#and i've recently just kinda been 'femme as gender'

[pinkcarabiner]

i'm gonna talk about gender in the tags <3

#so i identified as nonbinary for two years #but i've never felt *conntected* to the label as i do with other parts of my identity like femme/high femme/lesbian etc #and i've recently just kinda been 'femme as gender' #and that makes a lot more sense to me #like i'll still call myself nonbinary to convey that i am *not* cis and *not* a woman #but it's really only a label i've used/still use just to get the point across #delete later #idk i've been thinking about this a lot #also growing up at the intersection of different cultures with such a strict definition of womanhood has really kinda messed #my understanding of *my* gender #because i have lots of thoughts and feelings and such a complicated relationship with femininity #but also he/him in a femme way <3

[foone]

So the thing is, I've been on hormones for like, uh.. 18 months now. And at some point I'm presumably going to tell my parents, right? They don't know anything about my gender, though they probably suspect I'm not exactly cishet (the most recent picture they've seen of me involved me standing in front of a pride flag! In my own house! A pride flag I DESIGNED! ).

But while I'm sure it'd go fine and they'd be accepting, despite their past dalliances with homophobia and transphobia... I also kinda want to not tell them until I have to. Because that is way funnier.

See, they live on the other side of the country. We haven't seen each other in person in years. At some point that'll change, and imagine how much funnier it'll be if that's way farther along in my transition, and I show up presenting entirely as femme as possible, and just DO NOT MENTION IT.

Is this the right thing to do? The sensible thing? No, probably not.

But it would absolutely be the funniest and most chaotic thing to do. So I am extremely tempted. If it ends up coming up sometime before then I guess I'll come out, but if circumstances work out just right, I might get to walk into their house one day... "Hi son! It's been so long, it's good to see you again. Nice dress, that color looks good on you. Uh, one quick question though, why do you have breasts? WHY ARE YOU A GIRL?"

I dream of that day. Imagine the hilarity and the drama. Beautiful.

#Trans shitposting

[sciderman]

I've been having some gender-confused thoughts recently and I've been kinda hoping you could weight in on this (as i kinda see you as an expert on gender™ stuff), as sometimes i kinda think like "I wonder what it would be like to be a girl" or "I kinda wanna try if I'd like being a woman and percieved as such" but also partly i am unsure, as i got noone to try stuff with irl (like make-up and clothes and stuff like that) and my parents, mainly my dad, aren't really the most open thinking people out there, and also because part of me wonders if part of my brain is still sexualizing women because most/basicly all of those thoughts are connected to sexual stuff or something physical (even if just cuddling or making out) so i dunno what to think. Sorry for venting but i dunno who to ask tbh. (Where's a Vanessa where you need one, eh?)

i don't think there's any sort of a thing like an expert on gender™, and i don't know if i could at all really weigh in on the validity of your feelings or whether you "qualify" for the right to experiment with your gender – you really, really don't have to "qualify" or feel like you're any sort of anything! if you're curious about what it would feel like to present as femme, then - by god, try it and find out. it might feel amazing, and you'll do it again - you might not like it, and never do it again. or, it might just be a thing you feel that week, and not the next week, and then you'll feel it again in a couple of months, then not.

it doesn't hurt to just - treat it as something easy and free. it doesn't hurt to - buy something pretty and try it in front of the mirror. you're not signing a contract or applying for status as a full-time trans... you're just trying something new. just like you'll try a new entree at a new restaurant. you might never go back. or you'll love it so much you'll go there every week. until you find a new, better restaurant. it's not an all-or-nothing sort of deal - it's not any sort of commitment at all. it's just clothes, and words, and feelings. they can change at any moment, and you should let them be strange and inexplicable and unexplainable - don't take it too seriously. it's all play. treat it like play.

everything in life should feel like play. i think it hurts everyone - absolutely everyone, cis or trans, or anyone - to think that they have to be a certain way. like they have to be this much of something, and cannot be anything else. be free, be comfortable, and be as much of something as you want to be. you don't have to be more, and you don't have to be less than whatever it is you want to be. just - just be.

if you think it'll be fun to put some tights on, put some tights on. if you think it'll be fun to put some make-up on, put some make-up on - sure, it'd always be nice to have someone to guide you through that journey, but - ultimately, whether you have someone else or not, that journey is going to be initiated by you. you have to want to take that first step - and you don't have to wait for it to happen. you can do it any time, whenever you're comfortable and ready, and feel safe to do so.

i think, also, if you're sincerely thinking about gender beyond the binary and asking these sorts of questions then the issue of "sexualising women" becomes much more multilayered than you think. but i don't really - i don't know, i don't really understand where you're coming from. i think there's a very harmful argument from terfs and the like where - they demonise transwomen and accuse them of fetishising femininity and coopting it as a way to penetrate female spaces and - i don't know, maybe that's a mindset you're internalising? if so, i'd really ask you to reexamine that - if you're thinking that about yourself, are you thinking that of transwomen and other gnc people? just - something to reexamine. make sure you're not internalising a rhetoric like that. i'm pretty sure you're not that horrible bogeyman that terfs like to conjure to get people to fear transfolk. and i'm pretty sure that you taking the time to explore your identity and ask questions and getting to know yourself and your relationship with the world is a pretty harmless and wonderful thing that you shouldn't feel afraid to do.

good luck anon! and don't feel afraid to slip back into my inbox with any exciting updates, if you do decide to be so bold!

