#and it's only more emotional from here!

[fragilecapric0rnn]

made this playlist for my friend @cheatghost's BEAUTIFULLY wonderful fic show me the place where he inserted the blade. i put a lot of thought into the playlist and was talked into doing an analysis. I will be diving into each part of the fic by going over how and why the songs i chose for each section relate to the themes and events that take place. each part will have it's own post.

here is Part II. After

II. After

Even if it is only 1/4 of the chapter, the After portion is so pivotal to the entire story in setting up what the rest of Steve's arc will look like. It really speaks to Lou's writing capabilities, that a fraction of the chapter, a blip in respect to the rest of the fic, was so compelling and conveyed all of the emotion and heartbreak that is Steve falling apart and self-destructing. So much so that it has its own set of songs that sum up the themes and events of that section. With that, let's dive into the analysis.

Side note: as we move forward, there are songs that I chose more for the vibe and the message within the song relating to the events/characters, so you will notice there is less of me pulling direct lyrics to match up with quotes and more of an analysis of how the song sounds and how the message of the song as a whole relates to the story.

I. Why Didn’t You Stop Me? By Mitski

Will forever be obsessed with the way this song (and other/most Mitski songs) have misleadingly upbeat tempos with the most devastating lyrics. This idea is brought up several times, the idea that Steve could have or should have done something to stop this from happening. As if he alone could have stopped the Suits from taking Eddie away.

The hauntingly optimistic beat paired with the sad lyrics is representative of Steve's mental state. I couldn't help but think of this line from the fic, "And Eddie is lost, now. So, Steve is staying put. If Eddie comes back, he needs to know where to find Steve, needs to know where to look. Steve will be here when he looks." The driving, the staying put, the waiting. He uses driving as a way to isolate himself from the others as he grieves Eddie, and grieves the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, of the entire situation.

… So why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you stop me

As the song comes to a close, I would describe the beat as aggressively upbeat, and representative of Steve in the middle of his descent - when he gets the shit beat out of him. No one is there to stop him at first, it's describe as this sort of primal instinct when he sees Jason and his cronies at the park, how he just stops what he's doing and starts wailing on them. But somebody does stop him. It's Hopper, it's his family.

II. Maybe by The Chantels

Unpopular opinion: oldies should be used in fandom playlists a lot more! You will see several on this playlist, as I push my oldies agenda. To me, there is a certain longing and yearning that oldies convey, whether that be through lyrics or the way vocalists belt those lyrics. This song's lyrics feel very evocative of Steve's downward spiral into despair in the direct aftermath of Eddie's removal from their lives.

Maybe if I pray every night You'll come back to me And maybe if I cry every day You'll come back to stay Oh, maybe

The word maybe feels very much like Steve in this section. His interaction with Locke.

"Steve cries. Loud, ugly hiccups. Big tears roll down his cheeks, land on his split lips with salt that stings. He pulls over and screams, hits his head against the steering wheel once, twice. Clenches his hands around it, lets his nails leave indents in the leather."

The desperation in the song matches the desperation that Steve feels.

III. Buzzcut Season by Lorde

Need to get this out of the way - LOVE that Mike is the one to confront Steve about his self-destruction. It makes the most sense, he is a loud-mouth, he tells it like he sees it, and of course he's going to want to kick Steve in the ass and yell "we're all hurting!"

And I'll never go home again (Place the call, feel it start) Favourite friend (And nothing's wrong, when nothing's true)

His moment with Dustin after this is when we see Steve start to pick up the pieces of himself. Steve starts to realize that even if he's broken, that Eddie took a piece of his soul with him, he has other people in his life that not only rely on him, but want to see him start to heal. Whether or not he wants to heal and move on (as we will see, he doesn't ever really move on), he needs to try. And that trying starts the sharing a hug and a cry with on of his favourite friends.

IV. Cranes in the Sky by Solange

Once again, another song that I would like to copy and paste the entirety of to this post! I think this song is Steve throughout this entire section.

I tried to keep myself busy I ran around circles Think I made myself dizzy

Another word choice that makes me go bonkers. I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried. He tried to fight those guys, he tried to gut information out of Locke, he tried so hard in the aftermath to fix it.

