but it was just sitting on my ipad #myrambles #the shift

[linaharutaka]

gen question but isnt dedegoon or dedesuka or whatevr a proship? ive seen some ppl calling it a proship cuz its abusive but your bio says proship dni so idk if its ok to ship or what (sorry im new to this)

hiya! thank you for your ask! it isnt and heres why

first of all i am /Not/ proship. i am not anti-anti or whatever either. what drives me to ship them is the fact theyre friends who like to be in each other's company. i like their sweet moments together. they bond over scamming an innocent population and bullying children. they're partners in crime. theyre besties who talk shit about others as a hobby.

i also don't think theyre already dating. i look at their relationship and im like. you guys have some kind of weird crush on each other and you're also selfish assholes. they're in the world's worst situationship.

"but dedede whacks escargoon a lot!" not only does escargoon get physical towards him too (the dynamic starts shifting in the dentist episode) but his "punishments" are often for a reason. escargoon is often very mean to dedede. in almost every episode he calls him hopeless or stupid or ugly or anything like that. and that gets him a whack. if i were dedede i'd do that too! it'd piss me off! having my lackey who i pay and who i consider my best friend insult me so overtly over and over LOL. but does escargoon ever try and stop him his evil doing? hell no! the guy helps him and gives him advice and ideas! he is NOT a good guy either. he loves being mean! he literally says it!

of course escargoon cares a loy about him. pretty sure everyone is aware. i don't even need to compile all the times he runs after him or worries about his well being. one time he "left" after he realised he'd have to do all the waddle dee's chores and didn't want to do his job. guess who's shown tearing up when seeing what poor state dedede is in after being left all on his own. he's always protecting him and defending him (sometimes backhandedly) from other people. he holds dedede dear. it's obvious he does. he's an old man, he's not being manipulated into liking dedede. he genuinely cares about the guy.

there are episodes where they bicker a lot but end up getting along, episodes where they're the best of friends and episodes focused on their resentment against one another. the show kind of yoyos with their relationship. it's not really anything to take seriously. if you get offended from their interactions you'd get a heart attack from watching looney tunes. the back and forth of their dynamic is part of the fun!

I *highly* recommend watching the original version of the show as the dub often replaces sweet lines they share with jokes that don't really hit the mark. it's a shame. (however i will give the dub some credit on occasion)

Actually, i have a [post] that compiles a lot of sweet screenshots of them together. it doesnt include the times where they hold on to each other in the cannons or in the whispy woods episode or when esxargoon said "isnt this strange? can't you feel we're striving apart?" and dedede says "what! that's ridiculous!" in a lighthearted voice. or when escargoon makes a joke about a late night drive being romantic and dedede just? laughs in agreement? there's a scene where they call each other stupid in the most friendly way ever. i actually have a handy twitter of fun scenes where escargoon gets away with some things (doesn't include when escargoon yells at him in the fireworks episode or orders him in episode 69), like saying *he's* actually the one in power because dedede isn't competent enough to reign. or dedede understanding escargoon's concerns of him becoming dumber than he is already.

they're just villains who are attached to each other and are a team no matter what.

escargoon protects dedede a lot, and he cares about him more than what his job entails, but people tend to forget he's got a special place in dedede's heart too.

dedede keeps an album of pictures they took together. he never threatens to fire him and, as far as i know, never even cuts his salary and is the only one in the castle to even have a bonus. he shares the food he keeps from the waddle dees with him in episode 93. he clarifies he doesnt want knuckle joe's monsters to attack either of them. he's fine spending large amounts of money on him. twice? he never calls him ugly somehow. he even thanks him for having put up with him for so long and serving him well when the world is about to end. and then he clings unto him because he's scared of dying alone. his way of showing affection is not the "im crying because i think you're in danger" type of way that escargoon shows a lot but it's there.

Of course i don't think they're perfect gay rep. that's literally so stupid. you think im gonna look at two dumbasses who are bitter towards one another from what, a parodic, satirical children's anime from the early 2000s, and go "hmm yes this is what every queer couple should aspire to be this is peak lgbt rep"

If we're gonna talk about them how about we talk about some issues this show has that no one ever addresses. the colorism of the uv episode that is not put into question, not even by tiff, the moral compass. the rising sun imagery that is very much intentional as dedede is a caricature. the fatphobia? the fact kirby calls kawasaki and nagoya homos??? straight up???

people often blame episode 88, and yeah, it's not my favorite episode either. everyone's weird in that episode, not just dedede! yabui is far from empathetic, even the ebrums are disrespectful, and escargoon taunts dedede into chasing him for laughs and teases him about his old age. even at the end he teases him. i think it's one of those episodes that you just have to blame on the writers kinda like 89 (for example this one has got the right message but the execution is painful to watch. poor tiff.)

now, if 88 had changed their relationship it'd be a different matter. there are some sweet moments they share outside of their general "partners in crime" dynamic past episode 88 in my post actually! my favorite is the one where dedede has his arm around escargoon who's curled up like a cat while they're sleeping and the waddle dees are tucking them in from episode 91. it makes me so happy.

i could probably talk so, so much more about them. they're a huge comfort to me. however i don't trust just anyone with them. i am very much aware some people like them for the wrong reasons. but if you have a brain you can see where i'm coming from.

the show makes fun of them because they're evil, self-centered cowards. not because they're "gay" or anything like that. i saw someone call them queerbait one time and i had to log off for a minute.

anyway, to answer your question, people who do not recognize their genuine attachment to one another are bound to have a twisted view of them. i don't like dedegoon because they're "toxic" or awful to each other. but because they're each other's best friends. that's all. it's fine if you don't ship them, too. i just hope i can prove to people that they do matter to each other and that they're friends :)

#ask #yes i made sure to include other images than the ones already in my comp im doing a great job in dedegoon #there are so many things i didnt include there #everytime i think of them i remember something new #i also want to point out that i rewatch the show regularly. im on my... uh.. 7th proper rewatch? with my boyfriend #so. if anyone accuses me of fandomifying this show they chose the wrong person #also they say aishiteru 3 times atp idk what to tell you

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

wild blue yonder

the tardis can regenerate itself...... !!! I mean, wait we knew that already kjhkjh but I just connected the dots now that... that means The Time Lords mined and mauled the child just to make their cars better, as well. Damn...

in classic who u used to have to use ur imagination to pretend everything wasn’t a wobbly set... now u have to use ur imagination to pretend everything isn’t a greenscreen :/

"is that who i am now?" the shocking thing isn’t that he is gay (that’s what donna interprets) the shock to himself is voicing how horny he is lol

Someone is gonna say gravity and that's gonna be fucking weird

"it would take trillion years to get that far” chills!

"no one is ever been this far. till us. and this ship" colonialism fiction dna shining thru

“you little streak” <3

"she'll move on" "not shaun, he'll go to that alleyway every year..." \ten at the alleyway to see rose parallel....

Ghost aroma!!!

blue and orange motif....…………… 13 aesthetic moments.... [13 and Swarm coded? / aka entropy/life coded?/donna and the doc...]

“maybe there's a tribe and they worship it… (…) time passes and the city falls... and there's the tardis" beautiful!! I'm could do somth w/ re: w/ the doctor and their companions. (eyes emoji)

"it got complicated" UNDERSTATEMENT OF A CENTURY #2

"The notion of shape is strange." "it limits" literally current architecture theory

This is so nofna solar system-core

love a classic “anti matter hates matter” story

[the no-bodies…?....cousins to the the could have been king ... with his army of never wheres…?]

This feels very [doctor trying to figure out their body in each regeneration] [intentionally?] this is so end of evangelion poster-core

"it’s strange enough my face coming back, but not this big" / [metaphor for reboots?]

This episode is like the clamoring for us to get a castrovalva 2 escher-like world again next season

"that's not gonna work either" i love these idiots

"why does it have to be one last trip?" rtd ringing moffat / gatiss / gardner / etc and being like like -

ok but follow this reasoning: if the doctor is the same person bc they keep their memories (as the show makes a point of.... constantly) ... and if the memories make the person ... then indeed an entity that copies the memories is the same person, is it not? Where do we draw the line between who’s “real” and who isn’t, in this scenario?

A CREATION I DEVASTATED / literally watched WoM two seconds before this w/ ten all "everything i do just makes it happen" sdjsdkf this is what i mean when i say the doctor has never Processed anythingggg since that Bottom Pit moment

"it wasn't your fault" "i know! (but it stil sucks!!!)" me at therapy like

"WHY DOES HE NEED YOU?" me, Pavlovian tone: because he is lonely...

“when something is gone, it keeps existing” → highlight this!!!! this is gonna be the new thesis statement about Grief!!! this is gonna be The Point for the next 4 years lol

It's very fun to watch this after marath6ning all of ten's era bc it's like... that boy never processed any of that shit. did 11 process shit? did 12? 12 maybe a little but really i think they just got even more trauma (bill ): ) dkdksks and don't get me started on 13. basically what im saying is the doctor Never did get a break on between waters of mars up until now... [and i guess to go further never did get a break after since like....... freaking ghost light skskskskkjkj seven is still There. we don't think about that enough.]

Donna being a clone fucker is not a headcanon ever thought i had but im glad its been confirmed now "donma doesn't think she"s stupid" im sure rtd has launched this exact same rant on so some unwilling family members while browsing ao3 "stop copying and make up your own minds" social commentary / commentary on reboots again / core "individualism > society" dr. who 101 messaging

The not things are kinda.... cute? skdksk if they weren't murderous they look like ppl to hang out w/ and play videogames......

"what do you want?" "you tell us" fundamental doctor-companion dialogue....

"love letters don't travel very far" put a pin on that...

ok.... ARGHGHGHH LET ME THINK THINK THINK skskks me failing at CBT be like

What if the doctor is from our universe. what then the doctor being like we have to mill ourselves immediately feels very 13

this is like "what if turn left and midnight but they go through it together this time <3" fic "where the walls are thin and anything is possible" eyes emoji

"that copy was 99% donna" so maybe re:earlier... what the show is saying between copy vs real is that it's all about the x factor, the 1%....

CONCLUSIONS! lived up to the hype! i think it's a bit 13-era vibe in that it's clearly influenced by all the prestige space-base-isolation scifi we see in the ~cinema now every year. the aesthetic is hitting that vibe (and going to the root, there's also a very clear Alien influence). kinda wish we had more one offs just like this one :( bc i feel the other 2 specials have too much Work to do, so there's not enough time to do.Fun like lore and character stuff. Execution wise is very successful. the switcheroos work. the callbacks work. there's a lot of character stuff happening ("I just realized I'm still working through that!") but it doesn't interfere w/ the adventure itself. My one grip is there's a couple shots that do feel too green-screen-y, but overall the ep is visually amazing. def only a story you could do now. also I love that the NMDs were like "rtd is gonna retcon the timeless child!!! everyone hated it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and he was like "cool. now watch this" lollll king moments. rare moments where it feels like we live in the best timeline.

#i think there's More stuff to analyze in this one but i need some time to Digest It #and some rewatches #dw spoilers #wild blue yonder #dw

[viro-lil-goat]

ghost au

Again shoutout to this post

For now im skipping 🔴👁️ hyde and 🟢👁️ jekyll since theres more info on it

Theres also another ghost au by @/bansheeoftheforest ^^ dont remember that much about it from discord except the fact that jekyll is a singular ghost there, since its been a long time. But if anyone's interested you can check it out too, i think theres also a fanfic on it.

Anyway! Heres a VERY old drawing (like, 2021 probably) i had to edit it bc the quality is dogshit.

So yeah its pretty old i dont remember much but here we go In this au, i didnt really made a particular reason for their/his death, either something like accidental poisoning, murder or just soul leaving the body as its in a coma state.

Rachel and Robert notice that Jekyll is missing, and at the same time weird things happenning in Society of Mad Scientists. Like is there was a ghost or perhaps a poltergeist.?

So of course, they go to Maijabi, the only person in Society who specialises on that kind of thing

He investigates, and does notice that there is infact a new ghost in society. He only needs for it/them to cooparate. He does something like a summoning ritual, and gives Rachel and Robert mixture that would let them see this ghost.

(new addition ) Meanwhile ghost Henry dosent want to show up, but Edward does. He wants to come in contact with Rachel . They summon them, and as they see that it's Jekyll, they are in shock, but its only the start, as ghost turns around they notice Hyde. And at this point they are stunned and dont know what to say, is this real? Are they dead? Why? And most importantly, why the hell they are connected into one?

I remember also imagining j&h ghost being kinda zomby like for some reason, like when R, L, and M summon them i imagined them saying something like:

Я ø b ë r t ЯR æ ç h ê l

As they try to reach their shocked friends. (Ooo body horror too 👻)

The first summoning ends, and Rachel and Robert dont know how to process what they have just witnessed.