#sci speaks #the gender tag

[rubyscarbuncle]

VENT POST FEEL FREE TO SCROLL PAST

content warnings: dysphoria, self-loathing, depression

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I'm not really asking for advice or help, not really looking for people to feel obligated to read this, just kinda screaming into the void. I wouldn't turn down that, but if anyone does decide to read this for some reason, I don't want them to feel obligated to say anything. This is just a post to just... Get it out.

dysphoria has been beating my ASS recently. I feel like I'm out of the honeymoon phase of hrt if that makes sense, where the progress has slowed down a lot. Everything feels a lot slower and more incremental. I finally felt like I look femme enough to pass (a feeling that honestly I don't even believe on most days now) and tried to do voice training, but kinda stopped.

it's hard, on good days I can tolerate or ignore my voice but on most days I just don't like it at all. I think it's one of the reasons that I've been nonverbal more often recently. Although it's also due in part that I'm actually allowing myself to do so on days where I just don't feel like talking, but I think if I wasn't so dysphoric I'd at least be able to manage to just keep my mic on at least. Or at least squeeze out a few words. But I just don't like my voice being perceived. I think it sounds fake and wrong and a lot of other things. I know I wouldn't be feeling this way if I did voice training, but to do voice training I have to listen to and focus on my voice, and I hate my voice, but it can't change unless I do voice training, but to do it I have to listen and focus on my voice, and thus the cycle repeats and as I feel the cycle repeating my motivation dips lower and lower. It sucks. Like a lot. I feel like I'm in this weird fucked up stage where it's just enough to not present as outwardly masculine but is still very easily detectable as masc. I know passing isn't tied to gender, but it's a shitty feeling nonetheless.

I just wish I could bundle myself up and just never have to be perceived until my transition is complete. But I feel like I'm forced to walk around like a caterpillar that's halfway morphed, one that should still be in its cocoon but is forced to walk around anyways. It's a really shitty feeling that I don't know if I could describe to anyone that doesn't have to deal with it any better than that.

I put on make-up recently and felt not very good after putting it on, like I looked somehow more masculine in the way that you could tell I already didn't have a standardly feminine face but also had shitty make-up applied that feels deeply unfeminine, I got complimented by someone I know who signed to me saying "you look beautiful" and chat I can't lie, my first thought was "damn I can't believe they'd lie to my face like that."

It also sucks, because I feel like I'm nervous to be or act like myself outside of really close friends or else I might be seen as "not feminine enough" or something. But that in it of itself makes me feel like I'm just faking it or something and I feel like people can tell that which sorta makes its own vicious cycle.

I just wish I could just be put in some kind of vat like the healing pod for goku but for transitioning. Just sit in that vat and let the changes wash over me until it's over.

Don't get me wrong, I still love being trans, I love the community, I love the perspective it's given me, I love meeting supportive people, I love so much about it, but the dysphoria (and not to mention the transphobia) aougoughhhhhhhhh, it's debilitating.

#gender dysphoria #tw dysphoria #tw depression #tw self loathing

[our-transmasculine-experience]

hi, i just saw your prompts for asks and the journey to my name is kinda funny, so i might as well share.

context: i am an afab nonbinary person and i went through the femme nonbinary, trans man and masc nonbinary phases in this exact order. i also came out very recently, but i've been out on tumblr since day one (my mutuals have seen it all xd).

the journey: i went by Fae on my art account so it felt only natural to go for that name when i realised i was nonbinary. then, i came across the concept of William as a girl name, so i started going by William. "as a joke", y'know. and then i somehow started using he/him pronouns accidentally and realised it felt better than they/them (at the time). so i started questioning my gender, which led to me changing my name like twice a month or so. we went through Felix, Virgil, Remy, Shadow, Void, i believe Leaf or Moss or something similarly themed, Sáva (that's a czech one), Onyx, Lynx, Tea (in no particular order). then i came to the conclusion that i am, in fact, not a trans guy, and my name crisis stopped at Nyx. but when i was ready to come out, facebook refused to accept that as a name for some reason. so i picked out Ezra as a substitute, which was a very rushed decision and didn't last long, because before starting uni, i had another crisis. i've been Neo now for almost three months now and since Neo from Matrix was one of my favourite characters while i was in my teens, i think the name is here to stay. but i do think that if i wasn't limited by my primary language, i would go by Leaf and i'd be absolutely thrilled about it.

that’s a lot of names! thanks for sharing, neo

[beetrootbug]

god the intrusive thoughts are back with a vendetta. Like, recently i've been watching a lot of stuff about hyping up women, specifically trans women (but also just fem people in general) and i'll get really really happy for them, and hyping them up and seeing them happy makes me really really happy! I like seeing people happy. But noooo, intrusive thoughts have other ideas. Cuz for the longest time when this would happen my intrusive thoughts would go "oh that just means your attracted to them" which??? No?? Huh?? But now that i have gotten THAT specific intrusive thought out of my brain (seemingly for good) NOW my intrusive thoughts go "OH, YOU"RE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!" LIKE BITCH WHAT. LIKE STFU, WHAT??? Women are amazing, women are incredible, fem people make me happy, but BEING ONE?? It makes me dysphoric. I hate it, i truly hate it. And i don't want these thoughts anymore. Just when i think i get on top of my intrusive thoughts, they come back for round god knows what number it is. Just let me be happy with my gender, I suffered so much when coming to terms with my sexuality BECAUSE of my intrusive thoughts, they made it so hard for me to believe i'm ace and aro. I can at least take that now. But since i can, i guess they're coming for my gender identity now. I got worried when i would think about my sexuality. But thinking about my gender like this? It just makes me really fucking sad. I feel so horrible. I kinda wanna cry. I don't need this fear. I don't need the fear that maybe i've gotten my gender identity wrong, i shouldn't have to feel like i have to prove to my intrusive thoughts that i am who i say i am. I feel like, because i'm ace aro and agender, i don't have any frame of reference for sex romance or gender, so it makes it really hard to debunk intrusive thoughts because i have nothing to compare it to. I'm just really tired, i don't fucking need this right now. Just let me watch videos of femme people being happy, let me celebrate them for being femme without insinuating that that makes me femme. Please. God, i don't know what i'll do when it comes to masc people. I don't want to be masc, i don't want to be femme, i'm fucking neutral, but the depths of my fucking mind won't even let me have that. I'm in agony. Mental distress and agony. I just want to feel something that isn't my tighten chest. I feel like i'm sinking.