I tried to let go my lover Thought if I was alone then maybe I could recover To write it away or cry it away 

He tries to isolate, and that just adds to the hurt. He never allows himself a moment to really cope with any of it. He's not coping, he's trying. The trying is a constant theme that runs throughout the rest of the story, but starts here. In the After.

V. Long Long Time by Linda Ronstadt

The Last of Us intermission - I was listening to the companion podcast of the show and the director talked about how he went out searching for a song that was so full of yearning, longing, and heartbreaking devastation on purpose. And GOD, am I so glad he did, because this song is just so perfect. Similar to Maybe, there is just something about these old songs, the way they are filled with such a sadness. With such longing and yearning, it's like they were built for these stories, that are also filled with longing and yearning and loneliness. Regardless of anyone's TLOU brainrot, this song is just so so beautiful.

A thread that is woven through both the entirety of the fic and most of the songs on the playlist is the theme of loneliness. Loneliness and isolation is how Steve copes. It's what he feels like he needs to do, as he feels like he is the only one who understands the amount of devastation he feels with the loss of Eddie.

Wait for the day you'll go away Knowing that you warned me Of the price I'd have to pay And life's full of flaws Who knows the cause? Living in the memory of a love that never was

That last line is going to a haunt me forever. Because if you think about it, about Steve and Eddie, they never got a chance to explore their love to its full capacity. Their relationship was still in its infancy when Eddie was taken. So, the mournful yearning isn't only for the desire to have him by his side, but for the ache of the love that could have been. The love that was stolen before it could fully bloom.

However, this song was also chosen to represent the tidbit at the end of the chapter, the glimpse into Eddie's side of the story. They're both longing. They're both missing a piece of themselves. They're both going to hurt and miss the other for a long long time.

#another time for good measure: GO READ LOU'S FIC #playlist debrief: smtp #this one made me feel soooooo emotional #and it's only more emotional from here! #buckle in fellas! #steddie playlist #steddie #steddie fic rec #steddie fic #sen listens

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[maddieandangel]

#hollow knight #thought this would be fun to do! #just including these ones since all the others are either (comparatively) easy enough and/or are prerequisites for one of the options here #i guess i could've also added the one for beating Grey Prince Zote since you can block him from the pantheons and he isn't required for 112% #but. c'mon now. dhdhshshf #i guess i also could've included Purity (kill the nailsmith) for the Emotional Difficulty but. i want this to be a bit more serious dhsdhf #also i'm only including the actual in-game achievements. so no path of pain; pantheon bindings; or radiant hall of gods bosses #anyway. there IS a Correct Answer in my mind dgdhshf #and if something besides that one wins or gets a lot of votes then i'll try and offer some tips for it

[scificrows]

The feed ID doesn’t need to say anything other than what everyone else’s says, just name, gender, and…” She trailed off. She was looking at me and I was looking at her. - Martha Wells, Fugitive Telemetry (The Murderbot art I used is the official cover art from the French edition of ASR)

#murderbot #the murderbot diaries #yeah i'm playing around with the murderbot cover art again :) #this murderbot is from the french edition of ASR! i think it's one of my favorite cover armor designs! i love that spine #i only wanted to make a cute pink aesthetically pleasing edit with murderbot's feed id but then i was thinking #about how murderbot's feed ID is super minimalistic and doesn't tell people anything about it really #(and how it actually would have preferred a null feed ID??? #remember?? 'here on preservation it meant 'please don’t interact with me.' it was perfect' sgdhhjsgdjhsd ily murderbot) #vs. what i can only imagine is going in murderbot's private feed gsdhjgsdhfg #idk. i might be projecting but mb seems like a 254 tabs open at all times kinda person to me #also idk this seems kinda analogous to #mb opaquing its helmet in ASR vs. all the emotions and expressions that are happening underneath the helmet :) #(oh and this is not really how i envision the feed it's more of a visualization of how i imagine the feed works) #(and stylized in a way that was easiest for me to edit together sdhfgjhfg) #(also i KNOW that they don't have ao3 and youtube and spotify and wikihow etc etc but. i was having fun with this okay) #(and this already took an embarrassingly long time to put together as it is without me trying to design new forms of media welp) #ANYWAYS #more pink murderbot aesthetics from me because i'm a simple creature and pink is fun #𓄿

