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jisvno · 1 year

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tokyo revengers characters when they see you cry and they comfort you

ft; mikey, kazutora, rindou

genre; partly angst?? with very comfort fluff

tw; mention of abusive parents (kazu), period one (is tw needed? idk but in rindou part)

♡ manjiro 'mikey' sano

it was another hard day. school, people, emotions, everything was overwhelming you today. you thought that at least you would meet your boyfriend in the afternoon, but he already had plans with ken, so you were left alone. comfort series and sweets did nothing good, but they caused you to get a mental breakdown. you started to cry, overloaded with the day and the lack of any happiness today. manjiro finished meeting with the draken, and he promised you that you would meet today, so he came to your place. he knocked on your door a few times but you wouldnt open it for him, being too tearful, so manjiros got a bit confused and he used the spare key you once gave him and went inside. he immediately heard the sound of crying coming from your room, and after a while he appeared there, seeing you all tearful, tears streaming down your face, red cheeks and shaking body. He immediately came over, sitting next to you and lightly stroking your back with his hand. 'what happened, honey?' he whispered, wrapping his arm lightly around your waist and hugging you. 'tell me, ill listen and try to help you..' he said softly, all the while stroking your back and shoulders. you finally calmed down enough to tell him about what a hard and overwhelming day you've had. manjiro listened to you the whole time, wondering how he could help you. when you finished speaking, he cupped your cheeks and wiped away the tears with his thumbs, looking into your eyes. 'i love you so much, you know? You are really strong and i believe that youll be able to overcome this and tomorrow will be better. remember, im here for you' he said, leaning back slightly and laying on the bed on his back, pulling you in and hugging you tightly. you felt his body heat, the smell of his perfume and just closeness and comfort, so after a while you stopped crying completely. manjiro said sweet things to you all the time, complimented you and talked about how much he loves you and how important you are to him. he decided to stay here for the night so you can rest in his arms. he lightly stroked your hair, which made you feel safe and after a tiring day you fall asleep in the arms of your most wonderful boyfriend

♡ kazutora hanemiya

you were just at school, coming out of your math class. you couldnt believe that despite studying for so long, you got another F. you were disappointed in yourself, fact, but the most stressed thing was what your parents would do after discovering your another bad grade. they were strict and always yelled at you for bad grades, they also hit you sometimes, you were afraid of them and thats why you spent so much time studying, which didnt always work. you were stressed that once again they could raise a hand on you for another F, so tears came to your eyes. you saw kazutora, who was walking towards you with a smile, wanting to show you something after the end of the lesson. but you were in bad shape now, so you ran away from him, ran upstairs to an empty auditorium, where you sat in the corner of the room and cried. you curled up, burying your head in your knees and crying silently, stressed out by the grades. kazutora ran after you, and when he saw you, his heart broke. he sat next to you, he didnt touch you, just looked at you. 'hey, what.. what happened?' he said quietly so as not to scare you. all you could whisper was that you got another F. kazutora knew what your parents were like, you told him that, and he saw how stressed and scared you were. he didnt quite know what to do, but he got up, taking your hand and gently pulling it to get you up. he walked out of school with you and put you on his bike, he sat in front of you and off you went. after a while you and him came to an empty place by the river, full of grass and flowers, you could see most of the city from here, it was really quiet and peaceful here. kazutora got off the bike, giving you his hand, and you sat down on the grass together. still not saying anything, he started picking the flowers, making a wreath out of them, and put it on your head, smiling slightly at the sight. 'you look beautiful, darling' he said, placing his hand on your cheek and stroking it with his thumb. 'i cant help people, but remember that im always here, ill always find time for you to sit with you and take your mind off the bad' he said softly, looking into your eyes. you were thankful to him for not continuing the topic. you two sat on the grass for a while, and then he took you on a bike ride around the city, and finally he took you to his house, where he made you stay the night, where you watched cartoons and laughed all night. you were very happy that you have such a great boyfriend who will always help you take your mind off the bad things

♡ rindou haitani

you were just at your boyfriends house when you felt you had to go to the bathroom. you just got your period, so you use your pad and went back to his room. rindou was sitting at his desk, looking on the computer for something he wanted to show you, and you sat on the bed. suddenly you felt very painful cramps, that you lay down, slightly cringing from the pain. it was so strong that after a while tears flowed from your eyes and you cried silently, unable to bear the pain. when rindou heard your cry, he immediately turned to look at you. 'baby, why are you crying?' he asked softly, and when you told him that you had just gotten your period and were having terrible cramps, he got up, took some painkillers from the cupboard and gave you along with water, then lay down next to you, hugging you tight from behind and stroking your belly with his warm hands. it helped you so much, just his warmness and closeness. he started telling you a story about another 'dumb' thing that ran did, and how stupid he is, because we all know that rins favourite thing to do is teasing ran. after a while the medicine kicked in and you felt a little better and rindou kissed your hair. 'i dont like it when you cry, it makes you look ugly. you look prettier when you smile or laugh,' he said, and immediately had an idea of how to make you feel better. yes, you spent the rest of the evening teasing and arguing with poor ran, who tried to defend himself, but it was 2vs1 battle so he was loosing, which of course kept a smile on your face, you were really grateful to your boyfriend for being there for you and rindou was pleased with himself that his favorite activity gives you a lot of pleasure too

~ vani's note

first writing here! im not very proud of it, but i guess its not that bad, hope that youll like it! you can request your things, and please tell me if something was bad or just tell me your thought about it!

see you next time!

~vani ♡

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ghxstlypuppet · 2 years

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This was suposed to be just a comfort fic thing because i've been having a Matt brainrot lately and idk why ,but things got out of hand as they usually do for me so oopsie-

I wasn't going to post but depending on the feedback on this one i might write more.

Comfort fic • Eddsworld

Genre : kinda angst and fluff

Gender neutral reader

Warnings : a few cuss words nothing much tho

Word count : i have no idea it was like 8 or 9 pages of my phone notes

KEEP IN MIND ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE SO IM SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS AND STUFF LIKE THAT

~Enjoy~

You got home after a very stressful day at work, life has not been treating you well lately and you just feel drained extremely exhausted not having time to do the things you like or even to talk with your friends, you were staying at your friends house for the weekend you thought that being there with them could make you feel better , after all they always knew a way to cheer you up, when you got there tho you were greeted with nothing but silence , the boys, Edd, Tom, Matt amd Tord had all gone out to buy snacks and food even drinks for that weekend they wanted it to be special for you, you sighed after knocking on the door a few times and getting no answear so you texted them in the little group you guys had, they quickly answeared and Matt said he was going to meet you there while the others kept buying the snacks, you agreed and waited even tho you were exhausted and feeling overwhelmed, some customers had treated you terribly today and you felt that it wouldn't take much more for you to break down at any moment, you were strong and often tried not to show much of your emotions but sometimes everything was too much and you had to take it all off, you didn't noticed you were zooning out until you felt a few taps on your shoulder, you slightly jumped being caught by surprised but sighed

- Hey Matt

- Hey y/n! ...ahm..are you alright?

