#playlist debrief: smtp

[fragilecapric0rnn]

made this playlist for my friend @cheatghost's BEAUTIFULLY wonderful fic show me the place where he inserted the blade. i put a lot of thought into the playlist and was talked into doing an analysis. I will be diving into each part of the fic by going over how and why the songs i chose for each section relate to the themes and events that take place. each part will have it's own post.

here is Part II. After

II. After

Even if it is only 1/4 of the chapter, the After portion is so pivotal to the entire story in setting up what the rest of Steve's arc will look like. It really speaks to Lou's writing capabilities, that a fraction of the chapter, a blip in respect to the rest of the fic, was so compelling and conveyed all of the emotion and heartbreak that is Steve falling apart and self-destructing. So much so that it has its own set of songs that sum up the themes and events of that section. With that, let's dive into the analysis.

Side note: as we move forward, there are songs that I chose more for the vibe and the message within the song relating to the events/characters, so you will notice there is less of me pulling direct lyrics to match up with quotes and more of an analysis of how the song sounds and how the message of the song as a whole relates to the story.

I. Why Didn’t You Stop Me? By Mitski

Will forever be obsessed with the way this song (and other/most Mitski songs) have misleadingly upbeat tempos with the most devastating lyrics. This idea is brought up several times, the idea that Steve could have or should have done something to stop this from happening. As if he alone could have stopped the Suits from taking Eddie away.

The hauntingly optimistic beat paired with the sad lyrics is representative of Steve's mental state. I couldn't help but think of this line from the fic, "And Eddie is lost, now. So, Steve is staying put. If Eddie comes back, he needs to know where to find Steve, needs to know where to look. Steve will be here when he looks." The driving, the staying put, the waiting. He uses driving as a way to isolate himself from the others as he grieves Eddie, and grieves the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, of the entire situation.

… So why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you stop me

As the song comes to a close, I would describe the beat as aggressively upbeat, and representative of Steve in the middle of his descent - when he gets the shit beat out of him. No one is there to stop him at first, it's describe as this sort of primal instinct when he sees Jason and his cronies at the park, how he just stops what he's doing and starts wailing on them. But somebody does stop him. It's Hopper, it's his family.

II. Maybe by The Chantels

Unpopular opinion: oldies should be used in fandom playlists a lot more! You will see several on this playlist, as I push my oldies agenda. To me, there is a certain longing and yearning that oldies convey, whether that be through lyrics or the way vocalists belt those lyrics. This song's lyrics feel very evocative of Steve's downward spiral into despair in the direct aftermath of Eddie's removal from their lives.

Maybe if I pray every night You'll come back to me And maybe if I cry every day You'll come back to stay Oh, maybe

The word maybe feels very much like Steve in this section. His interaction with Locke.

"Steve cries. Loud, ugly hiccups. Big tears roll down his cheeks, land on his split lips with salt that stings. He pulls over and screams, hits his head against the steering wheel once, twice. Clenches his hands around it, lets his nails leave indents in the leather."

The desperation in the song matches the desperation that Steve feels.

III. Buzzcut Season by Lorde

Need to get this out of the way - LOVE that Mike is the one to confront Steve about his self-destruction. It makes the most sense, he is a loud-mouth, he tells it like he sees it, and of course he's going to want to kick Steve in the ass and yell "we're all hurting!"

And I'll never go home again (Place the call, feel it start) Favourite friend (And nothing's wrong, when nothing's true)

His moment with Dustin after this is when we see Steve start to pick up the pieces of himself. Steve starts to realize that even if he's broken, that Eddie took a piece of his soul with him, he has other people in his life that not only rely on him, but want to see him start to heal. Whether or not he wants to heal and move on (as we will see, he doesn't ever really move on), he needs to try. And that trying starts the sharing a hug and a cry with on of his favourite friends.

IV. Cranes in the Sky by Solange

Once again, another song that I would like to copy and paste the entirety of to this post! I think this song is Steve throughout this entire section.

I tried to keep myself busy I ran around circles Think I made myself dizzy

Another word choice that makes me go bonkers. I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried. He tried to fight those guys, he tried to gut information out of Locke, he tried so hard in the aftermath to fix it.