[fromtheseventhhell]

"Sansa = Ned 2.0 and Arya = Catelyn 2.0" is one of those takes where you can just tell people are more attached to the aesthetic than anything. "The Stark girls are most like the parent they look least like" sounds good on paper and people run with the idea, regardless of how it actually fits into the story. A majority of the justification relies on misinterpreting all of their characters + a healthy dose of fanon. What gets me is that this is the same fandom that insists that Lyanna, only compared to Arya in the text, is equal parts Arya and Sansa but Ned and Catelyn, two fully fleshed-out and complex characters, have to be more like one girl or the other? There's just nothing in the story to justify being so adamant about these comparisons. Arya and Sansa have parallels with both of their parents but at the end of the day, they are unique characters with their own stories. I'll never understand why people want to flatten these complex characters down to their most basic tropes and fit them into restrictive boxes just for a "poetical~" comparison.

#arya stark #sansa stark #catelyn stark #ned stark #house stark #asoiaf #BORING YAWNING SLOPPY #notice how these takes never come with actual evidence from the books to make direct comparisons from the text? #/ned is a gentle quiet poitican/ and he physically attacks someone + constantly shows his frustration and voicing his opinions #our first introduction to him is him executing a man and we know he's done so several times that year #he says that his toddler son needs to grow up and stop being afraid of a giant wolf cause /winter is coming/ and Northern life is hard 😭 #/Cat is a feral wild woman/ and her chapters are full of her holding her tongue and trying to mediate situations #people literally switch their characterizations cause the second a woman shows emotion she's /feral/ #and a man can be the most wild unhinged character ever and still be /kind/ and /gentle/ #like yeah fanon sansa is fanon ned 2.0 and fanon arya is fanon cat 2.0 but their actual characters are more complex then that #the only valid /2.0/ comparison is between Lyanna and Arya but somehow she gets split between Arya and Sansa 🥴 #my hourly frustration at this fandom not caring about the story and only being here for /the vibes~/ #like Ned hates Tourneys and protests one as a waste of resources while Sansa is planning a Tourney and using resources while winter #is arriving and smallfolk are going hungry...but she's Ned 2.0? Where? How? Huh? #And yeah Ned deals with politics in KL but that's relatively a small aspect of his character #and even him constantly speaking his mind and challenging Robert directly is the exact opposite of Sansa's approach 😭 #/courtesy is a Lady's armor/ vs. /I'm gonna tell Robert he's an idiot right to his face/ oh yeah totes the same #Arya is the character following his advice and guidance for a reason just saying #like if Sansa was doing the same I could see it but she..isn't? Her approach is much closer to Catelyn's than Ned's #I don't understand why people have all of the sudden decided that the Sansa/Cat parallels are shallow when they're #very similar characters and Sansa's current plot actually revolves around that fact #obviously they're not exactly alike but no two characters are or even meant to be...their comparisons are still very valid #tired of being expected to accept an idea just because enough people repeat it

[moongothic]

That is exactly something I've been wondering.

'Cause. Like if Whitebeard managed to hit Crocodile hard enough (=with Haki) to cut his whole hand off, then surely he would've done more damage than just leave a cut on Croc's face, right. Like his head should've ended up in two pieces. And I mean it's not impossible WB could be the cause of both wounds (like for example WB could've first just scratched Crocodile's face and then, when he was in shock, taken that left hand, or something, there's like a million ways this action scene could play out), it is entirely possible still. But it would ALSO be entirely plausible if Crocodile got his scar and lost his hand due to different people.

Also if Dragon is a former Marine then he could know the Rokushiki, and like I dunno about y'all but to me Crocodile's scar looks to me like it could've been caused by a Rankyaku to the face (or if Dragon is a Wind Wind Fruit user as many speculate, his attacks could very much be like wind-slashes similar to Rankyaku, any cutting attacks or even Croc's own Spada-attacks). Like the way his scar goes across his whole face, ear-to-ear, it looks like it could've been caused by a cut that hit him straight-on (but didn't cut through his whole head). As opposed to a cutting motion from a blade that'd go from like one side of the face to another (where I feel like it shouldn't go ear-to-ear, and instead, at most, like, ear-to-cheek, y'know? 'Cause the face would curve away from a blade etc? But also this is a manga and shit like this doesn't have to make sense, it just needs to look cool and be symbolic and shit)