Maijabi is also stunned, he remarks he has never seen anything like that before

R and L dont understand how that could be explained, Robert is especially in denial. As they calm down a little with a cup of tea, Maijabi tries to explain what he thinks about this, but the main conclusion is that Jekyll and Hyde are dead (duh XD) and thats not some sort of illusion. He knows an actual ghost when he sees one. Lanyon and Rachel cant believe it, their precious friend is dead, for Rachel its even worse because Hyde is also.

On the second summoning Maijabi finally gets to examine this strange case. His conclusion from this time, is that its not two souls tied together, but instead one soul split in two, and yet, not fully.

(new addition) And then its most likely Hyde is the one to tell the truth, Jekyll is so stubborn he wouldn't tell it even when hes dead.

Now that i think about it, i recall they are all goopy and zomby like because their soul is literally falling apart (since its already split).

The ending, as i recall, was something like Jekyll finally accepting himself, and his soul becoming one again, by that they fuse and Jekyll becomes fully himself again, and finding peace. And Lanyon, Rachel and lodgers as they find out of course – mourning.

(New addition) but if his body was in a coma state, after fusing, he would wake up, but finally fully himself again(could be an alternative ending if them fully dying is too sad ^^).

Thats it with the au , but on topic, of back then and still i believe that before drinking the amongus potion™ back in University, and basically his whole life he was fully himself, except for the fact he had a facade, but after drinking the potion, at first it was still his self, but with time they sapatated more and more. Now rarely able to control each other (red eyed hyde and green eyed jekyll), they can only watch and feel physical sences of the other half while they are in control.

Well, at least thats from my logical standpoint, but in general despite that, i still see them as sapatate, for example i really like Hyde but kinda neutral towards Jekyll, not negative, just don't like him just as much even tho they're the same person.

#the glass scientists #the glass scientists au #tgs jekyll #tgs hyde #tgs au #long text #tgs #tw body horror

[thesimulacrasimp]

So yeah, here we go again! I just watched 3rd n 4th eps of hazbin hotel so, again, my thoghts abt it. Idk if i really need to put spoilers warning anymore, but ig ill do it just in case. As with previous post there will be some screenshots.

HAZBIN HOTEL EP 3-4 SPOILERS WARNING!

So tbh i dont have much to say about 3rd ep. Overall it was a really cute ep where everyone kinda got along. Also we met alot of new overlords (that one giant wolf girl was cool as hell) n got a few bop songs. I really like all new voices we got here. Also Velvette was killin in this ep, like slay queen!! Also i didnt know this girl (idk her name srry) was Carmillas (idk if spelled the name correctly--) daughter, that really suprised me.

Ok 4th ep... I have alot to say about it. First of all when that Angels moive started i was like: WTH S GOIN ON WHAT????? Then i thoght that its Angels dream (or nightmare-) n that wolf guy was representation of Valentino. N then when its all started i was like: Oh. I get it.

Speaking about Val, when all that fire started n he opened his wings, that was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL N I REALLY DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO HAVE ACTUAL WINGS, I WAS LIKE: :O I FOR REAL ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FUR COAT--- ok n thats literally the only good i can say about Val by now.

That one awful scene with Val n Angel was literally so scary... Ive never been in SA, ive never had such "experience" (and thank GOD for that), but i know that feeling of fear when you just in trap and you cant do anything, i know how that feels to be abused, when you just hiding in corner feeling so fucking scared that you gonna get beated up n yelled again, you KNOW that will happen and you just wait for it in terrify, you literally feel yourself like a little child who cant do anything, you want to share your problems to someone, just wanna cry to someone, but you cant and you need to pretend that everything is okay. I was so scared for Angel in that scene and i really felt it. And the way Angel tried to make Charlie leave before that all happened.. Yes, he definetly knew whats gonna happen n thats so scary...

Anyway OMG VOX HIIII!!!!!! :DDDD

BTW THE FACT THAT HES HOLDING VALS HAND LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO KISS IT----- THIS SHIP IS TAKING OVER MY BRAIN PLS SEND HELP

Yeah, yknow what really strange thing about all that? Is the fact that Val s obviously a horrible person consindering all the things he done to Angel, but he is still an ENJOYABLE CHARACTER. Like- ofc that awful abusive scene was not enjoyable at all, but for some reason i just cant hate him!! I TRY BUT I JUST CANT N THATS SO WEIRD. probably its because i know its not a real person, its just a character but still-

Also (someone pls count how many times i used this word-) i really didnt expect to see an ACTUAL SEX SCENES IN THE SONG. Ig i shouldve expect it n i kinda did, but i still didnt-

Also this little scene made me fucking cry, for real. But not the fact that Angel crying made me cry, but his line: "If i end up broken, I wont be his favourite toy anymore. And maybe he'll let me go.."

I dont know why this exact line made me cry, but it did and i think this is awesome, because they really made me care for Angel, even tho, again, ive never experienced such feelings so i cant relate to that, but i still feel so bad for him.

Ok can we talk about that Husk was AN OVERLORD??? I WAS LIKE: WHAAAAATT????

And OF COURSE that one Husk n Angels song. You already know how i feel about it so im not even gonna talk bout it! SIKE‼️I WILL!!!!! THIS SONG IS SO FRICKIN CUTE, THE FACT THAT HUSK STARTED TO JOKINGLY (or maybe not jokingly-) SAYING THAT ANGEL IS A LOSER TO BRIGHT HIM UP IS ACTUALLY SO SMART! THEYRE BOTH SO CUTE TOGETHER SINGING AND HOLDING HANDS FOR A LITTLE TOO MUCH!!! AND THIS SONG IS MUSICALLY ALSO SO AMAZING, ITS LITERALLY MY STYLE OF SONGS, MAYBE MY NEW FAV SONG I CANT REALLY TELL RN! And the meaning of this song is really good too. Whatever is happening to you, unless youre not alone, everything is better!

Andddd everything is ended quite good and wholesome! They came to the hotel, Charlie apoligized and everything is good!!

soooo yeah! Thats it i guess! Im pretty sure im gonna edit it if i remember something else i wanted to say, but thats it by now!

My review/thoughts on eps 1-2

My review/thoughts on eps 5-6

My review/thoughts on eps 7-8

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin angel dust #hazbin husk #hazbin charlie #hazbin alastor #Spoilers warning #my post #tw sex abuse

[virgincels]

HIII omg I love ur writing, I just read waste me and it was so good ong like ??? literally me. NEED MORE FEMCEL READER I love her she’s such a loser omg she’s so me :33. She def listens to creep by radiohead and weezer. Especially bc Leon is already a loser too like what if reader was much more of one?? ITS SUCH A GOOD CONCEPT. Like I can imagine him thinking he’s soo fucked up or some shit and then in comes in reader, he’s just like oh. maybe not.

Like mhm I love dumb and cutesy reader but I need a fucking loser that wastes away in their room and is fucked in the head, that type of reader that loves like a dog no matter what, always coming back for more no matter how much they get beaten or ignored. Dog coded but in a sad way!!! Like yeah she’s awkward and whatever but I feel like she would self sabotage and lash out like a provoked mutt when its tail gets stepped on.

LIKE omg I could go on a whole rant and write a fucking essay on how femcel reader is SO GOOOD esp with Leon but i’d just be rambling LMAO.

I feel like Leon is so used to talking to optimistic and like generally sane (LMAO) people. Like, imagining him talking to someone that’s just one big fucking sad loser??? im sold. I think it would be funny if he just got so concerned and weirded out to the point that he’s like “what the fuck is wrong with you are you okay” like no I need you to live and breathe :33

gonna put this under read more cuz it’s long :3

the line between femcel and potential narcissistic abuser is so thin so leon better watch out. dog coded but also has the potential to freak out on him if pushed far enough, esp if he takes her for granted, like yes she’s lonely and she’d like to be feeling wanted but not by someone’s that’s just taking her as a joke!!

like omg yes she is a fucking loser that will take bottom barrel anything but she has some sort of standards once she’s in the relationship, and she’s probably obsessive over him almost, hyper aware of how he’s reacting to her I think he would probably assume that she’s just a stupid lovesick puppy but it’s like so much more than that 😭

AND YES leon is a loser and he’s so depressed and he’s also stuck in that cycle of self-loathing and I know the healing in death island was super quick and they could’ve fleshed it out so much more bc healing is a struggle but capcom hate character development.

but like leon has the potential to heal as he’s surrounded by people who have experienced things similar to him, people like chris and rebecca who want him to be happy, who actually consider him a friend and if he’s faced with someone that has basically no one,,but him that’ll be so strange to him.

like idk someone that’s so beaten down, that’s never been told anything other than their own insecurities, that relies on him to kind of make them feel happy?

i think it’s both simultaneously so much pressure but also a sort of rush for Leon? his mood and his words dictating how someone feels is so new to him like he has to walk on eggshells around someone but they also cling onto whatever he says it’s so mindfuck to him and he would probably come out of it damaged too 😭

#inbox 💌 #🫀.waste me

[soclonely]

angel, galaxy, silk, rose, sun, film, gorgeous, diamond, perfume, pigment, charcoal, lingerie, daydream, valentine, 1975

angel; is there anyone you’d do anything for? I would honestly do anything for my siblings I think. They are all very important to me, especially my younger ones. We are all extremely close and I would not hesitate to drop everything and come to their aide galaxy; what fascinates you? Earth, like literally just it, you know? I go on a lot of trips and see a lot of new things every time and it STILL amazes me how beautiful everything is. I sat on the beach this past summer for an hour just staring and admiring and taking pictures of this empty sea shell because it was so just amazing and pretty sitting in the sand. How did it get there?

silk; what outfit makes you feel confident? Im going to go basic here and say my classic black yoga pants (circa 2007 style with the fold down top!) and just a regular tshirt. I am a simple girl, when I am comfortable is when I feel confident! rose; favorite flower? Chocolate Cosmos

sun; favorite season Late autumn, right before it turns to winter film; favorite movie/tv show? Answered this in another one, but i can give another answer as far as movies my favorite right now probably Grease. I have been watching it once a week for the last few months gorgeous; what do you like in a person? Just someone who is real. You don't have to be perfect. I like weird, I like strange and eccentric, and I like broken but trying your best. I just like seeing someone who is really a person and not this perfect thing they feel like they have to be. diamond; favorite color? Sage green-blues. heavily into that color this year. perfume; favorite scent? Cinnamon or sugar cookie pigment; what color is your hair naturally? if you could dye it any color which one would you choose? Answered this one too! But again with another fun color. My hair is naturally dark brown, but I would like to try maybe a nice dark blue color! charcoal; do you have a good relationship with your parents? Up until this past year, i had been really close with both of them. My mom and dad have been really going through it, and with that comes a lot of struggles with the rest of the familial relationships. I am taking space from my mom, but my dad and I are getting close as we navigate the new family vibes. Its been hard, but we will all get there! lingerie; what do you wear to bed? nothing but a blanket and a smile, knowing I have a whole king sized to myself and a fan on full blast, creating the perfect environment for a restful night 🫣

daydream; best memory? Ohhh hard one as I have so many. My best current memory is going to New Mexico two years ago around this time! I went with my friends and their kids and we had a blast. We were in this place called cloudcroft. And it was utterly amazing. We got up, went skiing that morning where it was 25 degrees, and then after lunch went about 30-40 minutes away to the Sand Dunes national park where it was 80 degrees and went sledding in shorts and tshirts on sand! It was such a fun trip, but that day in general was a favorite because I just love spending time with the kids and having fun valentine; best gift you’ve ever received? RECENTLY GOT THE BEST ONE OF ALL TIME! One of the kids got me a mini garbage can for my car! It looks like a mini trash can, has a flipping lid, AND fits in the cup holder of the car. Brilliant. 1975; if you could time travel to any time period, what would it be and why? Hard one. I honestly don't know. I think 1400s-1500s scotland would be cool, or late 19th century America would be the two I'd safely choose to explore anytime!