I tried to let go my lover Thought if I was alone then maybe I could recover To write it away or cry it away 

He tries to isolate, and that just adds to the hurt. He never allows himself a moment to really cope with any of it. He's not coping, he's trying. The trying is a constant theme that runs throughout the rest of the story, but starts here. In the After.

V. Long Long Time by Linda Ronstadt

The Last of Us intermission - I was listening to the companion podcast of the show and the director talked about how he went out searching for a song that was so full of yearning, longing, and heartbreaking devastation on purpose. And GOD, am I so glad he did, because this song is just so perfect. Similar to Maybe, there is just something about these old songs, the way they are filled with such a sadness. With such longing and yearning, it's like they were built for these stories, that are also filled with longing and yearning and loneliness. Regardless of anyone's TLOU brainrot, this song is just so so beautiful.

A thread that is woven through both the entirety of the fic and most of the songs on the playlist is the theme of loneliness. Loneliness and isolation is how Steve copes. It's what he feels like he needs to do, as he feels like he is the only one who understands the amount of devastation he feels with the loss of Eddie.

Wait for the day you'll go away Knowing that you warned me Of the price I'd have to pay And life's full of flaws Who knows the cause? Living in the memory of a love that never was

That last line is going to a haunt me forever. Because if you think about it, about Steve and Eddie, they never got a chance to explore their love to its full capacity. Their relationship was still in its infancy when Eddie was taken. So, the mournful yearning isn't only for the desire to have him by his side, but for the ache of the love that could have been. The love that was stolen before it could fully bloom.

However, this song was also chosen to represent the tidbit at the end of the chapter, the glimpse into Eddie's side of the story. They're both longing. They're both missing a piece of themselves. They're both going to hurt and miss the other for a long long time.

#another time for good measure: GO READ LOU'S FIC #playlist debrief: smtp #this one made me feel soooooo emotional #and it's only more emotional from here! #buckle in fellas! #steddie playlist #steddie #steddie fic rec #steddie fic #sen listens

[fragilecapric0rnn]

i made this playlist for my friend @cheatghost's BEAUTIFULLY wonderful fic show me the place where he inserted the blade. i put a lot of thought into the playlist and was talked into doing an analysis. I will be diving into each part of the fic by going over how and why the songs i chose for each section relate to the themes and events that take place. each part will have it's own post.

here is part I. Before

I. Before

One of my favorite aspects of this story is how Lou started it with “Before”, for multiple reasons! The presence of a “before” means that there is this sense of looming danger, an uneasiness about all the events in this section. The anticipation as the reader waits for the life-changing event, which in this case is Eddie being taken into a very confidential WITSEC situation that cuts him off from everyone and everything in his life.

I. The Place Where He Inserted The Blade by Black Country, New Road

The playlist starts with the titular song, the song that is in the epigraphs of each chapter, and the song that has its roots growing in, around, and throughout this entire work. It was only right that the playlist be introduced by this song.

You’re scared of a world where you’re needed

So you never made nice with the locals

But you tied me up slow with your vine stuff

It takes a few years, but they break bones

It takes a few months, but our bones heal

We’re stronger, and we tell all our school friends

And they sign our cast in the playground

Darling, the rest of my body, it’s yours, then

This is the epigraph from the first chapter, which encapsulates the feelings in Before very well. The uneasiness.

II. Microwave Dinner by Petey 

This song, in general, just feels like a very Steddie song to me (if you see it on other playlists of mine - no you didn't).

Yeah, I guess I'm just a bit of a goofball

But we don't joke around like we used to

It's hard to have a laugh when you feel the truth

This just feels very much like those first few months. It's Steve figuring out how to build a relationship with Eddie after everything that has happened and everything that keeps happening in the aftermath.

But your eyes are the truth, and our hearts are congruent

And in the very, very moment I think that I love you

Yeah, I love you

And I think that I need ya

The word choice in this part is what sticks with me. That think. I THINK that I love and need you. It's Steve figuring all of this out while harboring these festering feelings that are stronger than friendship. It's him being awkward as he gifts Eddie the Garfield mug, and the moment in Family Video when Steve feels compelled to go after him and doesn't. He's figuring it out.

