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gravitywonagain · 10 months

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Can't Cheat Death While You're Digging Your Own Grave; Part 3

Continued from [1][2]

What if Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian were closer? Sworn brothers, even? What if NHS visited WWX in Yiling?

Prompt from the wonderful @shiranai-atsune

[T (for now?), implied Wangxian, 2k, 3/?]

Wei Wuxian:

“How much do you know about the Saber Path, Wei-xiong?”

There’s a change in his friend as he asks the question. Nie Huaisang prefers to be seen as someone who is flighty and unaware. He never makes definitive statements, nothing anyone could pin to him as his own opinion; he doesn’t like to appear to know things.

But now, Wei Wuxian is cut by the sharpness in his friend’s eyes.

“Uh… I know it’s strong,” he says. “Very yang focused, active.”

“Did you know it kills its practitioners?”

Wei Wuxian blinks. “Early deaths of Nie sect leaders do seem to be a pattern.”

“I thought,” says Wen Qing, next to him, “that was mostly about… ah, temperament.”

It’s a delicate way to put it. But Wei Wuxian is pretty sure this isn’t the time for delicate.

“She means that they always seem to go out in a blaze of idiotic glory on some epic nighthunt.”

Nie Huaisang does not appear offended on his ancestors’ behalf. He remains sharp, rigid. The blade of a saber he always keeps sheathed. Voice hard as steel.

He says, “My father died at home when my brother cut him down to protect my mother and me from his final rage. After his saber broke, he deteriorated. It was,” he pauses, clears his throat. It’s a raw kind of sound, wet and red, but he remains calm and cold. “It was difficult to watch. I still don’t understand what happened to him. But our doctors called it a qi deviation.”

“I see.”

“Nie-er-gongzi, may I ask,” Wen Qing seems to be struggling to phrase her question but finally settles on, “may I see your saber?”

When Nie Huaisang smiles at her, it’s discordantly soft. Gently amused. “Oh, I doubt my saber will tell you very much, Wen-daifu. I do not cultivate with it.”

“How much do you know about the Saber Path, Nie-xiong?” Wei Wuxian asks.

“Not a lot, to be honest.”

Nie Huaisang flicks his fan open then, retreating back behind a vapid smile as if his candor has reached some limit and he must rest a moment. It’s an oddly placating kind of gesture. Like Wei Wuxian is someone who needs to be coddled or pacified. It irks. Sits wrong, stringing a tension between his shoulders where there wasn’t any before.

“I believe you,” he says. “But you still haven’t answered my previous question. What is the cost, Huaisang?”

The fan flickers back and forth as Nie Huaisang seems to consider how exactly to arrange his words.

Usually he doesn’t take this long. Usually he walks people through a conversation he’s rehearsed in his mind, choreographed and memorized. At least, when he wants something. And maybe the pause itself is strategic, but Wei Wuxian knows his friend well. It seems… careful. Which only twists the band between Wei Wuxian’s shoulders tighter.

Finally, Nie Huaisang snaps his fan closed. He deliberately meets Wei Wuxian’s eyes and says, “You’ll have to study it.”

It would be misleading to say that this is what Wei Wuxian had been afraid of. The idea would have had to occur to him first, for him to fear it. But it is tangential to his fear. Connected.

“Ah…” Wei Wuxian rubs his palms against the rough fabric of his robe. He glances over to Wen Qing, who meets his gaze with the anxiety in her own. “Nie-xiong…”

“You don’t have to… cultivate it,” Nie Huaisang says, far too knowingly. Wei Wuxian’s eyes jump to his friend’s face, but Nie Huaisang presses on, “Just. Just study it. Fix it.”

They’re going to have to address that at some point. Probably. Because just how the fuck-- No. Not now.

“Fix it?” Wei Wuxian asks with no small amount of incredulity. No small amount of curiosity either. “I can’t-- I know I helped you pass your exams during the lectures but--” His brain is already beginning to circle around what he knows of the Saber Path. Yang-focused, prone to qi deviation -- or at least something like it.

Nie Huaisang must see it in his face, because he smiles, a little fiercer this time, and says, “You can. You think about cultivation in ways that other people can’t even imagine. Look at what you built during the war!”