The tall ginger asked, he could tell something was off but he never liked to push you into talking unlike Tord he was very patient even Tom was more patient than Tord but all of them always tried to help somehow

- Uh yeah i'm fine , just tired had a lot of work..

You said forcing a smile not even noticing your eyes tearing up a little just with Matt's simple question

- Well, alrighty then let's head inside the others will be back soon, they are just buying a lot , believe me, a lot of stuff ,edd wants to make sure that the cola will be enoughz Tom's buying doritos and smirnoff of course but he's also buying some of your favorite snacks, and even Tord was talking about buying the gummy worms that you like

- He remembered that?

- It's all he kept talking about to be honest

You asked kinda surprised , of all of them Tord was the one you talked less it was hard to get close to him for some reason. You and Matt got inside the house and you took a seat on the sofa sighing once more , Matt looked at you for a moment his expression changing to one of worry, he then approached you and sat beside you on the sofa , one of his hands patting your back gently as he spoke

- You know you can talk to me right? I worry and i care about you, me , edd, tom even tord, i know you guys aren't that close but still, you seemed a bit off since i saw you outside, it's not good to keep things inside for too long y/n..

And that was it... His gentle voice full of worry, his soft pats on your back, that was what made you start sobbing without even noticing , you grabbed the fabric of your hoodie looking down while the tears started to fall , Matt got even more worried thinking it was something he said

- H-Hey i'm sorry i didn't mea-

Before he could finish you turned around looking at him and almost jumping on the ginger for a hug , you couldn't say nothing the sobbing made your words sound like nonsense , Matt hugged you back ,a tight yet soft hug

- It's okay... i'm here and soon the others will be here too... it's gonna be alright

He said patting your back, your tears were soaking his shoulder he could feel the warmth but he just wanted to comfort you now

- I-I'm s-sorry i'm kinda soaking your coat...

You said managing to let out a giggle trying to dry your tears, you could hear Matt chuckling while he hugged you slightly more thight now, after what feel like eternity your sobs were calming down you let go of the hug

- Sorry about that...

- You say sorry waay too much you know?

- Oh.. s- I mean yeah i guess..

Matt giggled patting your hair and using the sleeves of his hoodie to dry up your face

- Are you feeling better now? Wanna talk about what happened?

- Yeah... i'm good, thank you Matt, uh i.. i don't know i'm just exhausted ,guess i can say that life had been being a bitch with me, work has been killing me , im not having time to myself, i thought i would have to cancel this weekend with you guys...

As you were talking you heard a comotion outside it was the others comming back, shit, your face was puffed you looked terrible at the same time you didn't wanted them to see you like that you also couldn't care less at that moment, you and Matt watched as the door handle turned and the door opened, you tried your best to give the boys a smile and waved at them but they were more than quick to drop everything (carefully) on the floor and the sofa and run at your directionn, Edd was the first to talk to you

-What happened? Were you crying? Why??

You laughed a bit , nodding but reassuring him that you were okay now

- It was just exhaustion but Matt helped me a lot...

You said grabbing Matt's hand and rubbing it sofly smiling at him before letting go, he blushed bit but smiled at you , Tom was sitting on the sofa's arm beside you and he messed with your hair before saying

- Been keeping stuff for yourself again huh? You know that it's not good to do that

- Oh i wonder with who i learned to do it...

You said starring at him, you knew the boys for a few years now and ended up picking some habits from all of them, you kept starring at Tom until he said something that you couldnt make out what it was before getting up and getting some of the groceries going to the kitchen, you laughed at that before you "accidentally" crossed eyes with Tord

- What?

He said looking at you, he was never the best person to give advice or comfort but he sighed

- Don't be like this Tord

Matt said looking at Tord that sighed rolling his eyes

- Remember when you lost that bet with me and you had to go to wallmart wearing a-

Before he could finish you threw a pillow at his face, you couldn't even remember now that a few moments ago you were bawling your eyes out, he cussed you and threw the pillow back making you get up and run after him

- I bet 20 bucks that y/n can best the shit out of him

Said Tom with a amused look just observing you and Tord running around

- This is not something to bet o-

-30

Said Edd also amused by all of that chaos, they both stared at Matt , Matt looked confused for a bit , all he could focus on was on seeing you feeling better now, you were laughing -almost breaking the entire house- but you were having fun

- I am not going to participate on this...

Matt said, both Edd and Tom kept staring at him they could here a crash upstairs following by you and Tord screaming at each other

- GOT YOU COMMIE!

- GET OFF OF ME YOU BASTARD!

Matt looked at Tom and Edd with a smug look

-50

#eddsworld #eddsworld fan fic #comfort fan fic #ew #begginer fanfic author #comfort character #Edd Eddsworld #matt eddsworld #tom eddsworld #tord eddsworld #Eddsworld x reader

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emeraldbabygirl · 1 year

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I’ve drunken like 6?? cups of coffee in the past 13 hours and the last hour I decided it was a good idea to watch some xdinary heroes and I don’t know if my reactions were genuine or affected by all the coffee cause if I drink a lot I get all shaky and shit but um literally hi I’m so sorry I can’t use emojis cause I’m on my computer but “as our lord and savior Mickey Mouse would say, that shit was bussin on god on god. They prepped, they cooked, they served, they ate it up and left no crumbs, they licked their plates clean and then they did the dishes and put them away girlies WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING.

I can say it again ok so in Strawberry cake I spy with my little eye and FUCKING SKIRT THAT’S “A SLAY” AS THE KIDS THESE DAYS SAY. The power this group has musically is crazy, it’s “beyond periodT” I’m in awe, I’m screaming, crying, shaking, rolling on the floor, throwing up (obvi not rn cause I already did that) I’m so beyond impressed with these kiddos I’m not like super into all these new groups as much as maybe I thought I would be and I do love the bands and things but I wasn’t going to pay attention to these kids cause I was so tired of the groups that I already listen to and I just didn’t think I’d have the energy to keep up with more but I’m so like beyond describing and processing words in my brain? Like idk it’s beyond incredible like JUNGSU his opening lines in Happy Death Day caught me off guard and I couldn’t believe what he was doing with his voice and then in Strawberry cake Mr. Joo’s first set of lines I’m still not processing how he did that with his voice and maybe I’m overexaggerating but I’ve never heard that sound from any vocalist I had no idea he could do that it’s sick hands down and the bass in that song IS FUCKING SICK I LOVE IT and bro.