III. Pink in the Night by Mitski 

It's like a summer shower

With every drop of rain singing

"I love you, I love you, I love you -

The way that this song builds up from this slow tempo, slow serenade and into this intense and loud belting song feels evocative of Steve and Eddie's relationship. How the summer months it is this slow build up of stolen moments, words almost said dangling in the air, Steve being - as Eddie says it - "so damn agreeable" - and every move made and word said being filled with so much more emotion than either of them realize, but is so clear to the reader. It's the moment in the van when Eddie traces Steve's moles and points out Fawn. It's the sign! It's the kiss that finally happens after months of pining and yearning and build up. It's the moment!

I could stare at your back all day

This one line. It is so many moments in this section, echoing what was said above about that first set of lyrics.

This line: "Eddie presses kisses into Steve’s back, “Yeah.” He moves his fingers again, connecting the dots, tracing a particular shape, 'I see Fawn here.'"

When I hear this line, I see this scene SO clearly.

IV. Intertwined by Dodie

There are a few songs that I would like to copy and paste the entirety of its lyrics to this post and just wave my hand in front of it and say, "ya know?" This is one of those songs!  

Safe from the world

Though the world will try

This song, these lyrics in particular, feel very representative of the feelings in January/February/March. It's tender, it's soft spoken lyrics with even more subtle guitar. Just, soft.

I've pinned each and every hope on you

I hope you don't bleed with me

I'm afraid of the things in my brain

But we can stay here

And laugh away the fear

The scene in March where Eddie talks Steve down from a nightmare-induced anxiety attack, the softness of it.

This line: "So Eddie shows up for him. For Steve. He tightens his hold over him and brings Steve closer, tucks his head under his own chin, and he presses a kiss into his crown of golden hair."

The closeness between the two. The unspoken you are safe, you are with me and you are safe, is what came to mind with this song, especially the lyrics highlighted above.

V. First Love/Late Spring by Mitski 

Another instance of me wanting to point at the whole song and go "THIS IS THE VIBE".

And I don't wanna go home yet Let me walk to the top of the big night sky

I did pick this song more so for the vibe, as we are reaching that moment in April. The big moment, the turning point in not only the story but in Steve's life. It is a song about being terrified by the intensity of the love being felt. As a reader, you should feel terrified the more Steve falls in love with Eddie, because the reader knows that this is not going to end well. Similar to the previous Mitski song I chose, it has that anticipatory vibe, that looming threat that of this is not going to end well.

VI. Hang On Me (piano version) by St. Vincent 

I can't help but think of this scene in relation to this song: "Something is screaming at him to drive Eddie away, far away, and never look back. It’s making his bones ache, his throat is dry, and he wants to turn and push Eddie back in the car, but he can’t."

I cannot stop the aeroplane from crashin' And we circle down from the sky

Steve knows, deep down, he knows what is about to happen. He knows that nothing good can come from this second fire. He knows but he also knows he cannot stop it.

You and me We're not meant for this world

"In red marker, on a piece of lined paper ripped out from a notebook, Eddie’s written Don’t Forget Me." And Steve's life is forever changed. Everything that happens to him from this moment on will forever be tainted with feeling of after. After Eddie was taken. After his heart was stolen from him. After.

#everyone go read lou's fic! now! #part 2 will be out tomorrow! #playlist debrief: smtp #had to dust off the ol english class chops for this one #steddie fic rec #steddie playlist #sen writes #sen talks #sen listens

[fragilecapric0rnn]

made this playlist for my friend @cheatghost's BEAUTIFULLY wonderful fic show me the place where he inserted the blade. i put a lot of thought into the playlist and was talked into doing an analysis. I will be diving into each part of the fic by going over how and why the songs i chose for each section relate to the themes and events that take place. each part will have it's own post.

here is Part III. Searching

III. Searching

I rarely cry at my own writing, or when my brain is hard at work. But this section got me. This part is heavy. In the fic it's heavy, so of course, I had to make the songs reflect that. This line in the first part of chapter 2 really acts as the thesis of this part, and shows where Steve's headspace is:

"But now, another part of him is stuck in 1987. It’s a big part, the part that loved the hardest and felt the most free. It’s the part that had the most hope about the future. The part that finally, finally, belonged. And now it’s gone. Stuck. Steve can’t go back, can’t get it back, so he just has to make do with what’s left."

This part, Searching, that spans all of the second chapter and parts of chapter three, is the 11 years Steve spends searching, and waiting, and essentially building his entire adult life around finding Eddie. This is his way of coping with the loss of Eddie. And these songs dive into the coping, the loneliness, and everything else that comes to fruition in those 11 years.

I. Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

I started this portion with this song for a few reasons. One being that there were multiple callbacks to it during the fic (and in Lou's playlist). It also just feels like the embodiment of Steve during this portion of the story. The searching, the long years of searching, and the glimmers of hope that shine through the overarching ache of longing for something, for someone, when it feels impossible. Also these lyrics are the embodiment of this section -

We're just two lost souls Swimming in a fish bowl Year after year Running over the same old ground What have we found?

But also because it goes so well with this line from the fic: "Wonders if—it couldn’t be—but he wonders if it was a sign, maybe. From him. Somewhere." A scene taking place as this song plays, it sets the tone for what this portion of the story entails. As we will see further in the fic and in other sections, there are multiple occasions where it does seem like Steve is intercepting signs from Eddie. This song and other markers in the story serve as connections between the two of them, despite the amount of time that they're separated.

II. Lover, You Should’ve Come Over by Jeff Buckley 

AGAIN, would love to copy and paste the entire song! The longing and the waiting and the desperation in this song just feels like the song equivalent to Steve's heartache that envelops this entire chapter, and the years he spends searching.

Sometimes a man gets carried away When he feels like should be having his fun Much too blind to see the damage he's done Sometimes a man must awake to find that Really he has no one

Loneliness and isolation. It becomes clear as Steve is making this search his entire life, he feels how the other people in his life look at him, internalizes it and makes himself feel like he has to hide so he doesn't burden the others. Especially when it comes to Robin. He has convinced himself that he is holding back Robin and Nancy with his pain, inflicting pain on his people by

Yes, I feel too young to hold on And much too old to break free and run Too deaf, dumb and blind to see the damage I've done Sweet lover, you should've come over

His ears, his memory, the ringing. Not only is he stuck in this state of searching to cope, his body and mind are starting to age. So even if mentally he's stuck in 1987, his body is a constant reminder that time is passing. I also think apart of him will always feel guilty that he didn't try harder to stop this from happening, which is why this song fits so well with the story as a whole. He should've come over, he should've tried harder. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

III. Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me) by The Temptations

Another oldie by one of my favorite Motown artists, The Temptations. It's not so much directly connected through the lyrics, but through the sentiment and meaning of the song. This song is about falling in love with someone, picturing a life and future with someone, but in reality you don't know them, they are just a face you see but don't know.

With that knowledge, you know I had to put it on the playlist.

I tell you I can visualize it all This couldn't be a dream, far too real it all seems But it was just my imagination, once again Runnin' away with me

It just feels like Steve during this time. The helpless search and refusal to give up because of the life and future he imagined with Eddie. But in reality, he has no idea if he is going to find him. With every shot in the dark missed. Everytime a metalhead with long hair on the street doesn't have the right face, every trip in the pursuit of a lead that ends up with him coming back home alone. His future just lives in his imagination, and it's running away from him. He's not living his life, he's spending his time searching and waiting for a future that no one is even certain can exist for him.

IV. You’re Missing by Bruce Springsteen 

As their makeshift family gathers in California at they Byers every year, there is an elephant in the room in the shape of Eddie's absence in said room. I feel like this song is THE song for those trips to California. It's the yearly reminder that there will always be an empty chair, a person missing from their group.

Too much room in my bed, too many phone calls How's everything, everything? But you're missing, you're missing

"Everybody else is back in that rowboat with their jobs, their families, their lives. They’ve got pieces missing, like him, but they make do. They’ve moved on." And Steve hasn't.

And as we see, it's affecting them all. Hopper makes his own calls to try and lift the burden from Steve, which manifests in his own burden he bares. Max carries it in her inability to finish her book. The way Max is the one to rifle through his things to find the phonebook and yell "it's not your job." He's made it his personal burden to bare, but in that last trip to California, we see that everyone carries it.

God's drifting in heaven, devil's in the mailbox I got dust on my shoes, nothing but teardrops

I just loved that this song brought up the mailbox for this part because it is a nod to Steve's job, and the fact that Steve's job is tied into the life he has built around him trying to find Eddie. Everything in his adult life is tied back to Eddie.