“You’ll recall,” Wei Wuxian says, raising a pointed eyebrow, “that not many people are very pleased with what I built during the war.”

Wen Qing, with a bit more wariness adds, “And some are extremely greedy for it.”

“Also true.”

“Wei-xiong,” Nie Huaisang huffs. “False modesty will get us nowhere.”

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes. “Yes. I’m smart. But this…” He flaps his hands uselessly.

“This is new. A challenge,” Nie Huaisang grins, and Wei Wuxian hates that it works on him. “And you’ll be tackling it inside a library. With insulation. And on a full stomach.”

The Wens, aside from Wen Qing, are all outside the cave somewhere. Tilling corrupted soil, washing clothes with barely cleansed water, gathering any scraps of cloth they can find to sew into blankets and coats as the winter looms near.

Wei Wuxian looks toward the strained sunlight that brightens the mouth of the cave. He bites a strip of cracked skin from his lip. His leg bounces under the table.

When he turns back, Nie Huiasang is watching him closely. He’s letting Wei Wuxian see how closely he’s watching, which counts for something here. Between them. He needs this. He’s almost begging them for it. And when has Wei Wuxian ever been able to turn down someone in need of his help?

“Chifeng-zun has agreed to their safety?” he asks. An insane question in any other circumstance.

“He has.” A similarly insane answer.

That Nie Mingjue would willingly shelter Wens is almost as unbelievable as the Wens all surviving this winter in the Burial Mounds. But that’s the thing, isn’t it. Their options are severely limited. And if Wei Wuxian wants to keep them safe, he must consider any that are open to him.

He nods and asks, “What else?”

The vapid smile returns. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Huaisang.”

Nie Huaisang shakes his fan at him. “You sound eerily like Da-ge when you do that, did you know?”

He’s avoiding the question. “It’s bad, then.”

“It’s…” he trails off for a moment, but has the decency to look guilty when he nods and says, “permanent.”

Wei Wuxian huffs, exasperated. He’s so fucking tired of games.

Nie Huaisang sets his fan down on the table. Presses his fingers against the surface until his knuckles bulge with it. Then he says, “You’ll have to give up the Yin Tiger Seal.”

“To whom?” Wen Qing asks, the question quick to her tongue, like she already knew this would be the request.

She probably did. Wei Wuxian probably should have known, too. But he’d thought, of all people…

“No,” he says.

“Wei-xiong--”

“No, I’ll do it,” he amends. “But I won’t give it to anyone.”

“Wei Wuxian.” Wen Qing’s voice is sharp with warning. Pointed and precise like her needles. Because she knows what he’s thinking now, too.

“Qing-jie. It’s the only way we do this.”

“You don’t know it won’t kill you.”

It won’t matter if it does, he doesn’t say. Instead, maybe more bullheaded than necessary, he bites out, “Luckily, I’ll have a library at my disposal.”

Wen Qing’s jaw tightens like she heard him anyway.

“Ah, Wei-xiong?” Nie Huaisang flutters his fan, blocking the lower half of his face, exactly like he used to during their tutoring session when Wei Wuxian would go off on some borderline esoteric tangent about cultivation theory.

It’s so familiar that Wei Wuxian almost laughs aloud with the nostalgia in his chest.

“When?” he asks.

“When what?” Nie Huaisang returns.

“When will I need to give it up?”

Nie Huaisang’s eyebrows dip together. “I don’t--”

“If your brother will allow me to hold onto it --” unlikely, but, “fuck, if he’ll lock it away for me -- Tight, safe even from himself. He's more suspicious of Jins than any of the other clan leaders,” he trails off, considering. But Nie Huaisang taps his fan and Wei Wuxian finishes, “I can figure out how to destroy it. Safely.”

That seems to take Nie Huaisang by actual surprise. His fan pauses, mid sway, then shivers back into motion, faster and far less even. “Destroy it?”

“Completely,” Wei Wuxian says with a confidence he forces into his throat.

He needs to be confident in this. He needs to be sure he can destroy it, otherwise… Otherwise none of this will matter anyway.