Ok so X-Mas is insane the same thing with the vocals like whateva Idk how they do it, Mr. Joo and Gaon are insane the way their vocals and lines hit perfectly it was such a new sound I’ve never heard in my entire life I’m diggin the rock elements. I’ve seen the live clips of Pirate and Tomboy and Hellavator it’s insane and very emotional they have a good sound and it’s getting better and idk how they are topping themselves for each comeback Haircut was an oddly great song and the vibe these kids have rn and band versions of song def hit different obvi y’all know how I feel about It’s Live but the way they executed Tomboy idk man and idk how but Jungsu’s vocals, the feeling he has??? the way he..okay shut up he covered Woojin’s lines in Hellavator I know damn well he did cause it immediately clicked as I zoned in on Woojin when that song came out okay I ain’t censoring shit he covered Woojin’s lines and this kid pulled at my heartstrings he sounded so much like Woojin to me it’s insane say what you want I do not give a dying mooseseses’s last shit Jungsu has amazing vocals, him and Mr. Joo have range I bet they can do all kinds of tricks with their singing skills it’s so cool to hear and watch they way these guys are just doing what they do.

Anyway don’t hate, don’t eat my ass over this okay anyway the styling for the Haircut era is elite, it is key, it is a moment, it is iconic, a slay whatever the fuck you wanna call it I’m obsessed. I’m obsessed with Gaon and his hair that matches with Mr. Joo and obsessed with the fits and the FUCKING HAIR HORN I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE HOW BADASS THEY ALL LOOK WITH THEIR FUNKY DEVIL HORNS THE BARBER SHOP FITS, THE BLACK LEATHER TRENCHES THE SKIRTS THE STYLIST DESERVES RAISES, COOKIES, EXPENSIVE DINNERS AND TO BE SUNG A LULLABY AND TUCKED IN AND KISSED ON THE FOREHEAD GOODNIGHT I DO NOT CARE if I am being over dramatic or whatever I am OBESSESSED WITH WHAT THEY DID TO MR. JOO’S HAIR IN THE HAIR AND X-MAS MV I THINK HE LOOKS VERY GOOD AND STUNNING JUST STANDS OUT maybe it’s cause I love and appreciate a man with locks AND BY LOCKS IM TALKIN BOUT HIS HAIR OK HIS FLOWING GORGEOUS HAIR DO NOT TWIST MY WORDS I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SCREAM. I DO NOT MEAN DREADLOCKS. Not me getting mad gag me with a spoon. Men who grow their hair out and take good care of it and aren’t afraid to have braids in it and ribbons and clips and cute trinkets like what Mr. Joo has is a mother beautiful thing and I respect and appreciate that I’m so angy now. He looks good I love what he’s doing with his hair and love that the stylists aren’t cutting it or doing anything to distract or take away from his complete look and style I think everything they are doing with his hair as far as style, color and accessories only compliments his looks/features and makes him quite the attractive lad AND NO WHEN I SAY ATTRACTIVE IN THIS CONTEXT IT IS 100% INNOCENT AND A COMPLIMENT. WHY DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERY FUCKING THING. Also I think the braids that O.de?? is showing off look great it’s funky and reminds me of Mingi in his Pirate King era. I very much miss Junhan’s floofy hair.

I’m hoping to see some different colors and styling techniques on Mr. Joo before they chop his hair off. I’ve seen so many colors and cute hairstlyes and accessories that I would love to see him demonstrate I think he would pull it off. BUT I DON’T WANT TO SEE LICORICE HAIR ON HIM I WILL VOMIT JYP PLEASE DO NOT AYNO HIM. Kiddo’s got beautiful hair please don’t ruin his life with some stupid dye job or shave his head I want no George the egg I want no neon green mullet I want no bald Jooyeon at the age of 25 with permanent green or grey hair because you bleach the hell out of his head. I want no Changmin Triangle hair either it only looked good on Changmin. I’m sorry.

Anyway gag me with a spoon, Junhan’s solo in Hellavator. I’m tired. TL:DR Xdinary Heroes is doin some cool stuff and it’s fun to hear how versatile they are. Def looking forward to future songs I def think these kiddos are going places and since they are a band it’s just really nice to hear rock vibes some bands have like the “k-rock” specific sound which is fine, wouldn’t be opposed to a full metal album lol jk that would make their throats bleed. AND I KNOW PEOPLE AND GROUPS ARE PROBABLY SO TIRED OF THIS TREND BUT would love to hear them cover at least one Queen song that isn’t Bohemian Rhapsody. BUT NOT FAT BOTTOMED GIRL I’M SORRY THAT SONG IS JUST NOT MADE FOR THEM IT’S TOO PERF. Kiss has some songs that are bangers that would be cool to see covered by these guys also maybe David Bowie. HEAR ME OUT. TWISTED SISTER. We’re not gonna take it is the perfect song for Mr. Joo we’ve gotten a little taste of some unexpected scream vocals. HELENA WOULD MAKE ME CRY PLEASE.

THE SCORPIANS. ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICAINE. I know. I know it’s a lot, omg not me writing a list of songs I want them to cover sksskksks I just think they can experiment and pull a lot of songs off ya’know I think they would eat it up and poop it out and it would go back into the environment and help with the ecosystem, really restore and help heal the ozone, help save the polar ice caps, restore our natural forest and solve the water pollution problems, solve world hunger, save endangered species. stop wars and bring peace to our planet that we call home affectionately as they should, bring back the salmon and help keep wildlife and ocean creates safe, cut down on fossils fuels help improve science and technology everyone can love each other and get along and share and give back to the Mother and I wish I could bake a cake out of happiness and everyone would eat it an be happy.

I am so sorry I didn’t mean to write an entire fUCKING ESSAY. It’s the coffee. These kids are cool and I appreciate and respect what they are bringing to the table as long as it’s not a green bean casserole okay I’m done now :)

#xdinary heroes #junhan #jooyeon #mr.joo #jungsu #o.de #gunil #gaon #thats it that's all i know #k bands #AND I LOVE GAONS COTTON CANDY HAIR ITS SO ENCHANTING AND CUTE

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 2 years

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Please review anon's warnings before continuing.

note: I am not a mental health professional. I'm not aware of every aspect of your life. I may say something that isn't applicable in your situation. And, finally, reminder that I too am a human being with a past. Be respectful and mindful of that.

tw: su*c*de, sh, bad body image

hi wiyllt

im tired. exhausted. drained. i feel crazy and obsessive. i got my academic results a few days ago and wow i havent cried like that in forever. in forEVER. i bawled, lowkey wailed about them. the worst part is theyre objectively really fucking good marks. 96% is not a joke. i am just so disappointed in myself for them. worst part is school's plastered the toppers faces up LITERALLY every corridor, completely forgetting the fact that there was a student who committed su*c*de just two weeks ago, after failing their exams.

ive been so depressed its affecting everything. i feel everything in every way possible. i feel doomed with my friendships, with my relationship, my future, everything. i hate myself like this. last month i got back into my sh habit and everythings going downhill so fast. i want to feel okay again. bad body image has been plaguing my mind and ive been binging on food since last month. ive been crying so much and been just such a mess in school and at home. i am so fuckign depressed i dont even know at this point.

did i mention i havent gotten my period in twenty fucking days.