V. Bullet With Butterfly Wings by The Smashing Pumpkins 

This song is seen twice in this chapter, in '95 and as the chapter closes in '98. The first instance, it's the originalz song and it immediatley reminds Steve of Eddie, as the cashier is "a teenager with a face full of piercings and a practiced glare to boot". Which causes him to drive by where the trailer used to be and listen to the song. Even when there is unforseen miles between them, even when 11 years go by without even a blip on Steve's radar, they are still so connected, and it makes me feel so ill.

Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

The lyrics themselves reflect Eddie's circumstances! Talking with Lou about the song choice and the meta of the song in comparison to Eddie, it's about feeling trapped by circumstance. Eddie is trapped by the MW persona that he's created as his way of shooting his flare in the dark to grab the attention of Steve in a way that doesn't jeopardize his situation.

VI. Black by Pearl Jam

Echoing what's stated above, this song just capture Steve's feelings over the course of the 11 years of searching. The song is about letting go, and though we don't see Steve letting go AT ALL in this section, I decided to end this portion of this playlist with this song anyway because, as the readers we know more, and we will soon see that all the searching, the waiting, the hope that's tangled up in the obsessive persistence with Steve's search, will have a pay off.

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life I know you'll be a star In somebody else's sky Why can't it be Oh can't it be mine

Also these lyrics above beautifully mirror the closing scenes of chapter two and the first part of chapter three.

He looks at Fawn and thinks he sees one of its stars blink.  Eddie blinks back.  Wonders if Steve will see. 

He looks at their constellation and slowly blinks. I’m okay. I’m safe. I love you.I love you.  

Eddie remembers. Eddie is waiting. Steve is blinking back at the stars, he's not going to stop, he is always going to have hope. And as we will see in the next installment, on the other side of the searching, there is hope.

#playlist debrief: smtp #this is the heaviest it gets - mood wise #it's up from here! #hope and home were some of my FAVORITE parts of the fic so i'm excited to delve into them through songs! #lou you are such an incredible writer and i cant wait to reread this fic over and over and over again! #this is my third reread already and i can't wait to read it again!

[fragilecapric0rnn]

made this playlist for my friend @cheatghost's BEAUTIFULLY wonderful fic show me the place where he inserted the blade. i put a lot of thought into the playlist and was talked into doing an analysis. I will be diving into each part of the fic by going over how and why the songs i chose for each section relate to the themes and events that take place. each part will have it's own post.

here is Part V. Home

V. Home

The last part of the fic and the playlist - home. After all this time, they finally found each other. These songs reflect the making up for lost time, planning for a future that can now exist, and a future where Steve can finally start living.

I. As Long As We’re Together by The Lemon Twigs

This song, from the direction of Lou and their playlist, felt just perfect to start this section off with. It's relief, it's jaded and bruised, just like Steve and Eddie, but it's still relief.

If somehow I was standing In your room without my boots With your spider in my hand And I look at you

The start of the song immediately jumps into these lyrics that are a reflection of Eddie and Steve. They're in his room, they're together, Steve is in disbelief staring up at the constellation that he forgot the name of years ago, remembering Fawn.

Well I don't think I'll be bitter "Hey you must not know yourself very well"

This lyric makes me go INSANE. It's Steve reading the writings all over Eddie's walls. It's him having so many emotions, now having found him and standing in his room.

II. Bedroom Hymns by Florence + The Machine

The smut scene that made me cry. Picked this song to reflect the intensity of it all. But now that I'm looking at the lyrics, it's definitely clear that I picked this song for the vibes more than anything!

III. Here, There, And Everywhere by The Beatles

Here Making each day of the year Changing my life with a wave of her hand Nobody can deny that there's something there

This song and it's soft sound and the themes in it, made me think of Steve's short trip home and the phone calls. They're already starting that future that Steve has been waiting for.

There Running my hands through her hair Both of us thinking how good it can be Someone is speaking, but she doesn't know he's there

This part made me think of the voicemails Eddie left of Steve's machine as he packed his things to go back. It's our first glimpse as readers at a happy moment for him, a hopeful moment for him. Everything has changed, everything is changing, things are happy now.

Everywhere Knowing that love is to share Each one believing that love never dies Watching her eyes, and hoping I'm always there

IV. Samson by Regina Spektor

This song, this SONG. Interpreting it through the lens of this story literally makes me cry on the spot. It's been playing as I read the part of chapter 5 that made me choose it for the playlist and I am in tears. TEARS. Anyway, let's get into it.