#tw intrusive thoughts #ace #aro #ace aro #aroace #aromantic #asexual #agender #nonbinary #non binary #intrusive thoughts #gender dysphoria #tw gender dysphoria #trans femme #trans masc #trans neutral #transgender #screaming #but not into a void #screaming in my mind #screaming so loud #it feels good #damn if you listen to inside by duster while reading it enhances the vibes lmao /hj #tw #i wanted to tag this with gender confusion but it just made me feel more panicked #i can't handle that mentally #god i'm so sensitive #i could use a hug

[violet-kink-rambles]

Pt 1 | Working Late Too Often

Femme Feeder x Gender Neutral Feedee Themes: Workplace Setting, Weight Gain, Bribery, Intox, Stuffing, Public Stuffing, Soft Feedism, and the occasional Hard Feedism

Word Count: 4714

This is a slow burn story! I have no idea how many parts will be in this, but it will speed up over time. This part is just getting everything set up and some solo stuffing in the second half. No promises on when the next part is out, this was done over a few days but I've been in the mood to write lately so yeah :) Last thing before we start, nothing in this story is relevant to my real life except the starting dimensions and that I work in coding and graphic design. Use whatever names you want, you're the one reading it!

So I had just graduated college recently, it took 4 years of my life and more money than I wish to mention. But one of the things they forget to mention about computer science is just how long you’ll be sitting down every day. From 6 hours of classes to another 4 hours minimum at home to get your projects done you’re spending the majority of those 4 years sitting in front of a screen. Some might shy away from comp sci because of that alone… but that was one of the appeals for me. You see, I’m a bit of a fatty. I’ve never been super in shape, I’ve been on the thiccer side for as long as I can remember. But college reallllyyy made me blow up a bit, I went from a modest 6’3” and 225 to around 310 in only a few years! Sure I noticed it creeping up on me but to be honest… I kinda like it! I've just been eating what I want and waiting to see what happens.

My friends and family on the other hand have been on my ass about the gym and have kept offering me diet advice for the last couple of years now. Lately, it seems like the pressure has dropped off and they are finally accepting that this is just what I am now. Thank fuck for that, they just don’t get how hard it is to work out when you have to sit down for the majority of the day. After struggling to find a job for the first few months after graduation I finally got an interview at a mid-size startup! The pay isn’t great but the office offers decent benefits and they also offer meals at the office. Sure that can be kinda toxic since it encourages you to stay late but hey I’ll take what I can get. On the morning of the interview I was getting dressed to head out when I realized that I don’t have a proper fitting outfit, my shirt is taut against my torso and it was a bit uncomfy around the arms. And the pants… the fucking pants. I felt almost like a sausage casing, I was able to cover everything but there was no way I was gonna be able to hide how fat I am. Begrudgingly I picked up my bag and left the house, swearing to stop at a store to get a new wardrobe after the interview.

On the drive over I couldn’t help but feel hungry. If you know anything about America(especially Texas) then you know that you can't drive more than a block or 2 in town without seeing some restaurant or fast food place. As well as the pinnacle of fast food, the greatest to ever do it. Speckled all across the state like a fuck ton of salt on a table you can get food from the tastiest, most consistent, and most bang for your buck place of all. Whataburger, the bane of every fatass in Texas. It's hard not to stop there when the burgers are as big as your head, swapping fries for onion rings at no extra cost, and the drink sizes being pushed down one size. A medium is 32oz, and the large at a whopping 44oz, while a 2 liter of soda is 67oz. For $10-13 a fatty can be full with some great southern comfort food. I really wanted to stop but if I did then my outfit would be even worse! Deciding against it and just going hungry, I pull into the office parking lot about 10 minutes later and try and hype myself up.

“Ok V, you got this shit, light fucking work! You’ve done more leetcode over the last year than you thought you would in a fucking lifetime! You’ve got your degree, and you’ve done everything you can. If they don’t wanna hire you then it’s their loss!” I got out of the car and sauntered over to the building brimming with confidence despite my tight outfit. When I got inside and up to the 4th floor where the office was I saw this cute receptionist, your stereotypical brunette woman with a little bit of extra meat on her bones. She was on a call so I just waited for her to finish. A glance around the room gave me some high hopes about the environment I might be working in. On the wall a big mural of what appears to be a shaman meditating atop a hill, the grass closest to him overgrown compared to the rest and speckled with flowers. It just calmed me down a lot because it made me feel like personal growth is important here. But then all of a sudden the woman behind the counter greeted me.

R - Receptionist R- “Hey! What can I do for you today?” Me- “ Hey! I’m just here for the 2pm interview for the programming position you guys had listed” R- “Ah gotcha! You’re a little early but she should be ready for you, just head down the hall and knock on the 6th door to your right” Me- “Thanks! Hopefully, we will be working together soon :)” Walking down the hallway I’m really liking the aesthetic of this place, some off-white walls with an almost rosy black trim. You can just tell there’s been a lot of money put into this place from all the furnishings. Off to the left, I see a large open room through the glass wall, a lot of spacious cubicles, and what I can only describe as “groovy” corporate artwork on the walls. It’s an open-concept office, with not a lot of closed off areas except the personal offices to my right. After getting to the 6th door I take a deep breath and knock, before hearing a sweet sounding voice call out “Come in!” Opening the door I see a beautiful office, a bunch of personal items, books, and a MacBook with stickers on the back on her desk. But the real knockout is the woman in front of me. A powerful looking woman with ginger hair to right above her shoulders, her body tight and built, dressed in a rose/peach pantsuit looking like it had just been steamed and ironed that morning. She’s extremely well put together, while I on the other hand am stuffed into an outfit that probably stopped fitting well a few months ago. I only took a glance at her before she greeted me, and I reminded myself I'm in interview mode. Gotta nail this and land the job.

Int- Interviewer Int- “Hey you’re the 2 o’clock right? Have a seat :)” Me- “Yep that’s me! Hope you’re doing well today :) I have a booklet I brought with me that has all my certifications if you’d like to look through it” Int- “Sounds good! My name is Kirsty, it’s nice to meet you :) What’s your name?” Me- “Ah sorry that was rude of me, my name is Violet :)” Kirsty- “Haha don’t worry about it, this field is full of introverts so I’m used to it” I set it on her desk and sit down, hearing the chair groan ever so slightly my face flushes red. Fuck I hope she didn’t hear that. She glanced through the booklet and asked me a bunch of the typical interview questions, then the technical part of the interview came along and instead of taking the full 45 minutes I was provided I finished the coding problem in about 20.