I'm going to address this bottom to top.

Your period is affected by many things, both physical and mental health. My period is always late when I'm stressed. When I was at the height of my depression, my period came about every 40 days. I thought I was lucky. No. I was fucked up. Your body pours its finite resources for what it perceives as a threat first before going back to its usual routine programming. Sometimes your cycle jumps even when you're perfectly healthy. In nature, there will be outliers and that applies to ovulation too. Just happens. Track your cycle and see a gynecologist if there is a pattern.

To break your self-harm habit, you must remove your tools from your presence. They must be thrown away or difficult to get to. The first step to breaking a habit is making it not easy to do. The second is redirection, preferably to a healthier place such as creation. But I'm not an idiot and I know it is human to simply just pick a differemt self-destructive habit. Believe me, there are many ways to hurt yourself and ruin your life. You must draw a line at this. Do not cross it. Every time you want to do it, write down every reason you want to do it. Burn, rip, mangle the paper. Destroy it until it's unreadable. Keep writing. You better have millions of reasons and none of them will ever justify you doing something like that to yourself. None. Remember this next time and every time you want to do it thereafter.

Yeah, I'm telling you to give up. This, specifically.

Yes, you will still make bad decisions. Yes, life is still gonna suck ass. Yes, you will treat yourself like shit in other ways.

I did.

I don't know anyone who can just stop being depressed. You won't suddenly become a born-again human unaffected by their past (idk, maybe you're an alien, not sure how their biology works, I'll do some probing and report back). Even now I catch myself in moments where I slip back into old habits and thought processes.

You are responsible for yourself. You are responsibile for the bad choices you have made and will make. I know that is not fun. That is not what we want to do. Hell, I have no idea if a certified therapist / psychologist / psychiatrist will agree with me on this, but I'm gonna give it to you straight - the one who has to deal with the consequences of what you do is you.

I spent a lot of time blaming anything and everything, especially life for dealing me shit cards. I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask for two decades of emotional and physical abuse. But I did what I did. I did fucked up shit. Things will fall apart. You will cry and bleed trying to put it all back together and it might be in vain. You will wonder, when does it get better?

It gets better when you take a moment and ask yourself, "What do I want?"

Not, what are the impossible expectations I have for myself right now? Not, what does everyone else want me to be? Not, here's all the things that are wrong with me and reasons I cannot achieve anything of substance or value. Shut those up for a second. You said, "i want to feel okay again." You can't feel how you felt in the past and anyway, by now, you've glamorized it to something better than it was. Plus, "to feel okay" is a bit vague. Also it kinda gives off meh energy (sorry, but it kinda does). You need something specific.

"I want to repair my relationship with (insert here)."

This can be anything. People, food, school, etc, but you need to focus on one thing at a time. You need to prioritize what it is that is most important to you right now. Don't set a bar for where you want to be at a certain time. Only focus on improvement. Some things may fall to the wayside and that's okay. You can't do everything. When you feel like you're in a good place with one thing, move on to something else. Go back and check on it periodically and search for minor improvements.

It sounds nice, but it might not look pretty while you're doing it. Life is life. There will be setbacks. Every situation, aak yourself, "What is the best version of myself I can be right now?" Not what was or will be, but right now. That might be something great or that might be getting into bed and going to sleep. Sometimes it be like that. Do one more thing than you would if you were feeling just a teensy bit better.

"I'm going to bed instead of studying, but I will set up my desk so it's ready for me in the morning."

"I'll eat one less today. I'm still gonna eat it."

"I'm gonna cry right now. I'll do something about it after. But first I'm gonna cry."

Little by little decision, you can more forward to a place you are more satisfied with. There will always be hardships. Always. But you can control how you react to them and how you deal with them. It might feel like you can't but that's because you need to direct your focus on specifics - what you can do rather than what is out of your control. To be the best version of yourself is to actively understand that you will not always make the perfect decision. It gets better. It gets worse. You are a different person each time. You learn from your past. Do the best that you can right now. Prioritize yourself. Live this life as if there is only one.

Time doesn't come back.

Be mindful of the past and the future, but don't forget to live right now. You'll miss important stuff.

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rottingsparrow · 2 years

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Part 6! Of rereading Lore Olympus. Ep 51-60

On these next few parts i really just kept ranting oops. Also I just keep getting busier and forgetting to read more, but I haven't caught up with what I've read yet and that's the only thing keeping me going. Does anyone read these? Last part:

Ep 51

“What about my brother” artemis please its kinda clear at this point

So did hermes question anything or

“ i have no right to be jealous” yeah also theyre just friends dude

“Oh but hermes liked persephone” no hes a gay man argue with the wall(/j)

Why they got eels

I love how tall and slender hecate is seeing as like eventually everyone dissolves into one shape

Yes im over exaggerating what about it

Who are the fire people i love them

Bro imagine dying and like “finally free from this hell where i have to work all the time” only to be put to work when you die

“Everyone should get a fair trial with the king of the underworld” i agree but wouldnt that take forever too like there are so many deaths all the time

I literally get so tired of hades in this episode mfer has such a lack of control in his emotions

like . are you physically unable to have a conversation with her without losing it so you gotta ice her out??

“I cant accept gifts from employees” i mean yeah if they are trying to bribe you its just fuckin food man

Also this part minthe keep it in ur pants ur at work

Ep 52

Wow all women hate persephone bc shes so gorgeous so they treat her bad and like make out with her crush

My point got lost there but you get what i mean like women cant just exist they either are used to compare persephone and show how good she is or uplift her

Im not saying you cant have mean women please do but the way it all comes together just. :/

Persephone is like trying to hard to be nice and friendly and hades just kinda sits there like an idiot smh

Hermes my beloved

I want bakalava now

How would she have a driver's license demeter kept her in the mortal realm you think she would let her get that

Why do they want a car thanatos you have wings my guy

I mean. Did you die hades?