You are my sweetest downfall I loved you first, I loved you first Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads But they're just old light, they're just old light

And this made me visualize the constellations in Eddie's room. They stars are hanging above him, reaching into his soul and pulling out the forgotten constellation, Fawn. The old light is Fawn and the name literally came falling down on Steve's head. Eddie is his sweetest downfall, the person he'd spend 11 more years looking for, the one he found. I love you, still. I love you, always.

Your hair was long when we first met + Samson went back to bed Not much hair left on his head

These two lyrics and Eddie. Eddie's hair is gone, he's not the long haired metalhead anymore, he has this big, physical change while Steve looks the same. "You haven’t changed, is what he means. You haven’t had to be somebody else." He's not the same when they first met, neither of them are, but Eddie's change is tangible.

So Steve joins him. He cuts his hair in solidarity with Eddie, to show him that he has changed too, that neither of them are the same, a signifier of the fresh start that they are about to embark on together. Their changed and different, but the same, their hearts are the same hearts that have always been in love with each other.

"Same eyes. Same smile."

V. Home by Modern Baseball 

THE song that I have to stop myself from copying and pasting THE WHOLE DAMN THING! There are a million and a half songs that have the title Home and deal with themes of home being people rather than a place, but this one has always been my favorite rendition of it. It's also the perfect representation for Steve and Eddie and their journey back to each other.

If you love don't let it go from We will be the first to wonder Where life meets living + (Your hands, hold tight, don't spend all of your time tryna remember living)

This song and the emphasis on LIVING just felt entirely too fitting to Steve's arc. He went from picturing this life with Eddie as he was falling in love, having that love ripped from him and taking that life with him, a decade of searching to cope and searching in place of living, to now, to finally finding him and in turn, finding the ability to live again.

Life has finally turned into living for Steve. He can live, now.

I'll love you forever, Hell I've loved you all along And since screams and shouts Won't stretch these clocks Let's live our time by "Oh just one more song"

It's about the parallels! Between that first line and -

“I love you, still,” Eddie says after the stardust settles, looking deep into Steve’s eyes. His own eyes are glassy, his cheeks are wet, and Steve finds that he’s crying, too. 

“I love you, always.”

We don't need a place and time, no We got all the places and times we need Or so we think, lets just think

The scattered conversations/voices at the end of the song felt like the perfect representation for the family waiting for Eddie. For everyone in California, who can also start living with their family back intact, back together. The empty chair at the table, now filled again.

VI. No Choir by Florence + The Machine

Recently found this song while building a playlist for a fic I'm writing, and BOY OH BOY if this isn't the song that should be on ever future fic that deals with the coping. After years of chaos and uncertainty and in this case, searching, the happy ending of it all. Coping with the fact that it's over now, that happiness and peace is finally here.

I gathered you here to hide from some vast unnameable fear But the loneliness never left me

These lyrics will haunt me for the rest of my life and show up in everything I ever write for the rest of my life. Because this is what Steve didn't, right? He took the loneliness with him and wore it like a shield, a form of protection that was also harming him in the process. This song also felt like his and Robin's talk at the end, because she was there this whole time, and now that it's over, he can finally fully allow himself to let her be there for him. The stobin through it all, forever in love with Lou's mind for ending it on a Stobin moment.

I always took it with me But I can put it down in the pleasure of your company

In the pleasure of the company of the people he loves. A quiet ending, after everything they've all been through. Finally, a moment of peace.

-

this has been such a pleasure to work on! thank you again @cheatghost for letting me dissect your fic and wax poetics about it <3 i could go on and on forever about how much your fic means to me and will always be in my heart <3

#playlist debrief: smtp #definitely cried the hardest writing this one #im just a sucker for happiness WHAT CAN I SAY? #this fic owns my whole ass #steddie playlist #steddie fic rec #sen listens

[fragilecapric0rnn]

made this playlist for my friend @cheatghost's BEAUTIFULLY wonderful fic show me the place where he inserted the blade. i put a lot of thought into the playlist and was talked into doing an analysis. I will be diving into each part of the fic by going over how and why the songs i chose for each section relate to the themes and events that take place. each part will have it's own post.

here is Part IV. Hope

IV. Hope

There's a tone shift with this part, that begins right as the Searching portion comes to a close. Sure, the desperate optimism in Steve remains, it hasn't left, but there's something different in the air, something different about the trip, there's something hopeful lingering about, even if he's the only one who feels it, and then BOOM! He sees the rings. The flare has been detected, hope is here, and it's explicit!