Me- “Ok, I believe I have it right. I’ve accounted for all exceptions and the code is running smoothly. No hiccups.” Kirsty- “Well that was fast! Let me see”

She takes the laptop and looks at the code for a few minutes while asking some more questions. I keep noticing though that it doesn't really look like she’s looking at the screen. It seems like she's looking just to the side of it, her desk is pretty big so maybe I'm wrong? Not really sure

Kirsty- “This is some concise and.. tight code, some good notation and comments, you meet what we’re looking for and from talking with you I think we can work well together” Me- “Wait really? So I have the job??” Kirsty- “If you want it, it's yours :) We just have some paperwork to do and you can start the monday after next ” Me- “I- I’d love to accept this job, I’m just surprised since I've heard so many horror stories in college about people having to do like 30 interviews to land a job even when they met all the requirements” Kirsty- “Well you aced the technical portion, you have all the certificates required and then some, and you’ve been a pleasure to talk to. You’re not too shabby Violet :)” Me- “Th- Thankyou :) I don’t know what else to say”

After that I read through and signed the paperwork then left Kirsty’s office, she told the receptionist to give me a tour of the office so I can see where everything is. While taking the tour I learned the receptionist’s name is Heather and she led me through the office introduced me to a few people I'll be working with, and showed me where everything is.

Heather- “You know.. I’m a bit surprised, we’ve been trying to fill that position for months. To be honest I had seen your resume this morning and write you off immediately, straight out of college and you landed this. I don’t know what you did there but you obviously did something right.” Me- “Wait really? All I did was get the technical part done quick and show her my certificates” Heather- “Everyone does that, she gives you 45 minutes but it should take only 30 at most” Me- “Oh.. I guess she just must’ve liked my energy then, either way, I got the job so the specific reason doesn’t matter to me.” Heather- “Yeah well… oh well you’re right. You got the job so who am I to question Kirsty. Are there any more questions you have about the office?” Me- “Just one, I heard there was a no limit kitchen here. Like you guys provide meals and stove tops, is there actually no limit to using those amenities?” Heather- “As long as you hit your deadlines you can even watch Netflix at your desk, we only care about results here… We’ll if that’s all you got for me then I’m gonna head back to my desk” Me- “Can't think of anything else, thanks for the tour :) See you in 2 weeks!”

And with that I left the office, I don’t think it had hit me at that point that I got hired. It felt so surreal! But when I got back to my car… I saw my reflection in the driver's side window. my fucking belly was hanging out the bottom of my shirt ever so slightly, bunching around my midsection in a way that made my belly button outline really noticeable. Me- “Are you FUCKING kidding me??? God dammit V. This better have just happened. I swear to god if I just did an interview and an office tour in front of everyone like this I’m going to toaster water myself.”

After getting in my car and driving off I hear my stomach growl. I know I shouldn’t eat after what just happened but at this point I’m starving. I pulled out my phone and opened the Wingstop app, like 6 months into college we were hosting parties and sporting events at our apartment. Wingstop is perfect for that, everyone pitches in and you can get so many wings it's unreal. I racked up so many reward points that it's become a staple in my diet. After looking at the menu I order my usual, just a 10pc with fries, and a drink. “You know, this is a time to celebrate.. I'm gonna have to buy new clothes anyways.. fuck it” And that's when I see it, the deal of a lifetime. $17 for 20 wings, 2 large fries, and 4 sauces. That could last me for a while, I considered swapping it with what's in my cart but.. What if I didn't? Would it really be that bad? I've got 2 weeks anyways.. And besides, it's not like I'm gonna eat it all tonight.

After adding it to my cart and getting the delivery started I headed home. 45 minute wait, I cleared out my fridge last night, I just haven't gotten to the store lately so the rations are low. Still stoked about the job but my hunger is giving me tunnel vision at this point, and that's when I see it. That beautiful orange and white building, it's weird almost tent-like shape off in the distance, Whataburger. As I get closer to it I'm fighting in my head, “Yo Wingstop is gonna take forever, fuck it why not?” while the other side of me is trying to be reasonable since I just ordered like 30 wings and 2 large fries. Needless to say, I ended up pulling in, I've just been eating more recently and It's not as if this will affect me too much at this point. I pull into the drive-through and get a patty melt meal, it's one of their smaller sandwiches but that doesn't mean anything when compared to another fast food chain. It's 2 big patties probably a ¼ pound each with cheese served on Texas toast. I also got my drink and onion rings as well with my order. After going through the drive-through and paying I couldn't help myself and had to eat some onion rings on the way home. Sipping on a massive dr pepper as I do so. Once I got home I hurried up the stairs, still having about 25 minutes until the Wingstop should get here.

As soon as I get inside my apartment I turn on the TV and open Netflix on my phone. After finding a show to watch I screencast it over and get to work on the food. The patty melted steaming hot and so greasy on the first bite that I just knew it'll sit heavy in my belly. I had finished the onion rings in the car and was a little disappointed, but decided to just get the large onion rings next time. The Whataburger is on the way home from the office so I can only imagine I'll become a regular there. It's not an exaggeration to say that one meal from there can feed you for a whole day. For a normal sized person that happens more than you'd think. Within 10 minutes I was already starting to sip my drink dry, I just couldn't stop eating… but I'm still hungry. I just sorta went on autopilot and munched away. Realizing I still had about 15 minutes until the wing stop arrived I got out my rolling tray and rolled up a joint. It's sort of becoming a habit lately but what can I say, it makes the world a bit less gray and also makes food taste soooo much better. I grab my dr pepper and head outside a couple of minutes later after it's rolled.

Walking out onto my dingy little balcony that's actually just a window you fold up and can take only one step onto I look over the city around me. Will I still be here in a year? Will I move into a better place? Will I get some stupidly big promotion and move into a high rise? Or something in between… While I'm out there I look back on what's happened today. I got a job! Like a real adulting job! I'm nervous, anxious, and excited, but ready. It seems like a great environment with great people, I just gotta do what I can to prove I belong there. After going through almost all of the joints I get a notification that the Wingstop is here. I run on over to the door quickly to make sure my neighbors don't take it. Let's just say my apartment complex isn't exactly a place for blue collar workers. Hell, my dealer lives 1 building over and he's got a decent amount of competition here. I take the Wingstop inside and set it on the counter. I knew that I'd have some of it later when the munchies kicked in but for now I was gonna finish that joint. Out on the balcony again I just realize that everything is gonna work out, everything is fine and I finally have the chance to prove myself!