Nie Huaisang hums, considering. He folds the fan and taps it against his lips. “We can probably make that work.”

Something like relief breaks in Wei Wuxian’s chest. A breath he hadn’t been holding. He wants to reach for Wen Qing’s hand, but she probably wouldn’t appreciate the gesture in front of their guest.

He takes a deep breath. Waits for Wen Qing’s tiny nod. And says, “Okay.”

“Okay?” asks Nie Huaisang, hope shining too bright to be false in his eyes.

“If you can guarantee the safety of the Wens,” says Wei Wuxian, “we’ll go.”

Wen Qing inhales, pauses, inhales again, and says, “Nie-er-gongzi…”

“Yes, Wen-daifu?”

She still seems to be gathering her words, but Nie Huaisang waits patiently. His fan is still, his smile gentle again.

She tilts her head, eyes calculating, and says, “There will be political backlash for this.”

“Ah, yes. I suppose there is one last thing I’ll require of you, Wei-xiong.”

Wei Wuxian waits, annoyed, but also dazed. He’s not entirely sure that any of this is really happening. It’s too good. Even if there is yet another condition.

Nie Huaisang smiles -- smiles, not a grin full of mischief or a calculating quirk of the lips -- and says to Wei Wuxian, “Become my sworn brother.”

Wei Wuxian’s face reacts before he can tell it not to. His jaw drops open, his brow furrows, his eyes search his friend for the joke, for the punchline, for any hint that he’s not serious about this. When he doesn’t find one, he yells, “Huaisang!”

“What?” asks Nie Huaisang, fan flapping back and forth over an exaggerated pout. “I didn’t realize it was so detestable a concept.”

“You cannot swear yourself to Yiling Laozu.”

“We’re not getting married.”

Wei Wuxian scoffs. “We kind of would be, and you know that.”

“So what? You’re a war hero. And an incredibly powerful cultivator.”

A glance to Wen Qing offers no help. Her lips are softly curled and her eyes are unfocused, like she’s imagining Jin Guangshan’s face when Wei Wuxian is pulled out of his reach for good. Or maybe just the spectacle of Yiling Laozu swearing himself to Nie Huiasang, the most unassuming figure of the highly ranked gentry.

“I don’t have a core,” Wei Wuxian blurts out, “which you seem to have figured out somehow.”

Nie Huaisang looks very smug and says, “Nothing in the ceremony requires a golden core.”

“I’m a servant’s son.”

“Meng Yao is a prostitute’s son. Wei-xiong, I really don’t understand what the problem is here?”

“He has self-esteem issues,” says Wen Qing. Which is just--

“I--? What? I’m incredibly full of myself, ask anyone.”

Wen Qing catches his eyes and glares. But he isn’t lying.

It’s not self-esteem he has issues with. It’s other people risking themselves for him. Reputation means everything in this world, all three of them know that. And Nie Huaisang’s reputation is far from spotless. He does not need it raked over the coals by being associated with Wei Wuxian.

But then. It’s not for him. Or not just for him. It’s for Nie Mingjue. It’s for the Wens.

It-- Damnit, it could work, too.

This time when he looks at her, Wen Qing looks back. It’s in her eyes: his acquiescence. He can see it there, taunting him. She knows him too well. She knows him better than anyone, it seems, even himself.

“In front of everybody?” he asks, a whine more than anything.

Nie Huaisang’s smile gets wider. Victorious. “That is generally how it’s done, yes. I’m planning it for your nephew’s 100 days ceremony.”

“That’s quick,” says Wen Qing.

“It’s necessary.”

“I’m impressed.”

Nie Huaisang winks, “Don’t tell anyone.”

“And Nie-zongzhu is just-- fine with that?” Wei Wuxian asks, some last token protest before he has nothing left.

“He understands the complexity of the situation. And the… Jin Guangshan of the situation.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

Wei Wuxian blows out all the air in his lungs. It’s not a lot, but it gives him several seconds to collect himself. Then, finally, he says, “Alright, let’s do it.”

He’s not sure who looks more satisfied, Nie Huaisang or Wen Qing. He ignores the strange ease that settles into his own gut at the idea of it. At a path forward that isn’t a single-log bridge in the night. It’s… nice, he thinks. To have somebody else to help him across the river, to help him help the rest of them cross safely to the other side.