Also smth to ask before hand lmao thats on you

Hecate, agent of chaos, my wife, my everything, my-

Ep 53

I know hecate has reasons to do things but i like to believe she doesnt and she does what she wants

Theres no way minthe sounds happy on the phone when she knows its just hecate

Nah nvm shes probably scared of her

How. how does anything get done at this place

Hades can you. Can you treat her like a friend or even a worker instead of a crush its not that hard youre a big guy

I love the eels

The moment when the artstyle changes randomly and you have to get adjusted to a new one

Hecate is now a different shade of blue what

Fuck you hades putting all your emotions on a 19 y/o

Unfortunately he does treat her like any other of his employees hes just. A shitty boss

“Oh no she thinks im mad at her” yeah dude ur acting like a dick

Sorry this just pisses me off

“Shes like me” she just like me fr

Why is the building confusing what do they gain from that

Its actually so rachel doesnt have to remember the layout

Ep 54

“Is she angry” no shes tired wtf do you think

I know rachel tried so hard on the “please dont grab me” panel girl was sweating

Personally id just leave if i was the reporter but ig he needs smth

Asking for a statement isnt the bad thing its the grabbing and like pressuring yknow

Do they have close ties

I know its supposed to be casual but i wouldnt hold my mothers friend/ business partner. Whatever their lie was, like that

Idk how i would actually im going to be thinking of that

I do like how she has a trigger but im gonna be real i dont think its ever brought up again

Sure you could say she is just good at avoiding it but idk

“I dont always get to do what i want” you literally do unless it doesnt help the story

Rereading has made me see how many things are in place for the story that disappear when not needed

“Man im a lousy tour guide” and a lousy boss :D

I do just want to make sure you guys know how much i hate hades as a boss

Ep 55

Its a lobby. Thats funny ill laugh at that

“That not exactly what we do here” what do you do

I havent read greek mythology in so long

“They may become hysterical” please explain psyche i saw i reply talking about how we didnt see her reactions to phone

They were so right that mustve been fucking bonkers

How do they ease them into it? Do they go through all the years of technological advancements just quickly??

Who is hecate talking to

Let her get the jacket make hades pay the designer to make another one

Also only 3? Like 20 id get but 3? Nah

“Why is she employed here?” you were there yesterday minthe remember she got an introduction

I think hades needs an HR department yknow what

“ a coveted position” PLEASE JUST EXPLAIN THE JOBS AND THE WORK LADDER

I agree with hecate except no one treats it like a work place

Not even you really lmao

If they are scared of her why would they go bitch to her esp if they know she doesnt care

Small medium cause shes so petite but she has curves bc shes gorgeous and-

Rachel smythe sniped me :/

How did she put that on

Ep 56

Whose the green person in the back poseidon idk

Also glasses again :)

“Stop staring at me with them big ol eyes”

Yes i already made the joke its funny tho

meg/persophone is my otp /j

Seriously its already more healthy than hades gotta be honest

So nice of her to let her borrow it how is she gonna return it. They talked more im sure but its funny to think that she actually doesnt know who meg is

Why does his hair get longer in the mortal realm get up

Omg does he have extensions that would be so funny

“I have to have control” yeah you do its gross

I love persephone fury look tho

Wait why did her hair grow

I get like thats the style in that time or whatever but

“I for one find you terrifying” is such a cute line not gonna lie

Persephone why do you look like youre trying to kiss him

“How can she be doing better than me” because zeus is married

I feel like thats obvious

Blue nymph obviously evil she has to be shes a woman and-

But also i forgot her name. Tha. no uh

Its thetis :)

Ep 57

“My visions arent always correct. But they are most of the time” is such a sloppy line

Omg i forgot that hera was the reporter

Also idk how her visions work but couldnt it have been literally anyone? How does she think shell narrow it down

Persephone you are wearing a skirt thing be careful

Also. dont push off people chest just generally

Her hair got much longer but i can excuse this one bc shes using her powers and they tend to coincide

“I gotta inspect that volcano” yep. Sure is a volcano

“But once they die theyre all in service to the underworld for the rest of the eternity” is there a way to die after death bc that sounds awful

Ok but why do they have to wait how does that earn you money

Like no i get the like immediate ride for a obol or whatever but why 100 years. You lose out on so many laborers for a while that way

I love Styx hand in marriage

Haha why is she bald in the last panel

Ep 58

“Reminds me of a younger me” is supposed be like a red flag but was zeus not chill during his formative years

Why does he get so mad a her vision genuinely

Also like why he get mad about her guessing apollo

I know i know “reputation ruined and so is ours” people change yknow also i do second guess your ability to choose olympians

Spit on him queen

This is one of the spots where i feel like rachel was just pushing to make zeus a bad guy. Not like a dick but actually antagonistic qualities

“I prefer the financial benefits of ongoing unpaid labor” haha so funny /s go fuck yourself

Yeah theyre dead and have nothing else to do but damn

“Why would my mom hide it from me” i mean. Thats fair but youre the one that calls her like hovering so i doubt she wants people trying to sex you

I mean fertility doesnt have to mean sex its more than that also one second

Nvm i googled it i was gonna say hestia was a goddess of fertility but shes the goddess of home a stuff my bad

Arnold reaction meme

Oh why is it dangerous

No i know why lmao

Persephones jaw goes from ) to ] in a matter of seconds

“Just stay away from tower 4 until we get to the” THE WHAT??? THE WHAT

Thats not a joke the sentence ends there

“OH you said yes!’ to you helping her like friends do

Ok but how will he know its her

Ep 59

Yes persephone you communicate clearly!! Be healthy!!

I love the flower nymphs personally i know everyone says we dont see persephone be close with them but its the little things i think

“I literally have no idea why you want to be here” me either hades

Haha flower nymphs are dumb! Village people! Haha racism

No i know thats not what shes saying but the racism of nymphs is overlooked

Me, everytime she was handed something pomegranates: :OOOO ITS THE!! ITS THE THING

No minthe has a right to be upset id be pissed if id have to change someones entire schedule

Not the snapchat filter

Why is his name big spenda thats so funny

Ep 60

As someone who has been jealous before i have to say this isnt healthy

Like duh but so intense for someone you barely know

Hades, watching her in silence: wtf is happening

Im glad she realizes its unhealthy

Ok i know i said they dont ever bring up the “any time any place” question but they do here which reminds me that that deal should no longer exist now that hes her boss

I dont think hooking up is bad esp when they werent in a relationship tbh

Like now she is in a relationship so yeah its bad

I love snarky chat that is the most real thing in this comic

“ we need to do smth about persephone” or yall could do your jobs. Kooky idea i know

She is still flirting with thanatos which is bad

Yknow assuming the boundaries her and hades set was monogamy and no flirting

And yeah hes flirting too thats also bad

#anti lore olympus #lore olympus #my opinion #lo critical #lore olympus critical #random thoughts

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kpophubb · 2 years

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Morning baby 💗 💌

I hope you slept well? :) I have my training in 20 min , but I really want to write to you 💗❤️‍🩹❤️

First of all you haven’t offered me in any ways, I’m sorry that you felt that way or maybe the way I wrote was quite triggering 🥹 but you are fine , MORE THAN FINE ACTUALLY. I just read your response and literally im so happy if I actually received a real hug from u🌞🙈💖

Thank you for your understanding and efforts and just the love you put in your messages, it is really really precious to me 🥹❤️

I actually wish I could train myself to control these feelings and the need of affirmation from others. Life really doesn’t make sense for me anymore. I want to give up , but these 2 months I feel like I grew stronger and there is still something holding me back , maybe I’m afraid of dying idk . ., but im tired of living you know ? It’s so exhausting and pointless

thank you for being my safe place now , being the person I can trust and open up , I don’t want to change for the worse … and tbh I just exist doing tasks on a daily basis , thank you for being open and accepting… literally 😭🥹🥹 AHHH OMG I FEEL MY EYES GEETING WATERY NOOO🙈🙈🤧