(There is also the forbidden option that WB could've given Crocodile the scar and it was Dragon that took Crocodile's hand. And not in the romantic way 🥁)

In any case, if Dragon did attack Crocodile out of instinct because he couldn't recognize the strange, imposing man with a baby who showed up at the secret location at a secret meeting time when he was supposed to reunite with his wife and meet his child... Oh yeah. Dragon could've assumed the worst, thought that they had been found out, that his beloved had been taken out and baby kidnapped. Or something. And thus attacked. And boy howdy would this be one absolutely gut-wrenching way to cause a divorce, eh

((Only thing is that for Dragon to hurt Crocodile, either Dragon would've had to have gone in with the Haki right away, which is viabe but makes me question how Crocodile even survived to begin with, or the attack would've had to been moisturized ahead of time for some reason. Unless Dragon can add moisture to his attacks by default, or unless it was raining, it'd make no sense how Dragon could've cut Croc's face up. But hey we know Crocodile doesn't really like the rain, now does he))

#Moon posting #OP Meta #Sir Crocodile #Dragodile #Crocodad #I swear I saw someone do fanart of this very thing like less than two weeks ago and I spent like 20 minutes browsing through a bunch of tag #Just trying to find it but. No. Could not find it #Point being I'm glad I'm not the only one to have thought of this!! #Now what would be the more horrible way for things to go #Dragon attacks Crocodile and grabs the baby before trying to interrogate ''the stranger'' about what he had done to his wife #Only to find out he has a husband now instead (or would've had if he hadn't just speedran their divorce) #Or Dragon attacks. Grabs the baby. And flees. Trying to look look for any sign of his wife. Leaving the stranger behind #And Crocodile just fucking skedaddles. In the end Dragon finds out from Ivankov about Croc transitioning and realizes What He Has Done #I'm just saying the Story Potential here. I'm getting Thanos Snapped as we speak on an emotional level just thinking about it

[troius]

#bleach #troius reads bleach #orihime inoue #ichigo kurosaki #wow it's only one of the prettiest drawings in the entire manga #I personally am very glad we are getting this emotion #following up on a story beat from the absolute peak of the series #in a way that is both emotionally satisfying and meaningful for the characters #not to mention gorgeous #anyways if you can look at that picture and honestly say “she shouldn't be here” you're a far more dispassionate analyst than I am

[bonefall]

Voted for Bumble bc of course but also if you think Alex would not pspsps Bumble you are wrong. If they could communicate they would go to therapy together /s

If then could communicate they would go to therapy together

/GEN

Kyle/Green Lantern resurrects her but then he becomes convinced that she's not the same person she was before the incident, OR SOMETHING SOMETHING Black Lanterns aren't ACTUALLY bad they're just misunderstood Grim Reaper types, in either case Alex ends up breaking it off with Kyle because they've become very different people.

And then Bumble's there

And then they go to therapy or Alex adopts Bumble, and then uhhh Bumble's like one of the superpets. Like Krypto the Superdog. Free premise go forth and play with it if ur a DC fan

#bone babble #Again I don't actually know a lot about the DC universe besides what my friend tells me #But also from reading into the Black Lanterns having them be evil sound like a WHOLE wasted opportunity #Lanterns are supposed to be emotions yeah? so why the hell are we downplaying the emotion of GRIEF? #There's a whole lot you could do with that actually. Death doesn't deserve to just be a villain of the week #And hell. You could explore some WILD emotions here about Alex becoming so much more than Kyle's tragedy #Can I still mourn you when you aren't dead? #What does it mean for me that the worst thing that ever happened to me has become an opportunity for her? #And... does this make me selfish for not being happy for her? #For not trying to understand the person she has become? for only thinking of how this impacts myself #RE: THIS IS NOT A DIG AT DC FANS #BUT I want to share that like... a reason I've kinda had a hard time getting into comics is because like... really interesting premises-- #like that often get turned into Monster-of-the-Week struggles for the heroes to punch into submission #I've probably just seen really bad summaries or not found the editions that would appeal to me specifically #But it's kinda why the only DC hero I'm really interested in is Superman #Because a lot of his thing is that he's a good GUY #And that creates a lot of interesting moral questions #Like YES he's a good guy. YES he has no ulterior motive. But what if he DID?-- how can EVERYONE ELSE in the universe truly know that- #for sure? #And that's cool and I really like the snippets I've seen especially between him and batman #But anyway. so much fridging and misogyny in the world of comics has kinda turned me away from getting into it #because. VERY often. Misogyny can be... *tied* to a bit of a lack of imagination. Or empathy on behalf of a particular writer #RE: There is good stuff in DC PLEASE understand im not trying to be insulting