[archive2394934]

@everyurlithinkofistoolong​

Personally I've got no problem with fan theories but thus far I've seen ppl say Virginias a pedo, brenners a pedo, Henry's a pedo. It's like damn all these guys are pedophiles? Imo closest canon got was making uncomfortably close allegories to it in s2 to make a point about how violating Will's possession was- but I doubt they *literally* meant Henry SA-d will oof. I'd love to hear how you interpret the bathtub hallucination scene, have you ever written about it? -im not quite sure what to think about it and I'd love to hear what you think

I love fan theories don't get me wrong, I even love ones that might delve into uncomfortable topics, but there is something very unsettling about the ones that serve to depict a character like Henry as a p*dophile, particularly as I said, when a lot of this orbits the idea of him being gay or queer coded. Maybe this is entirely my sensitivity as someone who is gay and my familiarity with anti-lgbt stereotypes (both in media and fandom) but it really, really disturbed me watching how this fandom spread the Henry/Vecna is gay theory because it almost instantly and simultaneously evolved into Henry is homophobic, Henry is a p*dophile, Henry SA'd Will (A character that is in fact portrayed as gay) at RAPID SPEED and all the weird things people started coming out with to validate this stuff when they have next to no biases in canon and are drawn from VERY far out theories and sometimes weird misinterpretations is just. Not feeling good for me.  I recall back when the second part of S4 first ended there was some ableist weirdos taking about Henry and how creepy and off he is, and certain traits he had that make him "creepy and off" (even though autistic people were explaining those traits that people find creepy and weird in Henry are autistic traits and this was sounding ableist) some of them mentioned they thought Henry was trying to have sex with Eleven. Some of them even insisted that Henry wanted to make Eleven his "queen" and that's what he was trying to say to her. They related him to a predator who grooms little girls, etc.

Those were awkward reads that were largely acknowledged as coming from a strange place of biased suspicion toward men interacting with children, particularly young girls, which is pretty harmful for all men and maybe not something to splash around the fandom carelessly when the basis wasn't much more than that Henry was a man interacting with a young girl. So these takes RIGHTFULLY got shut down pretty quickly and I haven't seen them since.

But then someone did the same thing only they changed Eleven to Will and little girls to little boys. Instead of getting the same skeptical and sensitive treatment as Henry wants to do sexual things to Eleven, everyone ate the "gay alternative" up and it spread like wildfire. Even though Henry never even interacted with any little boys period. So its really hard to come at why Henry is a gay p*dophile got people so invested and so much traction when Henry is a straight p*dophile had people reacting with aversion and warranted caution to the point it totally vanished and I haven't seen any trace of it in Henrys tag since the ending of S4 - but almost every day theres a new post about homophobic gay p*dophile Henry Creel since the moment that was mentioned- as if thats something not rooted in epic homophobia???? Which is apparently permissible as long as it does something to promote a ship or whatever, idk. Because literally what is it about homosexuality and p*dophilia that just hits for this fandom exactly? Furthermore, there is a long running trope in media from a misconception in real life that sexual abuse leads to homosexuality and that people who are sexually abused are more likely to go on to sexually abuse others when this isn't true and only a small majority of people who are sexually abused sexually abuse others. (Complex victim blaming!) I think this fandom does know Henry was abused and there is more to him than evil and that might even be true of Vecna in his current form and they want to draw attention to that, because they know those of us in the fandom who talk about it might be right, but simultaneously they don't want to be accused of sympathizing themselves so the sympathy cant be too much and everything that could be seen as sympathetic about Henry must also be marred and twisted in a supremely ugly light. That way we can say "Henry was a victim who suffered terribly but he also truly deserves the most horrific and nasty death we can possibly conjure! Both things can coexist! We're not ableist/antivictim/etc". And it also gets heavily tangled in with this fandoms fixation on B*ler and proving its really real and Mike and Will are end game and the entire point of the show is for these closeted gay teens in the 80s to make out, as if the whole damn thing is some kind of horny self indulgent queer YA romance novel and not a actually anything to do with the science fiction adjacent horror based television series it really is.

"Henry suffered oppression because of his autistic coding and it was popular to institutionalize ND people in his time period which is why his mother wanted a doctor to take him away and make him normal" Canon supported fact. This gets transformed into -> Henry was gay, his mother seeking out Brenner was an allogory to conversion therapy which means he suffered homophobic oppression but before you feel too sad for him just know he's a s*xual predator. "His mother was emotionally abusive" Canon supported theory that instantly gets transformed into -> Henry's mother raped him, but before you feel too bad for him just know that he raped Will. ETC Sorry to launch into a rant but its getting crazy. Like we were all here on our ancient philosopher brain shit yesterday talking about the undertones and suggestions of emotional abuse in Henry's childhood and then wham!! Whole post thats like actually besties his mother wasn't JUST emotionally abusive, she RAPED him!! Like Woaah. Settle down, campion, this is an anti-Virginia space but lets try to keep an iota of fucking sense about it. Its absolutely true that Brenner, or perhaps not Brenner entirely personally, but his program and associates as well, violated the test subjects. They were completely de-personed and turned into "numbers", stripped of all autonomy and basic human rights. They were simply bodies to serve the government and Brenner's facility. If there is any true suggestions of any type of SA it would logically be within the Hawkin's lab because SA is very common in environments like that where you have a bunch of human beings who have been imprisoned and stripped of their humanity by a bunch of cunts who lord absolute supreme power over them. Brenner's lab would have been an absolute playground for abusers of all kinds, it wouldn't be hard to imagine there were those of the sexual kind lurking about, particularly when we also know that Brenner was possibly employing shady people and was, according to Henry's suggestion of them all technically being prisoners there, possibly extorting them with their less than good actions. Its very easy to make a believable case for all of that but the thing is that doesn't do ANYTHING to depict Henry as a sexual pr*dator. It just makes the abuses he and Eleven potentially suffered all the worse. And heres the thing, I could believe the theories that Terry was impregnated against her will and knowledge in the Hawkins lab while she was undergoing experimentation from Brenner and I can believe Henry was the "doner" also against his will and knowledge. That's the type of violation and I can truly believe Brenner would commit in the quest to obtain knowledge through another test subject possibly as powerful as Henry and what he’d do to create one. We also have Brenner’s obsession with Henry that always struck me as a little uncomfortable given the way he treated Henry overall. So I'm not saying theories of this nature are wrong and shouldn't be talked about but theres a difference in them serving to illustrate the depravity and abuse of power that can and does occur in these situations and also to explain things in canon that seem to be lazy or not properly explored (Like the ID of Eleven’s bio dad) VS theories that really don't serve to add much to anything other than demonization of a character that already went through so much god damn shit and we seem to wanna make sure people don't sympathize with him too much because we've been forced to acknowledge there is grounds in canon for him to actually be sympathetic.

Now AS for the bathtub scene(s) I'm honestly gonna disappoint because I don't think its that deep? At least not in that particular way anyhow.  Will was placed in a bath because he was running a fever. A common home remedy to break a child's fever is to put them in a warm bath. But this is the horror genre so Will's fever and his illness were not normal, its scary horror stuff and I gotta point out all horror writers play fast and loose with science. Its real enough to disturb and terrify but not real enough to actually be backed up by real medical facts because thats not the point but we saw through S2 and S3 that the Mindflayer can ""infect"" its victims like a virus, which is exactly what it acts like, except its a weird scary supernatural virus and thats the basic schematics of it. Heat can ward off or slow down this infection because the MF is sensitive to heat. The upside down is suggested to be a very cold place in its present form and thus the creatures that inhabit it and have adapted to it prefer the cold. They have a whole scary alien biology thing going on. They seem to be amalgamation of plant, insect and almost amphibious traits. The Demogorgon's / Demodogs are considered to have slimy pale skin. (Id imagine it to be much like a toad or a fog with the lack of pigment probably being due to the supposed darkness of the upside down) and we also know they start life as slug-tadpole like creatures. Its also suggested they could be parasitoid and have parasitic traits (kind of like spider-wasps) because we saw them using human bodies as hosts for their offspring (Will and Barb). Note, THIS is all very interesting because we don't know if this is normal for the upside down and its inhabitance or if this somehow happened due to the mindflayer. When we saw Henry first make physcial contact with the mindflayer the environment didn't look like its inhabitance would be creatures adapted to dark, cold and moisture. The atmosphere looked to be dry / arid and desolate (personally to me it almost looked destroyed, as if something apocalyptic had happened there which is also interesting given the mindflayer was chillin right in the middle of it) But we did see a Demogorgon in this environment just strolling about seemingly unaltered. But was it native to that place or was it drawn there possibly by the MF from its own dimension? This kind of falls in line with the suggestion that the mindflayer might not be native to the upside down but to another dimension adjacent to the upside down or whichever dimension it was that the Demogorgon's were native to or maybe again it wasn't native to the same dimension as them either. It wouldn't be crazy to imagine that maybe where ever we saw Henry when he made connection to the MF this wasn't the actual "upside down" as we know it now or the home of either the Demogorgons or the mindflayer. We also see "Vecna's Mindscape" which seems to also be another dimension separate from the upside down. I think it metaphorically represents Henry's broken childhood being pieces of his old home floating about obliterated in an endless red sea. Henry seems to have literally created that lil pocket dimension on his own. Which also shows HENRY is possibly capable of creating whole dimensions. This could all ring true because the D*ffers also took the time to reference Stephan Kings universe of the Talisman directly and that universe is one that deals with multiple dimensions. Not to mention they also referenced HP Lovecraft's works and that shits known to go OFF with the extradimensional, eldritch crazy horror stuff. There is so much about the upside down we don't know but we DO at least know we’re gonna be learning a lot more soon, through S5 and possibly through the VR game that is shown from Henry/Vecna’s POV. ALL THAT ASIDE, Henry was supposedly transmogrified by the mindflayer to have similar traits as the Demogorgons. He says that the mindflayer responsible for his "ascension" from his human form. Vecna is also a slimy wet creature that appears to literally have some suggestion of the mindflayer / "upside down" we currently know literally growing out from inside of him. (All those vines and tentacles that have mutated and encased his gangrenous human base. Its as if he has literally become a physical extension of the MF/upside down. Its also worthy to note that we’ve seen demodogs act “independently” of the MF. Though they're all connected to the “hive mind”, they are also able to follow their own instincts and do their own things UNTIL they are “called upon” and directed to do something in particular. Henry doesn’t have to be controlling them, or the MF, until necessary and I think that can apply to them all separately as well (Henry, MF, Demo creatures.) 

So it makes sense that Vecna is "harmed" by the same things as the Demogorgans and the mindflayer. (specifically heat) 

So this "infection" is suggested to also be a part of Henry (and has completely consumed him mind body and soul) which is what made him Vecna. (I just mentioned spider wasps, Henry is represented by a spider. So maybe that likeness could be serious analogy for the way Henry seems to be another host to the MF himself. I personally view Henrys "connection" with the MF as both symbiotic and parasitic, from both parties.) We saw that once infected by the MF's influence the host slowly becomes a part of the "hive mind". Its intention is to conquer and spread, which is true of all viruses, naturally its NOT going to want ANYONE to interfere with that which is what Joyce was doing by trying to alleviate Wills fever. That puts the virus, the mindflayer, Vecna, whoever we want to call it on the defensive and into attack mode to prevent this interference and neutralize the threat. Will saying "HE LIKES IT COLD" was a reference literally to the weird ass alien biology of these freaky mother fuckers who are literally living in a dark, damp twisted dimension parallel to the normal one and are adapted to this particular climate.

I don't think it has a single thing to do with Virginia's bath scene. Where we just saw her running a bath and Henry having a bit of cheeky fun by remotely using his illusion powers to make her think the tap wasn't working and a whole swam of fat black spiders were crawling out of the drain to give her a fright. I've mentioned it before but the visions Henry shows Virginia are mostly shown as general phobias like spiders for example because Virginias wrongs were not as simple to manifest and reflect physically as his fathers were. Victor was full of trauma and guilt from his very real and horrifying mistakes in the war vs Virginia who didn't feel guilt at all and whose wrong doings were more not loving her weird autistic son enough and girlbossing a bit too hard by going behind her husbands back to have said son institutionalized. I really think if Virginia was ever doing something as horrific and disgusting as raping her son, Henry might be able to conjure up something a little bit more complex, personal and pathological to haunt her with. But instead he torments her with some spiders.

Also keeping in mind also Henrys 12 at this point. Hes not a literal criminal mastermind or demon. He probably wouldn't have a clue how to actually manifest something complex and personal enough to hurt someone who is otherwise is just chillin, vibing, thinking shes totally doing the right thing. Its also suggested Henry didn't know that Victor didn't know that Virginia was planning what she was planning which suggests in Virginias mind this wasn't even a big deal -- she wasn't even worried about it as there was no suggestion to Henry that his father wasn't in on it, hence exasperating Henry's anger with his father and possibly sister. Through Virginia's mind it probably just seemed like the whole family was way eager to just get rid of him so they could live a happy normal life without him. I can imagine how that would have CRUSHED a sensitive kid like Henry who was already struggling with being othered and feeling wrong and broken to the point that he thoughts spiders were super relatable because people hate them and want to get rid of them.

THIS ALL SAID, I absolutely agree that themes in S2 strike the way they strike on purpose because yeah you literally have a foreign entity invading the body against its will but no its not meant to literally say that Henry raped Will and that raping Will was Henrys literal intentions or goals here. Its more the fact that Henry is no longer a human and has in many ways become a living curse/virus and all those susceptible to infection (such as Will) were gonna get infected, there's no preference for little boys and no weird ass pyschosexual motive behind it that actually builds the gay or p*do case at all. 