You are very good person , amazing and I hope you will have SOOOO MANY GOOD EXPERIENCES:) also I hope my emotions and things I share aren’t influencing your day / mood 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I’ll add bebe songs to our playlists :)) I love first 2 , I’m not sure if I have heard 3rd one

About book yes def :) ahowww me when u get them :))

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 🥺❤️

What are your plans for today ? Have the most wonderful day 🏞🏞🏞

~ 🐁 :)

My 🐁 anonie ~☺️💗 noooo omg I’m not even offended in the slightest so dw!!! Your emotions and rants really DO NOT affect my mood at all. Yk the reason I chose my occupation and major of medicine? It’s bc I always wanted to grow up to be kind and help people around me. I feel valid about myself when I can make others feel comforted and smile so I LOVE getting your messages and lifting u up!💖 and about being exhausted and feeling like giving up on life, I mean don’t even think it’s coming from someone really positive minded and full of happiness, but it’s coming from someone who comes from a place of being suicidal and hopeless in life too. There was once a point in my life where I just existed, cried myself to sleep everyday, and would indulge in self harm cause I hated myself and hated life. I didn’t want to live cause I felt like nothing good could come out of it. Back then, if someone told me that things are gonna get better one day and I’ll be really happy in the future, I would’ve never believed them. Heck, I’d feel like they’re all lying cz my life was so messed up I didn’t even believe I could wake up to a tomorrow where I could be at peace or smile even if it’s for a second. But after constant fighting and hanging on for 2-3 years, I came where I did today. Where I’m happy, smiling, ambitious again and thankful for all the bad things that I went through bc they made me stronger and brought me to where I am today. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” That’s the truth. I’m sure you will see your rainbow soon just hang in there. By saying hanging in there I mean cry, feel sad, fall down, get tired, doubt yourself but crawl back up again with the remaining of your strength. And never feel like there’s no hope cause there will ALWAYS be hope no matter how ugly situation you’re faced with. Maybe not now, maybe not soon, but someday you will DEFINITELY be happy and look back and be grateful for enduring it all. 💓

And aww 🥺 idk if I’m a good person yet but I try to be and improve myself everyday. Baby steps towards my dream person slowly!💖 and I’m glad I can make you feel safe. There’s nth more reassuring than having someone who listens to everything you gotta say without judging you and understanding you, ik. As for what I’m gonna do today, aaah idk yet. 😩 probs gonna just lie down and eat a lot. Bc my books haven’t arrived yet and and I bought a new makeup palette a few days ago?🤣 I just wanna try it out even tho I’m not that much into makeup. I barely wear it! And IM EXCITED BC MY SKZ ALBUM IS OTW and I wanna order manifesto:day 1 enhypen albums!! I saved money for that 🥹 but the kpop store isn’t replying to my msgs yet and I’m so impatient.🥲 I love youuuu saurr much too (says it in jakey’s aussie accent) and have a great day❤️🥰 DID YOU KNOW BEBE REXHA DID A REMIX W ITZY??????!! THAT TOO OF ONE OF MY FAV SONGS OF HERS ITS GONNA BE RELEASED TMRW IM SHAKING IM SO EXCITEDD!!!😭😭😭😭I’m in a really good mood today bc my jakey is all recovered from covid! Man, I prayed for my love so so much and I couldn’t be more grateful to god that he’s healthy and active again!💗💗🤲🏻

#mia’s asks #🐁 anonie #❤️💖🤗🥰#cat pics always cz I LOVEE cats 🥰#and you seem to be cute like one

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whackedoutcookie · 2 years

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I cant do this shit anymore. I have nothing, i am nothing and i will never be something. Ive been a firm believer in "everyone has a purpose" I've had 7 near-death experiences and the way i look at it is i didnt die because my purpose hadn't been met yet. My purpose in life wasnt to have this huge impact or to achieve something. It wasnt to give everything i can to a significant other or vice-versa. Im convinced my purpose was to be a stepping stone to get somebody else to their purpose. Whether its them "taken me out" or the impact of my death on said person. Or maybe it was to father a child. I guess ill find out if that was my purpose if i do succeed this time around. My only regrets in my life is 1) that couldn't save my best friend and 2) that i didnt kms sooner. My daughter is going to be 3 if i could've have just done it a year earlier maybe it wouldn't hurt her so bad. Im really tired. Ive done so many awfully selfish things in my life and me killing myself would certainly be a top that list but i just dont care anymore.

I. Cant. Do. This. Im posting this here i guess just to see if i feel better but idk what i was expecting. My heart hurts, my daughter barely knows me now, my mom only wants money from me, my daughter mom gets off on hurting me mentally, im absolutely convinced the woman i love is just pretending to gaf or is using me for something which if im being honestly is the worst thing ive been going through over the last few months. I was lonely af before her but i was good and relatively happy. I honestly didnt even think about it but then she came into my life and now it just hurts. I didnt want any of this, i just want to get high. Thats it. I dont want to feel theses emotions anymore. If somehow somebody in my life does see this perhaps on my phone or something dont grieve. Dont feel sorrow or remorse. This is worthy of celebration because i am finally free.

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momiamtired · 1 month

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i never met the dude. its fine tho i believe him i believe that he couldnt make it. he sent a voice message explaining why and it was really complicated so i just believe him yea. its sad tho. i require at least a lil bit of positive emotions rn and he was the only one who could try. my roommate left and idk when she will come back so i need to be fast ig. i noticed i explore my emotions every day more. i think i feel so bad here without a significant reason actually. i find it quite interesting that a week ago i wouldnt feel so bad here. and now i feel like my first days here. they werent that bad tho. not that i can remebmer tbh. ahhh im just so tired. my mid term is on wednsday and i finnished only one shapter. im cooked. i have a counsellor appointment today. will see what hes made of. dont have much hopes tho. its gonna be awkward ig. im also so lost in my thoughts and emotions that i cant quite tell what i feel and think ab it. i have so much to do. i need to find an apartment. this girl wrote to me today. guess she was expecting someone from vancouver lol. im sorry. our lil conversarion destroyed my day or evening ig. she is rich, studies here without cuaet visa and rents an apartment, also is doing pr rn. fuck u. fuck rich people. if i could kill all rich people but sell my sould to the devil i woulf do it. i just hate how hopeless i am. its like this new feeling. i started to expeerience it so often recently after the war started and bc of it im losing my mind. its the worst feeling i ever experienced. i cant quite identify what is that but i would its the feeling of feeling so hopeless that you dont want to wake up and see no point in anything. i also really like it when the life gives an opportunity to banish this feeling and then fucks with you and make everything so wrong and now ur just siiting like a fool with his hand empty and confussed. why? how could this happened? thats just unfair, isnt it? i cant believe this could happen to me. thats just silly. after all that i went through you want to say that the only thing ive been staying alive for is never will happen? wow thats just wow. thats just cruel. if god exists fuck you. but i guess millions of people dying rn bc of hunger could correlate to me lol. i still gonna pray tonight if i wont forget tho. thats just how my mind works. i dont believe i will leave this hell this summer but if i can i will try everything to change it. ah the exam. i guess i have to drink energy drink. and fuck up my sleep again. okay im not gonna do it srry my mark. okay i have to study really i hate u all i hate rich people i hate god for doing this to me and i hate this entire world i hate a meteorite will kill me and i wont feel sorry for my parents. well i guess ill just never know and never think of how they could feel after my death. i guess thats good