[good-to-drive]

I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions

(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)

#see also: george falling in love with his wife and paul routinely telling him he was easily replaceable #and yet ringo has nothing but warmth for either of these men #and of course I'm not saying we shouldn't appreciate how much patience and kindness that takes! #but also i guess it takes a certain lack of assertiveness or the ability to see/value your own emotions #and that's also something interesting to think about #speaking from experience here a lot of alcoholics want to be numb more than they want to be alive #and if ringo couldnt access his emotions it makes sense his only recourse would be to erase them #but for me it comes from childhood psychosis and i think for him it comes from isolation at a young age and a lack of emotional support #you need your caregivers to teach you what 'sad' is so you can then teach yourself what to do about it #or you may start to cope with that constant feeling of unease and dissatisfaction (that you can never quite grasp) in destructive ways #also his mom started getting him falling down drunk when he was not even twelve years old so tbh the alcoholism was probably inevitable #anyways all this is just to say that the fact that he could absorb pretty much infinite distress CAN definitely be construed as a virtue #but tbh it might also be symptomatic of some painful shit that he needed/deserved help with #ringo starr

[polycrews]

ddcds. for u (hopefully ur day will b a bit better!)

had to take a second to respond to this because dear GOD this made me lose coherent thoughts. ahem

#asks #ddcd #i. i want to start up a good feral tag ramble but the only thing i can think of is to break down wailing /pos #my friend. beloved acquaintance of mine. you canNOT keep doing this one day you will fuckinf kill me of heart attack on the spot #i keep stepping away from this every couple minutes i haven’t felt this much emotions in eons. please have the courtesy to picture- #-my tone as that of soft awe. i am barely forming comprehensible sentences out here dear god #i’d also like to mention that i am in love with how you draw carapace. it all flows very smoothly and feels correct in an indescribable- #fuck the tumblr tag limit #-sort of manner. #your expressions are immaculate and manage to perfectly encapsulate these two #just. everything in general makes me even more fascinated with. well. [gestures abstractly] #please be ever so kind as to excuse me while i yell into a pillow for half an hour. i will be delivering you all of my money- #-as compensation for this on the morrow. thank you #fave

[metukika]

post canon/future teru... single mother with no children idk

#that or he first meets reigen in on the subway - isnt recognized - blurts “reigen!” and when he gets his feelings hurt hes like uh yeah im #a past costumer and ur massages sucked thats how i remember u and then the next chance meeting reigen is desperate to not have customers #with bad experiences that hes like heres my business card call me for half off next visit i totally remember u now customer i will not name #totally didnt forget and teru who feels guilty cuz he only lashed out for feeling rejection or any emotion for the first time in years the #last time they met is like uhhhm u dont have to do that i was just saying stuff but reigen is already Committed so teru is like ok... but h #throws out the card when he gets to his apartment cuz seeing people from his past is making him feel strange and he doesnt have the time fo #that shit he has a job now! and his neighbors gf - a superstitious lady - finds it and is like FATE! so reigen is called cuz teru keeps #opening the door to his home while invisible to avoid conversation with this guy who hurt his feelings once and yeah more stuff #anyways #mob psycho 100 #teruki hanazawa #reigen arataka #metukikart #mp100

[napping-sapphic]

God i’m thinking about how easily and unknowingly strangers can grant you salvation like i found it in how my old classmate told me once that i was a kind person and it was the first time i’d ever believed it

in how a coworker once said that i always seem so happy and have a nice smile and i cried about it when i got home since i’d always been told i seem too serious or mean

in how someone once told me i was good at comforting them when i’d always thought i was bad at it