The canon and empathized motive behind it is revenge on the people and the world that hurt and rejected him as a human and all the other humans like him. These other humans like Henry are also the ones Vecna particularly seeks and coverts because he thinks they SHOULD be on his side. they SHOULD join him. They should know his pain because he knows theirs and he WANTS to do something about it. And perhaps I'm out of my mind on this but I think thats more a tragic representation of Vecna's previous Human self's desire to be accepted and understood than anything. Also Edit: If Vecna’s victims prove he’s gay yadda yadda and all that other stuff why are so many of them female? Max. Crissy. Heather. Barb. That one lady. Eleven. I’d think at the point of becoming a supernatural terror from beyond the veil “internalized homophobia” wouldn’t be bothering him and he could go after only guys and be as f*ggy as he truly wanted if that was the case, huh? And funnily enough it was Chrissy, Max, Heather and Eleven we see him try to comfort. We actually don’t see that with the male victims. They don't given get a glimpse of that. And all the most important / impactful ones are female except for Will and Billy. Maybe he’s not a depraved homosexual rapist! Maybe he’s a depraved bisexual rapist instead! Smh, bi-erasure at its finest. I personally stan an equal opportunity king. *SARCASM* *JOKING* 

#henry creel #vecna #001 #stranger things #sa mention tw #🙄🙄

[keefwho]

May 22 - 2024 Wednesday

10:29pm

5.5/10

This morning I skimped on the cleaning. Its why I wrote that post earlier. I don't know why, I just wasn't seeing the point in it I guess. I thought everything was clean enough (but I didn't really). I think it was clean enough by other people's standards, most notably my parents so I felt like I shouldn't clean more lest I be ridiculed. But no one is actually going to see it anyways, let alone ridicule me. I think it was some kind of leftover feelings springing up out of nowhere. Tomorrow I plan to diligently clean during cleaning time. After my shower I made eggs, spam, and rice for breakfast. I ate sort of quickly again which I regret, I swear I always feel rushed. Literally every minute of the day. BR and JG @'ed me to join voice which was strange so I did. We hung out before work time and then I streamed while in call with them.

The stream was very fun. We had a lot to talk about and poke fun at. My dad also called to tell me my nephew QN was stabbed and killed last night which was news for sure. I warmed up with more cat sketches and worked on SZ's commission for the whole stream. A freaky lil thing I did 2 birthdays ago came up but no one actually spilled the beans. I was okay not keeping it a secret but it was more fun to me if I wasn't the one telling everyone what I did. I was also made to whimper on command which tingled me. After awhile everyone left and it was literally just me. I started getting bored but I finished work.

Afterwards I sat back and snacked on WAY too many cheetos. I allowed myself to keep nibbling on them until I was satisfied. I also ate a cookie. The whole time I was watching Henry stream. For lunch I just had a packet of soup since I snacked so much.

In the afternoon I did a weird request to draw a chibi monkey which I don't think I did very well. Only passable maybe. I really just don't like my own art style when it comes to drawing characters, specifically faces. I've never really enjoyed how I draw my ponies for example. I really am more of a scenery artist. After the request I had a really good cuck art idea so I started on that and made good progress. Then I took another crack at making eyes for my low poly pony and they are a little bit better but I might keep trying.

After work I booted up KSP and launched 5 relay satellites to the moons. I joined BD's vc since her and friends were in there but they were only in call about 30 minutes. Eventually I finished Kerbal and DS called in bed. We did puzzles and she checked out a bunch of dog fashion while looking for a collar for Sporticus. I played Roblox horses while we talked but it felt very empty, I really have no goal in the game. I wish they had a player horse market or leaderboard or something.

This morning I wasn't in too great of a mood. I woke up realizing some things, or maybe I was just in my head and seeking out problems. Tonight I planned to practice perspective taking while socializing but every time I start talking to someone, I sorta forget to do it. On top of that I don't think I was myself tonight. I have lots of valid feelings, urges, and thoughts I don't get out sometimes. Out of fear maybe. Im always afraid of pushing people away but I also know if I do, they weren't meant to be in my life anyways.

#journal #diary

[starlight-time-machine]

Week in Review

01/28/2024 – 02/03/2024

Sunday

Manga Sunday yayyyy Girl Meets Rock is getting interesting, I was totally expecting the guy from the guitar shop to walk in, but it was Rin instead. Rin herself is pretty intriguing, as it seems like she’s keeping some cards close to her chest in regards to the band…

Undead Unluck is good as usual, it’s fun to see an older and more surly Top. Another sick mom to add to the tally, though. Maybe in this loop we’ll see more details about Top and Haruka’s potential romance.

Oshi no Ko fun, the deadpan humor really got to me.

Dandadan okay, I’m a little tired of the non-stop action sequences.

Magilumiere good, obviously there’d be some drawback to Midorikawa getting the chip implanted, but I’m sure they’ll find a way to circumvent it.

One Piece good.

CIPHER ACADEMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDD IF THIS IS THE END I’LL BE SO SADDDDDDDD I really hope it’s not…I’m holding onto Nisioisin copium so so so hard… The chapter itself was also amazing, with a look at everyone’s true backstories, Kogoe laying out her philosophy but Iroha turning it on its head, THE HANDSHAKE SPREAD WHERE IT LOOKS LIKE IROHA HAS HIS HANDS AROUND THE WORLD, EVERYONE ELSE SHAKING HANDS BUT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW SINCERE THEY ARE, MORE YOSAIMURA/ANON, TAYUTAN… The timeskip is so scary…I can’t tell if it’s the beginning of something new and everything else has just been the prelude, or if it’s a hasty jump to land some sort of epilogue… I’ll keep holding out hope but please…

Live Roulette gave me Siegfeld Junior High’s 1st Live today, so I watched/listened to it as I read a book (more on that later). I’m impressed by how far they’ve come in such a short time, especially Mtzw, whose rendition of Rebellion here was a lot stronger than in the stage play months earlier. Hinapiyo is still the reigning vocalist, though, and I’m so glad they gave her Mimorin’s descant in Watashitachi wa Mou Butai no Ue. I wish they did the arm choreography in Onikurenai… Overall it was a fun show, they’re all so cute and energetic and I appreciate all the harmonies they’re doing.

As for the book I’m reading, it’s Ring of Fire by P. D. Baccalario. It’s the first book of a series that I really liked as a child, so I’m reading it again to see if it holds up. So far, I’ve been a little disappointed…the cutaways to the random adult characters pulling the strings and talking cryptically feel like such momentum killers, and the usual “kids exploring a city on an adventure and solving puzzles” thing isn’t really grabbing me here. I do love that one scene in the beginning, when the kids are first meeting and the lights go out…I can imagine the scene so perfectly in my mind – the silence of the snowy night, the nervous excitement of meeting new people and coming across a strange situation together…it’s all so thrilling, and it’s the one scene that stuck with me after all these years. I’ve just gotten to the part where the apartment building collapses, and it’s genuinely harrowing – I can’t believe they actually killed that guy (but I don’t like how it basically amounted to a fat joke). Finally, it feels like we have some actual stakes (halfway through the book cough). I’m also seeing the bits of Harvey/Elettra and Mistral/Sheng shipping going on, I think it’s cute and I’m curious to see how they develop. (Speaking of Sheng lmao c’mon man 好 doesn’t actually mean cool, it just means good, so it’s weird to have that be his catchphrase.)

Afterwards I finally watched Day 1 of Ijigen Fes, the IDOLM@STER x Love Live! concert, and it was okay. I’m probably biased, but literally none of the IM@S songs interested me except for Tulip, which I already knew that I liked. (Thank you for having Rikako sing Tulip…they did that for me…) The Love Live girls had a decent showing, but the highlight for me was definitely KALEIDOSCORE… Liyuu’s singing is just so amazing.

Monday

Day 2 of Ijigen Fes today, and oh my GODDDDDD SHU’S PERFORMANCE WAS SO GOOD just so much fun and energy, it was like watching Avril Lavigne for real… THE NEW VERSES FOR RYOURAN VICTORY ROAD WERE SO HYPE OH MY GOD AQOURS NO LEADER TAKAMI CHIKA!!!!!!!!!! OSHIMAI NANTE NAINAINAI!!!!!!!!!! It’s so surreal seeing the Cotton Candy Ei-Ei-Oh MV playing on the huge screen in Tokyo Dome… Also Snow Halation makes me cry literally every time I see those UO’s go up ahh

Afterwards the Live Roulette dealt me AZUNA’s unit live, and it was just okay. I’m not the biggest AZUNA fan anyway, but I do like some of their songs like Maze Town and Kakushiaji. Shizuku’s solos were both great as well, and the bit with the plushies was cute, but the most memorable thing about this concert would definitely have to be Tomoriru’s goodbye…it’s so unfortunate that things turned out the way that they did, but I’m glad she gave us some great performances as Setsuna before she graduated. But man, when they all started tearing up at the end of Tokimeki Runners… (I cried again…very emotional set of lives today.)

I finished reading Ring of Fire while watching the concert, and there’s no way on god’s green earth Mr. Baccalario seriously expects me to believe there are PALANQUINS in fucking SHANGHAI in 2006??????? Or rather, I can’t believe that he believed that while writing this book LMAO for how globe-trotting and international this series sets out to be, it falls a little short with non-Western cultures. Now that I’ve finished it, there’s this feeling of…lingering disappointment. I love kids going on adventures, and I love the setting and the feeling of fate converging on these four kids, but the adventure itself was so lackluster… Most of it is just poking around Rome until they happen upon something that leads them to the next step, and by the end they’ve got a “mystical all-knowing” Romani woman straight up telling them what to do… I know the author is trying to do a “it’s all fate leading the way” thing but it just comes off as unsatisfying and being cryptic for cryptic’s sake. And for that matter, the book tries hard to give each kid their screentime, but it’s a little silly when Elettra gets all the action while Mistral’s kidnapped and subsequently rescued because the female villain “went soft” and Harvey and Sheng go into a house, get scared, leave, and contribute nothing else to the climax. The ending even points out how so many things have been left unanswered (as if it’s not confident in its own plotting), and I don’t know if they’ll be answered in the later books, but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like is anyone ever gonna explain the in-universe reason why the professor guy had a trunk full of teeth with letters carved onto them? Because it’s so blatantly just “cool Italian history trivia” + “oh right we need a puzzle for them to solve” shenanigans with no logical throughline. Also the villains were cheesy as all hell, oooo it’s the DEVIL and his number is SIX SIX SIX WOAHHH I know it’s a kid’s book, but come on…

Tuesday

Not gonna lie, the news that Cipher Academy is ending sent me into such a depression spiral that I just laid in bed all day playing Animal Crossing and moping and cursing Shounen Jump as a whole. I’ve never held the magazine in very high regard, as I feel like most of its big “hits” are just boring derivative battle manga (and I feel that especially with some of the newer series they’re heavily promoting…), so Cipher Academy caught me by surprise with its amazing character designs and writing and heartfelt emotion… I’ll talk more about it later in a different post, but Cipher Academy is genuinely the best manga I read in 2023 and now one of my favourite manga of all time, and I really wish it could’ve lived longer (and that I could collect it physically in English…). Excluding One Piece and Undead Unluck, I hope all of Jump’s series [COMPLIANCE VIOLATION]

Wednesday

Chainsaw Man good. Nayuta’s really in it now.

I’m continuing my anime concert and book reading duets today with AZALEA’s 1st Live and The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey. It felt a little weird to be watching the big Love Lives out of order when I’m literally three years behind so I chose Azalea’s live, and I was itching for a good “four kids go on an adventure” after being disappointed with Ring of Fire so I picked Perilous Journey back up. The live is fine so far – AZALEA isn’t one of my favourite subunits, but the new songs from their full album were such bangers that I had to check this live out. The light choreography in SKY JOURNEY was actually kind of amazing, I wish Love Live did more stuff like that.

Perilous Journey is fun so far, just some good ol’ adventuring with a dash of mortal peril.

Thursday

The new Dungeon Meshi was really fun. I’m trying to keep up a tradition of making/eating good food to go with the episode (so far it’s been fenzhenrou, meatballs, and soup), so today was homemade hash browns…not necessarily the healthiest thing, but I had to make something in a jiffy and it was either that or not eat anything so I think Senshi would let me slide. Lots of great comedy moments, but also I love how the ghost chapter really has a whole self-contained thematic arc that’s even topped off with a sitcom-esque punchline at the end. I love Laios being a weird guy and having fun with his sword parasite buddy.