It’s a new feeling. A new lightness.

He’s sad, suddenly, that it didn’t come from someone else. Someone who has been his candle in the dark since they were teenagers.

And then he is abruptly guilty for that feeling, and he shakes it off, letting his mouth run instead.

“How does this sworn brotherhood thing work, anyway? Am I siblings with my sworn sibling’s siblings? What about their sworn siblings and those sworn siblings’... siblings?”

He ran out of steam at the end a little bit, and “siblings” now more resembles a jumble of sounds than it does a real word. But then Nie Huaisang sighs and says, “You will still be allowed to marry Wangji-xiong,” and Wei Wuxian feels all of the blood in his body rush into his cheeks.

“Good,” he nods, with every ounce of dignity he has left. It’s not a lot. “That’s all I need to know.”

#wei wuxian #nie huaisang #wen qing #mdzs #fanfiction #you'll never guess what i spent my afternoon doing instead of homework....#ccdwydyog #nhs + wwx sworn brother au #my writing #i have absolutely nothing written after this so like... idk where this is going really but it's fun to play with anyway :)#first draft! please be nice :)#let me know where you want it to go and i'll see what i can do #probably will run in the vein of wwx wq mad scientist fun times idk

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sisterdivinium · 1 year

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(One thing I find peculiar and unfortunate in current fandom business is the seeming lack of pointed discussion, so here is a humble attempt to spark a conversation and I more than welcome commentary.)

I came across someone in the notes to a post somewhere talking of how Jillian had been better styled in season two than in season one and I agreed, already seeking the justification for it in my mind. My observations are as follows:

S1 Jillian is Arq-Tech's mastermind and public face. Even though we first meet her in Morocco, in her explorer, Indiana Jones-like garb, it's the image of her running her company that sticks with us, her statements to the press, her corporate persona opening metaphorical fire upon the Church. A "powerful woman" as mainstream media constructs for us everyday, in subtle but visible makeup so as to diminish the effects of age on her face, in heels so as to peek at the rest of humanity from above, with controlled gestures meant for the inherent theatricality that comes with introducing life-changing technology to society. It is a role she plays—well, but a role nonetheless.

The scene she shares with father Vincent is worthy of mention, for while he sits without taking up much space, his body restrained to the side of a couch, his legs crossed in what is deemed a more "feminine" posture, Jillian takes up the traditional "masculine" attitude: she commands the room, her body expanding upon her seat, in the broad pose where an ankle rests upon a knee, complete with a generous glass of alcohol in hand and talon on foot. Yet this is also for show—it's a little too calculated, a dance that was so perfected in exhaustive practice that it lost its dynamic.

Our glimpses into the more authentic Jillian come in the scenes with Michael—not only because (coded in white and blue as the Virgin Mary of immaculate conception) she plays the part of mother, but because, in her intimacy, far from journalists and employees and the public's prying eyes, she can be more herself within the areas where she conducts her studies. Starting from when Ava asks Jillian to "science her", we never see the doctor in uncomfortable shoes again, as she retreats from entrepreneurial life and into the lab.

This is clearer in season two, for, as Kristian says, she is on sabbatical, thus isolated from general view; S2 Jillian has nobody around her, nobody to impress. Locked away in her Spanish villa, consumed by her son's disappearance, she need not wear a mask. There are no more tellingly feminine accessories, no staged stunts; her clothes and footwear are even more practical, her movements less grand but more human, more expressive (here, of course, we owe it to Thekla Reuten's underrated range). Even as the OCS invites itself into her house, making it a makeshift HQ, she doesn't fall back on the act we saw in the first season.

Jillian's stepping back from the head of her company is not just in name and contract, but in body, too; she leaves the CEO role in her office and comes home to her science and her cause, to her limited inner circle of which only Michael was privy to and into which the OCS nuns end up finding their way.

Colours also indicate a shift—we begin the series seeing her associated with light hues such as white, beige and baby blues, but when season two comes in, Jillian's striking all-white attire is nowhere to be found. The Holy Mother parallel is in shambles after Michael has gone through the ark's portal, the intangibility of this "saintly", aseptic rich genius broken down, her person brought back to Earth after flights of fancy trying to open a gate to Heaven.