After finishing the joint and closing the window I head on over to the bathroom to clean up a bit and get these clothes off of me. I hadn't thought about it but my clothes were a LOT tighter now than this morning, my figure in the mirror catching my eye and forcing me to pay attention to it. I didn't want to admit it but this was another sign that I needed to just accept it. For whatever reason… I like being fat.. i really like it.. I've tried to understand it for a while now and I've tried going to the gym, anything I could do to be normal. Most people aren't like this. But whatever the reason, I just need to accept it. I start fondling my belly, pinching it, grabbing the bottom roll, and then lifting it and dropping it. It just moves so.. gracefully. So unlike anything else I've seen. I took off my outfit and the speed at which my shirt buttons separated was almost scary. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't make the situation fluster me even more. My belly falls an inch or 2 lower and jiggles back and forth, the recoil drawing me in for a short couple of seconds. Undoing the pants wasn't any better. The moment I undid the button my fupa sprung forward, immediately filling the space where my zipper once was. After stripping down to my underwear I got unbelievably horny, the sight of my body sent me into heat and made me hungry as well. The thought of being even fatter floods my mind and makes me salivate. Instinctively I begin to caress and jiggle my belly, the soft dough-like mass giving way to my hands at the slightest push.

I snap out of it after another 20 seconds and remember the Wingstop, it hadn't been long at all since I chowed down on the Whataburger but at this point, I didn't care. My lust and yearning for hedonism were in full force tonight and I wasn't about to deny myself this feeling.

I hurry over to my desk in the living room and open one of the drawers in my sectional. I've been saving some weed gummies for a rainy day, to be honest, I didn't expect to use them for something like this. I just know that if I eat one or 2 of them then my appetite will be insatiable. I'll just be able to keep going and going. As I pop one of them into my mouth I can't help but be happy that I got an extra Wingstop, this is a day to celebrate and I might as well go hard with it. If I'm gonna do it then I'm gonna do it right. I start digging into the bag and pull out all the boxes of food. Laying it out on the table I see that I have a bit of a challenge ahead of me. 30 wings, 2 large fries, and a bunch of different sauces. I then open up my fridge and refill my dr pepper from Whataburger.

I already know that I'm gonna have a food coma by the end of this. No matter how long it takes, I am going to eat everything in sight. I have already resolved myself to that and there was no way my horny brain was gonna go back on that. After getting a plate and stacking it tall with about half of the food I turn my show back on. Carrying everything over to the couch the weight of all the food is intoxicating. Just knowing that I'm about to put multiple pounds of food into my belly and bloat myself up with what's basically just pure sugar is making me so filled with lust that the moment I sit down I dig in immediately. The speed at which I'm eating would make you think I hadn't eaten in days. As I'm eating I can feel all of the food slipping down my greedy maw, coated in so much sauce that it slides down with ease. If someone saw me like this they would probably be aghast, horrified at the spectacle of pure greed and gluttony before them. But I just kept going, I haven't paid attention to my show for at least a few minutes. I just kept going with reckless abandon, I didn't care about the consequences, I didn't care about how full I was starting to feel, all I cared about was getting the next bite of food down. My stomach becomes redder and redder, eventually, I feel the pain kick in, only a few chicken wings left and about half a large fry… And I still felt determined to eat more, I had already eaten enough for many people but I just couldn't stop thinking about finishing my plate.

After rubbing my belly for a few minutes I get back to work on the plate, I’m eating slow and just sipping on my soda at this point. The pain and pleasure mixed together to send me into a euphoric daze. As I get to the last bite I’m feeling more pain than pleasure, it feels like my skin is stretching and tearing. When I swallowed the last remaining wing slathered in honey mustard I moaned loud and hard. The pressure inside my overfed gut is immense, but I know that I have something left, the soda. About a third of my drink is left and I’m sluggish, while slowly sipping the remaining liquid it feels like my belly is getting more solid. My hand grazes over it and makes me wince in pain when I press down just a little too hard. The images of Roman royalty grazing on food being brought to them by servants cross my mind, the thought of their lives and how great it would be to have someone feeding me overwhelms me. I drain the remaining soda and set the empty cup down, it falls over onto its side as I had just let my arm fall away from me. My whole body feels heavy and tight. It feels like one wrong move could tear me open. But it felt like pure bliss, like nothing in the world really mattered except for this right here.

Over the next couple of hours, I top myself up with wing stop and soda until I notice what time it is. It’s almost midnight and there are only a few wings left, so I open the sauce containers and get to work. The prospect of all the excess calories running through me is winning and I'm not stopping now. I’ve been stuck in this gluttony driven daze ever since I got back to my apartment, whatever came over me has complete control at this point.

“oook.. ughh alright, I gotta hic lay down” Through all my little groaning and moaning I pick up the to-go box and lay down with it. Propping it atop my belly and preparing myself to finish it off. Through slow and labored bites it all ends up going right past my greedy little lips and down my throat. Even my soda was almost empty now, the sugar high mixed with the meat sweats surely about to send me into a food coma. As I got to the last wing I could barely taste it, the pain in my belly was so prominent that I could barely hear the show on my TV. But as the final wing passed down my throat I had an awakening in me. Pure hedonistic bliss erupted from my body, the dopamine centers in my brain working overtime. I was already subtly rubbing my belly trying to relieve some pressure but now I couldn't help but shake it. Each motion up and down gave me instant gratification, it was as if my serotonin was on a faucet and I could just get more whenever I wanted. Every breath made my body feel tighter and tighter as I kept fondling this surprisingly hard softness.