I read a big chunk of Perilous Journey today, and what a perilous journey indeed. But it’s so satisfying to see the kids use their wits and abilities to solve each clue and thwart their pursuers, as well as eerie to see the “ghost” of Mr. Benedict and Number Two along the way. What I’m noticing is how much care Trenton Lee Stewart gives to each of the kids’ emotional states – in contrast to Ring of Fire where each kid basically had one defining personality trait to set them apart and nothing else, Reynie, Kate, Sticky, and Constance all feel really fleshed out and real, each with their own worries and perspectives and ways of thinking. (Sorry to compare you, Baccalario, but I can’t deny that it was on my mind since I read this right after Ring of Fire.) I especially love Reynie as a protagonist and a leader for the other kids, his keen emotional intelligence and observation skills means that he’s usually careful about what he says and is constantly keeping an eye out for the others’ wellbeing. There’s a lot of subtle character writing going on here, and each pair within the quartet have a distinct and believable dynamic. Story-wise, I think I prefer the set-up of the first book a little more – at least when they were in that institute, they had some room to breathe and regroup and feel safe in each other’s presence. Here it’s just non-stop action and pursuit, which has me anxious the whole time.

Friday

Drag Race time: I really don’t care for Plane Jane and all the drama she’s causing, it’s just annoying at this point. I hope they don’t try to solve a redemption arc down our throats but it’s looking likely. The girl groups were fun, I hate to say it but I actually do like the style that recent RuPaul songs are going for. I’m just glad that Nymphia is holding her own through all these different types of challenges. Runway-wise, I really liked Q’s look as it all looked well put together and considered, BUT OH MY GODDDDD NYMPHIA JUST STEALS THE SHOW EVERY TIMEEEEEE. I’m sad to see Amanda go…

I don’t usually talk about music on here (because cataloguing every new song I listen to would be insane, even for me), but Louie Zong released a new album called RAT TAXI and I think I’m going to induct it into the STM Awards…which I think is a first for Week in Review? I just love the beats and the instruments he used on this one, and there’s not a single song I don’t like, which is my only criteria for albums to make it in. So yayyyy

Saturday

Touched grass today and went home and immediately fell asleep

#week in review #2024

[chlorinecake]

idk if u didnt reply to my last one or it didnt show up again 💔💔💔💔💔 ok so i literally forgot what i wrote last time soooo im screwed

i think i wrote

blueberry diaries log one

i mean i love jake land but the thing is idols they rarely come here like.. world tour literally means japan korea america americans are sooooo lucky 💔💔💔 i wish i could see enha but they havent come here even ONCE but its ok ive still had the chance to go to some concerts 😄😄 but the thing is i was literally resisting the urge to fly to singapore to watch enha 😞😞😞

speaking of did u go to the enhypen concert when they went to 29393288283 places in ur country 😄if u did hope it was fun (dying on the inside) if u didnt thennnn.. theres always next time

america is very cool tho i went there a while ago long flight tho but it was fun i went back in time sooo

im very curious what happens when an idol sees an au about themself.. 😭😭 how would they react LMAOAOA

anyways about universe ticket its really not traumatising some of the contestants even have tiktok accounts 😄😄 it feels a little rushed tho.. BUT THE THING IS THE DEBUT GROUP HAS ONE ADULT AND ONE 12 YEAR OLD I FEEL SO OLDDDD

also i never knew that you can change the size and the font of words on tumblr i feel so.. uneducated 😭😭

ok signing off,

- 😹

Omg, the “Blueberry Diaries” 😍 Sign me up, I love this show alreadyyy !!

Flying out to Singapore just to see them perform would’ve been such a fun experience I’m sure, but at the same time, very expensive and maybe even scary if you went alone … Crossing my fingers in hope that one day tho, Enhypen will show some love to Jake Land and it’s residing engenes 🫶

But no, I’ve actually never been to one of their concerts before, and as much as I’d love to go one day, my mom is SO ANTI kpop to the point that if she even knew that I listened to their music, she’d take my phone away again 😭 Like ong, she literally had a panic attack when she saw pictures of Hyunjin & Niki in my gallery, but that’s a story for another day … 🍵

And omg, which state did you visit (if you don’t mind sharing) …. You also just reminded me of my childhood fascination with Australia… I don’t know why, but I’ve always wanted to visit there as a kid, and even more NOW as an adult knowing that so many of my favorites idols are from there :’3

About the ff thing tho, I honestly feel like most of them would be flattered by it while others would just find it flat out weird 😭 Sometimes, I get the feeling that Enhypen knows abt ppl writing stuff for them, mostly bc it just seems like they’re always in on our inside jokes and strange engene ways 🫠

But trainees having active social media accounts is new :0 ?!? And ‘11 liners working alongside adults is crazyy !! Hell, I can’t even believe I just said 11’ liners, HELP-

Good to hear no one’s being traumatized tho 😭 And yeah, you’ll learn that tumblr has a lot of cool features and quirks once you keep using it !!

Anyways, thanks for reaching out again, Blueberry !! It was fun responding to this lengthy ask huhu 🤭 ~

#cc: [😹] anons #🫐. the blueberry diaries ⋆˙⟡♡

[rrxnjun]

I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE TO TAKE THE BUS AGAIN CUZ THIS JUST SOUNDS SO ANNOYINNNGGG

I LOVED EVERY SECONF OF THE YANGYANG FIC BOTH CUZ OF THE STORY AND THE SONG CHOICES!!!! awsten being a guitar teacher is just such a weird thing imo like i would've never imagined that about him ngl :o but now i see the fic in a new light might reread it once more later in the week🫢

I LOVE LOVEJOY SOOMUCH AND ITS SO RARE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO ALSO DOES!!!! (THAT IS ONE OF MY FAV PARTS FROM THE FIC!!! LIKE THE LOVEJOY LYRICS TOOK ME BY SURPRISE) perfume is one of their best songs istg!! i'm so glad tommy convinced them to release it!!! i was(and still am) such a diehard mc youtuber fan;-; wilbur and tommys vlogs are just so funny!! i'm glad they led u to lovejoy cuz their music is truly amaziiinnggggg;-;

aespa are so amazing i'm so excited about their upcoming album all of the songs sound like such a bop!! U SOULD CHECK OUT BEABADOBEE I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HER MUSIC SINCE SUMMER SHE IS SO GOOD!!! I RECOMMEND HER VERY MUCH!!! AND I HOPE U WILL ENJOY HER MUSIC AS WELL

HIHIHI OFC I LOVE 5SOS🫢🥰 tbh when i realized how many of the same artists we both listen to i was like this person was meant for me💆‍♀️i love ur music taste so much!!!! and i will check out wallows cuz i listened to a couple of their songs before that were popular but i never really checked them out so thank u💞💖💓 (i'm an avid listener for both chase atlantic and the driver era as well🫡) wahhh i will check out baekhyun too i always see his name but i never listened to him!!! (and the way u wrote that made me laugh so hard, i hope u will win against haechan some day don't give up the fight🤞)

i'm so scared to recommend cuz they might not be ur taste in music😟buuttt some of my fav songs atm: kár by elefánt, macskák by elefánt, bálnák by dzsúdló, sprint by dzsúdló, na mindegy by carson coma, porszem my carson coma (and tbh i recommend anything by carson coma i feel like they would fit ur music taste the best if u happened to like any of these)

i may happened to be from hungary yesss🫣so hi neighbor🥳🙋‍♀️

(IM SORRY FOR WRITING THIS MUCH I KNOW U PROBABLY DONT MIND BIT I STILL FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SORRY - liebestraum anon💕)

I PROMISED TO MYSELF TO NEVER FEEL PRESSURED TO DO SO EVER AGAIN HAHAHA.

AAAAH thank u sm for saying that!!! awsten being a guitar teacher is a weird concept i agree but it strangely fits?? also i remember him saying he used to teach 5sos songs which made my heart so happy AHAHA anyways perfume is literally the best song ever and lovejoy slap idc what anyone says. tommy deserves the whole world for convincing them to keep the song i owe him my life AHAHA you being a mcyt fan is so valid of you. i had my mc phase when i was younger (mainly bc i have an older brother so we played together) so i was big on my slovak/czech mc youtubers back in the day HAHA but nowadays i dont watch many youtubers tbh,,, i WAS a big sidemen girlie tho DJFKLA i still watch their vids sometimes. also the uk commentery scene back in the day had such a chokehold on me that i still follow will, alex and memelous on instagram lmaoo

DID U SEE THE CLIPS FROM AESPAS CONCERT ningnings solo killed me. i love that girl w my whole heart and thIS ?? if they dont add the solos to the album im gonna riot

i havent had time to check up beabadobee but i promise to do so soon and then give u a report!! if u have any favorite songs from her pls send them my way!!

GIRL WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER our music taste matches so well what the fuck this never happened to me before AAA YOU EVEN LIKE THE DRIVER ERA????????? ross lynch was my first ever celebrity crush and im afraid to admit that he has the same hold on me now that im almost 20 than he had back when i was 9. i dont know ALL wallows songs btw im more of a casual fan but the ones i know are so good omg. also baekhyun!!! my kr&b king!! pls listen to his music he is such a good vocalist AAA (i dont think im winning against hyuck any time soon tho >:()

also im now listening to the songs you recommended so let me give you a live reaction. kár sounds very very vibey omg i love it actually ???? went straight to my playlist i love the synth?? macskák has very edgy depressed vibe i love it too omg?????? in my playlist you go. bálnák sounds like a nct dream b-side but in hungarian i stan. very very vibey. sprint has a very good beat!! its enjoyable to listen to but not really my vibe tbh. na mindegy is sO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ?? you were right this is truly my vibe i added this to my playlist too omg. porszem towards the end when it gets louder?? slaps. my favorites were definitely the first two and then na mindegy !!!!!

hello neighbor hhhh im slovak <33 (if you didnt know already bc i slap it to everyones face LMAO)

dont apologize for writing so much i really enjoyed talking abt music w you!!!!!! <33

#💌ask #liebestraum anon

[s3810994spatial]

Week 7 Reflection

I’ve come back from that presentation with some mixed feelings. After watching some other presentations and getting questions on my own I feel like I my ideas are a bit vague and wishy washy:

The current brief is to create a 5-10 minute audio piece that moves between different sonic spaces to illicit different emotions from the listener…and that’s about it.

What are these spaces? Are they literal or metaphorical?

I think my initial idea was to keep these spaces as being mostly metaphorical. Any articulation of a literal place would be subtle and more of a slight addition to the metaphorical atmosphere. But I’m beginning to think that y doing this im kind of wasting an opportunity to use the blackbox to its full potential.

Perhaps I could have a greater effect on the audience if I had a more definitive and literal structure to the project? If just had the listener start off in a more definitive environment it would make it clear to them that the environment is change when I start to get weird with it.

Example

The listener could start off in an underground sewer, feeling eery and vast. The sewer then floods, taking them away to a strange underwater atlantis with a different associated feeling 

Frantic notes from the night before my presentation as began to feel my idea had little to no real foundations

This is one idea I had for adding narrative structure to the project. The listener is having their brain tweaked by a doctor which leads to them having all kinds of strange hallucinations...pretty dark. But the sound design potential here is pretty massive, very up close and personal sounds of incisions happening around their head.

This idea involves personifying the sounds. I was reading an interview with Colin Stetson about his approach to his score in the film hereditary. He talked about how he wanted to score to feel like a character in the film. In this idea ive done that in a literal sense. I would make the listener feel as though there is some other nebulous force in the room with them that changes its behaviour over time...could even be good for just part of the soundtrack.

AUDIO TOURS: NEW PROJECT IDEA?

We also spent some time in class talking about audio tours. It made me realise that I’ve spent most of semester thinking of spatialisation in terms of the technical side of audio mixing, and not enough on how the environment and method of engagement with a work can influence the experience. 

I then got a pretty funny idea for a project:

Theres a club across the road from RMIT called Miscellania. It’s a great place that hosts all kinds of parties for a vast crowd of people, but like other establishments in the inner north its has quickly become an epicentre for laughable trends started by people who care too much what others think. So as a tongue in cheek critique of the place I thought it would be funny to create a kind of chill out room via a kind of audio tour accessed via QR code. Here’s something i scribbled up in class

The interaction would go like this:

Person sits down on a couch to have a break

They see a sticker with a QR code saying something like “Things getting a bit intense? Need some time out?”

They scan it and are taken to a website that instructs them to put some headphones in. Ambient music starts to play. A ‘wellness session’ begins

The listener then proceeds to hear a string of affirmations, confirming that they are ‘cool’ and that their fashion sense aligns with the miscellania dress code.

This is largely inspired from this scene in one of my favourite TV shows ‘Severance’

I really like this idea. Its a funny engagement with space and if i fleshed out the content of it a bit more then it could actually spark some conversation...not saying im going to do a hook turn on my first idea but its definitely something i would like to do.