We see her in a darker palette, in greys with dashes of white, yes, but never again in full white. It is not just the authorisation to be herself rather than her company's face while in her private world, but also the reflection of her inner darkness and her loss upon her very appearance.

What a more definite loss could mean, now that her son is gone for good, remains a mystery.

For instance, unlike the nun who served as her superior, our Suzanne rejects the characteristic blues of the Order of the Cruciform Sword to don a heavy all-black outfit, more reminiscent of Orthodox priests than it is Roman Catholic nuns; her resurrection through Ava does not lighten her habit, if it does lighten her burden, so we can only assume, going forward, should there be any relation between how each character expresses their inner workings through clothing, that Jillian Salvius would keep the mixture of white and grey that season two brought along... Or go darker still.

#jillian salvius #warrior nun #i had already talked about this with a friend but i thought i'd better organise and illustrate my thoughts #i did have to go through both seasons in a single afternoon hunting all of jillian's scenes so i was tired by the time photoshop was opened #sorry for the terrible collage is what i mean to say #i do want to investigate the mother superion angle a little more sometime but i'm still unsure #anyway. i said it before and i'll say it again that i find film analysis difficult #it has its own grammar and i'm used to actual language written down in books but i try #hope this is fun to you as it was for me #and NO i couldn't help myself so i had to include the whole screencap when suzanne was in it lol #i love them and there is nothing you can do about it. they stand near one another and i cry. that is it.#analysis and similar #exercises in observation

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love-fireflysong · 1 month

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Okay, so a couple of summers back both my PS4 controllers started getting the ever annoying stick drift (my silver on the left stick and blue on the right hilariously enough). And while I got a new controller in to replace it as a bday present, I never actually tossed either of them. Mostly because they were still usable as back ups in certain games. Like my blue was awful in any game that used camera controls, but in a game or platformer like crash it worked just fine, while the other was fine in any 3d game but in a 2d style then movement was almost impossible (like I still remember jumping over a gap only to lose my jump momentum half way through and falling to my death).

But that brings me to today. In my travels of trying to fix my PS2 controller hilariously enough, I found out that you can actually buy replacement joystick pieces and just replace them yourselves. Assuming you have a soldering gun and equipment of course.

So I got a couple of those parts and ordered a little soldering kit online, and I'm all ready to try and see i can't get my controllers working back at 100% again.

Wish me luck!

#im so excited you have no idea #in a high school computer class we had a small unit on soldering and i got to build a motherboard #and while its admittedly been like almost 15 years since then i loved that section so much #ive been wanting to do some raspberry pi stuff for a while #thought it would be fun #so this is just a great excuse to get soldering stuff and giving it a go!#if it doesnt work than im not too worried cause i have a fully usable controller anyways and i havent touched these ones in months #but if it does than instead of spending like $70 on a new controller it only cost me $16 to buy the two parts that i needed #later this afternoon my lens replacement for my ps2 should be arriving as well #though that will be a much easier install #just gotta desolder a piece on the new part than screw it in place lol #god i love fixing stuff like this on my own though #always makes me feel smart when all it takes to fix somethig is just taking it apart and cleaning a piece

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nyoomfruits · 10 months

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don't you worry about any of that! you write so well that I'll gladly read whatever you decide to publish 💛 I've been thoroughly enjoying not only your amazing lestappen, but everything you've been writing – you do you, and thank you!

aaaah deb please this is so nice ;-; <3

i've not completely abandonned lestappen (i did just come up with wholeass fake dating au that included a lot of clothes sharing between max and charles including the infamous quali pants) but i did suffer some serious writers block at the end of may (which i dont think i really talked about??) which left me not wanting to write anything and i got super frustrated with it.

anyway i've now gotten back to a point where i actually want to write things again so for now i'm just indulging myself writing whatever silly little stories i want in the hopes i'll eventually get to a place where i can write the Serious Big Fics again (like. you know. the roommates au lmao)

but i'm really happy to hear that there's people who will read anything i write it makes me feel very ;-;