Just god they’re out there somewhere and i barely remember what they looked like and we’ll never cross paths again but they changed me so deeply, they’re out there but they’ll never know how often i revisit those memories and think of myself even just a little more kindly they’re out there and i don’t know them but they’re the most important people in the world to me somehow

#me?? having a Night™️?? more likely than you’d think #im missing the people i never really knew #and im stuck echoing their words to myself #it’s honestly so important to hear things from people who don’t have an agenda to hurt you #who didn’t form a perspective of you at 14 and never let it go #i dont know #it’s just insane how badly ive always felt about myself #how inherently true i thought it was that i was mean or cold or unlikeable #only to have so many people tell me differently the past few years #and i still feel so mean and cold and unlikeable so often because of the people close to me!! #and i probably will forever to some extent!! #and it’s such an awful feeling #but just knowing even one person saw me as kind or happy is such a balm to that pain #that even if every person i meet from here on out found me flawed #there was at least one that saw kindness and joy in me?? that’s healing #idk #idk im emotional and tired and just want to believe i can be a good person sometimes #and sometimes i feel like that one ‘you’re so nice’ i received three years ago is the only thing holding me together sometimes #god just ignore me

[definitelynotshouting]

Can I ask, since you mentioned agreeing 'even if under duress' - how did the Watchers convince Player Grian to join them in hunger au?

So take this with the specific grain of salt that ive never watched Evo directly (but have friends who have ((thank you wren)), so i know tidbits via osmosis from them), but my thought has always been that the riddles the Watchers gave the Evo Players were all tests used to measure cleverness and intelligence-- the whole point of them attempting to copy the mind of a Player into a Watcher larva in the first place was to try and avoid the insanely high infant mortality rate their typical juveniles go through, bc they dont understand their own limits enough to even know they have them yet. So they needed a Player they knew they could instruct and who would listen to them, and, well. Grian, for all he was rebellious and outright defiant of the Watchers, still solved their puzzles and only had to be punished once before he stopped trying to mess with them

What ive always pictured is after the dragon fight the two main elders of the Watcher colony finally revealed themselves to Grian properly-- i have this crystal clear image of the two of them hovering above and next to the central end island, looming over Grian, and like, these guys are big. HUGE. A good 5x bigger than the ender dragon itself, at LEAST. It would be hard not to feel insanely intimidated by that, honestly, especially when there are two of them side by side, blocking your entire view of the End from that direction.

Anyway picture that with the context of these two giant floating winged worms youve never seen before, who have demonstrated their powerful ability to manipulate code in a way you cant.... telling you that they have chosen you to become one of them. Thats an immense amount of pressure, both from flattery and fear, especially considering theyve punished you before for defying them. I like to think even then, Grian balked a bit, and while i dont have exact dialogue beats here, i know the Watchers continued putting that pressure on him (likely while leveraging his friendships too-- like ive always said, if Grian hadnt been chosen, BigB wouldve been, and i can absolutely see the Watchers offering to take him in Grian's stead) until he finally caved and accepted their "offer" of joining them.

Unfortunately, he didnt find out exactly what that entailed until it was far too late.

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #evo watchers #watcher!grian #grian #evo smp #tldr they pressured tf out of him to do it #through both flattery and also leveraging his own fear against him #he was a Player after all. they were likely bumping his mood post-dragon fight to make him more suggestible #the most painful thing abt this to me is that the Watchers still werent being deliberately malicious here like #with the way they viewed Players this was NORMAL to them #they just. didnt rlly consider them as much more than food/hosts for their young. in their eyes the Watcher that emerged was different #than the Player it had hatched from #even though it had Grian's mind memories personality and stats #every day i feel shrimp emotions abt this #the horror he went through..... and they never once thought of it as torture #they never once regarded Player!Grian as something that needed to know what was going to happen to him #bc it was normalized to them. yeah sure Watcher juveniles hatch from Player hosts thats NORMAL thats part of their life cycle!!! #the only new thing is this one would still retain the Player's mind #it was a fucked up science experiment basically and grian wasnt told ANYTHING before it actually happened to him #sobs and cries ohhh grian i fucked you up SO BAD huh #also huge shoutout to my friend wren for giving me a little context while i wrote this and confirming my ideas slotted in #rlly well with existing canon. character understander status continues to stay intact im winning #txt

[throttlegainwell]