“Oooh.. god damn. if I knew.. overeating could do this to me… ughh,, I'd have done it a long time ago” I'm not sure how much time had passed at that point, but I didn't care. Focusing on anything else just seemed like a waste of time and I wasn't sure how long this pleasure was gonna last. I kept fondling my body for a while and eventually remembered I had just a little bit of dr pepper left. It already felt like my belly was going to rip open at any moment, but about 10 cautious sips later it was all gone… I couldn't believe how much food I ate. Sure I had gone to the bathroom a couple of times since the interview and freed up some space, but still.. A patty melt, onion rings, 30 wings, a fuck ton of fries, and more soda than I wish to remember. It was dark out by this point so this had to have taken almost 6 hours. Taking a glance around the room I spot my rolling tray on the table. There was no way I could roll a joint right now because of how sluggish I am but thankfully I have my pipe. I tried to scoot back a bit to prop myself up more but every movement was making the pressure in my stomach higher and causing me to almost pass out! Deciding against trying to move out of my fresh couch divot I swing my hand over to the table and get ahold of my pipe, extremely proud of my stoner etiquette. If you don't know, if you don't have to hide your weed it's good to leave a fresh bowl of weed after you smoke. Saves you time and you'll still know if someone smoked your shit since it's a fresh bowl.

That's beside the point though, after bringing the pipe to my lips I realize how hard it's gonna be to get a proper hit. My breathing was already very labored and short by now, but I had already gotten this far and it wasn't as if I had any plans that night. Even if I did… they'd be canceled, for one there's no way I could go, and two this feels wayyy too good. The first hit made me cough hard, I could just barely hit the bowl. Take as deep of an exhale as I could muster, I then hit the bowl again. Over the next couple of seconds, I could feel all the food packed into my belly pushing back against my lungs. With a quick exhale and setting the pipe back down I was sure I would cough but I didn't. All I felt was my brain swelling with thc, instinctively I began to massage my belly and began just thinking to myself. groaning “It'd be great to do this more often.. I don't see why not?? The job pays well enough to afford the food! And besides… if it makes me feel this good then it's more of an investment than anything else right? It's not like it'll be a daily thing so I'm not gonna THAT fat right? I'm pretty big already but if I just do some cardio on the days I don't eat like this maybe I can stay this size?”

Not too long after some more caressing of my swollen belly I drifted off to sleep.

#violet stories #intox feedee #weight gain #glorifying obesity #again no promises on when the next is out

[atherix]

So i've been thinkin a lot about midnight cleo lately. And i always know cleo, both the character and the cc, are both badass. But in ur series? For some reason you just made them 10x more badass than usual and idk why-

LIKE HOMIE GOT MORE BITCHES THAN ANY OF US COMBINE. PLUS THEY ARE JUST SO GENDER???

Cleo could pick me up and yeet me outta the window and i would STILL find them attractive-

Idk, its like 8 am for me rn and i have been having thoughts wjzjs

- purp anon.

I think it might be because, idk, I like to give them a bit of a, hm.... Ya know idk, they ain't exactly suave and they're not exactly femme fatale, but they kinda got those airs layered overtop a caring-but-aloof/distant calculative hjfgkjdjk I dunno I love them-

THEY DO. EVERYONE LOVES CLEO. I love them so much hhfsdhjjkgfds <3

Okay but like same? Also good to know because Cleo is gonna absolutely floorsweep at some point. Etho's insistence that Cleo is dangerous might not be founded irl/in canon but here? Hell yeah it is 👀

I too have recently been having Thoughts about Cleo and their entire polycule. I love them <3

#ask #Midnight Series #Purp Anon #Cleo + Co live rent free in my brain just wanna let ya know

[bunnymedley]

Hey, I’m sort of replying/adding to the anon about you not looking like other femmes and stuff. I’m sure you’re cuter than you give yourself credit, but I relate a lot. I’m nb so I never feel like I’m actually fitting into what anyone wants. I know some gender diverse folks thrive at being more unique and stuff, but I just feel like an imposter everywhere. Like I follow a lot of wlw/wlnb accounts, but I just know they don’t mean an nb like me, y’know. Sorry if it seems like I’m venting on you. Haha. I just meant it like ‘I get where you’re coming from!’ ❤️

(im answering this weeks n weeks late but tbh i've been feeling the sorta stuff ur referring 2 more recently too so its still a good time 2 reply!)

i can kinda relate 2 what ur talking about. for me it sometimes feels like the celebration of diverse expressions & appearances within wlw spaces (& just in general kinda) is still focused on tme ppl as the default n there's less tolerance for transfem ppl who dont fit certain expectations, or if there is tolerance then its coupled with fetishism. like personally i currently just wanna fit in with other femmes, i dont rly wanna be all that 'different' with my expression rn cus i feel i wouldn't be permitted it in some way. i have 2 at least meet some baseline of expected femininity before any uniqueness would be seen as a positive

#anon #ty for talking abt ur experiences too!

[raviniaraven]

Meant to post about this earlier in the day and I forgot:

I had an appointment with my doctor this morning bc I'd been thinking about stopping my Testosterone shots. There were a lot of reasons, but the biggest were that I had a bunch of stress with arguing with my insurance (every year or so I have to re-prove that I'm trans) and that I felt like I'd gotten what I needed from being on T.

Back in 2017 when I started T, I identified as fully transmasc. I was only two years out of Alabama at the time, and my knowledge of gender binary/fluidity was still pretty limited (I legit didn't know that trans dudes were a thing until I was 18 bc people in the south kinda don't talk about it). After 6 years of testosterone, I'd had a lot more time to learn and experiment with my gender identity and how I felt about different things; I learned more about nonbinary and gender fluid identities, and I got more of an idea of what makes me comfortable.

I'm still not 100% on a lot of my gender stuff, but getting the opportunity to be on T really helped me figure myself out. Before that, all I really knew was "not cis woman". And in basic binary terms, I had originally thought that must mean "trans man". I've since come to learn a lot about gender as a spectrum, and noticed a lot of my own tendencies and desires revolving around fluctuating throughout that spectrum.

I definitely think gender fluid is a more accurate descriptor for me now than transmasc. There are days when I feel pretty masc, sure, but there are also days when I feel pretty femme, and days when I don't really feel like either. "Fluid" really is a great descriptor for me, because that's kind of how it feels: there's more gender there some days than others, and it isn't always the same type. I think my ideal presentation is as an androgynous body that can present as however on the spectrum I'm feeling at that moment, without struggling to maintain one or the other. One of the other reasons I wanted to stop T is because if I was feeling more femme or neutral on the day of my shot, there was a possibility I just wouldn't do the shot at all; when I was feeling masc, it was "heck yeah time for the man juice", but when I wasn't it felt uncomfortable, and I couldn't place why until recently. I thought "this is something I want, it's supposed to make me feel better and validated", and it was upsetting for a while when that wasn't the case.