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the-un-slash-emotionals · 1 month

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hola amigo kaise ho thik ho? i need to stop starting everything like this :sob: hi. its been a long time. so many things that happened. but i trust him, im proud of him, i know he'll pull through. but that's a discussion for his diary, not here. today, we talk about some theory i've been budding for a while now, its a little bit of a sensitive topic, that i have no right to talk about but such are my alien ways :) (moments is such a good song) heart beats harderr ; time escapes me trembling hands, touch skinn ; it makes thisss harderrrr and the tears stream ; down my faceee the Aromantics. " Aromantic people have little or no romantic attraction to others. They may or may not feel sexual attraction. An aromantic person can fall into one of two groups: aromantic sexual people or aromantic asexual people. " thats the textbook def of it, and that's not the topic of discussion here. andd also not talking about asexuality, that's a whole other thing that i havent really thought about. some leads, but none too decisive, so nvm. what im interested in is what could be the reasons behind aromanticism? i really damn wish and hope i do something neuroscience related in the future coz otherwise my human will BURN ok, so what made me interested? some people around me, 2 in particular, both im close to, both i want to understand like nobody else. both have their fare share of troubles, both i hope, i can have a conversation with about this very topic some day. both, have had many many proposals in the past, both, i've fallen for at some point or another, both, i've fallen out of (for the most part), both, i've never confessed to. both, ridiculously fascinating people. both, ive had the privilege to know from my pov rather than just his, and hence, both, i can evaluate devoid of humane feelings. common points in both - bad past, sub par family dynamic, at least from one side. and i think therein lies the jackpot. also, both very physical beings. in touch with their skin. idk how to describe it without feeling like a fucking creep, but both value physical touch a lot. its intimate. their skin is sacred, it has meaning. almost as if they're stuck in this world in between, on one hand they have extremely complicated minds and thoughts and emotions and on the other, their body revolts if they don't pay heed to it. maybe its a girl thing, im not sure. but idts. i think the answer lies in the past. they've suffered such negative experiences there, regarding the same thing. love. somewhat of a mix between family relations, and other kids, heck, maybe even some horrors from the past resurfacing in their present, which makes them repel all this even more so. its like their mind has created this bubble, or a safety shield, which makes it invalidate romantic feelings or approaches. maybe in the past, they felt too much, then were faced with nothing but bad results, over and over and over over again. it solidified. their minds stopped believing. as maturity rose, it brought with it an almost completely concrete blockage towards feelings. and that was that. im lucky, since both my POIs are very different people, fundamentally. one deals with feelings like a cold machete. dangerous. but its a defense mechanism, ...and ok he knows that but hes kinda tired of it. anyway, the other deals with it via a bit more maturity. she knows what feelings are. how to cater to others' feelings too. shes almost been doing this for too long, but shes getting better, and he has faith in her. most importantly, she DOES NOT SHUT DOWN when something bad happens in this realm. and thats VERY IMPORTANT. the only way is THROUGH. she FIGHTS. unlike the other. im not gonna conclude this, because tbh it was a bit of a personal rant as well, instead of just a devoid barren thought portrayal. also have to say, that im kinda just speculating. idk anything for sure unless i have some brain scans. until next time, humans thats x8c signing off （︶^︶）

#my writing

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apollotronica · 4 months

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goodness. ok one big ask for all of them

hearts

🤍 - you scare me /pos

💛 - you are like a wet cat

💚 - one million dollars. for you

i'd say red but that's known

artist

4. fav character/subject thats a bitch to draw

9. what are your file name conventions

24. do your references include stock images

27. do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? if so, what is it you draw to warm up with

30. what piece of yours do you think is underrated

specific and unrelated

4. mythical creature you think/believe is real?

7. what animal do you look forward to most when you visit an aquarium

16. thoughts on mint chocolate chip

26. hows your spice tolerance?

get-to-know-me

bamboo - do you change into a different outfit when you get home

sage - what 'medium' of art (poetry, music, fiction, painting, statues, etc) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is

ivy - what are your 'tells' for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you're happy annoyed upset or tired

chamomile - what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts

aloe vera - what's something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

taro - if someone called you right now to catch up, what're the things youd tell them about

- 💌

OKAY JESUS HOLD ON these responses are for the heartsI SHOUDLNT SCARE YOU IM SO SWEETS and like you said . a wet cat .norhing to be afraid of . 10 jerbillion dollars for me

these r the attist asks i think

4 - honesltyUMMM i can never get dazais hair right . but hes pretty sinple everywhrr else . i also feel like i draw akutagawas hair inconsistently . all my problems are centered around hair

9 - my file names are whatever ibis paint x decides the file name is . unless i download it on my computer in which case its usually somr dumb shit

24 - SOOOOOMETIMES ???? i go on pinterest and just save and use whatever i need Hold on let me look at my reference folder rq. yeah ol i only have one stock image and its a dude holding a corndog

27 - NOPE my warmup is the sketch and maybe ill draw a couple face expressions on the side if im not in the zone yet . but no indont warm up usually

30 - THAT ONE OF IVLYA (OC) where hes like . almost facing the side .i cant find the image rn just go into my art tag😢

these repwonses r for the . unrelated/specific ones, 4 + 7 answered

16 - i like the mint . not the chocolatw chip . i think i would enjoy a minr chocolate swirl better because i hate chunks

26 - Um . average . i can handle like actual food spice like curry or other . things . but junk food like takis RUUUUUUIN MEEEEEE

these r for da get 2 know me ones ^_^ ivy ans chamomile answered

bamboo - Yeah i hate wearing outside clothes in the comfort of my home . i change into . usually what i slept in

sage - MUSIC AND POETRY i dont seem like a poetry guy i think but holy fucking shit some poems . some of them man. Ugh. and music theres so mucu potential Like . harmonies and shit dude im unwell . Music foreva

aloe vera - i kinda wna tto go on a real date Because like . idk that stuff is so foreign to me im not familiar with aaaany of it . i also want to get into baking

taro - FUCJ IT DEPENDS FROM WHEN HONESTLY i d let them know about my Mental Ailments i think id show off some art and link some of my socials maybe . and id talk about music . and things i got into while they were gone . Maybe attempt to discuss ... shivers . Feelings . i dont know