The songs I chose for this section reflect that hope. I would argue that the hope lingers even past the moment when they reunite. The hope doesn't immediately turn into home. Steve just spend over a decade in his search for Eddie, he's not going to foolishly relinquish his hope when they reunite, he's waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under him. But it's not.

I. Light and Love by The Lemon Twigs

This song is pivotal to the fic, as the chapter titles are from this song and, after listening and reading, it is clear that it was used for inspiration. To me, it is the perfect start to this part of the story, as the tone of the song reflects the tonal change of the story. The intro of the song, that first minute feels like the clouds separating as light pierces through moment that Steve feels after he sees the rings on the magazine.

You're my deer inside the headlights When I'm swerving and crash into a tree

The deer in the headlights moment as MW plays on the radio is such a beautiful scene, especially since the "big brown eyes like a deer" was his descriptor for Eddie throughout his search. The letter. Where he recounts the scene. This song is just the beginning of hope!

II. Our Day Will Come by Amy Winehouse

The optimism is different this time. The hope is different, sure he's cautious, but there is this sureness that wasn't there before. Every instance of his caution feels like a reflex, to protect his heart, to protect himself from the disappointment that he's become too familiar with.

No lyrics to pull from this one, the vibes just seemed to fit perfectly!

III. I’ll Be Seeing You by Billie Holiday 

Another oldie full of longing, but also full of hope.

I'll find you in the morning sun And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon But I'll be seeing you

I think this song compliments the scene where Steve buys the ticket to the show -

Don’t Forget Me. Same red letters, slightly faded with time. Don’t Forget Me.

He's waiting, what we come to find out, for the last time. The fear transforms a bit in this scene, he's scared that Eddie has forgotten about him. This means that he's started to convince himself in a way that this IS it. He is about to see Eddie, after years and years. We also know, based on the glimpses into Eddie's world, that is not true AT ALL. They are still looking up the same stars. Eddie is putting all of his eggs in the basket that is the Phoenix show - he will be seeing him.

IV. Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine

This song feels exactly like the moment for Steve. The moment - It's him. It's him. It's him. The emotional build up of this song, the powerful lyrics, the singing, the way it feels like a wave crashing is EXACTLY how it feels to read this entire part. The slow start, the way it feels like Steve is moving and reacting in slow motion and fast at the same time, how he is pushing his way closer and then -

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me And all this devotion was rushing out of me

Eddie stopping the music, jumping off of the stage, grabbing him - even if the suits showing up scares the fuck out of Steve, sending him right back to 1987. But it's 1998. "It’s 1998. Eddie gets out of their hold. He moves until they lose their grasp over him and he runs back off the stage, past the guards, towards the railing." He grabs him and he's not letting go. It's different now, he's worked for this, this is the moment. "He digs his fingers deeply into his skin and he knows it might bruise, but he can’t let go, won’t let go, won’t lose him again, not again, not again , not again" Not again.

The moment he realizes it's not going to happen again, when Locke says "'Then I’ll see you in October,' she answers, like it’s the simplest thing in the world." And it's finally over.

And it's over (never let me go, never let me go) And I'm going under (never let me go, never let me go) But I'm not giving up (never let me go, never let me go) I'm just giving in (never let me go, never let me go)

V. Hello Stranger by Barbara Lewis

This song, in general, puts me in the most feelings of feelings. It's about old lovers reconnecting, it's about lovers lost and found again. It's them. I decided to end this part with this song because it is them, but it shows that they can breathe now. Steve talks about the kids and they can breathe. Wayne looks delighted to see him, and they can breathe.

Remember that's the way it used to be Ooh, it seems like a mighty long time

This song is the representation of the last part of this chapter, the two of them picking up where they left off 11 years ago. Lovers lost, but the love stayed put, never lost. They got to bed, breathing for the first time in 11 years. "They have tomorrow."

#playlist debrief: smtp #took a day to get my brain marbles all sorted - we're back! #from here on out it'll be happier :) #steddie playlist #steddie fic rec #steddie fic #sen listens