This is probably a bit rambly, I'm not great at composing my thoughts into words (ironically, I like to write stories). I mostly just wanted to put it all out there and see if it clicked with anyone.

I've been looking at different pronouns lately, too. I've been using They/Them, but I've been considering Ve/Vim. I'm not 100% on it, but I feel like They feels too strictly neutral for me and I want to find something else. Idk what I'll settle on just yet.

I think I'm a lot more comfortable with my identity than I used to be, and even though I'm nowhere near entirely sure of it, I think I'm getting closer. I may never really know exactly where I stand, but I'm starting to think that's ok.

#personal #just rambling about my recent gender stuff

[unbidden-yidden]

Been following a lot of the recent conversations about transandrophobia with great interest lately, because finally, finally transmascs are talking about both the actual gendered lived realities of transmascs as well as the deep trauma many have sustained from within the trans and queer communities.

And it's being A Lot, tbh, because I literally dropped out of trans advocacy and community because I could no longer handle the psychological damage and gaslighting from supposed allies and community members. Everyone and their dog felt like they could tell me what my gendered experiences have been - and haven't been - and contradicting that with the truth - my truth about my actual lived experiences of misogyny as a non-woman, was virtually fucking impossible unless you wanted to be flamed and buried. So instead, I wrote pages and pages of ever-increasingly convoluted theory, tying myself and my identity in knots in a completely futile effort to find a narrative that I could give that other trans people (nevermind cis people) would actually hear and respect.

Suffice to say, I didn't suceed.

Instead, I fell into a year long depression and came out the other side incapable of connecting meaningfully with anything but my more feminine side, because at least then the way I was treated made sense and I could talk about it at all without quite so much fear.

So I'm not sure if I have a place in these conversations now, because I primarily identify as non-binary, femme, and function in the world as a woman. On the one hand, my experiences overlap substantially with transmascs because by virtue of being AFAB, I was lumped in with them, and at that point my gender was actually probably a lot closer to that anyway.

On the other.... well, I've kinda just given up tbh. Putting any specific labels on my gender has been such a seething nightmare shitshow since 2007 that I literally do not know what I would even *want* to be categorized as anymore. Caring, at all, about it is such a trigger that I don't even know where to start. I haven't experienced any kind of gender euphoria in probably a decade. At some point I just hit a limit where I realized that I could find ways to be happy just existing as a human or I could try to figure out what I am, and I chose to just enjoy being myself rather than articulating myself. Fuck it who cares - I know who I am in the ways that matter and G-d knows who I am and the people who matter know who I am. Anyone else, if you perceive me, that sounds like a you problem. Don't ask me my pronouns, they don't matter. Don't ask me my preferred name, it doesn't matter either. Don't ask me to classify myself, because I can't and won't.

The less said the better, really.

#transandrophobia #intracommunity shit #you can reblog but don't be a shit #gender garbage #my gender is a 'trespassers will be shot' sign

[thornyroseslovakia]

I've been subtly questioning my gender on and off for several years now, but recently I've started experimenting and exploring that side of me.

This is basically me thinking out loud, now that I think I found labels that I feel work.

Genderfluid, demi-girl, nonbinary all feel fairly comfortable.

I am AFAB, and I never wanted to be seen as a boy, or be a boy. I was rather tomboyish, but also wore dresses a lot.

When I was little I had this one newsboys hat, and sometimes I would shove all my hair up under it and ask people if they thought I looked like a boy. It hurt when my mom would say that I was too pretty to ever be mistaken for a boy.

I've always been fascinated by stories where girls pretend to be boys for whatever reason. There's this one Sherlock Holmes mystery where a man is disguised as a woman, that story lived in my imagination for weeks.

I finally kinda get the "do I want to date them, or be them" thing now. The physical things I tend to find attractive about people, are usually things that go against the gender binary. Guys with jewelry. Ladies in suits. Girls with short hair. Guys with long hair.

Some days I feel very femme. Others I feel in the middle between masculine and feminine. But most days I just feel like me. Like nothing can really define me except my name, because there's nothing in particular there.

I'm just me.

#queer #questioning gender #questioning #genderfluid #demigirl #nonbinary #thinking outloud #asexual #gender thoughts #gender identity

[i-did]

this is partly related to the femslash ask. so recently i've been thinking about how canon andreil doesn't really have clearly defined "gender-adjacent" roles, like andrew isn't "the man" and neil isn't "the woman" and all that entails, however from my brief acquaintance with fem!andriel (esp art), i've noticed that andrew is usually on the "butchier" side and neil is portrayed if not as femme than as a "regular" woman. a binary that doesn't really exist in canon when they're men -->

--> at least not imo, is kinda reintroduced when they're women. or do i have the wrong impression? what do you think about that?