If he weren’t such a consummate loner, she’d wonder if he’s just grateful for any attention at all, still disbelieving that he’s allowed to have this contact and not willing to push his luck. But that’s not really Jonathan, so she scratches that one off the list. It’s always possible that he just genuinely is content to do whatever she wants—that he truly doesn’t have strong opinions in any direction. But that strikes her as kind of sad, too, in its own way. And Jonathan is full to bursting with desires and needs, deep down where no one can touch them and disturb the carefully compartmentalized system where he’s got them locked away. So it can’t be that either. Besides, this is the same guy who’d gone on a one-man mission to find his little brother. It’s not like he doesn’t think for himself. Nancy wants to try something different in bed, before Jonathan leaves Hawkins. It doesn't go quite the way she hopes, but Nancy isn't easily discouraged. [Part of the please don't wake me series.] Rated E. ~13k.

#jancy fic #stranger things fic #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #jancy #my fic #please don't wake me series #this one came out kind of wildly different from how i intended it to #much more saccharine and stream-of-consciousness #pretty different from my usual style (or the handful of styles i favor for sweet emotional slightly concerned smut) #but this is sort of nancy's answer to already wise already worn only more neurotic #i like to write nancy more matter of fact and connected to her surroundings #but she's in such a stressed out place here that she's kind of consciously tuning a lot out #nancy 'i can't fix what's wrong in my life so i'm going to fix my sex life' wheeler' #also i just wanted to finish it instead of tinker with it #by memorized your smile lines he's still thinking about this one #so it makes an impression #tbh this wasn't written for h orny there were thematic and emotional goals with this one #hence why there's sex but it's not super h orny

[torgawl]

lyney's character story about his vision revealing arlecchino didn't allow him to use a delusion and was genuinely angry that he would do something lynette wouldn't want for him, encouraging him to find other solutions... the way she was also sad lyney didn't feel comfortable relying on her during the quest... she really cares about the kids. her smile while speaking to furina also looked sincere. even though one can debate if this is all an act to make them trust and be loyal to her (as said by her, "good actors hone their craft to mesmerise the whole crowd") or acknowledge the fact she's using the kids by making them part of the fatui, she genuinely seems to cherish them. at least she goes through lengths that aren't really necessary for her not to care. the way she reformed the orphanage, the way she helped freminet get closure on his mother's fate... i just think it goes to show and confirm once more how biased everything/everyone in the game is. sometimes bordering unreliable, really. scara and childe's lines about her paint her in a certain light, which i'm not saying isn't true quite the opposite, but that persona seems to coexists with the version the kids from the house of the hearth know.

#her friendly proposal to the traveler also seemed genuine even if she has other interests in mind #maybe we will be surprised in the future i don't know but her vibe is really different from someone like dottore #she is cordial and diplomatic which automatically means she's cunning and probably good at manipulating people but she also seems genuine #and empathetic and her debate with furina only comes to show how smart she is... she seemed righteous?! #i'm really curious to find out more about her motivations why she became an harbinger and so on #she seems extremely loyal to the tsaritsa #the tsaritsa also seems so cool i loved that she was described in such a regal way for some reason #shnezenaya is gonna be such a cool area #anyways daily arlecchino rant because obsessed with her #on another note lyney's story was very emotional him and lynette really went through a lot #knowing they probably wouldn't be 'here' if only the gods hadn't blessed lyney is so :') #they really would go to the end of the world for each other #also for freminet despite not being blood related they really are each others family #sobbing i love them #lyneys voice lines always make me sad he just wants to be seen and accepted #i want to hug him 😭

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

One day. One fuckin day without something.

#Alfie's insomnia is flaring up #so theyre absolutly exhausted but are gettibg maybe. 3-4 hours sleep at a time every couple days #so theyre frustrated and pissed off with themself and uh #tbh occurring to me for the first time that hyperempathy is involuntarily #because they get upset and then i get upset which makes *them* more upset and on and on and on #bc i cant fucking stop myself from crying when i feel something #or freezing up or going nonverbal #theyre getting angry at me for trying to hude emotions but like! they arent mine! #i hate myself because i csnt just be normal for 5 fuckin minutes #3 times now theyve come to bed only to get pissed off and get back up again while i just. sit here and sob #its fucking pathetic