#like lestappen is still my home base #but there's something delightfully fun about the lando/oscar dynamic that is just. curing my writers block in ways i cant explain #i think its the possibility for sillyness #like one of the ideas i have rn is a fic in which oscar does a lot of stress baking during race weekends #and like he leaves the baked goods in the mclaren hospitality #lando eats one at some point and is like. i am in love i NEED to marry the girl who made this #and oscar who is like harboring a serious crush for lando at this point is like. well i REALLY dont want to deal with the dissapointed look #on his face when he realizes its not a GIRL but ME who's doing the baking #so he says nothing #and then lando goes on this insane james bond esque mission to find out who mystery baking girl is #ropes oscar into it as well #and then during afternoons staking out the mclaren kitchens and patrolling the cafeteria or whatever lando thinks up #he slowly starts falling for oscar instead #oh and then there's also the werewolf au lmao #but i've been rambling for long enough and maybe like 2.3 people are insterested in this so you know #landoscar

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grimsdeadb0nes · 11 months

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hey so uh

have this 👌 I've done this before though Im pretty sure I never showed it but a new version of it came out bc someone remade it for soncs in mind and a whole bunch of stuff with it and i know i should be doing other stuff right now but I got uh distracted....? so i remade it,, they make me happi

#bone rattling #oc x canon #me blatantly shipping ocXcanon? more likely then you think #and very obvious bc i've done it before but its been a bit- i also say that I do it in my bio-#zeti #zeti oc #my art #my oc #zenyx #zavok #sonic oc #most ya'll got recently tho was a crumb of meemaw n peepaw on meemaws ref #but uh yeah this was nice this was fun #its like 4:35am but i wanted to finish it bc they make me happy #hoping i still like how it looks in the morning (or afternoon bc theres no way im waking up sooner than that)#silly silly horned monsters that'd both grind you to paste im sure #i technically didnt answer the ring line bc in my lore/(?) rings arent a thing and zeti currency is a finicky concept #the confession line is smack in the middle bc the confession is technically wordless and mutual in the moment #zav can only drive bc of TSR and compared to everyone else in the pack im sure he's the best which might not be saying much #i should prob have made him more overprotective soley bc she's an offcolor but its fine #he's only mega jealous-capable bc he's an angry spicy man you cant change my mind #i made them too big and therefore he's too big and interferes with himself on the side of the chart; but they're to height with eachother #i think- or tried at least #okay i've yapped enough im going to bed

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whatsagirltoblogabout · 8 months

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I'm at the conspiracy theory stage of my White Collar hyperfixation.

In the Season 3 premiere (3.01 On Guard), Neal's tie is sliced during a fencing match and he's forced to put on a new one at the WC office. He puts the new tie around his neck, but then takes a file out of the rack on his desk and moves it to a different part of the rack before starting to tie his tie. Does he have a mirror or something hidden in his file rack??? Was this established or hinted at somewhere else, either in the series or in behind the scenes content? And if there isn't a mirror, then WHY DID HE DO THAT???

#today's episode of 'losing my mind about white collar' is brought to you by me trying to figure out the timeline for the warehouse explosion #I still haven't figured it out to my satisfaction #but as far as I can piece together the warehouse explodes during the day then there's a gap in time until nightfall #Neal arrives home at night/evening to find the key and go to the warehouse with the treasure #and then ends up with Peter and Jones for the lie detector test? which took place for 5 hours overnight in some other warehouse?#and then immediately afterwards he goes to meet Sara at a bookstore without changing his clothes?#and then finally goes back to his loft and talks to Mozzie #still in the same clothes #i think???#what happened in that afternoon gap after the explosion?#was it just cleanup and stuff?#what was Neal doing?#he says 'prove it' and then walks off all angry so I feel like he wouldn't have gone back to the office? but he didn't go home either?#or did he go home but Mozzie hadn't left the key yet but he didn't change his clothes and went back out again at some point?#like that seems overly convoluted #ha! overly convoluted. says the person thinking too hard about something that was probably just hand waved for plot reasons #eh whatever. I like overthinking. I'm having fun and that's what matters #also why did Peter and Jones do their interrogation so clandestinely #like I know Peter wanted it off the bureau's radar #haha radar - because 2.16 was called under the radar #anyways #why not at Neal's loft? why the warehouse?#like I acknowledge that the scene took place where and when it did for the *ambience*#however in-universe it puzzles me #but I'm also super oblivious and certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed so I might just be overlooking a really obvious solution #welp #white collar #episode 2.16 #episode 3.01