[rosefromc0ncret3]

feeling the feels.

its only been a few days since ive been back here in socal but I feel like I have so much to process. it sucks being far from family, friends and overall familiarity. its so weird knowing that being in socal is literally something ive always wanted and now that im here.. I question if this is really what I wanted. I wonder if its just cuz everything is so new and im having to readjust to a whole new environment in my late 20s. I know nothing could have prepared me for these feelings, I guess I just wish I knew how to cope with them better. there are also times where I am feeling it more heavily than other days. I really dont know when im gonna stop crying over this. its also so interesting going home cuz it literally feels like I never left and I just pick back up on the things I used to do when I was there. idk if im just romanticizing home.. cuz I know that when I was there, I felt like I was starting to grow resentment for it. and thats when I knew I had to leave and experience something new. I never wanted to end up hating it or feel stuck. and I felt so consumed by everything. the space is necessary forsure, I just didnt know how much I would feel like this. didnt think I was gonna miss everything and everyone this much. its like the distance makes me feel like people are gonna forget about me. or that im just missing out on everything back home. its interesting cuz I know that I dont wanna move back home just yet cuz I know I want to experience more life down here. but it just gets tricky cuz I cry about missing home every other day. idk, I guess I just confuse myself with these feelings.. I know that multiple feelings can coexist.. it just really fucken fucks with me sometimes cuz it sounds like idk what I want.i guess I'll figure it out one day right? I was talking to liana last night and she told me that I could take the easy way out if I wanted to and just go back home, but giving myself the opportunity to grow down here obvz isnt easy.. I hope that when I look back at this time in my life, I'll be glad that I did this move. so strange right? I couldnt wait to leave at first and now its like im thinking about when im gonna go back home.. been watching sf movies like crazy and I feel like it helps but it also doesnt.. haha. cuz im just yearning for it and being back. yknw.. its interesting again cuz I look forward to the future times I'll be home but I know im gonna dread leaving again and I know I'll cry every time. I guess thats just something that I know I'll have to deal with. its hard to not knowing who to talk to about this, even tho ive had multiple friends who have moved far and have experienced this as well. I guess I just dont wanna talk about it with anyone anymore cuz its the same shit. and I know people are gonna tell me the same shit anyway. so I guess rn im just tryna figure out how I can process this on my own.. as well as give myself grace throughout all this too. sigh, but how lol. I guess just taking it day by day. at the same time, its cool knowing that im in the vicinity of the things I like to do in la/oc. so that helps.. I have tammy to hang out with, but its hard when shes my only friend down here and she also has a lot of stuff to do. im hoping that I'll gain some new and meaningful friendships during my time down here. sigh, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see right? another thing thats been on my mind lately is my love life. which is something that I haven't really thought about lately, which is funny right.. considering how obsessive I was when it came to it and how I so badly wanted to be in a relationship ever since middle school. I think postgrad life (undergrad) just never gave me the opportunity to put myself out there, nor find anyone that I was really attracted to like that.. I mean more recently ofc ive had crushes on people that ive never acted on. I always tell myself that I feel like the guy should always try to show interest and make that initial move first. I mean my past has kinda shown me that whenever I tried to make the first move, it didnt necessarily work. I think im just traumatized lol. but idk, whenever I see my crushes get in relationships, I get into this spiral of what if I just did this or that. and then I start to think about what could have happened if I showed interest.. idk. I feel like im always romanticizing the dating scene too and just expect every dude to be like Peter kavinsky. or at least the ideal guy I have in my head be like that.. but idk. im always thinking about how I know I deserve the best when it comes to my romantic partner but I know I have to be realistic about my expectations too. but whats so bad about having high expectations and knowing what I want? idk. I guess ive just been hella in my head about this shit and its just so hard for me to wrap my head around it too. cuz im like whyyyy cant people just be upfront (me saying this when I cant even be upfront). so here I am just listening to songs about crushes and love thinking about specific people and wondering if it’ll ever happen. the thoughts in my head really just go round and round.. idk how else to process them besides just saying it out loud here. it helps sometimes, sometimes I feel like theres additional things I need to do. I guess I'll figure it out huh.. and just trust that im right where im supposed to be and that things will fall into place beautifully (even if the fall is a bit messy and ugly sometimes).

[ma3mae]

Special Chapter Part 1 : A rainy day

Author's note: Holy shit, I'm finally back with something!! Never expected it to get this lonf but I got a bit carried away with writing some cute scenes 👉👈 It also kinda helped me warm up and clear my head about where I want this story to go. Also got too busy with gushing about how cute Vi is in this story a a a. Hopefully you'll enjoy this and dont be too confused if some sentences sound weird when Vi's speaking bc she's still trying to master the language (i hope i didnt write it too weird aa) i also havent proofread it properly bc its midnight and im tired 🥲

Summary: You and Vi had been living together for some months now. Things were going pretty well between the two of you with some feelings blossoming here and there. Going through a lazy rainy day, the both of you were spending it normally like any other day. That is until you get a great idea. Oh, you genius.

Words: 7437 Words

Warnings: none except maybe some swear words?? And definitely some awkwardness with some cute moments on top of it.

Masterlist

Vi was sitting on your couch while watching TV. Legs on the table and her top slightly pulled up, showing her abs while scratching her stomach. An "Oof" came out of her mouth as she patted her stomach.

"Pff, you okay?" you chuckled turning to look over the counter of your kitchen, a plate and a towel in your hand.

She peeked over her shoulder to take a glance at you before shifting her eyes back onto the TV screen.

"Just feeling - uhhh- full after that much food" she curtly said, eyebrows slightly furrowing as she clicked her tounge.

"Was it good?" you asked her as you put a plate into one of your cupboards.

"Yeah yeah, was good" she absentmindedly threw up a thumbs up, not looking back this time.

It had become a habit of you both to use a thumbs up or down for good or bad and was one of the first things you had agreed to use to talk to each other.

She was randomly switching through the channels, searching for something interesting that she could watch and wouldn't have to struggle too much with deciphering what they were saying.

It had been some months since she had landed into this world. The beginning was pretty rocky and stressful.

It had taken a while until the both of you had gotten used to each other. She herself had to tone down a lot of her fighting instincts and her brashness. Pretty much her tendency to get impatient and all that.

She wasn't one to get violent against someone, who couldn't fight back and didn't mean any harm but she was the type who would definitely get loud when they're riled up.

Unfortunately was it you who had gotten yelled at by her during an argument and frankly, you were whaling after that due to bad experiences associated with yelling.

So she basically had to get her shit together to make this work.

Well, it was just really frustrating to be somewhere you didn't know shit about and she quickly learned that she had to let herself trust you.

Nowadays, there hasnt been a single moment where she hadn't been thankful towards you since you were literally turning everything upside down to make her feel comfortable.

You gave her a roof, new clothes, three days a meal, would take the time to teach her your language bit by bit and she'd teach you some of hers in exchange.

Not to mention that she had started to stare at you more often with a strange tingly feeling welling up in her chest a month ago.

Whenever she'd catch herself doing that, she would distract herself with her phone or go outside for a jog.

Or just look anywhere else but you.

Yes, you even bought her own phone and it was mentally challenging to explain to her how the wonders of a phone worked with hand gestures and roughly thrown in words buuut it somehow worked.

And today the two of you were living through a lazy rainy day, completely comfortable with each other.

Vi's thumb continued to press the button as she mindlessly browsed through the channels.

Putting the last dish into the cupboard, you heard a small "wow" escape from her lips.

Raising an eyebrow, you layed the towel next to the sink and made your way towards the couch.

You stood behind her as you put your hands onto the couch, leaning slightly forward and moving your eyes onto the screen.

It was a documentary about the mountain animals.

Glancing down at Vi, you could see an entranced expression on her face.

Mouth parted slightly open and her eyes resembling those of your little brother whenever he would watch his favorite Ninja from Ninjago do something really cool.

Your heart was literally squeezing so hard from how cute she just looked.

You tap her shoulder, making her lift her head back to look up at you.

Fuck, she looks even cuter from this angle A A A A

Giving her a soft smile, you ask "What are you watching?" while pointing with your index finger at the TV.

Blushing faintly by your infectious smile, she gave you a loopsided one back and moved her eyes back onto the screen.

"Uhmm it's about... mountains aaaaand animals. Yeah, mountains and animals." She repeated twice to make sure that she had said it correctly.

Beaming down at her and nearly choking with pride, you lean down to put your arms around her neck.

"Hey, you got it right!! See, it's getting better and better!!" you told her, giving her a short but tight squeeze before releasing her from your grip and jump over the couch to take a seat next to her.

Vi could feel her heart wanting to jump out as you had squeezed her.

< Holy fuck >

She felt her hand tighten it's grip around the remote controller.

Letting out a shaky breath, she could feel her face getting warm and it didn't help that you chose to sit pretty close to her, your legs almost touching each other.

You turned to look at her and saw her face getting red.

"You sure you're okay?" you raised an eyebrow at her while gently pressing the back of your hand on her forehead.

That only made her burning face even hotter.

"Holy shit, Vi! You're burning up! " you said to her, a worried expression on her face.

"Nonono, it's okay. Just feeling a bit hot." she told you scrambling a bit to find the right words. She took your hand and gently pried it off of her forehead but not letting go of it.

Giving your hand a light squeeze to reassure you that she's okay, she lets go of it and points towards the TV.

"Have you - uhhh- seen mountains?" trying to quickly change the topic to stop her face from burning up, she now wanted to slap herself for asking you such a question.

< Great fucking job, me. Wanted to ask if she's been to the mountains but at the exact moment, I can't remember the damn words. >

Luckily you knew what she had meant with that question since after a while you've developed a knack for deciphering her words.

Glancing at the screen, they were now showing some pretty panoramic shots of the mountains while explaining how mountains formed.

"Hmm" you hummed as you stared at the screen in concentration, Vi looking slightly tilting her head to the side and waiting for your answer.

Your eyebrows and nose were a bit scrunched together, your mouth forming a bit of a pout.

"Cute.", she muttered under her breath as she looked at your pensive expression.

"Did you say something?"

"N-No, just waiting for your answer"

< Oh my god, this can't get even more awkward >

"Hmm, well I've only been once to the mountains with my grandma." you said to her, emphasizing the "once" with your index finger.

"With who?" Vi had understood the first part but couldn't recall what "grandma" meant in your language.

"Ah, wait" you told her, quickly holding your palm towards her to urge her to wait as you got up and when towards the shelves hanging over your TV.

You took the picture of you with your grandma and you with your parents in your hands. You went back to the couch and plopped down next to Vi.

Pointing at your mom, you said " So this is my Mother", you moved your finger to the other picture "and this is my Grandmother but you can also say 'mom' or 'grandma' so it's easier to say."

Meanwhile Vi was internally gushing about how adorable you had looked as a child as you explained her who was who.

You took a look at her and saw that she looked weirdly intrigued by a simple photo of you and your relatives.

Deciding to tease her a bit, you hold back a smirk as you hold the pictures up infront of you and ask "So a question from your teacher. Who is my 'Mother' and who is my 'Grandmother'?"

Rolling her eyes at your antics but knowing you only wanted to test her, she decided to play along.

"So this is your grandmother and this is your mother." she had pointed first with her finger towards your grandma and then your mom.

"Was that, right?" she asked seeing as you weren't saying anything and just staring at her.

"Oh come on, Y/N! What's the answer?" she threw you a deadpanned look. Okay now she was slowly getting annoyed because it was just a simple question and you were unnecessarily dragging it out.

Snickering, you put the pictures onto the table infront of the couch and shrugged your shoulders.

"What do you think?"

"UGH, I'm taking a shower" she threw her hands up as she stood up from the couch and went towards your room to get herself some fresh clothes.

"Okay, okay - pff- you were right." you yelled after her while trying to contain your laughter.

"Yeah, yeah. I know!" she yelled back from your room and came out with a bundle of clothes, throwing you a glance as she shook her head and huffed through her nose.

She couldn't really be annoyed at you for being so annoyingly endearing.

"Don't use up my purple shampoo bottle, please! It's my favorite one." you yelled before she could shut the door.

"Thanks. I'll use it aaaaall up cause of your stupid question." she quickly said but loud enough for you to hear before she shut the door, not waiting for your reply.

"From where did you learn the word" stupid"?! " you exclaimed playfully shocked.

" Someone just swears a lot in this house and it's not only me" you heard her muffled shouting as the sound of running water followed.

"It's not Vi without some swearing, I guess" you chuckled to yourself. Due to her steadily improved speech, her comebacks were also getting better. You weren't trying to belittle her but she just sounded so adorable whenever she would retort with something with that cute accent and more or less broken speech. She was trying real hard to come up with more elaborate words to not burden you with having to keep using simple speech so she'd understand it well which would lead to you having to reassure her, that she doesn't have to force herself to improve since it would come naturally and you were for sure not one to pressure someone.

Looking at the screen, there were now credits rolling down.