Yeah, I mean I agree that neither one is more masculine or feminine than the other, but I do think Andrew would be as masculine as he is in canon in femslash, especially aspects of his masculinity that are associated with toxic masculinity such as how he relies on violence to prove a point. I think femslash Andrew would be perceived as very butch tbh because Andrew uses intimidation and intensity to ooze the vibe “don't fuck with me” and I think fem Adnrew would do the same, which those methods would lead to people perceiving her as butch. I don't think Andrew would identify with the butch label in a lesbian culture way, but in a just so happens to be not a GNC woman. I also think Neil would still wear dominantly tee shirts and jeans since they’re practical clothing unlike dresses, skirts, and blouses, and this lack of attempt at femininity by wearing said clothes or wearing makeup would be perceived as GNC and presenting ‘masc’ for a girl. Fem Neil tho might try a bit more to actually fit in a bit, while Andrew doesn't care about standing out. Lesbian culture and history of the butch/femme identities is pretty like… Awesome lol. Idk how else to say it, but it kinda shows how the community has a history of gender exploration and stuff that’s just really cool. butch/femme gets perceived as heteronormative, but there are plenty butch4butch and femme4femme people. I also don’t know a lot since I'm not wlw, this is a lot of second hand info I get from my lesbian friends when they talk to me about it. Idk if I've noticed said roles being ‘reintroduced’ with them as wlw? As in Neil takes the femme role and Andrew takes the butch one. I would have to see some specific examples tbh, mostly I've seen fem Andrew drawn with like… shorter hair, which is still in character if you don’t want your hair grabbed and do a lot of fighting. Neil who would be dying her hair often however might have an easier time managing less hair, as well as a shorter length being easier to maintain and avoid being grabbed while on the run, but from what iv’e seen fem Neil is drawn with longer hair usually, which again doesn't really mean anything, this is just personal musings. This is kinda unrelated, but I think fem Andrew would have the same philosophy as canon Andrew about sexuality to an extent, where there is no “coming out” but rather letting people assume what they assume, but also the results would be opposite. Since fem Andrew would be perceived as very masculine if her tastes were exactly the same as canon Andrew, and overall not actively dating anyone or saying anything opposed to what people think, the team would all be like “yeah, lesbian” especially because that is a way people often insult women, especially in the early 2000s. So while the approach is the same, the results would be opposite, especially because both Neil and Andrew as men are presented in canon as straight-passing, but if they dressed, talked, and acted the exact same but as women, they're more in the ‘plausible deniability’ area.  I think bets on Neil’s sexuality could have also gone down very different and rather than just ‘gay’ there would have been a “LUG or bi or ‘actually’ gay” sort of debate. Especially because how curiosity about the same gender when you're a woman vs a man is treated so differently, with the denial of women's sexuality and stuff. That was a random tangent but yeah I just have a few thoughts on how different that specific element would have gone down in a femslash au, and is completely unrelated to your question lol. 

#ask #mailob #ive actually thought about writing a femslash au #might get around to it one day but like could you imagine if i purposefully wrote it #like really bad 'fem neil felt her brests quiver with emotion' you know that weird male author shit? lmao #biphobia tw #Lesbophobia tw

[remixloonylupin]

You know my most recent breakthrough in terms of gender is not really a breakthrough because I knew this all along, but i finally said it out loud. And it's a kinda problematic sentiment, yet it's empowering.

"I'm not a masculine woman, I'm a feminine man".

What I mean by that is that through being viewed as a "woman" I've been forced to present masculine my entire life bc I'm so uncomfortable with the idea of being read as gender conforming.

But honestly .. whenever I'm truly feeling myself, and not caring about other's perception, I'll put on some femme twinky outfit and I'll feel so IN TUNE as a QUEER FEMININE MAN, and I'll just be vibing so well... Right until the world comes crashing down and i realize not everyone sees what i see.

The need to physically transition is strong these days..

#loony loops #gender

[sir-elyan]

So I've used she/her pronouns my whole life and am biologically female but... I've been kinda mentally toying with she/they? But like also I'm not entirely sure what it means in terms of like when someone's she/they or he/they do people refer to them as she/he or they more? Is it whoever's using the pronoun's preference or the person they're referring to? Is it like a gender fluid thing? Lmao I'm sorry I'm clueless but I kinda like the idea of she/they just I'm kinda femme sometimes (1/2)

But I also like dressing like androgynous and I recently cut my hair short which I love and I just don't wanna be like... That cis girl who uses she/they to be cool or something bc that's not my goal but I just don't know how she/they works? Sorry this is long... (2/2)

hey!! first of all, glad that you felt you could come to me with this ((,: my heart’s all full & stuff!! second of all, trying things out in terms of how you label your gender/sexuality is never a bad thing! it might turn out that you end up preferring other pronouns or other labels, but you won’t know unless you try!! 

there are a lot of different reasons people might use she/they or like, i guess, a “mixture” of pronouns, and its typically because they are comfortable being referred to as either. so for example if you felt okay with someone using she/her when referring to you, but would also be fine with being referred to as they/them, then i think she/they would work well for you! you don’t have to identify as gender fluid to be okay with people using both/either

like, for me, i’m considering he/they because i wouldn’t mind if people referred to me as he/him, but i’m also just as fine with they/them. and i guess it would be up to other people to decide which pronouns they want to use for you, or if they want to switch between pronouns, unless you specifically tell them otherwise. i do know that some people use the pronouns associated with their gender assigned at birth because they are aware of how they appear to others based on their gender expression, and do not mind being gendered that way.

however it’d also do well to remember that your gender and your gender expression are two different things!! it’s totally cool to express yourself more masculine/feminine/androgynous regardless of your gender or what pronouns you use (,: 

**i’m not going to pretend to be an expert on the topic, though, so if anyone else has anything they’d like to add on that differs from my perspective, feel free to do so!! i hope this at least helped somewhat?? yea, sorry if i butchered anything sdfjhsdj

#not spn #non spn #ely answers #gender ask

[unforth]

so i'm not good at gender politics and i don't mean any offence with this question but i've been lurking on your blog for the last couple of weeks and looked at the bios of some of these people attacking you (the ones today and the mdzs ones) and a few of them identified as lesbians and then had he/him as pronouns. could you tell me how? a lesbian is by definition a wlw (cis or trans) so shouldn't the pronouns be she/her? he/him just signals man to me

Anon, I wish I knew. I've encountered that a few times recently too, probably in the same places, and I have absolutely no idea what it means. I would have assumed the same as you - that someone who used he/him pronouns couldn't be a lesbian - but shows what I know. I've been guessing that it's somehow tied to lesbians who are focused on butch/femme roles and there have been some indications that the people choosing this combo do consider themselves butch but I'm basically baffled. To be wlw seems to me that it would require both parties be female at least part of the time (cis, trans, or enby), and I can't wrap my head around why someone who is female would choose to use he/him pronouns INSTEAD of she/her (like, if someone said they were a lesbian and used both I could kinda see it as an enby or gender fluid thing but...yeah.)

And to be clear in the end I'm not here to police anyone's pronouns or attraction identification...but this does seem like a contradiction to me.

Does anyone else know?

#unforth replies #drama #quiltbag #aphobia #ive also wondered if its another dogwhistle #a way for exclusionists and terfs to show that they are pointing at an absurdity or something #but i have genuinely no actual clue only unsupported guesses