#☆ apollo answers #💌#i think i know you now #AND THANKIES SOOO MUCHIES FOR SO MANY TO ANSWER i looove yapping

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sassy-hedgie · 5 months

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one of the worst things with my mental health lately is realizing just how strong my masking and bad coping mechanism of compartmentalization is like

realizing how everyone can assume im doing okay because im able to project such a calm surface all the time because I’ve had to. I’m the responsible older sister whose autism got shoved to the side because “girls don’t have that you’ll grow out of it” and forced to pretend that I could handle anything, to be okay so I could be the good kid who bc don’t cause trouble, pretend that I could be a person who knew how to be a friend and socialize because it’s so easy for everyone why isn’t it so easy for me, trying so hard to mimic or act cute and clueless because it’s the only way to make myself likeable when I fuck up CONSTANTLY in making myself into the kind of person people could like

And I’m genuinely kind of……….fucking exhausted of that image lmao. tired of people assuming I can’t do things for myself or that I don’t know what I’m doing or saying because anything involving emotions or social skills is so fucking hard. tired of people assuming they know what’s going on with ne because I’ve let it all slide so long because I can’t let people see me as broken because then they try too hard to fix me and I can’t handle that either because I firmly believe me at my core is too difficult to love. because asking even tiny accommodations or basic respect sometimes seems so exhausting because then everyone assumes you can’t handle yourself when all you asked for is one small thing to help make life a little easier but also like I’m not a fucking child I can handle myself I just struggle with sometimes what people might see as easy shit, like messaging someone when I feel like I might be bothering them or asking for people to not make a noise that sets off my anxiety so bad it makes me want to cry

(Except can’t cry gotta keep that image gotta be smooth and easy and not at all troublesome because every little sign of mental illness is asking to be babied or treated like I’m difficult or just feeling othered in a way that makes me panic even more because what’s wrong with me why can’t I just Person the way everyone else can and have fun and talk about things and be friends why do I always just get to feel so alone)

Idk just some thoughts lol

#personal tag #just some rambling i’m having a Bad Mental Health time the last………..few months lmao #this is mostly incoherent I’m just upset

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yung-goos · 7 months

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Rambles 0.5

i've been meaning to write. idk about what. but theres a growing need to just write. to let everything out. this will become a word salad at some point. whatever.

emotions. -

yea idk. all over the fucking place. i'm sad, lonely, confused, irritated, tired, uncomfortable, bored, hopeful, optimistic, pessimistic, inspired... theres just no keeping up with it. my mind in a constant war between what to focus on and what not to. shut down completely some months ago.. idk how long its been. distanced myself from friends, family I live with. i've been getting better, albeit slowly, but I'm not too disappointed by that. haven't really explained how i'm feeling to my friends, but they didn't seem too discouraged by my distance. i'm sure they'd understand. what i'm mainly stressed out about is having to deal with the fallout of it all with my dad. he's been taking my distance personally, which i'm torn on if i can blame him or not. now that i feel a bit better, it kind of is now. like, he scoffed when i tried to explain that i'm going through a bit of a depressive episode and get distant when it happens. sometimes i really feel like he doesn't believe me when i talk about how i feel. along with his know-it-all, assumptious attitude about everything, i'm starting to believe thats what makes talking to him so hard. like i think what i'm most scared for is not so much the actual 'talk' but the outcome. i do not know if i can handle if he misunderstands, downplays, confuses me, deflects, or even just gets a bit aggressive, as he has shown to do before... idk... cant help but think this is all on me, for not explaining things to him sooner and giving him a chance to understand fully. like the more time goes on where i - or, even we, at this point - ignore this big elephant in the room, the more i feel like we'll never get the chance to hash it out. we were content on trying to communicate after the first time we argued, and now i'm just stunned and feel like i can't... such a simple problem that could be worked through if i wasn't made to be so spineless. coming to the terms that my social anxiety runs so much deeper than i originally thought is fucking me up. can't even go out with friends without distressing myself over some innocuous interaction. i'm so so tired... i miss being around someone, people, that effortlessly broke down my walls and made me feel complete. i just want to be understood.

love. -

fuck love. not really. im filled with adoration. ambition. commitment. lust. desire. but naw. fuck love. kinda. not really though. it's weird, it's like, all the weird people that i've dealt with over the course of moving and being here has left such a bad taste in my mouth. like even thinking about having to sift through a bunch of people to find the ones who won't make me feel like i'm not even worth it... it makes me itch. despite all that, i'm eager to meet new people. eager to accept people for who they are. eager to work through any issues in whichever capacity with others that i care for and love. i wish people would stay around long enough to bear those fruits of labour with me. slowly accepting the fact that not everyone will. i guess that shouldn't be the initial expectation when meeting people. it would do me wonders if i could fucking understand that, but god it is so hard when people misunderstand and jump to conclusions on your entire character based off of few interactions, or don't even bother to try at all. but shit... looking back, i can't say i'm entirely innocent of not doing either myself. gotta keep reminding myself that we're all flawed and going through this bullshit called life will bring the ugly out of all of us. but yea, despite all this, the love has been felt as of late. spending time around my brother and (surprisingly) my mom, as well as being around my good friend and her friends a bunch this summer has cheered me up noticably... slowlllyyyyy wanting to get back out there fr, but i'd really like to put some things into motion before i do, which brings me to....

life. -

ughhhhhhh. aaaAAAUUGHHHH. i just have this big ole back log of shit i've been putting off for so long. and its like, i know what i should be doing, how to do it, and more than capable of getting it done, but for so long just been paralyzed to do anything (unless absolutely necessary). i had a pretty good conversation with a friend of one of my good friends about this awhile ago. they called it decision paralysis, and i think that's an amazing way to explain what i'm feeling. it's like my brain does not know what to focus on at any given point and just freezes up in response. on top of that, the lack of energy and drive (esp. recently) makes trying to get things done even worse. what's funny though, is that this is the least of what i'm worried about. cuz i know the slightest pivot with a splash of consistency in routine would propel my life forward tenfold. like what i really want is within arms reach, i just want to get over some of these deeply seeded issues before really trying to go for it. need to, even. like if i could go outside without tearing myself apart over some spontaneous, maybe even awkward conversation, i think i'd be unstoppable. maybe. but anyways, despite how everything sounds life is... bearable. oddly pleasant, even. haven't gotten into all the new stuff i've bought, games i've played, things that have brought me joy over these months despite everything, but i think i'll get into that on other posts.

bleh.... i think thats everything. for now at least. now that its all out, i think its time i start carpe'ing some diem or something for once.

#rambles #not this being in my drafts for like a month and a half #like when I tell you I have had NOOO energy to do anythingggg #ughh

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