You recall Vi's awed expression and you were feeling happy that she wanted to know if you had gone to the mountains.

It was probably out of curiousity but you had a feeling that she also wanted to know more about you.

Well, you were hoping for it and not to mention that your chest couldn't stop welling up with pride because she kept steadily improving.

You couldn't blame her though because who would want to stay in a world where you couldn't understand anyone.

Secretly you were hoping that maybe you were one of the reasons for her eagerness to master the language.

Okay, Y/N. Get down from your high horse, yeehaw but it's a clear sign that I'm not that bad of a teacher, amirite

Glancing at the pictures on the table, you decided to put them back onto the shelves.

Gently putting them back, you hold a longing gaze at your grandma.

"Damn, grandma. If you could just see what's going on at my place. You would have been really happy about having someone who you could finally feed many many plates of your delicious cooking. She would have definitely loved it." you whispered as a slightly sorrowful smile started to creep onto your face.

" Maybe we could have gone to the mountains together again with her. "

The trip with your grandma in South Tyrol was one of the fondest memories you had of her. Just hiking up these mountains, your lungs being filled with such fresh air and the view.

Oh boy, the view.

It was just so majestic for 7 year old Y/N as your grandma gave you a loving pat on the head while telling you how proud she was that you've managed to push through and hike up with her.

The image of you and your grandma standing next to each other while taking in the view is something you would never dare to forget.

"It would be nice if she could see it too." you told your grandma as you merely got her kind smile and the silence of the picture for a reply.

Taking a step back to take a last look before having to start cooking, your mind began to shift gears.

Your eyes widened as a sudden idea popped up in your head.

A really fucking great idea.

You heard the door open up, an indication that Vi was done with her shower.

She was drying her hair with a towel while holding your favorite shampoo in the other and peeking inside the tiny hole of it.

"Okay, so there is little left of your shampoo. You can thank me lat-"

Moving her head up, she could see you standing infront of the shelves.

Precisely infront of the pictures you had shown her earlier.

She stood there for some seconds, watching if you'd react at all.

"You okay, cupcake?" she asked you, while quirking an eyebrow at you.

Startled you turn around, your mood having done a full 180 degree turn as you beamed at her.

Quickly walking up to her, you grabbed her by her shoulders.

"Oh my god, Vi!!"

"W-What?"

"OH MY GOD, VI!!"

"Oh my god, Y/N!! What is it?!" she grabbed your right shoulder while mimicking your voice by making hers a pitch higher and shook you slightly back and forth just as you did.

"I. Am. A. Genius." you told her and with each emphasized word moved your face closer to hers until your noses were nearly touching.

Wide and confused steel blue eyes were looking at you as you could feel her hand clenching your shoulder a bit.

You were too excited to notice her shaky breathing and flickering eyes.

Exhaling deeply, she pushed you a bit back from her and gave you a smile.

Sooner or later you'll be the death of me

"O-Oh, was I too close?" you asked her, your beaming smile morphing into a worried expression and your grasp on her shoulders weakening.

"Nono, you just - uuhhhh- fuck what was that word again?"

"Surprised you?"

"Yeah! Surprised me! So everything's okay." she reassured you as she tucked a stray hair behind your ears, her rough hand softly brushing against your cheek.

"Oh okay then I'm glad" you said while you let your hands slide down from her shoulders to take a hold of her wrists.

"So why exactly are you a genius?" she asked. She was trying real hard to keep her eyes on your face so you wouldn't notice her nervousness and she really didn't want to make you worry again.

She couldn't really move her eyes elsewhere too since your oversized shirt, which was sliding on one shoulder down and your shorts, that stopped at the middle of your thigh were honestly not helping her at all.

You had to bite your lip to contain from squealing out of excitement (while making Vi experience some real hard gay panic) as you inhaled and exhaled deeply.

"So as you know, I've got a summer vacation starting soon, right?"

Vi only blinked at you and shifted her eyes left to right until they went back to look at you again.

"Wait, what's a vacation again?"

"I basically don't have to go to work in 7 days and this time for 14 days!"

"Ohh, cool! And?"

"That's it."

Vi blinked once.

Twice.

Thrice.

"Wait, that's it?"

"Yeah."

"Pff"

She slightly pushed you back as she was trying to contain her laugh but ended absolutely failing that task.

"D-Did you just *wheeze* shake me and yell at me, just to say that you had a vacation? I-i mean that's good for you! You can watch TV or sleep longer aaand so on."

Owlishly blinking at her, you booped her nose.

"I'm a genius."

Gently shoving your hand away from her face, she put her free hand onto your cheek.

"A cute genius." she told you as she pinched your cheek.

"H-Hey, my cheek! Also what did you just say?" you asked as you rubbed your now violated cheek while squinting your eyes trying to mimick her glare.

She only gave you a loopsided smirk as she leaned slightly towards your face.

"Nothing." she said as she turned around to go back to the bathroom but not before roughly ruffling your hair.

"S-Stop it! Oof, you're such a tease sometimes." you grumbled to yourself as you tried to clean the mess up she had created on your head.

"What did you just say?" came from the bathroom.

"Nnnnnnothing!" you mimicked her as you went to your room to grab a small piece of paper and a pen.

"Real funny" came as a reply as you heard her open the fridge.

Huffing through your nose while shaking your head, you started to write down a list for the things you would need for your 'endeavor'.

Luckily you still had your old hiking backpack and boots but Vi needed some.

That's where your good friend Amazon had to help you out but you definitely gonna drag her ass to go shopping with you since you wanted proper hiking shoes were really important and you didn't want her to suffer from blisters.

She'd probably not even mind that but only the best for her, am I right?

You chuckled to yourself as you were nearly done with the list.

Your plan was gonna be perfect and it was gonna be a surprise for Vi.

You really had to stop pampering her before you'd end up broke but how could you not when you've got so many things to show her that she hadn't been able to experience in her world.

Either these things didn't exist or it was just due to her living circumstances.

You had went over to write another list for your groceries as you heard a knock on your door.

Before you could reply, she already came barging in with a popsicle in her hand and the other holding the door's handle.

"Why did you knock when you were going to open it anyway?" you quirked an eyebrow as you questioned her antics.

Nonchalantly shrugging her shoulders, she took a bite of her popsicle while shifting her eyes towards your list.

"You weren't naked soooo" she reasoned as she stepped closer to take a look what you had written.

"Classic" you huffed while a smile crept up to your face as you finished your list.

Vi stood behind you as she looked over your shoulder, enjoying the perks of being some inches taller than you.

"Aha! Finally done" you exclaimed, aprubtly standing straight and bumping the back of your head against her chin.

"Ow!"

"Oof, sweetie? You okay?"

Immediately turning around, she seemed pretty unaffected by it while you were rubbing your head.

Realising what had just happened, you quickly put down the pen in your hand and grabbed her face.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Is your chin alright?" you asked her as you tapped gently onto her chin so she'd know what you meant.

Letting out a soft laugh, she booped your nose.

"I'm okay, munchkin. But you gotta buy some popsicles because I just ate the last one. Maybe I'll forgive you after that." she smirked at you while holding her nearly done popsicle infront of your face.

Not letting her tease you this time, you stole her last bite of it.

Vi could only gasp in shock as she moved her eyes back and forth between you and her now gone popsicle.

Only the stick was left in her hand.

"My popsicle?!"

" Our popsicle. So now let's go buy some new ones before someone starts to cry about it. We gotta buy some groceries anyway."

Huffing through her nose, she stuck her tounge out at you.

"Then go and throw this into the trash for me". She took your wrist and before you could react, put the popsicle stick into your hand before letting go and made her way towards your wardrobe.

You could only deadpan at her but decided to let her take the 'win' and took your list with you.

"Tell me when you're done" you told her as you went to the kitchen.

"Why? You're missing a show." You could literally hear her smirking.

.

.

.

.

"Oh come on, atleast say something, Y/N!"

Snickering as you closed the cabinet under your sink, where your trash can was, you made your way back, finding her only in her black jogging pants and white sports bra as you went into your room.

Turning around with a shirt in her hands, she threw it over her shoulder while eyeing you.

She was suggestively wiggling her eyebrows at you. "Came for the show, pumpkin?". You rolled your eyes but decided to amuse her for a bit. To your advantage, she was standing not too far from your bed.

I can play her game too

You began to walk towards her. An eyebrow of hers raising up as if daring you to show her what you're planning.

Pressing your palm onto her chest, you pushed her back, using up little to no force. She was clearly letting you do this since she had still that shit eating smirk on her face.

Her legs had hit your bed as you pushed her down with some force, making her fall onto it with a small "oomph".

She propped herself up onto her elbows as she layed on her back, waiting for your next move.

"So now what, munchkin?"

You didn't reply as you bent over her.

Seeing her eyes widen for a fraction before she tried to cover it up with another smirk of hers, made you feel prouder than you should be.

Wait until I do this.

You began to crawl on top of her and made yourself comfortable on her thighs, effectively straddling her.

Now this was a view you could get used to.

Seeing her beneath you was kinda doing things to you.

Kinda? More like fuck, she's cute.

Vi was too far gone. There was no use hiding her blush now as she really didn't expect you to be this bold since you were usually the one who would try not to invade someone's personal space out of nowhere.

Especially not like this.

But she was definitely not complaining.

Your bare thighs were within her reach. Your oversized shirt showing a bit of your cleavage as it slid down your shoulder.

She gently put her hands onto your knees. She didn't dare to move her hands further up, not wanting to ruin things between the both of you.

But those delicious looking thighs would nearly make her mouth water at the mere sight of them.

Feeling her slightly shaky touch only made your smirk widen as you put more weight onto her thighs, pressing yourself further into her.

Her breath hitched as you saw her squint at you with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

"Cupcake, you're killing me like this"

Wondering if you've made her that flustered that she was slipping out words in her language, only made you let out a soft laugh.

"Are you that nervous, that you're speaking in your language, Vi?"

Before she could give you a reply, you leaned down until your noses were nearly touching each other.

Seeing her eyes from this close just took your breath away.

Just like you could feel the warmth of her breath hitting your face.

Her entire body was feeling pretty hot.

Chuckling, you tilted your head slightly back to give her a kiss on her forehead.

Putting your hand against her cheek, you stroke it gently as you looked her in the eyes.

"Come on, silly. Let's go before the shops start to close cause we're taking too long to get ready " came out as a whisper as you sat straight up. Not even waiting for her to say something, you went to your wardrobe and took out some blue jeans and an oversized hoodie with a dog paw print on the front.

"We'll go after I'm done changing my clothes so you better be ready till then" You took a glance over your shoulder and to top it off, blew her a kiss before going to the bathroom.

It took her some seconds to process what just happened. She raised her hand onto her forehead, gently stroking the spot you had just kissed.

"Fuck, she's driving me crazy" she mumbled as she closed her eyes, letting out a long breath she had been holding the entire time.

This time, she would let you have this win.

Forcing herself to get up, she threw on a tank top and a hoodie over it. Replaying the same moment over and over in her head until she heard her voice call out to her.

"Vi, could you take the trash out with you?" You were already putting on your shoes in the hallway as Vi came out, mumbling something under her breath. Taking her silence towards you as a win, you decided to let her be as she made her way towards the trash can in your kitchen.

Omg, did I fluster her that much??

Trying not to slip out a snicker, you glanced at your phone, glad that you had enough time to buy some groceries and other necessities for your surprise trip.

You put hand into thr pockets of your jacket to check if you've got everything.

Wh-? Where are my keys??

Lowkey panicking, you made a quick stride towards your room.

"Excuse me, where is it??" Frantically looking around in your room, you couldn't see it. This was another peak moment of yours. The key had been in your pocket for days and as soon as you needed it, it's gone.

Meanwhile Vi had been standing in the hallway with the trash bag beside her. Suddenly hearing your loud swearing snapped her out of her thoughts. Chuckling to herself, she went to the coatrack, where some of your other jackets hung.

< Huhh, which one did she wear yesterday? >

She began to randomly dig through pockets until she felt something cold and metallic graze her fingers.

"Y/N, come back. I found your key!"

"OOF where the fuck was that thing?" you came out of your room, huffing exasperated.

"Well, it was in one of your jackets." She said as she pointed at the jacket you had worn yesterday.

"Oohhh, now I remember. Oops, forgot about it" you shrugged your shoulders as you threw  a sheepish smile at her. You only got an eyeroll and ruffling your head as an answer.

"H-Hey!"

Snickering, she gave you your key and pinched your cheek  as she turned around and took the trash bag with her.

"Well, now you got it back so let's go, cupcake."

"Yeah yeah but thanks anyway. Wouldn't have found it without you." You told her as the both of you exited your apartment and walked towards the building's door.

Vi only gave you a smug smirk over her shoulders as she opened the door.