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maddy-ferguson · 6 days

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fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself

#and like i say: brf slt #i felt like this especially when i would have been likely to do it semi-regularly like in middle school. but like i was thinking about this #the other day and i did it in front of a mirror just to check and it looked as bad as i remember like it's just not for me #i have a story abour middle fingers though or just about what one would call the finger #when i was in what an american would call the 5th grade (i can never do when i was x years old because it's not an accurate representation #of the class i was in since i skipped a grade and the grade is what matters more to me. when i was 9 and my friends were 10 i was saying)#we would always play this game called girls catch guys or guys catch girls where the girls would run after the guys and like tap them on #the shoulder and then they would go to prison and they would line up and another guy could set them free by like touching one of the #prisoners it was a very fun game except it's way more fun to be like the ones getting caught than to be the ones catching and we would #ALWAYS play girls catching guys and it was very unfair we would be like okay in the morning we do guys catching girls in the afternoon #girls catching guys so it's fair like normal system but the guys NEVER wanted to do it (and we would always give in because like we still #wanted to play ig and idk guys. female socialization) they never wanted to be the ones doing the catching it was so unfair because we also #didn't like it as much and we did it all the time?#and i remember this one morning we were fighting about this we had literally all agreed that it was fair this way but they didn't want to #do it and my second best male friend flipped me and my best (female) friend off and (very #important detail) he did it with both of his hands so like two middle fingers and i don't know why because i'm not even sure that that's a #thing but one middle finger meant fuck you and two middle fingers meant go fuck yourself and to us that was very different? and i remember #my friend and i we like knew what it meant but for some reason we were like. he did do the one finger before doing the two does this mean #he...loves us because it literally means he wants to have sex with us #but what's funny is we never talked to him again after that and i don't even know why that was our last straw because i remember i #genuinely liked him before that like i said he was my second best male friend! so like maybe sixth best friend overall that's not bad #and he's not the only guy friend who flipped us off that year like it was so random to stop talking to him after that😭#like he was an actual enemy we really did not like him we talked about him in letters we'd give each other using a nickname etc #and what's even funnier is in our last year of middle schoold FOUR YEARS AFTER THIS a friend of a friend told him he should become friends #with well my friend and he was like hm i don't think so have you seen who she hangs out with? marianne *last name* like why do YOU hate #me😭 it was so funny like wdym it was mutual this whole time. i had literally moved on by then i didn't even care about hating him #anymore like wow...i think he's the only person i hated who actually hated me back

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 7 months

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mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN

anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today

NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE

that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.

my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!

#im like... skooo tired rn. i dont have ANY more words left in me.#but like i also dont want 2 sleep yet #i didnt shower this morning bc our gas lines have been down for like 3 days and we ran out of hot water #BUT theyre back up now. but also its like 11pm and my family is asleep and i dont want to wake them up #but i feel soooooo gross and greasy #+ my hair is at that point where its like. Uncomfortably Long. getting back into oh fuck i look like a girl territory. eugh #but its FINE bc im getting it CUT tomorrow. my favorite place had one (1) opening tomotrow afternoon so i snatched that shit up RIGHT away #uhhh what else. i watched some scary movies today those r always fun.#every day i yearn to be a) a man covered in blood or b) a vampire bite victim but like in a fun homoerotic way #those two things are not mutually exclusive but you know what i mean. i need 2 look like will graham #asks #friends!!!#anachronistic-falsehood #i am also revisiting an old blorbo rn and the nostalgia is hitting sooooo badly #i will not name this blorbo bc im not into public humiliation like that but ohh my god. favoritest guy ever.#fundamentally changed my life type character.#category 7 insane person moment. we stay silly !!!#im like. sooooo sleepy and rambly but also i feel a little bit like an oyster rn

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