"Glad I can help you, cutie" Holding the door open for you, she gave you a wink. Sooner or later your eyes would fall out from how often you've been rolling your eyes these days.

"Ever the charmer, are we? Also you still haven't told me what cupcake or the thing you just said meant."  you asked her as she threw the trash into the trash bin standing near the entrance.

Turning around, she shrugged her shoulders at you and still had that smug ass smirk on her face." It's a secret. "

You squinted your eyes at her.

" Sooner or later I'll find it out or I'll just make you say it"

She whistled at your cute intimidation.

"Cupcake, you can't even hurt a fly."

"Ugh, let's just drive already" You jammed your key into your car's door and opened it.

Following your lead, she went inside and plopped onto the passenger's seat.

"Waddya wanna listen to?", you asked her as you plugged in the AUX cable into your phone.

Vi blinked at you, processing your words in her head.

"Uhh, you mean music?"

"Yeah"

"Ohhh uh not sure. I'll listen to what you listen to" she said as she shrugged her shoulders.

"You know what, I'll let you choose what we should listen to". You put your phone in her hand as you turned on the engine.

She gave you a smile, happily took your phone and opened up Spotify.

"Oh okay. Then I'll find some good music" she chirped while scrolling down on your playlist.

You smiled at that as you slightly leaned towards her to boop her nose.

"I'm sure you will"

Vi only scrunched her nose at you as you began to drive your car out of the parking lot.

----------------------------------------------------

"Finally home."

Vi dramatically exclaimed as she kicked her shoes off. Dragging the bags with her, she let them drop onto the floor as she plopped face down onto the couch.

Chuckling, you closed the door behind you as you set the bags down.

"Come on, it wasn't that bad." you mused  while slipping your shoes off.

Vi scoffed. "Excuse me? We went to like what - ten? - yeah ten or more different shops! And we have like so many fucking bags! Instead of maybe sitting down for a bit or eat something , No! We had to hurry because someone took too long at the clothing section!" If anybody would have told you before meeting her, that going shopping with her would make her behave like the biggest baby in the world, you would have never believed them.

She was able to take down anyone that stood her way and wouldn't even think of complaining even if she would've gotten shot by a bullet.

But shopping? You could hear god tell you to have mercy on her.

Sighing, you dropped the bags in the hallway and made your way towards the couch.

Not gonna lie but her being a big baby after that is so adorable but also exhausting.

Maybe it was some 'elderly sister' thing (even though she's two years older than you) but her being all whiny and dramatic just made you want to pamper her more.

You stopped in your tracks.

*Gasp* Maybe that's her goal. Well let's not question her before she'll disappear outta nowhere just to come back and say "Aah, I went out for a jog and maayybe got into a fight with someone but now I feel a lot better"

Shaking your head at your weird thoughts, you went towards the couch and stood behind it.

Peering over, she still hadn't budged from her position.

"How can you breathe with your face getting stuffed into the couch?"

"I'm fine, thank you." she replied into the couch, her voice getting muffled by it.

Walking around the couch, you crouched down and kneeled infront of it and next to her head.

Poke

Poke

Poke

"Stop"

She turned her head, her cheek pressed against the cushion as she squinted at you. Normally, she would have retorted with something playful or cheeky but this shopping trip had really snuffed all her energy out of her.

Carrying the bags itself wasn't a problem and she adored the look on your face whenever you would find something to buy for her.

She had a hard time getting used to that and is  actually still trying to adjust since she had never known or experienced being pampered like that at all. She was usually the one that had to look out for others. She was their pillar. Their leader and the one shouldering everything.

And now she was living a level of comfort that she had never thought of being able to witness.

It would just get stressful after a while since shopping seemed to somehow enhance your endurance and speed because even after having been there for months, she still wasn't able to memorize where to find the things you need. It was especially difficult in the bigger city near your small one since it was loaded with a huge varity of shops and having to search for you every five seconds in those huge crowds was just exhausting.

So Vi wasn't feeling too bad for being dramatic because 1. She was hungry and 2. Having to fear losing you and being left alone in a city she didn't really know how to manuveur through was not helping her at all.

-She just hated the thought of losing you and being left by herself at the end-

Letting a soft smile grace your lips, you tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek.

"Was it that tiring, Vi?" you cooed at her and began to gently stroke her cheek with your thumb.

She closed her eyes and let out a pleased sigh at your soft touch. Putting her hand over yours, she opened her eyes and her gaze having softened significantly.

" Yes. Yes, it was tiring. You would always be gone whenever I would turn around" You felt her hand slightly clench as she spoke her next words.

"I just... don't really like it."

Your heart ached.

Hard.

She felt bad as she watched your loving expression turn into a hurt but apologetic in mere seconds.

Not wanting to see you like that, she gently pushed your hand away as she sat up.

"But it's okay. It's okay if you have fun and we got to buy some good stuff too."

Don't mess this up, Violet

She told herself as she proceeded to get up feeling the need to go outside to calm her head.

"No!" You exclaimed as you grabbed her wrist, making her stop in her tracks.

Turning around, her heart dropped to her stomach when she saw your face.

You were angry. Angry at yourself for not having been more considerate and leaving her alone but you couldn't deny that you were also angry at her for trying to run away after she had just started to open up about her feelings.

You wanted her to feel comfortable enough to finally share her worries with you. You knew how difficult it is to open up while having to deal with the fear of being judged or possibly ruining something but at the same time, you were aware of the consequences of bottling it up and that would never end up good.

Glaring at her, you pulled her back.

"Sit." you demanded as you pointed towards the couch.

"O-Okay" She quickly obliged, not wanting to fuck it up further. It was rare seeing you angry and she would have never expected you to be angry at her since you had shown nothing but patience.

Except maybe that one time but that's another story to tell.

You made her take a seat next to you. Her eyes kept shifting away from your intense gaze and thankfully, you noticed that.

You put your hand on her cheek and made her look at you. Cupping her cheeks with both hands, you began to rub them.

Blinking, she got confused by your antics.

"W-What are you doing?" she managed to voice out but it only got muffled by you squishing her cheeks.

"I'm distracting you."

"You're what?"

Stopping, you put your index finger on ther forehead and poked it.

"Making you stop your thoughts. Your head. From thinking or just working in general."

She took your hand into hers to stop you from drilling a hole into her head.

"Why?" she asked as she furrowed her eyebrows at you.

Sighing, you pulled your hand away and scooted a bit to the side.

You patted your thighs.

"Head."

< What the fuck, can she stop being so confusing >

"Uhhh, those are your thighs?"

Snorting, you shook your head and put your hands on either side of her head.

"No, Violet. I want you to lie your head on my lap or to be specific, my thighs."

You were afraid of her eyes falling out from how much they bulged at your words.

Not to mention that her face literally exploded and honestly, so did her heart.

"I-I uh fuck."

You shot her a look.

"Okay, okay. I'll do it."

"Good." You chirped.

Slowly she layed her head onto your lap and made herself comfortable as she layed on her side.

She was sure that she had ascended to heaven.

< Fuck, they're soft. >

She was beginning to melt in your touch as you started to stroke her head, even slightly scratching her scalp.

She let out a shaky sigh, a warm feeling spreading in her chest.

"I'm sorry." Hearing your words snapped her back into reality as she turned to lay on her back.

"I-" Gulping, you looked anywhere else but her , having to sort your thoughts out and to know what to say next.

Suddenly you felt her finger gently graze your cheek making you look down at her.

"What are you sorry for, munchkin?"  she asked while continuing to stroke your cheek.

Gazing at her loving steel blue eyes and her concerned expression, you let out a deep exhale.

"I'm sorry for always running off like that. There was just a lot good stuff to buy and so many things that would look good on you or we'd need for this apartment and more but that lead to you being left behind and that was really shitty of me. It must have been really stressful and scary for you whenever I would disappear. "

Somehow to your tough luck, your eyes started to glaze over.

" Oh, baby. "  she gave you a soft smile as she put her rough hand onto your cheek. You instinctively leaned into her touch, yearning for her reassurance that she wasn't mad at you.

" Ssssshh, it's okay it's okay. Just... just hold onto my hand next time? So I won't have to go and search for you, of course." she said as she threw in a shy but sheepish smile at you.

Slipping out a weak chuckle, you took her hand that had been stroking your cheek and laced your fingers together.

" If that helps you then I will. I also wanted to say thank you for telling me and don't you dare run away as soon as you tell me about your worries."

Frowning at your words, her eyes began to shift away from your stern but loving gaze.

"I-I wasn't running away." she firmly stated as a frown had started to form on her face.

"Okay, let's say you weren't running away but you went away as soon as you told me about it and I wouldn't have been able to talk to you about it if I hadn't stopped you from leaving."

She could only stay silent as she clenched her hand, that had been previously comfortably on her stomach, into a fist.

You noticed it and slowly took her fisted hand into your free one. You gently pried her fist open and brought both of her hands onto your face making her shift her eyes back to you.

"What I wanted to say is, it's okay to tell me about your worries. You don't have to if you don't want to but I will always listen to what you say and that I'm here for you. You don't have to deal with this alone as long as you talk to me about it. I mean I can try to read it from your face but that's kinda difficult. " You tried to end it with a joke to lighten up the mood but realised you had failed as you saw her eyes start to glaze over.

"Oh my god, was my joke that terrible?"

She let out a laugh as she grasped your face, pulling you closer to her until your forehead touched hers.

"You're so cute, you know?" she smiled at you while stroking your cheek with her thumb.

Your face had become unsurprisingly hot and judging from her chuckle, she felt it too.

"D-Does that mean that it was good?"

"No, Y/N. It was terrible."

She nuzzled her nose against yours as you pouted at her words.

"But I'll forgive you since you're so cute, sweet cheeks"

You tried to playfully glare at her but couldn't as her warm breath hit your face and that damn sweet smile of hers was making you feel things.

Not to mention that her mouth is so close too

"You better do that and you'll also better tell me next time if something bothers or worries you, okay?"

"Okay" she nodded as she pulled your forehead towards her lips and planted a kiss on it.

You let out a shaky sigh, feeling everything you've discussed dawn on you more.

"I-I want a hug. This discussion made me feel kinda sad."

Chuckling as her lips lingered on your forehead, she answered. "Wasn't the kiss enough for you? Do you need more?" she teased.

Pulling away, you let your eyes linger on her face.

Only bashfully taking glances at her lips.

"Hmm, how about a k-kiss and a hug?" you whispered, feeling a bit shy.

"If you want."

"Yeah, I want to."

She pecked your forehead as she sat up next to you.

Leaning her back comfortably on the couch, she patted her lap and opened her arms.

Beckoning you to climb onto her lap with a smile and a nod, you crawled over to her.

She closed her arms around you as soon as she made sure you were comfortable and let chin rest on top of your head.

It had become some sort of habit for you to climb onto her lap whenever you would feel down. She was a bit nervous at first when you had first asked her for a hug but since the both of you were pretty touch starved, it didn't take long for it to be fundamental for the both of you. After a while it had progressed to you sitting on her lap. Forehead kisses were just something extra that had slipped in after some time but Vi wasn't sure if she'd be able to refrain herself any longer from kissing you for real.

But that would be a problem for another time. Right now, she was relishing in your warmth while you listened to the soothing sound of her beating heart.

Tracing your finger on her arm, you could feel her muscles through her hoodie.

"I haven't asked you what you wanted for dinner yet."

You heard her chest rumble as she let out a whispy laugh.

"Well, we could have some pizza again if you want?"

You let out a snicker at her suggestion.

"Didn't we have that yesterday?"

Your body shook slightly due to her shrugging

shoulders.

"It tastes good and I love it when you make it."

"Good thing we bought too much of that pizza dough last time."

"Oh yes, that's really good." She pecked your head and began to stroke your back.

"But the pizza can wait, so you can rest for a bit."

You tilted your head to look at her.

"What about you?"

"I'll rest as well. As you can see, I'm feeling pretty good right now" she replied to you as she put her hand onto the back of your head, shifting it to it's previous position and moved on to stroking your head.

You let out a dreamy sigh as you nuzzled your cheek against her chest.

"Then I'll do that but what about the grocery bags on the floor?"

You heard her let out a sigh as she tightened her arms around you.

"We can do that later but now you rest."

You let out a drowsy snicker.

"Okay, okay. Could you wake me up in 30 minutes?"

"I'll do that, cupcake so sleep well"

"Thank you, Vi."

You felt her soft lips press onto the top of your head.

"Anything for you, munchkin."

Were her last words before you let your eyes droop, burrying your face into her chest before drifting off to a short nap.

Taglist: @imdumbhi @chunkysuga @rezeluv @sleepless-addict @iloveallmenandwomen @primrose-x0x @artsandshadows @skullz-system @luvmeijii @icedcoffeedisaster @cutttteeee @imtallerthanyou @slut4jinx @iwillbiteabitch

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